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Welcome to The Crucible, Conversations for the Curious.

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I am Hamish, your host.

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This podcast is for anyone going through awakenings, trying to make sense of life.

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Whether dark nights are the soul, needing to make life -changing decisions, struggling
with addiction or critical illness, or simply realizing that their life as they know it is

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not aligned to values and purpose.

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You are not alone.

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You can get through this, promise you.

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Life is far more beautiful on the other side.

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Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of The Crucible Conversations for the
Curious.

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Today I've got Prem with me and she's living in South of France at the moment where she is
doing some amazing stuff.

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Prem, thanks so much for turning up today.

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Can you tell me a little bit about your story please?

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Yes, of course, with pleasure.

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Thank you, Hamish.

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Thank you for inviting me to partake in these podcasts.

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It's very exciting times.

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And so I'm delighted to be able to assist you in bringing the word to people.

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Gosh me.

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So I guess really the best place to start is the traditional route.

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started, I followed the script of normal familial and societal expectations.

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get a job, follow your education, get to the top of it, get a good job, get married, have
kids, that kind of thing.

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And I had an identity imposed upon me, one which I swallowed hook, line and sinker at the
time.

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I was taught like we all are to identify with who I am by society standards, by external
validations, basically.

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So I studied law, I became a barrister.

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I worked in the criminal justice system for over two decades, got married, had two
wonderful boys, became an addictions therapist in between all of that somehow.

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I stopped smoking back in the day with a system called Alan Carr, not the funny man, but
Alan Carr's easy way to stop smoking.

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And I was so impressed with the method that I actually decided that I'd become.

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one of his therapists and from that I actually then evolved into an addictions counsellor.

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So I ran stop smoking sessions for that organisation and at the time I then branched out
into their food, their diet and also alcohol.

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Now at the time I would not have considered myself to have been addicted to alcohol at
all.

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I stopped very easily and I worked

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the premise that if you're presenting something it's do as I do not do as I say.

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So I couldn't in all honesty run these sessions without actually not drinking myself and
so I did very happy with it didn't cause me any grief was was delirious with that decision

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just happened naturally and so there it went.

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Classic midlife crisis divorced my husband and then started traveling.

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expanding my life options and still very much identifying with the who I am by outside
criterion.

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And it was during 2015 I found myself, I'd been on several retreats up mountains, again it
was all to do with the kind of, you know, the giving lectures and seminars and counselling

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people on food and I'd gone

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to a friend's retreat center in Turkey.

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He's known as Jason Vale, the juice master, good friend of mine, former colleague.

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And so I ended up in this retreat center in Turkey.

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And I think for the first time in my life, I stopped.

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I've always been very busy.

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And I was on the yoga platform overlooking the mountains and this

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tremendous overwhelming sense of oneness, completeness, tears, absolutely bawling.

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I was just absolutely kind of bowled over with the serenity of just being.

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So I kind of went on a little bit of a, I think a quest, if you like, the hero's journey,
Dante's hero's journey, towards living a more authentic life.

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you know, sitting, learning, reading.

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And I had become introduced to Deva, Pramal and Mitten who are very well known mantra
singers at this retreat.

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They played their music.

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Kenny, one of the yoga teachers was playing it.

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And so in 2015, I found myself in Arilas in Corfu.

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where I had what I could only be described as a spiritual awakening.

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So that's the genesis of where I got to.

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I wasn't looking for that.

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I hadn't gone looking for a spiritual awakening.

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I'd simply gone for some glorious music.

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And back in the day, I wasn't still a particularly early riser.

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So I'd literally drag myself out of bed, walk down to what was called the Gayatri Mandir.

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I was always late.

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I'd then sneak into the back of the Mandir and lay on the ground listening to 150 to 200
people singing Sanskrit music, mantra.

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I mean, it is just beautiful.

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What a lovely way to wake up in the morning, because, you know, the reflexes are a bit
dopey in the morning.

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Well, they were back then, a lot better now.

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And it just was like an infusion.

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Vibration, sound, music, sacred hurts, you know, all the things which I didn't really know
about back then.

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The powerful sound of om.

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sung at a certain frequency.

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I'm not very good with numbers, I know somebody will know what it is.

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I want to say it's 432 but it's probably wrong.

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But at that sacred level of singing, chanting, musical vibration, and I just elevated into
a place of pure and utter calm.

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The best way of describing it was, I was almost floating.

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It was almost as if my feet were no longer attached to the ground.

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I knew where I was, knew that I was doing completely comprehension, fully compos mentis,
et cetera.

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I just had this amazing sense of serenity, a bit like the first experience on the yoga
platform in Turkey.

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And I just thought it was normal.

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just thought I was relaxing.

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I just thought I was having a really good time.

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I just thought, God, this is the best holiday ever.

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And it was just wonderful.

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I was at peace.

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I felt connected.

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I was doing something.

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I was offering free Wotsu sessions.

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That's shiatsu in water.

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If anybody doesn't know what that is.

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You

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water which is roughly 36 degrees body temperature and it's, I call it human origami in
water, beautiful flowing delicate movements.

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Most people feel it's like a rebirth because you're cradling somebody and then you're
moving them through this water in the most deliciously slow things and I was doing that

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just because I could, I'd been taught in it and I just thought what a nice thing to do and
that's how I got my name because Prem Sarita actually means love.

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flowing through water and it was Deva and Mitten who gave me that name.

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And so there I was bumbling along in this oasis of calm, went back to work and it was, we
all know we're energetic beings and the energy I was giving off, the calm energy, people

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in the office when I went back were like,

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what has happened to you?

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Who are you?

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Who is this vision of calm, energy, joy, happiness?

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I was just radiating, I mean, like a nuclear fusion.

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was just, you know, over everybody.

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And it was lovely because they all, they all, they all came to a really, it just changed a
little bit the dynamic in the office.

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I worked in a, I worked in an office with the admin staff.

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and they palpably, know, stress levels came down because I'd go, it's okay, we can do
this.

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Let's just, you know, let's just take a moment and, you know, again, so was really lovely.

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That was amazing.

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It lasted for about, where was it?

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that was August, September, October, November, December.

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Yeah, it lasted for about four months.

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And then, unfortunately, my youngest son fell prey to addiction, depression, suicidal
ideations.

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And I...

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obviously started to become very anxious about him, constant messages of wanting to end
his life.

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And in the end, I ended up sitting on the public bench outside St Michael's Church every
night in December when I wasn't working from uni at the time, watching his flat, just to

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make sure he didn't kill himself.

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Yeah.

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So it was very intense.

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And like I said, like most of us, I think if we're lucky, we may have parents who were
blessed with coping skills, but I fear that is the minority and I was one of the minority.

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I had no idea how to cope with this.

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And so that's when I took back drinking and wow, did I take it back big time.

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I just had no other coping mechanisms.

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I did not know how to deal with this constant barrage of, I'm going to kill myself, life's
not worth living, et cetera.

