Show Notes
Welcome to A Journey to Inner Wisdom. I am Crystal Kotow-Sullivan and your host of this Podcast. I am a Wisdomologist and I will be exploring Wisdom and the journey to our own inner wisdom.
As with any journey, there are many ways to get to where we are going. In this journey there are many tools available to guide us on the journey as well as people who will guide and mentor us.
I am going to talk about the ABCs of a Journey to Inner Wisdom…Awareness, Beliefs and Balance, Curiosity and Creativity, Discernment and decisions, the Enneagram and energy centres, Focus, Flow, and Flourish and Gratitude, Generosity and grace. At this moment it is the ABCDEFGs of a Journey to Inner Wisdom. I will get the rest of the alphabet with time!
From time to time, I will invite guests to join the conversation and share their journeys and the tools they use and guides who have journeyed with them. And you will hear about my own on-going journey.
I hope you will join me on this adventure.
Discernment and Decision Making
Welcome to this episode of a journey to inner wisdom. I started my podcasts with wisdom and transitions and then went into the ABCs of the journey…awareness, beliefs and curiosity/creativity and today I will talk about discernment and decision making…so far I have been able to follow the ABCs with the little diversion into transitions…but then when we are in transition whether emotionally, physically, spiritually, or mentally…it is usually the time we are seeking to tap into our inner wisdom.
So often we look for answers outside of ourselves and make decisions on what society, family or friends expect of us. Living from other people’s expectations is part of the conditioning that we experience as human beings…it adds a layer to our limiting beliefs.
When we find ourselves unsettled in our work or relationships, it is often because we are there to satisfy someone else’s expectations.
A journey to inner wisdom is about tapping into your expectations, your desires and de-conditioning your mind and beliefs.
As we gain clarity about what we truly desire, we begin to make decisions and trust our intuition and instincts. We begin to trust our inner knowing.
We make a multitude of decisions every day. Some are simple and unconscious, like getting out of bed, brushing our teeth, heading to the gym. Some are more complicated…what to wear… although my pandemic wardrobe has been pretty basic, so my daily decisions aren’t that complicated!!! I recently went out to a small gathering and it was a big deal to make a decision about what to wear!! Seriously, though, then there are those life changing decisions like work, where to live, relationships, kids or not kids, etc. How do we make those decisions?
First, we need to be awake and aware, we need to be clear about how our beliefs could impact our decision making and finally in the process of making a decision we need to be curious.
Most of us when making a decision will list the pros and cons of whatever it is that we are deciding upon. This is a good way to clarify what we want and don‘t want.
I want to explore a tool of discernment that gives us even more information about the decision at hand.
As always, let’s look at the words: decision and discernment …
The Merriam-Webster dictionary:
Decide:
: to make a final choice or judgment about
: to select as a course of action
: to
infer on the basis of evidence
late 14c., "to settle a dispute, determine a controversy," from Old French
decider, from Latin
decidere "to decide, determine," literally "to cut off," from
de "off" (see
de-) +
caedere "to cut" (from PIE root
*kae-id- "to strike"). For Latin vowel change, see
acquisition. Sense is of resolving difficulties "at a stroke." Meaning "to make up one's mind" is attested from 1830. Related:
Decided;
deciding.
Decision
: a choice that you make about something after thinking about it : the result of deciding
mid-15c., "act of deciding," from Old French
décision (14c.), from Latin
decisionem (nominative
decisio) "a decision, settlement, agreement," noun of action from past-participle stem of
decidere "to decide, determine," literally "to cut off," from
de "off" (see
de-) +
caedere "to cut" (from PIE root
*kae-id- "to strike").
Meaning "final judgment or opinion in a case" is from 1550s. Meaning "quality of being decided in character, ability to make prompt determinations" is from 1781; sense of "a resolution, a fixing of purpose" is by 1886. Decision-making (adjective) is recorded by 1946.
Discern:
: to detect with senses other than vision
: to come to know or recognize mentally
Discernment
: the quality of being able to
grasp and comprehend what is
obscure : skill in discerning
: an act of perceiving or discerning something
Origins of discern
"perceive or recognize the difference or distinction between (two or more things);" also "distinguish (an object) with the eyes, see distinctly, behold;" also "perceive rationally, understand;" late 14c., from Old French
discerner (13c.) "distinguish (between), separate" (by sifting), and directly from Latin
discernere "to separate, set apart, divide, distribute; distinguish, perceive," from
dis- "off, away" (see
dis-) +
cernere "distinguish, separate, sift" (from PIE root
*krei- "to sieve," thus "discriminate, distinguish"). Related:
Discerned;
discerning.
