All right, all right.
Feeney Talks with friends. Episode 132.
We got a great podcast here today with some wonderful friends
from the empower Group.
We're getting to know each other on the podcast.
This is great.
Our missions really align.
So I'm very excited to talk with you.
They're a nonprofit.
We're here with Christina.
II. And Tommy.
How are you doing?
Pretty good, pretty good. Again, this is Feeney.
Talks with friends.
I use this podcast to talk to wonderful people in the community
that are doing great things.
And you guys have been doing great things in the community.
For how long now?
So, empower started back in 2013, but
it's actually hasn't been in Connecticut since it started in 2019.
In Connecticut.
So it started off in Massachusetts,
and then we're the first state after Massachusetts when they expanded.
So third grade math is 12 years, but six years in Connecticut?
That's correct. Yep.
That's awesome. No.
And it started with Kara. Bevin. Belvin.
Yeah. Yep. Cara. Belvin. Yes.
Yeah.
That's I mean, we started off already saying how our missions align.
I started this when one of my students lost her dad,
unexpectedly by a heart attack.
Gabby Stone, who's now graduated from college.
Want to bring her up as a wonderful mentor?
Possibly.
And then the following year, one of my students, Rashad, lost his dad
in Hartford.
I was, a new dad at the time. My.
From a divorce family.
I knew who I was not to see my dad every once in a while.
I could never imagine never seeing him again, especially as a child.
So I don't know.
Your Kara lost her.
The founder.
Kara lost her mother at an early age.
Very early.
Yep. You want to elaborate? Sure.
So Kara is actually from Southington, Connecticut. So.
And she was seven, I believe, when she lost her mom.
And actually, Tommy has more of a personal connection with Kara.
So you want to share that?
So I've known Kara since I, I don't know, I was probably 4 or 5 years old.
We lived down the street from care and her family.
My sister Amy was very close friends with her.
Kara lost her mom, kit.
I believe she was nine, to cancer.
And a few years later, when, my mom passed away, so we, you know,
kind of had that. And in common, growing up.
Yeah.
And then she knew how was the deal with the loss of a loved one?
So what age did she finally want
to develop and form this nonprofit?
Was 2013, 2013.
So, I mean, at that point, she was married,
had kids, and she just knew she wanted to to give back because
for a very long time, she felt like she was the only one that she knew
that was going through something like that.
And as somebody who's lost a mom to when I was really young, I can relate to that
because you feel like you're the only person that I to this day.
I was like,
the only person that I know that lost her mom until I met everybody at empower.
And that was kind of like Kara always said,
she's felt like an alien on a her own planet.
Like she didn't have anybody that she could connect with.
No one kind of knew what was going through, what she was going through.
But in reality, there's a lot of people that were just like her.
Yeah. Why do you think that is?
Is that just a personal inner thought, or do you know
people don't want to speak about it or it's just not out in the open?
I definitely think that there was a stigma about not speaking about it,
even though I was I was growing up and I, I was 11 when I lost my mom.
We didn't talk about it.
I mean, it was not something that, you know, you brought up with your family.
It happened and people knew about it.
But it's also hard to navigate that.
Like, how do you talk to somebody who is 11 that did lose its parent?
Like, what do you even as an adult, like, you know,
some adults would be afraid to say something
because they weren't really sure what to say.
So I think that by changing this kind of idea of like, it's okay
to talk about your grief and it's okay to to know
that there's other people out there that like you or that are like you.
And that's what empower does.
It connects girls and boys and helps them support them,
and it empowers them to say, it's okay to talk about your grief.
Yeah. Wow. That's amazing.
Because I've heard so many people say, hey, I wish for friends.
Afeni, our mission is to help
children and families that need assistance after heartbreak or tragedy.
And a lot of people have lost
their parents were like, I wish this was around when I was a kid.
I hear that so many times.
Or, Afeni, I lost my dad
and I want to give back to your cause because it truly hits home.
So I'm sure you hear that all the time.
I heard all the time.
And I also lived it, too.
You know, I,
I I've said I wish there was something like this when I was growing up because
I always just thought it was normal not to talk about the death of my mom.
And that's not that's not the case.
It's actually really important to talk about it
and to connect with people that are just like you.
So, yeah, I mean, I, I was a program coordinator.
Now I'm, I'm matching people, you know, with the same type of loss.
And I always say to the mentors that I'm match, I'm like, it's yes,
it's about the youth.
But also for the mentor, it's
something that you probably never even that you never even knew you needed.
And it's so powerful.
Wow. Let's
yeah, get right into becoming a volunteer.
There's thousands volunteers programs over here.
You're looking for mentors, volunteer aged 25 and older,
that has experienced a loss of a parent at any age.
And to become a mentor, you can go to we empower.org.
That's a very powerful.
Yeah. Please. You know, check it out.
We empower or. Empower.
We are empower. That or I get dot.
Org wonderful website.
It has your story the volunteers upcoming events I love the website.
I learned a lot about it.
And then we're just looking for.
Yeah, we're also looking for volunteers.
And if you know someone out there
that can be helped by this wonderful organization, please reach out.
Yes. Same. We are in power.org. Yep, yep.
So we any youth that has had parent loss mother father both.
Sometimes it's both we service youth 6 to 24.
And it's very simple to enroll them.
Anybody can enroll them. Somebody from school can enroll them.
A counselor can enroll them.
A guardian could enroll them.
And they just go right onto the website to enroll,
and then they get, processed over to the program coordinators.
And then we do meet and greets with the family, so we get to know them.
And then we also do the same thing for mentors.
If you are interested in being a mentor, same thing.
You can enroll on the website.
And we do, you know, meet and greets with the mentors.
And then it's a little bit more comprehensive for the mentors.
You know, we make sure we do background checks and we reference checks.
And, there's a, you know, training that they have to go to.
But and then we just then we kind of once
all that happens, then we kind of look at, see who would make the best match.
And we don't just match to match,
which is something that's really important to know too.
We really take into consideration, likes hobbies.
You know, sometimes type of loss is important.
But that's all taken into consideration.
Geography is also taken into consideration because, you know, it is Connecticut.
It's a small state, but it's still a far dry
if if you're, you know, in the eastern part of Connecticut
and you're being matches, I mean, in the western part of Connecticut.
So that's really important, too.
I know I was going to say you just don't randomly put people together.
