WEBVTT 00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:06.990 Matt Abrahams: Speaking your mind can be incredibly scary, especially at work. 00:00:07.290 --> 00:00:10.500 You might question yourself, worrying if you came off as demanding, 00:00:10.500 --> 00:00:15.240 rude, or just wrong in front of the people whose opinions matter most. 00:00:15.630 --> 00:00:18.900 I'm Matt Abrahams and I teach Strategic Communication at Stanford 00:00:18.900 --> 00:00:19.675 Graduate School of Business. 00:00:20.459 --> 00:00:25.530 Welcome to this very special episode of Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast. 00:00:26.070 --> 00:00:29.640 This week I wanna share ideas for how to communicate our thoughts in important 00:00:29.640 --> 00:00:35.670 situations by sharing a special episode from a podcast I love called TED Business. 00:00:36.030 --> 00:00:38.790 It features practical tips and insights from healthcare 00:00:38.830 --> 00:00:39.665 leader Sarah Crawford-Bohl. 00:00:40.800 --> 00:00:43.980 She'll offer a framework that will allow you to take in feedback with a 00:00:43.980 --> 00:00:48.820 little more ease, turn conflict into an opportunity for connection, and choose 00:00:48.820 --> 00:00:51.160 moments to speak up with more certainty. 00:00:51.550 --> 00:00:53.955 I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did. 00:00:59.205 --> 00:01:02.025 Modupe Akinola: I've brought up my late friend and mentor Kathy 00:01:02.025 --> 00:01:04.155 Phillips before on this podcast. 00:01:04.364 --> 00:01:08.415 She had a profound impact on my life and the lessons I've learned 00:01:08.415 --> 00:01:10.380 from her remain with me to this day. 00:01:11.160 --> 00:01:14.490 One of the things she often talked about was the importance of 00:01:14.490 --> 00:01:19.380 sticking your neck out and engaging in difficult conversations even 00:01:19.380 --> 00:01:20.910 when you don't really want to. 00:01:21.240 --> 00:01:25.830 She had a mantra for this that I'll always remember, if not you, then who? 00:01:26.430 --> 00:01:28.230 If not now, then when? 00:01:32.445 --> 00:01:33.840 I am Modupe Akinola. 00:01:34.140 --> 00:01:37.230 This is TED Business, a podcast from TED. 00:01:37.980 --> 00:01:40.600 Our speaker today is healthcare leader Sarah Crawford-Bohl. 00:01:41.850 --> 00:01:46.530 Her North Star is her late mom, an intensive care nurse who was no 00:01:46.530 --> 00:01:48.660 stranger to difficult conversations. 00:01:48.990 --> 00:01:53.100 Today, Sarah will share some of the wisdom she learned from her mother and 00:01:53.100 --> 00:01:55.380 give concrete advice on how to speak up. 00:01:55.770 --> 00:02:00.870 Then after the talk, I'll reflect on some more sound advice from my colleagues. 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:02.779 But first, a quick break. 00:02:08.239 --> 00:02:11.920 Sarah crawford-Bohl now takes the stage. 00:02:14.010 --> 00:02:14.970 Sarah Crawford-Bohl: Silence. 00:02:17.460 --> 00:02:24.300 It can be a needed moment of peace and contemplation, but what happens 00:02:24.300 --> 00:02:26.100 when silence becomes a barrier? 00:02:28.020 --> 00:02:35.370 A barrier that muffles the voice of truth, of advocacy, of change. 00:02:36.630 --> 00:02:37.650 Speak up. 00:02:37.980 --> 00:02:39.330 Advocate for yourself. 00:02:39.420 --> 00:02:40.710 Stand up for what you believe in. 00:02:41.700 --> 00:02:43.140 That's what they say, right? 00:02:44.970 --> 00:02:49.980 Well, even though I know they're right, it's easier said than done. 00:02:51.750 --> 00:02:56.280 I'm sure we can all think of a time when we faced a crossroads, perhaps 00:02:56.280 --> 00:03:01.845 the precipice of an uncomfortable conversation, when speaking up felt 00:03:01.845 --> 00:03:08.805 like the right, if not even essential path, but silence seemed safer. 