1 00:00:12,358 --> 00:00:16,708 Matt: So one thing that I could talk about this week is the emotional 2 00:00:16,798 --> 00:00:23,158 element to…like the that feeling of overwhelm and how people with ADHD 3 00:00:23,158 --> 00:00:26,098 can take it so freaking personally. 4 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,900 Uh, I can actually fit this into D&D as well. 5 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,789 Alison: I think you and I might be on the same page about what we 6 00:00:31,789 --> 00:00:33,469 both wanted to speak about today. 7 00:00:34,339 --> 00:00:40,166 I feel like I came in low energy and down, which made me not want to record a podcast 8 00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:43,396 today because of course you only want to be happy and peppy and in a good mood. 9 00:00:43,396 --> 00:00:46,246 But isn't that the spirit in which we've started this whole 10 00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,256 thing is like the raw, real side? 11 00:00:48,676 --> 00:00:51,489 And it's not all happy, peppy, butterflies. 12 00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:54,649 Matt: We don't want it all peppy or happy and all that stuff. 13 00:00:54,709 --> 00:00:56,119 We don't want it all of that. 14 00:00:56,239 --> 00:01:00,109 Alison: You're going to get slightly grumpy, Alison and Matt today. 15 00:01:00,139 --> 00:01:01,279 So let's party. 16 00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:02,869 Matt: Yeah, let's party. 17 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:03,579 Alison: Grumpily. 18 00:01:03,742 --> 00:01:04,653 Matt: Yeah, so. 19 00:01:04,653 --> 00:01:06,303 this week has been. 20 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:13,396 With ADHD, I have discovered that things can be upsetting and I'm 21 00:01:13,396 --> 00:01:16,306 not even truly aware of them. 22 00:01:16,352 --> 00:01:19,535 I'm certainly aware of them and give them the credit, but sometimes 23 00:01:19,535 --> 00:01:24,094 they affect, everything that I do more than I'm even aware of. 24 00:01:24,454 --> 00:01:28,474 For example, I certainly have a lot on my plate right now. 25 00:01:28,564 --> 00:01:29,734 I have a lot of things. 26 00:01:30,274 --> 00:01:34,524 I've got a theater contingency that wants captions built, I've 27 00:01:34,524 --> 00:01:39,059 got to train a captioner, cause I, I want to move away from some of 28 00:01:39,059 --> 00:01:41,699 that work just for my own sanity. 29 00:01:42,059 --> 00:01:42,779 And. 30 00:01:43,469 --> 00:01:46,641 So like wrangling people. 31 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,221 I feel like I'm wrangling people a lot. 32 00:01:49,431 --> 00:01:50,797 And then, day-to-day work. 33 00:01:51,247 --> 00:01:52,177 Client work. 34 00:01:52,226 --> 00:01:54,461 and then there's fun work of course, Dungeons & Dragons. 35 00:01:54,461 --> 00:01:55,213 It is. 36 00:01:56,143 --> 00:02:00,333 It's all important and good, but if there's any kind of wrench thrown in 37 00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:04,443 there, then I don't just feel overwhelmed. 38 00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:09,519 I feel, I feel completely shut down. 39 00:02:09,789 --> 00:02:14,571 And that's, I think that's a part of it and it, and the part that really 40 00:02:15,381 --> 00:02:21,737 always surprises me is the emotional reaction to things and how like I think 41 00:02:21,737 --> 00:02:26,417 there are some people in the world that just send emails with the subject 42 00:02:26,417 --> 00:02:28,757 line of "please read and respond". 43 00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:30,210 That's just what people do. 44 00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:32,881 They've learned that's what you have to do sometimes. 45 00:02:32,881 --> 00:02:34,961 But I take it so personally. 46 00:02:35,008 --> 00:02:40,991 And I think also it applies to, everything that I touch, everything I 47 00:02:40,991 --> 00:02:44,351 do, but also dungeon mastering, right? 48 00:02:44,351 --> 00:02:50,221 Like I suddenly become insecure, not just in that realm that the issue 49 00:02:50,221 --> 00:02:52,951 is happening, but in every realm. 50 00:02:53,517 --> 00:02:56,891 Everything that I do I'm like, oh, because I, I think over being 51 00:02:56,891 --> 00:03:02,638 overwhelmed for me, for you in some ways it is the status quo, right? 52 00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:03,904 There's never boredom. 53 00:03:03,964 --> 00:03:05,544 There's always something to be working on. 54 00:03:05,574 --> 00:03:07,494 There's always something to fill your brains with. 55 00:03:08,244 --> 00:03:12,986 And that's okay, in some ways, if you are instigating it, if 56 00:03:13,016 --> 00:03:14,416 you're letting your brain do that. 57 00:03:15,826 --> 00:03:20,126 You're also trying to just live a life and you're feeling that way. 58 00:03:20,156 --> 00:03:23,066 It's a lot coming down on you. 59 00:03:23,456 --> 00:03:29,006 And so then we also have the additional stress of this trip that 60 00:03:29,006 --> 00:03:31,946 I planned to a funeral service. 61 00:03:32,486 --> 00:03:37,120 And I wanted to go for the right reasons, just like any funeral, you 62 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:40,949 can't just be there for the person, Funerals are about the other person. 63 00:03:40,979 --> 00:03:43,019 They're not about the person who's lost someone. 64 00:03:43,469 --> 00:03:44,939 That I know from experience. 65 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:51,376 It's not about the death of my friend's mother, my friend who I would go for. 66 00:03:51,469 --> 00:03:57,379 It gets everybody else's one chance to really mourn in a lot of ways, publicly. 67 00:03:58,129 --> 00:04:01,937 So it's, it's not a fun thing to go to, no matter what the situation. 68 00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:02,927 But. 69 00:04:03,857 --> 00:04:07,187 I was so used to in the pandemic. 70 00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:08,190 I was thinking about this. 71 00:04:08,277 --> 00:04:10,497 I was talking to my friend, Joe, about this, how. 72 00:04:11,097 --> 00:04:15,563 For so many people, when the pandemic hit, and the crisis happened and world started 73 00:04:15,593 --> 00:04:17,543 changing and it's fear and everything. 