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In this New Years Special, Marcy Bullock of Wolf Pack Career Chats at NC State reflects on how her identity has shaped her life and inspires her guests to do the same. She also dives deeper into how she has overcome fears and encourages her guests to challenge themselves this new year.
Eye on the Triangle is WKNC 88.1 FM HD-1/HD-2’s weekly public affairs programming with news, interviews, opinion, weather, sports, arts, music, events and issues that matter to NC State, Raleigh and the Triangle.
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Jeanine Ikekhua
The views and opinions expressed during Eye on the Triangle do not represent WKNC or NC State students Media. Your dial is currently tuned into Eye on the Triangle on WKNC 88.1 FM HD-1. Thanks for listening. Happy New Year from your host of Eye on the Triangle. Although we are 23 days into the New Year, it is never too late to celebrate. And with every New Year comes a time of reflection. In this special episode, Marcy Bullock does just that. Good evening Riley, and welcome to this week's Hour on the Triangle, an NC State student media run, student media scripted and student media produced news show on WKNC 88.1 FM HD-1 Raleigh, and I'm Jeanine Ikekhua K. Today's episode is a New Year special with the director, Marcy Bullock.
01:15
Jeanine Ikekhua
Marcy Bullock is the Director of Professional Development at NC State and the host of Wolfpack Career Chats. In this episode, Professor Bullock reflects on the defining moments on her life. She specifically reflects on how her identity has shaped her life and inspires her guests to do the same. She also dives deeper into how she has overcome fear and encourages her guests to challenge themselves this New Year. We hope you enjoy the episode.
01:40
Marcy Bullock
Podcast listeners, It's a New Year and I want to start by thanking you so much for subscribing and listening. We have had over 25,000 listens and the chance to just bring other people on stage to tell their story is something I enjoy so much. But today it is going to be me. Because at this time of Year, it is a time for reflection and plans for the future. And I have got a couple things I want to tell you about. I always reflect, you know, at the start of a New Year and I was thinking there is absolutely nothing I do now on my job that I did a pandemic ago. I I completely revamp my classes and they're all about helping people to succeed on their career path.
02:34
Marcy Bullock
But honestly, our campus culture and the workforce has changed so much that we've had to turn them upside down. And what does really success even mean? So, I mean, I have this title that I got at NC State which is called Director of Professional Development. And I gotta tell you, my definition of that word professional has evolved drastically and I focused so much recently I was talking to one of my colleagues who asked me, what does that mean to you, I focused a lot more recently on the human authenticity piece of professionalism. It honestly is a revelation for me. And I want to tell you a couple things today that I've learned on the classes that I teach and just on my life.
03:23
Marcy Bullock
Because we spend a third of our waking hours at work, this whole big, great resignation thing has us reassessing what matters most on our lives. I mean, Honestly, like on LinkedIn, I never would have shared a family photo. But now I realize that those people that we love, the ones that were barking on the back of our zoom or crying, we shouldn't be hiding them from our professional identity. We should celebrate them. So on the work I do with college students over the last three decades at four different universities, I have learned some things to help my students deal with this big mental health crisis they're facing, which means that over half of our students are struggling. And I've always called your 20s that decade. You're trying 20s, because I think it's really trying.
04:21
Marcy Bullock
And you try lots of things, but it's felt even more trying the last two Year, hasn't it, to just figure out who you are and to unleash your potential. So here's a little bit about what I've learned on my decades on the planet. As a child, I remember hearing, you don't look like your sister. I heard my friends talk about their blood relatives, and I heard them talk about their ethnicity. I'm Italian. I'm whatever. And I was asked, well, what are you, Marcy? I didn't know until I found my biological information on my 30s. And I am still discovering who I am. And as a woman on my 50s today, I always knew that I was a chosen baby. And I have felt adoption was beautiful because, honestly, y', all, I hit the jackpot with my family.
05:23
Marcy Bullock
And I know it was meant to be. That my birth mother gave me life, and my mom, who raised me, gave me love, because I was loved with every fiber of her being. But there was this part of me that I needed to discover, just like my college students go through, and many of you listening may be, who is the real me? What is my identity? Who am I and what am I meant to do? What is my why? And I wanted to understand all aspects of my identity. Big defining moment on my life came after I lost all the people that I grew up with that raised meaning my mom and my dad and my sister. And I ended up finding that family that I was related to by blood. And it was three months after my mom died.
06:22
Marcy Bullock
That I received a call from a social worker who had located my 70 Year old birth mother and initiated our reunion. And I learned I had biological half sisters and nieces who looked like me. My life would have been drastically different if I was raised by my unwed 40 Year old birth mother. My birth father had a family and he was married at the time. And my birth mother decided to keep her pregnancy a secret and she moved into a home for unwed mothers and put me up for adoption so that I could have a better life. She kept that secret a long time until we both let ourselves be vulnerable and meet as adult women. Overcoming our fear of rejection. I think we all have that fear of understanding who we really are and will people accept us? Will we be worthy?
07:28
Marcy Bullock
And honestly, the details of that personal story I just shared aren't as important as the bigger moral, which is sometimes we all hide parts of ourselves and we stay on the closet due to that fear. There was actually a survey done of hospice patients and these people had that dates stamped on their bodies, their expiration date, like a carton of milk. And when you know when you're going to leave, how does it impact you? Well, they found on this survey that their biggest fear was not living out their own dreams and being authentic. I call this the F bomb. It's not necessarily the F bomb you've heard before, but this fear of finding out who we are holds so many of us back. And that's why finding my genetic history was so important to me. What is your fear and what's holding you back?
