Welcome adventurers to Probability of Demise, the podcast where critical fumbles meet critical facepalms. Join us as we delve into the darkest dungeons, slay the stupidest gremlins, and roll enough ones to make a beholder weep. Forget epic storylines and heroic deeds. Here we celebrate the chaotic beauty of bad roles, questionable decisions, and characters with more charisma than sense.

We'll be your dungeon masters of disappointment, guiding you through campaigns where the only guaranteed treasure is a mountain of laughter, and maybe some psychic scarring. So grab your nat 1 dice, strap on your anxiety helmets, and prepare to witness the glorious trainwreck that is our D and D journey.

Because, in the end, it's Even if your character dies face first into a pile of pudding, at least you'll have the Dice God's permission to laugh your ass off.

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That was way too perfect. It actually scares me. But first we have the most magical time of the year. It is of course, our Me. Word of the day. Me. Okay. So let's see here. All right. So. Hello, brave adventurers, um, welcome once again to this thrilling episode of the Word of the Day, um, with, once again, our, a roll from our wonderful D100 brought to you by Audrey Chiron, um, we will uncover a new gem of treasure from our language to the rove.

Uh, so, prepare your minds, open your ears, and be ready to receive the word of the day. And also with you.

Today's word is obstreperous,

which I don't think I've used yet. Nope, I would have remembered. Yep, obstreperous is essentially a really formal word that describes, uh, people or things that are stubbornly resisting. Control. Um, also you could use something like unruly if you, you know, want to be less formal. Um, used in a sentence, The tavern erupted into chaos as the obstreperous dwarf started a brawl, his loud protests echoing through the hall.

And that, oh, I forgot to say, that was, um, number twenty one. Aha! So this word can drink. Can you spell it? I was gonna say, it's legal! Can you spell it? I would love to spell it forever. Spelling of this word is You can spell it! O B S T R E P E R O U S

I only missed one letter. Was it the B? It was the first EI had as a U, like 12th. E or O or P, . Couple R's

Awesome. I want to put it in here, but I can't quite pull it off. Um, so I feel you're smart. It's all, you're only. Am I? I love you, man! The party has ventured onward through the temple's winding subterranean passages, the torch lights being lit by Ulua as that light cuts through the musty gloom, and then of course Gus's light as well.

Ulua and Gus are able to keep watchful eyes peeled for any sign of danger as they delve deeper into this wholly unholy Stronghold once occupied by and possibly still occupied by a depraved, dissented cult, navigating the crumbling hallways, choked with centuries of dust and decay, passing through what appeared to be an ancient heating and cooling room for the complex, uh, rusty and pipes and archaic machinery serving as mute testaments to the ingenuity of those who came before the cult.

Uh, The deeper you pressed, or actually backtracked, the more unsettling some of the discoveries became. An entire room, a chamber, seems to be devoted to arcane botany, with various plants still clinging tenaciously to the stone, and the lost, desiccated remains of some of the flora being littered on the floor, but things are still growing here.

Throughout these explorations, Gus and Ulua felt The need to interact with small urns, um, and as they interacted with them, they started having flashbacks to their own memories. Um, first Gus and then Ulua. And when Ulua interacted with the urn, she shared in the memories of Gus's experiences as well. And they're both getting these flashes into each other's past each time one of these flashbacks occur.

We're gonna be best friends. Forever. Sure, Trump. You would be with each other forever. We've been trauma bonded through a curse. Sorabina, too, found herself undergoing a metamorphosis, although she can't see that. Um, she went into the room with the various plants and, um, to all appearances, at least Gus is an elusive person, Visual of her.

She has transformed, uh, at the surface into a crystalline structure. She sparkles. Not like a vampire. Aww, vampire. Like a 2010's vampire.

Ruining my vampires every day. Undaunted by these bizarre occurrences. The group presses on. Their mission is clear. Uncover the source of the wyvern's virulent venom, and also seek out any clues that could shed light on what has been happening to the city. Somewhere deep within this forsaken temple's sunless heart, the answers await.

Dun dun dun! Here we are, back in the dungeon. You can see

To your right, the plant room, a little bit further ahead is the room where they're heating cooling. You harvested mushrooms. Very pricey mushrooms. Well, hopefully they don't rot in there. Let's not forget that they're in there. Maybe one of us should hold them.

Those are big mushrooms. Do you want to just carry, like, 50 pounds of mushrooms around? No, thank you. I will say, if you choose to carry them, there will be struggles to move. Whereas the Bag of Holding can hold them, and they won't live in the Bag of Holding. What do we have in the Bag of Holding as of now?

You have A single wooden door ahead of you, or you can backtrack to the maze that you eschewed before. Oh, that word. Eschewed? Yeah, I don't know that word. Gesundheit. That's gonna have to be a word of a day.

Do I get points? Like, do I get, uh, uh, DM? Do I get player, uh, uh, what is it? Yes, I feel like Are you sure this isn't too early for you or ? No, it's not too early. I've actually been up for four hours. Um, the only thing that's going on here in this Land of the Lost is that I spent a lot of time writing stories already this morning.

'cause I was trying to break outta something. I'm not honestly sure I'm pronouncing Chu correctly. You, yeah. I, let's, if you know what this word is and if you know that we're saying it wrong, please let us know in the comments. I mean. I think it's pronounced es chew. Wait, wait, wait. Yep, that's what I'm getting.

You ready? Hear that? No. Oh. Microphone filter is out. Es chew. Es chew. But like, you could say you appeal to a crowd, a mob, to es chew violence.