74 00:04:17,783 --> 00:04:19,013 Everybody has stress. 75 00:04:20,483 --> 00:04:22,673 But I had so many positive things. 76 00:04:28,373 --> 00:04:33,263 Because I, because of my disability, I didn't really have the perspective 77 00:04:33,263 --> 00:04:38,483 that I needed to understand that I was truly grinding myself into oblivion. 78 00:04:38,993 --> 00:04:40,163 I had no clue. 79 00:04:40,463 --> 00:04:42,014 I just thought that's what I had to do. 80 00:04:42,044 --> 00:04:46,404 I had to juggle three entire businesses. 81 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:53,364 And the joy and the relief that I felt when I couldn't, was palpable. 82 00:04:53,714 --> 00:04:55,154 I was in my hammock. 83 00:04:55,994 --> 00:04:58,884 Just breathing and breathing and breathing. 84 00:04:58,974 --> 00:05:00,524 It was so amazing. 85 00:05:01,104 --> 00:05:04,914 Alison: I ask myself if not a daily, at least a weekly 86 00:05:04,914 --> 00:05:07,914 basis, if I am a garbage human. 87 00:05:07,914 --> 00:05:13,224 Be cause sometimes I long for the simplicity of April 2020. 88 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:17,085 And we can tie that back to both of our ADHD, because I think, 89 00:05:17,655 --> 00:05:19,545 probably me more so than you. 90 00:05:20,505 --> 00:05:25,545 I am consistently and constantly hampered by analysis paralysis. 91 00:05:26,115 --> 00:05:26,595 Matt: Yes. 92 00:05:27,015 --> 00:05:29,835 Alison: And in those early days, there were no choices to be made 93 00:05:29,835 --> 00:05:31,155 because you couldn't make any choices. 94 00:05:31,155 --> 00:05:33,375 You just got up and did the best that you could. 95 00:05:33,435 --> 00:05:37,395 And we were all being really kind with ourselves and with each other. 96 00:05:37,395 --> 00:05:43,503 And I remember having conversations with friends about parts of me didn't want it 97 00:05:43,503 --> 00:05:46,203 to go, air quotes here, back to normal. 98 00:05:46,683 --> 00:05:50,613 Because normal wasn't functional and functioning for so many of us. 99 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,294 And that was back in like the early days where we really thought this 100 00:05:53,294 --> 00:05:56,993 was like a six week problem, first of all, But I really wanted all of 101 00:05:56,993 --> 00:06:00,983 us to burst out on the other side with this newfound self-respect. 102 00:06:01,643 --> 00:06:05,513 Respect for other people's boundaries and need for time and all of those things. 103 00:06:05,513 --> 00:06:08,873 And knowing that we were all just going to go right back in to the 104 00:06:08,873 --> 00:06:12,263 way it was the second we could. 105 00:06:12,353 --> 00:06:16,163 And what's been interesting is I feel like you and I haven't. 106 00:06:16,493 --> 00:06:18,803 But the rest of the world and a lot of other people did. 107 00:06:19,433 --> 00:06:22,793 And then, so then that makes us, like that self-consciousness, that we're 108 00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:27,623 feeling stand out even more because it's in such stark opposition to the rest of 109 00:06:27,623 --> 00:06:30,863 the world who's like, all right back to like just filling every moment of every 110 00:06:30,863 --> 00:06:34,073 day with sometimes meaningless activities. 111 00:06:34,073 --> 00:06:36,773 Like some of the stuff I was doing before, just didn't matter. 112 00:06:36,773 --> 00:06:37,053 Matt: Right. 113 00:06:37,053 --> 00:06:41,100 Alison: Yeah, so that's my daily, like, Existential crisis of, I don't 114 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,290 want the world to be in a pandemic. 115 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,350 I don't want businesses to suffer financially. 116 00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:50,490 I don't want people to suffer in any shape. 117 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:57,120 But I miss the simplicity of just sitting in my living room by myself, 118 00:06:57,180 --> 00:07:02,820 with my cats and not having to worry about saying no or making a decision. 119 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:06,690 That is when I am at my best, when I don't have to do either of those things. 120 00:07:06,990 --> 00:07:09,582 Matt: And I think that's, I think that is something that 121 00:07:10,242 --> 00:07:13,362 is real for people with ADHD. 122 00:07:13,362 --> 00:07:14,164 It's very real. 123 00:07:14,284 --> 00:07:17,264 I know it's real for a lot of people, but I think that you're 124 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:19,141 speaking to it better than I was. 125 00:07:19,261 --> 00:07:22,651 In that, there's such an emotional element to it. 126 00:07:23,731 --> 00:07:24,811 Other people are just like, yeah. 127 00:07:24,841 --> 00:07:25,171 Okay. 128 00:07:25,201 --> 00:07:26,641 So I'm either going to, or I'm not. 129 00:07:26,761 --> 00:07:30,211 Like my brother doesn't seem to have a similar problem. 130 00:07:30,511 --> 00:07:32,881 He either goes out or he doesn't go out. 131 00:07:32,971 --> 00:07:36,541 He's always been able to say no better than me. 132 00:07:36,631 --> 00:07:38,341 He's always had less. 133 00:07:38,371 --> 00:07:42,946 And my wife less, less bleeps given. 134 00:07:43,486 --> 00:07:47,550 Just in general, does not have that, that stress of... 135 00:07:47,609 --> 00:07:47,909 Yeah. 136 00:07:47,999 --> 00:07:49,259 Alison: I have, I have a theory. 137 00:07:49,259 --> 00:07:53,571 And this theory, literally just hit my head as you talked about, Evan and Lindsay 138 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:58,911 who are known introverts, they were introverts before the pandemic, they will 139 00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:01,611 be introverts for the rest of their lives. 140 00:08:02,361 --> 00:08:06,801 What if this has nothing to do with our ADHD and everything to do with 141 00:08:06,801 --> 00:08:10,191 the fact that you and I are both recovering, perceived extroverts. 142 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:14,061 We have always been labeled extroverts because that's what 143 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,571 people know of us, because that's the mask that we wear in public. 