The Dialog

Almost drown in a pool when you're six, and you might be afraid of water for the rest of your life. The moment didn't decide that. The meaning you gave it did, back when you were six.

My dad wrote about this in his book: most people ask how a moment defined them, but we're the ones who define what the moments mean. My co-host Nick Surface and I talk about memory, the story you tell yourself about your past, and why it shapes the decisions you make today.

Are your memories accurate?
I don't remember facts. I remember things through my filter. The past doesn't exist anymore, so the only thing that exists about it is what I think about it.

Why do you make the decisions you make?
I heard Erwin McManus say every decision you make in the present comes from how you perceive your future. And that picture comes from how you interpret your past.

Can you just decide your past didn't happen?
Don Draper tries in Mad Men, and it leaves him with massive cognitive dissonance. Nick's take: God has written His law on our hearts.

Why can't some people take responsibility?
Owning one thing means looking back at everything else. Underneath is a fear of not being enough, and only God's love answers it.

Scriptures
Romans 2:15 · 1 Timothy 4:2

People and ideas
Erwin McManus, The Barbarian Way · C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity · Black Mirror, "The Entire History of You" · Mad Men · Tony Robbins · Josh's dad: we define the moments

Chapters
0:00 Cold open and show intro
0:52 An invite from Erwin McManus
5:12 Why talk about defining moments?
6:45 Do moments define you, or do you define them?
7:52 Why most defining moments are negative
8:24 How emotion burns a memory in
10:40 Your beliefs didn't just happen
12:12 The past only exists in what you think about it
13:06 Black Mirror: "The Entire History of You"
14:28 You remember through a filter
17:15 Your picture of the future drives your decisions
18:11 A negative lens makes the future worse
19:43 Where does your conscience come from?
20:09 Mad Men and pretending it didn't happen
21:59 The law written on our hearts
23:05 Living as if your past didn't happen
26:29 The stories we tell ourselves
27:35 The friend who can't take responsibility
31:17 Two fears: not enough and not loved
33:41 At 38, less figured out than ever
34:37 You're the villain in someone's story
35:50 The only unconditional relationship
38:51 Take people as a whole person
42:04 Want a hard life? Make it about you
42:48 Are you the main character?
44:07 When a moment is about other people

Previous: 1.25 / Is tithing biblical today?
Next: 1.28 / How to stop people pleasing: choose who you'll disappoint

New episodes most weeks.

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Go to my website / https://jkc.is

What is The Dialog?

Ancient philosophers used the dialog to find answers to life’s greatest questions. The Dialog is a search for truth in modern life through the lens of ancient philosophy, history, and theology. This podcast will challenge your assumptions, change your thinking and show you how to master modern living.