Welcome to the Love, Sex, and Leadership podcast, where you can discover simple tantric teachings to embody your true power, awaken your soul's wisdom, and live an inspired life as a natural, intuitive, and heart-centered leader. Just take the fingertips for a moment and just tap ever so gently on your heart, and that heart spaces. But you have some sound, uh. No, that. You're here as love. Deepening into love. Remembering yourself. In the forms of love. Oh, everything that's happened to you, it's, it's fair enough. It's all been part of your journey to be here now. be here now with this. chord of openness, this expanded part of your being that opens into the deeper levels and states of love. And feel like inside of you. So breathing in. One more sound, uh. As you're ready, just open your eyes. Take a look around to see those beings here. Each of them had their journey with love in their hearts being. Broken or torn or expanded. Everyone with their own experience of what love means. So I wanna start this just by saying. To me, I don't think love. Never go anywhere or leave somehow or Somehow not be there. But the perception of it can certainly shift. Love is this omnipotent form form energy that kind of governs this. Universal design that we dwell inside of. And so how could something that's always there ever go? You might feel when there's the associated energetic chords to an individual that you have the representation to that person, that individual represents love in my life, and if they die or if they leave, they might feel like something is gone, something has drifted away, who's had that feeling before. Yeah. That feeling for me, one of my big journeys with self-love was feeling Love leaving me and leaving me in a puddle of my own tears, a hotel floor in Egypt. I felt like love had gone, Love was gone. It was in the form of a woman in my life. But then in that moment when some part of my psyche thought that love was gone. A different form of love, a different form of self-identity appeared more deeply than I'd ever felt love before, and that was in the form of my own inner feminine. Coming back to me from what felt like I had never known before. So what that was was then a deepening into inner union and outside of my infatuation with the love that was existing in female partners in my life. And I thought I was really good at that, and I was good at that. But my association to love was in loving her, and if in loving her, if that would go away, and I felt like I had done something wrong and love would leave, it would leave me feeling empty. And like I had done, I, I was in this kind of shameful depression, who knows what I'm like you're talking about. Oh my God, I poured all this love into this human, and now they've left. What does that make of me? And that's what was the stories and the things running in my brain. In that moment, Spirit, God, something washed over into me and I turned my focus. Off of always the external, and I began to actually understand, not just intellectually, but on an embodied level, the importance of this inner union as a representation of the most important. Relationship I could have. And as a result of that deepening outside of just my concept of it, but an internalization of it. I spent the next several years with women in my life, but my intention was each lover or partner coming into my life, if they weren't helping me get to know my own inner union more than I didn't want. Um To deep and I might have a beautiful encounter or an experience. But that was the intention I was holding. And then it was about around 3 years after that, but And tell him in my life and both of us in a place of Holding inside of our own being a deep commitment to inner union. She, after being in and out of a marriage for 4 years and just recognizing her own breaking point, and me being on that, we really coalesced and met in this place of, ah, you're in your inner union, I'm in my inner union. Let's play from this place. And it was a totally different framework of relationship that I've ever been in. We could notice when some of the romantic Hollywood tendencies would come up oh my God, you're my everything, but then it was like, no, this is a journey back into inner union. And that was the first time I'd ever been in a relationship where I could feel that there was the gateway of opening into a freeway with the divine. The two whole beings know knowing. Themselves meeting each other in interdependency rather than co-dependency, and a lot of what happens in the romantic form of love. I it's, uh, I need you to complete me so that I feel good about myself. And this is a lot of what we've been sold and informed about what romantic love is supposed to be. And of course, it's great to have your needs met by your partner, to feel fulfilled, and to open new gateways of connection that wouldn't normally be possible. Inside of your own inner union, that's the gift of of relating. But if you don't know yourself as whole, then anytime and that person's having a bad day or doing something that you don't think is right, and then you start to take it personally, then you just start to create this cycle of codependency, and generally that doesn't work out so well. People end up transitioning from this, you know. New relationship energy, which happens maybe for the first couple months or year or a couple years, and then start making love, and then running family, and then they're just sleeping next to each other instead of actually deepening in the place of romantic love, they're just like two best friends that sleep next to each other. Who's ever been in anything like that. And you're like, I wanna leave, but I have X, A, B, C, D E F G that's with this person. So if I left, then all these other things would need to change. So instead of actually making a commitment to yourself, you're making a commitment to everything else around you in the fear of love leaving. But how does love ever leave? Love can't go anywhere. Let's go back to where we started. It's just an omnipotent force force that's all around us. But the association to what you deem as love. You start to make decisions in fear of that love leaving, which then just cycles the codependency wheel more and more and more and more, and then