Speaker 1: Welcome bird, beardless dick lets me.
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith, and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.
Speaker 1: I'm Chuckles. Me and Chuckles are fucking gathering together for
Speaker 1: the second the.
Speaker 2: Last time ever home for home recording ever.
Speaker 1: Look at you to hold on to life. You're like
Speaker 1: the home. There's more. You're what stage of death bargaining?
Speaker 1: Is that what this is?
Speaker 2: I'm making a deal with the devil as we speak,
Speaker 2: A can't It's gonna fucking it that you.
Speaker 1: Can't stop it. I'm ending well, you know who good
Speaker 1: at our heart and they were the ones that came
Speaker 1: up with the idea, let's end it. You know what,
Speaker 1: from the fucking ashes, we will rise. It's like a
Speaker 1: fucking phoenix. Wait until you see the next show.
Speaker 2: Kids, it's gonna be good.
Speaker 1: Oh you're gonna be like, I can't believe they didn't
Speaker 1: do this first. Idiots, beardless dickless idiots. We really we were,
Speaker 1: but we aren't there. This means that if you were like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm a dicklet what am I going to do? Who
Speaker 1: will I be?
Speaker 2: Your identity is up in the air now.
Speaker 1: That's true. Just like how when we did vegan Abatua
Speaker 1: back in the day we left them all a little lurch.
Speaker 2: We really did. We really left them hanging.
Speaker 1: And our vegan Abatua fans we referred to as abatuats
Speaker 1: over that attz amongst ourselves privately, I'm home at least
Speaker 1: sucking at Yeah, sadly if you're a dick lit or
Speaker 1: maybe you're like, look, I'm a completionist, like I like
Speaker 1: something that ends. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Like
Speaker 1: sometimes like fucking I can get a comic book series
Speaker 1: going back in the day and you're like, fuck, man,
Speaker 1: like just should ended it like two years ago? Shit,
Speaker 1: this is going out in our prime re not a
Speaker 1: court and Ieheart but not Nightheart's Eye, but perhaps not
Speaker 1: our advertising prime.
Speaker 2: We are we're going out right when we should.
Speaker 1: We are, and and it's led to something that will
Speaker 1: be so much more satisfying. Oh yeah, like on so
Speaker 1: many levels for you, the audience, for us. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: like like literally literally you're like sitting there going what
Speaker 1: is it?
Speaker 2: We'll tell you now.
Speaker 1: We have two more.
Speaker 2: Home shows, this one and then one more.
Speaker 1: We have one more home show. We're living the second lasm.
Speaker 1: We're in it right now. Oh my god, tick around
Speaker 1: my mind skills, let me come in. If you were
Speaker 1: watching the show at that Kevinsmith club dot com, which
Speaker 1: I'm going to promote the funk out of now used
Speaker 1: to be a little more like, well maybe we should
Speaker 1: give room diehard.
Speaker 2: No you weren't.
Speaker 1: You were like, it's like, go fuck yourself. If you're
Speaker 1: watching the show, you could see me do my fucking
Speaker 1: mime act.
Speaker 2: And it's pretty good, pretty solid.
Speaker 1: I'm just putting one hand up another now, just dancing
Speaker 1: a dance. But yeah, man, it is the next home
Speaker 1: show is the last home show. Say goodbye to this
Speaker 1: fucking room. It will no longer be the podcasting room.
Speaker 2: And I'll going it again.
Speaker 1: Are you fucking serious? I don't say it like that.
Speaker 1: The fuck ew I am. I gonna cry. You'll be
Speaker 1: in here again. We're gonna use it for something else.
Speaker 2: This is my childhood home. I think I'll be here again.
