(upbeat music)
For those of you who are all thinking
that I'm a terrible mom.
You're mid.
I'm mid.
As our kids would say.
I don't,
hair, really?
(laughing)
Go out on date nights?
Oh my gosh, yeah.
You get me in a steakhouse, you and I,
with a glass of wine.
I mean, that's amazing.
You're regardless.
They could smell the
city on me from a mile away.
You know, I've never really
thought about it that way.
You know what?
This is gonna be a judgmental statement.
Literally, the sun was setting
and he drove into the sunset
and I was like, I'm gonna start crying.
16 is revolutionary.
We've got a kid driving now.
Kid driving.
Clearly I've been
talking a lot this week.
I'm getting tongue tied.
It is a little helicopter-ish.
That means we've got a free Saturday.
I cannot get somebody that
fits in the seat next to me.
He had major personal hygiene issues.
I learned from him that Botox
actually stops excessive sweating.
Welcome to the Mr. and
Mrs. English podcast.
I'm Megan.
And I'm Sean.
We're here to talk about
the wild ride of raising kids,
growing careers, keeping life together
in the middle of all the chaos.
So buckle up because we're all
in this crazy journey together.
Well, I'll start off by saying
we're back after missing a week.
Sorry about that.
We'll talk about that maybe a little bit.
And mostly just to say
how much energy I have
and how rested I am is
really what I wanna talk about.
Really? How about you?
Oh, I feel the same way.
I feel rested, restored, and ready to go.
We're going with the alliteration.
Yeah, that was good.
I like that. Yeah, uh-huh.
Alliteration's always one of my favorite
when people do that.
I agree. Ready and rested to go.
Wait, ready, rested, and--
Ready to go.
Oh, ready, oh, that's three.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Nice. I know.
Well done.
I mean, people believe us, right?
Like, we're, I mean, our
acting skills are like--
Well, I fear we're becoming in danger
of becoming a broken record.
That we are so busy.
I know.
That sometimes we literally
did not have time, I guess,
to fit in the podcast last weekend.
Correct, yeah.
Was last weekend we were in Birmingham?
No, that was two weekends ago.
But last weekend I was in Oklahoma.
Yes, yes.
And I traveled for work both weeks.
And so I was in nine states in nine days.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Hence why we didn't get a
whole lot of time to sit.
We didn't have time to sit
in the studio and do this.
Maybe we should figure
out how to do it on a Zoom.
I mean, I think-- I thought about that.
All the good ones do it that way.
I thought about that.
Then I could wear my
fancy headphones over there.
Yeah, because you have a couple pairs.
Yeah, we got headphones, we're prepared.
We are well prepared for
this, but not prepared either.
I mean-- Because we couldn't do it.
First off, I've never done that.
I don't know how to do it either.
And secondly, you
still have to fit that in
because you're traveling on business
and the tables have turned.
I traveled for business for--
20 years. 20 years.
And I don't miss it at all, first off.
Secondly, I do know how
it is when you get that
30 minutes from the end
of the meeting at 4.45
and everybody's like,
"Well, let's go ahead
"and meet downstairs at 5.30."
Yeah, and you're like,
"Great, I have time to go
"to my room, use the
restroom, and then I have to be back."
If I let my down at all,
let my energy down at all,
I'm done. Done.
So it's like, "Miles will
just keep going through."
I know. Don't give me an hour off.
Couple times I give you an hour on this.
Mm-hmm.
And then I would lay down.
I do not want to get back up.
I know. Shoes off.
Oh yeah, I don't.
I do not take-- Jack it off
or you don't take your shoes off.
That is--
It's one of the keys to it.
Well, I don't do this bad often.
You know, what, three times a year maybe?
Yeah.
But you're right, no, I
don't take the shoes off.
I don't take the coat off
if I'm wearing a suit coat.
I just can't.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, I don't know
how much we've talked about it.
I don't know if we've talked about it
on this podcast much before, but I mean,
I traveled, you've
traveled plenty in the last month
more than you usually do.
In fact, it kind of affected the
household a little bit.
Needed a mom home.
We're just not used to
not having a mom home.
Great.
And it was tough, but I've always said,
like, you think when you're younger
that traveling's so sexy
and so much fun and all that.
And maybe it's as I'm
older, but even then,
maybe my first two are fun.
It's not fun, like--
But it's not fun, it's not sexy.
No, there's nothing about it that's fun.
You're like, I'm
exhausted because I've been in
dirty airports and sitting in Ubers and,
I mean, it's just a to-do.
Traveling for work is different
than traveling for vacation.
Oh, totally.
Right, like when you
gotta go to the airport
and you gotta go through security and--
Yes!
Just kick the table.
You gotta go through security,
you gotta go through all
that kind of stuff for vacation.
It's totally fine, that is
no problem at all, right?
But when you gotta do it for work,
for whatever reason,
because you have to be on,
because you're reading, you're like,
I'm sitting in an airport,
but they're still
expecting me to respond to emails,
and this is part of new life
because we have our email in our hands.
That's exactly right.
You're on, and so now you're on
while you're trying to
travel and you're moving.
Yeah, yeah, it's--
And then you're planning,
because you're like, I gotta get there,
I gotta get, and then I gotta get to the,
because normally you're never traveling
just to get to a hotel.
