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This week, I'm talking with Liam J. Wakefield, a psychotherapist, counseling lecturer, and former British Army soldier who's built his entire practice around a question most of us avoid: what happens when the person you were completely falls apart?
Liam lost his mother to abandonment as a child, went to war at 21, and was medically retired from the military after a chronic illness dismantled the identity he'd spent years building. He's faced grief not just from death, but from the loss of self: the fracturing that happens when the architecture of who you are can no longer hold.
What makes Liam's work different is that he doesn't see healing as putting yourself back together. He sees it as learning to hold the tension between all the fractured parts: the grieving child, the masked adult, the angry protector, the exhausted survivor. He calls it "the self as continually becoming," and it's completely changed how I think about rebuilding after loss.
We talk about the masks we wear to survive, the parts of ourselves we abandon to keep going, and why grief isn't something you get over. It's something you learn to carry differently. Liam also walks me through his "dark house within" practice, a tool he uses to help people visualize and navigate the psychological architecture they've built around their wounds.
This conversation is deep, honest, and deeply human. If you've ever felt like you've lost yourself in grief or in just trying to survive, this one will hit.
We get into:
the abandoned parts of ourselves we leave behind to survive
what it means to fracture and why it's not the same as breaking
the masks we wear and which "hands" are holding them up
his journey from rock and roll to the military to psychotherapy
why he believes suffering is an initiation into growth
the "dark house within" exercise and how it maps your psyche
how children experience grief when their needs aren't met
why authenticity is impossible and why that's okay
the parliament of parts inside all of us
voice dialogue therapy and giving your inner conflicts a voice
why time doesn't heal, it just gives perspective
how to rebuild psychological architecture after it collapses
what it means to become "more than you ever felt possible"
Liam's story is a reminder that you're not broken just because you're in pieces. Sometimes the fractures are where the growth happens.
If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com.
π Learn more about Liam's work: https://liamjwakefield.com
πΈ Follow Liam on Instagram: @liamjwakefield
π° Read Liam's articles in Hinton Magazine
π Visit the podcast website: https://unparented.me
βοΈ Read more on Substack: https://substack.com/@robertdelfave
π© Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me
πΈ Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast
This week, I'm talking with Liam J. Wakefield, a psychotherapist, counseling lecturer, and former British Army soldier who's built his entire practice around a question most of us avoid: what happens when the person you were completely falls apart?
Liam lost his mother to abandonment as a child, went to war at 21, and was medically retired from the military after a chronic illness dismantled the identity he'd spent years building. He's faced grief not just from death, but from the loss of self: the fracturing that happens when the architecture of who you are can no longer hold.
What makes Liam's work different is that he doesn't see healing as putting yourself back together. He sees it as learning to hold the tension between all the fractured parts: the grieving child, the masked adult, the angry protector, the exhausted survivor. He calls it "the self as continually becoming," and it's completely changed how I think about rebuilding after loss.
We talk about the masks we wear to survive, the parts of ourselves we abandon to keep going, and why grief isn't something you get over. It's something you learn to carry differently. Liam also walks me through his "dark house within" practice, a tool he uses to help people visualize and navigate the psychological architecture they've built around their wounds.
This conversation is deep, honest, and deeply human. If you've ever felt like you've lost yourself in grief or in just trying to survive, this one will hit.
We get into:Liam's story is a reminder that you're not broken just because you're in pieces. Sometimes the fractures are where the growth happens.
If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com.
π Learn more about Liam's work: https://liamjwakefield.com
πΈ Follow Liam on Instagram: @liamjwakefield
π° Read Liam's articles in Hinton Magazine
π Visit the podcast website: https://unparented.me
βοΈ Read more on Substack: https://substack.com/@robertdelfave
π© Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me
πΈ Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast
Iβm Robert. I lost my dad at 15 and my mom at 26. I had to figure out how to build a life when the people who shaped it were gone.
Unparented is about the real side of grief. Not the funeral or breakdowns, but the everyday moments when loss shows up. The missed calls, the milestones, the rewiring that happens.
I talk with people living this: parents, therapists, entrepreneurs, and others carrying loss while building a life.
No scripts. No tidy endings. Conversations about grief and growth.
If youβve lost a parent or love someone who has, youβre in right place.
robertdelfave.com/podcast