{"version": "1.0.0","segments": [{"body": "On episode three of Convergence, drinking the manifestation Kool-Aid,", "endTime": 4.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 0.0},{"body": "finding out what our dream lives are, and dealing with ambiguity.", "endTime": 9.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 4.96},{"body": "At the beginning of last episode, when you asked me, so tell me about manifesting,", "endTime": 19.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 16.88},{"body": "I was like, oh no, oh no, he asked for it. I sure did. Yeah, I think it's interesting how", "endTime": 28.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 19.84},{"body": "so much of this particular method that we linked to in the previous episode,", "endTime": 34.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 28.88},{"body": "forgive me, clumsily named to be magnetic, I'm sure there's a very good, well, I'm sure there's", "endTime": 42.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 36.0},{"body": "a reason for it, it's not a good reason, it's a bad name, but there is a lot in there that is", "endTime": 49.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 42.72},{"body": "interesting that you look at and just go, this is, and this is not at all a slant or a slam on the", "endTime": 57.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 49.44},{"body": "program, but you look at it and go, yeah, that's like fundamental sort of psychological stuff,", "endTime": 64.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 57.76},{"body": "and there's this idea of unblocking an expansion, and an expansion is in order to see that something,", "endTime": 73.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 64.48},{"body": "and this is just from my, I'm sure you can come with the correct explanation,", "endTime": 78.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 73.92},{"body": "but just from my sort of interpretation, you need people around you who you can learn from,", "endTime": 84.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 78.08},{"body": "or you can gain inspiration from, to see that the thing that you want is possible,", "endTime": 88.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 84.4},{"body": "like that just seems, and not just possible for anyone, but possible for you, and someone like", "endTime": 93.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 88.48},{"body": "you, and yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, and you know, the unblocking is what I've yet to do,", "endTime": 98.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 93.2},{"body": "and I've got some workshops to, and some meditations to listen to, so I'll enjoy doing", "endTime": 106.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 98.08},{"body": "that, but it is, so much of it is, as the, as Lacey, who runs the thing says, you know, it is", "endTime": 113.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 106.0},{"body": "rooted in psychology, and I think there's a whole other positioning of this, that is exactly the", "endTime": 120.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 113.92},{"body": "same thing, but doesn't work, use words like universe, doesn't necessarily use words like", "endTime": 126.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 120.72},{"body": "manifesting, but is equally effective, and again, like that's, I think that's fine, and that's,", "endTime": 133.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 126.4},{"body": "it's just interesting, but you know, this is positioned to people that have tried manifestation", "endTime": 139.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 133.04},{"body": "before, and it hasn't worked for them, yeah, and this is about saying, you know, because it's even", "endTime": 143.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 139.52},{"body": "down to things like, and I think this is really important for anyone listening, who is wondering,", "endTime": 147.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 143.2},{"body": "you know, why, why is Stedman suddenly drinking some sort of Kool-Aid? One of the really", "endTime": 153.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 147.76},{"body": "interesting things that sort of, they don't necessarily mention in the literature,", "endTime": 156.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 153.52},{"body": "is you can't just, like, this isn't, this is not magic, you can't manifest your dead goldfish back", "endTime": 164.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 156.72},{"body": "to life, you manifest things that are actually achievable, but you hadn't thought that they", "endTime": 172.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 164.64},{"body": "are achievable, and that's the, that's kind of the key thing, I think, it's, to me anyway, and I will", "endTime": 177.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 172.48},{"body": "actually stop and let you talk, to me anyway, a lot of this feels just like awakening, and opening", "endTime": 184.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 177.28},{"body": "your eyes, and opening your ears, and funnily enough, it seems congruent with the song that I", "endTime": 192.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 184.08},{"body": "wrote a few, a couple of months ago, you need to listen. No, yeah, I actually, I made that", "endTime": 199.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 192.48},{"body": "connection too, like, this is about manifesting, this is amazing. And so that's kind of what it,", "endTime": 205.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 199.76},{"body": "what it's about, but yeah, that's, that's kind of, that's kind of my take, and I'm digging it so far.", "endTime": 210.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 205.92},{"body": "Awesome, awesome, I'm, I'm so glad you, you drank the flavorade with us, and yeah, you made that", "endTime": 216.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 211.44},{"body": "comment about the cult, and I, when, when, when you did that, I had, like, a bunch of trains of", "endTime": 222.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 216.56},{"body": "thought going through my head, I went with the literal in the chat room, but I was, one thought", "endTime": 227.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 222.56},{"body": "was, like, oh, if you think this is a cult, don't get me started on above and beyond, oh my gosh,", "endTime": 233.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 227.52},{"body": "Cameron's getting a tattoo, or I was thinking, like, oh, one of us, one of us, one of us.", "endTime": 241.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 233.12},{"body": "Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.", "endTime": 243.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 241.12},{"body": "And, and I had a couple other, like, funny chains of thought going in, like, but yeah, like,", "endTime": 249.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 243.6},{"body": "you know, Lacey, there's definitely a kind of a cult of personality around her, and around,", "endTime": 256.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 250.64},{"body": "you know, she has a big following and stuff, and I don't know, I don't follow it, I don't,", "endTime": 259.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 256.24},{"body": "I'm not on Instagram or anything like that, so I don't see it.", "endTime": 264.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 259.68},{"body": "I just like the tools, and, and, yeah, like you said, like, these aren't unique to, well,", "endTime": 273.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 266.0},{"body": "you know, TBM has, like, kind of a, a unique package of them all put together.", "endTime": 279.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 274.4},{"body": "Yes, that's exactly the word, that's exactly the word, yeah.", "endTime": 281.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 279.2},{"body": "And especially with some of the things like the, the DIs with the, you know, the binaural beats,", "endTime": 290.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 282.24},{"body": "and the way that there's, like, specific frequencies used for specific types of either", "endTime": 302.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 290.64},{"body": "opening and blocking and expansion and other aspects like that, like, and, you know, they", "endTime": 308.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 302.4},{"body": "keep throwing around words like, this is neuroscience, and it's scientifically backed,", "endTime": 315.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 308.32},{"body": "and this and that, I'm like, no, sold, you got me, and that sounds great.", "endTime": 319.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 315.44},{"body": "Yeah, I mean, the, the, the expanded podcast talks about sort of dispelling the woo-woo,", "endTime": 324.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 319.12},{"body": "and, you know, which is, which is, yeah, kind of speaking, speaking my language, and yeah,", "endTime": 329.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 325.12},{"body": "even the, the, the DIs that Brendan's referring to, these deeper imaginings, which are", "endTime": 333.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 329.04},{"body": "essentially meditations, well, they're not, they are, they're pieces of hypnosis,", "endTime": 337.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 333.44},{"body": "and my friend, Anna, who I've, you know, will be screaming at her audio playing device,", "endTime": 345.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 337.76},{"body": "should she listen to this, going, I've been talking about this for literal years,", "endTime": 350.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 345.92},{"body": "about how everything is hypnosis, we hypnotise ourselves all the time, we enter hypnagogic", "endTime": 355.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 350.16},{"body": "states, or hypnagogic, you know, and, and, you know, Lacey's talked about that in,", "endTime": 360.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 355.84},{"body": "oh God, I already sound like, oh, there's the sound of the Kool-Aid, Lacey talks about,", "endTime": 365.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 360.48},{"body": "Lacey teaches that, you know, we do that when we're in, when we're watching TV,", "endTime": 371.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 366.72},{"body": "when we're sat and watching TV, or watching a film, you know, and I think I've done that", "endTime": 375.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 371.76},{"body": "when I'm listening to music, we get into a, a state, and yeah, absolutely, and this is", "endTime": 381.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 375.12},{"body": "stuff to help you do that, so that this stuff can slip right into your subconscious, and", "endTime": 386.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 381.36},{"body": "yeah, I'm, I'm interested to keep, keep going with that, and seeing what little changes I", "endTime": 393.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 387.92},{"body": "notice, because, yeah, I love all that kind of brain hackery, and our, the whole thing of", "endTime": 398.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 393.36},{"body": "our thoughts create our actions, our actions create our habits, our habits create our destiny,", "endTime": 403.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 399.44},{"body": "like, I'm, you know, big, big fan of that. Me too. I'm excited, I'm excited for you,", "endTime": 409.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 403.28},{"body": "like, if you were to have some of the same benefits that, that I've had from doing this", "endTime": 414.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 409.04},{"body": "program, which a lot of them have been self-confidence, huge, and it's, self-confidence", "endTime": 424.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 414.96},{"body": "is, like, that's great, but that's also, like, such a minor way of saying it, it's more like,", "endTime": 432.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 424.8},{"body": "like, just trust, just, like, things are gonna happen in the right way, and what I've noticed", "endTime": 441.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 432.24},{"body": "for me is, like, I'm, I'm no longer, one of their words, the phrases they use is dog paddling,", "endTime": 447.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 441.2},{"body": "I'm not frantically trying to get the things that I want in order, yeah, you know, like,", "endTime": 454.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 447.52},{"body": "running around, wasting energy on a bunch of stuff, I'm just, like,", "endTime": 458.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 455.6},{"body": "relaxed, okay, it's gonna come in, great, I just gotta do the next step, what's the next thing I", "endTime": 465.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 459.76},{"body": "need to do, and I'm just, you know, what I want is going to happen, and that, that relief is just", "endTime": 476.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 465.44},{"body": "indescribably fantastic. Well, I, yeah, I look forward to achieving it, I think I'm definitely", "endTime": 485.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 478.0},{"body": "in that stage of, right now, with the, sort of, designing, in a sense, or pre-designing the,", "endTime": 494.