three two one go excellent sexy okay everybody are you ready for another exciting episode of
parking ticket parking ticket
mountain
see everybody back here for another exciting episode of warhams we are currently on episode
21 of warhams brought to you by all of you but thank you all so much for supporting the show
thus far it has been an absolute joy to do this for all of you i'd like to introduce our
characters super quick before we get to the thing but starting off speaker d playing pie brain
indeed i am speaker d i play pie brain the
skitari who hits people with a stick and i am a emperor text speech man i write it okay moving on
and playing reed van horn or inquisitorial acolyte yes and he's the medic and he does
things and also i am a writer on the show and i do things as well like that next and hulky crow
our resident rogue trader lead captain of the debt collector of course that's super competent
captain who does nothing wrong and clearly knows what he's doing i am a
voice actor and i am a voice actor and i am a voice actor and i am a voice actor and i am a
voice actor on the tts and some other projects i am playing lauren the sanctioned psycher of the
group and the one leading us on this brand new adventure is thurston hillman our resident game
master what do you have for us today hello i'm i'm thurston hillman the resident game master
i write things but that's not important what's really important is that i beat the final boss
in drakengard 3 which is the hardest video game ever made final boss fight me on it uh as far as
for today well well we've uh we've got a we've got a tail in store we've we've finished up our
our little moment on the the carillon uh nothing bad happened on that ship by the way you went
there it was great but um we find ourselves back on the debt collector our favorite our favorite
ship and to start off i would like each player to please
roll me one d6 terrific i will do that right now hell yeah let's go you're not
i also got a five i got a six
i got a four uh i will i will get speaker and until to roll off
oh
the battle begins four yeah three i meant to let you go first
ервs
good this is this is perfect this is what we need to start so
we begin captain zedek you it has been several days since the incident
on board the carillon you are you your vessel is is now making its way
inwards towards fimbria to infimbria majoris which are the only leads remaining the morango
has moved off far
superior far faster vessel than yours it has has disengaged making pursuit impossible at this time
oh please don't remind me i i i am just stating facts here sir now as this has happened uh you've
been processing some of the data you retrieved from the carillon noting that one srehebergo
defakrbi left on board a shuttle and the only place that that shuttle could have possibly
set down and refueled that was in range when the carillon entered system would have been
fimbria to a mining planet which you are which are making your way towards so you have several
days in which to sort of rest and recuperate following the incident on board the carillon
what is it that you are doing with this time captain said so captain zedek feeling
i would not say inspired
but more regretful after the horrible things they witnessed on the carillon
and the state of disrepair that ship was in and leading to his own weapons and equipment
malfunctioning at very very bad times has finally taken it to heart to live up to his family name
and fix this ship which is now his sole responsibility who are you doing what have
you done with captain zedek
he's he's a new man at least until the bottle runs out
very good very good all right so what what exact skill are you wanting to put
in towards your work on board the ship that's a great question yeah my tech skill is not
super good so i'm not going to manually repair many things but
i would like to use leadership to ascertain a what's going on and b how to best
direct people to fix the problems that captain zedek probably should not fix
giving given that it's a piece of ancient technology that he let's be honest is not
going to be able to fix absolutely so you are essentially uh doing like pursuing your family
matters of your rogue trader dynasty you are taking the time to look after your vessel now
the interesting thing is is whenever um rogue traders pursue this type of of downtime you're
you kind of have unexpected things pop up and so as you are you are getting ready and getting
the crew all all good to go there is a complication that occurs in this case people all on board the
debt collector for the the week are celebrating saint abernathum and it has led to faith parades
and processionals from the morning of the week to the evening of the morning of the week and so
i'm going to give you a couple of examples of how this works so let's first start with the
the weekly week and that's going to be the hobby it's not going to be the daily week and that's
the lower decks to the upper decks of the ship all traversing there are hymns being shouted
now one thing that you know is no one knows who saint abernathum is no one on board your ship
knows anything about saint abernathum except that it's a week-long holiday on your ship
so they're all celebrating something they have no idea about other than the fact that it's a holiday
correct this sounds like you can try to yeah you can try to whip them up uh however you're gonna
your difficulty is going to be up because of this faith procession that is going on so the difficulty
on this leadership test is going to go up by two i'm gonna get you to give me that leadership test
to see how you how you beat the crew into shape here can i can i assist captain zedek because i
i like to imagine we're both on like a like an overview seeing the hordes of
people
just going through and i kind of look at zedek i mean i could just i can just
like just like a button like a little little molten beam charge coming ahead like i could
just stop them right now i can just go and just threaten every time parade we don't need to turn
the the medials right now don't shoot it in the ship don't turn them in we don't want crew mulch
they already get corpse starch i don't think they can eat corpse slag i mean i'm already cooking them
for him
here here i'll just do it real quick just right now lauren lauren it's fine it's fine it's fine
it's just like your finger goes up and it's got this little red glowing light at the end
please please just just let me hit it let me do it let me do it oh okay here hit it with this
i hand him the the amalgamation tool that we made several episodes ago the bat with the book
with the chain how do you still have you brought this back from the other planet it's a relic
it's like i spent one cp to have this relic
what's a cp it's a command point i hate you so it just stares at him just like hands up like
wordlessly what the fuck are you talking about saying nothing before he turns back to the throngs
of menials would you like to give me that leadership test yes i will give you the leadership
test there we go that's the one it's gonna be a six but i don't want it to be just as six
you can tell it's a bonus for his new relic right
yes the last one the leadership the rube goldberg that kills people after a very long time yeah
what the fuck is this thing
i mean as big as you want it yeah i'll give you i'll give you the plus one but there will be a
catch
what
what's uh i don't like this you don't know the catch of course uh can i spend a glory to try and
boost this you totally can i will allow this party are you okay with this of course do it dude take
it all right what you do i um as you spend that glory setting i have some unfortunate news for
you tell me tell me there's some warp entity that has made you fuck me up
so that is a complication it's okay i fucked it okay oh okay hurt me hurt me i had a good session
last time i'm ready to get back to the norm i mean this this sounds about right okay uh yeah so
so captain uh captain zedek you so you are you are you're commanding using your commanding
presence on on your menials uh what kind of like i assume maybe you're doing a little bit of a
this over like the the shipwide vox network is that correct yes what what riveting speech are you
making hello esteemed crew of the debt correct collector oh wow yes and that he does say oh wow
as well this is your captain speaking i have noticed for the past three days you've been
parading up and down the ship venerating this saint abernathum of which
every menial and upper decker i have talked to has failed to tell me who they are or what they've
done or why they're being venerated but i understand that it's a holiday and you know
the holiday policy on the ship please if anybody can actually figure out who this person is tell
me so you can keep your week off if not i suggest you get back to work
before we start loading more shells into the macro cannons that are using you instead of the
munitions you will get your holidays at the pre-assigned times now get back to work oh boy
a hush falls over at the ship we cut cinematically to several scenes all across the ship to the lower
decks to reeb in the medicaid to pie brain probably in the middle of murdering someone
in the lower decks yeah pie
brain outburst oh boy more work i don't know where that hybrid accent came from but sure
and then we cut back to the bridge where we're at this point you could hear a pin drop
but a pin doesn't drop instead the doors to to the bridge open
and you hear on like grinding servos the doors and you hear this
uh
where where are you you and and a man comes crawling on like splayed out he's pulling himself
forward and he's now pointing up at lorne and lorne you recognize this man are you again you
recognize this man from a bar you stopped in on fimbria majoris
with one pie brain i don't recognize oh man i don't know you because of the missing foot he has
that was cut off you you said i could have work if i if i made it onto the ship and i could have a
life here so i'm on the like where am i exactly like on the bridge or yeah yeah you're on the
bridge or what you're talking about how can you get in front of a bar bar bike or you're up at the
edge you being stuck or whatever you send him in person or you send him you don't know him at alئ
an peace or you're breathing or a bigger hut in space coming to save him and it's like who let
this poor person up here uh come on it's like i start taking a brush and start pushing his body
like he's rolling like come on get out of here out of here come on come on wait lauren looking hold
on did you promise him work to come on the ship yeah i don't know
out of here i'm ahat
it follow him
an i tv
jt
din
느
let
m
ho
an
f
are
wrong
x
you person
man
this is abrupt
er
You were on that other ship.
So I had to go to the Lower Decks to survive.
It took me days to crawl back up here.
Okay, let me ask you a question.
When you first entered the ship, did you follow the red line or the blue line?
What?
The red line or the blue line?
There was a boarding ramp and I just went on board.
You just went on the boarding ramp and you didn't even follow the crew navigorum?
I don't have a foot!
You crawled, you got here, so that obviously means you can travel.
I mean, there was a blue line and a red line.
The blue line brings you to the job centers and everything,
where you will be assigned a given uniform, you'll get a new foot and everything.
You obviously went to the red line, which goes straight to the Lower Decks
and possibly to where the incinerators are.
Oh.
Wait, wait, wait.
Are you suggesting that Captain Zedek has streamlined press ganging on his ship?
Yes.
Good, good.
That's not how that works, it just tells them where to go!
Are you implying he hasn't?
It's... fair, fair, fair.
Look, we know Captain Zedek doesn't run his ship well, but he's not that evil!
Can you help me to get there?
Fine, but yeah, I guess I motioned to his servitor or whatever to lift him up, because...
Compliance.
That's right, yeah.
Let's lift this guy up.
I was like, alright, let's go.
And basically...
Basically, as we're...
As we're going, I bring him to the entrance of it.
It's like, you see?
You went...
It's like stark difference.
There's the red one, which looks like Mount Doom, of just fiery brimstone, trash is everywhere.
It looks just absolutely horrible.
And then there's an actual clean as pristine hallway with two people waiting at attendance
going, hi, welcome to the Debt Collector.
I'm just bullshitting you.
Oh, there's balloons there, too.
Yeah, there's balloons.
It's so obvious.
And I point to him going, why didn't you go?
Why didn't you go on that one?
Oh, well, I...
Probably the blood loss from missing my foot.
Lauren, why did you take his foot?
I didn't take his foot.
He lost it.
People don't just lose...
Well, I mean, they do lose body parts sometime when they're ill, but why...
He said you caused him to lose his foot.
What happened to the bar?
I don't remember.
I actually do not remember.
Oh.
Well, I don't remember either.
I was zonked out of my fucking gourd.
Well, either way, we got a new...
We got a new employee.
Here you go.
Go down that one.
Here you go.
Just put him there.
Yeah, just let him crawl.
No, no, no.
Don't let him crawl.
Wait, the server tries to get back to the thing.
Servitors...
Take him to the medbay, get him an automatic and get him patched up.
And you, what's your name, sir?
I'm, uh...
I'm Ferris.
Ferris.
Well, Ferris, you're not going to be getting a day off today.
You've taken far too many, like the rest of the meeting that was on this ship.
Head down to the medbay.
Our doctor will patch you up and assign you to a position based upon your skills.
When you are settled in, please come back to the strategium.
I would like to have words with you.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, Captain.
Yes, sir.
All right, so in the sake of time, we're going to follow Ferris on his way to the medbay
to get an automatic and move away from Captain Zedek.
However, Captain Zedek, your successful inspiration of the crew and addition of another crew member
means that you have more people now working to do all of the work you probably should
be doing, but now have other people doing for you.
And because of that, you can spend more time...
More time finding and counting all of the wealth your family has amassed from these
laborers.
Your wealth increases by one.
Sike, the money back.
We've got to have the money.
Then we cut to this poor, poor fellow in the medbay, who, as he is like finishing
up having a bionic foot installed by Reeb.
Yeah, thanks, guys.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
But Reeb, we now cut to you in these few days.
What are you spending your time doing on the debt collector?
Well, I elected to take up the time-honored tradition of toiling, which means I am currently
tending to whatever fools are sick in the medbay or otherwise maimed in the medbay or
dying in the medbay.
Checking on our forever comatose tech priestess.
And also apparently reattaching some poor fucker's foot.
Thank you, Zoran.
You're welcome.
I like that Zoran's getting blamed, but it was absolutely Speaker who took off his
foot.
No comment.
But Speaker hasn't spoke yet, so therefore Lorne is at fault.
You need to understand something.
I also don't remember this guy.
But then again, I also wasn't there.
It's true.
All right.
Beautiful.
All right.
You are, you are toiling.
Um, and you're going to give me a Medicaid check for this, please.
Yeah.
Let's see how successful you are in the, in the Medicaid wing here.
Yep.
In addition to the Medicaid stuff, because I am an inquisitor, I also have to kind of
check in inquisitorial acolyte.
It's actually specified.
I actually just straight up have to contact Harlan and give a report as well.
Yeah.
I'm assuming, but a lot of what you're probably presenting is medical information as well.
Precisely.
And also trying to schmooze to get a promotion.
Oh, that's, that's garbage.
I'm, I'm wrapping that.
That's horrible too.
Are you kidding me?
Glory.
We've got a bunch of glory.
I don't need glory.
I've got a 10.
I just need it.
There we go.
A six.
That'll.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
So you, you are able to not only reattach a poor Ferris's foot, you are also able to,
um, compile information.
Now specifically what sort of medical reports are you sending to your inquisitor, inquisitor
Harlan?
Uh, well, given that she is a high tier, you know, Ordo Xenos inquisitor, I'm sort of just
sending her compiled information on the various little things that I've had the, uh, dubious
honor.
Well, not dubious for Reeb.
Reeb fucking loves it.
I'm, I'm not a big fan of autopsies myself, but he, he gets to examine them.
He's sending back whatever information he can.
He will also gladly state that he, uh, very, very happily, uh, discharged.
Uh, discharged a Drukhari through the airlock.
And he was very pleased about that.
I, I just can imagine the, like the smiley face in that message.
Yeah.
He writes through, through Dark Eldar out the door.
By, by Hatsune Manariel.
Um, absolutely.
Okay.
So you're, you're able to, as I said, like do very successfully at this.
This is going to, to bump, bump you up a bit.
You're going to get an influence from this as not only do you find yourself getting a
bit more, um, access and information from inquisitor Harlan in return, you also find
that the crew of the debt collector is really coming to, uh, uh, to like you and, and depend
upon you.
In fact, many of them seem to be showing you a lot of, uh, just positivity and friendship
in, in the Medicaid, uh, ward of the debt collector.
