well hello All You Beautiful
[Music]
People you know what time it
is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and
everyone in
between gather around get you something
real nice to sip on and comfy to slip
on cuz it's time for smut Club here's
your hosts chelse and
[Applause]
Hannah hey everyone and welcome to Smart
club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea I've
just given Chelsea a heart
attack I just didn't know that we were
recording already oh like I felt my
chest tighten in a real way and then I
was like then I paused for a second I'm
like what are you nervous about like
what are you oh well I just kicked my
mic so maybe maybe that's it we're just
starting off strong right okay um we're
so glad you guys are here yes thanks for
being on this journey maybe you are on
it on a weekly basis maybe you just show
up because you like the book but
regardless we're glad you're here this
is the podcast where we tend to daydrink
and review and read trashy romance
novels correct some of them aren't
trashy some of them are classy yeah I
would say this one that I'm doing today
is maybe like more in the
middle like it's not trashy and it's not
terrible it's more like
um there's
more Exposition than plot does that make
sense yes but also what's the name of oh
sure it's his for Hanukkah by ree
Morrison so I is Ree with a C or an S an
s
okay and I found this author by accident
um they are a um they identify as queer
and they write queer romance awesome um
and I believe that they are
Jewish I'm pretty sure I read that
somewhere well at the very least they
wrote a book about a Jewish holiday they
did they did and
so I was telling you before we started
and then you stopped me so that we could
do on here um yeah I like you and I have
this horrible habit it's why we started
the podcast because we used to enjoy
everyone on our work links talking about
books but I do think the funniest thing
is like we get so excited to tell each
other about the books that we like
forget to save it for recording yep and
then there are moments where I'm like
damn it that was funny but then it feels
weird because you don't want to repeat
the joke you just made that doesn't feel
sincere it doesn't so I'm sorry that I
just earlier Hannah was like mids
sentence and I literally went stop
telling me she said stop stop I like
just stop I save it I want to know but
not right now so sorry wasn't wasn't
trying to like it's good we'll Circle
back around um so um I what I
appreciated most about this book really
um is that as I was saying earlier but I
don't think I finished the thought all
the way is that the reason why this book
didn't feel trashy to me is because it's
obvious that this author knows the
community she's writing
about so like you know a lot of authors
are ooh I want to write about Kink or
like oo I want to write about like a gay
romance or whatever and they have no
real experience in it and it and they
put it in like chat GPT and they're like
exactly tell me about Kink exactly and
so it feels really um like
almost just ridiculous like it's like
that's not how any of this really
works and so it just doesn't it I don't
know it just feels wrong to me um well I
feel like we've had that conversation
about books um that are like BDSM and
things like that and and you're so right
you can always tell that difference of
like oh they understand this community
they're in this community versus they're
like I Read 50 Shades of Gray and I
think this concept is hot but like when
there's like no conversations about
consent or safe words or or boundaries
and
like I think that's always a moment that
I pause and I'm like I feel like the
author
might be new to the community or
learning about it but when you can just
kind of tell like they're not as like
well versed yes yeah what I want
integrated into the community yeah like
active like yeah you know it's like okay
so maybe they went to a club one time to
like learn about the community and then
they were like I got it and decided to
write a whole book about it I did 45
minutes of research right right you know
the confidence of like a mediocre white
man be like I've got this I've learned
all I need to know yeah there's nothing
that can be explained to me because I
explain everything to everyone else
correct yes so um this book again his
for Hanukkah by reys
Morrison so um there is kink involved
it's a queer romance so we've got layers
we've got layers so we start with Adam
Adam um he is really really struggling
um he we know right off the bat he has
some pretty intense anxiety issues his
favorite hoodie which is like his
comfort item got really messed up and so
he's going to get a new one but none of
them feel right and if anybody else has
like sensory stuff you know that like
that's a big deal it doesn't sound like
it but it really is my husband has like
major sensory stuff and so like if
things don't feel right he won't feel
right like for the whole day like if the
textures aren't right I'll say I'm not
that big of like at that level of
sensory but I did just have a very
similar situation with sweatpants for
the first time cuz I had like a pair of
sweatpants that I've worn out because um
I have thick thighs and I get the chub
rub and um yeah it's a family curse my
son is [ __ ] my husband and I both get
it um but we're like I'm like we just
have big thighs and our thighs rub
together I'm like and that's like no
matter how much I work out no matter how
much I weigh I've just like embraced
like yeah that's how we're built yeah we
I I'm built as a thick thighed human but
the
uh I got real thread bear between the
thighs that's always where my pants go
first yes 1,000% and I didn't realize it
until I was sitting on my patio talking
to my sister-in-law and like put like
bent my leg up and just like put it
underneath me and I looked down I was
like that is a giant oh there's two
there's a hole on each side and then I
was holding my baby then he discovered
the holes I'm like nope that's not a toy
mom just has TR but all this to say I
was like cool I need a new pair of
sweatpants the this pair was from Old
Navy and I couldn't find it on their
website again and I looked like for a
long time through all of the reviews I
ended up ordering a pair on Amazon I put
them on in for like 3 seconds and I went
absolutely [ __ ] not took them
straight back
off I was like these need to be returned
cannot wear these yeah at all and found
that Old Navy had like what I think the
pair I had was like extra high-waisted
vintage joggers and now I just have
extra high-waisted joggers and I'm like
these are the same sweatpants but I'm
like but it's the the feeling of them
and as soon as I put them on I was like
oh thank God yeah I was like these are
the sweatpants I was like and I had a
moment where I went do I just need to
buy like six pairs and just
like like stock up on them should they
go out in the future because I've
already seen that I can't survive with
these Amazon sweatpants these have
become a necessity for me yes like and
it was the first time cuz like I think
like I like to be cozy sure but I think
it was the first time that I was like oh
no what what do I do I don't have these
sweatpants
anymore so that is literally the energy
Adam is bringing he's like his whole
life he feels like is in shambles at
this point it's not but he just doesn't
feel good he's not happy he's anxious
and he's really struggling so he has a
high stress uh high-profile sort of job
they have forced him to take vacation
not because anything is wrong just
because he hasn't taken time off in 3
years and he has so much PTO they were
like you you have to take time off
that's it so they forced him to take two
weeks most companies not have like a you
can only roll over so much do do I think
that was the issue I think that was the
isue he was coming to the end of his
like rollover where he could acrew after
years I want his PTO plan that's that's
what I'm really getting at so my husband
is notorious for just having maxed PTO
at all times and I don't understand it
because he does take time off he just AC
Cruis it so fast because he's been there
for so long that he can't burn it fast
enough so he just gives it away to
people like he hears that somebody's out
sick he gives them some PTO he hears
somebody had a baby he gives them some
PTO he's like sweet he was like I mean I
have the document like printed and saved
on my desk so I can just jot it down
real quick and give it to HR a and
that's the energy I feel from Adam where
he's like I don't need it I don't want
it like he thrives on routine and that's
what he wants like he wants the routine
he like he finds a lot of comfort in it
so even though this is meant to be a
time for him to recharge and take care
of himself it does not feel that way yes
he's not excited about this vacation no
so he's at the mall trying to find a new
hoodie and it's Christmas stuff
everywhere um and he is just getting
increasingly
agitated um you know we find out his
boyfriend dumped him like about a year
ago uh because he was too needy his
parents don't really talk to him and
he's thinking you know he really wants
to find a boyfriend more than that he
wants what what he refers to as like a a
full-time Dom not somebody you're just
doing scenes with but somebody that is
like a full-time Dom um but he feels
like he's too needy to ever have a
relationship like that so he's just down
on himself all over the place
um he
at one point somebody like bumps him cuz
the mall is like overrun with people and
it hurts and he he's like wow I'm I'm
kind of being like a little bit of a
wimp about this and then his exact quote
is um why do some things feel so
unpleasant but an actual whipping can
make me
come which I found fun and interesting
what a what a way to to let us know
where Adam is at um
so he's like wow someone pushed my
shoulder lightly and that really hurt
but I can only orgasm if someone's
actively spanking me like basically like