Speaker 1: Good point. I was recounting with your mother at one
Speaker 1: point today. Every once in a while I go down
Speaker 1: like a family rabbit hole, talking about my family, and
Speaker 1: her eyes glazed over and stuff. But I was talking
Speaker 1: about know how I stayed home like with Grace and
Speaker 1: Don until I was like twenty three. I didn't move
Speaker 1: out until we made Clerks. I was living at my parents'
Speaker 1: house when I made Clerks, And let's be honest, it's
Speaker 1: the only way Clerks would have happened if I had
Speaker 1: to like pay a rent out in the real world
Speaker 1: like a real person and shit, Like one of my
Speaker 1: you know, my peers, they moved on right, they went
Speaker 1: to college, right, and so my college, you're kind of
Speaker 1: done with college by twenty one, twenty two. So like
Speaker 1: they were in the real world apartments, working like jobs
Speaker 1: and shit, and I was still like fucking doing convenience stores.
Speaker 1: And I remember people that I went to school with
Speaker 1: would come in periodically to the convenience store and there
Speaker 1: was you know, I never felt this, but clearly like
Speaker 1: I was not doing well. I wasn't doing poorly, but
Speaker 1: like these motherfuckers were like, you know, I working in
Speaker 1: hotel management, I fucking have a plumbing business and shit,
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I work at the quick stop.
Speaker 1: Wasn't that? So it was I couldn't have made that
Speaker 1: movie unless I was living home as long as I was,
Speaker 1: which was longer than my siblings. They got the fuck
Speaker 1: out right after high school, and shit, I mind living
Speaker 1: with Momily and Popoly and so.
Speaker 2: Only seems like a good roommate.
Speaker 1: She wasn't. Mamily was.
Speaker 3: I adore Momily and I just got back.
Speaker 1: From a Momily trip. I'll tell you all about after
Speaker 1: Harley tells you all about her surprise engagement party. But
Speaker 1: Momily was I Momily is like my hero and she's
Speaker 1: I love her death. That being said, I have conveniently
Speaker 1: put away how challenging Momily was when I lived at
Speaker 1: the house, because this was this you you you know,
Speaker 1: you meet fucking sweet Momily who's like Harley Harley Cooky.
Speaker 1: I lived with the Momily who was like I was like,
Speaker 1: mom I'm going to see a movie with Walter and
Speaker 1: Brian and it was like ten o'clock at night, and
Speaker 1: she was like, all right, well, if you do, you're
Speaker 1: gonna find your comic books on the floor when you
Speaker 1: get home. No good reason, Momaly. Momily knew my weak spots.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I just go out to Brian
Speaker 1: Walter and be like, am I going to the movies
Speaker 1: and the like yeah, right, get in the cars, like no, seriously,
Speaker 1: my mom said that my comics will be on the floor,
Speaker 1: and they they were like, you know, to be fair,
Speaker 1: I was like they were Brian Walter, like two three
Speaker 1: years older than me. Really, yeah, they we weren't in
Speaker 1: the same braid or anything, so you know, and they
Speaker 1: had different relationships with their mothers than I had with mine.
Speaker 1: Not like fucking better or worse, just different. I was
Speaker 1: under thumb, you know, the fucking you know, the relationship
Speaker 1: I have with the landlord upstairs, imagine that. But she's
Speaker 1: my mom. Well, I didn't make up the old adage
Speaker 1: every boy marries his mother. Oh god, I tell that
Speaker 1: to your fucking fiance man, Oh my god, Like wait
Speaker 1: a second, so yeah, no shit, so mom only you
Speaker 1: know she I lived with her until I was twenty three,
Speaker 1: and as I pointed out to Jennifer, like Harley did
Speaker 1: kind of the same thing. And that's when we got
Speaker 1: into this hole. When did she move out? It was
Speaker 1: twenty two, all right, So he beat me by a year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not contest, and neither is fucking trauma. You did
Speaker 1: get out, like by twenty two, into your own house,
Speaker 1: and twenty three I was still there and I moved
Speaker 1: out before like we made clerks. But then I moved
Speaker 1: out and I moved in with Scott's sister Kristen up
Speaker 1: North Jersey for a while, and then we went to
Speaker 1: Sundance and everything changed and stuff. And then after Sundance
Speaker 1: I got my own like condo and stuff.
Speaker 2: Welcome post clerks condo, the.
Speaker 1: Post clerk's condo life. My life breaks down into two eras.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, BC before clerks ad ad after.
Speaker 1: Dante said, with such resident pride, like so clever father,
Speaker 1: let me lay it out for them. I love this
Speaker 1: witticism of yours. Instead, you're just like, oh, you're like
Speaker 1: a Catholic kid doing a rosary, Hail Mary, full of Jesus. Amen.
Speaker 1: That's how we used to rifle to them clerks. Not
Speaker 1: in my that's you. In my world, it's like mah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah clerks, blah blah blah blah clerks,
Speaker 1: blah blah clerks. There's a clerk over a clerk in
Speaker 1: style and place, there's a clerks.
Speaker 2: Oh that's the quick stuff.
Speaker 1: Please. There's a boy genius director over stop base. There's
Speaker 1: a boy outside of artists would change the world and
Speaker 1: become an icon over at the convention.
Speaker 2: Convention all right, Oh my.
Speaker 1: God, real quick. I gave out an award. Don't laugh,
Speaker 1: don't laugh. I don't know where this is going. I
Speaker 1: gave out an award this weekend for an organization, the
Speaker 1: young I got an invite that said, would you like
Speaker 1: to present for the Young Artist Academy Awards, And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, of course anything for the Academy.
Speaker 1: I'm an Academy member in good standing since nineteen ninety seven,
Speaker 1: happy to do it. And young people they always need
Speaker 1: a boost, next generation coming out, and it's being held
Speaker 1: at the DJA. Of course it's an academy thing.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Even know my eyes.
Speaker 1: Interesting that they're not having it at the Academy, but whatever,
Speaker 1: I'm sure DJ is just fine. It was not an
Speaker 1: academy organization, like not you know, the Academy that I
Speaker 1: belonged to with Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. It was
Speaker 1: the Young Artists Academy that had an awards show that.
Speaker 1: It was the Young Artist Academy Awards, or perhaps a
Speaker 1: better way to put it would have been the Awards
Speaker 1: for the Young Artist Academy. But of course you want
Speaker 1: to be as you want to hone as close to
Speaker 1: the glamour because it was. I'll tell you it was
Speaker 1: delightful sitting in the audience. They put up a tutorial.
Speaker 1: I don't know if they do this at the actual academy,
Speaker 1: they should how to get your fucking award. There was
Speaker 1: a little cartoon like drawings, not a full cartoon, but
Speaker 1: drawings about like when you get up, make sure you
Speaker 1: think your management to your parents. Sure, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: There are other people winning awards, so you know, do this,
Speaker 1: keep it within a minute. And then I could stop
Speaker 1: over here to get a photo and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: And then there was some like, uh, you know, before you,
Speaker 1: before you allow, before you agree to have your photo taken,
Speaker 1: make sure they're wearing a Young Artist Academy badge. Oh wow,
Speaker 1: which was a kind of like you.
Speaker 2: Know, okay, settle down, look out for.
Speaker 1: Lookout for pedals and ship Jesus, That's what it was.
Speaker 1: They're like, hey, man like, because anybody could come in
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, I'm a youn do a young star.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I gotta be careful, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So there was something and it wasn't like look out
Speaker 1: for petals, but there was something that in the midst
Speaker 1: of the intro was very like never no it was
Speaker 1: never leave the premises with a stranger, which is something
Speaker 1: I whenever I go to an adult function at the DJA.
Speaker 1: They're not like, well, theme to the Director's Guild of America,
Speaker 1: we hope you have a pleasant evening and never leave
Speaker 1: the DGA with stranger.
Speaker 2: Maybe they should say it, you know what, you're wrong.
Speaker 1: I bet you A lot of people are like going
Speaker 1: to bars like I hope I leave the DJA with
Speaker 1: a stranger tonight. That's so true.
Speaker 2: Actually, it's just I would say it's a scary place.
Speaker 1: Though I have success in my career, but I don't
Speaker 1: have love. I hope I meet somebody at the DJA. Sad.
Speaker 1: That was my haunted Hollywood face, which you could see
Speaker 1: if you were watching on that Kevin Smith Club, What
Speaker 1: are you waiting for us? Two episodes left? They're like, that's.
