well hello All You Beautiful
[Music]
People you know what time it
is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and
everyone in
between gather around get you something
real nice to sip on and comfy to slip
on cuz it's time for smut Club here's
your hosts Chelsea and
[Applause]
Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut
club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this
is the podcast where we uh daydrink and
review romance novels of uh varying
quality yeah I feels accurate yeah I
mean cuz some books we read and I'm like
this book slaps I would read it again
100% and then I think there are some
books that like were like I started
reading this and as soon as I started
reading it I started outlining it
because I knew I would review it and
could never look back right this is not
when I was going to reread for the Pod
this was happening one time yeah yeah
yeah de had those books where you you're
like sure I'm just picking up this
random one and you're like oh my God I
need to outline this
immediately like it was on a random list
on Tik Tok somebody like held up the
cover and I was like that looks
interesting and then I'm like nope I
made a mistake but I'm In Too Deep we
all right I think we've talked about
this a bit before because yes there are
those books that I'm like as soon as I
start reading this I start outlining it
but I think I've also finally started to
give myself freedom for just being like
this book blows and I don't want to like
this isn't bringing joy to my soul I
don't want to finish this yeah and I
think historically I would just be no
like you owe it to the author to finish
the book and then sometimes I'm like oh
my God I've been reading for days and
I'm at 20% of the way through painful no
yeah it's not worth it can't do this
well uh like Kristen Ashley I've
read probably 25 plus Ashley yeah well
and I feel like there are just some
series that you like you can pick them
up very casually and her series will
then have like seven or eight books and
so I'm like it's it's over time right uh
but there are also some Christian
Christen Ashley books where I'm like
this is um a little too long- winded for
me where I'm like we are 150 pages into
a 600 page book and nothing has happened
yet like I I I can't yeah please stop
asking me to well and there have been
times when like if it's in a series like
that where each one follows a different
couple or whatever but there's stuff
about the overall storyline you need for
the next one I'll read like the first
and last three
chapters and I'm like I feel like I got
it like I got the IST that's fair
yeah and I do feel like most books give
you enough of a refresher yeah unless
it's
like a series like a mafia series where
each book is like 180 pages and it ends
on a cliffhanger and then the next book
just starts and they're like we expect
you to know what you're getting into we
will not be going back right yep um but
today we actually have what I've I've
never read fourth of I smut before me
either I'm excited but I love smut for
every
occasion so if you're looking for um
some patriotic smut this is our sparkly
holiday
smut and I will also be clear it's
really not that
patriotic I'm good with that it's like
it starts on 4th of July and that's why
we're here that's why it's 4th of July
duh good to know right so all right we
should probably tell you what the book
is today we are reading not so lucky um
not is with a K like tying the knot um
by trilina pooie and before we turn the
mics on we had a very long conversation
trilina if we are mispronouncing any
part of your name please let us know we
assumed poochie like Tucci CU then we
had a very long conversation about how
wonderful Stanley Tui is shout out to
Stan would love to have you on the show
whenever whenever you want to read some
SM schedule
whenever you're rolling through North
Georgia holl at your girls we're here
we're here for you and we are very
willing to review trashy romance novels
with you um okay so not so lucky is We
are following Eleanor and crew are the
are the two main characters here it's
dual point of view for a lot of the book
like it doesn't really necessarily
matter that it's dual point of view but
there are points where I'm like okay
this goes more prominent so we are um
opening with Elanor Elanor is on the
phone with her sister Samantha um as she
is leaving a hotel looking a hot mess in
a dress that the buttons have been torn
off and uh the ultimate Walk of Shame
right right kind of energy I'm telling
her sister how the night before she uh
got drunk in Vegas married crew Matthews
who's the quarterback for the Vegas
Raiders sure yeah uh and her sister's
only response was are you trying to
break dad's heart he's a lifelong ners
fan I'm like I love the priorities here
yes yeah so she's like listen I I
married crew Matthews [ __ ] his friends
and now I'm I'm headed back to my hotel
[ __ ] his friends yeah they're uh
they're all willing to share noted yeah
oh so is this a reverse Harum no okay
all right it is not a reverse harm just
some people who like to have a good time
okay right sure yeah so we that's where
we open and then we like rewind for a
little bit of additional context to the
day before um where it is 4th of July
Elanor is flying into Vegas um from the
bay area in California okay is that San
Francis San Francisco yeah
I accidentally spilled some vodka
already listen I've never lived in
California I also grew up in the Tampa
Bay area there's a lot of bay areas
Hannah why why is that your because I
just started thinking about sitting on a
Dock of the Bay by Otis reading because
he says in there he's on The Frisco Bay
um no I just got very I started thinking
of Anchor Man and San Diego
go and then like when he's like and this
is what that stand was it whales vag yes
yes I'm pretty sure it doesn't pretty
sure it does like that's and then I was
like I am getting very off track and
getting my city SK we're in the weeds
for all of it anyway they're in Vegas
but she's from the Bay Area uh she is an
esthetician who was working on opening
her own Salon oh yes um so they get to
Elanor and her bestie Millie get to the
janky ass motel that they booked uh and
it is creepy as [ __ ] and Elanor is like
Millie what the [ __ ] like you're the one
who booked this place like and we need
to find a new place and she was like you
went through a travel agent and Millie's
like well like she's not really a travel
agent she's more of like a travel
blogger I saw her on Tik Tok she made a
video about which hotel to stay at based
on your star sign and you know I'm a sad
Arius oh my God Hannah if you ever
booked a trip for us and said I booked
this hotel cuz you know I'm a cancer I
just can't help
myself well I what I would say is I
booked this because you're a Cancer and
I'm doing this for you Hannah you were
born a day before me we are both cancer
I know but I would make it your fault
Chelsea you're just feeling extra
cancery right now so I booked this for
you you know you can't recognize the
support I'm giving because you're a
Cancer and I can give you Grace for that
I think and I could be wrong here but I
think that's what they call gaslighting
I was going to say yeah yeah no I heard
it please don't Gaslight me about future
hotels outside of that we'll be good but
the problem is that it's 4th of July so
so everything is booked and they they
can't find another place um they end up
going out
dancing um because that is what they are
there in Vegas to do is to live the
Vegas fun for Fourth of July weekend
right have a good time yes and as
they're uh at the bar ordering their
drinks like a super like cute guy comes
up on one side of her and then a super
cute guy comes up on the other side of
her and she's like looking between them
and it's like oh like is this the part
where I'm supposed to choose and they're
like why choose
sure strong opener yeah yeah yeah um
this is now when we're going to switch
to Cruz perspective and our introduction
to him his buddies are waking him up his
buddies Nate and TJ were the dudes who
were on either side of Elanor got it in
her mental image he is very hung over uh
but like recalling last night and he's
like they're like do you remember what
happened last night he's like yeah I got
married and y'all [ __ ] my wife we all
like what a way to wake up well but he
woke up late because his trainer is
there because right he's an nete yeah
he's an NFL quarterback she's a Tiny
Terror named Claire that they are all
completely terrified of I love that yes
it always makes me laugh um and he finds
a note from Elanor that like
has her number and her location and is
like I want a divorce call me love you
bye yeah so he calls his laer and he's
like you're you're going to work for all
that money I pay you today his La is
like are you [ __ ] kidding me but then
his lawyer uh his lawyer's name is Josh
Josh's sister is Barrett who is a cruise
agent and so Josh is like did you tell
Barrett yet he's like no got to figure
that one out she doesn't need to know
really surely this won't impact anything
be like a quick and dirty enement nobody
has to know you're like de not my agent
this can stay under RPS those Vegas
chapels aren't like super Johnny on the
spot with the paperwork I'm sure we can
like before they file it you
know I have a friend who is a
photographer here in North Georgia and
she just shot
um in a lopment in Vegas oh cool in the
photos where I'm
like damn it those are cool wedding
photos yeah I'm like this couple's just
so cool like I'm like I've never looked
at someone's wedding photos and
explicitly thought God damn they look
cool
like like I've obviously looked at I'm
like they're so beautiful I'm like right
I'm like dang these people look like a
Vibe yeah I don't think I have either no
no I don't know if I could have gotten
married in Vegas I'm I'm sure I could
have but when I was asked to leave a
casino once and I've been afraid to go
to a casino ever since then and it's not
that great a story but I was
12 and I was there visiting my uncle who
lived in Vegas and he really wanted to
place a bet on some ponies and me and my
sister were not allowed in the area
where you place the bets so just left us
on the floor of the casino and I was 12
and I wanted to play nickel slots and if
there's one thing you shouldn't do in a
casino when you're underage it's Play
Nickel slots so we were asked to leave
and my uncle was
banned from the
casino I mean I I kind of get why
yeah but you weren't banned from the
casino no but I have like this core
memory of like I can't go back back
there I saw this post online where this
guy's like yeah met this dude who like
apparently got banned from a bar in 78
and it was like surely like that doesn't
still stand and he walked in recently
like get the [ __ ] out of here
Dan God damn it Dan you know the rules
I'm like that's you and this casino even
though you were 12 and they were like
clearly this 12-year-old's not at fault