I I don't think the thought is I can
only orgasm then but like definitely can
like you know so uh he's like he decides
he's going to go to the sex club he used
to go to with his ex he he feels like he
lost his friend group after their
breakup because he didn't they were all
friends together mhm and he's been back
occasionally but not all the time and he
just doesn't feel like he fits there
anymore but he decides he's going to go
um so he their friend group fell apart
partly because um he saw his friend Tate
who is a trans male um he had dumped his
girlfriend so they got together while
Tate was transitioning and then the
girlfriend was no longer into it and it
was like a whole thing that kind of like
and then Adam and his boyfriend broke up
and the whole friend group kind of just
deteriorated so the last time he was at
the club he saw Tate and Tate was trying
to flirt with him and he just like shut
down because he doesn't he's not good
with the social interaction and so he
was like I mean I want to see Tate he's
super hot but I don't wanna I I can't I
can't talk to him like so basically what
we find out is that when he goes to this
club some of the people who run it some
of his close friends essentially will
match him with a Dom that they trust and
work out the terms for him so that he
never has to
actually good friends very good friends
and a high level of trust from Adam for
these
people um but that's what he has done he
doesn't do it often really at all um but
if he's going to hook up that's the way
that he does it so for Tate to approach
him is like a big hard no for him but
Tate doesn't know that oh
okay so
um he decides you know what I understand
that it's midafternoon I don't care I'm
going to the club he's like I am over
Christmas right now it is in my face I
don't have did he find a sweatshirt or
does he give up he gave up so I know
nothing felt right so he gave up on the
sweatshirt so
he he feels like Christmas is just like
in his face and there's like a single
manora in all of the the shop windows
and he's like honestly Hanukkah really
isn't even one of the high holidays who
gives a [ __ ] but like come on on like
come on and he's getting like
increasingly agitated about it mhm um
and it makes him feel more and more
invisible so he feels invisible in life
anyway but then
for he feels like his culture is being
sort of erased everywhere he looks and
so he just feels more and more isolated
and
invisible so uh he feels really good
about his decision to go to the club
he's like here for it he's excited we're
doing it so he walks in mid afternoon J
the Club Mid mid-afternoon J to the sex
club yes um which I think is called
Escape I think um well he was escaping
them all he was so he walks in and there
is Tate decorating a Christmas
tree and Adam loses his ever loving [ __ ]
one of the owners no he's just a regular
so the the feel of this is very much the
way that my friends who are active in
Kink communities describe theirs where
it is sort of a big family where people
just show up and they hang out and
sometimes there's a scene sometimes
there isn't but they do holidays
together and things like that that's the
energy so Tate is just helping to
decorate for their holiday party well
and okay I was having not a conversation
about Kink communities recently but I
was talking to a co-worker about where
you find your community as an
adult and
cuz he was talking [ __ ] about one of his
friends who had joined um like a
crossfit box and was like I think my
friend joined a cult and I was kind of
like well if you think about it like
where do you meet you meet people like I
feel like a lot of like you you grow up
with friends that are just old friends a
lot of adults find friends in religious
communities um or hobby communities
which I would include like physical
fitness like kind of can fall in that
category right I'm like yeah my cousin
still has friends that he will he used
to live in Nashville he now lives in
Texas 10 15 years later and he had
joined a running club when he had first
moved to Nashville and he still flies
back to do events with that friend group
yeah right
exactly but I yeah we've just had a big
conversation very recently about like
where do you find friends as an adult so
like it makes complete sense to me that
like you're like oh like-minded people
who feel safe with and Trust of course I
want to spend more time there absolutely
and it's you know it you're right he
doesn't feel like he can fit in or have
community at work he's very good at when
he focuses his anxiety kind of eases and
so he's very good at his job he's a team
lead and even with his anxiety he's able
to like manage all this stuff and he
does really great um outside of that
structure though he has a very difficult
time but because he has been in this
Kink Community it would seem for several
years they know him he trusts them they
understand his anxiety and they really
support him through that which is what
he needs cuz he doesn't get it from his
own family either
so he sees Tate decorating a Christmas
tree and loses his [ __ ] and he just
walks over and like kicks a a present
box
like an empty one that's just for
decoration he just kicks it and Tate's
like hey hey Adam you you okay bud like
what you doing you good my dude and Adam
is so escalated he can't even respond
and
so this is the way that it is described
is Tate puts on his daddy voice and uh
tells him to Kick the Box again like he
can see that he's having a hard time and
needs some kind of release so he tells
him to Kick the Box again and so Adam
Goes Bananas and he starts yelling about
how um no one cares about him no one
asks him about um his his holidays like
he names several he's talking about yam
kapor and rashash Shana and all this
other stuff um and uh he's always alone
you know and he is a regular attendee of
synagogue like he goes every single
Saturday but he still doesn't have like
the religious community aspect of that
and so he doesn't have people to
celebrate these major holidays with and
so after he destroys a bunch of stuff he
just starts sobbing his eyeballs out
while Tate holds him like he had this
big like explosion of emotion and then
it seemed like a a an adrenaline crash
after literally what I was just thinking
yeah like a big adrenaline Crash from
all this rage that he had been kind of
holding on to really since his breakup
which had been a very significant amount
of time yeah uh you said it the breakup
had been like a year before I think it
it may have been even longer but it was
at least a year um and so he realizes
that he feels warm and safe with Tate
kind of holding him um and he's just
kind of quietly talking to him and he
gives him some water and just kind of
sits with him while he comes down and
then he start to lick Tate's neck and
then realizes what he's doing and is
like like oh no oh abort Mission like
like I've made a mistake um and he's
like like was just cuddled in Tate's
laugh and Tate was taking care of him
and like he was just comfy yeah
yeah so uh he's like I really like this
guy is the kicker to all of this like I
really like him he's super hot they've
been friends for years because they were
in the same friend group and he's like
and now I've probably ruined any chance
we have at like rebuilding our
friendship after all this time because I
just destroyed all the hard work that he
did and then made it weird by licking
his neck great work like but was Tate
into the the neck licking well he
doesn't
know so he's like he got two in his head
about it right so he's trying to pull
away and Tate like
holds on to him tighter um and Adam
keeps reminding myself like he is not my
daddy like that's what he's looking for
that's like the Dom type he's looking
for he's like Tate's not my daddy he's
not my dom like I need to have bound
like emotional boundaries here through
this and need to recognize what this is
and what this isn't exactly so he says
that out loud like you're not my daddy
you don't have to take care of me it's
okay um he's like you know but I I know
I understand this wasn't a scene like we
didn't set this up I'm really really
sorry uh and Tate just tells him not to
move he's like don't move so we kind of
we sort of get both points of view but
it's all in third person so that was
like Adam's setup for this whole thing
so we go to Tate and he is super excited
that Adam is in his arms uh he's always
wanted more with him he's always thought
he was really attractive
um and he's realizing now that a lot of
the weirdness because Tate had moved
away for a while okay and then came back
and had like finished his
transition got it or as much transition
as he was going to do like he did all of
that and he had started tea and there's
like a lot of discussion of all of that
and um so he knew he looked different
and he was like maybe he's not attracted
to me who maybe aren't as familiar could
you explain what tea is for people yes
tea is testosterone um so there are
varing ways in which a person can
express their gender and so sometimes
that's through medical intervention and
T is just one of those medical
interventions um and
so uh yeah he's like he's really anxious
but he seems to be into me if the neck
lick is any
indication he's like seems like uh I
might be misreading this but but seems
like I I might have a Fighting Chance
yeah like maybe maybe this is my chance
and I'm going to take it you know way to
shoot your shot right we can respect it
yes so he keeps referring to Adam as his
boy like in his mind like that's my boy
and stuff like that um and he really
really really wants to take care of him
um so he he's trying to figure figure
out how do I do that like how do I do
that in a way that it feels safe for him
and like all that other stuff he's like
I'm pretty sure that we are
compatible um in a lot of ways in terms
of like Kink and in terms of what
they're looking for but he doesn't know
for sure because Adam is so anxious he
