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Cailin: Welcome everyone to
Faith and Purpose podcast.

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Each episode of this podcast contains the
personal testimony of an ordinary person

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transformed by an extraordinary God.

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My name is Caitlin and I'm
here to introduce this podcast

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for my friend Jesse Duke.

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Jesse is a husband, father, author,
life recovery guide, lay counselor,

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and small group leader, but his
most important role is disciple.

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As a disciple of Jesus.

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Jesse created this podcast to help other
believers tell their faith stories.

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We'll be hearing the personal
testimonies of all sorts of people

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who have one thing in common,
Jesus has transformed their lives.

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Jesus used parables because he created
us to learn best through story.

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And as we listen to how God has worked
in others lives, we find encouragement

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and inspiration for our own faith walk.

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Whether you are already a believer, or
just a curious seeker, we believe that

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as you listen to these stories, you will
be encouraged on your own faith journey.

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We are sure that God can speak to you
through one of these episodes, and that

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you will see that our Heavenly Father
truly works all things together for

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our good, When we simply love and trust
him if you are currently going through

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a trial We believe that you will come
to see that your troubles Heartbreaks

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and failures are not gravestones, but
stepping stones into new life in Christ.

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Here's Jesse with today's guest

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Hey, this is Jesse Duke.

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Before we get into the interview
with Keisha Nell today, I just wanted

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to explain that he's had several.

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Surgeries on his throat.

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So some of his words don't
quite make it Into our audios.

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So I hope you'll be able to understand his
story because he's really got a great one.

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Thank you.

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Let's give it a listen.

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Welcome everybody.

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Today, we have my friend Keith
Chanel is going to tell his story.

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How are you doing, Keith?

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It's an amazing day today, man.

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I have no complaint.

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Tell us about yourself.

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Where were you born?

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What was your childhood like
and your story in general?

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Okay.

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I was born February 5th, 1963 in
a little place called Rock Hill,

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South Carolina in York County.

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And I was one of the fortunate ones.

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I wasn't born in the hospital.

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I got born in the house I was raised in.

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So that was a beautiful thing there.

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I had my mother's side of the parent, her
parents were, they're Cherokee Indian.

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And my, my dad's side of
the parents are immigrants.

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They're, they're German.

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I grew up on this little dairy farm,
like, and I can remember one of

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my fondest memories of my grandma.

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And one of the things that my,
on my mother's side, she, she was

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always into doing kind of the.

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The Indian ritualistic as far as Native
American, she, she took in, I got

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burned one time on my dad's motorcycle.

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She talked fire out
of, yeah, 10 years old.

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I remember her talking fire out of my
leg where it got caught on that manifold.

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It was amazing lady.

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And she did, I had, I don't know, I
was about 11, I think, and something,

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something that I don't know what
happened, but I got covered.

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I had 40 something more
just on the tops of my head.

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And, uh, he called this person and
handed the phone to me and this

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person, I don't know what they were,
I couldn't tell you what language

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they were using to speak here.

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And on the first full moon,
when the dew fell, we'd go

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out there and wash our hands.

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I ain't had a wart since then.

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On Sundays, we'd all go out to
this creek down there by the house,

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after church, and have church.

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But then the last of them, nine o'clock
to one o'clock, you can even saw

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them batting at the level, but we'd
go out there to the creek and it had

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a natural spring and we'd throw the
watermelons off and then let them chill.

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Grandpa done did the thing with the
chicken that morning and plucked

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them, we got them all dressed out.

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We had them fried chicken
down there by the creek.

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We always had to take
turns and read script.

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And I used to get so angry, I just
couldn't understand the reader.

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This is at seven years old, and I
remember my dad was gonna whip me, cuss,

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and my grandma said, let me hold the
young man for a minute, and she pulled

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me to the side, and then she traced.

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She says, now it's your tray, I
promise you, you'll do better.

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And I remember praying, and I was angry,
and trying, and not wanting to do it.

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The funny thing is when I sat down, I
read that whole, we was in the book of

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best, so it was so, she was my biggest
influence towards God because my dad's

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side of the family, they, it ain't that
they didn't believe, but they didn't care.

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Mom's side of the family, they
straight Southern Baptist all the way.

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No what changing?

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Any of that.

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But it was, it was a great upbringing.

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They didn't know, they didn't
believe in TV and stuff like that

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right there because it was a way
for the government to brain watch.

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Fox spread propaganda, so I grew up
without TVs and uh, we had radios.

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We only could listen to
them on Sunday night.

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We used to have that old country station.

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Come on there.

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It's all like old country.

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We used to listen to that,
the countdown on Sunday night.

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So we spent a lot of time, and
they did a lot of homeschooling.

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That's how I escaped.

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I was raised on a hundred acre dairy farm.

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We had We didn't just have
cows, we had horses, we had the

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back 40 that they talked about.

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It's what they called it, the back
40, that's where all the fresh

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vegetables and stuff were planted.

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There was something going on
seven days a week, just about

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24 hours a day on that farm.

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It becomes mundane when you're born
into it and you do it all the time.

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It does.

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So you learn, cause I wasn't, I
wasn't a hunter like my dad's son.

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They believed in killing everything.

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I just, I killed one animal.

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I killed that deer.

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I was like, okay, this ain't me.

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I'm just, I can't do, if I'm starving,
it'd be different, but I ain't starving.

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Yeah, I never was, but.

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Growing up, man, at five years old,
I can get in my first country store

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where everybody goes and sit at.

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And Sundays and Saturday evenings
and checker games and little card

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games and turkey shootout back.

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And there's a little old
handgun in your own shelf.

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Oh, my bad.

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You know, you can't have it.

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So when my mom turned her back.

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I grabbed a gun and run, we got in the
car, locked the door, and tore it open.

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Uh, getting a weapon in front of all
those people wasn't easy, but having

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to go apologize, and give, and me
handing that gun back to the store

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owner, I was, it was a terrible day.

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I did not want to give it back, and
I did not want to tell that man I

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was sorry for taking his property.

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And I knew not to when I was a
student, and I knew to lock the

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door, you know what I'm saying?

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As a five year old, so that's some
kind of environment upbringing that's

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involved in something that I do.

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But like I said, I had a mother's side of
the family, were beautiful people for God.

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When my grandmother passed
at 11 years old, I was 12.

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At 12 years old, I got into something
that took me on a journey up until about

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Three years ago, I, I played with that
hair hole a long time ago, 12 years old,

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I got my first shot and I knew then that
I knew then I didn't need no problem.

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I mean, it was, I don't, it ain't, and I
didn't do everything yet, but that was my

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go to, that was what I went to bed with.

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That's what I got up with,
that's what made my decision.

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How did you come across hair
in the country at 12 years old?

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I'm a 12th generation jarhead.

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I grew up down there on Parris Island
for a few years and all the men on

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my side, the family were Marines
and my mother's brother, he was

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a Marine and his name was Sherm.

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He came back from over at
Nall and came back with that.

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I called him a few times and I was,
I was playing around, experiment

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with some stuff like that right then
and weed, but I wasn't, wasn't a

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whole lot of things I was doing, but
when I did that, I didn't need to.

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That was a wrap, you know, you know, um,
I continue to do what I'm doing and walk

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in the grace of God, you know, I'll be
at my three year mark of January 5th.

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We do recover in spite of decisions we
make and the attitude we have come in.

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I wasn't, I was always, I
knew there was more to life.

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Going to work, running a farm,
being a part of family, that made

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me just knew there was more to life.

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Growing up, when I got, at
14, let me start there, 14,

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committed a crime against family.

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False imprisonment, hostage taking,
sustaining, pointing, pointing and

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discharging a firearm at my step.

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And they sent me, I spent four years
in there, and while I was in there,

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they sent me to this, uh, evaluation.

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I didn't do very well there,
instead I went to a reformatory

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school called John G.

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Rich's Reformatory in Columbia, South
Carolina, and it was a work reformatory.

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It took care of cattle.

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We just made that buddy.

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I was there and I just would not be
in touch with reality, not knowing how

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to deal with withdrawals at that time.

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And even now, I don't know if I really
went to a whole lot of withdrawals,

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but I know that's all I thought about.

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I didn't go to a physical
sickness, wasn't there, but the

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physical obsession never left me.

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So I, I did some good behavior,
got into this uh, specialty

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shop, did a little extra thing.

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Got me a knife, saw blade,
took it back to the barracks.

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Gentleman that was going to go with
me just got scared and told, and

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I didn't cut through some bars.

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It was a wrap then, so now, I
get to go to, so there you go.

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Then I get to go to the big boy
place, hang out with my lads.

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Always treating you.

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From there, it was, there was
no looking back as far as the

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lifestyle that I was going into.

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It wasn't forced on me.

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I showed them everything I've
ever done, but I don't think I've

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ever committed an innocent sin.

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So when I came out, I met, I met
this lady in the club, got married,

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that lasted about nine months.

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And then I started to work for a company
in Montreal called Procal Racing.

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It was decals and I started
putting decals on NASCAR.

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The very first car I ever did was for
Harvey Gantt, had a big old red mountain

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on the top of it, uh, Folger's Mountain
Road, was, was the name of it on this car,

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and so I was traveling around doing decals
on NASCAR, Rusty Waller, Bill Elliott,

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I got to meet all those guys and it came
through and NASCAR did, it came through.

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You know, you're a drug test and I
failed, so they gave me six months.

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You gotta get cleaned up and what
you gotta do to come on back.

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You know what I did?

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I wasn't meant to do
what I was supposed to.

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Trust in the mind of God, lie
about everything, and forge

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some paperwork and get on back.

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Pay for some paperwork and go back.

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I wasn't there long, and they
come through and did another one.

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And when they did this one, and I
failed, they escorted me out of the pit.

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And I can't ever go back.

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They say it's a life thing,
but I can't work ever again.

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It was a great, and after this happened in
Pocono, Pennsylvania, I had a great start.

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You know, my early 20s,
I had a great start.

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I ain't gonna blame it on what I
was using, but it helped me do the

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things I wanted to do, so I didn't
have to, you know, think about,

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have a conscience, I would say.

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And after a while, That
humanity switch stays off.

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When humanity switches off, and you
don't speak of nothing but hate, there's

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no joy, there's no forgiveness, there's
no empathy for mankind of any, no.

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Everybody I came into contact with
after that appointment was nice,

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especially my parents, my siblings,
because they're doing everything

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they can to save their soul.

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He deserves better because he
can do better, because they

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know he's better than that.

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But he don't kill them.

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Uh, what about your grandmother?

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What about God?

00:14:03.192 --> 00:14:04.142
Where God at?

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I ain't seen him in a minute
since I took my grandmother.

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Resentment.

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I didn't know if that's what it
was at the time, and I didn't know

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why I didn't have to prepare you.

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See, I know you real.

00:14:16.372 --> 00:14:18.122
I don't care if you did nothing for me.

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You took something from me.

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You ain't gave me nothing.

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You didn't see that.

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I said that to this God
of mine for a long time.

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So I ended up, uh, I
ended up getting married.

00:14:41.247 --> 00:14:46.697
I had two beautiful children
by the time I was a month old.

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I was the only one
holding them in my hand.

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It's a beautiful thing.

00:14:53.577 --> 00:14:55.097
You know, your first and your second.

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Whatever boy.

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Take them home.

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When you take them home for the
first time, they'll be chill.

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It's a beautiful thing.

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I was blessed.

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I got a son and a daughter that
still didn't change my life.

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Now I'm trying to keep a job on the
front for my family and everybody

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around me in the neighborhood.

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And here in intervals, I would
jump in and out the church, but

00:15:21.282 --> 00:15:23.862
it never, it just never showed.

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I just, and what I'm going to tell you is
that I didn't know is that I just said,

00:15:28.172 --> 00:15:29.880
no, I didn't know how to communicate.

00:15:29.880 --> 00:15:30.430
I did.

00:15:30.430 --> 00:15:32.359
I didn't know how to communicate honestly.

00:15:32.359 --> 00:15:34.012
But see, I finally got it.

00:15:36.322 --> 00:15:38.962
Where it says in the script,
should be angry and do not see it.

00:15:39.642 --> 00:15:40.822
I'd like to know how you do that.

00:15:42.272 --> 00:15:46.332
When I found out Jesse, now
sir, is sitting in prison.

00:15:46.982 --> 00:15:48.502
And I'm waiting to come home now.

00:15:49.602 --> 00:15:53.242
And I'm like, I don't know
about six months, seven months

00:15:53.242 --> 00:15:54.212
away from being in the U.

00:15:54.292 --> 00:15:54.412
S.

00:15:55.362 --> 00:15:57.062
I get a phone call about my mother.

00:16:01.312 --> 00:16:02.312
I just walked out of the O.

00:16:02.312 --> 00:16:02.562
T.

00:16:02.572 --> 00:16:02.862
dog.

00:16:03.102 --> 00:16:06.482
Went out there in the middle
of the Redfield, yards flowing.