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 485.6},{"body": "sort of, next stage of what I want, because I think I'm, I think I've decided that,", "endTime": 499.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 494.72},{"body": "there is a lot of, so, one of the, the, the things that I think is, is interesting in, again, in, in", "endTime": 506.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 501.04},{"body": "the, in the approach here is, you've got the, typically, the things that you want to, as, as", "endTime": 514.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 506.96},{"body": "they would say, call in, are things that are above your station, in terms of how, about what your", "endTime": 522.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 514.96},{"body": "self-worth is, and so they're on one platform, and you're on a lower platform, and the idea is that", "endTime": 528.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 522.08},{"body": "you've got to raise that platform so that the two meet, and that is, again, it's like, you hear this", "endTime": 534.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 528.48},{"body": "stuff, and you go, yeah, that makes total sense, like, that, that makes sense, you, you have to be", "endTime": 539.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 534.72},{"body": "able to see that this stuff is possible, because, and I've done this all the time, and, and one of", "endTime": 542.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 539.12},{"body": "the things that came up in the, the meditation yesterday was a, a memory, and it's, it wasn't", "endTime": 549.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 542.8},{"body": "a trapped memory, it wasn't, you know, a big unlocking, but it was one of those that I just think", "endTime": 552.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 549.28},{"body": "about, where, and I won't call the person out, because I love them so much, and they're, like, my best", "endTime": 557.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 552.96},{"body": "friend, and I wouldn't want them to, to feel that there's any ill will here, because there isn't, but", "endTime": 561.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 557.44},{"body": "many, many, many years ago, I said I wanted to do something on the internet for the first time,", "endTime": 568.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 562.56},{"body": "like, I went, I, I thought, you know, this was, like, 2000, or 2001, and I thought, I'm going to create a", "endTime": 576.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 568.56},{"body": "website, and I told this person, I'm going to create a website where I review, where I watch", "endTime": 580.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 576.64},{"body": "films, and I review them, like, what a novel idea for 2000, and this person was, like, why, who'd read them?", "endTime": 585.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 580.24},{"body": "And I think that there's an element there that I think has stuck in that,", "endTime": 595.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 589.6},{"body": "I can get so far, but then I, I very much get that, and, you know, we can use all the typical labels", "endTime": 602.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 597.52},{"body": "that we talk about, imposter syndrome, and all that kind of stuff, but there is, again, to use, I", "endTime": 608.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 602.96},{"body": "guess, more of the borrowed terminology, a glass ceiling, and you and I have probably spoken about", "endTime": 615.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 608.4},{"body": "this, and I've spoken to other people about this sense of not just necessarily a glass ceiling, but", "endTime": 619.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 615.04},{"body": "a whole glass box, where it feels like you can only get so far in what you're doing, and then it just", "endTime": 625.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 619.04},{"body": "feels like you meet this resistance, and it's like, I've been doing stuff for the last few years that", "endTime": 629.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 625.2},{"body": "should work in massive, you know, massive quote marks, like, this should work, like, I did the research, I", "endTime": 635.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 630.0},{"body": "did the thinking, I've put loads of effort into it, you know, I've been doggy paddling, oh yeah, this should", "endTime": 641.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 635.44},{"body": "work, and now it's time to look at what happens when we don't necessarily do the things that we", "endTime": 648.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 641.28},{"body": "think should work, but perhaps the things that bring us joy, or get us closer to what we want, and", "endTime": 653.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 648.08},{"body": "yeah, and you're going to be able to do it without the internal voice inside you", "endTime": 660.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 654.0},{"body": "telling you, why do it, like, who's gonna, yeah, and those little comments, they're so", "endTime": 667.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 660.24},{"body": "innocent and understandable, but at the same time, they nest their way in there in your", "endTime": 675.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 667.68},{"body": "psyche, and stay there until you do the work to really work it out, and process that.", "endTime": 683.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 675.44},{"body": "And there's a lot of attachment theory stuff in here as well, that, you know, a lot of the", "endTime": 689.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 683.12},{"body": "thing that comes up is what is imprinted on you from the ages of zero to seven, which is very much", "endTime": 695.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 689.68},{"body": "what attachment theory talks about, and the, you know, the different attachment styles that we", "endTime": 701.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 695.76},{"body": "develop are based on what we got from our primary caregivers at the time, and yeah, you know, if", "endTime": 708.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 701.92},{"body": "there were moments of where we were looking for safety, or looking for trust, or looking,", "endTime": 714.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 708.8},{"body": "or we were trusting and looking for safety, and we didn't get it, then that becomes just a little,", "endTime": 720.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 714.8},{"body": "you know, ping, something just lights up in your brain, or dims, and that's just it. Now, that", "endTime": 725.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 720.8},{"body": "circuit burns out until you get the opportunity to rework those neural pathways, I guess.", "endTime": 731.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 725.2},{"body": "Yeah, repetition of the correct, not correct, but more positive way of thinking,", "endTime": 739.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 732.56},{"body": "and more aligned with yourself. Well, speaking of aligned, you've got your, you've got your", "endTime": 746.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 740.32},{"body": "aligned, I always forget, I forget the term, the four words. Yes, my authentic code. Authentic", "endTime": 753.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 746.0},{"body": "code, yeah. An authentic code can, it can change over time, so this is just your authentic code", "endTime": 760.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 753.6},{"body": "for the moment, and, and it can only be, because you mentioned, like, one of them was something", "endTime": 765.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 760.16},{"body": "that you were kind of surprised by, that it was your inner child's, possibly, code, and I was", "endTime": 772.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 765.92},{"body": "thinking, movement, that can kind of make sense, like, earlier on in this process, too, because", "endTime": 777.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 772.64},{"body": "you've got inner child work to do, and maybe that inner child needs movement right now, and maybe", "endTime": 783.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 777.92},{"body": "you don't, or maybe a different word would be better for you later on, after you've gone through", "endTime": 789.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 783.52},{"body": "some. It's funny, like, I never enjoyed exercise as a kid, never enjoyed running, I used to hate the", "endTime": 795.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 789.28},{"body": "cross-country run that we used to have to do at school, absolutely hate it with a passion, but", "endTime": 801.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 795.84},{"body": "there are certain games that involved running that I was quite happy to do, you know, make it", "endTime": 807.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 801.68},{"body": "a game, make it a game that I enjoy, don't, don't make it a ball game, and, and I'm, and I'm there,", "endTime": 813.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 807.52},{"body": "and I used to love cycling, I used to love my bike, and, and the freedom that that gave me, and going,", "endTime": 819.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 813.76},{"body": "you know, and I miss that, and in, in some ways, it's like, my life has sort of been made a bit", "endTime": 827.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 819.76},{"body": "smaller as I've got older, because there are certain things you're not supposed to do with a", "endTime": 831.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 827.44},{"body": "bike when you're older, everybody does it, by the way, everybody rides on the pavement, but you're", "endTime": 836.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 831.6},{"body": "not supposed to ride on the pavement. I got told off once by an old, by an old bloke for doing so,", "endTime": 842.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 836.4},{"body": "but everybody does it. Um, are you supposed to ride on the sidewalk? You're supposed to ride on, you know,", "endTime": 847.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 842.8},{"body": "you're not, uh, not in the UK, anyway. Yeah, where are you supposed to ride? On the road with the traffic.", "endTime": 853.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 847.92},{"body": "Oh, okay, that's, okay, I, I would call that pavement here. What? You're not supposed to ride on the", "endTime": 859.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 853.2},{"body": "sidewalk, is, is what you're saying. Yeah, you're not supposed to ride on the sidewalk, you're supposed", "endTime": 862.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 859.2},{"body": "to ride on the road, yeah, where the traffic, does the traffic. Yeah, everybody does that here, too.", "endTime": 866.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 862.4},{"body": "Yeah, but, but, you know, and, and again, like, the, I don't know, it gets into whole lots of,", "endTime": 873.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 867.04},{"body": "lots of other things, like, I bought a bike, uh, it took ages, and, and, you know, my, my work,", "endTime": 878.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 873.12},{"body": "my old employer helped pay for it, and I got it stashed away, and I tried cycling to work for a", "endTime": 884.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 878.24},{"body": "couple of days, um, and, and I, I needed to do it myself in order to then discover, actually, this", "endTime": 891.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 884.08},{"body": "is a little bit precarious, because, uh, I could tip into the canal quite easily, or,", "endTime": 896.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 891.92},{"body": "you know, you can get someone knocked over, or, uh, what I nearly did was, um,", "endTime": 900.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 896.48},{"body": "ride over someone's, uh, what they call them, the, the, the rope that is tied to the boat to", "endTime": 911.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 902.72},{"body": "moor it, you know, um, and nearly sort of went straight, straight through that, like, there's", "endTime": 918.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 911.36},{"body": "all sorts of challenges that, yeah, you know, but I had to do it myself, right, um, I couldn't be", "endTime": 924.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 918.64},{"body": "told by someone else, like, and that's, you know, that, that, that's a, that's a whole other,", "endTime": 928.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 924.56},{"body": "that's a whole other kettle of, uh, kettle of worms, but, um, yeah, movement, turns out.", "endTime": 934.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 928.56},{"body": "So, um, the, the stuff begins in earnest, uh, next week, and I'm conscious that I don't", "endTime": 945.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 936.96},{"body": "necessarily want every episode of Convergence. Oh, yeah, no, I mean, this is not a TVM podcast.", "endTime": 950.