08:35
Marcy Bullock
The other F bomb I hear a lot is fine. You know, I went through a lot of my life saying I'm fine, but I really wasn't fine because there was something missing and I was able to figure that piece out. Also, I realized there's a 1 on 300 trillion. Let me say that on bold, all cap underline 1 on 300 trillion chance we would be here listening to this podcast at this moment. So we're all here for a reason. And one of our biggest challenges is to just take off that armor and discover that who we are and to bravely connect to the parts of ourselves that we need to uncover and share with the world. So that risk I took going back to my birth family was painful, but also gave me power.
09:33
Marcy Bullock
And even on the last few Year, I found myself wanting to challenge myself. So I made this leap list of goals that would help me jump forward on life. Because a lot of people say, oh, you know, empty nesters, what are you going to do when your kids move out. So here's what I did, is I dared myself to take another big risk and to audition for a musical at NC State called Hairspray. I said, hey, listen, life is not a dress rehearsal. This is the only moment there is. I had not been on stage for 38 Year, so these questions kept popping up. Well, you might make a fool of yourself. You'll probably fail. You could handle rejection or you could not. Rejection is tough. But those questions haunted me. I decided I have to go for it.
10:27
Marcy Bullock
I can't just stay small and safe. So this audition, it included singing and acting, which I enjoyed and I was okay at. But dancing the dance cues were a New language to me. I tried to hide behind the other aspiring cast members. In the audition, there was about 100 college students, all on their nice little leggings and fancy tap shoes. And at the audition, we moved to a song called you'd can't stop the beat. And when the song ended, we stood on stage and the spotlight was on us, and were sweating and breathing hard. And you know where I was? Right on the back row. But then I heard the director on the audience say to the whole big group of us, number 31, move up front. And my stomach flipped as I looked down. Yep, number 31, that was me.
11:29
Marcy Bullock
So I slowly moved up a couple of rows, thinking, I can still follow the dance steps of the person on front of me. But then I heard all the way up 31. And there I was on the front row, fully exposed, with no one to follow if I forgot to move. Let's run it again. 5, 6, 7, 8. Have you had a moment like that on your life where you could either face your fear or you could just do what I was thinking, sprint off the stage and never return and listen to those voices saying, this was a bad idea? I stayed, and the music began, and the two minutes seemed like a long time as I stumbled around on my clunky sneakers. But I did smile my whole way through, and I was authentically me. I wasn't 21 years old.
12:23
Marcy Bullock
I didn't know how to dance. I did something really scary, and I embraced my missteps along the way. Hear that? Perfectionists on the house. And after two weeks of preparing for the next rejection, I saw my name on the cast list. I was elated, but petrified. And then I started the enough game. Have you ever played it? Was I young enough? Was I talented enough? Was I strong enough? Was I smart enough, quick enough, confident enough, cool enough? If You've ever felt like an outcast, alone and insecure, you know what I was feeling. I don't belong here. But when you decide to take a risk, a voice inside your head can either encourage you or warn you to stay away and keep your deficiencies hidden. Again, I made the choice to believe on my worth and not compare myself to the other cast members.
13:29
Marcy Bullock
You despair when you compare. So the next six weeks of rehearsal, I got home late at night feeling depleted and frustrated. It was painful. It was a long learning curve. But like I said earlier, with pain comes power. And while my castmates picked up the dance moves so quickly, I watched the videos of the choreography for hours to get my steps right. And my wonderful champion on life for multiple decades, my husband is my cheerleader, kept reminding me they picked you for a reason. Marci, my daughter, gave me reinforcement over the phone as I drove home, exhausted, night after night, having a full work day and then rehearsing from 6 until 11pm they saw something on you, Mom. And I learned this important lesson that a support system is vital to surviving life's daunting challenges. Especially when you're your worst critic.
14:28
Marcy Bullock
They'll build you up. I'm constantly telling my students to take on things they've never done and to fake it until they know that they can meet the challenge to embrace their missteps. But leaving my comfort zone was terrifying. However, I hadn't quit, and every part of that struggle paved the way to some of the most exhilarating feelings I've ever had. I went from the low of lows, feeling lost and scared and doubtful and frustrated and discouraged. Have you felt them? To the highs of being proud, of being accepted, of being strong and being loved for me? And I had a cheering section of my biggest fans, friends and family each night of the performance who filled my heart. And I learned a very big lesson that what matters most is the people you love and who love you.
15:31
Marcy Bullock
They love you even when you mess up. I want to be the one. Unique and phenomenal and flawsome. Yes, that's a combination of awesome and flawed me. And I challenge you, Wolfpack Career chats listener, to take on that same challenge of just letting go of the masquerade and the armor and putting yourself out there. You, too, are worth being seen and. And heard. And as we start a New Year, let's take some risks. Let's learn from the mistakes and remember that the pain of the process will lead to power. See you next time.
16:16
Jeanine Ikekhua
Music on this episode has been Newsroom provided by Kevin MacLeod. This has been Jeanine Ikekhua for Debbie Radio. Thank you for listening. You can listen to more episodes at wknc.org/podcast and you can also tune on every Sunday at 6pm to hear new Eye on the Triangle episodes.