1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,760 Welcome to the We Are More podcast. 2 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,600 My name is Alyssa. 3 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,600 And my name is Bri. 4 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,600 We are two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism. 5 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:25,520 We believe that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach His 6 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:26,520 word. 7 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,720 And apparently that's controversial. 8 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:30,720 Get comfy. 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:36,520 Oh my gosh, you started recording. 10 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,520 Which one am I? 11 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:40,520 The bottom one? 12 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:41,520 Yeah, you're the bottom. 13 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,520 It's because I'm second born. 14 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,880 Yeah, that's why. 15 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,320 But you did sit in the big chair today. 16 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,920 We should probably say hello so that any of this counts. 17 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:50,920 Hello! 18 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,920 Baby, can't you see? 19 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:53,920 Oh no. 20 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,320 All right, Bri, read your line. 21 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,920 Baby, can't you see? 22 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:02,200 We're gonna get copyright infringemented. 23 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,520 You know that I'm toxic. 24 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,840 I do know that about you actually. 25 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:07,840 Like sludge? 26 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:08,840 Yeah. 27 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:14,640 I actually imagine the creature from... 28 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,560 What was that movie with Robin Williams? 29 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:17,560 Flubber. 30 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,520 Yes, I envisioned Flubber. 31 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,000 I thought you were gonna talk like the creature from the something lagoon. 32 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,000 Dark Lagoon? 33 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,000 Black Lagoon. 34 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,000 Black Lagoon. 35 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,000 You mean that? 36 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,000 I don't think I've ever seen that movie. 37 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,680 I've barely seen Flubber. 38 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,800 Mom wouldn't let us watch Flubber when we were kids. 39 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:33,800 I don't know why. 40 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:34,800 I don't either. 41 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,560 Because I recently watched it, not recently, with it like a couple years ago. 42 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,160 And it's incredibly boring. 43 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,680 Am I gonna make people mad about that? 44 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,640 Probably because people love Robin Williams. 45 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,240 I love Robin Williams, but I didn't like Flubber. 46 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,240 I'm sorry. 47 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,240 So today... 48 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,500 I feel like I start every episode with... 49 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,500 So today... 50 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:54,120 So today... 51 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,400 So today we have given up on telling you guys which episode number it is at the beginning 52 00:01:58,400 --> 00:01:59,400 of the episode. 53 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,400 We have no idea. 54 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,720 We literally have no clue. 55 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,760 And what's actually more frustrating is sometimes I'll be like, Alyssa, what episode just came 56 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:07,760 out? 57 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,640 And she's like, 12. 58 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:11,080 That's not what I mean. 59 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,320 I mean, what did we talk about? 60 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,600 I have no idea. 61 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:19,120 But the problem is, we'll sit down to record and we'll start recording and we'll be like, 62 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,840 oh yeah, hey, this is episode 13. 63 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,320 But we're not used to recording every week yet. 64 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,040 And it's not episode 13. 65 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:28,640 It's episode something totally different. 66 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,160 I have no idea. 67 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,000 And then I have to cut that whole section. 68 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,440 Yeah, we're done with that. 69 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,840 Today, we're talking about toxic femininity. 70 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,840 Yes, today on this, the episode of today. 71 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,960 On this, the day of my daughter's wedding. 72 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,520 What is that from? 73 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,880 On this, the day of my daughter's wedding. 74 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,480 I think it's The Godfather. 75 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,480 I've never seen that. 76 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,480 I've never seen that. 77 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:48,880 So we're just quoting randomness now. 78 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:49,880 Yeah. 79 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:50,880 Okay, good. 80 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,960 So we're just quoting from that movie, Summer Magic. 81 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:53,960 That was a great movie. 82 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:54,960 Femininity, femininity. 83 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,960 There's no way anyone has seen that. 84 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,560 His us and no one else. 85 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:02,160 It has Hayley Mills and it's old. 86 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,160 It was good. 87 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:04,160 It's nostalgic for me. 88 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,720 I like that movie, but it's, I mean, it's an old movie. 89 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,880 It comes with all the things that old movies come with. 90 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,520 As a 2024 feminist, I cannot stand behind the movie, but it's great. 91 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,520 Highly recommend. 92 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:18,640 I mean, I feel like we could say that about most of the movies that we have watched. 93 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:23,320 There's another song in that movie called the, what is it called? 94 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,440 Are you talking about the bug one? 95 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:26,440 The ugly bug ball. 96 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,440 The ugly bug ball. 97 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,440 At the ugly bug ball. 98 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:29,440 Bum bum bum bum bum bum. 99 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,840 I don't think that's the right tune. 100 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:33,840 It is. 101 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:34,840 I don't think so. 102 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:35,840 It is. 103 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,520 That one really is a classic. 104 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,480 That one, I think won some awards or something. 105 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,480 It was weird. 106 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,480 Why? 107 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:42,680 I don't know. 108 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,000 It was very out of place too. 109 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,400 It was just this man walking around. 110 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,400 He found a bug. 111 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,400 He started singing about it. 112 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,400 To a child. 113 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,400 He was, again, questionable. 114 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,400 Well, he knew the child. 115 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,400 But still. 116 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,400 Still. 117 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,160 You should watch the movie and figure that out by yourself. 118 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,160 I don't know that you should watch the movie. 119 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,920 We should have a movie club. 120 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:57,920 Like a book club. 121 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:02,360 We could have a playlist, a music playlist, and a movie watch playlist. 122 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,600 You have a lot more faith in our ability to do things than I do. 123 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,240 I have a playlist. 124 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,080 You do have a playlist, but it is not public. 125 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,520 It is for you and I. 126 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:12,920 I think it is public actually. 127 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,240 The people can't listen to it. 128 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,240 The people. 129 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,240 The people. 130 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,240 The people. 131 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,720 What if they want to hear our ridiculous music? 132 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:26,960 It's on my YouTube music account. 133 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:31,800 So that's where the people can find it. 134 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,600 If you're asking, how about I give you a new song recommendation every day? 135 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,920 If you're one of my family members, probably don't listen to it. 136 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,440 Because I listen to a lot of inappropriate music. 137 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:41,440 Let's see. 138 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,840 Bree has a whole playlist called Not For Mom. 139 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,360 Not For Mom. 140 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,520 Sorry, Mom. 141 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,240 You can listen to Taylor Swift's The Man. 142 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,040 Hey, that's a great one. 143 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,120 It only cusses two times. 