1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,760 Welcome to the We Are More podcast. 2 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,600 My name is Alyssa. 3 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,600 And my name is Bri. 4 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,600 We are two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism. 5 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:25,520 We believe that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach His 6 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:26,520 word. 7 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,720 And apparently that's controversial. 8 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:30,720 Get comfy. 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:31,720 Hello. 10 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:32,720 Hello. 11 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:33,720 It's us. 12 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:47,000 If you're wondering why Bri's going to get sued, it's because she was singing a Taylor 13 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,360 Swift song a second ago. 14 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:50,960 And I asked if we could record it. 15 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:51,960 She said no. 16 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,640 Alyssa's the problem, it's her. 17 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,640 Not me. 18 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,640 Hi. 19 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,640 I'm your national treasure. 20 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:02,640 I don't think you'll get sued for that. 21 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:03,720 I think you're okay. 22 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,480 Maybe Nicolas Cage would sue me. 23 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,720 I don't think he like owns the copyright to those movies. 24 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,320 Think he could find a way? 25 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:12,320 Maybe. 26 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,640 He did find a way to steal the Constitution. 27 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,200 He did. 28 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,000 He found a way. 29 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,000 With Disney's help. 30 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,560 Oh, Disney could sue me. 31 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:21,560 Oh no. 32 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaking of Disney, we're getting ready right now. 33 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:31,840 When you listen to this, we'll be back from Disney, we'll be really, really severely depressed. 34 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:37,560 We'll be in a state of despair. 35 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,720 That sounds so dramatic, but she's not kidding. 36 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,280 I'm not kidding. 37 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:45,280 But right now when we're recording it, we are, what, two days away? 38 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,080 Two or three days away, yeah, from flying out. 39 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,080 Yes. 40 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,640 So we're very excited. 41 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,760 And we're also incredibly stressed out. 42 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:53,760 Yeah. 43 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,440 I was going to say, I'm not, but I am. 44 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:57,440 You are. 45 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:58,440 We all are. 46 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:04,200 We're trying desperately to get packed, get my kids packed. 47 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,760 My husband is somehow already packed and I hate him a little bit for it. 48 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:12,480 I think we should do a whole podcast on packing boys versus girls. 49 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,880 It's like trading spaces. 50 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:15,880 Boys versus girls. 51 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,120 That was a good shot. 52 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:19,120 Trading suitcases. 53 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,800 Oh, yeah, I wouldn't be able to survive. 54 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:23,800 It's just so frustrating. 55 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:29,400 So he got his suitcase completely packed the other day and it was just his clothes. 56 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,960 He got all his clothes packed and he was like, oh yeah, I'm almost done. 57 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,680 And I said, well no, you just have your clothes packed. 58 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,160 And he was like, yeah, I'm almost done. 59 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,600 I just have a couple things left. 60 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:44,800 And I was like, can you imagine women out there, your clothes are in your suitcase and 61 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:45,800 you're just done? 62 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:46,800 You're good to go. 63 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:51,920 No, I have probably an entire suitcase just of extra crap that I need. 64 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,400 Clothes are an afterthought. 65 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:58,720 Wait, when I put my clothes in, I have to assume that I need at least half the suitcase 66 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,120 left to put the other crap in. 67 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,120 Yeah. 68 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaking of which, I need to go to Target later if you want to come. 69 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:08,200 I'll come to Target. 70 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:13,640 So if you're playing your drinking game today, check that little box. 71 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:17,080 Two basic girls want to go to Target and Starbucks. 72 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,080 Wow. 73 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,080 Are we shocked? 74 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,080 We're not shocked. 75 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,080 We're not. 76 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:22,880 But we're trying to get everything ready. 77 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:27,920 We're trying and like in the midst of this, Bri and I are working and Nathan is working 78 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:32,560 and yesterday, so two days ago, we had a terrible, terrible storm. 79 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,560 Terrible, terrible, terrible. 80 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,000 It was really, really bad wind. 81 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,520 I think they said somewhere in Michigan was like 65 mile per hour winds. 82 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,520 I don't know if that was here. 83 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,520 A terrible, no good, very bad storm. 84 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,800 How many references can we back in the first five minutes? 85 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,080 I've never seen that actually. 86 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:50,080 Well, it's probably okay. 87 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,080 It's a children's movie. 88 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,080 Is it a movie or is it a book? 89 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,080 It started as a book. 90 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,080 And now it's a movie. 91 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,080 Yeah. 92 00:03:55,080 --> 00:04:00,280 Anyway, so there was this really bad storm. 93 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,280 We didn't lose power. 94 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,120 We very rarely lose power here. 95 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:04,600 We didn't lose power. 96 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:10,320 And then the next day, I had just gotten out of the shower, like two minutes before. 97 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:15,440 And we're on a well, so like the water shuts down and the power goes out. 98 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,960 And it went out the whole rest of the day. 99 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,640 It was very inconvenient. 100 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:21,640 Yeah. 101 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:26,160 So we had to go over to our parents' house, hang out there all day, which is fine. 102 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,720 But then we didn't get to pack and get stuff done. 103 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:29,720 Yeah. 104 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,800 If it had been like another day, it would have been kind of fun, you know, watch movie, 105 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:34,800 which we did anyway. 106 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,280 We watched movie, had popcorn. 107 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:37,800 We watched Coco. 108 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:38,800 We did. 109 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,740 So we're getting into the Disney spirit. 110 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:42,740 The Disney who-do-woon spirit. 111 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,260 We're a bunch of freaks. 112 00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:46,840 We are very strange, but we're a great time. 113 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:47,840 Yeah. 114 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:55,120 I would go say all of those people out there who spend so much of their time with us. 115 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:59,560 At this point, let's see, this will be episode 22. 116 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:00,560 Taylor Swift! 117 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,240 Here we go. 118 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:03,520 Don't sue me. 119 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,920 So that means if you've listened to all of our episodes, now some of them are a little 120 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:11,200 bit shorter, but you've spent close to 22 hours with Bree and I. 121 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,200 I'm sorry. 122 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,200 Do you need help? 123 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,440 Do you need therapy? 124 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,440 Are we your therapy? 125 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,560 Maybe we are. 126 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,120 Dr. Bree. 127 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,520 Hey, it's coming full circle. 128 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:23,640 Full circle. 