WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:06.086 --> 00:00:08.486 Lindsay: Welcome to the Lifting Lindsay podcast. 00:00:08.816 --> 00:00:13.716 Today is the day before, the In Vitro Eve. 00:00:14.046 --> 00:00:17.286 Is that what it's, that's a horrible name for it. 00:00:17.826 --> 00:00:22.756 Tomorrow I go in, we have two frozen embryos and, I'm hoping 00:00:22.756 --> 00:00:24.306 to make my family bigger. 00:00:24.651 --> 00:00:26.901 Hoping to get another child. 00:00:26.991 --> 00:00:28.401 We have three children. 00:00:28.431 --> 00:00:33.631 One we got through the gift of adoption and the other two through in vitro. 00:00:34.021 --> 00:00:40.621 I'm trying to balance out right now hope with caution, right? 00:00:40.621 --> 00:00:44.251 Because this will be my sixth in vitro. 00:00:44.251 --> 00:00:50.741 We had three failed in vitros and then the fourth in vitro we got Hazel and then 00:00:51.131 --> 00:00:57.751 we froze Link for a while, and then our fifth in vitro, we got Link and, and now 00:00:58.636 --> 00:01:00.076 we're doing a sixth in vitro. 00:01:00.466 --> 00:01:02.566 So I've had a lot of miscarriages too. 00:01:02.566 --> 00:01:05.086 I've had like five, five miscarriages. 00:01:05.086 --> 00:01:06.766 We did, I UIs. 00:01:06.916 --> 00:01:07.246 Oh man. 00:01:07.246 --> 00:01:08.296 We did a ton of those. 00:01:08.636 --> 00:01:10.436 Like six or seven. 00:01:10.466 --> 00:01:12.986 We had years on on klo. 00:01:13.016 --> 00:01:13.646 Oh my gosh. 00:01:13.646 --> 00:01:16.256 I called Klo the crazy maker. 00:01:16.646 --> 00:01:18.896 People are like Klo baby maker. 00:01:18.926 --> 00:01:20.996 I'm like more like the crazy maker. 00:01:20.996 --> 00:01:21.746 Are you kidding me? 00:01:21.836 --> 00:01:24.146 I was crazy on Klo. 00:01:25.196 --> 00:01:33.566 With this in vitro, to be honest, I have kind of been trying to pretend 00:01:33.566 --> 00:01:40.676 like it's not coming and it's not happening, which since it's frozen, 00:01:40.916 --> 00:01:42.806 we have two embryos that are frozen. 00:01:43.736 --> 00:01:47.426 It's actually been a lot easier to do that because. 00:01:48.866 --> 00:01:56.246 When you have to like harvest, that sounds so sci-fi, when you're harvesting eggs 00:01:56.306 --> 00:01:58.106 and when you're pulling those all out. 00:01:58.111 --> 00:01:58.436 Right? 00:01:58.436 --> 00:02:06.746 And that is a whole other process that is of drugs and procedures 00:02:06.776 --> 00:02:14.946 and it is super intense and, frozen procedures are way easier. 00:02:15.636 --> 00:02:20.756 Because, it's far less hormones that you're pumping your body with, right? 00:02:21.116 --> 00:02:27.176 With harvesting, trying to get as many, eggs as possible, man, you're just 00:02:27.181 --> 00:02:33.816 doing tons of, hormones to just try to get as many eggs as possible, right? 00:02:34.596 --> 00:02:39.276 So they'll pull out, like for me, everyone is so different, but for me they would 00:02:39.276 --> 00:02:44.301 pull out like 30 and then we would only get like, a few that would survive. 00:02:44.301 --> 00:02:51.091 In fact, just a little background, there was just something genetically wrong 00:02:51.151 --> 00:02:56.101 with my eggs so everybody's infertility is for different various reasons. 00:02:56.581 --> 00:02:58.741 Um, sometimes it's the man, sometimes it's the woman. 00:02:58.741 --> 00:03:00.901 Sometimes you don't even know what it is about the woman. 00:03:00.901 --> 00:03:05.761 They would watch the embryos just kind of develop over a few days. 00:03:06.571 --> 00:03:09.511 They just noticed that my egg a quality was really bad. 00:03:10.771 --> 00:03:16.681 And so because of that, that's why we had the, the three failed in vitros. 00:03:16.681 --> 00:03:16.741 I. 00:03:17.731 --> 00:03:21.151 It's because they'd get to a certain point in development where 00:03:21.361 --> 00:03:22.981 it was just really low quality. 00:03:23.401 --> 00:03:25.141 And they said it could be a genetic thing. 00:03:25.771 --> 00:03:30.481 I had no clue, but I had severe endometriosis. 00:03:30.841 --> 00:03:37.231 Most people, like I had sisters with endometriosis and there's a scale, I 00:03:37.231 --> 00:03:43.231 can't remember the exact scale, but there's a scale of endometriosis and 00:03:43.236 --> 00:03:46.171 it, it usually causes the more severe. 00:03:46.681 --> 00:03:53.971 The more, um, painful periods or just, uh, heavy, heavy bleeding. 00:03:54.661 --> 00:03:56.341 I didn't have any of that. 00:03:56.941 --> 00:04:02.581 I had no clue I had endometriosis, so we really had no clue why 00:04:02.581 --> 00:04:03.931 the, a quality was so bad. 00:04:03.931 --> 00:04:09.451 And finally my doctor was like, you know, I actually think we should just get in 00:04:09.451 --> 00:04:11.431 there and kind of see what's going on. 00:04:11.881 --> 00:04:14.851 I hope I'm not boring you guys with my history of infertility. 00:04:14.851 --> 00:04:20.101 You can skip past this if it's not interesting to you, but this is 00:04:20.106 --> 00:04:22.321 how stubborn of an individual I am. 00:04:22.321 --> 00:04:25.921 If you, if you've ever wondered how stubborn is, let's see. 00:04:26.566 --> 00:04:32.971 Um, I was going in, I believe it was for this surgery where they were 00:04:32.971 --> 00:04:36.376 just checking up and seeing, and they had already given me the sleeping 00:04:36.376 --> 00:04:42.069 drugs I was going under and they were strolling me into the operating room 00:04:42.459 --> 00:04:44.829 and my doctor's talking to me, Dr. 00:04:44.834 --> 00:04:47.499 Folk, who I just love this man to pieces. 