Ready to go? No. Are
we gonna do it anyways?
Yes.
(Laughter)
Hi,Alison.
Hi, Matt. Ooh, that felt right. That's
right. That's right.
Oh, man, it's 2020,
motherfriiiing. Five, everyone.
Five of lives.
We love the world as we know it And I'm
glad I've got good friends
That's true.
That's true. You know, that is so
freaking true. If nothing else. Look,
number one, if nothing else,
if you don't have good friends, you all
make it. Treat yourself. This year. Treat
yourself. Get some good
friends. Get some good-ass friends.
But it is a brand-new season.
Season four.
How did we do this? How did two people--
We are closing in on 50 episodes. Boing.
I think we were at either 46 or 47 with
the end of last season.
Even the light, 2024.
Even the light, yeah, we made it into the
high 40s, so we will be celebrating our
50th episode in here, and we're gonna get
a few more. 50 episodes of what, Matt?
Well, 50 episodes ofADHd20 which is a
podcast that finds the
intersection between ADHD.
And TTRPGs. That's right,Alison
Yeah. That's exactly what it does. Two
people who have ADHD. Yeah. Getting
something done. Getting something done.
Getting something done.
Hands if you're in
cities if you will.
Yeah, it's body doubling.
This is our sit-in
Yes, it's our therapy.
It's our it's our work session
Matt and I are I'm gonna use this term
very loosely adults With ADHD
Who were diagnosed as adults so if this
is the first episode that you're ever
listening to welcome, we're glad you're
here Yes, and so it's kind of a a self
exploration journey for each of us that
we invite you to go on
With us and for yourself. Yeah
Yes. Wow.
Well said exactly And that journey is
continuing this year in 2025 We have a
lot of dreams a lot of goals and as you
know I'm just gonna start off at the
beginning as you know, if you also have
ADHD It's quite possible that you you're
immediately scoffing by saying goals and
No, freaking way and
you could be right because
We have the best intentions But we don't
call them resolutions. We don't call them
resolutions. That's the that's the thing
man So we're already a step ahead in my
book We like to call them themes
And what is our theme for 2025 that we
agreed upon last episode aka
mama Mastery,
that's right We're gonna master some shit
Master some shit this year
past going to have included magic
More yes last year and I think that's how
we landed on mastery just to kind of
catch you up real quick as we Last year
tried a lot of different things in that
theme of more We were just drinking from
the fire hose for most of 2024 The things
that you've heard us talk about in the
past that we have struggled with we are
you know Ready to take steps forward and
get better at the things that you know We
already know that we love we want to
become Top of our you know top of the
class Yes top tier talent in
the way we're we're probably going to
revisit some things that we already have
dealt with Because guess what we're still
doing But I promise that we won't use the
exact same words when we
talk about these things
well try not to We did
Is a lot of times we forget what we said
out loud and what was just rattling
around in the echoes of our own brain
space and so Sorry about
it if we repeat ourselves
So somehow and I don't know how We kind
of pigeonholed ourselves
into talking about only ADHD and
TTRPGs right and we want to branch out a
little bit We want to talk about for some
things all things all the things near all
the Neurodivergent things yep, certainly
all the all the things about perhaps
silent disabilities and loud disabilities
Interruptive Yeah, no disruptive
Well, there's just so many interesting
people yeah that have come into our lives
in the last four years and Those people
may or may not have ADHD and that does
not mean that they shouldn't be on this
podcast talking to us so hopefully more
guests and There's all manner of other
things beyond TTRPGs. I guess I mean, I
don't know what they are yet, but but
there's probably something
For us it's it's it always comes back to
what we are learning here, right? Like
what are what are we learning? Are we
learning about the game? Are we learning
about our brains? Are we learning and so
there's lots of people in the world that
can help us with these things continue to
help and then yes Ak we we
we're gonna try something today
Just
Gonna try something today that is An
immediate kind of step out. I Kind of
surprised a K balance again minutes ago
with this to see Whether it could be a
fun thing But those of you who have who
have watched since episode 1 ofADHd20 you
you would be able to follow Allison's
incredible path of self
Improvement and self reflection and self
Understanding and so on and so forth and
a lot of that we've made fun of by using
the words woo-woo But I think that we are
taking that word back.
