foreign
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen
Guys and Dolls and everyone in between
gather round
something real nice to sip on and comfy
to slip on
cause it's time for smut Club
here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna
hey everybody Welcome to smut Club
welcome I'm Chelsea I'm Hannah
um
we have it like I feel like that like
the intro wasn't even done it wasn't
even like a and this is where we talk
about the Trashy romance novels we read
and Day drink well because we need to
because these books are crazy it was
literally I'm Chelsea I'm Hannah oh
I'm like do we need to change our names
what's wrong no I was just thinking
about sugar daddies
which is the book we're reviewing today
not your sugar daddy just
sugar daddies by Jade West not the
candies right and not just the one
there's more than one ooh reverse Harem
not really we'll get it we'll get it
it's like Chelsea don't ruin this book
already we haven't even started yeah so
this book is
um
uh has enjoyable moments
however
I didn't particularly like the story are
you gonna make me wish I could drink
alcohol yes during okay probably
um so sugar daddies by Jade West yes so
we have two points of view that happen
here okay
um we open with Carl
Carl is uh with Rick who is his
boyfriend and they are discussing a
potential match from a sugar daddy site
that they have been advertising on
so
like they are seeking a sugar daddy no
they are seeking a sugar baby okay yes
they are the daddies they are the
daddies
um so um
so
um there's all this illusion discussion
around they're looking for someone to
take both of them at once we don't know
exactly what that means but we also know
what that means so they've been there's
only so many options of what that yep
there's only so many holes and all of
them are relevant so sorry
no hole is off limits in sugar daddies
so
they've been trying for a really long
time and Carl is like this is the last
time like this is the last time we're
doing this I'm tired of this I don't
want to do this anymore
um like try and find a match yeah okay
and Rick is like
super sweet
um and super eager and Carl is he's a
lot more reserved and he's like just
because you like this one and you say
she's different you've said that about
the last six like this is not different
okay like
so
there's also some funky like illusion to
that there's something else that they
want from this woman but they agree
they're not going to tell her what that
is for six months
Okay so
Katie is the girl so they're looking at
her message they're looking at her
photos and Rick is like no this one is
different yes okay and she is different
and that when they matched
um she did send a few photos but she
didn't send any any nudes at all she
just said I saw your
um ad I guess or your your profile
um uh I've always fantasized about being
with two men I really want to try I've
never done it before she's a little
Bohemian a little bit like hippie to be
also I forgot this takes place in the UK
it doesn't really matter but it it does
so Carl is like fine
fine so that's all from Carl's point of
view so she's not necessarily like
more conservative I can't think of the
word that I'm like looking for here just
maybe not as like blatantly sexual as a
lot of people she's like not as well
okay so they they say like a lot of
times they match with a girl and she's
immediately sending like all the nudes
and like hell yeah I'll take to it once
Ayo and Katie is like I've never done it
but I want to try and like seems really
sweet yeah so then we cut to Katie's
point of view so Katie is extremely
anxious about meeting with these two
guys
um and so she's like talking herself
through like coaching herself like how
do I how do I introduce myself what do I
do like hi I'm Katie nice to meet you
did you want me to get naked like what
the [ __ ] do I do like
she's very clearly never done anything
like this before she's it's not that
she's inexperienced sexually necessarily
she just this is a weird situation
so
um she finally pulls up to their home
she's like this is a super nice
neighborhood where I do not belong she's
driving a super beat up pickup truck and
it's this is a very upper middle class
sort of neighborhood I probably have an
HOA
probably yeah
so that's my standard
so she is straight panicking about the
whole thing as she's getting out of the
car but she's reminding herself this is
going to help me reach my goals this is
that's the point of this that's what I'm
doing but we don't know what the goals
are yet so Rick opens the door super
sweet and precious very welcoming
um Carl is extremely intimidating he's
like in this this suit and he's not
smiling and is really kind of short with
her and she's like oh
um
so Rick is a graphic designer he works
from home super laid back kind of guy
covered in tattoos Carl Works a more
corporate job
um but both are super duper hot
um and
um
she's continuing to panic like she's
just having this whole internal
breakdown moment
um but they go to the lounge and she's
like are they going to want to [ __ ] me
like right now what are the rules I
don't know somebody help me she's like
oh my God
um so they talk requirements the guys
want uh a companion not just some
somebody to [ __ ] but they want a
companion both men are bi okay they've
been committed to each other for several
years they want a woman to be involved
so this is intended to be more of a
polyamorous situation than like a
reverse Harem or a menage okay
um so uh also pause question okay
why what is that I don't I don't I don't
know that I'll have answers but go ahead
and ask
no okay so this is my own just lack of
knowledge
what would be the difference between
polyamorous and menage
so
my understanding generally of Pop well I
guess Minaj could be considered
polyamory is it like a square rectangle
situation
yes okay yeah so polyamory like Minaj
could be considered polyamory but not
all polyamory oh my gosh then I was
conceptualizing correct like that I was
like yeah quit because you're like
wouldn't be Minaj would be and I was
like but
you're not great at the math
as we all know
two penises there's too many for me to
conceptualize
but not too many for Katie
so I mean I can conceptualize that fine
it was just more of I was like what
would make I was like when I think Minaj
I think three right so I was like
there's three of them totally right the
two dudes and Katie so in my head that
I'm like that would count so when you're
like it would be polyamorous not but I
was like oh what am I I'm
misconceptualizing somewhere yeah
because Minaj is like both guys are
focused on the woman
um right so she as as Superstore put it
because that's what I'm gonna refer to
is this TV show there's the like the
hinge between the Romantic Partners she
is not a hinge they are all
together
okay so that's the difference yeah okay
so I mean they can both have three
people it's just one has a hinge one
doesn't right okay yeah continue so
um they talk money they agree on three
thousand dollars for three weekends per
month and Carl goes ahead and sends her
a grand for the current weekend and she
is like hell yeah all right like I can
quit one of my jobs I can focus on what
my dreams are I don't have to get like
all swept up in this other [ __ ] and
so but she does think they want to like
[ __ ] her right away so she's like should
I should I get naked and curls like
you're not a [ __ ] so no what the [ __ ]
is wrong with you and she's like I'm
really sorry I didn't know I don't like
Carl nobody does so
well I guess Rick does does like Carl
become have like redeeming qualities
that present any time I guess I I never
really liked him honestly so
it's a struggle maybe he is he is more
likable by the end there are some human
moments that make him more likable
um Rick is definitely the Peacekeeper
he's like why don't we get a drink he's
like let's all go to the kitchen
um and so she explains that she is
saving to buy her own small farm for
horses
um I feel like she's gonna need more
than three grand for that she is that's
why she they said like a minimum of six
months she's already been saving for a
really long time for this but it's gonna
take her
a hell of a long time working as a
waitress okay to make this money
um so she says she already has a horse
that she loves this is her passion blah
blah blah Carl is really cold and she's
like I don't know that I could [ __ ] this
guy like he's scary and cold and weird
and I'm not even for money right
but she's super into Rick she's like I'd
hit that for free oh
um but I guess that's it balances there
she's like one I wouldn't touch unless
someone paid me really well and one
she'd do for free so right and she is
getting paid really well she is yeah
um but they made it very very clear that
um
there can't be any favoritism anywhere
in any of this
um and so she goes out to The Patio with
Rick they're hanging out and he's like