129 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,080 You can be Dr. Alyssa. 130 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,080 That's okay. 131 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:30,040 That sounds more like sort of like a TV therapist and I don't really like those people. 132 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,600 You're right. 133 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,400 I'll be your TV therapist. 134 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,800 This is not the TV Bree, this is a podcast. 135 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:38,800 What? 136 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:42,340 I thought they could see us this whole time. 137 00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:44,680 We joke about that, but we do act like they can see us. 138 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:45,680 I know. 139 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,280 We talk to the computer directly. 140 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,600 Hello, friends. 141 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:53,320 I point at the computer, I reference the computer. 142 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,320 It's a mess. 143 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,320 We're a mess. 144 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:59,520 But we're a fun mess. 145 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,520 So today... 146 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:05,520 Today I feel like is going to be a little bit informal episode. 147 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:06,520 Episode? 148 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,520 Yeah, that's what we're calling them. 149 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,640 As opposed to what? 150 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,520 I don't know. 151 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,220 We're just mostly going to be chatting. 152 00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:23,680 So pretend, pull up a chair, grab your coffee and your will to live. 153 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:30,000 And we're just going to have a chat about weaponized incompetence. 154 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,000 Nice light topic. 155 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:37,160 Light, airy, breezy, easy, beautiful cover girl. 156 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:41,800 Yet another reference, but we're outside of the five minute mark so I don't think that 157 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:42,800 one counts. 158 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:43,800 Darn. 159 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:48,800 Yeah, so weaponizing competence has been kind of like a hot button buzzword topic for up 160 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,160 in the past, I would say, like year and a half. 161 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,080 Yeah, it's been around for a while. 162 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,880 Especially on social media. 163 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,920 Where on social media, Bri? 164 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,120 TikTok. 165 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,120 We love TikTok. 166 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,640 We have a problem. 167 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,640 Mostly you. 168 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:04,640 I love TikTok. 169 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,480 I'm on there a lot. 170 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,280 I'm just trolling. 171 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:14,560 I'm also in charge of the TikTok for our office and lately I've been such a troll. 172 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:19,320 I don't think you can say that. 173 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:25,080 Like part of building your audience on your business's social media is also like engaging 174 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,200 with other whatever. 175 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:32,080 And I've just been commenting on like one of the restaurants that's in downtown Fenton. 176 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,040 I was like, they posted a picture of a burger. 177 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:38,480 I was like, oh, looks like you would need some floss after that guy. 178 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,440 I commented on someone's picture of their dog. 179 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,480 I'm like, can I pet that dog? 180 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:47,640 Can you imagine just some dental office commenting that? 181 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,000 My goal is to be like Wendy's. 182 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,600 Honestly, that's terrifying. 183 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,840 Wendy's social media is great. 184 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:52,840 They are great. 185 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:53,840 They're so funny. 186 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:54,840 Are they on TikTok? 187 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,000 They probably are. 188 00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,520 I don't know, but they were on Twitter or X, whatever you want to call it. 189 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:01,840 Yeah, they were really good on there. 190 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:09,880 All right, tell me about weaponized incompetence now that we've gone over your TikTok history. 191 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:15,920 I just think social media in general is cool because it's opening up avenues for people. 192 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:22,920 We're a feminist podcast, so women specifically talking to each other, seeing is what they're 193 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,800 dealing with common. 194 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,800 Is it normal? 195 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:26,800 Should they be concerned? 196 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,520 Have you ever been on Reddit? 197 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:30,520 That's a nightmare. 198 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:31,520 Oh, that's a frightening space. 199 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:32,520 But you can find out anything. 200 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,520 Right. 201 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:38,480 Well, I think it's back in the day, whatever day that would be. 202 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,080 Back in the day. 203 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:46,560 It was easy to wind up in your little box, especially as women because in the past women 204 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,040 weren't working as much, things like that. 205 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,320 They were very isolated. 206 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:56,320 What they were experiencing, they didn't know, are other people dealing with this too? 207 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,320 Right. 208 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:03,040 Weaponized incompetence is one of those things that you're like, oh, this isn't okay. 209 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,840 Yeah, but it takes a minute. 210 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:05,840 It does. 211 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:10,720 So the definition, if you're unfamiliar with what that means, I looked it up on, what did 212 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,160 I say it was on? 213 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,160 The internet. 214 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,160 The internet. 215 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,640 Oh, I forgot the word. 216 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,600 I think it's on like psychology today or something like that. 217 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:25,580 It says weaponized incompetence, also called strategic incompetence, is when someone knowingly 218 00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:31,080 or unknowingly demonstrates an inability to perform or master certain tasks, thereby leading 219 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,020 others to take on more work. 220 00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:37,600 This generally occurs in two domains, in the household between partners and at work between 221 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,960 colleagues. 222 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:44,280 Consistently weaponized incompetence leads to an unequal division of labor. 223 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:48,600 But it's not just husbands and men that do this. 224 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:49,600 Women do it too. 225 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,880 So I don't want to give too much hate on all the men. 226 00:09:52,880 --> 00:10:00,360 I think stereotypically it is attributed to men more than women, but it definitely is 227 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,560 not gender specific. 228 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:08,080 So I think situations like doing the dishes, knowing how to cook. 229 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,960 The household kind of stuff. 230 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:10,960 Yeah. 231 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:15,680 If a man doesn't want to take care of it, he's either going to pretend that he's bad 232 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:20,240 at it or just be like, but you're so great. 233 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,200 Your cooking is so good. 234 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:29,880 It's just delicious when that really puts a lot of pressure on your partner and you're 235 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:33,360 knowingly or unknowingly, you know, abusing them. 236 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,360 Yeah. 237 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,520 I remember that that makes me think back to my childhood. 238 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:42,560 So when we were kids, mom would say, Alyssa, can you vacuum for me? 239 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,120 And I despise vacuuming. 240 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,120 Okay. 241 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,200 I don't know why, but it was just one of those things I just did not want to do. 242 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,320 She made me do it like every day. 243 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:57,440 And I'm sorry, mom, that was totally reasonable of you to ask, but I just really hated it. 244 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:01,520 But the way she would get me to it, because I would be like, mom, why can't Bree do it? 245 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,800 Why can't Brandon do it? 246 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:04,800 Why is it always me? 247 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,720 And she was like, you're just the best at it. 248 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:12,680 You're just so good at vacuuming. 