There's background and it's a data driven decision.
It's a data driven decision. Yeah. Teacher talk a teacher talk.
And then how did you get involved, Tom?
So like I said earlier, I grew up with Cara.
Cara was a good friend of my my sister Amy.
Cara lost her mom.
We had moved away.
Karen. Amy, you know, kind of stayed in touch.
They were still friends.
And then, being in law enforcement,
I'm a detective in, here in Connecticut.
And, I have, we had a call
where a child lost their parent to suicide.
And unfortunately, a few years later, the mother passed away,
for medical conditions.
And, you know, knowing that what Cara was doing for first for
in power, in power for her, for girls, I reached out to her and said, you know,
I have this girl
that lost, you know, both of her parents now, and yet they have a son.
She has a brother as well.
And I'd really like to see what we could do.
And at that point, Cara had said, you know, I'm trying to work.
We just got some donations in, and they're going to work with, boys and girls now.
So, when she told me that, I was like, I'm in.
You know, if I can help, volunteer.
If I could become a mentor.
You know, you really have to want it.
You want to want to be there, and, you know, like we were talking earlier,
you have to go through that
process yourself, and there really wasn't anything for us back then, you know?
And I don't think that it just
wasn't talked about and
people didn't know how to approach it with with the young, young kids, you know?
Yeah.
I can remember when I was young, again, I was 12 years old,
and we, my, my father brought us to a counseling session.
And when the counselors crying with you, when you're supposed to help you,
it's like, what do you. You know.
So I was kind of turned off to, to any type of, therapy at that point.
I actually,
you know, seek the support through, through school, through school counselors.
And they were great. And I if I needed to talk to them.
So I was able to to work through it.
Then, you know, you know, and again, you're talking,
that there's a stigma about it.
And, you know, I've always had that perception,
somebody always has it worse off than you.
I was like, you know, why did this happen to me?
You know, why?
Why did I lose my mom? Why did you know? We we have.
Why do we have to go through this?
We have such a beautiful family.
And the following year, school, I had a friend that lost
both of her parents.
So that made me realize, hey, you know
somebody always has it worse off than you do.
You know, people go through families, go through some tragic events in life,
but there's always somebody there that's struggling harder or, you know, or
dealing with harder, harder stuff doesn't mean that yours is any less tragic.
But, you know, you kind of put that into perspective and it helps you.
So, through all of that,
I talked to Cara and said, hey, listen, anything that I can do in Southington,
anything I can help with sponsorship and and being a mentor, and volunteering it.
Just think it is a great cause. Have you been a mentor?
I am scheduled as a mentor, but I haven't yet.
Okay.
Fortunately, like with this young boy that is in my neighborhood.
I don't want to say I'm a mentor to him.
I'm there for him.
I talked to him here and there, but,
talking with, empower and and Cara and Christina and everything.
I think it's too close to home to to be right there with him.
The to serve the purpose of what their mission is.
But I'm like, whenever I get a match, I'll take a match on.
And, we're trying to do other events, which I'm sure we'll talk about,
you know, at some point.
But, I'm just trying to be there for for whatever they need.
Yeah. And for a mentor, you need a one year commitment.
Yep. So 40.
Six hours a month.
46 hours a month, one year commitment. We look at.
And obviously we we always hope that you'll stay in that person's life forever.
But we basically monitor you for that one year.
We do a little check ins, you know, I'll either text you or I will look, call
or have a little zoom call and just kind of check in and see how
everything is going with the match.
And we decide to base.
Do they go to they go to the movies, the park, sporting events.
They can do any.
Yep. Anything like that.
So they it depends on like the mentor
and what they like and what their hobbies are.
I have mentors that go on hikes, you know, and they do the whole,
you know, they spend four hours at a clip together.
And I have some mentors that like to space it out.
And they do like two hours here and they'll go grab coffee
and then they'll do the two hours another week
and they'll go to like, you know, they go biking or something.
So, there's lots of different things that have to do.
The mentors get a stipend for events.
It is all volunteer driven, so it's all volunteer.
Yeah. But we do events.
So sometimes if we're hosting an event,
we had a cooking class, for example, in Southington,
and all the mentors and the mentees are invited, and that's a free of charge.
So all of our events that we do are always free of charge to the families,
and everything we do is free of charge to the families.
And, but that's also a free of charge event for the mentors, too,
so they can come to that event and they can.
We had like 15 girls there and mentors.
So we all does a cookout and made pizzas and brownies.
And it was like a really great time.
And it just to look around the room and know that like everybody in
that room is the same as you is so powerful. Yeah
I love the empower.
Do you, do you know the origin where we got?
We all know what the word means, but like why and how.
So it started off as empower her.
So when it first started because it was just for girls of mother lost
when Cara first started it.
And then once it changed over to all youth, it changed us to empower.
So I have a feeling it's probably the same idea that you're kind of
like leading towards, like being empowered to like, share your story.
No, I love it.
And there's currently 52 kids enrolled in Connecticut. Yep.
So that's boys and girls.
And then we have over about 15 matches currently.
Right now we have some matches after the one year mark.
But we stay in touch with them.
Can I,
can they extend the mentorship
after a year or you just kind of hang out on your own?
Right. So you're just not monitored so much by us.
But you would they?
I have a lot of matches that are still very active, and they still,
they're still they're still, you know, hanging out and doing great things. So.
Yeah, man.
You build that connection, you know? Yeah.
Especially, like Christina saying, you know, going out
with somebody for, for five hours a month or two hours in a day.
It it's not that you're just talking about the grief that you're dealing with.
You're there to support them, you know, in any way that you can.
I know another, one of our good friends, Jeff, was a mentor.
And he tells us a story how he, you know, he helped the boy,
buy a car, and he was like, all right, show me some cars that you're looking at.
He knows a little bit more mechanically inclined or whatever.
You know, and he's like, so it's not just about that.
It's about being there all around for them, you know, as support in a friend.
Yeah.
You may or may not talk about
your tragedies together, or you may learn how to tie a tie.
Or fix. A car.
Exactly. It's not like required.
It's not like you have to talk about the loss.
It just kind of comes up organically, which we kind of like,
you know, we can encourage mentors to be like, they're ready for it.
And you know that some things might, you know, mother's Day,
for example, or Father's Day, for example, might be difficult.
So kind of like how to navigate those times or birthdays that come up.