00:04:47.739 --> 00:04:52.689 I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan, and when I found out he has a hobbit hole in 00:04:52.689 --> 00:04:56.379 his backyard, I just knew in that moment. 00:04:57.331 --> 00:05:00.361 God had directed me to the right doctor. 00:05:01.106 --> 00:05:05.401 Like this relationship was meant to happen. 00:05:06.241 --> 00:05:09.211 No, this man was, is just such a godsend. 00:05:09.631 --> 00:05:13.981 Um, I just love him, they're strolling me into the operating table, 00:05:14.746 --> 00:05:17.446 and I, I can't even remember what I was saying. 00:05:17.446 --> 00:05:21.256 He must have thought, oh, she, he didn't know me very well. 00:05:21.256 --> 00:05:22.606 He just thought, oh, she's loopy. 00:05:22.606 --> 00:05:23.326 She's weird. 00:05:23.686 --> 00:05:25.696 Little did he know, this is just Lindsay. 00:05:26.116 --> 00:05:30.976 And he goes, you won't even remember this conversation. 00:05:30.976 --> 00:05:32.086 I'm like, what are you talking about? 00:05:32.086 --> 00:05:32.686 Yeah, I will. 00:05:32.986 --> 00:05:35.176 And he's like, no, you're half out of it. 00:05:35.176 --> 00:05:36.286 You won't even remember. 00:05:37.216 --> 00:05:41.296 And I said, I will remember every part of this conversation. 00:05:41.296 --> 00:05:42.076 And he goes, really? 00:05:43.546 --> 00:05:46.006 Oranges and I was like, oranges? 00:05:46.006 --> 00:05:48.916 And he's like, yeah, if you're gonna remember it when you 00:05:48.916 --> 00:05:51.556 wake up, remember oranges. 00:05:52.516 --> 00:05:57.976 And um, so sure enough, I go under, they find in there. 00:05:57.976 --> 00:06:03.076 He, he told me later when I went in to check in, he, he told me, 00:06:03.076 --> 00:06:07.216 he's like, I've actually never seen such a bad case of endometriosis. 00:06:07.216 --> 00:06:12.196 So that's probably what's doing this to your egg quality. 00:06:12.196 --> 00:06:15.046 So there's a few things that we can do to kind of get that 00:06:15.046 --> 00:06:16.486 to subside and maybe help. 00:06:17.596 --> 00:06:21.166 But anyways, when I walked in for that discussion, and I sat down and 00:06:21.166 --> 00:06:23.746 I looked at him and I said, oranges. 00:06:24.526 --> 00:06:25.741 He goes, what? 00:06:25.801 --> 00:06:28.561 And I'm like, you don't even remember the conversation. 00:06:28.951 --> 00:06:30.421 I remember the conversation. 00:06:30.421 --> 00:06:32.731 And according to you, I was half out oranges. 00:06:32.791 --> 00:06:34.981 And he's like, I can't believe you remember that. 00:06:36.151 --> 00:06:40.351 This is, so, anyways, so that's, that's pretty much what, what 00:06:40.356 --> 00:06:47.671 they figure was wrong with my egg quality and why I would get pregnant, 00:06:47.671 --> 00:06:49.351 but have so many miscarriages. 00:06:50.281 --> 00:06:54.801 And then there were some issues with Hashimoto's and, and me not, e 00:06:54.831 --> 00:06:56.691 even ovulating and stuff like that. 00:06:56.741 --> 00:07:02.511 There was just kind of a compounding variables that made, getting pregnant 00:07:02.511 --> 00:07:05.121 just such a difficult thing for us. 00:07:05.851 --> 00:07:10.081 After the three failed in vitros, I told Alex like, I'm, I'm done. 00:07:10.471 --> 00:07:11.791 Like I can't do this again. 00:07:13.351 --> 00:07:15.511 I remember telling that to God too. 00:07:16.291 --> 00:07:20.491 When, when we were doing the third one and I was just praying and I said, 00:07:20.491 --> 00:07:23.761 I can't, I can can't do a fourth. 00:07:24.361 --> 00:07:26.311 You cannot ask that of me. 00:07:27.391 --> 00:07:33.331 And so when we did the third one and, and it, it didn't work out. 00:07:33.721 --> 00:07:37.531 I was just like, I told Alex I'm done, I'm done. 00:07:37.591 --> 00:07:41.431 And I, I went to God and was just like, I'm done. 00:07:41.941 --> 00:07:46.051 And I just got this overwhelming feeling as I was talking to him. 00:07:46.051 --> 00:07:51.841 I was like, I, I just want a baby so bad, like I want my family. 00:07:52.711 --> 00:07:57.631 And this overwhelming feeling of, oh, that's what you want. 00:07:58.771 --> 00:08:03.451 You want a child, you don't wanna just have a baby, you want a child. 00:08:03.511 --> 00:08:04.891 I can give you a child. 00:08:05.761 --> 00:08:09.851 And a few months later we were adopting Elsie. 00:08:10.211 --> 00:08:12.131 And we just saw miracle after miracle. 00:08:13.121 --> 00:08:17.711 I think that my, my life experiences have really turned my heart to God. 00:08:18.571 --> 00:08:23.071 And that's why I believe in him so much really. 00:08:23.461 --> 00:08:27.495 But it was interesting after we adopted Elsie. 00:08:28.780 --> 00:08:33.940 And I, I just remember those conversations of telling God I, I will not do a fourth. 00:08:34.510 --> 00:08:36.100 You cannot ask that of me. 00:08:36.490 --> 00:08:42.345 Not only is it financially so taxing, but it is physically, 00:08:43.340 --> 00:08:48.230 mentally, emotionally, just draining. 00:08:49.050 --> 00:08:51.750 After those, that third one was a bust. 00:08:51.750 --> 00:08:53.940 I was just like, no, you cannot ask a fourth. 