144 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,680 Yeah, that's probably my favorite Taylor Swift song. 145 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,040 It's a great song. 146 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,960 Today we're talking about toxic femininity. 147 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,440 So far. 148 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:03,320 That does tie in, to be fair, to Taylor Swift. 149 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,400 Because she talks about toxic masculinity a lot. 150 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,440 And now we're just flipping the script. 151 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,280 I just almost quoted Taylor Swift again. 152 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:11,280 Do it. 153 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,280 Why can't she cuss us? 154 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,280 Oh. 155 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,280 You flip the script for the hum of it. 156 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,960 Addicted to betrayal, but you're irrelevant. 157 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:18,960 You're terrified. 158 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:23,480 You can only sing like 10 seconds of something before I get copyrighted. 159 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,040 That's Karma by Taylor Swift. 160 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,040 Thank you for the information. 161 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,040 You're welcome. 162 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,040 No one knew that one. 163 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,720 Everybody caught on to the summer magic. 164 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,520 But the Taylor Swift song, they were like, what? 165 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:38,120 So today as we talk about toxic femininity, we last week talked about toxic masculine. 166 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,720 No, two weeks ago. 167 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:40,720 Two weeks ago. 168 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,560 We're never going to talk about time units ever again. 169 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:43,560 Okay. 170 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,560 We talked about that in the last main episode. 171 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:46,560 In the past. 172 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:53,480 We talked about toxic masculinity and what that looks like and how it impacts both women 173 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:54,480 and men. 174 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,280 We had a special guest for the first time. 175 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,160 He was very special. 176 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,160 Very special. 177 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,760 He came up from the downstairs and talked to us. 178 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,760 From the beyond. 179 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:03,760 From the beyond. 180 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,640 My husband Nathan was on the episode last week. 181 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:07,640 No! 182 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:08,640 Two weeks ago. 183 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,640 Stop talking about time! 184 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,520 Stop! 185 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,800 And so we talked about how that impacts everybody. 186 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:26,100 How it impacts relationships and individuals and some specific individuals that are terrible. 187 00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:30,720 So we're going to talk about kind of the opposite of that and what that means. 188 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,960 So Bree, tell us what toxic femininity means. 189 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,280 Well, I googled it. 190 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:40,320 As per what I usually do and I found a good old fashioned definition. 191 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,360 An old fashioned one? 192 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:47,080 Definitions in general are old fashioned. 193 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,080 Are they? 194 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,080 Obviously. 195 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,080 I found that. 196 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:57,640 If you google toxic femininity, it says it's a rigid or oppressive definition of womanhood, 197 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:02,400 including pressures women face to restrict themselves to stereotypically feminine traits 198 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,520 and characteristics. 199 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:11,880 So kind of exactly what the toxic masculine man wants. 200 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:19,000 I would say this is generally something that women are putting on themselves or that women 201 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,320 are putting on other women. 202 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:28,360 Not that men aren't involved at all, but it's stereotypical what is feminine. 203 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:34,000 And I think, yeah, if you're looking at what is toxic femininity, it is going to be women 204 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,420 putting it on themselves. 205 00:07:36,420 --> 00:07:41,040 Not that there's not also an aspect of that coming from the rest of the world, but in 206 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:45,680 this specific context, that's women putting it on themselves. 207 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:51,080 And like you said, the bigger issue is not just you putting it on you, but you putting 208 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,280 it on every other woman that you see. 209 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:58,480 And every woman has heard this, but like when they say, oh, girls don't do that. 210 00:07:58,480 --> 00:07:59,880 Girls don't talk like that. 211 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,960 Girls don't burp and fart. 212 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,280 And women never poop. 213 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,080 No, we don't. 214 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,440 It's just not part of our biology. 215 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,440 We hold it in. 216 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,240 We hold it all in. 217 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,360 There's a guy online that makes that joke all the time. 218 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,440 He goes, my wife, no, she never poops. 219 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,360 She doesn't. 220 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,680 My worry is that there are actually men out there that think that or think things like 221 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:24,680 that. 222 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:25,680 Like I have concerns. 223 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,920 They just don't. 224 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,120 We just have given it up. 225 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,040 We've evolved past it. 226 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:36,920 Some people are born now without wisdom teeth and now women don't poop. 227 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,960 Yay, progress. 228 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,280 You know, that sounds great. 229 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,840 Actually, let's progress to that. 230 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:46,440 I actually would be fine with that. 231 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:54,480 So stereotypical feminine traits, if you look those up, that would be cooperative, sexually 232 00:08:54,480 --> 00:09:01,560 submissive, passive, gentle, and driving their value from physical beauty. 233 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:02,640 You know what that makes me think of? 234 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:10,160 And I think we've referenced this before, but the Duggar family, the mom, I watched 235 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:13,440 a documentary on that family. 236 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,560 And one of the other family members is like a cousin or something, said that one of the 237 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:22,720 things that drove them crazy about her the most is the way that she talks like this and 238 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:28,340 she's so gentle and quiet and like that's her voice. 239 00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:34,220 So even these traits have come out in her literal voice. 240 00:09:34,220 --> 00:09:42,520 And that's what the stereotypically traditional Christian femininity, whatever, like however 241 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,920 you want to describe it, that's what it's supposed to be. 242 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,880 Like how you're talking about before, like you were kind of outspoken and loud about 243 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:54,480 your beliefs and everything growing up and people kind of told you that wasn't feminine 244 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,480 or maybe you thought that about yourself. 245 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:58,480 That's how I think of it. 246 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:04,600 This women should be quiet and soft and keep their thoughts to themselves. 247 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:10,280 Because the second you become louder or that you speak out or the second that you dare 248 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:16,440 to think that you have a voice in any way, you become a threat to toxic masculinity. 249 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:22,500 You become a threat to the male leadership of the church or really male leadership in 250 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,320 whatever context you find yourself. 251 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:31,760 So you got to get told from a very young age, be quiet, be calm, be gentle, be submissive. 252 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:35,880 And if you're anything other than that, that clearly makes you way less of a woman. 253 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:40,480 It's like when people like when you're in an argument with somebody that's really toxic, 254 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:46,240 that's really toxic, and they'll dig into whatever's most important about you. 255 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:50,200 Let's say that you see yourself as a very honest person. 256 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,820 They would start calling you a liar. 257 00:10:51,820 --> 00:10:54,780 They would go after that aspect of your personality. 258 00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:59,720 Or maybe you find a lot of who you are in your job and they start telling you you're 259 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,920 terrible at your job or whatever. 260 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,440 Or that your job doesn't matter. 261 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,440 Exactly. 262 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:05,440 Yes. 263 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:11,320 It's the same thing, if perhaps even worse, because you start to tell women, you don't 264 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,860 get to be a woman if you aren't these things. 265 00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:19,440 You don't get to be a woman if you enjoy your career. 266 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,600 If you don't want to be a stay at home mom. 267 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:27,120 You don't get to be a woman if you don't want to put on makeup when you leave the house. 268 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,200 Or high heels. 269 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,240 Or you don't find value in makeup. 