has a hard time communicating all
that so um like in a way where almost
ically Tate would be someone that they
would set Adam up with as far as like
exactly yep you are looking for the same
thing we stress this person we like but
hasn't been able to have that
conversation exactly and and Adam and
Tate both want more they are looking for
the same type of relationship they just
don't know that yet don't know it yet um
they're they're going like man I really
wish this was out there for me exactly
exactly uh so Adam is so out of it he
doesn't even notice people like walking
by or one of the other uh people in the
community bringing Adam water like he
doesn't notice any of it and Tate is
just like obviously I have to take care
of him like you know he's not he's not
in a good place he finds him super
adorable Tate finds Adam super adorable
um and he tells him that it's an honor
that Adam felt safe enough to let go
like that that he felt safe enough to
have that kind of emotional experience
with him what a beautiful reframe of
something that like I think historically
people can feel a lot of like shame and
embarrassment exactly and that's
definitely where Adam starts out like a
lot of Shame and embarrassment so
um Tate has been questioning because
every time he's tried to flirt with Adam
Adam has gotten weird and he thought it
was because he was trans he was like
maybe he's just not into me because of
that and then he starts to realize that
it's it's because of the anxiety um and
so you know Adam had said I didn't think
you were into me and Tate's
like buddy I've been flirting with you
hardcore I've been trying so hard to
flirt with you for so long yes he's like
I stopped because I thought I was making
you uncomfortable and you weren't into
it because I'm trans and Adam's like no
no I'm very into all of it just anxious
yeah it's a very cute moment um so
um Tate like the the theme of the whole
book really is that Tate works so hard
to understand where Adam is coming from
and like what what's going on instead of
making assumptions or um decisions for
him he really tries to understand what's
going on with him I got to say what an
admirable quality I know
because well one it's an admirable
quality period like no
comma but I will also
say that is something that like I did
not realize was a difficulty of mine
because I think like I'm always just
like moving so fast
right and I like let's say sure I get it
right like 7 to 8% of the time I'm like
nope knew where we were going already
got there on to the next like help me
help you my guy like right but then
there's like the 20 to 25 and obviously
these numbers I probably get it wrong
way more [ __ ] often than that these
are generous numbers in my comtable
giving you that kind of credit I'm good
with that thank you thank you but I feel
like that's something that I didn't
realize I did and now being married for
years and years I'm very aware
of like I hell I'm pretty sure I did it
several times this week and there are
times where my husband's
like in the kindest way possible if you
let me finish my
sentence that's that's not where we were
ending um see how you got there but if
you could let me finish my sentence
you'd see that we weren't going to end
there
either so just I truly appreciate that
quality because that is not a quality
that comes naturally to me right and so
seeing people who do it better I'm like
one it's not hard to do it better but
being like oh oh what a healthy that's
so precious and and kind cuz like I'm
the same way and it's usually for me it
comes from a place of anxiety where I'm
like so anxious to understand that I
overshoot and so then I like mess it up
yes and so for for like the Kink
Community as well that's a big deal for
him to to be that uh gentle and open
because he is definitely still a Dom and
also the way in which he is dominant is
also kind and supportive and caring
rather than like a aggressive maybe is
the word I want okay this is going to be
a very weird pivot but just go with me
on this okay I'll track well as you know
I watched The Challenge a lot when I was
pregnant and now my baby loves TJ Lavin
voice and stops crying if TJ laughing is
on but I did know that but at some point
I'm
like we we got to we got to switch to
miss Rachel or Bluey my dude we got to
find a different Comfort show but what I
always find super interesting is on like
team challenges or like partner
challenges um the differences in
partners and the part like just cuz
there are some where you're like you are
screaming at this person and they're not
moving fast enough and you're like I'm
[ __ ] pushing you up this mountain and
like an aggressive way that you're like
this isn't helpful at all versus the
people that are like okay you're doing
so incredible like I know you have that
weighted pack on your shoulders like
right okay yep just how can I help you
we got to make it 50 more yards than
we're at the puzzle or like hey if we
make it up to this hill I'll take 10 of
your pounds off your like out of your
pack and put it in mine right
MH and sure sometimes the aggressive
people win but do they win right like
right no because when it like everyone
just thinks you're a huge piece of [ __ ]
when that's when that's how you're
communicating versus the people who were
like like there was one challenge where
uh the guy was like listen I know I'm
the last place dude and I know she's the
last place female no amount of time that
I like I like I can't catch up I've
already lost so instead of leaving her
in the wind and just letting this girl
finish the run on her own I'm going
going to stay with her and encourage her
and support her through it and like
we'll cross the finish line together yes
in a way where you're like
Oh What a Beautiful M like just like
those moments where you're like you
don't you don't have to be in a dominant
role and be an [ __ ] exactly so I'm
loving that energy in this book and it's
so different from most of the romance
out there because it usually is very
mutually exclusive like if somebody is
dominant then they're also a dick yes
and that's just not true for Tate which
is really cool yes here for this so Tate
is enjoying this entire interaction Adam
is being a little bit bratty and needy
and he's like I'm into this whole
situation I'm loving it starts calling
him his little star um and um this book
is so intering I know it's really sweet
um and so they t start talking about
Adam's past hookups and his needs um and
uh he's like super turned on that Adam
is following his directions like cuz
Adam tries to get up a couple of times
and he's like stay come back you know
and he's like following all the
directions
um he Adam is like I'm I don't want to
be too much like you know he's like well
you're brater than I thought like I'm
loving that and he's like I'm really
sorry and Adam's like oh do I need to
turn it down he's like do I need to I
and he's trying to like turn it down and
and you know make himself less
essentially um and Tate is like hey so
you're going to come home with me and
I'm going to take care of
you and um Adam is like well for for how
long and Tate is thinking forever but
that would be weird uh can't say that
this soon he's like so uh for eight days
you're coming home with me for Hanukkah
right and so um I see I see what we did
there yeah so it's all very sweet and
again we don't get all of their history
but they've known each other for years
because on one hand I was like big yikes
Bud why didn't anybody else in the club
say anything cuz that felt really risky
if they're always caring for Adam but
they've both been going to this club for
a long time they've both known each
other for a long time so I still felt
that you know if anything was unsafe the
people in the club would have said
something um so Adam's freaking out I
love you looking out for Adam like that
I know I was like
a you're like not my Adam
never so he's freaking out uh because he
doesn't know the plan so because I have
similar anxiety I need to know the plan
yeah I need to know we did this last
night when we were discussing what we
were wearing ing today I was like maybe
I need to bring options you were like no
ironically when you said you were
bringing options I thought that means
Hannah's going to bring a flannel button
up and then you showed up in my house
wearing a flannel button up and I was
like I'm so I know Hannah we've been
friends for years now I was like I got
that [ __ ] right oh my god well that's
this is like my hoodie like that's my
comfort hoodie is my flannel um but
anyway so Adam is panicking because he
doesn't know the plan so Tate is able to
read the anxiety and he's like what do
you need and he's like I don't know and
he's like what's going and he like
explores it with him and then he tells
him um okay so here's the plan um I'm
going to give you a bath we're going to
cuddle there's going to be no sex we're
going to order your dinner and then
we're going to go to
bed and we're going to sleep a [ __ ]
great night I know I was like a throw a
puzzle in there I know right I'm
sold throw in a season of The Challenge
and you have Chelsea
catnip honestly we've watched so many
it's like burning are we over it
now
I I've I know I've watched too much
because we started going through the old
Seasons because I was like we've watched
all of the newer ones um Seasons 10
through
38 are available on Paramount
plus oh
Chelsea yeah now I will also say this a
lot of like the early Seasons they were
like the 20 minute episodes the show got
more popular they became like hourlong
episodes but then the seasons became a
lot shorter right and then they were
like okay now these are like longer
episodes and longer Seasons um so I will
say it is also something that's like
normally like passively on in the
background it's not something that like
you're actively
watching yeah like when they're like can
you name all of the seasons in order I'm
like what like who won this season like
when like you're watching like trivia on