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And so that's when I realized, again, retrospectively, that perhaps when I did stop
drinking alcohol, I had resonated with the logic behind it because I hadn't realized

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how much of a crutch it had been to me and so I went back to that crutch because it was
all I knew, it was all I had.

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My father used to drink quite heavily and I think that was the model obviously that we saw
and so obviously that was what I picked up, I need to relax, I need to relax, I need not

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to feel like this.

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So it was, what I would call the reverse of most spiritual awakenings.

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I didn't realise it had happened.

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I just felt amazing.

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But what I did notice is when it stopped.

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It was like falling off a cliff.

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It was just, yes, I just crashed.

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I just crashed and burned.

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And everything just went completely black, dark, miserable.

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didn't know how to cope.

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so it's kind of fast forward a few years, things are a lot better now.

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My son is still alive.

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He still goes through intense phases of very deep depression, suicidal ideation.

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He is on the whole a lot better.

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And it's taken a lot of self introspection and work to

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dig deeper into his soul contract with this world.

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I've now got into, I've now understood a lot more about the essence of who we are.

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Now, partially this came around as a result of doing a masters in spirituality, ecology
and mental health at the university which I teach at.

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And it was during the first year, we're about to go into the second year.

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It was during the first year that I discovered

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scientific papers, information which confirmed everything I'd ever suspected to be true.

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but has actually got science backed with

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So that for me was a huge revelation.

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I'm an empiricist.

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I used to work with law.

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like to see things black and white and gray.

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I like to know where the gray areas are, but this was like, there was a name for that.

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Okay, that's very interesting.

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I didn't realize it was called that.

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And for me, perhaps the most remarkable work was that of a guy called Adashanti.

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and he's got a book which he wrote called The End of Your World which he talks about the
reverse of most spiritual awakenings which can cause what are commonly misdiagnosed as

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psychosis or breakdowns, they're actually spiritual awakenings.

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I was experiencing the reverse, I was experiencing the fall off the cliff and having

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looked for spiritual awakening.

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Obviously I was wholly unprepared so I go back to my comment about feeling as though I was
floating.

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I was ungrounded.

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had no, hadn't prepared.

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I wasn't ready to be that spiritually connected or aware of the oneness, the universe,
that feeling of joy, peace and tranquillity which you get.

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And he's got a beautiful quote in his book and he says spiritual awakening is a
remembering.

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It is not becoming something that we are not.

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It is not about transforming ourselves.

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It is not about changing ourselves.

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It is simply a remembering of what we are, as if we'd known it all along and had simply
forgotten.

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So that for me really was like a light bulb moment.

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I was like, wow.

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And then he's got a whole section on, I had it and I lost it.

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And it was like, that's me too.

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What do you do?

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How do you cope when you've had that wonderful experience?

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I mean, I said it was four or five months of floating.

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it really helped to understand that and this is why from when we spoke about me doing this
podcast I am not unusual in as much as some people do have what I call these silent

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stealth -like awakenings and those who have in spontaneous awakenings as they're called
it's when you lose the connection

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For some people they never lose that connection, and how blissful that must be.

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And for others it's that thud.

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And so if anybody has ever experienced the thud, I would definitely recommend Adishanti's
book.

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It is a salve for the soul, it really is.

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And he says it's actually a very commonplace occurrence, albeit rarely spoken of.

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He said the state of unawakenedness can

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Well, as it did in my case, know, that thud can be quite dramatic, can bring back old
patterns, old behaviours.

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And he basically said, you've got to work through

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you know, you can't make awakening happen.

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He said, you can no sooner turn the the spiritual light switch on or off at will, it will
do it on its own, but you know it's there now, which I thought was really very sweet.

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It's like, I can see the light switch, I just can't reach it for some reason.

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Having said that, I have been doing more meditations, more introspective work, more
connection to my higher self, which...

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really does help and it's kind during this period that you know again joyfully the alcohol
consumption dropped to I really don't want that I'm really not interested in that this is

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not serving any purpose in my life by listening to that inner guidance and life is hard
enough as it is I think if you've been through a period of awakening and then had the thud

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this kind of makes

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I won't say harder, but it's another challenge to add to it because you've had a taste of
the nectar.

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You've had a taste of what it's like.

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And I've learned not to grasp anymore.

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I've learned to sit and go with it.

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And I was desperate to manually flip that switch back on and it was there just out of
reach.

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was driving me mad.

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And as I said, blessed for me to have been able to do.

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this wonderful Masters.

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So it's really, it's really taken me to where I am now.

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So, anyway, there's a little introduction about

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That is a fabulous introduction and there's so many paths that we can go from there.

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Thank you.

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Thank you for that.

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And thank you for the, it's not the darker side of a spiritual awakening, but just another
side of it.

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Cause I haven't, I haven't met a thud like that.

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I don't want to put the word yet in there, but I haven't yet.

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So we'll just whisper the yet exactly.

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I want to go right back to.

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the dutiful person doing what everyone told society, all that identity based on family,
friends, relationships, society, dogma, I should be this, I'm a woman, I'm expected to be,

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all that stuff.

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How did you make sense of that and realize that it's optional?

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I make sense of that and realise it was optional.

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Only very late in life, very, very late in life, did that dawning reality come to me.

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It was really, I think, one of my first retreat experiences which I would describe as
being the spark to

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people given that I was already kind of counselling, coaching, all of that kind of thing
by this time I got a whole host of qualifications and I thought yeah this is what people

214
00:20:02,188 --> 00:20:03,798
need, this is disconnection.

215
00:20:03,798 --> 00:20:17,370
I need to disconnect from being everything that's expected of me because you just end up
burning out and you lose your authentic self.

216
00:20:17,370 --> 00:20:23,832
you've got these many masks that you wear and I wasn't prepared to wear them anymore.

217
00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:38,226
So it was that which really made me question the narrative of why I was, as I like to say
now, I had this identity imposed on me.

218
00:20:38,226 --> 00:20:44,888
I wanted to know who I really was, but at the time it was still very ego -driven.

219
00:20:45,326 --> 00:20:57,482
that who was who was I wasn't a spiritual who was I it was more like why am I doing a job
that actually I don't like particularly what can I do which is more productive and helpful

220
00:20:57,482 --> 00:21:09,189
in the world and drop the mask and the veneer and actually be my own person in that sense
and it was only later that the spirituality came in when I went for a deeper dive.

221
00:21:09,189 --> 00:21:10,079
Yep.

222
00:21:10,079 --> 00:21:11,040
I love that.

223
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,251
It's what Gabor Mate talks about, isn't it?

224
00:21:13,251 --> 00:21:18,102
It's that attachment versus authenticity.

225
00:21:18,363 --> 00:21:25,466
I'm sensing, I really, really am that our generation, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, that is our
challenge.

226
00:21:25,466 --> 00:21:32,929
We were expected, certainly from the Western European Victorian era, children should be
seen and not heard.

227
00:21:32,929 --> 00:21:37,471
You're expected to work hard in the factory, in the workplace.