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 945.68},{"body": "But, but, um, I'm interested to, yeah, to, to, so we're about to enter into, uh, I guess,", "endTime": 959.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 950.56},{"body": "a, a month long, actually, it's longer than that, isn't it? It's a, a, a challenge, um,", "endTime": 963.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 959.12},{"body": "to, to manifest, and so I think there's a couple of us who have not done this work before,", "endTime": 969.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 964.4},{"body": "that are trying to race in to catch up before we start on Monday, so,", "endTime": 973.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 969.44},{"body": "yeah, tell us what have we, what, what can we expect? Oh, so, yeah, I've done, um, I've done", "endTime": 980.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 973.44},{"body": "two and a half, well, actually, you know, if I'm going to be completely honest, I have not finished", "endTime": 987.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 980.56},{"body": "a challenge yet. Um, I have been doing TBM work for about a year and a half, maybe two years. Um,", "endTime": 995.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 987.2},{"body": "they started doing the, I started noticing that they did the challenges maybe, um, a year or so", "endTime": 1001.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 995.84},{"body": "ago. Uh, so, uh, last year in their end of the year, summer, or under the year challenge, um,", "endTime": 1008.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1001.36},{"body": "I got most of the way through it. Maybe I completed it. I don't really know. I can't", "endTime": 1013.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1009.68},{"body": "really remember, but what I will say is that I, I got a huge benefit out of it, even with as much", "endTime": 1020.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1013.44},{"body": "as I did. Um, it starts off, uh, well, you know, each, each one is actually kind of different.", "endTime": 1028.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1020.88},{"body": "The summer challenge was pretty different. Um, and, and that also at the same time, it's all", "endTime": 1032.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1028.08},{"body": "kind of the same. They take you through, uh, a week at a time, uh, uh, opening up different,", "endTime": 1038.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1032.48},{"body": "um, sections that will have journal entry prompts and new DIs, new, new meditations that are", "endTime": 1046.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1038.72},{"body": "specific for whatever the, the challenge is supposed to be in this challenge this year,", "endTime": 1051.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1046.32},{"body": "at the end of the year is for creating your dream life. And, uh, and that's really, for me,", "endTime": 1057.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1051.76},{"body": "that's really interesting. Cause I'm kind of like, what, what do I want more than my life right now?", "endTime": 1063.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1057.84},{"body": "Like, I'm so happy. I'm, I, you know, like we talked about in the first episode, I feel like", "endTime": 1067.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1063.04},{"body": "the serene Buddha and I'm like, well, what's, what's next? Like, I don't, I don't even know", "endTime": 1077.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1067.76},{"body": "what I want. And so I'm excited because the first week should have us going through things that,", "endTime": 1083.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1077.52},{"body": "that bring that out of us, that bring those questions out and try, um, to get us to", "endTime": 1089.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1084.56},{"body": "investigate ourselves on what do I actually want? Um, I have thought of one thing that's,", "endTime": 1096.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1089.04},{"body": "that's pretty major and that's a bit more of a financial security and stability, you know,", "endTime": 1100.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1096.0},{"body": "but a bit like, um, you know, a new, a new remodeling project will come in and that will", "endTime": 1106.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1100.24},{"body": "get me flush. And then I'm, you know, working through that until the next one. And I just kind", "endTime": 1110.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1106.56},{"body": "of up and down and phases. And I don't, I don't have, I don't have a savings. I don't have a", "endTime": 1116.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1110.96},{"body": "retirement fund. I don't have security for the longterm and stuff. And so, um, you know,", "endTime": 1122.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1116.56},{"body": "with us planning for having kids and, and other stuff like that's gotta, that's gotta be a huge", "endTime": 1127.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1122.24},{"body": "priority for me. Um, not just for myself, but the whole family. And then, and then as the weeks go", "endTime": 1134.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1127.68},{"body": "on, um, there'll be a bit more, like, it'll kind of go deeper. Sometimes there'll be stuff that's", "endTime": 1141.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1134.24},{"body": "like really unblocking and you'll have to do some deep processing and kind of like expose some", "endTime": 1147.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1141.12},{"body": "inner truths about yourself and come to realizations and accept things about yourself that maybe,", "endTime": 1153.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1147.36},{"body": "that are in your shadow, that are things that you, um, much like, much like the comment your", "endTime": 1160.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1153.92},{"body": "friend made, um, things that you took to heart that really affect you that maybe you didn't", "endTime": 1166.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1160.32},{"body": "realize really affect you or, um, definitely, definitely things that your parents may have done", "endTime": 1171.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1166.64},{"body": "with the best intentions or not, you know, that just happen. And it doesn't matter the intention", "endTime": 1178.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1172.48},{"body": "behind it. What matters is that it happened to you and it's affecting you. And now you can,", "endTime": 1186.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1178.88},{"body": "you can process that and change it or not change it, but accept it and not let it negatively", "endTime": 1192.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1186.0},{"body": "affect you as you keep going forward. And so that's, that's a big part of it as it goes through.", "endTime": 1197.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1192.8},{"body": "And I don't know, I'm kind of, um, unsure about a lot of what's coming up, even though I've gone", "endTime": 1204.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1197.2},{"body": "through the challenges before. Um, I don't, I don't exactly know what to expect, but your,", "endTime": 1211.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1204.72},{"body": "your acting is guide, uh, to a few of us now. Yeah, that's true. So, uh, that's, uh, you know,", "endTime": 1217.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1211.28},{"body": "you, you can be our blindly blind blind. Yeah. Um, but you know, as, as with so much of this,", "endTime": 1225.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1217.2},{"body": "um, you only have to be a couple of, a couple of steps ahead, a couple of steps ahead. Yes. Agreed.", "endTime": 1230.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1225.92},{"body": "It makes, makes all the difference. So I haven't really,", "endTime": 1234.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1230.24},{"body": "and I, I'm, I'm, I'm hesitant as to what I reveal here. Cause I think we talked about this in", "endTime": 1244.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1236.08},{"body": "episode one about, um, if you say it too early, too early, you, you, yeah. Um, but it's such a", "endTime": 1252.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1244.72},{"body": "monumental and long-term I think shift. Um, so one of the questions that came up, um,", "endTime": 1261.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1253.36},{"body": "very early in the process, uh, I think it was Monday or Tuesday was essentially, as I'm sort", "endTime": 1267.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1261.92},{"body": "of working through some of this sat on the sofa going, what, what do I want? What do I actually", "endTime": 1273.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1267.04},{"body": "want? What can I not? What do I feel like I can ask for? Yes. Oh, that's, that's a really great", "endTime": 1280.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1273.12},{"body": "framing of it because the, the, the first part is so that's so limiting and, uh, you just gotta", "endTime": 1287.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1280.88},{"body": "go for it. You just gotta, what do I actually, what would be ideal? What throw the biggest,", "endTime": 1293.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1287.44},{"body": "best scenario? What is that? I want to, so the, the very simplest way of saying this", "endTime": 1299.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1293.44},{"body": "is I want to be paid for being me. The, how that, what that actually means is", "endTime": 1308.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1300.32},{"body": "I want to provide parts of myself as, as a service. Um, but as a, um, in digital form,", "endTime": 1319.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1309.52},{"body": "um, in presence as well. Um, that is the, the stuff that I have only discovered in the last", "endTime": 1326.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1319.44},{"body": "couple of years, couple of years, it turns out I can do, which has helped people feel safe when", "endTime": 1331.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1326.24},{"body": "it comes to creating work that they want to create or not knowing whether they can create,", "endTime": 1336.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1331.28},{"body": "not knowing whether they should, whether they are allowed a voice and that kind of stuff.", "endTime": 1340.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1336.48},{"body": "But there's also, okay, you know, you're, you're actually creating what do we do when you get a", "endTime": 1346.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1341.12},{"body": "few iterations in and you start feeling like no one cares or no one's listening or it's lonely,", "endTime": 1352.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1346.4},{"body": "like, you know, all this kind of stuff. Um, and I, I, I sort of, I wrote a thing earlier", "endTime": 1358.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1352.72},{"body": "in this week, I've written two things this week. Um, but I wrote a thing earlier in the week,", "endTime": 1362.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1358.0},{"body": "which I think kind of encapsulates what, what that is to a degree. Um, and so, yeah, I've got", "endTime": 1368.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1362.72},{"body": "a sort of a few ideas of how it actually breaks down, but with that, there still comes a lot of,", "endTime": 1375.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1368.64},{"body": "like, not just imposter syndrome, but, and it's not really imposter syndrome at all.", "endTime": 1380.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1375.92},{"body": "It's more just, I, I have, I do not know if I am, uh, good enough, which is not the same as", "endTime": 1389.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1381.36},{"body": "imposter syndrome, because I don't think I'm, I'm not blowing in here as an imposter. I'm simply,", "endTime": 1394.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1389.28},{"body": "I don't know, maybe it is, but yeah. So there's, there's a whole question there about my self", "endTime": 1402.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1396.48},{"body": "belief and my, my idea of my self worth and, you know, who wants to engage with that and do I", "endTime": 1408.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1402.88},{"body": "actually have the skills and all those kinds of things. And it's, it's, yeah, it's like,", "endTime": 1413.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1408.24},{"body": "I feel like I do, but I don't know. And you'll find out. Yeah. I'm excited for you, man.", "endTime": 1418.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1413.12},{"body": "I'm excited for me too. And our little group that we have going.", "endTime": 1422.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1419.28},{"body": "Yes, we've, yeah, we've got a, we've got a lovely little, uh, a lovely little pod.", "endTime": 1427.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1423.12},{"body": "So do you use a Descript to edit this podcast as a big, huge shift?", "endTime": 1432.