Oh, I Is not
it is not derogatory and anyway and in
fact, we're gonna try to lean into it a
little bit this year
Woo and every Meaning
of that word possible.
Yes in 2025 Yes, and it for those who are
are are hearing this and or watching this
and saying oh man No, that's it. Yeah
turning off. Don't do it because The
thing in my toolkit is is is not as
woo-woo. It's true if that really bugs
you but it shouldn't
Yeah Or know that there was a time when
somebody would say Woo-woo shit to me
that I would turn them off and look sure
now. Yeah, I can change I can go look at
me now or do because I think that's
another part of the woo-woo toolkit as
Reckon like not everything is for
everybody right and so I'm done fighting
Like yeah, if it doesn't interest you if
it interests you I love having you here
and if it doesn't interest you I respect
that Yeah, and hope that you still
respect me and to Matt's point. There are
other very non woo-woo things that will
surface Mm-hmm, but now right now I
respect youAlison
I respect you Matthew. Thank you
Glad we got that light inside me.
What's that honors the light inside me?
I thought you said insight me like you
wanted me to roll an
insight check Well, that
is a fun thing that we could try if we
ever need to We have an entire channel
called the pocket dimension where we we
talk about every single thing TTRPG So
there is absolutely no way You're gonna
get away with hearing this podcast where
we're not gonna mention some kind of
tabletop role-playing game Yeah, maybe we
need to start inciting each other. Oh, I
got a four. I have no idea
whether yeah, I got 18 Okay
Do you respect me? I
think I do really do.
I really really think you do. I believe
you fully even without that role That
would have been a moment and in TTRPG
world when like the GM would say like I'm
just gonna give you this for free Yeah,
that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See
we can we can relate everything to
Neurodivergence and or TTRPG is without
even working at it at this point. Yes So
yes, so something is going to take a
backseat a little bit this year We might
see less of the ADHD 100 table.
We might Mm-hmm.
Hey, we've gotten to know each other
incredibly well and have hopefully let
y'all get to know us Well as well. Well,
well, well We're not we're not killing it
completely but we're gonna save it this
season For guests because it's a great
way to get to know you. So tell us how
that feels, you know, well listen We're
malleable we try and be at least yes, so
if that doesn't sit right in your soul, I
want to know about it Yeah, but yeah,
we're gonna do instead whatever. Well, I
want you to because it's your idea Oh, so
I'm not gonna sit here and take credit
for that. You're gonna tell
us what we're gonna do it.
Yes Okay in a case whoo-woo journey. She
has found a Really beautiful focusing
tool Weird right weird, right in the form
of an ancient sort of divination
Am I am I saying this
right like a divination
Practice yeah practice practice. Thank
you. That's even better called the tarot
and I Think tarot is really hot right now
so the other month I was in a bar and We
were having a drink and then somebody
walked up and said hey We're doing tarot
card ratings in the back and I said great
that we did did you go get a tarot card
right? I did of course
So it's really hot right now and it I
don't think anybody believes that we can
predict the future But it is like many
many things journaling meditation Prayer
pretty much any spiritual practice you
The purpose is to get to know yourself is
to get yourself out of the day to day
Right like is to focus on
Something and have that something
Be just enough out of the
norm that kind of washes over you
exactly and because what all of these are
is as a call to presence so tarot is not
about Seeing the future right a there's I
mean I believe in kind of like a
limitless timeline approach to time
wibbly wobbly time you I mean us
personally Yeah, we're too and also time
is weird soup and also Free wills at
play, baby. So like I can't discern the
future I'd you know, like we can talk
about like what steps are most probable
that I or anybody else will take But
there's always outside factors Weighing
in on that so I can leave the house with
the intent of arriving on time but I am
at the mercy of the other drivers on the
road and the Animal that tries to cross
the street and you know anything else
that can do that Just
say real quick. Sorry to interrupt may I
say right? It just means so much to me to
have a friend that believes in free will
Dude do people know
this is news to me. Yeah.
Yeah I've known people who swear that
there's no such thing as as free will and
Look if that's if that's your thing Yay
for you. I just I Love free will I love
it. I love the concept of it If it all
ends up being science and chemicals,
that's also okay. But
until then I Love it.