but you're like I can't get married in a
Vegas I could never I could never by an
Elvis impersonator because one time I
played nickel SLO as a they don't have
Elvis impersonators anymore you can
bring your own you could bring your own
but the them have them at all no there
was some licensing thing maybe it got
resolved but a few years ago there was a
licensing thing they they weren't
allowed to have elice impersonators in
the wedding
chapels B
yoe yes anyway all right so he [ __ ] you
all [ __ ] my wife and then we see Cruz
little flashback the day before where
he'd been meeting with his agent Barrett
about the transition to the 49ers so he
is switching from the Raiders to the
49ers and his besties TJ and Nate will
be joining him um but this deal has been
set and his agent's like listen no no
more media scandals like keep keep your
head down and we do like we find out
kind of throughout the book I don't
really remember exactly when it's not
the most important but like I guess like
with crew as the quarterback the Raiders
had like lost a Super Bowl and he was
being interviewed by ESPN and went off
on how much of a dumbass the owner of
the team was nice yes in a way that it's
like yeah maybe uh maybe another team
would would be a better fit for us here
right it's time to transition so as he
is talking to his agent about all of
this he's like getting texts from uh
Nate and TJ that's are like you need to
like meet us at the club like we got
some wild ones like there's this one
girl that like she is
like mint and he just goes dibs have not
seen her text text them dibs before he
has even made it to the bar uh when he
gets to the bar though and like gets to
where they're all hanging out his eyes
lock with her as she's the one who's
like dancing on a table with a champagne
bottle with a sparkler flying out of the
top it's like very much the the party
she trips falls into his
arms and he's like I am about this right
yes this is
fantastic um so the two of them are very
like locked in with each other and kind
of flirting all night and they all end
up on a party bus and he's like you you
should come home with me and she's like
well sure what are you
offering oh we're bargaining now got it
so she stands up on the party bus and
goes hey he's saying I should come home
with him anyone else have a better offer
like what and so like one of the dudes
TJ is like I'll I'll lift a boom box
over my head like react say
anything and Nate's like I'll get your
name tattooed on my ass and crew is like
marry
me right and that's how we got here and
this is how we got there so now back to
present um Elanor is looking a hot mess
but she finally gets back to her hotel
but also in like the true tragic walk of
shame I was going to say Walk of Fame
but no Walk of Shame oh uh yeah I
remember once going to Austin over a
spring break with a friend of mine mhm
and uh there had been this like huge I
guess like annual party that happens on
Greek Road there and we're driving down
Greek Road the morning after and I will
never forget this girl was wearing like
a neon tank top and a fanny pack
like hair all a
skew just limping down in a way that I'm
like I don't know if me stopping to ask
you if you need a ride um would make
this better or worse for you yeah I was
like because I was like this we might
end up being those people in the story
that you're like and then I looked so
tragic these weirdos these weirdos
driving down the street asked if they
could help they banged a UI to come ask
if I was okay
to be fair she looked more like right of
passage Walk of Shame home not uh like
injured yeah not like if we don't
intervene she won't get home she stumble
into a bush
yeah like I don't she didn't look like
she would be on the news as like haven't
been seen like [ __ ] we saw her this is
on us no right just I'm like oh we've
all been there we have yeah yeah well Le
we forget the time that I had been
partying and then I I was not driving my
car when this happened but a whole a
bottle of whiskey fell over in the back
seat and soaked the the
mats but I was uh the lay youth pastor
at a church at the time and we were
launching the youth minist like the new
youth ministry programming the next
morning that Sunday sure and I was
supposed to drive students in my car M
so the morning we're launching I'm at
the church and I'm like hey
guys I can't drive anyone
today if you need to smell my car you'll
understand I'm happy to take a
breathalyzer but like my car re like my
car smelled so bad I was like I probably
wreak of it walking into church oh my my
God that's rough
dude like no it's like can you get
contact drunk like I'm like sitting in
your hot box car you had some water on
your hands earlier and I thought you
were rubbing vodka into them were you
trying to get contact drunk on the Vodka
on your hand
maybe okay so Elanor gets back to the
hotel room but she like gets there like
after checkout had already happened but
all of her stuff is still in the room so
the door is locked but she doesn't have
her wallet cuz it's in the room and her
phone has now died of course and she's
like at the point where she's like am I
going to have to give this dude a really
sketchy [ __ ] to get like she's like I
just need my wallet I just need a wallet
or a phone charger I'm just trying my
best at this point where is her friend
uh Millie had hooked up with a
DJ sure well I think she was maybe
already hooking up with him when this
one started cuz they're hanging out with
him so all right this book had started
as like the third book in the second
book in a three book series okay the
first book had been 10 in Tinsel I think
oh right which is about her sister
Samantha and is an actual reverse Harum
right um and it cuz like the whole
series had been like the holiday series
sure and then this book was the second
one then the third book is
Valentine's um and it's about Millie oh
okay and TJ and Nate oh that one like
just released in 2024 okay but I noticed
was when I downloaded the third what
three ways to mend a broken heart I
think is like what the third one's
called uh but it looked like it had
shifted where it wasn't holiday book 3
it was destination love book
two and then this was destination love
book
one but the series has yeah it's like
they she decided to change the series
right but like forgot to update it so
I'm I was a little confused by that if
I'm being honest not that it actually
impacts my ability to read the book
right but I'm like what oh so is this a
two book series or a three book series
and we've switch names we switch series
I don't really get it oh well not really
relevant uh Millie gets there is just
like laughing watching this whole
exchange pays the dude they get back in
their room um and then Eleanor goes out
to her car to get a charger and has at
this point missed a text from crew
because her phone was dead crew being
like hey we got a meeting with a
judge I'm on my way to pick you up yeah
let's get you but then it's also funny
because she's in her car charging her
phone and crew like opens the car door
and she just starts attacking good for
her like doesn't open her eyes just
starts like blindly swinging and she's
like how do I recall all of like the
like defense training I've had so she's
just shouting like Punch Kick go for the
vulnerable
areas and Cruz like open your [ __ ]
eyes
that's awesome at one point she's
shouting she's like I'm the wrong
demographic to get
[Laughter]
trafficked and he's like no one's trying
to traffic you open your eyes I texted
you I was coming you're my
wife he's like you might only be my wife
for another hour but God damn girl not
trying to kill
you so they're now heading to the
courthouse running late uh Cruz like
what about one last ROM
for for Old Time sake and Eleanor is
like I don't double dip my fun dick and
he's like what she's like you know like
fun dip but dick I don't double
dip she's like I'll make out with you
some so they end up like making out I
think I love her in like a hot mess way
of like I hope you grow but also I love
this stage for
you after reading three ways to mend a
broken heart I really don't think she's
gross good to know I can adjust my hopes
but this is kind of the just like unfl
flappable like funny energy this whole
is is the whole book
1,000% um but as they're walking into
the judges Chambers uh Josh the lawyer
is like get he's like okay you guys were
too drunk to consent to what you like
you do not remember it like and they
were like well that feels a bit like
stretching the truth but if that's kind
of what we we need to say that that's
fine but then like Elanor and Josh are
like laughing it up and then crew is a
little bit like what the [ __ ] is my
lawyer flirting with my wife and I'm
like she's not going to be your wife bro
you you gotta you got to let it go right
you can't call dibs anymore you're
getting divorced and she doesn't want to
double dip anyway so
maybe let her do a single dip with your
lawyer
sorry single dip I was trying I know we
were saying double dip but there's
something about single dip that feels it
feels bad it felt bad when I said
it you're like Chelsea I need to know I
didn't feel good saying it
either so as they
are now um in the judges Chambers and
they're sitting there and so they're
like saying like yep we were too drunk
we don't remember judge is like so I
just want to like confirm that that's
the truth because lying even in Chambers
is is
perjury and they're like yeah it's the
truth and then the judge pulls out his
phone and opens Eleanor's Instagram
where she' posted a
real of everyone laughing around them
her like legs around crew's waist sort
of energy being like I just married crew
Matthews and then making out and they're
like the problem is we only look five
out of 10 drunk in that
video cuz we were only five out of 10
drunk and Elanor is like that video is
private and he's like the judge is like
your Instagram is
public [ __ ] whoops yes and so then he's
like well I can't offer you an analment
because you're not meeting the criteria
for an analment and he's like and for
divorce one of you must be a citizen
and uh crew has been living in like the
penthouse of a hotel in Vegas but right
has not is not technically a Nevada
resident um and so they're like well
would you grant him like good faith
citizenship to do this and then they're
like oh well like if he weren't leaving
to go to a different team and then crew
is crew and his lawyer are starting to
pick up on what's going on and Elanor is
just like oh he's a football fan do
something
football autograph something yeah she's
like do you want to sign something here
grab something yeah crew do it you have
a football right people just carry them
like sign it while crew and Josh are
sitting there seeing that uh he has a
specialty Jersey that was limited
release that was just the owner's best
friends who got them after winning a
championship the one that crew talked
mad [ __ ] about on ESPN yeah yeah yeah I