Carl's a really cool guy I know he seems
really really Gruff but
he um he's really sweet you just got to
get past all this other stuff she learns
a lot about Rick including including
that he has several piercings including
his [ __ ] which she's like oh I I would
like to see that how many piercings does
he have in this car uh I think two if
I'm remembering correctly possibly three
he's not the Jacob's Ladder situation
yeah
Madison Kate yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
that's what I was thinking of where I'm
like he had like eight yes he had eight
piercings in his dick yeah no I think if
I'm remembering right there's he has a
Prince Albert in the head and then
there's like one at the base I think
I think that's a good amount that's
enough yeah like
like I'm not shaming you if you're into
more by by any stretch but I'm just like
damn feels like a lot it really I mean
I've never felt it
[Laughter]
[Music]
okay but I mean yeah
no I I'm like you know you got both ends
covered I feel like that's a good yeah
that's a good amount like when they're
like
like because I remember in
um Madison Kate whichever of the books
it was I think it was the second one
she's like giving him a handy and I'm
like how does
wouldn't that pull on yeah I was like
does that feel good for him
is that
I guess you're getting a hand massage
with all the little balls but like
but
I don't know someone who has these
piercings please let us know somebody
enlighten me
um so all right he Rick has two
piercings in his dick she's into it she
also learns that he has that Carl and
Rick have had two previous or sorry
eight previous companions eight eight
but none of them have worked out
and so she's like eight Jesus Christ
what the hell happened so then we flash
back to Carl
um so he knows that Katie is into Rick
and that she's scared of him he's like
this is how it always goes Rick is
charming he's gorgeous he's very sweet
like this is what always happens these
girls are into him they're always scared
of me
um maybe you should take a long hard
look at yourself my guy uh he doesn't
what he does do is get a little handsy
with Rick and to see like what Katie's
gonna do okay
um and she clearly gets a little bit
turned on
so they they say you're welcome to stay
tonight in the guest room or in our room
wherever you're more comfortable totally
fine right
um and so she says I I'd like to stay in
the guest room thank you and
Rick so they walk her upstairs and Carl
has a plan we don't know the plan but
Carl has a plan
um and so they drop her off at the room
and Rick is super agitated because
Carl essentially like [ __ ] blocked him
was like no kissing like like let's
sweep it away and Rex like you couldn't
even let me kiss her good night Jesus
Christ and Carl was like I have a plan
if you would shut your [ __ ] mouth
like you will see the plan okay okay
so I am really not a fan of the way that
Carl talks about Katie like in his mind
in a lot of this
like uh overly sexualized he's like
she's a [ __ ] and he she wants it so bad
like that kind of stuff that feels
really gross and degrading and Andrew
tight yeah
so did you hear that Andrew Tate got
banned from Facebook and Instagram Tick
Tock hasn't said anything yet so well by
the time this episode drops who knows
what the situation will be but yeah
well good it needed to happen yeah yeah
um
so then he leaves their bedroom door
open
and he orders Rick to get on the bed
so we're back to Katie's point of view
um she's still panicking but she's like
I'm alone in this room I'm okay like
yeah there's strange men here but like I
think I'm gonna be okay
um obviously she's super into Rick
really scared of Carl
um and she's getting ready for bed when
she hears Rick make a noise
and so then she starts listening to them
[ __ ] through the wall and she's like I
am into that so she starts touching
herself and then she feels like she
can't hear enough she's like I don't
like it's too muffled
so she decides she's going to go into
the Hall hoping to maybe see something
um my notes just say Carl has a filthy
[ __ ] mouth he really does it's like
he's like that tight little ass wants my
[ __ ] doesn't it like you're like he's
just like
he he is going to town about it if that
works for you that works for you
and I know we've had this conversation
before when like
I told you how
you can ask my husband where I was like
do you want like would you be into being
called daddy do you want and he was like
could you say it with conviction
and like that's how I feel yeah like I'm
like if you're into it you're into it
cool but like
I don't know if I could
say that with a straight face or receive
that
with a straight face yeah I feel like I
would do a lot of giggling although I
did hook up with a guy once and he was
he said something about like you like
that don't you and I was like shut the
[ __ ] up and then a little later he said
something again and I was like did I not
tell you to shut up you're like this is
not like doing it for me like no like
you like that don't you you're like
until you spoke well no I was like no
you're not doing a very good job so the
dirty talk isn't helping your case
you're like I don't really like it
actually so maybe focus on what you're
doing and shut the [ __ ] up
did did he believe he was doing a good
job he did
he did
yeah that
poor guy
no I I don't have I don't feel bad
well it's it's more I think in my head I
just was thinking
probably wasn't an isolated incident
you sorry Hannah just took a big sip of
water it almost just like bit like you
know like I'm like
I
at least you were honest enough to tell
him right and I wonder how many partners
have been like no
no I don't like that but like I don't
want to hurt them I was literally like
stop talking
whatever anyway
so she watches Carl finish
fair enough
um and she is super duper turned on and
she's like now I could see myself
[ __ ] Carl because God damn like
if he [ __ ] me like that I'll be into it
like I can get past this shitty
personality if he [ __ ] like that
exactly okay so then Carl sees her and
she's like oh I'm so sorry I I needed to
use the the bathroom here and he's like
well that's interesting because you have
an ensuite I was literally I was like
this isn't I was like this this has
gonna have an ensuite she sure did so
then he's like are you gonna join us
because Rick still needs to come so you
get you come in or or what and so pun
intended
yep and so she goes in
or Rick does so
we're back to Carl's point of view he's
feeling very smug and Victorious that
his little plan worked
um I like how like his whole plan was
just [ __ ] Rick loudly with the door
open that was the plan
it did work but like it's very effective
yeah
um
so
he's very I wouldn't say that he's like
a Dom but he's definitely he definitely
has top energy going on yeah so he
orders her to get naked
um she's still like
very clearly skittish of him like she
tenses up when he gets into the bed and
stuff
um so Carl is also kind of like amused
and laughing to himself because she
clearly thinks that Rick is gonna be
like the gentle lover type and he is not
and so he's like like
that was the weirdest Michael Jackson
impression I've ever heard
sorry
um
anyway and none of it's good
so
um I was watching some stand up last
week where this dude was talking about
Michael Jackson no he's like
he's like yeah it's weird to like like
Michael Jackson's music but then also
reconcile listening to that and being
like and he touched a bunch of children
I'm like yeah yeah I mean it's kind of
the same like R Kelly yeah sure has been
my go-to karaoke song for years ignition
yep remix to ignition and I feel as
though I need to choose a new karaoke
song yeah I feel that
Confessions Part Two is my backup
Usher I was gonna say usher what a
backup yeah yeah that is
I can respect that yeah my my father's
go-to karaoke song is proud to be an
American and I've only ever seen him oh
well no I've only ever seen him do it on
cruise ships
um where people are already three to
five sheets to the wind
um
and the response that he gets from the
crow like people like drunk cry sing
along like they're like I've never seen
more patriotic people your dad has a
presence that's what you're telling me
like
taking actual politics out of of any of
it it's just like it's just a bunch of
like
drunk white people on a cruise into it
yes like getting tearful like as they
ruminate on
being proud to be an American
does that song Land nearly as well as it
used to no no no it doesn't but also I
haven't been on a cruise with my dad
since before Trump was elected
it was a different era
times they are a changing yes so Rick is
not a gentle lover no so my or not not a
shy lover yeah my notes say Rick finger
[ __ ] her hard eats her out then [ __ ]
her even harder
Carl is super into her like watching her
through this whole thing
um he's like there's lots of description
of the sounds she's making and all that
other [ __ ]