228
00:21:37,479 --> 00:21:41,681
for me go pay to be grateful, go on holiday for a little bit, come back and repeat.

229
00:21:41,681 --> 00:21:43,342
You're expected to conform.

230
00:21:43,342 --> 00:21:48,385
You're expected to be this, you know, the woman's role, the man's role, the gender roles.

231
00:21:49,425 --> 00:21:51,146
and that's changing.

232
00:21:52,147 --> 00:21:59,471
I was listening to somebody talking the other day about ADHD and his theory was ADHD.

233
00:21:59,471 --> 00:22:03,393
Those people with that, certainly as children, they've gone down the authentic route.

234
00:22:03,393 --> 00:22:06,375
They don't give a crap about the attachment.

235
00:22:06,375 --> 00:22:07,675
They want to be them.

236
00:22:08,596 --> 00:22:13,978
which makes it really hard to love that child who is just wanting to be itself.

237
00:22:15,580 --> 00:22:21,393
and I, I see that's quite an interesting evolution and you you've had to realize that I
had to do the same thing.

238
00:22:21,393 --> 00:22:24,304
I was, I was forged of my mum and dad.

239
00:22:24,304 --> 00:22:28,087
had their beliefs, their identity, and there was a conflict for long time.

240
00:22:28,087 --> 00:22:28,847
Drink helped.

241
00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:29,507
Yay.

242
00:22:29,507 --> 00:22:30,628
Brilliant.

243
00:22:31,048 --> 00:22:32,489
Got rid of it.

244
00:22:32,589 --> 00:22:34,951
However, that crutch broke, as you said,

245
00:22:34,951 --> 00:22:39,479
So think it's really interesting as we start to question.

246
00:22:40,824 --> 00:22:45,918
that we're not being authentic and we actually want to be because we're designed to be, we
are meant to be.

247
00:22:45,918 --> 00:22:50,740
Certainly if you've got a spouse, you will become, you have to be authentic with each
other and communicate.

248
00:22:51,321 --> 00:22:53,223
So I love what you said there.

249
00:22:53,223 --> 00:22:58,047
So you've made sense of it and you're starting to change, stop the alcohol.

250
00:22:58,047 --> 00:23:01,911
Explain to me a bit more about the the bump.

251
00:23:01,911 --> 00:23:04,193
What what that was.

252
00:23:04,194 --> 00:23:07,738
You've you've met you've mentioned there was a certain lack of groundedness.

253
00:23:07,738 --> 00:23:13,323
But explain that process a bit more deeply for me just so can get my head around it a bit

254
00:23:15,030 --> 00:23:21,723
As I said, because it wasn't unsought, I wasn't on a spiritual path at all.

255
00:23:21,723 --> 00:23:24,375
I was on this more authentic me.

256
00:23:24,375 --> 00:23:25,545
I want to run retreats.

257
00:23:25,545 --> 00:23:28,276
I want to run coaching programs.

258
00:23:28,697 --> 00:23:31,018
I identify outside.

259
00:23:32,099 --> 00:23:38,502
And so this wonderful, I think I got lost in the egoic, look what I can do.

260
00:23:40,683 --> 00:23:43,666
so when the thud, the bang happened,

261
00:23:43,666 --> 00:23:57,038
As I said, I'd been floating and then suddenly the ground loomed very quickly and I just
hit it with a great velocity and everything again crumbled around me, that wonderful

262
00:23:57,038 --> 00:24:10,298
feeling of elation, joy, everything just literally disappeared into a big black hole and I
was left being pulled down by it simply due to lack of coping mechanisms.

263
00:24:12,710 --> 00:24:22,190
Again, a lot of this is kind of retrospective Hamish because I didn't understand...

264
00:24:23,193 --> 00:24:27,815
Hungry ghosts, if you like, which are based on the Buddhist and...

265
00:24:27,896 --> 00:24:30,777
I'm going to get this wrong as well, I'm pretty terrible with things.

266
00:24:30,917 --> 00:24:38,932
The hungry ghosts, the ones who are attached, the ones who will attach two souls who are
in distress to carry on feeding from them for that distress.

267
00:24:38,932 --> 00:24:46,246
It's like they were cut off in the middle of their distress and they've come back to get
some more until they have completed their karma.

268
00:24:47,186 --> 00:24:48,248
It was just...

269
00:24:48,248 --> 00:24:50,084
It was like being in a car crash.

270
00:24:50,084 --> 00:24:54,076
It was, was, I hope that explains it.

271
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:55,528
It's the only way I can explain it.

272
00:24:55,528 --> 00:24:56,769
It's very difficult.

273
00:24:56,769 --> 00:25:11,331
I just knew I'd lost something and I just became absorbed by trying to protect my son,
trying to find ways to get him to feel better and all that kind of thing.

274
00:25:11,331 --> 00:25:17,606
And it was just so encompassing, so draining.

275
00:25:18,086 --> 00:25:27,899
that everything that had preceded it, instead of being able to draw on it and use it, was
like it had been completely severed.

276
00:25:27,899 --> 00:25:34,788
I don't know if that really answers your question, because it was just such a violent
process.

277
00:25:35,209 --> 00:25:35,651
It was...

278
00:25:35,651 --> 00:25:37,352
Yeah, immediate, almost immediate.

279
00:25:37,352 --> 00:25:41,144
moment I kind of thought, can't cope with this anymore, I'm gonna go down the pub.

280
00:25:41,144 --> 00:25:43,955
And I did a wonderful pub crawl around Sunderland.

281
00:25:45,276 --> 00:25:47,617
bars and clubs than you could possibly imagine.

282
00:25:47,677 --> 00:25:52,539
And it was a disaster, disaster.

283
00:25:52,580 --> 00:25:57,562
yeah, I think, I don't know how else to explain it, if that's what you mean by the
process.

284
00:25:57,562 --> 00:26:01,345
I knew something had switched desperately.

285
00:26:01,746 --> 00:26:03,146
But then of course,

286
00:26:03,288 --> 00:26:16,289
booze took over and I just didn't have the bandwidth, very good expression, I didn't have
the bandwidth to then start thinking about what's happened here, why don't I feel as good

287
00:26:16,289 --> 00:26:24,295
as I used to, because for me it was obvious it was causal effect, my son wasn't well,
therefore I felt bad, I felt responsible for him, again stepping into the role of mother,

288
00:26:24,336 --> 00:26:26,737
protectress and all of that.

289
00:26:26,998 --> 00:26:31,261
And again with hindsight what I now realise is that obviously

290
00:26:31,831 --> 00:26:36,853
it's his life, his world, he's got to do what is right for him.

291
00:26:36,853 --> 00:26:48,647
And, you know, even sleeping in the same house, in the same flat, I couldn't stop him
killing himself if he wanted to.

292
00:26:50,168 --> 00:26:52,959
And so it was that realisation that I started to let go.