you're not actually two whole beings, you're needing each other to complete each other, and then we're back to Jerry Maguire. You complete me. Oh yeah, cause I don't actually know what I am to be whole without you. And there's a beauty to that. There's a beauty to when we can have a connection with another. But when that codependency of the mind and the heart, and the emotions are so intertwined, and two people don't know each other as independent forces in the world, then it generally turns to unhealthy conditions. And then, what often happens is, instead of actually taking responsibility for the upset that's happening in relationship, There's a pointing a finger in, ah, this relationship is failing because of you. Let me leave you and recreate this with somebody else, and then we go through divorce after divorce after divorce after divorce, because people aren't actually willing to meet themselves wholly in the relationship. The beautiful thing about relationship is that there's a lot of people on this planet, a lot. Billions of people on this planet, and somehow, through all of this wild interconnected form. You happen to meet this individual. Bye, bye. That is here to show you and to support you to help you remember what love is. But just as we've done over the last couple of days, sometimes it doesn't always feel good. Fuck that you hurt. This is painful. But if we're running away from that pain and blaming that pain on that individual who happened to miraculously come into your life out of the 1 billion chance of it being them, Rather than saying, oh, this feels uncomfortable, let me push you away so that I don't have to feel this. Let me Just recreate this pattern with someone else, usually parental patterns that are being repeated, attracting the form of your mother and your partner, or attracting the form of your father and your partner, who's done this before, and you're like, oh my God, Quick story. I was living in Singapore years ago, I was out on a second date with a woman. We were, there was chemistry, she was a yoga teacher, she had a studio, I was teaching yoga, it was yummy, it was juicy, it was sexy, and then I would said, well, what's your birthday? And she's like, oh, it's I think it was July 11th, and then I was like, oh, the last three partners I've been in have all been circulating around my mother's birthday, July 12th. Maybe it's time to have a pattern interrupt. So I looked at her, and I remember we were in the cafe and I said, thank you, like you're an amazing woman. I'm really Get the essence of where this relationship is gonna go, and I'm just gonna leave now. She was like, what, dude, can you leave? I'm like, I just that your answer just gave me a lot of answers of where this is going. She's like, OK, you're a little weird, but all right. And I left and from that moment of having that pattern interrupt, I've never attracted another woman with the same birthday as my mother. Yeah, universe, break the pattern. So this is where we have changes in our trajectory that shifts the normal scene. Why was I doing that? Because there was a level of comfort and ease, and habitual knowing of what I deemed love should look like based upon the image that I received from my mother. It's a very Freudian place that happens in our development. So that's just one example, but it's recognizing that you've attracted this partner, this individual. To teach you, to show you, to represent all of the things inside of you that maybe you haven't learned to love, honor, and appreciate. Take a breath. Oh. Rather than running away from them, and we lean into them, but don't lean into them to create a perpetual pain, staying in a relationship too long because you think you're gonna keep growing. Oh, I just need to stay a little bit longer cause my therapist told me to. I gotta stay a little bit longer, but they're literally punching me in the face. I was sharing a story with the guys the other day, a relationship pattern I was in when I learned how to be Shiva. I'm gonna be the light masculine archetype of tell me all your problems, give me all your issues. I am gonna have no capacity to penetrate you. I'm just gonna be there to witness it all. I was then in that relationship, showing up into our couple sessions with black eyes. Because I was the one holding, and I was trying to be the good space holder. But guess what? Space has been doing a great job of holding itself for a long time. So any of you who are identified as a space holder, I need to be a space holder for my partner. Just let space do it, does it a little better. You can do that when you need to, and you know it's a necessity in the dynamics that are present, but when your ego identifies to it, Red flag Red flag, deepen, surrender, recognize what's there. Deep breath in. Ah. Just roll back the shoulders. means someone to get a little bit and then halfway through. Um Relationships are a journey. They're jenny and tell you when we go that relationship and See this ideal couple maybe these guys or is this the way she that. And yet, the journey to get there, as Alex told you some of these stories, and I've told you some of mine. I One of when you find yourself attracted to someone. And you follow that. Then your souls have come together for a reason, in that moment in time. It doesn't mean it has to be forever. No. And we have such a strong collective story thank you Hollywood, around finding the one. That I find for myself. It keeps blocking me actually for being open to the mystery. Of being with, that's not call it the one, but someone who you're in for resonance with that your animals turn them by, that your heart feels safe for you and loved and cherished and appreciated and trusted by them. And that your consciousnesses are aligned as well as if you have the same value system. You want the same things in life. You're, you're heading on the same trajectory or purpose as David said. And just know that if you are in or find yourself in a relationship. That isn't that, but that is part of the process, that is part of the learning. You have to plucked it up. You're just on the next. Part of your soul's expansion, having the experiences that you need to. In order to remember who you are and what you're worth, and actually what you want. And