00:16:07.072 --> 00:16:09.962
He's telling the other COs,
just give them a minute.

00:16:11.042 --> 00:16:13.372
It's for me to talk about
love and God help you, God.

00:16:13.502 --> 00:16:15.962
Really, this is, really,
you let me get this close.

00:16:16.062 --> 00:16:20.942
It's 15 calendars in prison, and I
didn't let my mom come see me, but twice.

00:16:21.202 --> 00:16:22.662
She got no business being back there.

00:16:22.662 --> 00:16:23.232
I did that.

00:16:23.232 --> 00:16:24.752
I'll give my time to come home.

00:16:26.502 --> 00:16:27.302
You know what I'm saying?

00:16:28.037 --> 00:16:29.517
Yeah, let me get this straight.

00:16:29.517 --> 00:16:35.347
So you were angry at God because he
took your grandmother and you had a

00:16:35.347 --> 00:16:41.197
resentment there, and then while you
were in prison, your mother died.

00:16:41.807 --> 00:16:42.177
Yes.

00:16:43.497 --> 00:16:46.147
You said about six months
before you were to get out.

00:16:46.647 --> 00:16:47.267
Yes, sir.

00:16:48.217 --> 00:16:51.157
So you're angry at God
because, because of that.

00:16:51.877 --> 00:16:52.207
Yes, sir.

00:16:52.707 --> 00:16:52.927
Very.

00:16:53.857 --> 00:16:55.187
Totally understandable.

00:16:55.327 --> 00:16:55.667
Yeah.

00:16:55.837 --> 00:16:58.767
Now, now I'm telling you, you know, if
they shouldn't get out in six months.

00:16:59.607 --> 00:17:00.467
You helped me do this.

00:17:00.467 --> 00:17:02.737
You helped me do, cause I knew he
helped me get through that time.

00:17:03.057 --> 00:17:05.037
And I'll be glad to share
some of that with you too.

00:17:05.477 --> 00:17:08.977
I did a hard time, but I chose to,
but what I'm saying is about this

00:17:08.977 --> 00:17:14.157
angry, be angry, do not sin is that
I had to be honest with it was okay.

00:17:15.687 --> 00:17:18.947
At that point in time to say, if you
God, it was okay at that point in time

00:17:18.947 --> 00:17:23.367
to say you took something you ain't
gave nothing second time I'm counting.

00:17:23.377 --> 00:17:24.947
I'm keeping count with God now.

00:17:25.187 --> 00:17:25.777
Okay.

00:17:27.317 --> 00:17:31.017
Now ain't telling y'all the grace,
just counting all the mistakes that

00:17:31.037 --> 00:17:33.417
he made in my eyes like, right.

00:17:36.117 --> 00:17:41.867
So anyway, let me back up just before I
go finish that story out is that my mother

00:17:41.867 --> 00:17:47.317
remarried to this guy and he's a really
good guy for the first five or six years.

00:17:47.317 --> 00:17:50.137
It was some hard times because I
fought with this man every day.

00:17:50.137 --> 00:17:52.267
I mean physically fought with him.

00:17:52.577 --> 00:17:56.127
Then one day, man, he said
to ask God to help him quit.

00:17:56.857 --> 00:17:58.167
And if he couldn't quit, kill him.

00:17:58.167 --> 00:18:00.687
And he never took
another drink after that.

00:18:05.217 --> 00:18:08.137
I don't know, seven, eight years, he
probably wanted to, I wish he had a draft.

00:18:09.457 --> 00:18:11.487
That's how miserable he was
and everybody around him.

00:18:14.277 --> 00:18:16.147
But then he came down with
the same kind of cancer.

00:18:16.617 --> 00:18:17.517
Came down with cancer.

00:18:17.577 --> 00:18:20.337
But then we had throat and neck
cancer and he had lung cancer.

00:18:21.017 --> 00:18:24.217
So I decided I'm gonna get clean
so I can spend some time with him.

00:18:24.297 --> 00:18:25.897
I can't go around and use him.

00:18:25.897 --> 00:18:26.367
I just can't.

00:18:26.367 --> 00:18:29.097
Because I can't go long
enough without having him.

00:18:29.207 --> 00:18:31.727
And I can't take, that's
the mama's house thing.

00:18:31.837 --> 00:18:32.507
Or my dad.

00:18:33.217 --> 00:18:36.377
I flew down to Charleston,
South Carolina, far surf.

00:18:37.962 --> 00:18:42.942
I got through this program, this little 28
day thing, and I go, I move into a Oxford

00:18:42.992 --> 00:18:45.092
house, as a matter of fact, down there.

00:18:47.202 --> 00:18:49.302
I get a call that dad's doing real bad.

00:18:50.052 --> 00:18:52.152
He's in the hospital, he's
on this breathing thing.

00:18:52.702 --> 00:18:55.652
Two days later, he calls me, and I
talk to him, and he's, I'm not going

00:18:55.652 --> 00:18:57.590
to walk away from this son of a bitch.

00:18:57.590 --> 00:19:00.712
And he says, but you can't
come over and stay clean.

00:19:00.712 --> 00:19:01.662
Don't come at all.

00:19:02.902 --> 00:19:09.582
You know, first thing, see, God, I
hate to say this, but I tell the truth.

00:19:10.527 --> 00:19:12.847
First thing that comes to my
mind, who the hell are you, D?

00:19:13.827 --> 00:19:15.597
You're my stepdad, you're in my room.

00:19:15.747 --> 00:19:16.677
Father, Grandad.

00:19:18.147 --> 00:19:21.557
This man come by my house, got me out
of bed, took me to the doctor, brought

00:19:21.557 --> 00:19:22.747
me home, bought my prescription.

00:19:23.637 --> 00:19:25.127
And I was so sick, he couldn't.

00:19:25.407 --> 00:19:28.017
That's who this man is that
I'm feeling this way toward.

00:19:29.737 --> 00:19:30.277
I went and picked her up.

00:19:30.277 --> 00:19:33.027
My dad went and picked up the right D.

00:19:34.607 --> 00:19:37.857
And three days later, I'm still
getting texts and calls from Mom.

00:19:38.057 --> 00:19:38.947
Come home, come home.

00:19:40.217 --> 00:19:41.527
She says, Keith, you need to come home.

00:19:41.537 --> 00:19:43.407
He's hanging on just for you, son.

00:19:43.647 --> 00:19:45.377
Don't make this man do this.

00:19:46.797 --> 00:19:48.657
So I got a little bit of a
conscience, thank you, God.

00:19:50.047 --> 00:19:52.977
I jumped on the bus and went to sleep.

00:19:55.187 --> 00:19:57.827
Now, mind you, I'm on a two week run.

00:19:58.347 --> 00:20:01.687
No shower, no food, just,
you know what I'm saying?

00:20:01.937 --> 00:20:04.227
No change in the clothes, no shit even.

00:20:05.477 --> 00:20:07.607
Just spent 16 hours on the bus.

00:20:07.897 --> 00:20:09.137
Ha ha ha.

00:20:09.917 --> 00:20:11.027
Straight up in the hospital.

00:20:12.187 --> 00:20:13.097
Ended up seeing my dad.

00:20:18.337 --> 00:20:20.507
He told me, he said, Go home, man.

00:20:21.167 --> 00:20:22.587
He said, I love you,
but I can't take this.

00:20:23.997 --> 00:20:24.467
Meh.

00:20:24.467 --> 00:20:25.757
I went home.

00:20:27.217 --> 00:20:28.907
I did the shower and came on back.

00:20:31.532 --> 00:20:37.122
He got real bad and refused
the medicine, the pain, trying

00:20:37.122 --> 00:20:38.492
to get us out from the pain.

00:20:39.832 --> 00:20:41.892
And, uh, they were trying
to give him more medicine.

00:20:41.892 --> 00:20:42.942
I wasn't letting him get medicine.

00:20:46.052 --> 00:20:47.792
I ended up fighting and going to jail.

00:20:50.402 --> 00:20:53.302
He didn't start getting out of jail.

00:20:53.792 --> 00:20:54.422
Uh, you

00:21:00.902 --> 00:21:03.392
know, it's a couple of weeks
going on there and it's a big

00:21:03.402 --> 00:21:05.062
loss and a big fight going on.

00:21:05.112 --> 00:21:08.212
My dad had that asbestos
can from the shipyard.

00:21:08.782 --> 00:21:10.572
I used to work there
with him all the time.

00:21:10.822 --> 00:21:14.882
Uh, he has other children
from another marriage.

00:21:16.042 --> 00:21:18.862
And, uh, when he passed because
he didn't leave them anything in

00:21:18.862 --> 00:21:23.472
the wheel, The settlement comes
after the will, their entirety.

00:21:26.332 --> 00:21:27.832
I don't care man.

00:21:27.842 --> 00:21:28.722
At that point.

00:21:31.562 --> 00:21:33.402
I'm not capable of carrying that.

00:21:33.872 --> 00:21:36.102
So, and it was them that
I got in a fight with.

00:21:36.152 --> 00:21:36.902
It's a hospital.

00:21:37.382 --> 00:21:38.312
And had me arrested.

00:21:42.192 --> 00:21:43.542
I didn't care about the money.

00:21:43.732 --> 00:21:44.552
I signed the release.

00:21:44.552 --> 00:21:45.272
I don't want none.

00:21:45.312 --> 00:21:46.292
And all them people.

00:21:46.292 --> 00:21:47.652
I don't know what they ended up with.

00:21:47.652 --> 00:21:48.462
If it wasn't much.

00:21:48.522 --> 00:21:50.802
It's just 90, 000.

00:21:51.372 --> 00:21:52.962
Each one of them got eight of them.

00:21:52.982 --> 00:21:53.872
Something like that.

00:21:53.942 --> 00:21:55.842
Mom got a good bit more than that.

00:21:55.842 --> 00:21:56.072
But,

00:21:59.852 --> 00:22:00.382
I had.

00:22:00.442 --> 00:22:01.482
During this waiting period.

00:22:02.232 --> 00:22:07.342
I'm not going to go into
detail, but I, my son,

00:22:13.012 --> 00:22:14.842
your voice dropped off there.

00:22:14.842 --> 00:22:15.712
I didn't hear that.

00:22:17.122 --> 00:22:19.532
He come to live with me where I
was living at, which wasn't too

00:22:19.532 --> 00:22:23.482
far from where his mother and his
sister lived at, and the music heavy.

00:22:23.482 --> 00:22:26.122
I can't, just can't control it.

00:22:26.132 --> 00:22:29.022
But it wasn't a control ever anyway,
but I thought of many, pretty good.

00:22:29.022 --> 00:22:36.852
But that's, he comes to live with
me, you know, doing things around and

00:22:36.982 --> 00:22:44.202
showing him things, you know, kind of
told me about it, favorite about it.

00:22:45.372 --> 00:22:46.072
Parents got involved.

00:22:46.562 --> 00:22:47.692
Mother got involved.

00:22:47.882 --> 00:22:49.462
All in this one sixth wage.

00:22:55.872 --> 00:22:56.932
Anyway, they all left.

00:22:57.032 --> 00:22:57.562
They took my,

00:23:01.132 --> 00:23:01.862
put in the bathroom.

00:23:03.092 --> 00:23:04.142
Wanted me a tub of water.

00:23:04.842 --> 00:23:05.272
Mm hmm.

00:23:08.402 --> 00:23:09.442
Both my ribs.

00:23:10.302 --> 00:23:10.492
Mm.

00:23:10.672 --> 00:23:11.822
Cause I did this, I did that.

00:23:12.072 --> 00:23:12.392
Mm hmm.

00:23:13.362 --> 00:23:17.942
Mama said because I never said
anything during this whole thing.

00:23:17.942 --> 00:23:21.262
You know, and I got slapped a few times.

00:23:21.422 --> 00:23:23.472
I deserved everything and more than that.

00:23:23.542 --> 00:23:24.482
You know what I'm saying?

00:23:25.272 --> 00:23:26.372
Cause in person, I wasn't there.

00:23:27.112 --> 00:23:28.362
Like, and their life too.

00:23:30.502 --> 00:23:31.362
I just stood there.

00:23:32.102 --> 00:23:34.532
And that's your whole damn same thing.

00:23:34.682 --> 00:23:37.282
Look, so mom says she
knew something was up.

00:23:37.282 --> 00:23:39.572
So her and my brother
came back to the house.

00:23:42.252 --> 00:23:42.362
Done.

00:23:44.232 --> 00:23:48.062
I had 14 stitches on the inside of
one of them with 11 stitches on that.

00:23:48.122 --> 00:23:53.072
I mean, staples on the outside
on the left, but anyway, come

00:23:53.072 --> 00:23:55.742
out and we do this way in my day,

00:23:59.672 --> 00:24:01.302
I just can't do it.

00:24:01.842 --> 00:24:02.162
Okay.