the show and I'm like y'all know these
things like right I'm like I have pretty
good attention to detail no [ __ ] clue
yeah I'm like there's there's too many
seasons there's too many things well and
we have other priorities
yes then who won the 37th season of The
Challenge yeah well like cuz like
Amazing Race and Survivor and like all
of those shows are like like big brother
I think is on like season 25 or
something where all of them are pretty
far in and I'm not [ __ ] on this at
all but it's a legitimate question I
have like does the being the winner of
season
33 feel as good or carry the same like
Prestige yes yeah I don't know that's a
good question just like with all of the
shows not just the challenge right yeah
I and especially now that like it's just
its whole universe right so like you
start on One show and then you'll like
Go crossover and be a guest on like a
bunch of other shows
right yeah I mean it feels very like a
closed circuit you know it's like cool
you just have to like get your in on one
of these in you can't get out and if
they like you right you can stay in this
this universe as long you want yes which
is a wild thing to think about like that
can that's your job yeah that is weird
yeah I mean it's interesting well cuz
there are some people who like do the
challenge and historically they're like
this is my like this is my job this is
what I do cuz I don't know how often
they shoot but I mean if you make it
you're shooting for at least probably
two months if you make it through the
full competition you know MH like that's
a long time a long time and the
physical capabilities that you need for
so many of those shows that you're like
cool well I got cut early because I
wasn't
physically in shape so now I'm working
out way more in the off season so I can
come back and win and then it's just
like next thing you know it's like a
professional athlete for your Seasons
well I also think what's like when these
shows started like it was like 19 year
olds 20 year olds on the real world
right and now you have people that
they're like like Johnny Bananas on the
challenge I think he's he's been in over
like he's been between 20 and 25 seasons
of the show like he's in his 40s now and
I'm like you are competing with people
that like are now oh sorry that was
Craig oh I'm so sorry Craig oh my God
for those who didn't just see that Craig
was sniffing my foot and I thought
something was crawling on my foot and
then I kicked and Craig
um he's fine he's okay it wasn't like a
large that was sorry Craig I didn't mean
to kick you but yeah all that to say
like it's reality television is no
longer a young man's game corre you have
people in their 30s 40s like 50s that
are like yeah I've had kids I've like
had a
full career right and of this and now
I'm 45 and a reality star right but like
didn't start there some like you know
I'm like some of the shows cool you got
on it when you were like in your late
30s early 40s like you were you L led a
full life before that and now you're
here right where others it's all they've
known it's weird I mean good for them
2023 is a weird year to be alive yes for
a lot of reasons not just that but I do
think like the concept of like being an
influencer 15 years ago yeah what yeah
even still now that's how I know that
like I'm I am no longer young really is
like I don't I don't get it like I'm
like oh
no so why why is this person cool like
what what is a yeet I'm like you know
what I mean um I asked I asked Vance
recently I was like so talk to me about
Olivia Rodrigo and he's like what do you
want to know I'm like where did she
start how did we get here yes yeah and
then we looked it up and I was like oh
what and now I'm forgetting if she was
like a Disney child start or something
like that but just one of those where I
was like how how is this 18 year however
old she is that whole song about her
driver's license which I felt way too
old to be that emotionally impacted by
well and I you know the other day we had
somebody you know at at work who was
admitting and I was looking at their
birth date and I was like that's got to
be a typo you know they were born in
like
2004 and I was like oh my God they made
people after 1998 I like really like I
really had hard time with it I saw a
post where someone was like biggest blow
I've had recently was uh went to buy
some alcohol and when I handed them my
ID they immediately handed it back and I
was like do you not need to check it she
was like oh no I saw your birthday it
starts with a one like your birth year
and I was like oh God oh God
anyone oh [ __ ]
like oh my God I hadn't been prepared
for yeah that no no mentally or
emotionally did you see the Tweet a long
time ago where someone was like someone
just said that I they're like oh yeah
she was born in the late 1900
yes I was
like right right casual we're fine we're
everything's okay we're all doing great
I'm okay it's okay okay how did we do
this where were so Tate was explaining
to Adam how he was going to take care of
him yes so they get to Tate's house and
Tate had casually mentioned that Adam
was going to be punished for his
tantrum and Adam was like say more but
Tate did not so they get home and uh
Adam is asking about his punishment um
and he is like shocked by his own
forwardness he's like why is this coming
out of my mouth shut up shut up shut up
but he's still going for
it um so uh Tate says we'll talk over
dinner um about what we're both looking
for right so to make sure we're on the
same page so um Adam starts spiraling
again and he's like is this just for 8
days is it going to be more what's going
on am I just his for Hanukkah or is this
going to last right excellent see what I
did there I did and I liked
it um it was low hanging fruit but I
appreciate the
response so
um he's like he is uh what I like to
call Future tripping where he's like
well if this works out like I can give
Tate power over my my finances if he's
going to be my Daddy he can pay my bills
like you know if he's going to like not
that Tate is going to pay his bills but
literally giving him Financial power so
that he can just manage his money
because it just stresses him out really
bad and he's like pump the brakes at him
like maybe slow down
buddy whoa like he's like scaring
himself oh so okay hold on Adam was
saying all that it's like an internal
monologue yes he didn't say that out
loud when you said pump the brakes I was
like wait Tate told him to pump the
brakes I was like he said that out loud
to Tate oh my God and I was like I think
I think that misinterpretation was on me
okay so internal monologue and just like
and yeah funny cuz it's like it's not
like
catastrophizing right it's like reverse
catastrophizing right he's like moderate
your expectations babe like we just got
here like slow down so um I uh
I feel like you say this as well in
sessions but I feel like all of the time
I'm just in session being like listen
that is a conversation and that is a
problem for future Chelsea and future
Hannah but current Chelsea and current
Hannah cannot do anything about that but
future Chelsea would love to have that
conversation yes yes where you're like
and I feel like that's what Adam's doing
Adam's like okay this is a conversation
for future Adam to have with future Tate
not current Adam to have with current
right right either one really
neither neither one is going to be
helpful um and so um Tate is like
picking up on the spiral and um gives
Adam a spanking which was the punishment
from before
MH um and uh he also tells I'm guess
Adam was into it well oh so he he tells
Tate tells Adam that the punishment
really is because he should be bringing
his anxiety to tapate before it spirals
so that they can work through it
together and so he needs to trust him to
do that and so um Adam is very
conflicted about this whole moment that
they're having and he is sobbing his
eyeballs out um and so Tate just
snuggles him for a little bit does Adam
have a
therapist I think it's casually
mentioned but he may need a new one yeah
he may need a new one cuz it's a lot I
was like it makes me sad that he's like
going through that much you know yes
like I'm like this is like this anxiety
is 1,00% impacting his ability to like
function in day-to-day life yes it is
and that is like cuz we we are both
anxious people yep and but that's like
where I've always been on the fence with
medication management because I've
always like no no no I have a [ __ ] ton
of anxiety and it
doesn't impact my daily functioning
right where I'm like I've I've been able
to manage it enough right and sure there
have been Seasons where I look back and
I'm like I could have used some help
there yeah probably probably should have
considered some Med management at the
time
um just no so I think for Adam he has
been managing pretty well but because
his routine is all messed up because
he's not at work and because like all
these other it's the holidays it's all
like a perfect storm of stuff because it
sounds like he's generally very
successful he's just also anxious but
then you take away his routine and you
take away or and you add the stress of
the holidays and feeling invisible and
not having family and he's like he can't
manage it so so Tate like just snuggles
him and takes care of him and tells him
like this if we're going to do this like
you have to tell me when you're anxious
like that's like we have to do that
together we have to agree on that um and
then he tells him and this is really
sweet he tells him that he looked up how
to DIY a manora because Tate's not
Jewish so he doesn't have a manora and
so he DIYs he gives him several options
so they use wine glasses and like beans
dry beans and rice in the wine glasses
and like set up birthday candles in it
um to light the
candles and um Adam is it night it's
night one yes correct cuz it was a whole
eight eight days okay mhm So Adam is
like well we don't have to like he's
he's like hedging he's like you know
