Interior Integration for Catholics

We cover six more mistakes Catholics make when trying to overcome masturbation, including the one big mistake that almost everyone makes. We also cover ten more remedies for those mistakes, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.

Show Notes

  1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics -- the podcast formerly known as Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!  
    1. Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you in each episode the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.  
    2. In this podcast, we confront the tough questions we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, we confront head on our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way. 
    3. And we deal with these difficult, demanding issues for one primary reason: to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time.  
    4. This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God.
    5. 'Together, we are on a journey toward deep transformation in our mindsets, our heartsets and our bodysets, a radical transformation at the core of our being so that our souls can one day enter into contemplative union with God. 
    6. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  
    7. This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor
    8. This is episode 53, released on February 1, 2021
    9. This is the fifth episode in our series on sexuality and the third one on masturbation.  
    10. And it is titled:  Breaking Free from Masturbation, Part 2
    11. We're following up on our last episode, episode 52 -- Breaking free from masturbation Part 1.  Part 2 is following Part 1.  
    12. So today, we're continuing with finding answers for Catholics who deeply desire to have their sexuality ordered toward relationship, toward God, and toward their spouses or future spouses in a way that is life-giving.
    13. we're getting into answers for Catholics who experience masturbation as a dead-end, as a failed promise, as an inadequate answer for their deeper needs and desires. 
    14. We address 6 more mistakes that Catholics make in their attempts to overcome masturbation
    15. And we will get into 10 more remedies for those additional six mistakes, and the last remedy is the most important one -- so important that I think of it as the secret solution, the one so few people who struggle with masturbation really consider, so we're saving the best for last there.  
    16. Not just about masturbation -- you can take out masturbation and substitute in any other sexual problem -- fetishes, porn, sexting, sexual obsessions, sexual compulsions, excessive sexual fantasies, whatever
    17. People are also finding that these episodes are helpful for getting to the root any symptomatic behavior -- binge eating, excessive shopping or video games, too much vegging out on Netflix, and so on.  
    18. Just to review, in the last episode, I promised you a map, not a ride in a limousine or on a flying carpet to your destination.  It's a map, not an individualized treatment plan.  This is not therapy.  It's not magic.  You still have to make your own journey.  But this map lays out the terrain and the compass will provide direction for you on that journey.  
    19. Some of you have been suffering for a long time.  I get that.  God sees your efforts, he sees your good intentions.  
  2. Focus of this podcast is on interior integration -- overarching goal in the natural realm.  Not talking about spiritual goals here, we are talking about the natural realm.  
    1. So we need a way of understanding and modeling interior integration and also its nemesis -- interior fragmentation.  
    2. I borrow heavily from Internal Family Systems approach, aka IFS approach, originated by Richard Schwartz.
    3. I reviewed it in the last episode, number 52.  
    4. Parts are like personalities within us.  Imagine a kid who is considering taking a cookie from the cookie jar.  One part of him wants to have the cookie and another part wants him to be good and not have to struggle with a guilty conscience, and another part doesn't want to face Mom's anger if he gets caught.  
  3. Mistakes
     
    1. List of mistakes
       
      1. Review of the first four
         
        1. Considering masturbation as the primary problem. -- Gotta go deeper
      2.  
        1. Pursuing compartmentalization or fragmentation instead of interior integration
      3.  
        1. Going it alone
      4.  
        1. Using only the spiritual means
      5.  

      1. Here are the next six
         
        1. Having a Power spirituality or a macho spirituality
      2.  
        1. Passive Spirituality
      3.  
        1. The why for the change
      4.  
        1. Shaming the self for failures
      5.  
        1. The All or Nothing Trap
      6.  
        1. The biggest Mistake, the one almost everybody makes with this.  Stay tuned till the end
      7.  


    1. Mistake 5:  Power spirituality -- Macho spirituality
       
      1. Slogan for the Power Spirituality -- God helps those who help themselves
         
        1. In February of 2000 George Barna did a poll asking if “The Bible teaches that God helps those who help themselves” and the results were eye-opening:
           
          • 53% of Americans agree strongly [that it could be found in the Bible]
        2.  
          • 22% agree somewhat
        3.  
          • 7% disagree somewhat
        4.  
          • 14% disagree strongly
        5.  
          • 5% stated they don’t know
        6.  