God, I'd hope so.
Reeve's bedside manner is one of the best.
Just, you know, don't be a corpse near him.
Cause then he will slice you open and be like, how did you die?
What does this spot on your liver?
Tell me.
Um, can I also curiously, cause this is still part of Reeve's whole thing.
Can he probe inquisitor Harlan for like, by the way, when am I getting a promotion?
Yeah, we, you can send that message along with your data package.
Again.
This is all, um, this is all going through, uh, the, the ship's astropath.
It'll take a while.
Well, we'll take a while.
And the ship's astropath is a, is the bit of, you know, an, an eccentric fellow.
Yeah.
I know Winnick.
Still trying to get my guns.
Trying.
So, yeah.
So, so the, the like astropath Winnick Revet is sending these messages.
Eventually you'll probably hear it.
Eventually you'll probably hear something back.
We'll, we'll follow up a little bit on that later.
Yeah.
But as, as we, we see this happening in the med bay where you have compiled this and sent it to Winnick for, for transmission.
We, we cut to, to a corpse that is like lying on one of the med bay that you were examining.
Uh, something of like the, the growing myth of, of the, the demon in the lower decks or the lower deck slasher.
The person who has been expertly.
So like sawn in half with this, this awful wound, uh, going down from like.
Older down to about mid drift.
As, as, as this, this body is looking lifelessly up, the camera pans in on its face.
And as it does, the color returns just in time for all of us to hear this slump sound as the two parts of this man tumble to the ground.
And pi brain has finished executing this person in the lower decks.
At the start of their travails through, you know, after the Carolina, she said, pi brain.
What are you doing?
I'm going to point.
I'm going to point this man who tried to mug me and don't do it again.
And now.
There's no one else in the hall.
It is dead.
Dead.
No, I know.
In fact, you probably came across this man from behind.
It's really, it's kind of like a metaphor.
Anyway.
Yeah.
With my bum chest, I admit I have been in very strange moods.
But now with the inspiration of Captain Zedek and other things, I have decided that I must devote myself to a most sacred endeavor.
Here's what I'm going to do.
Thurston, all of the color of the scene will fade away.
Using scrapped up menial outfits and other such things.
I'm going to get myself a big.
Light brimmed.
Funny hat.
Big.
Stitch together.
Coat.
Various maintenance suits.
And then.
I'm going to be in my office.
Would you say that I have some low sticks around?
I mean, sir.
Certainly.
Are you in use?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
RIght.
Are you in your office or have you gone to someone else's office.
I...
Well, I might not remember where my office is.
I'll go somewhere, I'm pretty sure, is my office.
It's got a big desk.
It's got a black board.
It's got paper.
OK.
So, you're going into Belleharbour Creepfoot's quarters in Lower Decks.
Yes.
But when she's not there.
I'm going to take a bunch of candlesticks.
I'm going to light low sticks on them
until a thin, smoky smog
has filled the room.
Now, I gotta be starting
these papers.
And I assume around this point,
Belba will enter into the room.
Oh, she's been here the whole time. The box
just pops up a bit.
I'm going to take
out my tape recorder. Well, sorry.
Oh my gosh, won't it be called a
audio box
thing?
All right, I'm going to take that.
That's what we call them.
Thank you. I forgot.
I'm so
around smashing people. Okay.
Box recording log.
Date at Zednik birthday
comma
12.6
100?
Whatever.
I should have known it from the
time that
the
dame entered into my office.
There she was.
Lauren enters.
Wearing a dress
with a big, wide-brimmed
red hat.
I should have
known Lauren was trouble from the moment
he entered. Legs
up to here. And
Belba had legs, and I ticked like
a centimeter, like or so,
up to there. And
the legs are important. I've been
told. I don't know. I'm
going to stop this stupid thing. I'm going to smash
it.
Lauren sits
on the chair.
Lauren, who is dressed normally
now, he just sits down.
We briefly saw
PyVision.
I'm sorry, the
barge in your bit there.
No, by all means, I say.
Yes, of course.
And I sit down and go,
Py, there's been a lot of trouble.
Serious development here on the debt
collector, and I need your help.
What do you mean?
Someone going around murdering
the various workers here, and I
am very close to the source.
So close, I can
smell it.
Belba rolls her eyes so that
I can react to this scene
in the game.
Well, that
sounds terrible, but
I think it might
tie into what I'm
investigating.
Oh yeah, Lauren, behind Py is
a massive conspiracy board.
I see you've been busy here,
PyBrain, what have you found? And I stand
up, stand near him, arms behind
his back, looking at whatever
the fuck he's got going on.
Well, for those of you
who are curious, PyBrain
has decided to undertake
the discovery endeavor
to try to find
some kind of clue about the
ongoing conspiracies.
And so, what
non-tech skill would you like
to use for this? You may use cunning,
investigation, or scholar for this.
Hmm, I think
it is in my best interest to use the skills
that I have pointing.
You cannot
use weapons.
I can't intimidate the truth
out of nothing.
I'll run, I'll
use athletics, I'll run at the truth.
I will be using
scholar, and with the permission of my
blessed friends, I'd like to pump an absurd
amount of glory into this.
Sure! I'm fine with it.
Alright, I'm thinking four.
Actually, I'm going to use all of it
because this is actually really important to Py.
Okay.
I'm sorry. I'll use
five. I'll leave one of the tag, just in case.
Alright.
You see?
It all started!
And now, Py
is going to activate logic circuits!
Activate low
stick engine! Activate
shadow thinking!
Ah! Everything else!
That's a trap!
Tech priest thinking ju-su!
Oh, I
unfortunately have to
inform you.
That some
warp entity has cursed your role,
and that is a complication.
Oh, indeed.
It's still a nine.
It is a nine, but I'm going to tell you
something else.
Yes.
I'm not satisfied with a nine.
Oh, fuck's sake.
We're breaking the mystery open.
We're cracking open its innards.
We're coming in like we're
gumming up a crab in a crab death factory.
Will you trouble this?
And I always feel kind of bad about it.
But, you know, they're just crabs, so it's fine.
Life cycle, whatever. Who cares?
Anyway, I will use
fourteen successes
and a complication.
Okay.
And a complication.
Okay.
So, what exact elements
of the grand conspiracy
are you attempting
to figure out?
Well, that's just a thing.
Or are you just trying to find out
the conspiracy?
Oh, I think I...
I need to find a conspiracy,
Veritasol.
Alright.
Let's break it down into small,
bite-sized chunks that I can't...
eat but then shut up
Lorne. It's okay. I'll
eat them. All right. Good
work. Then I hand him a bucket
just filled with various
tofu and soy matter. I just start
just going on as much not as he
explains to me his his fucking
crackerboard. Exactly.
Yes. You see it all started
with our investigation
into the fucker. Yes.
What started as a fine little
goblin man seemed
to be living
turned the rattling planet into a bunch of
ravenous chemicals. We all assumed
he was merely a powerful psycho but
that assumption was faulty because
Lorne you're pretty big and strong
and can probably beat him up and you
aren't that cool and effectively
certainly isn't that cool.
Yes. He's not nearly as cool as
Lorne. Yes. Yes. So
there must be something
else going on and as we
move forward we connect it with those
strange Xenos on
that has destroyed
all of my fellow Lemurians.
It makes me so mad. Bilba
Walnut.
All right.
Pass the
Xeno Walnut. Excellent.
I crush it.
Okay. I feel
better. Now then.
We know that there's
some sort of strange
luck
from the big bitchman
and
a
Dough
person? No.
You see I wrote it here. It makes sense.
But then
we go to Hector
in captivity.
He has no idea what's going
on but he knows something
happened and he's with the
fucker bee and there's
evil family jewels
and there's secrets and then we get to
the chapel and
there's bad illusion and
a reed. Is reed been on?
I don't think so but you know.
There's like a picture of Reeb in the far corner
with these circles and
question marks. It's like it's a picture
of Reeb but you can tell that
Pi's got it from like being directly
in his face so Reeb is pushing it
away. Yeah yeah.
On like one end there's like a wing
of an angel on the other end a demon
and it's just question marks
everywhere. One of them says
like Reeb
clone?
Reeb clone?
Yes yes
but this all leads somewhere
even beyond our funny
little happy dances. The
ship that mysteriously has a warp
breach. The fucker is behind it.
Is it
some kind of demon or is it
some other object? And then the dark elder
they appeared and
they were just as confused as we are but we
saw that one that strange
leader.
I assume all of your all of
this is being like
picture wise done in the TTS
style of flashbacks with
little like shitty pencil
drawings that are now like moving
up and down around on your
privacy board. Yeah
Pi also has a bunch of different audio
recordings that he attempted to make
that are completely like
in isolation maybe
they make kind of sense but they're all as
rambling as that and they're kind of
incoherent but like Pi
thinks that they're a good record of keeping
his thoughts but he just winds up saying
the same thing over and over again but
hopefully after the fruit of that great
ramble. Proposition is that
every one of your ramblings your box recording
is this dial up tones because you're speaking
in like binary. Oh yeah I'm speaking in binary
the reason why Pi rambles so much is that
he's used to making deductions in binary so
human speech just is very slow
and then he's just like Lorne listen
listen to this discovery and it's like
I like to
say that I've actually been taking
notes. I have like my tablet here as I'm
just like oh okay okay so
okay you have the fucker bee and it goes
to like Rehecta and then something
about like a captain and
then like a reap clone and then angels
and demons. And it all leads
to less one conclusion
and it is
can you get that?
Is this about the Dark Eldar
waifu or is it about the ship?
I don't know what that is.
I don't know what part said I'd take the part
that says that I'm going to rip it up. No we're not doing
that. Not doing that.
That ending
is lost to us.
We did not take that
route. I look at the charts
maybe someday.
So would you like to know the
result of your 14? I would love
to know the result of my 14
insanity. We get to the
crux of the matter. The rule.
Yes.
You've been
just blurting
in common
speech in low
gothic the trials
and tribulations of your
crew. Your
fellow ambassadors and Lorne
being here is dutifully taking notes
and Lorne
there's a gap in here
and
there's a gap. Something that
that
Pibrain has
skipped over and
I think you've skipped over something.
Pibrain
Pibrain
has not acknowledged it at all
and it's what happened
at Shady Rock
after you discovered
the Xenos runes
and as that
you're piecing that together Lorne
your head starts to get a
bit of a headache and you kind of
close your eyes a bit to shake it away
but you definitely
can see on the
timeline that has been put out
in front of you
there is like a gap there in
terms of time.
I motioned over
I kind of pushed Pibrain
I think you've missed something
I kind of pushed him to the right
and his big like everything's covered
I imagine with like photos and notes
and just random things right
Speaker? Oh yeah yeah
I imagine there's a spot where there's literally
nothing in a circle
like just nothing
and I point to him you seem to have missed something
but I
I look
in between my two stickers
which say orb meat
and shadow pig
Can you give me a willpower
test please? I would love
to give you a willpower test my friend
Thank you
How much glory we got
this seems like it's going to be important
We have full now. Maybe
I'm going to use four on this if you don't mind
That's fine
Because
That's piercing
We are rolling. Seven and a glory
See I only used three
Yeah, you you look at it. You are analyzing it
There's no gap. Everything's fine
Lauren Lauren just doesn't understand your your vision
He clearly like there's no gap
Hmm wait, I don't think I rolled my full dice ball
because that's only five there
but it should be
even the machine
I'm sorry there should be three extra dice
Wow
Even even to the clock that's details.
Even even to the clock that's details. Even even to the clock that's details.
Yes, I have a mystery
This is not World of Darkness, sir
No, it's not World of Darkness
I would have only gotten one success anyway
Okay
Well, I'm gonna have to spend my last my last round on this aren't I?
Wish me luck
Four dice
One more success hopefully is enough
It looks fine. Like.
Like, your analysis is fine.
Lorne is wrong.
Lorne, you're making crazy talking.
Yeah.
What is the fact you made?
Like, there's obviously something missing.
All right, I'll walk you through it, okay?
You're right.
And you basically, like, continue going through this process with Lorne.
And every time Lorne is vehement that there are days missing.
But every time you go to respond, you cannot accept there are days missing.
Which only causes you more consternation, because it's showing you that something is wrong.
So the problem is that Lorne thinks there's days missing, but there's not.
But, uh, so what happened on the days?
And so, as this...
This discovery is now tearing Piebrain apart.
I assume after a bit of time, Lorne, you kind of tire of this and get up to depart on your own, correct?
Yep, I fuck off.
I'm like, whatever, you're crazy.
And then I leave, and I can't remember any famous film noir lines as I leave his office.
And I go, see you later, cowboy, or something.
And then, pfft, and then I fuck off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then, of course, our camera follows you as Piebrain.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Lorne, you have a little bit of downtime as well to spend on the ship.
I know you've been helping out the other people, but you get a little bit...
What are you spending your off hours doing here?
I'm spending time with the...
I think it's the Astropath?
Or the Navigator, I believe is what we talked about.
Yeah.
Navigator.
I'm spending time with her.