Hanukkah actually isn't really that
important to me like it just has become
important culturally because of
Christmas but it's like not really um
and uh it was never special when he was
growing up and then he Geeks out hard
over the history of the holiday and goes
into like all the detail of how we have
Hanukkah and why and it's not even in
the Torah I'm guessing Tate's like so it
sounds like maybe Hanukkah is something
we're into Tate's like this is the
cutest [ __ ] I've ever seen he's like
this is so [ __ ] cute and so um they
do the whole thing and um they say Gra
attitudes which is part of the whole
deal um the Mitzvah as it were and um I
recently found a gold dinosaur manora
there is reference to a dinosaur manora
later but I don't think I put it in my
nose I wanted it then I was like we
that's weird yeah I'm like might be
weird well I'm like I have like extended
family that are Messi onic at the same
time it's still enough that I'm
like sure in the future if I start
making a regular practice when like yes
then I could justify the the cost of
this
$80
$80 then I was like damn it who do I
know who needs a gold dinosaur manora
and then I was like [ __ ] it do I just
send it to someone and no gift note just
being my best friend is Jewish she would
love that and so would her sons you send
me the link I will send you the link
1,00% I was like do I just send it to
like my cousins and not like tell them
it's going to show up don't tell them
it's from you just a random um I did
that not with a c dinosaur manora but
several years ago I was several drinks
in and um was telling my cousins about
the Claremont
Lounge have you seen the tie-dye shirts
they have on their website no they say
like I saw your mama shaking it at the
Claremont
Lounge a and I was very Tipsy and
thought I should just buy one and mail
it to my cousin with there was like no
like
place to put a note or or like this is a
gift or whatever nothing and then I
completely forgot she textt me and
because she lived in Chicago at the time
and she's like hey
Chelsea is this from you and I'm like oh
my God yes no forgot about
it what an awesome thing to forget yes
but like who else would send it I have
questions you know that is the bigger
like if someone else sent it you
probably should have concerns but I'm
like you
know I I would love for that to be the
energy I carry throughout my life you're
like oh you never know what's going to
show up at our house chelse had a few
glasses of wine and got excited and she
like I just thought you needed this it's
fine and that's why everyone in the
future will have a gold dinosaur manora
so if you receive a random gold dinosaur
manora just know it was from Chelsea
it's me but for real I will send it to
you for your friend please do yes yeah
her kids would love that so
um Adam is like this is really nice just
remember it's temporary like he's
continuously reminding himself he is not
your daddy this is temporary like eight
days y don't get attached so Tate does
not want to have to go to work and leave
Adam um because he wants to spend time
with him so he gives him Specific
Instructions for the day and like makes
sure that he eats like he has him text
in pictures cuz he's really bad at
eating regularly for some of us with
anxiety that is a big
problem so um he is just getting a lot
of Joy from taking care of Adam he
really likes it um and like making sure
that Adam is like happy and and
comfortable so he he instructed they
have not had any sexual contact really
at all aside from the spanking a little
bit of neck licking that's really it
like there's been no nothing else if I'm
making weird faces it's because I have
to sneeze and I'm trying so hard to not
sneeze but I recognize that I keep like
squinting up at the lights and trying to
stop it so if you're looking over and
going what the [ __ ] are you okay Chelsea
that's like you don't need to get
emotional like your eyes are watering
I'm like it's okay he just has Adam wait
for him in a submissive position at home
nothing bad's going to happen no need to
cry about it nothing bad's going to
happen
um so um yes Adam is in a submissive
position with a blindfold on um and he
like goes and gets a
traditional uh like seasonal pastry
Jewish pastry um and they they do some
food
play um and he's really worried
that Adam is going to judge his body
because he's
trans there's reference to his Top
surgery um and just you know that he
looks different and he's just really
worried about that um but uh he's he
just decides that he is going to just
focus on Adam's pleasure and so he uh
there's my notes say orgasm denial
follows Follow by a BJ for Adam so Tate
gives Adam a [ __ ] got it um
everyone's happy and then you know Tate
didn't come and Adam is like weird about
it and he's like no no you don't
understand like I got more pleasure from
having this with you than whatever
whatever so orgasming wasn't my only
goal of this experience right orgasming
was not the point of this right um
bringing you pleasure and H experiencing
you was the
point I [ __ ] love that my pets are
just like thank God Hannah's here they
are well Craig is in a half crouch on my
lap and I just want him to settle and be
comfortable oh his eyes are closing
he'll probably fall asleep like that
he's not all the way down nope okay
buddy whatever makes you happy no there
are a lot of times where I look at Craig
and I'm like this is a choice you're
making right you don't have to make this
choice I do that with my cat Fred all
the time because she'll like lay right
on the edge of the bed she has plenty of
space and then she will like do and then
slide off the side of the bed and I'm
like so I have pillows lined up around
my bed so that she she has a gentle
Landing cuz you'll look over and she's
like on her back with her little paws up
and her eyes still closed like
what ridiculous anyway are the best So
Adam uh Tate worked it out so that he
could work from home for like most of
the rest of the time that Adam's going
to be with him and so Adam is getting
really bored watching Tate work and um
he's like buzzing around trying to find
something to do he's like his anxiety is
starting to build because he doesn't
have a purpose for all the energy so
he's like buzzing around not knowing
what to do and then Tate finally gives
him instructions for lunch like get the
following items put them on a tray bring
them over here like very specific stuff
to
do um so then question yes would it have
to be that specific or could he just be
like hey clean the bathroom so Adam
wants it to be that specific got it it
like helps him he doesn't even usually
like it when Tate gives him options he
literally just wants Tate to decide cuz
his anxiety gets so overpowering he has
a difficult time I recognize that that
is what they are into and what they are
both looking for in a relationship
and I need Adam to get a new therapist
yeah well so Tate will give him options
and then say or do you want me to choose
and then Adam will say I want you to
choose and I love that they have like
established that but I'm also like at
some level I'm like Adam like his
anxiety is that like it it makes me sad
his anxiety is that bad yes and also
glad that Tate recognizes it and has had
has like built some strategies to help
him yes but also yes a new therapist
would be good yeah cuz I feel the same
I'm like I love that like Tate
understands what the situation is and is
helping navigate it
and mind you I'm feeling in a narrative
here right but I'm like that's a lot of
pressure on on your partner yeah like
even if like you're into caring for them
like your partner being like please make
all of my decisions for me because I am
too anxious to do anything on my own
right that's a lot it's a lot of
pressure that's a lot of pressure I like
I yeah and even if you're into it like I
I very much know my husband loves taking
care of me and my husband is looked me
dead in the eye and been like I can't
take this for you right and you need to
find someone professional to talk to
like not in a mean way not like it is
because he loves me it's more it
is because I want to take care of you
that I'm going to tell you that I can't
yes and we're going to find you somebody
who can absolutely and I I think that
you know Tate gets a lot of joy and
fulfillment from it and you know as long
as everybody's cool that's great if
everyone's cool and everyone's happy I
think therapist Chelsea is like how long
is this sustainable yeah before like
resentment and those things like but
also that is why early on Adam was like
I recognize I'm a lot in these
situations and it takes a very specific
partner yep to be able to navigate that
with me right to fulfill this need yes
okay so so Tate started giving Specific
Instructions which Adam was very
grateful for yep and then Tate feeds him
by hand while Adam is like seated on the
floor next to him and then Adam gets
sleepy and he falls asleep on the floor
next to Tate and it's like a cute moment
um so Tate wakes him up to make lot Keys
which you know are excellent like okay
this is a legit question is it Lis or
lkas cuz I always thought it was like
more of a like the other sound like a C
Sound instead of a key sound mhm but I
don't know so I have no idea I've heard
it both ways okay one person told me
that it's more like if you
are Eastern European oh just more like a
regional yeah I don't know that to be
true I'm just like it could have been
full of [ __ ] you know but it could have
been a fact could have been something
they made up in the moment it absolutely
could have fair enough and I would
believe it anyway honestly I really
would I'm like okay if you say anything
with enough confidence unless I like
blatantly know it's wrong there's a
certain level where I'm like I won't
question it but honestly even if you say
it with enough confidence even if I know
you're wrong I might still be like maybe
I'm
wrong right like I am susceptible to the