Traveling to get to the
move or to some event.
Yeah, there's a reason
you're traveling, right?
It's again, not to get to that hotel,
like you have a meeting,
that you have to go to a customer call,
whatever it happens to be,
whatever line of work you're in,
like that's what you're traveling to,
and it's likely time bound.
Yeah.
Yeah, so for whatever reason,
it's just way more stressful, I think,
than it is for,
because people are like, oh,
I don't find traveling stressful.
Well, anything other than
work is not that stressful,
really, I don't find it to be,
but it is exhausting to travel for work,
for whatever reason,
I did it for 20 years,
you've been doing it pretty consistently,
just not nearly as much.
Right, right.
I kinda say I would average
three to four times a year
over the last five years.
But yours is a little
bit more sexy than mine.
(laughing)
I always say mine wasn't sexy,
so I might not be the norm
for people that
travel a lot for business,
but because I was in agribusiness,
I financed large food
and agribusiness companies,
I would travel around to
where those areas are located.
Which apparently.
Usually it's not,
I wasn't ever going to a downtown city,
you know what I mean?
Unless there was some equity firms,
and larger firms,
investment firms that we would go to.
I had a couple in New
York City and some in LA.
So I did get some of those
ones, they were kinda fun,
but even then it was exhausting,
it was so late in my career.
Cause it's like, oh, we
gotta go to the big dinner.
Yes.
And big dinners are fun.
We are.
But they're exhausting,
especially for an introvert.
I totally agree, and I am an extrovert,
but even I find it exhausting after a
certain amount of time.
It's just like, okay, I'm done.
In business dinners, well,
you would go on really fancy
dinners, I'd say, you'll be like,
I have to go to another steakhouse.
Cause I would normally be
meeting with investors, bankers,
or business owners to talk about a deal
that was in the works of
some sort, or a client,
but same menu of people.
Right.
Whereas you're
usually meeting with people
within your own company.
That's absolutely right.
Thank goodness, I'd be
terrible in front of a customer.
But, I mean, you would
have these nice dinners
and whatever, but it's different.
Like when we go out on
date nights, oh my gosh, yeah,
you get me in a steakhouse, you and I,
with a glass of wine,
I mean, that's amazing.
That's actually ideal.
I look forward to that.
But when you're in a business setting,
whether it's with a
client, or whether it's even
in your own company, it's
not like you're just talking,
right, you're strategic
about what you're saying
and how to frame conversations.
And if I use this anecdote,
what does that say about me?
Right, constantly.
Or how can I angle to
get to this conversation,
or this point, or whatever?
It is hard.
That's constantly where I was,
because later in my career
I was a manager of bankers.
And so I was constantly
flipping ahead of the conversation
to be like, all right, we
need to get this conversation
to this point, because we
need to get on this topic,
we need to ask them about
this, we gotta get here,
I need to set him up for this,
or oh, I need to dive a
little bit deeper into that.
And then also you don't
wanna open Pandora's box,
be like, oh, did I say that wrong?
Do it, oh, was I incorrect about that?
There's just so much
mental gymnastics going on
at those dinner tables.
Granted, it was a great
steak and great wine for me
at those tables.
But always, that was
actually the easy part
as a banker, for me as an introvert too.
It was talking about talking that way.
The hard part was when
people would sit down
and wanna just chit chat a
little bit more personal.
And I got better at that, but
because it was agribusiness,
a lot of the people, even on,
I didn't do production ag, right?
That was kinda smaller
loans, we would do loans like,
the smallest one we would do
is generally like 20 million,
something like that.
And then we would do syndicated deals
up to like two billion, right?
So we would do loans that are 50 million
or 100 million, whatever it is like that.
So fairly sophisticated
business people, right?
They're business savvy, they're smart,
most of these people are well educated,
but a lot of them came from ag at some
point in their life.
Some of them grew up on a
farm or grew up doing this,
that's why they went into that.
Or some of them have
been in their whole lives
with their family farm,
but their parents made them go to school.
So I would be speaking,
so a lot of these guys
have, they've been in ag.
So they could, anybody
that's been in agriculture,
and a lot of the
bankers that I worked with
and that I hired, why not,
they grew up on a farm too somehow,
but went to school, they've got masters,
whatever it might be, very educated,
but a lot of them
have that ag background,
which I never came from.
And no matter how long I was in it,
I knew the industries very well,
I could speak to it, I
could speak to the bank side.
So I had my credibility
there, but irregardless,
they could smell the
city on me from a mile away.
And I wasn't a sexy,
I'm not one of these sexy,
Manhattan, Wall Street
banker, no, not at all, not at all.
I could never have
survived in that world,
because that's just not my personality.
But when I'm sitting there at a table,
and you wanna talk
about, all they know is like,
being on the farm, or
talking about commodities,
or what about the acidity of the,
what was the pH balance of that soil?
Not that we ever, like I said, again,
I never did farmers, right?
That was kind of
smaller, more granular, loans,
I never did production lending.
But irregardless, and I
kind of always got back to
the basics like that sometimes.
We're talking about
different kinds of cattle.
We did a lot of cattle
loans, and I was not a cattle guy.
Great cattle lenders on my team, right?
That could run with it.
And that was always the one
I always felt so bad about.
Really?
I'm like, I just can't add a lot of value
talking about cattle.
