Speaker 1: Welcome to the CommonsCast. We're glad to have you here. We hope you find something meaningful in our teaching this week. Head to commons.church for more information. Welcome today.
My name is Jeremy, and it is so great to see everyone here. Whether you are online right now or whether you are in the room with us, we are incredibly grateful that you take the time to worship with us every week. We really don't take that for granted, so thank you. That said, we are in the midst of a series called both and. And the whole idea of this series is to look at those spaces we're finding ourselves on the fence is actually good and a healthy and appropriate response.
Now maybe, like me, somewhere along the line, you picked up up the idea that being on the fence ever is a bad idea. Everything is always supposed to be all in or all out. The truth is I just find that a whole lot easier in my life. I remember when Rachel and I stopped eating meat, we decided or I decided and she humored me to go straight from eating like a normal person to being a vegan on the day after my thirtieth birthday. I just figured it was a whole lot easier to go cold turkey with that one.
And no, I'm not sure if you're allowed to use cold turkey as a metaphor for going vegan, but you get the point. By the way, we did that for about seven years, and then we adopted our kids, and we switched to vegetarian just so we had a few more options around the house. There's only so much white rice any of us can eat, although in our house, it is a lot. However, I think we have all picked up a bit of this aversion to both and over the years. As social media is not helping any of us, I think it often makes it easier for all of ourselves to back ourselves into a corner and never meaningfully interact with anyone who sees the world differently.
By the way, angrily commenting on a stranger's post is not meaningfully interacting with them, just for the record. And no, that's not what this series is about. We may have to find our way back there at some point, but this skill of navigating the both and. Learning how to value the disparate parts even within ourselves is a really important skill. Because you, none of you are simple.
You are a mix of competing needs and conflicting values, and all of that complexity is profoundly beautiful. And this series is about all of that. Now today, we wanna talk about the both end of alone and together and how both of these can make us better at the other. But before that, let's pray together. God of grace who meets us in the middle, in the space between our poles, in the complexity of all that it means to be human.
I thank you for the grace that makes room for us to explore and to push and to find ourselves with and in you. As we learn to understand ourselves, as we come to understand each other, we pray that your grace that makes room for us always would teach us how to make room for one another. And so as we speak today of the space that we need alone, to process and understand and really feel what is happening inside of us, As we speak today of our space to be together, to gather and celebrate and help and care for one another, we pray that in that conversation, we might remember how to be joyful in all of it. And that today, we might hear your spirit speak to us with reassurance and care, leading us into the healing spaces we need to find this day. In the strong name of the risen Christ we pray.
Amen. Okay. Today is about the both end of alone and together in our lives. First though, bit of a story. My wife Rachel and I are both actually painfully introverted.
And often, find that amusing given the career choices that we have made. I'm a pastor. My wife runs a preschool. And granted, talking about introversion in the front of a room of people or in front of children is a little bit odd, and yet this here, what I do, is actually kind of the perfect platform for an introvert. I get to share what I want to about myself.
I get to decide exactly when I'm going to do it. I get to prepare my notes and make sure that I communicate exactly what I want to about myself in just the way that I want you to hear it with just the level of vulnerability that feels right for me. I mean, it is the perfect mix of self disclosure and guarded isolation all at the same time. And if you're an introvert looking for a career change, talk to me. There are options out there.
However, that of course is only half the story. I mean, I love being around people. I love being the center of attention, like right now. I the work of preparing and writing, and I love how I get to hear how my ideas take on a life of their own once you get a hold of them. Sermons really are in a strange way this collaborative event.
But I'm not sure that any of that is all that surprising to any of us because as much as we have heard about introverts and extroverts, the research says that kind of a binary is not nearly as tightly defined as we've been told. Now clearly, we all have personality quirks and biases, and some of us are more extroverted than others. I get that. My daughter, is 18 old now, is definitely an extrovert. And by the way, as I look at my notes here, it says defiantly an extrovert.
That's a typo, but it does work in this situation. Because despite being born in a world of social distancing, she has taken all of the social energy that her birth mother gave her and she has put it to work. It's neat because we really can see a lot of her birth mother in the way that she soaks up social interaction. The thing is, what we sometimes refer to as the or model, introvert or extrovert, probably is in the end a myth. Like most things, most of us fit somewhere on a spectrum.
I can be intensely personal and private until I don't want to be. And I can be very happy to spend large swaths of my time alone until I desperately want to get up on stage in front of a crowd, and and I have missed this. In fact, what I often find is that when I'm at my lowest energy level, what I really want to do is I want to go and I want to find a coffee shop somewhere, and slip in in the midst of all the movement and the people there with nobody in particular talking to me. I just really like that for some reason. But one of the simple ways that you can think about this is just to shift the image of introversion, extroversion in your mind from a line with one at each end and you are somewhere along that spectrum to something more like a graph, one on each axis.
