Stop Asking "How Was School?" and Try This Instead.

“How Was School?” “Fine.” “What Did You Do?” “Nothing.” Sound familiar?

You haven’t seen your child all day, so naturally, you want to know how their day went. But for many kids, especially neurodivergent kids, the dreaded after-school questions can feel more like an interrogation than an invitation to connect.  So…is it the question? The timing? Or do they really just not want to talk to us?

In this episode, we’re breaking down why “How was school?” often gets us nowhere—and what parents can do instead. We’ll talk about why open-ended questions can be challenging for kids, why giving them time to decompress after school can make a huge difference, and how to create low-pressure opportunities for kids to actually open up.

We’ll cover:

• Why “How was school?” can be surprisingly difficult for kids to answer
• Why timing matters—especially right after pickup
• Fun and playful ways to ask about their day
• How to listen without immediately correcting, lecturing, or trying to solve the problem
• What to do when your child tells you something difficult or scary
• Signs that your child’s silence might be part of a bigger concern
• How to become the person your child feels safe coming to when something really matters

Have a question for us? Leave it here and we may answer it in our next Q&A.
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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical, psychological, or professional advice. Every child and family is different, and the information shared in this episode may not apply to every situation. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior, development, emotional well-being, or mental health, we encourage you to seek guidance from a qualified healthcare or mental health professional who can provide individualized support.

Creators and Guests

CT

Host

Courtney Tolinski

What is Phases - A Parenting podcast with Dr Courtney?

Dr Courtney Tolinski (PhD, LP, NCSP — licensed clinical and school psychologist ) and her husband Scott make the science and psychology of parenting and human development fun.