00:08:53.940 --> 00:08:54.420 I'm done. 00:08:55.290 --> 00:09:01.600 So we were able to adopt Elsie pretty quickly and then for my 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:04.780 church, I would actually go around and do some public speaking. 00:09:05.410 --> 00:09:10.300 I would help with family history and kind of get the youth excited about 00:09:10.540 --> 00:09:16.510 dead people and, and, and getting to know their, their family history more. 00:09:16.515 --> 00:09:21.075 I would go around Utah, this state and, and kind of give these presentations. 00:09:21.080 --> 00:09:24.945 And, and I remember talking about how I truly believe that the 00:09:24.945 --> 00:09:30.855 blessing of, uh, that Elsie's coming to us was such a, a blessing. 00:09:31.005 --> 00:09:35.595 And I remember sharing the, the infertility story a few times at, at some 00:09:35.595 --> 00:09:38.625 of these, whenever I felt that I should. 00:09:38.715 --> 00:09:43.735 And I remember a woman coming up to me, Elsie was probably like a month 00:09:43.765 --> 00:09:50.695 old and a woman coming up and saying, would you ever do a fourth in vitro? 00:09:51.445 --> 00:09:56.545 And as I sha shook my head, no, I got this. 00:09:57.475 --> 00:09:57.925 Sorry. 00:09:59.005 --> 00:09:59.965 I'm emotional guys. 00:10:00.685 --> 00:10:05.995 I got this overwhelming feeling come over me saying. 00:10:07.450 --> 00:10:16.570 You will and you will do it now guys, I am so emotional. 00:10:16.780 --> 00:10:21.970 I've been just been pumping myself full of all of these hormones and I'll tell 00:10:21.970 --> 00:10:23.320 you a little bit more about that later. 00:10:23.320 --> 00:10:30.460 But, but so this sharing, this experience, this tender experience just kind 00:10:30.460 --> 00:10:32.620 of gets me a little emotional, but. 00:10:33.100 --> 00:10:35.470 I went home and I told Alex, I walk in. 00:10:36.070 --> 00:10:43.120 Alex is sitting there rocking Elsie, this newborn, that I'm barely 00:10:43.120 --> 00:10:46.025 surviving being a new mom, right? 00:10:46.025 --> 00:10:48.665 Knowing, navigating, knowing what I'm supposed to do. 00:10:50.715 --> 00:10:56.835 I walk in and see him holding her and I said, hun, we are 00:10:56.835 --> 00:10:59.025 supposed to do a fourth in vitro. 00:10:59.265 --> 00:10:59.565 And he goes, okay. 00:11:00.555 --> 00:11:01.935 'cause that's just Alex. 00:11:02.745 --> 00:11:04.035 Okay, let's do it. 00:11:05.385 --> 00:11:12.255 When I said No, and he looks down at Elsie and he's like, how? 00:11:12.315 --> 00:11:15.855 And I know what he's thinking too, financially. 00:11:15.855 --> 00:11:19.815 We just adopted like, how are we supposed to do this? 00:11:20.925 --> 00:11:21.975 And I said, I don't know, 00:11:23.425 --> 00:11:24.775 but we're supposed to. 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:29.150 Two or three days later, I kid you not guys, 00:11:29.500 --> 00:11:37.100 two or three days later I get a phone call from the fertility clinic and it was a 00:11:37.130 --> 00:11:39.440 woman, Tanya, who I'd worked closely with. 00:11:39.470 --> 00:11:41.330 I was just, I just loved this woman. 00:11:42.122 --> 00:11:44.282 She's like, Lindsay, it's been a while. 00:11:44.282 --> 00:11:48.752 I'm like, yeah, what are you doing calling me. 00:11:48.752 --> 00:11:49.562 What's up? 00:11:50.102 --> 00:11:53.852 She goes, would you be willing to come in and talk, talk with Dr. 00:11:53.852 --> 00:11:54.212 Folk? 00:11:54.572 --> 00:11:55.802 I was like, uh, yeah. 00:11:56.102 --> 00:11:57.482 Why? 00:11:57.962 --> 00:11:59.132 Like, I didn't reach out to you. 00:11:59.137 --> 00:12:00.152 How did you know? 00:12:00.152 --> 00:12:01.772 We're supposed to do a fourth in vitro? 00:12:02.042 --> 00:12:03.512 How did you know this anyway? 00:12:04.307 --> 00:12:07.307 I didn't say that to her, but I was just kind of like sitting there 00:12:07.307 --> 00:12:09.707 shocked, like, what is going on? 00:12:09.707 --> 00:12:12.197 And I said, uh, yeah, why? 00:12:13.667 --> 00:12:19.757 And she goes, he's been invited to be part of testing out a new drug 00:12:21.377 --> 00:12:25.397 and you actually qualify for it. 00:12:26.937 --> 00:12:28.407 So we go in there and we talk to him. 00:12:29.817 --> 00:12:35.127 He said the qualifications were three or more failed in vitros. 00:12:35.787 --> 00:12:38.637 And he goes, to be honest, Lindsay, you weren't even on my mind for this. 00:12:39.297 --> 00:12:44.607 I was looking through my file looking for another woman, and I saw 00:12:44.607 --> 00:12:50.007 your folder, Lindsay Parker, and I remembered three failed in Vitros. 00:12:50.067 --> 00:12:54.907 She qualifies and he looked down at Elsie in the car seat. 00:12:54.907 --> 00:12:55.717 I still remember. 00:12:55.717 --> 00:12:58.417 And he goes, you would get a free in vitro. 00:12:58.747 --> 00:13:01.327 I mean, are you interested? 00:13:01.837 --> 00:13:06.097 And me and Alex just looked at each other and we're like, oh my gosh. 00:13:06.552 --> 00:13:08.587 Like, are you kidding me? 00:13:09.547 --> 00:13:15.077 So it was a double-blinded study, which means we didn't know, the doctor didn't 00:13:15.077 --> 00:13:17.567 know if I got the medication or not. 00:13:17.927 --> 00:13:20.417 The medication was for egg quality. 