293
00:26:52,959 --> 00:26:58,871
And, you know, I support him, I talk to him, we chat, we do stuff.

294
00:26:59,691 --> 00:27:01,730
It is his pathway, not mine.

295
00:27:01,730 --> 00:27:06,146
and I'm only there to kind of try and help mould him if I possibly can with it.

296
00:27:06,146 --> 00:27:14,205
But I now do so from this place of understanding rather than panic and despair, which is
what I went into.

297
00:27:14,205 --> 00:27:17,839
Does that answer your question?

298
00:27:17,941 --> 00:27:21,272
It, I think it answers a more important question.

299
00:27:21,272 --> 00:27:39,250
I think it really answers why you went back to something you knew intimately that would
support you and not healthily, but would support you and allow you to numb out that

300
00:27:39,250 --> 00:27:40,180
absolute dread.

301
00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:47,253
I mean, I cannot put my head into that place where anybody has

302
00:27:47,401 --> 00:27:50,044
a child who wants to take their life.

303
00:27:50,044 --> 00:27:52,747
know, no frame of reference.

304
00:27:52,747 --> 00:28:03,515
But what I do know from my experiences is the alcohol takes that edge off and more alcohol
takes more edge off and even more edge alcohol takes off everything.

305
00:28:04,036 --> 00:28:06,359
So I can empathize there.

306
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:11,091
And again, being that being a mom and watching your child self -destruct.

307
00:28:11,091 --> 00:28:13,042
And it's what you want to do.

308
00:28:13,042 --> 00:28:14,802
You want to rescue them.

309
00:28:14,802 --> 00:28:17,533
You want to nurture them, hug them and fix them.

310
00:28:18,073 --> 00:28:25,879
And how did you manage to reconcile to the fact that it's not your responsibility to
rescue them, but just to love

311
00:28:25,879 --> 00:28:33,866
Again, I think that was the discovery of perhaps things like near -death experiences,
researching information

312
00:28:34,588 --> 00:28:37,319
you know, is life finite as we know it?

313
00:28:37,319 --> 00:28:40,930
Yes, this meat suit will disintegrate eventually.

314
00:28:40,930 --> 00:28:42,721
Where does the soul come from?

315
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:48,503
And it was really, they're all things I'd already suspected a long time ago.

316
00:28:48,503 --> 00:28:53,585
I was of the view that, you know, we're only energy and you can't destroy energy.

317
00:28:53,585 --> 00:28:55,536
We come from the stars.

318
00:28:55,536 --> 00:29:04,719
And although this particular meat suit will disappear, the energy will be reinvented
somewhere else at some point in time.

319
00:29:04,903 --> 00:29:12,283
And so with the master's degree, what it allowed me to do is to again, peel back the
layers of that particular onion.

320
00:29:12,603 --> 00:29:17,843
I mean, know, these weren't popular thoughts back in 40 years ago when I was in my
twenties.

321
00:29:17,843 --> 00:29:22,823
People thought I used to be called a witch and you know, she's bit doodoo that one.

322
00:29:22,823 --> 00:29:28,983
But now I can go, oh, well actually I have a nice little research paper on that if you
don't mind, which pleases me immensely.

323
00:29:28,983 --> 00:29:30,804
know, quantum physics.

324
00:29:30,804 --> 00:29:44,263
everything and then as I said near -death experiences when you start listening to the
stories of people who have nearly died or have died and then come back and the similarity

325
00:29:44,263 --> 00:29:57,011
between them is beyond just mere coincidence it is is shockingly accurate everybody says
the same thing literally and so then obviously that it just spins up into rabbit hole

326
00:29:57,011 --> 00:29:58,652
after rabbit hole of

327
00:30:00,807 --> 00:30:10,276
why do we come back and that's where the spirituality really started to kick in is well
you know okay if we are just these energetic beings where do they come

328
00:30:10,739 --> 00:30:13,080
what is a spiritual being?

329
00:30:13,420 --> 00:30:20,165
How do we, yeah, and it gets really interesting because you're like, where does that come
from?

330
00:30:20,365 --> 00:30:29,111
And that was, there's so many explanations, but for me, the one that kind of works the
most is that, you know, the universe is a conscious entity.

331
00:30:29,311 --> 00:30:31,383
Again, lots of science now that proves that.

332
00:30:31,383 --> 00:30:39,178
We've got quantum physics, which actually, the double slit theory, for those of any, your
listeners who might be aware of that.

333
00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:44,462
We observe the universe and therefore the universe comes into being.

334
00:30:44,483 --> 00:30:47,534
we can create our universe by observing it.

335
00:30:47,534 --> 00:31:04,502
Okay, so we have the power to do that, if we have that innate power to be able to live in
this matrix, if you like, this simulation which we create in our own heads, then we've

336
00:31:04,502 --> 00:31:10,480
clearly come down for a reason because we cannot be destroyed.

337
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:15,303
our physical bodies will disappear but the energy will always be there so where does that
energy source go back to?

338
00:31:15,303 --> 00:31:25,760
Well it goes back into the universe and then when you listen to the near -death experience
you know you hear stories of them never wanting to leave that place again and these

339
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:37,228
guardians, these angels, this universal whatever name you want to give them, God, Buddha,
Allah, anybody it doesn't matter the denomination is irrelevant saying sorry you've got to

340
00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:40,242
go back you haven't quite finished and people are literally crying going no!

341
00:31:40,242 --> 00:31:42,445
Please don't send me back.

342
00:31:42,445 --> 00:31:55,538
It was the discovery of this veil of forgetting that when we are incarnate or when we do
arrive in this physical form, this time as a human, because don't forget, could have been

343
00:31:55,538 --> 00:32:01,944
a plant, it could have been anything previously, that on this occasion as a

344
00:32:03,326 --> 00:32:15,079
are literally our memories are wiped but what we are finding is that more and more people
as you said like ADHD not so much so seems to be a lot of the programming is still in

345
00:32:15,079 --> 00:32:28,502
there which is quite interesting and it's like when you think about little children little
children often have imaginary friends don't they or do they are they actually

346
00:32:29,063 --> 00:32:30,943
communicating

347
00:32:31,019 --> 00:32:34,041
I mean, you've got time for a little story.

348
00:32:34,862 --> 00:32:44,819
My son, when he was my oldest son, who by the way is an inventor, bus driver, very
creative, mad like his mother.

349
00:32:44,819 --> 00:32:50,473
So he's on a completely different spectrum, but also very sensitive like the other one is.

350
00:32:50,654 --> 00:32:56,828
But when he was three, I put him to bed and he would not stop bouncing.

351
00:32:56,828 --> 00:32:58,259
So I went up and I

352
00:32:58,337 --> 00:32:58,957
What are doing?

353
00:32:58,957 --> 00:33:01,038
He said, I'm playing with the funny man.

354
00:33:01,038 --> 00:33:03,740
And I went, well, could you tell the funny man to go away?

355
00:33:03,740 --> 00:33:05,221
Because you need to go to sleep now.