So, I like to try to make sure the mentors know of dates
that are important to the mentee that so they're they're
prepared for those tough conversations that could come up.
It's not that they're required.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Well, I have this shout out I'd like to read
what minute are we.
So we know the shout out
read my best 14.
Empower is a nonprofit, and its mission is to help kids, teens
and young adults who experienced the heartbreaking loss of a parent.
They provide a community of support through one's life's toughest challenge,
empower host events that offer
peer support and a unique one on one mentor program with positive role
models from the community who help teach that loss is survivable.
Empower serves over 700 children
and young adults with all activities no charge to the family.
Empower is active in eight regions across the United States and in London.
If you know a child who can benefit from empowers mission
or you're interested in mentoring, please visit.
We empower.org to learn more
how to do that.
We are empowered.
Oh did I to keep jacking that up.
We empower. We are empower.
Yeah, it's the double letter for the we in the E the power.
That's why yeah. I think making excuses for me.
But it's not that. It's me.
I appreciate that.
I teach reading third grade.
You know, I know how to read by now, but.
All right, speaking of which.
Now let's see. Let's test your knowledge.
Don't look out. Eight anchor regions.
We're in the southern New England.
I'll give you one.
In southern New England yet we have Denver, Denver two, New York,
Washington, DC.
Area four Los Angeles five.
North Carolina six.
Chicago seven, and Southeast Florida.
Nice. Yeah.
Those are your eight anchor regions.
Why are those anchor regions?
Are they picked for a particular reason?
Do they have friends and network?
I'm sure like Kara's friends are there to support her in these spot.
Or they're
they're just where they there's kind of like a lot of mentors and mentees.
Currently we also serve other places like I have some families
and like Rhode Island, for example, or even on based in Connecticut,
I still dabble a little bit in Rhode Island.
Yep. The thing important to know too, is like, as program
coordinators, we talk to each other too.
So I have somebody in Stamford right now,
so she might actually be a better match for somebody in New York.
You know, or I may have somebody in, like Eastern Connecticut.
They might, be better off in somebody in Massachusetts.
So there's we have a network of people that we are always there
to help each other.
And I might say, hey, I have a mentor, I have a mentee, and we kind of reach
out that way because,
I mean, ultimately our goal is to match as many people as possible
and to make great matches.
So sometimes that happens across state lines,
but think it's amazing.
And it's so wild.
I've we've never heard of each other. I know.
But our we're so close in our alignment and our goals and missions
and I'm just excited to talk with you. Christina.
Thank you for being here, Tommy.
Thank you for being here.
For having us on.
This is a wonderful and we're getting to know each other on the podcast.
That typically doesn't happen either.
And I also want to thank my friend, Katie for setting this up.
I wish she could be here. Thank you, Katie, for thinking of you.
She's all right.
She's great.
Her husband?
Yeah, I know him yet.
You have it now. I have, like.
Yeah, now I better than Katie. Better that you. Don't.
But I have to shout out to Katie, too.
She is, an awesome mentor right now.
And she is, mentoring this young,
the young girl and they are have such a an amazing connection.
And I've actually heard from the mentees father as well and saying how
just amazing Katie is for their whole family.
So it's, it's it's just shows you how much a mentor really can be is how Katie.
Lost her mom. Right?
She did at an early age.
She did? Yeah. Yeah, well I just yeah. So yeah.
Complete sense. Yeah.
So that's what said you need to meet my friend Eric because.
Her dad's kip, I think. And they have like,
oh, he must have remarried.
But anyway, Katie would be here to explain.
To you what her. Husband, we call him Army Dan.
Okay.
Dan has been the.
Well, I was in the Army National Guard.
Dan was in the Army National Guard, and we.
I don't know if there were two Dan's, but which Dan are you talking about?
Army. Dan so shout out to Army Dan. He's our.
I was just busting them.
Katie. Yeah. No.
Wonderful person. Yeah.
Dan Outkick the coverage with that one.
Had some mentors like Nancy Sohn is the reason we started.
Okay. Friends of Feeney.
She lost her husband, Gabby Sohn was the student.
Lost her father.
So I thought maybe those were two great podcasts.
Not podcast mentors.
Yeah, but Nancy was podcast five.
Gabby saw was podcast 27, and they talked about their experience.
Nancy from a wife losing husband Gabby about losing a mom.
The John Milnor lost his dad, Alvin Gilchrest lost their dad.
So just some people that have had loss and were previously on the podcast.
And Evan was like Evan specifically said, I mean, I wish this was here when I know.
And that's kind of like how it happens too.
It's it's like this ripple effect where you hear like you're like,
oh my gosh, I know five people that I've just talked to that
have had this happen to them and they would be great mentors or
I know this family who need some support, and that's kind of where it happens.
There's a lot of word of mouth and things like that that happen.
And it just it just you just never know who is going to be in their room
when you're having these conversations.
And I've learned to to really talk more about it,
which I didn't always talk about.
But now I do, because I'm realizing it could really be beneficial to somebody
who didn't know to even ask about it or to even share that information.
I mean, that's a common bond that
not many people
go through, or just it's just having something,
knowing that someone has been through that is a strong start to a relationship.
And I give you a lot of credit.
You both working full time teacher, police officer, detective.
You know, people always say, where do you find time for me?
I'm like, well, it's a it's a busy time.
It's a serving a purpose for a good cause.
We could be busy doing nonsense, but we're trying to help as many people as we can.
So, yeah, we're really excited to partner, really excited to collaborate.
And again. Again.
I'm so happy that you're here.
Thank you. We are happy to be here.
This is great. We're excited to collaborate too.
And we have some sponsors I'd like to shout out Keating Agency insurance
float 41 The Fix Evie Luna Pizza, Golf Law Group,
people's Bank Parkville Management and West Hartford Lock.
I think that those ring a bell. You see any of those?
You know any of those. I know if you. Yeah.
Cop law firm. She's all she's all over.
I know her from all the billboards. Yeah.
That's brand.
Yeah. Brooke, thank you for your continued support.
She's wonderful. She's sponsoring our golf tournament.
She sponsors the podcast.
She was a podcast guest.
Good person, good heart.
And with West Hartford Lock.
What are three keys that make you a great program coordinator?
Tommy, get ready, because three keys on a mentor is coming up next.
Three keys.
That one's a tough one.
Probably to be.