00:03:10.245 --> 00:03:13.275 I can vividly see and feel myself being in those moments. 00:03:14.355 --> 00:03:23.445 Times when I stood red faced, embarrassed, or offended, or frustrated, or angry with 00:03:23.445 --> 00:03:29.385 a sinking feeling in my stomach, unable to find my voice and unsure if I had 00:03:29.385 --> 00:03:36.390 the courage, confidence, or will to face the difficult conversation before me. 00:03:38.370 --> 00:03:39.120 Sound familiar? 00:03:40.829 --> 00:03:41.640 We're not alone. 00:03:42.840 --> 00:03:46.410 Research from VitalSmarts, a global leader in organizational performance 00:03:46.410 --> 00:03:50.130 and leadership tells us people would rather quit their jobs than 00:03:50.135 --> 00:03:51.780 address a challenging situation. 00:03:53.850 --> 00:03:58.380 In this post pandemic time with baby boomers retiring and a wave of 00:03:58.709 --> 00:04:04.245 quiet resignation upon us, the world seems to be working short staffed. 00:04:05.985 --> 00:04:08.265 Now, I'm a nurse and I've worked in healthcare leadership for a long 00:04:08.265 --> 00:04:13.845 time, and I'm here to tell you, in this profession we can't risk losing 00:04:14.685 --> 00:04:19.965 anyone, especially not for the reason of avoiding a challenging conversation. 00:04:21.390 --> 00:04:25.455 In a world where we are experiencing increasingly rapid cycles of change, 00:04:25.935 --> 00:04:30.535 we can expect difficult conversations, particularly in the workplace to 00:04:30.535 --> 00:04:32.280 happen more often than ever before. 00:04:33.540 --> 00:04:36.780 Moments such as sharing feedback, identifying mistakes, 00:04:37.440 --> 00:04:38.970 or calling out disrespect. 00:04:40.140 --> 00:04:43.080 They're not always easy, but often critical to the performance 00:04:43.080 --> 00:04:45.810 of both individuals and a team. 00:04:47.700 --> 00:04:51.090 In healthcare where stakes are high, our willingness to raise concerns 00:04:51.090 --> 00:04:55.380 can be vital to the quality of care we provide, but also to the safety 00:04:55.380 --> 00:04:58.020 of patients and the care team. 00:04:59.550 --> 00:05:04.530 In fact, research also tells us that when we do speak up, we experience 00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:11.010 more job satisfaction, increased team morale, and in my world, 00:05:11.700 --> 00:05:13.380 support better patient outcomes. 00:05:14.970 --> 00:05:16.590 I've experienced this for myself. 00:05:17.575 --> 00:05:21.750 Now I don't have all the answers and I don't always get it right. 00:05:22.470 --> 00:05:25.260 In fact, I, I make a mess of it sometimes. 00:05:26.970 --> 00:05:30.090 But often I've found it's a bit like cardio or weightlifting. 00:05:31.500 --> 00:05:36.720 Well, we feel a bit vulnerable at the time, with practice, we 00:05:36.720 --> 00:05:38.430 start to experience the benefits. 00:05:39.300 --> 00:05:42.450 It gets easier and we get better at it. 00:05:43.740 --> 00:05:47.520 We need to find a path to help us get past that initial fight, flight, or freeze 00:05:47.520 --> 00:05:53.580 response to get us to the table and make leaning into uncomfortable conversations 00:05:54.000 --> 00:06:00.660 the desired action for our own benefit, as well as to benefit those around us. 00:06:02.370 --> 00:06:07.770 Now, I was fortunate I had some amazing role modeling by parents who encouraged 00:06:07.770 --> 00:06:14.070 me to use my voice, specifically when I knew I should but didn't want to. 00:06:15.390 --> 00:06:19.080 My mom, an intensive care nurse for many years, had a special 00:06:19.080 --> 00:06:21.090 ability to address tough topics. 