I so here's the thing and you know, this
is knowing my wound as I absolutely
believe in things like fate and destiny
And like I believe we have soulmates. I
believe we have lots of soulmates I do
not believe in a singular soulmate. I'm
into that and again that is impacted by
free will So you might be predestined to
be with somebody to spend this mortal
life, you know in someone's arms And then
their free will might be like me. Yeah
But then guess what the universe is gonna
show up for you in other ways and like
there will be others So it like so like
nothing is ever an ending I don't think
it's just the beginning of something else
and life catches us off guard life caught
both of us very off-guard a lot Last year
it did over and over and over and Is
already doing that again this year. My
life right now does not look how I
thought it was Unfolding.
Mm-hmm. And that's okay.
My favorite. My favorite golf does is not
named the same thing
that it was last year
I'm gonna exercise my free will on that
much like the Associated Press Look
there's just one and man am I bummed
I thought you said golf at first and I
was like do I even know him?
You guys clocked that those of you
watching this and not just listening but
I was having like a little crisis The
word golf before you as a favorite golf
Types of golf. I mean there's putt putt
and yep normal. So I guess that's two
types of golf. There's I guess disc
pickle pickle ball golf pickle Celebrity
golf
celebrity golf Mm-hmm. Yeah.
No, so so taro like any other tool that
one might choose. I am never using Taro
to see the future. Yeah I use it as a
what I mostly say is I use it as a
discernment tool It's great if you're any
like decision-making deadlock Yeah, and
that's what like my whole journey has
been about is that like if you're stuck
thinking Constantly about either the past
or the future. Yeah, that is putting a
lot on your nervous system And so taro
and other tools get you into the present
moment. What am I experiencing right now?
Yeah, what do I have the power to?
Manipulate or change right?
That's what there is for
yes And I I think do have a wide variety
of tools in your toolkit is is important
So I I personally think that it should be
a spiritual one in your tool. Yeah and I
think honestly especially if you have
ADHD and you and you're you live with
this and you know Some things are easier
for other people than they are for you
and and it gets you down It brings you it
brings you down to have a toolkit that
has something to help you with
spirituality and and and feeling better
about yourself is something like a Task
system a system a productivity system
that you can lean into and when it's
tough a exercise probably or
or at least something that is
That will get you up get you out
Whether that's going to the gym or
Thursday night trivia, you know, whatever
it is It's out and about and that's also
a you need a social system And that's why
we play D&D and yeah dagger heart and all
of the games that you love. These are all
tools for us yeah, and so that's kind of
what today is about
but I'm psyched because
You want to we're gonna read some cards
for this year We're
gonna read some freakin car
very apparent to everybody watching and
listening this was all Matt's idea
What yes, it was it was it was my idea
because I've just seen look I've said it
before I'll say it again Your growth as a
human being is inspiring
Pronounced it's it's it's all hard work
and and I I have to attribute both this
podcast you and me they're biasing but
also your You know this thing that you
found this woo-woo, you know, and and
you've always been a
spiritual person, right?
And So this is this is just this is not
really any different for you It's just a
different mechanism right that fits in To
everything and I said gosh darn it it it
should fit in to Audie HD 20 is what I
think so and and The tarot deck that
you'll be using for these readings
is D&D tarot
And
I really want one because
I feel super left out I'm
gonna take care of that you will have one
my birthday in June you're gonna have one
by by this time next week I'm gonna go to
the early stage here part of me now is
you know, like can we just like pause
real quick? So I can go send it to you.
I'll wait till we're done recording I
actually fits also has this deck that I
also bought for her So and when we're
together in person fits
our our lore keeper Oh, man
This year I also my toolkit I'm gonna
have to work out still have
this darn thing broken anyway
It's our Lord keeper is we whenever we're
together in person fits pulls a card. I
believe every day. I don't even do that
She's beating me there. But like when
we're together, especially we like to
pull cards We did a really cool little
like at that midnight on New Year's Eve
We were together with our friend drew and
we were like pulling cards for the year
at midnight It was really cool and really
like fun way to usher it in. So yeah,
whatever it is Get yourself some kind of
physical token to like ground you in the
present moment because I think that's
really what my I Used to make so many
just I wasn't even making decisions. I
was just so ruled by my broken nervous
system Yeah that everything felt broken
and hard And it was when I started to
kind of like tie these like grounding
Things which like but like and it doesn't
have to be I mean meditation I think it's
great but meditations about like feeling
the mat beneath you and like paying
attention to your breath So there are
very physical components of meditation
for sure You know, so it can be
divination rods and
pendulums and crystals
Something as simple as journaling I think
you mentioned like yes and
paper You know or for keyboard
Tablets so we're gonna we're gonna start
pulling a card this this Episode's a
little wonky and all over the place
because it's the first one and we're okay
with that But I think we will start
future episodes for this We will start
the The episodes of the season pulling a
card kind of like for the week the
episode for Matt and I but I also today
We're gonna do a little special thing
where I'm gonna pull a card each for me
and Matt But first of all, I'm gonna pull
a card for the episode
the episode card if you will
and So this is just kind of like I like
to use you know A good thing when you're
starting like what should I be focusing
on like what are my
guides want me to know?