We're going for our tea session.
we're sitting down and enjoying some imperium e yeah so you you go into the the navigator's
sanctum where you meet with edamitsu gibran who she greets you the the ship's navigator
in the sort of lavish navigatorial quarters of the debt collector which we've been to once before
and we know are essentially a palace within the ship and edamitsu greets you as you come in and
she has a fine tea set that has been laid before you and she beckons you to sit with her now it's
good to see you again hope everything's been well oh yes it's been very accommodating i don't have
to go into the warp which means i will survive another day oh yeah yeah you're still on the
that uh expiring business uh i felt that ship die and when that ship died i i got the impression
that her eyes kind of go side to side and she stares in at you a bit that the next time i go
into the warp it will be my last time as well oh you always say that you bring such delightful
conversation i'm just frightened just like yeah i'm just taking a sip and i i just wanted to
see what you thought about that ship business and uh and if you've seen any uh and you know
through the warp or any any sensory or anything like that of uh any trails of the fucker be
oh i i had the the faint scent of something powerfully psychic that had been through the
area something that that changed the materium it's it's quite quite
i i felt like searching the ocean myself to try to find some some hint of its presence but
i would need help doing that uh alone a navigator well she kind of looks around
conspiratorially and then leans in towards you uh lorne well i don't think the captain can afford
to lose me uh we don't have well we only have two backup navigators on board and they aren't even
a quarter of my skill
exactly what you want me to do again well perhaps you could uh you could help me as i as i plumb into
the depths of the sea of souls to search for this person you're looking for ah yes absolutely if we
do that together be warned and she looks like everything darkens around her it could be my
last time in the warp oh well it's only yours i'm fine with it let's go
all right all right um yeah so you're going to take advantage of your pure puritanical conditioning
um and uh i guess you're going to give me a psychic mastery test here yes finally finally
finally for something that's not a psychic power hey thurston i got a crazy question
oh god okay can i can i please narratively declare that reeb senses they're doing something that is
possibly doom us for a long time because getting another navigator could be quite hard okay he could
he could he possibly bust in and stop him for potentially killing our navigator i will let you
bust in but they have already started their little trance is anyone else in here other than
lorne and i've just been serving servitors i would like to use three glory if that's okay
motherfucker
very good very good here i go psychic mastery
i gotta two
i'm gonna use our wrath
because oh no i got an eight got an eight uh no in this case uh you will you will actually
succeed here uh lord despite the the booming uh manifestations of crew that can be heard through
the door that reeb has opened as you in the far distance in the back of your subconscious mind
you hear the sort of shouts of rah rah abernathum rah rah abernathum uh from some of the crew that
are still celebrating the prescribed holiday reeb has now of course come in and you can you can hear
reeb shouting at the forefront of your imagination and you can hear reeb shouting at the forefront of
your imagination and you can hear reeb shouting at the forefront of your imagination and you can hear
mind but but instead you have left your body you've traveled with the ship's navigator and
begun exploring the great ocean and you you follow this these these contrails of strange
unlights that fly between the the vessel of the carolod that has somehow been recreated in an
astral form and you could see gibberin sort of flying tepidly around it trying to find a path
to follow but you you see one a vibrant string of light that heads out into the stars and you
sort of beckon her to follow and the two of you go on this astral spirit journey this is where we
would spend a shit ton of our fx budget if we had to um as you you fly along these these contrailing
lines and eventually make your way towards this
dusk dusky kind of bland planetoid floating alone in space and from there you see this tendril land
and you see the beginnings the beginnings of another one reaching out from the planet
before you are snapped back into your body by reeb who has come in and and even like
enemitsu turns as as reeb you've entered as well i kind of wanted to imagine that we were going
through the entire thing and we were on like some
i don't know some some carpet thing and i was looking at her like i will show you the
warp and then all of a sudden it's like ah it's reeb it's me lord it's me jafar
the return of jafar
i think i watched that movie more than i watched the original the sequels were always worse
the sequels were always worse
oh what
why were you engaging with our navigator in a war-bound entity what were you doing just now
i'm trying to find the cursed bastard we all know as de fuckerby
you didn't clear that with anyone you just barged in here
i mean we had we had a tea date first and then we did it
oh i'm alive
yeah yeah whatever
i'm alive for now
yeah i'm sorry
my next trip into the warp will be my last
yeah we got it
i start mounting the i'm currently gripping lorne's head in kind of like a headlock and you just feel reeb's fingers starting to latch directly onto his head
ah what are you doing
lorne you don't need to put us all at risk for such a dangerous endeavor
if you want help doing that i suggest you write it down first
well
we did find something though
he lets go of lorne's head at that
oh did you
some sort of dusty dead planet
it it's it's it was brownish no life could live there had specks of green pollutant on it
do you know what this planet is
i can't
could not tell only that one of the strands from the the dead warp vessel went there
well then i reckon so we'll find our man if not some of the other surviving crew which
could be just as good ambassadors as your vox units like lauren that's the plot is that
ambassador's bloody hell come on lawn okay then at ransom we have an incoming signal
for you at the strategium it's coming it's a lithocast a holographic signal coming from
fimbria majoras
we're on our way just a moment
yeah we're plotting our way up there i guess we're going are the other two going to respond
over the box what yeah fine i'm coming i'm doing very important to take the work but
i'm already there screaming i'm already
the comm button in the office like i am already here i just chime in i'm already here what are
you chuckle fucks doing down there i think stuff stopping long from killing our navigator one
minute we were just doing stuff we need to answer the box just take the conveniently hidden zedek
fast travel system and you'll be here in a matter of seconds i just crashed through the vent
reep will take the silk strider and like as you're all saying this like i walk when you can
head of me too sort of looks up and stares at you oh thank you for visiting lorne thank you
you know i have stories i can tell you at some point if i survive yeah see you next time
you
and like as you rush out the door she just looks down my family was once the
pattern oval envoy and now it's reduced to this okay it's good to close door
i punch lorne i punched lorne in the kidney for reverting back to being a malicious shit
you're supposed to be getting better at this
ah
pie brain finds another gold star
yes
excellent
wait why are you here
what i crashed with events
oh he took the he took the zedek fast travel system
oh yeah get on the substra
okay i'd go back through the vents and find me
we are on the bridge
i want to say zedek would have got on the columns be like oh see pie thought
pie left you guys okay if you're like horse racing do you do you bet on which of the three of them get
there first
there's no point to it because they're all going to arrive at some point it just it's a matter of how many people die along the way or how long it takes wait wait we could do this we could all do our major skills and see whoever gets the highest with no rerolling and see who gets there first the ship splits in half by the time you get here we are not okay well yeah no we're not doing this because pie brains go i have come up with a scheme that uses tech and my eviscerator
use a magnet to the bridge
he's literally just gonna cut a path to it through people
i'm just going to cut off parts of the ship to slow you down
all right you all managed to reach the bridge um as you come in the only explanation of how you
reached it is like smoke and fire from the hall behind you as you all three of you come in in
some nebulous order panting heavily from your excursions through the ship
we made it yes i see that and with minimal blood good job
i put my hand on a shoulder captain yes some men get the imperium others
guitar and a trip to a fimbrium practice primary premier fimbria pie are you okay no
you just hear lorne the background next bit
pie i'm sorry is that a handspring?
it's pie a walnut and zedek turns to the rest of the party
ah thank you
now that you're all here and pie is satiated we can begin
yes captain the signal is still waiting for you
yes uh ransom just pick it up put it on the big screen the big screen
big captain room
all right it's a it's a holographic one so i'll put it on the big holographic display
and there's like
a few moments and then um we we see the the figure uh appear in sort of this hololithic light
and we see the image of prefecta malda oh is this working hello as as this this meek
administratum clerk looks out from her glasses clearly looking in vague directions that should
be towards you but because holographic is not like two-way here she's just trying to find a way
um hi is this the deck am i am i talking to the deck collector the deck collector
you are we can hear you amalda to what we owe the pleasure uh oh oh good uh hi captain zedek
uh are the others all with you yes they are all standing here do they do they actually pop up in
in her reception of the display uh there is like a
podium you could all be standing on that would send send a hololith back uh but none of you are
currently standing on i'm gonna go stand on it but by accident i'm not gonna notice what i'm doing
yeah like pie just walks by oh there's my brain i walk off
well i understand if you're busy i i don't want to keep you for that long you're you're all
heroes of the imperium and your your work is all very important but uh i i i have a
quest here uh from the planetary governor it's come to our attention that you're
looking to make your way towards fimbria too is that correct that is correct next oh good oh good
our auspexes were right this is just perfect excellent excellent excellent before we continue
this line of thought why is your governor tracking us well he tracks all of the vessels in the system
after after you you met with the carillon we were hoping to find out what happened
i i believe we detected some sort of explosion so i'm guessing it didn't go too well
uh but the planetary governor he really didn't care too much about that
uh but but as soon as you went to fimbria too he he got very interested
uh-huh why is that um well he was concerned you might be getting involved in the noble
family's affairs there what's what is occurring on fimbria too that we should
or should not be aware of well certainly you've done some research on the planet before traveling
there correct of course of course i have looks between all of you yeah i presume i'm like
elbowed in the stomach by uh going right to work
yeah my concentrators are growing with uh radiation i mean knowledge i'm i'm secretly
like typing like behind my back
yeah like you're typing the planet name wrong and every time it's like one letter off is
this is this is this is all okay again you're all heroes of the imperium so i assumed you
probably didn't have time for all the little details like this that's okay i've prepared
a report on it
if you'd like me to provide it to you yeah cool yes thank you we need a refresher
of course of course of course and like there's there's this like kind of momentary like
pause and you see her head slightly tick fimbria too is the mining hub for the entire system
it's a rocky world that lacks an atmosphere and is roughly one-sixth the size of terra
the surface temperature is freezing but luckily you'll be experiencing the entire
settlement from within the world's burrow compound
the history of the planet is that when settlers first came to the system they established their
empire on fimbria majoris but opted to mine precious minerals from fimbria too to grow
their nascent civilization at first the leaders of the settlers worked together but over the
centuries that followed the family lines that formed got into competition for fimbria 2's
wealthiest mineral deposits to this day the wealthiest families still fight proxy wars
based on ever-changing beliefs of ownership they do so through
proxy mercenary forces that they dispatch to the planet
as i'm writing
the more proxy wars that we're gonna get in that and people listening that was the box text
very good
well that's that makes sense why he wouldn't want us to get in there
he didn't want us to get involved in it because it would imperil his own political authority
but rest assured to make sure that you don't cause too too much of a scene there if you have to get
involved that's all right i'm i was assuming you were getting involved uh based on the fact the
carillon or sorry based on the fact the morango recently deposited a new mercenary company onto
the planet of course they did bloody hell well i i assume that is why you were going there after all
that's why the morango originally entered into the system why was the reason the morango originally
entered into the system again to deposit mercenaries there i see why were they depositing mercenaries
prefect amalda oh because all of the noble families hire only the highest quality of
mercenaries for their planetary wars on fimbria 2 well clearly they didn't get the memo that the
morango has substandard and inferior crew members to the fine denizens of the debt collector
reeb starts pushing zedek out of the way the reason beyond would it happen to have mercenaries
available yes it's a problem right now is not just because it is a problem with the lecoq dynasty
it is because they have hindered us they attempted to destroy the carillon with us aboard it
it was a very dangerous situation for the lot of us and we think they're trying to
uh interfere
oh i see well rogue traders they sure do what they want that's what i've found
yes they'll do it right up until their graves yeah maybe but captain zedek you said you would
have mercenaries are there any you would like to offer to the planetary uh families i could put you
in touch with them there are certainly some families here who've been looking for expert
mercenaries to deploy of course i we have a number of them
of mercenary regiments at immediate disposal that i'm sure would kill to get off this ship
oh if if you'd like i could begin drafting up some paperwork
uh for one of the families to deploy we could say start with uh one company of mercenaries
we'll start with two because there's a lot and they have probably earned more vacation time than
we have had time to do so for the rest of the year so i'm going to start with one company of mercenaries
all right well i can certainly draft the draft all the paperwork and get that ready it might be uh
it might be a few days but that that's all right my my understanding is is that you'll be arriving
in fimbria 2 in just under a day so you'll have some time to explore the planet yourselves before
deploying your mercenaries oh good this is fine this is fine well i will put out the appropriate
feelers and make sure we have a nice team as well as a good team of mercenaries
oh good oh good well i just thought that i might be able to help you with some of that information
hopefully i did i know i know you're you're doing all sorts of hero stuff for the imperium so i
don't want to be too much of a bother but but i do and she kind of like whispers a bit but i do have
have have another piece of information that might be important for you go on the planetary governor
just got an out of system update on the planet and she's like oh my god i don't know what to do with
it i think it's from the crusade fleet
yes he's parsing it right now but i he he might he might be needing some some assistance soon so
so just just be aware of that okay but so it looks back towards the crew members just kind
of rolls his eyes like nobody wants to work for him again but but but but on a positive note um
if you are adding to fimbria 2 i can get all of your paperwork uh settled
and get you in with the the tech clades there uh the fimbria 2 is all underground installations
and and mining equipment so it has a a strong contingent of tech clades that
oversee all of the equipment there oh yes by all means what uh forge world do they represent
i don't know off the the top of my head i'd have to do some research uh they've they've devoted
themselves strongly to the technology of the technology of the technology of the technology of the
technology of the technology strictly to fimbria 2 uh issuing any of their previous loyalties to any
of the uh the various forge worlds they they are dedicated a group that ensures all of the
equipment in the mining installations their work oh that's kind of weird hey by the way um wait
do you have more important information we'll see that first oh no uh but i'll get that paperwork
uh who will be going down to the surface initially will it just be the four of you
but we're pretty good diplomats you get it done so yes all right i'll get you a landing sequence
and we'll we'll get that sent right over to you wait before you go i have a question for you
okay i will try to make it quick for you um all right now do you see this and i pull out a
stubborn aspect of my like low stick burnt like
you know poster board um i'm not standing on the holographic projector so she probably doesn't
look at that um she's i i don't i don't see anything hold it up you have to stand on the
i'm walking i walk on the platform where are you where am i i walk off of it turn around turn around
okay there we go stay there okay here you're looking at this and i'm pointing it the wrong way
it's just
okay okay now look at this all right now you are our biggest fan okay what's my name
uh your pie brain of forge world lemuria damn she's good okay so there's a sequence of events
lauren is wrong about you need to tell him how bad he is okay so we get on to shady rock
i point to the towards the large hole in events and i go and then
and then we go here right so nothing happens between these two points right
i mean based on the timeline it looks perfectly reasonable
right so nothing happened
based on this no it couldn't have all right lauren all right lauren i'm gonna grab where i'm gonna
drag on the podium
you tell you tell what do you see uh-huh what do i see like there is just a gap of possibly weeks
in there based on the time stamps of oh god not more gaps in time i see gaps of
bullshit there's supposed to be things here but they're not here no it's fine right
no it's not fine yes
yes we will have an event next week and then we'll see you next week
what about you uh miss uh uh administratum you agree with your pie brain yes
well yes from what i'm seeing here i mean clearly that nothing of import could have
happened at that time it's not even a day had passed yeah right okay reeb captain zedek look
at this uh reeb and captain zedek can you both give me a willpower test please yeah yeah
i don't remember what to do
that's a tough one
that's a two cool unfortunately for captain zedek motherfucker
that more entities have come to make that a complication
it's fine it's okay okay okay um i know where zedek stands on this
captain zedek my good friend
can you give me a conviction test i don't like those
yeah i don't love conviction
also a two i can i wrap that sure you certainly can i don't i don't trust that low number
yeah it's a four four and a glory okay um you have this like moment where like you're looking
at it and and sweat comes down your face you're focusing with everything you can on this on these
dates this is like there is the the faintest hint of something something is a something is
something something is tearing oh no your pants
fuck you and uh and then then then you're uh that then you're like completely in in agreement with
pie there's nothing wrong i disagree i do agree i agree with lauren there it's definitely missing
time you don't you don't you know i don't oh yeah you i got you think that like the time frame that
pie has put together i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know
absolutely correct but what about base dream base dream has to give me his willpower check
i've been waiting for this moment when i get to use my willpower
the strongest stat that i have that's a lie my willpower is very low
it's low that's fine i'll give you a two and that's all you're you also
are in complete agreement with pie brain there is no gap in time on this document
yep looks fine to me
yeah so why is lauren going crazy because lauren's crazy well sometimes people with with the warp
site can see things differently than us that's not true it's too intently
i don't know i mean can he any any anyways i i should be going i've got to get these papers
ready for you is there anything else i can help with the job offer is still on the table just so
you know we need someone who can thank you so much click the lithocast dies
we need more more people we keep losing them i don't know why
i know it's like they think we're crazy lauren captain i'll prepare the shuttle to to lead you
down to the surface uh gives you a few hours to to get some rest and be prepared uh shall i have
quarters prepared uh let me know that they're pretty well kept i haven't gone on a bender in
a couple weeks oh good
yes i'm finally i'm gonna kick the habit this time ransom i really am i believe in you sir
yeah you always would you like me to check your blood captain to make sure you're not sneaking
anything no i'm i'm a trustworthy captain you can totally believe me are you yes
captain jade deck you want to take less drugs if we replaced your blood with another fluid
i don't think stop no
we're not it's true it's very expensive pie no you're not going to replace my circulatory system
ransom yes sir please reach out to your security detail the king's ransom division and a few other
menial gangs and see if we can put together a couple mercenary teams
i've got a mercenary team for you and a box appears
my lads are ready
are they
and you suddenly hear the opening of boxes all around the strategia
as a half dozen more ratlings appear holy i know someone wasn't moving in today damn it
why don't we notice the boxes
she's just that good captain she's just that
if you do you're expected to
burning
god now you should all get get some rest i'll get the men prepared captain but if you're going down first we're going to
as she
draws a bel attention with her daraufing not only does the gear bounce he dies people step of it draws an onion from her belt and eats it oh right you guys
me
even when he's crazy aboutorta Caitlin pointed to you and you just that we are the only baby you're amazing that you just we are..