gasl light apparently because if you say
it with enough confidence I will
question myself
yes you know basically like okay but
guess like implies intentional like
manipulation right no I don't mean
malice you know what I
mean but you're also not wrong I
probably am more susceptible to
gaslighting than I want to admit I think
most of us are like I don't you know
that's fair it's just a thing I think
it's something that like sounds so
obvious that like when you're hearing
stories that you're like what I would
never fall for that but then when you're
like actually in it you're like oh I
fell for that no I fell for that very
like twice
yeah
yeah like
twice maybe three times for good
measure what what was that um do you
remember when okay this George W bush is
the younger one yeah uhhuh when there
was like an audio clip where he was like
fool me once sh shame on on me like fool
me like I don't remember that I don't
know remember it being like that blatant
but just one of those where he was
trying to be like fool me once shame on
you fool me twice shame on me but like
[ __ ] up the saying like fool me
twice [ __ ] who's the shame on like sh
everybody everybody gets shame for
having to witness this moment with you
yes yes but I love that that man have
you seen he
paints no oh my God George W bush does
Pet
Portraits okay so we're going to have to
hold that for later cuzz I have a lot of
questions and I'm going to need to
Google you're like sorry Chelsea you
can't just drop that and move on
casually we can't just pretend that
didn't happen at least I think it was
Pet Portraits well I'm going to find out
might have I might it could be nature
escapes for all I know either way I want
to see it and I want to know more touche
yeah okay so Adam fell asleep by Tate's
feet yep I keep wanting I think Adam I
keep wanting to say
Tatum that makes sense
so anyway Tate gets every like all the
ingredients ready and just like all Adam
has to do is put them
together um
so Tate
as
like Adam is starting to make these he's
getting a little choked up cuz like
nobody's done anything this thoughtful
for him in a really long time and so
he's like all emotional and then Tate
comes over and basically starts feeling
him up while while he's trying to make
these which makes it very difficult for
him to effectively mix the
ingredients um okay
question maybe this is just a Vance
thing but I had to get it like lay not
lay into Vance but like had to look him
squarely in the eye because Vance will
do this thing if I'm doing the dishes
let's say the sink is has been
completely full I will get 90 to 95% of
the way through the dishes and then
Vance will come up and like start like
try and like grab my boob or kiss my
neck and I'm like my hands are still wet
I've made it 90 to 95% of the way
through this task can I just [ __ ]
finish this last dish and dry my hands
and manance was like like I feel like
that's like the Perpetual conversation I
was like listen I drove the car all the
way here you going to park it in the
garage for me
like let me finish this
task
I just want to be able to cross it off
my list yes I'm like I'm so [ __ ]
close feel the room I've been doing the
dishes for 30 minutes and he walked up
in the last five let me finish see I do
the opposite thing to other people all
the time where they are almost done with
a task like clearly they're almost done
and I'm like hey do you need any
help it driv my dad [ __ ] bananas he's
like no no I don't he's like great
timing kid perfect I'm like thank you
also that is a quote about the drove the
car all the way here that I was once my
um my extended family who are Messianic
I would go on their annual synagogue
Retreat when I was in Middle School and
everyone was puzzling and my dad and
uncle had been working on a puzzle and
it was one of those like the last 10
pieces and someone sat down and tried to
help and my uncle was like no we drove
the car all the way here but thanks for
parking it in the
garage and the guy like got up and like
walked away oh faux pop like that is
puzz puzzle etiquette 101 puzzle
etiquette come on man bless it the sweet
so Vance and I are big puzzle people but
we'll start a puzzle and then I'm like
okay I did the edge and now I'm going to
go read a book and then I'll come back
but Vance like when he gets in the zone
the focus yes and he will go like fully
finish a puzzle and I'm like well damn
it I wanted to puzzle with you but I
didn't like need to finish the puzzle 3
hours after the Box
opened and so even when he's like I like
even if I sort like three pieces at the
start Vance always saves the last piece
for me to put in the puzzle oh my God
that's the cutest [ __ ] thing I've
ever heard it's really it's the sweet
and I was like Vance I didn't do this
puzzle and he's like yes you did it's
our thing and it's oh my God that's so
cute isn't it oh my
God like it's such a small thing but
it's so sweet that he's always like I
know I just did a thousand piece puzzle
by myself but it's our thing it's our
puzzle it's
yeah I love that it's very sweet okay so
much like you're getting emotional
now not the puzzle a puzzle Adam um was
getting emotional and thought it was
very sweet yes and as he's getting
emotional Tate starts feeling them up
yes and um so they are like going at it
in the kitchen and then yes and then
Tate winds up banging him on the kitchen
table
and um after Adam finishes he feels Tate
start to like move in a different way
and he realizes that Tate is trying to
get off and he's like oh okay like I see
what's happening here I got it I got it
so um Adam makes this like off-hand
comment that trans guys are the best and
Tate like freezes up and he's
like and Adam explains that um Tate was
like super sexy getting off with him and
he was really into it um and it's super
cool that he could have any size dick he
wanted that's what he said and I was
like okay like yeah all right what a
reframe okay i' never thought of it that
way before that makes a lot of sense
either yeah me either and so Tate is
like we had that conversation about
boyfriend dick versus husband dick so
many times you can have any kind of dick
choose your dick choose your own dick
your own dick adventure oh my God so
Tate is like super relieved about the
whole thing um and he's like oh man what
a yes I can't imagine that no
like not only having that physical
experience and transition mhm which you
are already having to live with and
reconcile on a daily basis right but
then to bring in an intimate partner
right and that and like when you're
still figuring out yourself and it's
like a different level of vulnerability
yes you know and so Tate is like kind of
floored by the whole thing he's like
what am I going to do with you and Adam
is like uh keep me like
hey and there you go Adam that's the
confidence we love Yeah that's what
we're looking for so there's lots of
cute moments where K is realizing that
um Adam wants instructions for
everything and has like what the king
community refers to as little like he's
not a little but he has little energy so
that's like got it somebody who is uh
like gets into a childlike headp space
and wants to be cared for he doesn't
Adam doesn't go like all the way to that
place but he has tantrums and he can be
a little bit like extra um Moody a
little Moody yeah um but he is also
thoughtful and really mature in in
conversations that matter um in moments
that are important he's he will lock on
to that and he is actually a really
mature and lovely
adult um and well like what I what I
kind of feel like I hear you saying
there is like yeah Adam has those
moments but also has enough wherewithal
to kind of know when you can have those
moments yes time and place like he's
able to read the time and place and meet
Tate's needs when like when Tate needs
him to be a grownup he's a grownup um
and so that's a big deal for Tate so he
decides to put a [ __ ] cage on Adam um so
he can't touch himself all day and that
becomes like their thing like Adam is
like always in a [ __ ] cage like all the
[ __ ] time um and he loves it and um
he makes him wear it all day while Tate
goes to work um which I had questions
about the safety of that but I don't
have one and I've never used one I don't
have a [ __ ] nor have I used a [ __ ] cage
is what I should say so like I don't
know that information cuz like with
nipple clamps you have to take them off
like you can't leave them on for a very
long time M um but I don't know I and
this could be a very naive and ignorant
statement and I can own that about
myself I imagine that it would depend on
the [ __ ] cage probably CU I I would
imagine that there are the types where
like if it's like more constricting like
a nipple clamp where like y that one has
a time limit versus something that's
like a little bit more of like cool
here's a little like chest that's like
hugging around your like treasure chest
is what not
like yes sure I got it I'm tracking but
something that like cool this clamps on
but you you have movement right and it
like it doesn't restrict any blood flow
it doesn't restrict blood flow like you
could still urinate if you needed to um
but I think my question with those is I
imagine what pants do you wear over your
cck cage right
sweatpants yes I mean can't be jeans I
would hope not oh my God ow yeah I think
those are the logistical things that I'm
wondering about yeah yeah but I'm right
there with you yeah yeah um so he Tate
tells Adam about his family um that uh
they're a bunch of [ __ ] and well his
parents anyway and they're going to dead
name him and make shitty remarks to his
brother-in-law who is Chinese American
and they're just generally like they
don't sound like the most welcoming and
compassionate
people um so even still he asks Adam to
come to Christ at their house with him
um because he just would really like to
have him there and so Adam is like
absolutely like let's do it so um Tate
is realizing that um he loves how like
um like clingy Adam is um but he's also
