What happens when you feel the urge or nudge to drink and you know you are better off without it? Back in 2018, I was 18 months sober, standing in a grocery store, staring at a display of Chardonnay right next to the fish counter. My mouth was salivating. My brain was screaming, "Just buy it." And I did the only thing I could think of. I yelled "STOP" out loud. In the middle of the store. In front of everyone.
That moment became the foundation of everything I now teach my clients. In Episode 19 of Beyond the Gray, I'm sharing the SABER Method for the first time on the podcast. It's a five-step, neuroscience-backed tool for the exact moment when life tries to pull you back into old patterns. Not motivation. Not willpower. An actual map for what to do when the urge hits and your brain is on fire.
In this episode you'll hear:
• The full grocery store story: 18 months sober, one bad day, and a display of Chardonnay
• Why willpower is a lie and what actually works in the moment
• Cognitive dissonance explained: the internal power struggle between who you were and who you're becoming
• The six core universal emotions and how they trigger old patterns before your conscious mind catches up
• Protective states vs. expansive states and how to move between them
• Neuroplasticity and neurosculpting: how every SABER practice builds a new neural pathway
• The full SABER Method breakdown: Stop, Acknowledge, Breathe, Embrace, Redirect
• Why "embrace" is the step most people skip and why it might be the most important
• How to use SABER as a verb: "SABER your way through" any tough moment
• A practice you can start today and questions to sit with this week
If you've ever had a moment where the old version of you showed up uninvited and you didn't know what to do, this episode gives you the exact tool to handle it. Not someday. Right now.
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THE SABER METHOD
S — Stop (say it out loud)
A — Acknowledge (observe without obeying)
B — Breathe (calm the nervous system)
E — Embrace (give yourself grace)
R — Redirect (gratitude + a new powerful decision)
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Email: hello@graytonic.com
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CONNECT WITH KARI
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EPISODES REFERENCED
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TOPICS COVERED
SABER Method, how to stop drinking urges, resisting alcohol cravings, gray area drinking tools, cognitive dissonance alcohol, willpower doesn't work, neuroplasticity and habits, neurosculpting, protective vs expansive state, pattern interrupt, stop drinking method, Kari Schwear, GrayTonic, Beyond the Gray podcast, midlife sobriety, high performers and alcohol, craving management, alcohol-free tools, sober tools
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If you've ever had a moment where the old you almost won, share this episode with someone who needs a map for what to do next time. The SABER Method might be the tool they've been looking for.
#SABERMethod #GrayAreaDrinking #StopDrinkingUrges #CognitivDissonance #WillpowerDoesntWork #Neuroplasticity #BeyondTheGray #KariSchwear #GrayTonic #AlcoholFree #PatternInterrupt #MidlifeSobriety #SoberTools #HighPerformers #SABERYourWayThrough #ProtectiveToExpansive #NewNeuralPathways
What is Beyond the Gray?
You’ve built something solid. A business. A reputation. A life that looks the part.
But somewhere along the way, something started feeling off.
Not broken. Not a crisis. Just… not right.
Maybe the drinking has become more of a habit than you'd like to admit.
Maybe the marriage is stable but not exactly alive.
Maybe you're still driven, but the fire feels different.
You're functioning at a high level — and wondering why that still isn't enough.
Beyond the Gray explores the gray areas of life that successful people rarely talk about — including gray area drinking, midlife identity shifts, relationships, faith, health, and purpose.
Host Kari Schwear, founder of GrayTonic, helps business owners, leaders, and high-achievers understand what’s driving their habits, reconnect with what actually matters, and lead their lives with the same intention they bring to their work.
This isn’t a sobriety podcast.
And there are no labels here.
Just clarity, honesty, and conversations most people are too busy performing to have.
While many of Kari’s clients are men over 50 navigating these transitions, the ideas explored here resonate with anyone ready to move beyond the gray.
New episodes every Tuesday.