144 00:08:17,871 --> 00:08:18,771 We're talkative. 145 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:19,911 We like people. 146 00:08:19,971 --> 00:08:24,951 Like all of these things that don't necessarily make us extroverts, 147 00:08:24,951 --> 00:08:27,951 but people perceive us to be such. 148 00:08:28,381 --> 00:08:33,253 But that's also why, like the introverts never had the trouble saying no to the 149 00:08:33,253 --> 00:08:34,723 things that they truly didn't want to do. 150 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,213 Those who are at least self-aware enough to draw those 151 00:08:37,213 --> 00:08:38,443 boundaries and stick to them. 152 00:08:39,493 --> 00:08:47,263 But you and I, who have ADHD, but also have shifted in, I don't 153 00:08:47,263 --> 00:08:50,173 necessarily, I'm not trying to tell anybody that I am an introvert. 154 00:08:50,243 --> 00:08:50,813 I'm not. 155 00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:52,103 I think of anything at this point. 156 00:08:52,103 --> 00:08:52,793 I have an ambivert. 157 00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:55,763 I don't know how you, you self identify there. 158 00:08:55,956 --> 00:08:57,911 Is that another symptom or is that something else? 159 00:08:57,911 --> 00:08:58,631 Completely different? 160 00:08:58,931 --> 00:09:00,791 Matt: I think it could be a symptom in. 161 00:09:02,051 --> 00:09:06,690 In our endless desire to find stimulation. 162 00:09:07,350 --> 00:09:11,265 And a lot of times, and we have learned that stimulation can come from 163 00:09:11,445 --> 00:09:13,575 experiences, human, other human beings. 164 00:09:13,671 --> 00:09:15,441 But I agree with you. 165 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,446 We've, we have definitely learned a lot about that. 166 00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:22,466 So I, I think, yes, I think you and I have learned that we are ambiverts for sure. 167 00:09:22,466 --> 00:09:26,806 I think that the big shock for us was, when that was taken 168 00:09:26,806 --> 00:09:29,909 away, we did not crumble at all. 169 00:09:30,479 --> 00:09:31,819 In fact we thrived, in some 170 00:09:32,079 --> 00:09:33,149 Alison: In fact we thrived. 171 00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:33,596 Yup. 172 00:09:33,596 --> 00:09:35,480 Matt: So what does that mean? 173 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:36,440 And. 174 00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:37,890 I don't really have the answer. 175 00:09:38,073 --> 00:09:39,513 It's just a fascinating process. 176 00:09:39,653 --> 00:09:40,853 I still don't know what to do. 177 00:09:40,853 --> 00:09:43,251 I think this is a process still. 178 00:09:43,251 --> 00:09:44,631 It's still I'm going through it. 179 00:09:44,691 --> 00:09:45,201 I don't. 180 00:09:45,621 --> 00:09:46,791 I don't have the answers yet. 181 00:09:46,849 --> 00:09:51,525 I mean, I'm operating on a level where for sure I'm doing things 182 00:09:51,555 --> 00:09:53,145 I think are the right things. 183 00:09:53,215 --> 00:09:55,465 The thing that you and I have to learn now is. 184 00:09:56,647 --> 00:09:59,207 is that the best use of our time? 185 00:09:59,237 --> 00:10:01,487 Is that the best way to be supportive as a friend? 186 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:04,217 Is that helpful at all? 187 00:10:04,721 --> 00:10:09,041 In those situations, I'm still reacting as if it was 2019. 188 00:10:10,701 --> 00:10:16,261 Alison: I think weddings and funerals are very similar in that regard where there 189 00:10:16,261 --> 00:10:20,180 is a lot of shoulding around, should I go? 190 00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:26,510 I remember once a, an upcoming wedding was really stressing me out financially, 191 00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:30,515 emotionally, And one of my friends who was married, sat me down and was 192 00:10:30,515 --> 00:10:32,145 like, I'm going to tell you something.. 193 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,968 The bride, the groom. 194 00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:36,180 We don't really know who's there or what's going on that day. 195 00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:37,380 It's all such a blur. 196 00:10:37,608 --> 00:10:40,048 We're not going to look back on that and single you out. 197 00:10:40,048 --> 00:10:42,958 But for the most part, like if you're going to one of these 198 00:10:42,958 --> 00:10:45,298 events, you're going for yourself. 199 00:10:46,288 --> 00:10:48,068 You're going for your ego. 200 00:10:48,068 --> 00:10:50,626 You perceive that other person needs you there. 201 00:10:51,376 --> 00:10:53,176 Potentially more than they need you there. 202 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,656 And that's hard. 203 00:10:55,866 --> 00:10:56,706 Matt: It's very hard. 204 00:10:57,486 --> 00:11:01,917 Alison: And even with, even with less large events, just like day-to-day 205 00:11:01,947 --> 00:11:06,443 stuff, is unlearning the, like, if I don't go, they don't care. 206 00:11:06,496 --> 00:11:08,981 My friends, they'll say like, oh, Alison come, we'd love to see you. 207 00:11:09,011 --> 00:11:11,771 And if I'm not there and if I repeatedly never show up, 208 00:11:11,803 --> 00:11:12,975 there might be a conversation. 209 00:11:12,975 --> 00:11:16,435 But if I miss dinner, like the world keeps turning. 210 00:11:16,485 --> 00:11:16,745 Matt: Yeah. 211 00:11:17,515 --> 00:11:18,715 Alison: It is okay. 212 00:11:19,365 --> 00:11:21,645 So yeah, giving myself that freedom. 213 00:11:21,925 --> 00:11:24,025 And it's funny because I've been thinking about this a lot. 214 00:11:24,835 --> 00:11:26,755 Within the context of D&D. 215 00:11:27,085 --> 00:11:27,445 Matt: Yeah. 216 00:11:28,015 --> 00:11:31,205 Alison: I think about how much I have prioritized D&D, 217 00:11:31,735 --> 00:11:33,415 especially in the last year. 218 00:11:34,015 --> 00:11:35,635 It was easy to prioritize it in 2020. 219 00:11:35,684 --> 00:11:37,094 we literally had nothing else going 220 00:11:37,244 --> 00:11:37,814 Matt: Right. 