I don't know, like, a more legit definition. Deliberately avoid. Would you like to, um, continue on in the dungeon, girl? I would like to es chew this dungeon and leave. Bye. Okay. Okay. Hey, excuse me, you do not speak for all of us. As Gus leaves the crew behind and splits the party, as, as Gus is pulled back into the fray, what do the three intrepid adventurers choose to do?

Hmm, I want to go to the door on the other end. So yeah, I guess we'll go to the far door now.

Approaching the wooden door at the end of the hall.

There is the candle unlit above to the left. And the door, seemingly tucked into a corner, almost like it's meant to be forgotten. I'd like to check it for traps. Roll your investigation trap check. I would like to help, because I would also like to look at the candle. I don't know if, are you looking just at the door, or the whole situation?

I will also help with the door. To give advantage. Okay, so, I will say this. You look at the candle. Oh. I mean, it's, it's, it's higher up anyway. So it makes sense. See, I can, I can stand and look at the collaborating on this situation overall. And what I want instead of doing advantage is I want to layer some fun here.

Who would like to do an Arcana check on the overall situation? Gus is doing the Arcana check. Who would like to do the investigation check on the overall situation? I feel like I have pretty good investigation. Okay, so that's you. And who would like to do an insight check? Oh wait, my insight might be better.

Hold on. No, it's not. Uh, too late. Ulua's doing the insight check. Each of you roll your rolls and we'll see what ridiculousness occurs. I didn't roll my dice. Archana, 23.

Not great. I actually wasn't even raising my hand for the Arcana, I was saying I have a plus five bonus. Well, you get it. But it worked out anyway. Gus, you, as you evaluate the door and candle, um, You still have your mage sight up even, probably, I'm guessing, or it's not faded. I can catch it, I will, so we'll just assume I have it on unless I need to turn it off.

Beautiful. So you see that these are intricately connected and that the entire wall is aglow with the same magic and this door is the wall and the candle, magically speaking. 21, also amazing, um, and it's truly, truly amazing, Ulua, because you get the sense that this door is extremely frustrated. It is trying its best to hide itself.

It's, and you have this moment in your heart where you're like, huh, why is the door have an emotive response? Why am I even doing an insight check on this thing? Oh, Mechanics of D& D. And it leads you to the conclusion that this door is not an unthinking thing. One is a door, not a door. One is a mimic. And it's trying its best to hide, and it's very frustrated.

Um, I am not acknowledging the other conclusions you made. Seraphina, what did you get for the investigation check? My investigation was, uh, 18. 18. As you examine the area around the door and the candle, there are Twenty different traps that have all been disarmed. None of them were very sophisticated. And currently there is no trap on the door.

This

door There are no traps, guys. This door is not just the door. It's good to go. It's all connected through this whole wall and the candle.

I think something is not as it seems. It's not as it seems.

I'm gonna, okay, I'm gonna look at, um, Can I? Okay. I'm trying really hard not to metagame. Um, Can I, Can Ulua, Can I roll for history to see if I have any experience with items that are sentient, that look like everyday items, that would not be. Or, I get, or like any type of magic that would make a door sentient.

Yeah, go ahead and roll. Right now, I think Gus is assuming. Is it similar, like, the way, what I saw with the Arcana check, does it look, or with Detect Magic, does it look like the illusions up top, similar? Because that might be what he's assuming right now. Um, I think that there is components of this that are illusory, but there's even more magic than that to that.

To this. So there's definitely a strong illusory component. Okay. But there's also, um, Various other magics entwined, kind of into a mash that makes it a little messy to figure out. Sixteen. Sixteen. With what Gus shared with you, um, you can kind of like, think through a little bit in your, in your There's a lot of things that can cause formerly non moving inanimate objects to become animated.

Golems, um If you like really peel back your history and you think about like some things you may have read in a book somewhere, there was the whole war with the automated mechanical suits that then became autonomous because they gained sentience. You even maybe recall that there's mythology about them departing this world and going and trying to live on the moon.

Um, so you know that there are things that can Start off as non sentient and then become sentient. Um, there's also, um, magical practitioners like those who claim to be druids, who can awaken trees and make them sentient beings. Um, the fauna and flora of the world has been diversified quite a bit, and so have, has the geology, because there are literally rocks that walk and talk.

Um, if we think in the modern world that it's magical that we convinced a bunch of silicon particles to, that they actually can think and share electrodes between themselves and thus have computers, it's even more amazing what has occurred here with various objects becoming sentient. You're also aware, of course, of things like mimics that are, um, seeking attention.

And that's the opposite of the emotive response you're getting here. Yeah. Yeah. Mimics aren't as sentient as this thing appears to be, so either it's an advanced form of mimic that doesn't want you to come here, or it's something else entirely, and it's just strange overall. I'm gonna turn to, uh, bless you, Ulua and Sera er, to Gus and Seraphina.

Turn to myself. Um, and Gus and Seraphina laugh Look at yourself, Mr. Freelover. Sorry. Uh, it's a very old, very old slapstick joke. Um, uh, and I'm just gonna kind of gesture for them to back up a little bit. Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try something. I don't know if the door for some reason is It has emotions and I'm, but it's, it's trying to hide so I don't feel like it will attack me.

I can't say for sure, but just in case if you could maybe stand back and kind of be ready to help just in case kind of thing, maybe. And I'm going to just kind of, go ahead. I would say I'll stand back and hold an Eldritch Blast just in case. You're going to hold or prepare? Yeah. He can hold those, those are okay.

It's a cantrum, it doesn't matter. Okay. Um. I'm gonna get my Okay. My thing out. My weapon. Scythe. Yeah, that word. Okay. The rusty one? Oh shit, it's rusty! Yeah, we gotta replace it at some point. Ugh, I forgot. Yeah, I hold my rusty. I hold the rusty one. Trusty, rusty scythe. Yeah. Trusty Rusty the Scythe. Yep. Um, and I'm just gonna kind of, uh, uh, walk up to the door and just kind of put a hand on it and just kind of speak softly to it and just say, we're not, we're not here to hurt you.