356
00:33:05,221 --> 00:33:06,771
So off he went to sleep.

357
00:33:06,932 --> 00:33:12,194
About three or four months later, we were packing up the house to move.

358
00:33:12,575 --> 00:33:22,160
And I found some photographs of my father who had died before my son, my eldest son, was
born.

359
00:33:22,260 --> 00:33:24,541
And we were looking through them, just laughing.

360
00:33:24,541 --> 00:33:26,182
And this is typical of my father.

361
00:33:26,182 --> 00:33:27,925
He was sitting there in this photograph.

362
00:33:27,925 --> 00:33:31,849
wearing a caftan with two candles stuck up his nose.

363
00:33:31,849 --> 00:33:35,165
And my eldest son pointed at this picture and, that's the funny man.

364
00:33:35,165 --> 00:33:47,634
Yeah, so this is the conditioning and we come back to the beginning of my, you know, my
kind of this discussion with you is that we are conditioned that these things don't exist.

365
00:33:47,634 --> 00:33:49,034
We're only imagining things.

366
00:33:49,034 --> 00:33:51,256
We don't see the signs.

367
00:33:51,256 --> 00:33:57,680
We don't pay attention to what the universe is telling us, to where we're being prodded,
where we're being thrown.

368
00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:04,845
And once you open yourself to seeing those things, that's when you start to realize.

369
00:34:05,063 --> 00:34:19,612
And that at that point, again, coming back to your question, that I realised that my duty
towards my son was to be there to help him, the youngest one, and at the same time, it's

370
00:34:19,612 --> 00:34:20,264
his journey.

371
00:34:20,264 --> 00:34:23,848
It's the age -old adage, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

372
00:34:23,848 --> 00:34:28,799
And so he is, and he's, I think he comes under Indigo.

373
00:34:28,799 --> 00:34:30,930
He's an Indigo child.

374
00:34:30,930 --> 00:34:43,065
And if you kind of follow the astrological, spiritual reincarnations, he's of a generation
where they are, they come back because they know that the world is in a strange place and

375
00:34:43,065 --> 00:34:46,966
struggling humanity is in a dodgy place.

376
00:34:46,966 --> 00:34:52,137
The planet is in danger because of the way we treat it, climate.

377
00:34:52,137 --> 00:34:55,538
change resources, everything.

378
00:34:55,538 --> 00:34:56,729
We just abuse the planet.

379
00:34:56,729 --> 00:35:09,564
We become so egocentric, so consumer driven, that the indigo souls came down because
they're meant to be the generation which are there to guide, revolutionise.

380
00:35:09,564 --> 00:35:12,285
And some of them just go, heck man, this is just too much.

381
00:35:12,285 --> 00:35:15,287
You are joking, I'm leaving, I want to go back home.

382
00:35:15,287 --> 00:35:21,479
And how many times do we say as individuals, I just want to go home and we

383
00:35:21,479 --> 00:35:29,135
actually know what that means, but we do because it means we want to be back in the
celestial universal connection.

384
00:35:29,235 --> 00:35:35,170
Being home is being connected and it is possible without having to leave this mortal
plane.

385
00:35:35,170 --> 00:35:38,963
It's just a little bit more work to do it.

386
00:35:39,003 --> 00:35:44,889
So yeah, so was at that point that I realized that, you know, it was his journey.

387
00:35:44,889 --> 00:35:45,929
Thank you.

388
00:35:45,950 --> 00:35:51,745
I love that bit about the, I don't want to call it imaginary friends anymore.

389
00:35:51,745 --> 00:35:59,242
Because there's a researcher and he contacted many, many children or through their
parents.

390
00:35:59,242 --> 00:36:00,963
they, you I was here, I did that.

391
00:36:00,963 --> 00:36:02,725
He followed their stories up.

392
00:36:02,725 --> 00:36:09,591
And sure enough, the funny man, the friend, the situations, you know, they corroborated.

393
00:36:09,591 --> 00:36:12,353
was the child had...

394
00:36:12,949 --> 00:36:20,466
an experience of something that was physically impossible to have done time and time and
time and time again.

395
00:36:20,466 --> 00:36:24,760
I will find that resource and put it in the show notes because I think that's quite
important.

396
00:36:26,473 --> 00:36:28,774
It's it's fascinating.

397
00:36:29,356 --> 00:36:30,876
So then how did

398
00:36:31,869 --> 00:36:37,473
decide that the drinking the second time or the major time I'll start that again.

399
00:36:38,654 --> 00:36:51,325
So how did you how did how did you decide that the alcohol was really not helping you look
after your son look after yourself and it was basically yeah a crutch.

400
00:36:51,325 --> 00:37:10,934
of some hard medical facts which I had a period fairly recently where I was quite unwell
which involved MRI scans and all that kind of thing and I had a sign saying get your liver

401
00:37:10,934 --> 00:37:16,377
tested whilst you're there so I did yeah so

402
00:37:17,199 --> 00:37:19,813
It was, that was interesting.

403
00:37:20,837 --> 00:37:27,008
know, typical alcohol, liver fatty disease or whatever it is, ALF -ty.

404
00:37:28,974 --> 00:37:31,215
Just this constant nudge.

405
00:37:31,955 --> 00:37:36,197
As I said, the more you meditate, the more you can connect.

406
00:37:36,197 --> 00:37:45,040
When I meditate, I get this incredibly bright light that always comes in from my right
hand side.

407
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:50,863
It doesn't matter where I am, I can be in a completely dark room, this bright light comes
down.

408
00:37:51,383 --> 00:37:55,825
And constantly going, what are you doing?

409
00:37:55,825 --> 00:37:57,325
What have you been doing?

410
00:37:58,482 --> 00:38:01,755
and it was about six months ago.

411
00:38:01,755 --> 00:38:06,988
I don't recall my dreams.

412
00:38:08,511 --> 00:38:10,182
There is a technical term for it.

413
00:38:10,182 --> 00:38:15,436
Again, the dyslexic brain does not allow me to recall its name.

414
00:38:16,117 --> 00:38:26,297
But on this one occasion, I did remember, and I had a snake that had wound itself around
my finger, a viper, it had bitten the end of my finger.

415
00:38:26,297 --> 00:38:28,199
tiny, tiny little snake.

416
00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:38,994
And so I looked it up and it, the snake, the viper particularly, is part of the, you know,
the medic sign with the snakes going around

417
00:38:38,994 --> 00:38:41,765
And I thought, someone's trying to tell me something.

418
00:38:44,367 --> 00:38:48,549
And so I kind of did a couple of very deliberate meditations.

419
00:38:48,549 --> 00:38:58,895
And I'm very good because of the practice I've had, because I've always wanted to help
people, because I enjoy coaching, life coaching, and my new thing is going to be spiritual

420
00:38:58,895 --> 00:38:59,405
coaching.

421
00:38:59,405 --> 00:39:03,778
I'm excellent at giving to other people.