00:24:02.982 --> 00:24:04.162
It put me on the spot.

00:24:06.632 --> 00:24:08.272
My mom's sister found this place.

00:24:09.602 --> 00:24:15.182
In West Palm Beach, Florida, Joshua
Treatment Center, two year program just

00:24:15.182 --> 00:24:22.162
for me and Erwin at Don't Hold the 16
People, the waiting list to get in.

00:24:23.162 --> 00:24:23.662
We look.

00:24:24.132 --> 00:24:26.572
Mom's sister sent him a video,
told him what happened, what's

00:24:26.622 --> 00:24:27.872
going on, and they took.

00:24:29.342 --> 00:24:32.722
So I went down there, met, and I
did my thing there, and during this

00:24:32.722 --> 00:24:34.042
time there, I've got marriages.

00:24:34.592 --> 00:24:39.322
We was, we got, oh my,
I'm on my fifth marriage.

00:24:40.072 --> 00:24:43.172
So it shows you what I know about
relationships, it helps me anyway.

00:24:45.102 --> 00:24:49.092
And what I'm going to tell you Jess
is that whenever I did all this man

00:24:49.092 --> 00:24:55.982
and I went down to West Palm Beach,
I had been to school with Clemson

00:24:56.112 --> 00:24:57.432
University for a little while.

00:24:58.912 --> 00:25:03.282
I finished my degree down here in
Fort Lauderdale at Barry University,

00:25:03.282 --> 00:25:06.687
which is Number one school in
the Southeast for counselors.

00:25:06.977 --> 00:25:08.397
That's what I wanted to go and get.

00:25:08.397 --> 00:25:14.157
I went and got my CAS and I went to work
on Singer Island, a place called Beehop.

00:25:14.297 --> 00:25:19.197
And it's one of the most prestigious
treatment centers in West Palm Beach.

00:25:19.237 --> 00:25:25.717
But anybody from 14 to 18, and most of
the people that come there are all from up

00:25:25.717 --> 00:25:27.877
northern, never anybody from that state.

00:25:28.187 --> 00:25:30.587
So I go to work there.

00:25:32.297 --> 00:25:34.997
Let me back up there just
a minute before you go on.

00:25:35.017 --> 00:25:36.857
So you, did you finish this?

00:25:37.567 --> 00:25:39.817
Two years, Joshua House.

00:25:40.557 --> 00:25:45.027
I finished the program and, and I ended
up going through their program to get the

00:25:45.027 --> 00:25:48.447
house, and I ended up buying the house
while I was down there, moved into the

00:25:48.447 --> 00:25:52.607
house, they helped me, uh, they helped
me finish up my schooling and then they

00:25:52.607 --> 00:25:58.277
helped me get the job because we you,
your school, when you say your schooling,

00:25:58.277 --> 00:26:01.117
you mean like a bachelor's degree?

00:26:01.297 --> 00:26:04.357
I got a bachelor's degree in
psychology with an emphasis

00:26:04.357 --> 00:26:06.177
and a chemical addiction count.

00:26:06.207 --> 00:26:06.567
Okay.

00:26:06.897 --> 00:26:07.287
All right.

00:26:08.657 --> 00:26:11.652
I just wanted to clear, just wanted
to get a clearer about, oh, I'm sorry.

00:26:12.222 --> 00:26:12.572
Sorry.

00:26:12.577 --> 00:26:13.157
I finished that.

00:26:13.157 --> 00:26:13.337
Yeah.

00:26:13.337 --> 00:26:16.937
I finished the program and it was,
it's really a four year program.

00:26:16.937 --> 00:26:19.037
It's two years of being in house.

00:26:19.427 --> 00:26:21.737
It's two years of being outta house.

00:26:22.557 --> 00:26:28.877
So I did all that and at this
time I decided this ain't working.

00:26:28.877 --> 00:26:34.447
This the low team, $42,000 a year job
to start off a, we had great benefits,

00:26:34.507 --> 00:26:39.572
but I'm like, this ain't me, but I said,
it's some great, here it goes though.

00:26:39.917 --> 00:26:48.977
I already had some guys, I just
haven't been using them as a resource.

00:26:49.097 --> 00:26:56.637
So I, I reached out and started doing
moving stuff on the side, illegal stuff,

00:26:57.117 --> 00:27:03.317
making money on the side, keeping a
good job, there's a front, there's

00:27:03.317 --> 00:27:04.687
a lady that comes through there.

00:27:06.077 --> 00:27:12.847
When she graduates the program, we end
up starting dating, that's totally cool.

00:27:15.077 --> 00:27:16.417
Everything across the board.

00:27:17.827 --> 00:27:19.537
So I ended up going to meet her family.

00:27:19.547 --> 00:27:22.747
When I went to meet her
family, they were the family.

00:27:26.127 --> 00:27:29.717
They lived in a little place in
central Florida and I knew something

00:27:29.717 --> 00:27:31.707
was up, but I didn't know what.

00:27:31.707 --> 00:27:35.527
So after a couple visits, her dad
took me to this little cellar he had.

00:27:35.527 --> 00:27:36.337
They grew stuff.

00:27:38.097 --> 00:27:39.217
I learned how to grow.

00:27:40.627 --> 00:27:43.135
Once I learned how to grow, you can't.

00:27:43.135 --> 00:27:44.287
I can't.

00:27:44.847 --> 00:27:48.107
I can't be a part of
illegal activity like that.

00:27:48.462 --> 00:27:49.602
And not partake of it.

00:27:50.972 --> 00:27:52.992
I can't just, so now I'm using it.

00:27:55.042 --> 00:27:58.502
It doesn't take long for me to
go back to what I like best.

00:27:58.502 --> 00:28:03.352
Now I got the heroin and I,
you know, I didn't do this.

00:28:03.532 --> 00:28:05.322
I didn't do this almost two years.

00:28:05.342 --> 00:28:08.992
That's all, you know,
accumulating a lot of stuff.

00:28:09.142 --> 00:28:10.864
You don't know what to do with it, right?

00:28:10.864 --> 00:28:15.182
So I wasn't educated in the area of
how to clean it and put it somewhere

00:28:15.632 --> 00:28:20.612
safe and make it work, so now you got
stuff buried in it, you know, whatever.

00:28:20.692 --> 00:28:23.442
Outside the house, like
everybody else, we walk inside.

00:28:24.092 --> 00:28:31.062
Man, that's two of them saying, there's
so much immaturity in that lifestyle.

00:28:31.272 --> 00:28:34.642
People didn't even want to ever
make out there for a very long time.

00:28:35.342 --> 00:28:38.232
So much, no, there's no planning.

00:28:38.232 --> 00:28:43.332
It's just, I'm going to tell you
about just when I tell y'all this 2002

00:28:47.582 --> 00:28:56.532
prison for killing somebody
green 28, 30, 000 a man.

00:28:59.492 --> 00:29:01.852
And during this process,
I get shot five times.

00:29:04.712 --> 00:29:09.482
And I said, I've been in and out
of the institution all my life.

00:29:10.212 --> 00:29:12.382
Ended up, uh, he ended
up taking a plea deal.

00:29:15.622 --> 00:29:17.782
Spent three years fighting this case.

00:29:21.162 --> 00:29:24.072
Everything crossed the board from
the beginning until I actually

00:29:24.072 --> 00:29:25.722
went to the court with 25 of them.

00:29:25.722 --> 00:29:28.162
25 men.

00:29:30.722 --> 00:29:31.412
They took everything.

00:29:31.832 --> 00:29:34.822
I gave them everything that I had
that I wasn't supposed to have.

00:29:35.622 --> 00:29:38.162
Houses, cars, a little bit of money.

00:29:38.842 --> 00:29:44.242
And the wife, she had to divorce me and
testify against me so they could take it.

00:29:46.472 --> 00:29:47.082
A no blong.

00:29:47.472 --> 00:29:48.252
It doesn't matter.

00:29:50.372 --> 00:29:51.902
I up with a 15-year-old son.

00:29:52.842 --> 00:29:58.028
I don't know, but what anybody else
thinks that's inconceivable in, in

00:29:58.028 --> 00:30:04.182
his mind here, 15 years because I've
never been someone who's calculated

00:30:04.182 --> 00:30:06.522
to, especially growing up in, in go.

00:30:06.582 --> 00:30:10.797
I've never worldwide, so I don't care
about time, but about three years into

00:30:10.797 --> 00:30:19.202
my sentence it said either I'll never
come in hiding, never swear my charged

00:30:19.207 --> 00:30:22.012
with wife, put me at a violent camp.

00:30:22.012 --> 00:30:22.762
I with Martin Ci.

00:30:24.057 --> 00:30:26.927
West Palm Beach, Martin
Correctional Institute.

00:30:27.307 --> 00:30:29.257
It's a closed custody
and level seven care.

00:30:29.497 --> 00:30:35.727
I was there for about three years and
uh, just me just going with the flow, not

00:30:35.727 --> 00:30:37.927
really caring about anything back then.

00:30:37.957 --> 00:30:38.957
Time was different.

00:30:39.367 --> 00:30:41.667
I had gotten some ink put on me.

00:30:41.847 --> 00:30:46.857
Someone else took it as a disrespect
and it was a gang member and he thought

00:30:46.857 --> 00:30:51.907
I was being boastful with ink that I
had put on me and I got stabbed twice.

00:30:53.082 --> 00:30:56.422
And I got put on one of them
bags for a couple of weeks.

00:30:59.012 --> 00:31:01.342
I wouldn't, uh, I wasn't
going to take the cuss.

00:31:02.932 --> 00:31:04.182
Yo, I had a Cuban.

00:31:05.612 --> 00:31:06.882
Julio Anstevero.

00:31:07.172 --> 00:31:07.872
Great dude.

00:31:07.882 --> 00:31:08.542
God of luck.

00:31:09.192 --> 00:31:11.002
And he says, I know what you're gonna do.

00:31:11.482 --> 00:31:15.882
He says, but if you can do this
your way, you ain't gonna die.

00:31:17.392 --> 00:31:18.092
You can handle it.

00:31:18.582 --> 00:31:22.002
I got a suggestion for you now that
this away, everything will work out.

00:31:22.862 --> 00:31:23.762
So I listened to it.

00:31:26.302 --> 00:31:30.662
They got, if you ever seen anybody
on the streets that has a Z like

00:31:30.662 --> 00:31:33.942
this across the forehead, if they
have a J, it goes from the corner of

00:31:33.942 --> 00:31:35.362
the mouth up to the end of the ear.

00:31:36.362 --> 00:31:37.572
And they tell you they've been in prison.

00:31:38.792 --> 00:31:40.022
That's what they do to snitch.

00:31:40.432 --> 00:31:41.852
That's what they do to people who chattel.

00:31:42.032 --> 00:31:46.152
That's what they do to people who
do things against the community

00:31:46.502 --> 00:31:47.832
that they're not supposed to do.

00:31:49.162 --> 00:31:51.702
I made me a saint and
in there to have bars.

00:31:51.702 --> 00:31:52.222
I didn't have.

00:31:52.667 --> 00:31:56.527
Wall, they had bars on the front of the
rooms and I cut a Z on his forehead.

00:31:56.527 --> 00:32:01.247
He went, he got up and went straight
and told, and it put me on a C M, put,

00:32:01.307 --> 00:32:04.837
it gave me, C M closed management.

00:32:05.167 --> 00:32:08.587
That means I'm in a room, I'm in
a eight by eight by eight room,

00:32:08.947 --> 00:32:11.027
24 hours a day, seven days a week.

00:32:11.922 --> 00:32:13.572
And they got different levels.

00:32:13.572 --> 00:32:17.552
And I went on a level one, which is
the highest level you can go in on.

00:32:17.552 --> 00:32:22.322
And you get to come out of the
room for an hour, once a week, once

00:32:22.322 --> 00:32:24.942
a week, but the week, yes, sir.

00:32:25.772 --> 00:32:30.712
And I spent 18 months on CM1 and then I
got to go to CM2 for about six months.

00:32:30.712 --> 00:32:33.672
And then they released me, but
then they put you on a, you know,

00:32:33.912 --> 00:32:35.262
what they call a reentry camp.

00:32:35.352 --> 00:32:39.182
So when we've been on lockdown and all
that, they put you into a reentry camp.

00:32:41.062 --> 00:32:43.942
But at that point, yes, I
didn't care, man, I'm not much.

00:32:44.007 --> 00:32:48.736
I was a statue of a man, father,
and I wasn't good with father, dad.

00:32:48.736 --> 00:32:53.777
And it's just, and I stayed
in the bar, but I didn't get

00:32:53.777 --> 00:32:55.147
game counseling, getting mad.

00:32:55.687 --> 00:32:58.047
They couldn't take anything
from me but my life, and I,

00:32:58.097 --> 00:32:59.457
living in there, I didn't have.

00:33:00.357 --> 00:33:01.167
Also, I thought.