221 00:11:38,504 --> 00:11:39,696 Alison: But, now. 222 00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:43,863 I definitely play three days a week that I are, as far as I'm 223 00:11:43,863 --> 00:11:45,693 concerned, fairly locked in. 224 00:11:45,999 --> 00:11:49,029 I'm about to add another as a dungeon master myself. 225 00:11:50,259 --> 00:11:55,089 And I've realized more than any other point in my life before, what 226 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,589 a priority those days have been. 227 00:11:57,489 --> 00:12:01,149 I used to let things get moved around, I have a standing, Lunch or dinner 228 00:12:01,149 --> 00:12:03,736 or whatever date with this person, people could shove that around. 229 00:12:03,736 --> 00:12:08,031 And now my friends ask me to do something on Thursday and it's a hard and fast no, 230 00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:09,471 like I don't even have to think about it. 231 00:12:09,565 --> 00:12:12,388 What if we could just do that without something on the other 232 00:12:12,388 --> 00:12:16,667 side, just prioritize that day and time for whatever we need it for. 233 00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:17,741 Wouldn't that be great? 234 00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:22,171 Matt: Don't you feel that, that time, the reason that it is becoming a hard and fast 235 00:12:22,171 --> 00:12:26,425 no is that time is quality time, for you. 236 00:12:26,921 --> 00:12:29,171 That's the lesson that I'm just going to have to learn. 237 00:12:29,171 --> 00:12:34,500 I'm going to have to really take a deep breath and accept and understand. 238 00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:36,376 It's just about quality. 239 00:12:36,376 --> 00:12:41,419 And I think when we hit on this thing that, like you said, in 2020 240 00:12:41,419 --> 00:12:43,414 was all we could do, like, yay. 241 00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:44,794 Let's just try this out. 242 00:12:44,817 --> 00:12:52,001 but when we realized, wow, this is truly meaningful and it is 243 00:12:52,121 --> 00:12:57,780 punching all these buttons in, in our life that we are missing. 244 00:12:57,842 --> 00:13:00,032 How many parties have you gone to? 245 00:13:00,152 --> 00:13:02,282 That you've just have no emotional connection. 246 00:13:02,312 --> 00:13:05,660 It's all small talk and you know, it's going to be small talk and you 247 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:09,232 get there and it is small talk and then suddenly here's this thing where 248 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:14,328 people that I've never met in person are having these emotional experiences. 249 00:13:15,318 --> 00:13:15,678 Alison: Yep. 250 00:13:15,798 --> 00:13:20,808 Uh, just a few days ago, the first character that I ever built as D&D 251 00:13:20,958 --> 00:13:23,237 player died and at the end of the game. 252 00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:27,275 And so it was the first character death that I've been through. 253 00:13:28,055 --> 00:13:30,575 And my first character's death. 254 00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:31,115 Matt: Yeah. 255 00:13:31,805 --> 00:13:34,955 Alison: And it was really funny because in the moment I was like, I'm fine. 256 00:13:34,955 --> 00:13:35,465 This is fine. 257 00:13:35,465 --> 00:13:40,535 We had, it was a little mini campaign that the four of us had done to 258 00:13:40,535 --> 00:13:41,915 say goodbye to these characters. 259 00:13:41,915 --> 00:13:46,565 That was the whole, like motivation was to close the books on that particular story 260 00:13:46,565 --> 00:13:49,145 that we started telling in March of 2020. 261 00:13:49,145 --> 00:13:52,254 And to give them the, you know, official goodbye that we felt they deserved. 262 00:13:52,584 --> 00:13:54,414 So there was this part of me that was braced. 263 00:13:54,414 --> 00:13:57,475 I knew we were going against a Big Bad, as an adventurer. 264 00:13:57,475 --> 00:13:58,318 Anything could happen. 265 00:13:58,442 --> 00:14:01,355 I had felt that morning when I woke up that my character was going to die. 266 00:14:01,385 --> 00:14:03,017 I just felt like it was her time. 267 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,977 And it was very funny, cause like, when it happened, it was 268 00:14:06,977 --> 00:14:10,020 just like, Okay, this is fine. 269 00:14:10,071 --> 00:14:13,158 And in the immediate aftermath, Fitz started texting me. 270 00:14:13,158 --> 00:14:15,334 Like as soon as we all disconnected. 271 00:14:15,964 --> 00:14:16,684 Are you okay? 272 00:14:16,684 --> 00:14:17,529 Like, what do you need? 273 00:14:17,587 --> 00:14:21,143 know, like very much like, and then I woke up at three o'clock in the morning 274 00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:28,123 and started crying, like having all of these very real, very visceral memories of 275 00:14:28,123 --> 00:14:32,852 Lavinia, that's the character, thinking, about everything I could have done 276 00:14:32,852 --> 00:14:36,582 differently would have done differently, would not have done differently at all. 277 00:14:36,636 --> 00:14:38,316 I think here's the part that lets you know, that I'm still 278 00:14:38,316 --> 00:14:39,606 at least a little bit extrovert. 279 00:14:40,626 --> 00:14:43,386 Part of my pain was knowing I couldn't share this with anybody 280 00:14:43,386 --> 00:14:46,476 else because anybody who doesn't know would write it off as silly. 281 00:14:47,466 --> 00:14:51,186 If I said to any of my friends who don't play D&D who roll their eyes when I say 282 00:14:51,186 --> 00:14:55,693 I'm playing D&D my character died and I'm really, I feel like I've lost a friend. 283 00:14:55,693 --> 00:14:57,553 I feel like somebody close to me has died. 284 00:14:58,493 --> 00:15:01,843 It would, they would make fun of me and not because they're bad people. 285 00:15:01,843 --> 00:15:06,876 I would've made fun of me before 2020, 2019, would have made fun of that. 286 00:15:07,266 --> 00:15:13,409 But it has sat on me all week long, like I have gotten sad and teared up 287 00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:17,809 thinking about the fact that my Dungeons and Dragons character died this weekend. 