We're just, yeah. Like, I mean, just trying to, trying to be, you know, have a friendly but not false demeanor and just say, you know, we're not here to. To hurt you, we're not, like, we're, we're just trying to, to find the truth about this place. I, if you're, if you're, if you're trying to, you know, stay hidden as part of a job, I understand.

You know, you just, just let us through and we'll be on our merry way and you can go back to hiding. Um, some things along those lines, just like we're, we're murmuring sweet nothings to it in a way of just like, Give me an animal handling check. Animal handling, alright.

I should pull out the Talonys dice for that, but they're deep away. I lied, nevermind, that's what's what I need! Ha ha ha! Okay, this is a, this is a fun moment. Um, give me a sweet nothing that you're telling the door. Um

You're doing a really good job of hiding, we're just really perceptive. You feel a slight shudder of the panel and you hear, it would be a creak if this was really a door, but it almost sounds like a whine. Mm mm. We're not here to hurt you, we just, we just need to get through. If you could, if you could help us, then we can help you and you can go back to hiding and doing whatever, whatever it is that you want to be doing.

It shudders again. Mm mm. Uh. And you watch as a spy hole appears in the door, like you would have in an apartment building to look through and see what's on the other side.

Can I look through the hole? Yes. Okay. I was technically asking the door, but Yes. I, I, I think On behalf of the door! Yes. Yes. Yes. I think, on behalf of the door, and, um People who like small doggies everywhere. Don't open you stupid door, you're supposed to be a spyhole. I'm walking through you like magic.

Can't do it. Maybe I do have to open you. Okay. You peek through the spyhole, and a lot like a fisheye lens, it conforms to give you a really good view from the door's perception of the room. And you can make out these large vats of chemical and a little bit of a nerd. Oh dear. Okay. Um, okay. I'm gonna just back up from the door for a second.

As you back up, you have sight of a shadow moving at the far end of the room. There's something, somebody moving in that space. Okay. Um, I'm, I'm just, I'm gonna keep my hand on the door in like a comforting gesture. And I'm gonna turn back to, turn back to Ulua and, or Seraphina, goddammit, Seraphina and Gus and just, you know, put my finger to my lips, um, and like, point at my eyes, as in like, I see, and hold up the number one, and hopefully that they get that, uh, but like, the main thing to be quiet, and then, um, let's see, uh, and then I'm going to, um, uh, Back slowly away from the door and as I do I'm just gonna say don't worry.

I'll be back. You're doing great You kind of feel

Like it's shaking off a feeling. Yeah, got it. Okay And I kind of just gesture back to the others and like

And there, there's at least one, there's also these giants Some sort of substance which I guess, guess would be the Y Maybe Seraphina to confirm But there's also an earth and Based on what's been happening And I gesture at Gus It's on the left side. So when we walk in, we have to be very conscious of the decisions we make.

So maybe we should make a plan before we go in. Wait, we're not technically making new decisions while we're in there. Does that make sense?

Yes! You're muted. Seraphine is probably confused because I don't think she actually knows, like, Like this. Visions are happening to us when we make decisions, and we've actually said that out loud. You've kind of, sort of, informed her a little bit. Yeah, a little. She did see me walk over to, like, do the thing with Gus, right?

Like, put my hand on his shoulder and, like, try to get him out of the thing, and then, like, walk over to the urn myself. So, I guess, to provide context, I'm gonna, like, Turn to her and say, yeah, and say, Whatever you do, don't look as we go in. Just kind of maybe keep your eye on the wall. And through the refraction of her skin, you see the wall reflected behind you and you wonder, Hmm.

You're shiny. We got issues going on here. I want to like, just poke her in the arm. I want to see if her skin is hard or like normal, really. It is. As. a gemstone to you. Um, I don't know if any of you have ever actually picked up a geode and like touched inside of it. I know that people tell you not to do that because the oils will make it less pretty, but it's that hardness level.

It's not like diamond hard, but it is definitely. Do I have a feeling that this is like increasing her AC in some way?

It works like shut up, you know nothing. Making her stronger. You can make whatever assumptions and guesses you would like to make. You know what they say about assuming. So you're planning, thinking through what you're going to do. Um, okay, so Do you want me to go I could go invisible and go look in there.

I mean, it's possible that it would hear the door. Whatever's in there would hear the door open, though. Maybe.

Well, let's just go. You said there's only, hopefully, one person. Blow up the urn?

Could potentially blow up the room, I don't know what that would do.

Is it, uh, did you see someone? Or did, what exactly did you see? I saw a shadow of movement. Indicating that there's something moving around in there.

So maybe,

Maybe it's just like one of those balls from upstairs. That are now downstairs. I don't think they cast shadows though. Can I, based, just based on, I don't know. Recent recollection, do I need to roll? But like, did they cast shadows when they were moving around? They didn't cast shadows, they kind of bashed them as they were moving around.

They created their own light. I don't, I don't think it's the same kind of thing. Wait, I have an idea. Okay, do you know how to whisper? Do I know what those, uh, like the cultists that worked in here look like? I was in here looking at the book, and like, do I know generally what they wear? I don't know. You know what the people, at least that were in the above areas, were wearing?

They were wearing some robes. They had, um, some of them had leather armor underneath the robes. They very obviously were, um, equipped for fighting. Um, but they were various humanoid beings. I'm going to take out my mask of one face.