trying to like cool down his desire for
control because he doesn't want to like
run him off cuz he loves giving him
instructions like he he gets off on that
this setup works very well for both of
them yes but he doesn't know how well it
works for Adam and so he's like trying
to pull back a little bit don't want to
freak him out but Adam's out here like
give me more yeah like I'm I'm ready um
and so uh Adam goes Christmas shopping
for Tate's
nieces um and my notes say they play
strip Dr old question Mark it's a good
night so yeah that's what they do they
they play strip drel so throughout this
the other like piece of this theme is
that Tate is going out of his way to
like understand the customs and
traditions and make sure that Adam gets
to engage them um as much as possible um
so Adam it's Christmas Day Adam is super
laid-back about meeting Tate's family
surprisingly because Tate is freaking
out so he's like I got this like and
he's also like well Tate told me what to
expect he told me to expect them to be
douchebags I can handle that like I
don't have to be worried I as long as I
know to expect them being douchebags I'm
I'm not great with them being douchebags
but I can do it right yeah um so it
doesn't go well right um Tate's dad
makes really shitty comments um to Adam
about him not eating the ham and about
him being like one of those Jews and
stuff like that that gets really gross
and awkward um not just like a little
like shitty General level of shitty
really shitty like also really shitty
comments about his um the brother-in-law
who's Chinese in front
of their daughters who are also half
Chinese like making these really like
[ __ ] comments about them speaking
Chinese because they're learning
Mandarin and so it's like a whole thing
which is a [ __ ] hard language to
learn yes it is and Adam also speaks
some Mandarin for his job and is working
on learning it and so he like practices
with the nieces which is really cute so
they go to um they decide they're going
to leave they're just like you know what
we're done with you people and so they
go back to Adam and oh well they go back
to Tate's house and they do it's Shabbat
it's Friday and so they do um Shabbat
they light the candles it's the whole
thing and it's very very sweet they play
games they order Chinese food which is
like a Jewish tradition on Christmas day
to like eat Chinese food for a lot of
families um and it's a it's just really
sweet and so do you remember um Rachel
yes um Rachel always makes me laugh
because she's like oh I never take off
at the holidays she's like just like the
Jew I am Jesus Christ like but in like
the funniest way where she's like oh no
I'm Jewish I'll just eat Chinese food
that Daya she's like oh I'll cover for
everyone cuz everyone's out normally
that week between which I'm like just
shut down right every just who's even
whatever yes 1,000% and but she's always
like yeah I'm Jewish I'll cover you I
don't
care bless her yeah yeah she will
whenever we have like a te team
Icebreaker questions like what's your
favorite holiday tradition she's like
I'm Jewish she's like apples and honey
for rashash Shana I don't know
like kind of
the like lot cuz yeah for the record I'm
like it's in the context of those
conversations like I realized I'm
communicating this as though she's
someone who's just like hey everyone
announcement I'm Jewish which is she
true she's not like that at all but it's
like when we're having holiday
conversations it just always makes me
laugh because she's always like yep I'm
just going to be eating Chinese food
it's fine yep so why not so the next day
is Saturday which is the Sabbath and so
they go um to the synagogue Tate agrees
to go and he feels really really honored
that like they're going and um feels
honored yeah t feels honored that Adam
asked him to go and he's like is it cool
for me to be here like I know
that perhaps some other religious groups
would not be super stoked about two
dudes showing up together one of them
being trans like that may not be
acceptable um but it actually a bumer
but that's also like such a valid
question to ask before you like go up
like before you show someone's religious
community yeah so Adam explains that in
Judaism there are actually like six
genders and trans is like for
most people who are active in Judaism
it's not a thing like they don't care
because it is already
established um in their in their
religion and um so it's really nice Tate
has a great time and is like shocked by
it he's like used to a standard
Methodist situation and if you've ever
been to synagogue it is not a standard
jewi or standard Methodist sort of thing
where you sing some hymns and sit down
and listen it's very active yes um so he
enjoys that uh they go back home for uh
sexy times and um Tate's like is this
okay on the
Sabbath it's really funny and Adam's
like yeah yeah it is yeah we can [ __ ] on
the Sabbath thanks for asking like he's
like well you said we're not allowed to
do work I'll do the work Adam's like
that's not what that
means like like we don't work on the
Sabbath so that we can experience life
and all of the joy that there is in life
and sex is part of that so thank you for
asking but also let's get naked like
like no like Tate for your purposes like
just put the fridge on Sabbath mode
you're good you still [ __ ] put the
lights on a timer let's we're done um
Adam doesn't practice like that anyway
but like you get it so um they Adam
decides he wants to give Tate a
[ __ ] which is a big deal deal MH and
so
um so is Tate open to that he is but
when he takes his pants off Adam safe
words not like full safe word they use
the color system so red yellow green he
says yellow and Tate's like [ __ ] like he
must be disgusted by me like he starts
getting really freaked out um and Adam
explains that he doesn't want to do it
wrong like just give me directions cuz I
want you to feel good um and so Tate
talks him through it
um and Adam is still in the cage this
whole time and is not allowed to come oh
gosh
um and Tate tells him that they are
going to the club tomorrow and he'll
take it off then so it has to be like
looser so that he doesn't get hurt um
but anyway so they get ready to go to
the club can't be a stom sleeper though
no
ah maybe you can be I don't know
anything about this someone please
educate me that may have been the most
ignorant joke I've ever made and I
apologize well I don't know I've just
imagining my husband is a stomach
sleeper and uh I don't think that would
go well no no yeah no okay he has a hard
enough time just finding a pillow that's
comfortable as a stomach sleeper I can't
imagine finding
a
okay what a specific instruction when
you're like look you're like we need a
[ __ ] cage just one that I can sleep on
my stomach while wearing right I'm
imagining like uh them using like I've
seen pregnant women use inner tubes to
like put their bellies in so they can
sleep on their stomachs I'm imagining
that but like with a hemorrhoid donut
honestly I should have tried that cuzz
I'm definitely a like side toach sleeper
yeah and but there's also on the flip
side you can't lay on your back fully
right like past a
certain uh I I forget I feel like people
said it at different amounts but like
pretty much like after your second
trimester starts it's not ideal to be on
your stomach or on your back but then
also not like fully on your stomach yeah
it was really funny when I would go to
yoga classes and like I've been an
instructor for a decade so I'm like I
like know like the general modifications
but there were definitely things where
I'm like okay everyone's on their
stomach what do I
do like and depending on the instructor
because one instructor like brought me
two bolsters so my stomach would be like
elevated yeah would be in between them
other instructors are like oh yeah just
stay on all fours instead of like going
fully on your stomach right um but
definitely things to consider yeah when
you are historically someone who loves
to sleep on your side stomach and
then suddenly can't yeah that would be a
challenge yeah I had a friend she was
like that's the first thing I did after
I had my baby I just like splatted face
down on my bed she's like I just needed
to like lay on my stomach and be like I
can do this again a sweet relief yeah
yes
1,000% so we don't know Adam's sleeping
position we do know he's still clock
cage so they go to the club um and Adam
is just trying to focus on enjoying the
moment because he knows it's going to be
over soon cuz we're coming to the end of
Hanukkah like this that's what's going
to happen Tate has given no instructions
that this is going to last past eight
days so and Adam said correct this is my
Hanukkah
experience so they get to the club and
Tate has organized an entire Hanukkah
party for Adam at the love Tate I know
so Tate's like yeah it turns out there's
a huge Jewish community that comes to
our club and they never felt safe enough
to stay anything about wanting to have a
party but they all loved it and we got
it catered and it's like it's all
decorated and it's just a really really
sweet time um so they have a wonderful
time with their friends and one of their
friends who is at the club and is Jewish
has a dinosaur manura that's not in my
notes but I remember it like it it
important after our previous convers but
now I remember it um and so um Tate
finally takes Adam to do a scene um he
like ties him up and like whips him to
completion he finally takes the cage off
it's a whole moment um so one would hope
it you get a full moment for that after
you've worn that cage for so [ __ ]
long 36 [ __ ]
hours yes you deserve a moment for that
you do you do and he did he got one um
and so they have just a great time with
their friends and it's just a really
like nice moment for all of them and so
then um Tate it's the next day it's the
day before the last day of Hanukkah um
day seven yes so it well so it's weird
because in the Jewish culture it's