oh right
At this point, are all of you heading out to go rest and prepare for the coming mission?
I actually want to hold everybody up and go, I have an idea, everyone.
I know I've been saying crazy things before, but this one might even be something of profitability.
So we're part of the Grand Crusade, right?
I bring up a PowerPoint presentation.
You've clearly been preparing this.
We're part of the Crusade, right?
Tap, tap, tap.
And we are currently going to a place full of mercenaries, correct?
Tap, tap, tap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What if we will provide a mercenary?
That means we have less people in the deck collector.
Tap, tap, like there's a minus number with a sad face.
Correct.
That means we'll not have a whole bunch of people for the Crusade, because we've been trying to gather people and resources.
I understand we're going after the villain of death.
But what I would like us to try to do is kill.
We could kill two birds with one stone.
What if we go to this planet, we could profit from it.
We could potentially get both of the mercenary groups on our side, or at least reach something.
Because there's two things of, whatchamacallit, two noble families, right?
So they both have armies, correct?
Yes.
There's multiple noble families.
Yeah, multiple noble.
I'm sorry.
There's like tons of them, right?
What if we potentially...
If we find a way to solve the issue there, we could potentially gather their own mercenary forces for the Crusade.
Hmm.
You know, that's a good idea.
How are you planning on killing them all?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, that's a good plan, if we find a way to decapitate all of those families.
I wanted two proposals.
So just in case we find a way, we could potentially profit.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm, hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
We can point up, it's scary guns at them.
Our
adiol Oh, Oh,
noble families.
What qualifies them to lead people?
Being noble?
They have money.
And people need money.
Oh,
Just steal their money.
And not all the time,
Reep will kind of tilt his head towards这样
Trust me,
It is all the time.
Well,
You're like a normal?
Of a sort.
Well, why aren't you
in charge of a planet?
Yeah.
That's an excellent
question.
That'd be a great question to ask my
parents if they were still around.
Reeb, bluntly.
It is because he is not rich enough to own
a planet.
I'm sorry.
I wanted to propose this so we
can keep it in mind as we
head down to that area.
Alright, time for sleep!
Did he just, like, pass out on the bridge?
Yeah, just immediately, just
wham! Just go to sleep.
Is he okay?
Take Lorne to his closet.
One of the Circle of Lions.
Talk him in.
Lifts up
Lorne, begins heading towards the closet.
His closet, not
the closeter. That's a different closet.
Yeah, oh god, don't put Lorne in there.
We might not get him back.
It's true.
Are the rest of you now going
to rest up for the journey?
Yeah.
So as all of you head out of the
Strategium, there's a moment as Ransom
and Belba share sort of
a worried glance
to one another, and
Belba just says,
That was close.
And Ransom,
It was really close this time.
We're gonna have to keep an eye on things.
And then you go to bed.
And it's all...
It's all nice.
And you rest.
The warp is my white noise.
Yeah.
And then, then you wake up.
You wake up
and go about your day.
And we cut straight
to all of you in the Arvis lighter
already getting ready
to head down
to the planet of
Fimbria.
To
Fimbria.
To
Kato.
The planet hangs outside of the debt collector
as this ball of
brown dirt with sort of greenish patches
has sort of a pockmarked surface,
but you can see
some industrial smog points on it.
some industrial smog points on it.
лу
This planet looks like a miserable little mud ball.
It's a mining planet, so they're kind of all the same.
Hmm.
I've never, well, I've never, mining is fun.
No.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
Pi, didn't you live on a world that just was underwater?
Well, yeah, and we mined a lot underwater, and it was very fun.
Yes, Pi, these planets are not underwater.
Oh, it's the lack of water.
You see, okay, so the cogitators that make them, you know,
like produce mega endorphins in their brain don't work?
No, they don't have them.
Not everybody is a cyborg or an augment.
They shouldn't.
Well, you know what?
They should consider it.
It's a really good way to go about these things.
The shuttle hits the lack of atmosphere,
and you can see now that the surface of this planet
is just water.
Be decked in single large facilities of, like,
metal industry that rise up,
and they seem to be processing plants of some kind
with automated motions that are occurring.
Any of you want to try to identify them,
you can give me a scholar check.
All right.
Looks like nerd tech stuff.
Nerd tech.
Vision away.
Let's just not add, like, infinity extra dice.
Oh, Thurston, can I ask you a question?
You can.
While I was on the mega planet,
I think that was way too many dice.
That was way too many dice.
Oh, my God.
What happened?
The scholar assisted.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
Oh, that's better.
Two and a complication.
Two and a complication.
All right.
What was your question in the meantime?
Oh, golly.
It was really important, and I forgot it,
just like that wonderful diagram.
Oh, yeah, no, now I remember it.
While I was on the debt collector,
could I have replaced my combi tool?
Yes.
Okay, thank you.
Which is great, because I assume you're trying
to find a Lemurian combi tool?
Well, of course.
What other kind of combi tools do they make?
Which is great for this complication,
because it works right in.
I mean, I'm not even using it.
As you are pondering this,
a loose wire in your newly acquired combi tool
comes out and jolts you.
I'd like to thank patron camper88
for loose Lemurian.
Loose Lemurian.
And it does two wounds to you,
unless you would like to roll determination on that.
Oh, my God.
I would love to roll some determination.
You would love to.
Let's go.
Roll determination.
Pull up.
Bad.
I take a wound and two shock.
Very good.
Ah!
Good scholar rules always result in you
suffering physical harm.
And you quickly identify the loose wire
and fix it up.
Do you make mention of this at all?
Ah!
I bet Camu did this.
I read.
What did you do now?
I think my hand thingy
got a little electrocuted.
I proceed to
heal him, I guess.
Receiving complex instructions.
Unable
to comply.
Complex instructions, what?
Hmm.
Well,
eh, I tell you what.
Eh, you, eh, try to
give me some of that, eh, eh, medicine, whatever.
Unable to comply.
I'll try to, eh, interface with this guy, guy.
I'm gonna try to interface with this guy's cogitator
and maybe take on his, the load of his instructions
or, like, understand what they are.
Can I heal him?
Or am I not gonna be doing that?
No, no, you can heal him.
You can give me a Medicaid check.
As you're, like, catching him.
And that looks poor.
Yeah!
That, that's enough to restore the, the, the lost wound.
Uh, and then, Pie, you, you start, uh,
doing your tech on the, on the servitor.
Go ahead.
Sure thing.
I'll do my very best.
Will you?
Mm-hmm.
Ah! That's five and a glory.
Okay.
Uh, five is enough for you to tell that it is receiving very specific landing instructions.
Uh, down to basically the inch of where the, uh, where the Arvis needs to land.
And it's just not capable of making such precise piloting maneuvers on its own.
That's a problem with these cry-conservators.
They can't compute all this, uh, intelligency and know-how.
Uh, here, uh, Zedek, you need to-
This server clearly has Lemurian standards.
I'll rip that off.
Uh, just like, uh, no, no, no.
Rip that tag off.
Uh, yes, well, you see, Zedek, you need to land at exactly this latitude, this longitude, doing it this way.
Uh, yes, well, you see, Zedek, you need to land at exactly this latitude, this longitude, doing it this way.
Uh, you need to land at exactly this latitude, this longitude, doing it this way.
exactly miles per hour, 0.6, and then you need to be able to, uh, make a circular parallel park onto this particular platform and
blablablabla
and do five backflips, do a swoosh
Captain Zedek is just like looks down for a moment.
Just kind of thinking it over, looks back up at Pi.
Okay.
pilot seat, pulls out his sunglasses and prepares to descend.
Please complicate this.
Please, please.
I am sure someone has donated the fucking complicate by now.
Let's find out.
Or my SUB, Zedek.
innate unluckiness will result
in a complication.
Let's do it.
Roll pillet.
It's a six.
That's a spicy.
Are you happy with a six?
I don't like that response, so no, I'm not happy with it.
I've got one
wrath left.
I could wrath it, I could spend glory, I don't know.
If you wrath it, you're just re-rolling
two dice.
Spend the glory.
And if it's real bad,
then you can wrath it.
Okay, here we go.
The glory.
I like to wrath it and roll five dice.
Sure fucking would, dude.
Charge five, D6, brother.
So there's two.
Actually, roll three more
because it could matter.
This is style points now.
The style points is there
with the six, absolutely.
So not only do you
match the landing precisely
to what you need, you do it
with flair, doing one of those
like fast
indiscents, then at the last minute
pulling up and just perfectly landing
in the prescribed areas
on this circular
metallic landing pad on the surface
of the planet.
Good job, Zedek.
Zedek, ground falls out from
under you as you see that
you are being lowered down.
And you can all
just feel, vibration-wise, some
kind of hydraulics are
lowering the platform
as the sides of it rise
up around you like new walls.
You know, Zedek,
usually you're really embarrassing,
but I'm very proud of you.
I like that even you,
Speaker D, cannot say that
with a straight composure.
It's just really funny.
You are really embarrassing.
A chunk, and then you're
completely in darkness. And suddenly,
these flashing
amber lumen lights come on
all around, and you feel that
there's a sudden shake, and
then this sound, like hissing.
And you can see, based on the
aspects in front of you, Zedek,
that atmosphere has been now
placed into this area, and clearly
you've been lowered under the surface
into some kind
of facility.
Well, now that the roasting's
over, I think it's safe to depart.
Why are we roasting? I said you did it,
good job!
Sure you did.
Zedek will pull out a pilot's lace
from his jacket pocket.
See this? This qualifies me
to not kill us instantly
when we fly this.
Can I try to touch it?
Zedek will...
Can I roll an awareness test for this?
Because I might have pulled out something else.
Sure. I will never
stop one of my players from rolling
a stupidity check.
I mean, you're totally...
wishing for glory here, but that's okay.
I actually wasn't, I was hoping
I needed to succeed, because I was hoping I failed.
Yeah, whatever, power
gamer.
Yeah.
I didn't know that
Zedek was a bug, man.
I'm gonna need a
lot more time to fuck myself.
I will make an athletics check.
Yeah.
Step by take. Oh, suddenly I
have glory. Good.
Kevin Zedek
has instead pulled out a...
Oh, okay. I thought he pulled out
a Zedek card for a second.
I'm going to just touch it.
No, don't.
I'm going to just touch it.
He'll put it away.
Zedek never
lets me do anything.
The amber lumens have lit up a
vast silo
that you've been lowered to the bottom of.
You're still on a platform that is
slightly elevated, and then a set of
metallic ramps
bleeds down to what's clearly
like a built-in hallway, but
emerging from the hall is someone
in dark brown
robes. A short fellow,
probably
just around five feet.
Actually, yeah, maybe even
less than that, who's coming out.
The hood of the
robe is down. Their arms are
sort of locked and crossed,
and they walk.
The sound of their footsteps echoing
through the area.
I'm walking down the ramp like I'm
like I'm a Darth Vader
person. I'm just walking
down. Ah, here we are.
They stop at the
base of the ramp.
Can I take a look at
everything here?
I'm sorry.
What's happening?
What's happening?
What's happening?
Zedek, what are you doing?
You were talking there, sorry.
So I take it you're the
greeting party?
The figure lifts up their head
and you see what is clearly
the face of a
male teenager,
no more than sixteen years
old, looking up at you,
and they speak.
Hello there! Welcome to
Fimbria 2!
I am Tobias, and I am your
guide here.
Hello?
So, so we're not really...
We're not murder hobos
if we don't like their voice,
right?
Do we have to come back?
Can we cancel the show?
Can we?
How dare you? He's a precious little bean!
This is apparently
where everyone has contention.