00:13:21.122 --> 00:13:26.522 We had to have got it guys because for the first time we put three embryos in 00:13:27.572 --> 00:13:30.692 and we got Hazel for the first time. 00:13:31.052 --> 00:13:36.432 We actually had enough to freeze, we were able to freeze four. 00:13:36.792 --> 00:13:40.902 We took out two and we got Link, and now we have these last two. 00:13:41.742 --> 00:13:46.782 You know, I don't know. 00:13:48.327 --> 00:13:50.787 whether it will work out again for us or not. 00:13:51.977 --> 00:14:00.737 But looking back and seeing God's hand in all of that, preparing me, telling me to 00:14:00.737 --> 00:14:05.447 do a fourth, even though I had told him, I will never, you cannot ask this of me. 00:14:06.467 --> 00:14:10.127 And then having him, that woman asking me, would you ever do a fourth? 00:14:10.127 --> 00:14:11.267 And me being like, no. 00:14:11.267 --> 00:14:14.177 But yet, feeling so strongly in that moment. 00:14:14.777 --> 00:14:16.997 You will and you will do it now. 00:14:17.867 --> 00:14:24.527 It was such, I look at my family and I think what an incredible blessing. 00:14:25.877 --> 00:14:28.937 So tomorrow we're putting in our last and, and, 00:14:29.977 --> 00:14:32.737 I do think people get faith wrong a lot. 00:14:32.737 --> 00:14:36.247 They think, well, if I have faith and I get what I want and I get it 00:14:36.247 --> 00:14:40.597 on my timetable and, and somehow it will change God's will or, or 00:14:40.597 --> 00:14:43.147 whatever, I'm not one of those people. 00:14:43.897 --> 00:14:55.537 Time has taught me that faith is, faith is what gets you through when 00:14:55.537 --> 00:14:57.937 the thing that you want so badly. 00:15:00.122 --> 00:15:00.967 It doesn't happen. 00:15:02.037 --> 00:15:08.457 So that's, that's why I have faith, to get me through it, right. 00:15:08.667 --> 00:15:10.017 And, and not just get through it. 00:15:10.017 --> 00:15:14.127 'cause I think everybody gets through it, but to endure it, 00:15:14.157 --> 00:15:18.627 well, to become a better person. 00:15:19.117 --> 00:15:21.422 I was sharing this with a few friends the other day. 00:15:22.242 --> 00:15:27.132 I personally feel like we get the miracles wrong, right? 00:15:27.132 --> 00:15:32.762 We think that miracle is getting what I want when I want it, or, you know, my, my 00:15:32.767 --> 00:15:39.332 child gets sick and gets cancer and, and a miracle is, means God loves me and I 00:15:39.337 --> 00:15:41.222 get what I want and the child doesn't die. 00:15:41.672 --> 00:15:43.172 But what about all those other people? 00:15:44.367 --> 00:15:45.777 Their children dies. 00:15:47.242 --> 00:15:49.832 I just think in the next life when we're sitting around, 'cause I 00:15:49.837 --> 00:15:52.322 believe in the next life when we're sitting around talking about miracles, 00:15:52.322 --> 00:15:55.322 we're not gonna be talking about, well, I got this when I wanted it. 00:15:57.032 --> 00:16:02.412 I think that by human nature, were pretty hardhearted. 00:16:02.742 --> 00:16:09.642 I think miracles when our hearts turn to God, that's, that's a real miracle. 00:16:09.762 --> 00:16:16.842 'cause heaven knows I am hardhearted and hard minded. 00:16:17.267 --> 00:16:17.862 Is that a thing? 00:16:19.422 --> 00:16:21.132 Alex will attest to that, right? 00:16:21.762 --> 00:16:23.952 Stubborn hardheaded. 00:16:24.012 --> 00:16:24.372 There you go. 00:16:25.297 --> 00:16:30.552 So I personally believe that miracles are whatever turns our hearts the most to God. 00:16:31.317 --> 00:16:37.317 And sometimes the miracle is we get a baby, or the child doesn't 00:16:37.317 --> 00:16:39.857 die, the bad thing doesn't happen. 00:16:40.217 --> 00:16:40.577 Right? 00:16:41.687 --> 00:16:46.007 And other times, the miracle, the thing that's gonna turn us to God 00:16:46.007 --> 00:16:51.677 the most and change us is that, and we don't get what we want. 00:16:52.937 --> 00:16:58.847 So faith to me, is a precursor to change. 00:16:59.577 --> 00:17:02.577 It's miracles are what softened my heart and turned me to God. 00:17:04.617 --> 00:17:11.247 And, uh, my faith gives me purpose and it gives purpose to those things 00:17:11.247 --> 00:17:12.717 that are so hard to deal with. 00:17:14.017 --> 00:17:20.467 That's my belief system, and I give space for others to have their own. 00:17:21.427 --> 00:17:23.707 But this has served me and served me well. 00:17:25.102 --> 00:17:30.592 And I, I do believe in God and I do love him and strive to have a 00:17:30.682 --> 00:17:35.332 personal relationship with him, and it's through these hard things that 00:17:35.362 --> 00:17:37.762 really do, the miracle happens. 00:17:38.392 --> 00:17:40.732 And I love my God of miracles. 00:17:41.067 --> 00:17:45.802 So with that being said, that's not necessarily what I planned on talking 00:17:45.807 --> 00:17:51.532 about today by any stretch of the imagination, but I just kinda wanted to 00:17:51.537 --> 00:17:54.772 share on a personal note what's going on. 00:17:55.972 --> 00:18:02.182 So tomorrow I will put in those two, uh, last embryos. 00:18:03.132 --> 00:18:12.952 Now, I typically do get, do get a positive after IVFs, and, and then I miscarry 00:18:13.972 --> 00:18:16.852 usually around like 12, 13 weeks is when,. 00:18:17.392 --> 00:18:19.162 the heart stops beating. 00:18:20.422 --> 00:18:25.982 So just a word of caution as I go through this, time. 00:18:26.172 --> 00:18:28.212 I love thoughts and prayers. 00:18:29.562 --> 00:18:34.242 I love, knowing that you guys are concerned and, and interested. 