um and she
my notes say she gives him the five
finger slippy while Rick finishes inside
her and then licks her fingers clean
of Carl
that was both soda script
not descriptive at all
um
slippy the five finger slippy
yep
yep that's what my notes say that's
literally my notes say she gives him the
five finger slippy so she gives Carl a
handy wow no we got Ricky's [ __ ] her
Hannah you didn't need
I didn't I didn't not understand and it
wasn't enough I was trying to be helpful
I made it worse I'm so sorry
no I just liked I was like I somehow
feel like I have a very clear picture
but I I meant like it was like I was
like there was clearly a lot of [ __ ]
that went down in that scene yeah there
was that's really more one okay okay not
that I didn't understand what five
finger slippy meant
um
yeah
yeah and it's it's the licking the hands
clean for me there's a lot of discussion
of fluids
we here at smut Club can keep that
discussion to a minimum because I think
just the word fluids
yeah is enough so anyway yeah we're back
to Katie's point of view
um she wakes up early
um in the morning with both guys
um she needs to go
um
ride her horse Samson not a euphemism
not a euphemism
um Rick wakes up she's trying to be very
quiet and like slip out
um because it's so early in the morning
and Rick is like where are you going and
what are you doing she's like I gotta go
take care of Samson and he's like does
your horse not know about a Sunday lion
like we should be sleeping in right now
and she's like no he doesn't I really
have to go
and so he is like okay but yeah are you
coming back like you're coming back
right
um and she's like of course I am yeah so
she goes to the farm the owner tells her
that the bank is really after him so she
sends him like 700
um before going on the ride
um with Samson she really wants to rent
the land from the owner
um but she needs time to save up and
then oh I forgot about this part oh no
okay so she uh masturbates while writing
thinking about both guys [ __ ] her
and then
yeah there there I have a logistics
question
uh-huh
so is that like when we say she was
masturbating while writing
in my head I'm thinking of it like when
they tell like a woman like sit on top
of your washing machine or your dryer or
something like that like and the
vibration between your like is is that
what's happening it's like no I mean
she's touching herself and she's like
like hitting the the Horn of the saddle
to like stimulate okay yeah
so then
um she finishes and her father calls her
oh
um that
what a sentence yeah
is a hell of a sentence isn't it so he
saved in her phone as sperm donor and
she does not answer
oh okay
so we're back to Carl
um
the guys are doing their morning routine
together and
Rick is
on the toilet with Carl right there and
Carl gets this like sick sense of
satisfaction seeing Rick do a little
wince because he [ __ ] him so hard the
night before and I'm just like
oh
I could have lived without that
like I don't know what that's supposed
to add to anything
I know it's what we do here it's not
close but I too could have lived without
that I'm so sorry okay I'm so sorry no
no I mean these things happen that's
where we're at yeah
um
yeah so there's more I wrote more detail
about it I'm Gonna Leave It
um about Carl's satisfaction yeah yeah
so Carl doesn't think Katie is coming
back he's like nah like
she got her little Minaj experience
she's not coming back
um but Rick it's actually like
super pissed and he's like she's coming
back she's coming back
but even if she doesn't I love you and
that's all that matters and then
he Carl won't say I love you back and so
Rick starts to get super pissy about it
he's like why won't you just say it like
why don't you ever just say it we've
been together for years so then
uh Carl gives in eventually they jerk
each other off with Katie's panties
left there I'm assuming yeah
um I was gonna say I would have more
Logistics questions yeah she couldn't
find them in the morning when she got up
she didn't want to turn a light on
because it was so early so she couldn't
find them so she just left them so yeah
they jerk each other off with Katie's
panties and then they're like talking
about how they're gonna [ __ ] her
together they're like all into it
so we are back to Katie's point of view
um
she gets home her mom tells her like you
need to call your dad you really need to
call your dad and Katie is like no I
don't give a [ __ ] what that son of a
[ __ ] has to say I'm not interested
thank you for playing and mom is like
there's an opportunity
um you should call him blah blah blah
it's some kind of like
there's a horse
Whisperer trainer person in the U.S
um and uh so that's the opportunity like
she has to take an internship with his
multi-billion dollar company for six
months and then he will send her on this
trip with this guy but her half-sister
is also involved and She [ __ ] hates
her half-sister okay so she does agree
to call her dad
back to Carl Rick is super anxious and
um Carl is just like call her like why
are you being so weird
just call her if you want to talk to her
um so Rick is like I have an idea let's
take her away for the weekend like a
weekend trip or something
um somewhere neutral where she'll feel
safer blah blah blah Nick has an anxious
attachment style he sure does
so Carl agrees as long as Rick promises
that they're both gonna [ __ ] her by the
end of the night he's like this always
happens like you get to [ __ ] the pretty
[ __ ] and I do not
and we don't like him
I hate that sentence so much your face
says everything I feel about it
I don't well one I don't know what my
face looks like but two I took my
glasses off for a second and so now I
really don't know what my face looks
like
I hear it
do you
[Music]
oh [ __ ] okay yeah yeah it's not not a
good time so we're back to Katie she
calls her dad
he uh she is not very nice she's like
the [ __ ] do you want I'm not interested
he tells her
um he wants her to come to his office
she's like no I won't be doing that and
he says
um
yeah she has to come if she wants to see
the horse guy
um and she's like he's like how about
Monday and she's like no I can't this
Monday how about next Monday like
literally just to be a [ __ ] because she
doesn't want to see him so but she does
agree to see him
um Carl back to Carl he's at work he is
running an intern program
um and the boss's daughter whose name is
verity
um is in it and he is that the half
sister uh maybe so yeah no spoilers so
um he can't [ __ ] stand her so
um she's an entitled little [ __ ] he
kicks her out so he does this thing
where everybody has to stand up and sing
Eye of the Tiger together I don't really
understand why but Verity refuses to do
that he's like cool get out
and she's like you can't fire me and
he's like I really can should we go talk
to your father together okay get out
so
back to Katie it there's so much
flashing back and forth it's just
between Katie and Carl so oh we never
get Rick's personal we never get Rick's
person I know you said it was Mutual
point of view but it makes me sad we
don't get to hear from Rick because he's
so sweet so she's she resigns from her
job as a waitress now that she has all
this sugar daddy money coming in and she
gets a text from Rick inviting her to
lunch without Carl
um he's very adorably awkward he's like
nothing sexual
although maybe you didn't assume that
I'm so sorry like it's really sweet
actually
um
and then she also gets an email about an
interview at her father's company and
she
um she's like I never agreed to a
[ __ ] interview I said I would come
see you I didn't say it was gonna work
for you what the [ __ ] and
um she's like fine whatever because her
mom's pushing her to do it so then Carl
tells Rick about his day about how
Verity's a little [ __ ]
um and she had to come apologize and
then sing the whole song so low in front
of everyone that gave him like a sick
satisfaction that she went and wanted to
her dad and her dad was like tough [ __ ]
like go do whatever Carl says
so
um Rick tells him he's going to see
Katie during the week and Carl says he's
like I can't not be at work blah blah
and he starts to feel weird about it
because they don't ever do things
separately with these women and so he is
like
and then I didn't know that this was
relevant when I read the first time but
I did go back and and double check it
because it does turn out to be important
so Rick then shows Carl some stuff that
he printed off of Katie's Facebook we
don't know what it is but Carl is like
well that settles it then she's not a
fit and Rick is like no no no no no give
it more time we said six months
um and I know you really like her so
Carl's like fine so
um yeah see that is one of those like
weird details that like the first time
you read it you're like
oh cool that happened whatever and then
like when you're like
um I don't know how but it is it all
comes together
um also just for like my own knowledge