00:33:03.987 --> 00:33:04.927
After I finished the C.

00:33:04.927 --> 00:33:04.937
E.

00:33:04.937 --> 00:33:05.127
U.

00:33:05.127 --> 00:33:08.827
and camp, they took it, uh, they sent
me to another one in there with a guide.

00:33:10.337 --> 00:33:12.787
And, uh, he used to come and sit
on my bed and bring what they call

00:33:12.787 --> 00:33:16.077
a bowl of, uh, he'd cook a little
brick, what they call a brick.

00:33:16.527 --> 00:33:19.747
How we cook our soups in prison, they
bring it and he sat down and he'd

00:33:19.747 --> 00:33:21.047
come back, would never say nothing.

00:33:21.047 --> 00:33:25.367
He'd just sit down and eat that
soup and read scripts, get up and

00:33:25.377 --> 00:33:26.977
leave, take the bowl with him.

00:33:26.977 --> 00:33:29.447
I never watched one bowl,
never cooked anything.

00:33:29.637 --> 00:33:35.607
And he did this for a couple of
months and I come here from New

00:33:35.607 --> 00:33:40.407
York one day and he's just packing
on my bed because I'd been asking

00:33:40.407 --> 00:33:42.367
questions about getting into seminary.

00:33:42.727 --> 00:33:44.157
Went and talked to the pastor up there.

00:33:45.632 --> 00:33:47.922
Church and he says, let's see
what your scores look like.

00:33:47.952 --> 00:33:52.892
So I did, I took some pre scored test work
and did very well on the lab that I did.

00:33:53.072 --> 00:33:59.392
And, uh, so I got a sponsor, the sponsor
is going to pay for my scholarship, so.

00:34:00.432 --> 00:34:03.572
I started going to the Jacksonville
Baptist Theological Seminary.

00:34:04.122 --> 00:34:07.542
Now, this is online courses
that we have to do the chapel.

00:34:07.652 --> 00:34:09.632
They don't get computer
thinking behind the fence.

00:34:11.082 --> 00:34:14.112
So I'm up there and I do the
courses and I do very well.

00:34:14.132 --> 00:34:17.152
But during this time, I'm still
showing how they value time.

00:34:18.572 --> 00:34:19.672
Knowing who they are.

00:34:19.782 --> 00:34:25.072
I had to do, write certain essays
and I would intentionally throw

00:34:25.072 --> 00:34:30.502
jabs at who's the seminary I'm
going to, Southern Baptist.

00:34:30.502 --> 00:34:31.437
I would throw jabs.

00:34:32.227 --> 00:34:36.237
You know, things like that right there,
and it was borderline disrespect,

00:34:36.337 --> 00:34:42.787
but, you know, they tolerated and they
degraded by three professors doing a

00:34:42.787 --> 00:34:44.467
report like this and it never retired.

00:34:45.407 --> 00:34:50.087
There was one who loved me to
death, told me, you don't know how

00:34:50.087 --> 00:34:52.977
to do the light that I can shine.

00:34:53.107 --> 00:34:53.377
Yeah.

00:34:53.657 --> 00:34:55.917
Gratitude of God just has no meaning.

00:34:56.057 --> 00:34:56.407
It doesn't.

00:34:57.227 --> 00:35:02.607
And so I ended up, I ended up graduating
there and I did very well then I ended

00:35:02.607 --> 00:35:06.127
up walking away with a bachelor's degree.

00:35:06.627 --> 00:35:11.927
In systematic theology, with
an emphasis in ex genesis, the

00:35:11.927 --> 00:35:12.967
interpretation of scripture.

00:35:13.987 --> 00:35:18.147
And I studied both the languages
of Hebrew, and I only got through

00:35:18.147 --> 00:35:19.697
one of the bricks in the U Test.

00:35:19.707 --> 00:35:22.447
I didn't complete the other one,
but those are the things that, but

00:35:22.577 --> 00:35:25.517
what I was doing, I wanted all the
information I could get on God so

00:35:25.517 --> 00:35:27.037
I could form this opinion about it.

00:35:27.037 --> 00:35:34.342
I mean, I researched, I mean, and what
come to happen was that When he told

00:35:34.342 --> 00:35:40.232
me that I knew I wasn't meant to be,
and I didn't know what, so I took and

00:35:40.282 --> 00:35:44.532
I started doing a little bit of rec
time preaching, you know what I mean?

00:35:44.532 --> 00:35:48.802
I go out there with my trusty
sword and hold, and then

00:35:48.832 --> 00:35:50.322
just start putting stuff on.

00:35:50.732 --> 00:35:55.752
One of the first sermons I ever
did, and this is just, I did a

00:35:55.752 --> 00:35:57.672
call, the plate of life treats fool.

00:35:59.057 --> 00:36:03.337
And this comes out of Luke
T, 38 to 42, back at Birdson.

00:36:03.337 --> 00:36:06.817
Martha and Mary, Jason's the
stepdaughter in the house to visit with.

00:36:07.497 --> 00:36:11.157
And one of them's up, just cleaning
and cooking and moving stuff

00:36:11.157 --> 00:36:14.567
around, nothing, sitting there
just loving him, loving on him.

00:36:15.487 --> 00:36:21.287
The plate of life can become full and
there's things that everything's in

00:36:21.287 --> 00:36:23.537
our life for me should have a priority.

00:36:23.597 --> 00:36:25.577
No matter what I'm doing,
everything should have a priority

00:36:25.577 --> 00:36:26.797
and can work its way down.

00:36:27.397 --> 00:36:30.507
So we see one sister doing the priority
thing and sitting with the master.

00:36:30.517 --> 00:36:35.517
You see the other ones get, she's
so busy preparing for him and she

00:36:35.517 --> 00:36:36.977
acting like he ain't even there.

00:36:36.977 --> 00:36:37.767
All right.

00:36:37.767 --> 00:36:38.507
Right.

00:36:38.787 --> 00:36:39.497
You know what I'm saying?

00:36:39.497 --> 00:36:41.877
So he told us about, she's too distracted.

00:36:42.127 --> 00:36:45.737
She's so distracted with serving and
setting up for him to stay in the exhort.

00:36:46.917 --> 00:36:49.957
So that's one of the first things
that I ever told him was the, but

00:36:50.217 --> 00:36:57.517
that's, and I, but I look at that
today, being in recovery, today, I

00:36:57.517 --> 00:37:00.157
don't struggle with the physical.

00:37:01.862 --> 00:37:08.482
Desires to you or drink, but I
have, because I don't pay attention

00:37:08.512 --> 00:37:11.192
and I don't, and I don't want
to keep more of a conscious mind

00:37:11.222 --> 00:37:16.372
that, Oh my God, these gifts of
recovery will take me out of here.

00:37:17.482 --> 00:37:20.482
Cause you, a, when you, when
they lose their priority, your

00:37:20.502 --> 00:37:26.442
gratitude, they know what they
become being very important, not you.

00:37:28.292 --> 00:37:32.522
So anyway, just that part there,
man, when I came up, finished

00:37:32.522 --> 00:37:35.492
school, get a little bit of trouble.

00:37:35.722 --> 00:37:36.872
It shouldn't be down south.

00:37:37.482 --> 00:37:41.442
I'm up here, I was up here at Putton
CI and they sent me down to Hardy

00:37:41.542 --> 00:37:43.482
CI, which is another CM field.

00:37:43.772 --> 00:37:45.112
That's where they put Nucleus there.

00:37:45.622 --> 00:37:49.232
And I spent my last year and a half
there, two years there, I think,

00:37:49.232 --> 00:37:52.872
and that's where I really got into
doing that type, that style of

00:37:52.952 --> 00:37:55.612
teaching, uh, pre teaching, teaching.

00:37:55.962 --> 00:37:58.772
And I used to teach Sunday school
every Saturday and Sunday morning

00:37:58.862 --> 00:38:01.682
there, and it made a difference.

00:38:01.692 --> 00:38:03.782
Just, yeah.

00:38:04.577 --> 00:38:07.617
And I put all that aside and they
gave me that, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:38:08.307 --> 00:38:10.857
And then they took and put me
in the box too, for 30 days.

00:38:14.207 --> 00:38:19.507
So I come out of prison, did the game
plan before she died was to come home,

00:38:19.767 --> 00:38:22.817
South Carolina and take care of them.

00:38:23.707 --> 00:38:31.607
But after she passed away, you know,
this is during COVID in 20, right?

00:38:31.877 --> 00:38:33.517
During COVID, yeah, hard.

00:38:33.647 --> 00:38:35.457
They're not giving bus tickets to inmates.

00:38:35.677 --> 00:38:35.987
I haven't been.

00:38:37.227 --> 00:38:40.797
Now, they're giving me a bus ticket from
Central Florida to Jacksonville, but

00:38:40.807 --> 00:38:44.057
then I've got to get a Uber or whatever
to go across state line, then I can get

00:38:44.057 --> 00:38:46.127
another bus and go on into South Carolina.

00:38:46.127 --> 00:38:47.717
But they won't.

00:38:47.717 --> 00:38:52.827
So I get here to Jacksonville,
I'm not sure what to do, man.

00:38:52.937 --> 00:38:57.237
This Lighthouse Ministries in
Jackson, decided they want to

00:38:57.817 --> 00:38:59.167
take me in and give me a chance.

00:39:03.627 --> 00:39:06.257
They're so ridiculous, I just
couldn't, I couldn't do it, I'm

00:39:06.257 --> 00:39:07.267
sorry, I just couldn't do it.

00:39:07.547 --> 00:39:08.417
I ended up leaving.

00:39:08.977 --> 00:39:14.907
When I left there, I
just, I went new, period.

00:39:16.687 --> 00:39:21.307
Overdose three times in eight days,
say, here's the, let me tell you, let

00:39:21.307 --> 00:39:25.707
me tell you about grades, me, say me
and TK, man, first time he gave me, got

00:39:25.707 --> 00:39:30.857
me out of the front yard, and then I
was getting up, so it was no big deal,

00:39:30.917 --> 00:39:36.527
second time he came and get me, was in
the house, and he done put me on the

00:39:36.527 --> 00:39:41.687
gurney, I thought my way off that gurney,
third time, got me out by the pool.

00:39:42.762 --> 00:39:44.992
He says, I don't care
what you say, what you do.

00:39:46.662 --> 00:39:49.332
You're not dying on my
watch, you can die tomorrow.

00:39:49.782 --> 00:39:51.372
You're going to the hospital today.

00:39:51.842 --> 00:39:54.142
He kept me strapped down in that
garden, took me to the hospital.

00:39:56.582 --> 00:39:58.092
Let me interrupt you for a second.

00:39:58.092 --> 00:40:00.252
Where'd you OD on?

00:40:01.722 --> 00:40:01.842
Fentanyl.

00:40:02.212 --> 00:40:04.652
I didn't know it was fentanyl.

00:40:04.892 --> 00:40:05.912
No, I was shooting heroin.

00:40:06.082 --> 00:40:08.129
I thought, yeah, I thought it
was all heroin, but it wasn't.

00:40:08.129 --> 00:40:10.102
It was fentanyl in there.

00:40:11.372 --> 00:40:11.632
So.

00:40:12.382 --> 00:40:17.002
When he came and took me to the hospital,
man, they sent me up to a Baptist

00:40:17.002 --> 00:40:21.152
in Jacksonville on the second floor,
the middle floor, for violent people.

00:40:21.232 --> 00:40:23.682
And it's been 20 something days there.

00:40:24.002 --> 00:40:26.742
And then they shipped me up to
the third floor for treatment.

00:40:27.672 --> 00:40:29.210
Because I had signed up for it.

00:40:29.210 --> 00:40:34.072
They did the treatment, and they
got me in touch with the three

00:40:34.092 --> 00:40:35.032
quarter warehouse here on the island.

00:40:36.617 --> 00:40:37.277
It's Green's house.

00:40:37.307 --> 00:40:39.797
And I went there and when I got
there, here's what we're taking.

00:40:39.797 --> 00:40:43.697
And I told you about all this
crap I've done up till now, right?

00:40:44.017 --> 00:40:49.377
Intentional harm, intentional
disrespect for the lives and

00:40:49.387 --> 00:40:51.887
people and all of that, right?

00:40:51.887 --> 00:40:57.207
So now I get here and I'm not
there, but a week and I get coke.

00:40:58.027 --> 00:40:58.737
I didn't know it.

00:40:59.127 --> 00:41:02.277
I go to the hospital and they're
like, you got COVID, but your

00:41:02.287 --> 00:41:03.667
oxygen level ain't low enough.

00:41:03.667 --> 00:41:05.937
This guy's got another two
points that we can admit you.

00:41:07.612 --> 00:41:08.012
Yeah.

00:41:08.282 --> 00:41:10.742
Before I can get back to the house,
they want to know where I'm at.

00:41:10.742 --> 00:41:11.592
I tell them where I'm living.