00:18:34.272 --> 00:18:37.212 You know, this is, a lot of people are curious. 00:18:38.292 --> 00:18:44.142 But I do also want to remind you not to just send me random messages asking 00:18:44.142 --> 00:18:48.222 me how things are going on Instagram, just because if I just found out I'd 00:18:48.222 --> 00:18:57.102 had a miscarriage, I would hate for you to feel bad that you made me feel bad. 00:18:57.522 --> 00:18:58.242 I'm just kidding. 00:18:58.782 --> 00:19:02.502 No, but, but just know that when. 00:19:02.952 --> 00:19:05.532 I want to talk about it, I'll talk about it. 00:19:06.192 --> 00:19:10.577 And I'll be very open and that's actually kind of part of processing and healing. 00:19:11.117 --> 00:19:14.417 Um, you know, when things don't work out. 00:19:14.987 --> 00:19:19.187 And so I just appreciate those that just kind of allow, give me space, 00:19:20.027 --> 00:19:22.337 uh, to, to talk about these things. 00:19:22.337 --> 00:19:26.537 And then also to just, wait for me, you know, to, to talk about it 00:19:26.537 --> 00:19:29.147 on kind of my terms, if you will. 00:19:30.632 --> 00:19:36.482 So with that being said, a lot of people have been messaging me and 00:19:36.482 --> 00:19:43.142 asking me how the process affects working out and training and 00:19:43.232 --> 00:19:44.522 foods and all of that good stuff. 00:19:44.522 --> 00:19:48.212 Well, if you have listened to me for a while, you know that I do spend 00:19:48.212 --> 00:19:50.012 majority of my time mindfully eating. 00:19:50.702 --> 00:19:54.632 In fact, I have a course that I'll share in the notes that teaches other 00:19:54.632 --> 00:19:56.552 people how to mindfully eat because. 00:19:57.287 --> 00:20:00.197 Tracking every single calorie that goes into my mouth. 00:20:00.227 --> 00:20:03.437 It's, it's not my favorite thing. 00:20:03.437 --> 00:20:07.247 It's not how I want to live my life. 00:20:07.887 --> 00:20:15.837 So up to this, this point, it hasn't too much except for I did 00:20:15.842 --> 00:20:21.057 start progesterone and they want me to take it at certain times. 00:20:21.057 --> 00:20:25.467 Now, most women who are using progesterone. 00:20:26.352 --> 00:20:31.842 Um, to balance out hormones or get into healthy ranges for their body. 00:20:32.562 --> 00:20:35.832 Typically we take progesterone at night because it can make us 00:20:35.982 --> 00:20:39.282 a little bit more tired, and it can really assist with sleep. 00:20:40.092 --> 00:20:45.312 But because of the in vitro and how they're trying to time the levels 00:20:45.582 --> 00:20:50.262 for progesterone, they are having me do it in the morning, which has 00:20:50.262 --> 00:20:52.572 greatly impacted my energy levels. 00:20:53.382 --> 00:20:54.312 Oh my goodness. 00:20:55.437 --> 00:21:01.747 So, because I am progesterone dominant, I would say at this moment, taking 00:21:01.747 --> 00:21:06.157 so much progesterone, it makes me extremely tired during the day. 00:21:06.697 --> 00:21:09.637 So I have had to shift my training. 00:21:10.397 --> 00:21:13.847 I've had to train first thing in the morning at five o'clock in the morning. 00:21:13.847 --> 00:21:15.917 That's something that I haven't been doing for a while. 00:21:16.217 --> 00:21:19.037 Usually I've been training around like. 00:21:20.327 --> 00:21:21.677 10, 11. 00:21:21.707 --> 00:21:27.047 I've had some really good energy around there and I wake up early still, but I do 00:21:27.047 --> 00:21:32.237 work in the mornings and then, you know, 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock I'm hitting the 00:21:32.237 --> 00:21:34.847 gym, doing some recordings for you all. 00:21:35.117 --> 00:21:38.927 I'm able to do my training there, but because my energy levels 00:21:38.927 --> 00:21:45.617 are so like, it is horrible, usually I get 12 to 15,000 steps. 00:21:46.682 --> 00:21:51.542 And my energy levels have dropped so much that I can barely get like 00:21:51.572 --> 00:21:58.682 eight to 10, and I have to be super vigilant and aware to get near 10. 00:21:59.642 --> 00:22:06.482 So what was once easy is now I have to be far more intentional and I 00:22:06.482 --> 00:22:10.372 have to feel like I'm working even harder 'cause I'm so tired. 00:22:10.792 --> 00:22:14.872 Now a lot of you who are going through perimenopause or post menopause are gonna 00:22:14.872 --> 00:22:16.492 be like, oh, well that sounds familiar. 00:22:17.272 --> 00:22:18.382 It, it might for you. 00:22:18.592 --> 00:22:24.682 Not everybody experiences it to the extent, same extremes, but that might 00:22:24.682 --> 00:22:29.842 sound very familiar to you because of the changes in hormones in our body. 00:22:30.772 --> 00:22:34.222 So you, you have to, get creative. 00:22:34.582 --> 00:22:38.152 So I wake up at five o'clock in the morning and instead of going down 00:22:38.152 --> 00:22:43.732 and and doing work, I go straight to the gym now because that's actually 00:22:43.732 --> 00:22:49.012 when I have my highest energy levels and I can ensure that like I lift and 00:22:49.012 --> 00:22:55.162 get a good like 30, 45 minute, steps in afterwards through some cardio. 00:22:55.567 --> 00:23:01.507 So that I can get closer to that 10,000 step range that I want to, because 00:23:01.507 --> 00:23:07.447 in the afternoons, the crash comes so severe with how much progesterone they're 00:23:07.447 --> 00:23:13.297 having me do in the mornings, and they're timing it just right, because I'm doing 00:23:13.297 --> 00:23:16.507 an uh, an afternoon transfer tomorrow. 