249 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:15,680 That positive reinforcement. 250 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:19,000 That's what totally offshoot, but that's what that makes me think of. 251 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:24,960 There was someone I worked with way back in the day that hated vacuuming at the office. 252 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,520 And at the office, we have to vacuum every single day. 253 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,760 One would hope. 254 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:34,720 And she would purposely run the vacuum into the baseboards and scuff up the baseboards, 255 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:39,560 knowing that our previous employer hated that. 256 00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:40,560 Pet peeve. 257 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,200 Like you would have died. 258 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,840 So then she didn't have to vacuum anymore because she was so terrible at it. 259 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:55,280 But I think that happens so often in households where it's like you can and you are able to 260 00:11:55,280 --> 00:12:00,720 complete a task or learn how to complete a task, but you actively choose not to or to 261 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,880 be terrible at it to manipulate the other person into doing more work. 262 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:08,920 Well, you think of laundry in particular, and I can't tell you how many times I've 263 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,700 heard, my husband just doesn't know how to work the washer. 264 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:18,800 He doesn't know what buttons to push or what washer fluid to put in or whatever, like what 265 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,160 soap to put in. 266 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:25,500 And it's like this person is like a high ranking employee. 267 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:26,960 They can figure it out. 268 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,440 Like, I'm sorry, they have an engineering degree. 269 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,720 They can figure it out. 270 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:38,760 My question is always what happens if the spouse that does all the work, whether it's 271 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,960 the husband or the wife, what happens if they die? 272 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,800 Yeah, you're screwed. 273 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:47,800 Like if they die, is that other person not going to figure out how to do the laundry? 274 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,480 No, they are going to figure out how to do their laundry. 275 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:54,440 They're currently choosing not to. 276 00:12:54,440 --> 00:13:00,160 And if it's worst case scenario, let's say that you really don't know how to work your 277 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,160 washer or dryer. 278 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,920 That's just not ever been on your radar. 279 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:09,160 I still don't think it's great to put on your partner, like you have to teach me how to 280 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,720 do all of these things that a normal adult would do. 281 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:15,600 But I can also almost guarantee that your partner would rather you come to them and 282 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:20,400 say, hey, could you teach me one time how to do this so that in the future I can take 283 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,060 this on? 284 00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:29,040 I can almost guarantee they would prefer that over you just saying, well, that's just beyond 285 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,460 my comprehension. 286 00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:31,960 That's outside of my bubble. 287 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,280 No, thank you. 288 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:38,240 I was listening to this podcast earlier where this girl was talking about her growing up 289 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,240 experience. 290 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:44,160 Her mom was in the military, so she would get deployed for seven to 10 months at a time. 291 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:49,800 And when she had her mom deployed, it was her dad who was taking care of everything. 292 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:54,680 But there was such a difference with mom being there taking care of things and dad being 293 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:55,880 there and taking care of things. 294 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,560 It was like hamburger helper every single night. 295 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:04,080 And she had to take on several of the roles because she was the oldest girl sibling. 296 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:08,440 She had to take on doing laundry and making sure her siblings made their lunches or make 297 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,100 their siblings lunches. 298 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,060 I just feel like that's not fair. 299 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:18,380 There shouldn't be too much of a difference because you both should be fully capable of 300 00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:19,380 handling yourselves. 301 00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:23,800 And that's not to say that you have to be like this spectacular cook or anything, but 302 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:30,580 you can, I think most people can follow a recipe if they try a few times. 303 00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:34,160 You can have a list of five things that you can make. 304 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,800 Or just like, you know that your kids need vegetables. 305 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:37,800 Feed them vegetables. 306 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:38,800 Yeah. 307 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,920 Even if it's cut up a raw vegetable, okay. 308 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:47,200 I think when that, I hear about that so often. 309 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:53,920 Oh, when mom is doing bedtime or whatever, all these things get done. 310 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,900 It's almost the opposite for me. 311 00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:58,720 Nathan is a lot more detail oriented with that stuff. 312 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:03,340 But when mom puts the kids to bed, they get their face washed, they get their teeth brushed, 313 00:15:03,340 --> 00:15:07,640 they take their shower, they get their pajamas on, they go to bed, they get their story, 314 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,120 they get whatever. 315 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,760 And when dad puts them to bed, it's like, go to bed. 316 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,960 And that's it. 317 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:22,660 And obviously that's not the case for everyone's household, but that is weaponized incompetence. 318 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:28,500 That is you doing a poor job when your partner's not around or when your partner is not able 319 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:33,280 to do the job so that you don't get asked to do it next time. 320 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,600 It's like that episode of Bluey. 321 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:37,600 We love Bluey. 322 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,600 We love Bluey. 323 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,760 So, everybody knows what Bluey is. 324 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:47,400 I'm not going to explain it, but the kids, they're going to the pool without their mom, 325 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,400 right? 326 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,400 Yes. 327 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,400 Oh, yes. 328 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:51,400 That's a good example. 329 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,400 The dad takes the kids to the pool and he forgets the sunscreen and he forgets the water 330 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,520 wings and he forgets the snacks. 331 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:01,720 All of this stuff, they pretty much just were able to get themselves to the pool. 332 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,440 And then mom showed up with all of the things that they forgot. 333 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,840 It actually wasn't even that he forgot them. 334 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:11,040 He intentionally said, that stuff's no fun. 335 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,680 Let's just go. 336 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,020 And the kids were like, yeah, mom's no fun. 337 00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:18,920 She makes us pack all these things and whatever. 338 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:22,280 And I do think Bluey is, as a rule, a really good example of a good marriage and a good 339 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,500 family. 340 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,840 But it is interesting to see those dynamics. 341 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,760 Real life situations on a kid's cartoon. 342 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:30,760 Yeah, about dogs. 343 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:35,200 If you've never seen Bluey, it is a treasure. 344 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,360 Oh my gosh, it's a national treasure. 345 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,960 Just like Nicolas Cage bringing it full circle. 346 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:41,960 Just like myself. 347 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:42,960 Full circle, circle. 348 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:43,960 Full circle, circle. 349 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:50,040 We've got so many things going on. 350 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:54,640 There's a song called Labor, actually, by Paris Paloma. 351 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,240 I don't know for sure that I'm pronouncing her name correct. 352 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,840 I think you got Paris down, probably. 353 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:01,840 It could be Paris. 354 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:02,840 Paris Paloma. 355 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:03,840 Is that offensive? 356 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:04,840 Probably. 357 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:05,840 Probably. 