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You're listening to the coach approach
with Diane Ravenscroft, whether

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you're an entrepreneur, an ambitious
employee or someone interested

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in getting the most out of every
connection, responsive communication is.

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Join management and
learning specialist, Dr.

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Diane Ravenscroft, as she gives
you the tools to improve any

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relationship that matters to your
business, your career and your life.

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All right.

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Here's Diane.

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Welcome back to the
coach approach podcast.

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I am Diane Ravenscroft.

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If you joined me before you learned about
the steps, challenges, and traits of

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the coach approach, you've heard stories
of real people sharing real challenges.

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They overcame.

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I like to think the coach approach had
something to do with their success today.

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I confess part of my reason for
developing the coach approach was for

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myself in the past, I struggled with
a scarcity mindset so I can recognize

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scarcity mindsets quite easily.

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And I can hear naysayers whether
they're aware or not of their

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tendency to think about what to avoid.

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To see problems first and not
always consider opportunities.

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The reason for this is I often
default to being a naysayer, and I

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know what this mindset has cost me.

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It's been a long time coming, but I
am grateful for my decision to shift

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the gears and fears in my brain.

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The coach approach was also developed
after a series of observations

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and interactions with many people.

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Over many years, people who in
their words were trying to reform

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to see the best in everyone.

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Maybe it's too harsh to describe
myself and others as a naysayer though.

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The first thing many people's brain
wants to do when presented with

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what's possible is analyze and
strategize until just about every

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possibility for failure is eliminated.

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This is really important
in many professions.

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The challenge is it can be a way
of thinking that deters people

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from considering possibilities.

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Individuals who see problems that they
can solve to protect people from harm.

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Find it easy to perform business
analyses and swats, you know, the

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strengths, weaknesses, observation,
and threats, and figure out how

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to leverage strengths, minimize
weaknesses, optimize opportunities,

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and ideally anticipate threats.

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Strategic planning is loved
by people with my brain.

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In the past.

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Speaking what I think without
thinking led me to some challenging

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conversations, especially with
dreamers and I am not alone.

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I wonder if you've noticed what
I've noticed and that's that problem

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solvers can be misperceived as
problems and troubleshoots can be

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misperceived as troublemakers to
individuals who like the status quo.

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And can be misperceived by people who
are insecure and worse, possibly feel

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threatened by these important skills,
the skills of troubleshooting and problem

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solving these skills are really crucial.

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And if you know how to apply critical
thinking as well to difficult

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challenges, you are special.

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You're what I call an idea person.

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Imagine.

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Being an idea person who works for someone
who likes everything, just the way it is.

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Countless people have told me that
individuals on their team who brainstorm

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potential threats in a strategic
way, sound really pessimistic.

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One person said quote, and remember,
people give me their permission

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to write their words down.

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Quote, they are always seeing
the next problem as they look

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for what might go wrong end.

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In my mind, I think as if that's a
bad thing, listen, again, they're

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always seeing the next problem as
they look for what might go wrong.

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I wanna say exactly this person has saved
your neck more than a few times, but

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instead I say in a measured way, true.

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And I think this is exactly why
they're valuable to your team.

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Do you not think.

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It takes some doing, but it's always
worth trying to get to the root of

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whatever challenges exist between people.

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In this case, a decision was made
to bring these two individuals

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together, to hash out a vulnerability
commitment, a trademark of the coach

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approach, seeking mutual understanding.

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Unfortunately, there was very little
trust and it was not possible.

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The idea person remained
unappreciated by the individual

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who was described as a naysayer.

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And they continued to avoid each other
as much as possible in the workplace.

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It appeared their customers
were not impacted by their

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poor working relationship.

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So the CEO didn't intervene to encourage
or force if you will, any kind of

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improvement in their professional dynamic.

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I'm never quite sure if a customer
can be UN impacted by poor working

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relationships between key people.

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I'm also never in favor of chief
executive officers or other senior leaders

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forcing professional interventions.

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So to speak, these
things tend to backfire.

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Sometimes I don't know about it until
the individual who comes to me for

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coaching says I was sent to you,
by the way, how does that sound?