I don't care, really.
(laughing) I mean, it's a fascinating industry,
fascinating, great people,
and all that kind of stuff,
but I just, I didn't grow up in it.
So I'm just not passionate about that.
And that's partially why I got out of it,
because I'm doing what I'm doing now.
Absolutely.
Get into something that you do love.
Right.
So long story short, yeah, I
did, I had some great dinners,
but it was always tough
when they wanted to talk,
not shop, I'd rather
talk shop all night long,
because I can talk shop.
What I can't do, it's very
difficult for an introvert
to try to find common
ground from someone who just has
more of that ag
background, and they're wearing boots
with their suits.
Right.
You know what I mean?
So still true ag underneath a tie.
Right, that's true, yeah.
You can dress up the cowboy boots, but.
There was a time I--
You're still there.
I have a pair of, not boots,
because I could never wear boots,
but I have a pair that
kind of look like boots
underneath jeans, right?
And I wore them one time,
and someone laughed at me,
because there's not a
scuff on them, right?
And I'm like, I realized I should,
I actually tried to scuff them up a
little bit before I went,
I got out of the car, kicked
them, put some dirt on them,
because they look so green.
Oh my gosh.
But that's where it is,
like you could smell the city on me.
Yeah.
And, I mean, you don't,
it's hard to then find
that common background when you're like,
you were raised on a farm,
I was raised in the suburbs,
like there is a difference.
And I come from a family of farmers,
like I think about my mom's
cousins and things like that,
they literally live on a farm.
And they're like, oh, I have
nothing, I don't understand.
Right, because you grew up adjacent,
farm adjacent with family,
adjacent family out of farm,
but not even, not your nucleus family
didn't grow up in a farm.
No, gosh, no.
So it's just a different life.
It is.
And once you get to that level,
it's not like, I would
much rather talk about,
you wanna talk about your
kids, how are your kids doing?
I can talk about that all day long.
You talk about that, yeah.
But it always went to just
ag, you know what I mean?
Like, do you wanna
talk about the economy,
like how it's affecting the economy,
or these tariffs are affecting our trade?
Like, let's talk about
that, shop, shop, you know?
Right, right.
But I cannot talk about, you know,
just how healthy that cow looked.
I can't tell you, I mean,
I can't tell you how healthy that looks,
I learned it over
time, you know what I mean?
I couldn't tell you how healthy cow.
That was too long of
a, all that'll get cut.
But yeah, dinners are,
the dinners are good,
but you don't go to, so you
don't get those nice steak
dinners when you're
out with your company?
You're at a leadership one this time,
which is very high up people.
They didn't pull out, at
least the semi-red carpet?
I think part of it is
because I'm not having
those intimate dinners
with just a handful of people,
usually if I'm traveling,
it's with a group of 20 or 25,
you know, or more, right?
Like, that's probably
the least amount of people?
Yeah, and that's a $6,000.
And so you're like,
no, you're eating at a,
yeah, so you don't do that.
So you're going to get Mexican.
Exactly, right?
Or the, I would say
they do a great job of,
if you're, yeah,
something that's maybe local fare
or something like that.
But no, because I mean,
you'd probably be going
with what, maybe five people total?
Yeah, at most it'd be like
10, 12, at the very most.
But generally it's more intimate,
it'd be five of us or so.
And I rarely, I don't
even remember the last time,
it was less than 10.
So that's the difference.
I am sure at the higher levels
that those nice steak dinners happen.
So when it's only five to 10 of us,
it's always kind of, you're
always kind of figuring out
your seating a little bit in
your head beforehand, right?
It's like, I know as
the, when I was the manager,
like I need to sit next
to a decision maker, right?
Kind of the guy
that's making the decision.
So I always make sure, like I
wouldn't sit before they sat
and I'd kind of maneuver myself.
And even the team
knows that kind of like,
oh, like I would talk with
some of our like teammates,
we would kind of a little,
we kind of have a game plan
on kind of who would sit next,
make sure you get close to him or her or
whatever it might be.
How does that work for you?
You just sit wherever you want.
Seriously, you don't have any,
there's nothing behind it.
Like, hey, maybe, you
know, internal credibility,
internal brand.
You know what?
This is gonna be a judgmental statement.
I think maybe at really high
up levels, yes, that happens.
You're gonna say you don't
like people that do that.
But no, I'm gonna say that
people who are very much,
maybe a climber and they
really like that vertical.
That's exactly what I said.
You're not gonna like
people that do that.
I mean, it's not that I don't like them.
Yeah, I was like, it's
not that I don't like them.
I'm just not one of those people.
Yeah, that doesn't sit right with you.
Based on your morals and how you wanna
climb the corporate ladder.
Right, if I happen to be
sitting next to someone
who is really high
up, you know, obviously,
that's just fine.
It's probably just
happened to be where I sat down
or that was the only thing.
No need to brown nose.
Yeah.
Right.
You're gonna make it on your own
and if they wanna sit by
you, they'll seek you out.
Right, right.
Because you got a lot of people probably,
I don't wanna say it, but I mean,
what do you think?
Half of the people, how
many people that you work with,
well, I don't wanna put
you on a bad spot there,
but I think there's
enough people that are vying
for those seats next to people,
important, quote unquote.
Absolutely.
That you're kind of in
competition with them.