270 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:38,080 Yeah, I think that's such a huge dig for anybody to... 271 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,360 Because gender can be so much of a part of who you are, not that it always is, but it 272 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:43,600 can be. 273 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,920 And so to tell someone you just don't get to be anything. 274 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,260 You don't get to be anything. 275 00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:55,320 You don't get to find yourself anywhere because you're not stereotypically feminine. 276 00:11:55,320 --> 00:12:01,200 I think we should dive into the idea of beauty standards on women because I find that incredibly 277 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,720 toxic. 278 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:08,600 And just growing up, I always thought that I could never leave the house without looking 279 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,000 beautiful. 280 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,700 You're not allowed to leave the house in your pajama pants. 281 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:17,760 You should always look your best, even if it's going to get the mail. 282 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,120 And that does something to you as a person. 283 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:25,220 You feel like if I'm not perfect, I'm not worthy of leaving my house. 284 00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:30,920 During COVID, I started going out, both of us, I think, started going out without makeup 285 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:36,160 on because you'd put a mask on and that covers most of your face and then your mask is covered 286 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,680 in makeup and whatever. 287 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:42,120 So I would go to the store without makeup on, but half my face was covered so at least 288 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:46,720 I wasn't offensive to the rest of the world. 289 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:54,280 And then masks kind of faded away slowly and I still was occasionally going out without 290 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,280 makeup. 291 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,720 And I remember the first time that I did, I think we went to Target or something. 292 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:03,580 And the first time that I went out and didn't have a mask or makeup on and I literally felt 293 00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:06,320 like I shouldn't be allowed in the store. 294 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:13,480 I should not be allowed to walk into a public space because my face in itself was so offensive 295 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,720 to everybody. 296 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:21,640 And I'm a pretty confident person, Bri's a pretty confident person, but when you're told 297 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:28,240 by society at large your entire life that you have to be the prettiest girl in the room 298 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:32,680 or you're nothing, of course that's going to screw you up. 299 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:33,680 Yeah. 300 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:40,480 Or women look at other women who maybe don't put in the same value to outer beauty as they 301 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,320 do, and they look down on them. 302 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:46,160 And they teach their children to look down on them. 303 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:52,960 And I think one of the ways that we've rebranded it is we've said, well, you should look presentable. 304 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:53,960 That's what we've done. 305 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:59,320 We've said presentable because we can't say you have to look pretty because that's a little 306 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,320 controversial, right? 307 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,240 You can't tell girls you have to be pretty. 308 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,920 Some people do, but it's almost worse. 309 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:05,920 Yeah. 310 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:12,840 When you think of the difference between what is presentable for a woman versus what is 311 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,280 presentable for a man. 312 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:19,080 Because when I get ready in the morning, now I like makeup, I like to do my hair nice. 313 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,400 I'm not saying there's literally nothing against that. 314 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:22,880 If that is something that you enjoy doing. 315 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:26,980 I just spent a hundred dollars on skincare. 316 00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:32,720 No shade at all if that is something that you take pleasure in for yourself. 317 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:38,800 But when I get ready in the morning, it takes me an hour because I have to get my hair done 318 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:44,000 and I have curly hair, so I have to gel it and wait for it to dry and all the fun things. 319 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,520 And do my makeup and that takes half an hour and find clothes and that takes a while and 320 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,520 whatever. 321 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:56,160 And my husband literally finds clothes and that's all. 322 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,560 That's how he becomes presentable to the world. 323 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:03,760 No one would look at him and say, well, you don't look presentable. 324 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:10,280 But if I walk out without doing all of those extra things that take me forever, then I 325 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:18,200 am no longer presentable or feminine or a woman or upholding Christian standards. 326 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:23,720 Because we talked about this in the toxic masculinity episode. 327 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:28,120 Christianity tells women not, I don't want to say Christianity actually. 328 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:35,040 Toxic Christianity tells women that if you are not beautiful at all times, if you do 329 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:41,400 not look perfect, if you do not maintain a beautiful womanly figure and whatever and 330 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:46,600 buy all the skincare and make yourself look 20 years old, if you don't do those things, 331 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:52,040 then your husband is going to go find somebody who does and it's going to be your fault because 332 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,520 you weren't beautiful enough. 333 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,040 And toxic femininity tells you that too. 334 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,320 I can't say femininity. 335 00:15:58,320 --> 00:15:59,320 Femininity, femininity. 336 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,320 I'm going to sing that the entire time. 337 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,320 Great. 338 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,320 I would love that if you did. 339 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:10,880 Something else that I saw, it's maybe an older trend on like TikTok and Facebook, whatever, 340 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,660 but it was these women saying, look at this. 341 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:16,720 These men are saying that they prefer women without makeup. 342 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,580 They look better without makeup, but they're showing the pictures of the women. 343 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,040 They're saying like, but she's wearing makeup. 344 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,040 Look at this. 345 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,520 And it's supposed to be just like a natural look of makeup. 346 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:30,960 Now these women are saying, men can't even like you without makeup on. 347 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:36,240 See now you at least have to make your makeup look natural and it's, you can't win no matter 348 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,240 what you do. 349 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,200 And they won't believe the men if they say, no, your face is fine. 350 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,680 Your face is acceptable. 351 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:48,320 Well, it's so part of who I am that even when Nathan will tell me like, you look beautiful 352 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:54,000 today or whatever, if I don't have makeup on, I just brush it off. 353 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,560 It's like it goes in one ear and out the other. 354 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:01,240 And I don't want to say it doesn't make me feel better because I appreciate that he feels 355 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:08,360 that way, but there's something inside of me that has been groomed to not accept that. 356 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:11,480 And how terrible. 357 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,600 You can't post a picture online. 358 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:20,480 There are several pictures online of me with my kids or at Disney or whatever that I'm 359 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,720 like, I don't like that that's up there because I don't look perfect. 360 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,680 But the memory is still wonderful. 361 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,720 Or like on TikTok, if you go to post on there and you're like, oh, I haven't done my makeup 362 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:32,720 today. 363 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,720 I look like trash. 364 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,720 Don't worry. 365 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:40,200 There's a filter to put makeup on right now to make you look presentable or to add a beard 366 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,200 to yourself. 367 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,200 And I tried that out today and that was fun. 368 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,040 Hey, you know, give it a couple more days. 369 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,040 Maybe you'll have one. 370 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,040 I just plucked it yesterday. 371 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,440 Another toxic trait. 372 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,480 Oh, shaving. 373 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,480 We could get into that. 374 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:56,480 I hate shaving. 375 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:01,880 Do you want me to read this quote or would you like to read it? 376 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:13,400 So a quote that Brie found, verywellminds.com from Zuvah7, thank you, says that, says if 377 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:20,160 toxic masculinity encourages violence and domination in order to uphold an unequal power dynamic, 378 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:26,760 then toxic femininity supports silent acceptance of violence and domination in order to survive. 379 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:32,300 I really liked that quote because I wanted to dive into that word survive at the end. 380 00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:37,280 It's not like Bear Grylls, like camping, hiking, fishing, survival skills. 381 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:42,720 It's women are constantly trying to stay alive. 382 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:46,040 That their existence is always in question. 