422
00:39:03,778 --> 00:39:07,891
And this little boy says, how about giving some of that to yourself?

423
00:39:07,891 --> 00:39:11,057
And I was like, am I allowed?

424
00:39:11,300 --> 00:39:20,104
again, you know, and I was like, okay, perhaps I am Aladdin's and you know, naturally it
just then completely cut off and disappeared.

425
00:39:20,104 --> 00:39:34,840
it wasn't again, it was a, it was a very subtle, I just lost interest in it with, and,
naturally the voice also said to me is when you're feeling anxious or upset or

426
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:37,431
disconnected, it is a sign of disconnection.

427
00:39:37,431 --> 00:39:39,712
It's not a sign that you need a drink.

428
00:39:40,718 --> 00:39:43,469
Go and meditate.

429
00:39:44,109 --> 00:39:45,599
Go and reconnect.

430
00:39:45,599 --> 00:39:46,840
Go and find the light.

431
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:47,990
Go and find that source.

432
00:39:47,990 --> 00:39:49,320
Go and have a conversation.

433
00:39:49,320 --> 00:40:02,314
And so that for me, you know, has been the way to overcome that coping mechanism because
it's not.

434
00:40:02,314 --> 00:40:08,476
It's offering myself that love which I'm so willing to give to other people and yet I
wasn't willing to give to myself.

435
00:40:08,636 --> 00:40:09,696
So, yeah.

436
00:40:11,249 --> 00:40:18,313
I'm often in tears when I meditate now because when I listen properly I'm like, okay,
yeah, you've got a point.

437
00:40:19,234 --> 00:40:22,156
I'm sometimes a bit begrudgingly with it, but yes.

438
00:40:23,011 --> 00:40:25,339
That was exactly the word that came to my mind.

439
00:40:25,339 --> 00:40:26,945
Begrudgingly, like, yeah, you're right.

440
00:40:26,945 --> 00:40:27,986
Thank you.

441
00:40:29,193 --> 00:40:33,595
I know for a fact you've absolutely nailed something so importantly.

442
00:40:33,595 --> 00:40:37,267
You you've called alcohol a coping mechanism.

443
00:40:37,267 --> 00:40:38,608
It is a coping mechanism.

444
00:40:38,608 --> 00:40:42,900
There's nothing wrong with it apart from the fact it breaks.

445
00:40:43,140 --> 00:40:50,224
It does work, but it breaks and it breaks relationships and families and lives and
everything else.

446
00:40:50,224 --> 00:40:51,765
But you managed

447
00:40:52,589 --> 00:40:59,531
relatively effortlessly realize that that coping mechanism was not healthy and you you
replaced it.

448
00:40:59,731 --> 00:41:07,633
You you you you through your meditation through thinking about it you realize that the
alcohol is not the answer.

449
00:41:07,633 --> 00:41:12,375
Yes it works it brings you down so does breathing it does this it does that.

450
00:41:12,795 --> 00:41:19,136
But you know that that is so important when I I stopped drinking I had to fill that hole.

451
00:41:19,437 --> 00:41:20,737
I tried everything.

452
00:41:20,793 --> 00:41:26,498
gym, getting fit, running, meditating, journaling, this, that and the other, all sorts of
things.

453
00:41:27,139 --> 00:41:31,443
And I replaced it with a realization that I actually don't like to be hungover.

454
00:41:31,443 --> 00:41:32,824
I don't like to feel drunk.

455
00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,566
I don't like to feel awful.

456
00:41:34,566 --> 00:41:38,729
And I certainly don't like the following day to be like, I can't do anything.

457
00:41:38,729 --> 00:41:44,705
So for me, I had to replace it with the physical effects are not worth it.

458
00:41:44,705 --> 00:41:46,156
You know, I like this thing being sharp.

459
00:41:46,156 --> 00:41:47,397
I liked better run.

460
00:41:48,203 --> 00:41:50,688
and see the world rather than like this.

461
00:41:50,688 --> 00:41:56,900
So it is a case of replacing that unhealthy coping strategy with something else.

462
00:41:56,900 --> 00:41:59,212
It's the payoff isn't it, it's understanding.

463
00:41:59,212 --> 00:42:09,978
you know, how many hours do you spend recovering in the morning just for an evening's of
drinking or, you a day of drinking because it always isn't, it gets progressively worse.

464
00:42:10,238 --> 00:42:20,714
You know, it's, yeah, everybody has to find their own key in many ways and they will, but
sometimes the key is very well hidden.

465
00:42:20,714 --> 00:42:27,010
And this is, think it's a question of listening to the intuition sometimes, which is
definitely there.

466
00:42:27,010 --> 00:42:33,464
So you've made sense of things, you've managed to make peace around the alcohol and
realizing it doesn't serve.

467
00:42:33,464 --> 00:42:37,997
You've managed to make peace around your son and be there for him and support him.

468
00:42:37,997 --> 00:42:39,658
Where is your life going now?

469
00:42:39,658 --> 00:42:42,019
What are you doing with this?

470
00:42:42,580 --> 00:42:44,021
Have you found that spirituality?

471
00:42:44,021 --> 00:42:46,262
Have you found that joy and serenity?

472
00:42:46,926 --> 00:42:56,210
Definitely getting closer, as I said, you know, my little white, my little golden ball of
beautiful light that comes down from, it's like coming home.

473
00:42:56,771 --> 00:43:04,635
I actually joyfully look forward to doing my meditation because I can feel that light
which is beautiful.

474
00:43:05,856 --> 00:43:10,239
And the whole Masters thing, I

475
00:43:11,010 --> 00:43:16,041
you know, anybody wants to do a masters, please do the masters in spirituality.

476
00:43:16,101 --> 00:43:26,824
It's an MA because our last year is very much about creating service to Gaia, which of
course fits with, yeah, which is amazing.

477
00:43:27,345 --> 00:43:29,585
And for me, Gaia of course includes humans.

478
00:43:29,585 --> 00:43:38,287
So I am looking at building, or I am building at the moment, a spiritual coaching app.

479
00:43:40,980 --> 00:43:49,107
So for me, I've always said my life has conspired behind my back to lead me where I am.

480
00:43:49,268 --> 00:43:55,954
And when you get to certain points, you look back and you can see the prods.

481
00:43:55,954 --> 00:43:57,835
And now I'm actually living in the prods.

482
00:43:57,835 --> 00:44:07,223
So that's where I think I'm now more heart -led, more spiritual -led, because I'm actually
actively engaging rather than retrospectively going,

483
00:44:07,798 --> 00:44:08,868
That's why that happened.

484
00:44:08,868 --> 00:44:11,321
now going, and this is where you want me to go.

485
00:44:11,321 --> 00:44:17,095
So I'm flowing with what I hope is spiritual guidance towards an end goal.

486
00:44:18,918 --> 00:44:24,994
So for me, it's about helping people, you know, find spiritual.

487
00:44:24,994 --> 00:44:32,590
People are definitely looking for something outside consumerism, their daily lives.

