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well hello All You Beautiful

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[Music]

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People you know what time it

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is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and

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everyone in

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between gather around get you something

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real nice to sip on and comfy to slip

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on cuz it's time for smut Club here's

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your hosts Chelsea and

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[Applause]

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[Music]

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Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut

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club I'm Hannah and I'm

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Chelsea and this is the podcast where we

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are two therapists who review books

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what last episode we're literally like

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we've really nailed our elevator pitch

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on this show and I feel like the look in

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your eyes is like is this right

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yeah um yeah so this is smut Club yeah

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we are two licensed mental health

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therapists Y and we like to Day drink

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and review trashy romance novels

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sometimes I was going to say sometimes

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classy really rarely classy usually

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trashy yeah usually trashy yeah and

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Welcome to our very special

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Thanksgiving episode woo woo I think

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this is uh not that really anything as

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special about it outside of the way the

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calendar fell where it's just like

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actually being released on Thanksgiving

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Day right unless I looked at the

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calendar wrong and it's not being

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released which is possible but enjoy

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your either soon to be or I hope you

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enjoyed your

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reing Thanksgiving holiday or if it is

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Thanksgiving enjoy your Thanksgiving lot

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to be grateful for folks so much

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including today's book well do we have

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that to be great for what's it called

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Hannah it's called Full

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sack which

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okay I'm going to deeply regret this

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question and it might be addressed

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within the book at some point so when we

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were talking about books for

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Thanksgiving and we landed on full sack

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uhhuh I was like yeah that seems like a

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Thanksgiving like name and now I'm like

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is it it feels more like a Santa like a

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the the gift sack you know right right

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right um

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no no what to all of

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it

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because I had the same thought after I

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outlined it

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but it's definitely a Thanksgiving book

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um and that it takes place on

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Thanksgiving so

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so why is it called Full Sac oh

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honey okay I'm just going to save my

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questions until we get further into full

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sack by Leila Fay that's not real it's

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not but I like it Leila Fay it rolls off

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the tongue very nicely it feels like a

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um a very Southern first

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yes it's like le la F something LE Smith

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name right but it's not and say is

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spelled f

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AE oh yeah that makes it feel even less

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real correct and Leila is spelled like

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Eric Clapton would spell it the

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traditional way

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yeah

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mhhh

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yeah we work in mental health and have

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worked with lots of clients with varying

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names over the years but it is always

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funny when you're like trying to get

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someone's name and I remember I like

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said to a woman one time I was like yeah

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their name is Jordan spelled

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traditionally and there was like a long

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pause how else would you spell she was

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like could you spell that for me and in

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my head I'm like what is the non like

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maybe a y maybe I knew a guy whose dad

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was Donald and so his name was Jordon

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like with an O instead but like that

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poor guy yeah and it was pronounced

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Jordon if you said Jordan his mom would

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get annoyed uh it was one of those

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situations but I'm like if you say

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Jordan the traditional

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way that's not one that I thought you'd

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be like oh there's a lot of options like

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the river Jordan like I don't know

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you're like like Michael yes you're like

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we there are only so many options

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for the normal

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spelling because it's just the normal

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spelling right yeah the traditionally

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accepted spelling yeah like I I feel

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like if you say I uh my name is Ashley

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spelled traditionally right with an ey

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and not an EIG H or whatever yes yeah so

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I really thought it was the same but

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nope I still wonder when I'm like Jordan

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spelled traditionally long pause can you

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spell that for me I'm like what what is

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what was the option we were going to go

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with as our personal traditional way

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like we all have our own family

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tradition so if yours involves spelling

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a name differently no judgment no

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judgment okay so leil la Fay yeah the

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very real human has written in a

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Thanksgiving smut book called Full sack

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and this is actually I discovered the

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sixth in the series they're all

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Standalone but they're all holiday books

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are they all the same like are they all

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Thanksgiving or we choose a different I

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think it's different holidays I didn't

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read any of the other ones

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[Music]

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um one was enough for me personally um

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and isn't it great when you can read one

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book by an author go I know everything I

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need to know yeah how efficient of me

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well recently this is so ridiculous I

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started a series that was like 28 books

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long

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okay and I was like this will be good

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was a motorcycle club it wasn't I was

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like this will be a good like I can put

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it down and pick it up whatever kind of

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palette cleanser I

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figured I'm ashamed to admit I've read

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15 of them and was like I hate

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these and I was like yeah no I I hate

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them a lot which book did you start to

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feel the hate I think like pretty early

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but I kept hoping that like because each

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one followed a different couple and like

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there were a few of them that I did en

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right and so I was like okay so maybe

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the next one will be like this earlier

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one or whatever and then I was just like

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at one point I was like oh my God this

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is awful I'm so

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done I was reading a

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series years ago it had like eight total

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and I think I made it to like halfway

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through the fourth or something and I

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was literally just like I I can't do

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this anymore yeah like we we've really

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tried mhm and you know know for all of

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those people much like my best friend's

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husband who told me you just need to get

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through the first however many seasons

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of Lost before it gets good and like

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things like that actually I feel like

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that wasn't the situation with lost I

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feel like lost started strong and then

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really fell off yeah um but then I feel

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like they're like it got bad but if you

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stuck out for a couple Seasons then it

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got better and I'm like I am my heart

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I'm going to say I'm not the person to

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stick something out for several seasons

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on the off chance it'll get better but I

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do read several series on the it'll get

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better it will get better right yeah but

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yeah at some point I'm like it hasn't

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yet and I'm unwilling to commit to the

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rest of the journey for it to get there

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right and but you know cherry-picking

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this book because it happened to be a

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Thanksgiving book and

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reading it was enough for me to say you

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know the rest of the series probably

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isn't for me I don't need to go back and

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read the others so yeah getting into it

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tell us more we open with

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Jennifer um who is our main chick and

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she is in the super gross dark alley and

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she's really nervous she's in like her

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skimpiest dress and her highest heels

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and she is going up to a door that has a

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raccoon painted on

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it and she is just continuously thinking

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how desperate she is to save her cat who

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is named Mr

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pointy

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and he's three and he's very sick and

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all the vets that he she has taken him

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to they've all told her

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like he he's not going to make it like

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if we were in nature this wouldn't even

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be a conversation yeah it was like oh

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he's got like maybe a cool six months

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like enjoy that time like there's

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nothing we can do and

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she there is this being who is called

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raccoon um that

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supposedly um can do

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anything um and like provide anything

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can like make dreams come true so

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there's essentially a magic Genie named

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raccoon correct and um it it keeps

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alluding to like she knows the price she

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understands the price and she's willing

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to pay it but we don't know what the

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price is yet we just know that she is

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desperate and she is willing because she

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wants to save her cat um and

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so um she do you have a cuz you and I

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both big pet people and all of all of

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your pets have extra medical needs they

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do most of them yeah yeah I guess not

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are do any not is

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Georgie uh so Georgie has some messed up

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ears okay um because he was out for so

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long but that's probably going to get

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better and he'll be fine okay but then

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we have our fat cats that most people

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forget that we have Annie and Lizzy who

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are fine they're just fat I absolutely

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forgot about Annie and Lizzy I know

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everybody does because we don't talk

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about them because they're just living

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their best life yeah and all of your

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your other pets do require a little bit

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more they do energy and attention mhm

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so is there a numeric threshold where

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it's if if what they need is over blank

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amount like that's the monetary limit

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you know I don't know I I think it's

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more like if they're going to be in pain

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that's so I can keep them around yeah

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I'm not I don't I'm not going to do that

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um cuz like that happened with my pit

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bull who was 14 and they were like we

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probably could maybe do something she

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might live an extra year whatever and I

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was like no I'm not going to put my

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14-year-old dog through that yeah like

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no no and it wasn't about the money it

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was about like her

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1,000% I remember like we had some

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family friends and their cat got ran

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over oh and the vet was like we can

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perform this surgery it's not like that

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it'll work it'll be five grand if they

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live or die and they were like no

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problem and like the cat died like 5

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minutes into the surgery oh and I was

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like I if those are the odds I'm

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probably not spending five grand right

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unless I suddenly enter a different tax

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bracket that I don't foresee happening

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in my like near future right right but

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yeah I just find that to be a very

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fascinating conversation with like how

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different people approach it because I'm

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like I think I used to have like a far

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lower number and then I like married my

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husband and he's like my credit card has

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a very high limit 100% yeah and I'm like

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you know touche but to your point it's

274
00:13:13,399 --> 00:13:18,880
really come coming down to like the

275
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:22,600
quality of life absolutely yeah yes and

276
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:25,240
Jennifer wants her cat to have a great

277
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:28,240
quality of life yep and knows the price

278
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,720
she's willing to pay yep which I already

279
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:32,839
have a feeling might be different than

280
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,959
the price I'm willing to pay yep but

281
00:13:32,839 --> 00:13:36,800
we'll find

282
00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:38,920
out so she enters the door that has the

283
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:41,519
raccoon on it and she sees this super

284
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:46,600
hot guy with like these weird yellow

285
00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:48,600
eyes in the room um and her cat who is

286
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:52,560
generally pretty standoffish like

287
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:54,199
immediately loves him like she lets him

288
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:57,639
out of the carer I guess it makes sense

289
00:13:54,199 --> 00:14:00,839
that she had the cat with her but also

290
00:13:57,639 --> 00:14:03,959
you she's wearing her like fancy dress

291
00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:07,120
and her highest heels in this alley with

292
00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:10,040
her cat yeah okay I left that out she

293
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:13,360
has the cat um cuz initially when she

294
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:16,440
says like I need your help with my my

295
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:18,720
cat he's like the guy's like no I don't

296
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:20,480
do resurrections and she's like no he's

297
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:23,079
alive and he's like oh people never

298
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:25,480
bring me live animals this is great and

299
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:28,079
so she like lets the cat out and

300
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:31,240
immediately he's like Twining around

301
00:14:28,079 --> 00:14:33,079
raccoon who is the name of the guy mhm

302
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,920
Twining around his legs and like all up

303
00:14:33,079 --> 00:14:38,800
on him is our main love interest named

304
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:43,600
raccoon 100% yeah God damn sure is okay

305
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:46,920
and so um he agrees to help her um but

306
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:49,839
then he like approaches her and she's

307
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:52,600
like trying to build up the nerve for

308
00:14:49,839 --> 00:14:55,360
the price which it turns out is a

309
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:58,880
[ __ ] and it's like well known he'll

310
00:14:55,360 --> 00:15:01,839
give you whatever you want for a [ __ ]

311
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:04,320
and and so he's like when's the last

312
00:15:01,839 --> 00:15:07,320
time you sucked off a stranger like come

313
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:10,279
in here in your your [ __ ] outfit

314
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:13,480
whatever um so we're just going into the

315
00:15:10,279 --> 00:15:17,199
weird aggressive dirty talk off the rip

316
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:17,199
yeah okay yeah

317
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:23,279
also my vet has several doctors at the

318
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:30,680
practice are you ranking who you would

319
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,680
blow in your mind right now no I was

320
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:36,720
honestly thinking I haven't met them all

321
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:41,160
so I can't make a fully informed like

322
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:44,680
into decision here but I will

323
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:47,240
say depending on like what my cat's

324
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:50,759
Health needs are a [ __ ]

325
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:53,360
actually I've heard worse prices tongue

326
00:15:50,759 --> 00:15:56,079
to tip for

327
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:57,639
500 so call back to previous episodes

328
00:15:56,079 --> 00:15:59,519
for those of you who've stuck around and

329
00:15:57,639 --> 00:16:01,639
the incredible show I'm sorry featuring

330
00:15:59,519 --> 00:16:06,480
Andre Savage and Tom ever

331
00:16:01,639 --> 00:16:07,720
Scott a bit of trivia for you yes um so

332
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:10,199
he is

333
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:12,639
like she's starting to freak out like

334
00:16:10,199 --> 00:16:14,240
he's cornered her against a wall and

335
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:17,120
she's like I know I have to do this I'm

336
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:18,720
willing to do this but she is clearly

337
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,399
very uncomfortable do we know how old

338
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,240
she is in her early 20s I think she's

339
00:16:21,399 --> 00:16:24,959
like

340
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:28,079
22 listen we just reviewed an entire

341
00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:29,600
book where that the girl was like 18 and

342
00:16:28,079 --> 00:16:31,480
every decision she made made was that of

343
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:33,160
an 18-year-old girl so I just wanted to

344
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:35,959
know if This Woman's brain was fully

345
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:40,120
developed not quite but more so but

346
00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:43,199
closer yeah okay so he tells her like

347
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:45,000
listen this is not the place for a

348
00:16:43,199 --> 00:16:48,880
blushing virgin I don't know what you

349
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:51,839
think you're doing here um and while the

350
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:56,360
usual price is a [ __ ] it's different

351
00:16:51,839 --> 00:16:58,120
for pets and she's like what like well I

352
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,920
take back my statement about my vet's

353
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:03,639
office

354
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:05,799
pets are different and he's like so what

355
00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:07,480
you're going to do is take me to your

356
00:17:05,799 --> 00:17:09,839
family Thanksgiving because all of this

357
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:13,120
is taking place on Thanksgiving day

358
00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:15,880
because he only makes deals on

359
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:17,880
holidays I don't know and there are a

360
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:20,640
lot of arbitrary rules it feels like in

361
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:23,039
this are all of the original books in

362
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:26,360
this series all about raccoon I don't

363
00:17:23,039 --> 00:17:29,280
think so holiday escapades it seemed

364
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:30,360
like they were about different creatures

365
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:35,120
I don't

366
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:39,400
know fair enough you know what I don't

367
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:40,760
have questions it's fine we can practice

368
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,000
acceptance that we're never going to

369
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,600
know because we're never going to read

370
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,400
the other books well maybe I will I

371
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:49,960
shouldn't say never um

372
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:51,720
so um she wasn't planning to go to her

373
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,919
family Thanksgiving she does not get

374
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,480
along with them they're all [ __ ] nuts

375
00:17:53,919 --> 00:18:01,320
and she has no desire to spend the day

376
00:17:55,480 --> 00:18:03,080
with them um and uh uh she's like fine

377
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:05,200
like if that's what I have to do for my

378
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,760
cat then that's what I'll do but like I

379
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:09,760
need to go home and change like can't

380
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:14,440
show up to family Thanksgiving looking

381
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:16,960
like this yeah um and

382
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:20,520
he is like

383
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:23,320
no you wore this to see me why can't we

384
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:25,960
wear it to see your family you innocent

385
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:27,919
little [ __ ] and there's lots of like

386
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:31,840
things like that in here where he calls

387
00:18:27,919 --> 00:18:34,840
her Like a Virgin [ __ ] and it's like

388
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:36,480
what are you saying like the Madonna

389
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,880
[ __ ] complex is supposed to be two

390
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:41,400
separate

391
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,760
people like not the same one you know

392
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:45,440
you've

393
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:47,080
misunderstood right but that's like

394
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:49,559
throughout the whole thing he's doing

395
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:51,360
that um but she's super into it like she

396
00:18:49,559 --> 00:18:53,120
clearly has like a little bit of a

397
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:55,080
degradation Kink that she wasn't even

398
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:58,320
aware of until he started speaking to

399
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:59,440
her that way um does she put the words

400
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,200
degre

401
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:04,120
to it at any point or is that you no

402
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:05,559
that's me okay making assumptions I

403
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:08,760
would have just loved if she was like

404
00:19:05,559 --> 00:19:11,559
wow I wasn't aware that I was fully into

405
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:14,320
degradation until this moment I've

406
00:19:11,559 --> 00:19:19,520
learned something about myself so there

407
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:24,240
is this video of this huge like bouncer

408
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:26,280
guy picking up a smaller guy in a bar

409
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:28,840
who is being like super inappropriate

410
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:31,280
and just carrying him out and one of the

411
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:33,960
the comments on the video was that man

412
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:35,640
could disrespect me and somebody said

413
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,679
tell me you have a degradation Kink

414
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,640
without telling me you have a

415
00:19:36,679 --> 00:19:43,760
degradation Kink and I think about that

416
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,760
regularly that man could disrespect

417
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:48,400
me I mean I do feel like if that's what

418
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:51,360
you're just like openly commenting on

419
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:55,360
things you're like you you know yourself

420
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:57,240
I hope you do if not you going to learn

421
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:59,200
sharing it on the open

422
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,600
interwebs cuz someone going to go don't

423
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,240
tap me with a good time and then you're

424
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,440
going to go whoa that is not what I

425
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,960
thought was going to happen and you're

426
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:09,080
like you literally put disrespect me or

427
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:12,480
that man can disrespect me right

428
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:14,400
like okay so he's like no why can't you

429
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:17,799
show up to your family's Thanksgiving

430
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:20,120
looking like my little virgin [ __ ]

431
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:23,039
right okay and then demands that she get

432
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:25,480
on his motorcycle and for some reason

433
00:20:23,039 --> 00:20:27,720
this is the point where she's like oh no

434
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:30,880
I can't get on your motorcycle I'll find

435
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:34,679
another way to save my cat and he's

436
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:34,679
like get on the [ __ ]

437
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:42,799
motorcycle really that's the Jailbreaker

438
00:20:37,919 --> 00:20:45,080
here he's like okay so he like straps

439
00:20:42,799 --> 00:20:47,000
the cat down and is like I promise the

440
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,840
cat's going to be fine he's like curled

441
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:51,960
up snoozing in his little carrier he's

442
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:55,640
like he's going to be fine I promise I

443
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:59,240
wouldn't do anything to like put Mr

444
00:20:55,640 --> 00:21:00,600
pointy in danger okay

445
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:06,400
um

446
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:09,799
so she tells him that he has to swear on

447
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:13,360
his balls that the cat's going to be

448
00:21:09,799 --> 00:21:16,400
okay and he's like you better feel to

449
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:20,200
make sure they're there otherwise is it

450
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:23,279
even really a swear and so she straight

451
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:26,279
up grabs his balls

452
00:21:23,279 --> 00:21:26,279
and

453
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:31,159
like my notes say

454
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:34,600
something moves in his pants which

455
00:21:31,159 --> 00:21:37,559
freaks her out unclear if this is a

456
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:39,640
usual growing situation or tentacles

457
00:21:37,559 --> 00:21:43,039
that's what my not

458
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:45,840
say he's a raccoon why does he have

459
00:21:43,039 --> 00:21:48,080
tentacles I don't know wait Hannah are

460
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:51,120
tentacles going to show up at some point

461
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:53,279
no this was 100% she like grabs his

462
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:55,320
crotch and she's like something moved in

463
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:57,440
there and I'm like like a regular

464
00:21:55,320 --> 00:22:00,039
something like it's like it's getting

465
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:02,400
hard or like is something

466
00:22:00,039 --> 00:22:04,080
happening yeah you're like like you just

467
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:08,640
like didn't pay attention in middle

468
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:11,400
school health class right or like

469
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:12,799
something like there's a curse happening

470
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,679
in there there's some other kind of

471
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:18,240
anatomical situation that we should be

472
00:22:14,679 --> 00:22:20,919
aware of um that's I don't know that's

473
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:22,760
the first place my notes went to which

474
00:22:20,919 --> 00:22:24,679
means my brain went there but

475
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,200
anyway I like that you said notes

476
00:22:24,679 --> 00:22:28,279
initially I don't know Chelsea it's just

477
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,559
the first place my notes went the notes

478
00:22:28,279 --> 00:22:35,320
you

479
00:22:29,559 --> 00:22:35,320
wrote you're like damn it and here

480
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:41,080
okay this is a direct

481
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:44,600
quote watching him on the motorcycle

482
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,600
makes her V vagina

483
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:53,440
salivate

484
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:53,440
no no thank you yeah

485
00:22:55,640 --> 00:23:01,679
how no yeah

486
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:04,919
yeah this was the point where I almost

487
00:23:01,679 --> 00:23:08,640
texted you to be like

488
00:23:04,919 --> 00:23:08,640
oh like oh my

489
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:17,200
God yeah okay so that's happening and um

490
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:20,240
she is continuously reminding herself

491
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:24,279
that um he's a

492
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:26,679
Manor like he she's like I don't care if

493
00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:28,960
he makes my vagina salivate he makes

494
00:23:26,679 --> 00:23:32,559
everybody's vagina salivate

495
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:34,520
right he gets [ __ ] from like anybody

496
00:23:32,559 --> 00:23:38,720
no he only gets [ __ ] on federal

497
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:40,640
holidays there aren't a ton banking

498
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,720
holidays like I don't think he's out

499
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,000
there making deals on National dut day

500
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:46,600
you know what I

501
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:51,799
mean I didn't get that far in the series

502
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:53,279
to know um so um and she's also like I

503
00:23:51,799 --> 00:23:55,520
would have had to get my throat checked

504
00:23:53,279 --> 00:23:59,120
for an STI if I'd had to give him a

505
00:23:55,520 --> 00:24:03,559
[ __ ] and like you like weird things

506
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:08,000
like that um I'm like okay so we're now

507
00:24:03,559 --> 00:24:11,200
worried about Conor of the throat all

508
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:14,880
right um it's

509
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:17,320
like it seems like she's annoyed that

510
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:20,480
she has to go to her family Thanksgiving

511
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:23,360
instead of giving him a [ __ ] so now

512
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,600
she's calling out things like and he's

513
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,799
such a

514
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,480
Manor we wouldn't even be in this

515
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:30,520
situation if I could have just blown him

516
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:32,720
in private but now we have to go to my

517
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:35,360
family holiday yeah and you're like and

518
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:40,120
she's like why am I so turned on by this

519
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:43,080
m like okay um

520
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:44,679
so initially on the motorcycle she's

521
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:49,720
like freaking out about the whole thing

522
00:24:44,679 --> 00:24:52,399
but then she like really enjoys the

523
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:55,360
vibration um and also while you

524
00:24:52,399 --> 00:24:56,760
haven't explicitly said this some part

525
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:58,840
of this that I'm just telling you that

526
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:01,559
I'm filling in is

527
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:05,159
I know Jennifer was like the number one

528
00:25:01,559 --> 00:25:06,559
name of like the late 7s early 80s and

529
00:25:05,159 --> 00:25:09,159
so when we were saying she's in her

530
00:25:06,559 --> 00:25:13,120
early 20s I'm fully

531
00:25:09,159 --> 00:25:16,279
imagining that this is like

532
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:18,679
2004 I know so many

533
00:25:16,279 --> 00:25:20,880
Jennifers like a ridiculous amount of

534
00:25:18,679 --> 00:25:23,320
Jennifers a ridiculous amount I mean my

535
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:26,039
sister-in-law is a Jennifer I know so

536
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:30,320
many Jennifers see yeah I know a lot of

537
00:25:26,039 --> 00:25:30,320
Jennifers and so I was like

538
00:25:31,919 --> 00:25:35,159
like trying to not Envision them as

539
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,679
you're reading it cuz there are

540
00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:37,679
sometimes where you like read a book and

541
00:25:36,679 --> 00:25:39,279
you're like they have the same name as

542
00:25:37,679 --> 00:25:41,320
this one person I know and this main

543
00:25:39,279 --> 00:25:42,159
character is a badass way to represent

544
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,600
and then there are some books that

545
00:25:42,159 --> 00:25:47,480
you're like why would you do this to all

546
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:49,240
the Jennifers of the world right like a

547
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:52,000
Jennifer

548
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:59,200
Jennifer I was rooting for you we were

549
00:25:52,000 --> 00:26:04,080
all rooting for you you get it um yeah

550
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:07,120
so so she's super into the ride the ride

551
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:10,279
right yes and they get to her parents

552
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:13,200
house he pulls up in parks and he says

553
00:26:10,279 --> 00:26:15,399
um that she needs to kiss him because he

554
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:17,720
is going to pretend to be her boyfriend

555
00:26:15,399 --> 00:26:20,159
and that's like the excuse for why he's

556
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,799
there we still don't understand like why

557
00:26:20,159 --> 00:26:24,120
are we having Thanksgiving dinner

558
00:26:21,799 --> 00:26:25,520
instead of a [ __ ] like I don't like

559
00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:28,320
why are we doing

560
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:31,320
that but that's what he wants and so

561
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:33,679
Jennifer doesn't get it either and so

562
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:35,679
she's just going with it I'm going to

563
00:26:33,679 --> 00:26:38,799
pretend to be your boyfriend to explain

564
00:26:35,679 --> 00:26:41,080
why we're at this family holiday that

565
00:26:38,799 --> 00:26:42,600
your family's not even expecting you to

566
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:45,559
be at

567
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:48,120
right right so she's like I'm not

568
00:26:45,559 --> 00:26:50,880
kissing you and he like pulls her into

569
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:52,640
him and pulls her dress down because her

570
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:54,480
ass is fully hanging out cuz she was

571
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:57,120
wearing this like super tight clubbing

572
00:26:54,480 --> 00:27:01,720
dress on the back of a motorcycle and so

573
00:26:57,120 --> 00:27:04,640
it rode up and um so

574
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:07,559
she she says I can't believe my cat

575
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:09,840
trusts you and he says what can I say

576
00:27:07,559 --> 00:27:12,480
I'm a [ __ ]

577
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:14,960
charmer of course he

578
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:17,200
does

579
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:20,880
so obviously the story is going to

580
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:24,080
continue to develop yeah it sure is I

581
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:28,240
just can't imagine this relationship

582
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:31,600
lasting well so the thing is that she

583
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:34,919
finds all of this endearing like he's

584
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:37,159
funny and like cute for her this

585
00:27:34,919 --> 00:27:40,080
situation oh that's how she's

586
00:27:37,159 --> 00:27:41,799
experiencing it we are experiencing it

587
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:44,880
differently very differently very

588
00:27:41,799 --> 00:27:47,399
differently yeah um but you know good

589
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:50,960
for you Jennifer someone for everyone

590
00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:54,320
100% yeah and part of it not for me me

591
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:56,880
either um but she realizes like hold on

592
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:59,559
a second I'm never going to see this man

593
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:03,240
again like once we have this

594
00:27:59,559 --> 00:28:05,919
Thanksgiving together I never have to

595
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:09,159
see him or be embarrassed by my family's

596
00:28:05,919 --> 00:28:12,000
Behavior or anything ever again so I'm

597
00:28:09,159 --> 00:28:14,519
just going to roll with it and have fun

598
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:16,720
like because she talks about in her

599
00:28:14,519 --> 00:28:18,640
previous relationships her family has

600
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,559
always scared off like previous

601
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:23,760
boyfriends because they're so [ __ ]

602
00:28:20,559 --> 00:28:28,120
out of pocket um

603
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:31,440
so well he all raccoon uh raccoon also

604
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:36,159
seems to be a bit out of pocket uh yeah

605
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:38,559
mhm a little bit Yeah so so she's

606
00:28:36,159 --> 00:28:40,960
like calling her family's Bluff and

607
00:28:38,559 --> 00:28:44,320
bringing someone who's even more out of

608
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:48,240
pocket yes how can we one up the out of

609
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,240
pocket this how can we find larger

610
00:28:48,799 --> 00:28:52,440
Pockets I was honestly just thinking

611
00:28:51,039 --> 00:28:54,679
more of how like girls are always

612
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:57,279
excited to have pockets I

613
00:28:54,679 --> 00:28:59,080
know yeah pockets are pretty awesome

614
00:28:57,279 --> 00:29:02,440
yeah and if I could have jeno jeans siiz

615
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:06,120
pocket that is not a jeno jeans siiz

616
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:08,360
pants in reality yeah

617
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:09,399
H saw someone was complaining about a

618
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,519
brand recently and they're like if

619
00:29:09,399 --> 00:29:11,880
you're wearing these pants I'm

620
00:29:10,519 --> 00:29:12,840
automatically not into you and I like

621
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,080
hadn't heard of the brand and when I

622
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:19,320
looked them up I was like oh that's the

623
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:21,840
new jeno got it ah got it cool cool cool

624
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:25,600
cool cool this feels great and jenos

625
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:27,120
came back of course they did I'm like

626
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:29,720
just make sure you hem them before it

627
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:32,000
gets rainy

628
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:34,399
that was always a thing though like to

629
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:36,919
have them frayed in the back and like

630
00:29:34,399 --> 00:29:39,799
whatever yeah it was always a balance of

631
00:29:36,919 --> 00:29:43,000
like having them look cool and frayed

632
00:29:39,799 --> 00:29:44,960
but also not long enough that if you

633
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,919
were you were wet to your knees yeah you

634
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:49,960
were wet to your knees or like you like

635
00:29:46,919 --> 00:29:52,480
would just trip on them like you like

636
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:54,399
couldn't walk in them right yeah I

637
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:57,159
remember a lot of extra fabric I

638
00:29:54,399 --> 00:29:59,399
remember my mom always like cuffing like

639
00:29:57,159 --> 00:30:00,679
the neighbor Hood kids pants when they'd

640
00:29:59,399 --> 00:30:02,039
be over and I'm like you're probably

641
00:30:00,679 --> 00:30:03,320
ruining like in retrospect I'm like

642
00:30:02,039 --> 00:30:04,960
you're probably ruining the aesthetic

643
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,840
that they think they're going for but

644
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:09,919
you're just out there going you

645
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:12,840
literally keep tripping just let me help

646
00:30:09,919 --> 00:30:15,240
you you don't look cool you keep

647
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:18,279
tripping that's such a mom thing to do

648
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:20,159
though and unfortunately it's absolutely

649
00:30:18,279 --> 00:30:23,840
something that I know I will do like I

650
00:30:20,159 --> 00:30:25,640
am I am that person we all know it like

651
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:27,799
I don't want to be but it's always like

652
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:30,399
oh like I see that you have the let let

653
00:30:27,799 --> 00:30:33,919
me help you let me make this easier for

654
00:30:30,399 --> 00:30:36,640
you but I will ask for consent before I

655
00:30:33,919 --> 00:30:39,399
start cuffing people's

656
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:41,519
jeans and then if they don't accept my

657
00:30:39,399 --> 00:30:43,840
help I'm going to laugh in their [ __ ]

658
00:30:41,519 --> 00:30:45,679
face when they fall down when they fall

659
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:48,440
in their Jingo

660
00:30:45,679 --> 00:30:51,760
je hopefully they will go out of style

661
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:55,880
by the time Ford has friends

662
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:58,440
over like I mean we've got he's one and

663
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:59,799
a half right now we have time at the

664
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,559
time of recording his one and a half by

665
00:30:59,799 --> 00:31:04,240
the time this episode drops would be

666
00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:07,120
probably just shy of his

667
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:10,000
twoyear yeah if he's I don't know if

668
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:12,360
they make baby jenos I hope

669
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:14,960
not that sounds

670
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:16,840
dangerous yeah he already struggles to

671
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:19,399
walk as it is

672
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:20,679
exactly he sometimes like you know how

673
00:31:19,399 --> 00:31:23,600
like toddlers would do like the Tippy

674
00:31:20,679 --> 00:31:25,840
Toe walk he walks like a normal ass kid

675
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:28,399
with both feet on the ground and then

676
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:31,600
sometimes he forgets and then he just

677
00:31:28,399 --> 00:31:34,880
like starts Tippy Toe walking but then

678
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:36,679
like realizes he's like unstable and

679
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,880
then he just looks more drunk and he

680
00:31:36,679 --> 00:31:40,440
just like Falls across the room going

681
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:43,200
between normal walking and Tippy Toe

682
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:48,399
walking he's like a yeah and I'm

683
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:48,399
like he I I swear he is absolutely

684
00:31:49,679 --> 00:31:53,559
sober looking at him I was like but I

685
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:55,760
get why people say that toddlers are

686
00:31:53,559 --> 00:31:58,960
just tiny drunk humans cuz they are some

687
00:31:55,760 --> 00:32:00,600
messy [ __ ] yeah oh most of what they

688
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:03,200
do is pretty out of pocket oh but it's

689
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:05,519
so cute yeah but only because they're

690
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:08,399
tiny humans when grown humans do that

691
00:32:05,519 --> 00:32:09,919
it's not cute that is also true as

692
00:32:08,399 --> 00:32:12,120
someone who's probably done a Tippy Toe

693
00:32:09,919 --> 00:32:15,039
walk when I've been drunk not

694
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:19,200
cute I've been

695
00:32:15,039 --> 00:32:22,679
cuter yeah not my best moments and yeah

696
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:25,639
if I'm ranking them okay so he pulls her

697
00:32:22,679 --> 00:32:28,360
dress down y to make sure her butt is

698
00:32:25,639 --> 00:32:30,880
covered but and she's like I'm just

699
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:32,360
going to accept and embrace this I don't

700
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,679
have to see my family after this I don't

701
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:36,639
have to see him after this it's just

702
00:32:33,679 --> 00:32:40,080
going to be me and my cat living in

703
00:32:36,639 --> 00:32:41,919
peace yep my healthy cat my healthy cat

704
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:45,159
as long as we get through this dinner

705
00:32:41,919 --> 00:32:49,480
yep so her mom answers the door and is

706
00:32:45,159 --> 00:32:52,360
really weird like Stepford wifey um and

707
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:55,039
she tells her mom that raccoon's name is

708
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:56,960
Howard because she realizes she can't be

709
00:32:55,039 --> 00:33:01,440
like this is raccoon because that's

710
00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:03,159
[ __ ] weird so she's like this is my

711
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:06,080
boyfriend

712
00:33:03,159 --> 00:33:08,080
Howard and he is deeply offended by the

713
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:11,799
name Howard

714
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:15,159
um he's like do I look like a [ __ ]

715
00:33:11,799 --> 00:33:18,799
Howard seriously what his legal name

716
00:33:15,159 --> 00:33:19,960
raccoon uh no we find out eventually

717
00:33:18,799 --> 00:33:23,200
that it's

718
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:25,080
Thornton but that is mentioned one time

719
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:29,120
she never calls him that his first name

720
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:30,880
is Thornton yes I went to elementary

721
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:34,799
school in middle school with a guy whose

722
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:36,600
last name was thoron H it was like Jack

723
00:33:34,799 --> 00:33:39,799
thoron or something it was like a strong

724
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:42,880
that's a good name it was yeah but I I

725
00:33:39,799 --> 00:33:47,080
feel like thoron is more of a last name

726
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:49,840
to me yeah uh again it's like such a

727
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:51,320
throwaway thing like she asks at one

728
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:54,360
point like wait a minute is your real

729
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:58,360
name raccoon and he's like it's Thornton

730
00:33:54,360 --> 00:34:02,799
like okay and that's it my bad raccoon

731
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:05,039
um but anyway um she tells raccoon that

732
00:34:02,799 --> 00:34:08,000
her mom just ignores anything she

733
00:34:05,039 --> 00:34:09,960
doesn't agree with so like don't be

734
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:14,800
offended if she doesn't even acknowledge

735
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:17,800
you like that's the level of like she

736
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:19,359
ignores anything that doesn't fit for

737
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:24,159
her that's an interesting sort of

738
00:34:19,359 --> 00:34:26,119
familial chaos yeah it gets worse um so

739
00:34:24,159 --> 00:34:31,599
they put the cat in the guest

740
00:34:26,119 --> 00:34:34,399
room and um she is like awkward around

741
00:34:31,599 --> 00:34:36,440
him like he's he's wanting to touch her

742
00:34:34,399 --> 00:34:38,480
and like get closer to her and she's

743
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:40,679
like pulling away from him like what is

744
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:43,560
happening like she's like you aren't

745
00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:46,000
actually my boyfriend right and she's

746
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:49,119
like I was willing to give you a [ __ ]

747
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:51,520
when it was for my cat but like you like

748
00:34:49,119 --> 00:34:56,200
literally anybody can suck your dick

749
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:58,839
like I I'm not into this right now like

750
00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:03,480
um and he's like oh well if that's the

751
00:34:58,839 --> 00:35:05,400
problem that's no issue like you are I I

752
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:08,280
want you to be my monogamous girlfriend

753
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:10,000
for real um and we'll definitely [ __ ] by

754
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:15,599
the end of the day like no stress on

755
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:18,079
that um wait what what no pause stop

756
00:35:15,599 --> 00:35:19,800
yeah we took a hard pivot hard pivot I

757
00:35:18,079 --> 00:35:22,000
wasn't ready hard pivot I still don't

758
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,680
think I'm

759
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:28,560
ready

760
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:32,040
so we've just fully left the a [ __ ]

761
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:34,440
for your cat's life yeah to I don't want

762
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:37,400
a [ __ ] I want to be your fake

763
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:40,560
boyfriend at your family Thanksgiving uh

764
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:43,680
to I want to be your real boyfriend yep

765
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:45,800
and will [ __ ] by the end of the day

766
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:48,839
where your whole family can hear you

767
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:53,400
scream that was the end of the sentence

768
00:35:48,839 --> 00:35:56,119
Oh No thank you yeah yeah and I well you

769
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:58,079
know that unfortunately not quite the

770
00:35:56,119 --> 00:36:00,800
same

771
00:35:58,079 --> 00:36:00,800
our favorite

772
00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:05,800
segue are you going to tell the story

773
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,920
about I'm going to tell the Toy Story

774
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:09,040
yeah you

775
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:12,400
are yes

776
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:16,720
so earlier this

777
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:18,359
year uh my husband and I and our son we

778
00:36:16,720 --> 00:36:21,040
decided we were going to go up and visit

779
00:36:18,359 --> 00:36:22,560
my parents who live on a lake um and so

780
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:24,319
we were going to go spend the weekend on

781
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:27,200
the lake with them for fourth not for

782
00:36:24,319 --> 00:36:29,520
4th of July it was for Father's Day my

783
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:31,800
sister and brother-in-law are also there

784
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,760
for Father's Day weekend just felt

785
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:36,079
important to know all of us are in this

786
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:38,760
house the whole whole family is whole

787
00:36:36,079 --> 00:36:41,920
family is together for this and as I'm

788
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:43,440
packing for this I see my vibrator as an

789
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:46,119
option of something I can pack and I go

790
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:48,319
we're we're a young cool couple still we

791
00:36:46,119 --> 00:36:49,920
might have a son but we still get it in

792
00:36:48,319 --> 00:36:53,400
yeah I'm going to be a little edgy I'm

793
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:55,960
going to be a little daring I'm going to

794
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:59,960
pack my vibrator for the weekend family

795
00:36:55,960 --> 00:37:01,760
trip for Father's Day on the lake all

796
00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:03,280
well and good we go through the whole

797
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:05,800
trip we all have a great time hanging

798
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:07,640
out um at one point I had like when I

799
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,040
was unpacking my suitcase I showed V I

800
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,119
was like look what I brought hahaa and

801
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,119
like put it under the pillow didn't

802
00:37:10,119 --> 00:37:14,800
think anything of it moved on with my

803
00:37:12,119 --> 00:37:17,640
life moved on with my life to the point

804
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:20,560
that we're an hour and a half into the

805
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:23,400
drive home from my parents house and I

806
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:28,960
look at van and I go did you happen to

807
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:31,960
grab the vibrator and he goes from where

808
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:33,800
and I was like oh [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] me

809
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:37,440
this is not

810
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:39,599
great oh no and I like I text Hannah

811
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:42,040
yeah you did and I'm like

812
00:37:39,599 --> 00:37:43,760
Hannah we are like over an hour away

813
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:46,520
from my parents house I just realize

814
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:47,720
that we like left the vibrator under the

815
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,520
pillow

816
00:37:47,720 --> 00:37:52,400
there and

817
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:55,760
now I don't know what to do and I like

818
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:58,160
text my cousins as well we were like

819
00:37:55,760 --> 00:38:00,119
brainstorming like Okay so do you let

820
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:02,560
them know it's there do we leave it as a

821
00:38:00,119 --> 00:38:05,480
surprise and I was like I don't really

822
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:07,200
feel any need to draw attention to this

823
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:09,560
they will find it at some point when the

824
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:11,520
sheets are changed um I'm just going to

825
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:15,920
move on with my life and move on with my

826
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:20,000
day I order a replacement and move

827
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:21,599
on so um several hours later we have

828
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:23,440
made it successfully back home it's like

829
00:38:21,599 --> 00:38:26,200
a 4 and a half so it's like the evening

830
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:29,000
at this point and they apparently

831
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:34,200
changed the sheets MH

832
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:36,599
because my dad texts a photo he takes a

833
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:39,480
and like text a photo of my

834
00:38:36,599 --> 00:38:41,839
vibrator captioned missing something

835
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:44,480
with like a crying laughing emoji but

836
00:38:41,839 --> 00:38:46,720
the problem was my dad didn't check the

837
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:50,880
text thread so he thought he was sending

838
00:38:46,720 --> 00:38:53,319
it to me my husband him and my mom just

839
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:56,800
like the four of us but instead he sent

840
00:38:53,319 --> 00:38:58,280
it to me my husband him my mom and my

841
00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:02,359
mother-in

842
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:02,359
law I forgot about

843
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:09,680
that I wish I could forget about it

844
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:13,200
because my mother-in-law just like puts

845
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:16,200
a question mark on the photo she's like

846
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:18,760
why is my son's father-in-law texting me

847
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:22,839
a picture of a fire it's like a closeup

848
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:22,839
photo as well

849
00:39:24,079 --> 00:39:29,640
like and my dad just goes oops haha

850
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:31,960
wrong thr and she just thumbs uped it

851
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,520
and moved on with her day and we haven't

852
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:35,640
spoken about it so I'm like I don't does

853
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:40,760
she think we were all on the wrong

854
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:43,359
thread does she know it was ours we have

855
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:45,640
not discussed it at all but I don't need

856
00:39:43,359 --> 00:39:48,839
to no but if ever you're having a bad

857
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:51,960
day I just want you to stop and think

858
00:39:48,839 --> 00:39:54,400
well has my dad texted my motherin-law a

859
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:56,640
photo of my vibrator

860
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:58,960
today cuz if not I think that's a

861
00:39:56,640 --> 00:40:01,599
helpful refer and then your mom shipped

862
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:05,160
it back to you with a greeting card God

863
00:40:01,599 --> 00:40:05,160
the greeting card was the best

864
00:40:05,359 --> 00:40:11,440
part my mom did mail it back with a like

865
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,359
also just like she had like [ __ ]

866
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:15,400
bubble wrap laying around their house

867
00:40:13,359 --> 00:40:18,480
like she like put it in protective

868
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:21,119
layering um and

869
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:23,920
then the sent it with a card that had

870
00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:26,599
balloons on the front and said let's

871
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:28,000
party and when you opened it it said

872
00:40:26,599 --> 00:40:31,319
woohoo

873
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:36,280
so glad you can be reconnected with your

874
00:40:31,319 --> 00:40:36,280
special friend love you Mom and

875
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:41,800
Dad

876
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:43,960
yeah also when we were texting on the

877
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:47,359
correct thread that did not have my

878
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:49,200
mother-in-law on it my mom went yeah

879
00:40:47,359 --> 00:40:52,560
when I found it I just thought oh are

880
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:55,880
they leaving me a tip no Mom Jesus WEP

881
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:58,400
no Mom that is not at no point was I

882
00:40:55,880 --> 00:41:01,920
leaving you gift

883
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:04,880
vibrator unpackaged under the pillow of

884
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,880
your guest

885
00:41:05,319 --> 00:41:12,400
bed yeah

886
00:41:08,359 --> 00:41:15,560
so that absolutely happened yeah it

887
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:20,720
did feels like a fever dream at this

888
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:23,440
point but like I when so my phone was

889
00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:25,839
having a hard time loading the text and

890
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:27,920
so I didn't actually see the text from

891
00:41:25,839 --> 00:41:30,079
my Dad I just saw

892
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:32,040
it said like a a text from Terry my

893
00:41:30,079 --> 00:41:33,920
mother-in-law and so I like open it and

894
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:35,119
I just see a question mark but I don't

895
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,359
know and I was like what would this

896
00:41:35,119 --> 00:41:39,880
question mark and I was like what would

897
00:41:37,359 --> 00:41:42,079
my dad be I was like surely how no this

898
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,400
doesn't the math ain't mathing there's

899
00:41:42,079 --> 00:41:44,760
no way that these would be connected I

900
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:46,160
was like Vance I need your phone I need

901
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,400
your phone right now I need your phone

902
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:50,599
in this minute and his text had come

903
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:54,640
through properly we have different

904
00:41:50,599 --> 00:41:56,520
providers and so uh I I don't think I

905
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:58,560
caught my breath for a solid 20 like I

906
00:41:56,520 --> 00:42:01,079
was in tear is laughing on the floor

907
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:04,400
like I could not get it together I could

908
00:42:01,079 --> 00:42:06,680
not like my abs hurt for the rest of the

909
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:10,760
day after that I was like

910
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:13,800
I okay yeah yeah

911
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:16,720
so um well that's not exactly what

912
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:18,880
raccoon is trying to accomplish here

913
00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:21,839
like the I'll have you screaming so loud

914
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:23,880
your family can hear it maybe you'll get

915
00:42:21,839 --> 00:42:26,359
a greeting card after

916
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:28,440
Jennifer except your mom congratulations

917
00:42:26,359 --> 00:42:30,960
your mom doesn't acknowledge things that

918
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:32,640
make her feel uncomfy yeah although I

919
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:34,400
don't think my mom felt uncomfy I

920
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:36,839
thought I think my mom thought this is a

921
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:40,359
great opportunity to roast my daughter

922
00:42:36,839 --> 00:42:42,400
and she took it and she nailed it if I'm

923
00:42:40,359 --> 00:42:46,760
being honest

924
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:50,280
yeah great work kudos to you

925
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:52,640
kada very impressive okay so he's now

926
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:55,720
like you're gonna be my girlfriend also

927
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:59,119
just so we know mhm how long is this

928
00:42:55,720 --> 00:43:00,760
book 10 50 something pages okay that

929
00:42:59,119 --> 00:43:02,640
tracks yeah it didn't feel like there

930
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:05,240
was really enough time for this to be

931
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:10,000
fully developed be fully baked we moving

932
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:12,839
a swiftness yeah so they are like he has

933
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:16,480
her against a wall um and her

934
00:43:12,839 --> 00:43:20,280
16-year-old sister walks in dressed like

935
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:22,680
a novice which is a nun in training

936
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:25,319
she's wearing like a long brown skirt

937
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:27,720
and like the the partial wimple or

938
00:43:25,319 --> 00:43:30,559
whatever I don't know what it's called

939
00:43:27,720 --> 00:43:32,920
um oh I I was about to say is it called

940
00:43:30,559 --> 00:43:35,720
a wimple I've never heard that well like

941
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:39,680
in a habit the head covering is a wimple

942
00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:39,680
I don't know if novices wear

943
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:44,599
wimples I have never heard the word

944
00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:46,839
wimple before so I just learned that

945
00:43:44,599 --> 00:43:48,480
today and this is a great word to use

946
00:43:46,839 --> 00:43:51,280
we're saying the word wimple so many

947
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:53,760
times it's a fun word to say it is also

948
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:57,720
my mother's maiden name is Whipple huh

949
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:57,720
like the don't squeeze the charman

950
00:43:58,319 --> 00:44:02,079
okay

951
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:04,960
yeah and this is why she sends me

952
00:44:02,079 --> 00:44:08,240
greeting cards when I accidentally leave

953
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:10,119
my no further explanation I think I

954
00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:12,480
think we've all learned a lot about me

955
00:44:10,119 --> 00:44:15,920
today yeah we have more than we may have

956
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:19,520
anticipated it's good okay so her sister

957
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:21,359
shows up dressed like a nun in training

958
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,920
and not I'm assuming not just dressed

959
00:44:21,359 --> 00:44:26,640
like one it's not like Halloween like

960
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:28,040
she is a none in training if she was

961
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,559
just dressed like one and wasn't one I

962
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:33,760
would have more questions that would be

963
00:44:29,559 --> 00:44:36,200
weirder yeah so she's 16 and she calls

964
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:40,040
them how old do you have to be you know

965
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:42,160
I don't actually know um um but she

966
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:44,440
calls them [ __ ] Sinners and like

967
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:47,040
storms out of the room I don't think

968
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:50,200
that's a word nuns use and readily

969
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:53,359
raccoon's like so uh you never told me

970
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:55,760
your sister was so devout like what is

971
00:44:53,359 --> 00:44:58,040
happening right now you never told me

972
00:44:55,760 --> 00:45:00,800
did you know I had a sister raccoon in

973
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:03,160
the hours we've known each other if that

974
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:06,520
at this point [ __ ] what's my middle

975
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:10,160
name what's my last name for that matter

976
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:13,160
um so Jennifer explains that like her

977
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:15,640
sister has converted to several

978
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:19,240
religions through the years like every

979
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:24,880
time she sees her she's a new religion

980
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:27,559
um and so like once she asked Jennifer's

981
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:29,559
boyfriend for his blood and SN for a

982
00:45:27,559 --> 00:45:32,640
spell and the guy like ran from the

983
00:45:29,559 --> 00:45:34,559
house and like never returned um so

984
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,480
that's like Jennifer's experience with

985
00:45:34,559 --> 00:45:39,119
her boyfriends like they just get

986
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:43,960
freaked out by her family doing weird

987
00:45:39,119 --> 00:45:48,240
[ __ ] um like there's one about like her

988
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:51,280
sister was on some kind of vegan thing

989
00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:53,400
and like was telling everybody about how

990
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:55,720
meat is murder anytime they would eat

991
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:57,800
she would like berate people for eating

992
00:45:55,720 --> 00:46:01,160
animal products and all like her

993
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:03,640
sister's just like a very unique

994
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:06,480
individual someone who feels their

995
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:10,760
feelings and feels them fully yes and

996
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:14,040
expresses them LLY expresses them even

997
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:16,480
more than she feels them yes yes um so

998
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:17,800
they actually have she and raccoon

999
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:21,319
actually have like a pretty good laugh

1000
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:24,800
about the whole thing um and she thinks

1001
00:46:21,319 --> 00:46:28,319
that you know this is really nice um but

1002
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:31,960
also he's an insane person because he's

1003
00:46:28,319 --> 00:46:33,680
like hey you're my girlfriend now like

1004
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:36,520
if that's what's holding you back

1005
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:38,640
monogamous no problem and she's like

1006
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:41,520
what are you saying to me so question

1007
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:44,000
does he only Grant One Wish per holiday

1008
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:46,400
or does he any however many however many

1009
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:48,640
he can get in like a lot but there was

1010
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:53,280
something about her

1011
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:54,720
yep okay yep yep keep going so he like

1012
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:57,079
do you want to be that special or do you

1013
00:46:54,720 --> 00:47:00,800
not want to be that special for him uh

1014
00:46:57,079 --> 00:47:02,040
uh personally no thank you like I don't

1015
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,640
think I want to be that special to

1016
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:07,119
anyone that's a

1017
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:09,040
lot but like outside of my husband no

1018
00:47:07,119 --> 00:47:12,800
thank you oh yeah

1019
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:14,960
mhm okay yeah sorry keep going I just no

1020
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:16,559
it's okay I have some some thoughts on

1021
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:19,480
it some feelings on well and you're

1022
00:47:16,559 --> 00:47:22,040
going to have more um because he he

1023
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:23,880
kisses her super passionately tells her

1024
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:28,079
to like grind down on his thigh and

1025
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:31,800
stuff and they are like super into it um

1026
00:47:28,079 --> 00:47:34,800
and she realizes like she can't do this

1027
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:36,440
with him like she actually is a virgin

1028
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,359
he doesn't realize that he was kind of

1029
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:40,359
like mocking her with like being a

1030
00:47:38,359 --> 00:47:42,640
virgin but she really is and she's not

1031
00:47:40,359 --> 00:47:45,000
super experienced and she does not want

1032
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:47,079
to be like Swept Away by this dude that

1033
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:51,480
she doesn't know that she doesn't really

1034
00:47:47,079 --> 00:47:54,000
trust which also for giving her some

1035
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:55,680
credit I imagine that like if you are

1036
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:57,680
not very sexually experienced and you're

1037
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:59,559
about to give someone a blowj job who

1038
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:02,640
that is their primary source of payment

1039
00:47:59,559 --> 00:48:04,800
I understand why she was feeling super

1040
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:07,760
stressed and anxious okay that is that

1041
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:10,440
is some helpful context right yeah um

1042
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:12,960
and so she like bites him to get him

1043
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:15,000
like off of her because she like kind of

1044
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:16,880
realizes like oh my God like we're

1045
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:18,760
making out super hard and like I'm

1046
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:20,960
really turned on and like this is

1047
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:23,640
freaking me out and so she like bites

1048
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:26,880
his lip to get him to back off and he

1049
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:29,960
responds that like I knew it was you I'm

1050
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:33,200
a lucky man will make beautiful babies

1051
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:37,240
wait and she's like

1052
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:39,160
what what the [ __ ] are you saying to me

1053
00:48:37,240 --> 00:48:42,160
and he just like leaves the room and

1054
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:43,800
she's like okay so she goes to the

1055
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:48,480
bathroom to like clean up her makeup and

1056
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:50,480
stuff and um she then starts to realize

1057
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:52,799
like oh my God he's downstairs with my

1058
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:57,000
family by himself like oh [ __ ] and so

1059
00:48:52,799 --> 00:49:00,720
she like Sprints down the stairs and um

1060
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:03,920
her aunt is just openly propositioning

1061
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:05,920
him like I know that my niece probably

1062
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:10,640
can't take care of you the way that I

1063
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:14,599
can like like openly

1064
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:18,319
like you could get it like in the living

1065
00:49:14,599 --> 00:49:20,920
room um and where to shoot your shot I

1066
00:49:18,319 --> 00:49:24,079
mean good for you I guess she's like in

1067
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:25,680
her 60s and like just doing what she

1068
00:49:24,079 --> 00:49:27,960
wants do she also have a cat that needs

1069
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:30,160
saving apparently

1070
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:34,079
hey so

1071
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:36,799
um and and like Jennifer is in his lap

1072
00:49:34,079 --> 00:49:38,559
while this is happening like oh he like

1073
00:49:36,799 --> 00:49:40,240
pulled her into his lap when she came

1074
00:49:38,559 --> 00:49:44,440
down the stairs and the aunt is

1075
00:49:40,240 --> 00:49:45,920
continuing to be like oh that is extra

1076
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:48,440
that's not how I thought that I thought

1077
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:50,280
like she like walked in the room and it

1078
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:52,559
was like happening like ended was like

1079
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:56,079
how I was filling in that narrative not

1080
00:49:52,559 --> 00:49:59,040
a hey I'm clearly here with your niece

1081
00:49:56,079 --> 00:50:00,880
and she's like but why be here with her

1082
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:02,559
when you could be here with me instead

1083
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:04,160
exactly and you don't even need to be

1084
00:50:02,559 --> 00:50:06,079
here with me I've just got some holes

1085
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:10,200
you might like

1086
00:50:06,079 --> 00:50:14,160
right what a line I know it's so much

1087
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:17,200
I've got some holes for you so he shuts

1088
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:19,559
her down and is like you know I used to

1089
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:22,400
[ __ ] anything and I absolutely would

1090
00:50:19,559 --> 00:50:25,960
have banged you um but I only have eyes

1091
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:28,200
for Jennifer now so have a great day and

1092
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:32,000
like leaves it that and it's

1093
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:35,760
like okay

1094
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:37,799
what huh so then so cuz she bit his lip

1095
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:41,040
then he's like I always knew it was you

1096
00:50:37,799 --> 00:50:42,520
yeah and then he left and then and told

1097
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:44,799
her they would make beautiful babies

1098
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:46,200
together and the babies right and then

1099
00:50:44,799 --> 00:50:47,680
she's like I don't know what the [ __ ] is

1100
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:49,599
happening then goes downstairs and her

1101
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:51,520
aunt is propositioning him he pulls her

1102
00:50:49,599 --> 00:50:54,480
onto his lap and is like I Only Have

1103
00:50:51,520 --> 00:50:57,000
Eyes For This specimen in front of me

1104
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:59,119
right if only we had met hours ago I

1105
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:01,200
would have [ __ ] you but now that I've

1106
00:50:59,119 --> 00:51:02,680
met your niece the answer is no like

1107
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:04,520
that's literally only we met on

1108
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:06,599
Thanksgiving Eve this could have been a

1109
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:10,680
whole different

1110
00:51:06,599 --> 00:51:15,359
situation yes you get it so um

1111
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:20,040
Jennifer's brother is in the room and he

1112
00:51:15,359 --> 00:51:21,839
freaks out because raccoon is like I

1113
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:23,440
only have eyes for your niece and she's

1114
00:51:21,839 --> 00:51:26,280
the only one I'll be [ __ ] so thank

1115
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:30,799
you so much and her brother is like I

1116
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:35,040
will [ __ ] fight you and raccoon's

1117
00:51:30,799 --> 00:51:37,040
like okay kiddo like you're adorable and

1118
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:39,319
immediately just pins him and is like

1119
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:41,200
you are ruining your mother's perfectly

1120
00:51:39,319 --> 00:51:44,040
lovely Thanksgiving I'm not going to be

1121
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:45,760
hearing any more from you today all I

1122
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,400
will be hearing from you is how can I

1123
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:50,319
help when you ask your mother how you

1124
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:53,760
can support her you are a little [ __ ]

1125
00:51:50,319 --> 00:51:57,200
and just like shuts him all down is he

1126
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:59,000
actually a little [ __ ] or is it yeah no

1127
00:51:57,200 --> 00:52:00,440
like it does feel like a reasonable

1128
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:02,960
thing to be like hey I'm going to be

1129
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:07,119
protective of my sister but that's not

1130
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:09,000
the energy it's he's like he clearly has

1131
00:52:07,119 --> 00:52:11,400
anger issues and there's like little

1132
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:14,680
stuff sprinkled in about his anger

1133
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:17,440
issues this is an ongoing thing like he

1134
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:20,200
regularly flies off the handle for

1135
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:23,280
little to no reason um okay so it's not

1136
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:25,920
like nice chalous big brother moment

1137
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:27,480
it's not protective it's just okay I was

1138
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:30,040
misinterpreting that it's like an

1139
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:33,359
intermittent explosive disorder kind of

1140
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:36,799
moment more than anything um some

1141
00:52:33,359 --> 00:52:40,000
impulse control issues happening there

1142
00:52:36,799 --> 00:52:43,400
yeah okay so then raccoon tells

1143
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:47,440
Jennifer to go upstairs because he wants

1144
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:50,799
to base her turkey again direct

1145
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:53,720
quote so I mean one would have to hope

1146
00:52:50,799 --> 00:52:55,160
if you were just casually put listen I

1147
00:52:53,720 --> 00:52:57,559
know sometimes you get a couple drinks

1148
00:52:55,160 --> 00:53:00,000
in when you're doing your outline

1149
00:52:57,559 --> 00:53:02,240
you Choose Your Own Adventure how you

1150
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:04,119
describe things and I could totally see

1151
00:53:02,240 --> 00:53:07,760
being like it's a Thanksgiving book and

1152
00:53:04,119 --> 00:53:10,520
T basted her turkey

1153
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:13,799
heo I do feel better that those are not

1154
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:13,799
the words you landed on

1155
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:22,079
yourself yeah my outlines are sometimes

1156
00:53:18,559 --> 00:53:24,799
a journey in and of themselves um but

1157
00:53:22,079 --> 00:53:27,599
this isn't that so I mean it is but in a

1158
00:53:24,799 --> 00:53:29,079
different way so um I know his name is

1159
00:53:27,599 --> 00:53:31,680
Patrick but at some point I just started

1160
00:53:29,079 --> 00:53:35,520
writing out Big Daddy p and

1161
00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:37,799
every like that's that takes longer it

1162
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:40,440
does it's

1163
00:53:37,799 --> 00:53:42,480
like it's like what was that one where

1164
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:47,240
like his name was Fallon and I called

1165
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:50,160
him Jimmy the whole time oh or like

1166
00:53:47,240 --> 00:53:52,160
cinnabun whoever was yes it was the same

1167
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:54,799
book it was how to get drunk and save a

1168
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:57,000
demon or whatever or that time I got

1169
00:53:54,799 --> 00:54:02,400
drunk and got drunk and saved a

1170
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:02,400
man I had a whole experience on that

1171
00:54:04,359 --> 00:54:08,799
book go back and listen to that one if

1172
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:12,119
you have not it it's a journey That's a

1173
00:54:08,799 --> 00:54:13,960
classic it is a classic yeah so she

1174
00:54:12,119 --> 00:54:16,280
thinks that he's asking her to go

1175
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:18,119
upstairs like Jennifer thinks that

1176
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:21,040
raccoon is asking her to go upstairs

1177
00:54:18,119 --> 00:54:23,680
because he's going to be like hey so

1178
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:25,720
your family is [ __ ] banana pants and

1179
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:27,319
I'm out like did he already say the word

1180
00:54:25,720 --> 00:54:30,079
space her her

1181
00:54:27,319 --> 00:54:31,960
he did yeah but she based on her

1182
00:54:30,079 --> 00:54:33,880
experience cuz that's always happened

1183
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:35,520
with all of her previous boyfriends as

1184
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:41,000
soon as they meet her family they're

1185
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:43,880
like out um and so um they get up to the

1186
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:46,240
room and he kind of looks at her for a

1187
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:49,960
second and he's like

1188
00:54:46,240 --> 00:54:51,839
hey would you do you need to cry like

1189
00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:54,280
that's okay cuz she's clearly really

1190
00:54:51,839 --> 00:54:57,839
upset and so he just holds her for a

1191
00:54:54,280 --> 00:55:02,920
little bit um like a good five-hour

1192
00:54:57,839 --> 00:55:05,880
boyfriend does yeah so thoughtful so she

1193
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:05,880
so mindful so

1194
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:13,119
demor all of these like what the [ __ ]

1195
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:15,799
does demure mean Tik toks are incredible

1196
00:55:13,119 --> 00:55:18,280
by the way yeah it it was super funny

1197
00:55:15,799 --> 00:55:20,599
because Vance was even he like I keep

1198
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:22,200
seeing the word demure everywhere and I

1199
00:55:20,599 --> 00:55:23,680
was like let me show you the Tik Tok

1200
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:27,000
he's like oh this makes so much more

1201
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:30,200
sense now very deure very mindful

1202
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:32,760
very remember that how we showed up to

1203
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:35,319
the interview is how we show up to the

1204
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:37,880
job so my friend is a high school

1205
00:55:35,319 --> 00:55:40,280
teacher and she made a bulletin board

1206
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:42,760
about how do we act in the hallways very

1207
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:46,720
demure very mindful

1208
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:50,799
like she made up I love how quickly like

1209
00:55:46,720 --> 00:55:52,839
this Tik Tok took off and like cuz I saw

1210
00:55:50,799 --> 00:55:55,359
someone posted uh like it looked like it

1211
00:55:52,839 --> 00:55:56,799
was more like Elementary age but like

1212
00:55:55,359 --> 00:55:59,039
they had made

1213
00:55:56,799 --> 00:56:01,480
classroom signs that were like talking

1214
00:55:59,039 --> 00:56:03,359
about like sharpening your pencil before

1215
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:06,640
your before

1216
00:56:03,359 --> 00:56:09,400
like subject very

1217
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:12,119
mindful it's the

1218
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:13,960
best so okay so he's being very sweet

1219
00:56:12,119 --> 00:56:15,480
and is actually he's like he's like do

1220
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:17,720
you need to cry because like this is a

1221
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:19,960
[ __ ] lot he's like you can cry like

1222
00:56:17,720 --> 00:56:21,760
that'd be okay like like I get why you

1223
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:23,960
weren't going to invite me your

1224
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:26,559
long-term boyfriend to family

1225
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:29,200
Thanksgiving like I totally understand

1226
00:56:26,559 --> 00:56:31,599
so um she I don't remember how exactly

1227
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:33,319
it comes about but she confirms that she

1228
00:56:31,599 --> 00:56:36,880
is in fact a virgin and he's like hold

1229
00:56:33,319 --> 00:56:41,079
up hold up hold up for real he's like

1230
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:44,359
you grab my dick and balls for

1231
00:56:41,079 --> 00:56:47,119
real he's like wow in retrospect there

1232
00:56:44,359 --> 00:56:48,359
were some very charged moments for

1233
00:56:47,119 --> 00:56:50,319
someone who's never had those

1234
00:56:48,359 --> 00:56:54,880
experiences before yeah he's like oh

1235
00:56:50,319 --> 00:56:58,599
okay damn so he then tells her that he

1236
00:56:54,880 --> 00:57:00,359
is like they are genetically compatible

1237
00:56:58,599 --> 00:57:03,160
and he is not

1238
00:57:00,359 --> 00:57:07,079
human and I mean he does have yellow

1239
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:10,760
eyes so I feel like we can't we can't be

1240
00:57:07,079 --> 00:57:12,119
that shocked here no I mean I feel like

1241
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:17,480
definitely

1242
00:57:12,119 --> 00:57:17,480
the the groundwork has been

1243
00:57:19,559 --> 00:57:23,079
laid keep going

1244
00:57:23,319 --> 00:57:30,640
Hannah anyway for Hannah was just having

1245
00:57:27,359 --> 00:57:34,280
some really great hand motions to really

1246
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:38,640
uh show the groundwork being

1247
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:42,000
late my I needed my hands to help me

1248
00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:45,119
find my words you get it I do

1249
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:48,039
unfortunately that is a very real thing

1250
00:57:45,119 --> 00:57:50,640
um and he's like

1251
00:57:48,039 --> 00:57:54,000
listen you are compatible I've been

1252
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:56,720
looking for you like and I want to like

1253
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:59,359
is this like a faded mates thing

1254
00:57:56,720 --> 00:58:01,760
it seems that way but like not because

1255
00:57:59,359 --> 00:58:05,039
it he doesn't say like you're my f

1256
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:07,319
you're the only one right but it's like

1257
00:58:05,039 --> 00:58:11,000
I've been looking for a compatible human

1258
00:58:07,319 --> 00:58:14,000
and it's you like I I finally found you

1259
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:17,960
um and so he tells her like I want to

1260
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:20,640
tell you everything but I can't focus

1261
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:23,599
because I'm so turned on I'm having a

1262
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:25,920
really hard time explaining myself which

1263
00:58:23,599 --> 00:58:28,359
feels like such a straight guideline

1264
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:29,760
like listen baby I know that we need to

1265
00:58:28,359 --> 00:58:31,920
have this super deep emotional

1266
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:34,440
conversation but like I'm just so

1267
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:37,920
attracted to you in this

1268
00:58:34,440 --> 00:58:42,440
moment I got to bang one out first

1269
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:45,599
until I come we will not be able to use

1270
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:45,599
full sentences

1271
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:52,720
so what you going to do about it so she

1272
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:53,920
offers to blow him she's like okay he's

1273
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:56,240
like I want to have this serious

1274
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:59,599
conversation but my dick is just too

1275
00:58:56,240 --> 00:59:02,240
hard for it and she's like no problem

1276
00:58:59,599 --> 00:59:03,400
let me help allow me to meet that need

1277
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:05,160
that I thought I was going to have to

1278
00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:07,039
meet anyway we literally could have

1279
00:59:05,160 --> 00:59:08,880
started and ended at the [ __ ] and

1280
00:59:07,039 --> 00:59:13,200
this book wouldn't have even happened we

1281
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:16,480
could have um so he says like yes and

1282
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:19,839
this is perfect because I'll show you

1283
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:22,160
how I essentially give people anything

1284
00:59:19,839 --> 00:59:23,319
they want but the price is a [ __ ]

1285
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:27,160
I'll show

1286
00:59:23,319 --> 00:59:30,000
you so what do you want like what what

1287
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:33,520
do you need right now and she says a

1288
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:35,280
toaster I need a toaster and he's like

1289
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:40,880
perfect get on your

1290
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:42,599
knees okay go on so exact words are get

1291
00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:44,240
on your knees and daddy will get you a

1292
00:59:42,599 --> 00:59:47,119
new

1293
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:50,039
toaster so she okay is this Drew Cary on

1294
00:59:47,119 --> 00:59:50,039
the prices

1295
00:59:53,839 --> 01:00:00,880
right thank you for saying

1296
00:59:57,559 --> 01:00:03,599
Drew Cary instead of Bob

1297
01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:06,680
Barker because that feels Blasphemous

1298
01:00:03,599 --> 01:00:08,839
somehow I couldn't do Bob like that we

1299
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:11,559
couldn't do Bob like

1300
01:00:08,839 --> 01:00:13,400
that oh my

1301
01:00:11,559 --> 01:00:17,079
God

1302
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:18,400
so okay I I won't have questions yeah

1303
01:00:17,079 --> 01:00:21,520
hold your questions cuz it's going to

1304
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:23,359
get worse so she blows him he tastes

1305
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:25,280
like apple cider and he tells her that

1306
01:00:23,359 --> 01:00:28,200
he can change his taste depending on

1307
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:30,520
like what people are into um and so I

1308
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:34,319
like that you said apple cider and I

1309
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:37,319
heard you say apple cider vinegar no and

1310
01:00:34,319 --> 01:00:40,240
I was like not the flavor I'm hoping for

1311
01:00:37,319 --> 01:00:43,680
in that moment but also great for my

1312
01:00:40,240 --> 01:00:46,200
long-term Health needs excellent for my

1313
01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:47,480
microbiome but like not good for my

1314
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:50,920
taste

1315
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:53,319
buds I don't know why I did that voice

1316
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:56,000
sorry for my

1317
01:00:53,319 --> 01:00:59,319
microbio you're like I can change the

1318
01:00:56,000 --> 01:01:02,400
Taste of my semen so I made it healthy

1319
01:00:59,319 --> 01:01:05,599
for you you son of a

1320
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:07,920
[ __ ] it's like on Parks and wreck when

1321
01:01:05,599 --> 01:01:12,079
Leslie is like they offered to put kale

1322
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:12,079
in my milkshake you guys my

1323
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:20,599
milkshake also thinking about parks and

1324
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:23,760
wreck when they like upped all of the

1325
01:01:20,599 --> 01:01:28,079
sizes so like the small was like child

1326
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:29,920
SI child size was like over 500 o or

1327
01:01:28,079 --> 01:01:32,960
something

1328
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:36,039
ridiculous like that's the child size

1329
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:40,119
the sugar problems with

1330
01:01:36,039 --> 01:01:43,079
sedums yes okay so he has changed is it

1331
01:01:40,119 --> 01:01:46,280
his seen is the is he changing the SE

1332
01:01:43,079 --> 01:01:48,480
flavor it's the the precom flavor like

1333
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:50,839
his flavor okay so it's not like he's

1334
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:54,160
changing the flavor of the whole ollipop

1335
01:01:50,839 --> 01:01:57,039
no yes yeah just the Tootsie Roll

1336
01:01:54,160 --> 01:02:00,400
filling yeah I hated that but I didn't

1337
01:01:57,039 --> 01:02:04,000
really feel like I had better lollipop

1338
01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:07,720
analogies well again hold it cuz it's

1339
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:10,640
going to get worse so as she is blowing

1340
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:12,720
him like he's starting to get to the

1341
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:18,079
point where he's about to come and he

1342
01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:20,559
tells her to grab his balls and feel and

1343
01:02:18,079 --> 01:02:23,319
she's like oh it's growing and is

1344
01:02:20,559 --> 01:02:25,520
toaster about to pop out of his dick and

1345
01:02:23,319 --> 01:02:26,799
a toaster shoots out of his dick yeah

1346
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:31,559
100%

1347
01:02:26,799 --> 01:02:35,400
you no no Hannah yeah you take that back

1348
01:02:31,559 --> 01:02:37,559
I can't because that's what Leila Fay

1349
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:40,400
wrote I understand why it works

1350
01:02:37,559 --> 01:02:44,160
different for pets

1351
01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:47,480
yeah so like he like pulls back from her

1352
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:50,839
and shoots a toaster onto the

1353
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:53,200
bed yeah it's teal apparently she's very

1354
01:02:50,839 --> 01:02:53,200
into

1355
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:59,279
it yeah

1356
01:02:57,319 --> 01:03:02,039
so she's super confused by the whole

1357
01:02:59,279 --> 01:03:03,799
situation yep yep she is but he won't

1358
01:03:02,039 --> 01:03:04,880
answer any of her questions and he's

1359
01:03:03,799 --> 01:03:07,680
like

1360
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:11,160
no can't answer anything until you sit

1361
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:12,440
on my face and she's like what what's

1362
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:16,760
going to come out of

1363
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:18,960
her just regular [ __ ] oh thank God no

1364
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:20,720
toasters were involved in the making of

1365
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:24,400
This orgasm I'm like you just heard a

1366
01:03:20,720 --> 01:03:26,720
little chirp and a little so chick pops

1367
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:28,359
out like I'm Terri ified of what happens

1368
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:30,359
in this book

1369
01:03:28,359 --> 01:03:33,400
now not

1370
01:03:30,359 --> 01:03:36,559
relevant however there was there's this

1371
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:41,079
single that came out recently called my

1372
01:03:36,559 --> 01:03:43,760
body is a dive bar and this the the

1373
01:03:41,079 --> 01:03:47,359
refrain from that song that plays on my

1374
01:03:43,760 --> 01:03:50,480
in my head on repeat like all the time

1375
01:03:47,359 --> 01:03:53,119
is um if you ask for one I'll always

1376
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:54,440
bring two because my face is a bar stool

1377
01:03:53,119 --> 01:03:56,319
waiting for

1378
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:58,799
you and that's

1379
01:03:56,319 --> 01:04:02,079
like such the energy here where he's

1380
01:03:58,799 --> 01:04:05,319
like babe I get that we have a lot to

1381
01:04:02,079 --> 01:04:05,319
talk about but like

1382
01:04:06,079 --> 01:04:11,880
listen not quite the

1383
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:13,799
same but also reminds me and I think

1384
01:04:11,880 --> 01:04:16,680
we've talked about this before of that

1385
01:04:13,799 --> 01:04:19,200
rap song my cousin wrote and

1386
01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:21,559
recorded that was like I only deal with

1387
01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:23,279
nines and T unless she's a seven and

1388
01:04:21,559 --> 01:04:26,119
bringing her

1389
01:04:23,279 --> 01:04:28,160
friends which is honestly still such a

1390
01:04:26,119 --> 01:04:30,880
good lie it really is

1391
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:33,559
actually

1392
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:36,839
yeah yeah okay so he's like sit on my

1393
01:04:33,559 --> 01:04:39,839
face yep and so she does she's nervous

1394
01:04:36,839 --> 01:04:40,880
but she goes for it obviously um is that

1395
01:04:39,839 --> 01:04:44,400
her first

1396
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:47,319
time yes okay yeah her first time giving

1397
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:49,799
a [ __ ] her first time receiving yeah

1398
01:04:47,319 --> 01:04:51,960
so it's not just that she's like of a

1399
01:04:49,799 --> 01:04:54,000
virgin as far as like actual penetration

1400
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:56,760
it's like the overall her sexual

1401
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:58,520
experiences as a whole right have been

1402
01:04:56,760 --> 01:05:02,240
relatively limited up until now brand

1403
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:06,039
new yeah um and so um she has like an

1404
01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:07,720
incredible orgasm and she was not quiet

1405
01:05:06,039 --> 01:05:12,200
um he did want her to scream for her

1406
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:13,880
family to hear and she does and um he's

1407
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:15,279
talking about how much he'd like to [ __ ]

1408
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:18,400
her and there's lots of dirty talk

1409
01:05:15,279 --> 01:05:22,359
involved but then somebody screams

1410
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:25,880
downstairs oh and she's like oh [ __ ] and

1411
01:05:22,359 --> 01:05:27,520
he he tells her before she like runs out

1412
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:29,079
of the room I'm keeping your panties

1413
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,799
don't flash anybody cuz she's wearing

1414
01:05:29,079 --> 01:05:33,440
this like super short dress he's like

1415
01:05:30,799 --> 01:05:36,880
I'm not giving these back good luck and

1416
01:05:33,440 --> 01:05:40,400
like so they get downstairs and her cat

1417
01:05:36,880 --> 01:05:43,960
has eaten the turkey and so her mom had

1418
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:46,000
like screamed and is now like curled up

1419
01:05:43,960 --> 01:05:49,319
in a ball on the floor crying and

1420
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:52,200
panicking because there's no turkey and

1421
01:05:49,319 --> 01:05:55,839
so

1422
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:58,400
I how what like I understand understand

1423
01:05:55,839 --> 01:06:00,760
that a cat is a carnivore and is going

1424
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:03,880
to be eating some meat and how much of

1425
01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:06,200
the turkey cuz I can't imagine that a

1426
01:06:03,880 --> 01:06:08,039
cat took down a whole family bird so she

1427
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:10,920
says like we can just cut around the

1428
01:06:08,039 --> 01:06:13,599
part that he ate like it'll be okay like

1429
01:06:10,920 --> 01:06:17,359
you know and her mom is like it's ruined

1430
01:06:13,599 --> 01:06:19,359
like we can't okay yeah so the turkey

1431
01:06:17,359 --> 01:06:21,039
does still exist we're just

1432
01:06:19,359 --> 01:06:23,480
catastrophizing right and Jennifer

1433
01:06:21,039 --> 01:06:26,680
offers solution her mom is not receptive

1434
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:29,119
to that solution

1435
01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:30,839
I offered solutions to my client in

1436
01:06:29,119 --> 01:06:33,839
session yesterday and she didn't want

1437
01:06:30,839 --> 01:06:36,680
any solution in 40 minutes in

1438
01:06:33,839 --> 01:06:39,640
I was maybe like what do you

1439
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:43,160
want so I had somebody who was very

1440
01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:47,119
upset with me a couple of weeks ago and

1441
01:06:43,160 --> 01:06:50,799
she was ripping into me like as a person

1442
01:06:47,119 --> 01:06:53,520
like going in and I was like okay okay

1443
01:06:50,799 --> 01:06:56,240
so um I just want to be very clear about

1444
01:06:53,520 --> 01:07:00,599
what your what your goals are for this

1445
01:06:56,240 --> 01:07:04,119
conversation do you want me to respond

1446
01:07:00,599 --> 01:07:06,000
or are you just wanting to to vent your

1447
01:07:04,119 --> 01:07:07,240
feelings because either one is okay I

1448
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:10,240
just want to make sure I'm meeting your

1449
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:12,559
needs here and she was like no this

1450
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:13,440
should be a conversation and I was like

1451
01:07:12,559 --> 01:07:17,200
Okie

1452
01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:21,760
[Laughter]

1453
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:24,720
doie okay well you clarified here we are

1454
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:28,599
yeah so buckle in buddy because you just

1455
01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:28,599
called me a lot of names

1456
01:07:29,079 --> 01:07:35,599
so anyway um so being a clinician is

1457
01:07:34,039 --> 01:07:37,160
really like the best thing ever such a

1458
01:07:35,599 --> 01:07:40,520
unique experience but there are those

1459
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:44,599
moments where you're like this is really

1460
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:47,000
showing me my Humanity in a way I did

1461
01:07:44,599 --> 01:07:48,240
not anticipate today yeah and you're

1462
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:50,000
like I might need to sit on this one a

1463
01:07:48,240 --> 01:07:52,559
little bit much like Jennifer and

1464
01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:54,400
raccoon here right but likey actually

1465
01:07:52,559 --> 01:07:57,319
maybe not like them we get fired if it's

1466
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:59,720
like that

1467
01:07:57,319 --> 01:08:01,440
yeah not in a professional setting yeah

1468
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:04,400
at any point just with our husband my

1469
01:08:01,440 --> 01:08:08,079
joke went off the rails anyway hard left

1470
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:10,640
anyway so raccoon with our

1471
01:08:08,079 --> 01:08:14,359
husband so raccoon is like we'll get

1472
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:17,120
another turkey no problem and and he's

1473
01:08:14,359 --> 01:08:19,880
like just get on your knees for me yeah

1474
01:08:17,120 --> 01:08:23,319
drags Jennifer back upstairs and she

1475
01:08:19,880 --> 01:08:26,279
blows him I was joking Hannah while

1476
01:08:23,319 --> 01:08:28,560
touching herself I apologize that I keep

1477
01:08:26,279 --> 01:08:30,960
ruining the plot twist in this book

1478
01:08:28,560 --> 01:08:35,440
because I keep just making what I think

1479
01:08:30,960 --> 01:08:38,400
are outlandish jokes and you go

1480
01:08:35,440 --> 01:08:39,880
correct yeah so I deeply apologize cuz

1481
01:08:38,400 --> 01:08:41,839
I'm not trying to steal your thunder in

1482
01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:44,000
this every time I've guessed I've been

1483
01:08:41,839 --> 01:08:46,080
like surely this is so ridiculous this

1484
01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:49,520
isn't what's going to happen oh it it's

1485
01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:52,159
what happens all right so yeah she blows

1486
01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:54,839
him while she's touching herself they

1487
01:08:52,159 --> 01:08:56,080
both come a turkey shoots at his dick

1488
01:08:54,839 --> 01:08:58,120
like before they go go upstairs he's

1489
01:08:56,080 --> 01:09:00,279
like do you have a roasting pan like to

1490
01:08:58,120 --> 01:09:02,159
her mom and he's like I don't want it to

1491
01:09:00,279 --> 01:09:06,400
fall on the floor or anything and

1492
01:09:02,159 --> 01:09:08,759
so is it a raw turkey no no it's fully

1493
01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:14,440
cooked um is it fully

1494
01:09:08,759 --> 01:09:15,719
seasoned yeah mhm but they are um he's

1495
01:09:14,440 --> 01:09:17,920
like we we're going to have to heat it

1496
01:09:15,719 --> 01:09:19,839
up cuz it's like body temperature so

1497
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:23,080
he's like we can pop it in the oven for

1498
01:09:19,839 --> 01:09:26,199
like a cool 20 or 30 Skin's already nice

1499
01:09:23,080 --> 01:09:28,759
and crispy no need to panic

1500
01:09:26,199 --> 01:09:32,040
that is mentioned that the skin is

1501
01:09:28,759 --> 01:09:32,040
crispy that is

1502
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:40,679
mentioned okay keep going so I love that

1503
01:09:37,679 --> 01:09:44,880
you're doing a self hug right now but

1504
01:09:40,679 --> 01:09:48,279
like around my neck like it's like

1505
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:50,839
extra I'm like I'm like trying to fully

1506
01:09:48,279 --> 01:09:54,279
ground myself I see that it's not going

1507
01:09:50,839 --> 01:09:56,400
to help so Jennifer is like super

1508
01:09:54,279 --> 01:09:58,920
fascinated by this she's like oh my God

1509
01:09:56,400 --> 01:10:00,600
look at that and raccoon starts to freak

1510
01:09:58,920 --> 01:10:02,800
out that he has scared her away he's

1511
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:05,760
like oh my God like this was too much

1512
01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:07,159
I'm so sorry like this was too much the

1513
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:09,080
tur the the toaster was fine the

1514
01:10:07,159 --> 01:10:13,360
turkey's the problem he's like please

1515
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:16,640
don't like leave me like uh please

1516
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:19,960
whatever please don't leave this entire

1517
01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:22,800
relationship we've built over the last 6

1518
01:10:19,960 --> 01:10:24,760
hours hours so she is actually like

1519
01:10:22,800 --> 01:10:26,360
super grateful to him but she feels

1520
01:10:24,760 --> 01:10:29,760
really weird about feeding her family

1521
01:10:26,360 --> 01:10:32,640
turkey that came out of his penis um yes

1522
01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:34,199
Jennifer Yes penis turkey because when

1523
01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:36,440
they say where did you just get this

1524
01:10:34,199 --> 01:10:41,520
turkey from what's your

1525
01:10:36,440 --> 01:10:45,000
answer we'll get there so [ __ ]

1526
01:10:41,520 --> 01:10:47,640
hell raccoon is like why do you care

1527
01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:49,600
like they clearly don't care about you

1528
01:10:47,640 --> 01:10:51,760
you just gave me a [ __ ] to save your

1529
01:10:49,600 --> 01:10:53,800
mom's Thanksgiving like who cares where

1530
01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:56,080
the turkey came from she's like well you

1531
01:10:53,800 --> 01:11:00,000
know that is great perspective and he's

1532
01:10:56,080 --> 01:11:01,320
like you know and we can heat it up like

1533
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:03,920
well we're going to put it back in the

1534
01:11:01,320 --> 01:11:06,840
oven so it's not like it's it's going to

1535
01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:08,679
be sterilized or whatever like it's fine

1536
01:11:06,840 --> 01:11:11,520
um I remember when I was in high school

1537
01:11:08,679 --> 01:11:13,159
I worked at a country club and me and

1538
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:16,640
several of the servers I was the only

1539
01:11:13,159 --> 01:11:18,000
server there who was a minor right um

1540
01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:21,080
and so it was also one of those things

1541
01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:23,440
where I was like the normal hospitality

1542
01:11:21,080 --> 01:11:25,920
industry Dynamics were very much in full

1543
01:11:23,440 --> 01:11:27,199
swing and I was just sitting there and

1544
01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:30,080
too

1545
01:11:27,199 --> 01:11:33,320
Youngy yeah but one night I ended up

1546
01:11:30,080 --> 01:11:36,640
going out to Applebee's for drinks after

1547
01:11:33,320 --> 01:11:38,199
our shift ended and you could tell one

1548
01:11:36,640 --> 01:11:40,719
of the girls I was I forget what

1549
01:11:38,199 --> 01:11:43,960
happened but like she annoyed the

1550
01:11:40,719 --> 01:11:46,199
server and when the drinks got delivered

1551
01:11:43,960 --> 01:11:48,040
she goes she probably spit in this the

1552
01:11:46,199 --> 01:11:49,600
other girl goes alcohol kills the germs

1553
01:11:48,040 --> 01:11:52,000
just chug it you're

1554
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:53,199
fine that was and I'm like yeah yeah I

1555
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:54,920
mean to be fair if she's spitting in

1556
01:11:53,199 --> 01:11:57,159
Tequila you're probably you're you're

1557
01:11:54,920 --> 01:11:59,040
going to be be fine on that yeah you're

1558
01:11:57,159 --> 01:12:02,600
probably going to be okay like shitty of

1559
01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:03,480
her but also who cares really yes and

1560
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:06,600
that's what

1561
01:12:03,480 --> 01:12:08,520
I kills the germs who gives a [ __ ] like

1562
01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:12,360
we're going to we're going to heat it up

1563
01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:15,199
it's fine but she like can't do it she's

1564
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:17,120
like okay no you're right but then they

1565
01:12:15,199 --> 01:12:19,639
sit down to dinner and her brother this

1566
01:12:17,120 --> 01:12:22,560
whole time by the way is like serving

1567
01:12:19,639 --> 01:12:25,239
food and like respectful and not a dick

1568
01:12:22,560 --> 01:12:28,800
and so she's like before the family can

1569
01:12:25,239 --> 01:12:31,600
eat it she's like the tur the turkey

1570
01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:36,480
came out of raccoon's dick

1571
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:39,880
like and uh no one acknowledges it and

1572
01:12:36,480 --> 01:12:45,440
they all just eat it and it's

1573
01:12:39,880 --> 01:12:48,360
delicious so okay just thinking about if

1574
01:12:45,440 --> 01:12:51,159
I'm at my family Thanksgiving and

1575
01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:52,560
everyone is serving their plates up and

1576
01:12:51,159 --> 01:12:55,360
they're sitting at the table and we're

1577
01:12:52,560 --> 01:12:57,520
about to have the full meal

1578
01:12:55,360 --> 01:13:01,520
and I

1579
01:12:57,520 --> 01:13:04,400
shout this turkey came out of Vance's

1580
01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:06,800
dick I would expect some sort of

1581
01:13:04,400 --> 01:13:09,120
reaction right like you need some Hound

1582
01:13:06,800 --> 01:13:13,239
all what the [ __ ] yeah like I don't

1583
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:16,600
think my family is just going to

1584
01:13:13,239 --> 01:13:18,880
go give me my fork and knife right like

1585
01:13:16,600 --> 01:13:22,639
we're not going to just

1586
01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:24,679
casually eat the dick turkey no we're

1587
01:13:22,639 --> 01:13:26,960
going to have some questions about the

1588
01:13:24,679 --> 01:13:30,880
dick turkey their family culture is

1589
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:33,440
clearly like steeped in denial so

1590
01:13:30,880 --> 01:13:35,520
like yeah they just eat the

1591
01:13:33,440 --> 01:13:38,360
turkey but it's not even steeped in

1592
01:13:35,520 --> 01:13:39,880
denial because she literally told them

1593
01:13:38,360 --> 01:13:42,040
right but they're denying the

1594
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:43,920
information are they denying it or are

1595
01:13:42,040 --> 01:13:46,280
they just accepting it and going Believe

1596
01:13:43,920 --> 01:13:49,360
It or Not Jennifer not a deal breaker

1597
01:13:46,280 --> 01:13:51,480
for us you know that's not

1598
01:13:49,360 --> 01:13:53,239
disclosed I'm making an assumption yeah

1599
01:13:51,480 --> 01:13:55,280
cuz she I mean she did tell them she did

1600
01:13:53,239 --> 01:13:57,679
tell them and that's her whole thing

1601
01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:59,040
she's like well I warned them she's like

1602
01:13:57,679 --> 01:14:01,920
she like clearly I'll eat the dick

1603
01:13:59,040 --> 01:14:04,199
turkey I put my mouth on the Dick

1604
01:14:01,920 --> 01:14:05,199
delicious and I got a new toaster out of

1605
01:14:04,199 --> 01:14:09,000
it

1606
01:14:05,199 --> 01:14:12,120
juicy seasoned well

1607
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:15,280
succulent was there stuffing in it you

1608
01:14:12,120 --> 01:14:18,360
know I don't know okay honestly I feel

1609
01:14:15,280 --> 01:14:18,360
better that that's not

1610
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:25,760
described I get that sorry keep going so

1611
01:14:22,520 --> 01:14:27,639
then he is touching her under the table

1612
01:14:25,760 --> 01:14:29,080
until she really can't take it anymore

1613
01:14:27,639 --> 01:14:33,440
and she's like okay so we're going home

1614
01:14:29,080 --> 01:14:36,000
bye everybody like love you bye and um

1615
01:14:33,440 --> 01:14:38,159
she is worried about riding on his

1616
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:40,440
motorcycle without underwear on cuz

1617
01:14:38,159 --> 01:14:42,639
she's had no panties on this whole time

1618
01:14:40,440 --> 01:14:47,000
and he reveals that he has a tail that

1619
01:14:42,639 --> 01:14:52,199
he can um like magic away but he lets it

1620
01:14:47,000 --> 01:14:54,280
out to warm her vagina on the motorcycle

1621
01:14:52,199 --> 01:14:56,480
so they do that and he's like teasing

1622
01:14:54,280 --> 01:15:00,199
her the whole way way with

1623
01:14:56,480 --> 01:15:02,800
it um she doesn't she's lost her key

1624
01:15:00,199 --> 01:15:06,639
somehow for her apartment so she blows

1625
01:15:02,800 --> 01:15:09,719
him to make a key like this like it's

1626
01:15:06,639 --> 01:15:12,840
we're just [ __ ] for days like we're

1627
01:15:09,719 --> 01:15:15,400
three [ __ ] deep yeah so another one

1628
01:15:12,840 --> 01:15:17,880
in this afternoon right and this one's

1629
01:15:15,400 --> 01:15:20,480
in an alley because they can't get into

1630
01:15:17,880 --> 01:15:23,320
the apartment building so like she blows

1631
01:15:20,480 --> 01:15:25,639
him to make an apartment key I'm also

1632
01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:27,040
just going to like thr throw out

1633
01:15:25,639 --> 01:15:29,040
something

1634
01:15:27,040 --> 01:15:30,679
crazy if you don't like it you can send

1635
01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:32,520
it right

1636
01:15:30,679 --> 01:15:35,760
back

1637
01:15:32,520 --> 01:15:39,120
locksmith could have been could have

1638
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:40,360
been what if he was a locksmith and that

1639
01:15:39,120 --> 01:15:42,800
was

1640
01:15:40,360 --> 01:15:43,560
his yep no no problem I can get that

1641
01:15:42,800 --> 01:15:47,560
door

1642
01:15:43,560 --> 01:15:47,560
unlocked just let me unzip my

1643
01:15:48,760 --> 01:15:57,120
pants my dick is the key oh my God I'm

1644
01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:59,639
sorry I could only unlock doors on

1645
01:15:57,120 --> 01:15:59,639
federal

1646
01:16:01,199 --> 01:16:05,159
holidays yeah so logically they're

1647
01:16:03,920 --> 01:16:07,360
locked out of her apartment and she

1648
01:16:05,159 --> 01:16:09,840
blows them for a new key that perfectly

1649
01:16:07,360 --> 01:16:11,840
fits her door obviously yeah so then

1650
01:16:09,840 --> 01:16:14,960
they get into her apartment and she's

1651
01:16:11,840 --> 01:16:16,800
really like kind of nervous about oh God

1652
01:16:14,960 --> 01:16:19,080
like we're are we going to [ __ ] now like

1653
01:16:16,800 --> 01:16:21,360
I don't know and he tells her that he

1654
01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:23,120
just wants to hold her and like explain

1655
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:24,920
what's going on like he realizes this

1656
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:26,920
whole day has been a whirlwind for her

1657
01:16:24,920 --> 01:16:29,159
and he wants to like explain what's

1658
01:16:26,920 --> 01:16:32,360
going on so he tells her that his

1659
01:16:29,159 --> 01:16:36,159
great-grandfather was a Tanuki which is

1660
01:16:32,360 --> 01:16:39,000
a Japanese raccoon dog right um you get

1661
01:16:36,159 --> 01:16:41,800
it and so they are

1662
01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:45,040
literally the logo for fight

1663
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:49,199
entertainment is a Tanuki my husband's

1664
01:16:45,040 --> 01:16:51,320
Media company that oh yeah Tanuki Mario

1665
01:16:49,199 --> 01:16:52,600
it was a yeah uh not going to lie I was

1666
01:16:51,320 --> 01:16:55,320
walking through Target and this girl was

1667
01:16:52,600 --> 01:16:56,719
like look daddy raccoon Mario like she

1668
01:16:55,320 --> 01:16:58,320
was like it's some sort of animal he's

1669
01:16:56,719 --> 01:16:59,600
like yeah it's a raccoon Mario and he's

1670
01:16:58,320 --> 01:17:01,120
like having this sweet moment with his

1671
01:16:59,600 --> 01:17:02,719
daughter and I was like I'm not going to

1672
01:17:01,120 --> 01:17:03,880
ruin it but as as I was walking past I

1673
01:17:02,719 --> 01:17:05,920
was like it's a

1674
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:06,920
Tanuki but he's having a sweet moment

1675
01:17:05,920 --> 01:17:10,040
with the daughter so I'm not going to

1676
01:17:06,920 --> 01:17:12,600
take it from him but like right you are

1677
01:17:10,040 --> 01:17:15,400
misinformed right it is a

1678
01:17:12,600 --> 01:17:18,920
Tanuki a Japanese raccoon dog it's a

1679
01:17:15,400 --> 01:17:19,800
Japanese raccoon dog and according to

1680
01:17:18,920 --> 01:17:23,560
this

1681
01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:25,679
book they are magical and um I wouldn't

1682
01:17:23,560 --> 01:17:27,719
be surprised by that would have to tag

1683
01:17:25,679 --> 01:17:30,000
my my husband in for more I think that

1684
01:17:27,719 --> 01:17:32,080
there is lore cuz I looked it up to like

1685
01:17:30,000 --> 01:17:36,960
look up the pictures and stuff there is

1686
01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:39,880
some lore that they are magical um but I

1687
01:17:36,960 --> 01:17:42,000
I don't know that it's like the way it's

1688
01:17:39,880 --> 01:17:46,360
described in this book I don't know that

1689
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:48,080
culturally we're honoring the Tanuki um

1690
01:17:46,360 --> 01:17:51,760
so I feel like we're not honoring a lot

1691
01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:54,880
of things in this book yeah so um

1692
01:17:51,760 --> 01:17:56,760
there's a whole thing about like his dad

1693
01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:58,400
didn't think he was a Tanuki like he

1694
01:17:56,760 --> 01:18:01,719
didn't think it passed to him are

1695
01:17:58,400 --> 01:18:04,480
shifters they are technically um but

1696
01:18:01,719 --> 01:18:06,840
they don't shift very often um okay so

1697
01:18:04,480 --> 01:18:09,880
Tanuki shifters who don't actually shift

1698
01:18:06,840 --> 01:18:12,760
very often but have Tanuki like powers

1699
01:18:09,880 --> 01:18:15,560
powers so um his dad didn't think it

1700
01:18:12,760 --> 01:18:19,120
passed to him until he was having sex

1701
01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:21,159
with raccoon's mom and when he came he

1702
01:18:19,120 --> 01:18:23,040
didn't realize like he made a wedding

1703
01:18:21,159 --> 01:18:25,800
ring and she had to go have it like

1704
01:18:23,040 --> 01:18:28,600
surgically removed because it like

1705
01:18:25,800 --> 01:18:30,719
embedded inside of her and it was like a

1706
01:18:28,600 --> 01:18:36,000
whole thing and that's how he realized

1707
01:18:30,719 --> 01:18:40,840
like he did inherit these Powers um and

1708
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:41,800
so a a full-blooded Tanuki I guess is

1709
01:18:40,840 --> 01:18:45,840
able

1710
01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:50,360
to come however and make whatever but

1711
01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:56,719
because he is only a part to Nuki

1712
01:18:50,360 --> 01:19:00,400
someone else has to make him come right

1713
01:18:56,719 --> 01:19:02,520
so raccoon Shar for explaining Hannah I

1714
01:19:00,400 --> 01:19:07,239
apologize for

1715
01:19:02,520 --> 01:19:09,600
laughing I get it so raccoon shares that

1716
01:19:07,239 --> 01:19:12,639
like he had a girlfriend before and she

1717
01:19:09,600 --> 01:19:15,679
got tired of constantly having to help

1718
01:19:12,639 --> 01:19:18,199
him because he explains that like his

1719
01:19:15,679 --> 01:19:21,520
balls are a magnet for magic and they

1720
01:19:18,199 --> 01:19:25,239
have to be like it has to be expelled or

1721
01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:30,080
he becomes like he's in pain because of

1722
01:19:25,239 --> 01:19:33,199
it okay again very classic straight guy

1723
01:19:30,080 --> 01:19:35,560
response I feel like um why are you

1724
01:19:33,199 --> 01:19:36,960
doing this to me why are you leaving my

1725
01:19:35,560 --> 01:19:40,639
balls in this

1726
01:19:36,960 --> 01:19:44,000
state you know blue balls can can be

1727
01:19:40,639 --> 01:19:46,960
fatal like okay buddy the Magic's just

1728
01:19:44,000 --> 01:19:49,040
too powerful unless I let it

1729
01:19:46,960 --> 01:19:53,639
out

1730
01:19:49,040 --> 01:19:56,639
exactly so then Jennifer is like well

1731
01:19:53,639 --> 01:19:59,360
I'll be with you like I'll help you like

1732
01:19:56,639 --> 01:20:02,600
thank you for explaining everything like

1733
01:19:59,360 --> 01:20:04,880
it has been like 8 hours at this point

1734
01:20:02,600 --> 01:20:08,040
no we're fully committ my my mic in a

1735
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:10,159
fit of rage damn it Vance sorry so fully

1736
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:13,880
committed and he's like let's go pop

1737
01:20:10,159 --> 01:20:15,719
your cherry literally direct quote so

1738
01:20:13,880 --> 01:20:18,360
he's like it was just such a burden in

1739
01:20:15,719 --> 01:20:20,800
my last relationship that I had to expel

1740
01:20:18,360 --> 01:20:24,920
the magic and my balls so often and

1741
01:20:20,800 --> 01:20:28,480
she's like oh my gosh she was so over it

1742
01:20:24,920 --> 01:20:32,040
what a poor unfortunate experience that

1743
01:20:28,480 --> 01:20:34,840
you've had let me help you yeah he's

1744
01:20:32,040 --> 01:20:37,120
like I'd be watching watching TV with my

1745
01:20:34,840 --> 01:20:38,920
girlfriend and she'd like half-heartedly

1746
01:20:37,120 --> 01:20:41,400
give me a hand job because she just

1747
01:20:38,920 --> 01:20:44,080
couldn't be bothered I'm like okay buddy

1748
01:20:41,400 --> 01:20:47,600
so anyway yeah and you know what me

1749
01:20:44,080 --> 01:20:50,159
[ __ ] too right because he says it's

1750
01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:52,320
like 10 to 12 times a day at his like

1751
01:20:50,159 --> 01:20:54,120
peak of his magic and he's not there

1752
01:20:52,320 --> 01:20:56,840
anymore so it's not going to be that

1753
01:20:54,120 --> 01:20:58,320
much but like that's what it was when he

1754
01:20:56,840 --> 01:21:00,840
was with this girl and I'm like baby

1755
01:20:58,320 --> 01:21:04,360
girl did you have to wear a brace like

1756
01:21:00,840 --> 01:21:08,120
the carpal tunnel alone holy [ __ ]

1757
01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:12,159
develop CJ I lost my enthusiasm around

1758
01:21:08,120 --> 01:21:15,639
[ __ ] number six [ __ ] like I I

1759
01:21:12,159 --> 01:21:20,440
can't keep this level of excitement up

1760
01:21:15,639 --> 01:21:23,679
for 12 10 to 12 blow jobs a day you are

1761
01:21:20,440 --> 01:21:27,360
getting a lackluster handy at some point

1762
01:21:23,679 --> 01:21:31,280
it could be sex but also that is too

1763
01:21:27,360 --> 01:21:34,120
much well never want a chance a toaster

1764
01:21:31,280 --> 01:21:36,480
shooting inside of me well we'll get

1765
01:21:34,120 --> 01:21:39,320
there so

1766
01:21:36,480 --> 01:21:41,480
no so sexy times in

1767
01:21:39,320 --> 01:21:43,280
Su okay cuz he's going to help her pop

1768
01:21:41,480 --> 01:21:46,800
her cherry okay right lots of

1769
01:21:43,280 --> 01:21:49,159
degradation talk she's super into it um

1770
01:21:46,800 --> 01:21:51,040
and he is very sweet to her he's like

1771
01:21:49,159 --> 01:21:53,719
you're so perfect I'm like afraid you're

1772
01:21:51,040 --> 01:21:55,760
going to disappear cuz you're so amazing

1773
01:21:53,719 --> 01:21:58,800
he kisses her belly and he's like this

1774
01:21:55,760 --> 01:22:00,639
is where our babies are going to grow um

1775
01:21:58,800 --> 01:22:04,080
and he says that he will make his

1776
01:22:00,639 --> 01:22:07,920
pre-com sterile and he won't come inside

1777
01:22:04,080 --> 01:22:11,040
her um because he knows she's not ready

1778
01:22:07,920 --> 01:22:13,120
for all that so he's like I get it it's

1779
01:22:11,040 --> 01:22:14,840
been a cool eight hours we can hold off

1780
01:22:13,120 --> 01:22:18,560
on making a

1781
01:22:14,840 --> 01:22:21,920
baby um a gentle it's

1782
01:22:18,560 --> 01:22:25,480
implied so she plays with his tail which

1783
01:22:21,920 --> 01:22:28,040
she realizes is an erogenous Zone which

1784
01:22:25,480 --> 01:22:31,159
is a whole thing has some nerve endings

1785
01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:34,760
yeah okay and then when he finally comes

1786
01:22:31,159 --> 01:22:38,600
he pulls out and shoots off confetti and

1787
01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:38,600
he's like congratulations on your

1788
01:22:41,360 --> 01:22:47,199
deflowering yeah I don't know if it's

1789
01:22:44,239 --> 01:22:49,840
worth that the party confetti is coming

1790
01:22:47,199 --> 01:22:52,159
out of his dick or if someone hit a

1791
01:22:49,840 --> 01:22:55,920
party

1792
01:22:52,159 --> 01:22:58,239
popper neither is good so just imagine

1793
01:22:55,920 --> 01:23:02,040
Hannah just imagine losing your

1794
01:22:58,239 --> 01:23:04,440
virginity and the guy reaches over and

1795
01:23:02,040 --> 01:23:08,400
Pops a party

1796
01:23:04,440 --> 01:23:11,120
popper and says congrats on your

1797
01:23:08,400 --> 01:23:15,120
deflowering really de flowering is the

1798
01:23:11,120 --> 01:23:17,520
worst of that whole scenario for me yeah

1799
01:23:15,120 --> 01:23:22,080
I think it depends on if he's still

1800
01:23:17,520 --> 01:23:22,080
inside party popper

1801
01:23:26,560 --> 01:23:32,560
uh-huh

1802
01:23:28,800 --> 01:23:37,800
yeah that would be a problem for me I'm

1803
01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:41,639
sorry keep going so um that's it the

1804
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:44,400
epilog wait what the

1805
01:23:41,639 --> 01:23:46,920
epilog that's it the book ends with him

1806
01:23:44,400 --> 01:23:49,239
shooting confetti out of his dick and

1807
01:23:46,920 --> 01:23:52,760
saying congrats on your

1808
01:23:49,239 --> 01:23:56,639
deflowering yeah and

1809
01:23:52,760 --> 01:23:59,520
then Jennifer is on her period she's on

1810
01:23:56,639 --> 01:24:02,719
her couch she's miserable raccoon is

1811
01:23:59,520 --> 01:24:04,719
moving in with her um and he's like oh

1812
01:24:02,719 --> 01:24:08,719
I'll run to the store for whatever you

1813
01:24:04,719 --> 01:24:10,639
need like give me a list whatever um and

1814
01:24:08,719 --> 01:24:11,800
she you can't give me that many [ __ ]

1815
01:24:10,639 --> 01:24:15,040
back to

1816
01:24:11,800 --> 01:24:17,400
back she's like well what I want is hot

1817
01:24:15,040 --> 01:24:20,760
buttered rum with whipped cream and

1818
01:24:17,400 --> 01:24:22,960
takes his dick out and blows him for it

1819
01:24:20,760 --> 01:24:26,320
and he like comes into a cup okay this

1820
01:24:22,960 --> 01:24:27,719
is the third time that I made this joke

1821
01:24:26,320 --> 01:24:30,960
and you've been

1822
01:24:27,719 --> 01:24:32,920
right um and then she uses his tail as a

1823
01:24:30,960 --> 01:24:35,199
heating pad and then just crwl up on the

1824
01:24:32,920 --> 01:24:37,320
couch together and that is the end of

1825
01:24:35,199 --> 01:24:37,320
the

1826
01:24:37,719 --> 01:24:42,239
book huh

1827
01:24:40,400 --> 01:24:44,560
mhm

1828
01:24:42,239 --> 01:24:48,360
mhm huh

1829
01:24:44,560 --> 01:24:48,360
mhm wow

1830
01:24:48,520 --> 01:24:55,360
yeah thanks Leila

1831
01:24:51,360 --> 01:24:55,360
Fay mhm

1832
01:24:58,320 --> 01:25:02,600
huh I've this whole time I've been like

1833
01:25:00,639 --> 01:25:04,520
what's the rating scale here is hot

1834
01:25:02,600 --> 01:25:08,920
buttered rum is it confetti is it

1835
01:25:04,520 --> 01:25:11,480
toaster ovens is it cats you know we

1836
01:25:08,920 --> 01:25:12,440
have the same toaster oven and it's a

1837
01:25:11,480 --> 01:25:15,440
pretty

1838
01:25:12,440 --> 01:25:18,440
awesome to want to go toaster ovens we

1839
01:25:15,440 --> 01:25:22,080
can okay we can go cute cute toaster

1840
01:25:18,440 --> 01:25:25,760
ovens go cute toaster oven um I'm going

1841
01:25:22,080 --> 01:25:29,159
to go out of eight cuz I assume that's

1842
01:25:25,760 --> 01:25:33,400
how many hours they knew each other

1843
01:25:29,159 --> 01:25:37,280
um based on context clues um oh I forgot

1844
01:25:33,400 --> 01:25:39,880
to say so he tells her that the cat was

1845
01:25:37,280 --> 01:25:41,840
healed from the beginning because that's

1846
01:25:39,880 --> 01:25:43,840
one of his powers I forgot to mention

1847
01:25:41,840 --> 01:25:47,040
the cat the cat's

1848
01:25:43,840 --> 01:25:52,280
fine so there's

1849
01:25:47,040 --> 01:25:55,080
that wait no yeah you

1850
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:58,480
stop this man

1851
01:25:55,080 --> 01:26:01,119
healed the cat before they even went to

1852
01:25:58,480 --> 01:26:01,119
her family's

1853
01:26:02,760 --> 01:26:09,480
house I don't love that no it feels very

1854
01:26:06,400 --> 01:26:12,639
manipulative and ick yeah just tell her

1855
01:26:09,480 --> 01:26:16,040
man yeah just tell her hey I already

1856
01:26:12,639 --> 01:26:20,920
healed your cat non issue didn't even

1857
01:26:16,040 --> 01:26:24,520
have to to come for it m

1858
01:26:20,920 --> 01:26:27,880
and my payment

1859
01:26:24,520 --> 01:26:29,480
will be you coming me coming to your

1860
01:26:27,880 --> 01:26:33,400
family

1861
01:26:29,480 --> 01:26:36,719
Thanksgiving yeah what an interesting

1862
01:26:33,400 --> 01:26:40,920
take on Thanksgiving yeah yeah MH MH so

1863
01:26:36,719 --> 01:26:43,920
eight toaster ovens eight toaster ovens

1864
01:26:40,920 --> 01:26:43,920
um

1865
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:50,760
three yeah I mean four would be 50% yeah

1866
01:26:48,800 --> 01:26:54,920
three feels

1867
01:26:50,760 --> 01:26:54,920
goodish you know

1868
01:26:57,239 --> 01:27:02,639
because it was a unique story I've never

1869
01:27:00,880 --> 01:27:04,520
read anything like it I can say that

1870
01:27:02,639 --> 01:27:07,119
with confidence and like there's other

1871
01:27:04,520 --> 01:27:10,400
stuff in there like he tells her he

1872
01:27:07,119 --> 01:27:13,920
can't like make her a car because his

1873
01:27:10,400 --> 01:27:17,320
sack can only stretch so far so like but

1874
01:27:13,920 --> 01:27:19,199
he can make her as much cash cash as she

1875
01:27:17,320 --> 01:27:22,440
wants so

1876
01:27:19,199 --> 01:27:25,080
like there's other weird stuff in there

1877
01:27:22,440 --> 01:27:27,840
like it's an interesting story

1878
01:27:25,080 --> 01:27:30,840
um the character development I felt like

1879
01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:32,960
wasn't there at all I I I don't think

1880
01:27:30,840 --> 01:27:34,840
Leila was going for character

1881
01:27:32,960 --> 01:27:38,159
development in this one no but I wasn't

1882
01:27:34,840 --> 01:27:40,920
invested in them or like their story I

1883
01:27:38,159 --> 01:27:43,560
it felt like it was more for like and

1884
01:27:40,920 --> 01:27:45,880
then a toaster shot out of his dick and

1885
01:27:43,560 --> 01:27:47,119
like you know which is cool if that's

1886
01:27:45,880 --> 01:27:50,320
what you're going for that's fine you

1887
01:27:47,119 --> 01:27:54,440
get a toaster and you get a toaster and

1888
01:27:50,320 --> 01:27:56,320
you get a turkey like okay

1889
01:27:54,440 --> 01:27:59,119
I still have more questions around this

1890
01:27:56,320 --> 01:28:00,719
only happening on banking holidays well

1891
01:27:59,119 --> 01:28:03,920
I think that's just when he chose to

1892
01:28:00,719 --> 01:28:06,960
make himself available like he he will

1893
01:28:03,920 --> 01:28:09,080
reverse most people work the other days

1894
01:28:06,960 --> 01:28:11,199
and then don't work on banking holidays

1895
01:28:09,080 --> 01:28:14,480
and he's like I exclusively work on

1896
01:28:11,199 --> 01:28:17,639
banking holidays and I expect my

1897
01:28:14,480 --> 01:28:20,760
girlfriend to satisfy the 10 to 12 times

1898
01:28:17,639 --> 01:28:23,600
a day I need outside of well it's not 10

1899
01:28:20,760 --> 01:28:24,880
to 12 times anymore it's like once or

1900
01:28:23,600 --> 01:28:26,800
twice a day

1901
01:28:24,880 --> 01:28:29,119
which still I'm like oh my God yeah well

1902
01:28:26,800 --> 01:28:31,639
there were three on

1903
01:28:29,119 --> 01:28:36,360
Thanksgiving but one of those to be fair

1904
01:28:31,639 --> 01:28:36,360
was to save the family holiday

1905
01:28:36,679 --> 01:28:42,239
sure yeah three out of eight toasters

1906
01:28:40,320 --> 01:28:43,440
yeah the third toaster with the button

1907
01:28:42,239 --> 01:28:46,239
pushed

1908
01:28:43,440 --> 01:28:47,239
down so uh let us know what you're

1909
01:28:46,239 --> 01:28:49,560
grateful

1910
01:28:47,239 --> 01:28:53,560
for

1911
01:28:49,560 --> 01:28:53,560
um sorry

1912
01:28:58,520 --> 01:29:03,920
oh I don't know

1913
01:29:01,239 --> 01:29:08,000
dude this whole thing I was like what

1914
01:29:03,920 --> 01:29:09,960
the [ __ ] I was not ready uh there's

1915
01:29:08,000 --> 01:29:11,679
there's no buildup like it opens with

1916
01:29:09,960 --> 01:29:14,920
her going to see him to give him a

1917
01:29:11,679 --> 01:29:17,360
[ __ ] to save her cat and then it ends

1918
01:29:14,920 --> 01:29:20,080
with him taking her virginity it's like

1919
01:29:17,360 --> 01:29:22,719
that's it and it's like Okie

1920
01:29:20,080 --> 01:29:24,920
doie here we are I

1921
01:29:22,719 --> 01:29:27,400
guess but you know isn't that the

1922
01:29:24,920 --> 01:29:30,600
tension that a lot of people feel on

1923
01:29:27,400 --> 01:29:30,600
Thanksgiving is

1924
01:29:32,119 --> 01:29:40,400
it my eye I know you're twitching so

1925
01:29:36,000 --> 01:29:44,560
hard you just started twitching so hard

1926
01:29:40,400 --> 01:29:46,440
oh my God okay okay so three out of

1927
01:29:44,560 --> 01:29:48,159
eight eight yep I was about to say three

1928
01:29:46,440 --> 01:29:51,560
out of five is like that's too many

1929
01:29:48,159 --> 01:29:53,199
three out of eight toaster ovens yeah

1930
01:29:51,560 --> 01:29:55,560
maybe one of those Toaster buttons is

1931
01:29:53,199 --> 01:29:57,520
pushed down who can say yeah it got us

1932
01:29:55,560 --> 01:30:00,600
talking I'll tell you that it is

1933
01:29:57,520 --> 01:30:03,119
definitely a conversation starting book

1934
01:30:00,600 --> 01:30:05,760
and we can thank it for for what it's

1935
01:30:03,119 --> 01:30:07,679
bringing to the table in that regard um

1936
01:30:05,760 --> 01:30:09,040
yeah let us know if you've read this one

1937
01:30:07,679 --> 01:30:12,040
what your thoughts are if you've read

1938
01:30:09,040 --> 01:30:13,679
any of Lea's other works yeah let me

1939
01:30:12,040 --> 01:30:15,960
know if I should check out the rest of

1940
01:30:13,679 --> 01:30:19,159
the series because I'm into a weird book

1941
01:30:15,960 --> 01:30:22,639
I won't lie um this one caught me off

1942
01:30:19,159 --> 01:30:25,360
guard I think that's the like at no

1943
01:30:22,639 --> 01:30:28,480
point so the last book we reviewed the

1944
01:30:25,360 --> 01:30:30,560
last book that we reviewed was like the

1945
01:30:28,480 --> 01:30:33,480
the twin

1946
01:30:30,560 --> 01:30:36,040
brothers super spies and the super spies

1947
01:30:33,480 --> 01:30:38,080
and every single plot twist quote

1948
01:30:36,040 --> 01:30:40,000
unquote was something you absolutely saw

1949
01:30:38,080 --> 01:30:42,199
coming like from the moment you started

1950
01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:45,320
the book so you're just like oh yep oh

1951
01:30:42,199 --> 01:30:47,560
wow that happened I didn't know and I

1952
01:30:45,320 --> 01:30:51,119
feel like this book I genuinely was

1953
01:30:47,560 --> 01:30:52,719
going oh wow that happened I didn't know

1954
01:30:51,119 --> 01:30:55,360
well you kept making jokes and I was

1955
01:30:52,719 --> 01:30:57,480
like Auntie and it yeah and I'm like

1956
01:30:55,360 --> 01:31:00,480
surely this is so ridiculous and you're

1957
01:30:57,480 --> 01:31:03,480
like but is it though and it is yeah no

1958
01:31:00,480 --> 01:31:06,679
it really is that ridiculous yeah it is

1959
01:31:03,480 --> 01:31:10,560
yes full sack ladies and gentlemen full

1960
01:31:06,679 --> 01:31:15,520
sack by Leela Fay um don't forget to

1961
01:31:10,560 --> 01:31:18,480
like subscribe rate review comment all

1962
01:31:15,520 --> 01:31:21,920
of the things send us a message we would

1963
01:31:18,480 --> 01:31:23,520
love to hear your thoughts on this um

1964
01:31:21,920 --> 01:31:25,920
because I feel like I have a lot more

1965
01:31:23,520 --> 01:31:28,520
thoughts on on this I will say by the

1966
01:31:25,920 --> 01:31:30,679
end I was rooting for raccoon I was like

1967
01:31:28,520 --> 01:31:33,960
okay like he's taking care of

1968
01:31:30,679 --> 01:31:37,000
her it's nice we always love a book when

1969
01:31:33,960 --> 01:31:39,920
you can root for a man named Raccoon by

1970
01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:44,639
the end at the beginning I was

1971
01:31:39,920 --> 01:31:46,760
like yeah I um am still not necessarily

1972
01:31:44,639 --> 01:31:48,639
a raccoon sympathizer quite yet I

1973
01:31:46,760 --> 01:31:50,639
wouldn't say that I'm like a huge fan

1974
01:31:48,639 --> 01:31:56,920
but I'm like okay you know I understand

1975
01:31:50,639 --> 01:32:00,400
a little more yeah no very fair okay we

1976
01:31:56,920 --> 01:32:03,119
are at a zero Baseline on

1977
01:32:00,400 --> 01:32:06,800
raccoon we don't hate him give or take

1978
01:32:03,119 --> 01:32:10,199
he's also not the hero that we're like

1979
01:32:06,800 --> 01:32:11,800
absolutely backing yes that's fair we're

1980
01:32:10,199 --> 01:32:14,239
going hey raccoon we see what you're

1981
01:32:11,800 --> 01:32:16,920
bringing to the table and we honor it

1982
01:32:14,239 --> 01:32:19,159
and we respect it and shoot some more

1983
01:32:16,920 --> 01:32:20,280
confetti out of that dick my guy sure

1984
01:32:19,159 --> 01:32:22,360
and until

1985
01:32:20,280 --> 01:32:24,400
then we will still be sitting here

1986
01:32:22,360 --> 01:32:26,760
recording other books so

1987
01:32:24,400 --> 01:32:29,639
see you next time smut [ __ ] see you

1988
01:32:26,760 --> 01:32:33,119
next time well that's it for this week's

1989
01:32:29,639 --> 01:32:36,320
smut [ __ ] we hope it was good for you

1990
01:32:33,119 --> 01:32:38,639
cuz it sure was great for us if you're

1991
01:32:36,320 --> 01:32:40,440
digging what we're doing it would mean a

1992
01:32:38,639 --> 01:32:42,159
lot if you'd take a minute to rate and

1993
01:32:40,440 --> 01:32:45,679
review the show wherever you're

1994
01:32:42,159 --> 01:32:49,800
listening right now maybe tell that sexy

1995
01:32:45,679 --> 01:32:52,840
someone to lend us an ear we love you we

1996
01:32:49,800 --> 01:32:56,290
appreciate you and we'll see you next

1997
01:32:52,840 --> 01:33:01,460
week stay spoty

1998
01:32:56,290 --> 01:33:01,460
[Music]