see so as soon as they see what the uh
like what Jersey it is sitation [ __ ]
[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] and so then
crew starts like going off and it's
starting to get really angry to the
point that like Eleanor jumps on his lap
and starts making out with him and she's
like do not make this worse like you
yelling at this judge is not going to
get us out of this shut the [ __ ] up we
will figure this out you are not helping
me yes you you not helping anyone in
this yourself or me Shut the [ __ ] up I
will distract you by making out with you
in front of your your the judge and your
lawyer
yeah um which really made me
laugh so now afterwards they haven't
left the courthouse yet but um Eleanor
is FaceTiming her sister and Millie and
telling them about the
ruling and her sister's kind of like so
you have to stay married to the hot
football player for a month
dang and and you wanted me to feel bad
for
you I like her yeah all of them like the
whole time you're like this is the right
level yeah because Ellen was sitting
there and she's like what's the football
equivalent of a Swifty cuz that's what's
[ __ ] happening here this football
Swifty and now I can't get a
divorce there's so many football
swifties now though well and you know to
be fair this book was written before
Travis Kelsey and tayor Swift started
dating which makes it even funnier I
also was laughing cuz I saw a post that
uh in an interview they asked uh Machine
Gun Kelly
like three thoughts or critic like
something of like some maybe it was uh
the new Taylor Swift album I forget what
exactly it was I just not Machine Gun
Kelly's response was you're out of your
[ __ ] mind if you think I want any
smoke with that fan base like I am not
saying [ __ ] against her he said you want
me to fight Eminem 100% you you want me
to threaten Dr Dre no problem you want
me to talk [ __ ] about Swift no we won't
be doing
that and not actually I think because of
Taylor no I love that so much actually I
don't want any smoke with that fan
that's really
good um so as Elanor is sitting there
telling her sister and bestie about this
she is hearing crew on the phone
updating his people and he's real pissed
and like making a couple comments that
like she knows aren't targeted towards
her but are still kind of shitty where
and he's like this judge is trying to
like [ __ ] me over with last night's
[ __ ] like are you [ __ ] me yeah and
she's like excuse me this is high class
right right yeah like not actual
offended were you not trying to get in
it again and I said no come on now [ __ ]
like yeah you wanted it an hour ago
don't call me laugh
used [ __ ]
exactly you get it yeah and so she's
like whatever [ __ ] it I'm not going to
uh I'm not going to sleep with them for
the next so the the full explanation is
that the judge said you need to stay
both of you need to stay with your feet
in Vegas for the next 30 days for me to
Grant the divorce got it yes so we're
stuck here which means she can't go back
and work on her business and he might
have issues with his new
team yeah yeah like I think he was
missing part of training camp or
something like that um something in that
that General wheelhouse but then crew
walks up and he's like we need to we
need to go and she's like I'm still on
FaceTime and so he just grabs her phone
and looks at them and he's like hey
great to meet you we need to go hangs up
and then he's like the paparazzi are out
front because they think the Judge
called them and he's like so we need to
sneak out the
back
um but as they are also kind of having a
an actual conversation about everything
now um crew is really nervous that this
could [ __ ] up the deal with the ners um
but not just because it's his deal but
because TJ and Nate are his best friends
who are supposed to be making this
transition with him right and so elino
is like okay like I'm happy to to stay
and play ball and do what's needed so
that it doesn't [ __ ] all three of you
over but kind of more like TJ and Nate
don't deserve this because we decied to
get married last night which I thought
was kind well and also as her sister
said before so you get to live with a
hot football player you're married to
I'm not that upset for you my heart
breaks for you yeah do you see me
weeping over here over this situation
never been more upset um so Elanor is
texting her sister and bestie Millie
that she's like listen nothing's going
to happen keeping in my pants this is I
just need to stay here for 30 days but
like her and crew had already kind of
like agreed that like we just need to
get through this and get to the other
side but crew grabs her phone to try and
see who she's texting and then end up
starting a new thread like adds his name
to the phone starts a new thread and
it's like hey new bet I have Eleanor
screaming My Name by tonight and for
each day I don't I'll pay you guys
$1,000 if I get her to scream my name
she has to delete her roster from her
phone yeah well at one point like TJ and
N like why did you want her to delete
her roster bro right why do you care
yeah and like did you want her to like
not have other dudes names on her phone
he's like no because I think it's funny
and inconvenient and Petty and we're
like
sure if that's what you need to convince
yourself of true yeah it was funny
because I read this book I know sometime
in 2023 but reading it this time I do
feel like I was envisioning Travis
Kelsey more even though he's not
actually the quarterback for his team
but that was who I was kind of
envisioning with the energy right um so
crew was like all right how do I seduce
my wife he's like not romantically I'm
just trying to get it in just physically
yes so he text his trainer
Claire you're a woman yes literally you
get it
hey how do I seduce her like how do I
get her into me and he's like she's like
what do I get out of why would I help
you and he's like I won't complain for
the next month during wind Sprints and
she's like two months he's like fine
whatever so she goes okay shirtless gray
sweatpants roll out your
quads you know okay and he's like wait
what and she's like trust me it'll
work which you know I hadn't really
thought of uh quad rolling as
sexual because I used to do it like at
like a crossfit gym where there's like
10 of you all like there's nothing
sexual about this I've like I've never
actually thought of using that as ation
ttic right like like and I also don't
necessarily think this is Matt's energy
but I'm just like yeah what would you do
if you walked into your house you got
home from recording today and Matt
shirtless Gray swep
pants pelvic thrusting that quad roller
on the floor I would wonder if he hurt
himself and I would also wonder where he
got a quad roller like a foam roller I
would wonder where he got it cuz I have
one he doesn't know where it is he are
you hiding it no it's in the guest
bedroom closet that he doesn't go in
ever for any reason so I'd be like well
and I would clearly you're not rolling
out that much if it's in the guest
bedroom closet so he would not have that
thought at all you know what I have
started doing I got an acupressure mat
yes it's am
amazing it's amazing I love it is it as
uncomfy as they say for the first like 2
minutes yeah it is um you can do like a
a thin like tank top or t-shirt on okay
that makes sense but I have done it with
and without and it it was fine without
but
um Matt gets so upset every time I do it
he's like cover that [ __ ] up that looks
horrible and I'm like but I feel so much
better he's like I don't care I don't
like it I don't I don't like it he gets
so upset like because it looks like I've
been stabbed a bunch bunch of times with
tiny needles he doesn't like it not a
fan you know I get where that could be a
little
disconcerting yeah not quite the same
but um Vance has done various forms of
martial arts for years and years and
years
but he came home from uh
jiujitsu and I was like is your face
okay and he was like yeah there was like
an an overeager 20-year-old who like
didn't understand I think you just need
to lift your mic or slouch I tried to
lift it and it's
not there you go you nailed it I was
really afraid I was going to break
it sometimes I Don't Know My Own
Strength In the kindest way I can say
this
knowing the setup we have and having a
rough idea of your strength I don't I
don't know if you have enough to break
it but also I'd laugh my ass off if I if
you breathed on it and it sh I would cry
I would cry I understand how expensive
equipment is I'd be like I'm so
sorry yesterday I couldn't get the top
off my water bottle and I had to ask one
of the nurses to do it and I was like
Brian will you please open my water
bottle and he went and like just opened
it with like no effort I was like cool
cool cool that's good you could have at
least pretended to take a deep breath
before I know and there was a patient
right there and he just kind of looked
at me and I was
like thank
you so long I'm just going to back
away my goal has been achieved I'm go
you're like I loosened it for you right
like I did I didn't say that I did think
it but I felt like it wouldn't help me
to say it out loud because they knew
they knew and I knew everybody knew so
you know I have to say there's something
about um Gatorade bottles
specifically I I don't know if it's just
the type we get I think it's just normal
Gatorade but godamn maybe it's that I'm
only drinking Gatorade when I'm sick
right and I'm always like I do not have
the strength to open this
bottle ever like I've
like had to take a break and come back
and try again it's like I'm just sick
and want some cerade and I can't open
the
but nothing will send you over the edge
quicker than when you don't feel good
and can't get the top off of your
medicine or the drink that you want or
whatever like that's I'm also just going
to throw on top of that uh after having
a kid there's nothing like worse than
like being sick and you're like all
right I'm trying to make this bottle I'm
trying to like like there have been days
where I've been sick and like knocked
over a bottle of formula and like [ __ ] y
this we're like Vance will walk out of
our like the office or his like our
bedroom and be
like I'm just going to step in for a
minute it seems like you might need to
go lay down I was like well I was trying
to make the bottles the bottle fell over
and I spilled powder formula everywhere
and then I went upstairs we were out of
diapers and out of wipes and so then I
had to open them but then we didn't have
a new box and then I didn't have
scissors for the box
like and I like I'm just sick and trying
my best I'm just really
tired but having chronic illness that uh
is also just a way of life at this point
yep
yeah I have thought about buying those
uh jar grippers I was going to say yeah
and then I think my husband said aren't
those for elderly people with arthritis
and I said shots fired they're also for
me said they're also for 30s something's
trying their best don't you like how