Mm-hmm.
I believe that we have this like
entourage around us all our spirit guides
our team then that is kind of Headed up
by the the HB I see your higher self
Told I'm going full. Whoa you guys. Hey,
man and so You know a lot your spirit
guys are out there when you learn to pay
attention to them and listen to them They
have a lot to say but man most of us just
choose to walk around this life with
blinders on And so a lot of times I'll
ask the question like what did my guys
want me to know right now? Matt tell me
when just to whenever feels good
When okay
Interesting we use okay. So what's really
special about this D&D tarot deck that my
good friend Megan who is also one of our
listeners Gifted to me and I think it's a
very very beautiful deck. It has like a
good like feeling It's like a you know,
kind of textured linen II card. Yeah And
but so instead of the the way that tarot
is built is you have the the first 22
cards or the major arcana And then you
have what are called minor
arcana, which are four suits
And a numbers of each so the four suits
are let's see if I can do this without
looking our cups Pinnacles swords and
wands right in the D&D tarot deck those
four Suits are replaced by wisdom
intelligence strength and charisma.
That's fun And so one thing about tarot
is it's a little the practice is a little
different for everybody So the way that
you read tarot may be different from the
way that I read tarot and that's okay Um
So the way that I read tarot I've kind of
telegraphed Each of these suits into
these these traits. So I call strength
wands. I call intelligence swords I call
wisdom coins and I call charisma cups. Oh
Bringing you you get to choose that in
the D&D deck you get to make those you
Like and so if you Google it, so I break
from conventional wisdom here Okay, Fitz
and I do not agree on this by the way and
again That's okay Cuz it's important for
me to have a practice that I understand
that fits well with my soul and fits to
have the same Fresh the way that most of
the internet has telegraphed these is
that charisma? I'm sorry that wisdom is
cups and charisma is coins But I've been
flipped that because that's what works in
my head so cups is all about like your
intuition creativity feelings and
emotions, yeah, and Coins is all about
finances work and like the material world
Which is why for me wisdom ties to that a
little bit better Okay, because your
wisdom is the thing that's kind of like
piloting you through all of this Whereas
your intuition and your creativity for me
is tied to charisma Now what's really
interesting about this though is I tend
to play high charisma characters Yes, it
tends to play high wisdom characters
interesting and so it's what like again
Make it work for you like hack the system
to put it in some at words like You do
get to choose Wands are all about like
energy and passion It's kind of the fiery
Which is why I think that's a good like
strength because we can be talking about
like physical strength and strength of
mind And then intelligence which is
swords is about first of all that's air,
but it's also like thoughts It's about
words and actions and things like that.
And I think that that is
and that's swords swords
Yeah cups is water Wands are fire And
coins are earth Cool and swords are air
The sword So anyways, I Here's the card
the card that I pulled for us for this
episode is like the theme of the episode
Okay, this is creepy Matt. See the cards
tell the story just like
the dice tell the story. Okay
So the first thing that you look at when
you're reading so we got the eight of
wisdom, right? Which
for me is eight of coins
Each of the numbers means something
different you have ace through ten and
then you have the Knights and pages and
kings and queens So each of those numbers
means something as does the Knight the
page the king and the queen eights are
about mastery No, I'm not kidding like
you can go Google that
That's weird that's weird
That's really really weird a Great
wonderful way Wow But that's what I'm
telling you is like I think that like
spirit is all around us like driving
things and you know Like so it makes
sense for me like when I get these cards
There was a period not long ago where I
just kept pulling the same card over and
over again Like what are of a 78 card
deck? Why would I keep pulling the same
card over and there's nothing different
about the cards weight or it's not Bent
on the edges like I have no idea when I'm
Shuffling and feeling and I'm getting
that card and I kept turning that card
and that's usually like the universe
trying to get your attention Right. Yeah,
so eights are about mastery about action
and about accomplishment
Okay Wisdom is about finances about work
about material possession and my reading
of it So I think that this is and I mean
I love the art of the card So when I read
Tarot the best thing to do is like if
you're interested in this like Find a
deck that speaks to you like find a store
that you can go like that has like sample
decks open that you can like Feel in
touch and find artwork that speaks to you
and I because the art is what's gonna
kind of like lead you Yeah And so what we
have going on and with this guy is he's
planting something in the ground and you
can like depending on your perspective Is
he stuck or is he planting is he growing
like and this is where that like mastery
and accomplishment comes up, right?
Because he is now like leveling up and
we've got a bright sunshine Around him
what this says to me. This is somebody
who is reaping what he has sewed and in
this case himself or themself, right?
Wow he's Growing he is he's
yeah, and so the better you come to know
yourself Which is what like we started
out this this this episode is like this
is how Matt and I have like come home to
ourselves Have come to know ourselves
more deeply and in doing so that really
has been what the spiritual practice has
been about has been about like Learning
to love myself, but like truly becoming
my own friend becoming my own advocate
becoming my own pal And so I just think
that it's incredibly interesting that as
we talk about, you know typically
speaking at the top of a year at the top
of the season you're We to use the dirty
words will set the goals will make the
resolutions Right and this is kind of
reminding us that the more that we can
stay grounded physically as he is In the
world around us grounded in our community
grounded in what is working focusing on
that instead of the lack
And then mastering that rising attaining
fulfilling all of
those different things man
So yeah So we won't go this deep in depth
every every episode ofADHd20 the season
is not gonna be like a full
Ontario guard reading Right.
No, don't worry
everybody if you're worried
if you're worried We just thought it
would be fun for this one, but this is
like what I'll do So I always pull on
Sundays just kind of like look ahead at
my week. I Do pull when I'm experiencing
something good or bad Like I said, I use
it as a decision-making tool. So a lot of
times it'll be like What does path a look
like? What is the most like because
again, I can't tell the future But like
what is the most likely outcome of path a
what is the most likely outcome of path
B? Can you help me
decide and things like that?
Oh Can I also say for those of you who might
be listening to this right now and saying
man My favorite freaking podcast is just
going to the dogs. Let me just say
That what you just said is
Absolutely applicable to rolling dice,
which is fate rolling randomness it is
absolutely like It is absolutely
applicable then to ADHD It's self where
we do not have the greatest ability to
choose What is next in the priority list?
We don't have that and what do I do when
I get stuck? Well soon and I'm gonna have
a tarot deck, but but yeah, I roll
freaking dice I signed things to a list I
number them and I and I say hey look
let's go man. Okay, I'll do that next
Yeah, this is this is what we're talking
about This is why I wanted to do this
because yeah, I knew that this is what
you do It's it's about it's not just whoa
whoa It's like it's it's helping with
decision making which is crazy hard for
us. Yeah, please continue Thank you.
Well and to that I mean yeah, I even do
this with friends now You know where we
can't decide where we're gonna eat and
we've narrowed it down to two options
I'll say great evens are Mexican odds are
sushi and we roll a dice and then that
way like there's no like I didn't get my
way. There's no executive dysfunction
analysis paralysis my
coach Who everybody knows Britney Smith?
She calls it a willpower juice and That
we we not only have less of it in her
brains. Yeah We also use
it up far quicker And so
we have like one of those big Boba straws
that we're drinking our Our story when
everybody else has like the tiny like
standard issue straw.
We just got a brain full of
tapioca. Yeah Yeah, we're just oh
And that's that's that's
our willpower that's good.
Did you take go-go juice?
I Said willpower juice, but I'll go juice
better. I like go-go
juice better. Boba Boba go go
Tpp tpp t are amazing. Yeah, I love that
Drinking going through life drinking
drinking our willpower
juice through a boba straw Oh
That is so good. Okay, so this is just
for episode one season for not gonna do
this every single time But I also wanted
to pull a card each for me and Matt.