Here's my idea, and I'm going to put it on and turn myself into the guy that showed me the book.

Cultists of the Ascended here.

I just look at them like, Yeah.

We'll go over and open the door. So you go over and you open the door. As you push at the door, it doesn't budge. Ulua, you hear, although Gus does not, a slight, like a questioning whine. I'm gonna sidle up to the door and, next to it, like, under where, kind of, between the candle and the door, and just be like, This is my friend.

He just wants to see, wants to get to the other side. Can you open up for us, please? The door kind of shudders under your hand too, Gus, and it opens absolutely silently. A little slowly, but absolutely silently. And you're able to slip in.

Ahem.

Uh, since you're in, what would you like to be doing?

I will walk, sorry I muted myself, I will walk forward and just look for the person. Yeah, as you just walk forward you make out somebody and they are staring out a window that looks to be looking into an abyss. Um, there's nothing through that. They are facing away from you, and they're dressed in very similar robes to what you're wearing.

Um, theirs are slightly discolored. You can see that the sleeves are stained with various concoctions and stuff from whatever experiments that they were engaged in. Um, and they seem to just be waiting and staring off into this window that seems to look into nothing.

I'm gonna do my best, like, impression of the voice of the But I don't remember what that was. Um, can I do like a performance check to see how well I can imitate their voice? Yeah, let's have you roll that performance check.

Uh, 14.

Yeah, what do you say to this person? Like, hello! Uh, are you here to help with the grinding? Uh, you can get started over there. Um, I'm just here to, uh, get a status report. Ah, well. Still getting plenty of the venom, but oh, it's just a waste now. We're holding it in the tanks. Um, terrible byproduct. Horrible.

Horrible. Uh, hope you haven't touched any of it. It's just not great. Uh, but the god's breath has been coming off well, and um, we've almost drained it. I see. I see. Uh, good job. We're gonna keep things together. For everyone else's blood, apparently. Well, you know, not all of us. Look, you're here, and there's several other folks down here.

Right. Uh, we just gotta get this last ship in off, and uh, And the gestures to this book that you see to the side, If the story's all true, This could be the answer. Right, right, mhm. We are gods. That reminds me, I was supposed to, I was supposed to get the book and I'm just going to like, take that book. Uh, roll a Persuasion check.

Fifteen. Oh, really? Well, I suppose getting the assets out of here is important. I mean, eventually the, the guard is, the watcher is going to get down here, so they didn't want to leave this behind. No, no, no, no, it makes sense. Uh, we do have the room prepared to, uh, handle the final calamity. Um, and I'm working on a final solution for the entrance.

And he tosses his head back in the direction of the door that you came through.

Okay, um, yeah, why don't, um, you just, I'll, I'll, I'll watch things here for a while. Do you need a break? Have you been down here long? You know I have. Um, and he looks out the window to nothing, apparently. And now that you're up closer to him you can see that there is an And especially because you have your mage sight, um, it's an illusion of an outdoor scene.

Mm hmm. Yeah, if only this were real. Yeah, I'll say it like, hopefully loud enough that they can hear me. Like, yeah, why don't you just suggest you're back out the door? Like, why don't you just head out the door and, uh, take a break and I'll, I'll keep an eye on things until you get back. I can't leave down here, but I will take your suggestion and take a break.

And he turns, looking to two side entrances that were kind of small and obscured and turns and walks down in a different direction. Currently, with your persuasion and such, this room is no longer occupied. Um, there are a lot of things to look at. You do have the book that was on that table. Oops, doo doo doo doo, you didn't see that.

Um, I will walk back over to the door and be like, it's clear for right now.

A strange cultist comes up to you and luckily you recognize the same robes that Gus turned into. He has a large book in his hands. Um,

can I, I'm gonna turn to, uh, Seraphina and say, Can you make explosives or anything like incendiary

without having to cast magic? Uh, yeah, yeah, probably, yeah. I don't know. Uh, Rurik, is there something I can do? I don't know what you chose to take for your character. Was that like a special thing? There are special things with the character class that you chose, and you would choose those special things and know them.

Are you, are you thinking about blowing up? This room? You're not out, you're not out here. You're just on the other side of the door. Aren't you? He came back to you. Oh, well, did the door stay open? I thought the door swung shut behind it. Well, the door stayed open. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Um. Well, I was gonna, I was gonna cast silence in the room.

So that he doesn't hear us if we're moving the room. But then we wouldn't hear each other. Right, which is why I'm talking now. We can cast it now, if anything, and then we can go in. But, which time we have. Would an alchemist's supplies blow things, make me blow things up? I mean, you can roll to see if you can come up with something explosive.

You also, you probably already used your infusion, so that's Yeah. Done. You're, I think you chose Battlesmith, right? I don't, I don't know. I don't know where I would see that. Features and traits? Magical tinkering Yeah, it would be under, like, class traits. Yeah, Battlesmith. Yeah, I see Battlesmith traits. You always have a certain spell prepared.

So I guess not? I guess I can't blow things up? You also have a Steel Defender that you've never unleashed.

I have not unleashed the Steel Defender. Rarely recently. But, given that If you have a, um, a spell that would give you the explosive thing, you can do that. Or if you're lacking in any explosiveness, you could also try to tinker with materials that you may have or that you could find in the room to make an explosion.

Um, I mean, I could see if I can figure out how to make an explosion. I'm just not sure why we're exploding the room. Because that's all Quiver and Venom. Can't we just kind of dump it out? Well, uh, what did he, what did, whoever was in there, what did they say? What did you, Do you know if it's going to be here a while?

Uh, It sounds like they're doing something else with it. Okay. If we look on the other side of the scary urn, there's some smoke. I can't see it.