288 00:15:17,809 --> 00:15:18,689 And it's wild. 289 00:15:19,079 --> 00:15:19,889 I don't believe it. 290 00:15:20,369 --> 00:15:24,119 Matt: If I will challenge I'll challenge those people who 291 00:15:24,119 --> 00:15:26,609 would ever say anything to you. 292 00:15:26,739 --> 00:15:27,489 With this. 293 00:15:27,597 --> 00:15:30,087 The reason that you are sad. 294 00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:33,540 The reason that you have the capacity for sadness. 295 00:15:34,277 --> 00:15:38,507 Is because you are a human being and that you care and that you 296 00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:42,107 have experienced this before. 297 00:15:42,557 --> 00:15:44,627 You have experienced death before. 298 00:15:45,287 --> 00:15:47,357 You have experienced loss. 299 00:15:47,457 --> 00:15:55,191 That loss, that real life experience has allowed you to play a game 300 00:15:55,881 --> 00:15:58,521 that triggered the same emotions. 301 00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:00,577 And that's just. 302 00:16:00,733 --> 00:16:02,113 That's just beautiful to me. 303 00:16:02,173 --> 00:16:03,673 I don't care what people think. 304 00:16:03,823 --> 00:16:05,923 I think that's beautiful. 305 00:16:06,253 --> 00:16:08,003 I know you can get it while acting. 306 00:16:08,044 --> 00:16:09,634 Uh, I have done that many times. 307 00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:11,434 do playing music. 308 00:16:11,464 --> 00:16:12,124 I get that. 309 00:16:12,454 --> 00:16:13,564 It's all the same. 310 00:16:14,284 --> 00:16:15,904 There is no difference in my mind. 311 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:21,549 But it's, it's such a safe and wonderful place because you are surrounded 312 00:16:21,549 --> 00:16:23,079 by friends and it's happening. 313 00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:23,739 And then, 314 00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:28,017 your sadness is, visceral and real and justified. 315 00:16:28,791 --> 00:16:33,531 And also pretty great because there isn't a real human being 316 00:16:34,011 --> 00:16:35,325 at the end that has died. 317 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:37,372 And I don't know. 318 00:16:37,432 --> 00:16:37,792 I don't know. 319 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:38,272 I just. 320 00:16:38,769 --> 00:16:39,339 I'm with you. 321 00:16:40,059 --> 00:16:43,539 Alison: I well, and my challenge and maybe that's head trash. 322 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:47,199 Maybe if I had said to any of my friends, I'm really sad because my 323 00:16:47,199 --> 00:16:48,639 character Lavinia died this weekend. 324 00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:52,434 maybe they would have, I do have friends who, while they don't get D&D I have a 325 00:16:52,434 --> 00:16:56,214 friend who checks on me cause I play a pretty gnarly game on Thursday nights. 326 00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:57,834 She checks on me every Friday morning. 327 00:16:57,932 --> 00:16:58,502 how are you doing? 328 00:16:58,502 --> 00:16:59,102 How was last night? 329 00:16:59,102 --> 00:16:59,312 You know? 330 00:16:59,312 --> 00:17:01,540 And like, That's really sweet and supportive, and I love that. 331 00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:04,285 And I think that's the type of friend that you're like, The past 332 00:17:04,285 --> 00:17:08,304 couple of years have taught me a lot about, quality over quantity. 333 00:17:08,514 --> 00:17:13,494 And I want to be the type of friend that is just on a rampage of happiness. 334 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:14,517 No matter what. 335 00:17:14,697 --> 00:17:16,347 Whatever is happening in your life. 336 00:17:16,377 --> 00:17:18,657 I want you to know that I'm the type of friend that is just going 337 00:17:18,657 --> 00:17:22,981 to cheer the hell out of you and not look at it in terms of me. 338 00:17:22,981 --> 00:17:26,438 And like, I have a friend who when somebody wants to celebrate anything 339 00:17:26,438 --> 00:17:29,618 she will counter with "don't they know how that will make me feel?" 340 00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:30,811 That's not friendship. 341 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,047 Just rampage of happiness. 342 00:17:32,047 --> 00:17:32,947 That's what we need to be on. 343 00:17:32,947 --> 00:17:36,746 Not all the time, but like for your friends, like just support them. 344 00:17:36,784 --> 00:17:38,824 Unrelentingly, but anyways, I digress. 345 00:17:38,854 --> 00:17:42,625 So I didn't give my friends that chance to be there for me, but, When 346 00:17:42,655 --> 00:17:45,835 you know, a character dies, somebody that you've formed an emotional 347 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:49,315 attachment to, and in this case, that's exactly what's happened only. 348 00:17:49,315 --> 00:17:50,935 This was a character I made. 349 00:17:51,565 --> 00:17:52,985 This is something I created it. 350 00:17:52,985 --> 00:17:54,235 it's a thin veil. 351 00:17:54,325 --> 00:17:57,879 I will just go ahead and say this, but it's a thin veil between what, who we 352 00:17:57,879 --> 00:17:59,692 create and who we are, there's some. 353 00:17:59,902 --> 00:18:02,945 Something, there's a part of you inside every one of your characters 354 00:18:02,945 --> 00:18:06,287 or a part of you that you're dying to get out and explore, 355 00:18:06,287 --> 00:18:10,044 Matt: I think one thing that's tough for people to understand 356 00:18:10,074 --> 00:18:14,633 is, or accept is that you can play this game without emotion You 357 00:18:14,633 --> 00:18:16,163 don't have to get deep with it. 358 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:20,483 You could go into a dungeon, roll, some dice, kill some monsters, get 359 00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:22,433 some treasure and have a great time. 360 00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:23,333 I am sure. 361 00:18:23,583 --> 00:18:25,023 That's not what it's about for us. 362 00:18:25,023 --> 00:18:27,116 But you're a hundred percent correct. 363 00:18:27,176 --> 00:18:29,846 A part of you did die last weekend. 364 00:18:29,996 --> 00:18:35,606 Part of you died, which is so intense when you think about it, it's so intense. 