Speaker 2: Why why now I know?
Speaker 1: But take the ride? Yeah, watch a year's worth. Man's true.
Speaker 1: I was reminded by our biggest fan that she's still listening.
Speaker 1: She was just like, I'm not the only person that
Speaker 1: listens to your show. Kevin is Virginia. Oh, I know,
Speaker 1: I think you are. To be honest, I believe we're
Speaker 1: just doing the show for you at this point.
Speaker 2: I believe it's just a wonderful sometimes Mamally every once.
Speaker 1: In a while Virginia's around, she'll play for Mommily.
Speaker 2: And stuff, so occasionally too.
Speaker 1: Let' tell you something last night, Momily, you know, mom
Speaker 1: ly seventy nine and whatnot. So there tends to be
Speaker 1: some repetition. So, you know, we're seeing the news cycle
Speaker 1: and uh, She's like, who's Jeffrey Epstein? And I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: he's a terrible man. Mine went to jail for all
Speaker 1: this stuff. And what happened to that son of a bitch?
Speaker 1: He committed suicide in prison, but some people believe that
Speaker 1: he was killed. Good ten minutes later, what happened in
Speaker 1: the son of a Bitch again? Is he still in jail?
Speaker 1: He went to jail, mom but then he allegedly committed suicide,
Speaker 1: but a lot of people think that he was killed,
Speaker 1: you know, by whatever, the powerful forces that didn't want
Speaker 1: information in Now she's like, oh, son of a bitch,
Speaker 1: I'm glad he's dead. Watching more like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I can't believe this guy. Is he still in jail, Momily? Oh? Man?
Speaker 1: So I was like, mom, so it's you know, it's
Speaker 1: the age it happens where it's just like you.
Speaker 2: Gotta put a little sign up. That's like, I don't
Speaker 2: forget he is.
Speaker 1: Which, to be fair, I don't want to be hanging
Speaker 1: Jeffery Epstein's signs in my mom's Floridian home, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, seventy nine years old. But she was
Speaker 1: so like interested in it that I was like, well,
Speaker 1: the whole story. I think they laid it out in
Speaker 1: like a Netflix mini series years ago, which I remember.
Speaker 1: At one point I asked her Monds, like you want
Speaker 1: to watch She's like, fuck, no, fuck that guy. So
Speaker 1: I never watched it. So Mamila is like, let's watch it.
Speaker 1: Which we started at ten o'clock at night, oh man,
Speaker 1: and finally wrapped up at three in the morning. And
Speaker 1: she was riveted.
Speaker 2: She was. She didn't fall asleep or nothing.
Speaker 1: That's that's what I was waiting for. I was as
Speaker 1: soon as she fucking falls asleep, I'm gonna go back
Speaker 1: to watching Rocky and Bullwinkle. Momy's like a full time
Speaker 1: She kept like leaning forward and sh she would shake
Speaker 1: off the sleep because it's it is a horrifying story.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's.
Speaker 1: So she was dialed the fuck in and so each
Speaker 1: I'm one of the episode ends because like a five parter.
Speaker 1: I was like, you do you want to keep going?
Speaker 1: She's like, oh my god, how do we You know
Speaker 1: she could not because they end each one. So we
Speaker 1: watched that horrible ship till three in the morning and
Speaker 1: then I was like, well, Mama, leave it six for
Speaker 1: the airport and stuff, and she was like no. She
Speaker 1: got very emotional.
Speaker 2: It was very fuch, momily. What what a roller coaster
Speaker 2: of emotions of one night.
Speaker 1: All over the place. But I'm honestly shocked this morning.
Speaker 1: She wasn't like we wrap that, mom, Yes, did you
Speaker 1: tell me tiger wirewalf?
Speaker 2: Tell me what.
Speaker 1: That son of a bitch epsy. But it was a
Speaker 1: lovely visit with my mom. I popped down to Florida
Speaker 1: forty eight hours. I haven't seen her since Mother's Day.
Speaker 1: And then I had like the dog metory and went
Speaker 1: to can and ship like that, and then I tore
Speaker 1: her with the jay. So I got to go hang
Speaker 1: out with her and I took her to play pinball.
Speaker 1: Last time. I took her to deezer Land, but play
Speaker 1: video games.
Speaker 2: It's actually called that.
Speaker 1: There's a place called deezer Land and it's a car museum,
Speaker 1: over two thousand cars from movies and shit like that
Speaker 1: big like bugs, Bunny Mobile. It's kind of cool.
Speaker 2: That's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: They got a life size, realistic looking mater out front
Speaker 1: from Cars. My mom's like, that car has eyes. I
Speaker 1: was like, Mom, that's like the Pixar Mater. She's like,
Speaker 1: from Cars, I.
Speaker 2: Love, Momblely that car has spies.
Speaker 1: She So we went there and played. They had an
Speaker 1: old pinball room where you pay like fifteen bucks an
Speaker 1: hour and you roll some fucking silver ball and shit.
Speaker 1: But all their machines were kind of older on the
Speaker 1: older side, which was fun to see some cool old machines.
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, I was like tomorrow, Mom, we're gonna go.
Speaker 1: We're gonna find a different place. And I found a
Speaker 1: place called Arcade Monsters on International Drive. You used to
Speaker 1: it looked like it used to be maybe a fucking
Speaker 1: cheeky showgun steakhouse or something shit. But inside now she's
Speaker 1: just fucking gutted and it's nothing but games, games, games,
Speaker 1: and their thing is like not like David Busters, where
Speaker 1: it's like go get a card and fill it up
Speaker 1: and scam you pay one price thirty bucks. You could
Speaker 1: stay all fucking day and do whatever you want. All
Speaker 1: the games. Play any fucking game.
Speaker 2: Is it all pinball?
Speaker 1: It was everything? It was a video games. Momily was
Speaker 1: playing a shooting game like it was a dead eye.
Speaker 1: She was like, let's do it again. She loved because
Speaker 1: the gun had recoil and shit, and you were breaking bottles.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even like animals or something. It was like
Speaker 1: you break bottles and can She would never shoot sucking
Speaker 1: an animal and stuff, but her sister like wielded a gun.
Speaker 1: She was a detective. Yeah, Butily just glad nobody ever
Speaker 1: gave Momaly a gun. She was a dead eye. Thank god.
Speaker 1: Played some of that ship, play some pinball?
Speaker 2: Did they have.
Speaker 1: Old timey fucking what is that game? Which they never?
Speaker 1: Fucking I put money down and I never got that
Speaker 1: fucking game.
Speaker 2: That's so that's crazy.
Speaker 1: I did. I put money down.
Speaker 2: He ordered an entire arcade game and it never for Harley's.
Speaker 1: It was a birthday gift, I believe.
Speaker 2: Wasn't it like Christmas? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And it was a game that we used to play
Speaker 1: at Castle Castle Park and it was like, you know,
Speaker 1: you fucking push aving and it pops a ball. It
Speaker 1: was kind of like ski ball in a cage.
Speaker 2: And it's Jurassic themes, Yeah, Jurassic theme.
Speaker 1: And it had a very simple, constantly playing theme the
Speaker 1: moment you started the game and went do so, I
Speaker 1: put money down that free and I never got that.
Speaker 2: Fucking that's actually pretty concerning.
Speaker 1: The follow up on that.
Speaker 2: It's been three years.
Speaker 1: Times must be financially tight if you're looking for money
Speaker 1: from fucking three years ago. But mamally played some games.
Speaker 1: But the pinball game is good for because she needs
Speaker 1: to like hold onto something. It's almost like fucking wheelchair
Speaker 1: or walker height. So she was like, you know, fucking
Speaker 1: working with this, my here to flippers and shit, And
Speaker 1: you know she was she knew pinball, She knew pinball
Speaker 1: before I fucking knew pimball and shit. But I never
Speaker 1: played pinball with my mom growing up. We didn't play
Speaker 1: video games with her, pinball or anything like that. One time,
Speaker 1: when I was a kid, we had this like arcade
Speaker 1: center three and one game thing where one was a
Speaker 1: side was a driving game, one game was one side
Speaker 1: of it was pong. It's triangular shape, and one was
Speaker 1: a gun. He shot like old Western targets on screen
Speaker 1: really like basic graphics. But you know, and I remember
Speaker 1: her liking the Driving Game, but generally she didn't fuck
Speaker 1: with any of that shit. So I got to see
Speaker 1: her play pinball, and her pinball is hysterical because the
Speaker 1: moment the ball launches, it is a NonStop monologue of
Speaker 1: her going.