I'm standing right in the doorway, right? So if I look to my right, like, I can see the urn, but I can't see I can probably see, like, the fog, but not what's causing the fog. Yeah.

I'm just gonna walk around and whatever, if I have a memory, I have a memory. I'm gonna walk around and, like, look at that stuff. Yeah, as you walk around, you look at the various, um, components. Uh, there's additional books out, very similar to the one you have. Um, with different components on it. Uh, you do see that there are, um, urns, but as you look at them, you realize that they're not the same urn.

Um, these appear to be other purposes. What you do, did make out on the far end where you were, is on the table here. Let me see if I can zoom in close enough. Bloop. And if. Bloop. Yep. Um, you can make out these little gemstones embedded in here, and every once in a while the heat from the candle seems to warm something up.

And a, and a little, uh. Spool of white smoke comes forth and evaporates, and it leaves behind Wyvern's Venom. Okay. Um, over on this other side, you can see that this is just where a lot of things have been compounded, ground, and otherwise created. That's just a workbench area. On this side, you can see that there is, similar to that other workbench area, contraption on the other end where it was those little white poofs were coming out.

This is like a condensation of whatever that white stuff is. It's not the wyvern's venom.

And then over here on the other side of the If I check the book next to that, is this what he was calling the god's breath? As you look through the various books, uh, just go ahead and I think it's freebie to you all, but yeah, it, it is.

So I'm just going to go over everything he said, and then, just in the interest of time, I'll just jump forward, but, um, I'll go over everything that he told me, and then, like, show him with the grinding wheel, because he's asking me about grinding. I don't know if we disable this equipment. He went that way, by the way, and I point down the hall that he went.

Okay, I'm going to zoom back out to the overhead view. He went this way.

Downward? That way. Perhaps we should go try to Disable him? Capture him? I was just gonna say, if we can subdue him, then We can We can Maybe Tie him up You know, leave him unconscious, and then just Run back out and And send in the city watch? Give them Instructions on, on where to go directly? So they can just get here?

And let them take it from here? Couldn't do that. My only concern is that, what's going to happen to all of this, and I gesture at the Wyvern's Venom, um, And what is going to, the City Watch has proven that it is not necessarily trustworthy, and I just kind of look at him and I go, sorry. But true. I,

I do trust my, my colleague, but there's nothing stopping his, his superiors from covering this up.

Well, let's go, uh, take care of this just first and decide what to do. Um, okay. Which, which way did he go? Which way did he go, George? You point, you point in the direction to the left. Um. And if you're entering the room, I'll share this with you all, uh, you make out a very complex looking metal door, like, in the corner to the left, but then what Gus is pointing to is an open, uh, uh, space.

Um, and you can see Do we know that the map's not up anymore? Yeah, I know. Okay. I'm not I needed to adjust something so you couldn't see things. And I needed to know how many doors down I needed to go before I showed that to you again. Because of course, you know, my memory sucks. Um, but yeah, you can see this long hallway from the potions space, so you're in here.

Um, you come from this door right here. There is that contraption metal door of very complicated design. And then there's this open pathway that the cultists went down. Alright, let's go down here and uh, see if we can disable him or tie him up or hit him in the head with something. I don't know. Could you unroll a stealth check if you're being sneaky?

Because I assume you're trying to be sneaky. I don't need to be sneaky, but they do. Yeah, you're presenting as the cultist. I'm gonna go like try to get him to turn his back to the door. Like after they left. What? I don't, I don't He's not even down the hall anymore. You can't see where he went. In the time that it took you to conference, he made it to whatever location he was going to.

So you could walk down the head while they're Yeah, I'm just gonna see if I can find him. You walk down, there's a door to your right. And then you can see a more, um, recently designed interior decoration ahead of you. With lots of of doors and wooden floors and such. I rolled a 16. Okay. Dirty 20. That's much better than our last stealth check.

Can somebody try to roll a D20 for Wubble? Uh, I, I will. I have like a greenish one. Add a minus one to it. Okay. Because he Yeah, I'm just gonna go and I'll, like, open each door as I go, like, looking for the dude. Okay, so maybe we can stay back to the first door. You're staying back as Gus is doing this?

That's fine. Yeah, just until he kind of, like, confirms, like, a, oh, there you are, kind of thing. Glancing to the left, it looks like a kitchen was built into the space. Opening the door to the right you see a small, uh, cot. You have to close the door to continue on because it blocks the hallway.

I will warp through the door like a ninja. Um, finally figured out how to get through doors, apparently. Damn door.

Damn door! Another room with two beds. Um, and in these beds you see one person sleeping on the far end. It is not the same individual that you saw in the room. Um, I'm just gonna like, gesture them to come up. I wonder if we can like,

capture him while he's asleep or something. That one? Mm hmm.

I don't really have anything to knock anybody out. Do you have a sleep spell? Not right now.

Um Can you change your spell every day? You're a battle. I can change my, I can change my spells when I level. Oh, okay. Um. She spent some time memorizing some new music and kind of forgot the old songs. Like, she could still sing them, but they'd be a little bit rough. Alright. She's been preparing for a different concert.

We're just trying to keep them asleep?

You have some room. Wait, what was your question, Jess? I was just trying to say, are they still You said they were sleeping? Yep. We're just trying to subdue them. Can you tie them up without waking them up?

If one of us had really good sight of hand.

That's just I could, I could make something sing a lullaby. That's about it. Sharifina, do you think that you could tie him up without waking him? I mean, I could try. Let's give it a shot. First case, we just have to blast him with something. I mean, I'm pretty sneaky right now. Okay, um. I got nimble hands.