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1428.16},{"body": "I love it. Um, no, I do not. I, I am not. Uh, I am back to using logic to edit this.", "endTime": 1443.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1433.76},{"body": "Okay. Just for this show or for everything?", "endTime": 1446.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1443.68},{"body": "No, just for this show, because, um, it enables me to not cause what, you know,", "endTime": 1452.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1446.16},{"body": "one of the requirements of this, uh, of doing this is that it was easy. Yes. Um, you and I know that", "endTime": 1460.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1452.56},{"body": "there's stuff that we can talk about here and not just ramble. We know that there's,", "endTime": 1464.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1460.72},{"body": "there's areas that we can, you know, hopefully be, uh, uh, at that point, my brain, my brain", "endTime": 1472.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1464.0},{"body": "actually leaves me at the point at which I needed the word, uh, but we can make sense.", "endTime": 1477.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1472.32},{"body": "Usually. Um, and so it needed to be easy. And so one of the ways that it's easy is for me to", "endTime": 1486.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1478.8},{"body": "do a sort of fairly light edit. If I get into Descript, I get into editing the actual, like", "endTime": 1492.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1486.16},{"body": "every word because I can't not. Um, and that led me to last week, I think discovering that", "endTime": 1503.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1492.08},{"body": "an aspect of editing in Descript. Um, this is not a formal, uh, declaration,", "endTime": 1514.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1503.76},{"body": "so please don't sue me Descript and I won't sue you. Um, but I think I'm getting migraines", "endTime": 1522.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1514.56},{"body": "from Descript. Oh no. What is going on? I think, um, going too quickly through the edit", "endTime": 1529.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1522.64},{"body": "and watching the screen as the words blip by looking for corrections to be made.", "endTime": 1538.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1530.32},{"body": "Um, I think doing that for a prolonged period is no bueno. Um, yeah, so I, I think I, I had a big", "endTime": 1549.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1539.68},{"body": "day of it last Monday and edited four episodes on the trot, um, and finish the day and was a", "endTime": 1558.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1549.84},{"body": "little bit tired and then had a stonking headache for two and a half days. Um, and I've got them", "endTime": 1565.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1558.08},{"body": "before and it's only, you know, last week where I just thought I'd look up and go,", "endTime": 1570.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1565.76},{"body": "is this actually a migraine? And it ticks pretty much the appropriate boxes for being a migraine", "endTime": 1577.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1571.12},{"body": "in as much as yet it lasts for, can last for 72 hours. If you take the right kind of medication,", "endTime": 1582.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1577.2},{"body": "um, you can, you know, lessen the headache, uh, but it can lead to a bit nausea. Um,", "endTime": 1588.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1582.64},{"body": "there's other stuff as well. You know, a bit of fatigue I think was in there.", "endTime": 1591.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1588.8},{"body": "Um, and you know, you've just got to rest and you know, it's, sometimes it's, it's taken me out for", "endTime": 1599.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1592.64},{"body": "a, for a day or so. And if I can start to see that pattern and, you know, all sorts of things can,", "endTime": 1606.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1599.92},{"body": "can bring a migraine stress and, and, and other things. Um, if you start to see that pattern,", "endTime": 1611.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1606.64},{"body": "then you got to do something about it. Well, from what I know about migraines, they are, um,", "endTime": 1618.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1611.6},{"body": "uh, light has a big factor in it and it's the, the way it comes into, uh,", "endTime": 1625.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1619.44},{"body": "comes into your sensory inputs. Um, I, I do a couple of things, uh,", "endTime": 1633.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1626.72},{"body": "when I edit in Descript that for me severely lower the eye strain. Uh, and I, uh, two things.", "endTime": 1642.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1634.72},{"body": "One, I'd like the dark mode. I don't know if you use the dark mode or not, but that's,", "endTime": 1646.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1642.4},{"body": "that's pretty great to me. Yeah. I, I don't because I, I,", "endTime": 1650.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1646.48},{"body": "there's something about, I don't know, lots of white text on a black background. I haven't", "endTime": 1659.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1653.44},{"body": "actually sat with it for any length of time. So I'll have to say, see, see what it does.", "endTime": 1662.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1659.28},{"body": "It could be, could be, um, a lot more helpful than yeah. Big white box glaring at you.", "endTime": 1668.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1662.8},{"body": "And the other one is a bit weirder. Um, I got a piece of translucent red clear acrylic and the,", "endTime": 1679.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1668.0},{"body": "the size of my Mac book screen. And I just placed that right in front of the screen.", "endTime": 1684.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1679.2},{"body": "And so the whole thing is red. Everything is, is red toned, uh, coming in and it's,", "endTime": 1690.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1684.64},{"body": "it also dims it by about 50%. So actually I tend to brighten this up a little bit,", "endTime": 1694.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1690.56},{"body": "so it can actually come through. Um, but I often edit at night and I'm a, I'm a big proponent of,", "endTime": 1701.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1694.16},{"body": "um, lowering a blocking blue light before sleep. Um, in my experience and Margaret's experience,", "endTime": 1709.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1701.52},{"body": "we both have found a lot of, um, help with that. We, we both have like red,", "endTime": 1716.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1709.52},{"body": "blue light blocking glasses that we wear in the last couple hours of night. And, uh, I do this,", "endTime": 1722.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1716.64},{"body": "this thing with my computer screen to just block all blue and green light coming in.", "endTime": 1727.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1722.16},{"body": "And, um, I've noticed that since I've done that, since I've been doing that, uh,", "endTime": 1732.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1727.2},{"body": "Descript or otherwise, I feel so much less fatigue, um, and I strain from using my computer.", "endTime": 1740.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1732.72},{"body": "So that's an interesting piece of toolkit that could work for other people.", "endTime": 1745.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1740.08},{"body": "Indeed. Um, I'm, I'm highly overdue, uh, cause as a, as a sort of an aside to this,", "endTime": 1752.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1746.56},{"body": "I'm highly overdue, uh, calling up, um, someone to get, uh, some equipment. Cause so back in the day,", "endTime": 1761.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1752.64},{"body": "I used to have a monitor arms. This is when I used to live with my parents that we managed to", "endTime": 1768.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1762.24},{"body": "find a, uh, you know, a monitor arm. Um, and it was brilliant because I could get", "endTime": 1774.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1768.64},{"body": "the monitor as close to my, uh, clapped out eyeballs as I need to, um, without it affecting", "endTime": 1781.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1774.72},{"body": "my posture. Uh, and you know, now 20 years or so later, um, I'm still kind of hunched over", "endTime": 1793.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1781.2},{"body": "because I haven't really been able to replicate that setup. Um, and so it's something that, uh,", "endTime": 1799.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1793.68},{"body": "yeah, I've got to, I've got to get sorted because if I can, if I can put one of these big monitors,", "endTime": 1804.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1799.76},{"body": "I've got a lovely, I mean, it's not one of the fancy monitors that the fancy people talk about,", "endTime": 1809.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1804.32},{"body": "but it's, you know, good. Um, and if I can get that right up close to my face, uh, then that's", "endTime": 1815.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1809.12},{"body": "just going to help, you know, posture and lots of other things as well and potential squintage.", "endTime": 1821.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1815.84},{"body": "Um, so yeah, that's this, you know, just, just another thing to add to the list.", "endTime": 1824.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1821.04},{"body": "When you, when you initially talked about Descript giving you migraines, I was thinking,", "endTime": 1829.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1825.68},{"body": "um, uh, about all the bugs that they have and all the different, uh, like an annoyance migraine,", "endTime": 1837.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1829.76},{"body": "not necessarily a life factor. And I was thinking that doesn't help. No, it hasn't. But the last", "endTime": 1845.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1837.52},{"body": "month or so, I feel like they finally squashed all the things that are really annoying for me.", "endTime": 1851.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1846.24},{"body": "And, uh, it's, it's finally like kind of easy to use, except also, I mean, this isn't a bug at", "endTime": 1858.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1852.32},{"body": "all, but I have let my pro subscription lapse. Um, I didn't renew it because I only edit one podcast", "endTime": 1866.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1858.88},{"body": "and, uh, they limit the studio sound to files under an hour. And, um, so I can only do, I can", "endTime": 1877.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1866.72},{"body": "only use it on files under an hour and the podcast, the podcaster sends me, it's like an hour, 10,", "endTime": 1885.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1877.76},{"body": "hour 15. And, and she does a pre-edit on it. And so I can't, it's, there's no easy way to like", "endTime": 1892.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1885.92},{"body": "take it out, split it and put it back in because I need to go through and make sure that her edits", "endTime": 1897.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1893.2},{"body": "are good. So I just don't use studio sound on the main part anymore, but, um, but otherwise it's", "endTime": 1904.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1897.92},{"body": "been, uh, it's been going great for me. So what is, what else has been, uh, as, as, as, as we say", "endTime": 1911.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1904.64},{"body": "in, in our, in our enlightened communities, what else has been alive for you? Oh my God, dude. Um,", "endTime": 1917.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1911.12},{"body": "so right after this, uh, speaking of manifestations right after this podcast recording,", "endTime": 1924.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1917.44},{"body": "uh, I'm going to have an interview. My first job interview in 15 years. Um,", "endTime": 1932.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1924.24},{"body": "yeah. So there's a place called, uh, well, this, this, this is hot spring resort that I went to", "endTime": 1941.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1934.32},{"body": "in 2015. Um, that, that kind of changed my life. It was, it was a magical experience. I had never,", "endTime": 1951.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1941.6},{"body": "um, I didn't know a place like this existed and it just, it was incredible. And they, um,", "endTime": 1958.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1951.84},{"body": "I can't remember if I, if I talked about this on a previous episode about all the details about", "endTime": 1965.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1959.68},{"body": "anyways, it's, it's, it, they've got the hot springs, they've got multiple pools and, and", "endTime": 1970.