measured by kns
um so Adam doesn't know if Tate meant
nights or if he meant the days and so
he's like uh should I leave like cuz he
like made a whole dinner for Tate Tate's
freaking out because he's late getting
home he was like making some stops for
things for Adam mhm and so he stopped at
a jewelry store to pick up a gift for
him um and Adam has stopped responding
to his texts and he's like [ __ ] [ __ ]
[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] this is not good so he's
like racing home and there is a huge
mess in the kitchen like huge mess um
and he finds Adam like curled up in the
bed in the bedroom um and Adam is like
refusing to speak to him and so Tate
puts Adam in the corner for punishment
so I didn't get into it but they came up
with their like list of acceptable
punishments um and what the punishments
would be for got it previously so that
was one of them so um after Adam has a
full whole entire meltdown um about you
know the last week the whole last week
is has been fake he's like please stop
taking care of me none of this was real
like I need you to stop like I really
need you to stop um cuz he's really
trying to distance himself at this point
he was trying to lean into like this is
our last night like let's make it really
special and then Tate got late he got in
his head and it became a whole thing he
didn't mean to make a mess in the
kitchen for the record he burned his
hand when he was trying to like get the
food to stay warm since Tate was late
and dropped it and then was like [ __ ] it
like [ __ ] all of this so Adam's having a
meltdown I've been there not that exact
situation cuz that's a very specific
situation specific but like you're
you're like you're feeling super anxious
you're trying and you're like cool take
some deep breaths we just got to get
through this like okay we'll make the
most of it and then like one more thing
and you're like [ __ ] all of this I I can
no longer yep like it's like okay you
know what I have reached the maximum of
my distress tolerance capabilities but I
I can do it I've got it I can handle it
and then one more thing happens and it's
like that was literally all I had so I'm
not going to give anything [ __ ] you and
good night yeah so I'm going to go sit
in a dark room by myself yes I'm going
to lay down on the ground and once I can
re-regulate we can try again but until I
re-regulate there's no point in trying
[ __ ] right now it will not go how anyone
wants it to go nope I will make this
worse yes in fantastic
fashion like I don't mean to brag but
it's gonna be real bad you're like
that's not a threat that's a promise
baby I will ruin this [ __ ] yes that is
me
1,000% yes that's
correct oh my God okay so um Tate starts
to cry because Adam is like I can't do
one more night like I I can't I can't
pretend for one more night and Tate is
thinking that Adam has can't prend to be
into this for one more night so Tate
starts to cry
um justifiably so yep and he is like in
his head he's like I have to pull it
together to take care of Adam like if
this is what he wants if he wants this
to be over that's okay right um cuz the
whole point is for me to take care of
him and give him what he needs so if
what he needs is for this to be over
then like okay so he's trying to pull it
together but then he finally realizes
that Adam this whole time has just been
thinking that it was a fling because
Tate set expectations early so that Adam
would know the plan right um but then he
never reset them or communicated that he
wanted something different and so um
which God bless I love this because like
literally 30 seconds ago I'm like man
all of this could have been avoided with
some simple communication but they've
been communicating well yes like it's
more of like oh you know now that I
pause I realized an important one one
important combo was missed yeah one
important detail yeah and so that's kind
of the whole thing is that like Tate was
assuming that Adam knew how he felt
about him because he was doing
everything he could to show him and he's
realizing that because you know there's
stuff in there about Adam's past
relationships telling him he's too much
telling him he's too clingy telling him
like all this other stuff
that like he wouldn't have been able to
read the behavior like he needed the
words yes and so um he
uh he has Adam open his last Hanukkah
gift that he picked up from the jewelry
store Adam's like I don't want a present
and Tate's like open the [ __ ] bag
like open it just open it just open it
it'll click and so um it is a um so in
the Kink Community when a sub has been
like claimed essentially by a Dom often
times they will wear a lock right some
kind of necklace that has a lock on it
that can't be removed um to show like
ownership
essentially and so it's a lock with a
pendant that says Little Star on it um
and uh well it says Tate's Little Star
on it and so Adam's like what
what for real and Adam's like yeah dummy
like I kind of like care about you a lot
duh and so
um they agree to be in a relationship
for real and they're going to go for it
Adam is excited to get reconnected to
the Kink Community since he's been
pulling away and they're like yeah we're
going to do this for Reales and that's
the
end what a sweet little story I know
it's a very sweet little story but I I
just thought about so I read another
book
recently where this guy is trying to
propose to this girl and the ring is in
a cup of coffee and she is really that
CU that's their thing like they have a
saying and so she is mad at him about
something and he's like baby just drink
your coffee and she's like I need the
words man what are we doing here and
he's like baby drink the coffee and
eventually she just flings the coffee
like out into the yard and her grandma
and like her family are standing right
there and they're like oh [ __ ] did
anybody see where it went and the guy is
like cracking up he's like laughing
really hard she's like did I just throw
my my engagement ring into the yard and
he went yeah yeah yeah you did you sure
did and that that's the energy is he's
like just open it and he's like I don't
want to open it and he's like [ __ ]
please just finish the coffee just
[ __ ] open
it but it is a very sweet story again
like there's a certain amount of of
authenticity to it because it's obvious
this author understand understands the
queer community and understands the Kink
community and apparently Judaism as well
because it's all very accurate um but
it's a nice read there's very little
angst there's very little like there's
no major plot really of like horrible
things happening or any it's just a very
nice two people coming together and
figuring it out so what's our rating
system dinosaur
Manas regular
Manas lot Keys is it eight Manas that
were or eight
candles um yeah maybe we just go with
candles let's do candles out of out of
eight candles out of eight candles
placed in a dinosaur
manora um I'm going to
go I think I'm going to go with six yeah
like I would read it again um and it was
one that was yeah it was nice it was a
very uh Pleasant departure from the
usual Kink and queer romance that I have
read cuz it wasn't it also wasn't all
about like overcoming the adversity of
being queer it was just a relationship
cool we happen to be queer Y and this is
our love story exactly versus like the
focus of our love story is that we're
queer right exactly so yeah I would say
six out of eight pretty
comfortably yeah I didn't read it but I
feel I really loved them they were like
well I know I said it before do I want
Adam to find
a new therapist and maybe um a new
medication regimen sure at some level
yes and I thought the way in which they
engaged the whole time was like so sweet
and endearing
and like what you want to see out of a
healthy relationship yes cuz do you ever
read yes you read [ __ ] a thousand
books more than I do um but you know
like when you're reading a like a
there's conflict there's a legit
disagreement fight happening that you're
like this hasn't been worked through y
but they're like the tension and buildup
of a fight and now we're going to [ __ ]
and you're like where's the resolution
oh I'm sorry I I
can't like get there with y'all suddenly
being intimate with how that conflict
just went down right especially if they
don't resolve it after like if there's
resolution after I'm like oh okay still
not my favorite but I will if we come
back around like I can get behind it a
little bit more because it's
like what uh like this we're just going
to have this fight again yes right so
like what have we accomplished nothing
yeah when they're like well in this
fight we both just realized how
passionate we are and then we started
making out and you're like no doesn't
solve the issue yeah so I I really
appreciate that like their approach the
whole book was seemingly like hey like
let's solve the issue mhm and we'll go
from there together exactly and that is
just like refreshing as a whole very
refreshing I haven't read anything else
by this author but I am going to yeah um
I've been reading a lot of very trashy
motorcycle club you've been on your
motorcycle club for a minute for a
minute like it it's like a JS Scott
moment there's so much of it I'm just
like plowing through it when that's done
I will likely read more of Rees Morrison
cuz I did really like it fair enough
well everyone let us
know what how many candles you would
like this how many nights of Hanukkah
are we making it through in your review
um thanks for joining us don't forget to
like And subscribe if you don't like us
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if you hate us that much um if you did
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I don't listen to most of them most of
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that thanks guys and happy holidays yeah
happy holidays we'll see you next
time well that's it for this week's mut
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smudy