(Dick Clever, Episode Seven, Petra)

                                                 THEME / JAZZ HORN PLAYING UNDERNEATH:

DICK:			I made it back to the office around 8:22 and noticed the clock had
			        stopped. It was actually 8:45, and a neon light flickered through the 
			        bent venetian blinds over the sprawling paperwork that covered my 
			        desk. And there she was…my new partner, Petra.

PETRA:			Probationary Constable Pattinson.

DICK:			Petra Pattinson?

PETRA:			Probationary Constable, Sir.

DICK:			Call me Dick.

PETRA:			I don't think that's right sir.

DICK:			It's my name.

PETRA:			I don't doubt it, sir.

DICK:			So, what do they call you?

PETRA:			Hey Gorgeous.

DICK:			I mean outside the bars.

PETRA:		I’m not sure I want to repeat it Sir. I don’t live in the most savoury 	neighbourhood. 

DICK:			Oh, well uh, what do you want to be called then?

PETRA:			Petra, sir.

DICK:			All right Petra, I'll give you an introduction to real policing. 

PETRA:			Where are we going?

DICK:			To autopsy, we have a date with a dead body.

				                                 DOORS OPENING AND CLOSING.
		
                    Hey, wait for me!

				                                 DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING.

				                                 JAZZ HORN PLAYING UNDERNEATH: 

                   She seemed eager, but a little too eager. What did she think 
			       this was? A Sunday picnic?

				                                 JAZZ HORN OUT. SLIDING DOOR OPENING.

				                                GLASSES TINKLING.

PETRA:			Sir?

DOC:			Oh, Dick, I wasn’t expecting you yet. 

DICK:			Doc, what's going on?

DOC:			Just having a little picnic. 

PETRA:			Is that allowed?

DICK:			It’s not normally like this Petra. 

PETRA:			I quite understand.

DICK:			Well usually he’d invite me. 

PIXIE:			Hiya Dick.

DICK:			Hiya Pixie. Nice dress.

PETRA:			Not standard uniform, I’m sure.

PIXIE:			Nothing standard about me sweet thing. 

DICK:			Doc. 

DOC:			Yes Dick.

DICK:			This is my new partner, Petra Pattinson.

DOC:			Charmed. 

				                                BRIEF KISS. 

PETRA:			Thank you Doctor, but a handshake would have sufficed.

DOC:			Oh, don't be shy. 

PIXIE:			We’re all friends here. 

DICK:			What do you have for us?

DOC:			How about a "Grand Marnier" pate and hardboiled egg sandwich?

PETRA:			While working?

DICK:			Sounds great.

DOC:			Oh, and a little Pinot, from a remote valley in Chile.

DICK:			Even better.

PETRA:			Sir!

DOC:			Now, now, if you come over here I will show you the body found
                    down near the docks today.

                                                PICNIC ITEMS BEING ARRANGED.

			        And for you Petra...
				
PETRA:			Um, thank you, Doctor, but…

DOC:			Please call me Doc.

PETRA:			Okay. Doc. We’re working and…

DICK:			You'll call him Doc but not me, Dick.

PETRA:			That's right, I'm not under Doc.

DOC:			Not yet, my dear. Now, here let me show you John Doe number 12.

				                                SHEET BEING PULLED BACK.
				                                PETRA DRY RETCHING.

DICK:			Now hold steady Petra, breathe through your mouth and…

PETRA:			No, I'm sorry. It's not the body.

DICK:			I understand, It's your first time…

PETRA:			No, it’s not that, I just bit into some eggshell in the sandwich.

ALL:			(DRY RETCHING)

DOC:			Oh, I am sorry, I thought I got all of that out. Oh wait look it wasn't 
			        eggshell…

DICK:			No, It was a fingernail. 

PETRA:			Oh, that's okay then.

DICK:			Right. Doc what do you have for us?

DOC:			Another fish finger, but this time up here.

PETRA:			(GASP)

DICK:			Up the right nostril, eh Doc?

DOC:			How very astute Dick. But we have an escalation in the violence I am 
			        afraid.

DICK:			What is it?

DOC:			Look in the left ear.

DICK:			My god! Is that sauce?

DOC:			Tartar. Initially, I thought it was custard.

PETRA:			How did you tell the difference?

DOC:			By the taste.

PIXIE:			The same process used to distinguish oral and rectal thermometers.

DOC:			If it had been custard…

DOC, DICK:		Then he would've been a trifle deaf! (LAUGHS)

DOC:			More pinot, Petra?

PETRA:			No, please I’ll best be…

DOC:			Come on, whose to know? 

				                                 THEME SONG UP AND OUT.

                                                  END

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones