This platform, which is okay we're on now. Okay, cheers, yay. All right, so hello and welcome,
even though I still have a technical difficulties. Got it okay?
Oh, hello and welcome. This is the hers, mine and your show and this and I am Rasheem, and I am joined with the lovely host. This is where you come in. So,
so stiff. Hi Ross. How is how are you guys doing tonight?
How's everyone? I'm glad I'm doing pretty good, good. So we have a special guest, a previous guest, Brooklyn Taylor from Paul Brunson agency, and we had a really fun time talking to him about long distance relationships a few weeks ago. And you know, so now this, this go around, we're talking about compatibility and how to choose the right mate or right partner for you. So welcome, Brooklyn. We're glad to have you back.
Thank you, ladies. I really appreciate you having me. It's always a pleasure talking to both of
you. So for those who don't know about you, as far as your your matchmaking abilities, can you kind of just give people a little bit of background about you know, your skill set and matchmaking and kind of what you
do. Sure, I'm a dating coach and matchmaker for the policy Brunson agency, and we help men and women find that that mate. We help them get we help them work on and improve their skills in the in the very competitive arena of romance. And I think that everyone could use, most people could use a little help in those areas, obviously. So when they come to us, we try to see what they're working with and see how we can, we can benefit them. And so it's really important for someone to know themselves and for someone to be open and honest with where they are, so they can get to where they want to be to find a good relationship.
Awesome. Well, I'm glad you're here. So one of the first things I like to the, one of the first things I like to do when we do these shows is, kind of like, you know, have some baselines to find, you know, so around the topic of compatibility, you know, Brooklyn, you know, how do you define compatibility? What does it mean to you, and kind of, maybe how you relay it to the people that you work with.
Compatibility, for me is about finding, you know, the yin to your Yang. You know, finding out, finding that person who is is is good for you, as opposed to just good on paper, and that that has so much to do with who you are as a person. Because if you're you know you may have a very serious day job, for instance, but when you're not at work, you want to unplug. You want to be around someone that's cool. You want to be around someone who gets your sick and twisted sense of humor, and that's something that you can't just plug and play with anyone you know, even if, even if the things that people say they want are right you know, you'll talk to, I'll talk to a client, and they'll want someone who is equally yoked. They'll want someone who is, you know, wrapped in the lamb, in the blood of the Lamb, you know, like, women will come and say stuff like this, and it's like, what you're but when you when we're in the real world, you know, like, I like to, I like to to meet my clients in person and travel around, you know, like, travel around the city with my clients. And I'm like, you know, the guys you keep staring at don't look like they're wrapped in the blood of the Lamb. The guy that you were flirting with doesn't seem as if he was looking up from his Bible and when he heard God say, it's her. So I. You. You just have to, you have to be real with yourself and with whoever's trying to help you, if someone is trying to help you. But back to compatibility, I want to stay on topic. I want to focus it is it? It is about you, because the person could be great. You know, there are billions of great people, but they're not great for you unless they compliment, you know, with the E, not with the I. They compliment the way, the way you are, and the life that that you have, and you know, your mind, body and soul.
Okay? Rushing any thoughts on compatibility was
one of the things that I'm sometimes curious about is compat is it more more I think sometimes people get compatibility and like sameness, I guess you could say or like similar interests mixed up. Is it more important to be connected with somebody who's compatible, or more important for you to be with somebody who has similar interests,
compatible, because you know, someone can be, you can both be into classic African art and have, you know, and not be able to get along. Compatibility has nothing to do with with you being from the same background or ethnicity or education level. Compatibility is you and this other human are in the room and and the chemistry and the vibe and the way you relate to each other and get along, that's that's natural, that you can get rid of all the accessories and be a man and a woman. You know, it's kind of like if you crash land on an island and there are 20 survivors. You know, it doesn't matter, you know, unless you're literally helping somebody with a broken leg and you're a doctor, it doesn't matter what you were before. You know, on the island there are 10 men and 10 women, and eventually they're going to do what 10 men and 10 women do, you know? And they're going to couple off in the most compatible because the other stuff doesn't matter anymore. So when you're really getting into a relationship, you're really when you really get delving into the man and woman thing, that compatibility is not so much what you have in common in the things you like or say you like, or the things you do for a living, but the compatibility is is, is how we relate to each other. Just today, I was talking to I was talking to some young some young men, and they were all talking about their process for choosing their wives and girlfriends. And one of the things that we came across is, what does this woman act like when things go bad? The specific example we were discussing is around your family. So you travel, you know, you travel four states away, and you're at, you know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, someone's birthday, someone's wedding, at the home of your family, and something goes wrong to where she's mad at you about something that happened on a trip, happened before, something she found out about, how does she handle that while she's there at your mother's house? Wow, does she? Does? She put it on the shelf and say, You know what? When we get out of here, we're going to have to have a talk, or on a road trip back, I'm going to talk to this man about this, you know, or does she's like, if she's gonna say, I'll give a damn. Who's here, I'm upset right now, you know? And start flipping tables. And it takes a different kind of person. I'm not even gonna say talk about maturity. I'm just talking about different kinds different people are going to say, hey, you know what? This is my first time meeting his mother. She seems like a nice lady. I'm not going to blow this up right now. I can. I have a right to, but I'm not going to do that, you know, because it's just him. I'm going to get him in the car on the way back home. Um, and it's those two, those, those are two completely. It's twofold. That could be two different kinds of women, or it could be a woman at different stages of her life, or different stages of that week. You know, yesterday I would have let it slide, but, you know, but now I can't. Yeah, so today. Not today. It so, and it goes both ways, right, because a man can do absolutely the same thing. You're like, I know he's not about to trip in front of my parents, because, you know your parents, especially, I feel, especially as a woman, he could be dead to your parents that day, yeah, literally, like, Oh, you, you, you went, you know, you fronted on my daughter in front of me. Then what the hell are you doing when I'm not around? You're dead. I don't care if she loves you. I don't care if she says you're getting married next week. You're dead to me. So, I mean, you know, so it's, it's just one of those things. And I feel like compatibility has a bunch of those components in to where you're like, you know, we all say when we're talking about just in dating in general, right? You go out on a first date and the person is pleasant to you. They're pleasant to the wait staff. You know, they hold the door for old lady. They're doing things that they don't have to because they're a nice person. Okay? The people that are not nice, they're only nice to you. You said, I'm saying the man is only nice to you on the date. Well, he wants something from you. You're a beautiful woman. He wants a sexual favor of some point, at some point, right? So he's going to, he's going to be, even a sociopath is going to be selectively nice, so he can try to get what he wants. But he doesn't want anything from the old lady who's coming in the door behind y'all. He doesn't want anything from, you know, the 20 year old waiter, so he doesn't even consider treating those people with kindness or respect. And you know, you should take that as a red flag, obviously. But back to compatibility.
No. Well, for me, I think compatibility, I think there's, there's like mindedness. So we kind of have the same views on, you know, where we want to be in life, okay? We want to get married, we want to own a home, we want two kids, those kind of things. You kind of, you want to have some similar goals from that perspective. But I think compatibility for me is about the intangible, you know, that certain thing that you that's hard to quantify, like you said, complimentary with an E, which is kind of hard to describe, you know. So it's kind of like for me, I just know it when I see it, you know? And it's chemistry. That's Je ne sais quoi, you know, yes, he has a job and he has a car in his own place. He doesn't live with his mom in the basement, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah, when we when I feel that chemistry, you know, that's what drives that compatibility. And it's not always just sexual chemistry. It's mental you know, the mental stimulation that helps me feel like I'm compatible with somebody. So I think that's it's so hard, because it's like people say, Well, what kind of person are you looking for? Maybe, what kind of person you think you're compatible with? I don't know like. It depends like, and also depends on where you are in your life. Because as we get older, I think we get a little bit more rigid and kind of what are the things that we are willing to deal with in our ideas and ways of
thinking? We can pick here. We all do.
Yeah, I think I'm on a little bit of a delay. Can you guys hear
me, yes, yeah, we hear you. You don't seem delayed. Yeah, you seem cool.
Oh, okay. Earlier, Brooklyn, you mentioned in terms of chemistry, have you ever found that you were somebody that you were working with? They had amazing chemistry in terms of, like, their attraction to each other's. But just in life, they just sit in a just didn't kind of fit well together, but their chemistry was like off the charts.
That sounds like my life.
Yes. Well, the thing is, we're humans first, there's a lot of there's a lot of things we try to do with our head, but our hearts and our bodies are different. You could, I'm, I'm a firm believer in this, and I've seen it. You could walk into a room and, you know, and it's a room full of people, and you know, you're single, and you know the people are single. You could walk into a room and you can have chemistry. You can maybe harder for Steph, steps of sapiosexual, yeah, but, but it is very possible to walk into a room and feel chemistry with a person while talking to them, very little or not at all. You know, there is there. The souls can connect. The bodies can connect. You know, you can have chemistry without being at us at the same settled point in life, or without being, you know, being even right for each other. You know, there's, there aren't 7 billion people on the planet because everyone found their soulmate, right? There's 7 billion people on the planet because billions of people had sex with each other, right? That's, that's just a biological right? It is, it is not. I mean, people have kids from everything from arranged marriages to, you know, one night stands, yeah, so the the human race goes on. The human race doesn't care about your romantic comedy. You know, that's just what it is. Yeah. So
does that work out? Then, when people have this, like, amazing attraction chemistry, how does it tend to work out? But it's like, in other things, we're not, not really compatible. And like, if a guy came to you and it was just like, this woman, she's just amazing, like, I get around her, and everything inside me lights up, but we're like, we're not really compatible. We don't have similar interests, and not just similar interests, but we just don't it's 10 o'clock. Thank you computer. We just don't work well together.
Well, I've seen that. I've seen that work. You know, relationships, love is going to be work regardless, and it's they're just so many different levels, like I touched on arranged marriages earlier, arranged marriages work out at a higher percentage than us choosing our own mate. I mean, the people who people whose parents put them together sight unseen, you know, initially, they report initially that they don't really, they're not really that into each other, and then they'll start to like each other, and the like turns to respect, and respect turns to love. And then they're married for 70 years, you know. And part of that may be that the same social pressure that brought them together, and then they had some kids, and then they stayed that the culture may be, you know, totally against divorce, and that's part of it. But when those things happen, and I know people like this, when those things happen in America, you know, we're in you have, and you know, you live in America, you're not in whatever country your parents came from. So you kind of have the ability to just get an annulment, just get a divorce, just break away. And some people do do that. But still, on the whole it works. It works better. It eventually works out. So if you have the, if you have the out of the park chemistry, I mean, that's a that's actually a great start, right? Because so many people, I feel like a lot of, I feel like a lot of infidelity happens because a person is like, you know what? I'm a lawyer, he's a doctor. We're both professionals. We're both very well educated. This man is on my level. We can, we can do this. We can take over the world. We can be the hot couple and people. People think about what everybody else thinks and how impressive they are as a couple, but then, you know, she's he or she is looking at someone else who actually excites them. So to me, chemistry is a is a good part of compatibility because, or an important part, I should say, of compatibility because you want to be with someone who you want to be with. Yes, that chemistry can take different can take different forms. Well, first of all, let's let that hang in the air. Well, want to be with someone who you want to be with, right? I once told my friend Ron, we're talking one day, and, um, you know, I it was after a breakup. Um. Uh, you know, I'd broken up with my woman, and I was completely and totally and utterly single. And it was, it's been a few months, and I was talking to Ron, and I said, You know what? You know what I don't like? And he was like, what it's like women who I don't like. And it, because when you're and you you too, you two are attractive ladies, so this happens to you 100 times more than it has ever happened to me in my life. But
we're still on, okay? This has happened to me, right? And this has happened to you.
You're chilling, you're single, and it seems like every guy you don't like in the world,
yeah, that sounds like my where
are the guys who I want to holler at? Like, why? That's like the life story, you know, and they might be, they might be handsome, they might be, they might be great people. Like, you're great for someone else, you're not great for me, and, and, and once you we talked about, you know, being older and more mature, if you've been on the planet a few decades, you know damn well, if you like somebody or not, yeah, early, you know, like, there's, there's a there's a bar. You don't meet my threshold. Like I don't even, you know, I can't, I can't either. I can't have a conversation with you. You know, you're not in the realm of what I you know, of what I enjoy, or I'm not. I'm not feeling anything here. You know you have to, you have to know that. So for me, if you have that chemistry, then that's a great starting point, you know, because and I'm, and I'm not even talking about a purely sexual thing, no. I mean, as a human, you're going to again, the caveat of Steph. But I think even Steph can enjoy, you know, enjoy to look at a man. Oh, sure, um, you know. So you ladies, give me your thoughts on what I've said.
Now I, I it okay? So this a couple of things. So the car story that you told about, you know, riding in the car, going on this trip, and then when you get parents house, you know, there's some argument, but you're going to show it, you know, until that time I've been in that situation, I got into an argument with somebody on the way to my mother's house on Christmas Eve, your mother's I was on the way to my parents house with my mom's dad on the way to Chris on Christmas Eve, and that was the hardest night ever. But I didn't want to argue in front of my parents, because this is the first time meeting him, right, right? So I understand that in terms of maturity and knowing when to, you know, address certain things, and you want somebody that knows how to act in certain situations and how you didn't
blow it up and he didn't blow it up, right? No, we, we showed it
and then we just addressed it later. And I think that was good, because it gave time to cool off as well, you know? So anyway, so in terms of chemistry, um, I'm very much chemistry driven, and I'm, and I think I talked about this in before, in a lab where I'm, there are certain types of people that are crock pot people, and then there are certain type of people that need instant chemistry and that I feel like, what was the first one? What people, crock pot people, they're slow crock pot people, got it. You know, I'm not a slow burn, like I need it, like I need to see it instantly, like I have to feel that something. And so for me, I've had chemistry, that type of chemistry with people, but I feel like, just like you may have a chemistry with a person, it's the decision you make whether to act on that, and that makes the difference. Because so well, Rasheem was like, Well, why does it seem like these people won't get together? Or why does it work out because they didn't make the decision to act on it, or at least one part. So that's
a part of love that is analog, like you can feel something, but you also have to do something. Yes, yeah. Like that part of love is a decision, you know? It's a feeling, and then you make the decision to work on this and make this work. Yeah? Well, you both have to and that's where the rub lies, also, yeah, and
I actually talked to Rasheem, like a couple of nights ago, and I was telling her about a coworker that I thought was attractive, and we were both when I met him, I got pregnant, and then he was in a relationship, and. Then I was out of a relationship, then he was in another relationship, and the girl was living with him, and then three years later, he comes to Houston, we hang out, and we end up kissing. So, you know, it's like it was a very long process. So, you know, but the chemistry was there, and, you know, however, there were certain things that kind of detract from, you know, whether that person is on your radar. But I always liked him. I always thought he was attractive, but I didn't act on it, or realize, you know, what I could act upon until he we were in that space in my apartment. Do you know what I'm saying? So, and it's hard with coworkers. It's hard because you don't want to end up in HR for sexual harassment, for one thing. But I'm really big on chemistry. And it's like, you know, I can see a man, I can think he's attractive, but that doesn't make me attracted to him, you know. So that's kind of where the great area gets for me, you know, on chemistry. But as far as compatibility, you know, that's a little bit more once you get to know the person you know and like you say, you say you don't want people you don't want, or you want the people that want you, or you want, whatever, how you phrased it. And that's very much like how I am. It's like, like, like, I can see the dude. Like, within five minutes, I'm like, yeah. Like, no. I mean, and my Okay, Cupid inbox is full of those bozos, as you you would refer to. So it's like, they're bozos. Yeah, it's just like, not my thing.