because
it seemed like I know you saw like
there's a lot of back and forth and so
it's this weird thing because it seems
like there's a lot of back and forth but
it also seems like there's not a ton of
plot happening but there's a lot about
back and forth how long
was this book like how many like Pages
hold on I'll tell you
maybe possibly I think maybe maybe not
this book was
440 Pages oh Lord yeah
okay the so there's a lot of setup with
like all these relationships and all
this different stuff and then the plot
kind of happens all at once and then it
stops happening again and then it
happens all at once like it's just a lot
okay so Katie
um goes to see Rick they eat lunch
um she's like I could totally be with
this guy like for real he's so sweet
he's so thoughtful he's so handsome but
Carl makes things complicated and then
they start making out with a lot of
dirty talk about okay I forgot about
that they start making out with a lot of
talk about stretching
things
I like how you said things there
like you're like I need to I need to
make sure you understand when I say
stretching I don't mean yoga
we're not doing Pilates
so like stretching to prepare her for
some DP yeah okay yeah
and
um
Katie is like this is not like are we
are we cheating right now like Carl's
not here and so Rick pulls back and he's
like
that's these are our boundaries like we
come together or not at all like that's
their deal we come together not at all
so then he starts to say something else
he's like well there's something that
you should know about Carl like Carl's
got this thing like he needs something
else from you and then
um Carl shows up Carl's like what would
that be and they were both like cool
oops
so
um
Carl is like yeah we're gonna go away
for the weekend
um and you're coming and then Rick
realizes how much Carl must be into her
because he's like putting all this
effort in
um
and then we're back to Katie they go
away to the seaside
um and there my notes just say cute
throuple time with lots of innuendo
foreign
yeah I appreciate when we're able to
summarize it you're like yeah you know
if there's some Sweet Moments with ice
cream and whatever like it's nice yeah
um and they talk about family Rick's
family is super normal very supportive
Carl Lou alludes to like a really really
rough time but doesn't really give
detail
they ask about her father and she says
she doesn't have one worth mentioning
she's like it's he's literally a blank
spot on my birth certificate that's who
my father is right so do we know why she
hates her father so much we do not we
just know that she feels abandoned by
him and feels like he ruined her mom's
life but we don't really know why
so um they go out dancing things are
getting spicy very handsy
um they go back to the hotel and Katie
is [ __ ] freaking out because she
knows what's gonna happen but she's also
really excited so they get naked
everybody's making out there's
my notes say there's fingering and
eating out and whatnot there's just a
lot happening
um this is one of those sex scenes that
goes on and on and it's like oh my God
like like we get it can we just finish
like I'm like oh my God
um
yeah I think it's Nikki Sloan I've read
a lot of Nikki Sloan this year but I
feel like
she always tricks me because
her sex scenes will go on four chapters
yeah and so like I'm like oh we we hit
the end of this chapter
then the next one like oh nope we're
jumping straight back in like here we
are right why do we even have a chapter
break yes
so
um both guys are like going at it with
her the whole time and then they start
stretching her with toys so there's a
lot of description about that
um and then
oh my notes say uh talking about making
her [ __ ] gape for them
again why that's what my notes say okay
again why gape I don't like that word
that loose like a Wizard's sleeve like
that's what I like that's what it makes
me think of so gape made it onto my list
because of this book
all right question because I know when
we reviewed pen pal we were saying
we don't like nibble or slippery uh-huh
is gate in this context worse for you
yeah and slippery yeah is it worse for
you than nibbling I think for me it's
equal to nibbling but worse than
slippery
it feels worse because when I think of
like gape or gaping I think of a gaping
wound like I think of like people
bleeding and violence that's what I
think of when I think of gaping
like what other contacts do you hear
gaping in besides I'm gonna stop saying
it but what context do you hear that
word in besides like major violence or
as horrible as it sounds when I hear
gaping I'm like yeah something that's
open and like flapping in the breeze
[Laughter]
which also is not better no just
flapping flapping stop saying that word
Jesus Christ what a damn laughing
okay so we we found another one
we might just need to make like an
ongoing list of like words that we hate
here at smut Club yeah gape flap nibble
slippery
not just slip you can you can sleep okay
you can slip on a banana peel and we
don't give a [ __ ] but slippery in the
context yeah sex
yeah this only gets worse so
um
there's a lot of stuff so Carl [ __ ] her
while she's blowing Rick and then Carl
fists her and then decides that she's
ready
um just for like for both of them right
okay I was like
like how big is he if you need to be
fisted before you can take one dick
no I hate I hate everything so then she
does take them both and the guys are
[ __ ] ecstatic about it and they are
like you're you're the most beautiful
woman we've ever seen and like there's
lots more like dirty talk and praise and
whatnot
um
and she's like hell yeah I did that like
she feels really good about it too I
guess
um I would be proud of myself
achievement unlocked right like I don't
that feels like a big account like
that's not gonna feel like a big
accomplishment hey yo
two big accomplishments if you know what
I mean yeah Rick's piercing also made
things interesting so
yeah I forgot about that yeah do you
remember Whose Line Is It Anyway I do
yeah
um do you remember the game where they
were just like like it was like all
euphemisms and they just like no matter
what they said it was just they would
just say if you know what I mean
afterwards
and I just remember there was like a
weightlifting competition it was like
she took 200 pounds in the snatch if you
know what I mean and then like I forget
who said it but I because I remember
watching it like the night it aired when
it happened and you see I think it was
Ryan just like look on his face and he's
like that's never gonna make air if you
know what I mean
but yeah and it was funny because I
remember seeing a rerun like years later
and it was that clip and it was 100
bleeped out that's awesome yes but I was
like that was a brilliant joke that is
really good guys yeah I can I can
I can give credit for that right okay so
high fives all around yeah they're all
very proud of themselves yes and we're
back to Carl's point of view
um so Katie gets up while he's out on
the the little balcony Terrace Terrace
sure
um and they have a very intense moment
she talks about her
um dreams of renting the stable
um and he's like you could he's thinking
this girl could do so much more she's
brilliant she's strong
she could do so much more but he doesn't
say that and then
it seems like he's gonna make her some
other kind of offer because she's like I
really want this but it's going to be a
year or two before I'm able to to make
this purchase blah blah and he's like
it's on the tip of my tongue to say blah
blah blah blah
um but I still don't know what we still
don't know what but then Rick comes out
and then they have uh so all that their
moment is broken and then they have a
very nice drive back
um Carl decides to stop at the Stables
um and so uh he tries to like get in
good with Samson the horse Samson is not
about Carl he is not a fan he does not
like him but he's very into Rick
Carl so that's on brand like Samsung has
good taste yeah
Samson is clearly reading the room
um so back to Katie uh she stays with
him another night even though she has
the meeting with her dad the next day
oh my God so Chelsea's cat Craig is
doing like
it's like a gargoyle moment
and she keeps like giving him little
high fives and it's very distractingly
adorable because Craig is standing on
his back legs with his front paws up and
it like just keeps giving me high fives
it was pretty cute it seems the moment
has passed but it was very adorable yeah
he turned away from me and I think he
was done with like I'm over you now
um that was cute while it lasted so
Katie is like frankly I don't give a
[ __ ] about this meeting with my dad
um so she really wishes that she could
just continue to be with Carl and Rick
without getting paid she's like I really
like them like I don't feel the need to
be paid I would spend time with them
anyway
um and she's thinking about all this
while she's on the way to the meeting