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I was sent to you by the way.

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This doesn't always yield receptivity.

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It tends to yield resistance, but
common sense approaches like the coach

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approach can slowly but surely chip
away at even the most committed skeptic.

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As for the pair of people who didn't like
to work together, they were a member of a

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team and everyone else on the team seemed
to accept their quiet rivalry and frankly

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ignored their often unprofessional antics.

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Most of the time, the pair was
rarely disruptive in meetings,

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but they weren't productive.

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Eventually the idea person managed
several workarounds to have her ideas

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considered, just not in team meetings.

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How many working situations do you
know where people just don't think

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it's worth it to try to fix or
improve interpersonal challenges?

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I see it all the time.

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Seeing interpersonal challenges
among coworkers was actually one

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of the reasons I decided to become
a licensed practitioner with the

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global company discovery insights.

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It was a significant investment
of time and money, but it's proved

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invaluable discovery insights creates
a frame of reference using colors.

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So certain thinkers who just don't
understand the people they work for or.

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Can consider their individual
preferences and learn how best to

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relate to people who don't think like
them, discovery, insights, preference,

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model compliments, the coach approach.

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If you're curious, you
can go to insights.com.

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I will dedicate several podcasts to some
examples of how people using this color

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model can phrase statements to appeal
to individuals who don't think alike.

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I love the association with color.

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To me, it gives me a thinking preference
for people you're not labeled.

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You're not pigeonholed.

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It's a preference.

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You can dial up and dial down
preferences based on situations.

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I love it.

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Check it out.

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If I had known my preference towards
communication and risk and collaboration,

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for example, I may have had quite a
different work life in my early years.

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In fact decades ago, I met someone
who no small thing may have

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changed the course of my work life.

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Maybe even my life.

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I'm not exaggerating today.

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I describe this as my 6 million regret.

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This podcast will serve as an introduction
to my most expensive decision based

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on my former scarcity mindset.

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This scarcity mindset bound my
thinking into overly cautious.

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Highly suspicious and skeptical, nay
saying quite often, this is a true story.

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It still makes me feel somewhat nauseous.

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Thinking about what can only be
described after the fact, maybe

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as directly as stupidity, possibly
as kindly as shortsightedness.

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You decide what word to assign for me,
it's regret, but regret I've learned.

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Here's what happened in the
early nineties, I was on a plane.

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I was heading to Boston on my
way to Dallas, the young woman,

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I was sitting next to struck up
a conversation with me and asked

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me why I was traveling to Boston.

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And so in turn out of just basic
politeness, really, I asked her, she

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told me how excited she was about working
for a growing technology company and

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certainly had infectious enthusiasm.

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But I was not drawn in.

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No.

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I had enough skepticism and reservations
to ward off the most engaging and

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polite person, especially a salesperson.

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Snake oils seemed to run through
most sales people's veins.

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I had concluded.

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So though I was curious deep down.

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I just knew that what was being pitched
could only be too good to be true.

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Not for me, but thanks for sharing.

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I thought we did chat a lot
during the flight and she was

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very pleasant as we landed.

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She gave me her card and I
looked at it and read her name.

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And then the name Microsoft.

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I remember this clearly and somewhere in
some box in some corner of my basement,

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I am sure I could unearth this card.

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The young, enthusiastic Microsoft
employee asked me about my career

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goals and said they were looking to
recruit young entrepreneurial thinkers.

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I had discussed my love of business
and I was on my way to a conference.

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So she must have heard something
that sparked her interest.

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Unfortunately, I remained
wary of her enthusiasm.

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Didn't really understand the business
after all at the time, what was a PC,

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a word document, the internet , I'm
laughing, but I'm really not laughing.

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As we disembark to go our separate ways.

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She encouraged me to call.

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I never did.

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I often wonder where she is now.

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I don't have to wonder if this is
the most expensive flight I have ever

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taken, because I know it is my most
colossal missed opportunity, whatever

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you might think of bill gates and
Microsoft investing early in a company

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worth billions today is truly the
definition of a missed opportunity.

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So why did I shrug off her enthusiasm?

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So effortless.