I definitely need to get to know everybody.
We definitely do that.
That's the biggest thing about being program coordinator.
So being thoughtful about who you're talking to.
Knowledgeable about empower. Yep.
And I think opening up about your own loss is really important
because that puts families at ease right away.
So I always start off with sharing my own story about my mom and losing my mom.
And that really helps.
Come on through.
You're fine.
Sorry.
You want to pop on?
Oh, okay.
Oh, no.
So, yeah. The personal connection. Yeah.
Being a knowledgeable content knowledge and knowing.
Yeah. Thoughtful. Knowing the family. That's teacher.
Teacher. Yeah, yeah, it's too easy.
Yeah. Too good. Great job. Christina.
Thanks, Tommy.
Three keys that make you a great future mentor.
I think number one, you have to want to be involved in wanting to share your time.
Share your your experiences, sharing your loss, with your mentee.
Number two, being there for them outside of the loss, you know, again,
like I told you, that it's really, not just about the grief.
It's about, you know, making, in my case, that young man grow up to be a strong
man, young woman, you know, young girl growing up to be a strong woman.
You know, and I think that,
those, those core values, you have to have that to,
to really put in the mentorship, to be there for them.
Yeah. That's only two. Really?
Well, I got to get another one.
I don't have a third, I think.
Phone a. Friend.
Yeah, right.
I think that, you know, again, I don't
I don't even want to say that it's a passion.
It's really has to come from your heart to to do something like this
and to be there for, like. A calling or, you.
Know, those are the those.
That's the reason why I'm here today.
You know, they asked what I would do.
Come and join Christina and and it's absolutely I want to get
the word out there that that people, you know, that we're here for families.
We're here for kids.
A mother lost or father lost, you know, so, so I have a third one.
Yeah. I mean, I think passion. Yeah.
Yeah, definitely. Well, yeah.
Those are great.
Three keys I know I felt,
now I feel, I don't know,
I feel weird because I'm like, oh, my parents were divorced, right.
But you guys lost a parent.
So that's like, I, I empathize knowing how
it could have felt, but I could never may I say it all the time.
So I, I'm thinking of you, now and
and you know how challenging that must and difficult that must have been for you.
But I think it's very powerful and commendable that you're giving back.
So thank you again.
We're going to keep thanking you for being here.
Thank you for having us.
Yeah.
And, no, I'm having a good time chatting.
Let's talk about your event.
Big event coming. Up. You have a big event.
Aqua turf. Aqua turf.
Great sponsors, great people at the Aqua Turf. Yes.
Southington, Connecticut.
Shout out to Southington.
Southington? Yeah. Are you from where you were born and raised?
All over, actually.
But I'm now down to the shoreline.
I'm in Old Saybrook, but I grew up in Stafford, so up here a little bit.
And what do you teach?
I teach in Madison right now. And or.
No, Polson Middle School.
And then I'm also at the intermediate school. Brown.
Nice. Yeah.
Is hand the only high school.
Hands the only high school.
Okay.
Because one of my former students and neighbors, my neighbor Tom
Dominic Cork, Thomas Cork is a teacher at the high school, Madison.
He drives to Madison every day from West Hartford to drive.
Yeah.
And then Southington.
We did some shout outs on, you know, aqua turf.
Sam the clams.
Is there a new brewery in Southington?
You got, I don't know if not New Kinsman Brewing.
Witchdoctor Brewing. Yeah.
What else do we have?
I think there's a seat.
That's your territory? Yeah.
I don't get out much anymore.
I got tickets, yeah.
Do you have children?
I do, I have two boys.
Two boys.
I have twin girls.
Yes. Two girls, two girls.
Girl. Dad.
Yeah. My my son's name is Eric.
He was very excited.
And he's beating another Eric.
Great name kid and proud.
I gotta say, even.
With a C or okay.
With a C, I. Like this guy.
Just like Eric.
Eric? Yeah.
Man. He's going to grow up to be a fantastic human being.
Oh damn it. Yeah.
So the the luminary.
Luminaria. The luminaria. Yeah, I know.
I need that hyphenated luminaria. Yes.
Event. Thursday, May 29th.
Aqua turf.
Yep. For sure. By Bob Maxon.
Except that.
Yep. So there are event.
The gala is on the 29th of May.
There's two parts.
So one is the luminaria, which is outside, which is open to the general public.
Or you can also purchase tickets for our gala event or.
Same day.
Same. Day.
So you kind of do the luminary and then move in. You got it. Yeah.
I was that when you like a bag and put a flower in a.
Bag or so they do a candle. Yep.
So they align. It's very nice.
The gardens.
If you've ever been to Aqua Turf or anything, they have beautiful gardens.
Yeah.
So they line
all of the gardens with these bags and has, your loved one's name on it.
It could be a memory or an honor of somebody.
Okay.
And, right when it gets to be right about dusk time.
If anybody's in the gala
that would like to go out to see luminaria,
they kind of like, venture out to the gardens and they love it.
So yeah, it's it's it's a it's absolutely beautiful if you've never.
Yeah. We had Deb and Gary from for all ages.
They're another nonprofit.
They help partnering the retiring community with young people
through pen pals.
But they do a, a luminary thing in Simsbury, I think.
But I think that's awesome. Beautiful.
This must be great for pictures.
It's beautiful actually. So. Okay. That's it.
Yeah, that's kind of like what it's on right there. We're going to have we're.
Going to get a nicer picture to this is going to be right here. Boom.
Yeah. Stephania boom.
So and there's also living area in many other different places too
then I know there's this is nationwide.
Yeah.
So if you want different nights different nights different locations.
So there might even be one that you are.
Have you. Been to one outside of the Connecticut. One?
I have not, I've only been to Connecticut.
Actually, this is actually Connecticut's only, second luminaria.
Boston is a is very big.
I know Washington DC was very big.
I was this. A real word? Luminaria. Did you guys make that up?
Yeah, I don't know. I it was a real world.
I only teach.
Third grade, so, And how many years?
This is the second annual.
So this is our third annual gala gala, but our second annual.
I'm doing luminaria in Connecticut.
Yeah.
And you could also be a sponsor.
And there's a sponsor sheet. Yep.
Get it in soon because it's May 29th.
May 29th. That's right.
Yeah. April's around the corner. That's right.
Definitely looking for sponsors. Yeah.