00:41:11.592 --> 00:41:13.652
They just got there
before I could get back.

00:41:13.652 --> 00:41:14.372
They done called it.

00:41:14.972 --> 00:41:18.702
But when I get back, all my stuff, and
it's raining now, this is in December

00:41:19.542 --> 00:41:23.092
of 21, 20, something like that.

00:41:23.772 --> 00:41:25.342
All my stuff's sitting in the front yard.

00:41:25.342 --> 00:41:27.042
And he's telling me I got to leave.

00:41:27.152 --> 00:41:28.072
I can't stay there.

00:41:28.602 --> 00:41:29.432
I'm like, hold up, man.

00:41:29.432 --> 00:41:29.972
What am I supposed to do?

00:41:29.972 --> 00:41:32.272
You just come and got
me from the hospital.

00:41:32.272 --> 00:41:32.772
Where am I?

00:41:33.132 --> 00:41:34.772
He's like, I don't care what
you do, you can't stay here.

00:41:34.792 --> 00:41:35.772
Get out of my yard.

00:41:37.232 --> 00:41:38.092
So he called the police.

00:41:38.122 --> 00:41:39.172
So when he called the police, I'm there.

00:41:40.032 --> 00:41:44.902
So I go over to the church and on
the corner of 14th, the lady says,

00:41:44.902 --> 00:41:46.162
I can't do nothing to you, son.

00:41:46.162 --> 00:41:46.812
I'm sorry.

00:41:46.942 --> 00:41:51.592
She gives me a tent and a sleeping
bag and there's all kinds of food,

00:41:51.602 --> 00:41:53.912
dry goods and stuff in a box.

00:41:53.932 --> 00:41:54.572
I said, take this.

00:41:56.292 --> 00:41:57.172
I'm angry, man.

00:41:57.172 --> 00:41:58.362
You know, really?

00:41:58.412 --> 00:41:59.232
We got COVID.

00:42:01.062 --> 00:42:06.052
So I cussed her out and by the time
the police come and it was one of

00:42:06.052 --> 00:42:08.472
his, one of his people on the force.

00:42:10.492 --> 00:42:13.752
He said, look, man, I
can't do nothing for you.

00:42:14.122 --> 00:42:19.212
He said, my hands are tied, here's 40, get
you an Uber, and get across that bridge.

00:42:21.592 --> 00:42:24.442
So I got in the Uber and I went
to, I went to a Jack's Caterpillar.

00:42:28.542 --> 00:42:31.662
That's all I really remember, man,
when I woke up eight days later,

00:42:31.792 --> 00:42:36.472
taking the tube out of it, I ended
up on, on the incubator, and then

00:42:36.472 --> 00:42:39.882
I spent another six days in ICU.

00:42:40.762 --> 00:42:43.252
So when you come out and you're
homeless, though, just during the

00:42:43.262 --> 00:42:47.582
middle of that COVID bad, you ain't,
you're homeless, ain't got no address,

00:42:47.582 --> 00:42:50.332
they got a little place where they're
treating homeless people or letting

00:42:50.342 --> 00:42:51.892
homeless families stays out there.

00:42:52.417 --> 00:42:56.167
Next to Middleburg and 103rd
over there, Old Middleburg Road.

00:42:56.337 --> 00:42:59.237
They had this little place set up in
this little cow pasture like area.

00:42:59.627 --> 00:43:02.657
And they had golf carts that
were patrolling around, yeah.

00:43:02.657 --> 00:43:07.127
And they had these little, uh, things that
you use in the bathroom set up out there.

00:43:07.127 --> 00:43:09.127
But they also had the ones
that had water and you could

00:43:09.127 --> 00:43:10.247
walk and you'd go in and watch.

00:43:11.297 --> 00:43:14.657
And, uh, and they'd bring food out
there and they had tents set up.

00:43:14.667 --> 00:43:16.997
Like, almost like military, but
they were a little bit better.

00:43:17.712 --> 00:43:21.812
Once your test know that if you can
leave, but if you wanted to leave and

00:43:21.812 --> 00:43:24.422
you would actually sit at home and no,
no one there to pick you up, nowhere

00:43:24.422 --> 00:43:26.252
to go, then they put you in jail.

00:43:28.362 --> 00:43:28.722
Wow.

00:43:30.162 --> 00:43:37.142
So I'm, no, I'm, so I take, I stay
there eight days, take the test and I'm

00:43:37.142 --> 00:43:45.312
still pot stay there 10 more days to
take the test and I'm, and I come back

00:43:46.312 --> 00:43:48.082
for Dealer Beach to Henry Greens house.

00:43:50.032 --> 00:43:50.902
He has a program.

00:43:51.162 --> 00:43:55.662
So I committed to six months
and I got missed spots.

00:43:56.792 --> 00:43:58.172
I went to meetings every day.

00:44:00.452 --> 00:44:02.572
I saved my money, got a job,

00:44:06.352 --> 00:44:09.042
back in the sixth month I went my own way.

00:44:10.942 --> 00:44:11.282
So,

00:44:14.352 --> 00:44:15.842
started getting more
involved in the field.

00:44:15.942 --> 00:44:20.092
Then, I don't know, somewhere
nine, ten months into the

00:44:20.092 --> 00:44:24.182
program, my liver was messing up.

00:44:24.372 --> 00:44:25.582
I damaged it bad.

00:44:25.612 --> 00:44:27.472
I've been Hep C positive since 92.

00:44:29.062 --> 00:44:31.262
I tried to interfere on
it and it wouldn't work.

00:44:31.272 --> 00:44:32.232
The body rejected it.

00:44:32.852 --> 00:44:36.392
This new stuff that got out,
ended up getting the due rate.

00:44:36.622 --> 00:44:38.372
But anyway, I ended up
having to go to treatment.

00:44:39.037 --> 00:44:40.987
The first thing I had
to go through was chemo.

00:44:42.727 --> 00:44:42.967
What?

00:44:42.967 --> 00:44:43.387
Therapy?

00:44:44.267 --> 00:44:44.837
Chemotherapy.

00:44:45.367 --> 00:44:45.727
Okay.

00:44:47.707 --> 00:44:50.737
So I did the chemotherapy
and tell me it was hard.

00:44:50.827 --> 00:44:51.847
It was this, what?

00:44:51.847 --> 00:44:53.557
What was the chemo for at that?

00:44:54.397 --> 00:44:55.237
Let me back up.

00:44:55.747 --> 00:45:02.767
You had Covid, you got over Covid, and
then in, or you went back to Henry's

00:45:02.952 --> 00:45:06.947
place and signed up for six months.

00:45:11.087 --> 00:45:11.327
Okay.

00:45:11.972 --> 00:45:12.822
Yes, I'm sorry.

00:45:13.152 --> 00:45:14.182
So that's right.

00:45:14.912 --> 00:45:15.322
Yeah.

00:45:15.632 --> 00:45:18.332
So what did you get tested for?

00:45:19.952 --> 00:45:20.752
I'm Hep C.

00:45:20.822 --> 00:45:22.342
I'm, I'm, I have Hepatitis C.

00:45:22.362 --> 00:45:23.632
I have chronic Hepatitis.

00:45:24.632 --> 00:45:28.492
So I have to go in every now and
then and get treatment for it.

00:45:28.532 --> 00:45:31.302
They're taking, they're flushing,
they're rejuvenating, whatever.

00:45:32.692 --> 00:45:35.832
I'm doing, and I'm, anyway, I
end up coming to what they call

00:45:35.862 --> 00:45:38.522
stage 4 fibrosis of the liver.

00:45:38.902 --> 00:45:40.152
Which is scarring of it.

00:45:40.802 --> 00:45:45.902
Now stage 4, I'm 70 something,
I'm 72, 73 percent clogged up.

00:45:45.992 --> 00:45:48.492
That's why I'm having so much
trouble with the kidneys, the

00:45:48.562 --> 00:45:50.472
intestines, and other things.

00:45:51.252 --> 00:45:55.132
So they're taking, they do the
treatment it'd take, but during the

00:45:55.132 --> 00:45:59.052
treatment, I don't know if you've ever
done it, but you know, I've done a

00:45:59.052 --> 00:46:01.242
little bit of everything since then.

00:46:01.862 --> 00:46:08.232
And now I know different, but chemotherapy
man's probably, it just, it takes you

00:46:08.232 --> 00:46:10.212
some really dark places in your life.

00:46:10.392 --> 00:46:11.747
The depression, incredible.

00:46:12.787 --> 00:46:15.687
And it's, and I, it's just a little time
they stick in your vein, you sit there for

00:46:15.687 --> 00:46:19.627
three or four hours and it runs through
me, and then two or three days later you

00:46:19.627 --> 00:46:22.787
get sick, and you stay that way until you
get the next one, and you do it like that.

00:46:23.327 --> 00:46:28.627
The chemotherapy was rough, so I
got really warm, and I had just

00:46:28.637 --> 00:46:34.327
finished what maybe, I think I was 40
something days from changing troops.

00:46:37.397 --> 00:46:40.697
Somewhere like that, and I gotta die,
I end up having this thing on the side

00:46:40.697 --> 00:46:46.987
of my neck kick me, so I end up going
through the throat and neck, you know.

00:46:47.547 --> 00:46:48.697
So now I'm doing radiation.

00:46:53.992 --> 00:46:57.332
I went from 172 pounds down
to 115 pounds in eight weeks.

00:46:57.332 --> 00:47:01.962
I had to start treating, but
I couldn't take any more.

00:47:02.982 --> 00:47:05.192
And he told me, he said, man, you
need to get your fairies in order.

00:47:05.742 --> 00:47:06.892
This old look good is for your kid.

00:47:07.352 --> 00:47:10.852
I'm sorry, I'm doing the best I
can, but I'm just telling you.

00:47:10.852 --> 00:47:16.172
You go, I go get all this paperwork, power
of attorney, take care of a cremation.

00:47:16.752 --> 00:47:19.882
And it's just things that need to
be done so the family don't have,

00:47:19.892 --> 00:47:23.582
because they got enough to worry
about, you know, and it kills me.

00:47:25.217 --> 00:47:27.587
During this time, there was
just so much that went on.

00:47:27.637 --> 00:47:29.847
I couldn't eat, throat completely shut up.

00:47:29.937 --> 00:47:33.157
So I ended up having to get a tube
put in the eating tube to eat with.

00:47:33.917 --> 00:47:36.277
And this, I finished that treat.

00:47:37.437 --> 00:47:42.347
I'm not even, I hadn't finished,
to be honest with y'all, I got two

00:47:42.347 --> 00:47:45.817
more treatments left, you know, I
get diagnosed with a colon cancer,

00:47:49.137 --> 00:47:50.907
so they got to do surgery,
got to do a recovery.

00:47:51.287 --> 00:47:52.687
So they got to go in
there and take it out.

00:47:53.527 --> 00:47:54.487
And let me tell you how funny it is.

00:47:54.487 --> 00:47:55.567
I love these doctors, man.

00:47:55.567 --> 00:47:55.887
Right.

00:47:56.517 --> 00:48:00.407
I go into surgery and when I come
back out, I just, this is all I

00:48:00.407 --> 00:48:07.797
remember in I want you to know that
three of those cuts are mine and I

00:48:07.797 --> 00:48:09.607
ain't paying him no attention, right?

00:48:09.997 --> 00:48:14.677
But when I finally get around,
I'm like, I got seven cuts on me.

00:48:14.677 --> 00:48:17.147
They had staples and stitches
in them, seven places.

00:48:17.707 --> 00:48:20.757
And what it was is a machine that
attaches to you and four of them

00:48:20.767 --> 00:48:25.467
and does the surgery and does it,
but it attaches to you and they

00:48:25.507 --> 00:48:26.937
have to take it and stitch you up.

00:48:27.807 --> 00:48:32.677
Yeah, but anyway, he goes in there and
takes that thing out, and he said he's

00:48:32.677 --> 00:48:36.777
glad that he did, because he said it's
some really nasty stuff, and that was it.

00:48:38.087 --> 00:48:43.617
They take it out, and I let the people
know that, uh, I have no problem with

00:48:43.647 --> 00:48:47.097
taking anything for paying while I'm in
there, but limit it as much as you can.

00:48:48.407 --> 00:48:50.507
And, and whatever you do, I don't
care what you give me for paying.

00:48:50.557 --> 00:48:52.227
I don't want no delight.

00:48:52.227 --> 00:48:53.287
No, none of that period.

00:48:54.767 --> 00:48:58.407
And cause that would trigger night.

00:48:58.407 --> 00:49:00.787
Ain't going to drop too fresh for me.

00:49:00.957 --> 00:49:02.347
Best of that weekend in pain.

00:49:03.337 --> 00:49:04.497
I kind of switch nursing.

00:49:04.497 --> 00:49:06.047
This lady comes in there.

00:49:06.047 --> 00:49:06.887
She just missed shot.