And you are there floating somewhere in all of that space. In other words, you can be high on introversion and low on extroversion, of course you can. But you can also find highly introverted people who are also highly extroverted in their characteristics all within the same person. And this is why it's important because for a lot of us, we grew up with these types of personality tests. I remember taking the Myers Briggs or the Kersey Temperament Sorter in high school.
I remember taking them on job interviews. Heck, I had to take the Minnesota Multiphasic Psychopathology Indicator before I could be ordained as a minister. And that, by the way, is a very interesting test if you ever get the chance. About 500 questions, long stretches of just boring yes or no everyday inquiries. My appetite is consistent, yes or no.
I sleep regularly, yes or no. I enjoy the company of friends, yes or no. And then all of a sudden there would be a question like, my coworkers sometimes try to poison me. Yes or no? As if they could just like lull you into a false sense of calm in order to convince you to divulge your secret delusions.
I have no idea about this, but it was a long test. Regardless, even though we know all of these tools aren't perfect, what happens is we slowly start to take them not as indicators, but as prescriptions of how we're supposed to act in the world. Einstein, that relativity guy, he once wrote, whether you can observe a thing or not depends on the theory with which you use. It is the theory that decides what is observed. And so whether you've taken a test before online or read a book or just been around enough people long enough to develop some expectations of yourself, often what happens is we end up living into one particular version of ourselves rather than perhaps this both and, which for most of us is probably a lot healthier.
Now unsurprisingly, we see this kind of movement back and forth as both and in Jesus. I mean, Jesus really is the model human, then perhaps we should expect to see him model alone and together all of this complexity in significant ways. The recognition that he both needs people to invest in and be shaped by, and he needs the space to listen to himself and process what's going on inside of him, this is a really healthy model for us. And to look at that, I wanna turn to Matthew 14. Jesus has been teaching this series of parables about the kingdom.
We're actually gonna start the fall with those parables. A lot of them are found in Matthew chapter 13. All of these beautiful stories about soil and wheat and weeds and what they say to us about the world. All these fantastic stories that Jesus is famous for. But interestingly, if you read through Matthew, the narrative moves pretty quickly from those stories by the sea with a crowd of people pushing in to hear Jesus speak.
And then almost directly into the feeding of the 5,000, another very famous story where Jesus uses a few loaves of bread and some scraps of fish to feed a crowd of hungry followers. Now both are great stories and both deserve all the attention they get. But almost hidden there, right in the middle, is this really interesting moment that kind of slips by if we're not careful. The end of chapter 13 reads this way. When Jesus had finished these parables, he moved on from there.
Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue and they were amazed. Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers they asked? Isn't this the carpenter's son? Isn't his mother's name Mary? Aren't his brothers James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas?
Aren't all his sisters with us? Where did this man get all these things and they took offense at him? No. That phrase, they took offense at him. The word there is scandalizo, and that's exactly what it means.
Basically, everyone starts talking and gossiping, and he becomes the town scandal for the week. So think about this. You got Jesus teaching, traveling, huge crowds gathering in to hear him talk about his new imagination for the world. At the start of chapter 13, the crowd is so big he has to get into a boat and push out into the water just so everyone can see and hear him. But people are into him.
And then he goes home, and it's a big fiasco. Everyone starts asking, who does this guy think he is? Now it's got to be at least a little bit deflating. Am I right? Even if you're Jesus, it's tough when you can't go home again.
And look, I'm not gonna ask you to compare yourself to Jesus, but you ever done something you worked really hard on yourself and you made changes? Maybe your diet or your mental health or maybe you just adopted some new healthy habits for yourself and you're really proud of that work? And then someone you hadn't seen in a very long time, maybe someone whose opinion you actually really cared about, they just dismissed all of that and made you feel like you should get over yourself? Well, you have, then one, you probably have some sense of how Jesus feels here. And two, also just know that your hometown doesn't get to give you permission to grow and change.
That's your story, not theirs, so just keep going anyway. However, this is where Jesus is. He's had this huge moment, a breakthrough maybe. He's poured his heart out, and it seems like people are maybe starting to get it. In fact, at the end of his sermon, he says, have you understood all these things?
And the crowd replied, yes. I mean, maybe a little optimistic, but let's count it as a win anyway. From there, he goes home. He kinda gets brought down to earth. Those who've known him the longest clearly don't get him.
And then the writer Matthew drops in a little interlude for us as readers. He gives us some details about what's been going on off in the palace in Herod's court. Herod has had Jesus' cousin John arrested. John had criticized the king and his family and they were not pleased, so while he's in prison, Herod's wife and his daughter conspire to convince him to have John executed. So once we're up to speed with that, Matthew turns back to Jesus.