We got the champion, sponsor, trailblazer, legacy,
visionary, innovator, ambassador and friend.
So this is our only fundraiser for the whole year
that we do for the state of Connecticut, in the state of Connecticut.
And, you know, as you mentioned before, all of our programing is free
for all of our families. So this is why it's really important.
It's also a lot of fun at the event to,
you know, like you said, Bob Maxon is going to be our MC this year.
We have lots of silent auction items.
We have raffles.
Usually do, like, a text to give during the event as well.
And of course, I mean, the food and the appetizers are, top notch. Yep.
So we have been to a couple proms, couple of weddings, aqua turf.
They know how to do it. The food is amazing.
And thank you, Aqua Turf, for being such generous sponsors.
It's 630 to 10 May 29th.
Yeah. Doesn't really say cost per ticket.
So it's $75 for one ticket.
Or you can get two tickets for 100.
Oh, you can also buy a table of ten for a thousand.
Nice.
Yeah.
It's all.
And you can also buy your luminaria bags to their $25 for, a bag for a limo.
Okay. Yeah. And you can do that all on our website.
There's a link right there. That's amazing.
Well, I'm going to check my schedule.
Well, we're going to attend. We're going to write you down.
I really appreciate the invitation.
This truly means a lot.
Both to me and I are both on the committee for that too.
So we're working on planning that take.
So when we start like November.
November this year, we started. For something in May. Yeah.
For something in May. Yeah. So we've been. We do a golf tournament.
You start.
Yeah. Nine months before the event.
I mean there's so much in like June probably not.
So much probably the day after the last.
The day after the last one. Yeah.
It's been there done that.
So getting the date set we actually get that date.
So we're like all right get this.
Month's full speed ahead.
Just be the head. Yes.
All right $25 a bag, $75 a ticket or,
100 for two. Yep.
Bob, Max is funny. I like him a lot. He's great.
Yeah, I think his wife's in education.
Yeah, it could be wrong.
Had drinks at one of them at Frieda's in Mex.
And, it's a Mexican restaurant in West Hartford.
Funny guy. Yeah.
So, yeah, he we're very we're very excited to have him on board this year.
How is he as a meteorologist?
What do you think his percentages are, is he is he a good one?
I mean, I think he's pretty good. Yeah.
They're Connecticut's most reliable weather team, right?
Oh, he's our sponsor, right? Yeah.
I think he's one of the best meteorologists that ever. Yes,
I love it.
Bob. Maxon, we got to send this clip to Bob. Max.
Bob, Max. And you're a good friend. Yes.
Be a good friend.
That's our motto.
Be a good friend. Hold the door.
Pick up trash is not yours.
Give compliments, be charitable and host events. Bob.
So thank you, Bob.
And, this is great and I hope to be there.
I'm going to check the schedule.
Maybe Matt could come too.
This is Matt. He's on the board of directors.
We want Matt.
He's going to need a picture of you.
After he.
Does the, our thumbnails.
Have you collaborated with any other podcasts?
Not that, excuse me, podcast or nonprofits.
So we've done a little work with The Cove.
And Connecticut. They are,
kind of the same
idea of the mission is about parent loss, but they're more therapeutic.
We're not therapeutic.
So, I've worked with, Brooke Fine's over there,
who's a program coordinator, and we've kind of talked a little bit,
kind of like, you do what I don't do, and I do what you don't do.
So I'll send you families. You send me families. Nice.
So that's been a great partnership. How long is that collaboration?
We're going a little bit over a year now, so. Yeah.
And where's the cove out of.
They have like 4 or 5 different locations.
I think there's one. I'd actually at a West Hartford.
I know there's one two down in Madison area.
So they're all over the state of Connecticut.
So it's really nice. So.
So, Brooke, maybe Brooke Vines could be a podcast guest.
So that would be a go. That would be a good guest.
Be a good friend.
Be a friend of Feeney. I'll, I'll share your info.
Please do.
Well, that's. No, there's always strength in numbers.
And when there's a collaboration piece, that's when you reach
more people and your cover and bases that, like you said,
you do the mentorship,
they do something else, and you come together for a common good.
So thank you for that. Yeah,
I know because it says,
oh, 1 in 12
children experienced death of a parent or sibling before the age of 18.
Yeah. Geez. That's like.
Startling for. Real.
Like, yeah, that's so real. For real.
Yeah.
So it's very important that you empower does.
Yeah.
And I mean,
we just started talking about it and even you're like,
oh, I know what this person and that person and that's kind of like
it's it's just it's there's so many people that are impacted by it.
So when you really start to like look at it, you're like, oh wow.
There's a there's a lot more people.
There's there's people that are just like me and that's really the whole point,
you know, like to really let other people know that they're not alone.
Yeah, you're going to get through this and it's survivable.
I think it's the biggest thing
a lot of you think, I don't know how I'm going to survive this.
And it's like when you get somebody like Tommy as your mentor and you're like,
oh, you're amazing.
You know, like, I'm going to you're going to be okay.
And it's you're, you're it's survival. So
I yeah,
I was actually I was partnered, I was a mentee and a mentor.
I'm still a mentor, I should say to that's how I started in power.
And it was actually during Covid when I was met with matched up
and we were did,
my mentee actually lives in New Mexico.
So we did it.
We were one of the first virtual matches, because that's
what we kind of had a pivot during like Covid.
And we did.
We matched.
I'm, matched with Abby in New Mexico, in Albuquerque area.
And we still talk.
And, you know, I just I'll send her things like, now it's, you know, it's
been a few years now, but she's from Southington originally.
Okay. So I've actually met her in person a couple times.
She's come to our, gala event a couple years ago.
I know her grandmother.
She's in Southington,
but it's kind of funny because it's like you don't really notice,
you know, how much you're going to have, like, an impact on something.
Yeah.
She's texted me
maybe a month ago and said, hey, I did that thing that you told me to do
where I was having a really hard day, and I wrote a letter to my mom and I.
We're a little bit of a time difference.
So I was sleeping when she texted.
She had texted it and I woke up and I would just started, like, crying
because I'm just like, you just don't know what you like,
how much of an impact you're going to have.
And sometimes they're teenagers and they don't tell you.
But that moment when I was like, it was all worth it,
like every, every little bit that I do. And I'm like.
You probably said it like way before.
It took some time to process, way before it was like she.
Did it when she was ready. Yeah.