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Why did and do so many leaders, I meet
shrug off enthusiasm so effortlessly.

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I can't speak for them at the time.

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Yes.

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I was young.

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I wasn't even 30.

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I had tons of energy and lots of interest
in business, but deep down, I just didn't

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believe what I believe and teach today.

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That vision and effort applied to a solid
business idea can produce amazing results.

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That's what I believe.

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That's what I teach, especially if
you surround yourself with people

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who balance what they want to achieve
with what ought to be avoided.

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So I have learned to successfully balance
what I wanna achieve or accomplish with

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what is best avoided or delayed it's.

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It's like I have this small
mental scale in my mind.

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I teach leaders how to
communicate to advance.

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Excellence with care using a mental scale.

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In fact, here I go again with my acronyms
scale, S C a L E successful communication

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advances, leadership excellence.

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It takes practice, and it's amazing
to watch people change in how

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they express reservations so that
their teams stay energized while

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knowing their leader believes in.

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As an aside, as I was preparing for
this podcast, I Googled an estimate

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of how much money I might have today.

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So full disclosure, I never
invested in Microsoft.

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So if I had invested even a few thousand
dollars at Microsoft in the early

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nineties, not including my salary, if
I had been hired it's about $6 million.

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That's why I call this
my 6 million mistake.

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And that doesn't include the
compound interest over 25 years,

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but that just is not something
I want to think about either.

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So that's enough reality, but this speaks
to choices, decisions, sound judgment, and

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just giving someone a chance to present
their ideas, to consider potential steps.

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I didn't even know what
due diligence was back.

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In this, my third podcast, I shared this
true story just in case anyone out there

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is a leader and super cautious, perhaps
you're even risk averse because if you

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lead people and they hear you share too
many unfounded hesitations and worries out

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loud, if they're not part of your closed
circle, if you will, of people that you

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share hesitations with even unfounded.

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You may discourage the very
people who need to be energized

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to get the tough work done.

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The key is unfounded, hesitations
or unfounded, anxiety or suspicion.

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I know.

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How do we know what's
unfounded or, or founded?

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I mean, how could I ever have known
Microsoft became a Microsoft well

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experience, maybe even evidence from
patterns, but sometimes we can't know.

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We trust ourselves.

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We learn from mistakes and success.

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Back to my colossal mistake.

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I wonder are times why I didn't listen
to that inner curiosity that spurred

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while my willingness to consider
risk was drowned out by doubt today,

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I think give it a chance and truly
appreciate the value of due diligence.

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I love asking effective questions.

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Of course, there'll be a
future podcast on these topics.

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So as a review picture, a person
who, instead of finding the balance

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between what to achieve and avoid
only focuses on telling people

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what has never worked before.

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If we can balance what has never worked
before with looking at what we might

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wanna achieve, we do not limit people's
thinking, finding the balance between

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what to achieve and avoid sounds
open to new ideas and innovation.

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It kind of amazes me that even after
positive psychology, appreciative inquiry,

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mindfulness, emotional intelligence,
and so many incredible resources for

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self-improvement that people who lead
others can become so bogged down in

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details and issues and problems and
challenges as well as valid concerns

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that they begin to sound pessimistic to
the very people they need to hear their

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vision, their vision for what's possible
in this highly competitive business.

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L.

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Maybe these individuals are not
fortunate enough to work for a company

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that positions itself as a learning
organization, a learning organization

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offers targeted resources for learning and
development to improve people's business

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acumen and their capacity to think big.

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If you don't know what a learning
organization is, talk to me, I've built.

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How do I know this I've spent the
last 20 years watching and encouraging

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business leaders to share their vision
in an aspirational manner, not as

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merely what can be done unless it's the
exception of excellence in avoidance.

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I love excellence in avoidance.

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I have truly been interested
in how thinking impacts

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decisions for most of my career.

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Especially when I became aware of the
cost of some of my worst decisions.

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That's why I studied decision making.

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I have a doctorate in decision sciences.

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I now realize that the way my brain
has been trained is to interpret

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situations in the negative first.

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I've been striving to change that
and teach others to do the same.