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1965.28},{"body": "they've got, uh, they, they've capped off one of the hot springs or one of the geysers that there", "endTime": 1977.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1970.08},{"body": "was there, this geothermal activity in it, it capped it off and tapped into it to, to, um,", "endTime": 1985.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1977.68},{"body": "to power, uh, or to heat, um, water that they pump through a bunch of different cabins. So you got", "endTime": 1993.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1986.24},{"body": "radiant heat free in a bunch of different cabins. So even though it's kind of in the middle of", "endTime": 1997.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1993.6},{"body": "nowhere and off the grid, they've got, you know, it's, it's warm and cozy and, um, they've got a", "endTime": 2004.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 1997.92},{"body": "big event space. They, they give, uh, they have a, a complimentary food, um, bar with really", "endTime": 2012.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2004.96},{"body": "excellent quality food, uh, and saunas and, and trails and, and a bunch of other cool stuff.", "endTime": 2018.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2012.0},{"body": "What everything you'd expect from an amazing, uh, uh, off grid retreat space.", "endTime": 2023.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2018.56},{"body": "And I went there and I was just, and it was that this, this, you know, when you go to a place and", "endTime": 2030.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2025.28},{"body": "it's just like, you can palpably feel as you walk into the space, just this serenity and connection", "endTime": 2039.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2030.24},{"body": "and euphoria. And it's just like, Oh, this is the place. Like, no wonder they settled here.", "endTime": 2046.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2039.92},{"body": "Wow. This place feels amazing. You go to like a national park or, or, or some special", "endTime": 2054.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2046.88},{"body": "land like that. You know, you get that feeling. Um, and this place has it. And, um, anyways,", "endTime": 2063.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2054.8},{"body": "I had a great time when I was there and they do a facilities tour. They show you like how they do", "endTime": 2070.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2063.44},{"body": "the water filtration and how they set up the hydroelectricity and, and how the geothermal stuff", "endTime": 2077.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2070.56},{"body": "works and a bunch of other stuff. And I, you know, I did the tour because I'm fascinated in building", "endTime": 2081.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2077.52},{"body": "and all that kind of stuff and off grid everything. And, and they have like a little community of", "endTime": 2088.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2081.44},{"body": "people living in little tiny homes and trailers off to the side and in the North area of the", "endTime": 2094.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2088.56},{"body": "people that just live there and work there. And I'm like, man, that would be cool to just,", "endTime": 2100.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2094.72},{"body": "just be away, just live with this little community, making this land, you know,", "endTime": 2106.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2102.24},{"body": "caretaking for this land and this, this, um, masterpiece of, of, uh, of a resort. And, uh,", "endTime": 2117.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2107.76},{"body": "so yeah, so I'm on the email newsletter and they sent, Hey, you know, we need, um,", "endTime": 2122.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2117.92},{"body": "a maintenance technician. We need somebody who's, we need a handyman. And I'm like, um,", "endTime": 2129.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2122.08},{"body": "this is what I signed up for this newsletter for like, this is, this is the dream. Uh,", "endTime": 2136.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2130.4},{"body": "so I applied and I'm, I've, um, I got a good response from my, from my email and, and we're", "endTime": 2144.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2136.72},{"body": "going to do a video interview after this call. And I'm really excited about it. And this is,", "endTime": 2150.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2144.88},{"body": "you know, it's, it's early a day. Definitely. There's definitely competition and, you know,", "endTime": 2155.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2150.16},{"body": "it's no guarantee, but it feels like, well, two things. One, it feels like it's going to happen.", "endTime": 2164.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2155.92},{"body": "Um, and also whether it happens or not, this has been so expansive for me. Um,", "endTime": 2174.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2164.16},{"body": "I've, I've said for many years, I am ruined as an employee. Uh,", "endTime": 2182.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2176.56},{"body": "Brenton Bush, don't listen to this. Um, I, uh, being self-employed for so long,", "endTime": 2188.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2182.8},{"body": "I, I, I can't see myself working for somebody else and, and, and doing what they dictate,", "endTime": 2195.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2189.84},{"body": "you know, and cause I, I have my own ideas. I have my own processes. I have my own", "endTime": 2199.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2195.36},{"body": "flow and, and speed, and it's not the same. It's not a corporate job. You know, I could,", "endTime": 2206.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2200.64},{"body": "I could, and that's the thing is I couldn't fit into a corporate job. I couldn't", "endTime": 2210.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2206.88},{"body": "push papers. I couldn't do that. But like, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is,", "endTime": 2216.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2210.96},{"body": "but like, this is, this is opening my mind a bit thinking like I could definitely work", "endTime": 2223.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2216.96},{"body": "for a cool little community that all is coming towards the same goal of greatness, like that", "endTime": 2229.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2223.28},{"body": "easy. And, and so it kind of, you know, expanded my mind a bit of like, Oh, I could,", "endTime": 2236.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2230.48},{"body": "even if Brighton Bush doesn't work out, I, I could look at this, this other resorts,", "endTime": 2241.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2236.08},{"body": "there's other places, like, this isn't the only cool place. And, um, my, my, my long-term dream", "endTime": 2251.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2241.76},{"body": "of owning a property that has, you know, tiny homes that I build on it and, and an event space.", "endTime": 2256.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2251.04},{"body": "And, and, you know, that's a lot modeled after this trip to Brighton Bush and this exact space.", "endTime": 2262.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2256.88},{"body": "And, um, I'm more or less just wanting to recreate that and live there. I'm like, well,", "endTime": 2268.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2262.96},{"body": "maybe I don't have to buy it. I mean, yeah, but also like, maybe I don't have to do all the work.", "endTime": 2276.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2268.96},{"body": "Like I can just, I can just be there and do the cool things I want to do without having to fork", "endTime": 2283.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2276.0},{"body": "over, you know, work a shit ton to make all this money so that I can buy it and own it. I don't", "endTime": 2288.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2283.2},{"body": "need to own it. I don't care about that. I just want to be, I just want to be in this space.", "endTime": 2294.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2288.24},{"body": "You have it. Yeah. Um, so like, that's even better. And that's the cool thing about", "endTime": 2302.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2294.72},{"body": "manifestation is that you put something on your list and you get that or better.", "endTime": 2307.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2302.4},{"body": "Yeah. Or you, you get the thing that's behind the thing that you thought.", "endTime": 2310.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2307.44},{"body": "Yeah. What you actually want, even though something you wrote down. Exactly.", "endTime": 2314.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2310.4},{"body": "So what does this, so should you, should you get this? What, what does it mean for", "endTime": 2319.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2314.48},{"body": "what you, you know, for your current obligations?", "endTime": 2325.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2320.32},{"body": "So I plan on still, so I have a guy helping me out, uh, doing a lot of, um, a lot of the labor.", "endTime": 2335.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2326.32},{"body": "So I'm, I'm hiring out a lot of labor and I'm for, for rockstar. And I, I do like the, um, uh,", "endTime": 2342.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2336.32},{"body": "client relations, contracts, estimates, you know, booking, um, and a lot of the", "endTime": 2350.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2342.72},{"body": "expert level construction stuff, you know, and the fine tuning finishing work and, um,", "endTime": 2358.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2351.52},{"body": "and materials and everything. It's, it's funny when I, when I first hired my friend to come", "endTime": 2366.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2359.52},{"body": "work with us, I, it felt a bit, it felt pretty weird. It felt super weird after doing all of the", "endTime": 2373.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2366.24},{"body": "work for 13 years. And then having a guy come and start to help me, um, doing the, doing the labor", "endTime": 2383.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2373.44},{"body": "part, I had wrapped up all my self-worth in the labor part, because that was the thing I was doing", "endTime": 2389.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2383.04},{"body": "day to day that felt the most productive, that felt the most visible to both the clients and myself.", "endTime": 2395.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2389.44},{"body": "And I, I felt so worthless. I felt, I hired this guy because I was going through a major health", "endTime": 2402.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2396.56},{"body": "recovery, um, doing a lot of transitions, trying a lot of new drugs and therapies to get myself to,", "endTime": 2410.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2404.0},{"body": "to rebuild my body so that I could be healthy again. And it worked. I'm, I'm feeling way better,", "endTime": 2418.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2411.44},{"body": "but it, you know, I, I still, I still need the assistance. I don't, I can't, I still can't do", "endTime": 2425.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2418.88},{"body": "all the, I don't, I don't want to be lifting 80 pound bags of concrete, you know, to and from the", "endTime": 2429.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2425.28},{"body": "job site a whole bunch of times. Like I just, I need to take better care of my body for the long", "endTime": 2433.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2429.6},{"body": "term. And, um, and so I'm, I'm really happy to still have, um, still have some help. But that,", "endTime": 2444.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2433.68},{"body": "what that process revealed to me was that like, oh, I was doing eight jobs and I just hired out", "endTime": 2450.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2444.08},{"body": "one of them, um, which I thought was the most important, but actually, you know, like that", "endTime": 2459.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2450.96},{"body": "job can't even happen if I don't do the other seven jobs and, and, and do them really well.", "endTime": 2464.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2459.44},{"body": "And so that's been, um, that's, that's been, that's been pretty, um, heavy. That's been,", "endTime": 2473.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2466.48},{"body": "that's been a big, um, factor. So anyways, the, what I want to do is continue doing all of that", "endTime": 2481.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2473.92},{"body": "work, which is mostly remote. Um, and cause I'll be able to, it will be off grid, but I'll be able", "endTime": 2488.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2481.12},{"body": "to have internet connection so we can still do our podcast and, uh, and I'll be able to do, you", "endTime": 2495.