WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:21.896 --> 00:00:23.906 ​ Chris: Welcome back to Conversations with My Night Brain. 00:00:23.906 --> 00:00:27.086 This is just a solo episode with my night brain. 00:00:27.373 --> 00:00:29.143 Except it actually isn't a night brain conversation. 00:00:29.143 --> 00:00:33.973 It was a 8:30 AM conversation that I had with a potential client who's now a former 00:00:33.973 --> 00:00:38.863 client, and I won't go into details, but just wanted to tell future me or maybe 00:00:38.863 --> 00:00:43.303 past me, I guess, who's listening to this in the past, that it's okay if it 00:00:43.308 --> 00:00:45.163 doesn't quite work out with a client. 00:00:45.314 --> 00:00:48.134 No matter how very important person they may be. 00:00:48.388 --> 00:00:50.328 It always sucks when things don't work out the way you 00:00:50.328 --> 00:00:51.768 were hoping they were going to. 00:00:51.768 --> 00:00:59.938 Particularly in a client service dynamic where it kind of feels like it's your 00:00:59.938 --> 00:01:05.943 own reputation and ability and just entire person on the line in the process. 00:01:05.973 --> 00:01:10.523 And, uh, when that doesn't work out, and especially when the history 00:01:10.523 --> 00:01:15.113 hasn't been there to back up the claims or the issues that are why 00:01:15.593 --> 00:01:18.053 you're being dropped by the client. 00:01:18.356 --> 00:01:22.601 I've had it happen two, maybe three times in 10 plus years of owning my 00:01:22.601 --> 00:01:25.991 own business, and by all accounts, 00:01:26.041 --> 00:01:30.211 the hundreds of clients who have been happy and I've worked with 00:01:30.211 --> 00:01:34.141 successfully over many years, obviously outweigh those two or three. 00:01:34.171 --> 00:01:38.201 But as we know, as with comments on the internet and other things like 00:01:38.201 --> 00:01:42.701 that, the two or three bad ones kind of stick with you and make 00:01:42.701 --> 00:01:44.051 you question your entire identity. 00:01:44.231 --> 00:01:48.461 So I'm just recording this conversation for myself, but also anybody else out 00:01:48.466 --> 00:01:52.891 there who recently has gone through, is about to go through, or will go through 00:01:52.891 --> 00:01:57.091 in the future, a conversation like this where it just doesn't seem to work out. 00:01:57.254 --> 00:02:02.774 And I want you, and me, to remember that it's okay to feel those 00:02:02.774 --> 00:02:08.624 emotions and walk through the, um, the sadness, or the hurt, the pain, 00:02:08.624 --> 00:02:10.574 the confusion, walk through that. 00:02:11.444 --> 00:02:17.714 Uh, I would also say it's not essential to walk through those with the former 00:02:17.719 --> 00:02:22.064 client or potential client, whatever the dynamic is, try to do that with 00:02:22.124 --> 00:02:26.174 either internally, or with a journal, or with a friend, or a colleague. 00:02:27.419 --> 00:02:31.559 Process that part of it obviously not trying to reflect back on with 00:02:31.559 --> 00:02:34.889 the person who isn't wanting to work with you for whatever reason. 00:02:35.064 --> 00:02:41.184 I will say it's okay to ask clarifying questions if there's lingering doubts, 00:02:41.184 --> 00:02:45.174 or even things that you want to improve about what you did or what 00:02:45.174 --> 00:02:46.794 they perceive as you doing wrong, 00:02:47.649 --> 00:02:49.989 that caused them to not wanna work with you anymore. 00:02:50.949 --> 00:02:53.409 They don't have to answer them, obviously, and depends on how the relationship 00:02:53.414 --> 00:02:55.779 ended or how well it was done or handled. 00:02:55.989 --> 00:02:59.079 Obviously, if it's a toxic, abusive kind of thing, and that can happen 00:02:59.079 --> 00:03:04.479 in client service, uh, relationships, then you, you need to get out and walk 00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:08.769 away, and just delete all emails and make sure you get paid for your work. 00:03:09.014 --> 00:03:13.448 But, you can ask for ask questions of clarity and even 00:03:14.228 --> 00:03:17.408 where or why things went wrong. 00:03:17.544 --> 00:03:21.564 But also remember that if it's a relationship with somebody or a business 00:03:21.984 --> 00:03:25.194 where you can just kind of sense that maybe this isn't working out right. 00:03:25.194 --> 00:03:27.264 There's, when you look back, there's signs, there's 00:03:27.264 --> 00:03:28.684 warning flags that you kind of 00:03:29.164 --> 00:03:34.209 ignored in the pursuit of either credibility with this person, money they 00:03:34.209 --> 00:03:37.449 were gonna pay you, or some combination of all the above, or you just needed 00:03:37.449 --> 00:03:38.799 a paycheck to pay for some food. 00:03:39.169 --> 00:03:42.229 It's okay that you missed those signs, but then just remember those 00:03:42.229 --> 00:03:45.949 and trust your gut in the next interaction with a potential client 00:03:45.979 --> 00:03:48.289 when those same kind of signs start popping up. 00:03:48.533 --> 00:03:54.593 And let's face it, there are people who are just mean or dicks and don't 00:03:54.593 --> 00:03:56.693 know that they are mean or a dick. 00:03:56.816 --> 00:03:59.786 They might say things like, I'm not trying to be mean, or 00:03:59.786 --> 00:04:00.986 I'm not trying to be hurtful. 