488
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,820
their coping mechanisms.

489
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:41,361
People are definitely searching for home and they don't know where to begin looking for
it, I think.

490
00:44:41,361 --> 00:44:47,701
Some are actively looking for spiritual awakening, others like myself just fall into it
and then lose it and want to find it again.

491
00:44:47,701 --> 00:44:49,862
So there's a lot of range.

492
00:44:49,862 --> 00:44:57,082
I've had this center now down here since 2018 and obviously with the COVID.

493
00:44:57,419 --> 00:45:11,768
malarkey in between things slowed up quite quite dramatically but the idea is between now
and another six years is to really get this place serving Gaia where I can invite

494
00:45:11,768 --> 00:45:22,844
facilitators hosts to come and do you know retreats well -being retreats and obviously
then try and offer some spiritual coaching as well at the same time for myself

495
00:45:24,499 --> 00:45:37,635
I'm an association, I've reformed myself recently into an association which means that
it's a self -funding project.

496
00:45:38,276 --> 00:45:43,178
So it's not a profit organisation basically.

497
00:45:43,658 --> 00:45:46,799
So that's where I'm at with that at the moment.

498
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,522
It's really just a question

499
00:45:49,522 --> 00:45:57,956
As I said, I'm lucky that the Master of Arts gives me that freedom to be able to
experiment with my end offering to Gaia.

500
00:45:58,016 --> 00:46:07,480
And so that's kind of where I'm definitely heading with it in person on the app here all
over.

501
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:08,781
I really don't know.

502
00:46:08,781 --> 00:46:13,883
Businesses, you know, helping people perhaps understand.

503
00:46:13,883 --> 00:46:19,205
And of course I'm lucky that I've got the addictions counselling to go with it so it could
actually become quite specific.

504
00:46:19,205 --> 00:46:31,721
I'm very open at the moment to moving with everything but the definitive movement is keep
this place up and running as a centre and then also see what can be offered through the

505
00:46:31,721 --> 00:46:36,213
centre to everybody who's interested basically.

506
00:46:36,213 --> 00:46:38,654
So yeah that's where I'm heading with it.

507
00:46:38,654 --> 00:46:40,356
Exciting times, busy times.

508
00:46:40,356 --> 00:46:41,366
Absolutely.

509
00:46:41,366 --> 00:46:53,131
I what you've the biggest takeaway of that last little bit was you've you've stopped
having to go join the dots retrospectively by bumping into things and you're turning

510
00:46:53,131 --> 00:46:54,972
around and you're looking forwards.

511
00:46:54,972 --> 00:46:57,313
How do you know when you're going in the right direction?

512
00:46:57,313 --> 00:46:59,534
What what happens?

513
00:47:00,203 --> 00:47:06,383
There's no resistance to when it doesn't quite, I've lost the great expectations.

514
00:47:06,383 --> 00:47:09,047
I don't expect or demand anything.

515
00:47:09,047 --> 00:47:17,150
I have a goal and I have a t -shirt which I made for myself and it says I'm moving in the
general direction of forward.

516
00:47:17,150 --> 00:47:17,496
you

517
00:47:17,496 --> 00:47:17,868
I will

518
00:47:17,868 --> 00:47:20,670
Yeah, because, you know, it doesn't matter.

519
00:47:20,670 --> 00:47:24,952
kind of, you know, the pole star is set.

520
00:47:25,113 --> 00:47:27,754
How I get there is irrelevant.

521
00:47:28,335 --> 00:47:36,640
And so when it's not going, perhaps I've attached too much to it or I'm hoping, pinning
too much on it.

522
00:47:36,981 --> 00:47:42,204
And so again, the art of letting go, it's like, well, clearly that's not meant to be.

523
00:47:42,265 --> 00:47:46,145
So for example, here at the moment, this year,

524
00:47:46,145 --> 00:47:53,597
We've had disastrous weather and the tourist industry has died a death completely.

525
00:47:54,357 --> 00:48:02,520
But so to compensate what I've done this year is I've partially rented the whole house out
for some of the summer weeks to generate some income.

526
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:04,040
Wasn't on the books at all.

527
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:12,923
I mean, good job you can only see this corner of the house because the rest of it looks
like a bombsite.

528
00:48:13,323 --> 00:48:14,263
So.

529
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:17,137
that wasn't planned at all.

530
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:21,741
I'm no longer phased so much.

531
00:48:21,741 --> 00:48:27,105
I've kind of gone back to that state of flow that I was in when I was in Greece.

532
00:48:27,425 --> 00:48:30,208
Although my feet are very much more grounded now.

533
00:48:30,208 --> 00:48:35,352
I'm definitely more weighted, but not in a bad way.

534
00:48:35,352 --> 00:48:39,515
So I follow the flow and if there's an obstacle, either

535
00:48:39,605 --> 00:48:48,753
I'll try once or twice to go over it and if it's not happening and I'll just go well
that's clearly not going to work so where do I go next and again it's the self -reflection

536
00:48:48,753 --> 00:49:01,775
it's the connection it's the meditation it's the okay come on give me a sign what am I
supposed to be doing sometimes there's something and sometimes there's nothing in which

537
00:49:01,775 --> 00:49:05,919
case I just carry on and then see what happens yeah

538
00:49:05,919 --> 00:49:08,993
It's a flowing process, think is all I can say.

539
00:49:08,993 --> 00:49:16,983
I've got back that lightness, that feeling of this is where it's going and it doesn't
really matter how we get there.

540
00:49:17,405 --> 00:49:19,308
It will deliver at some point in time.

541
00:49:19,308 --> 00:49:19,928
I love that.

542
00:49:19,928 --> 00:49:21,710
think it isn't it.

543
00:49:21,710 --> 00:49:24,321
And this is, this is my daily struggle.

544
00:49:24,682 --> 00:49:32,497
That letting go when I let go of things, you know, when I, when I stopped trying to force
things my way, Hamish's way is great, but it's not always the right way.

545
00:49:32,497 --> 00:49:44,315
You know, this podcast, I made a change two, three months ago, two months ago about
something and the doors opened every single opportunity, podcast name, what it's about,

546
00:49:44,315 --> 00:49:47,011
who's doing it, podcast course I've just finished.

547
00:49:47,011 --> 00:49:50,042
this, that, the other, new people, new connections.

548
00:49:50,222 --> 00:49:56,063
And it's just like, I haven't got enough time in the day to do the editing, the contact,
talking to people.

549
00:49:56,063 --> 00:49:57,074
And this is the best fun.

550
00:49:57,074 --> 00:49:59,434
You know, I could do this all day if someone else would do the editing.

551
00:49:59,434 --> 00:50:01,005
It's just so much fun.

552
00:50:01,005 --> 00:50:05,886
And there is a purpose to this and it's, it is wonderful.

553
00:50:05,886 --> 00:50:10,637
And when I'm on the right path, there's like a little, a little gift saying, yep, you're
on the right way.