00:49:06.897 --> 00:49:08.237
And I knew right away what she did.

00:49:09.437 --> 00:49:10.847
And set me y'all.

00:49:12.357 --> 00:49:16.737
I start cussing her out and I'm
down the same vents in river city.

00:49:17.057 --> 00:49:18.547
And I'm trying to get up out my room.

00:49:19.052 --> 00:49:23.892
You know, I told y'all don't give me that
stuff because it makes me rude, makes

00:49:23.892 --> 00:49:26.512
me get very violent and I really don't.

00:49:26.512 --> 00:49:32.892
So I did a few threatening moves
and they keep me from AMA and the

00:49:32.892 --> 00:49:34.192
doctor come in there and release.

00:49:34.852 --> 00:49:37.832
Now I'm just wish I'd have made you, sir.

00:49:39.422 --> 00:49:41.372
Won't get in a wheelchair,
tell me they stick it up.

00:49:41.672 --> 00:49:42.362
Nowhere.

00:49:42.602 --> 00:49:45.582
I don't need y'all no If you had
began with this, I wouldn't be in

00:49:45.592 --> 00:49:48.322
the situation I'm in right now.

00:49:48.322 --> 00:49:50.552
I fall out there and go
walking out of the lobby.

00:49:50.552 --> 00:49:51.322
I fall out.

00:49:51.542 --> 00:49:53.142
Fall out of the lobby into the park.

00:49:54.522 --> 00:49:58.292
I'm so medicated and can't
walk and baby's dumb.

00:49:58.292 --> 00:50:03.412
I put Jess in there and the real
nurse helped get me up in the car.

00:50:03.532 --> 00:50:04.242
I won't go back in.

00:50:07.582 --> 00:50:09.862
I came home and I tried to move too fast.

00:50:09.992 --> 00:50:10.952
I healed quick.

00:50:11.492 --> 00:50:14.612
Scar tissue doubled almost.

00:50:14.612 --> 00:50:16.362
And what it does is, then it's strange.

00:50:17.452 --> 00:50:21.352
Yeah, they have to do certain stretch
exercises to be able to stretch it out.

00:50:22.392 --> 00:50:27.462
But anyway, during all this time, I
want to teach something responsibly.

00:50:30.142 --> 00:50:31.002
I love her to death.

00:50:32.412 --> 00:50:34.202
I ain't got no problem with
taking you through the steps.

00:50:34.592 --> 00:50:35.392
That's all I said.

00:50:35.562 --> 00:50:38.582
I just want to, I want to understand the
steps the way you explained them when you

00:50:38.582 --> 00:50:40.022
was up there doing them that Wednesday.

00:50:40.602 --> 00:50:41.882
I went through every session with her.

00:50:42.262 --> 00:50:43.102
She says, okay.

00:50:45.032 --> 00:50:48.592
She says, but in order to do that, I need
you to tell me that you're committed to

00:50:48.592 --> 00:50:50.072
belonging to the No Matter What Club.

00:50:51.552 --> 00:50:51.652
Hmm.

00:50:52.152 --> 00:50:53.672
I said, okay, sure.

00:50:53.672 --> 00:50:56.172
No matter what, I won't pick up.

00:50:56.672 --> 00:51:00.352
She says, now, because of who you are,
and the way you live, and the way you

00:51:00.612 --> 00:51:05.152
take, and the way you come in at this
recovery, your lifestyle and this program

00:51:05.152 --> 00:51:07.172
is going to test that theory one day, sir.

00:51:07.652 --> 00:51:07.932
Hmm.

00:51:09.182 --> 00:51:10.112
That's when all canceled.

00:51:11.602 --> 00:51:14.232
I made sure that people didn't give
me anything they weren't supposed to.

00:51:14.232 --> 00:51:15.162
I don't take stuff.

00:51:15.432 --> 00:51:16.952
I don't take pain pills now.

00:51:17.712 --> 00:51:20.382
I do have other alternative
stuff that I can take.

00:51:20.872 --> 00:51:26.349
In years, I don't need the lighters
and more shooting and more time.

00:51:26.349 --> 00:51:27.012
Prococet.

00:51:27.872 --> 00:51:29.112
I took all the prescriptions.

00:51:29.162 --> 00:51:30.322
I've told you how I live.

00:51:30.942 --> 00:51:32.322
Shooting dope at 12.

00:51:33.152 --> 00:51:34.482
Taking hostages at 14.

00:51:34.932 --> 00:51:36.712
Going to prison till I'm 18.

00:51:38.152 --> 00:51:40.792
And all the different marriages
and all the different successes.

00:51:40.902 --> 00:51:43.442
I've had crazy, incredible breakthroughs.

00:51:44.602 --> 00:51:49.052
Learning to live clean and sober is
the hardest thing I've ever done.

00:51:50.337 --> 00:51:53.217
I've gotten clean and
sober so many times, Mr.

00:51:53.217 --> 00:51:59.527
Jesse, I went to my very
first meeting in 1976.

00:52:00.087 --> 00:52:06.927
Now, I had been, I had overdosed on some
baggy, sent me, and back then the detox

00:52:06.937 --> 00:52:08.567
centers were in the state hospital.

00:52:09.587 --> 00:52:10.697
This was in 76.

00:52:10.697 --> 00:52:14.207
So they sent me to the Columbia
State Hospital, put me in

00:52:14.207 --> 00:52:16.277
there for a 72 hour evaluation.

00:52:17.727 --> 00:52:21.147
Took me 91 days to get out of
there, being a little smart.

00:52:21.662 --> 00:52:25.202
Whatever you want to call me at that
point, you know what I'm saying?

00:52:25.952 --> 00:52:29.892
By the choices I made, Paris
didn't raise me that way.

00:52:30.442 --> 00:52:31.702
They didn't make me live that way.

00:52:31.932 --> 00:52:32.812
Nobody.

00:52:33.562 --> 00:52:39.052
I chose, at some point in time,
I didn't have to choose that way.

00:52:39.052 --> 00:52:40.842
I had the drugs.

00:52:41.152 --> 00:52:42.562
The years took that away.

00:52:42.832 --> 00:52:43.892
It took an hour of choice.

00:52:45.022 --> 00:52:46.692
If I had to choose, I chose that.

00:52:46.702 --> 00:52:47.742
I didn't choose nobody else.

00:52:47.742 --> 00:52:48.762
Nothing else was important.

00:52:50.432 --> 00:52:53.512
But what I'm going to say
to you is, is that all this.

00:52:54.262 --> 00:52:58.432
There, there's grace in the very
beginning of my first breakthrough.

00:52:58.762 --> 00:53:00.482
Now there's grace in my life.

00:53:00.842 --> 00:53:05.592
There's grace that I come from a
family that had the ying and the yang.

00:53:06.082 --> 00:53:07.892
The good and the healthy
and the unhealthy.

00:53:07.892 --> 00:53:10.032
You want to call it that idea.

00:53:10.502 --> 00:53:14.212
And just as much as I
had a, he wasn't evil.

00:53:14.212 --> 00:53:16.122
He just, he didn't know how to be a dad.

00:53:16.652 --> 00:53:17.232
My real father.

00:53:17.232 --> 00:53:21.962
As much as he was hateful and
disrespectful, my grandmother was

00:53:22.012 --> 00:53:28.732
just, I had to be a spoke and have one
more of one of the others, like, yeah.

00:53:29.177 --> 00:53:35.107
Say I was treated unfairly anytime like
that, it balanced out, it just, the

00:53:40.187 --> 00:53:42.017
learning to communicate honestly.

00:53:42.537 --> 00:53:48.037
God, that's why I'm able to be, sit
here and talk to you right now and be

00:53:48.037 --> 00:53:50.847
in a sober state of mind, not just body.

00:53:54.607 --> 00:53:56.347
I knew after a while.

00:53:57.727 --> 00:54:00.357
After the second round of treatment
for cancer, I knew right then.

00:54:00.897 --> 00:54:04.157
Cause I keep hearing people share about
struggling with drinking and using.

00:54:04.157 --> 00:54:09.117
And I'm like, I'm not a struggling,
but I'm struggling living sober.

00:54:09.177 --> 00:54:12.007
The behavior, the talk, and the way I act.

00:54:12.007 --> 00:54:13.557
Sometimes you slur them down.

00:54:13.557 --> 00:54:15.077
I'll let you think they're drinking.

00:54:15.727 --> 00:54:16.807
Trolling that crazy man.

00:54:16.807 --> 00:54:17.947
He's don't speak that at all.

00:54:18.617 --> 00:54:19.437
Talking like that.

00:54:19.807 --> 00:54:25.067
But see, God is showing how I can change.

00:54:26.562 --> 00:54:32.342
I didn't, I spent six years being
the kind of person I am, so these

00:54:32.352 --> 00:54:37.672
last, look, three years didn't
scratch the surf, but you know what?

00:54:37.672 --> 00:54:43.512
It's enough to save me so I don't
have to drink, I mean, I've got to

00:54:43.522 --> 00:54:46.748
work on learning how to keep the
friends that I have, not push them

00:54:46.748 --> 00:54:53.202
away with my attitude, I tend to be
a very angry person when I'm in pain.

00:54:53.202 --> 00:54:55.652
I spend a lot of time.

00:54:56.042 --> 00:54:56.882
No, let me take that back.

00:54:56.882 --> 00:54:59.062
That's not what I would do.

00:55:00.232 --> 00:55:02.562
I'm having better days now than I had.

00:55:02.592 --> 00:55:04.632
I stopped treatment four months ago.

00:55:05.402 --> 00:55:09.742
No, I'm doing nothing else but to go
back in and have some surgery done.

00:55:09.742 --> 00:55:12.382
So this, I got another one
to come up in my colon.

00:55:12.382 --> 00:55:15.972
I got another one in my
neck, this one in my neck.

00:55:17.022 --> 00:55:18.092
It's attached to my spinal cord.

00:55:20.012 --> 00:55:22.062
So I said, you know what, man,
y'all can do what y'all can do.

00:55:22.062 --> 00:55:23.912
I'm not letting y'all cut on me anymore.

00:55:23.912 --> 00:55:26.192
I'm not gonna stick me
with anything anymore.

00:55:26.292 --> 00:55:28.622
Trust God on this and
he's gonna let me never.

00:55:28.622 --> 00:55:31.772
He's gonna come and get me, but I'm
not letting y'all do anything else too.

00:55:32.362 --> 00:55:33.932
And that's where I'm at
and I'm okay with it.

00:55:33.942 --> 00:55:36.712
My, my, my family, I
talked to my wife first.

00:55:36.712 --> 00:55:38.512
I talked to both of my sons about this.

00:55:40.057 --> 00:55:42.697
Talk to my daughter and my brother,
and they're okay like that.

00:55:42.897 --> 00:55:44.217
And we get it, man.

00:55:46.927 --> 00:55:48.937
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
trust God in this process.

00:55:48.937 --> 00:55:51.537
And what I'm gonna say, it's just the most
beautiful thing I've ever experienced.

00:55:51.827 --> 00:55:53.917
You wouldn't believe the
people that I have met.

00:55:54.837 --> 00:55:59.407
Now, I'm a backwoods country
boy that learned to be three

00:55:59.407 --> 00:56:00.887
quarters slick in the city.

00:56:02.027 --> 00:56:03.557
But look how I've made it, man.

00:56:03.557 --> 00:56:04.957
I live better than I deserve.

00:56:05.757 --> 00:56:06.237
I do.

00:56:07.187 --> 00:56:08.672
I got a wife that loves me.

00:56:08.672 --> 00:56:15.072
I got, I wasn't a father to my
first born son, because I was too

00:56:15.092 --> 00:56:20.152
stuck in being self centered and
all about cheating, making money.

00:56:22.582 --> 00:56:23.692
Now I have a two year old son.

00:56:25.072 --> 00:56:26.342
That's about the time I left his side.

00:56:27.992 --> 00:56:31.212
Now I'm raising him, because
he loves me with respect.

00:56:31.722 --> 00:56:36.912
Not only that, the one that I
didn't raise lives with me, and he

00:56:36.922 --> 00:56:39.922
works with me, and he calls me Pop.

00:56:41.682 --> 00:56:43.272
See, I don't deserve any of these things.

00:56:43.442 --> 00:56:46.732
I haven't done nothing in my past
to keep you deserve these things.

00:56:48.812 --> 00:56:50.522
God said, my grace is sufficient.

00:56:50.752 --> 00:56:51.922
I got you, father.

00:56:52.472 --> 00:56:54.892
And I didn't earn it and couldn't earn it.

00:56:55.532 --> 00:56:57.382
See, that's why I know I live a life.

00:56:57.632 --> 00:56:57.922
Right.

00:56:58.072 --> 00:57:00.522
That's why I don't have a
problem with how I live today.

00:57:00.892 --> 00:57:04.362
I don't have a problem with helping.