00:06:22.080 --> 00:06:29.414 Traumas, embarrassing bodily functions, or sharing critical feedback. 00:06:30.794 --> 00:06:34.635 She always created airtime for normally avoided matters. 00:06:36.075 --> 00:06:40.965 With a fierce moral compass that was sometimes incredibly frustrating, 00:06:42.555 --> 00:06:46.034 she advocated for what was right, showing me the importance of 00:06:46.034 --> 00:06:51.010 standing up for oneself and others, even when uncomfortable to do so. 00:06:53.340 --> 00:06:58.950 My mom, she died a long time ago now, and I still miss her desperately. 00:07:00.539 --> 00:07:04.740 Something I think I miss the most though is her always knowing the 00:07:04.740 --> 00:07:09.360 right thing to do and the way she guided me with that moral compass. 00:07:10.140 --> 00:07:15.510 And despite having a couple of degrees under my belt, lessons learned from 00:07:15.510 --> 00:07:20.490 that moral compass, they guide me more than any of my formal learning. 00:07:22.469 --> 00:07:27.840 She showed me that as leaders, and I mean all leaders, both formal and informal, 00:07:28.530 --> 00:07:33.359 we play a pivotal role in leaning into courageous conversations and creating 00:07:33.359 --> 00:07:35.520 the safe place for others to do the same. 00:07:37.080 --> 00:07:39.750 It's probably our strong commitment in this area that inspired me to go 00:07:39.750 --> 00:07:43.890 into healthcare leadership, a path that often puts me in an area of high 00:07:43.890 --> 00:07:46.560 conflict and tricky conversations. 00:07:47.520 --> 00:07:54.869 But in doing so, exposes me to innovation, change making, and meaningful work. 00:07:56.400 --> 00:08:00.539 It's an incredible career that I'm honored to be a part of, and I owe it 00:08:00.539 --> 00:08:04.109 to my mom and myself to do it well. 00:08:05.309 --> 00:08:09.239 So when I find myself needing courage and confidence, making that moment 00:08:09.239 --> 00:08:14.099 to step into the abyss of a difficult conversation, I try to remember my 00:08:14.099 --> 00:08:19.590 mom's moral compass and the principles she worked so hard to nurture in me. 00:08:21.570 --> 00:08:25.800 I imagine holding a compass in my hand, the cool metal upon my 00:08:25.800 --> 00:08:32.730 skin, taking a breath, a moment to pause and ground myself. 00:08:34.409 --> 00:08:39.180 I see the directions of north, south, east, and west as symbols, 00:08:39.990 --> 00:08:42.150 reminders of her core teachings. 00:08:43.890 --> 00:08:48.585 North, I think about the North Star, a guide towards the 00:08:48.585 --> 00:08:49.545 good and right thing to do. 00:08:50.595 --> 00:08:53.205 In tricky situations I remember my mom's voice. 00:08:54.165 --> 00:08:55.935 Be the best version of yourself. 00:08:56.205 --> 00:08:57.315 Take the high road. 00:08:58.125 --> 00:08:59.505 Say what needs to be said. 00:09:01.815 --> 00:09:06.195 South, the S in south reminds me of support. 00:09:07.605 --> 00:09:11.835 When people support me I feel seen, cared for. 00:09:12.824 --> 00:09:15.375 When it comes to supporting others, I try to do the same. 00:09:16.365 --> 00:09:21.314 Leaning into tricky conversations with kindness and an intention 00:09:21.314 --> 00:09:22.485 of helping people grow. 00:09:23.535 --> 00:09:26.954 And east, the E stands for empathy. 00:09:28.395 --> 00:09:30.615 Empathy sets the tone for a conversation. 00:09:32.474 --> 00:09:35.775 As a leader, I want people to feel safe coming to me. 00:09:36.795 --> 00:09:40.035 I try to understand their feelings and create a safe 00:09:40.035 --> 00:09:42.540 place for them to be themselves. 00:09:44.640 --> 00:09:50.400 And West, the W stands for wonder, getting curious about what might 00:09:50.400 --> 00:09:51.930 be going on for the other person. 00:09:52.829 --> 00:10:00.300 I ask questions and listen, so I understand before trying to be understood. 00:10:01.595 --> 00:10:05.250 When I focus on the principles of the compass, I'm able to move from 00:10:05.250 --> 00:10:09.959 reactive to proactive, getting into a mindset where I can be true 00:10:09.959 --> 00:10:12.600 to my values and share my voice. 00:10:14.700 --> 00:10:18.420 I recall a situation not long ago where I was able to put the compass to use. 00:10:19.380 --> 00:10:22.890 I was in a change management and communications role for a big project, 00:10:23.820 --> 00:10:28.770 and while the work was complex and bumpy, I was proud of myself. 00:10:29.220 --> 00:10:34.650 I was writing good stuff, inspiring hearts and minds, or so I thought. 00:10:35.640 --> 00:10:37.890 One day a physician came into the office where I was meeting 00:10:37.890 --> 00:10:41.819 with my boss, my boss's boss, and a number of other leaders. 00:10:42.630 --> 00:10:45.240 He had one of my newsletters printed out and was waving it in the air. 00:10:45.990 --> 00:10:48.060 Who is the cheerleader sending out this stuff? 00:10:50.849 --> 00:10:54.270 As an optimist, sometimes to a fault, 00:10:56.670 --> 00:10:59.954 I knew right away that cheerleader was me. 00:11:01.650 --> 00:11:08.370 While I was embarrassed, I had a split second to decide, stay silent or speak up. 00:11:09.450 --> 00:11:13.470 The compass came in handy in that moment, North Star. 00:11:14.250 --> 00:11:15.810 What was the good and right thing to do? 00:11:16.800 --> 00:11:19.950 Well, I needed to own my work, take the feedback. 00:11:20.820 --> 00:11:22.680 So I said that would be me. 00:11:24.660 --> 00:11:27.090 He lowered his arm and said, well, this is too positive, 00:11:27.420 --> 00:11:29.445 not an accurate representation of what we're going through. 00:11:29.795 --> 00:11:36.824 While still defensive I remembered support and empathy. 00:11:38.175 --> 00:11:41.535 I wanted to create a safe place where he could feel seen and heard. 00:11:42.285 --> 00:11:47.084 So I suggested we sit down together so I could better understand his concerns. 00:11:48.584 --> 00:11:50.954 Next step, wonder. 00:11:52.064 --> 00:11:56.295 We went to his office and I asked curious questions and over 00:11:56.295 --> 00:11:58.694 some tea he told me his story. 00:11:59.985 --> 00:12:02.955 He got out a red pen and circled the nine times I'd mentioned 00:12:02.955 --> 00:12:04.695 something positive in that article. 00:12:08.145 --> 00:12:12.555 I acknowledged there's too many, understandably devaluing. 00:12:13.605 --> 00:12:16.725 I then asked if we could look for times I'd mentioned challenges. 00:12:17.835 --> 00:12:24.915 To his surprise, and frankly my own, 18 times, 18 I'd mentioned 00:12:25.275 --> 00:12:26.955 things that needed to be fixed. 00:12:28.680 --> 00:12:31.680 I was able to let him know I was embarrassed by being called out in 00:12:31.680 --> 00:12:34.440 front of my superiors and he apologized. 00:12:35.850 --> 00:12:40.890 You know, that time spent together, it was valuable for me and I think we 00:12:40.890 --> 00:12:42.540 both took something meaningful away. 00:12:43.980 --> 00:12:46.410 So I always remember the moral compass. 00:12:46.805 --> 00:12:56.340 North, North Star south, support, east, empathy, and west, wonder. 