Hard Pass: "Bochur Behavior"

In this episode of Hard Pass, Hindi and Chayale take on the well-meaning but often unhelpful advice: “That’s just bochur behavior—he’ll grow out of it.” While it’s true that some adjustment is natural when a man transitions from yeshiva life to marriage, the hosts explore why waiting for your husband to “mature out” of habits like staying up late, spending hours at farbrengens, or joking like he's still in the dorm isn’t always fair—or accurate. Labeling certain behaviors as “bochurish” can unintentionally dismiss core parts of your husband’s personality, culture, or values.

Instead of approaching marriage with the mindset of “he’ll change eventually,” Hindi and Chayale advocate for embracing who your spouse is now. They unpack the dangers of creating a hierarchy in the relationship—where one partner sees themselves as more evolved or sophisticated—and how that mindset can erode connection and trust. With their usual warmth and insight, they offer a more empowering approach: one that values authenticity, encourages growth through acceptance, and honors the person you chose to marry—not the one you’re waiting for him to become.

What is Your Relationshift?

Welcome to Your Relationshift, hosted by Hindi Kalmenson and Chayale Tzukernik. Together, they bring their wealth of experience and passion for relationships, self-development, and Chassidic teachings to provide listeners with practical wisdom and inspiration about a healthy Jewish marriage. Hindi, a marriage and relationship coach from LA, and Chayale, a celebrated high school teacher and speaker from Crown Heights, delve into the principles of Relationshift, sharing stories and insights that have transformed the lives of many women.

In each episode, you'll hear heartfelt discussions and personal anecdotes that illuminate the core concepts of Relationshift, offering a blend of deep Chassidic teachings and practical advice. Whether you're looking to strengthen your marriage, enhance personal growth, or simply enjoy thought-provoking conversations, Your Relationshift is your go-to source for profound, relatable, and uplifting content. Join Hindi and Chayale as they guide you on a journey toward greater clarity, connection, and empowerment in your relationships and beyond.