Probably.
And as the decision maker,
they're probably
aware of that too, right?
Probably, I would think so.
I would think so.
And I mean, you do have to think about
your corporate brand
and you have to, you do.
Like that's all part of your career
and managing your own career, right?
I'm just someone who
would rather do it organically
through kind of that day to day and
that's just who I am.
That's how I've operated my whole career.
Do you think that sets you back at all
to people that do it the other way?
Or in the end, it evens out?
I truly believe in the end, it evens out.
I like to think that
the cream of the crop
always rises, right?
Right.
You're regardless of
if you seek somebody out
and you're constantly
trying to put yourself
in the spotlight.
Right, I really do.
I think that really does happen.
And I talk a lot about
like careers at Jungle Gym.
Like sometimes you're going to the side,
sometimes you go backwards,
sometimes, you know, like.
And I don't know, just
for me and how I manage it,
it just has to be organic.
Hopefully it's through
the daily or, you know,
however often I have to
interact with somebody
in a regular setting.
Yeah.
That's how I actually want it to be.
That's how I want my
corporate brand to be.
Not like, oh, they sat next
to me at a dinner one time
and she was impressive.
Like.
Right, because then
that turns into favoritism
and you know, these kind of things,
which, you know, in my old career,
that happened all the time.
Where it was like, oh,
good old buddy, this and that.
Oh, he brings that.
He gets his raise, he
brings his team with him,
he brings these people with him.
And there were people that
were just making their way
up the ladder.
That was like, they
should not be making their way
up the ladder.
It's because they
know this guy, you know,
or whatever it might've been.
Or there would be
people that, as you know,
are just very good
climbers.
Oh, yeah.
They put a face forward.
And I dealt with
credit guys like this a lot.
There was one in
particular that I remember like,
what you see is not even
close to what is reality.
Right.
Right?
Right.
He shows you a facade.
That's interesting.
To his boss and to the
higher ups and all that kind of
stuff.
And then behind the closed doors,
when he's actually doing that,
he's not doing what he says he's doing.
Yeah.
You know, he's not a good partner.
He's not a good teammate.
And those people, when
they rise and they got showing
because they do that,
because it's that brown nose,
because they--
The game.
The gamemanship of it, which I get it.
There is some of that.
You have to be able to
play the game to some degree
at the higher levels.
Yes, you do, yeah.
But when you do it to
that degree of just non,
like it's not authentic.
Yeah, you're just two different people.
Yeah, that drove me crazy
when you see someone like that
reward.
Yeah.
Or even backed up, not
even rewarded, but just--
Validated.
Validated, exactly.
Yeah, because you're like,
seriously, you don't see that?
I know you've had some
people through the years,
I'm not saying anybody
in particular right now,
through the years, I
know that you've seen people
come and go like that too.
Yeah, well, and you're bound to see it,
and I mean, man, I'm going on,
I'm 25 years in corporate
America for the most part.
Yeah.
You're bound to see it
in that amount of time.
And I'm not trying to
change the subject here,
but it's crazy, because
we keep talking about,
I was 24 years in banking, almost 25,
but 24 years in banking,
you're 25 years in finance.
I mean, I guess I was in
finance too, I don't know.
I don't know if
banking's different than finance
when people think of it from the outside.
From the outside,
it's all the same thing.
Yeah.
Internally, you're like,
they could not be more
different industries.
I remember, I think I've
talked about it on here before,
I would tell people I was
in banking and my family,
and like, oh, I think
Shawn is a teller at Wells
or something like that.
Then at one point I think I heard
that I was like a
mortgage banker, you know,
and I was like, no,
neither, totally different.
Not even kind of close.
Yeah, it's like, that's okay though,
you know, that was my own thing.
I was like, no, that's not it at all.
But that's funny, I'm
just curious if people
think of them as the
same thing outside of us.
They do.
But my whole point to that was saying
that we've been almost a
quarter century in these careers.
We don't feel that old, I don't think we
should feel that old,
and I'm not trying to
go down this tangent
because we talk about it a lot too here,
but we did just pass
a milestone this week.
Yes, we did.
We are old enough, which makes sense
that we've been in our
careers for 25 years,
plus a quarter century.
We have a driving child.
You have a child that
now has a driver's license.
That's insanity to me.
It does not feel right at all, at all.
At all, like it is so wrong.
Not that he's old enough to do it,
it's just you still
see that little child.
I think of it two ways.
I think of him as that little kid.
That little boy, that's
number one, just like you said.
That's what I see, and that's part of
what we were talking
about, it was tough for
you to be gone this week
because you were gone when
he took his first drive away.
Yeah.
Which I know I wanted to share with you,
I'm sure you wanted to
share with everybody too.
Unfortunately, that
was one of the few times
corporate America's
gotten away with something
that I know you wished it
wouldn't have been that way.
But, literally, the sun was setting
and he drove into the
sunset and I was like,
I'm gonna start crying, you know?
Because he's growing up and
that's the other part of it
for me, A, it's that little boy.
Yeah.
We saw somebody in our
house today who's got a one year
old and a three year old.
And I was like, that's kind
of still how I see our kids.
That three to six years
old, three to seven years old,
I mean, in my mind's eye,
they're just that precious
little innocent kid still.
Yes, yes.
And I don't know when
or if that ever changes.