And when she was.
She knew you.
She heard you and she. Heard me and she shared. Yeah.
It was just wow.
It was amazing. Validating it. Yeah. Firm.
But that's amazing.
I love the personal story.
So thank you for sharing that. That's great. And,
yeah, because everyone handles it different.
But your advice worked for you.
And then maybe she had time to process and then she tried it.
So no, I worked in a group of students,
when I was at college at southern Group of ten kids.
And, you know, that was 30 years ago.
And I'm still in touch with maybe 2 or 3 so that that bond lasts forever.
So I know the strength on that.
It was a single family home and, you know, lived in the Church Street
cell projects, in and out of incarceration.
But we're like, I'm there for him if he needs me.
So I just know that that bond forever.
He's like my exactly like a kid.
My child almost. Yeah.
But the connection is great.
So, like,
yeah, that's.
We need more of that in this world.
Yeah, I love it.
Yeah.
I told her she's stuck with me forever.
Yeah, whether she likes it or not, you know.
How old is she now?
She's a senior in high school right now.
So that's a you know, navigating that too.
Like how do you do high school graduation
and you know, and there's going to be time and I, I recall that too.
Like how do you navigate things like that. Big milestone moments.
You know, getting engaged, you know, buying a wedding dress,
having your baby like, so there's like things that like,
she doesn't even know she's going to need and just to be like,
somebody who's gone through that and to navigate that is.
That's how you're going to be her person for all those big milestones.
Right? And I'm so happy to be her person. Yeah.
That's great touching.
Like getting the feels and getting the feels I love it.
Get the the chills.
I don't want to get personal,
but would you like to share how that was for you,
how you navigated losing a loved one, and how if empower
was there for you when you were younger, how your path may have differed?
I don't know, Tom or, Christina like to share.
Yeah.
And maybe personally, like how you lost that person.
If you don't mind sharing that, too.
Yeah.
So, my my mother, Marilyn, passed when I was 12 years old.
Unfortunately,
my parents had bought a house, built a house down there.
And when they built the house, my father worked
for a corporation for many, many years, lost his job.
And two days later, my mom passed away.
Massive heart attack.
You. No, my dad used to say never sick a day in her life.
She was the entertainment one.
She always want to entertain, have people at the house and everything.
And it was, so I and my sister Amy and I were.
We're on vacation with our our cousins,
when it happened.
So my oldest sister, Jen, was there.
Unfortunately, I had to go through and help my dad with everything that happened.
We got a call the next day and went home to find out,
and your, you know, your whole world's upside upside down.
You know, again, at 12 years old, I sometimes
think, like, if I was older, what would you do?
What would I have done differently?
And the first thing I would've done
was said, hey, dad, let's get rid of this house.
You know, this house is, you know,
nice big house that he was able to buy and afford to build in.
And now you basically got two incomes lost, you know, and,
and even at that, we don't need this big space anymore.
Let's try and, you know, so there's a lot of different things involved in it.
And, like I had said earlier, is that the,
the, the grief going through the, like the therapy of it,
again, I was I was 12 years old, and this woman's there trying to
help us process this, and we're passing the tissues around,
and she she can't even really hold it together.
And so that kind of scarred me a little bit.
It kind of put me at like, well, if this how this lady doesn't
seem to be able to help herself,
how she going to help me, you know, and not that I discredit,
you know, therapy and and going to talk with somebody I talked
with someone with my work background and, and everything.
Just at that time, you didn't have anybody,
didn't have anybody else that was going through it.
So I want it to be with my, my, my buddies, you know?
And my dad was like, basically giving us money to go to the apple
harvest festivals in town and, you know, to get our minds off it.
That's what he knew.
You know, the best to do. Yeah.
Staying busy.
It was like. A yes, they busy. Go, hey, go to the movies.
Can we do this? That. So,
it wasn't until I was a
little older till I was like, okay, I need to.
I need to process this, you know, and I did
speak out more about it to friends, family, things like that.
And then, really through my career in law enforcement, starting to deal
with, different calls, nature's of calls.
You know, it was like, okay, you know, there's
there's a saying, you know, that bucket is going to fill up.
And if you don't empty that bucket yourself, it's going to overflow.
So I'm big and peer support with the police department with, you know,
dealing with officers with the tragic, you know, events and situations and stuff.
So that just really when I started to learn like hey,
I need to take care of myself, you know so
started seeing a therapist out and talking and talking about it more.
And that's just it.
Like, if I had that knowledge to know that, hey, people are there for you,
you know, there's somebody that knows what you're going through.
I learned at a very early age, okay, I lost my mom, like I said.
And then it was like, poor me, why did why did this have to happen to me?
And, you know, a year, year and a half later, I was like, wow, like this.
This girl just lost both of her parents.
So it's not, you know, I have it bad.
Yeah, somebody else has.
It has worse situations, you know.
So it it's a good program to to.
So say you didn't have.
Sorry to go so you can have the woman passing around tissues crying.
So you had to empower a mentor there for you.
Yeah. How do you think your path.
So I really think that that would have changed
my maybe not my perspective on on it from from what had happened.
But yeah, I think realizing like, okay, like
I don't know you may saying this right.
Like I can normalize this, in normalizing, I mean, like
unfortunately it's it's part of life.
It's what happens, right?
Yeah.
Nobody wants it to happen,
but it is a part of life that, you know, the cards that you're dealt, if you will.
And, you know, this is how.
Hey, listen, there are ways to cope with this.
You are not, you know, as Kara says, you are not alone in this grief.
And how you strategically plan mentors with mentees.
I think they would have match someone up with you.
So that's what they we try to do is we.
Maybe like sports, they would have gone to a sports guy.
More specific to, a boy that lost a mom.
So I will be a mentor to a boy that lost his mother.
Yes. Yeah.
You try and do the same age, but I mean, if that if the boy was older,
the boy's younger.
At least you're relating to.
I'm a, man.
Or, you know, I was a young boy that lost his mother as well, so I could.
I could say I relate. I know what you're going through.
Yeah. You know.
Because.
Yeah, as a mentee, like, what do you know?
Right. Exactly. You don't know what I'm going through.
Well, yes, I know exactly what you're going through, so that's very strong.
Yeah.
Wow. Yeah.
Thank you for sharing person. Yes. No.
No problem. And.
So kind of the same similar.
But, I was 11 when I lost my mom.