delicate my hands are do you want me to
rip them up on a gatorade bottle
seriously soft hands I'm going for a
soft life over here and this Gatorade
bottle is [ __ ] up my
[ __ ] all right so they now get back to
the hotel because Elanor is now moving
in with him and out of the the janky
Motel she'd been staying at when they
get back she's just like go get my best
friend and goes into the bedroom and is
like leave me alone yeah but she's also
like damn it we just made this bet and I
already need to take a shower to cool
off but as she gets out of the shower
she hears that TJ and Nate have shown up
and they have Millie in toe but they
like throw open the door to Cru suite
and they're like where's our girl and
he's like you where what do you mean our
girl he's just crew is I wrote adorably
mythed a at like watching them interact
with her and's like no she she's mine
but like when Eleanor hears them she's
still naked from the shower and she's
like [ __ ] I need to cover up so she just
like grabs the cover off the like the
comforter off the bed but then she's
like it wasn't tucked in on the bottom
like I anticipated so I pulled with more
effort and then like fell because she
pulled too hard
yeah a very much one of those
um crew comes in helps like put her back
on her feet but it's like stop flirting
with the
bench my two best friends the bench the
bench and then Eleanor is like cover up
gray sweatpants don't work on me you're
being
desperate that's good but then
internally Elanor is like God damn those
gray sweatpants right um crew
is has left to work out the next day
Eleanor and Millie are enjoying their
kind of like final weekend party Fourth
of July part right I'm like it starts on
Fourth of
July that's really the the extent of it
the extent of the of the Fourth of July
smut yeah um but Elanor and Millie are
at the pool and they are having a great
time and then suddenly they look up and
they're like that's crew and he has TJ n
on either side of him looks pissed and
they're like dancing in the pool at the
pool club and he just charges in fully
clothed because he's like you are acting
he's like several people have sent
photos like you cannot be out here
acting single and she's and she starts
like are you [ __ ] shaming my bikini and
like blah blah blah and he's like no and
just takes her like the cheap dice
wedding ring out of the pocket and he's
like you need to put your [ __ ]
wedding ring back on and she's like oh
he wasn't knocking my clothes okay okay
my bad I got a little
hot I can wear the ring
um and then he ends up throwing her over
his shoulder to take her back to the
room because he wants to [ __ ] her but
when he throws her over his shoulder
people start like whistling when they
see her ass so then he grabs a pillow
off one of the chairs to cover her ass
as they keep
walking and then just like shouts and
he's like hey tweedles
Tweedle de and yeah Tweedle Dum yeah
well no what do they call it's not
Tweedle de and Tweedle Dum that they
call them they call them the tweedles
but it's like something funnier in the
book that is escaping me but he's like
get Millie to the airport we'll see
y'all later and takes her up to the room
um they start
having what I would call pretty
aggressive sex but they're both very
into it so it works um but I have some
quotes for you yeah
um just like we start uh where we start
bottom of the the barrel is I would have
never stopped eating you out had I known
you tasted this good at the from from
the jump we're starting there okay um
and so then Elanor is like what do I
taste like you taste like
[ __ ] he puts his fingers in her then
puts those fingers in her mouth and says
[ __ ] taste good open wide for Daddy
I just wanted to watch your face as I
read all these CL you um and then I was
going to take a sip of something and I
was like I'm going to wait actually
until you're done with no I am I'm going
to I feel
daring and then we got a like you're a
dirty little [ __ ] aren't you you you
keep being a good girl and I'll let you
do a little comparison between your
[ __ ] and my
[ __ ] so then he finishes eating her out
and then that was on the counter and
then he moved over to the couch and then
[ __ ] her like leaned her over the
couch to [ __ ] her sure but then comes in
her mouth sure so she can compare
thoughtful yeah yeah for
science for science did I ever tell you
about the time a guy said that to me not
in that
context sorry I'm so sorry not in that
context
man not in that context no I I had gone
out with him a couple of times and he
got like weirdly clingy and [ __ ] and
like I was really not into it at all
but he was very sweet and so I was
trying not to be mean or anything and
but I I went to Florida and this was
when like some things had happened like
big newsworthy things so I was going to
see family but then I wound up doing
like some volunteer work with that kind
of stuff
and he texted me like a few days later
and he was like I just want to
understand what went wrong between us
you never reached back out and I was
like you you knew that I was going going
to Florida you knew that like this
terrible thing happened like right near
where I grew up like you knew those
things like why like why are you being
weird about it but he went on this whole
long thing about um I really really
liked you and um I I understand if you
don't want to continue but can you
please just tell me what I did wrong for
Science and I never responded to him
Hannah if we take out the first science
portion why didn't you tell that man
what he did wrong
well I did tell him I was out of town
and I likely would have maybe gone out
with you again if you had asked I didn't
hate spending time with you but you were
really too much and then he asked more
questions and I didn't respond to those
cuz they were like Point proof in that's
all the science I'm going to give you no
that's very fair and I'll give you that
I I
realized back like right before I met my
husband where I was like you know these
conversations are uncomfortable but
dudes won't learn I was like yeah and I
started sending very uncomfortable
messages explaining why like I wasn't
going back out and I was like I want you
to know why yeah like I I don't want to
be an [ __ ] who ghost you hey you sent
me three voice notes at 3:00 a.m. that
didn't have any sound it was
unsettling what were you doing yes well
and also one of the dudes that I was
like we we'd hung out we'd had a great
time and at the time I was working um I
was working crisis and so I wasn't
working traditional hours I worked
second shift but my second shift was
2:00 p.m. to 2: a.m. Monday Tuesday
Wednesday right so we' hung out like I
don't know the Friday before
whatever and I was like yeah I had fun
um but did just want to let you know
like I have work and then I have family
coming to town and then I have work
again so like I will not be able to like
hang out again for at least two more
weeks and got the text back if you don't
want to hang out you can just say
so Okie doie good sir absolutely not
thanks for letting me
know yeah I'm
like you're not the catch in this
situation as shitty as that sounds oh my
God that sounded so prideful get I get
it but I was just like yeah I'm so
grateful not to be dating anymore cuz
now I'm like going through all the with
that I was like oh my God o I also
frequently think about like who I
thought I would marry when I was like 18
yeah and being like thank God I didn't
marry that person that like I was so
heartbroken it didn't work out right but
looking back I'm like I cannot imagine
being married to someone other than my
husband absolutely and not because I
don't understand how marriage works
right like I understand
like how to make a marriage successful
like from the like you could be married
to anyone when it comes to communication
when it comes to coexisting and living
in the same space but just like the day
in and day out of sharing your life with
someone I'm like it's a lot yes it's it
takes a lot it really does yeah and you
know me I am obsessed with my husband
and love him more than anything but the
man also refuses to admit when he's sick
and blames everything on allergies even
when it's the debt of
winter and even at that I would still
marry him a thousand times over yeah I
told Matthew other day that he loads the
dishwasher like a sociopath and it makes
me
uncomfortable it it it really does drive
me up a [ __ ] wall what does he do put
all of the cups face
up no no but he will sometimes lay
things on their sides so then they have
water in them but he just will just
there's no Rhyme or Reason like things
are not together we could fit more in
like but you know what I have gratitude
that he is willing to load the
dishwasher I'm a bowl on the bottom
person and my husband is a bowl on top
person right and at this point I think
it's whoever just starts loading the
dishwasher first is like the one that
will follow yeah because earlier on I
was so like it's the principle of the
thing so I would move all of the bowls
to the bottom then I was like you know
what I keep moving him he keeps putting
them on
top I'm just accepting this is my
reality now going to make my life so
much easier moving forward yeah and by
so much easier I mean minimally easier
because dishwashing really isn't that
big of a thing it's more the serenity of
it that I'm not like upset about it but
no I really did have a moment where I
was like just don't even load it and
then I was like Hannah how amazing is it
that he does the dishes like maybe calm
down I remember being in high school and
my dad uh told me I was loading the
dishwasher wrong and I told him then he
could load it instead because I had seen
him do
it how did that go um I don't think my
father was prepared for that answer I
also told him the same thing when he
told me I wasn't folding his socks
properly and said well this feels like a
great opportunity for you to fold your
socks how you want them I'll just leave
them on your
bed yeah I'm sorry uh Ralph and Chris I
think a lot of that [ __ ] backfired on
you and you were like that was not the
answer we were expecting I can't wait
for little for to grow up and start
having that level of
SASS and he already has that level of s
I know but like
verbally Oh you mean like how he's not
supposed to touch the dog bowl but he
put his one pinky toe on it and now
whenever I see him sitting by it I'll go
forward and he'll just go no no no no no
and shake his head and then put his hand
in that water
[Laughter]
ble well you're my kid no doubts yeah
never had a single doubt confir that
this
[ __ ] is
mine that's awesome so after they have
this really great
sex I don't know if she ever for science
gave a definitive answer on which tasted
better but uh after they're both like
wow that was so
good and Elanor goes yeah if you're
going to be out 30,000 I'll at least
make it good and he's like the [ __ ] do
you mean and she's like you didn't win
the bet he's like what do you mean I
