Em: Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Balance, is a miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase, and is proudly sponsored by Hero Forge and Moonbeam. This tale takes us back, long before the end of the universe, to a time when we begin to explore & understand old divine wounds that run so very deep, and what happens when love is caught in the middle. This story encouraged us as creators to strive for genuine emotion and connection, relish the space we create at the table, and take big swings with the way we approached our narrative. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLERs are played by Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit. Content warnings for this episode include: shadows & the dark // nepotism // corruption // religious overtones // power dynamics // greed // uninvited entry // condescension // violence // premeditated murder So sit back and relax, heretics. And welcome to Godkiller: Balance. Interlude 3: Killing Em: Darkness. You have always been at home in darkness. Less the dark of the night, which itself has its own sense of wonder, but more in the shadows and the hidden places of the world. And as we see you here, stepping out from the shadow of an alley in the Fourth District here in Glass, you look up and smile as the rain pours down. It doesn't hurt you. But it'll find them. It always does. Your gaze shifts over to a nondescript tenement building. It's one of hundreds, and you likely would have never given this place a second look, but it reeks of them. There is something about these two heretics, these wastes of existence, that seem hell-bent, pun intended, on messing up you and your god's plans. We hear the clink in your armour as you cross the street and climb the stairs into the building, still hidden in the shadow and the darkness of night that has now firmly got a hold on the city. And as you open the door, stepping inside the lamplight of the indoor lobby, and crossing the threshold inside. Brennan, who do we see here? Brennan: Avaris Kerschel, High Priest of Ashmedai, is a beautiful, radiant thug. He is handsome, strong jawline, powerful shoulders, covered head to toe in armour, in the mockery of what we would conceive of a priest as being. This is a priest who… the fact of his god's power is not an article of faith, but a certainty of divine patrilineal inheritance… of primogeniture. His armour is that of a warrior. He has a long cloak trailing behind him, soaked with rain, stubble around his chin, wavy hair. There's a smell of sulphur and brimstone around him, and a look of sort of, the sclera of his eyes are veined with a lava-like red glow. And he moves with this title of High Priest fundamentally as a servant of a god, and one that knows deep down that there is no task to which he has to explain his station or position as the first and greatest servant of that god. He is a prince of this domain and moves even in correlation to his god as a priest, much more I think in the swagger and manner of his body like a prince. Em: Yeah, absolutely. You hold power in every aspect of your movement. You can't not. It's the way you were raised, the position you were born into. You deserve this. And you own it. You feel the pull of your magic calling you upstairs. They've been here. A while ago, but they were here. You climb up. We hear the clink of your armour on each step. An echo, an omen, of you in this place. You reach the top floor, and you walk down the hall, making your way to a corner apartment. Entirely normal building. You hear the sounds of people snoring, a baby cries from the floor below, some laughter down the hall, an argument a couple floors away. But this apartment you look at in front of you, is quiet. What would you like to do? Brennan: I drift my hand down to my chest, there's a belt across the chest of my armour, that goes down to the weapon at my side. And I'd like to pick that up and behold it as I stand before the door. Em: Hmm. This horn feels so natural in your grasp. You remember the first time you held it as a boy, tasked by your father to bring it to him as he suited up for battle. It's heavy. It carries the weight of your lineage, and the weight of your god. Your god sawed off his own horn to give it to you. And that comes with a certain responsibility to wield it as such. You are wielding the part of a god to do his bidding. And you know that as you stand out here in front of this door, that whatever you do after this is in the name of Ashmedai. It is to make him proud. Brennan: Holding it in my hand, I will reach out to open the door, seeing if it is unlocked. Em: It is. Brennan (as Avaris): “Naturally.” Brennan: And I shall walk into the space beyond. Em: Okay. As you open the door, your eyes flit to a window at the end of the hall. There is some aspect of moonlight that creeps through the window. Tenebe, The Goddess of the Dusk, Night, and New Moon, feeling up to her charge of bringing the Moon across its arc in the sky tonight. And as such, shadows play at the corners of the hall. And we'll also be doing so in this apartment. Places for you to explore. You enter into this apartment, and you see a very plain set of living quarters. There looks to be a main room and a bedroom, with the door slightly ajar. You see soft candlelight coming from inside the bedroom, but out here is dark. There is a small table with a few pillows and a rug, a small kitchen area that seems empty. And there are a few teacups, three, with a teapot left near the sink that seems to be left out to dry. What would you like to do? Brennan: I'm going to close the door softly behind me, and stand in the doorway, grasping the horn in my gauntleted hands. And I want to spread the presence of my spirit