00:23:17.047 --> 00:23:21.037 And then tomorrow I will start doing progesterone at night too. 00:23:21.367 --> 00:23:26.527 So a lot of miscarriages, they, they link it to low progesterone, so if 00:23:26.532 --> 00:23:31.447 we can have really high progesterone, they're hoping that it will make, the 00:23:31.452 --> 00:23:37.477 pregnancy viable that the last and, and hopefully avoid, uh, any miscarriage. 00:23:37.477 --> 00:23:41.437 But, so that's kind of how things are going for me, and I've had to 00:23:42.112 --> 00:23:45.982 kinda sit down and look at like, this is the hand that I've been dealt. 00:23:46.732 --> 00:23:52.462 I don't want to lose who I am, which I am somebody who I work out. 00:23:52.462 --> 00:23:56.182 I lift weights, I focus on strength, I move. 00:23:56.422 --> 00:23:59.542 I don't want that person to go away. 00:24:00.187 --> 00:24:01.792 I can still do this. 00:24:01.792 --> 00:24:05.182 It's gonna take a lot more effort and energy right now than I feel 00:24:05.182 --> 00:24:07.132 like it even felt two months ago. 00:24:07.612 --> 00:24:11.902 Two months ago, doing all of these, these habits, routines was a breeze. 00:24:12.232 --> 00:24:17.932 Now it takes, nothing's changed except for hormones, but it takes far more 00:24:17.932 --> 00:24:25.402 intentionality and it feels like it takes way more effort, and that is just the 00:24:25.402 --> 00:24:28.462 reality of what I'm facing right now. 00:24:28.672 --> 00:24:30.712 And so I have to just kind of alter. 00:24:31.342 --> 00:24:35.722 Now I go in the morning, I went this morning, felt amazing, came 00:24:35.722 --> 00:24:40.432 home, got my progesterone shot 45 minutes later, almost on the dot, 00:24:40.492 --> 00:24:42.622 just felt like I could crash again. 00:24:42.952 --> 00:24:46.462 It's also making me highly, highly emotional. 00:24:46.467 --> 00:24:50.242 I'm also taking estradiol, so, but these are just at levels 00:24:50.242 --> 00:24:52.582 that are, I'm not used to. 00:24:52.832 --> 00:24:54.212 This is not where I thrive. 00:24:54.242 --> 00:24:59.582 These are very, very, very high levels and I expressed on Instagram the other 00:24:59.582 --> 00:25:06.137 day how my poor husband, because I am just kind of, all over the place. 00:25:06.137 --> 00:25:07.967 Super, super agitated. 00:25:08.477 --> 00:25:11.207 Just him burping the other day in the office. 00:25:11.207 --> 00:25:15.137 It was me and him working and he burped and I was just like, I'm gonna kill him. 00:25:16.892 --> 00:25:17.552 So funny. 00:25:18.232 --> 00:25:23.057 I feel so bad for him, and that's not normally how I am, right. 00:25:24.287 --> 00:25:30.872 Then the next morning, we're all having breakfast and he loves his oatmeal, as 00:25:30.872 --> 00:25:34.982 do I, and he's eating his oatmeal and he slurps, he just did it one time. 00:25:35.162 --> 00:25:37.502 It's not like he's over there like slurp, slurp, slurping. 00:25:37.772 --> 00:25:41.492 But he did it one time and I just like, felt like I was gonna lose it on him. 00:25:42.632 --> 00:25:45.242 And I, I messaged him later after he left him. 00:25:45.247 --> 00:25:49.652 Like, I have to just be really open and honest right now. 00:25:49.652 --> 00:25:57.227 I am just not feeling myself and, and so I just, I just wanted, 00:25:57.232 --> 00:25:58.787 you know, you to have caution. 00:25:58.787 --> 00:26:02.357 And he goes, oh, I know, like it's Lindsay. 00:26:02.447 --> 00:26:05.057 Here I am thinking I'm doing so well. 00:26:05.912 --> 00:26:10.352 I'm managing this so well, I'm hiding it so well, and he is like, um, nope. 00:26:10.412 --> 00:26:13.442 It's uh, it's pretty obvious to all of us. 00:26:13.892 --> 00:26:19.382 You're like, who walked on the edge of a cliff and we're all just 00:26:19.387 --> 00:26:21.872 like waiting for mom to lose it. 00:26:22.382 --> 00:26:26.582 And he's like, I even had a chat with Elsie on the way home that 00:26:27.722 --> 00:26:30.782 mom is taking a lot of medicine right now. 00:26:30.872 --> 00:26:31.922 She's not herself. 00:26:32.162 --> 00:26:34.352 If she loses it on you don't take it personally. 00:26:34.832 --> 00:26:35.702 And I was like, wow. 00:26:35.707 --> 00:26:39.302 The fact that you had that conversation shows that I am just not managing 00:26:39.307 --> 00:26:42.032 this very well, but it is what it is. 00:26:42.032 --> 00:26:45.602 And I'm grateful that I can be open and honest and talk to Alex about it. 00:26:45.872 --> 00:26:49.802 But I did think it was really funny because I, I had a number 00:26:49.802 --> 00:26:51.212 of women write into me saying. 00:26:51.827 --> 00:26:55.097 Are my hormones out of whack because that's just my daily, like I just feel 00:26:55.097 --> 00:26:59.177 like I'm gonna lose it on people daily and I'm going to share something with you. 00:26:59.237 --> 00:27:02.627 Once again, this is so not what I planned today, but sometimes I think 00:27:02.627 --> 00:27:04.307 it's good to kinda share what's going on. 00:27:04.577 --> 00:27:10.697 On a personal note, you guys see a lot of like the science-based approach 00:27:10.697 --> 00:27:14.417 and what I'm doing, but, but there's also a person underneath this, right? 