383 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:54,400 We'll bounce that back to the, we talked about this recently. 384 00:18:54,400 --> 00:19:00,720 Recently we talked about this, the bear versus man debate where women are asked, would you 385 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:05,160 rather, if you're walking alone in a forest, would you rather come upon a bear or on a 386 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,160 man? 387 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:11,360 And women are saying they'd rather come upon the bear because we're fighting so hard to 388 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:16,880 survive that that's how scared we have to be of men. 389 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:23,000 Not every man, but enough of them that we have to constantly be on guard. 390 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,320 Always. 391 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,400 Because nothing you do as a woman is ever right. 392 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:32,360 I think about the Barbie quote where essentially she's saying you can never do anything right. 393 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:36,400 Toxic femininity tells you, you have to wear makeup because you have to be beautiful because 394 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,740 you are a woman. 395 00:19:37,740 --> 00:19:41,840 But if you wear too much makeup and a man finds you in an alley and takes advantage of you, 396 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,200 that's your fault because you were being too beautiful. 397 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,880 Or what clothes you're wearing. 398 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,880 And you may think I'm supposed to wear dresses. 399 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,320 That's a, I don't want to say a trend. 400 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,320 It's a very conservative. 401 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,320 Yeah. 402 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:58,360 It's a very conservative standpoint where women must wear dresses or like you look at 403 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,360 the Amish women must wear dresses. 404 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:05,240 But then you flip the script and if you wear sun dresses, that's the wrong kind of dress 405 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,880 and you're showing too much of your skin and you can't do that. 406 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,720 How dare you show a shoulder. 407 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:11,720 It's insane. 408 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,200 That's clavicle. 409 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:20,720 And anything you do wrong excuses violence for men somehow. 410 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,240 How is that possible? 411 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,880 And toxic femininity only encourages that viewpoint. 412 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:26,880 Yes. 413 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:32,360 You even look in court cases and you'll see in cases of violence against women and things 414 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:37,480 like that, they'll ask the question to the woman, were you drunk? 415 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,840 Were you leading him on? 416 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:41,840 Yeah. 417 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:42,840 Were you leading him on? 418 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,280 Were you saying suggestive things? 419 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,040 Had you said suggestive things earlier? 420 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,880 Did you give him your phone number? 421 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,840 Maybe that encouraged him. 422 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,120 Whatever. 423 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:56,340 So even in our legal system, now I'm not saying the judges are necessarily siding with this, 424 00:20:56,340 --> 00:21:00,320 but even within our legal system, this is happening. 425 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,440 Even in the broader culture, not just in church culture. 426 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,440 And women know that. 427 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,800 So again, we're just trying to survive. 428 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:14,080 And this concept of toxic femininity, I have said femininity like four times. 429 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,800 We could make this a drinking game again. 430 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:22,840 Every time we mispronounce femininity, people get trashed around the world. 431 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:29,580 But toxic femininity responds to toxic masculinity in saying, going to do this, like they said, 432 00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:32,960 to survive, to keep going. 433 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:37,840 And imagine how toxic those things become when they meet. 434 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:41,240 You know, toxic masculinity is horrifying on its own. 435 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,640 Toxic femininity is awful on its own. 436 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:48,600 Both are damaging to each individual person, but you bring them together. 437 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:55,840 You bring a man that believes that in contact with a woman who believes that. 438 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,420 And that's when tragedy happens. 439 00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:02,400 That's when massive abuse happens. 440 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:07,680 Well you were saying earlier, the man is going to get more power, get more dominance, get 441 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:14,280 more violent, but the woman is going to get abused or die from it. 442 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:15,280 It could lead to her death. 443 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:16,280 Right. 444 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,240 And it's not good for the man either. 445 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,160 He's not like doing great. 446 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:26,540 We talked before about how men are less likely to seek mental health, things like that. 447 00:22:26,540 --> 00:22:32,960 This isn't good for men either, but at the end of the day, they still have power. 448 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:33,960 They're still in power. 449 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,860 They're still sitting at the top of the hill looking down at everyone else. 450 00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:43,400 The woman is literally not able to keep going. 451 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,400 She's beaten. 452 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:45,400 She is bruised. 453 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:49,920 She can only submit and be passive so much before she no longer exists. 454 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:50,920 Right. 455 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:51,920 Exactly. 456 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:56,640 We see this in culture at large, but we see it so heavily in the Christian church and 457 00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:02,880 unfortunately so heavily in our own lives, not our personal lives, but in the world around 458 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,000 us specifically. 459 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,560 We're watching this happen. 460 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:16,440 We're watching this toxic femininity just destroy who people are, destroy their personalities, 461 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:22,280 destroy the vibrant humans that they used to be. 462 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:31,440 Because they're told that you need to be married in order to be of any value to our society 463 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,120 and our culture and our people in general. 464 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:42,120 But when you do get married, your dreams, everything about you ceases to exist because 465 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:50,040 your now biggest calling is to build up the dreams of your husband because he is your 466 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,720 purpose now. 467 00:23:51,720 --> 00:24:00,560 And to submit to his every desire, to his every decision, whether they're godly or not. 468 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:11,080 And I have said this before, but I don't believe that God is okay with women following their 469 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,320 husbands into sin just because they're submitting. 470 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,400 Now there are churches that absolutely are teaching that. 471 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,440 And we've heard them preach that. 472 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,000 100%. 473 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:26,600 If your husband is sinning, still follow him and you will be blessed for doing your part 474 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,800 for submitting because that's your role. 475 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,960 Your entire role is to submit. 476 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,840 That's not doing you any good as a woman or your husband. 477 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,880 It's not doing him any good either. 478 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:45,160 And also I've seen so many times where the men are so praised and so loved in churches 479 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,400 that their true personality is not there. 480 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,720 So people think, you're a great guy. 481 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,200 Oh, everybody else around this guy loves him. 482 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,480 So what's wrong with me as a woman that he's not that way with me at home? 483 00:24:58,480 --> 00:24:59,860 He's not that way. 484 00:24:59,860 --> 00:25:02,960 So what's wrong with me now? 485 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,720 There are so many cases of abuse that come out. 486 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:10,520 There's someone I follow on Facebook and she was abused as a child. 487 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:15,840 And when she came out with that story, people said, no, you're crazy because look what a 488 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,200 wonderful guy he is. 489 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:24,120 They didn't take her seriously and she couldn't take herself seriously to some degree because 490 00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,080 look what a wonderful guy he is. 491 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,680 He wouldn't do something so terrible. 492 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:32,320 You must have made it up in your head. 493 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:37,640 If he's a terrible guy to you behind closed doors, whatever position this person is in, 494 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:42,600 whether it's a parent, whether it's a husband, whether it's a partner of any kind, a friend, 495 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,880 whatever, I don't care. 496 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:49,400 If he's like that to you behind closed doors, that's who he is. 497 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:53,040 Well they say who you truly are is who you are when no one else is watching. 498 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,040 Yes. 499 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:59,720 I am most myself when I'm around Bree, when I'm around Nathan, when I'm around my mom. 500 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,440 That's when I'm most who I am because I'm the most comfortable around those people and 501 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:08,840 I know that they're going to stick around. 