through every shadow in this apartment. And I want the edge of my silhouette to be visible everywhere that there is darkness. Em: Okay, so I'm actually going to have you wield a power to do this. So, this is one of the divine moves that you would have access to as the high priest of a god of the Major Seven. So, when you wield a power to do something only a god can, you're going to roll 2d6 and you're going to add one for each true statement. You've done this specific act before, perfectly. I think so. I think this is something you're very well practiced at. Are you desperate for this to work? Brennan: No. Em: Okay. And you're close to a shrine, lair, or domain of the god you took this power from. I would say no. So this is 2d6 and add a plus one. Brennan: That is an eight. Em: Okay. On a hit, seven to nine, you do it. Your shadow leaves its form, cast from the moonlight, and begins to pool at your feet, reaching out and touching every corner of this apartment. You feel it snake through the bedroom door, sitting in the shadows in that room as well, that flicker, because of the candlelight, a different type of shadow. And as you do so, you hear a voice come from the inside of the bedroom. Em (as Tayo): “You may enter, Avaris, but it would have been more polite for you to have knocked. I would have let you in regardless.” Brennan: I begin to stalk towards the voice. Em: You go over to the bedroom door and you open it. Pushing it, you hear the creak of this old building, something built fast, rather than good. Inside you see a simple bedroom, with a double bed upholstered, a simple sheet set. The bed is made, the closet is empty, and you see one individual sitting on the bed facing away from you. They seem to be fixing some fabric on their robes, a tear or a hole with a simple needle and thread, by candlelight. Their robes are the color of clay and gravel and sand, simple earthen tones. It reminds you of mud. These robes that they're in are not for sleeping either. And you see this shorter human figure with no hair or eyebrows. They have warm, smooth brown skin, freckles across the bridge of their nose, and blue eyes. Their hands look like they are made for work. But there is something about their eyes that immediately makes you revolt. They are too kind. Especially when looking at you for someone who has broken into their house in the middle of the night. And I'm going to have you roll to recognize a god. Brennan: Whoa. Em: So, when you want to recognize the signs or the influence of a god of the cradle, roll 2d6 and you're going to add one for each true statement. You're in or near their domain. Yes. You're familiar with their gospel. I think so, even if you as Brennan are not. And it would be bad if you didn't know. I don't know if it would necessarily be bad if you didn't know, so that would be a plus two. Brennan: That is going to be an eleven. Em: Oh boy. So on an overkill, you realize your divinity is actively trespassing against this god. And the GM will say how. So as you look before you, you are the high priest of a god of the Major Seven. Therefore, you have to be intimately familiar with the other gods of the Major Seven. Before you, you see someone who, at their core, feels so mortal, but is flecked with aspects of divinity. You put it together, the mud color of their robes, their working hands. You see before you, Tayo, they who crafted the world with their hands. The God of Humanity, Mortality, and Creation. And, as you see this person, this being, this divine entity sitting in front of you, you very clearly see this essence of them, but you see other traces of things here, too. You see that this god has impacted every mortal that they've ever encountered. And Tayo is also known as the moniker Tayo the Lost. Separated from the other gods, disappeared, really. But you discover two other traces of divinity here. One is dark, like yours, but more jagged. Your darkness is a scalpel. Practiced and finessed. This darkness is a sledgehammer, breaking almost everything it touches. It's inelegant. It feels like betrayal, and it feels like a job unfinished. The aspect of divinity you find here is almost antithetical to that. There's this softness, a radiance to it, that isn't like the warmth of your god's fire. It feels like life, that teems with potential. You're harkened back to a time where your mother, gods rest her, took you to this little greenhouse that she had. You remember how it felt to let your hands run across the dark, waxy, green pothos plants, and the resurrection ferns she kept there. How it smelled when the jasmine bloomed, or the first time you tasted fresh mint, before your father told you it was frivolous to spend your time on such wasted pursuits, before you began to learn your role and your responsibilities. So I'm also curious here Brennan, since you've moved into this person's space, this being's space, you stole the shadows from this room, how do you think your divinity trespasses against Tayo? Brennan: Tayo is one of the Major Seven? Em: Yes, but has been considered gone or absent from the Cradle for some time. Doesn't really make their presence known, doesn't have a following or much worship. You know that there is a temple in the base of the Chime known as The Alluvium, but nobody ever really goes there. Brennan (as Avaris): “As a mark of my station, High Priest of Ashmedai, I am not given to knock on an unlocked door. If you had wished to retain the command of these shadows, then perhaps your presence should have been more noted, Tayo the Lost. I offer no apology, but I honour you in your domain.” Em (as Tayo): “Perhaps I should have put more light in the room then.” Brennan (as Avaris): “Perhaps you should, but that time has now passed. I