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In fact, I can hear a scarcity
mindset from across the

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room in a social gathering.

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It's like my ears have become
attuned to negativity with all the

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efforts I have made seeking after
what realistically possible instead.

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I can clearly remember when it
clicked for me that I couldn't see

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what was possible, amid all the
many obstacles I put in my own way.

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The first time someone used the
expression, don't give it a second

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thought I can recall a Eureka moment.

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It just happened in my head.

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I realized that's it.

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I give almost everything a second thought.

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Because I think twice, no wonder, I
used to struggle with headaches because

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instead of approaching decisions with
a mindset that was wired to consider

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what's possible first, what my brain
wants to do more on that in a minute.

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My thought patterns were negative
first and I would have to reverse

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course to consider what was possible.

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Well, knowing deep down,
my idea would never work.

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So neurologists.

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Brilliant scientists have discovered,
and you may know this, that

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the brain actually defaults to
thinking in the positive first.

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So for example, if I say to you don't
think of a blue mushroom, my next question

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could be, how big is your blue mushroom?

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How blue is your blue mushroom?

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Because your brain wants to do what
it's told in the positive first.

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So your brain said blue mushroom and pop.

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There's a blue mushroom in your mind.

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You can see it.

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I don't know how big it.

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Dunno how blue it is, but it's there,
even though I said don't think of

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a blue mushroom, our brain wants
to ignore the don'ts the cans, the

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shouldn'ts the Wooden's the warnings.

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Our brain wants to do what it's told.

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I thought that was fascinating.

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So I share it with you.

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So therefore we literally think twice the
military trains us to do the opposite.

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The military trains us to say
don't think of a blue mushroom.

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We don't think of a blue mushroom.

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We are compliant.

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Neurologists tell us what
the natural brain does.

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Our brain can be trained away or
towards the natural tendencies, but our

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mind wants to do the positive first.

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Think of it this way.

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Have you ever gone to a grocery
store and you leave the house and

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you think, oh, don't forget the eggs.

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Don't forget the eggs.

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Don't forget the eggs you come home.

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Wouldn't you forget, you might
have forgotten something else, but

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you definitely forgot the eggs.

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So you wanna say to yourself,
remember the eggs, remember the eggs,

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remember the eggs, remember the eggs?

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I can't explain it.

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I'm not a neurologist, but more
on this in a future podcast.

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Thought patterns matter.

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The coach approach is about directing our
thought patterns towards accomplishment.

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So more observations when surrounded by
leaders, I pay attention to how they speak

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and how their words impact their teams.

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People talk to me, they share
with me, they use words like

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excited, anticipate enthusiastic.

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They also use words like discourage
disheartened and my least favorite

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demoralizing people who are preoccupied
with what to avoid rather than what to

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achieve can discourage others, especially
others with a different mindset.

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Of course, we must look at
what can and cannot happen.

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What better, not derail a project, which
shouldn't be included in the scope of work

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and how we shouldn't speak with customers.

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I have nothing against
apostrophe T statements.

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I have nothing against not statements.

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It's about when they're said
and who they're said to.

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I have an apostrophe T rule.

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I encourage you to count how
many times you sound negative.

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How many times you don't wouldn't
shouldn't can't won't and then

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there's my all time favorites, never.

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And without the words without, and
never don't fall under the apostrophe T

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rule, but there's still scarcity words.

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So here's some favorite statements
that break the apostrophe to you rule,

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which is by the way, an awareness
of the number of times we say don't

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shouldn't couldn't can't to name a.

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The rule I ascribe to is if I make
more than two statements with not

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or a Poste tea, then I need to
balance with positive statements.

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Also remember the scale I put a
couple of don'ts and won'ts on there.

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And I put a couple of
possibilities on there as well.

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Here's a typical strategically balanced
statement from real meetings of managers

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who've bought into the coach approach.

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00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:53,000
Quote, let's make sure we're
not taking on more than we can.

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How many new business units do we have
the capacity to add to our portfolio

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based on our current projections
and based on the number of people

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to do the work, is this realistic?

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Did you hear that?