365 00:18:35,695 --> 00:18:39,975 Alison: And then there's the performative aspect of it, of me going did I do OK? 366 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:41,155 Did I do it right. 367 00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:43,410 Was I eloquent enough in my postscript. 368 00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:45,960 Did I handle it okay? 369 00:18:46,051 --> 00:18:48,811 but that's why it's fun because it's just this never ending 370 00:18:48,841 --> 00:18:50,101 choose your own adventure. 371 00:18:50,178 --> 00:18:54,378 You know, but in the game I had to make a split second decision. 372 00:18:54,648 --> 00:18:55,818 Did I make the right one? 373 00:18:55,848 --> 00:18:56,478 Don't know. 374 00:18:57,099 --> 00:19:00,076 Matt: I think that what we have to do is we have to come to a 375 00:19:00,076 --> 00:19:03,193 place where we are like, okay, so These things are meaningful. 376 00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:03,756 And. 377 00:19:03,806 --> 00:19:08,982 You can rate meaningfulness, but I think that's another stressor in my 378 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:14,415 life is that I find that I really just want to get great at playing this game. 379 00:19:15,468 --> 00:19:17,928 I want to be a great dungeon master. 380 00:19:18,002 --> 00:19:22,232 I want to be a child again, and not know anything about 381 00:19:22,232 --> 00:19:23,912 it and put in my 10,000 hours. 382 00:19:24,078 --> 00:19:29,268 And I haven't felt like that in a long time about anything. 383 00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:32,146 Not, music, theater, any of these things. 384 00:19:32,186 --> 00:19:36,498 And so going back to the sadness too, is like, when these other things come 385 00:19:36,588 --> 00:19:38,538 up and I feel like I'm distracted. 386 00:19:38,704 --> 00:19:40,844 And that's, the thing that is suffering now. 387 00:19:40,961 --> 00:19:42,581 No, I've got to get rid of it. 388 00:19:43,241 --> 00:19:44,261 I've got to get rid of it. 389 00:19:44,297 --> 00:19:45,617 It doesn't feel as important. 390 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,102 Alison: One thing that you. 391 00:19:47,132 --> 00:19:53,792 Have touted as far as ADHD goes for years is how it's misnamed. 392 00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:54,392 Matt: Yeah. 393 00:19:55,052 --> 00:19:59,242 Alison: That it's not really about having an attention deficit. 394 00:20:00,052 --> 00:20:03,862 But rather what you do with your attention and where it goes And I'll be 395 00:20:03,862 --> 00:20:06,982 honest, I think until D&D I don't know if I ever fully understood you there, 396 00:20:06,982 --> 00:20:08,992 cause I have a different kind of ADHD. 397 00:20:09,802 --> 00:20:13,582 And with the compulsion does come that more like, Ooh, shiny, look over there. 398 00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:13,972 Squirrel. 399 00:20:13,972 --> 00:20:14,722 What's going on. 400 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:20,565 But with something like Dungeons and Dragons, I understand. 401 00:20:20,565 --> 00:20:24,315 So perfectly that point you've been trying to make to me for years when, I have 402 00:20:24,315 --> 00:20:28,257 gotten into this groove where the rest of the world, just blacks out and fades away. 403 00:20:28,917 --> 00:20:30,927 And I am on this. 404 00:20:31,677 --> 00:20:33,747 Just more than doubled down. 405 00:20:33,747 --> 00:20:35,817 One hundreded down on. 406 00:20:36,297 --> 00:20:38,917 On my attention to this one, thing. 407 00:20:38,967 --> 00:20:39,387 Matt: Yeah. 408 00:20:39,987 --> 00:20:41,997 Alison: And that's something new for me. 409 00:20:42,477 --> 00:20:44,127 Matt: It's new and wonderful. 410 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:45,990 It's funny because I'm seeing this coach. 411 00:20:46,034 --> 00:20:46,976 I have a coach. 412 00:20:47,726 --> 00:20:48,086 And. 413 00:20:48,106 --> 00:20:50,476 When I do something correct. 414 00:20:50,536 --> 00:20:51,586 She cheers. 415 00:20:52,306 --> 00:20:53,056 Yay. 416 00:20:53,422 --> 00:20:55,462 I wonder how many people in your life that when I say. 417 00:20:56,662 --> 00:20:58,818 Yeah, I need to quit this. 418 00:20:59,333 --> 00:20:59,873 yay. 419 00:21:01,387 --> 00:21:03,877 With ADHD, you're trying to please. 420 00:21:04,267 --> 00:21:05,917 You're trying to make everybody happy. 421 00:21:06,037 --> 00:21:09,833 You want to be happy, but, we tend to overextend instead. 422 00:21:09,950 --> 00:21:12,440 We'll just give and give and give and then we'll be exhausted. 423 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:13,750 part of the stimulus. 424 00:21:13,864 --> 00:21:15,123 no, no, no, no, no. 425 00:21:15,153 --> 00:21:16,353 That's the wrong thing. 426 00:21:16,623 --> 00:21:20,073 I need to take the things that are crazy making. 427 00:21:20,081 --> 00:21:21,341 And jettison them. 428 00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:26,621 So that I have the brain space for things that I'm so ready to pick up. 429 00:21:26,707 --> 00:21:31,567 If you gave me two hours now, instead of working on blank. 430 00:21:31,744 --> 00:21:33,259 To work on D&D. 431 00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:36,607 I would take it just, I would have no problem finding 432 00:21:36,607 --> 00:21:38,737 somebody to do not one problem. 433 00:21:38,737 --> 00:21:41,027 And those two hours would go, boom, just like that. 434 00:21:41,077 --> 00:21:44,257 Alison: I when I was talking a minute ago about the thin veil between 435 00:21:44,257 --> 00:21:45,727 us and the characters we create. 436 00:21:45,807 --> 00:21:49,047 One of my newest character creations is a Druid named Sora. 437 00:21:49,047 --> 00:21:54,597 And I think I created Sora with the ideals of what I want to be very subconsciously. 438 00:21:54,597 --> 00:21:58,287 I did not sit down and really make any decisions about Sora. 439 00:21:58,287 --> 00:22:03,567 I picked out her race or class, her voice, and like we had to come into this campaign 440 00:22:03,567 --> 00:22:05,307 with what are called prophecy goals. 