358 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:12,040 At the end of this, we're not going to ask them to share this with the people in France. 359 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,840 Don't share this with the people in France. 360 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:14,840 Or Canada. 361 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,880 Also fair. 362 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,840 But still looking for Australia. 363 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:19,840 Bluey, hey. 364 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:20,840 Bluey takes place in Australia. 365 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,840 Did you know? 366 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:32,760 Anyways, one of the quotes from that song. 367 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,760 It's a very good song. 368 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:34,760 It cusses once. 369 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:35,760 I'm just putting it out there. 370 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,240 It's a super depressing song. 371 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:42,640 Oh, it's very depressing because it's like just a mirror on society. 372 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:48,360 But one of the quotes is, I know you're a smart man and weaponize the false incompetence, 373 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:52,480 dominance under a guise, which I think is so powerful. 374 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:57,560 Like, oh you're just so much better at planning vacations. 375 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:02,880 Oh, you're just so much better at packing the kids lunches than I am. 376 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,200 It's asserting dominance by acting passive. 377 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:13,480 Well it's like those things are not important enough for me to figure out how to do them. 378 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,160 So I'm going to let you take that on. 379 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:22,800 And I think the guise that that comes under is, I'm going to give you control. 380 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,680 I'm going to give you control and then you can do whatever you want. 381 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:26,960 You do whatever you want. 382 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,560 You fold the clothes however you want. 383 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:29,560 You do it great. 384 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:30,560 So you do whatever you want. 385 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,320 You plan the vacation however you want. 386 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,960 You're just so good at it and you'll figure it out. 387 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,160 I know you will. 388 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:43,480 And so the idea is like the spouse that's behaving that way is giving the other partner 389 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:48,400 the freedom to do what they want, but really they're giving them the bondage of having 390 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,720 to handle all of these decisions. 391 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,080 And that's exhausting. 392 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,560 It's not fun to have to make every decision every time. 393 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:58,560 No. 394 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:02,840 And also you're concerned not just about yourself at that point. 395 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:07,880 You're like, I want to make sure that this is done well for everybody. 396 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:11,400 I want to make sure everybody is happy in this situation, not just me. 397 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,040 Well, I mean we can talk about our Disney trip. 398 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,680 I like to plan our Disney trips. 399 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,400 I have a fun time doing it. 400 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:22,240 But it can be really exhausting when I'll be like, oh hey, what does everybody want 401 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,100 to do for dining reservations? 402 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,760 And people will say, oh, I don't care. 403 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:27,760 Whatever you want to do. 404 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:28,760 You pick, you know, whatever. 405 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,360 I'm guilty of this for sure. 406 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,800 And it's just because they just don't want to think about it or deal with it. 407 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:41,280 But in not thinking about or dealing with it, now I have to take everybody's voice that 408 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,760 they're not even using. 409 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:48,880 I have to take my knowledge about Bri and mom and dad and Nathan and everybody and think 410 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,280 about, well, what might they like? 411 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,720 Well, I don't want to decide on something they don't like. 412 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:57,280 And it's like it all falls onto your shoulders. 413 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,960 It's super exhausting. 414 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,480 And that's just one small example. 415 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,160 Everybody helps plan Disney, okay? 416 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,520 It's fine. 417 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,520 But that's an example of how it can for sure be. 418 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:11,880 I watched a TikTok. 419 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:12,880 I watched the TikTok. 420 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:13,880 Alyssa! 421 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:14,880 I know! 422 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,080 Oh, is this on your bingo cards, everybody? 423 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,080 No, it's you watching TikTok that's on the bingo cards. 424 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,400 But this could be something new and different. 425 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,160 Oh yeah, add this one to your bingo cards, folks. 426 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,120 Bri, that could be part of our merch. 427 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,800 That would be very funny. 428 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,600 Printable bingo cards. 429 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,920 And if you get a bingo, I'll send you a TikTok. 430 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,240 Sounds great. 431 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,320 That's a great price. 432 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,320 It's really motivating. 433 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:47,840 I have a really good sense of humor with TikTok, so I won't say it. 434 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,320 Anyway, so I watched a TikTok. 435 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,400 And I follow this guy. 436 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,000 I need to look him up. 437 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,520 Something on relationships. 438 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:01,080 And basically what he does, and he does this on YouTube, TikTok, Facebook, all over the 439 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,080 place. 440 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:03,880 And he does these little skits, right? 441 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:08,720 And he'll play the part of usually like he goes very stereotypical. 442 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,560 So it'll be like the stereotypical husband and the stereotypical wife. 443 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,680 And he puts on his little red wig when he's the stereotypical wife. 444 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,440 And it's very funny. 445 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,440 I know who you're talking about. 446 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,120 Yeah, I think it's Jimmy on relationships. 447 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,120 I think that's what it is. 448 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,200 Oh, Jimmy. 449 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,960 So he goes through these scenarios and what would be a detrimental conversation between 450 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,120 a couple. 451 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:33,200 And then he usually sits down as like their therapist or something and explains why that 452 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,440 didn't work and what they could do better. 453 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:36,440 So it's really good. 454 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,920 I highly recommend it. 455 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:43,920 But he did one where he was talking about essentially weaponizing competence. 456 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,800 I don't think he said that, but basically. 457 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:53,240 And so this couple had decided between them that dishes is going to be a shared chore. 458 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,160 And the husband just wasn't doing it ever. 459 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:02,540 And so she was doing them all the time, had asked him several times if he please could 460 00:22:02,540 --> 00:22:04,840 do what he had committed to doing. 461 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:08,320 And he just, oh, I'm so tired at the end of the day, whatever. 462 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,820 So it all kept falling on her, falling on her, falling on her. 463 00:22:11,820 --> 00:22:17,280 And finally, he comes up to her with his cup, like his apparently his one cup. 464 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:18,280 Favorite cup. 465 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,280 Favorite cup. 466 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:24,400 It was not a Stanley, which is a little upsetting, but you know, embarrassing for him. 467 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,600 And he goes, hey, how come my cup's not clean? 468 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,760 And first of all, it was very accusatory. 469 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,400 Why didn't you do this for me? 470 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:38,240 And she was like, well, I say she, it's still Jimmy. 471 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,920 He's just in a wig. 472 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,920 But Jimmy has the wife. 473 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:54,480 Is he, she says, well, you know, I, we decided that this was a shared chore and you haven't 474 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,040 been keeping up your end of the deal. 475 00:22:56,040 --> 00:23:01,320 So I've decided only to wash my dishes and you can wash your own dishes. 