Probably not, I mean,
some of the older people
that watch, let me know, I'm
just curious if that's who,
I mean, I know they're not
that age and I'm impressed
and proud of the young
adults they're growing into.
Yeah.
But I still see that little boy.
I know.
That little boy that I used to pick up
and wrestle on the ground with.
Yeah.
I mean, I used to move him
on the carpet with my head.
I'd roll him around
with my head, you know?
That's who I think of.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
But number two is not
as sweet, but it's 16.
Like I was, and I was
telling him in the car this week
that it's just crazy that you're 16
because I remember being 16.
And I was fully, I mean, mostly who I am.
You know what I mean?
I had a sense of self at that point.
Right.
Because of the family
life that I had at that time,
I was much more in my
own world, in my own head.
Yeah.
You know, than he is.
And that was all a
little bit different there.
So I hadn't like
flowered, you know, at that age.
Whereas I think he's got a totally
different upbringing
to where he's comfortable
to be himself and he's open
and he's got a good home at the house.
And in a good relationship
with both of us, you know,
that sense of self is there.
And it's crazy because
like that's who he is.
Like who he is now is
gonna be somewhat true
to who he is in 20 years.
It's just gonna mature a little bit more.
Sure, it's gonna refine
and maybe evolve slightly.
But I mean, the base of who he is today,
so he's gonna be in 20 years.
And I was actually texting
with another mom this week.
I was like, it's just all the feelings.
Like it's, I want them to stay babies,
but at the same time, like I'd miss who
they're gonna become.
Seeing them become who
they're supposed to be.
And it is just
heartbreaking, but really beautiful.
And I mean, it's just every single
feeling on the spectrum.
Yeah.
From like sheer panic of the
fact that they're operating
in a vehicle that you're
not a part of right now,
to just like utter pride
that brings you to tears.
Yeah, 100%.
And everything in between.
Yeah, 100%.
But along with that age and that maturity
that they're at 16 and whatnot,
like the other part that goes with that
is that they're aware of the world now.
I mean, I was aware of the world.
I knew the difference
between right and wrong.
I knew if I, you know,
I knew that there are
consequences for my choices.
Yeah.
You know, and doesn't
mean I did everything right,
but I'm just saying my point is,
is like he's at that point now
where he can go out and make decisions.
And he's gonna have to live
by the consequences of the decisions.
I know he's still in our house.
We have some level of like
providing some guardrails
for him still.
Yeah.
But for the most part,
now that he's able just
to go and do what he wants,
I was telling him, I was like,
now this is where all of
our parenting comes in.
This is where who you
are inside will shine.
Right.
And come through.
Right.
Because I mean, I don't know.
It's just, that's
what's insane to me is like,
I just know how aware
of the world I was then.
The good things in the world,
the bad things in the world.
Right. You know, the things
that I shouldn't be doing
in the world, things that
I should be doing as well.
I was aware of all of it now,
not maybe at a depth.
Right.
You know, because that, again,
there's more education and more refining,
like you said, to come.
Yeah.
But he's there.
Yeah.
And when we still look at
him as that seven year old,
it's crazy because his brain's not a
seven year old brain
anymore.
No.
And he's like, "I'm gonna leave the house,
and I know I'm talking too
much here so I'll let you go,
but I remember when I was his age,
I was, and it was a
different situation again,
but I was like, you guys think I'm like
serious all the time,
you guys think I'm mad
all the time, but I'm not.
I was like, when I leave this house,
I actually have friends.
Yeah.
I laugh, I have a good time.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And like I said, we have
a different house here,
so he laughs and has fun here.
Oh yeah. He shares his
personality here all the time too,
which is great, totally different.
But I do know because of that,
there was a whole other side when he's
out with his friends
though too.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
He's got a home persona, but
he's gotten away persona too.
Yeah.
And that's weird that we
don't really know that.
We won't know that till he's older.
Right, right.
That's, you know, I've
never really thought about it
that way.
Yeah.
Because I had a very
different upbringing.
Clearly I've been
talking a lot this week.
I'm getting tongue tied.
But I think I was very
much the same at home
as I was with my friends.
And so I don't know
that I ever was different
in like, oh, my away
persona with my friends
versus my home persona with my family.
Maybe I was a little more talkative
because I was really
pretty quiet in my house.
I come from one of five
very gregarious children
and I am probably the least gregarious.
And so I was probably a
little more quiet at home,
but at the same time,
I was still pretty shy,
especially in high school.
You've made the comment to me before too
that you've said that I
think your whole family
thought you were quiet in comparison
to a very gregarious family.
Yes.
They thought you were quiet.
And you're like, well,
I'm actually not that quiet,
but in this household, I'm a mouse.
Right, right, right. But it's not like I left and I was like,
(imitates Just an idea.
I'm not saying it in a really frightening way.
I'm saying like that in a really hard time
to get a word in edgewise.
Yeah.
I mean it's their
world, their gregarious.
They have that family bond
where they wanna hear
from their tramp members
and nobody else.
And I'm not saying
that in a negative way,
but I mean, that is
hard to break through to.
For sure.
And it even still is for you
a little bit more quiet
compared to the other three.
Yeah.
But I mean, all great people obviously,
but yeah, I totally get it.
They're still that way though too.
It's really hard to
get over it in edgewise.