502 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,720 So I might not. 503 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:12,720 You have no choice. 504 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:17,520 You are my sister and you love me. 505 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,280 Hold my hand when you say that. 506 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:26,160 I mean, I guess we've made the point, but who he is to you is who he is. 507 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,680 So whatever anyone else is telling you, they're full of crap, not because they're intentionally 508 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:35,240 full of crap, but because they don't know and you know. 509 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,240 Trust yourself. 510 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,240 Trust yourself. 511 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:38,240 Girl, trust yourself. 512 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:39,240 And think of that. 513 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:44,520 Think of all of these descriptors that you said earlier, cooperative, sexually submissive, 514 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,800 passive, gentle, deriving value from physical beauty. 515 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:56,080 All of those things lend themselves to not trusting yourself, to questioning everything 516 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,880 you've ever thought or seen or whatever. 517 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,520 So he can get away with whatever he wants. 518 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,920 Because stereotypically, that is what womanhood is. 519 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:05,920 Yes. 520 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:13,080 That is what society and conservative Christian worlds are telling women that that is what 521 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:18,680 womanhood is about being cooperative, being sexually submissive, being passive, being 522 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:23,200 gentle, being told that beauty is the only thing that matters. 523 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:27,140 How shallow, how small are we making women? 524 00:27:27,140 --> 00:27:28,640 What a good transition, Brianna. 525 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:29,640 Are you prepared? 526 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:34,960 No one's going to get that. 527 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,900 I'm trying to find a fun transition noise. 528 00:27:37,900 --> 00:27:40,960 Like when you were little and you were listening to those Disney tapes and they would like 529 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:46,680 turn the page and it was like, would that be nice to have? 530 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:50,040 Yeah, you could just record that and that's what we'll put in. 531 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:53,040 Stop it, you're trying to twist. 532 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,040 Stop. 533 00:27:54,040 --> 00:28:05,120 So anyway, so instead of that, instead of what society has told us womanhood is, what 534 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:09,080 does the Bible tell us that womanhood is? 535 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:10,080 Bleeding. 536 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:11,080 What? 537 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:12,080 Soon you'll truly become a woman. 538 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:23,080 I'm going to have to cut that out. 539 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,280 No, you're not. 540 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:29,040 So there are a lot of incredible women in the Bible and we've talked about a few of 541 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,220 them. 542 00:28:30,220 --> 00:28:33,300 We will talk about more because that's what we do. 543 00:28:33,300 --> 00:28:36,200 That's what we live for. 544 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:43,480 To help unfortunate women folk like yourselves, put our souls where no one else did turn to. 545 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,720 I didn't think we were going to get the whole quote. 546 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:51,040 Turns out we're lucky and we are. 547 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:56,360 So the person that we wanted to focus on today is Debra. 548 00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,600 Big Deb making a comeback, a reprise. 549 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:03,440 I don't think we've mentioned Big Deb in quite some time. 550 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:08,480 If you want a good, good old fashioned laugh. 551 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:09,480 What was it? 552 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:10,480 Episode two? 553 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:11,480 When we talk about? 554 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:12,480 Yeah, episode two. 555 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:16,240 Episode two, we talked about just like stories of strong women from the Bible and we talked 556 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,560 about Big Deb and she is just a national treasure. 557 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,240 A national treasure? 558 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:22,960 And an international treasure. 559 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,200 She's not from our nation. 560 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,200 I know several Debra's. 561 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,640 How dare you? 562 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,640 This particular Debra. 563 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:38,040 So, if you haven't heard that episode again, go back and listen once you're done with this 564 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:39,040 one. 565 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:40,040 We've got to make that clear. 566 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:41,040 Finish this one. 567 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,040 Let's go. 568 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,760 We're having fun. 569 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:50,960 But I'll kind of just briefly go into who Debra was and she's an example of biblical 570 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:52,960 womanhood. 571 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:54,960 Biblical femininity. 572 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,000 Important enough to be written in the pages of the Bible. 573 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,160 Not just written, like her whole story is told. 574 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,440 She is an important. 575 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:05,640 She's in the book of Judges because it is like a compilation of quite a few, but she 576 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:10,080 is a featured very, very important piece of the book of Judges. 577 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:16,840 So this is from the Jewish Women's Archive and it says that Debra is one of the major 578 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:23,500 judges which was a charismatic military leader, not a judicial figure. 579 00:30:23,500 --> 00:30:26,280 So think of her as a military leader. 580 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:30,920 That's what she would have been in the story of how Israel takes the land of Canaan. 581 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:37,240 She is the only female judge mentioned and the only one to be called a prophet. 582 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,560 So for all of the men out there who are telling women... 583 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,600 You can't preach, you can't prophesy. 584 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:43,600 Exactly. 585 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:44,600 She was a prophet. 586 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:45,880 She was called a prophet. 587 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:46,880 In the Bible. 588 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,080 In the Bible. 589 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:52,700 And she was the only one described as performing a judicial function. 590 00:30:52,700 --> 00:31:02,080 So the story of Debra is long and complicated, but essentially a man named Barak comes to her and he says, 591 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,720 Hey, we got to go battle these people. 592 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,280 And she says, Okay, go. 593 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:14,120 He basically says, I won't go without you. 594 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:19,300 And she then in turn says, All right, I'll go. 595 00:31:19,300 --> 00:31:23,880 But know that the honor of this battle will go to a woman. 596 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:29,040 Now that is often used in Christian circles as like an insult. 597 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:32,960 Like she was insulting his manhood. 598 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,380 Mind you, Barak doesn't care. 599 00:31:35,380 --> 00:31:36,500 He doesn't give a crap. 600 00:31:36,500 --> 00:31:39,000 He was like, I'm not gonna go if you don't go with me. 601 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,000 Please go with me. 602 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:41,000 I don't care. 603 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,000 Let's go. 604 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,000 I need my buddy. 605 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:47,140 There's nothing here saying that he was insulted by what she said. 606 00:31:47,140 --> 00:31:50,520 He wasn't like, well, if it's gonna go to a woman, then forget that I'm gonna go because 607 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,200 I'm a man and it should go to me. 608 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:55,400 No, he was like, Okay, whatever. 609 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:56,400 Let's go. 610 00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:03,000 So she was just telling him as a fact, it's not gonna go to actually either of us, right? 611 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,000 It's gonna go to someone else. 612 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:05,000 Right. 613 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,000 Exactly. 614 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,600 And so they go, they do battle. 615 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,720 One guy escapes and this is kind of part of a different part of the story. 616 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:16,600 But you want to hear the whole story in great detail and great humor. 617 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:22,080 Episode two, but one guy escapes, runs off. 618 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:30,760 He's gonna kind of I think, go tell everybody else like, hey, come on, help us out. 619 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,840 Thank you. 620 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:37,360 But he comes upon another woman named JL. 621 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,200 And JL worries me a little bit. 622 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:41,880 Frankly, I'm concerned for her. 623 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:42,880 Okay. 624 00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:43,880 I like her. 625 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,360 I like her too, but little worried. 626 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:49,680 So JL sees him and he's like, Hey, protect me. 627 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:50,720 Keep me safe. 628 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:51,720 They're coming after me. 629 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,720 Kind of demands it of her, right? 630 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,080 I'm gonna hide in your tent. 631 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,080 Yeah. 632 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:57,080 And she's alone. 633 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,080 It's just her. 634 00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,080 They did know each other. 