I'm sure, I'm sure that mom loves them. Yeah, I'm sure that some women, for your purposes, yeah, they're, they're bozos. I mean, there's, there's so many people, and there's an article. I posted it on Facebook. Check it out. It was by a man named Oliver Pemberton, and he talks about fairness, people's idea of fairness. Like, you know, you know, he literally talks about, he has, like, a dude that's like, well, I sent her 100 pictures of my junk. Why doesn't she like me? Why won't she return my calls? It's like, dog the issue is, there are just so many people in the world, right? And everybody knows hundreds or 1000s of people. And Stephanie to return your affection, you know, but to put it as scientifically as possible, who is you? Who are you that Stephanie should stop everything and give you her love and affection. Who are you? What have you done? You're Joe Schmo off the street. You know, it doesn't matter if you're the most successful lover since Don Juan. Who the hell are you? Rasheem doesn't know you. Stephanie doesn't know you. Young. Metro doesn't trust you. Who are you? Right? So when you, when you, when you are making your case, because you are making your case, right? If someone is, if someone is of high value, then you're going to have to deal with competition. Everything else is your ego talking. Your ego is like, Oh, those other girls like him, I don't have time for that. You do have time for that. If he's exactly your cup of tea or coffee, you do absolutely have time for that. And, um, and that's where the reciprocity comes in. You like someone, they like you. Nine times out of 10, there's going to be somebody else waiting in the wing trying to get what you're trying to get or trying to get who is trying to get you. You know, he for every man talking to you, there's going to be some women interested in him, but he's like, No, I'm interested in her. So that that's just what it is. And it to some people, it's not going to seem fair, but to the guys, and I tell guys this all the time, guys, step your game up, you know, like, just because you have some women that like you in your sweats while you're barely working, that's not going to be your ultimate woman. You know, like the woman that you were, the woman of your dreams, is going to need you to be at the top of your game. And that's, that's just, that's just what it is. That's kind of how people are. So when we're talking about compatibility, we're talking about I'm the best for you and you're the best for me. And together, whatever we're doing, we're traveling the world together, we're watching Netflix, or we're simply riding in the car on a holiday to go to an obligatory event. We can mesh together. We can work well together. We can stand to be around each other. That's the other thing people forget as a grown up, and this is sometimes this is difficult to write. Everybody's a professional, everybody's an adult. Everybody has been on their own for years, presumably, right? So when you're like that, it's very difficult to have anybody in your space, man, woman or child. You know, friend, sibling. I have a twin sister, you know, and you know, I have to call my twin sister. I can't just pop up at her house. We're twins. How do I know? Because I have popped up at her house and she's like, What are you doing here? Why didn't you? I'm like, we're twins. Yeah. So anyway, I say all that to say, um, that's, that's what it is. So I think compatibility is, is even at a higher level in 2016 than it was in in 1966 because you have your whole entire as a woman, you have, you're an adult, and you have your whole entire separate life. You weren't just waiting around, you know, at 1819, and 20, in your parents house, waiting for whoever asked you to marry them. You know, saying it's just different. So you have an adult life. So compatibility takes on even more layers, right?
You said something earlier to Brooklyn. You said you're basically something like your ideal person, or the person who's right for you isn't going to need you to be on your A game. Can you say more about that?
It No, not, isn't. Is is going to need you to be on, oh, they, yeah, your ideal person, you know, if you your ideal person needs you to be at your best, right? I'm not saying all the time. I'm not saying that you can't catch the flu. I'm not saying you can not have a day without makeup or bad hair day, you know you can't get chubby. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that when you're when you're when you are at your best is when your potential is highest. So you know you're doing, you're doing something for yourself. You know you're actually in the gym and going, not just paying like I do, you know, in the gym and you're going, you're you're working on that project at work. You are writing your book. You are in your personal zone, right? That's it. You are volunteering at the local theater. You are living your life. You are You know, you are fulfilling your purpose. You are really living your life. You are enjoying your life. You're right. And if it sends out, you know, it sends out a glow that might as well be a times square neon sign. It just sends out positive energy into the universe. And people see that. And you are at your most attractive when you are living your life. So when you get to that high, like you any of us, we can always get someone, but you get you can get the one when you are really shining, like you're really benefiting yourself and the world around you. At that point, I feel this is my personal feeling on it. I feel that you can really attract the best, the best available for you to yourself. You know, it's hard to attract that if you're living at a low vibration, if you're depressed, if you're if you're depressed and you hate your job and your argument your whole family and you think life sucks in general, it's very hard for some dude to turn around and be like, Hey, you are shining your light on the world right now, because you're not shining your light on the world right now. You know you are. Walking around with a gray cloud over your head, and even if that person is a great person for you, it's going to be hard to see that through the haze of the or even to react properly to that energy. You see what I'm saying. So that's why I said, you know, you have to be your best self. And I believe that I'm not just talking about women. I believe that as a man, you know, you have to, I've seen, you know, I've seen men in the doom and gloom of depression, or, if not, clinical depression, just like kind of down on themselves, and kind of, you know, angry at the world, or whatever the case may be, like a lot of they don't meet the best women for them when they're in that mind state like you, it's very hard to to win. I even hate the word win right now, because some people are totally abusing the word when it is it is very hard to get what the universe has for your best self if you're not being your best self. And of course, your best self is a journey. I'm not saying wake up tomorrow and be 100% but you should be going 7580 8590 95 100 you should be, you should be walking toward that goal. You should be working toward that goal. And while you're working toward that even if you're not all the way up there, you will attract, you will attract what you need. The universe always provides.
I have an assumption. You tell me if I'm right, Brooklyn, I have an assumption, and I know it could be totally baseless and so way off. I assume that when guys come to you about what their right fit is and what they're the person that is compatible with them at all that they talk a lot about what she physically looks like. And I also have assumption that women talk more about not even just about personality, but financially stable, right? And that could be completely off. That could be not the people that come to you, but when you do get clients, where are the guys typically focusing and where are the women that you found typically focusing on?
Well, I think that,
I think that women overestimate men as far as their need for the physical. I think I think that men have, they have a they have a bar. Men are visual. We are visual, right? But there is a bar, right? Like you can like, I grew up loving Holly Berry. I've had a crush on holly berry since 1986 so I think Halle Berry is absolutely gorgeous to this day, right? I'm sure I've said it if, usually, if I get a microphone in front of me, Halle Berry, you better never put me on TV, because, Halle Berry, so, um, but I think that with men, and I was actually talking with the same group of guys about this today. Women think that men are all like up here. But I think what it is is there is a bar. There is a threshold, like of attractiveness. Every guy and every guys is probably slightly different, but this is, you know, this is the bar A woman has to meet as far as his record physical requirements, you know, she has to look this good, right? And once she looks this good, that's thrown out the window. We don't care anymore. She looks good enough, right? And that may sound harsh, I don't know how that's taken over on the other side of the screen, but you need to look good enough. But now that you look good enough, there's so many other things. How cool are you again? You know, I'll take the woman that looks good, I know. I mean, I mean, and that's, that's going to be a really good looking woman to me, in my eyes, you know, my woman is always going to be fine, right? So, and, um, once you have that, it's, it's about coolness, because we have to spend time together. If we're together, we're going to spend. Time together. So while a woman may like, you know, a woman may like a man may say, oh, man, I wish I could be with, you know, or I wish this woman looked like whoever. That's just, that's not real. Real is the woman that you're laying next to at night, the woman that you're hanging out with, the woman that you can travel across the world with and enjoy each other. So physical is important to a man to a limit. A man wants a woman that he's attracted to, right? But that is just to a point. The other thing you know, then we're talking about intelligence. We're talking about compatibility, we're talking about chemistry, we're talking about kindness. I mean, it's a cruel world out there. So and I know people who are with people who are not kind, and I'm like, How could you, you know? I mean, I don't give a damn what you have going for you when you're with someone in a romantic relationship, you know you're going to need some kind of kindness, because something's going to happen in a time you're together, someone that you know and love is going to die, someone that they know and love is going to die, someone's going to get sick. You know, some some bad things are going to happen, because bad things are always happening. So, you know? So it's, it is not about, and I think I've said this on a previous lab, like, men don't marry the most beautiful woman. They don't just stop at the most beautiful woman they've ever been with, or the, you know, the the one that everyone thinks is attractive or whatever. I mean, it's cool. You might, you could, but even if you married the most beautiful woman that you've ever met in your life, it's going to be for other reasons. Besides it should be, if you want it to last, for other reasons. Besides that. Now, women, women have a whole other thing going on, right? They have the morals, the values that their parents, their friends, their colleagues, you know, think are important. They're wondering if they can bring this guy to the annual Christmas party. They're wondering if, they're wondering if this guy, you know, goes to church enough days of the year to qualify for, you know, the the blood of the lamb award. They really, they really have a bunch of prerequisites going on. You know, I make this much money. This guy needs to make as much or more than I do. I have a certain lifestyle. This guy needs to be prepared to, you know, pull out his passport and and do XYZ. This guy needs to understand that, you know, you know, my gifts I get on these holidays need to have two Fs on them, or 2g on them. You know, it those, those requirements vary wildly, right? This is why. This is why a man, this is why a pretty woman could drive. I'm dating myself, a Geo Metro or Chevy Chevette, and guys are still going to holler at her, right? This is why, you know a woman, and I've seen it just, it's so funny to me, right? A woman can be a neurosurgeon and drive a Toyota Corolla, because she's a woman. She can drive, you know, she can drive Alexis, she can drive a Mercedes, but she could also, she could drive whatever she wants to. Yeah, I is going to try to drive something commensurate to what his what he believes his status is, or what he, you know, whatever. Often, right, often, because, and I personally think, you know, I'm a car guy. I have a lot of cars. I don't think I ever got a woman based on cars ever, I've never tried. I don't think I ever have right, but so I think it's a foolhardy but I know guys with 200 $300,000 cars. I think it's hilarious. I mean, if you're into those cars, go for it. But if you think that that is a path, a path to a path to to to vagina, the love of your life, your soul mate, you're.
Yeah, okay, so just to kind of, kind of fought to follow up on that. So, like you were saying, like women, you know, they have these long lists of things, you know, he has to be sacrificed, you know, in the blood of the Lamb and all these other things, as far as his first going habits and how much money he makes, and can she take him to the family reunion? Will she he get along with her crazy uncles and just, you know, whatever? How do you specifically help women who have this wide range of things? How do you help them gain clarity on what the non negotiables are and what is what they can flex around
like we talk, we talk about it, because a lot of that stuff falls away when you, when you, when you speak to someone, and you get a deep understanding of what they actually want. Because men and women, you know, not beating up on women here. Men and women have things that they say that they want, but you say you want this, but this is not these are not traits of anyone who you've ever been in a relationship with, or anyone that has ever lit your fire, right like so you have to be more honest with yourself. And we try to peel back the layers of the onion and get to that, you know. And we often do, because it's, you know, you find out what this person's actual values are, and you match up with that. And you try to find someone compatible with that. You try to find a starting point to where. And I think what's most important is I try to get women to date. You know, women, some clients, clients and friends. They do this. They want to meet a guy. They want to meet their husband. Introduce me to my husband, yeah, but that's not how life works. Because, you know, romance, like I said earlier, romance is a competitive sport. So you want to date a few people, you want to find out who you like, who you don't like. You want to find out about about yourself, because that's the other part of this business. When matchmaking, you know, you can meet a 40 year old woman who has had one boyfriend 10 years ago. Easily, you can meet someone who's 35 and they've been in, you know, they got their law degree and then they went and got their medical degree, and they've been in school since they were children, and they they they're in school getting A's, and they literally have not had time for romance, right? Literally, you know, they may or may not be a virgin, but they don't have any relationship experience and and they're, they're real people like that, and they and they need, they need some guidance, and when they so what they're looking for. You know, those of us who have dated a lot know exactly what we want, and that's the good thing about experience, and that's the other thing we have to do to part ways for a couple seconds on the compatibility thing, Jen love and I were talking about this the other day, and I was saying to her that there's there, there. There's this stigma and there's this problem that we need to get as humans we need to get past, right this, this thing says that a guy should have 15 or 20 lovers before he gets married, and a Woman should have one or two or none. So who the hell are these guys sleeping with? Good question, Who the hell each other? If the gift the guys have all this experience, right, have no experience or very little experience, then a Who the hell are these guys sleeping with? And then B, what is so fun about being with an extremely inexperienced
woman? What's
what is the because this whole Madonna whore complex happens where you know this woman has to, at the same time, be the Virgin Mary and but then the night you marry her, she's going to be this porn star.