00:57:04.362 --> 00:57:06.702
I don't have, I don't have the trust.

00:57:06.782 --> 00:57:11.322
I don't, the transformation that
I see in me, you know, in my life,

00:57:12.322 --> 00:57:13.782
will sustain me until he comes.

00:57:15.277 --> 00:57:15.747
It will.

00:57:15.957 --> 00:57:18.515
Because every day it starts
with me and it ends with me.

00:57:18.515 --> 00:57:22.177
And as long as it starts and
ends with me too, there's

00:57:22.187 --> 00:57:23.892
nothing in between me and him.

00:57:23.892 --> 00:57:24.180
Yeah.

00:57:24.180 --> 00:57:25.042
Yeah, that's great.

00:57:25.042 --> 00:57:28.067
Hey, let me ask you a question.

00:57:28.127 --> 00:57:31.767
When we started out, you were
talking about this verse from James.

00:57:32.017 --> 00:57:35.017
Was it James that says,
be angry and sin not?

00:57:36.227 --> 00:57:38.657
And you said, now how do you do that?

00:57:39.227 --> 00:57:43.007
So you obviously have learned
something about controlling.

00:57:44.747 --> 00:57:46.547
What do you do with it when it comes up?

00:57:46.547 --> 00:57:51.177
I mean, you're obviously in pain
at off and on and then pain causes.

00:57:52.067 --> 00:57:54.607
That doesn't push you in that area.

00:57:54.617 --> 00:57:56.527
I have to, when I guess like that, Mr.

00:57:56.527 --> 00:57:57.607
Jesse, I'll tell you the truth.

00:57:58.197 --> 00:58:00.952
Jesse will tell you, my
wife should tell you.

00:58:01.462 --> 00:58:05.852
Keith, not people, friendly today, that's
why he's not at the meet, because I can't,

00:58:05.912 --> 00:58:09.152
I don't go out there, because I'm not
going to take that stuff they've given

00:58:09.322 --> 00:58:15.122
me, and if I can't do push ups and sit
ups to try to ease it or ride a bike, or

00:58:15.122 --> 00:58:18.242
lay in the shower and cry at all, I'll
probably show a wheel, but I'm not taking

00:58:18.242 --> 00:58:23.147
that stuff, no, I won't go around people
and have to add to my eminence list.

00:58:23.147 --> 00:58:26.677
I won't man, but here's what I would say.

00:58:26.997 --> 00:58:32.167
Last week I had five days of not
really feeling anything, just

00:58:32.167 --> 00:58:33.957
feeling really good, a lot of energy.

00:58:35.507 --> 00:58:41.427
And then I woke up at three o'clock in
the morning, like I was going diarrhea,

00:58:41.457 --> 00:58:46.007
choking up, can't breathe, trying to push
this down so I can breathe because it's

00:58:46.017 --> 00:58:50.507
something catching right there where that
knot is and landing in the bathroom floor.

00:58:51.322 --> 00:58:55.392
Really God, you're giving me five red
days now, and I wake up like this,

00:58:55.392 --> 00:58:57.272
just like I never had a good day.

00:58:58.062 --> 00:58:59.712
It's over, wow, love that.

00:59:00.472 --> 00:59:01.852
Be angry, do not see it.

00:59:03.252 --> 00:59:06.242
Now, it used to be, I'd
be like, okay, F you God.

00:59:07.102 --> 00:59:08.682
Now you got, I got your attention.

00:59:09.142 --> 00:59:11.852
See, I don't have to, I
don't, I've got his attention.

00:59:11.872 --> 00:59:13.712
He never lost his attention with me.

00:59:15.892 --> 00:59:18.702
After knowing that fact,
I don't have to cuss.

00:59:19.722 --> 00:59:21.762
Now, now I can get to the real, okay.

00:59:22.272 --> 00:59:26.192
I feel like that I'm being played
with and being toyed with, Paul.

00:59:26.612 --> 00:59:32.952
You give me five great days, now you
didn't give me five, you let me have five.

00:59:34.542 --> 00:59:34.962
Yeah.

00:59:35.392 --> 00:59:37.432
He's also letting me be sick for a month.

00:59:37.462 --> 00:59:38.572
You are sick, man.

00:59:39.632 --> 00:59:40.742
Don't you forget that.

00:59:41.082 --> 00:59:44.642
Because if I forget that I'm sick,
I'll have a lot of other things.

00:59:45.052 --> 00:59:46.292
And what if I forget my gratitude?

00:59:48.092 --> 00:59:48.862
He's the main thing.

00:59:48.862 --> 00:59:52.362
He's the type of help I don't go bring.

00:59:52.982 --> 00:59:53.362
Yeah.

00:59:53.742 --> 00:59:58.672
With that being said, Now I go, God,
I'm angry because I feel like life

00:59:58.672 --> 01:00:00.382
is not fair, you know what it ain't.

01:00:00.382 --> 01:00:04.552
I said, you didn't just
reach where I catch myself.

01:00:06.222 --> 01:00:07.782
You let me come through this and this.

01:00:08.292 --> 01:00:12.412
But now, yes, I'm still here and it
goes back to what Paul said about that.

01:00:16.242 --> 01:00:19.452
If he was, if I was not to be
in any more pain, you know what?

01:00:19.452 --> 01:00:21.482
If he was to give me everything I
wanted, I'd be the most miserable

01:00:21.492 --> 01:00:22.482
son of a gun in the world.

01:00:23.772 --> 01:00:27.212
But you can't, now, you couldn't
give me anything to make me any more

01:00:27.212 --> 01:00:29.282
joyful about life than I am right now.

01:00:29.282 --> 01:00:29.747
You couldn't.

01:00:30.607 --> 01:00:35.417
He said, if you can give me a new home
or a new car, unlimited Vids account,

01:00:35.447 --> 01:00:37.147
that would make me happier than I am.

01:00:38.617 --> 01:00:42.228
It would bring me a lot of
happiness for about 5 10 minutes.

01:00:42.228 --> 01:00:44.966
It would be a lot of trauma.

01:00:44.966 --> 01:00:46.247
But you know what I'm saying?

01:00:46.307 --> 01:00:48.347
So it's like, just communicating.

01:00:48.447 --> 01:00:50.987
God, I tell the God
like I'm talking to you.

01:00:51.137 --> 01:00:55.557
I'm angry because I feel like,
dude, how can I be healthy and wake

01:00:55.557 --> 01:00:58.807
up sicker than I was been a while?

01:00:59.587 --> 01:01:00.037
That's just.

01:01:00.172 --> 01:01:05.272
This vehicle wasn't meant to last.

01:01:07.522 --> 01:01:11.902
The soul that he breathed in for a while,
that's the channel that never goes away.

01:01:12.012 --> 01:01:12.662
Part of you.

01:01:13.062 --> 01:01:16.802
So if that's the case, I'm not
going to try to work out every

01:01:16.802 --> 01:01:17.982
day and help you every day.

01:01:18.472 --> 01:01:21.802
I'm going to try to arrive with this
body just barely making it to the gate.

01:01:22.862 --> 01:01:27.122
When it comes to snatching this soul out,
it's like, God, boy, you barely made it.

01:01:27.582 --> 01:01:28.472
That's all we need to hear.

01:01:28.622 --> 01:01:29.142
I made it.

01:01:29.572 --> 01:01:31.112
Now, don't you worry
about the barely part.

01:01:31.522 --> 01:01:32.255
Ha, ha, ha.

01:01:32.255 --> 01:01:32.557
Cheers.

01:01:35.307 --> 01:01:40.387
So let me ask you, obviously you
do live with a lot of joy, this

01:01:40.387 --> 01:01:42.907
awareness of this grace in your life.

01:01:42.977 --> 01:01:47.047
It seems to me like you're really,
you're truly living one day at a time.

01:01:47.047 --> 01:01:50.687
And I don't know, I'm just
giving you my perspective.

01:01:51.137 --> 01:01:56.267
I'm happy, but I'd like to know what,
are there any practices or things that

01:01:56.267 --> 01:02:00.207
you do every day that keep you on track?

01:02:00.602 --> 01:02:05.332
With God honestly, yeah, I'm crazy.

01:02:05.812 --> 01:02:06.372
I told you.

01:02:06.712 --> 01:02:07.062
Yeah.

01:02:08.462 --> 01:02:11.092
He's real So I don't have to
talk to any of you, I don't

01:02:11.092 --> 01:02:12.102
have to talk to any of you.

01:02:12.902 --> 01:02:14.312
They see me riding down the road.

01:02:14.922 --> 01:02:16.562
How do you know I'm talking to myself?

01:02:16.562 --> 01:02:17.372
I might be singing.

01:02:18.052 --> 01:02:19.492
No, I'm just, I'm just being funny.

01:02:19.602 --> 01:02:21.052
But I do, every morning.

01:02:22.052 --> 01:02:22.972
It's not true me now.

01:02:23.392 --> 01:02:25.752
Don't get me wrong, I'm
humorous, I do make slip up.

01:02:26.682 --> 01:02:29.872
Most mornings when I wake up, first
thing I do is I say good morning to God.

01:02:29.872 --> 01:02:34.282
If it's okay with you, I would like
to be a part of your life this day.

01:02:34.482 --> 01:02:35.342
Not my life.

01:02:35.602 --> 01:02:36.872
We know what he would do with it.

01:02:38.132 --> 01:02:42.262
And if there's any issues, please
help me to see them, to deal with

01:02:42.262 --> 01:02:45.282
them in a way that's honoring you.

01:02:45.512 --> 01:02:46.812
And that's all I say.

01:02:46.812 --> 01:02:51.222
And then if someone says, Hey, remember
what I said, I needed you to handle this.

01:02:52.172 --> 01:02:55.172
And if you don't strike them dead with
lightning, then that means I got to go

01:02:55.172 --> 01:02:57.742
in here and work on it, because they
ain't, they ain't, they ain't the problem.

01:02:57.742 --> 01:03:01.452
I mean, clearly I do.

01:03:01.452 --> 01:03:03.112
I talk to them all day of my own life.

01:03:03.212 --> 01:03:06.112
And that, and I'm, you know what?

01:03:06.662 --> 01:03:09.852
And ain't that I'm afraid to quit and
see if this is really what is working?

01:03:11.372 --> 01:03:14.632
I know this is the honest
I've ever been with God.

01:03:15.342 --> 01:03:17.982
But God more than I have
you or me or anybody else.

01:03:17.982 --> 01:03:21.162
He ain't denied it, lied to it.

01:03:21.362 --> 01:03:22.392
That ain't true, God.

01:03:22.482 --> 01:03:23.412
I didn't think that.

01:03:23.412 --> 01:03:24.322
I didn't say that.

01:03:24.407 --> 01:03:34.257
I didn't know, not true, you see I give
him all my fear, I do, I'm afraid of

01:03:34.317 --> 01:03:41.677
God this cancer got me terrified, I'm
afraid of leaving my family, best life

01:03:41.777 --> 01:03:47.457
I've ever had as far as a family, family
man's concern, I do, I have an amazing

01:03:47.457 --> 01:03:54.432
life, we have family night, we have
date night, we have meet night, We have

01:03:54.492 --> 01:03:57.862
recreational, we have something every
night of the week that we do or something.

01:03:59.172 --> 01:04:05.622
And to say it or not, my play life is
full, but I got the master in the middle.

01:04:07.602 --> 01:04:13.012
He's first and last and I ain't got to
worry about not balling out the play.

01:04:13.062 --> 01:04:21.052
Are you, I would say that you have a close
fellowship, a close relationship with your

01:04:22.942 --> 01:04:30.212
And I would say that's what, from what
my, where I understand what you said, is

01:04:30.212 --> 01:04:32.012
that's what's made all the difference.

01:04:34.252 --> 01:04:35.762
No, it's shifty.

01:04:36.982 --> 01:04:41.422
Cause I've read this thing all
the way through every year for

01:04:41.492 --> 01:04:43.972
five years, from cover to cover.

01:04:45.022 --> 01:04:49.322
Once a year for the last five years,
I've read this all the way through.

01:04:49.502 --> 01:04:54.742
It's not because I want to know more, it's
because I want him to know that I want to

01:04:54.742 --> 01:05:02.947
know more about, you know, and when it's
all said and done, see, I can say that.

01:05:04.967 --> 01:05:07.857
Yeah, that's my, that's the guy.

01:05:07.857 --> 01:05:13.057
He gave me love, and he gave
me a flag, and, and still put

01:05:13.057 --> 01:05:14.267
up with what he put up with.

01:05:15.327 --> 01:05:17.407
He allowed the things to
be said and done to him.

01:05:17.407 --> 01:05:20.357
And that had nothing to do with me.

01:05:21.647 --> 01:05:24.447
If you take, say, I wasn't born
back then, I didn't do any of that.

01:05:25.347 --> 01:05:30.197
See, it wasn't the Romans, or Jews, or
whatever you want to call it, did that.