with her dad she's wearing dirty jeans
and a shirt that says bite me
that's the energy she's bringing to this
meeting
he is pleading with her
um to give this internship program a
chance he's like it's a six-month
internship you get to go stay for a
month with the horse guy please please
let me do this for you I want you here
blah blah blah and she doesn't really
want anything to do with any of it but
the pay is good and she wants to meet
the horse guy so she's like I mean I
guess so and like mind you I'm like
missing some details here because I
haven't read this one but like
I think the hard thing for me is that
like
how do I say it
like it's a very transactional situation
right like yeah her dad's like no I love
you I care about you I want you here I
want to do this for you but you have to
do this for six months first instead of
just like
like it's not like there are strings
attached right it's not a true gift so
it's a lot of strings but also the way
that it's described dad is desperate
like he wants a relationship with her he
is like pleading with her like please
come on so it seems like this is his
last Stitch effort to get her into his
company so he can at least see her a
little bit
um so he's like pushing it
so finally and she's like
fine I guess whatever
and so her dad is like great let me
introduce you to the guy who's running
the intern program and she's like oh
it's not you like I don't have to work
directly with you and he's like no no of
course not and the guy comes in and
surprise
it's Carl hey there's my puppies
we'll get you right back to the show in
just a moment but first
do you like us maybe even love us cause
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if you do love us don't tease us don't
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maybe even send us over to a special
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because you know the first rule of smug
Club is to talk about smut Club
all right I won't keep you any longer
let's get back to the show
thank you
so my notes just say Carl POV awkward
yeah that's that's what it is
um
so her dad so Carl with a k or a c
what's a c okay that's how I've been
conceptualizing it but I do feel like
you bring in different energy as a human
if it's with a K I agree yeah yeah
um so dad goes to introduce them and
he's like we've already met and Katie is
like
clearly wide-eyed like shut the [ __ ] up
Carl and so she's like oh yeah um I I uh
I know Rick I've hung out with Rick
that's how I met how I met Carl
um
and Carl feels some type of way about
that so then dad leaves and Carl is
confused he's like how how did you not
know
how did you not know like surely you
looked me up please tell me you didn't
just go meet two strange men without
looking me up and she's like of course I
looked you up and he's like how did you
not know I work for your dad and she's
like my dad's company isn't listed he's
like it's a subsidiary everybody knows
that and she's like I don't I don't
[ __ ] talk to my dad like I had no
[ __ ] clue geez this age she's
freaking out so
um
she he also is like your dad is one of
the best men I've ever met in my life
I've known him for 20 years he's an
incredible person
um and Katie is like well that might be
your experience but he's a judgmental
[ __ ]
um and he's like
well
your dad gave me a chance when no one
else would he saved my life
and so then Katie we're back to Katie's
point of view she is really embarrassed
um and Carla's like listen you are not
taking this seriously this is a serious
program if you're not gonna take it
seriously that's fine it's not for you
that's okay
but she's like no I'm [ __ ] doing this
she's super adamant
um
and then he explains that he was a kid
with a record when he met her dad
um and he gave Carl a chance
um she tells him that he knocked up her
mom
um who was his secretary at the time and
then fired her when he found out she was
pregnant
and wanting nothing wanted nothing to do
with Katie basically like abandoned them
both so her mom lost her job she was 19.
um and
lost her job was alone and Pregnant wait
who she's telling Carl this she's
telling Carl okay yeah and so Carl says
that that is not the story that he heard
and she's like I don't give a [ __ ] I
lived it that's the story
um so then
Oops I did something to my notes
okay hold on I got it so then
um
she is super adamant she wants to give
the the program a try and Carl's like
fine I'll drive you to the other office
so that's the other reason she didn't
know is because her dad's main office is
not in the same town where Rick and Carl
live it's a satellite office so she had
no idea
so he takes her to the other place
um and then all of a sudden he's he
pulls over like while they're on the way
and he is like
um so if you had to give up two years to
get two hundred thousand dollars
for your farm would you do it
Would You Do It
um and she's like well I would need to
know what that entails because he's
thinking back to their conversation on
the Terrace where she said it's her
two-year plan essentially and he's like
would you give it up and she's like
well I need to know what it is and she's
like I mean as a joke she says I mean do
you want a kidney
um and Carl's like I mean kind of she's
like what the [ __ ]
so Carl's about to say something else
and then the phone rings
um now we're at Carl's point of view on
the phone is Rick
um and he his voice comes through the
Bluetooth in the car so everybody can
hear everything and he is absolutely
gushing about how much he loves Katie
and how amazing she is
um he won't let Carl get a word in like
Carl keeps trying to interrupt him to
say like Katie's in the [ __ ] car but
Rick won't stop talking
and Rick it's super explicit about how
he's gonna [ __ ] her ass and that he's in
love with her she's their keeper she's
the one we've been looking for and Katie
clearly is looking a little freaked
she's like the [ __ ] is happening
um and Carl finally is like Rick Katie's
in the goddamn car
and Rick is like that's very funny Rick
that's very funny no she's not
um and then Carl's like no she is and
then Rick's like uh Katie are you there
and she's like hey Rick hi super awkward
um but then he just laughs he's like I'm
sorry about the ass thing babe but I
would be into it if you are anyway I
love you both bye and like
he has like golden retriever energy
where he's just like messing stuff up
but you love it he really does yeah we
love it we love it
so then
um Carl does not pick up where he left
off with like what this mysterious thing
is that he needs her for two years for
um and then he introduces her to the
rest of the team and it's very clear
that her half-sister Verity is
displeased that she is there like real
pissed
so back to Katie
um Carl and Rick take her shopping for
work clothes the guys are very very
sweet very supportive and they get home
to celebrate her new job
um and Katie thinks back to her
childhood how Verity would belittle her
like Dad Doesn't Really Love You Like do
you see all of my horses do you see all
of my dolls like Dad doesn't really love
you like really really put her down
um and Carl says that he'll help her
catch up with what she's missed at work
um
and she realizes this is her chance to
prove that she's better than Verity like
that's basically she's like all right if
I'm gonna do this I'm gonna [ __ ] Verity
up like let's do it
um so then my notes say gratuitous
threesome including a blowy and the guys
taking turns and lots of dirty talk
that's what my notes say I I know I said
it before I feel like a lot is happening
but nothing is happening
yeah it's accurate okay so I'm that's
why I'm talking really fast I'm like
none of this matters gratuitous
threesome anyway
um so the next day at work things are
going really really well for Katie she
has lunch with Carl
um when they get back and then Verity
Corners her in the bathroom and
absolutely loses her [ __ ] she has like a
full breakdown about how um Katie is
never gonna take what's hers this
company is hers she has no right to it
um and tells her she can stop drooling
over Carl because everyone knows he's
gay
and which is kind of funny
and then Katie tries to leave she's like
I'm not I'm not doing this with you so
she tries to leave and then Verity
starts pulling her hair and slapping her
and like scratching at her face and
stuff and Katie is like what the actual
[ __ ] like we are grown women are we
having a slap fight right now this is
the dumbest [ __ ] on the planet
so then
Katie shakes her off and tells her
um that she gets that one but if she
ever touches her again she will [ __ ] her
up
so then Carl sees Katie we're back to
Carl's point of view sees Katie um with
a scratch on her face and her hair is
really disheveled and then Verity comes
right behind her and she does not look
disheveled and she's like he's like what
the [ __ ] is happening so
um he tries to fire Verity he's like