How? How is that possible? How? How that doesn't reconcile. It just.
Doesn't it's not realistic. And I think that, you know, there's a culture of that, you know, there's, there's a there's a culture, and I think it causes so many problems in so many ways. So, you know what people have to do. People do need to get experience, and it's not even from a sexual perspective, right? We're not telling our clients, hey, we're gonna set you up with these five guys. Sleep with all of them. See which one you like the best. It's not like that. But you go on a date, you kind of see how this date goes. You go on a date with a different guy, you see how this date goes. And you know, you know what? I like the demeanor of the first guy better. I like, I like that on a date, then you go on a third date, and you're like, okay, and you know exactly what you like, because people are, people are getting married not knowing what they like. People are, you know, having kids with people not knowing what they like like, you have to know yourself. You know. You have to be unapologetic about empowering yourself and knowing what you like and knowing what you love. You know.
So do you recommend that women dates multiple people at a time?
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, a commitment. Is just that a commitment? When you say, You know what we've been dating, and I like you more than the other guys, and what's up, you know and or you know what we've been dating, and I think we should make this official, or whatever. You know, I like you. You like me. Write a note about it, whatever you
want to do that out that sounds like, are we gonna do this or not?
Like that's where I'm at. I don't got time to play games, like we go together away, um, you
know, I think that's organic. And I think that happens when you realize that you, you have, you know, you have experience, and you're like, hey, you know what this person is? Great. I'm gonna, I want to rock with this person. Do
you find that it's more? Which one do you find easier? I should say, like, if a person has been married and then they were married for years, and then they haven't dated, and they try to date, or people who have, like you mentioned, they got their XYZ degrees or whatever, or they've been dating here and there. Which one do you find more difficult? Because I'm assuming, again, and this assumption may be wrong, that is harder for people who have been married for a long time to date, but I don't know. Have you had some experience with that in terms of compatibility? Do they just not want whatever they had before? Oh, wow.
Both cases are difficult, and here's why, if you got married when you were 18, and that this happens, you got married when you were 18, and you're now 38 there was no Tinder, WhatsApp, Facebook, there wasn't even MySpace when you got married. So the game is different, like, it's not different in that there's still a man and a woman or two people trying to get together, but things have it's almost like someone walking out of jail, you know, wearing their Earth, being RAM, Dookie, rope, chain, Doug. It's, well, that's actually come back. So that's a bad analogy, but, you know, it's, it's just one of those things where people are going to be out of the game, but it's almost equal, because at some point that person attracted someone, married someone, and was living hand in hand with this person until it stopped working out. But they at least were in a relationship when you have the when you have the studious man or woman who has just been studying, they never got the requisite skill. So they haven't been negotiating whose house to go to on Thanksgiving. They haven't been doing the give and take. They haven't taken care of anybody who's sick. They're, you know, in in some aspects, they're no different than a teenager falling in love because they they just don't have that relationship experience, and they were just doing something to benefit themselves for all these years being in, you know, being in school. So I. Or or doing whatever, or growing their business, or whatever. So it is. I think I can give the divorce person a slight advantage, because there's gonna they have some setbacks with having the actual divorce, having the hurt feelings, working through that, being apart from the person they've been with the last 1020, years, but they have some relationship skills. That's how the marriage held together the time it was together. But the other kind of client at sometimes has almost no skills. But what's really intriguing to me about this business and about those clients is that they knock everything else out the park. You know, they have 25 people working for them, and they're able to take care of all those people, make those people productive. So they have some communication skills. They have leadership skills, you know, they they're at the top of their game. They're at the top of their game in every other aspect. So it's always, it's always interesting. It's like, you know, well, when you teleconference with 15 people, you don't have a problem. So we just need to address we just need to turn that corporate side off, turn on a romantic side, you know, take off the business suit, you know, dress like you're going on a date and and make that part of life happen. And I think that the clients that we have are always really intelligent people, really driven people, and once we get them to to to recognize the part of themselves that they have to access in order to to interact in the romantic realm, Then I think they grasp that and they prosper if they're willing to listen.
Well, some of the things that you're talking about, and kind of what I got from you, as far as, like, people that may have married early and 15 or 20 years later, they come out of a relationship, I kind of understand that the landscape has changed. Oh, absolutely right, with this social media. And, you know, online dating being so regular and accepted now. And you know there's and so then, you know, your purview has changed. The access to people has changed, the amount of people, the amount of competition you have has changed. It's not just in your 10 mile radius, it's, it's, it's global. So yeah, there it could be daunting. On a personal level, I could say that, you know, I've moved around quite a bit. I've lived in different cities, and so I've lived in cities where I literally didn't know anyone, and so it caught some of that caused me to be single for extended periods of time, and so in my 20s, I probably was single probably about five years, and then I've been single for about six years now.
So what state you live in now? What city I
live in? Houston, I lived in Dallas. I've lived in Austin and I lived in Philly.
So I've heard I have, I have friends and family in Houston and Dallas and
very different from each other. They're
different from each other, but the women complain to me in both of those cities, Dallas about, yeah, when we were in Dallas the other day, there were, you know, all of my cousins were there, and they're because we went to the Giants and Cowboys game, and one of one of my cousins was approached by a woman. You know, some of them live in Dallas, some live in New York, everywhere else. One of them was approached by a woman, and she started a conversation with him and another cousin. And, you know, after a few minutes, she was like, You're from Dallas, aren't you? This guy? This particular one was he was born and raised there. You're from Dallas, aren't you? And he was like, yes. She was like, I know you guys. Don't. You guys don't holler at women. They don't. What do you mean? Because the other guys were like, they were
it's different.