00:27:14.417 --> 00:27:22.487 Struggling and my workouts to be honest have lost all intensity over the past 00:27:22.487 --> 00:27:24.407 week and, and it is just what it is. 00:27:24.407 --> 00:27:27.497 I've kind of had to walk myself through this, Hey Lindsay, you're 00:27:27.497 --> 00:27:28.727 not building muscle right now. 00:27:29.567 --> 00:27:36.407 You are just focusing on not losing yourself and the 00:27:36.407 --> 00:27:38.087 person that you identify with. 00:27:38.627 --> 00:27:44.897 You identify with somebody who, uh, is active, who loves lifting weights. 00:27:44.897 --> 00:27:49.307 Like I said, I also identify, with, stoicism. 00:27:49.307 --> 00:27:50.687 I love stoicism. 00:27:50.687 --> 00:27:51.587 I love studying it. 00:27:52.377 --> 00:27:55.227 A lot of times people think it's a stoic is just somebody who's 00:27:55.232 --> 00:27:57.447 emotionless, and that's not true at all. 00:27:57.447 --> 00:28:03.957 When you study it, it, these are people who feel deeply, but even though a 00:28:03.957 --> 00:28:12.422 storm is raging inside, they're able to be the master of the ship, right? 00:28:12.482 --> 00:28:19.502 Not, uh, lose themselves, but, but navigate and control their emotions. 00:28:20.252 --> 00:28:25.982 They feel it all, but it doesn't allow them to get swept away in it. 00:28:25.982 --> 00:28:27.752 And that's something that I've, I haven't. 00:28:28.682 --> 00:28:33.602 always been that person, but now I try my hardest to identify with that person 00:28:33.602 --> 00:28:35.612 because it is who I want to be so much. 00:28:35.882 --> 00:28:40.982 So kind of stepping into this now, I feel like my emotions are just 00:28:41.522 --> 00:28:46.412 taking over and ruling me, and I'm feeling all these negative things 00:28:46.412 --> 00:28:49.562 and, and want to lash out at people. 00:28:49.982 --> 00:28:54.002 And I have to remind myself, this is not who you are. 00:28:54.752 --> 00:29:00.062 This is a great opportunity to practice, to continue practicing 00:29:00.272 --> 00:29:03.692 being the person you want to be. 00:29:04.562 --> 00:29:09.182 So with that being said, I had a few women, like I said, write to me and 00:29:09.182 --> 00:29:15.632 saying, but what you're describing is how I live my day-to-Day life. 00:29:16.142 --> 00:29:20.432 Like am is, are my hormones imbalanced? 00:29:21.607 --> 00:29:27.697 I'm just gonna share my opinion, from somebody who's in my past, 00:29:27.697 --> 00:29:34.567 my emotions ruled me and I looked at myself one day and decided, I 00:29:34.567 --> 00:29:36.037 don't, I don't wanna be this person. 00:29:36.412 --> 00:29:37.897 I don't. 00:29:39.612 --> 00:29:41.887 I don't like feeling this way. 00:29:41.887 --> 00:29:45.577 I don't like feeling so negative about others. 00:29:46.027 --> 00:29:47.737 Critical, judgmental. 00:29:47.767 --> 00:29:53.727 I, I don't want to be this, I don't want every person who choose chips 00:29:53.727 --> 00:29:58.797 around me to somehow be a threat and be so annoying and, and I lose it. 00:29:58.797 --> 00:30:00.507 And my emotions, I don't want. 00:30:01.662 --> 00:30:03.552 to be that person. 00:30:03.882 --> 00:30:11.712 So I'm speaking from experience of having lived reactively in my life 00:30:13.002 --> 00:30:18.762 to then deciding one day I, I need to proactively become someone else. 00:30:20.137 --> 00:30:20.977 The answer is no. 00:30:20.982 --> 00:30:26.092 I don't believe that 99 percent of people out there who experience 00:30:26.092 --> 00:30:31.492 those feelings are just being ruled by their hormones, right? 00:30:31.492 --> 00:30:32.992 We can't blame our hormones for everything. 00:30:32.997 --> 00:30:35.692 I know we like to, I'm not losing weight hormones. 00:30:36.302 --> 00:30:37.622 I feel like crap hormones. 00:30:37.622 --> 00:30:43.682 Well, it might, it might be true, but we can still choose how we are going 00:30:43.682 --> 00:30:46.592 to play the hand we've been dealt. 00:30:47.622 --> 00:30:52.452 No, I don't believe that people who feel these way this way are just 00:30:52.512 --> 00:30:55.872 ruled by their hormones and their hormones are imbalanced and all that. 00:30:57.192 --> 00:31:02.892 I do think that there's a good amount of population of people who've just 00:31:03.432 --> 00:31:09.012 never practiced emotional regulation. 00:31:09.702 --> 00:31:11.742 One, they haven't been taught it. 00:31:12.477 --> 00:31:16.227 Because one, they've been taught for most of their lives, maybe emotions 00:31:16.227 --> 00:31:20.757 are just bad and you ignore them and you suppress them and then they end up 00:31:20.762 --> 00:31:25.197 building up and, and, um, so that's awful. 00:31:26.127 --> 00:31:28.557 We haven't had healthy discussions. 00:31:28.587 --> 00:31:32.937 We are starting to see them more and more, but in the past we haven't had healthy 00:31:32.937 --> 00:31:34.827 discussions on emotional regulation. 00:31:35.247 --> 00:31:38.517 You know, I look at my children and I think more than math problems 00:31:38.517 --> 00:31:39.987 solving math problems, I think. 00:31:41.307 --> 00:31:45.477 the best thing that I could teach them is how to regulate their 00:31:45.477 --> 00:31:47.977 emotions, and be emotionally healthy. 00:31:49.337 --> 00:31:54.527 That is going to define their overall experience of joy in life 00:31:55.817 --> 00:31:59.987 and just the, the overall reality that they create for themselves. 00:32:00.917 --> 00:32:06.647 My thoughts are that we need to intentionally become better at 00:32:07.367 --> 00:32:11.927 working on ourselves, on telling ourselves different stories. 