Of “born-again” Christians 68% agreed, and 81% of non “born-again” Christians agreed with the statement. Despite being of non-Biblical origin, the phrase topped a poll of the most widely known Bible verses. Seventy-five percent (75%) of American teens said they believed that it was the central message of the Bible.  
  1. This saying is ancient, goes back to Greece -- The Gods help those who help themselves, you see this expressed in two of Aesop's fables  
  2.  Aesop was an extraordinarily ugly slave who by his wit and intelligence gains his freedom and becomes a counsellor to rulers in Greece.  He is believed to have lived between 620 and 564 BC -- his stories may be much older than that, having been handed down in an oral tradition.  
    A WAGGONER was once driving a heavy load along a very muddy way. At last he came to a part of the road where the wheels sank half-way into the mire, and the more the horses pulled, the deeper sank the wheels. So the Waggoner threw down his whip, and knelt down and prayed to Hercules the Strong. “O Hercules, help me in this my hour of distress,” quoth he. But Hercules appeared to him, and said:
 
    “Tut, man, don’t sprawl there. Get up and put your shoulder to the wheel."
 
    “The gods help them that help themselves.”
 
  1. 17th Century English political theorist Algernon Sidney made the modern rendering in English.  
  2. My grandpa Roberts used it a lot as well.    
  3. Focus on will power, will training.  
    1. Limitation of will power
  4. A part with a focus on building virtues, but not deepening relationship with Christ
  5. Defense against fear of perpetual failure.  
  6. Connects back to Mistake 3 -- Going it alone.  This is a lonely spirituality, very independent
  7. Fatal flaw -- it doesn't recognize our complete dependence on God.  
    1. Power of Positive Thinking.  Norman Vincent Peal.  
    2. Proverbs 28:26 He that trusteth in his own heart, is a fool: but he that walketh wisely, he shall be saved.
    3. Part that is reaching for omnipotence.  Doesn't want utter dependence on God
       
      1. Without me you can do nothing.  John 15:5
    4.  
  8. Remedy 11:  Embracing the parts that carry our powerlessness, smallness, neediness -- we need those things, they are essential for us to be small enough to approach God.  Those parts are precious.  Their burdens of shame, despair, anger, etc. -- those are not necessary.  
    1. works of St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska.  Better than reading just reading their works, enter into prayer with them.  
    2. John 15:5:  I am the vine: you the branches: he that abideth in me, and I in him, the same beareth much fruit: for without me you can do nothing.
  9. Remedy 12:  Focus on Humility.  Litany of humility.  Litany of Trust
  10. Remedy 13:  Entering into relationship with God as a little child. Let the little children come to me.    St. Therese of Lisieux.  
    1. Chapter 1 of Spiritual Childhood by Fr. Vernon Johnson on the Fatherhood of God.  Ignatius Press 1953.  Weaving Scripture verses.  Abba, Pater.  Mama Mary
    2. My Ideal: Jesus Son of Mary, Fr. Emile Neubert, Tan books.  
    3. Episode 30 -- How Small and Childlike are We Supposed to Be? 
  11. Mistake 6.  Passive Spirituality
     
    1. The prayer -- Oh Dear God, please lift the scourge of masturbation from me.  I am helpless in its grip. 

    1. Flip side of the power spirituality -- sometimes when the power spirituality fails, we relapse into this
  13.  
    1. Recognizes the powerlessness, smallness and neediness that we all have.  

    1. A different part takes over, one that copes by collapsing and passively waiting for rescue
  15.  
    1. Or a part that just gives up.  Accommodates the masturbation.    

    1. Expectation of God doing all the work.  
      1. Miraculous intervention -- in its extreme form, there's more or less a fantasy of falling asleep one night, and God performing a masturbationectomy -- removing all desires and impulses toward masturbation.  
      2. No psychological miracles in the Scripture
         
        1. Correct me if I'm wrong on this
      3.  
        1. Not violating the will and the intellect
           
          1. Parts holding tightly to the function of the masturbation -- this aligns with mistake 1 -- which is that the masturbation is the problem.  



    1. Example of our Lady at the Annunciation.  

    1. Remedy 14  To balance the Power spirituality and the passive Spirituality 20th Century Protestant theologian, thinker, and author Reinhold Neibuhr  Serenity Prayer:   Pray it every day.  And listen.  

 God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
  1. There is a longer version, that is much more complete.  
 