Okay. As she does that, I'm going to cast Silence into the room. I think we should also all go in the room and then close the door. Okay. So you all go in the room. Silence has been cast in the room. There appears to be a sleeping bird in the corner that you see now, like, getting into the room. And it is.

It's not sleeping since you arrived in the room, but it makes no noise. So I can't cast any spells with a verbal component, right? Right. Yeah, you're, you're currently without verbal stuff. And there is a sleeping figure. Their snore's completely muffled. No noise coming from them. And Seraphina, you're approaching to tie them up.

And I'm gonna draw, um, I don't know if I can dual wield, but I have two daggers. I'm gonna draw at least one to, just in case, to, if needed. To stab the cultist while they're sleeping. Great. No! For self defense! Yeah, I'm just gonna hold, like, um, attack with my staff, because I don't have any non verbal tools.

You keep trying to make us murder hobos! We're not murder hobos! You, Seraphina, you, uh, are going to tie them up with what? Uh, I've got rope, I think. Okay, you're gonna use your own rope and Go ahead and, uh, just roll, uh, your, cause you're trying to do this sneakily without them kind of being aware. Roll that sleight of hand check.

Okay.

E. Okay. Um. Can I, before she says that, can I,

Can you give the party conspirator like a dance? That's a verbal, that's a verbal. I think I'm good. But can I, can I, I read my dice wrong. I think I'm okay. Okay. I

would have liked to retroactively have cast it, but no. Sorry. You said. Stephanie, what'd you get? 23. 23. You She don't need that. Slip the cord around them, um, They are hogtied, basically. But in their sleep, they sleep kinda like I do with their feet up in a weird angle, I guess. Um, and they appear to be well tied.

Um, and their sleep seems undisturbed. Um. Can I Are there any, like, s no, nevermind. What? Say it. Can I Are there can I look around to see if there's any, like, bird feed or anything for the bird? The bird is flapping like mad in its little cage and you can make out that it has a full seed full seed situation.

I'm gonna grab the pillowcase off the empty bed. And like, mime to her to like, gag him with it. Gag the bird? Gag the dude. So that if he wakes up, he can't like, scream for help. I mean, if I gag him, he's gonna wake up. Pfft. That's fine. I mean, not you, Seraphina. But, um, yeah. Yeah, but if we gag him, he's gonna wake up.

He's tied up. He's tied up now. So, now we can gag him and then he's incapacitated and can't get help. Okay. I don't care if he wakes up now. Okay. Um. Is he tied, like, to the bed? Can we tie him to the bed so he can't, like, hop around? Yeah, sure, with the 23 that she rolled for that, yeah, totally. Okay. Um. Now it's gone into the naughty zone.

Tied to the bed. So, to assist, to assist, I would like to help her kind of, like, Place him so that it when we pull the cover over it looks like he's still sleeping You can't see the rope and such and then um, I'm gonna take Blanket from the other bed. No roll a performance check if you would like to but um, yeah You you've silenced the room.

You can pretty much get away with anything you want to he's already tied up. That's a 16 Yeah, I mean it it looks passably like somebody either is asleep under these covers or You There's a bunch of pillows under something. Because there's no movement. I will say that when you gag him, he does wake up because he can't breathe well.

Yeah, um, Just staring at you in horror. But I would like to face him away from the door. As long as I can. It's a concentration spell. So, as soon as we leave, and if I do anything else, or cast another spell that's concentration, then Was it like 30 feet or something? Well, if we keep him asleep, he will wake up.

He'll be fine and hopefully the bird will calm down before you know, he's not asleep anymore You gagged him and you can't talk to each other. Oh, oh, we can't take it back. He's gagged tied I tried to stop it to The bird is freaking out. Oh But it's I say our work here is done and we just need to keep your silence I'm gonna can the birdcage can't pick it up Or is it like yeah, you can pull it off the hook I'm gonna pull off the hook move it over to the side of his bed and like throw part of the blanket over it on The other side of the bed like when you cover a bird you shut it.

You do that.

Then we're done Can you take a peek outside to make sure?

Close the door and then look both ways Look both ways It's right there Did

you while you're waiting for Or while you're here, do you wanna open this other door that was across the hall? Or do you wanna keep, uh, sure. What's the plot? That is the question. You make out a pantry storage area. Um, for food, it looks like it's, there's very little food left here. It's clear that they've not gotten more orders of food or whatnot that they need for the people here, or there's just so few folks left in the building that this was not necessary to keep up.

Okay. Well, I will. get on the side of it that I can keep walking and I will open the door so they can go back out and keep going. I just, I'm not gonna open the door and close it a bunch of times. Uh, so continuing down the hallway? Yep. Come to another set of doors that are facing each other and then beyond that the hallway changes to stone and you smell a dampness in the air from that direction as it drifts this way.

I'll check the rooms first. I'll go left first. First. Which might have been him? No. You come to a study. It looks like it was recently occupied. It's not, um, undisturbed. But there's just a ton of different books, texts, and information here. Um. A

pretty painting. That was random. What is the weight of the mushrooms that I put into my bag of holding extra? Um, they're not so much heavy as big. So it's probably like. 50 pounds of stuff. I'd like to stuff all these books into my back pocket. Awesome. Um, Yeah, you start stuffing books in Seraphina and Ulua, are you going to catch up?

Because this is going to take him a while. Um, Yeah. What I would actually like to do is take out my Do I have to cast anything to use the mask that he's using? No, it's just a magical item that activates. Okay. Can I, uh

Be a cultist? Well, I was just going to take the mask and maybe make myself look the same as him, so that if the guy comes through the corridor, he I just have an idea. There's two of us, that's really gonna freak him out. That'll be fine. So if you should do it too, then there'll be three of us. Triplets!