476 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:07,000 And the husband got very, very upset and was like, are you kidding me? 477 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,000 This is so petty. 478 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,560 It would take you 10 seconds to wash this one cup. 479 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:11,560 It's just one cup. 480 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,520 It wouldn't do that much damage to you. 481 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,660 How come you can't just do this one thing for me? 482 00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:21,400 And so it goes on until like how it's not okay to then blame your partner. 483 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,980 And I think that's a huge part of weaponized incompetence is to turn around and blame your 484 00:23:24,980 --> 00:23:31,200 partner for not doing the things for you that you could easily do for you. 485 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,320 It would take her three extra seconds. 486 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,320 Correct. 487 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,240 It would also take you three seconds. 488 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,480 So you are fully capable of doing it. 489 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:45,200 And if you're not willing to share that burden with her, then you have to take care of yourself. 490 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,200 Exactly. 491 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:52,760 And I think that's where the partnership aspect comes in and where marriage is a partnership. 492 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,440 A little tit for tat. 493 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:55,440 Thank you for that. 494 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,640 You'd think a lifetime watching us. 495 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,640 Might have taught her that. 496 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:01,640 Where's that one from? 497 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,120 The Corpse Bride. 498 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:07,160 You reference it all the time and I cannot remember it. 499 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:13,400 I think that's where Christianity has played a big role in this because Christianity has 500 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:19,560 told men your roles are not in the house. 501 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,540 You don't have to do anything in this space. 502 00:24:21,540 --> 00:24:26,920 You walk in, you sit down in your easy chair, you open up the newspaper. 503 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:27,920 This is a dated reference. 504 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:31,000 You work so hard, nine to five job and then your job stops. 505 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,000 Yes. 506 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:36,920 Whereas her job started from the moment she woke up and whether she's working outside the 507 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:42,040 home or not, her job is not going to end until she collapses in bed at night and sometimes 508 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,600 not even then because the kids wake up. 509 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:49,920 And I think we've spoken about this before, but in today's society it's very hard to have 510 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,100 only one working parent. 511 00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:58,160 So more often than not you do have two working parents, but still all of the housework and 512 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:02,000 taking care of the kids, all of that still falls on the wife. 513 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,000 And most marriages for sure. 514 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,800 Even though they're both working. 515 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,120 Which is crazy to me. 516 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:12,360 I've seen so many examples of that and I'm just like, do you think it's beneath you to 517 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:13,960 help make dinner? 518 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,160 Not even help, to make dinner because it's your responsibility too. 519 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:22,240 Well and it's like, I'm going to do her a favor and order a pizza tonight. 520 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,080 No, no, no, no, no. 521 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,080 That's not a favor. 522 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,480 And it's also your responsibility. 523 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:29,480 Not that helpful. 524 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:30,480 No! 525 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,960 Make the dinner for goodness sakes. 526 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,880 But I think that's where Christianity has, like I said, played such a huge role even 527 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:45,240 in broader society to say this is a woman's role and this is a man's role and a man can't 528 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:52,360 possibly be expected to learn how to clean a bathroom, to learn how to vacuum the floors 529 00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:56,800 or whatever, fill in the blank. 530 00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:00,800 And not to say that women aren't doing this sometimes too, it's just from our vantage 531 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,200 point that's what we're seeing. 532 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:08,200 I will say definitely it's, and like the definition said too, it's not just in relationships, 533 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,200 it's also at work. 534 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:11,880 And it's also women too. 535 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,000 You can pump your own gas. 536 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:19,120 Or you can learn to check your oil. 537 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:22,720 Or you can paint the walls. 538 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,520 You need your windshield wipers replaced. 539 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,360 I can only think of car examples right now. 540 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:29,960 But you can figure it out. 541 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,400 You can go into an auto zone, you can ask the questions. 542 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:38,560 It doesn't all have to be like, I just don't know how to do that silly old me. 543 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:42,480 Brie has had car trouble for the 40th time this year, so that's why all of her examples 544 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:43,480 are car related. 545 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:47,120 Both my examples are car related, and I'm not in a relationship, so I do have to figure 546 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:49,120 out a lot of this by myself. 547 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:52,680 Even though I call dad a lot. 548 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:53,680 You call me too. 549 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,040 Yeah, help me! 550 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,920 My car is cursed, everybody say a prayer. 551 00:26:58,920 --> 00:26:59,920 There's a ghost in it. 552 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,040 I think we should name it. 553 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:05,440 Another term that's floating around in there, which is not to be used interchangeably with 554 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:06,440 weaponized incompetence. 555 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:07,440 It says who? 556 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:08,640 What if I wanna? 557 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:09,640 You can't! 558 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:10,640 Oh no. 559 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,640 It's learned helplessness. 560 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:17,120 Would you like me to read a definition of that as well? 561 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,120 No. 562 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:19,120 Long pause. 563 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:22,120 I'm gonna anyways. 564 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:31,480 Learned helplessness occurs when an individual continuously feels a negative, uncontrollable 565 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:36,680 situation and stops trying to change their circumstances, even when they have the ability 566 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:37,840 to do so. 567 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:43,200 The perception that one cannot control the situation essentially elicits a passive response 568 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:45,520 to the harm that is occurring. 569 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,040 Okay, so give me a practical real life example of that. 570 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:55,720 So when I read this on Psychology Today, it said think of a smoker trying to quit smoking. 571 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:59,060 They've tried all the gum and they've tried all the whatever, and they just feel like 572 00:27:59,060 --> 00:28:02,480 nothing's working and I can't help it anymore. 573 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,720 I cannot stop. 574 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:10,960 Even though they can stop, they have the tools at their disposal to help them stop, but they've 575 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:14,480 decided that they can't control the situation anymore and they cannot. 576 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:25,120 My example would be in very, very, very fundamental Christian relationships. 577 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:31,080 A lot of the times, because they think the wife needs to submit to the husband, they 578 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:35,480 also think they need to break the wife's will. 579 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:43,600 This is abusive, this is not okay, but that person who quote unquote needs to be broken 580 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:47,440 eventually thinks, I can't control my situation. 581 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:49,680 There's something wrong with me. 582 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,840 It's my fault that he's acting this way. 583 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:53,840 I can't change. 584 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:58,080 I'm stuck with him forever because what good would I be on my own? 585 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:04,800 The reality is you have every tool at your disposal to change your situation, to go forth 586 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,800 and be free. 587 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:11,800 You're smart and you have people surrounding you that will help you. 588 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:16,400 Even if you think that you don't, you do. 589 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:20,200 You know? 590 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:34,560 Me personally, in my job, in my career, I am a dental assistant. 