441 00:22:05,307 --> 00:22:07,713 So what's our motivation kind of a thing and that's it. 442 00:22:07,713 --> 00:22:11,223 I cooked up nothing else and have just uncovered her on the journey, 443 00:22:11,553 --> 00:22:18,579 Everything I do, as Sora I realize is that she's not worried about the past 444 00:22:18,579 --> 00:22:21,852 or the future, because she knows that it's going to happen when it happens. 445 00:22:22,032 --> 00:22:23,352 And I want to be more like that. 446 00:22:23,352 --> 00:22:26,952 Cause I get fixated on what I should have said or what I'm going to say 447 00:22:26,952 --> 00:22:28,668 instead of just living in this moment. 448 00:22:28,741 --> 00:22:33,047 Um, but one of the things I've been thinking about relative to this 449 00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:36,041 is, like knowing when it's time to say goodbye to things, knowing 450 00:22:36,041 --> 00:22:39,671 when it's okay to let something go, let something fall off your plate. 451 00:22:39,701 --> 00:22:42,941 Cause I think we tend to grip so tightly to the shoulds our life. 452 00:22:43,721 --> 00:22:46,102 And so one thing that's come off my plate very soon. 453 00:22:46,102 --> 00:22:48,906 I've been, a youth group advisor with my church for 10 years. 454 00:22:48,906 --> 00:22:50,946 Now, 10 years is a really long time. 455 00:22:51,716 --> 00:22:55,896 For anybody, but especially somebody with ADHD to commit to. 456 00:22:56,826 --> 00:23:00,225 Lovingly willingly, happily, you know, they've been 10 great years and 457 00:23:00,225 --> 00:23:03,957 I have, I have really been blessed with a lot of great people in my 458 00:23:03,957 --> 00:23:06,974 life because of the experience, but, My crew is, they are called. 459 00:23:07,004 --> 00:23:11,114 They are graduating in a month and I am done and I am walking away from the 460 00:23:11,114 --> 00:23:13,154 program for the foreseeable future. 461 00:23:13,417 --> 00:23:15,757 And I could not be more excited about that. 462 00:23:15,808 --> 00:23:19,642 And I wonder if If this is a post 2020 Alison now. 463 00:23:19,672 --> 00:23:22,012 Like, having boundaries. 464 00:23:22,582 --> 00:23:23,752 Embracing them. 465 00:23:24,214 --> 00:23:26,734 And, also respecting the natural order of things. 466 00:23:26,734 --> 00:23:29,224 Everything has a beginning and an end, and this is something 467 00:23:29,224 --> 00:23:30,334 that has come to its end. 468 00:23:30,364 --> 00:23:32,944 It's lived its life in my soul. 469 00:23:32,974 --> 00:23:34,054 It served its purpose. 470 00:23:34,054 --> 00:23:36,844 And now I'm going to say, thank you for the memories and I'm 471 00:23:36,844 --> 00:23:38,026 going to walk away for now. 472 00:23:38,026 --> 00:23:39,193 I can't foresee the future. 473 00:23:39,193 --> 00:23:42,913 I don't know what will happen next, but I know that it's a very firm boundary of. 474 00:23:43,303 --> 00:23:45,193 I'm going to reclaim my Sunday nights for me. 475 00:23:45,309 --> 00:23:47,029 And people are what are you going to do with the time? 476 00:23:47,029 --> 00:23:47,959 And I'm like, I don't know. 477 00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:49,094 And that's the beautiful thing. 478 00:23:49,151 --> 00:23:54,161 I don't have to plan every second of every day and have an 479 00:23:54,161 --> 00:23:56,661 itinerary running constantly. 480 00:23:56,661 --> 00:24:00,602 I think I learned that from my character to, let everything have its season. 481 00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:03,586 And this is a really good season in a lot of ways. 482 00:24:03,706 --> 00:24:05,317 And, we'll see what happens next. 483 00:24:05,347 --> 00:24:05,947 Matt: I love that. 484 00:24:06,757 --> 00:24:09,247 Do you have any regrets in the last. 485 00:24:10,180 --> 00:24:10,810 Alison: In life? 486 00:24:11,846 --> 00:24:11,936 Matt: no. 487 00:24:11,986 --> 00:24:14,603 with like you were saying earlier that, when. 488 00:24:15,503 --> 00:24:19,303 When Lav died, you, there were like, oh gosh, should I have done this should I 489 00:24:19,353 --> 00:24:23,133 Does Alison have any similar things about. 490 00:24:23,191 --> 00:24:24,098 I'm fishing for. 491 00:24:24,098 --> 00:24:24,728 I hope not. 492 00:24:24,788 --> 00:24:25,298 You know what I mean? 493 00:24:25,517 --> 00:24:28,983 You know, because I know that when we first started playing with you had. 494 00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:30,410 A certain set of friends. 495 00:24:30,643 --> 00:24:33,307 And we've been very proud in some ways that you've you know, 496 00:24:33,337 --> 00:24:35,317 distance yourself, healthily. 497 00:24:35,343 --> 00:24:36,979 Not permanently, maybe not. 498 00:24:36,979 --> 00:24:38,315 for whatever reason that you are. 499 00:24:38,705 --> 00:24:42,278 Taking care of yourself in that way and finding better friends, deeper friends. 500 00:24:42,398 --> 00:24:43,448 I have too. 501 00:24:43,488 --> 00:24:45,738 I actually have no regrets. 502 00:24:46,068 --> 00:24:46,818 Alison: I don't either. 503 00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:51,108 That's why I was kind of fishing back of like specific to one thing or in general, 504 00:24:51,108 --> 00:24:53,568 because in both cases, the answer is no. 505 00:24:53,703 --> 00:24:56,493 And again, that's what gets me back into, I'm a garbage person for wanting 506 00:24:56,493 --> 00:24:59,781 it to go back to the sweet simplicity of 2020, but like, I don't have any 507 00:24:59,781 --> 00:25:01,371 regrets for the past couple of years. 508 00:25:01,371 --> 00:25:03,111 I love where the path has led. 509 00:25:03,921 --> 00:25:06,711 Because I shut up and stop trying to dictate the path 510 00:25:06,741 --> 00:25:07,971 and just said, okay, fine. 511 00:25:08,481 --> 00:25:10,041 Like I'm out of the control phase. 512 00:25:10,085 --> 00:25:13,432 And, in a lot of ways, now we can really get into it as you and I sit on the 513 00:25:13,432 --> 00:25:15,442 precipice of some pretty big birthdays. 514 00:25:15,802 --> 00:25:17,555 You look back and you think, have I done enough? 515 00:25:17,582 --> 00:25:19,399 did I, have I gotten where I wanted to be in. 516 00:25:19,819 --> 00:25:22,579 No part of my life looks like I thought it would be. 517 00:25:22,759 --> 00:25:26,869 If you'd asked me when I was 15 or 20, what I thought I'd be up to as a 40 518 00:25:26,869 --> 00:25:30,919 year old and in a lot of ways, it would seem that I should be disappointed. 