didn't win the bet and she goes you said
you'd have me screaming your name I
didn't say your name
once hey and he's like oh my
God I love her yes as incredible as you
should
uh Millie texts her and is like thanks
for the four
grand and she's like what are you cuz I
so there's a lot that's not captured in
this book just
it is very witty and very sharp and very
fny and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it
but there's also a lot of like text
exchanges and like the new groups that
they've made so like crew texting the
group and uh Elanor leaving the group
chat so when Millie's like thanks for
the four grand Eleanor's like are you
still in a group chat with my husband
and she's like yeah why obviously why
wouldn't we be um
but then Millie's also kind of like just
wanted to check in cuz like having a one
night stand is different from living
with a partner and coexisting with a
partner that you're sleeping with day in
and day out and uh just just wanted to
check in on that and Eleanor is like
just very much brushes it off right um
and he like no I'm good and you're like
art are you good though um they flash a
little bit forward crew and Eleanor are
walking through the hotel and thinking
about what they're going to grab for
dinner and like the super fan comes up
and is
uh very obsessed with crew and Eleanor
just like sees how kind and patient crew
is with the super fan but then crew is
also like has his arm around Ellie and
like making sure she is okay and safe
and like feeling okay but the Super Fan
like yeah we were in Vegas getting
married this weekend like she's been
trying to convince me forever hahaa
heard you just got married too right bet
your wiped in half to convince you of
anything she's smoking hot like that
sort of
[ __ ] oh no yes but one of the things
that Eleanor noted is that when the fan
wants to take a photo with crew he tries
to put his like arm around crew who's
notably taller than him so crew just
like subtly like bends his knees a
little bit to sh yeah like we like oh
he's like a thoughtful yeah he can be
very kind and thoughtful and so he ends
up uh he takes her up onto the roof to
eat dinner and he's like well cuz I know
you've watched The Hangover a thousand
times since you moved in with me he's
like and you always talk about how'd
they get the mattress on the roof so uh
he takes you up to the roof which is his
special spot that like we learn he's not
taking TJ or Nate here like this is
where he goes to kind of clear his mind
okay and they start happing um just some
like good conversations we find out like
kind of crew gr up in foster care
football was like the really consistent
thing in his life sort of energy um but
then also because it's smut she like
asks if she gets the tweedles and the
divorce uh and then he starts finger
[ __ ] her on the roof and then oh
what he says I'll share them in the
divorce we'll fill you up baby make you
beg take you to heaven all you got to do
is scream my name she's like you
[ __ ] stop this
um yeah then they have more sex but she
doesn't say his name good for her yeah
she keeps not saying his name yeah the
whole time she's a real one she's like I
will earn my friends this money yes [ __ ]
you well there was also a funny bet
before that where uh when she was like
yeah crew and I are just going to keep
it platonic and uh her best friend
Millie was like okay if that doesn't
happen I get your uh Betsy Johnson
rhinestone boots and she's like you
[ __ ] you know how hard I worked for
those boots you cannot have them I like
that yes you know fighting for the
important things in life 1,000% I don't
know where I would wear rhinestone boots
um I looked up the Betsy Johnson boots
of they have them in all different
heights like they have like knee they
have more of like a ankle an sh
mhm um and I I think because well and I
would say this for you as well most of
our outfits are very neutral correct
yeah so I do feel like considering how
much we both wear black on black we
could throw a rhinestone boot on there
that's true and it wouldn't feel as
outrageous sure did I tell you that my
optometrist looks like Dolly Parton and
wears like the knee high rhinestone
boots tell and has the boobs in the hair
yeah she did incredible I want to be myr
go see her yeah she's at the Target
that's 5 minutes from here noted yes
yeah I do need my eyes CH and honestly
she's a really solid op like I've seen
several and because I well we've had
this conversation people like to really
miss diagnose my eyes and so people have
been like you need bifocals you need
prism you need double the prism you need
PT for your eyes which I did not know
was a thing yeah so I've just had every
eye doctor I go to tells me something a
little different the first time I went
to see her i' been having difficulty
with my eyes I needed my normal eye exam
and I was also 38 weeks pregnant and had
no business going to my eye exam your
eyes were jacked up during your whole
pregnancy too um and after my eye stuff
did not resolve until like fall of 2023
yeah and I'm like I have uh just had
like swollen eyes
for since August of 2022 I was going say
cried for like 14 months like you just
you just cried well and I remember the
first time you came over when it was
like super bad and my eyes were swollen
shut yeah and I I was like no I swear I
fell like don't blame B she's like I'm
really okay I totally promise I was like
uh bless my husband's heart I couldn't
even look at your eyes because it made
me made my eyes water
like I could not uh cuz that was when I
was having all of like my OB
appointments my husband would have to
hold my hand and walk me into the
appointment cuz my eyes were so swollen
shut because I had spots on my
corneas oh yeah I had spots on my
corneas that uh never fully resolved and
were uh directly over my pupil as well
so it it always felt like something was
in my eye right so I could rub my eye
all day and not get it out nothing was
there to get out um yeah it was a a
whole thing what a nightmare not would
not recommend by any stretch but would
recommend my knockoff doly part not P
because I adore her and we may recommend
rhinestone boots we may have to give it
a
try yeah like to be fair the Betsy
Johnson ones were
not like they almost seemed a little bit
more like matte rhinestone if you like
they didn't seem as
like like if you go in the sun everyone
will be blinded right it's not a disco
ball on your foot yes it's not a disco
ball I thought they were a lot cuter
than I anticipated to the point that I
started trying to think I was like could
I pull these off and I was like I could
do I need to spend a hundred plus
dollars on new boots right
now no
not boots of that caliber that won't be
everyday boots right mhm I aspired to
make it to that point in life where I'm
a person that just like my daily
Standard shoe is a rhinest Bo oh man
they're like that's just Chelsea you
know her Chelsea in those rhinestone
boots things to look forward to right
all right so crew is uh training with
Claire I don't know next day couple days
later M doesn't really matter the Tweet
will show up uh and ask where Elanor is
and he's like oh like she's like back at
the room and they're like no problem
we'll show her around for the day we'll
like make sure she's entertained so they
end up having quite frankly a fantastic
day that seemed fun as [ __ ] I'm like I
would love that day so they go and they
grab Elanor they take her thrifting they
play Thrift games where it's like when
the timer goes off whatever your hands
on you you got to wear then they start
like sending crew photos of her wearing
all of those clothes in the Caesar's
Palace Fountain singing the Friends
theme song
but then security starts chasing her and
like Cruz texting them and he's like if
my wife gets arrested I am holding the
two of you personally responsible I will
end you yes like uh they go on the
ferris wheel they take her to the Hoover
Dam and they're just going to all of the
fun places Claire keeps getting annoyed
at how distracted he is and she's like
hop on the treadmill you're doing what
was it it sounded horrific it was like
warm up for 15 and then Sprint for
45 no and I get he's a professional
athlete and we exercise in different
Avenues um that sounds like a special
kind of hell to me that I would never
financially is thinking about it I would
never financially
recover yeah well do you remember like
the Presidential Fitness Test yes did
you ever pass I don't remember but I do
remember there's a a pod called the
maintenance phase that explains how the
Presidential Fitness Test came to be
fascinating super interesting this might
be a really silly stupid question
because it's something I've absolutely
never considered before this
moment does the president have to do the
Presidential Fitness Test you know I
don't know but he
should that should be part of like I
want to see Trump and Biden do some wind
Sprints y'all 100%
can how many how many situps can you do
can you do that rope climb ooh that's
what's the Rope climb part of it I think
they took it out cuz a lot of kids
fell well you'd have to get up to fall
so that was never an issue for
me
yeah Le lest we forget in fifth grade I
got the turnaround
award from my PE teacher
because I had grown that much in fifth
grade in my athletic Acumen although how
he initially described he's like yeah
the turnaround award you know someone
that we've seen turn around a lot good
to bad bad to good they they've made a
turn
coach called my name I was like this was
bad to good right right like this is for
improvement I think I've mentioned this
before my elementary school PE teacher
uh has now retired he retired as the PE
teacher there um he is friends with all
of us on Facebook he comments on
everyone's birthday on everyone's like
big life event post so cute in like
truly the purest way where I'm like oh
like as a kid I did not realize how
incredible of an educator this man was
like what I do remember was like being
out at PE and like the fence in the
field and people from the neighborhood
would like walk up to the fence and he
knew every single person would go over
and have big conversations but like as a
kid you just don't really compute it at
that level as an
adult Carlos Melvin is a National
Treasure shout out to Carlos yes hope
you're doing well Carlos actually I know
you're doing well because we're friends
on Facebook and it brings my heart Joy
um Claire is annoyed because crew is
distracted so she sets him up to do all
these runs but then as he's running his
phone times and so he goes to look at it
but then he's running so fast he falls
down he falls and it is not ideal but
he's hoping it is Eleanor or the
tweedles and instead it's his agent
being like we have an emergency call
with your new team because you can't
leave the city for the next 30
days but then switched to Elanor who's
like man like he was responding before
but he hasn't responded to like the last
like text and like she's like getting a