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2488.8},{"body": "know, work with clients and, and arrange the projects and, and design them and do all that", "endTime": 2500.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2495.68},{"body": "work. Um, and then I would want to, like, I'm, what I'm hoping is being able to arrange it so", "endTime": 2509.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2500.88},{"body": "that I can come into town once a week for a couple of days, either two or three days, depending on", "endTime": 2514.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2509.2},{"body": "what their needs are so that I can be on the job site and, and direct, um, my worker and then,", "endTime": 2521.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2514.32},{"body": "you know, have some time with Margaret here at home. And then, because another thing is that", "endTime": 2526.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2521.52},{"body": "Margaret, she's starting her own new career and she has her own dominoes that she's been setting", "endTime": 2534.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2526.32},{"body": "up and is about to kind of knock over. And I can't, I'm not going to take her away from the", "endTime": 2542.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2534.16},{"body": "beautiful tapestry of design that she's unfolding for herself. Um, I'm so excited for her and", "endTime": 2551.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2542.72},{"body": "so it's going to be interesting. So, so she would, you know, possibly her, her new career would,", "endTime": 2557.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2552.32},{"body": "would at least start out probably part-time. So she could possibly be coming down and", "endTime": 2562.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2557.68},{"body": "staying in Brighton Bush halftime and we'd go back and forth and I'm hoping and, and trusting", "endTime": 2569.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2562.32},{"body": "the universe that, uh, that things would, would really work out really well. If that would have", "endTime": 2574.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2569.12},{"body": "this transition period where we can still have our life here and enjoy this new life out in the", "endTime": 2583.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2575.2},{"body": "wilderness. Um, but we'll see, you know, that's a lot to ask. It is. There's a, there's a lot of,", "endTime": 2593.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2583.36},{"body": "there's a lot of moving parts as they say, um, to consider. And yeah, I mean, how, how far is", "endTime": 2601.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2593.04},{"body": "how far is Brighton Bush from, from where you live? Two hours. So it's, you know, not forever,", "endTime": 2608.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2601.28},{"body": "but it's also, it's a trek. It's an hour from the closest major town and two hours from,", "endTime": 2615.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2608.56},{"body": "from our place. Yeah. You don't want to be doing that every day. Nope. Definitely not. And also", "endTime": 2621.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2616.08},{"body": "I don't, I want to live there. Like that's kind of the point too, is I want to be, I want to have,", "endTime": 2627.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2622.08},{"body": "I'm going to spend all my free time, um, serenely, uh, soaking up the, the, the minerals and, and", "endTime": 2636.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2627.28},{"body": "all that kind of stuff. Not driving. I hate driving. How, how well do you deal with,", "endTime": 2644.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2637.28},{"body": "I don't know if it's liminality necessarily. Um, because it's not necessarily being in that", "endTime": 2650.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2644.4},{"body": "liminal space between the two, but it's sort of being in both. It's sort of an ambiguity there.", "endTime": 2654.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2650.88},{"body": "How do you deal with that? How does that land for you?", "endTime": 2658.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2655.68},{"body": "I feel like at the, in the moment now, I feel pretty good about it. I've realized that there is,", "endTime": 2666.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2659.36},{"body": "um, you know, it's possible this could be ideal for them too. Uh, it's possible that this could", "endTime": 2675.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2666.96},{"body": "just not work for them. They might just want somebody that's there full time and no, no frills", "endTime": 2681.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2675.12},{"body": "about it. Um, which is, which is pretty likely and what I actually kind of expect. And so we'll,", "endTime": 2690.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2681.68},{"body": "we'll see, but everyone, everyone's going to have their own, you know, everyone's going to have", "endTime": 2694.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2690.0},{"body": "their own stuff, whether it's, you know, their own places that they've got to think about what", "endTime": 2699.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2694.32},{"body": "happens to those, you know, lots of people renting, you know, you wouldn't want someone", "endTime": 2703.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2699.12},{"body": "to be, to be renting. People have got pets. People have got partners. Like it's, I can't", "endTime": 2708.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2703.76},{"body": "imagine it's a simple thing for anyone that they want to bring on board.", "endTime": 2712.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2708.48},{"body": "Yeah, I, I would think so. But also it sounds like they have, um, they've had a great response", "endTime": 2719.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2712.8},{"body": "from the newsletter. And so I'm, I'm aware that there with a, with a variety of people and stuff,", "endTime": 2727.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2719.76},{"body": "there could be a more optimal situation to them. But, uh, I've really also, man, I feel like,", "endTime": 2735.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2727.2},{"body": "and I knew I said this in my, in my cover letter and email and stuff. I'm like,", "endTime": 2738.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2735.36},{"body": "I really feel like I'm, I'm bringing a lot of the things that you could really want. Like I'm,", "endTime": 2744.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2739.92},{"body": "I feel like a prime candidate for, for this scenario, not only with my, you know, 25 plus", "endTime": 2753.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2746.72},{"body": "years of experience in handyman and remodeling stuff and kind of a lifetime in it. Cause my", "endTime": 2758.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2753.84},{"body": "father would flip houses and I was just always, I've always been in construction zones. I've always", "endTime": 2763.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2758.96},{"body": "wanted that. And then also, um, like as I've developed my own skills, I have a appreciation", "endTime": 2772.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2764.4},{"body": "for really good quality work. Like that's super important to me. I don't want to just", "endTime": 2779.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2772.8},{"body": "throw something together and slap it together. I want it to be great. Um, which I think that", "endTime": 2786.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2779.36},{"body": "kind of ethic really shines with them. I think that's something that they,", "endTime": 2790.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2787.12},{"body": "they want and appreciate. Plus I have this transition idea of trying to become some sort of", "endTime": 2798.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2791.2},{"body": "shaman or yoga teacher or mindfulness, like kind of coach of some sort. Like I, I, I, I want", "endTime": 2807.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2799.6},{"body": "to work on, on, on this field with, with they, the events that they host, there are teach yoga", "endTime": 2815.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2808.88},{"body": "teacher trainings and, you know, mindfulness escapes and like the, the same type of stuff", "endTime": 2821.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2815.04},{"body": "that I would be working on. And it's like, I would fit with the vibe that they're going for", "endTime": 2826.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2821.84},{"body": "completely. So it feels like a, it feels like a match made in heaven.", "endTime": 2830.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2826.96},{"body": "Wow. Gosh. Um, Oh, and then also at the same time, uh, I've got, I've got my", "endTime": 2837.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2831.12},{"body": "contractors boards, uh, mediation date for one month from now. And I have my arbitration date", "endTime": 2844.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2838.0},{"body": "for three to three months from now. So the lawsuit is official. It has a date and, uh, it's,", "endTime": 2851.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2844.88},{"body": "you know, this could be my, my dream. I want to keep running rockstar while I'm", "endTime": 2859.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2853.6},{"body": "off in Brighton Bush. Like that could be a fantasy from the other end. I could,", "endTime": 2863.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2859.52},{"body": "rockstar could be gone in three months. And, and, and all I have is going down to Brighton", "endTime": 2871.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2864.16},{"body": "Bush and working for a small wage, but getting health benefits and another, another, um, you", "endTime": 2878.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2871.04},{"body": "know, perks, but I don't, I don't know what the universe is going to throw at me.", "endTime": 2883.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2878.4},{"body": "Oh gosh. And, and, and that's it. It's, um, yeah, in my, in my more serene moments,", "endTime": 2891.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2884.88},{"body": "I like to think that I can just sit back and say, well, I can't, there's no,", "endTime": 2895.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2891.44},{"body": "and my dad's very good at this. Like, there's no point worrying about the stuff that you can't", "endTime": 2898.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2895.6},{"body": "control. Um, and, and both me and my mother who are somewhat neurotic have sort of said,", "endTime": 2905.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2898.8},{"body": "it's just not that easy. Um, but you know, it's a practice and hopefully there's a way", "endTime": 2911.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2905.76},{"body": "to develop that more. Um, but man, I wish you, um, uh, well not just luck, but I, yeah, I wish", "endTime": 2920.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2911.68},{"body": "you get the things that you want. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Me too. Well, I, uh, I have some things", "endTime": 2928.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2920.4},{"body": "for my manifestation list for this challenge. You know, I, I deservingness of this, like, I feel,", "endTime": 2935.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2928.08},{"body": "I feel worthy of it for sure. Uh, you know, I've worked super hard. I've done all the things that", "endTime": 2942.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2935.92},{"body": "make me feel completely perfect for this job, deserving of it. I feel like, you know, halfway", "endTime": 2951.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2942.4},{"body": "there, three quarters of the way there. I feel, I feel pretty deserving of it. Um, but I definitely", "endTime": 2956.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2951.04},{"body": "feel like I could still work on that and, uh, we'll see what's been, uh, what's been going on", "endTime": 2963.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2956.56},{"body": "for you this week besides the TBM group. Um, a lot of it really has been thinking about this,", "endTime": 2973.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2963.04},{"body": "this new thing, um, this sort of new area that I want to step into and what that means stepping", "endTime": 2981.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2974.64},{"body": "away from. Um, but also going back and forth in, in terms of getting caught up in the minutia of", "endTime": 2991.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2981.84},{"body": "how to make the little details work. Um, and then going, you, you, you have to not do that.", "endTime": 2999.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 2992.16},{"body": "You've got to stop doing that. Um, because yeah, this, this path will, will emerge, you know,", "endTime": 3007.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3001.04},{"body": "like, um, so as to kind of give you an idea of where I'm trying to go, um,", "endTime": 3014.