519 00:25:30,949 --> 00:25:32,089 I did not have kids. 520 00:25:32,089 --> 00:25:33,019 I am not married. 521 00:25:33,019 --> 00:25:33,949 I'm not a millionaire. 522 00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:34,489 I do not. 523 00:25:34,578 --> 00:25:37,847 have a really impressive title or, but What has happened 524 00:25:37,847 --> 00:25:39,837 is actually batcrap crazy. 525 00:25:39,868 --> 00:25:44,128 if you look at what has happened in my life, especially in the last five years. 526 00:25:44,698 --> 00:25:45,238 What?! 527 00:25:45,298 --> 00:25:50,428 Like I would love to go, just try and explain to 19 year old me what's 528 00:25:50,428 --> 00:25:52,708 going on in 39 year old me's life. 529 00:25:52,828 --> 00:25:54,554 I couldn't, she wouldn't believe me. 530 00:25:54,570 --> 00:25:55,090 So no. 531 00:25:55,140 --> 00:25:56,580 Absolutely no regrets. 532 00:25:57,300 --> 00:25:59,040 Could I do things better, always. 533 00:25:59,070 --> 00:26:01,560 That will always be like, we're always going to be 534 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,190 searching for a better way, but. 535 00:26:03,218 --> 00:26:04,208 that doesn't mean I regret it. 536 00:26:04,685 --> 00:26:06,575 Matt: I do want us to hold on to that. 537 00:26:06,575 --> 00:26:11,165 I want us to hold on to the, the pandemic level us. 538 00:26:11,705 --> 00:26:16,205 Where that was handed to us on a silver platter. 539 00:26:16,265 --> 00:26:18,335 And I'll just leave with this too. 540 00:26:18,435 --> 00:26:19,725 It's just circumstantial, right? 541 00:26:19,725 --> 00:26:23,069 Like it's just, it's going to be a challenge for every person. 542 00:26:23,139 --> 00:26:24,449 Who they were before. 543 00:26:24,449 --> 00:26:30,509 My, my actor friend who I did not really know two years ago. 544 00:26:30,737 --> 00:26:35,640 He took all the energy that he had that was on stage because he was a full-time 545 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,110 actor and that's all he ever did. 546 00:26:37,290 --> 00:26:41,685 And he put it into cooking and doing this stuff, but he did not have a good time. 547 00:26:41,685 --> 00:26:44,025 We became friends and that was a good time. 548 00:26:44,265 --> 00:26:47,295 But his career was decimated. 549 00:26:47,295 --> 00:26:51,905 He was in dire straights and, he had the energy to do what he did best. 550 00:26:51,905 --> 00:26:53,075 He is an extrovert. 551 00:26:53,075 --> 00:26:55,971 He is someone who gets energized by that. 552 00:26:56,331 --> 00:27:00,687 And, I'm also grateful to him for drawing me out. 553 00:27:00,824 --> 00:27:02,414 I was super lucky that he did. 554 00:27:02,564 --> 00:27:05,751 And now the world's opening up and he's going right back to where 555 00:27:05,751 --> 00:27:09,097 he was, which is also beautiful, but things have changed, right? 556 00:27:09,097 --> 00:27:12,367 Like I think he also, as an extrovert, 557 00:27:13,177 --> 00:27:14,437 Has learned these lessons. 558 00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:17,113 Like I think he also didn't expect. 559 00:27:17,155 --> 00:27:18,775 to make a friend in us. 560 00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:22,374 Even though his world is going back to a lot of stuff that he really wants. 561 00:27:22,404 --> 00:27:25,434 And then when he really missed, I think he's going to carry that as well. 562 00:27:25,434 --> 00:27:26,994 I think we're all going to carry some stuff. 563 00:27:26,994 --> 00:27:29,197 So I hope that all of that is going to stick. 564 00:27:29,227 --> 00:27:31,947 I think you and I can help each other make it stick. 565 00:27:32,087 --> 00:27:32,717 Alison: Make it work. 566 00:27:33,317 --> 00:27:33,737 Matt: Yeah, I 567 00:27:33,737 --> 00:27:36,377 Alison: That's why I never want to be too cavalier when I talk about my 568 00:27:36,377 --> 00:27:38,267 experiences over the past two years. 569 00:27:38,524 --> 00:27:40,654 There are people who are not with us anymore because of it. 570 00:27:40,654 --> 00:27:46,404 So I don't ever want to come off, and in a way that, that disrespects those journeys. 571 00:27:46,434 --> 00:27:48,013 But let's remember. 572 00:27:48,043 --> 00:27:49,576 And let's not take for granted. 573 00:27:49,576 --> 00:27:54,613 Let's remember what it was like to not get to go perform or, watch a 574 00:27:54,723 --> 00:27:58,745 theatrical performance for many months and how much that hurt all of us, let's 575 00:27:58,745 --> 00:28:02,195 not forget the thrill of being in a space together and things like that. 576 00:28:02,336 --> 00:28:02,846 Matt: Let's be like 577 00:28:02,846 --> 00:28:03,416 Sora. 578 00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:04,016 Let's just be 579 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:04,286 Alison: Sora 580 00:28:04,286 --> 00:28:05,226 Let's be likeSora. 581 00:28:05,306 --> 00:28:08,246 you know, My only regret is that we didn't start this podcast sooner. 582 00:28:08,276 --> 00:28:10,646 And that I didn't start playing D&D sooner. 583 00:28:10,676 --> 00:28:13,449 So now we just have to fill that time back in. 584 00:28:13,468 --> 00:28:15,268 Matt: No worries there. 585 00:28:15,596 --> 00:28:17,126 Thank you for podcasting with me. 586 00:28:17,572 --> 00:28:18,744 What do you have to do tonight? 587 00:28:18,794 --> 00:28:20,694 Alison: I'm going to go hang out with our friend Wardie! 588 00:28:21,014 --> 00:28:22,004 Matt: Oh, that's right. 589 00:28:22,104 --> 00:28:22,944 That's right. 590 00:28:23,012 --> 00:28:29,112 Alison: How many times do we think Ward is going to say, "ssshhhhh" to me. 591 00:28:29,522 --> 00:28:31,702 Let the D20 tell. 592 00:28:32,832 --> 00:28:33,912 Natural 20. 593 00:28:34,572 --> 00:28:35,072 Matt: About right. 594 00:28:35,402 --> 00:28:36,612 Alison: I'm not even kidding. 595 00:28:36,612 --> 00:28:37,402 Matt: That's about right. 596 00:28:37,445 --> 00:28:38,835 Alison: I think we have to add on that note. 597 00:28:38,900 --> 00:28:39,440 Matt: All right. 598 00:28:39,479 --> 00:28:41,343 Well until next time, Alison. 599 00:28:41,523 --> 00:28:42,453 Alison: Until next time, Mattie 600 00:28:42,813 --> 00:28:43,583 Thanks for this 601 00:28:44,063 --> 00:28:44,583 Love you too.