little sad yeah and so the tweedles are
like okay
if this place doesn't lure him out
nothing will and they take her to
Spearmint Rhino the strip club yes for
the wings obviously always for the wings
it's for the it's for the buffet at the
restaurant and then they send a photo to
crew of her eating a wing that she's
like you didn't tell us she could suck
the meat straight from the
boat a um so once again crew really
wants to Jo but it's like as soon as's
like okay I'm I'm almost out of this
meeting they're like yeah we'd really
love to like talk strategy and he's like
[ __ ] okay got to stay here got to play
it cool so then the tweedles have now
taken her to the neon Museum and she's
like yeah I'm a little bum cuz like I
wish like feel like having crew here
like he'd have so much fun with us and
would really love it and then she looks
up and he surprised her and he's there
with all of
them um but what was also funny is that
she had tons of mini liquor bottles like
air airplane bottles he's like where did
you get these and she's like made a deal
with the strippers from spearmint right
now and he's like what did you do for
these and she's like I told them how I
make this shaving cream that will save
them the razor burn since they're naked
up there they really need it so they
hooked me
up in a weird way I want to be her and
also nothing like her at the same time I
feel that right I appreciate kind of her
aloofness and ability to move forward
and things and just like have fun on the
journey adapt to any situation but in
other ways I'm like are you good girl
cuz it seems
like that level of mess is concerning
just
generally yeah yeah um okay after the
neon Museum there is what I would call
like the
longest threesome of the book really the
only threesome of the book oh uh cuz
they talk about how they all had group
sex on the wedding night but outside of
that like there was never a flashback to
the wedding night right
um very much a everybody gets a whole
situation at one point they're literally
oh so so four some then did what did I
say three threeome I was like who got
left
[Laughter]
out I was like they were like it was
Nate Eleanor step back
my bad it was a force them I wasn't
mathing when I said that got I got you
so everybody gets a hole got it everyone
gets a hole well they also
like I don't know the logistics of some
of this like at one point they're like
crawled the crew who's on the couch okay
so then she starts they're like put your
hands on Cruz's thighs mhm she starts
sucking his dick then one of the other
dudes comes up behind her and like lifts
her legs up I'm like like like a keg
stand okay but it's dick sucking
sure I
personally would not Thrive at that also
very early on in this book Millie makes
a joke about being I'm less of a [ __ ]
girl and more of a it's a hand job but
I'll put my mouth on the end to make you
think otherwise
girl that's excellent that's really good
and quite frankly I think that might be
my my territory as well because the
logis of
a doing a keg stand blow job yeah yeah
are not where I would Thrive it's not
mathing for me no yeah no and I'm like
my neck hurts thinking about it I'm like
how do you know I don't like it oh I
don't I don't know if I don't think my
body doesn't feel sustainable yeah um
but it's also funny because as they're
all like in the bedroom he's like I'll
let you come the only thing you need to
too scream my name and then she she's
confident enough within herself that
she's like starts masturbating she's
like I'm coming either way I am the
prize in this situation so you can
either join me or you can be sad but I'm
going to finish right and so then all of
the guys are standing there and then
that's when they're like throat ass
[ __ ] they each take a hole and just
move
on okay yeah but it's also one of those
where I'm like it's like about 20 plus
it's like a chapter and a half sort of
sex scene where you're like okay oh
we're oh that's new yep still going oky
do
yeah um all right after this we have
crew who bribes the uh like young valet
kid he sees him drive up with a pickup
and he's like can I borrow your pick up
and he's like I'll pay you for it then
like I know I'm not supposed to park in
this lot and gre's like I really don't
give a sh what lot you park in I just
want to borrow your car yeah um so he
takes her to a drive-in to see The
Hangover Part Two a thoughtful yeah he's
like figured you'd want to know what
happens next but then as they're in the
truck and watching the movie uh
Eleanor's realizing she's like this well
at one point she's like are you taking
me on a date and he's like can I not
take my wife on a date hahaa and she's
like [ __ ] like this is like a weird a
real yeah we're feeling like a real
couple and and how we're moving forward
and it's just kind of thinking through
that they do more sex stuff sure in the
truck during the movie she doesn't want
to initially not that he really coerced
her but he is like there are three cars
here and we parked very far in the back
so literally no one can see us right
please unbutton your pants
now now that that's been established
disrobe yeah
um after after that crew has taken the
day off work and they go to the pool
together but when he when they get to
the pool one of the servers walks up and
Elanor is like Gil great to see you and
he's like who the [ __ ] is Gil his
brother better be flounder
like what why does she know this man and
then she's like yeah crew didn't I tell
you Gil's uh nephew like might get
drafted like just knows all of the
details um but then crew is really
starting to process through that he like
doesn't like that he didn't know who Gil
was and is like feeling more Territorial
and pro like possessive of her um and
then when they're talking about ordering
food she's like oh what do you want and
he's just like sitting kind of in
silence processing all of she like oh do
you just want me to order a few things
that I know you like and he's like like
a real partner
would like an actual wife yes more of
that shi's like [ __ ] [ __ ] my actual wife
okay um so he's sitting there having an
internal crisis the tweedles end up
joining them and uh I think Nate is
throwing Elanor around in the pool and
they're having fun and then crew is
having a conversation with TJ um and
saying he's like I have feelings for
Elanor but like I don't want to have
feelings for Elanor like this is highly
inconvenient yes he's like attachments
are difficult I have like a very clear
tra like
just right girl wrong time sort of like
yeah she she's great but like this just
isn't what I want in life right
um and he's like kind of like a making
comments that make it seem like he's the
one who's the catch and TJ's kind of
like just as a friendly
reminder Elanor was pulling without
you like she pulls
yeah like yes like you are also very
attractive and he like but like El is
not like she doesn't need you yes yeah
she's not like super lucky to have you
bu like wa to have a friend who can keep
you humble
right but as they're having this
conversation crew notices that like
there's a dude at the pool who had been
on his phone and now has it up and is
like taking photos of
Eleanor and so without even thinking
crew just picks up the football and
shouts to Nate who's in the pool with
Elanor Nate go long Chucks the ball and
like breaks the dude's nose his phone
hits the ground but Nate and TJ
automatic like no crew enough to realize
that like they just start making sure
Eleanor like corralling around her kind
of subtly um and then one crew goes over
and there's like I'm you broke my nose
I'm going to sue you and he's like if
you take photos of my wife again I'll do
more than break your nose and I'm I'm
taking I'll just take your phone now if
you're going to sue me anyways right
I'll just go ahead and take this and
Elanor like sees it go down but doesn't
like doesn't doesn't put it together
yeah she's like feels like he was doing
something bigger than accidentally
hitting a dude with a football
right um when they get back to the room
all four of them Elanor puts her purse
down and then it accidentally falls on
the ground and one of her bottles of
like lotion or oil breaks and so she's
trying to clean it but it starts like
sliding on the floor and so the tweedles
are like let's play spin the bottle but
let's play spin the Elanor and crew's
like I don't know if we should do that
but then she like okay yeah like let's
do it it'll be fun and so KW like okay
me first so like he kisses her like leg
whatever like ended up in front of him
and then when Nate was spinning Eleanor
it was like the back of her head was
what Nate saw but he tried to turn her
head to kiss her and Cruz like that's
not the rules the back of her head was
what was accessible to you so that's
what you need to kiss you can't kiss her
mouth that's breaking rules of the
game like
obviously yeah so then uh TJ's like you
know what the floor is a little like
slippery let's just go to the like tries
to pick her up and like yeah crew just
keeps intervening until finally
uh he's also like hey didn't you guys
[ __ ] a rando last night like could you
maybe go find that Rando or a new one
well and also from like
the there hadn't been protection before
so I'm not going to let you potentially
like threaten like right threaten my
wife's Sexual Health right but then
Elanor is sitting there and she's
like seems like I could remind about
condoms but like doesn't really seem
like condoms are the issue here like
yeah so TJ Nate clearly trying to
provoke him to the point of just saying
what he wanted and when they leave he
looks at her and he's like I just want
to do to myself like I just I know we
all have had our fun before but like I
just wanted a night to ourselves and
Elanor is like yeah honestly like
they're fun but she's like they're here
for a good time not for a long time and
I'm okay if like we
never have a group participation again
he's like oh okay so then I don't know
more sex oh yeah no very possessive sex
I was going to say is this a solidifying
[ __ ] would you
say I wouldn't say there's actually a
solidifying [ __ ] in this book huh
yeah actually now that I think about it
uh I didn't love this scene if I'm being
completely honest okay because as I said
very possessive sex
where he's wanting her to own that he
owns her sort of energy right so he is
comes in her mouth tells her not to
swallow cuz he wants to see his come in
her mouth
and then is like do you see who's come
that is like you're my dirty [ __ ] right
like that sort of energy
sure um and then when she's like finally
yes whatever uh then he spits in her
mouth into his come and then tells her
she can
swallow
okay
no that I love that that what's your
issue oh my God
okay
I don't think I could just hold semen in
my mouth yeah it's not for me no and
that is why it is my issue cuz I'm like
that's a long time to just I thought it
was the spitting in her mouth that you
went uh if it was just the spit I could
