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​
Welcome back to Conversations
with My Night Brain.

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This is just a solo episode
with my night brain.

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Except it actually isn't a
night brain conversation.

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It was a 8:30 AM conversation that I had
with a potential client who's now a former

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client, and I won't go into details, but
just wanted to tell future me or maybe

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past me, I guess, who's listening to
this in the past, that it's okay if it

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doesn't quite work out with a client.

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No matter how very important
person they may be.

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It always sucks when things
don't work out the way you

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were hoping they were going to.

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Particularly in a client service dynamic
where it kind of feels like it's your

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own reputation and ability and just
entire person on the line in the process.

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And, uh, when that doesn't work
out, and especially when the history

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hasn't been there to back up the
claims or the issues that are why

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you're being dropped by the client.

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I've had it happen two, maybe three
times in 10 plus years of owning my

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own business, and by all accounts,

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the hundreds of clients who have
been happy and I've worked with

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successfully over many years,
obviously outweigh those two or three.

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But as we know, as with comments on
the internet and other things like

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that, the two or three bad ones
kind of stick with you and make

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you question your entire identity.

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So I'm just recording this conversation
for myself, but also anybody else out

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there who recently has gone through, is
about to go through, or will go through

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in the future, a conversation like this
where it just doesn't seem to work out.

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And I want you, and me, to remember
that it's okay to feel those

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emotions and walk through the, um,
the sadness, or the hurt, the pain,

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the confusion, walk through that.

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Uh, I would also say it's not essential
to walk through those with the former

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client or potential client, whatever
the dynamic is, try to do that with

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either internally, or with a journal,
or with a friend, or a colleague.

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Process that part of it obviously
not trying to reflect back on with

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the person who isn't wanting to
work with you for whatever reason.

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I will say it's okay to ask clarifying
questions if there's lingering doubts,

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or even things that you want to
improve about what you did or what

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they perceive as you doing wrong,

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that caused them to not
wanna work with you anymore.

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They don't have to answer them, obviously,
and depends on how the relationship

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ended or how well it was done or handled.

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Obviously, if it's a toxic, abusive
kind of thing, and that can happen

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in client service, uh, relationships,
then you, you need to get out and walk

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away, and just delete all emails and
make sure you get paid for your work.

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But, you can ask for ask
questions of clarity and even

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where or why things went wrong.

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But also remember that if it's a
relationship with somebody or a business

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where you can just kind of sense that
maybe this isn't working out right.

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There's, when you look
back, there's signs, there's

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warning flags that you kind of

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ignored in the pursuit of either
credibility with this person, money they

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were gonna pay you, or some combination
of all the above, or you just needed

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a paycheck to pay for some food.

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It's okay that you missed those
signs, but then just remember those

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and trust your gut in the next
interaction with a potential client

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when those same kind of
signs start popping up.

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And let's face it, there are people
who are just mean or dicks and don't

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know that they are mean or a dick.

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They might say things like,
I'm not trying to be mean, or

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I'm not trying to be hurtful.

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But it's important to remember that
whatever your intention is towards

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someone, if someone says to you, you've
hurt me, or this is confusing and

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I'm feeling hurt by this situation,
or the way that you've handled this,

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your intention doesn't really matter.

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And this is the part that's for me in
my own personal life when I'm reflecting

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on interactions with my kids, my spouse,
friends and family around me, intention

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is great, but that does not replace what
actually happened, and especially it

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does not replace how you made someone
feel because of your actions, whether

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you intended to hurt them or not.

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If your natural response to someone
saying that you hurt them in some way

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is to say, I didn't intend to hurt you.

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I think you're starting down a path
that I walk very well headfirst

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into, which is defensive response to
someone being vulnerable with you.

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And I'm still learning this lesson
because I just want you, the person

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I've hurt, to understand that
that isn't what I meant to do.

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And I don't want you to feel bad
because you're misunderstanding

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what I meant, and that's not what I
intended to happen, and this isn't

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how I wanted this conversation to go.

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All may be true from your perspective,
but it's probably time to just shut

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up and listen, and possibly apologize,
reflect, and apologize, so you

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know what you're apologizing for.

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But most importantly to listen.

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Okay, that's enough for this episode.

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Uh, just a brief word on this
podcast and how I sort of see

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it fleshing out a bit as we go.

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It's gonna be something that I'm
gonna do when I feel like I want or

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have reason to do an episode, not any
sort of regular scheduled routine.

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So I apologize if it messes up with
your, your, uh, listening schedule and

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your routine for listening to a podcast.

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That's just how it needs to be for
me, in terms of my own ability to

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record podcasts while also editing
a bunch of other people's podcasts.

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And also the topics, my plan is to
have the topics vary, obviously,

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depending on what is going on in
my life, what I've dreamt about,

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and argued with that night before.

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Or interviews and conversations I wanna
have with people, uh, related to something

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that's completely, not even necessarily
what's on your night brain, but that's

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kind of like the general framing of
like, hey, person, what's bugging you?

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What's stuck in your brain?

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It could be good things,
it could be bad things.

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Let's talk about it for 10 minutes, 45
minutes, 38 minutes, 67 minutes even.

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And see where we go.

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Maybe we find some sort of common
ground, some sort of resolution to the

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issue or the question or the problem
you're struggling with or the thing

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you're excited about, or maybe we
don't, and we'll come back in a few

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episodes and talk about it again.

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So for whatever reason you're interested
in either me or thoughts I have, or

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maybe there's a guest that I talk
with that makes you wanna subscribe

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to the show and you've come back
and re-listened to this old episode.

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Either way, thank you for listening
and, uh, look forward to whatever

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comes next from my Night Brain.