absolutely the [ __ ] not like there's not
gonna be physical violence here that is
[ __ ] ridiculous you're fired but
Katie uh begs him not to he's like she's
like please don't please don't so he's
like fine and then he starts to realize
that he has real feels is what my notes
say for Katie
um he talks to Katie's dad
um about the situation with Verity dad
says that he
he didn't know about Katie
her mom told him that he had that she
had had an abortion
so he didn't know she was pregnant when
he fired her he found out she was
pregnant afterwards when he went to her
to say something about it
she told him he had she had had an
abortion and he was too late
so he never knew he saw them on the
street when Katie was 10 and he was like
hold up
um
and so then he hand he says he handled
everything wrong he tried to force Katie
into their family
um and he asked Carl to build Bridges
between the girls
um through the program and Carl is like
uh
I guess I can try but frankly you need
to get your [ __ ] together that does not
feel like Carl's job and I don't even
like Carl no it's a whole last disaster
um so Rick tells Carl that they need to
talk
and rethink the whole we come together
or not at all rule
um they what they agree on is a courtesy
call
so they agree they're going to call each
other before they [ __ ] Katie solo to get
permission
I don't look like
just decided so like what what are you
gonna do not [ __ ] one day like you're
gonna call and they're like actually I'm
not really in the mood for that I'd
really rather you didn't [ __ ] her today
is that how that works
I mean I guess but regardless
um Rick and Carl have a solidifying [ __ ]
as we often term it and then they both
declare that they love Katie she's not
there
like that's my whole thing with this
whole scene is I'm like not present for
any of this they're declaring their love
and [ __ ] and [ __ ] and it's all this
beautiful making love moment she's not
there
what the [ __ ] whatever
um so we're back to Katie's point of
view
um she decides to do a competition with
her horse because her sister is also
doing it
and she wants to beat her that becomes
relevant later
um she buys a horse trailer the guys
insist on going with her it's all this
very sweet like making sure you're safe
kind of [ __ ] and then
um after they have lunch uh
[Music]
Rick says he wants to have chocolate for
dessert no
no
he does not my notes say worst euphemism
ever with periods after each one
that's what literally what my notes say
right now so years ago I worked in youth
ministry
foreign
behold Chelsea Queen of the non-sequitur
you're welcome
um
and I used to be in charge of like all
of the programming so like when we would
do like a student camp for like a week I
was in charge of all of the games and
programming and like making sure that
like our actual like event time ran
smoothly
and one of the games and it like didn't
even dawn on me because
I was very young and not really thinking
it through but one of the games that I
planned you had like
teams from each grade and one person
laid on the ground and one person like
essentially stood over their head and
was given a pudding cup that they had to
put between their knees
[Music]
he had to like
get the pudding in their partner's mouth
Chelsea no
and I remember
and then being like we're not going to
go with vanilla right
like we don't want pictures
but that's yeah that's what it this
chocolate's not better literally my
thought
I'm like at least
at least chocolate doesn't look like
semen in a photo
it just looks like [ __ ] how is that
better
I'm sorry
what if you were a parent and you
received a photo of your child at summer
camp
I feel like at least chocolate pudding
on their face you're not going to think
why is there [ __ ] all over my 16 year
old's face but if there's vanilla you
might be like why is there come all over
my 16 year old daughter's face I I need
to have a talk with a youth pastor none
of it's good yeah it's not it wasn't the
best game I ever planned
you know what the best game I ever
planned was I'll tell you tell me
and honestly I think part of it was
choosing the right students so
um we went and bought like
tiny like it was like a beach camp and
we went to a little shop on the beach
and bought like tiny like beach crabs
and we showed them to the students and
we're like hey
we're gonna take you outside we are
building a maze out of these crabs and
you have to walk Barefoot from one side
of the maze to the other without
stepping on one of these crabs
so then they take all of the students
outside they bring them in one at a time
and blindfold them meanwhile we've just
thrown pork rinds all over the floor
like or pork rinds they have a great
crunch too much they do and so
the look on a student's face when they
hear the Crunch and think they've killed
a crab that is so dark
that's amazing oh my God now I want pork
rinds
yeah I could [ __ ] up some pork right I
could [ __ ] up some pork rinds um but
yeah one of my like favorite students
ever bless her she like by the end of
the mace they were tears streaming down
her face
well like you have like 150 students all
sitting watching this happen in front of
them it was a it was a great game
um
10 out of 10 would would recommend yeah
I really want some pork rinds okay so so
I guess we'll get back to this if we
have to so
um I mean I guess not that's the end
everybody no okay so
um how much more is there a bit a lot oh
[ __ ] [ __ ] okay I'm just gonna go real
quick
um so they all have a big [ __ ] fest Carl
brings in a mirror
so that they can watch themselves and he
I just want us to note that you're like
I'm gonna go real quick
so he brings in a mirror for their [ __ ]
back
oh this part I was like so
um
so then he he [ __ ] Rick while Rick
[ __ ] Katie okay it's a lot there's a
lot of dirty talk and a lot of
descriptions and fluids so Katie
realizes that she doesn't want their
agreement to end in six months because
that was the original bet six months
so Katie's doing really well is it a bet
well not a bet agreement okay I mean
kind of a bit between Rick and Carl
because Carl didn't think it would
really happen so I apologize to everyone
listening if you hear a slight
whimpering
um the whimpering is my dog sleeping and
dreaming yeah it's not her husband
listening to this [ __ ] book right now
although it could be although every time
I look over at my husband he's just like
shaking his head
so
Katie's doing great at work she's a top
performer yeah she is her yeah she is
her dad shows up to give her a bonus
um it's super awkward
um Verity has a meltdown Carl finds her
crying and she thinks that
her dad loves Katie more than her
um and if she feels at the internship
her dad was gonna hate her all this
other stuff
Carl's very supportive and he says he'll
help her Carl then takes Katie to
celebrate
um and she asked to go see the horse
um she has to stop for clothes first
Carl then meets her mother
so
um
it's very awkward like it's super duper
awkward and then he
then pushes to try to figure out what
Katie wants she's like I don't know what
the [ __ ] you're talking about
um she rides he loves watching her and
he finally makes friends with the horse
it's a big moment and then
um Katie comes back after talking to the
owner of the stable super upset
um the bank is repossessing her dream is
dead
um so he really wants Katie to feel
better like he's like I don't know what
the [ __ ] to do I just want you to stop
crying
um so he's like I could buy it I could
buy the land I could buy the land and
you could rent it for me and she thinks
that he's joking and he's like no I I
want to help you blah blah blah and she
um she's like okay so you want to help
me with my dream but what's your dream
and finally he blurts out that he wants
a baby
and not by a surrogate he wants to have
like a throuple and a baby
oh
yes
and she's like I don't want kids
and um that was the printout that Rick
had from her Facebook was like a couple
of posts she made about like thank God
I'm never having kids and so
um he's like I want to start trying
right away I'm almost 40 like I really
really want this
um and he's like she's like please just
take me home like I can't I can't do
this with you like please just take me
home so he's like I
[ __ ] this up I'm really bad he's like
Rick is gonna hate me for this like I
really really [ __ ] up
um and so he goes home and Rick was all
ready to celebrate about how well
Katie's doing at work but then Carl
comes in alone and Rick is super pissed
Carl then tells Rick he's like
you can be with her like I'm the problem
I'm the one who wants the baby so bad
you be with her I will remove myself
from this and
uh it just says Declarations of Love
Rick isn't leaving Carl for anything so
I mean that's sweet it is sweet
and then Rick shows up at the farm
um from Katie's point of view they have
an emotional talk he says that he tells
her all about about Carl so