 
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
 
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
 
Amen.         
  1. There's reason this is so important in 12-step programs
 
  1. Remedy 15:  Commit to doing what you can, even it seems like very little.  Remembering that as little children we can offer very little.  God in his justice doesn't demand more.   That's not even mercy.   
  2. Mistake 7.  The Why for the Change -- motives.  Seeking and finding.  
    1. Problematic motives that can lead us away from our Lord.   These motives may not necessarily be bad in and of themselves, but when they are elevated above the two great commandments, they become problematic.
    2. Our motives vary by parts.  Parts have different motives for wanting to get over masturbation
       
      1. Often our motives are Self-perfection, or if not self-perfection at least becoming good enough 
        1. aspiring to Phariseeism 

    4. Often can't see our own motives.  Blind spots.  
    5. Outward vs. Inward focus
       
      1. Or an inward focus that includes God.  

    7. God often wants to improve our motives.  
    8. Remedy 16:  Exploring and discussing our motives with our trusted person.   Ask that person how he or she sees our motives.   
    9. Remedy 17:  Bringing those motives to prayer.  Lord that I may see.  Prayer of blind Bartimeus.  Domine ut vidiam.  
  3. Mistake 8.  Shaming the self for failures
     
    1. Shame series -- episodes 37 to 49, and in episodes 37 and 38 we got into definitions of shame as a verb.  

    1. Shame can motivate -- Internal critic part -- whipping us into shape.  

    1. Shame is inhibiting -- can inhibit certain behaviors like masturbation
  6.  
    1. Difference in usefulness of shame for chronic vs. single episode actions
  7.  
    1. Remedy 18:  really working with our internal critic.  Understanding the reasons for the shaming, the good that the critic seeks in that -- and helping that critic integrate with the rest of your system, under the leadership of your core self.  Often find that the critic is very young and very fearful and very overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of its role of directing and guiding and critiquing.  

  9. Mistake 9.  The All or nothing trap -- all or nothing thinking, all or nothing judgement.  All or nothing effort.  
    1. Accepting falling and rising.  As many times as it takes.  Accepting imperfections -- with the saints.  
      1. Saints descriptions of themselves. 
      2. Greater demands
      3. Omissions vs. commission.
      4. Comfort in the familiarity of the vices I know.     
    2. Remedy 19.  Perseverance.  It's normal to fall.  We are fallen human beings in a fallen world.  We need to get up.  Every time. 
  10. Review of the 5 Mistakes, and the remedies here.  
  11.  Mistake 10.  The big one.  Failing to see the struggle with masturbation as a gift 
    1. This is a tough one.  Not the act of masturbation --  sinning itself not a gift.  The struggle is a cross, not a gift.
       
      1. Even our crosses are gifts.  

      1. Romans 8:28.  
        1. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.
        2. No exceptions, not like All things…good except for masturbation -- you got that, well, buddy that is just too bad, there's nothing 

    4. Remedy 20:  Seeking for how the struggle with masturbation is a gift.  
      1. Not the sin itself, but the struggle.  
      2. Many people never seek to understand their trials, their suffering as a gift
         
        1. You can suffer as a rebels 

        1. You can suffer as a stoic, but not willingly.  

      5. Journaling about this, discussing it with your trusted other, opening a dialog
      6. Praying about it.  Asking to see.  Blind Bartimeus prayer  
      7. Paul discovered it in   2 Corinthians 12: 7-10  7 And to keep me from being too elated by the abundance of revelations, a thorn[a] was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. 8 Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; 9 but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
  12. Wrap up
     
    1. So in the next episode, we will go back to the stories of Luis and Richard that we started in Episode 51 -- remember, Luis was the seminarian and Richard was the 48 year old married man, father of four and both were struggling with masturbation but for very different reasons.  The symptoms were similar, but the underlying causes were different.  So we will bring all the concepts from the last three sessions together and flesh them out in the lives of our characters.  

    1. Feedback.  Let me know how these episodes are landing with you -- -- some of you already have.  Get in touch with me on my cell at 317.567.9594 or my email at crisis@soulsandhearts.com -- we're still small enough in January 2021 that I can respond to everybody.  