One half of the party hates his voice.
I think it's like three-fourths.
No, one half.
I'm strapped. I'm strapped in.
I'm ready. This is it.
Let's take our break.
We'll be right back with the murder hobo
campaign. See you in a bit.
So today, going forward on my
new Eats channel, we'll be reviewing
Nino's
Lean Pizza. This is
a wonderful pizza provided to
us by Nino's. Thank you for
the recommendation, Zoran.
Why don't you tell me a little bit about Nino's, please?
For the uninitiated viewer.
Well, you see, Nino's were produced
and brought to you by the poor orphans
over in Frimby at Two.
And those poor
orphans would usually send the various
ingredients of the dead and deceased
and turn them into pepperoni
and various sausages.
They served them to you with a
hello-freshy delivery.
Speaker, would you like to
elaborate a little bit more
on the delivery system and how they
contain the packages when they bring it to you?
Absolutely, yeah.
It's very important when you're delivering
a Nino's pizza that it
remains fresh, but like not
that fresh, because too much
freshness actually allows the
meat to begin to putrefy and rot.
So each Nino's pizza
is surgically altered and embedded within
your spinal column. It's sort of like a
doorstep, but
internally, this
is an incredibly excruciating process
that requires large-scale funneling
of like, you know, the pumping
of the penile gland, the harvesting of
varying, you know, aspects of like
adrenochrome within the body, and all
of this comes together to create like this
terrible pizza homunculus.
Aren't they the people
responsible for putting monster energy drink
in the sauce of the pizza?
That was a large part of it. It actually comes out
that monster energy is
harvested very much in the same method.
So how the delivery goes is now this is embodied
in the body, it comes to your doorstep
and the man comes free
with the machete, and he begs you to kill
him to end the pain, and you can enjoy the pizza.
You both get something out of it, and
it is, of course, still
a minimum-wage pay job, however.
Hi, folks. How you doing?
As it is.
Yeah, welcome back to Warhams.
We were just met with something
we didn't like, so Thurston, take it away.
I'm still getting over the use
of the term penile gland here.
Thanks for that, Des.
Really appreciate it.
Wait, the penile gland, it's part of your brain.
Penile.
Penile.
Oh, did I say penile gland?
Oh, no.
Oh, no, this is different.
Penile gland.
Penile.
Wow, it was fun, you have to guess.
So, when we had left off
from the break, you had met
the
robed figure who
introduced himself as Tobias.
Tobias,
it's so nice
to meet you. Tell me, are you
actually a child, or are you one of the...
one of those weird, deformed people
who look like children sometimes?
Fuck, Jesus, dude.
Holy crap.
Oh my god.
He's like 37 years old.
I am 16
years old. My name
is Tobias, and I am a part
of the
tech mechanics who look after
this world.
Oh,
you are, aren't you?
Oh, I'm going to come over
and approach him.
Find that, little man.
How many augments
do you have?
Augments?
Yes, how much
of your body have you replaced with flesh?
Oh, metal.
Flesh, the metal.
I'm all over the place today.
I have replaced none of my body
because I have
never been hurt.
Because if anyone would hurt
me,
I would take this
WASP pistol and shove it down their throat
and fire it repeatedly,
and they would regret that decision.
Oh, you're so
cute. Oh my gosh, how many
people have you killed?
Well,
you see, that will
be zero. And he
looks at you, because I do not
consider the mercenaries
here people.
Can he
have, please?
Please, can he be wearing
a flat chest piece, and
it has multiple marks, like he's
killed a hundred people?
Or non,
or combatants in his
eyes.
Tobias, my dear boy.
Please don't call me a boy.
I apologize.
Cox, life's good.
Especially after
that fucking faux pas. Okay, Tobias.
I do apologize.
Do you just kind of
wrangle everybody here?
Are you your own boss? Do you have
parents?
Well, yes.
They are on
another installation here.
We are spread out throughout
all of the installations
through the tunnel system here.
It takes many weeks,
sometimes months, to walk to
some of the other installations.
This land is my
land.
I work after it.
I ensure that all of
the necessary components
to keep things operating here
are functional.
Are we
interrogating the poor boys, everyone?
I mean, poor soldier here.
He is obviously a brave,
brave warrior, and
we should commend him for his value
deeds of slaying so many
enemies. Excellent job!
Gentlemen, what are we doing?
I'm very proud of this.
Tiny murder, man.
I'm thinking of acquiring
another crew member to lead
the Valiant. How about we
just move forward and let the gentleman
do his business? Oh, fine.
I like this one. He's got Moxie.
And I like the one on the other
planet that we left her where she was.
I am talking now. Please
be quiet.
Now,
it is my understanding
that you are here
for information. Is that correct?
Correct.
Then, I shall escort you
to the information terminal.
If you will follow me,
I will take you there.
Lay down.
And he turns and starts walking,
like, opening up the
door that has one of those sort of, like,
old-style, like, submarine
twist-valve doors, opens
it, and then you find yourself
going through these
just, like, hexagonal metallic
hallways that are, like,
running with pipes,
and there's lumens
at regular intervals here,
and he's just leading you through.
I have a really important
question, Thurston. Of course.
How well organized and efficient is
this installation?
Um, give me a tech check
as you're looking at stuff.
Excellent.
I must appraise this junior addict.
That's going to be ten in the glory.
This is some of the, like, worst
maintenance you've ever seen.
You wouldn't, like, ascribe
this level of maintenance to Forge
World Grya. It is that bad.
Several of the pipes here
actually just have holes of
corrosion with
gases coming out of them.
Excuse me, um,
I apologize. What is your designation?
Well, if you had listened
the first... I can speak
for myself. And if you
had listened the first time, my name
is Tobias. That's fantastic,
Tobias. I appreciate
your will to kill. I must
ask you, what goes through these tubes?
Gas.
And is this your repair work?
Repair work?
Are you not
in charge of maintaining this facility?
Correct.
I am in charge of
maintaining the necessary components
for this facility.
Hmm. And would you say
this pipe is necessary?
No.
All of the pipes
and machines here are automated.
They look after themselves.
Hmm. I would like to draw your attention to something.
What is that?
I go up to the pipe with the giant hole
in it, and I
put my hand through one of the holes.
Yeah.
So you may notice there's a
protrusion here
that allows gas to escape.
Correct.
That means it's not well maintained
and your facility is operating
at a far lower
efficiency than I would expect from even the
lowliest Lex mechanic.
That is not what I look after.
That is simply
the machines. Yes. The machines
work on their own. The machines do.
I look after the components that
keep this facility operating.
Well, fine. Show me to those components.
I am now, as a servant of the
Omnissiah, under duty to
evaluate your performance. And if I
am not liking what I see, I shall take
this up with those who trained you.
Of course.
Is Piebrain the type of person that goes into someone else's
house and starts complaining that they didn't wash their
dishes correctly? Or didn't maintain
their house? Usually he wouldn't.
Usually he wouldn't.
But it's like an Italian
food thing, right? If like an old Italian
grandma goes into your house and you make her
food, she's gonna be like, okay, yeah. But if you
make her like spaghetti carbonara
and you put like peas
in it, then she might
like unlatch her mouth and
swallow you whole. You have to watch
out for that kind of thing. So it's
sort of like that. It's like a
oh wow, you're really trying. Let's
see how this goes. This place is
terrible. What are you people doing?
This isn't
You aren't maintaining
the machine, spirits.
I see.
I gotta pat Piebrain.
I'm going, let's just
try not to piss him off at the
doorway. Well, there's a tiny little man
who's very good. I get it.
Like with you, I
am a person who is standing right
here. Under the whites of
the womans.
Yes, you are, aren't
you? And I'm gonna juggle his little
cheeks.
This is
not. He shoots his last pistol at
you. A-okay.
I do. Okay.
Hold on.
He shoots at me. How is he shooting
for him?
We're gonna find out.
I don't even have him statted,
but it's happening. This is not
an NPC. This is
an, this is, this is a object
of revenge.
Wow.
I beg to differ.
I, I, look.
This is what Thurston has been feeling inside
all 20 plus
episodes
the entire time.
The shit.
Shit has stopped.
He, this is his revenge ploy.
I've got great news.
You're gonna hit me, my dude.
Okay. What's your defense without the parry?
Cause you're not like in close combat.
Oh, without the parry, fair enough.
I would say, I believe my defense without the parry is five.
Is five?
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
Yes, that hits you.
Good.
That's good to know.
Um,
you forced this, by the way.
Perfect.
Um, I'm sorry, actually, there's another one in there, too.
Okay, uh, he hits you for 10 damage, which I think doesn't even get through your armor.
Uh, actually, it will for exactly one point after all some determination.
Perfect.
For 10.
Uh, yeah.
Soak the point.
Yeah, you'll take some sh-
You will be shocked by this.
Now, that was good shooting for him, young man.
You-
I don't like having to do that.
Don't make me do that.
Mmm, I see.
Don't worry.
He's so good at it.
He's so good at it.
I take the last-
I'm gonna take the last one.
Gentlemen, please shut up and let's just let the man lead us.
He knows exactly what is happening right now.
Oh, he's so wonderful.
Oh, he's so-
Oh, look at him.
He shot us so good.
Oh, he's so wonderful.
Please just move on.
Yes, please lead the way, but also consider the job offers.
Zedek will slyly whip out a business card out of his coat sleeve and just-
Oh, he's so good at it.
Oh, he's so good at it.
Oh, he's so good at it.
Oh, he's so good at it.
He said that loudly.
Whip out a business card out of his coat sleeve and just give it to him.
There was a very big pay bonus for people like you.
White!
This way.
Follow me.
I am going to complete my task and lead you to the information area that you require.
And he turns and starts carrying on to walk down the hallways here.
Zedek will lean over to Pie.
We're so gonna hire him.
Oh no!
no. Oh, no, no,
no, no. Zandik.
We are going
to mold him in the fires of the
Omnissiah's might. He will
turn into a machine of vengeance
and fury.
Zandik will just, like, put his finger up
to where he assumes Pi's mouth
would be if he had a mouth
and just say, no, no
augments. This one, this one's too good.
No!
I'm fine, and I'm just gonna get bored, and I'm just
gonna jump up and down like this, and I'm gonna jump up and down.
What?
Bashes both their heads together.
We are going into a
big room past this door.
I need you all
to be very, very
quiet while we go through
this room.
Do you understand?
Yes.
I immediately, like, to Pi brain, I already have, like,
duct tape in my hand.
I don't think it works that way.
Now, come here, you.
No.
Just start putting it around
just, like, around his hood.
It doesn't even get
anywhere approximating my mouth.
I'm just covering the duct tape.
Yes, you are now talking
very differently.
I'm not gonna be quiet,
Mr. Brain.
Now, we're very quiet.
We do not want
to unschedule
the component.
And he turns.
And starts opening the door there.
The valve creaks a bit.
And then he moves to the side and pulls.
And you can tell, like, this door is a heavy metal door.
But he's got some muscles to him.
And this kid just pulls open the door.
And he motions you
with one hand to follow.
And you find yourself coming into a large...
It's a hexagonal
shape, but it's almost like
a larger rectangle.
It stretches on
quite some ways and is larger than the hall
you were in. And on the ground level,
you can see there are these
large crates that have been scattered
around. And he is just leading
you on a path through crates that are
piled up in different areas.
And it looks like the crates in the areas
are all in, um, like
circled chalk.
Or paint mark, I should say.
That is like, here is a red section.
Here is a blue section. Here is a white
section. And they're all sort of
piled up with boxes that have
various cogs on them.
All right.
We are almost there.
Okay.
We are going to be...
And then you hear the crack of
some kind of projectile
discharge from
somewhere approximately
to your east.
What are you all doing?
I will swivel my head and look.
Um, you don't see
anything through all the boxes, but you hear
this shout.
We are here to do
our duty.
I look down
at the tiny man.
And you have, you hear
some stamping feet coming
from the other, again,
from the east.
Oh, I think
we might be in a bad situation
here. The components are
probably getting a bit restless.
When you
say components...
And then you hear another bang shot, this time
to the west of you. And you
hear, you hear this voice.
All right, lads!
Get ready! We'll go and take it
to them and get them out of this part
of the facility!
I'm gonna flex the duct tape
away. Okay. Yeah, yeah, totally.
Just burst.
Yeah.
Yeah. Lowering down.
Is this going to be a
combat situation
to Bias of Fimria?
Well, it
very well could be. We
might just be able to hide from them.
And what are we hiding
from?
As you say that, something
crosses from one
of the boxes into
line of sight.
And Zedek,
you see
it, and it's
it's this kind of
like, I wouldn't say hunched figure,
but it's definitely
a figure that is
my cat shouting, apparently.
It's definitely
some kind of Xenos
form. And it
comes, and it's kind of got this
almost avian
appearance to it, as it looks
up at you.
I mean, sure, it's coming in, and it's wearing these, like, kind of metallic plates and leathers, and it's got this strange rifle that you've never seen in its hand.
Ah, now I understand.
So let's just show that there.
Oh.
Hmm.
For audio people, it is a
crew mercenary.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
I'll give you a
check to see what I know about
approach. Sure. Roll that real quick.
I'm going to let my cat out, because she's doing this thing.
That's a two.
I'm going to
wrath it. I can do
I can do that.
It's really funny how there's this
Zedek.
You see this thing.
Reeb, in the distance, unable to see
this thing that he may know a lot about.
Absolutely.
That's how the things work.
It's Zedek who's kind of, like, sort of taken
a bit of a charge. And yeah,
let's see, with your
check of a two,
you've never seen Xenos like this
in your life.
Hey,
Reeb?
Yes? You ever seen
aliens that look like
big, green
chickens?
It cocks
its head and turns to use
Xenok.
Chicken? It raises
up its rifle
and takes a shot
at you. How does it know what a chicken is?
They've been extinct since
the 40,000s.
Well, according to
the leader Xenologist, I do know why they know
what it might be.
Well, you take
a shot.
Does a three hit you,
Captain Zedek? At my defense, it does.
Cool.
His defense is two. You'll take
nine points of damage as the rifle
projectile shell hits
you in the shoulder. I will take
I don't think it's actually a determination
because it'll only default to a
point of shot. Absolutely.
Nope.