00:12:57.630 --> 00:13:05.010 I know when I'm true to my compass I'm courageous, confident, the 00:13:05.010 --> 00:13:09.990 person I wanna be, and I think the daughter my parents would be proud of. 00:13:11.520 --> 00:13:16.859 And with my husband and our two daughters, I get the chance to pay it forward. 00:13:18.689 --> 00:13:23.520 So I hope you'll join me in leaning into tricky conversations, not only 00:13:23.520 --> 00:13:30.480 finding our voices, but understanding the imperative to use them, stand up against 00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:37.380 the wrong, champion the right, and be the voice for those who cannot speak for 00:13:37.380 --> 00:13:42.420 themselves, no matter how shaky or unsure. 00:13:43.620 --> 00:13:49.590 We can be a powerful instrument of change and advocacy, leaving all 00:13:49.590 --> 00:13:53.550 people involved stronger as a result. 00:13:55.260 --> 00:13:55.650 Thank you. 00:14:04.064 --> 00:14:08.265 Modupe Akinola: That was Sarah Crawford-Bohl speaking at TEDx RRU. 00:14:08.655 --> 00:14:13.965 I love Sarah's image of the compass and the acronym she's created from it to 00:14:13.965 --> 00:14:16.605 ground herself in a delicate conversation. 00:14:16.905 --> 00:14:20.985 One of the hardest times to speak up is when we've messed up and we 00:14:20.985 --> 00:14:24.015 are the ones who need to swallow our pride, take accountability 00:14:24.015 --> 00:14:26.564 for our actions, and apologize. 00:14:26.940 --> 00:14:33.510 And my colleague, Adam Galinsky, has an acronym for this too, QORC, or 00:14:33.510 --> 00:14:36.180 as he likes to call it, QORC crisis. 00:14:36.330 --> 00:14:37.350 I'll break it down for you. 00:14:37.980 --> 00:14:39.330 Q is for quick. 00:14:39.750 --> 00:14:43.800 Make sure you can apologize as soon as you can, so there's no 00:14:43.800 --> 00:14:45.570 time for conflict to fester. 00:14:45.900 --> 00:14:47.190 O is for open. 00:14:47.610 --> 00:14:49.410 Be candid and open in your apology. 00:14:50.380 --> 00:14:55.060 R is for responsibility, as in take responsibility and focus 00:14:55.060 --> 00:14:57.939 on the other person and how it might have affected them. 00:14:58.150 --> 00:15:00.069 And finally, C is for commit. 00:15:00.550 --> 00:15:01.780 Commit to change. 00:15:02.050 --> 00:15:06.520 Let them know what you might do differently next time or in the future. 00:15:06.950 --> 00:15:10.940 It's okay if you need a little pep talk or a small map to help guide 00:15:10.940 --> 00:15:12.710 you through a difficult interaction. 00:15:13.040 --> 00:15:19.100 And if you can try to remember that the beauty of difficult conversations is that 00:15:19.100 --> 00:15:21.770 they can actually be transformational. 00:15:24.800 --> 00:15:25.850 That's it for today. 00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:29.540 Ted Business is part of the TED Audio Collective. 00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:35.615 This episode was produced by Hannah Kingsley-Ma, edited by Alejandra Salazar, 00:15:35.885 --> 00:15:37.775 and fact checked by Julia Dickerson. 00:15:38.225 --> 00:15:43.355 Special thanks to Maria Ladias, Farrah de Grunge, Daniella Balarezo, 00:15:43.764 --> 00:15:47.390 Tansica S, and Roxanne Hai Lash. 00:15:47.760 --> 00:15:49.140 I'm Modupe Akinola. 00:15:49.350 --> 00:15:50.220 Thanks for listening. 00:15:54.270 --> 00:15:58.140 Matt Abrahams: That was an episode of TED Business with hosts Modupe Akinola. 00:15:58.530 --> 00:16:02.819 Hear more business advice from weekly TED talks to in-depth interviews 00:16:02.819 --> 00:16:07.110 with speakers on TED Business wherever you listen to your podcasts.