Discern then could mean to sift away…what it is that is not important or separate the differences in what we see.
Just an aside, as to why I look at the meaning of words and where they come from. The original meanings of words were made up by someone. Overtime we change the meaning of words. Cool which means the temperature is between warm and cold can also mean a person is somewhat detached. We also use cool to describe certain colors, or that someone is hip! Well what about hip!!! We could look at that word as well.
I would like you to start noticing how you use words and what they really mean…are there some words that mean something else to you? Can we create new meanings for ourselves…so now you know why I am paying such attention to words?
Back to discernment…When we use discernment to make our decisions, we are sifting through differences, and distinctions that can guide us in our final decision. But how do we go about this?
I am going to suggest that there is another way go about discerning your options. It is the four-column method of discernment.
I learned this years ago and it has proven to be a valuable tool when I am making decisions. The process brings us into the meta awareness that I talked about in a previous podcast.
So, let me take you through the steps of a four-column discernment.
First, identify the decision to be made. Make it practical, real, be sure it is your decision to make, and that you can obtain the necessary information about the situation.
Second, formulate a statement about the decision to be made and then create a contrary statement as well. For example: I will move to Paris. I will not move to Paris. Your statement cannot include or, or if in it.
Third, set up four columns in your journal or on a piece of paper. Above the first two columns write your statement. I will move to Paris. And pros and cons in each of those first two columns. Now write the contrary statement about the third and fourth columns with pros and cons again in those two columns. Now I have my two statements on my chart. I will move to Paris is above column one and two and pros and cons respectively. I will not move to Paris is above column three and four and pros and cons respectively.
Fourth, comes the fun. Brainstorm and fill in the four columns. The first two are relatively easy and what we are used to doing when we make decisions. The second two may seem redundant until we come to the double negative! Cons for I won’t move to Paris! You really have to think about this…I know I do.
Let me give you an image of what this might be like. Your statement and the pros and cons are like you walking down your street and you are recognizing all the usual landmarks. The contrary statement is like walking back…same landmarks but a different perspective. You will see something that was not in view from the other direction.
Let me walk you through an example…
I am considering moving to Paris for part of the year, but it is not clear whether this is the right decision at this point in time. First, I will create my two statements, very simply “I will move to Paris”, “I will not move to Paris.”
Let me walk you through my statements. I’ll take my first statement and do the pros and cons as follows…
See how the last column revealed something that could not have come up in the first two or even three. For me what is revealing is the regret!
I have always found the last column the most interesting and the most useful.
Last step, which is key to the whole process. This is where you get out of your head/your mind and begin to trust your intuition and inner knowing.
Over the next three days to a week, I will live as if I am going to move to Paris. I notice how I am feeling, what is happening around me, how is my intuition working, what is my energy like…I will journal each day to notice patterns.
Then, over the following three days to a week, I will live as if I am not going to move to Paris. I will again, notice how I am feeling, what is happening around me, how is my intuition working, what is my energy like…I will journal each day to notice patterns.
After the time spend living in the reality of each statement, I will compare my journal entries.
In which time was I inspired, energetic, joyful, most myself…that is the decision my inner being is directing me toward.
Having a guide who work with you during this process is often a good idea. I have also used this method within a group of trusted friends.
Following these steps will lead you to a decision that comes from your heart and not from the expectations of others or from your private logic. Be sure you take a stance of curiosity. There is no room for judgement here, another reason to work with a guide who will call you back to curiosity!
Sometimes a decision is clear, you know right away in your body, this is it.
A friend recently was buying a house and the moment she walked in she knew it was right. Sometimes we are unsure and then the four column is a helpful tool.
Going through the four-column discernment to make decisions also helps us to carry out the task with more calmness and awareness.
The next time you have a decision to make and you are uncertain work with the four-column discernment process. Practice on some smaller decisions so that when the larger transition decisions come up you will be comfortable with the process. It is a great way to develop and trust your intuition as well.
Thanks for joining me today. See you next time on a journey to inner wisdom.