um Carl's mom died when he was six and
um he was never well cared for he
bounced around the system his dad showed
up when he was 13 started using him to
run drugs
and so then
um so Carl had a rough upbringing very
rough cool and
um then finally after he gets out of the
system dad's a piece of [ __ ] he meets a
girl and they think that they're really
into each other
and then they that's how they met Rick
they the two of them wanted a threesome
so they find Rick online Rick shows up
um the girl LED Carl on really bad
um saying that she wanted a family and
wanted to try for a baby but then Carl
found out she had had three abortions
with his babies this whole time
so he had been like that's all of life
no I don't either
that's all he wanted his whole life was
to have a baby and this girl did this
after she lied to him
um so then that's how Carl and Rick
wound up together
so Katie feels terrible that she can't
keep them with what they want so then
she agrees she goes home with Rick they
all party after they agree we're gonna
give it six months and then we'll see no
more sugar daddies just an official poly
relationship
um they'll tell her dad because that's
gonna be a big thing
um and she wants her mom to know
solidifying [ __ ] in the shower
uh very there are so many solidifying
[ __ ] there's so much sex like I'm I
have notes about the sex but I'm it
doesn't matter
um
none of it matters because literally all
the plot in this book is in like the
last 15 so I'm trying to like get to the
part that matters
none of it matters but I'm trying to get
to the part that that's at least a
little bit entertaining I'm really
trying so
you're like you have to I'm hold on let
me math something really Jesus Christ
what
why is that your response you know why
so you have to get through 375 pages to
get to the plot yeah
that feels like when people used to like
what was the the show Lost yeah yeah
when people are like
there are a couple weird Seasons so you
just have to get through like three
weird seasons and then it gets good
again and like that's such a commitment
right I'm not willing to make it no but
I made it here I don't I can't tell you
why because you read so quickly and you
read so much you probably read this in
one sitting probably if like at most two
to three sittings so I feel like I feel
like you just like Blitz through I did
books like this and you're like this is
so shitty next page be like I hate this
next page I think you finished the
booking like that was not worth it on to
the next one pretty much yeah
um so so they go out to celebrate
they're all drinking yeah and um she
asks how the whole baby thing would work
she's like so two daddies and a mom like
that feels really weird blah blah blah
and they're like
so they explain again they come together
or not at all because they don't want to
know who the biological father is
they're like
it it doesn't matter
um they say like kids might be mean
um and the parents other parents might
not get it but it doesn't matter we're
gonna make it work blah blah blah maybe
we'll adopt later
also like we want one of our own and we
might adopt later well I feel like they
just like like kids is like a deal
breaker like yes
about that yes so to know that like
they're not on the same page and then
have a solidifying [ __ ] right it's like
why are we here yeah I'm like what are
we solidifying our differences
so Carl basically says like we will have
as many kids as you'll give us
literally like we'll have as many kids
as you'll give us and then my notes just
say combo gets weird when Katie says she
ruined her mom's life
she's like I never wanted kids because I
ruined my own mother's life why would I
want to have babies
um holy [ __ ] but it gets dark all of
them need to be in therapy goddamn real
bad so
um
Carl is really worried about Katie and
Verity
um he talks to her well there's lots of
stuff about like he's trying to get her
to see that her dad really loves her and
all this other stuff she's very
resistant
um and then all of a sudden he like
blurts out that he didn't her dad didn't
know that she existed all this time she
thought she was abandoned so back to
Katie's POV it just says long emotional
talk with Mom
um who confirms that dad never knew she
existed
um so Katie decides that she
um is going to tell her mom about her
new Holly relationship
um everything's very supportive and
lovely with Carl
um Katie wants to bang on the way home
but Carl says that they need to talk to
Rick first
um
yeah and then do we have permission to
[ __ ] on the way home
they don't they don't call him they
decide to actually go home and then they
all [ __ ] together I just love that bit
out
um
so uh then she confronts her dad about
the whole thing and he's like yeah I
really [ __ ] that up like I didn't know
that you existed but when I found out I
could have done better I'm really really
sorry
so then
um Verity starts being really nice to
her and it's weird
uh like like in a way we don't trust
yeah she's like
I don't I don't like that like little
comments about like her horses and stuff
like trying to get to know her and be
supportive like you did great with sales
this week or whatever
um so then
uh at Carl's point of view they get
caught kissing at the office
and um they haven't told her dad yet
they have not so he decides he's going
to tell her dad the truth dad is not
pleased
um and so he's like are you gonna leave
Rick and Carl's like no that's the whole
point I'm not leaving Rick we're all
together
and then
uh Carl and Katie [ __ ] in the office
with Rick on speakerphone it's very
explicit oh yeah
um so okay so this is where we get into
some stuff that's like
sad and weird so for Katie's point of
view she's at this horse event
um it's like a jumping thing there's
some family awkwardness but Mom is
pretty chill and the guys are both there
dad's pretty nice
um and then his he has two
legitimate sons and one legitimate
daughter Verity
um and his wife they're all there
everybody's playing nice at this whole
thing because her half-sister Rarity is
also there competing
so Katie is doing really really well
um but she's super fixated on beating
Verity's time and she winds up missing a
jump and she falls and it's really
really bad so that's how her point of
view ends at that chapter as she hits
her head super hard and she blacks out
um so Carl's point of view my notes say
it's a [ __ ] [ __ ] show it's really bad
um so Katie wakes up and she is
screaming Samson is really hurt
um the vet says it that if if the horse
can't stand up he's he's dead like they
can't move him he has to stand if
they're gonna get him to a hospital but
even then a horse with a broken leg he
might not make it
so it's a whole thing Carl and her dad
get the horse Rick I used to have a
therapy client who had two special needs
horses
it's a special sauce
I don't know why I whispered that but
what's a special needs horse
like
they were truly like two horses that
like without her love and attention and
constant like
making sure they had everything they
needed they would not have survived that
long
like they were like [ __ ] blind and
they're like their legs needed braces
sort of deal like you don't understand
that no it was a lot
it was so much I mean In fairness I have
a dog who's paralyzed that we change his
diapers every day and we have a cat with
epilepsy but that feels like a horse is
massive like that just feels like so
much more than a 10 pound dog and a six
pound cat well and she like when we
first started working together she had
said she's like my dream has always been
to like have my own land with my horses
and
I am afraid I'll like by the time I'm
financially stable enough to do that
they won't be alive did you tell her to
hit up sugar daddies.com
well okay no I didn't that's really
where I saved where I should have zagged
she had fun she's like hey like she was
like I think I'm gonna like go and like
start actually like looking at some like
houses with property
I found a realtor who like specializes
and like like needing land and like
getting it and blah blah blah
and so she comes to sessions next week
and I was like how'd it go she's like
not great Chelsea not great at all and
I'm like whoa oh well
um
what happened and she's like
what like what breed was it like German
Shepherds or some [ __ ] she's like the
house I went and looked at they had an
underground dog fighting ring where they
were breeding the dog oh my God and I
was like to be fair that's really not on
me
I would not have
predicted that yeah
um but yeah so I'm very is Samson my
favorite character in this book he's my
favorite character I really think he is
yeah horses are the [ __ ] man sure
um but so Samson's leg is very broken
he's very hurt Katie's leg is also very
broken and she is very hurt
um if you hear thunder it's Thunder I
I would like if we ever have merch
I think that needs to be on something
like a a mug or a fanny pack Maybe