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3007.6},{"body": "Um, my idea is that I want to share the music and the, the stuff that I make as a way of", "endTime": 3025.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3014.56},{"body": "signposting or modeling, I guess, that you can do this stuff and it can have meaning and", "endTime": 3034.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3026.56},{"body": "you can touch one or two people's emotions with what you do, but it doesn't have to be", "endTime": 3041.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3035.84},{"body": "the thing that brings you income. You can just create the thing out of love, um, and just be", "endTime": 3048.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3042.56},{"body": "happy that, you know, that engages with some people. Um, and, and so that's what I'm trying", "endTime": 3053.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3048.48},{"body": "to, the, the idea anyways, I want to show my working. So I, I'm, um, I'm working on a Christmas", "endTime": 3061.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3053.52},{"body": "song. Um, and I thought it would be, it would be fun to, to do that. And so I'm going to do the", "endTime": 3068.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3061.36},{"body": "idea is I'm going to, I'd like the idea of making a new song a month and documenting that, that", "endTime": 3075.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3068.96},{"body": "process and sharing it online, showing this is what this sort of, you know, this life looks like,", "endTime": 3083.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3075.84},{"body": "um, and showing as well, you know, how I evolve, um, and how I learn new stuff about the actual", "endTime": 3092.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3083.12},{"body": "as well. Um, and it's then the, the, the bit in the, in the, in the middle of which I'm still", "endTime": 3098.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3092.88},{"body": "sort of wrestling with, because that there's something about that, that feels good, that kind", "endTime": 3103.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3098.8},{"body": "of feels so wholesome. And, you know, there's, there's ways from a very strategic point of view", "endTime": 3109.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3103.04},{"body": "to turn these little pieces into bigger pieces. Um, and by the end of it, you've sort of built a", "endTime": 3114.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3109.92},{"body": "music video, you know, that, that can go along with the song. And then, yes, this, you know,", "endTime": 3120.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3114.96},{"body": "someone wants to buy the song for a dollar or whatever, that's fine, but that's not really", "endTime": 3124.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3120.64},{"body": "the point. Um, and that's, and that's all great because it means I can do the thing and it means", "endTime": 3129.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3124.0},{"body": "I can, I can just make what I want to make, but I don't have the pressure because it still has", "endTime": 3133.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3129.04},{"body": "a purpose. I don't have the pressure of, of it, you know, having to make a lot of money. Um,", "endTime": 3138.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3133.36},{"body": "and then the, uh, and so, so the, the sort of the, the, the disconnect that I'm working with is", "endTime": 3146.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3139.6},{"body": "I want to sell because I don't expect to sell that stuff. I'm realistic about that.", "endTime": 3152.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3146.88},{"body": "So what I want to sell is the stuff that helps other people with their creative work.", "endTime": 3157.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3152.88},{"body": "Um, and so like, I'm a big checklist person and so like checklists and, um, like, um, frameworks", "endTime": 3167.44, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3157.6},{"body": "and things like that to help people plan their projects and think about what they, what they", "endTime": 3171.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3167.44},{"body": "want to do. Potentially selling my time on one-to-one calls because when I've done it before,", "endTime": 3177.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3171.6},{"body": "like I was saying earlier, like I've found that that's something that I can do is, is help just", "endTime": 3182.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3177.76},{"body": "sometimes it's just being with people, um, while they're on that process and helping them when", "endTime": 3188.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3182.8},{"body": "they're feeling like they're, they're falling off. It's like, let's give you that, that stabilizing", "endTime": 3193.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3188.24},{"body": "hand or let's ask you those questions about your self-worth or about what you think you can ask for", "endTime": 3197.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3193.04},{"body": "because, you know, we can struggle with it ourselves. Uh, and we do, but that doesn't", "endTime": 3204.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3197.6},{"body": "preclude us from doing it for other people because it's just, it's really hard to do it for yourself,", "endTime": 3208.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3204.8},{"body": "but someone else can ask, you know, the, these, these questions. And so, um, so there's sort of", "endTime": 3213.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3208.16},{"body": "that aspect and then another piece of it that kind of excites me or just makes me think it", "endTime": 3218.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3213.12},{"body": "would be really lovely is doing a sort of, cause you know, and you've listened to all the different", "endTime": 3224.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3218.48},{"body": "permutations, I really enjoy the sort of the sit down at the mic, here's what's going on.", "endTime": 3231.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3224.8},{"body": "Here's some thoughts. And I love the idea of doing that as a sort of members only thing about", "endTime": 3238.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3231.92},{"body": "what is going on backstage, basically. Um, so what is how, you know, the business of Mark", "endTime": 3246.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3239.68},{"body": "Stedman effectively, what's going into that, how is it working so that those that really want to", "endTime": 3253.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3246.56},{"body": "dig into it can do that. And, you know, some people just want to support what I'm doing.", "endTime": 3256.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3253.12},{"body": "They can dig into it. Um, and so that's sort of what that's kind of where all the pieces that", "endTime": 3262.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3256.88},{"body": "I've got kind of laid out and some of them fit together really well and some of them don't quite", "endTime": 3266.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3262.0},{"body": "yet. And so my, my days and my evenings have been sort of going back and forth about how that works", "endTime": 3274.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3266.32},{"body": "and is it insane? Uh, is it not irresponsible, but there's a lot of, um, okay. So something that", "endTime": 3284.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3274.24},{"body": "came up, uh, for me last year is I started, I kind of started this process last year. I, I, I,", "endTime": 3292.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3284.56},{"body": "I really had this moment of like, I want to work with creative people who feel that they have some", "endTime": 3297.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3292.64},{"body": "kind of neurodivergence and do the kind of things that I was describing in terms of", "endTime": 3303.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3297.36},{"body": "coaching. And I don't really like the word coaching, but mentoring and, and, and that kind", "endTime": 3307.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3303.76},{"body": "of stuff and did, did some of it. And then my dad got really ill. Um, and I remember him,", "endTime": 3315.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3307.84},{"body": "I remember sitting with him in the hospital. Uh, he's much better now. Um, but I remember", "endTime": 3321.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3316.4},{"body": "sitting with him in the hospital and him sort of asking what I'd done this week.", "endTime": 3326.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3321.6},{"body": "And I felt so small and so childish talking about this thing because it felt so", "endTime": 3336.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3326.96},{"body": "inconsequential and so frivolous. It suddenly just felt like in the face of everything,", "endTime": 3345.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3338.4},{"body": "what are you doing? Like you've, you should be focusing on making sure that you can", "endTime": 3350.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3346.8},{"body": "get the work in so that you can spend time making sure that not only is your dad okay,", "endTime": 3357.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3351.44},{"body": "because there's limited things you can do for your dad, but you can certainly help your mum", "endTime": 3360.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3357.6},{"body": "look after herself and make sure that she's, you know, um, feeding herself, you know, cause,", "endTime": 3366.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3360.56},{"body": "cause she won't, cause she'll be worried so much about my dad. She won't think about herself.", "endTime": 3369.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3366.32},{"body": "Uh, and, and, and, you know, running around and doing what needs to be doing and picking up slack.", "endTime": 3374.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3370.24},{"body": "And my brother was also doing huge amounts as well, but you know, that's, that's sort of what", "endTime": 3378.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3375.28},{"body": "was in the, in my mind. It was like this, it wasn't even like, this doesn't feel like the", "endTime": 3384.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3378.8},{"body": "right time. It's just like, it felt so yeah. Like what are you doing? Um, and so I really", "endTime": 3391.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3384.16},{"body": "had that sense of, I've got a, and I ended up, I had to fire my coach over it cause I had a coach", "endTime": 3397.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3391.2},{"body": "and I felt like she just wasn't like, she was so enthusiastic about this, which was great.", "endTime": 3402.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3397.92},{"body": "But when I sort of got to the point of, I think I need to just knuckle down and double down on", "endTime": 3408.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3402.64},{"body": "what I feel like I know I can do to bring money in and just have some stability.", "endTime": 3416.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3409.68},{"body": "Um, like I, we, we came to an impasse on that because like she knew what I wanted in the long", "endTime": 3424.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3416.8},{"body": "term, but I'm like, right now it doesn't matter. Like I need to get this, you know, sorted. Um,", "endTime": 3429.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3424.48},{"body": "and so a lot of it I'm revisiting, like even, even the brand, like even the little icon that I did,", "endTime": 3436.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3430.8},{"body": "you know, I liked my little face with no eyes and a heartbeard. Um, all of that stuff was done", "endTime": 3441.76, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3436.16},{"body": "last year. There's stuff that I'd written last year. Um, and so that that's coming back. Um,", "endTime": 3447.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3441.76},{"body": "and so yeah, a lot of it is sort of returning now, but I guess, you know, I feel a little bit", "endTime": 3453.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3447.84},{"body": "more stable and ready to start thinking about that. So yeah, that's awesome. That's what's", "endTime": 3462.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3453.12},{"body": "been coming up for me this week. Yeah. Yeah. I hear, um, from your story, I hear a bit of", "endTime": 3467.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3462.0},{"body": "kind of similar to me, a desire to help your community, a desire to help, to, to,", "endTime": 3474.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3469.36},{"body": "to be more connected and, and to not just have your own hustles and your own projects and,", "endTime": 3481.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3474.08},{"body": "and things going on, but to be doing things that are a little bit more connected with other people", "endTime": 3486.