Are you, Seraphine, are you using your mask for the same purpose then? You don't have to, I'm just No, I don't want to.

So, uh, are all three of you in this room packing away books? Oh, wait, no, I was, I was under the assumption that I was still in the other room. That's why I Well, I let you out, like, before. I let you out to follow, so you could all be Um, okay, I will follow in the room. I retract the mask idea, because I I didn't understand that part and I'm just gonna kind of go in a corner of the room, uh, on the the door's wall and just kind of like, keep a lookout.

Um, so you're just watching, so it will take a while for Gus to pack these all away because it is a room full of books. I'm just, I'm keeping watch. I don't know if Seraphine, if you want to help. Yeah, I'll help. And you're putting them in your bag of holding? Assuming they Like, it's like 400 pounds. Um,

it's not a ton. They're big ish, but not that big. I think, Gus, because there's three bookshelves full, as well as the ones that are on the desk, Um, could you roll a, just an intelligence check to see if you can discard books that have no value? Yeah, that's what I was going to ask.

That's a four. So as you pack away the fifth volume on Tax Law for the Ascended, third edition, fourth edition, fifth edition, sixth edition, seventh edition, because you just can't tell if that's useful or not, you realize your bag of holding is full. And there's still plenty of books to go. Boo. All right.

I'll just hope I got some good stuff. Did we at least get the ones from the desk first? Yeah, we'll just start it with the desk. Yeah, sure. You have those. Merrick's like, I didn't even name these fucking books, this guy. Looking around, uh, as you all are, I guess, heading out? To the other room across the hall?

Yeah, Seraphine? Could I either, now, or just like, while helping, just like, look through the drawers? Yeah. Roll an investigation check, please. I missed you. Yay! Okay, I will. Let me get my good dice. The one that Larissa gave me. I'm gonna roll a nat 20. I just gotta find it. Okay, I found it. Okay, and Investigations Shit, I should just memorize this.

Why don't I just memorize this? Oh, it is! I was right! I memorized right! Okay.

Pew pew pew pew. No, no, but very very good. How, how one neurodivergent asks another if they roll a natural 20? Pew pew pew pew. Okay, I got a lot of math, hold on. 30.

Okay, oh you rolled a 19? I rolled a 19. That's awesome. Um, so, yeah. It's Larissa's dice, I'm telling you. She got me this one. It's Yeah, well I told you what, I needed you to roll on the dice to be able to get some of this information, so. It's like, 18 or higher, gotta roll an 18 or higher. I know what your intelligence is, or your investigation is, you're like ridiculously doubled down on that.

Um, you, uh, open the drawers, and there's a lot of bric a brac, miscellaneous stuff. Um, and then there is, you catch sight of a little, a latch. And you are made aware through just your Investigation of this desk and what, what is missing in terms of size. There's a secret compartment. May I see if it

is trapped? Good idea, roll that check. Ha ha ha ha! That's learning! Investigation. That is good. I mean, not a lot is going to be as good as a 30, so. If every roll wasn't a 30, now I'd be very disappointed, Jess. Investigation. I don't think it maths that way for any of her other checks. Wow.

She starts rolling her d100 and calling it her d20. Uh, 16?

As you're checking for traps, you hear a click, and

Gus and Ulua, you watch as the crystalline structure around Seraphina glows brightly and then dissipates. Seraphina, you see a needle had looked like it was going to enter your hand as you were trying to figure out if there was a trap, but for some reason it dispersed and broke the tip. And you watch as a liquid starts to drip down it towards where your hand is as you were investigating.

Pulling your hand away, out of caution, you watch that liquid hit the wood below where it was, right where your hand was, and begin to sizzle. So is the sparkliness gone now entirely? Or sparkliness is gone. You didn't know you were sparkly to begin with. We've heard your vampirism. But Jessica liked the sparkliness.

Paint yourself in sparkles. Uh, so with that luck of having the um, the one time Attack, dispersal, gone. You have saved yourself from death due to the trap, and you're able to open the mechanism for the, for the death drawer. Goddamn, I've never felt so lucky. Um, I, yeah, I'm gonna I mean, if you had rolled it slightly higher, it would have been okay.

Oh, well. You were really close. Um, um, um, yeah, I wanna open the drawer. There are three bottles. Opaque on the outside and corked and wax sealed.

Oh yeah, boy, I take that and I'm gonna put them in one of my chesticle pockets. Keep them safe. Tuckin potions in your bra. Okay, yeah, so these three potions, unnamed, unknown. Some people can fit whole bottles under there, let me tell ya. And, well, I got some of the Videos I've seen of people pulling crap out of it, I was like, whoa.

Yeah. Um, but she has an apron with like pockets in it that she's wearing. Yeah, I got really cool like overalls and like an apron and I got lots of pockets, guys. Yeah. I myself am a bag of holding. That's what it is. You are. Without the backpack, she just has clothes. Um, so yeah, uh, anything else in this room from anybody?

Um. Nope. Nope.

Can I look at the clock? Oh, sorry.

Yeah, uh, what, what, how, in what way are you looking at the clock? Just like a general See what time it is. For, yes, what time is it? Uh, like, secret compartments, anything that might, like Yeah, so you're investigating. Go ahead and roll an investigation check. Investigation. 12. Wow. You, oh, crudlets, you have your Mage Sight, though.

Um, You don't see anything physical. You don't feel any seams or anything like that. But you can tell that the clock itself is covered in illusory spells. Um, That magic is being generated from within the clock itself, so like the hands and face of the clock are an illusion. It keeps time through illusory magic so that it's all working there.