I'm taking the damage. You take a
wound. Cool. This thing, like,
hits you. And at this point, we are,
we are in, like, combat
initiative. Again, we're not really using a map
for this. You guys are just kind of, like, basically
in a section of boxes
and Zedek is just
enough ahead to have turned a corner to
see one of these things. He is, you've all
seen him get shot, as Tobias
has warned you. Who would like
to go first? Can I actually try
something? Sure.
All right. Crazy question.
Thurston,
what could I do,
what would it cost as a type
of action to do a
scholar check to see if I know what this fella is?
I'll let you just, like, move
into line of sight and make the scholar check.
Like, that'll tell you what you initially know
about it. Yeah, because I kind of want to
this is, this may seem a little weird.
He kind of wants to, because I have a
very bad feeling that this may be someone
he would try to reason with, at least for one
moment. Absolutely.
So, he
will, he will saunter into line
of sight and get a glance at whatever just slugged
Zedek after Zedek called it a chicken.
Mm-hmm.
How's an eight do you?
Yeah, you've seen
these Xenos before.
You recognize
them as
Groot. They are often found
in the employ of the, of the Tau
along the eastern fringe.
However, they are found
actually throughout the whole of the Imperium
now. Some sort of
further fringe worlds often
use them as mercenaries,
or other Xenos empires use
them as mercenaries. They can be fought,
or they can be found oftentimes fighting
with or against Imperium
forces. They,
medically speaking, you know that
they are a highly adaptive
species that tends to
tends to learn
by consuming
those that they kill and adapting
based off that consumption.
So, no two types of
Groot war packs are identical
because they've probably had various
different consumptions.
that have altered their genetics.
Zedek, you do
realize you just called that Groot mercenary
basically a slur, yes?
I now know.
And I, I
definitely earned that shot.
I'm sorry!
Can I try to talk it down
with maybe a role of some kind?
Yeah, like if you, yeah, absolutely.
What, uh, whatever type of social skill you would
like to use.
Let me think here. What would be actually
What's one I can use that I can
actually
Eh, my persuasion's not terrible.
Can I take two glory and throw
them at my persuasion to try and avoid a
stupid fight?
I would like to assist him because
I'll just be, just fucking apologize.
Oh.
Your aid will be factored in. Okay.
What? Loren?
I apologize for interrupting.
Thurston, could you make that shot that creature
did a complication?
They ran out of ammo.
Oh.
Uh, he doesn't complicate
because he's a troop, so the next one
will complicate. Okay.
Because troops don't complicate. I learned this.
Uh, so, persuasion
So you're gonna
assist me? Yeah, basically
you'll get plus one success to whatever you roll.
Okay, so I will add
two glory.
Actually, can I throw in, like, maybe three glory
instead? Yeah, I'm good with that.
Cool. Yeah.
As per usual,
it doesn't count those, uh, extra three
that I rolled for some reason, but I did get six
and a glory to start with.
3d6
plus one. More? Seven? Seven.
Is that gonna be sufficient to maybe
like, cool it? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you, you
Easy, easy, easy. We're all
we're not fighting you here.
It was a misunderstanding, Xenos.
This one knows.
This one
understands.
And that was your action?
Yes. Okay.
Uh, I will go. Um,
coming across from the
the opposite side of this T-junction
you've emerged into
is another strange
creature.
This one looks
to be some kind
of immense, bulky
reptilian
that is holding what appears
to be a different type of projectile
weapon. It is, like,
wears no armor. In fact, it wears
only shorts, and
it just has this, like, utterly
bulked-out upper body.
And it turns the
corner, looks over the two
of you, and then looks towards
the crew to beyond you.
Oh,
shit! Right,
lads! Oh, I found him!
Get over here, right, quick!
Woof!
It says. Woof!
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
Do I scholar this one, too? Absolutely.
How's it a little?
Oh, oh, yes.
Oh, oh, you, you, you
clearly read the same
book on both of these.
Uh, yes.
You recognize this creature
as a Torellian dog
soldier.
They are a Xeno species of which
not a lot is known, but they
also serve commonly
as mercenaries. At some
point, uh, according
to legend, during the Emperor's
Great Crusade,
mankind virus bombed most of
their planet, so they have basically
been like vagrant mercenaries ever
since.
Oh, there goes diplomacy.
What a shame.
Uh, it has come. It is like,
turned the corner. It, it
is, uh, clearly, uh,
noting the presence
of, um,
excuse me, of the Kroot and
has raised its rifle and is taking
a shot at the Kroot.
I would like to seize
the initiative.
Uh, it will hit.
Oh no.
It'll complicate this round.
Oh, okay. Um, this is
also a troop, so it does not complicate.
Um, but
it will, it will fire and
will hit the Kroot.
And the Kroot
takes the shot, recoils
back a bit, coughing
up, and then falls down as
blood sprays out of its neck.
Who would like to go next?
Uh, I will.
Uh, or Zedek, you wanted to seize?
Oh, Zedek wanted to do it. Go Zedek.
You don't have to seize, I just went, so.
Okay. Uh,
I'm gonna
take a shot with the art pistol at the
dog soldier, I suppose.
Oh, okay. I don't think I can make
any other actions to save.
Reeb, do you, do we save this one?
Leave the Kroot, shoot the
dog, shoot the Terrellians.
I was, like, I'm sorry. Zedek, go Zedek.
Zedek kind of gestures with his thumb towards the
dying Kroot. Do we save this one?
As in, like,
Reeb, are you going to save this one?
Can I curse or Medicaid check to see
if that's even worth doing?
It'll be on your turn to do that.
Yeah. Okay.
Well, while waiting for Reeb eventually,
Zedek's just gonna pop off at the dog soldier.
Okay.
I'm gonna hit him.
With a seven and a crit!
Oh!
Uh, yeah. Okay, okay.
Um, you, you just
complete, roll 2d6 for the crit, please.
We'll see how you end this
thing.
Eleven. Eleven, wow.
The minimum headshot.
Um,
your arc pistol goes out
and, like, in a, in a
searing bolt of energy
impacts straight in the
center of the, the reptilian
Xenos's head, and there's a
slight sizzle followed by a loud
pop sound, as
then the headless body collapses
down.
Zedek'll do a flourish of
his arc pistol, spin it around his finger and hold
it up. And then immediately
you start hearing these, these guttural
barks and, like, chirps
from behind, uh, from the east, past the
crowd,
and then to, to the, to the west.
Adolphus! Was that you?
Is everything alright over there? Have you found the
baddies?
I would, uh, if possible,
plot to, uh, uh, seize.
Uh, you can, you can
just go. I, I, I took my
action there. Ah, very
lovely. Alright. Pion's going to
do two things. Okay. First thing
he's going to do is he's going to lead over, and he's going to scoop
up the crew and put them over his shoulder.
Okay. Second thing he's going to do
Turn the corner and see the crew.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I understand very
well. Uh, I'm going to take out my combi
tool, and I'm going to try to interface with the
lumens and deactivate them on this area.
Okay. Um,
the lumens are in the ceiling.
Well, uh,
well, I mean, presumably there's, like, a power
conduit or something. I'd like to make a, you know,
be able to, like, uh,
humans if at all possible
and leave this area in darkness.
I mean, you're not close to any
panels.
Okay, I guess in that case I'll just
run to the other end of the room.
Like, back the way you came,
or... Well, well, uh,
Tobias is leading us somewhere in particular.
He was, but then he stopped when
the gunfire erupted, and he told us...
Oh, so we're not escaping. We're...
Okay. Because I... I'm sorry.
I, the player, thought that our job was not
to fuck with these guys.
And I... Yes, it was. Until
Zedek shot one in the head.
I understand. Okay, fine.
Uh, well, I'll drop this guy. Who cares?
And I will, um,
charge at the nearest
source of noise.
Okay, that would be from the Kroot?
Uh, I'm charging at the
Dark Soldiers. The Kroot seem to be our rel...
allies? I don't know.
I wouldn't say that yet.
We were able to negotiate with one of them, so...
We negotiated with the one who is
probably going to die and probably can't tell his friends
to not shoot. Well, I disagree. I disagree.
I believe in Reeb. Oh, God.
I will charge
at the nearest Targaryen Dark Soldiers
and I will say,
Beware!
Lemuria approaches!
Okay, so
you're gonna basically run through
the maze of boxes towards
the Drellians. Yes.
Okay, cool. You don't run into any of them yet.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
Alright. Um...
Oh, no! What's
Lemuria? Uh, might have to pull out the
big guns for this one, chaps! Woof!
Why did they talk? Um...
Who would like to go next?
Uh...
I already went, so it's up to...
I think it's Lorne, right? Yeah.
It's up to Lorne.
Thurston will know, internally,
on how I'm feeling about this situation.
And, uh...
Everyone else is gonna be like,
It's like, don't worry about it.
That's just a thing we're gonna have to deal with now.
That, uh... God damn it.
Okay, so...
I wanna cast Telekinetic Projectile.
Not, not... Wait, I'm sorry.
I'm not playing the other game. You don't, you don't see anyone here.
Wrong game! Wrong game.
Wrong game, wrong game. Telekinetic Dome?
Yeah, Telekinetic Dome. I'm sorry.
Okay. There's a, there's another game
that has that thing. Alright, I'm gonna go
basically my entire turn, I'm gonna cast this first,
and then I'm gonna cast, uh, Shaped Flesh
just to give me resilience, and that's what I'm doing.
So I'm gonna do Telekinetic Dome first,
and go Waka Waka.
Wait. Wow, okay. Um...
No, that is incorrect. That's a lot of dice.
That's a lot of sprites. That is incorrect.
Because I have five bonus die on here
for some reason. So let me just
re-roll that, because that is all incorrect.
Nine. That'll be the more correct one.
Wait, that's still a, the same
amount of bonus dice. Wait, what the hell?
I just took it off! Cheater!
Let's try again! Cheater!
There you go. That, that would be correct.
I will take that complication.
Uh, and I will spin a Wrath,
and I will Wrath, uh,
so I can get that back. So then I'll have
eight instead, and...
...
As I kind of see what
the thing is. So I needed a five to do it, so
one, two, three. Yeah, I can't boost anything.
So I'm very selfish. I will complicate.
You're getting a dome on yourself, which is very
good, considering the complication we have.
Excellent. And by...
Because the complication, coming
from, uh, Sirius Einzla,
uh, is Haunting Memory.
You are haunted
by a specter of the possessed
on board the Carillon that only
you can see.
And it comes emerging
from the walls towards you.
Ah! We found!
And, um, you have to
spend your next action, so not this one.
You'll finish your Shaped Flesh. But your next action
has to be spent attacking this specter.
Okay.
Alright, and Shaped Flesh
will activate. I get a nine.
I'm going to, uh, require six
to do it, so one,
one, two, three, four. Okay, I can,
I can't boost anything, unfortunately.
Okay. But, um...
What are you shaping your flesh to be?
Basically, resilience.
Okay. Right now, I basically have
a resilience of eleven,
or something like that. I think ten or eleven, I'll do the math later.
But it's a lot. Um... Yeah.
Yeah, but that's all I do on my turn.
Okay. At this point, Tobias
goes and rushes up towards Zedek and Reeb.
What
are you doing? You should not
be damaging the components!
And he, like, rushes towards
the Crute.
And clearly begins on
operating on the Crute.
Good.
That wasn't the plan.
This is very bad!
We should not be harming the
components. The components should
be harming each other.
Yes,
we didn't harm this one.
We definitely harmed the other one, by the way.
Why'd you say that?
Well, yes, I can see that, but
I currently can't save that one,
because that component is missing
a head!
Uh, he's
like, doing miracle work on this Crute.
Like, he's pulled out, like, a suture
device, stabbed it, stopped
the bleeding.
This component should work eventually
again.
Good enough.
Um, and that's the end
of Tobias, that's the end of the Initiative. We come
to the next round. Who would like to go first?
Well,
presumably we aren't gonna be fighting these things anymore,
so, can I...
do an awareness to try and find
a path through?
Uh, absolutely you can.
Because I believe this is now the time for us to
make less of an ass of ourselves.
So, awareness...
Go!
Five and a glory. Sufficient?
You have a good idea. You can tell that, like,
the way Pybrain ran
would probably lead towards the exit
that Tobias was leading you.
Um, and that the
Turalyans are coming, like, further west
from that. Okay.
Follow Py, gentlemen.
Is the... Are you gonna
follow after him, then? Like, after you make this?
Yes, because... Yeah, okay.
You cross the corner to see the
running, the running, um,
like, Pybrain.
Can I shout after Py real quick?
Of course!
Py!
Don't hurt the dog
soldiers! We're not supposed to!
Okay, fine.
...
Out of curiosity...
Out of curiosity... Mm-hmm?
Uh, is the crew still just kind of
lying there, even though he's healed?
Yes.
Oh!
Katniss would like to extend that.
I've been informed.
I forgot this. Um, Tobias,
however, and I made this rule so you wouldn't see his
Medicaid score, um, Tobias
would get a complication.
A GM complication while he was
doing that. So, my...
Oh, gosh.
Uh, my complication
here is going to be
that Tobias,
with his foreign
athletics, has to,
um, see if he
can not slip on the blood
around the crute while he is doing this.
Which, presumably,
will also be a complication.
Which he does not. So he goes, he manages
to stitch up this, this, uh, this crute
on the floor, but then trips and falls
prone... Ow! Oh!
This is not good!
He says, as he's, like, scrambling
in the blood around...
Okay, sorry, um...
And then Reeb had done his go,
and then I believe it was mine, unless someone was
interrupting.
Going once,
going twice... Cool!
Um, alright, so Pai, you've heard this. At this point,
uh, a group
of these, these reptilians turns the
corner. You can see that there are five of them,
all with the same rifles, these
Turalyans. And one of them,
at the front, uh, has
a slightly more regal
appearance, has a, a bionic
eye, and is clearly wielding,
like, some kind of
massive maul?
And he, like, points the maul
towards you. Yes, you
there! Are you friend, or are
you foe?
Yes, hello, I am
Demioria. I, I, seems to be
complicated, I don't think we're foe, I think we're friend.
And he, like, pauses, and
clearly is thinking that's their action.
Who would like to go next?
I will go next. No, yeah, go ahead, Pai.