It was sudden.
She went to bed, was fine, and she just never woke up.
It was, And she died of a heart attack.
Enlarged heart. So like a heart attack.
We didn't know she was sick.
My brother was eight, my sister was one, and my dad was by himself
navigating three kids under 11 and it was, you know,
I basically just kind of stepped up right away into being that mom role.
And, my sister, you know, was being one a baby.
There was, you know, I was in sixth grade,
which it's interesting because now I'm a sixth grade teacher.
So if you wonder, like, did that have some sort of impact
on where I landed and I mean, I, I relate to those kids.
I know those kids, you know very well.
I know what it's like to be having that,
you know, to not have somebody at that age.
And I think it was hard because we just never talked about it.
And I think that it
and I always thought it was not okay to talk about it, like I just felt like I was
it was like almost like I was embarrassed to talk about it.
And I think that for all I know, for a very long time,
I didn't talk about it, probably like 27 years.
I really didn't talk about it like like I am now.
Like, this is like mind blowing that I'm here
having this conversation with you, because that just never happened.
And until I found in power and actually my husband found it for me, it was
I was just when it started in Connecticut, it was right around Mother's Day.
They were running a piece on the news and he yelled to me,
you had to turn the TV on.
And I turned the TV on and I saw it, and I was like,
it was like, I've been waiting for this my entire life.
Like, where has this been?
And as soon as I saw it, I was like, I need to be involved in this immediately.
And I applied right away for a man to be a mentor that day.
And I just I couldn't wait to, like, I wanted to be somebody, somebody,
you know, and I just, I just knew that I could help somebody because
I needed I needed to
as much as I wanted, you know, it was for me to in a way, and
to now be here and talking about my mom and just about how it was a it's
okay to talk about grief and it's okay to talk about loss is in powerful.
And it's just that's what we want to be with the power.
And I, I say all the time, man, I wish somebody could have told me,
hey, you're going to get through it like it's survivable.
And to be able to turn to a girl and say that to them,
you're you're going to be okay.
You're going to get through this.
You know, there's kind of don't get me wrong, there's going to be days
that are terrible and that are really, really tough, but you're going to be okay.
And yeah, that's just.
Yeah, you can't hear inner voices and us talking.
This here helps us.
Yeah.
This here
knowing that people are going to hear and say, hey, listen, we're out here.
You're not alone.
We're here to to help you with a with a mentee or get him become a mentor.
Like it's therapeutic for our for us as well.
Yeah. We're not a therapeutic organization.
We're there for people.
But it really is like it's like a two way street to talk, talking to your mentee
and in talking to other people that have dealt with this,
it takes a little bit of that weight off to say, yeah, you're not alone.
And yeah, listen, we're all helping each other.
Yeah. Carelessly. They share the weight.
Yeah, we share the weight with each other. Share the weight.
Yeah. Like it.
And that's.
We are in power.org.
Yes we are in power.org.
Beautiful website, beautiful things going on.
Let's talk about the importance of.
So I didn't really realize it but now it's like the Mother's Day event.
Yeah. Everyone.
That's a huge day for someone that lost their mom because it's a reminder.
And so what goes on at a mother's day event?
Because their annual and they they seem to bounce around at different locations.
Yeah.
So the last last year was at Gillette Stadium.
This year is also going to be at Gillette Stadium.
And they anybody with any type of mother loss, can come.
So it can be a boy of mother lost or a girl
mother lost can come to the event free of charge.
And they have a whole day's planned event starts
really early in the morning and goes all the way to the after the afternoon.
The. That's actually how it started.
Kara actually originally started with that was her kind of like, seed idea,
where she was like, hey, I'm going to take a couple girls away for the day
on Mother's Day and just have a good day because Mother Day is terrible, right?
Like it's the worst day.
And it's not just Mother's Day anymore.
It starts in like April when you see
all the commercials for Mother's Day, and it's like the stores have all
what are you going to buy your mother?
And it's like,
or you're your teacher or you're at school
like, oh, we're going to make a poem for your mom.
It's like it's just in your face all the time.
So her idea was, I'm going to take these couple girls,
we're going to go to a hotel, we're going to get pampered.
We're going to I'm going to teach them how to do their hair
and their makeup, things that they might not know how to do.
And just have a good time.
And yeah, we can talk about mom if that comes up, but I want it to be
just like I want to lighten their load,
like kind of, you know, share, share the load for them.
And that's how it started.
So now this is like the the anchor event is the Mother's Day retreat.
And then when we expanded
from Empower Her to empower it now became a Father's Day retreat too.
So same kind of idea, still held at Gillette on Father's Day.
Do you go inside Gillette or around the outside?
So there's I'm trying to think, I actually didn't go to the Gillette.
We used to have one in Connecticut, for the past couple of years.
And then last year they moved it to Gillette.
Being a mom, it's hard to go to Gillette Stadium on Mother's Day, too, because I,
you know, I have my own two kids now, but, I know there is.
They've opened up different sections of Gillette.
Like, I know they went into, like the museum area and they are
they have huge rooms.
They're the home.
Base of we are in power is in Massachusetts, correct?
Correct. It's in Massachusetts.
And there's a, you know, Massachusetts.
It's a very large chapter.
So that's where they are doing.
That's where Kerry's from originally.
Kerry's from Southington originally, but now she's in Scituate, Massachusetts.
Yeah.
So yeah.
So the most at most
there's a lot of like I said, the chapter for Boston is rather large.
So they do it in that Boston area.
But anybody from empower can go.
So we're actually this year I'm trying to get some girls to come up
you know to on that day to actually our new
and Jeff Campbell who is amazing.
He said he drive a van of all the girls up.
So, we're, we're going to see if we can get a bunch of girls
from Connecticut to go up this year to to Gillette.
So it's a long day. It's powerful day.
But it's it's one of those bucket filling day
is for sure when you leave and you're like, that was amazing.
And you can look at you like everything.
Everybody. I'm not alone.
Not alone.
It's like key because I've heard it many times that you felt alone.
But now when you're surrounded by so many people.
Yeah. Not alone.
Loss is survivable.
Yeah. Losses survive. Okay. Yeah.
And what's the running events?
I know you do a couple running events. Yep.
So they get so you can sponsor. Sponsor.
I think there's a Falmouth road race that they do.
So anybody at any race can always sign up to be like team and power.