00:04:01.171 --> 00:04:05.071 But it's important to remember that whatever your intention is towards 00:04:05.071 --> 00:04:08.941 someone, if someone says to you, you've hurt me, or this is confusing and 00:04:08.941 --> 00:04:12.571 I'm feeling hurt by this situation, or the way that you've handled this, 00:04:12.961 --> 00:04:15.631 your intention doesn't really matter. 00:04:15.751 --> 00:04:20.166 And this is the part that's for me in my own personal life when I'm reflecting 00:04:20.166 --> 00:04:26.346 on interactions with my kids, my spouse, friends and family around me, intention 00:04:26.346 --> 00:04:31.626 is great, but that does not replace what actually happened, and especially it 00:04:31.626 --> 00:04:36.126 does not replace how you made someone feel because of your actions, whether 00:04:36.126 --> 00:04:37.716 you intended to hurt them or not. 00:04:37.849 --> 00:04:43.019 If your natural response to someone saying that you hurt them in some way 00:04:43.529 --> 00:04:45.749 is to say, I didn't intend to hurt you. 00:04:47.024 --> 00:04:51.404 I think you're starting down a path that I walk very well headfirst 00:04:51.404 --> 00:04:56.534 into, which is defensive response to someone being vulnerable with you. 00:04:56.713 --> 00:05:00.883 And I'm still learning this lesson because I just want you, the person 00:05:00.883 --> 00:05:04.273 I've hurt, to understand that that isn't what I meant to do. 00:05:04.423 --> 00:05:07.643 And I don't want you to feel bad because you're misunderstanding 00:05:07.643 --> 00:05:10.673 what I meant, and that's not what I intended to happen, and this isn't 00:05:10.678 --> 00:05:12.233 how I wanted this conversation to go. 00:05:12.653 --> 00:05:16.943 All may be true from your perspective, but it's probably time to just shut 00:05:16.943 --> 00:05:22.703 up and listen, and possibly apologize, reflect, and apologize, so you 00:05:22.703 --> 00:05:23.933 know what you're apologizing for. 00:05:25.103 --> 00:05:26.363 But most importantly to listen. 00:05:34.703 --> 00:05:36.353 Okay, that's enough for this episode. 00:05:36.803 --> 00:05:39.983 Uh, just a brief word on this podcast and how I sort of see 00:05:39.983 --> 00:05:42.143 it fleshing out a bit as we go. 00:05:42.983 --> 00:05:45.863 It's gonna be something that I'm gonna do when I feel like I want or 00:05:45.863 --> 00:05:50.768 have reason to do an episode, not any sort of regular scheduled routine. 00:05:50.978 --> 00:05:54.698 So I apologize if it messes up with your, your, uh, listening schedule and 00:05:54.698 --> 00:05:56.118 your routine for listening to a podcast. 00:05:56.348 --> 00:05:59.648 That's just how it needs to be for me, in terms of my own ability to 00:05:59.648 --> 00:06:02.408 record podcasts while also editing a bunch of other people's podcasts. 00:06:02.498 --> 00:06:06.408 And also the topics, my plan is to have the topics vary, obviously, 00:06:06.408 --> 00:06:09.768 depending on what is going on in my life, what I've dreamt about, 00:06:09.828 --> 00:06:12.078 and argued with that night before. 00:06:12.868 --> 00:06:17.448 Or interviews and conversations I wanna have with people, uh, related to something 00:06:17.448 --> 00:06:20.598 that's completely, not even necessarily what's on your night brain, but that's 00:06:20.598 --> 00:06:24.438 kind of like the general framing of like, hey, person, what's bugging you? 00:06:25.158 --> 00:06:26.328 What's stuck in your brain? 00:06:27.078 --> 00:06:28.638 It could be good things, it could be bad things. 00:06:29.058 --> 00:06:35.258 Let's talk about it for 10 minutes, 45 minutes, 38 minutes, 67 minutes even. 00:06:35.433 --> 00:06:36.363 And see where we go. 00:06:36.843 --> 00:06:40.053 Maybe we find some sort of common ground, some sort of resolution to the 00:06:40.053 --> 00:06:42.893 issue or the question or the problem you're struggling with or the thing 00:06:42.893 --> 00:06:46.193 you're excited about, or maybe we don't, and we'll come back in a few 00:06:46.193 --> 00:06:47.063 episodes and talk about it again. 00:06:47.398 --> 00:06:51.028 So for whatever reason you're interested in either me or thoughts I have, or 00:06:51.028 --> 00:06:53.938 maybe there's a guest that I talk with that makes you wanna subscribe 00:06:53.938 --> 00:06:56.308 to the show and you've come back and re-listened to this old episode. 00:06:56.788 --> 00:07:00.748 Either way, thank you for listening and, uh, look forward to whatever 00:07:00.748 --> 00:07:02.368 comes next from my Night Brain.