Yeah.
Whereas I think they
were probably a little more,
well, I guess not all of them, you know,
but they may have been a little different
outside of the house, but
it's funny how when you go back
as a family unit, you
fall into those same patterns
and like, oh, Megan's the quiet one.
And I, maybe I'm not self-aware enough,
but I don't think anyone would meet me
outside of my family
and be like, oh, she's really quiet.
Yeah, no, yeah, no,
that's a whole other part.
Yeah, I don't think you're quiet.
I don't think you're, I don't think,
like compared to your sister,
I think you're quiet
compared to your sister.
Yeah.
She's very gregarious.
Yeah.
You know, but you are outgoing,
but you're not outgoing to their levels.
Right.
Like if you were just to insert your
normal self in there.
You're not like the person on the
sideline that's like,
bah, bah, bah, bah,
bah, bah, bah, bah, bah,
there's way more,
you're middle, you're mid.
I'm mid.
As our kids would say.
I'm mid.
When it comes to that, right?
Right.
And your family is just
one of those ones that say,
if you're not high
level, I mean, it's like,
they don't even see you.
And I don't mean that in a negative way,
but that's just the way they are.
All the people that
I've met of their friends,
they're like all the same way.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Shoot, I mean, they're all
a thousand miles an hour.
And if you're not a
thousand miles an hour,
they don't see you, they're not stopping.
Right, right.
Not to be rude, not to,
that's just the way they are.
But I mean, that's why,
you know, even early on,
even till now, I have a tough time even
connecting with them
because it's like, I'm not
a thousand miles an hour.
Right, and especially in the settings
where we would see them,
which is usually we're,
you know, it's Thanksgiving, right?
It's all of them, it's us
on away from our own house
and a break from our own craziness.
So we kind of tend to
bring the activity level down
because we're like, we
go a million miles an hour
all the time, like,
we're gonna hang out with you
on vacation, we're just gonna chill.
And when they come together,
I think it's that thing of
falling into that family thing
where they're like, oh, let's feed,
let's get this cyclone going, here we go,
we're making a tornado.
Yes.
That's how they are, right?
And we're like, whoa, okay, you guys go
with your bad selves.
Right.
And it's just, it's a lot.
But I say all that knowing that,
I think that it's right,
it's kind of the family dynamic
because I like them all individually.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
We've had one-on-one
time with all of them
throughout the years, not a lot of time,
because we all live
in, I think we all live
in different states, every one of us.
For the most part, I
mean, all of us, yeah.
But one-on-one, they're all fantastic
and you can have good
conversations with them
for the most part.
Right.
You know what I mean?
But when they're all
together, I mean, it's like,
I'll just go sit in the other room,
because it's just, no,
I'm not even here in a way.
You don't see me anyways?
I'm gonna go sit in the other room.
Yeah, you just throw the bait out there,
let them, like, you just go.
So that, bringing that back home to us,
that's interesting,
because that's what our kids
are developing right now, is their
personas at the house.
Right, and like, when I
picked up our oldest yesterday,
before he could drive,
maybe it was two days ago,
he was kicking field goals at
the school with some buddies
and I was just watching him from afar,
because he didn't have his phone on him,
so I was just waving that I was there.
And I could just watch
him interact with them
and he kicked one from a crazy angle
and it was right off the uprights
and they were like, oh,
and they were laughing
and it's just like, that's so cool.
And I don't know this kid
that he's hanging out with.
Right.
He's not on any soccer team,
she's not one of his main friends.
Right.
It's somebody that he knows
and he's just hanging out there and
having a good time with.
It's weird.
Yeah.
And especially now that he's got the car,
because they went to dinner, team dinner.
Team dinner.
And to attend to one of
the guys' houses afterwards.
It's insane.
It's insane to me.
And what I can't wrap my head around yet,
is the fact that, and you
and I talked about this,
and I actually, for those
of you who are all thinking
that I'm a terrible mom,
I did not actually
miss our son's birthday.
While I missed him
driving away for the first time,
which breaks my heart, absolutely.
I drew the line, I was like,
I'm not leaving for his birthday.
Even though there is something going on,
I need to be here.
Because we were talking
about birthdays, you and I,
and I was like, 16 is revolutionary.
Every other birthday
you wake up and it's like,
okay, well, yeah, I'm a year older,
according to the
calendar, but you feel the same.
16, there's probably
what, three birthdays?
16, 18, and 21, where you're like,
something massive just changed.
And I struggle.
I'm struggling with
the fact that he's 16.
It's a whole lot of
emotions, like I said.
But we're at a point
where he can leave our home
at any point without us.
And that to me is just, I
can't wrap my head around that.
If he left our house,
we needed a ride for him,
or we had to take him somewhere.
He really couldn't leave in a real way.
Yeah, yeah.
This really reinforces that stat,
that by the time your
kids, I think it was like 12,
you've already spent 80% of the time
that you're gonna spend
with them in their lives.
And it's like, wow, I mean, I might be
slightly off on that.
Do you remember what the actual--
It was something like that.
It was like, but yeah,
by the time they were 12,
you spent 90% of the time.
I shot it low, maybe.
I think so.
I mean, that is what I
think about when I'm like,
okay, well now he's free.
Because we're never gonna see him again.
He's not gonna be in the back of the car.