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3481.36},{"body": "and people that are close to you. And I, I, um, I resonate and respect that. Yeah.", "endTime": 3493.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3487.36},{"body": "And turning lights on for the people. Um, I, you know, I really love that, that, that ability", "endTime": 3499.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3493.04},{"body": "to make a light appear in someone's head to go. I didn't know that, that I got to, you know,", "endTime": 3506.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3500.24},{"body": "that I get to do this. I didn't know that I could or, or whatever. Um, or, you know,", "endTime": 3512.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3506.24},{"body": "removing a blocker for someone like, Oh, that kind of stuff is so good. It's so good. Like it", "endTime": 3518.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3512.88},{"body": "feels so good. And when you realize you can do it, um, you know, in, in, you know, the naive", "endTime": 3524.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3518.48},{"body": "kind of ways that I do, I'm, I'm no, you know, this is one of the reasons I don't call myself", "endTime": 3528.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3524.56},{"body": "a coach and I don't feel qualified, but I'm absolutely qualified to ask questions. And a", "endTime": 3533.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3528.4},{"body": "lot of that is just like, do we think that's true? Like, that's the question that I ask a lot. It's", "endTime": 3538.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3533.52},{"body": "like, you know, when someone says I can't do this or, or, you know, it's like, is that,", "endTime": 3542.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3538.08},{"body": "is that true though? Um, that's kind of a lot of what it is. Um, and that's just, you know,", "endTime": 3548.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3542.56},{"body": "when, when you actually hit those moments where you think, you know, a session hasn't gone that", "endTime": 3552.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3548.4},{"body": "well and then, and then you, you, you come up the next week and someone says, I've been thinking", "endTime": 3556.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3552.48},{"body": "about, you know, this thing that you said, or this thing that we talked about, or like helping", "endTime": 3561.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3556.96},{"body": "someone get off their ass and, and ship, you know, they want to, but there's, there's that thing in", "endTime": 3566.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3561.52},{"body": "their way, like whatever it is, like, yeah, it's, it feels great. Um, and so that's, that's", "endTime": 3572.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3566.24},{"body": "absolutely part of it, but I also, yeah, there's, there's, there's also the, the other aspect of me,", "endTime": 3577.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3572.32},{"body": "because I live in this duality of quite fluffy and, and, and, uh, as I've discovered over the", "endTime": 3582.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3577.84},{"body": "last few years, just, you know, very squishy and into that whole stuff, but also in other ways,", "endTime": 3588.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3582.88},{"body": "really structured and really pragmatic, um, and, and, you know, efficient, uh, and that kind of", "endTime": 3594.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3588.72},{"body": "stuff is like, that's also really important for me. So it's like having this skeleton, this", "endTime": 3599.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3594.48},{"body": "scaffolding, this rigid scaffolding that then you can just have a big bowl of candy floss on the top", "endTime": 3606.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3599.6},{"body": "of that you can dive into, but knowing that there is this structure in place as well, like it's a,", "endTime": 3612.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3606.72},{"body": "it's, and I, I, I'm going back and forth and finding that difficult to, uh, categorize or to,", "endTime": 3620.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3612.96},{"body": "to, to make, to help make sense for the people that, that sort of duality. Um, so yeah, it's,", "endTime": 3628.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3621.36},{"body": "it's all going to be a fun and weird challenge. Yeah. Another thing I'm hearing, especially from", "endTime": 3634.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3628.64},{"body": "what you just said, but kind of a combination of all this stuff, uh, I'm reminded of the Enneagram.", "endTime": 3640.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3634.96},{"body": "We're both nines and we, we, that we like to help people. We like to mediate. We like to, um,", "endTime": 3647.04, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3641.44},{"body": "uh, we can see all sides, but the thing about the nine is that, uh, it goes to six in stress and it", "endTime": 3656.24, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3648.0},{"body": "goes to three in security. And so when we're stressed out, uh, we go to six with which we,", "endTime": 3663.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3656.24},{"body": "um, we kind of get a little bit more, um, uh, a little more anxiety and, um, we want to", "endTime": 3675.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3663.84},{"body": "we want to check with a committee, both an internal committee of different voices in our", "endTime": 3682.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3677.6},{"body": "head to make sure something's all right. And an external committee of different people,", "endTime": 3686.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3682.08},{"body": "checking our ideas and checking our, our path and everything going forward and making sure", "endTime": 3692.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3686.8},{"body": "everything's fine. And we want to get that feedback from, uh, from multiple people.", "endTime": 3695.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3692.0},{"body": "I nearly paid $1,500 for a 90 minute session on that this morning.", "endTime": 3698.72, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3695.2},{"body": "Oh, wow. Yeah. Just, just, just, just by way of illustrating that.", "endTime": 3702.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3698.72},{"body": "Okay. Yeah. And then in, in security, um, and this for me, and I think for you as well,", "endTime": 3710.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3703.28},{"body": "we're most secure in our jobs and our profession, because it's like what we're", "endTime": 3715.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3711.52},{"body": "putting a lot of time and effort into. So we feel very secure when we're working in,", "endTime": 3720.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3715.28},{"body": "in security, we go to three and three is, uh, is the achiever. It's, it's, uh, it's, it's, um,", "endTime": 3728.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3720.64},{"body": "you, you, I, I, I don't, I don't have the great words for, for three, but it, it,", "endTime": 3736.08, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3729.92},{"body": "you have this sense of, I know what I'm doing. I can do it. This is, this is going to be great.", "endTime": 3742.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3737.04},{"body": "Um, you can cut corners a little bit, but only in the, in the, in the sense of efficiency,", "endTime": 3750.8, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3742.4},{"body": "it's like not cutting corners in a bad way, but cutting corners, like this really doesn't need", "endTime": 3754.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3750.8},{"body": "to be done. Let's just get rid of it. Like when said, well, a one will go for a perfectionist", "endTime": 3759.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3754.4},{"body": "will have to do every single step, very rigidly. Uh, three will be like, we don't actually need", "endTime": 3766.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3759.6},{"body": "to do all these steps and let's just be efficient. And it's much more about efficiency. And that,", "endTime": 3771.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3766.56},{"body": "that kind of came out with, with some of the stuff you were saying that made sense to me.", "endTime": 3777.2, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3771.68},{"body": "And that's, that's work that I want to do more of. Um, uh, you know, I, I did buy, uh, a pretty", "endTime": 3785.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3777.28},{"body": "comprehensive guide to the Enneagram. Um, and I think it's funny enough, it was in audio book form.", "endTime": 3792.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3785.12},{"body": "And I think the last time God, I think this is true. The last time I hit play on that audio book", "endTime": 3800.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3792.32},{"body": "was when I was on the train, um, to meet my dad in, in hospital. Um, and I don't think I've,", "endTime": 3809.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3800.4},{"body": "you know, listened to it since, because again, it just, yeah. Um, whereas if I'm, you know,", "endTime": 3817.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3809.12},{"body": "if I'm to do this work, uh, part of that is, is having a good understanding of, of, I think,", "endTime": 3823.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3817.84},{"body": "you know, what people's needs are and where they intersect. Um, and so, you know, getting,", "endTime": 3828.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3823.68},{"body": "getting more of a, a good sense of that, you know, and I, I love the fact that, uh, we were", "endTime": 3833.6, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3828.88},{"body": "sharing in our little pod, um, all of these different book, um, recommendations. And I think", "endTime": 3840.4, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3833.6},{"body": "I've got, I've put them down in a, in a list somewhere and I'm going to put them into notion", "endTime": 3843.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3840.4},{"body": "and make sure I've got all the links there so that I can start working through those.", "endTime": 3847.36, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3843.84},{"body": "Cause a lot of that stuff I'm really interested in, in how we help the person around the creative,", "endTime": 3852.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3847.36},{"body": "um, you know, cause there are bits and pieces that we can take from whether it is self-compassion", "endTime": 3858.0, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3852.48},{"body": "or, uh, the body keeps the score or, you know, there's all these little things that we can", "endTime": 3862.64, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3858.0},{"body": "absolutely take in or I can certainly take in my work and, and you as, as a, as a burgeoning yogi", "endTime": 3868.88, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3862.64},{"body": "can take into your work to as, as little reference points to help people when they come across", "endTime": 3877.12, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3868.88},{"body": "certain challenges to go, I've got a, I've got a map for that. You know, I, I know where we go", "endTime": 3881.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3877.12},{"body": "from, you know, for this, have a read of this, or let's look at this and see how it applies to you.", "endTime": 3885.84, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3881.68},{"body": "And the more that we have of those and keep them in a little roller decks in our mind,", "endTime": 3890.48, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3886.0},{"body": "I think the more we can be useful to people. And I really liked that in a sense, we're both", "endTime": 3895.68, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3890.48},{"body": "entering into a similar kind of thing, but you're very much of the body. Mine's kind of the,", "endTime": 3903.92, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3897.36},{"body": "of the mind and the heart, but they absolutely intersect. Um, and, and yeah, I think it's,", "endTime": 3910.56, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3903.92},{"body": "I think it's rather cool. Um, well, yes, um, go well, uh, go gently.", "endTime": 3917.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3910.8},{"body": "Um, and, uh, I look forward to hearing what happens next week.", "endTime": 3923.28, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3917.28},{"body": "I love how we, uh, we started this podcast to talk about our projects that we were working on.", "endTime": 3950.16, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3940.56},{"body": "And it's expanded to so much more than that. I think at the same time, it's still,", "endTime": 3954.96, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3950.16},{"body": "it's still the same thing. Yeah, exactly. It's convergence. It's emergence. It's,", "endTime": 3959.52, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3955.76},{"body": "um, you know, it's, it's all, it's all good stuff.", "endTime": 3964.32, "speaker": "", "startTime": 3960.32}]}