554
00:50:10,637 --> 00:50:10,947
Yes.

555
00:50:10,947 --> 00:50:16,687
It's like Hansel and Gretel as I get to that marker, there's a coin that drops down.

556
00:50:16,687 --> 00:50:19,019
saying, yes, next level.

557
00:50:19,701 --> 00:50:26,550
And yeah, it is really nice to know that I'm on that right path today.

558
00:50:26,550 --> 00:50:28,592
As you said, where it goes, who knows.

559
00:50:32,344 --> 00:50:34,385
Yeah, it's a lovely feeling isn't it?

560
00:50:34,385 --> 00:50:35,076
It really is.

561
00:50:35,076 --> 00:50:41,431
It's nice and I think the more relaxed you become, the stronger it becomes.

562
00:50:41,431 --> 00:50:44,412
counterintuitive because we're so used to striving.

563
00:50:44,413 --> 00:50:47,824
Again, Adishanti, stop striving, you've nowhere to go.

564
00:50:47,824 --> 00:50:50,555
Was there the other quote by Rumi?

565
00:50:50,555 --> 00:50:51,356
What is it?

566
00:50:51,356 --> 00:50:53,717
Go to the root of the root of the soul.

567
00:50:53,977 --> 00:50:55,198
I love that one.

568
00:50:55,198 --> 00:50:55,779
He says,

569
00:50:55,779 --> 00:51:00,503
He says, after one moment with that glorious friend you become a loving, radiant and
ecstatic.

570
00:51:00,503 --> 00:51:02,454
Your eyes are sweet and full of fire.

571
00:51:02,454 --> 00:51:06,227
Come return to the roots of the roots of your own soul.

572
00:51:08,269 --> 00:51:09,209
Yeah.

573
00:51:09,209 --> 00:51:10,910
New tattoo coming.

574
00:51:12,692 --> 00:51:14,313
With the snake.

575
00:51:14,313 --> 00:51:15,044
With the snake.

576
00:51:15,044 --> 00:51:17,055
I'm gonna have the snake.

577
00:51:18,156 --> 00:51:19,577
Gotta have the snake.

578
00:51:22,283 --> 00:51:25,125
Prem, this has been a fabulous conversation.

579
00:51:25,125 --> 00:51:26,226
Really, really interesting.

580
00:51:26,226 --> 00:51:32,852
Everything from bumps, working backwards, overcoming alcohol, making sense of things,
letting go.

581
00:51:32,852 --> 00:51:40,638
mean, think, you know, that's, it's, it is just a journey of awakening and making sense of
things and, and letting go.

582
00:51:40,638 --> 00:51:41,715
I love that.

583
00:51:41,715 --> 00:51:42,897
Thank you.

584
00:51:45,606 --> 00:51:46,889
Thank you for inviting me.

585
00:51:46,889 --> 00:51:48,755
Really, really enjoyed it.

586
00:51:48,755 --> 00:51:50,779
It's good fun.

587
00:51:51,725 --> 00:51:52,550
Cool.

588
00:51:52,550 --> 00:51:56,167
Where can people find out more about you and what you do?

589
00:51:56,411 --> 00:52:04,673
I'm on LinkedIn, the classic, under my proper name which is Angela.

590
00:52:05,074 --> 00:52:09,395
We can put a link in the bio at the bottom if that's okay.

591
00:52:10,495 --> 00:52:17,117
I have a Facebook page, again I can provide you with the link for that and Instagram.

592
00:52:17,317 --> 00:52:23,822
At the moment I do have a website but of course because the whole thing has changed quite
dramatically it's one of those pieces which is

593
00:52:23,822 --> 00:52:28,676
motion at the moment so it's there but it's not up to date.

594
00:52:30,626 --> 00:52:42,039
If anybody would like to be a beta tester for my spiritual coaching app, they are more
than welcome because I probably will need to do that as part of my thesis.

595
00:52:42,079 --> 00:52:44,400
So that would be most helpful.

596
00:52:44,700 --> 00:52:55,903
So if anybody's interested in perhaps taking some spiritual coaching away with them, then
I'd be happy to hear from them as part of my test group.

597
00:52:55,903 --> 00:52:57,043
That would be wonderful.

598
00:52:57,043 --> 00:52:59,124
So I'm pretty reachable.

599
00:53:00,076 --> 00:53:10,926
And if anybody wants to come and volunteer at the end of the season, I run volunteer
opportunities normally from about April through to June.

600
00:53:10,926 --> 00:53:19,113
And then I run them from September to October to kind of help in the grounds.

601
00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:21,754
The house is pretty much done finally.

602
00:53:22,656 --> 00:53:25,338
But you know, if you don't mind gardening, chopping wood.

603
00:53:27,442 --> 00:53:28,328
carry water.

604
00:53:28,328 --> 00:53:36,462
good free boarding lodgings four hours work it's really not hard got a pool got a sauna
got a spa it's not exactly slumming it

605
00:53:37,065 --> 00:53:37,366
Brilliant.

606
00:53:37,366 --> 00:53:39,560
Well, we'll put all of that in the show notes for sure.

607
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:40,961
Thank you.

608
00:53:41,223 --> 00:53:42,705
And last question.

609
00:53:42,705 --> 00:53:47,626
What is the superpower that you've got from making sense of your journey and your
awakenings?

610
00:53:47,626 --> 00:53:50,090
is the superpower what did I receive from

611
00:53:50,090 --> 00:53:51,785
The ability to.

612
00:53:51,835 --> 00:54:06,460
be more awake to the signs and the nudges from the universe and the desire to teach people
how to do that themselves, that we are not separate, that we are one.

613
00:54:06,460 --> 00:54:09,501
So yes, I think it's...

614
00:54:10,101 --> 00:54:12,872
I'm pleased to have experienced the Thud.

615
00:54:12,974 --> 00:54:26,637
because without it I wouldn't have like everything I wouldn't be here so I think the THUD
was a good thing and it's a positive experience to be able to share with others.

616
00:54:26,637 --> 00:54:26,988
Brilliant.

617
00:54:26,988 --> 00:54:29,185
Well, thank you ever so much again for this.

618
00:54:29,185 --> 00:54:32,837
It's been fab having you on and yeah, I've really enjoyed it.

619
00:54:32,837 --> 00:54:33,677
Thank you so much.

620
00:54:34,368 --> 00:54:38,728
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Crucible: Conversations for the Curious.

621
00:54:38,728 --> 00:54:47,368
If these powerful stories of transformation resonated with you, be sure to like, subscribe
and share this show with anyone who you think could do with a dose of inspiration for

622
00:54:47,368 --> 00:54:48,308
their own journey.

623
00:54:48,308 --> 00:54:54,888
I would really appreciate it if you could make any comments on your favourite podcast
platform as well, that helps me reach more people.

624
00:54:54,888 --> 00:54:58,348
All the important links and information are in the show notes below.

625
00:54:58,348 --> 00:55:01,083
Thank you very much for listening and catch up with you soon.