He continues the story. Says John's disciples came to find Jesus to tell him what happened. When Jesus heard, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns, and when Jesus landed, he saw a large crowd waiting for him. He had compassion on them and he healed their sick.
This is what leads us to the feeding of the 5,000. Jesus musters what emotional energy he has, and he uses it for this crowd. There's a couple things here I find really fascinating. First of all, Jesus very clearly understands the value of being alone. And you see this all throughout the gospels.
This is not a one off. Mark one, very early in the morning while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went to a solitary place to pray. John seven, after his friends had gone up to the feast, Jesus also went up not publicly but by himself. Matthew 15, Jesus went on from there and walked alone beside the Sea Of Galilee and then in Luke five, the writer just comes out and says that Jesus often withdrew to lonely places. So Jesus is clearly not someone who was afraid to be alone.
More than that though, I think Jesus really understands that at times he needs to be alone. And sometimes, all of us, what we do is we use the presence of people around us to stop ourselves from feeling, from really understanding what's happening deep inside of us. And we need to find ways to create some space for ourselves to hear ourselves. Now look, we all respond differently to all kinds of different information. But notice here that when Jesus gets some bad news, his first thought is I need some space.
Remember, John isn't just a cousin. John is the one who baptized Jesus. John is the son of Elizabeth, the woman that Jesus, Mary's mother, went to live with when she was pregnant. There's likely a very long backstory here between Jesus and John growing up together that we just don't have a lot of insight into. And so when Jesus hears that John has died, and not only died, he has been murdered by the exact same military industrial complex that Jesus will later confront, this is gonna hit a little different.
And so in the midst of that, having just come away from his own familial disappointments, being rejected by his hometown, and now losing his childhood friend, Jesus' first instinct is to say, look, I need some space. I need to figure out how to feel this moment properly. And I just find this really interesting because Jesus has just come from the Sermon by the Sea with crowds of people crushing in to hear what he has to say. He gets hit with bad news after reception. And honestly, if this was me, where I might be running is back to the embrace of the crowds.
Like just speaking honestly here, when things are tough, what I want is some adulation and a little congratulation. Just write that down. You can give it to me later. Truth is, I usually don't want anyone to know what's happening with me, but I do want some attention in those moments. And for Jesus, getting up and giving a sermon, going back to some of his old material, the good stuff that he knows is gonna land, everything he's known for, that just seems like a really good distraction right now, particularly when he knows there is an audience waiting for him to step onto the stage.
That's what I would do. And yet he chooses something different even if only for a moment. Look, all of us need support, so don't misunderstand me here. We need people around us, and if you're grieving, isolating can be just as bad. That's not my point.
My point is that as public and open and vulnerable as Jesus was throughout his life, Jesus also understood that for him in this moment right now, what he needed was some space to be alone. And sometimes, particularly in the midst of a crisis, what we sometimes think of as feeling lonely is really about the fact that we're really trying to avoid feeling deeply. And if you find yourself constantly using the presence of people or filling up your social calendar or, let's be honest, using social media so that you don't have to think about what's going on inside of you, that might be an indication you haven't found the right balance between alone and together just yet. The thing is, I promise you that kind of imbalance will only make you lonelier in the end anyway. Because the antidote to our loneliness is not more busyness, it's the courage to show up and be seen, and that happens only once we've taken the time to know ourselves and process our own feelings properly.
Now, think about Jesus here in this moment for a second. Adoring crowds, rejected by his hometown, learns about the death of his childhood friend. Do you remember what FOMO was? That fear of missing out that we all used to have when there were actually things to miss out on? Haven't had that for a while.
That fear that may actually find its way creeping back in is there are things to miss out on again. Well, I do wonder if Jesus felt a bit of that for a moment here. That voice that says, look, Jesus, you need some time alone. You need to process all of these things that you're feeling. And then that voice that says, yeah, but here's the thing, Jesus.
There's this crowd of people, and they're hanging on every word you say. You've got them eating out of the palm of your hand, and they love you for it. What if they're not here when you get back from your little boat trip? Now don't tell me you have never felt this way, probably not in the way that I'm framing it here, but if I don't go to this party or if I don't show up at that event, if I don't make myself seen now, then maybe I will never be seen by anyone again. I've talked about this before, but I know this feeling very well because I love being needed here at work and I love feeling like what I contribute is indispensable.
And it feeds something very close to my sense of self identity, but sometimes time away feels like it's a risk for our time together. And that's not a healthy way to process our way through the world, and Jesus refuses to give in to that kind of imagination. Now again, hear me. Everyone is going to process bad news in a different way. You may not do it the same way as Jesus.
That's okay. Your first instinct may be to run to a trusted friend, and that can be just as holy. But what catches my focus here is the attention to the balance that Jesus demonstrates. We all need our time alone. We all need our times of support and care, and how that looks for you is about coming to understand yourself well, and that happens when you listen to yourself.