we could be okay I think it was the spit
with the [ __ ] m cuz she's been sitting
there with the [ __ ] in her mouth sure
sure for them him to then spit on the
[ __ ] as his final claiming move sure and
then he tells her she can
swallow okay yeah I get it yeah I think
the spit
alone not my jam but I that doesn't
wouldn't make me well there's a lot of
like contradictions in this book where
it's like he's really possessive he's
also sharing her with his friends more
than once and then which is fine like
I'm not saying you shouldn't have open
relationship as long as everybody's cool
but then he's like super possessive I
think the possessive has more grown over
the book okay where I think cuz like
when they were on the roof
um eating dinner yeah I think in that
conversation she'd been like so how long
have you been like banging people with
TJ and Nate and he's like long enough to
be good at it it's kind like where I
think that's kind of always been like
Dynamic yeah like they're three very hot
successful football players that like
this has always been their Dynamic so I
think it's uh and that is one of the
things that like I didn't necessarily
outline as much because it's like within
some of the text messages but like at
one point uh towards maybe around this
part of the book uh crew is texting with
TJ and Nate and he said something about
like
uh get like don't like get your hands
off my girl or like whatever it was and
like my girl not our girl and he's like
no what no I meant our girl like I so
it's more of I think like a a a shift
over time where crew wasn't necessarily
like being honest with himself about his
true feelings for her um that makes more
sense so it was like as he got to know
her he got
possessive yeah and started to realize
it and I think there
the degradation and the dirty talk I
think is their their resting state I
think the
possession is more of what grew I got
you yeah that makes sense that's a very
valid point it is now July 31st okay
we've spent a lot of time [ __ ] we
have and hanging out yeah um they end up
having a there's like freak bad weather
I don't really know what the weather
patterns are in Vegas I mean it's a
desert so it's dry until it's not
correct yeah yeah seems a bit
occasionally snow oh wow do they get
snow in Vegas uhhuh on the plate H mhm
um I I was thinking about this recently
as we know you and I grew up in Florida
Florida does not see a lot of season
change nope so like there are some a few
trees that might lose their leaves but
there's not like a true fall of like all
of the Golden
Leaves um and when I moved to Dallas
Texas and mind you I moved to Dallas in
their record their summer of
record-breaking heat right where it was
like the most consecutive days in triple
digits um and so in my head I was just
comparing like Florida heat to like yeah
and I was kind of dating this guy at the
time and I said to him that fall I was
like wow the leaves change colors and
like fall here and he looked at me like
I was the biggest [ __ ] idiot he had
met in his entire life and he's like
yeah Chelsea that's what they do in the
fall and I'm like I grew up in Florida
[ __ ] also I could probably still take
that man he was a lot taller than me
there was a reason we did not end up
together our well also our very first
date he's the one that on the very first
day I uh looked at my friend cuz I was
meeting with him at the mall he was
picking me up cuz I was with a friend at
the mall and he was coming down the
escalator to meet us and I looked at my
friend Javi and I said Javi I cannot
date him his shoes are too
pointy and Jai said that's not a real
reason not to go on a date with someone
and he already drove here so you're
going to go on this dat with
him first of all I think that's
perfectly valid jav's response or my
concern your concern yes he look like a
[ __ ] elf your concern is
valid and Javi wasn't really like that
minimizing or invalidating I want to
give him credit there it was just like
Chelsea babe
go on the date right if you don't like
him afterwards it's okay but you can't
not go on the date because the man shoes
are pointy the the the level of douche
needed for super pointy shoes would be
the level of douche that's like yeah
Chelsea like you know what I mean like
that I have a picture of this person and
I feel very confident that I'm correct
oh my God I cannot wait to see what this
picture looks like because I have a
feeling you're wrong what yes
he is
a it's a whole thing we'll get there
some other at some other point in time I
did that was a one that I remember us
having an icebreaker segue question in
one of our team meetings I think when
you and I may have been on the same team
and it was like what's a deal breaker
that like if you showed up to the date
and they were wearing it you wouldn't be
able to go forward and I said actual
thing that has happened in my life his
shoes were too pointy but another dude
in our meeting was like yeah if she were
wearing a hat on our first date that
probably be a deal breaker and I still
think about that cuz I have a lot of
questions I mean I think mine I don't
recall if I was in that meeting I might
have been but mine is a fedora because
it's an actual thing that happened and
he was trying to cover up a bald spot
that was not in his profile picture oh
well and you either pull off a fedora or
you don't pull off Fedora did not like
you're either Jason morz or you're the
rest of us a keer elf He looks like a
kebler
elf He was so short which is fine my
husband is not that tall like how tall
is Matt he's like
59 okay yeah cuz you're like 5'4 right
yeah yeah tall enough for what for your
needs right it's fine but this guy was
like my height which is again is fine
not a problem but he was at least 30 lbs
heavier than his profile picture which
again is fine just be honest about your
pictures like you know and then he had
on a fedora and this was the date that I
was on that was so bad that the waitress
came by and asked me if I was okay yes I
had heard that I miss the context of
yeah what he had on a
fedora
yeah you know a dates bad when the
server yeah is trying to save you from
it she's like babe do I need to call
someone
I can tell him you just had to go that
there was an emergency what a real one I
know right that is I still think about
her regularly I hope she's well and has
gotten good karma in return yes
yeah shout out to all of the hospitality
industry Personnel that are keeping a
lookout yeah like keeping everyone safe
I like to think that that is the
category that my husband fell into
because he was in the industry for so
long but then what I really think of
when I think of my husband being in the
service industry is that the restaurant
he worked at uh wouldn't let him shift
to being a bartender full-time because
they were like you're just like the best
with the bachelorette parties so we
can't take you off the
floor that sucks so bad oh cuz you make
so much more money as a bartender but
you do yeah and but I also think his
tips did not suck because he was that
good at the bachelorette party groups
yeah uh he's like yeah I remember one
group came in he's like this one got a
little weird go on he's like well they
each had taken a photo of their Boop
just like one boob not both just one
Boop and then were're showing them to me
and I had to guess which boob belonged
to which
person what and the funniest thing about
all that is like I feel like there are
some servers who would make this makes
me feel uncomfortable and I won't do it
but you've met my husband I have yeah
he's he'd be like going to be like
well let's play this is a new matching
game yes like I've always excelled at
these right I love memory games I'm like
which I would do the right one I
think if I had to choose one boob to
take a picture of I did have an extra
mole that popped up during pregnancy on
my left um and then I I had a freckle
and a birth mark mhm and then another
little mole and so my actual nipple kind
of looked like my boob was
screaming but then the mole fell off so
now now my boob looks normal
again I heard
it
okay all right woo
okay so it's a rainy day in
Vegas well that was a journey and so
elor's like let's have a spa day and
crew is like [ __ ] yeah thinking they're
going to go to the spa at the hotel that
he lives in he's like and then Elanor
gets on the phone and starts ordering up
like Greek yogurt and berries and he's
like and I'm thinking she's getting
snacks for her making a parfait yes so
then she starts making all of the face
masks and starts giving him a face mask
and he's like a very good sport about it
but he keeps trying to eat it um and
then he's like I want to come to your
salon opening um when we're all in
California and she's like yeah and she's
like absolutely and you can bring
whoever you're dating and she's like
it'd be a a great grab to get all the
[ __ ] in the Bay Area and she's like
yeah like I whoever you're dating would
probably be great clients and he's kind
of like oh
wasn't how I had thought of that um and
then they get into a face mask food
fight sure as you do y it's cute she
runs into the kitchen uh for more ammo
and he grabs her and she's like oh
you're too fast and he's just like
you're a terrible running back who runs
a straight
route and she goes what the hell is a
running back and he's like what do you
you you don't no wife of mine even if
you're a fake wife absolutely not so
then he's like I need to explain
football to her so he's spending like 20
minutes like he's like setting up he's
like all right babe you're in line
you're you're with on the defensive line
right now and she's like okay so you're
going to throw the ball to me and he's
like oh my God no have you not been
listening obviously not and she's
sitting there and she's like I've been
listening to my father couch coach the
ners my entire life I know all of this
I'm just [ __ ] with
him that's so good which he realizes
after about 20 minutes um and then they
are laughing and shower washed all off
they have a bath maybe that would be the
solidifying [ __ ] if you will
um in the bath he asks what she wants to
do for her last few days in Paradise she
Whispers some very dirty things in his
ear uh she asks what he wants and he
asks her to come to field day with the
Raiders and and he's like yeah it's like
my last thing with the Raiders before
I'm out she's like okay yeah sure I'll
show up no
problem then they [ __ ] which I don't
need to give you more details you
understand sure I do I get it you
understand the Dynamics of how that
works I
do she goes to the field day it's
adorable there's all of these kids on
the field um but then she's getting info
like from one of the assistants who who'
been kind of assigned to like make sure
she was good where crew had 1,000% been
downplaying it it's his event that like
he pushed for the Raiders to let him do
it one last time before he moved um
because field day was a day for all of
the youth that would not necessarily be