in relationships, very rarely do I see couples separating cause they don't love each other. They separate because there's a fundamental Non-compatibility. And we will be going into compatibility moving now. And it's this, you know, I wish, I wish I knew it's when I started dating. That we have these 3 centers, we have a sexual body, we have our heart space, and then we have our consciousness. And if one of those scenes is not aligned, The relationship is not going to be harmonious and propel along the same trajectory together. And in many cases, if there is discrepancies in one or more of those centers, they can also be worked through. I think that's as practitioners what we all do in couple sessions. The first session we actually do with a couple is a compatibility session, animal heart consciousness. The sessions are usually 90 minutes, and they take me at least 3 if not around 4 hours. Every time, and then my favorite session to do because even couples who have been together for decades, haven't felt the truth. And being able to access it, let alone communicate it to their partner about what they're really needing. In the bedroom, what they're really needing out of the bedroom, the communication and feeling loved and appreciated. And haven't really got clear on, are we really heading in the same direction? Like, I don't live in Bali, I wanna live in Ibiza. I want a child. I don't want a child. This is big. Sole kind of contracts that we have with ourselves that just may not be compatible. And so when you can start to keep your heart open to yourself, By loving yourself. By not abandoning yourself anymore. By not abandoning your emotional body anymore, guess what? You get to see as the relationship's progressing, whether it's compatible or not, rather than in 5 months, 10 months, 5 years' time going, oh. But this isn't gonna work. I want something completely different in the bedroom, or the way that you relate really doesn't work for me. And that's what I did. In all of my relationships, I've had two marriages, and after my second marriage ended 5 years ago, I've been in its 5 committed relationships, one after the other. Boom, boom, boom. And I learned so much in that period of time, that actually, by me not loving myself enough to feel the contractions that were happening in the relationship. Two things happened. One, I can't see the red flags, and there was this red flags that should have from the beginning like it's just never gonna work. You need to close that down now. The other option is that I didn't feel where where I was struggling in the relationship, and so therefore I don't communicate it. It doesn't matter. And then 6 months later it would come out in an, like, what? How have you been feeling this way? So when, when We really committed to feeling what's happening. We actually give the relationship the best possible chance because we're giving real-time feedback. Rather than letting it sit and fester until there's some big trigger where it's coming not from an open heart but from fear and projection, and it does so much damage. And that that's been my greatest teacher. And, you know, now I'm with a man that I feel so safe with. To be myself, and it's so beautiful to be loved that way. And even if I go into a story about something, I can hold myself in that story, and then I can love myself enough to say. Hey, this is what I'm eating. And so that actually to be received rather than shame. And when, when you can be with someone who Really could hold that safety. For all of you to be loved. Because you're holding that for yourself, it doesn't mean you need to be perfect. It does not exist. It means that you're with someone who actually feel safe enough that when your shadows do come up, You can work through that together, and the relationship can expand. And the partners or friendships, or business relationships that I've had in my life that are the most beautiful lifelong relationships. Uh, because at some stage, my shit came up. Well, there she came up. Aaron and I have had our stuff. Sasha and I had our stuff. We've probably had little bits of stuff. We've, we've had a little bit of stuff playing music together, living together, you know, but, but we hold and love each other through that because we feel that the other person's doing the work. And if it's just a constant bombardment because you can feel that the other person's not doing the inner work and they're just aren't moving, it's never gonna work for you. And don't fall in love with potential. I spent years seeing the potential of these amazing men, and I'm like, I'll build them up so they can feel their worthiness. It's not your job as a man or a woman to help evolve someone else, especially if they don't want to help themselves. But in partnership or in friendship, When there's deep connection, it's our role to feel what our truth is and communicate that. And guess what, in our communication, it may be super clunky, super awkward, half self-responsible, half projection. But you can feel when the other person is like doing their inner work and doing their best. And then if there is a projection, you can just hold space for that. I hope it's super cute when she goes into projection. Part of me finds it super cute when I can like pin it to his little boy, the other half wants to like his head off. That's where my trigger goes to his rage. Let's just take a breath. Mm. Yeah. I think it's currently stable. Oh yeah. Keep your hands up if you like and love to be in a relationship. OK. So we're going to explore today a bit of what holds us back, maybe fulfilling safe relationship. And we're going to explore also the inner dynamic in ourselves so that our vibration becomes a match for the vibration of someone who is resonant with us and compatible with us. And all I can say is it works. It takes time. But the journey is the fastest journey actually to get what we desire, whether it's a, whether it's. Uh, a beloved whether it's a career path to do and love the, the inner work yourself and you're doing it from a place of like I deserve this. I wanna be happy. I wanna be free, and I wanna have a great life. I'm gonna clear everything that stands in the way of that. And surround myself with people who can love and support me, either.