come here in search of a knife. My Lord bid me find it. I have called the rain itself to track down two vagabonds that have entered into this place, and now hide from my watching eyes. Do you know of this knife or those who carry it?” Em (as Tayo): “I do. I took tea with them. They came here with questions, and I offered answers. They seek to right a wrong in some way. One, [STATIC]...” Em: And Tayo says their name, but all you hear is static. As if this name has been erased in some capacity, but Tayo knows it, but it is inaudible for you to hear it. Em (as Tayo): “- wishes to leave the clutches of a role he doesn't want. The other seeks a balm to her soul, to fix a perceived wrong. I am hopeful that they are on a better path now that we have spoken.” Brennan (as Avaris): “The answers that were sought here, one wishes to relinquish the role that has been bequeathed to him. The other seeks healing. Did you give them a place to find these gifts that they now seek?” Em (as Tayo): “I did, as much as I could, as I would help any mortal who sought me out.” Brennan (as Avaris): “Great Tayo, I am a mortal. And in this moment I now seek you out. I find myself in need of healing, and to relinquish a gift I was bequeathed. Where would you tell me to go?” Em (as Tayo): “I told them to seek my High Priest, at the base of the Chime. I do not know where they went from there.” Brennan (as Avaris): “That's good enough for me.” Em: Tayo's eyes drift down to the weapon. Em (as Tayo): “That is of your master, is it not?” Brennan (as Avaris): “It is.” Em (as Tayo): “He must trust you very much. A gift of himself to a mortal.” Brennan (as Avaris): “My family ever strives to be worthy of the sacrifice.” Brennan: I'm gonna look at Tayo. What is she feeling, in this moment? Can I tell? Em: Amazing. There is a move you can use to do that. So I'll offer you one of two. You could use the move, feel someone or something out, or, connect with someone. Brennan: Feel someone or something out. Em: Okay, so when you try and feel out a person, place, or thing, say what you want clarity about, and you can answer one of the following questions. The GM will give you the clarity you seek as they answer the other. So the first question is, what feels welcoming on the surface, or, what feels dark or unnerving as I peer deeper? So you can answer one of those, and I will answer the other. Brennan: The first one of those two is, what appears on the surface? Em: What's welcoming on the surface. Brennan: What’s welcoming on the surface. Oh! Her, so, I’ll answer that one. Her humility for a person of my status seems, it's soothing. A god, with working hands covered in mud, sets me at ease. It is, there is not a challenge to my status here, that feels welcoming. Em: Okay, so what feels dark or unnerving as you peer deeper? Tayo hasn't stopped working, and has actually not really looked at you. He seems more consumed with their work. The simple sewing in front of you. Which I think, unnerves you a bit. You are used to everyone paying you some station, and there is something, even though they are a god, there is a twinge of, this person should be paying attention to me. I think also, trying to feel out how Tayo is feeling right now, you see they feel absolutely resolute in what they have done. You also feel no fear, as if Tayo knows exactly what you could do, and you get the sense that they would not stop you. Brennan: I’m going to look at Tayo. Brennan (as Avaris): “Does the horn interest you, Tayo the Lost?” Em (as Tayo): “It does, as any piece of creation would.” Brennan (as Avaris): “Does it interest you to then regard it, and look at it, and its wielder?” Em (as Tayo): “Only if you wished it.” Brennan (as Avaris): “I wish you to cease your work and behold me.” Em: There is a pause. And Tayo turns to face you fully. As they look up at you, still seated on the bed, their eyes flicking between you and the horn, there is this sense of wonder, a almost childlike wonder that humanity has created, the universe has created someone like you. In the position that you're in, and you don't see this as something that is ubiquitous to you. That Tayo looking at anyone would marvel in the aspect of creation. Tayo is said to have shaped the world, built mortals with their hands. The very first mortals were crafted by Tayo to serve the gods, and some even say that the gods were created by Tayo themselves as well. But they see you, and give you what you seek. Brennan (as Avaris): “Do you regard me, God of Humanity, as being a work as wondrous as each and every human that walks this realm?” Em (as Tayo): “I do.” Brennan (as Avaris): “Well, the price of that insult is death.” Brennan: And I'd like to drive the horn into their heart. Em: Oh my gosh, okay! Okay. So, we have very special moves about killing gods in this place. So, this is one of the crucible moves, kill a god. So when you confront a god in their true form, and exploit their downfall to kill them, you describe how you slay them and roll 2d6. On a hit seven to nine, they seize something vital from you as well, and you name what vital part of yourself you lose. On a strong hit, ten plus, their death transforms, liberates, or shields an aspect of the Cradle, and you will describe what and how. On a miss, six and below, they bestow a curse upon you with their dying breath, but regardless of your roll, you seize some semblance of their power. So, this is a flat roll, you add nothing to it. So go ahead and roll. Brennan: Seven. Em: Okay. Tayo sees the hit coming. And I think was expecting it. As the God of Humanity, they know humanity. And there is something so truly mortal about the feeling of being insulted. And as you drive the horn in, you see them register the impact. The horn