Okay, so tell me when when
Okay And then this one's
gonna be for me feels good
Holy Holy smokey's Okay So you my little
friend this is kind of we'll call this
your theme It doesn't have to be for the
whole year can be for whatever amount of
time feels good to you You got the nine
of intelligence Okay So we've
got we've got some tentacles
We've got a mind flayer
Back here
Are they do they care good? Look look
look at this is you this is not you this
is you no, no Yes, yes. Okay. So for
those of you still consuming
this podcast in an audio format
What we have going on in this nine of
intelligence, which would be the nine of
swords in standard tarot Is we've got
what looks like not just the mind flayer
But a whole mess of horrors going on in
the background of this cards And in the
foreground we have somebody who is like
Meditating super hard, but they look
super relaxed Like you can tell like it
look in that facial expression like no
straining going on what's that's a dr.
Strange chill
Yeah, exactly So nines are about if we
think about like 10 10 is kind of like
completion of the cycle, right? So like
eight and nine lead up to that 10 is when
we complete the cycle But nine is when we
like attain the thing we desire the thing
that we want Swords are about like our
thoughts and our actions as words. So
this is somebody who is truly learning
how to master Like all of the swirling
head trash that goes on and not just head
trash But like what's going on in the
world around them and is
able to say like I see you Okay
And just kind of like keep breathing
through that Which I think is a beautiful
like I Need that I need that car, right?
You are becoming that card map. I don't
need it. You are that I think it's an
interesting thing to like Look at through
the lens of our ADHD, right? It's like
all of the tools that you're putting in
your toolkit are truly teaching you how
to Like shut out all the distractions
because a lot of it is just noise and you
only like you are the one who gets to
like decide what you're
gonna allow in How cool is that?
I know that you know me and because we
work together and on to to full-time
jobs, but I don't know whether You know
exactly How true that card is right this
minute? It really like genuine is super
tough for me because I was struggling to
to build that toolkit Which is always
maybe not a bad place, but it's a
complicated place because it it it
becomes my hyper focus to adjust the
tools if I if I feel that they're not
working and to either refined some or get
back to some or whatever but
It usually means and I'm it's it's an
unproductive time for me. It's a It's a
winter time. It's a it's a darker time
and especially especially with the world
is now and Trying to shut that out but
not shut it out but be of but not not in
in some ways Wow, that's
really cool. I love it.
And I see you as being kind of a high
intelligence Like you are very thoughtful
one of the most thoughtful people that I
know you understand like the weight of
Words, you know and like if swords are
about thoughts and actions right like
marrying those two things together you
more than a lot of people
that I know understand like
The weight of both of those things and
how your actions and thoughts and words
and you know Impact other people and so
you're very mindful of it Which is a
beautiful way to be but then we can't be
so mindful of other people's space that
we don't make space for
ourselves Amen, that's
that is that is my challenge. So that is
that is what I've yep So
that was your card and then my card I got
the night of charisma I I am like a
magnet for cups and traditional and
charisma and and D&D tarot Like it's it's
uncanny how often I pull that suit and it
like and it's interesting especially for
me because cups water I'm a cancer like
ultimate water sign. I am Highly
emotional. I am very much fueled by my
feelings, but I also like I'm Very quick
to like snap into my shell And not want
to leave it either. But anyways, so I
love that. I'm always forever pulling the
cup suit intuition feelings emotions
Knights are a Younger more adolescent
like if you think we've got like Knights
and Kings and we have pages and Queens
like yeah The Knights and the pages tend
to represent a more youthful Adolescent
energy for better or for worse like
sometimes it's good to have young energy
and things to drive things forward
Whereas the Kings and the Queens tend to
be more stuck in their ways
But that also comes with its set of
downsides because they can pop off more
easily So maybe they are not you know as
grounded as they can and should be which
is Very much me, but I love this card
specifically in this deck is of how
freaking weird it is We have a we have a
construct We have a clank to put it into
dagger heart term. Yes Is what we have
here. So we have this like eyeball
Mechanization machine thing with some
like spectral wings Going on behind it
like dipping it. What is that like a
honeypot? Like what's
going on down there?
Is it a honeypot? Is it molten lava?