00:32:12.497 --> 00:32:16.787 A lot of us have told ourselves such negative stories for so long that we've 00:32:16.817 --> 00:32:23.367 created the very thing that, that we hate, that these, these feelings, these 00:32:23.367 --> 00:32:28.617 emotions, these wanting to lash out, but guess what creates emotions, thoughts. 00:32:30.087 --> 00:32:31.347 Thoughts create emotion. 00:32:31.347 --> 00:32:37.407 So if we can learn to be better at the work of seeing things differently, 00:32:37.407 --> 00:32:44.007 telling ourselves stories that better serve us, our relationships, and 00:32:44.007 --> 00:32:53.677 the people around us, that's where we are going to thrive and become 00:32:53.827 --> 00:32:55.237 the person that we want to become. 00:32:56.197 --> 00:32:58.927 So I'm going to end this episode. 00:32:58.927 --> 00:33:01.237 This is such like a weird episode, guys. 00:33:01.237 --> 00:33:10.447 Usually I, um, it's more like science based, uh, fitness, but, but this 00:33:10.447 --> 00:33:14.947 is just an important part of, of who I am and, and what makes me me. 00:33:14.967 --> 00:33:16.977 And so thought I would share. 00:33:17.427 --> 00:33:22.167 I'm gonna end it by just sharing a book that I think if you feel this way. 00:33:22.707 --> 00:33:26.877 If you just feel overwhelmed by your emotions, controlled by them, 00:33:27.237 --> 00:33:34.937 everybody's thoughts and actions, throw you for a loop, make you so angry. 00:33:34.987 --> 00:33:38.977 You feel like you know the way somebody's chewing or the things that they say 00:33:38.977 --> 00:33:42.037 like have so much control over you. 00:33:43.297 --> 00:33:48.277 I really want to encourage you to read a book, do the work. 00:33:48.697 --> 00:33:54.277 The book is called Loving What Is, and it's four Questions That Can 00:33:54.277 --> 00:33:57.577 Change Your Life by Byron Katie. 00:33:58.050 --> 00:34:02.940 I really, really want to encourage you, I read this book at a pretty 00:34:03.630 --> 00:34:06.930 traumatizing point in my life and. 00:34:08.100 --> 00:34:12.210 in many ways I hated what she was saying, but also knew it was 00:34:12.210 --> 00:34:14.550 true and I had to do the work. 00:34:15.100 --> 00:34:23.000 This book will also go through accepting and loving yourself, and even can be 00:34:23.000 --> 00:34:26.060 used to work through body image issues. 00:34:26.870 --> 00:34:30.860 So I'm gonna put a, in the show notes, I'm gonna include a 00:34:30.860 --> 00:34:33.020 link to where you can buy this. 00:34:33.210 --> 00:34:34.020 Audible too. 00:34:34.020 --> 00:34:35.700 You can listen to it as well. 00:34:36.180 --> 00:34:40.230 This is a book that if you allow it and if you do the work that's 00:34:40.290 --> 00:34:42.750 in it, it will change your life. 00:34:43.050 --> 00:34:43.350 Okay. 00:34:43.355 --> 00:34:46.800 Loving what is, so on that note, I'm just gonna finish up today. 00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:47.940 Thank you for joining me. 00:34:48.270 --> 00:34:51.420 This has just been 40 minutes of just listening to Lindsay 00:34:51.420 --> 00:34:58.050 ramble about emotions, hormones, miracles in vitro, and just kind 00:34:58.050 --> 00:35:00.000 of what's going on in, in my life. 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.805 But I just want you guys all to know. 00:35:02.805 --> 00:35:06.255 I really love and appreciate each one of you. 00:35:06.745 --> 00:35:10.825 Oh, I forgot to mention at the beginning be strong, my community, 00:35:10.825 --> 00:35:17.530 I just, it's you get training, but I just added to it, meal plans. 00:35:18.010 --> 00:35:19.780 A lot of people struggle with the food. 00:35:19.780 --> 00:35:22.150 They're like, I know how to get in the gym and work hard, 00:35:22.870 --> 00:35:25.840 but they don't know how to get 00:35:26.530 --> 00:35:31.120 high protein meals, enjoyable food, make it a lifestyle. 00:35:31.960 --> 00:35:34.030 And I've done all the hard work for you. 00:35:34.360 --> 00:35:35.230 Just follow the plan. 00:35:35.470 --> 00:35:38.260 Okay, I got a meal plan for you, got a workout plan for you. 00:35:38.380 --> 00:35:39.460 Just follow the plan guys. 00:35:39.830 --> 00:35:43.010 And then we have this awesome community, be strong of women who 00:35:43.010 --> 00:35:46.310 focus on being strong mentally, 00:35:47.270 --> 00:35:52.430 physically, and it is, and emotionally and spiritually and all of those things. 00:35:52.430 --> 00:35:55.280 And, and we come together and we talk about all of those things. 00:35:55.345 --> 00:35:56.240 I, I love it. 00:35:56.240 --> 00:35:57.830 I love this platform. 00:35:58.100 --> 00:36:03.530 So thank you, each one of you that are part of it who joined the discussions, 00:36:03.820 --> 00:36:05.680 you guys are what makes it great. 00:36:05.680 --> 00:36:07.510 So I appreciate each one of you. 00:36:07.555 --> 00:36:10.510 If you guys have any questions or concerns, I'm always 00:36:10.510 --> 00:36:12.490 open to hear back from you. 00:36:12.490 --> 00:36:13.510 You can dm me. 00:36:14.125 --> 00:36:18.685 Um, on Instagram at lifting Lindsay, you can go to lifting lindsay.com to 00:36:18.685 --> 00:36:22.555 check out the community and just kind of come join us and, and be part of it. 00:36:22.615 --> 00:36:23.395 I appreciate you guys. 00:36:23.400 --> 00:36:24.235 Have a wonderful week.