yeah like a good crossbody with a quote
on it I I really wish like
I don't know when we reviewed like pen
pal and it was like the entire book was
like ominous creepy rain and wind and
thunder and lightning like if the
weather could have cooperated with us it
would have been better would have been
great
I don't I don't need the Thunder when
we're talking about Samson because it
feels too ominous and I really need
Samson to survive
I'm not invested in the book but I am
invested in Samson and I need him to
live is what you're telling me yes I
understand
so she begs Carl to go with Samson God
Bless America
um and so he does they get him to the
hospital they get him into surgery and
dad her dad asked Carl to tell him about
his daughter he's like tell me
everything you know he's like well what
do you want to know and he's like
literally everything like I know nothing
about my daughter yeah tell me
everything
so we are back to Katie's point of view
we are almost done we are so close we
are so close and yet maybe not so
um Carl and Rick handle her recovery
um they wait on her hand and foot
there's a line in there about how they
do everything for her including wiping
her shitty ass
um Samson she broke did she break her
arms as well well so the way that her
leg broke was so severe that she it that
she came to recovery that she can't
reach her I didn't ask laughs
just like logistically I know what this
book has led to several Logistics
questions uh yeah
yeah but yeah I'm like
and like unless she broke her back and
her like and her leg but I'm like I'm if
I break my leg
I'm just need to clarify with my husband
now I do plan on wiping my own ass I
don't
laughs
my husband I lived without that I just
looked over at my husband and he was
like making a wiping scooping milk why
are you scooping what the [ __ ] are you
stupid
oh God I really could have lived without
all of that
oh and I was like I don't need to know
what y'all do when we stop recording the
podcast bubbles it's my safe word
I could stop are you feeling unsafe
oh my God anyway so they are really
really focused on taking care of her
they're very sweet Sampson gets moved to
her father's property
and Verity takes over his care so they
start actually mending fences she starts
to trust Verity to take care of Samson
severity wasn't actually like being a
malicious [ __ ] when she started like
to be nice and ask questions she was
actually just like trying to build a
relationship with her sister she really
was and Katie was being a bit of a [ __ ]
yes
um so as the guys are caring for her
she's like oh my God they would make
amazing dads and then she decides to
stop taking her birth control
so
and she's got something like she like
tells them or is that like a surprise
it's a surprise okay so
um they basically she watches them [ __ ]
a lot but she can't really participate
um that feels more likely than the
wiping up the ass right
so
um then she tells them she's well enough
no we're also gonna have to have some
kind of merch that has just fanciest
hand doing a weird little curl
Hannah looked over
for making eye contact just doing the
weird scooping motion I'm like what the
[ __ ] is this
you were doing it I'm I get to say what
the [ __ ] you do not no I felt it though
like as I did it I was like I don't know
what's happening here nothing good you
what did you say
oh
do you remember the um the outtakes from
Parks and Rec where it was Chris Pratt
and he's like was he like at the doctor
or something he's like sometimes I just
wipe and wipe it's like a marker yes
oh good all right sorry they're building
fence it yeah metaphorical emotional
offenses yeah
he stopped taking her birth control and
then when she's well enough they bang it
out and then she tells them that she
does want a baby
four months later she's pregnant
everyone is very very happy it's all
amazing
and then it's the epilogue nothing
happened in this whole book what's the
epilogue and Samson's okay right Samson
is okay okay so we actually get to that
so she
um
her dad wound up buying the farm for
Katie
and giving it to her
um and so they have finally moved Samson
to the new Farm everything is looking
great
um it's Katie's birthday she is very
very pregnant she goes into labor the
end
I didn't even talk about the water
sports because that was in there
things going on I didn't want to include
I don't know what I expected you to say
when you said we didn't even talk about
the blank
but water sports was not you know what
that's a euphemism for right I do but
growing up in Florida
growing up in Florida I just keep
thinking of like kneeboarding I'm gonna
say skimboarding
you're like I just think of like some
good Lake water activities
uh no
that wasn't that
do you think our listeners know what
you're referring to Hannah or do you
think you should explain it just in case
I would really rather not but I mean I
guess water sports River refers to like
a golden shower situation
um Google that I'm not going to give you
any more
oh my God so there's a new show on
Netflix called how to build a sex room
oh yeah I watched the first like episode
and a half yeah I think
honestly the thing for me is that like
they like you'll like it's like one one
sex room is finished per episode but you
meet someone then they like start the
sex room then you have to watch the next
episode to finish it and I was like I
don't know if I want to commit I just
want to watch one the one full sex room
right right yes I've watched a little
bit of it well there's one episode with
a uh polyamorous group of individuals
and there's like six of them or seven of
them oh wow it does feel like a lot and
they want a room they don't live
together but they are all together
and that was very ominously punctuated
by the Thunder it really um
and so like if you've seen the show you
know like the designer goes in she wants
to know like what's everybody's fetish
what's every what does everybody want to
see in the room and one of the girls is
like
um I really think that a drain on the
floor would be really helpful and she's
like oh okay so for For What and the
girls like water sports
it helps with the fluids I was like
you know I will say
if you're going through the effort of
getting a Sex Room built and you're into
water sport get a drain yes because to
spend all that money on a sex room and
then be like now the fluids are
everywhere right
not ideal not ideal one bit
Yeah the more that we say the word
fluids the more I hate that word
fluid it depends on the context yeah I
don't think there's any context where I
like nibble
that's fair yeah yeah that's fair um so
how how do you want to rate
sugar daddies because just just to recap
they're looking for a sugar baby
they find someone they like
they ultimately all decide to be in a
relationship together
her horse is fine and gets its own Farm
they have a baby in the end nailed it
I mean we could do
there were a lot of dildos involved I
mean we could do dildos we could do
horses we could do saddles
Saddles saddles
saddle feel right I don't know horses
are large I don't even know if this one
is one whole horse it might not be
we'll do Saddles so glue
oh my God so what how many fluid ounces
of glue oh [ __ ]
um how many interns how many how many
Monica lewinskies how many mirrors
um we really we have a lot of options
and no options
we have a lot of options and no options
yeah let's just do
let's just do horses we'll go out of
three
it's a half a horse
it's the back half of a horse
it's just the main the back half of a
horse
um
I mean
I like I could go one horse it's a hoof
yeah I'll give you all four Hooves okay
not the attached legs sure just well
Samson's is pretty [ __ ]
anyway so
I mean he lives but he can't be ridden
[Laughter]
oh yeah yeah four Hooves is my final
offer but I didn't read the book so
I I mean
the thing about this book is it's
terrible
yeah yeah it is and I wanted to like it
I really did because I thought the
premise was interesting
but but you didn't like it I didn't so
yeah it's the back half of one horse out
of uh out of three ah out of five
yeah we're looking at a solid point five
star we're looking at a solid 10 is what
we're looking at
Yeah final offer
let us know what y'all think
let us
oh gosh this book okay or don't
or yeah those are those are your options
we can let this book live we're honest
it's really up to you I'm comfortable
where it is
you're like I think we can move on to
discussing other books and be done with
this one so this is where we will leave
you as we will not be circling back no
we won't to sugar daddies nope good
night and good luck have a good day bye
that's it for this week's months
we hope it will
it was great for us
if you're digging what we're doing it
would mean a lot if you'd take a minute
to rate and review the show wherever
you're listening right now
maybe tell that sexy someone to Linda
senir
we love you we appreciate you
we'll see you next week
stays buddy
[Music]