Is it molten lava? They're like part of
their stand is made up of books, you
know, so we have this kind of like high
fantasy We've got all of these like are
they wine bottles or are they potions?
You know, we got gear going on. It's like
an imaginative, you know dreamscape or
hellscape depending on the day and I
think that like what this card is saying
for me more than anything else is just
I'll let my freak flag fly like stop
trying to button it up for other people's
comfort like stops trying to you know Be
a normie and just accept the fact
wait when When when
have you been a normie?
I've never I I care to an obnoxious
degree what other people think I've never
tried to be a normie But I have
definitely spent a lot of like time
trying to be like palatable and fit in
Mmm, and the thing is is that nobody
likes everybody like Mmm, and everybody
doesn't like somebody and so like they're
gonna be people out there who just simply
aren't gonna like me. Um, and Standing a
little bit, you know worrying less about
what other people think of me as part of
my decision-making process. Mm-hmm
It's hard to read cards for yourself and
it's even harder to read cards for
yourself publicly publicly So if you have
anything you would like to
add I'll shut up now feel free
No, I mean I think as you know, I get I
don't know if I could really I can't
really go into it But I I feel like
that's pretty appropriate Right now,
yeah, yeah, so That I prove those are
some tools in my toolkit. I we in our
beautiful discord a little shameless plug
here We have a channel called a case we
we will corner And I will happily pull
cards for anybody anytime
So if you have a question you just slide
on in there and you ask me and we will
see man We'll see what the card say you
have you you just latched on to this so
quickly like I didn't
though Oh, I had decks of cards for years
that I never picked up That collected
dust on a shelf that I knew I wanted like
I felt a pull towards and I knew I wanted
to read tarot But it was a like I kept
burying it deeper and deeper and didn't
pick it up and didn't practice it cuz if
at first I was like it's memorization.
Yeah, I don't want to memorize things
Well, it's it's so funny because it's It
is like being a game master and that you
have to you have to know the rules enough
to To learn when you can break them To
learn when you can break them and and
also to to make to get to the point where
you you can be Natural and you can speak
and you can make yeah, you can make
decisions that you have. Yeah Yeah, that
fit the people that
you're talking to Playing with
yeah, and I used to do that
About all things spiritually. I like I've
been into spiritual things. I Mean really
since college like yeah Interested in
aware of but I I thought I didn't realize
how much we can be our own channels for
the divine whoo Everybody has get these
gifts There's it like it is how much you
want to tap into them and like I learn
them and master them but it was years
between me like showing an interest and
like Dibble dabbling and actually doing
something about it in true ADHD
Yeah, and in beautiful ADHD fashion full
ADHD fashion. Yeah I'm on
board man. I am I am 200% on board
Whoo, whoo. Yeah, we're not
having a case we will corner
Well on that in a case
Fun land.
Yeah, I mean look toolkits again. I I
urge you you being Anyone who's listening
I urge you to hear whatAlison is saying
and say oh, yeah That's like blank for
me. Mm-hmm, whether you're practicing it
now or whether you have
practiced it in the past. Yeah, I
Feel like I have powers when I do blank
Mm-hmm you there's something I promise
you I promise you I I don't
care you could be the most
Self-negative violent person towards
yourself But there is something in your
life Maybe it was when you were 10. Maybe
it was Dungeons and Dragons. I don't know
but whatever that thing is Life is tough
right now for a lot of folks Why not find
the things that make you feel like you
have magical powers? period
Without shame without any of that stuff
Well, yeah, I think that was where it was
somewhere around 2020 That I really like
took off with all of like the spiritual
stuff. Mm-hmm Because yeah, there's a lot
out there that's toxic positive
positivity And so what spirituality is
not is it is not encouraging you to not
feel your feelings What is the big
spiritual thing that we all love to say
is like where your focus goes your energy
flows? Pay attention to what you're
focusing on This is why social media can
be incredibly dangerous because it's
constantly like putting these things In
front of our faces that are bad and it's
doom and it's gloom and it's terrible and
it's awful I'm not saying that like there
are atrocities happening every second in
our world right now and I am by no means
saying like don't pay attention But if
that's all you're giving your focus to
what this practice has been about for me
is like paying attention to my own words
So when some it's as simple as when
somebody asks you how are you doing?