635 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,400 But yes, from like kind of in a roundabout way. 636 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:02,400 Yes. 637 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,560 And so she's like, All right, yeah, come on in. 638 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:05,560 Lay down. 639 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:06,600 Rest your head. 640 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,600 You must be just so tired. 641 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,200 Let me get you a beverage. 642 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,200 Yeah. 643 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,800 So she's playing the role of the traditional woman and right, like, she's gonna take care 644 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,200 of him and whatever. 645 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,480 Meanwhile, the moron falls asleep. 646 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,640 Who's falling asleep in this scenario? 647 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,000 People are literally coming to kill him. 648 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,160 He's in essentially a stranger's house. 649 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:28,720 He doesn't really know her, but he thinks she's a woman. 650 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,000 She won't do anything. 651 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:31,000 Right. 652 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,880 So JL grabs a tent peg. 653 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:35,200 I want you to think about this. 654 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,200 Okay. 655 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,640 What was a tent peg made of then? 656 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:38,640 Wood? 657 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:39,640 Like splintered wood? 658 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:40,640 Think of that. 659 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:47,280 She takes a tent peg and the woman hammers it into his temple. 660 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:48,520 Yeah. 661 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:52,040 See now I gotta mark this as explicit, but it's the Bible, so it's fine. 662 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:53,040 Biblical womanhood. 663 00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:54,640 Tent pegs. 664 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,800 And so she, she kills him. 665 00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,280 Now I gotta think that at some point during this, he woke up. 666 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,400 And was like, Ow. 667 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,400 Yeah. 668 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:04,880 And she still went on. 669 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:05,880 Yeah. 670 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:06,880 This is violent. 671 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:07,880 Okay. 672 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,240 This is a violent, brutal murder. 673 00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:12,480 And then Barack and Deborah come back and they're like, Hey, have you seen this guy? 674 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:16,760 She's like, Oh yeah, I think I saw them. 675 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:17,760 Come on into my tent. 676 00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:18,760 Let's check it out. 677 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:24,720 And they come upon this man with a tent peg in his head. 678 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:27,160 And she's the one that won them the battle. 679 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:28,160 Right. 680 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:35,400 So when you talk about femininity and womanhood and what that looks like, where are we pulling 681 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:36,840 that from? 682 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,280 Are we pulling it from society? 683 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,800 We're supposed to not be part of society as Christians, right? 684 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:41,800 We're supposed to be part of the world. 685 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:42,800 Yeah. 686 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:43,800 In it, but not of it. 687 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:44,800 Exactly. 688 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,800 So what are we pulling our definition of femininity from? 689 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,600 We're pulling it from the world. 690 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:51,600 Absolutely. 691 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,280 And like the 1950s world. 692 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,520 That is not what the Bible ever said. 693 00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:01,720 There is nothing in the Bible that says, and women must put on their makeup before they 694 00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:06,320 head into church because otherwise it will be offensive to the men. 695 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:07,320 That's not a thing. 696 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,000 No, no, no. 697 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:14,120 There is nothing that says, and women must make their husbands dinner every single night. 698 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,920 And it must be something that he likes, including meat and potatoes. 699 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:19,360 That's not a thing. 700 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,800 We have pulled this from society. 701 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:30,440 We've pulled it from our own tiny little worlds that we live in, not from the huge, beautiful, 702 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,120 colorful world that God gave us. 703 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:33,120 Yep. 704 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:34,160 Why are we doing that? 705 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,120 And why are we doing it in the name of God? 706 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:37,120 My gosh. 707 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,400 So again, like you said, it's a power grab. 708 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:41,400 Keep women small. 709 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:42,400 Right. 710 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,000 Well, and what's really sad is, so this has taken hold again with social media because 711 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,160 of the tradwife movement. 712 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,000 So that's like the traditional wife movement. 713 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,000 I Googled that too. 714 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,000 I'm proud of you. 715 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:53,600 Do you want me to read it? 716 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:54,880 I would love you to read it. 717 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:55,880 Okay. 718 00:35:55,880 --> 00:36:01,120 If you Google it, the first response that comes up, it says, a woman that embraces traditional 719 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:06,260 gender roles and marriages, particularly focusing on homemaking and supporting her husband as 720 00:36:06,260 --> 00:36:08,280 the primary breadwinner. 721 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:14,400 The term became popularized in social media and blogs around 2016 and is often associated 722 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,360 with the conservative Christians. 723 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:21,400 That's the first thing that pops up when you Google a tradwife. 724 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:27,440 I hate that for us because we sit here and we call ourselves Christians. 725 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:33,800 And like for me, I do a lot of our social media stuff and I hashtag things like Christian 726 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:38,320 women and biblical womanhood and whatever. 727 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:44,960 And I almost don't like to do it because I know what else is coming up in those searches. 728 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,160 And I don't want to be related to it. 729 00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:52,860 Something that has happened for me too that I've really noticed about myself because I 730 00:36:52,860 --> 00:36:56,480 am single and I'm online dating. 731 00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:03,480 I tend to, when someone on their profile says that they're a Christian or whatever, I almost 732 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,640 am not attracted to that. 733 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:12,000 Because in my mind I think, oh, they're looking for a tradwife and I am not that and will 734 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,480 never be. 735 00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:20,080 Yeah, you almost, it makes you want to be a quiet Christian because you don't want to 736 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,360 be associated with this. 737 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:30,200 Well do you think that this movement of traditional gender roles, keeping women small, keeping 738 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:31,880 women in their place. 739 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:37,360 Do you think that's furthering the kingdom of God or is it hurting the reputation of 740 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:39,760 God's love for his people? 741 00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:45,680 Well not only that, and I think that's absolutely valid, but not only that, think of how much 742 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:52,240 focus is put on this topic in Christian circles, in the Christian church. 743 00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:56,400 You hear sermons on this absolutely constantly. 744 00:37:56,400 --> 00:38:01,080 Is this topic in any way, whether you're for it, against it, whatever. 745 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:05,120 Is it making new disciples for Jesus? 746 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,240 Is it furthering God's kingdom? 747 00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:10,280 Is it doing anything that we were told to do? 748 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,480 Or is it focusing on power? 749 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,760 It's not doing what we're supposed to do. 750 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:21,160 And then they're making it seem like, no, no, no, this is what women want. 751 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:26,640 And the women are telling other women to do this and that is what they should want. 752 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:30,040 If they are a Christian woman, you should want this. 753 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,800 If you would just submit, you would be happier. 754 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:40,280 I saw this on Facebook and it was just a repost of something and it says, she'll submit naturally 755 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:46,480 if you lead properly. 756 00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:54,520 And this, even strong women, even strong women like us as we sit here, there's still a part 757 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:58,240 of you that's like, maybe that's what I'm supposed to be doing. 758 00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:03,560 Because it's so ingrained in everything about Christianity, not in the Bible, but in everything 759 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:08,840 about the Christian church and everything about what the church has become since Christ died. 760 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:12,760 Not when Christ was alive, not when he was doing every wonderful thing he was doing, 761 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,000 but since then. 762 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,200 We've turned it into this. 763 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:20,740 If men would just lead properly, then we wouldn't have a problem submitting. 