    1. February 19, 2021 -- 10 AM to 1:15 PM Eastern time.  I have been invited to do a webinar for the Catholic Psychotherapy Association entitled "Why Do I Avoid God?  An Internal Family Systems-Informed Approach to Parts' Negative God Images"  Here we get into how different parts see God.  Lots of experiential work.  For information and registration go to catholicpsychotherapy.org/events
  15.  
    1. We have the Resilient Catholic community.  That community is about transformation, about preparing the way for love in our souls. It's about being together as Catholics on a journey, on a mission to really enter into an intimate personal relationship with Jesus Christ our brother, the Holy Spirit who is Love Himself and with our spiritual parents, God the Father and Mary our Mother.  It's about sharing our experiences in that journey on that mission.
       
      1. Get on the waiting list  soulsandhearts.com/rccd so you will get information before the general public does.  Those on the waiting list -- thank you for your patience, hoping to reopen the community in April.  


    1. Will do a bonus podcast -- community members --  experiential exercise on seeing my main trouble-- whatever that struggle is -- as a gift.  What gets in the way?  How are my protector parts reacting to my main struggle?  How do my protectors see that main issue?  And how can we help them?   Those bonus podcasts come out on Tuesday, one day later, so this one will release on February 2, 2021. 

    1. We have our Second Wednesday Zoom meeting coming up from 7:30 PM to 8:45 PM on Wednesday, February 10, 2021 for Resilient Catholic Community members, and it's all about healthy sexuality and how parts are sexualized in certain kinds of experiences, and how that affects our sexual experiences and functioning later in life.   

    1. Bonus podcast for our Catholic Therapists in the Interior Therapist Community in Souls and hearts with more on how to help yourself and your clients unpack the polarization of their parts, and how your parts might be activated by some of your client's polarizations.  Super excited -- reopening that community in March, experiential groups for human formation of Catholic Therapists from an IFS-informed perspective.  

    1. Can start by subscribing to this podcast -- spotify, apple podcasts, google play, amazon.  Share the Interior Integration for Catholics Podcast on social media -- sharing buttons are on our website at soulsandhearts.com/coronavirus-crisis  -- get your word out there, with your personal recommendation -- how these episodes have helped you.  Share them, let others know. 

    1. You can reach out to me at 317.567.9594 or at crisis@soulsandhearts.com -- don’t forget about feedback, ideas, suggestions.  

    1.  Patronness and Patron.
  22.  
  23. IIC 53A  "My main trouble"
     
    1. Not specific to masturbation -- could be any struggle
  24.  
    1. And it makes sense, given how parts view their experience.  But parts have blind spots.  

    1. My Main  Trouble exercise
       
      1. Big open heart, appreciating parts
    2.  
      1. Parts have good intentions. Protectors are trying really hard to protect us.  

      1. Cautions -- difficult material -- window of tolerance, don’t have to do this, no steamrolling parts
    4.  
      1. Reassuring parts that we are not working with the main trouble in this exercise.  We're not unpacking it or going into it.  

      1. We're addressing why it is hard to see that main trouble as a gift.  

      1. Checking inside.  What parts are up as we consider the main trouble
    7.  
      1. Main trouble = the single most distressing thing --> just giving it a label, not unpacking it.  

      1. Listening to parts.
    9.  
      1. What would they need to begin to consider this trouble, struggle as a gift?
    10.  
      1. Writing down what they say.  

      1. Issues around gifts
    12.  
      1. Issues around crosses
    13.  
      1. Issues around God
    14.  
      1. Gratitude to parts.  


  27. IIC 53T  Working with clients' protectors around the gift of troubles.  
    1. Start with ourselves -- exercise we can use
    2. Remember to customize these exercises, using the client's language
    3. Providential worldview -- single most important predictor of treatment outcome for my clients
    4. You can do this with your clients
    5. Watch out for aligning too much with one part of a client.  
 
 

What is Interior Integration for Catholics?

The mission of this podcast is the formation of your heart in love and for love, Together, we shore up the natural, human foundation for your spiritual formation as a Catholic. St. Thomas Aquinas asserts that without this inner unity, without this interior integration, without ordered self-love, you cannot enter loving union with God, your Blessed Mother, or your neighbor. Informed by Internal Family Systems approaches and grounded firmly in a Catholic understanding of the human person, this podcast brings you the best information, the illuminating stories, and the experiential exercises you need to become more whole in the natural realm. This restored human formation then frees you to better live out the three loves in the two Great Commandments – loving God, your neighbor, and yourself. Check out the Resilient Catholics Community which grew up around this podcast at https://www.soulsandhearts.com/rcc.