01:05:30.247 --> 01:05:31.277
That was humanity.

01:05:31.777 --> 01:05:33.597
His creation did that to him.

01:05:34.877 --> 01:05:37.417
He said, I still love him now.

01:05:38.127 --> 01:05:41.577
I know, I know the gunshots.

01:05:42.247 --> 01:05:42.727
He's safe.

01:05:42.787 --> 01:05:44.471
Surgery is different.

01:05:44.471 --> 01:05:45.594
It's cancer.

01:05:45.594 --> 01:05:48.401
I'm not gonna walk away.

01:05:48.401 --> 01:05:50.086
I don't care.

01:05:50.086 --> 01:05:50.647
If

01:05:56.707 --> 01:05:58.797
I die, everybody has a time limit.

01:05:59.197 --> 01:06:01.167
Nobody knows when everybody's dying.

01:06:01.637 --> 01:06:02.417
That's the thing.

01:06:02.737 --> 01:06:04.517
I'm not gonna go any sooner
than I'm supposed to.

01:06:04.887 --> 01:06:07.827
This cancer can't take me one
second before God's ready.

01:06:08.537 --> 01:06:08.987
It can't.

01:06:09.947 --> 01:06:14.097
So if that's the case, then
I can live joyously free.

01:06:14.857 --> 01:06:18.527
I don't have to navigate myself
with the pain and the sickness.

01:06:25.157 --> 01:06:29.177
But other than that, I'm not in prison,
I'm not in bondage, I'm not in any of that

01:06:29.177 --> 01:06:31.767
things anymore, I'm not, man, I'm free.

01:06:45.707 --> 01:06:50.067
Your story is going to be
online and available for as

01:06:50.067 --> 01:06:51.427
long as there's an internet.

01:06:51.767 --> 01:06:55.937
Long after you're gone, long after
I'm gone, would you, what would

01:06:55.937 --> 01:07:00.627
you tell somebody out there in the
future that is listening to this?

01:07:00.637 --> 01:07:07.157
What advice would you have for A young
man, young woman out there who may

01:07:07.157 --> 01:07:09.867
hear this someday, by God's grace.

01:07:09.927 --> 01:07:12.857
And, um, what kind of advice
would you have for them?

01:07:14.987 --> 01:07:19.897
Honestly, as men, we tend to
be, we're stuffers and hands on.

01:07:19.897 --> 01:07:22.637
We want to fix everything, but
we don't want to feel nothing.

01:07:23.317 --> 01:07:28.497
What I'm saying is that usually
feelings and emotions are what drives.

01:07:29.467 --> 01:07:30.427
You know what I'm saying?

01:07:30.447 --> 01:07:33.337
And with that being said, it's okay.

01:07:33.337 --> 01:07:36.117
Feelings and emotions have
their place in life every day.

01:07:36.992 --> 01:07:42.882
But when it comes to making decisions,
if I don't take a fact of the situation

01:07:42.942 --> 01:07:46.572
and then base it with my feelings
and emotions, I won't make a choice.

01:07:47.212 --> 01:07:50.822
So with that being said, if you don't
think there's the God in your life,

01:07:50.822 --> 01:07:53.882
you don't think grace is working
in your life, look for the fact.

01:07:56.012 --> 01:07:56.862
Then you can do what you feel.

01:07:56.902 --> 01:07:57.892
Well, I don't feel like God.

01:07:58.212 --> 01:07:59.092
I don't feel like God.

01:07:59.102 --> 01:08:00.362
I don't feel like God.

01:08:02.312 --> 01:08:04.442
What facts do you have
to give any of that?

01:08:05.492 --> 01:08:06.512
I didn't have any.

01:08:06.772 --> 01:08:07.402
I just chose.

01:08:08.202 --> 01:08:11.692
But I knew in here, I
knew there was a God.

01:08:13.262 --> 01:08:16.862
So when I quit fighting God, then
I had to learn how to communicate.

01:08:17.222 --> 01:08:20.692
Oh, I know who you are, but I'm not
talking to you like a little child.

01:08:21.522 --> 01:08:26.282
So what I'm saying is trust the
process of developing a relationship.

01:08:27.502 --> 01:08:29.322
Allow him to do what he does.

01:08:30.222 --> 01:08:30.612
What's wrong with you?

01:08:30.612 --> 01:08:35.702
Once I, it ain't that I stopped
fighting it, but I acknowledged it.

01:08:35.862 --> 01:08:41.262
Once I acknowledged it, once you open
the door and comes in, it's what he says.

01:08:41.262 --> 01:08:41.832
And he did.

01:08:41.832 --> 01:08:42.352
I'm living.

01:08:42.682 --> 01:08:43.552
Now I'm not crazy.

01:08:43.562 --> 01:08:45.072
You might think I am,
but I'm living proof.

01:08:45.072 --> 01:08:50.982
When I opened the door to God,
my life shape was changed.

01:08:51.642 --> 01:08:52.632
Man, I said, perfect.

01:08:52.632 --> 01:08:53.372
Am I perfect?

01:08:53.682 --> 01:08:55.742
You know me better than anybody, sir.

01:08:56.172 --> 01:08:58.452
You know I'm not a saint in that world.

01:08:58.512 --> 01:09:00.172
And I ended my behavior a lot.

01:09:00.252 --> 01:09:01.902
But in God's eyes, I'm old.

01:09:04.202 --> 01:09:08.022
We were just talking about that in our
Bible study this morning, how when we

01:09:08.022 --> 01:09:14.422
do, when we are born again, our spirits
are sealed by the Holy Spirit forever.

01:09:15.012 --> 01:09:19.502
And there's no matter, even
if we sin, and no matter what

01:09:19.512 --> 01:09:21.262
happens to us, we're sealed.

01:09:21.732 --> 01:09:26.752
And that doesn't give us license to sin,
but it just means that we have grace.

01:09:27.347 --> 01:09:32.077
And like you talked about that, God's
grace follows us, goodness and mercy

01:09:32.097 --> 01:09:34.107
follows us all the day of my life.

01:09:34.657 --> 01:09:35.947
He won't let us go.

01:09:36.247 --> 01:09:41.457
And so I wanted to just ask that
you would pray for our listeners

01:09:42.487 --> 01:09:43.837
before we wrap things up.

01:09:43.847 --> 01:09:46.467
Well, first, is there anything
else you wanted to say?

01:09:46.467 --> 01:09:49.597
I want to tell you that
it's an honor to do this.

01:09:49.817 --> 01:09:53.217
I really appreciate you allowing
me this trip because this is a trip

01:09:54.047 --> 01:09:55.867
and I want to thank you for it.

01:09:55.867 --> 01:09:58.367
It's the only thing that
I can ever do for you.

01:10:00.077 --> 01:10:01.857
I will be more than glad to serve.

01:10:02.177 --> 01:10:03.857
Thank you for this offer this year.

01:10:04.567 --> 01:10:05.597
No, thank you.

01:10:05.777 --> 01:10:06.887
I'm, I'm honored.

01:10:08.327 --> 01:10:11.567
So let's pray for anybody
who may be listening.

01:10:11.577 --> 01:10:16.727
And I believe that God is in
charge of whoever listens to this.

01:10:16.727 --> 01:10:20.797
And he's going to send somebody that
needs to hear exactly what you said.

01:10:21.317 --> 01:10:22.697
So I'm counting on it.

01:10:23.497 --> 01:10:24.047
Okay.

01:10:24.047 --> 01:10:24.547
Ready?

01:10:24.867 --> 01:10:25.247
Yeah.

01:10:25.287 --> 01:10:26.097
Okay.

01:10:26.157 --> 01:10:27.097
You're my father.

01:10:27.457 --> 01:10:27.777
Yeah.

01:10:27.937 --> 01:10:30.057
Come before you thanks for this gathering.

01:10:30.917 --> 01:10:33.827
We thank you for this special moment
in time that you have placed here.

01:10:33.827 --> 01:10:37.737
We do not know the dividends
that it's going to pay for what

01:10:37.737 --> 01:10:41.547
this man here is doing, but we
know that it's going to reach me.

01:10:42.717 --> 01:10:47.957
Father, I pray that anyone that is
listening, that they'll take the time.

01:10:48.797 --> 01:10:50.367
Everything about me is public, right?

01:10:50.367 --> 01:10:59.207
I live the life that's unworthy
according to the world.

01:11:00.087 --> 01:11:02.997
But when I study your
word, like it talks about.

01:11:04.162 --> 01:11:11.042
In Romans chapter 12, when I studied
the Word of God study, that's how

01:11:11.042 --> 01:11:13.032
I know that God loves and cares.

01:11:13.442 --> 01:11:16.802
And I know that He loves me and cares
for me and loves and cares for me.

01:11:16.942 --> 01:11:22.722
Anyone out there listening to this,
if it's not a God, please take the

01:11:22.732 --> 01:11:26.372
time to just, if it's not real,
then what will it hurt to talk?

01:11:26.672 --> 01:11:28.642
If it's not real, what
will it hurt to study?

01:11:29.152 --> 01:11:32.692
Give yourself a break and re
allow God what He does best.

01:11:33.392 --> 01:11:33.942
And that's love.

01:11:33.952 --> 01:11:38.432
Well, I pray and ask this to
everyone that comes into contact.

01:11:39.427 --> 01:11:41.237
In Jesus Christ's name, amen.

01:11:43.137 --> 01:11:43.687
Amen.

01:11:45.947 --> 01:11:46.537
Thank you.

01:11:53.924 --> 01:11:56.144
Cailin: We hope you've been
blessed by today's story.

01:11:56.614 --> 01:12:00.324
In case you haven't noticed, there
are no advertisements on this podcast

01:12:00.694 --> 01:12:02.244
and we hope to keep it that way.

01:12:02.904 --> 01:12:07.044
So if you've heard something that you
think could help someone you know, please

01:12:07.054 --> 01:12:09.174
share it using the link in the show notes.

01:12:10.004 --> 01:12:14.354
Also, if you will give Faith and Purpose a
positive review on your podcast platform,

01:12:14.784 --> 01:12:16.454
you could help more people find it.

01:12:17.034 --> 01:12:21.094
You will probably never know how
that small effort can make a big

01:12:21.104 --> 01:12:22.694
difference in someone's life.

01:12:22.979 --> 01:12:24.659
But our Heavenly Father knows.

01:12:25.139 --> 01:12:29.989
Speaking of sharing, if you know a Jesus
follower with a story to tell, please send

01:12:29.989 --> 01:12:32.389
them a link to Faith and Purpose Podcast.

01:12:32.869 --> 01:12:35.019
It may encourage them to tell their story.

01:12:35.449 --> 01:12:36.999
That person may even be you.

01:12:37.489 --> 01:12:40.649
Our only criteria is
that Jesus be glorified.

01:12:41.409 --> 01:12:44.909
Most Christians don't share their
faith because they mistakenly think

01:12:44.919 --> 01:12:47.259
their story is not interesting enough.

01:12:47.729 --> 01:12:50.099
Or that it's self centered
to talk about themselves.

01:12:50.519 --> 01:12:54.329
Or that they are not competent
to explain the gospel correctly.

01:12:54.779 --> 01:12:56.039
But none of that is relevant.

01:12:56.429 --> 01:12:59.879
If Jesus has changed your
life, you have a story to tell.

01:13:00.789 --> 01:13:02.799
All of our stories are completely unique.

01:13:03.354 --> 01:13:08.084
No one has a story like yours, and you
may be the only one who can reach someone

01:13:08.084 --> 01:13:10.444
else through telling your experience.

01:13:10.954 --> 01:13:13.354
All of our stories are completely unique.

01:13:13.704 --> 01:13:18.454
No one has a story like yours, and you
may be the only one who can reach someone

01:13:18.454 --> 01:13:20.354
else through telling your experience.

01:13:20.774 --> 01:13:22.124
So don't be intimidated.

01:13:22.514 --> 01:13:26.814
A story is just that, a true
account of your own experience.

01:13:27.229 --> 01:13:29.939
And no one can disagree
with your experience.

01:13:30.839 --> 01:13:35.019
When we tell what Jesus has done in
our lives, we are being obedient to his

01:13:35.019 --> 01:13:39.229
command to go into all the world and
preach the gospel to every creature.

01:13:39.649 --> 01:13:43.459
It's not about theology, and it's not
about how interesting or special you are.

01:13:43.839 --> 01:13:45.699
It's all about Jesus.

01:13:46.274 --> 01:13:50.974
So when you're ready to tell how Jesus
has impacted your life, you can let Jesse

01:13:50.974 --> 01:13:54.074
know at his ministry website, jesseduke.

01:13:54.114 --> 01:13:54.434
net.

01:13:54.984 --> 01:13:58.004
There you can download guidelines
that will make it easy to

01:13:58.004 --> 01:13:59.544
prepare to tell your story.

01:14:00.074 --> 01:14:02.564
Thank you for listening today and Shalom.