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And quote, negative and positive
caution and vision, the person wanted

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00:21:08,325 --> 00:21:10,845
to make sure they're not taking on
more work than they could handle

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00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:15,254
asked how many new business units
have the capacity to take on the work.

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Could they add to their portfolio
and evaluated the current projections

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00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:23,175
and looked at the number of people to
handle the work negative and positive.

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Caution and vision scale, successful
communication, advancing leadership,

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excellence, balanced statements.

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Here's another, we can't
possibly be behind that much

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in our quarterly earnings.

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Didn't we plan for what we knew.

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00:21:41,865 --> 00:21:43,335
Wouldn't potentially scale.

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00:21:43,995 --> 00:21:45,015
What are the earnings?

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00:21:45,285 --> 00:21:47,565
What are they compared to
year to date last year?

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00:21:48,105 --> 00:21:50,265
Who can describe the plan to
see what we can do better?

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So imagine the tails skip this way.

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00:21:52,995 --> 00:21:56,205
We cannot possibly be behind that
much in our quarterly earnings.

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Didn't we plan for what we knew.

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00:21:57,405 --> 00:22:04,185
Wouldn't potentially scale, fill your
adrenaline rise, heart rate, possibly

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00:22:04,185 --> 00:22:09,495
blood pressure by adding what are the
earnings compared to year to date last

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00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:12,615
year, this time, who can describe the
plan to see what we can do better?

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00:22:13,215 --> 00:22:15,405
My suggestion would be getting
everybody together to look

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00:22:15,405 --> 00:22:17,025
at the plan and brainstorm.

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Information can calm anxiety,
achievement and avoidance in balance

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is a significant element of the
coach approach, mindset and skills.

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As I said earlier, there are people
whose instinct is to protect first

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and these individuals fall under the
excellence in avoidance exception.

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Excellence.

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00:22:39,870 --> 00:22:43,320
And avoidance is an exception because
by stating what we want to avoid

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without what we want to achieve
can normally discourage people.

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But in the same vein, I've been led by
individuals who would focus on aspiration

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almost exclusively, and didn't see
threats coming and all kinds of plans and

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00:22:58,290 --> 00:23:02,100
projects were derailed because anytime
you asked a cautionary question, you

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00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:06,419
were labeled a naysayer you're accused
of not sharing the person's vision.

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00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:10,410
So excellence in
avoidance is an exception.

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00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:15,720
I've shared the story of the engineers
who are responsible for clean

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00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:20,820
drinking water and their excellence
in avoidance was not to poison people.

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00:23:21,450 --> 00:23:27,090
That's a great vision surgeons, not to
have someone die in the operating table.

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00:23:27,570 --> 00:23:33,120
Other engineers, not to have bridges,
collapse, cybersecurity experts, not to

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00:23:33,125 --> 00:23:35,820
have our information technology hacked.

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00:23:36,465 --> 00:23:38,685
Excellence and avoidance is important.

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00:23:38,690 --> 00:23:41,534
So I don't have anything
against apostrophe tea.

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00:23:41,835 --> 00:23:44,415
I don't have anything
against negative statements.

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00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:46,665
I just think it's important
to have a balance.

387
00:23:47,115 --> 00:23:48,405
I believe I've made that point.

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00:23:49,185 --> 00:23:49,544
So.

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00:23:49,875 --> 00:23:54,915
I came face to face many times with
the importance of clear unambiguous

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00:23:54,975 --> 00:24:00,345
communication and the focus of my next
coach approach will be that story of

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00:24:00,345 --> 00:24:05,595
what I learned waiting in an atrium
at a hotel for an important meeting

392
00:24:05,625 --> 00:24:10,815
while very impressive training was
happening in a beautiful room, preparing

393
00:24:10,845 --> 00:24:13,035
for a large banquet, possibly a.

394
00:24:14,504 --> 00:24:18,794
And the way the individuals
were given direction remains

395
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fascinating to me to this day.

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So please tune in next time.

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00:24:23,264 --> 00:24:28,514
I am Diane Ravenscroft and you have been
listening to the coach approach podcast.

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00:24:29,175 --> 00:24:29,895
See you next time.