I actually did take him
to school this morning,
which I thought was crazy.
I know, and I will
still offer my services
to take him anywhere,
because it's just like,
I will want that time.
Yeah.
To me, it's just, I
don't want that to be,
I don't want that time to go.
No.
And the other thing I don't want,
and this is like I'm thinking
about this as we're talking,
I try very hard to see who our kids are
when they're not at our home,
and not put them in the
box that I know them as,
as their mother.
I try to see like, gosh,
who are they at school,
and meet them in that place too,
because you hear that your
parents will always see you
as one way, because that's
how you were in their house,
and it goes back a little bit
to what we were just saying,
how you fall back into those same roles,
and I don't want to put
my kids in the same box
that they were in when
they were seven years old,
and they rolled that they
played in our core unit of five.
Yeah.
I wanna see them for who
they mature and become.
Right.
And that is something
that I actively work on,
like every single day with them.
Yeah, I think that's important.
I mean, I think every
parent in a healthy relationship
comes to see that as they get older,
definitely in their
20s, 30s and older, right?
But as early as they're teens,
I never thought of it that
early to some degree, right?
I mean, I try to keep true to them,
I think it's just kind of the
same thing that you're doing.
I try not to box them in.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hear what you're saying.
I just never thought of
it consciously like that,
but I understand what you're doing
because I think I do it in my own way.
Yeah, I think you do too.
You know.
It's just--
I mean, it's giving them their wings.
They've gotta fly in their own way.
Right.
And that's just what's crazy
about him being at this age
and all these kids growing up,
some of you have friends that have kids
going to college and stuff,
and it's really hard to think to myself
that I've taught you
everything I can teach you.
Yeah.
In the basics.
There'll be things, sure, I hope I can.
What is it?
There's another saying,
I'm not huge into sayings,
but there was another saying, it's like,
you teach them in their house,
they teach them the way
such that when you're older,
they wanna come back to you for advice.
There's a pretty saying.
There really is, and I
can't think of it either.
But usually it comes,
I want him to be able
to come back to me
when he's out of our house
for the rest of his
life as long as I'm here
to get my advice, because he wants it
and appreciates it and believes in it.
Right, right, values that.
Values it, yeah.
So it's just, have we raised him right?
And have we been good parents?
I mean, there's just so many different--
Eights.
But that's where,
when you say you've been
in your career for 25
years, it's hard to believe it.
Well, it almost isn't because
we've got a kid driving now.
A kid driving.
Curedness gracious.
Which I was telling
the kids this morning,
I was like, you know, the
only reason we have this huge SUV
is because we have three kids.
Now that Bear drives, we can downsize.
(laughing) I was like, well, maybe not.
He'll still go to
church with us or something.
Maybe not, yeah, no, no, no.
He'll still ride with us.
There'll be times
when it just makes sense.
But that might be the only place,
like when we go to
church or a family movie
or something like that,
but he might be coming
from a friend's house,
I'll meet you guys there.
I mean, I'm not gonna,
I mean, I haven't talked
about it out loud, but I
mean, hopefully we raised our kids
in a way that they
wanna be around our house.
I know, I know.
I was never home.
Once I got my
driver's license, I was gone.
I came home to sleep.
And that was different.
Like my schedule kept me
away for sure from home,
but it wasn't because I could drive.
Like if I didn't have
something, I was at home.
Yeah.
You know, so that's
why I think it, you know,
you're like, we'll never see him again.
And I was like, well, yeah, we will.
If he's not at practice,
why wouldn't he be at home?
Because that's how I was.
Because you can go to the mall now.
You can go do whatever they want.
Oh, good night.
I'm not okay with this.
It will be interesting
though, because I was thinking,
you know, we're gonna get,
we have those tracker apps
and stuff like that where
you can see where your kids are
on them all the time, how
fast they're driving and stuff.
They didn't have that,
thank God, when we were kids.
I almost feel like it's too much, but.
Yeah, no.
Is that a helicopter?
I feel like that's almost
a helicopter parent thing,
but at the same time, it
does give me some comfort.
Like last night, I
looked where he was at,
and I pinned the house.
So now I know where
that friend's house is.
Yep, yep.
It is a little helicopter-ish.
I do think it's different though.
Where our kids will drive and the lengths
to which they drive is
way further than I ever did
when I was first getting my license.
I was not driving 45
minutes across the DFW Metroplex,
which is so busy.
And I never had to drive
in rush hour like that.
I mean, for the most part,
I didn't do that till I was 18 and older.
Between 16 and 18, I was
pretty much within the bounds
of the city I lived in.
In the suburb I lived in.
I wasn't.
My high school was 35 minutes away.
Yeah, and mine was five.
Right.
I didn't have the same
traffic as we have here for sure,
like where he's gotta go to Green Hill.
That's insane.
I know, but he might, I
don't know if we're gonna go
to the scrimmage on Saturday, but he
might drive to that.
That means we gotta free Saturday.
I'm going to the scrimmage.
I'm still gonna watch.
It depends on who the scrimmage is.
(laughing)
Probably like it better if we don't, so.
Well, all right, well, what
else do we wanna talk about
as we wrap up here?
You traveled, do you
get any good I'm peaves?
I do.
Oh good, what are they?
I do.
I know what one of them is again.
Oh my gosh.