This both and is present in Jesus in a way that I think is really helpful for us to pay attention to. Because here's the truth. No matter how extroverted I feel, it's okay to know that I need some space. No matter how introverted I am, there's a balance to be found in recognizing my need for the people around me and also my commitment to them. This is what I find really fascinating.
Jesus goes through all these ups and downs. He has a self awareness to know. He needs to find some space for himself. And when Jesus landed, he saw a large crowd and he had compassion on them. Now two things here.
First, notice this. Jesus knows that the people around him are not always going to understand what he needs for himself. So he needs some space. The people don't get it. To be fair, they have no idea what's happening with him, so they just follow him.
And so Jesus finds a way to make the space he needs for himself, even if that means he's just gonna sit in the middle of the lake for a while. So here's my suggestion. If you need to get in a boat to avoid some people, then go do it. Now maybe it's not a boat, but you can go for a hike, or you can rent an Airbnb, or you can drop the kids off at the pool. And look, I am not pretending that this is easy or ignoring how hard it is to find some space sometimes.
But practical steps to create the space that you need for yourself, this is part of your sacred duty. Because let's be honest here, some people, even really good people that you love, will sometimes not understand that or recognize that or maybe even respect that until you make the boundaries you need. When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. And look, I'm sure that what Jesus was hoping to see when he landed his boat was not a crowd of people looking for lunch.
And you look at this. Jesus gets to the crowd, isn't going to understand what he needs. So he takes that for himself, literally going out in the middle of the lake to find some alone time. And when he lands, the crowd is there. He has compassion on them.
Literally, feels them in his gut. So this Greek word means, it means he felt for them viscerally in his stomach. They were hungry. He was hungry. And I'm gonna suggest that even for Jesus, that compassion doesn't happen without that slow low sail across the lake.
Time alone that Jesus creates and protects for himself is what makes it possible for him to be profoundly together with the people on the beach when he lands. And this is the point. It's not either or, it never was. You can't be sustainably for people until you find a way to care for yourself as well. And you won't look after yourself unless you find a way to invest in the people around you with real meaningful care for them.
That's the both end of being human. It's recognizing that our space alone and our time together are what make the other viable for us. And it's just one little snapshot from the heights of the Sermon by the Sea to the letdown of his hometown reception to the depths of his grief of our friend at loss to the space he protects to process and heal and prepare the strength to serve those near him all over again. Jesus finds himself balancing all of those needs in a way that I find utterly compelling in its unremarkable ness. Is it weird that I just love to see Jesus being normal?
But that's our point. Right? For Jesus alone gives him clarity to engage together. Together gives him compassion to turn back on himself. His friendships create these lasting memories and joy, but also they bring regrets and hurts and loss.
His experience of people creates understanding and welcome, but also his commitment to service requires him to step back and care for himself from time to time, and none of this ever seemed like it was a contradiction for him. Jesus embraced it all as part of the human experience. In my prayer today, as we, all of us begin to emerge from a season where we've perhaps had more time alone than in any time in recent memory, is that you might have ears to hear what your spirit is actually saying to you. Are you craving time together to reconnect and celebrate and laugh and maybe even cry together for the first time in a very long time? Are you feeling a little anxious about the pace of change and the return of together and the patterns that you're not quite sure you're ready for yet?
Because all of that can be true all at the same time. And learning how to listen for what you need, the alone and together, the imbalance of all of that, all of that will help you serve those around you well in the long term when you care for yourself. All of this too is part of following the way of Jesus in the world. Let's pray. God, these spaces that we are reemerging into together here in this room surrounded by friends and family and strangers again in a way that perhaps we haven't been in a long time.
In the midst of that, would we slow down, quiet ourselves enough to hear our spirit speaking to us? In fact, would your spirit help us to listen to ourselves? That if we need room together to be together, to listen together, to laugh and cry together, that we would find the ways to muster the courage to ask for it and enter it. And if we're finding ourselves anxious, not quite ready to reemerge, still needing time to process all of the emotions and the anxiety and the things that we've learned in this last year, then would we listen to that as well? Understanding that it is not either or, it is the both and, and it's prioritizing the spaces that we need in this moment that matters.
If we're together, there will be time again for alone. If we are alone, there will be time again for together. But as we honor everything that is happening within us, as we allow your spirit to illuminate to us what we need, Then we become more full, healthy, more robust human beings ready to return, to engage, to care for each other well. This becomes our model. The inhale and exhale of relationship.
We breathe in to repair ourselves. We breathe out to care for each other. And as we enter that cycle, your spirit guiding us, may we truly follow your way in the world. In the strong name of the risen Christ we pray. Amen.