I'm going to examine his, uh,
equipment. Uh,
just from a cursory glance,
do they look of decent quality?
Uh,
they look well
maintained, as far as, like, the
extent, like, some of these are Xenos
tech, clearly not
prescribed beautiful mechanicum
items, so you can't quite tell what's
going on here.
Um, can I
make a tech check to see if I might
understand some function of them?
Yeah, absolutely.
Alrighty then.
So here we go.
Waiting for the roll. Let's go.
Waiting for the roll. Oh, we got it.
They're using, like, what would be
roughly equivalent to stub cannons.
So, probably, like,
dangerous en masse
against you. Like, if all
five of them raise those things and fire,
you're probably taking a solid hit from it.
Oh, I meant more, like, the augments
and, like, the maul and stuff. Oh,
yeah, like, basically, they're
using a hodgepodge of different weaponry.
Uh, like, it's all fine, and you
can tell that they're seasoned and clearly have been
used a lot.
I will look at them and say, good sense,
sir. It seems as though
in your increasing endeavors to bring
death to your foes, your
eye augment is slightly
miscalibrated. Would
you like my assistance?
Okay.
Um, we'll
get to the results of that later. Who would like
to go next?
Zedek would like to go if nobody else would.
Go for it.
Uh, Zedek will
extend a hand both to the crew to end
Tobias to help them up.
Mm-hmm.
Um, the,
like, yeah, you get them both.
Well, you're stowing your pistol, then, and sort of
reaching down and pick them both up? Yes.
Okay, yeah, you get them both up.
Tobias kind of, like, stumbles a bit more
and pauses and sort of
breathes heavily as he does
so. Um,
that, by the way, the slip was from
Melonius01. That was the slip of ignorance
on poor Tobias's behalf.
Uh, but they both get up. He's clearly
still off-kilter from this, and the Kroot
gets up and just is like,
Hurt.
Hurt.
Yes, very, very much
hurt. I'm sorry I insulted
you, but apparently
we are not enemies, which is good.
And this one, looking down at Tobias,
is, I have no
idea what you did, but that was really,
really impressive.
Help this
one. Help this one do even
better. Reeb, take no
sight. Reeb is not here.
Reeb is not here. No, no, wait.
What did you say?
And, like, Tobias leans into the Kroot.
Did you say Hurt?
Hurt.
The Kroot says again.
Oh, okay.
Uh, who'd like to go next?
Oh.
I mean,
yeah, I see
the spooky spirit thing and I try to hit it
with my staff.
Yeah, like, and
all of the rest of you, you hear this, like, clanging
of metal from behind.
This spectral thing has
come up to you and is like, will attempt
to latch onto you, Lorne, and just says,
We found.
We found. And your staff goes
through it, it disappears
into mist around you.
Heh heh.
Heh heh.
Don't worry about me, keep going, lads.
Is it my turn?
Yeah, yeah, perfect.
Um, Reeb.
Uh, didn't
Reeb already go? He
did an awareness and ran.
Oh yeah, that's right, that's right, yeah, so you have all gone.
Um, yeah, okay.
Uh, so that's the end of the combat round.
The next round. Uh,
Pybrain.
Yes. Um.
I'm, like, given the situation,
I'm going to just declare you're gonna have to go
first here, uh, cause what happens in the
round will heavily depend on what you're about to do.
Um.
You, like, these Turalyans
are still looking at you.
Uh, the five of them have their
guns raised, and the one with these sort of
heavy mace weapons staring at
you quizzically.
Hmm. Hmm.
I'm going to take out my combi tour, if you
will excuse me. I will
stow my power sword in this particular moment.
And I'm going to attempt
to just, uh, optimize the
calibration on this bionic eye.
Like,
you walk towards him
with this thing stretched
out? Um,
what kind of, like, personal, like,
non-tech based skills do you have for
social encounters? Um, well,
I'm not good at anything, but, except for
intimidation, um, but
it's clearly not what I'm trying here. I did
uh, stow my weapon.
Which should hopefully be construed as a sign of peace.
I, I, yep, yep.
I, I, I, like, tech would be great
if you were able to have the social
graces to get close enough to this guy's
eye with your strange
device. I don't know
very well. I will tell you.
If I'm sitting here
on a battlefield, and some random fucking
blood-covered tech priest comes over to me
and is like, I'm your friend!
I didn't kill anybody yet!
That's for community effect, but you literally come up
to me, some random fucker
and you're like, I can fix your eye for you,
stand still! And then he's like,
and he's like, coming right at me, I'm gonna
shoot you! I'm like, are you
friend, or are you foe? Oh, we're
friends, yeah, I'll do some repairs, if
you'd like! And they don't say no, so
I'm coming to do repairs.
That's not how life
works! Well, you know what?
Maybe with a leadership check
it might. Okay, give me a leadership
check. Alright, I'm gonna have to pump, like,
a bunch of glory. Sorry, guys.
Uh, I'm gonna pump, uh, two glory.
Okay. Such is
my lot in life!
Absolutely. Four glory, and let's roll!
Ah, six
and a glory!
Clearly my experience
with small unit tactics.
You, like, manage to
suppress their
fear and get close and begin
utilizing it. Please give me a tech check.
Mmm, yes.
Very good.
This is where you complicate. This is where you
complicate.
There it is.
Eleven successes, though.
Yeah.
Eleven successes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, so
you, you begin,
um, you begin, like,
tooling and utilizing
the device here, and
like, activating
and attempting to,
uh, you know, just
update the bionic. Uh, I'm
just checking. I'm sure, oh,
you know what? Absolutely.
Uh, and as you're doing so,
like, suddenly you
just hear this, like, this, this
vox, like, crackle in
your ear.
What are you doing? You're doing
it wrong! You're doing
it wrong!
As
GAM4224's voice
intrudes on your head.
I'm doing it right, you
only one poop.
No, you're doing it wrong.
You're doing it a non-prescribed
way. You are
terrible and should feel
terrible. Evil
rude.
I want you to know something,
my brain of
Forgeworld Lemuria.
What do you want to tell me, GAM4224's
Forgeworld crier?
I had some of my tech
adepts go into your quarters.
I heard a report that
some of the lumens were faulty.
It appears the batteries
were Lemurian.
So I had them replaced.
That your light,
your lumen in your chambers
is now Gaia-powered!
No!
Then the phone call ends.
Uh, thank you, the milkman, for the
complication awkward vox.
The milk is delicious.
I do
say I couldn't see much better
than this device now. Previously,
I couldn't see anything. It was mostly
Lemurian technology.
That's Lemurian tech that did that to you.
Lemurian is the greatest Forgeworld.
As, as, as,
Can I interrupt you? Is that okay?
The Turalyon says Warpy spittles you.
Uh, yes, Zoran, you'd like to interrupt?
I, I want, no, I'm not interrupting.
I just want to help paint a picture that
there's this dog soldier guy with a bionic eye.
He's sitting there all nice and polite.
Take a freeze cut. I will fix your eyes.
And then he needs to sit there.
But he could hear
only his side of the conversation.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. So he's sitting there
so fucking nervous that he's having a
mental breakdown. Yeah, like my
hand, and my hand was
like on him gently at first, and I was like
And, well, you've got this thing
right by his eye, like
Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Dead Space 2.
You've scarred us all. Yeah, he's just like
Oh, well, I hope he doesn't kill me.
Get on my friend's pass-through
or I'm gonna rip you apart! Okay?
Who would like to go next?
Good question! Yeah.
Which of you three would like
to go next? Oh.
You guys can go, that's fine.
Reeb?
Um...
I mean, the plan is still to try and avoid
fighting them, so Reeb's just gonna continue
to... Yeah, you can, like,
get up to where Pi is now with the
Turalyans, and you can see, like, again, it's another
branch. You can carry on
past towards the exit, you
assume, but there's also Pi who's
taken the other branch a few
meters just to work
on this Turalyan.
I will run past
the area where we need to turn,
and I will turn down that hallway, and I will shout
to Pi, Pi, this way! Quit
fraternizing with the Xenos!
I'm making them run!
Stop doing
that and move!
Uh,
on the other side,
closer to Tobias
and Zedek and the Kroot,
a group of Kroot come, like,
rushing across
the corner, and there are five of them.
Their weapons are sort of, like,
at attention and ready,
and there's kind of this, like,
avian cawing
in the backs of their throats as they
look. You know, something akin to the
Predator sound, you know?
And they've kind of got
their weapons casually uptrained on
all of you who are there.
But that's
their action. Who would like to go next?
It's down to the two of us.
Go ahead, Zedek.
Uh, Zedek will not necessarily
do. Look, I'm sorry
for
inadvertently hurting you and insulting you, but
look, we can move past that.
We're good.
Can I offer you any
assistance? I don't know.
Is there anything I can help you with?
What kind of skill are you trying to make to, like...
Persuasion. Yeah,
absolutely you can persuade these Xenos creatures.
No way. I'm looking forward to
this. An eight
in the glory. Oh,
excellent. Yeah, yeah, they seem to be
100%
like, oh, okay, this is, like, pretty reasonable.
Like, they've clearly meted up our friend.
They're, like, looking at each other. They're nodding.
Can you mark me down a rune point, Soren?
Of course.
Mm-hmm.
There is a splatter
of Xenos blood that
just hits your face,
Soren, as Tobias
fires the Laz gun, or his Laz
pistol, point-blank into the Kroot's
skull, and the Kroot
spasms, like, you're still holding, like,
both of them, having pulled them up,
and the Kroot, like, spasms and falls
down dead. And the others all, like, they
don't raise their rifles, but they all recoil
back and, like, put them to their chest
as, um,
Tobias is there,
with the pistol having, like,
still just, uh,
still just, like,
fired. Um, now,
I believe that is a
complication for me
again. So it didn't
actually blow his head off, right?
Oh, no.
It absolutely did.
Can I make a narrative declaration
that it only blew off his eye?
Yeah, absolutely you
can. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. You know what?
We'll go with that. You can mark yourself
down a RAF point to narratively
declare that I only take out this
Kroot's eye. Um,
and in fact, I will use
the, um,
uh,
beautiful, uh,
yeah, I'm going to use the
narrative, uh, the complication here is
you missed, dumbass, uh, by
Fulton's graphics. Thank you very
much. If the person
misses and complicates, they
have to make a difficulty three
conviction test, which I
will roll right now.
Oh, he fails.
Uh, and if they fail,
they spend their next turn performing no
other action but retorting, uh,
verbally to the targets.
Um, basically
to, to Zedek and
the, the Kroot, uh,
for noticing the missed shot.
And, and, and, like, Tobias, like,
just like,
you see? That should have taken out his
fucking eye. But, I
was nice today, because
the components need to remember
their place, and that they should
never complain to
the maintenance staff.
As the Kroot is
now, like, screeching, its eye
is, like, bull
bolting out blood.
Look,
oh my god, oh my god, Emperor, save us.
Tobias?
I, I am asking for, I will
pay you for this. What?
If it, if you, if it's between
destroying this one, and
not destroying it, I will happily
compensate you to fix this
one. At least stay, I don't think
you can fix it, Sai, I don't think anybody can. You have to understand,
they can't get mouthy with
me. If they get mouthy,
he puts the lasgun onto the side of the,
like, whimpering Kroot, don't get another
shot!
Look, I will,
wait, they, you, you're, uh,
the people who you work for, they paid for this
one, right? Can I pay you to take
this, pay for this one's services instead?
They, they start looking
at each other. Lorne, what are
you doing?
I'm gonna cast
regeneration on myself.
Absolutely!
And I complicate.
But I successfully get it.
But I, but I,
uh,
yeah, I just
get it. And, uh, yeah, I just complicate.
So you, we can roll that comp,
complication before I do my move action.
Um...
Oh...
Oh...
Um...
What you got for me?
I...
I feel like we're gonna use
this one, it's a more recent one,
but I like it. Uh, this
is from J.G. Wentworth, uh,
complication entitled, uh,
Imperial Bitchslap.
Um,
as you, you reach into the, into the,
into the sea of souls,
a shard
of the greatest man who ever
lived, and still kind of lives,
sees what you were doing
in this moment, and
psychically slaps you.
And, um,
you take one shock from that.
Great!
And if you ever get a video of this,
if we ever get a video of this,
we'll just cut to the Golden Throne room,
and then back.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
There's a problem here, because I've basically been
buffing myself this entire time,
like, defense up,
attack up, and now I'm,
now, I guess the objective here is
literally just to let, either calm these guys down,
or to leave, and to get
through this area, right?
I mean, basically.
Basically.
So I am, I was like,
well, boys, I'll see you on the other side,
I'll help where I can. I have no social skills
in which to help with this situation.
I just walk without a care
to the other side
of the room, where I hope I see anything.
You start walking, like, following the path that
Reap and Vibrate took.
As you walk out there- I'm not even worrying about that.
I don't care if I'm going through the crossfire.
I'm just straight on through.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Like, that's, that's the path to get out.
And as you're just, like, walking
you could, you clearly see the,
like, Tobias, like, having shot
the Kroot, and clearly trying- and you're just like,
whatever, and you keep walking.
It's like, I can't help you.
I have nothing in which
to help anybody. For I'm just
gonna wait at the other side,
being invulnerable.
That's a solid plan.
I'm not gonna lie.
We're gonna, we're gonna come to the next comment round.
Uh, much as I declared
Pybrain having to go first last time,
Zedek, I think you're kind of in the position
where you're gonna have to go first
this time. Okay.
Uh, so I believe you were
currently trying to bribe
the Kroot. No, I'm trying to
say Tobias, or
actually, you know, I'm kind of bribing both of them.
Because you kind of want to hire
the Kroot's services, right?
If anything, just to keep him from being
fucking brained by Tobias, who
clearly is more of a monster than I
initially took him for.
I figured he was shit.
The other Kroot are sort of looking.
Look, I
New pay for new contract?
Yes.
New pay for contract. How you pay?
They don't pay you?
Why do you guys work for them?
No, I think he said how you pay.
How you pay. How do you want
to be paid?
And like, they start like
talking and cawing, and one of
them points to you, Zedek.
Shoulder pad look good.
I want.
Mmm.
To eat or to wear?
To wear to start.
I can make you an
exact duplicate. Will that suffice?
Wait, what?