591 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,840 I do some other stuff, but right now I'm a dental assistant. 592 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:38,840 Be the director of operations. 593 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,480 Let's take a few steps back here. 594 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:46,760 I started out as a dental assistant at a dental office after I graduated college. 595 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:52,320 I thought because I had been there for so long and this is all that I know how to do, 596 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,120 that this is all I can do. 597 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:58,240 I'm stuck in this situation now because I don't have any experience doing anything else. 598 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,640 I'm just stuck in this bad situation. 599 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,080 Y'all don't need to hear all the ins and outs. 600 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,200 I'm still at the same office. 601 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:11,720 There was a time where that office was a very abusive situation. 602 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:16,400 In my learned helplessness, I thought that I couldn't change my situation. 603 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:20,400 The reality is I could go somewhere else. 604 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:21,880 I have a brain. 605 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:23,880 I can learn how to do something else. 606 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:24,880 You do too. 607 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:30,040 Out there, I'm looking at the computer again like it's you, our audience. 608 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:31,040 You know who you are. 609 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,400 You can change your situation. 610 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,880 Is that a self-limiting belief? 611 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:40,320 If you say self-limiting belief one more time. 612 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,320 That's been my words. 613 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:43,320 Phrase. 614 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:48,000 This has been my phrase of the week and everybody at work has been like, shut up, Brianna! 615 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:49,480 Because I use it. 616 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:50,480 Joking. 617 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:51,480 You use it constantly. 618 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:52,480 Is that a self-limiting belief? 619 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,200 I just want to kill you sometimes. 620 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:55,200 Are you being a bottleneck? 621 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:59,000 Bri's been to a few too many seminars. 622 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:04,560 I've been learning a lot about leadership and growth. 623 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:13,280 This is more as a result of either abuse or an extremely stressful, difficult situation, 624 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:17,120 like a PTSD response. 625 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:24,080 As opposed to someone who's choosing not to do something because they don't want the responsibility 626 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,080 of doing it. 627 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,580 Absolutely. 628 00:31:27,580 --> 00:31:29,400 Since we are a Christian podcast. 629 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,160 We are? 630 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,640 We are followers of Jesus Christ. 631 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:39,160 How do you respond in the situations where you know you're being vaguely manipulated 632 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,200 by someone? 633 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,800 Also say, oh, you're so good at doing the dishes. 634 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,120 I can't do them as well as you. 635 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,720 Maybe you come back and you say, Philippians 4.13. 636 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,080 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. 637 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:54,440 I believe in you. 638 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:55,440 And then you run away. 639 00:31:55,440 --> 00:32:03,240 I believe that God will give you the strength to do the dishes and you are competent. 640 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:04,680 I beg of one of you. 641 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,000 I beg of you. 642 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,000 Do this. 643 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,000 Record yourself. 644 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:10,000 Post it on TikTok. 645 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,000 Tag us. 646 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,000 We want to see it. 647 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,000 Please. 648 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:16,000 She doesn't want to check her own oil. 649 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,400 The paper towels freak her out. 650 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:18,400 She's confused. 651 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,560 You say Psalms 46.5. 652 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,000 God is within her. 653 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,600 She will not fail. 654 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,640 God will help her at the break of day. 655 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:32,520 You sound like one of those pastors, like the evangelists. 656 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:33,520 God will help her. 657 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:34,520 God will help her. 658 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:35,520 Amen. 659 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,520 Look how loud we are. 660 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,240 My windows are open too. 661 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:42,240 The neighbors probably know that. 662 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:43,240 Yeah, people think we're weird. 663 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:48,760 I'm just practicing my Baptist preacher impersonation. 664 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,120 You can't be a Baptist preacher. 665 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:51,120 You're a girl. 666 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,120 Silly me. 667 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,120 I'm not even Baptist. 668 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:56,120 That would make it tricky. 669 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:57,120 That would make it tricky. 670 00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:59,520 You had a third verse. 671 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:00,680 I'm absolutely sure of it. 672 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:01,680 I have two more. 673 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:02,680 Do you want to hear them? 674 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,680 I do want to hear them. 675 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:04,680 Psalms 73.26. 676 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,640 Wait, I need to have an example for this. 677 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,920 So here's the example. 678 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,640 I hate taking out the trash. 679 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:12,880 I absolutely hate it. 680 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:16,400 It smells and there are flies and it's gross. 681 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:23,300 Well, Psalms 73.26 says, my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of 682 00:33:23,300 --> 00:33:24,920 my heart and my portion forever. 683 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,200 You can do it. 684 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:27,200 I believe in you. 685 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:28,200 Thanks. 686 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,200 It may be icky yucky. 687 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,000 What if I touch a bug? 688 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:34,400 That bug will not kill you unless you live in Australia. 689 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,120 Hey, Australians. 690 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:37,120 Hey, Australians. 691 00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:43,080 Are you looking for a podcast that makes you laugh, cry, moves you, Bob? 692 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,360 Wait, we're on VGTales again. 693 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,400 Australians, look no further. 694 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,560 Listen no further. 695 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,720 This is the podcast for you. 696 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:52,720 Is this offensive yet? 697 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:53,720 But I don't think to the Australians. 698 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:54,720 I think potentially to us. 699 00:33:54,720 --> 00:34:06,920 To that I say, 2 Corinthians 12.9. 700 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:12,240 My grace is all you need for my power is the greatest when you are weak. 701 00:34:12,240 --> 00:34:14,440 Are you feeling weak? 702 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:15,440 Every day of my life. 703 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:16,440 That's a good one. 704 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,120 I need an example for that. 705 00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:26,400 I can't help you put together that IKEA furniture. 706 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:27,400 My bones don't work. 707 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:28,400 I don't have muscles. 708 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:29,400 Her arms would cut off. 709 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:30,400 Her legs would cut off. 710 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:31,400 This is a potential problem. 711 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:32,400 I don't know. 712 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:33,400 I don't know. 713 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:34,400 I don't know. 714 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:35,400 I don't know. 715 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:36,400 I don't know. 716 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,720 This is potentially the most spazzy of the episode. 