Go ahead, I'll let I'll let Steph take
this. It's so frustrating, and I have this example. So a lot of people that come to Dallas, especially if you live in North Dallas, it's like upwardly mobile. A lot of people are transplants, and so most of the time when you meet. Somebody from Dallas, they're usually not from there, but the people that you do meet that are from there, you can tell immediately. So I have a friend that I met when I was living there. She's from Oklahoma, and she went to school in Mississippi, and she we all. We were like, these guys here are so lame. They don't try to talk to you. Blah, blah, blah, this and other we had gone to a party. All the guys were all up on the wall, you know, just standing around, looking at their phones and blah, blah, blah. And she's like, Yeah, she's like, you can't pay a guy to give you a compliment in Dallas, you can't. You can't pay a guy to come up to you. You can't, like, you can't to engage with you in conversation. How was your name? Like, you can't. They will not initiate so, so a little bit later, she's like, girl, you know, do you want to go to my homecoming for my school? She went to Jackson State. Okay, Jackson state's homecoming is lit. Of course, I'm going. We had a fun time. The men were so different. They were like, they were like, they would come up to you and not even really want anything just to tell you, Oh, you're pretty, oh, you got some nice legs. Oh, like, Oh, your hair is cute. Like, just very complimentary. And people think of Texas as the South, and you know, this southern hospitality, but the people were very different there. The guys, especially, they had no problem approaching a woman and just giving her a compliment without expecting something in return. So how are they getting into
relationships? Are the women? That
was my next question. How in the hell are Dallas guys getting in relationships or even getting laid? Well, the men
that I dated there were not that while I was there that I actually dated were not from there. So,
so, but I mean, the guys who actually live in Dallas, you would but at some point you would think they would ponder a woman,
maybe women that are that are from Dallas, understand these men that are from, you know, that are in Dallas, I really don't. It's very perplexing. And the other thing that I had a problem with was married men approaching me and, I mean, like, it was really bad. Like, I had several instances, like, numerous times where, you know, it's just like a lot of married men to one where it was like, it was so close that he was actually married to my best friend's line sister, and I didn't know that. Like, right? Yeah, so, and just crazy things like that. And so dating in Dallas is hard. Socially, Dallas is very black and white. You know, is the color like that color line is very like, all the black people live on the south side. Most of the white people live on the north side. Then you have sprinklings of, you know, these transplants that come to the north side of Dallas to work. So it's just not a lot of mixing, and it's just a hard place to make friends. You know, I just didn't do well. But then people from Dallas hate Houston. They hate it. So, you know, I don't know. I
want to, I want to give a quick shout out and acknowledgement to Brooklyn for page. And I also want to give a shout out, kind of channeling him right now with his whole situation,
I know this week, but this is just me, right?
And I so appreciated the the reference to ponder, because he pondered the hell out of that woman. Yeah, see though I appreciate that.
But anyway, go ahead. I guess I wanted to, just to wrap that part up, is that I feel like, in being single for extended periods of time that I don't have the skill, or I don't have enough skill to date effectively, and it rattles my confidence and in dating, so then I'm less likely to put myself out there. Does that make sense?
It does, and we'll work on that, you and I will you and I will work on that. All right, it's, it is? It is a skill like everything else, you know there, there. If you know how to drive a car, you know how to drive a car because you you learn how to drive a car. Same thing with changing your oil, changing a tire, same thing with someone doing brain surgery. It's more, much more simple, obviously, than surgery. But you there's, there is a level of skill and a mindset that it takes to get good results in in dating. It is about finding opportunities, but it's also about exploring and exploiting those opportunities. Opportunities in the best way possible. And you know, every success, every success and every failure brings lessons with it. So the more you date, the more you learn, the easier it gets. You know, if you if you go on one date a year, if it doesn't work out, it hurts and it you kind of mull over it, right? But if you go on seven dates a year, then you're going to learn something out of all those seven dates, and you're going to fine tune what you want, and you're also going to be a little easier, a little more light on your feet when you're on these states, because it's like anything else you know, experience breeds confidence in that way. So you also have to, I think people, General, men and women, have to put less stock in each individual date or each individual interaction, and also, don't save yourself, right? Don't save yourself for, you know, don't, don't sit. I mean, well, I'm just talking about socially, not physically, right? Yes, socially, don't. You know, you don't have to save yourself for Luke Cage. Socially, you know, when someone's talking to you, you can talk to them, you can get experience. You can be, you can be more social. No one runs out of things to say when they're talking to their friends. Like men always run out of things to say to women, but they don't ever run out of things to say to other guys. You know, I can talk about cars from 6am to 6pm you know? I mean, I actually can talk about relationships and dating and love for the same amount of time, because I can pretty much just talk, as I've proven tonight again. But
how does that translate? If you don't mind me asking this Brooklyn, and if it's too much, then you tell me, how does that translate in your dating life? So I have a few questions around that, in terms of like, Do women see you and it's just like, you know, he's the, he's the dating guru person. So he probably just, you know, he just the expert at warning game so much that it doesn't look like game. It's like, I, you know, it's, it would probably be something that I would think about if I was dating somebody in a particular field, and also I know that we know a lot about how you know a lot about how to get people together. Do you know anything about and can you speak to how to consciously uncouple not really break up, because I don't like the term, because I feel like nobody's really broken. You just kind of like, uncoupled. Do you have so one, does it? How does this, all of this advice and you being a matchmaker translate into your life? And also, do you have any information for people transitioning out of relationships? Every time I ask Brooklyn a question, he get like, quiet. He takes deep breaths
because I want to write down. I want to write down each part of your, of your, oh, sorry,
I'm asking him five part questions. Okay
with the outline, right? So the professor in you, I know. So
as far as I don't think that being in the matchmaking day coaching business has affected my romantic life in any way, just it, just, it just hasn't, I mean, I've been, you know, for for many years, for decades, before I ever thought about doing this professionally, I've just been an aerospace guy, a really technical guy, you know, it's always Marine Corps, Department of Defense, you know, Presidential stuff. It's just, it's always been extremely technical and but that part, there's nothing really romantic about that. But I think that my off duty, the non military side of me, has always been a really social person and and a really empathetic person. Because I feel like even though some people, some people lack skills that I some men lack skills that I may have, I can feel for them, because we've all been there. We've all had the butterflies in our stomach. We've all wanted someone, and we're not able to articulate it. It, we've all frozen up for humans. I think that when a woman you know meets me, and she's when women meet me, you know, when my woman met me. She was aware that
trying to put this the best way possible, because it is being recorded gingerly when, when my woman met me. She recognized that I was probably that I probably knew my way around, confidently expressing myself to women. And that was attractive because there are enough bozos who have no idea what to do or say, and in my experience, a woman does not want to hold a man's hand. This is how you unlock the combination. Oh, my
God, that's so true. That is so true. Well,
you have any as we close out, we're getting into the to the end of the hour. What is some advice you have in terms of compatibility, finding the right match? What can you leave us with? Like, if someone is in a situation they want to date, they want to get out there. They're not quite confident. Can you give them something right now that they could do within the next 30 days that will get them moving in the right direction? Yeah,
I would say to talk to someone every day you get coffee in Starbucks. Tell someone that their shoes are nice, ask them where they got them. Compliment somebody. Talk to somebody show interest in other human beings for no purpose other than to show interest in other human beings. I love Get out. Get out of your own head. Get out of your own ego. You're not the only person on the planet. The 7 billion of us go ahead and make someone else's day
that sounds emotionally draining.