You cannot get somebody that
fits in the seat next to me.
I cannot get somebody that
fits in the seat next to me.
Like, are you kidding me?
Like, and I'm not kidding.
They're like, we are
closing the forward doors.
We're waiting on one passenger and I look
and there is one seat next to me.
Literally the last passenger.
The last passenger and the
guy is six five, 300 pounds.
And I was like, and
you're sitting by a window?
Like, no.
Brings his own seat
extender or seat belt extender.
His knees, I mean,
like, he was a big guy.
And I mean, I am not kidding.
His right arm was in front
of my left half of my chest.
And I was just like, I mean,
so I'm like pinned against the seat.
I couldn't move.
I mean, I had the worst
back spasms after that.
Not the worst, I've had really bad ones,
but like my back was cramping
because I physically couldn't move.
And I had a normal sized, sounds weird,
but I had a normal
sized man on the aisle seat.
So it's not like I
could steal some of his.
It's like a passable seat.
Right.
I just got half a seat.
I mean, we love our bigger friends
because we have
friends that are bigger too,
but is it safe to say though,
if you own your own seat
belt extender by airplane,
then you need to think through your
seating arrangement.
Yes.
And be aware of the fact
that you're hanging halfway
over somebody else's seat.
I mean, I don't know.
We talked about it a little bit
because it frustrates me
because you get it all the time.
All the time.
And when, because we fly
Southwest a lot of times
before they had open seating.
So people could like search you out.
There's a small person.
I can sit there and
take up some of her seat.
I guarantee you
that's what was happening.
Absolutely.
They always sat next to you.
Always.
This wasn't a signed seat.
And this wasn't a signed one though.
So this was just bad luck.
I know, but maybe that'll change
now that Southwest is assigning seats.
We'll have to see.
Maybe.
We haven't done that yet.
I mean, at least the guy like,
okay, this is gonna sound really bad.
At least he like smelled clean.
Cause I have had one who
was absolutely atrocious.
Like.
You can be bigger or
smaller and smell atrocious.
He did.
Yeah, this man had major bathing issues,
but not this time,
but a different travel.
He had major personal hygiene issues.
(chuckles)
I laugh cause it's horrible.
It was absolutely atrocious.
And I learned from him that Botox
actually stops excessive sweating.
Yes, that is the
personal hygiene issue we were,
I was having to experience.
Yeah.
Cause he openly.
Openly shared that with me.
That was before I put the headphones in.
So yeah, we've done that before.
My headphones are in.
That is the international sign of,
I don't want to talk to you.
(laughs)
Don't tap me on my shoulder.
Don't tap me on the shoulder.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
That was bad.
But anyway.
Well, I'm sorry,
but hopefully it's
cleansing for you to get it out.
It feels so much better.
Yes.
You again won the hardest week.
I don't know.
You didn't have it easy here.
It wasn't hard.
Tuesday was a lot of back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
Gotta wait for it to happen.
I got it.
Either way.
All right.
Well, I don't know.
I guess that's
probably our sign off, right?
Anything else?
I don't, you know what?
I think that's-
It's not slowing down.
Crazy train's not slowing down.
Actually, this weekend's not bad.
So that'll be good.
We'll probably crash.
We will crash.
Ooh, not the train.
The train won't crash,
but the train's gonna slow down.
Yeah, hopefully it will slow
down to a pace this weekend.
Only one, we have a scrimmage Saturday
and one on a scrimmage Sunday.
Oh, it's an actual game.
That's right.
On Sunday, which would be a big game.
We need to win that one.
Get some points.
But that's really it.
I am so looking forward to it
because my brain is fried.
Tracks, school tracks
started up, so that's fun.
So we're excited about that.
I'll put up some posts on that one.
Our daughter's doing her thing.
She's doing her thing.
Which is fun.
Then we got a couple
travel coming up in two weeks.
Lots of travel in the next two weeks.
Traveling all in the East Coast.
So hopefully the snow holds off.
Probably it melts.
I saw some video from New York.
It looks like there was
people walking around normal.
Good, good, because it was wild.
Yeah, I saw some other
video that was crazy.
Yeah.
Anyways.
All right, well, let's sign it off.
Sorry we are missing one there.
I know.
Thanks for coming back.
We appreciate it.
All right, well, have a great one.
We will see you again
next week, hopefully.
Yes.
All right.
Until then, cha-cha.
See ya.
(upbeat music)
[MUSIC PLAYING]
For those of you who are all thinking
that I'm a terrible mom--
You're mid.
I'm mid.
As our kids would say.
I don't-- hair, really?
Go out on date nights?
Oh my gosh, yeah.
You get me in a steakhouse, you and I,
with a glass of wine.
I mean, that's amazing.
Irregardless, they could smell the city
on me from a mile away.
You know, I've never really
thought about it that way.
You know what?
This is going to be a
judgmental statement.
Literally, the sun was setting, and he
drove into the sunset.
And I was like, I'm
going to start crying.
16 is revolutionary.
We've got a kid driving now.
Kid driving.
Clearly, I've been
talking a lot this week.
I'm getting tongue tied.
It is a little helicopter-ish.
That means we've got a free Saturday.
I cannot get somebody that
fits in the seat next to me.
He had major personal hygiene issues.
I learned from him that Botox actually
stops excessive sweating.