Um, and

there's 40, 000 gold on the inside. Well, what I'm trying to think of how to describe is that there is like a safe situation within. Um, but the illusory magic kind of disguises that. I'm gonna take the end of my staff and like wave it through the clock to see if it is all illusion or if I Your staff, you can hear it clunk up.

As you hit the sides of containers, there's, there is substance to it, it's just that the, the veneer Oh, actually, exactly like a wood veneer. The illusion is a wood veneer. Of a clock. An accurate clock. Like, Sheriff, are you gonna come check this out?

Okay! Na na na na na. Holding my bottles. Na na na na. Clink clink clink clink. Do a sound effect. I fully work. Okay, so Um, what do you need, Gus? Uh, there's something weird about this clock. I know there's a safe in there, or I don't know there's a safe in there. With your detect magic I think there's a safe inside of it, but I don't know how to get in.

Like, some of it is I would like to Pop down my, my goggles. Get them all ready to go. Okay. And I'm going to start investigating this and looking for anything that would be disguised as a safe or disguised to disguised, you know what I'm trying to say? Not a clue, but Okay. Um, that I know there's a safe there 'cause Gus said there's a safe there even though I don't see it yet.

Okay. I know there's one in this. Yeah. Why don't what you just. Roll, uh, um This relies more on your thieveliness than on your intelligence so I think Just do a general dexterity check as you're kind of like feeling the sides and the front

Is rogue your other class? It is. I didn't know that. Maybe you're an artificer or something. I didn't know what it was.

She's a tinkering stealer of things.

Eighteen. She's a burglar tinkerer. Eighteen? Um, yeah. You, you feel, and you start to make out the components of the safe itself. Um, what Gus couldn't feel with his experience in, in, in, um, this particular side of things. He's a great investigator. He was able to identify what was in there, but he couldn't quite figure out where the mechanisms were.

You know where they're supposed to be based on the shape as you're touching and feeling your way around it, and you find the right spot. It's a depressed, uh, section that you can feel a dial is there, rather than popping out like a, what we think of as like a, I don't know, a safe safe with a dial, like depressed, and you can feel that there's impressions there.

Um, something is placed here to open it up. I guess it's missing something. Yeah, it needs essentially like a key. It's not like a literal key. It's just like an item that you place there. I'm gonna look around the room, see if there's There's I'm gonna try the hourglass. The hourglass is too big when you go to place it.

Too big, yes. Uh There's nothing else besides what's on the desk. Just decorative stuff on the bookshelves. Nothing in the drawers that matches. Would it be a book? Um, books are too big. Would it be one of my bottles? Bottles are too small. Bottles are too small. Maybe it's something from another room or someone is carrying it.

I might be able to help. I've been saying it but I've been muted and I forgot.

I was wondering Alula, she cast silence on herself on accident. Yeah, well, no, no, no, Vince, because my AC kicked in and I just wasn't sure if it, if it was, uh, audible or not. So, I was just, as long as I wasn't talking, I was going to mute myself and then I fucking forgot. Um, I do that. Uh, Are you still maintaining concentration on the spell in the other room?

Uh, yeah, as long as, as, as, until I cast anything else. But I, can I cast, as long as it's not another Concentration spell, I can keep casting, right? Yeah. Okay. Um, I mean, it only lasts for ten minutes, so I just try to hold it on for the full ten minutes as long as. Oh, it's, then it's faded by the time he got all the books packed away.

So, um. When I kind of, when I feel that let go, I'm gonna just kind of like, cock my ear to see if I can hear the bird. Yeah, you don't hear a thing. Okay. Um, putting that blanket over the birdcage was key. Well done. Uh, you know, he says he never wants to own a bird, but he certainly knows how to, how to deal with one.

Um, see, there it goes. Not that he doesn't like birds. We almost got a bird. We were very close to getting a bird. Was it a cockatiel or something? No, it was a sun, uh, I can't remember what they're called. A cockatiel. Yes, no, I know. I know. Um, I would, I'm going to walk up to the clock and I'm going to cast knock.

The loud knock reverberates through the entire space. Oops. The safe does open, but you hear

grunts and steps running your way. From right across the hall at the other door. I shut the door. at the other door. The one we just came from? No, no. Across the hallway. There's one like literally steps across the hallway. I'm gonna run into the door thought where we were like, look up and down the hall hallway.

Like I don't know what's going on. Uh, I'm deflected with nope, Nope hum. We are going to end the session with the door closing as. Uh, Seraphina ran to close it. She was the first one to talk while the other stuff is not existing yet because we're gonna end our session right here. Thank you for joining us in this really probable demise situation.

We will be rolling initiative next session, so that will be fun. To quote my boss's, uh, uh, almost two year old child, Oops! Sorry, guys. Well, it was your turn, right? Okay. It was your turn to, to, to do something like that. Makes me feel better, actually. Everybody else got it. I mean, to be fair, I might have actually opened it, though.

You opened productive. Like the rest of y'all's was just like, I turned out productive. Mine was productive. I, I said you got it open. Um, everybody's things have been very productive, but, um, thank you for giving me something fun to do. You're really, you're really close to your face. Yeah, it was like, that zoom is Everyone just get really close.

Wait, actually, I'm gonna be ridiculous. Watch this. What if we played like this all the time? It's very It's very TikTok.

For those of you, for those of you listening at home, we, we were just able to see a little glimpse of a Rourke's brain. The snostrils are all yours. Snostrils? Snostrils is where the snot comes out of. Thank you very, very much. We hope you have a wonderful time and have enjoyed our little show. So, please like, subscribe, grab stuff from our store at probabilityofdemise.com, offer us coffee. I don't know how that all works because that's just magic to me and thank you, thank you, thank you. Bye.