717 00:34:38,720 --> 00:34:40,960 I can't move around my furniture in my room. 718 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,880 I'm just a little girl and too weak. 719 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:49,600 No my grace is all you need for my power is greatest when you are weak. 720 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,320 Did you read the reference for that one? 721 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:52,320 This one does come from that. 722 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:53,320 Yeah, 2 Corinthians 12.9. 723 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:54,720 I'm proud of you. 724 00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:55,720 All biblical. 725 00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:56,920 All biblical. 726 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:58,000 The words of God. 727 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,280 I'm literally weeping over here crying or laughing. 728 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:02,280 You want a tissue? 729 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:04,360 No, I don't think you have a tissue. 730 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:05,360 I have a makeup wipe. 731 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:06,360 No, thank you. 732 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:15,560 Oh, so I just also like as you're reading through the Bible here, I want to point out 733 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:23,680 that the Bible gets used to justify weaponized incompetence in a huge way because I don't 734 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,400 really know why. 735 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:34,120 I don't really know why because the Bible at no point says and the woman will be responsible 736 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,120 for all the laundry. 737 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:43,480 Yeah, and the man shall sit in his easy chair and smoke his pipe and wear his slippers like 738 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,200 that's not in there. 739 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:49,320 There's no part of the Bible that says the woman is responsible for all the child rearing 740 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:50,840 and all the things within the home. 741 00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,680 Like it's not it's not there. 742 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,200 We've made that up. 743 00:35:54,200 --> 00:36:00,400 I think we've confused Bible times with the United States in the 1950s. 744 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:06,400 As a church, yeah, and actually our good friend Beth. 745 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:10,080 Beth, our bestie Beth. 746 00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:12,000 Yeah, Beth. 747 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:17,120 She talks about that in her book, The Making of Biblical Womanhood, where she says around 748 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:24,800 that era, like I think I think it's like the 1920s ish era up through the 50s. 749 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:34,320 How they pulled kind of all of these stereotypes that they wanted to pull for women that really 750 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,480 had nothing to do with the Bible, had nothing to do with Bible times. 751 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:43,000 Like if you want to look at what a biblical woman looks like, and I know we harp on this 752 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:46,960 all the time, but I'm gonna do it again because you might not have listened to the other ones. 753 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,960 It's our podcast, not yours. 754 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:51,200 Yeah. 755 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:57,780 But like the women in the Bible, some of them, just like the disciples, dropped everything 756 00:36:57,780 --> 00:37:00,040 to follow Jesus. 757 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,200 Now this is controversial, but they dropped their kids. 758 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,240 They dropped their husbands. 759 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:06,800 There are like hot potatoes. 760 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:07,800 Yeah. 761 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:14,320 I mean, some of the women that were following Jesus had families and they walked away to 762 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:20,760 follow Jesus because their greatest calling was not to be a wife and mother. 763 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:28,160 Now I know we love our husbands, we love our kids, we love our families. 764 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:32,960 Regardless, whatever role you find yourself in women, your highest calling is not to be 765 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:33,960 a wife and mom. 766 00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:35,520 It's to follow Jesus. 767 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:43,920 And so in those scenarios with those biblical women, they were asked to drop everything, 768 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,800 everything that they loved, everything they knew, everything that they were, and follow 769 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:48,800 Jesus. 770 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,440 And that doesn't mean that it's easy. 771 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:51,440 No. 772 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:58,320 But I think when we make these really stereotyped gender roles, you kind of have to throw all 773 00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,320 those women in the trash. 774 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,040 You have to forget that they ever existed. 775 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:03,040 Yeah. 776 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:04,040 Bree, sing that song. 777 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:05,040 I forgot that you existed. 778 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,040 Thank you. 779 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,040 Taylor, you're here again. 780 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,040 My gosh. 781 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:09,040 It's like you never left. 782 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:10,040 It's like the third one. 783 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:17,380 We've done a great job this time. 784 00:38:17,380 --> 00:38:22,400 But there are other women, you look at Deborah, who we did a whole episode on, and it's really 785 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:23,400 good. 786 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:24,400 You guys should go back and listen to it. 787 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:25,400 Go back and listen to it. 788 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:26,400 Deb is a beast. 789 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,600 I think it's called Our Biblical Sisters. 790 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,440 It's one of our earliest episodes. 791 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:39,280 And we talked about how Deborah was a judge in the Jewish culture, which didn't mean that 792 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,960 she was sitting up there with her gavel and whatever. 793 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:45,120 She was a military leader. 794 00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:50,640 Her job was not, I'm going to do the laundry, I'm going to be the best at cooking, I'm going 795 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:51,640 to whatever. 796 00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:58,240 Or like, I know I have other male judges right alongside me, but really I'll just take a 797 00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:00,120 step back and I'll take care of them. 798 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:01,120 Exactly. 799 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:02,120 They do the big boy jobs. 800 00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:03,360 No, she was right alongside them. 801 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,000 Not beside them. 802 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,600 She was way out in front of them. 803 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,800 Yeah, she's kicking their booties. 804 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:09,840 She's doing stuff they couldn't do. 805 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:14,880 So when someone tells you as a Christian woman, well, this is your role. 806 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:18,040 So you're supposed to be better at this than him. 807 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,560 You're supposed to know how the oven works and he doesn't need to. 808 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:26,120 You're supposed to vacuum all the floors before he comes home because you're better at it. 809 00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:29,480 You're supposed to whatever, you know, fill in the blank. 810 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,500 We've all been told it. 811 00:39:31,500 --> 00:39:34,960 You're supposed to do those things because you're the woman, because that's your role, 812 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:38,600 because that's your job, because his tiny little man brain apparently can't figure it 813 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:39,600 out. 814 00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:40,960 It's not true. 815 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:41,960 It's not biblical. 816 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,000 God gave him the same size brain as you have. 817 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,280 And it's offensive to both of you. 818 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:48,880 It's not just offensive to you. 819 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,360 It's also offensive to him. 820 00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:59,360 If he was single, if your husband or your partner, whoever he is, if he was single, 821 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,480 he would have to figure this stuff out, right? 822 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:06,720 At the very least, he'd have to go to a laundromat or I guess maybe go out to eat every night. 823 00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:08,040 Like he'd have to do something. 824 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:13,200 This podcast that I was listening to was talking about dorm rooms too and the difference between 825 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,160 a girl's dorm versus a boy's dorm. 826 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:20,560 And she was like, I would go into the boy's dorm and it just stank like disgustingness 827 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:29,480 and nothing was taken care of because so often personal hygiene is considered too feminine. 828 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:36,280 Like they don't want to seem like gay or something because they have skincare or because they 829 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,160 have a breeze to their room. 830 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,680 It's just silly. 