764 00:39:20,740 --> 00:39:25,880 And there's something wrong with your faith if you do not believe this. 765 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,120 You don't have a space in church. 766 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,240 You don't have a space in God's kingdom. 767 00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:36,720 It calls your entire eternity into question. 768 00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:42,600 The pain and difficulty of this topic for us, I think, can't be overstated because in 769 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:48,120 diving into this, I felt at least, and I'm sure you probably felt this way too, but I 770 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:55,400 felt that literally I was taking eternity into my hands and saying, well, heaven might 771 00:39:55,400 --> 00:40:03,160 not be accessible to me anymore because I was looking for my own place in God's kingdom 772 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:05,120 as a woman. 773 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,640 And according to the church, there wasn't one. 774 00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:16,320 Because you didn't fit into this perfect little box of what it is to be a woman. 775 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,040 And I'm never going to fit into that. 776 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:19,440 And you're never going to fit into that. 777 00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:24,440 And there are millions of women around the world that are never going to fit into that. 778 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,480 But you still have a place in heaven. 779 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:27,560 God still loves you. 780 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,280 He is not calling you to fit in that box. 781 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:31,480 Other women are. 782 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,160 The church is. 783 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:34,560 Toxic masculinity is. 784 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:35,560 Toxic femininity is. 785 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,040 Hey, I said it right that time. 786 00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,360 Proud of you. 787 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,880 I hate, I just, it makes me. 788 00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:44,880 Makes your blood boil. 789 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:45,880 Yeah. 790 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:48,760 When God's name gets stuck on all of this stupidness. 791 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:56,120 And even when people tolerate what we have to say about this sometimes, when church people 792 00:40:56,120 --> 00:41:00,640 tolerate what we have to say, you get an eye roll and it's like, well, you'll understand 793 00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:02,480 someday. 794 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,120 Or I get this all the time. 795 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:10,480 Well, you know, you must have just not come upon an argument with your husband yet where 796 00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:14,760 someone had to make a decision where you just couldn't come to a decision together and someone 797 00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,480 had to stand up and make that decision. 798 00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:19,560 And it has to be someone. 799 00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,920 There has to be one CEO. 800 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,840 One leader of the team. 801 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,960 No. 802 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:34,760 I remember being in a group of women and them talking about their marriages or their previous 803 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,080 marriages and that exact topic came up. 804 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:44,160 Like, well, if there's an argument, someone has to decide and it's the man's job to decide. 805 00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:50,480 And I was like, well, why don't you just stop the argument and say, neither of us can come 806 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,880 to a conclusion right now. 807 00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,640 Let's think on it and pray about it. 808 00:41:56,640 --> 00:42:01,760 And like we've said before in previous podcasts, if you're truly following what God wants you 809 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:06,840 to do and you pray about it, God's going to lead you both to the same decision. 810 00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,840 Because God's not the God of confusion. 811 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:13,320 Or you think about who knows more about this situation. 812 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,480 Who has the most knowledge on this topic? 813 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:18,000 Is it the husband or the wife? 814 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,600 Then let them make the decision if you still can't come to a conclusion. 815 00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:26,000 But it's not one person gets ultimate power just because... 816 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:27,000 You can say it. 817 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:28,000 He has a weaning. 818 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,000 Sorry, mom. 819 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:30,000 That's twice this episode. 820 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:34,800 Yeah, we should start recording this. 821 00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:44,480 I think for Nathan and I, yes, we have come to arguments where it's very hard for us to 822 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,040 compromise on something. 823 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:52,240 But you do have to take a step back and you have to say logically, all right, maybe one 824 00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:54,320 of us knows more about this. 825 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:58,880 Or maybe one of us is more passionate about this. 826 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:02,800 Maybe one of us would be more hurt by the other decision. 827 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,440 And so sometimes he makes the final decision and sometimes I make the final decision and 828 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:07,920 that's okay. 829 00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:15,360 Are you looking for a partner or are you looking for a parent in marriage? 830 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:21,000 And I think that can go both ways because from the toxic femininity standpoint, they're 831 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,240 almost looking for a father. 832 00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:27,080 They're looking for someone to save them. 833 00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:31,480 They're looking for a savior, but they're not looking to God. 834 00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,120 They're looking to a man. 835 00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:37,680 It infantilizes women in a huge way. 836 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:42,640 And we accept it because we've been groomed since children to accept it. 837 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,360 Been told that women want that. 838 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:48,720 And if you don't want it, then you're not a proper woman. 839 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:56,800 And on the flip side, toxic masculinity does want a mother to pick up after them, to make 840 00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:02,080 them dinner, to take care of all of their millions of children, to whatever, to make 841 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:06,720 their lives seamless, to be a housekeeper. 842 00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:09,080 Hire a housekeeper. 843 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:16,680 Women often get into situations where they're told you don't bring in any money and so therefore 844 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,560 you don't get a say in things. 845 00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:23,400 Money is really held over women, which is quite an insane thing to me because you're 846 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,680 telling women you can't make money. 847 00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:27,460 You can't go get a job. 848 00:44:27,460 --> 00:44:32,120 You can't contribute to the household financially, whatever. 849 00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:37,560 But then on the flip side, you're also telling them because you don't financially contribute 850 00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:40,080 to this house, you don't get a say in anything. 851 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,440 The money's not yours. 852 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:43,760 I'm going to hide it wherever I feel like hiding it. 853 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:47,080 I'm going to take it from you. 854 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:50,940 And manipulate you financially as well. 855 00:44:50,940 --> 00:44:59,560 But if you look at what it would cost to hire a housekeeper and a nanny and a chauffeur and 856 00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:08,440 a cook, all of the things that stay at home wives are doing, all of those roles, it would 857 00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,000 bankrupt you. 858 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,280 She just doesn't get paid because she's choosing to be. 859 00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:15,760 I forget, I saw it one time. 860 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:21,280 It was like, instead of calling it a stay at home spouse, it's like the servant spouse 861 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:23,080 or something like that. 862 00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:30,600 Because this person is doing all the work at home for no pay and there's nothing wrong 863 00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,640 with that as long as they're respected in that role. 864 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:38,000 As long as they have chosen that role for themselves and the other partner respects 865 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:43,780 them and says, all right, yeah, I might make all the money over here technically, but it's 866 00:45:43,780 --> 00:45:50,600 all both of ours because really we're both doing work together to keep everything going. 867 00:45:50,600 --> 00:46:00,280 Another view that you could take on toxic femininity would be a stereotypical feminist 868 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:07,960 burning your bra saying that men don't matter and they can barely turn their heads to breathe. 869 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:16,640 I remember as a kid, we've said before, feminism was a dirty word because of this concept of 870 00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:20,640 a stereotypical feminist. 871 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:21,640 Man haters. 872 00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:22,640 Yeah. 873 00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:28,320 I think the conservative media and the Christian church did a super good job of making the 874 00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:32,000 whole concept of feminism look like that. 875 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:37,560 I remember watching, my mom watched Fox News one time and it was this whole piece on how 876 00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:43,320 feminists want to get rid of Father's Day because it focuses on men, I guess. 877 00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:44,320 I don't know. 878 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:50,880 And at the time, because that was how I was taught to think, I was like, gosh, these feminists 879 00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:51,880 are terrible. 