And you pledge to like, I think I.
Might say Falmouth race.
Maybe.
Yeah the cap Cape Cod, Cape Cod.
Yeah.
That won the road race. Cape Cod I think it's you know.
Yeah I think it's a 10-K. Yes.
I think it's really I think it's a, I think it may be a.
Ten or a half marathon.
I don't think it, I don't know up to half.
But it doesn't matter.
If I beat my cousin. Rich, that's all that matters.
Reach and I beat you 2010 two I think it's been a while.
I'm going to Cape Cod in a couple of.
Weeks during spring break. Break? Yes. Can't wait.
Falmouth.
Yeah, but any road race.
So you, you just you sign up to be an a power
and be pledged money and then they actually set you shirts
and things like that to wear to you for the race.
Oh, nice. Yeah.
And now, speaking of swag, I got some stickers I'd like to give
you be a good friends. Our motto.
And while we were doing this, Kiara,
you know, I said earlier, pick up trash, hold the door.
Be, charitable.
What makes Cara who started this?
What makes her a good friend.
Man? She's everything.
I mean, she's why we're here today.
Sitting here, and she took a risk. Thank you.
She she really, you know,
she knew what she wanted, and she said, you know, I'm going to
I'm going to take a risk on this.
And her husband was, you know, super supportive. You know, he's great.
He was like, okay, like do it.
And ever since then, she's just never looked back.
And she's driven and she knows what she wants.
And she sees how much she helps.
And she committed full time to this.
Or does she have like another job?
I believe this is no full time. This is it.
This is full time.
This is this is her her jam.
She does it.
She does it well. So. Yeah.
She's. Yeah. Well. Thank you.
We have a little something for you too.
Oh. All right. So thank you for having us.
This is great.
Power and power.
Of teachers. You know, teachers needs to.
Empower.
Yeah.
I love the choice.
And power is definitely.
It's, like catchy.
And it gets the point across.
We're empowering.
Any. Thank you for this.
You're welcome. Thank you for having us.
Any things that you think I missed or things that you'd like
to share?
Recommendations,
closing remarks, sponsors, sponsor.
Our event coming up and and, at the Aqua turf in May.
May 29th.
We're always looking for sponsors.
All the proceeds go to, to help us do these events and, and,
the mentorship program, we're trying to do,
as we get more mentees in the boys, I'm trying to get, yard goats games.
You know, you get these, you know, kids to go to.
Hey, let's go to a baseball game or let's go to a Wolfpack game.
Yeah.
You know, do a pick up, wiffle ball game, things like that, you know?
Great.
So, we're trying to also look for, mentors.
If you're 25 and older, you've had experience of, of,
mother loss or father loss, and you would, you know, interested in become a mentor.
We're really looking for mentors as well.
We're always looking for volunteers for our events, too.
If you haven't experienced a, you know, a loss of a parent,
you could still help out with, volunteering for some of these events.
We're always looking for people to help us out, so everything's there.
We are in power.org. Right? Right.
We are empowered.
Yeah, yeah. And I mean, I mean, it's just a ripple effect.
So that's the best way we get our mentors
and our mentee is is just by word of mouth podcasts like this.
So thank you for having us and I look forward to partnering with you.
And yeah, our mission is aligned.
So it's please.
Like and share it on social media.
When we post it out.
It's going to be on YouTube, Spotify and all the streaming platforms.
Put it on your website, share with friends.
And just some questions.
You hit one on the head.
But do you know someone who's 25 years old or older?
So we're looking for mentors.
Do you know any youth
that have experienced, tragedy so that they could be a mentee?
And we're looking for companies to donate and be a nonprofit.
And and this was important.
I felt like just talked about a lot.
I mean, you don't have to wait.
You don't have parent loss. It's okay.
We have volunteers at a variety ways.
Oh, no. I thought you're going to say, you're not alone.
I thought that I started to read, but I read that wrong.
But yeah, you are not alone.
But if you don't have parent loss, you could still volunteer, right?
So we have some people that are really passionate about,
you know, Cara's mission and empowers mission.
And they don't personally
have that parent lost connection, but they still want to give back.
And we have a lot of volunteers that help run our programs.
But I mean, it takes a lot to run a gala or even like a small event,
like a cooking class or like a, you know, a wiffle ball tournament like that.
It takes planning.
And those people or, you know, we're volunteer driven
and without the volunteers, we wouldn't be able to do what we do.
So and we always want to we want to serve as many possible youth as possible.
And so we just want to get out there and help as many people as we can.
Yeah.
All right.
You heard it here. First.
Become a volunteer, become a mentor.
Don't forget, this is a nonprofit.
And their mission has helped kids, teens
and young adults who have experienced heartbreaking loss of a parent.
And they do this through community services.
One on one over 700 people in over
700 children and young adults in Connecticut.
Huge event coming up
nationwide.
Sorry.
But no no no no no.
Open nationwide. Yep.
There's that reading part again.
Over 50 in Connecticut.
Over 50 and. 52 in. Connecticut.
Yeah that's right. Yeah.
But you know and you know Tommy's waiting for a mentor.
So it's like, you know, we could have a lot of mentors and and a lot of mentors.
So, you know, we're always looking for both.
So and I have to do as a teacher for 21
years, quickly before we go, who's your favorite teacher?
You have a favorite teacher I do.
Her name is Mrs. Knight. She was my fifth grade teacher.
I loved it, she read the BFG and we got to drink hot chocolate.
It was like the best. Yes.
Mrs. Countryman, first grade.
This is country right off.
Right off the half. She was just an awesome teacher.
I never forget her. Yeah, and now she's one of my neighbors.
She's actually, like to the street.
Down she comes walking through the neighborhood.
What, you send it to her to.
Send it to her? Absolutely.
Favorite teacher.
Well, thank you for being such great teachers.
You leave a lasting memory for you, for students,
I hope to be someone's favorite teacher someday.
21 year teacher, 16 year old, 16 year vet of the, You're on the job.
Oh, yeah.
That's that's cop talk for you.
Working to see.
But again, I can't thank you enough for being here.
Wonderful.
Learning more about we are empower.org again.
Bob Maxon is going to be there May 29th.
We're going to get him on the podcast.
Let's say we usually end by saying
be a good friend, but let's say empower first.
And then be. A good friend.
All right 123 empower.
Be a good. Friend.