I'm absolutely bullshitting.
I'll have someone make it on the ship later.
I'll let you narratively
declare that you keep copies of your
shoulder pads in your chest.
Oh, I absolutely don't. I absolutely don't.
I'll just fucking jury-rig one or have
somehow make, I don't know, another
gang to get for me.
Yeah.
Fine, here. I'll narratively declare it.
There.
I keep backups, knowing that I get into
shit all the time.
But you just carry around a second, like,
exact replica of your normal suit
now, in like a bag.
Inside the suit?
It is simply under it.
I imagine
with all the pants you keep ripping you just have a
duffel bag of spare stuff.
It pays to be prepared.
Do you have, like, a digi-weapon that just produces more
clothes instead of, like, firing a gun?
Exactly. Why would I have anything useful that could
keep me alive when I could look f-
Why would I have anything that could keep me alive and kill
someone when I could be drippy as fuck?
I'm fucking drenched.
Oh, captain, my captain!
And then, like, the crew are clearly looking at
each other and, like, several of them are
caw-speaking.
And it's like, you don't speak
their horrible Xenos language, but you
get enough of an inference of,
like, you should have asked for more.
Clearly we could have got three shoulder
pads.
And then, like, they
sort of, like, nod and begin backing off.
You keep that one. He is no longer
part of the unit. And they
turn as, like, the one who is
now missing an eye and bleeding from
the neck is staring up, like,
No, he's
I looked down at him.
Why has he stopped bleeding from the neck? I thought he fixed him.
I mean, like, sorry, blood
going down the neck from the eye.
Oh. I
Alright.
Look, he's, he doesn't have to fight.
But he's part of that contract.
And I, again, will
pick him up.
Like, good?
Good?
Yeah, very, this seems
very good. Now let me look after this
component here. No, I mean,
like, I'm taking the damaged goods
with me. That's part of the deal.
It's the art of the deal. Yeah, no, the
crew have, like, all backed off now, like the
other ones. But Tobias was like, okay,
good deal. Let me fix this
component for you. Okay.
I
can't believe you.
Please don't kill him.
Oh, yeah, he just shot him. Oh, yeah,
I'll fix it for you. Yep. And, like,
very quickly, he clearly applies some
kind of, like, gel substance
from another device
in his robes that clears up the
the, like, swoldering crater of
the eye. Alright, there you
go. That should keep him good for a
while.
Now, Shai, keep weeding you on.
Yes, we can now move
on. We have
recruited a new member.
And, like, yeah, Tobias starts walking away.
Um,
Pybrain and, uh,
Reeb, you quickly see the
three others of your party members, like,
meet up. First of all, Lorne, and then
Zedek, a crute, a
heavily wounded crute,
and Tobias.
Okay. Those
are my friends. It seems we have stolen
a bird. Uh,
you have a good day.
These are
our boys now.
Yes. Hello, Zedek.
Look at these kind men I've met. They have
a very cool eyeball.
Very
cool. You made that, didn't you?
I did not, but I improved it,
even though Gamu was talking.
Tell them how bad Gamu is, I say
to the big one.
They have, they are now, like,
stepping back. Like, you can see
the leader, who's bionic, he's kind of, like,
tapping it occasionally.
She seemed quite
improper, but,
bespoke to that, we have war to
continue! We must
succeed for Team Green!
And all of them shout, Team Green!
Yeah!
Yes!
And they turn and begin walking away.
I give all of them high fives as they leave.
Oh my god. Good team!
Good team! Good team! Good team!
Good team! Good team! Good team! Good team!
Good game! Good game! Good game! Good game!
They pour Gatorade
on you. You short-circuit. You die.
Absolutely.
It gets all up in your grill, and you die.
After this happens, I just waddle up to the right.
Those guys were nice. They feel like
my people. Uh, you are
now at the opposite, like, the other hall.
Hall what? Well, Dax
could have gone better. It could have gone
worse.
Eh, most things could
go both of those ways.
Well, you're getting awful close to the
information center.
Oh, that's good. That's real good.
It has
marked forward for the Forge
world!
Yes.
You are very...
I shake his hand. What?
Hammer. Okay.
And that's the end... that's the
end of my interaction for right now.
I want to know...
And...
And...
I want to know, what does Reeb
think of this newfound alliance?
Reeb is booking it
towards the door, I'm assuming.
You're now, like, in the hall.
Like, you're on your own. You're out of the
threat area.
Captain, why do you
have that crude over your shoulder?
As
Yannis Drake once said, the primacy
of mankind is
paramount. However, sometimes
allies are of convenience, even if
they are Xenos. I can walk on my own.
Okay. I'll probably
put him down.
Terrific.
He is our ally now. What do
we call you?
Uh... Captain.
What? You're making some very
large leaps in logic here.
...
Sometimes we must use
those to ensure the brighter
future of mankind.
Captain, don't proselytize at me.
Rotator, moving on!
No. Why do we
have this crude?
I gave them some shiny bits.
Well, he was a component for
one of the different
component streams here.
But now, he is your component.
Does this mean you will be requiring
cards? Should I get you
cards?
Cards? What are you talking about?
You mean a card?
Well, yes. All of the different
component streams here have cards.
Like these.
And he reaches into
his, like, you know, very, like, robes
and produces, like, a
colored data wafer.
I know what's coming.
Please.
Uh, Team Fortress 2.
Is this, like, fucking
Blood Bowl?
Are these trading cards?
What?
Well, no. This is
one of the quads.
You have to put these
in the SWAT
for your stream.
Can
Reeb take one of these little data
slates and look at it?
These data wafers, I should say. Yeah, absolutely.
So, give me an accurate
description of it, please, because I'm not
quite understanding. Is it, like, a little chip?
What is it? How big is it?
So, it's about
the size of a trading
card. Like your standard Magic
the Gathering-style card.
Maybe a half inch thick, though.
With sort of a colored
rim. And you can tell very,
very simply, the color
on the rim is
some kind of internal lumen
unit. So, based off the program
that's in it, it's shooting
out a different color.
Okay. What is the color?
In this case,
it is, like,
a pale white from
the one that Tobias is providing.
Bone. Okay. Is there anything
on it?
There's, like, circuitry and such.
It looks like it would
be meant to
be slotted into something. There's some kind of
data connector port at the bottom.
Huh.
Do we have
to take these and become part of these
component streams?
Well,
that is up to you.
Or, you could be designated
an unused color for yourselves.
And then,
if you manage to insert
it into any of the primary
points, you would be allocated
the resources.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Did you just say points?
Oh, no.
Yes!
Did you not do any research
before? I grab him by his
cute little pudgy mouth.
Oh, man.
Lorne is hovering
ominously behind him. His
second powers are still on, so
he is glowing with energy.
And he goes,
I heard you fuckers talking about
points. We got some
points in here, Lorne. It's really
real shit.
I am interested to hear
this development.
We're gonna tell us at this point.
As soon as we set up.
Yes.
Come on!
Just tell us!
Okay, okay.
Oh,
my god.
Oh, my god.
All of the noble families
from Fimbria Majorith
send different component streams
here. When the component streams
arrive, we provide them
with the cards
for any unused color or
previously used color if they are affiliated
with a family that currently
employs a color here.
Once the card is placed
into one of the key slots
in all of the big
refineries here, the refineries
allocate their
resources for the period
the card is slotted to that
family.
And what does
bone white represent?
Oh, this is an unprogrammed
card. We keep spares
on us so that we can provide
them to new teams that arrive.
And so you're
saying that if you are
to win in this great
big combat tournament,
you would gain control
of the resources it provides?
At this point,
the crew is sighing.
Like, enters in.
Yes.
That is how
it works. And what if
you were to, say, gain
control of the refineries
and contested?
Well, then
the resources for those refineries
would go to you.
They would be parceled
and allocated to
containment silos that only
you would have the access
for.
I think we just
solved part of our problem with
the Crusade.
I...
Oh...
Wait, we're doing our job?
I know. It's such a weird feeling
to be in control again.
Do we want to do that?
Yes, we want to do that.
Yes!
We must claim the refineries
and the resources
for the glory of the Primarchs.
And so we get
the points, I guess.
How much for those
dog gentlemen?
Oh, for goodness sake.
Well, component streams
do change all the time.
Wait, do you have a marketplace
where we can buy your components?
Well, we are going there to the
Information Center right now.
Oh, I can't wait.
I'm going to grab Lorne.
I'm going to grab Zedek.
I'll look at Reeb.
He's not up for this.
Fuck you.
Gentlemen.
You can participate if you want, Reeb.
You can get in on the huddle.
I'm just going to throw a bottle at Pi.
Where did you get the bottle from?
Gentlemen.
Gentlemen.
Activate
Victory Sequence
6.0-Pi.
And I'm going to begin
my programmed victory dance.
We haven't won anything.
We've won something!
Alright, turning down
hype velocity.
And I'll do it slower.
He's doing the Daily Noble Marital Dance.
Yeah. I don't know if anyone else
actually remembered how to do the dance.
I leave Pi
and I go over and I'm like,
bring us to the Information Hub.
Alright. Follow me.
And he continues like this.
He's leading down.
And as this is happening,
the Xenos creature is like
behind you, Zedek, and it's sniffing like
Can I view?
What do you want
with me?
Follow along.
You're welcome as part
of the crew.
I might have need of your services later, and especially
I feel like
I feel like we could use you.
And I feel, I feel, I
honestly, I feel like that was my fault.
What was
fault?
Calling you that, uh,
that nasty word.
I'm not going to say what I said
last session, because that was a fucking faux pas
on my part. That was a
big fucky-wucky on HulkyGrow's part.
I'm dead.
I will.
Watch.
You.
Thank you. And
well, take care of yourself, too.
Don't get hit.
Okay.
And like, as you're
now carrying Tobias,
all white, behind this door
is the
Information Center.
Are you ready
to go to the Information
Center?
Yes!
Yes, I'm ready!
All right. I will open the door
to the Information Center.
And as he does, he opens
the valve door, and like, you are accosted by
these, like, flashing lumens,
and suddenly, like, music
is hitting your ears, as you
see a lively, massive
space in front of you, where
dozens, if not
hundreds, of
different
humanoid, some
mosquito, some human, some
mutants, are all
gaggling and moving about.
In the center is a
large, uh, circular
area, where there's clearly
bartenders, uh,
at least one of them is a croot,
several of them are, are humans,
one of them is a
rattling on top of
an ogren, the rattling taking
orders and then quickly, like,
shouting down to the ogren to
get and make the drinks.
...
...
Welcome to the Information
Center. This
is where all of the component
information is stored.
Zedek,
this is a bar.
Huh.
I...
I understand.
I understand. It's an Information Center.
It's like all bars are.
Oh, I can... I'm selling these environments.
I grab Zedek.
No! This isn't a bar!
It's a
canteen!
Are we listening to the jizz, boys?
Listening to some jizz, boys.
I don't think we can. I think the mouse has the copyright.
Boop, boop.
Quick, I want to do royalty-free. We can't sing
Happy Birthday, but we can hum jizz.
...
...
Wonderful, wonderful.
It's just some fat alien
...
And then it's just, there's a whole band
going.
Yeah, it's like some, like,
morbidly obese vespid
who is drumming by tapping
on its belly. We got fucking
America's Choice' Max Rebo in the corner.
Um...
I do, however, think that this is where we will call it for today's episode.
Good.
Excellent.
Good.
So with that, everybody, thank you all so much for watching this episode of Warhands.
Thanks, everybody, for coming over and saying hello.
We greatly, greatly appreciate it.
Always remember to go to warhands.tv to find out more about us.
If you enjoy what we have here to get all the past episodes,
check up on the schedule when we're going live and also visit our Twitter at Warhands show
to also be kept up to date on what is going on with us.
Either there's any delays, any changes, any updates, any exciting news, et cetera, et cetera,
all along with supporting us on Patreon at patreon.com forward slash Warhands
to help support the show, help pay for the art, help pay for a whole bunch of stuff
to help keep us going.
And I would like to say thank you to, if I can say the names,
Skidari Reyes.
Ranger, played by Speaker D.
Yes, I am Speaker D.
You can find me on Twitter at at Super Snakehead.
You can find me on YouTube at Speaker D.
And you can also find me in your dreams and nightmares.
Next up, we have Erndil, our Inquisitorial Acolyte, named Reap Van Horn.
Yes, and you can reach me at Twitter at at Erndilio.
And nowhere else.
Don't try to find me.
I do not exist outside of Twitter.
Twitter is hell.
True.
And I have been Zoran the Bear.
I've been playing Lorne, the sanctioned tracker of the group,
and Captain of the Deck Collector, our resident rogue trader,
Captain Zedek, played by Hulky Crow.
That's me.
You can find me at Hulky Crow on Twitter,
where I post some funny things sometimes.
And recently, now I am community manager for the Warhams community
over on Zoran's Discord at, I believe, discord.gg slash Zoran the Bear.
You can come in there and join in on the fun.
We do fun times with games, chat and art stuff.
There's more stuff coming.
We're just sussing out the details.
But please, drop on by.
And I'd also like to thank our Game Master at OnCallGM, Mr. Thurston Hillman.
Thank you for a fun session today.
Thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
I'm really looking forward to this arc.
This, hopefully, is a palate cleanser from the super cereal.
Carillon stuff.
But I'll tell you, yeah, we're starting to hit our stride here with plot stuff,
as you may have noticed.
So stick on board for the crazy ride ahead.
And with that, we're going to see you guys later.
For those of you already on the stream who didn't click away already,
just for stream stuff and audio people may be confused,
today is Remy Down Under's birthday.
He is currently streaming, so we're all going to raid his channel right now
over on Twitch.
Please, everybody, as I now click this,
this thing to go raid his place,
please spam happy birthday from either from Warhams,
from Zorn the Bear, or however you like to say it.
Just please spam happy birthday to him as you arrive over at his channel.
So thank you all so much for being here.
Thank you all so much for sticking with us.
We will see you all next time.
So long and farewell.
Say happy birthday to Spider-Man.
Thanks all for coming.
Bye-bye.
Yes, goodbye, my friend.
Thank you, beautiful.
Oh, people, I love you.
Ogres.
And keep jizzing.
Oh, God.
Thank God with ogre.
Ogre.
Ogre.