880 00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:52,880 What is wrong with them? 881 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:54,880 Father's Day isn't hurting anybody. 882 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:55,880 Whatever. 883 00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,120 We like barbecues. 884 00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,280 And that was my thought process. 885 00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,360 I was like, oh, well, clearly they're right. 886 00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:03,840 I agree with them, whatever. 887 00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:08,760 But now with the advantage of time and knowledge, I can look at that and say, okay, yeah, there 888 00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:12,760 are probably some radical feminists that are saying, yeah, let's get rid of Father's Day. 889 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,120 We hate men. 890 00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,320 Women can survive on their own, whatever. 891 00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,120 But it's few and far between. 892 00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:24,340 It's like we had talked about on the toxic masculinity episode. 893 00:47:24,340 --> 00:47:29,320 It's the extreme mindsets that are the problem. 894 00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:35,320 The ones that think there's a black and white answer to everything. 895 00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:36,320 That is toxic. 896 00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:37,320 Yes. 897 00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:42,200 And just as with the Christian, you don't want to be associated with, this is an older 898 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:47,560 reference, but there was a church called Westboro Baptist Church and they were picketing gay 899 00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:52,880 soldiers' funerals and just really, they did a lot of horrifying things. 900 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:56,080 And it got so much media attention. 901 00:47:56,080 --> 00:48:01,320 And there were so many Christians out there saying, okay, but that's not us. 902 00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:03,680 They're saying they represent us, but they don't represent us. 903 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:08,880 How could you begin to believe that that represents Christianity? 904 00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:14,400 And for feminists, I think, at least feminists who are finding themselves in the Christian 905 00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:17,340 church, we're saying the same thing. 906 00:48:17,340 --> 00:48:19,320 How could you think that of us? 907 00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,400 That's not what we're saying. 908 00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:25,120 There are some extreme people that are saying that, but that's not what we're saying. 909 00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,200 That's not what the concept is saying. 910 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:28,200 I just want equality. 911 00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:29,200 That's all I want. 912 00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:32,280 I want to be looked at as a human. 913 00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:33,280 Please. 914 00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,680 So there's a toxic version of feminism. 915 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:36,680 Absolutely. 916 00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:37,680 Yeah. 917 00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:41,720 But I think, yeah, we're just looking for equality. 918 00:48:41,720 --> 00:48:44,120 There shouldn't have to be a whole podcast on this. 919 00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:45,480 No, but there shouldn't. 920 00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,480 But we're very good at it. 921 00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:48,960 We're very chatty. 922 00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:49,960 Very good. 923 00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:50,960 We're extremely chatty. 924 00:48:50,960 --> 00:49:00,600 I saw a TikTok today because have you seen... 925 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,920 So there's like a song by... 926 00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,080 I don't know how to describe it. 927 00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:06,080 I don't know what's wrong with me. 928 00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:12,440 But she has this video of this girl singing, I'm looking for a man in finance, trust fund, 929 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,340 six, five, blue eyes. 930 00:49:14,340 --> 00:49:16,720 So someone did a reprise of that. 931 00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:18,520 What did we call the reprise? 932 00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:19,520 Spinoff? 933 00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:20,520 I don't know. 934 00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,880 He goes, I'm looking for a trad wife. 935 00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:23,880 Good cook. 936 00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:24,880 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 937 00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:25,880 Gross. 938 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:26,880 I don't know what else he said. 939 00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:28,200 I mean, they're both gross, really. 940 00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:29,680 They're both gross. 941 00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:33,920 I think we do focus, again, we always focus on how things affect women because we're women 942 00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:37,400 and that's the only perspective that we have. 943 00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:39,400 But it's gross from either direction. 944 00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:43,800 It's terrible for a man to sit there and say, yeah, I want this woman that's going to cook 945 00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:47,880 and clean for me and that treats me like a child and whatever. 946 00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:48,880 That's terrible. 947 00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:52,360 It's also terrible for women to say, I want a man that looks like this and makes this 948 00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:56,280 much money because I need stability and blah, blah, blah, blah. 949 00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:57,280 Although. 950 00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:01,320 Don't although this, Diana. 951 00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:05,320 It's not necessarily bad if it's a business arrangement. 952 00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:07,120 Your marriage is going to be a business arrangement? 953 00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:11,120 Well, it is if you marry that one guy on TikTok. 954 00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:16,920 So I think we've referenced several different episodes of our podcast. 955 00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:24,880 And if you perhaps want to go on a bender, feel free to go back all the way to episode 956 00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:25,880 one. 957 00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:27,160 Listen, all the way to whatever episode this is. 958 00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:30,400 Honestly, though, take some breaks. 959 00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:36,120 I'm scared for you if you've done that, because that means you've spent a significant amount 960 00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:42,620 of time with the two of us idiots in a very short, like short span of time. 961 00:50:42,620 --> 00:50:44,840 So do you need help? 962 00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:46,520 Are you okay? 963 00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:47,520 Like therapy. 964 00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:54,320 I, it's like that part of Gilmore Girls where Lorelei gives Roy, if you haven't seen Gilmore 965 00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:56,560 Girls, just skip this part because you won't get it. 966 00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:57,560 I love Gilmore Girls so much. 967 00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,960 That's one of my comfort shows. 968 00:50:59,960 --> 00:51:01,520 We've got to rewatch it. 969 00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:03,360 But if you've not seen it. 970 00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:08,440 So the mom, her daughter and her friends are wasted. 971 00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:12,180 Like they are smashed and they wake up hung over the next day. 972 00:51:12,180 --> 00:51:16,480 And so the mom brings them tacos and she brings the two girls tacos and then she brings her 973 00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:18,040 daughter a burrito. 974 00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:21,960 And she says, I gave this one to you because I know you can handle it. 975 00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,200 We've been training for this our whole lives. 976 00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,300 And see Bri and I, we've been training for this our whole lives. 977 00:51:27,300 --> 00:51:28,840 We know how stupid we are. 978 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:30,560 We're okay with it. 979 00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:34,120 We could sit and talk like this for 10 more hours. 980 00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,240 Not in the seat, but maybe another time. 981 00:51:37,240 --> 00:51:40,760 But I worry for you if you've spent, what are we at? 982 00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,960 Like probably 13 hours with us at this point. 983 00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:44,960 Take some breaks. 984 00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:53,200 Get some water, hydrate, go for a walk, then come back and laugh with us some more. 985 00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:54,200 Hydrate stay healthy. 986 00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,400 Okay guys, I want to go eat dinner now. 987 00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:58,400 Stay tuned. 988 00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:00,720 We're going to be talking about other things in other episodes, but we're not going to 989 00:52:00,720 --> 00:52:02,680 reference them because we don't know which episode this is. 990 00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:08,760 We don't know what, but if you would like us to talk about anything at all under the 991 00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:09,760 sun. 992 00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:10,760 Nope, not anything. 993 00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:11,760 There are topics we won't talk about. 994 00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:12,960 I will talk about pretty much anything. 995 00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:13,960 Great. 996 00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:17,320 No, don't call us. 997 00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,760 Send us a message, send us a carrier pigeon. 998 00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:22,880 You can find us on social media, Instagram, TikTok. 999 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:23,880 I think we have a Facebook. 1000 00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:24,880 We do have a Facebook. 1001 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:29,320 We have an email if you want to email us. 1002 00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:30,800 And so on and so forth. 1003 00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:32,220 And this is a conclusion. 1004 00:52:32,220 --> 00:52:33,800 And thank you and goodbye. 1005 00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:34,800 Rest in peace. 1006 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:35,800 And whatnot. 1007 00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:45,640 See you next time.