able to afford their actual like student
camps and things like that so it's like
very like low sces very much the
population he grew up in right um and so
she's realizing more and more great
things about him like adorable balloon
fight with all of them on like her and
him and Nate and TJ on the field with
all the kids and probably some other
people but yeah they're not really
talked about in the book as much so they
don't really
matter then she's sitting uh on the
bleachers and just kind of watching and
a reporter comes up and it's trying to
get like a quote from her and she kind
of has this moment where she's like I
mean I don't really want to give her a
quote but
like our time is almost up and I I kind
of want something that like ties us
together so she's like okay I'll give
her a quote and she's like and then I'll
buy all of the newspapers in my area and
she's like but I'll have the quote right
right but then like she just kind of
like starts going at one point she's
like and he's everything I never wanted
and the reporter's like you mean
everything you always wanted right and's
like yeah that's exactly what I said
right like [ __ ] [ __ ] like this is a
reporter please don't whoops off the
record yes
and so she excuses herself awkwardly to
like go in search of refreshments and
stumbles upon Josh who's like hey great
that I found you here um I managed to
get the judge recused here are the
papers you just need to sign and she's
like [ __ ] so then we cut to Cruz
perspective right and I'm I'm guessing
he doesn't know this yet no because when
we cut to Cruz perspective he is getting
back to their hotel and he's like yeah
she bailed at some point during field
day I don't know what was up but like
when he gets back to the hotel like he's
shouting like you better be naked in
here sort of energy and then goes into
the bedroom and it's like all of her
stuff is gone and like realizing like it
looks like she hasn't been here right
and so then he looks over on the table
and sees the divorce papers with her
signature and the ring and another note
written on a napkin the exact same way
she did the very first time right that
she left for the Symmetry you get
it and he is Big bummed yeah yeah which
makes sense sure right but I think also
in that way where he's like well this is
what we kind of said it would be because
then we moved to 2 weeks
later and he is now out in California
and she is obviously back in California
and they haven't spoken but crew was at
a press conference and the girl who's uh
on the AV team trying to get him set up
with his mic starts sniffing him as
she's setting it up and he's like what
and she's like so sorry she's like you
just smell like this like shave cream
that this like amazing esthetician I
knew used to make and TJ and Nate just
start laughing cuz they hear it and's
like yeah I kept the shave cream I
thought it like wouldn't be that big of
a deal really good shave cream I'm not
trying to be
wasteful 1,000% is it reduce reuse
recycle you guys and then the girl's
like yeah crazy enough that EST that
esthetician is actually opening her own
Salon soon you just got married right
you should recommend it to your wife
ouch but then
also the name of the salon he's like
yeah it's called wild card which has
been his nickname for her the entire
book and she's like cool name right and
he's just sitting there
like why does the universe hate me I
just need to get through this press
conference we switched to Eleanor uh and
she has like a similar situation where
she is showing up at this bar to meet
Millie there and when she walks in
there's like a Niner Nation party to
like watch the preseason uh game oh yeah
yeah and Millie's like sorry I text you
but it seems like you didn't get my text
they weren't here when I got here then
this whole like every time crew shows up
on the screen they're all cheering and
she's like [ __ ] my life can I not can I
have one
day now it is September oh so like
another two weeks or so and they still
haven't talked
crew is throwing like [ __ ] at practice
and his coaches calls him over he's like
hey I know you have a lot going on a lot
and on your mind so I uh I called in
someone to talk to that I thought might
be an inspiration and the duty calls
over is Alec price who's a uh Hall of
Fame QB MH and is also
Samantha from Tangled in Tinsel I.E
Eleanor's sisters one of her boyfriends
oh okay okay
um it's all connected yes okay but also
in that way where like when they start
talking uh what is Alec just like from
the jump and he's
like we can talk about football or we
can talk about women what you want to
talk about and Cruz like well I can only
really talk about one right now so then
Alex like all right well if it's
football just do what you already know
how to do that's what got you here like
believe in your abilities back to the
basics and then crew's like so how is
she and Al goes hold please takes out
his phone makes a call puts it on
speaker
phone and crew's like what the [ __ ] is
he doing and then when the the dude
answers it's the other boy sister's
boyfriend and he's like did he cave
already yep didn't even have to get the
inspirational [ __ ] and like you hear a
shout it's like you owe me
$300 then the other guy like gave it to
your mom last night it's the energy in
the backgound I love that that's awesome
um but then in their conversation crew
is like listen she left like she's a
catch she didn't want me I'm respecting
that and like who am I to challenge that
and Alec is like you're the dude who
[ __ ] wants to be with her so if you
want to be with her let her [ __ ] know
right and so crew like words right well
then crew's like fine if she wants me
she can come get me I'll put two like
I'll put tickets under her name for the
season opener like that is my offer in
my Olive Branch so we are now at
Eleanor's Salon launch
party where she is uh not
thriving and Millie and Samantha like
pull her in the back and then Samantha's
like listen I was going to wait until
tonight because I I wanted to check and
and see how you were doing cuz if you're
doing well I wasn't going to bring it up
at all but since you clearly still seem
to be struggling crew did leave tickets
for you for the season
opener and elor's like okay when is it
Samantha's like well it started an hour
ago I'd I'd kind of been waiting and El
was like for as much as I love my sister
in this moment this was not her best
kill her yes so Millie and Eleanor ditch
the salon launch party to go to the
football game but then when they get to
their seats they're realizing they're
like [ __ ] crew is probably not going to
look over here to to just be reminded of
the fact that she ghosted him and wasn't
in the seats so they all start trying to
like shout his name and then they get
other people in their area to start
shouting his
name which is not loud enough because
they're in a [ __ ] football stadium so
Elanor is like
well guess the only thing to do is to
jump the rail oh no and get on the field
I was like she's going to flash her
tits no okay we're getting on the field
got it have worked slightly better
because she's on the field and she
starts to see security coming for so
she's like hauling at she's like running
faster than I've ever run in my entire
life out of the corner of her eye she
sees like Nate block a security guard
for her so she can keep running down the
field and then finally screams his name
and it's like CW right as she tackles
him and right as she thinks she's about
to have this sweet moment two guards
come and her away and then they're
confused when crew like get your hands
[ __ ] off of her like okay sorry bro
and then after this the sweet moment
everyone's cheering everyone's very
happy realizing what happened Security's
like she's not going to real jail but we
are going to take her to we have to
detain her Arena jail Arena jail you can
pick her up after the game that is where
she will be but then like as the
security guard is walking her out he
looks at her and he's like may as well
wave to the camera is all that cheering
is for you right
now and then the EP log they go back to
Vegas and get married at the White
Chapel but with like a hundred friends
that time cute but then they promised
her parents that they would have a real
wedding that's really fun that's like
low
angst fun yeah I'm like the biggest
issue is that they just like never
communicated actual feelings right but
outside of
that it like truly and quite frankly
I've been sitting here this whole review
I don't think I
the wit and humor of the book Justice
like it is really funny
um thoroughly enjoyed okay so what's our
ratings I was like we could do dice or
we could do Stanley
tuis we started with Stanley you know I
had a the funny thing is I had actually
been thinking like wedding dice rings as
well not well a wedding ring that is a
dice ring but no I like Stanley tuis
yeah
um I'm going to go out to 20 Stanley
tuis because he deserves 20 he does he
Stanley he deserves
everything I'm going to
go 17 or 18 Stanley tuis damn dude okay
yeah okay I'm that feels like a high
rating for us but no it's a very fun
read okay well I'm gonna add it to my
list now absolutely honestly the the all
three of the books if they're still in a
series together or if they're separate
would would still recommend all three
thoroughly enjoyed Tangled in Tinsel
which has objectively the least amount
of plot of the three because the whole
premise is that Samantha is a designer
and they all got snowed in got it and
then they all [ __ ] and they all realize
they want to keep [ __ ] and then they
end up in a relationship and then this
one and then the final one they all uh
are in Hawaii on vacation together right
but
like yeah very low angst across the
board in a very nice way that's cozy
like it's a nice cozy easy read there is
a lot more boning than I probably sure
like there's a decent amount of smut so
while it's very funny there's also if
you're looking for like a lotze low inks
yes would recommend this one for sure
awesome I love that yes
well
awesome I was like what am I saying I
don't know I started sentence and then I
didn't have an ending for it so happens
to the best of us all right we're going
to go like 17 Stanley tuis yeah out of
20 yeah 17 out of out of 20 Stanley
tuchis let us know how many tuis you
would rate this like comment subscribe
yes um on all of the platforms we we got
them all anywhere you want to stream do
we have Tik Tok back I don't think we
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video got removed and not that we were
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well if we can get unbanned yeah not
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or so horrible you would like us to
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note goodbye smut [ __ ]
bye well that's it for this week's mut
[ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it
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[Music]