sinks through them like butter. They do not resist you. A font of blood pours from the wound as they let out this ragged last breath before slumping over in bed. You have killed a god, and it took nothing. You held the weapon that was your birthright, and you killed a god. What was seized from you here? What was taken from you in this moment? Brennan: My conviction that I have never been misled by my master. This is too much power, and I cannot help but imagine in this moment how much more power I could wield by turning on the master who made me what I am. Em: Hmm. Brennan: And I think a madness born of powerlust shakes the foundations of the fact that every answer has always been provided for me. And now there is a wonder about, I think, the wonder of, what if I were the captain of my family's destiny? Not simply the most glorious servant, but truly in control? And that is a slavering gluttony for power that I think will shake me to my core for the rest of my days. Em: Yeah. Okay. Power. There has always been an aspect of power for you, as well, that has felt like triumph, like conquest. You should be triumphant here. And it also feels like you're missing something. Like the universe is playing a much longer game, and perhaps you've played right into it. You can't be sure. You've killed a god, but you know so very deeply in the places that you were taught not to look at about yourself, that you are not the godkiller and never will be. Tayo slumped over on the bed, you see the blood still dripping from the horn, and you see it be absorbed into the horn itself. The horn feels hot in your hand, which doesn't bother you. Normally when someone kills a god, they seize some semblance of their power. But because you used the only weapon you had capable of killing a god, that power does not go to you. It goes to the one you serve. The one you kneel before, while everyone else kneels to you. What would you like to do now? Brennan: I dream of where the power would go if this horn were to be plunged into the heart of its former owner, and instead bow my head in reverence and say, Brennan (as Avaris): “Your will be done, sire.” Brennan: And I swirl from this place in a flourish of my cape, and march to the Chime as fast as I can. Em: Okay, you leave this building, the clink of your heels, walking down the cobblestone streets. And as you walk, step after step, one foot in front of the other… There's a scent of metal around, that blood still clinging to the horn, if there's any left. The brimstone and sulphur that lingers on you. And you hear a low laughter [menacing low laughter begins in the background] begin to ripple through the shadows around you, those dark places you love so much. You hear a voice in your head. Cody (as Ashmedai): “Ah, good, Avaris. One less of the Seven. I applaud you for taking charge rather than waiting for my go-ahead. An unusual stroke of initiative.” Brennan (as Avaris): “The greatest servants, my Lord, anticipate the desires of their master. Let my mind serve as a shadow to you, oh great one.” Cody (as Ashmedai): “This one will not be missed. They ran from their charge, abandoned their post. The God of Humanity. [laughs] Pitiful. When will the rest of this forsaken universe learn that the only thing that matters here is power, and how you use it. The Dark One, he’s but a fledgling of the former Feathered Mistress, a child! This knife, hmm… She’s placed it in his hand for a wretched purpose. The Godkiller Prophecy must never come to pass, Avaris! Not through the Twin Soul or any other means. We are so close to taking this from seven seats down to one, I will check on the god in the well, but meanwhile… Snuff it out. Extinguish this heresy once and for all. We will not find them tonight, they’ve gone to ground. Tomorrow we will find them in the streets. Wait for them at the temple. They will come to you, Avaris, and bring what we seek like a present. I do not care what you do with them, just get the knife by whatever means necessary. If you don’t, do not bother returning to prayer to tell me. You will have failed, Avaris, and you know what level of tolerance we give to failure.” Brennan: And I smile in reverence of my master's words. Brennan (as Avaris): “Your will be done.” Brennan: And I will pursue the strangers and their knife. Em: Okay. You hear as you walk, making quick pace back towards the Chime, that smile in the darkness, toothy and fanged, the brimstone that follows you always. And suddenly that feeling is gone, leaving that pang, pang, pang of your heart racing in your chest. As you close in on Ninth’s Shadow, back to the temple. Tomorrow, when you get that knife, everything changes. Tomorrow, you will outpace every high priest, priestess, priestex, or speaker that has come before you. You will outpace every member of your family. And tomorrow, you make your mark on the Cradle. [Light & Dark: Series Theme by Sean McRoberts] Em: Godkiller: Balance is performed by Em Carlson, Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. The voice of Ashmedai is Cody Heath. The voice of Avaris Kerschel, The Scion of Perdition is Brennan Lee Mulligan. This season’s dramaturge is Tim Carlson. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi, who you can find @Mischiart on twitter! Our main theme for this episode, Light & Dark, was composed by Sean McRoberts. Character and location leitmotifs composed by Si Rutherford of Sounds of Adventure. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today, with the print version published soon by Evil Hat Productions. This show is made possible by our sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. 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Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!