831 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:41,680 Take care of yourself. 832 00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:42,680 Gosh dang it. 833 00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:43,680 Take care of yourself. 834 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:51,320 I do see that trend changing in younger generations and thank goodness. 835 00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:55,200 You see this expectation for men changing in their looks and this is a little bit off 836 00:40:55,200 --> 00:41:01,640 topic but the trend now for boys is to get perms. 837 00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,320 I heard it's called the flow. 838 00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:06,240 Oh, like our periods? 839 00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:07,240 Maybe I'm wrong? 840 00:41:07,240 --> 00:41:08,240 Am I wrong? 841 00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:09,240 That can't be right. 842 00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:10,240 That can't be right. 843 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:11,240 I don't know. 844 00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:12,240 Anyway. 845 00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:13,240 Don't listen to me. 846 00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:17,720 I don't know what the youths are doing. 847 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:24,560 But I think it's actually really cool because it's this breaking of gender norms where it 848 00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,280 says men can't care about their hair. 849 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,880 Men can't care about their skin or whatever. 850 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:33,440 It's a self-limiting belief if I've ever heard it. 851 00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,360 Shut up. 852 00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:41,920 And it allows younger men and boys and whoever or older men to kind of break that standard 853 00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:44,320 and say like, no, I would love to have a perm. 854 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:45,840 I would love to try that out. 855 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:46,840 I'm just a person. 856 00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:47,840 Yeah. 857 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:53,800 I'm just a person and I might have wants and needs that are different from the other people 858 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:55,240 around me. 859 00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:59,920 So I think if we can break the gender norms, if we can break these weaponized incompetence 860 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:05,400 so closely related to gender expectations, it opens up a whole world where you get to 861 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:09,680 be just a person. 862 00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:14,480 If you're a boy and you want to wear cover stick to cover up your acne, that can be okay. 863 00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:19,760 Or if you want to wear eyeliner because it makes your eyes pop, have a super time. 864 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:25,240 And for girls, if you want to be more interested in cars, something that's out of your gender 865 00:42:25,240 --> 00:42:28,240 norm, that can be okay. 866 00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:33,560 I think maybe this could be an entire podcast, but mom was sharing with me today. 867 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:41,800 She was like, back when I was a young youth girl, she was very smart in school and no 868 00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:45,600 one necessarily told her this, but she made it. 869 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:55,560 She felt less feminine because she was book smart, which is such a crazy idea to me. 870 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:59,480 And we were trying to dive deep into this in the car, like why did you feel that way? 871 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:03,360 Why did it make you feel less feminine or less girly to be? 872 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,680 What part of gender roles made her feel that way? 873 00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:11,120 I think that's actually something a lot of women experience. 874 00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:20,720 I think it comes down to you're never supposed to be intimidating to men. 875 00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:24,240 You're never supposed to make them feel less than you are. 876 00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:31,280 And you should never make anyone feel less than, but it's so put upon women never ever 877 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:38,240 seem smarter than him because it'll hurt his ego, whatever. 878 00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:43,760 And it's even become a little bit of a manipulation tactic for women because you say, well, I'm 879 00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:46,280 going to act not as smart, but I'm going to behind your back. 880 00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:47,840 I'm going to do whatever. 881 00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,520 Just be as smart as you are right up front. 882 00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,160 Be real. 883 00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:54,160 If you're smart, be smart. 884 00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:58,920 If you're dumb, be dumb. 885 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:06,040 I just see if we could get rid of so much of this, such a partnership society. 886 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:11,000 And I know that that seems like a big ask of the whole of society, but if I could ask 887 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:20,120 it of just the people listening to this podcast, find out where you can be in a partnership, 888 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:27,120 whether it's in a relationship, whether it's at work, wherever it is, find that space because 889 00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:28,120 you'll be happier. 890 00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:31,680 The other people will be happier. 891 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,400 And life can be a lot easier in that space. 892 00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:35,720 Be real with each other. 893 00:44:35,720 --> 00:44:42,200 Quit trying to put on this facade of fakeness or caring too much about what other people 894 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,520 think of you or whatever it is. 895 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,440 You are a strong, confident individual. 896 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:51,440 And wrap this up, you can do the dishes. 897 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:52,440 You can change your oil. 898 00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:53,440 You can. 899 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:55,440 Well, I'm not going to change my oil. 900 00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:56,440 I'm going to check it. 901 00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:57,440 I'm going to take it somewhere to get changed. 902 00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:01,140 You can check your oil and you can take it somewhere. 903 00:45:01,140 --> 00:45:04,000 You can ask those people at the gas station. 904 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,000 Not the gas station. 905 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:09,160 YouTube and TikTok has a wealth of knowledge. 906 00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:10,840 Just a wealth of knowledge. 907 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:16,120 If you wanted to learn how to do anything, if I wanted to learn how to amputate my own 908 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:21,200 toe, I could figure it out. 909 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:22,200 Please, please don't. 910 00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:25,200 Guys, don't listen to my sister. 911 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:27,320 Sometimes she's real smart. 912 00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:28,320 Sometimes she's real dumb. 913 00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:29,320 If you're smart, be smart. 914 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:30,320 If you're dumb, be dumb. 915 00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:31,320 I'm just saying. 916 00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:36,160 But yeah, like you are fully capable. 917 00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:39,560 Each one of you, man, woman, child, you are well, maybe not the children. 918 00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:44,520 You are fully capable of figuring stuff out. 919 00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:48,640 But using and abusing your partners. 920 00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,640 And on that note, shut up. 921 00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:52,640 Goodbye. 922 00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:54,480 We can't shut up. 923 00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:55,480 Goodbye. 924 00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:56,480 We have to do other things. 925 00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:57,480 What? 926 00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:58,480 Australia? 927 00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:03,280 All right, guys, try to share with Australia because Brie will be really sad if you don't. 928 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:06,680 Bluey, can you follow us? 929 00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:10,560 I think we've actually forgotten to do that like the last two episodes, so we've failed 930 00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:14,120 a little bit, but we've jumped back right, right on time. 931 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,160 Jump on it. 932 00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:17,680 Jump on it. 933 00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,040 Next week we will be back with I don't know what yet. 934 00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:23,760 We haven't decided, but we will have the Disney saddies. 935 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,000 So expect a lot less energy. 936 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:31,200 Expect depression just there. 937 00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:41,600 Wallowing, self-loathing. 938 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:46,680 So since you definitely want to hear all of that, make sure to tune in next week to have 939 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,120 so much fun here with us. 940 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:53,400 Everybody get like a bottle of wine and some chocolate and just put on your sad clothes 941 00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,240 and we can cry together. 942 00:46:57,240 --> 00:46:59,960 All right, guys, we'll see you next week. 943 00:46:59,960 --> 00:47:02,960 I'm going to edit this in like the next two hours, so we'll see you later. 944 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:03,960 Love you. 945 00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:16,840 Bye-bye.