If my answer is always I'm so stressed.
I'm so tired and that was always my
answer Yeah for many many many many years
if you said I also hey So much going on
yeah, and even if you don't necessarily
mean it that negatively it's like oh my
god I've got so much going on but the
more you tell yourself you tell that
story Yeah, like the busier you feel so
one thing I did at the beginning of my
spiritual practice is I abolished the
word Busy from my vocabulary. I was no
longer allowed to tell myself or anybody
else that I was busy Because busy had
taken on such a negative
connotation in my life, right?
We talk about this a lot in terms of like
the justice the injustices that we feel
as neurospicy types And how we might feel
them a little bit harder with our brains.
Yeah, so like Paying attention to words
like that of like busy busy work. Why am
I doing this? I'm grinding. It's hard. It
hurts I'm stressed like mm-hmm. So
instead like It's not a fake it till you
make it it's not a toxic positive Ben,
but it's like Instead of saying busy my
days are full You know like finding those
like little micro tweaks that we can make
daily and then eventually you've you stop
needing to say I'm busy you start saying
I have a lot going on. That's really
exciting. Can I tell
you about it? Yeah right
So Starting there starting with the I'm
not telling you to ignore your feelings
when you're sad Please feel sad when
you're angry is feeling a no problem. No
problems there, but it stopped dwelling
in the anger Don't be angry for weeks and
weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and
weeks on that Don't let
it be beat you if you can yeah, like
don't let it don't let it if you can if
you can yeah you know
Life is like life can be hard. It can be
sad. It can be Frustrating it can be
unfair. It can be all kinds of things But
but yeah, you're right you have tiny
changes that you could yeah make
I gotta put my focus on what feels good
And what feels really good is creating
weird Shit with you guys. Yeah playing
video or video games. Yes, and also
Tabletop role-playing games. Yeah Reading
tarot going on walks, you know playing
music bingo and Thursday nights Yes
Yeah, and I'm excited about this year
Matt if mastery is the word like when you
think when I think of master Like let's
take back that word I know it also has
some negative connotations that we're
aware of But I also think of like a
master carpenter who is at the top of
their game the one that like everybody
wants to study with and learn from and
like all of those people who are at the
top of their game have a toolkit and like
How cool is it that like bit by bit
episode by episode you and I are gonna
build our own tool kits We're gonna
hopefully help and inspire y'all to build
yours and like we're gonna
come out of this year like
different changed like Leveled up we
can't help it. It's just going to happen.
I mean that we're gonna force happens
period. Yeah No, we're going to force you
we're gonna come into
your living room This
has to be a journey that you want to
partake in but like and and hopefully
it'll be a dialogue where we can hear
what? Are in y'all's tool kits
That's super important to me this year if
if possible because I become inspired by
hearing about other people's tool kits
And also, I love talking and thinking
about them. Mm-hmm. It actually helps me
to hear other people's stories and other
people's Findings and other people's
challenges. Sometimes you might save me
time and I because this is our podcast I
kind of feel like I trust y'all more than
Just the blanket internet That
happened in our discord where somebody
was like, oh, but you could go pull up,
you know Google reviews I was like, I
trust anything said in our discord a
million percent more Oh my god, that I
trust some five-star review on some
website If y'all are gonna take the time
to tell me about it. I'm a thousand
percent gonna listen to you I'm
going to I mean we we just had a live
stream today and It's Valentine's Day as
we're recording this and we asked people
for their Valentine's things that they
would send Their Valentine's which is
really just favorite people favorite
podcasts games things that we have never
heard of and I immediately wrote all of
them down I've got a whole ton of lists
now filled with New things that I have to
check out and that's And I know they're
gonna be good and they're in their own
way because I I trust
the people's that And
then that also feeds back into this topic
of like look at all these people focusing
on the things they love. Mm-hmm That's
the whole game you guys if Things are
gonna come into your view that you're not
gonna say cool What do I love?
Yeah
So well you may not I love you
Let's make it creepy as we
We're glad we have permission
toolkits mastery
More guests more episodes more episodes
Uh, these are all the things that are
happening in 20 25 for
20
Well, happy episode one thanks for coming
on our podcast thank you
Podcast.
Thank you. That's what you know, that
that is a good new way to end this. Yeah
Thank you all for coming on our podcast.
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