It's nothing it takes. It's really not. It's nothing from A to light another candle. It takes nothing from the first can. No, I get it if you're literally getting your Starbucks and you say, hey, those are some, those are some pretty shoes. Oh, thanks. And the person keeps walking. I don't see how that's emotionally draining. Now I have empathy. So if that is truly emotionally draining. I understand and I feel you, but I'm just talking about steps. I'm just talking about getting in the habit of when you know, so, so then when a nice guy does approach you, you know, you can be accustomed to talking to other human beings. I mean, it's because the world can be a very cruel place. You know, I've known people who are like, You know what? No one has talked to me at work this week, like I've at work and I'm in my cubicle, and unless something went down, you know, they emailed me. But unless something went down, something bad happened. No one said hi, no one came. I mean, it's it this, these things happen, right? So it's up to you to commune with the world, yeah, but I want to, I want to get to, I want to get to for a few seconds. Rasheems earlier question about effective uncoupling. I feel like effective uncoupling, the key to that is kindness. You know, be be kind and be gentle. If a relationship doesn't work out, that's fine. And although that really sucks, you can uncouple. I saw that you froze for a while there. Rasheem, I don't know if you heard but if you heard what I was saying. I was talking. I got to uncoupling. I did wraps up. Okay, listen, when you you know you're uncoupling. Overdo what I have. And I advise my friends to overdo it on kindness, you know, because, you know, five years from now, 10 years from now, when that person thinks back upon the end of your relationship, don't let it be about, you know, throwing pots and pans or putting someone's stuff on the curb or talking about somebody's mom. Let it be about a mute. Mutual, a mutual understanding that this isn't working anymore and we're going to go our separate ways. I think you absolutely cannot go wrong. You know, with that approach a in case you because you might get back together, but if you never get back together, at least you know you didn't burn torch explode that bridge to where you can't look each other in the face if you run into each other at a gas station.
Okay. Love it. Thank you. Thank you so much. Brooklyn, you are awesome. As usual. I'm gonna start calling you Luke Cage on the low though. Hey, Luke Cage, I don't know, are you diesel like him? No, not currently, not really. Okay, you super tall, so you get a pass. Yeah, appreciate it. So thank you again, so much. This has been a really great show on compatibility, choosing the right mate. My the host and eco host, Stephanie Spann and myself really thank everyone who is watching this live as well as everyone who is watching the replay. We're going to give you ways to get in contact with all of us. First, we're going to let our special guest tell us all the different ways that you can get in contact with him. Stephanie will let you know how to get in contact with her, and I will let you know all the different ways on social media that you can stalk me as well. But we're going to start with Brooklyn.
Thanks. Brooklyn Taylor, you can find me on Facebook. Brooklyn Taylor, you can find me on Twitter, Brooklyn PCB Papa Charlie, bravo. You can. You can find me on Instagram at King, underscore, underscore, Brooklyn, and you can find me at PCB agency.com as well as policy brunson.com Absolutely. Thank you, ladies, I really appreciate you having me, and this has been incredible as always. Thank you for the questions, thank you for the love. Thank you for the insight. Thank
you. We appreciate you so you can find the hers, mine and yours group on Facebook as well, as you can find me on Twitter at social stuff, and you can also find the hers, mine and yours YouTube channel. Well, I will be uploading and transferring all the videos and creating playlists, and, you know, providing those links to our Facebook page and on Twitter as well. So look out for that. So Rasheem,
I am Rasheem. Find me at S rasheem.com on Twitter. I'm s Rasheem on Snapchat. If you're nosy like me and like to be all in people's business like I do, I'm on Snapchat at s dot Rasheem on Instagram. Guess what? It's as Rasheem. If you want to check me out on Facebook, I switched it up just a little bit. It's Rasheem. Rasheem. You know what I mean? So nice. You got to say it twice. I look forward to hearing from you. Please do subscribe to this channel. Please do subscribe to hers, mine and yours channel. If Brooklyn has a channel, you might want to subscribe to hit to his as well. Thank you again. So much. Have a fantastic night. We're
dead. Ladies. Good night, Brooklyn. You.