Speaker 4: No no no no no no no no no no
Speaker 4: no no no no no no no no no no
Speaker 4: no no no no.
Speaker 1: No no no no no no no no no.
Speaker 4: No no no no no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1: Monkey's uncle.
Speaker 4: And then you ready, mam, Yeah, launched the ball. No
Speaker 4: no no no no no no no no no no
Speaker 4: no no no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1: And then the one flipper on the right side, she
Speaker 1: flips and leaves it up the whole time, and so
Speaker 1: oh man, it was adorable. But she was like way
Speaker 1: into it. And later on she was like, on the
Speaker 1: end of the hand eye coordination, that's that's good for me.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, pinball's good for everybody.
Speaker 2: Was she well, not if she kept one of them
Speaker 2: the whole time, but was she a double flipper?
Speaker 1: She was a double flipper, but he kept it. Yes,
Speaker 1: the second flipper, the right Flipper just stayed up the
Speaker 1: whole time. It was adorable. All right, never mind all that.
Speaker 1: So that's why I was in Florida.
Speaker 2: But last weekend, the shock of a lifetime.
Speaker 1: I was partied to a deception.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yes, I still can't believe it to
Speaker 2: this day now.
Speaker 1: For those who've been following the show and that I'm
Speaker 1: talking to my sister, the you know Harley. Yeah, everyone,
Speaker 1: in a while, Momily Harley got engaged. When was that?
Speaker 1: What month?
Speaker 2: I think it was March? Well also just.
Speaker 1: I guess that people don't remember when they got engaged.
Speaker 1: It's like wedding anniversarys.
Speaker 2: Also, just really quick side note. Remember when we were
Speaker 2: gonna call the show Mamally's Homicide.
Speaker 1: Yeah, excellent name. We'd still have a show. Our heart
Speaker 1: wouldn't have canceled this if we were Momaly's Homicides.
Speaker 2: So true. Anyways, Yes, got engaged in March.
Speaker 1: So Harley got engaged in March, and we told the
Speaker 1: story on the podcast. She did and it was romantic
Speaker 1: and all that shit and lieu of giving her like
Speaker 1: an engagement party. We took her in Austin to France.
Speaker 1: They went to Cana and then we sent him to
Speaker 1: Spain and ship so we were like, you know, trade off.
Speaker 2: It was amazing.
Speaker 1: Then Harley's besties were like, can we have a surprise
Speaker 1: engagement party here? And I was like, they didn't ask
Speaker 1: me to ask jen right, and I was I'm Jennifer
Speaker 1: asked me. They want to They want to have Olivia
Speaker 1: and may I want to have a surprise engagement party
Speaker 1: for And I was like here She's like yeah. I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, are we paying for it? And
Speaker 1: she goes, no, we know not at all. And then
Speaker 1: she got involved.
Speaker 2: It became missus party plan.
Speaker 1: So it became her party. I mean, the girls definitely did, but.
Speaker 2: She was like deeply she loves a party and.
Speaker 1: It was in her house, so of course, and so
Speaker 1: you know, she was And to be fair, She's was
Speaker 1: the one that was like, let's go get Nana and
Speaker 1: shit like that. Like the moment like if they'd ask me,
Speaker 1: I've been like, do I have to do anything? Like no,
Speaker 1: I'd have fun. I'll keep it quiet, I don't say
Speaker 1: anything and shit. But so we got we wound up
Speaker 1: being more involved inasmuch as we were part of the
Speaker 1: surprise and we had to get her here and there
Speaker 1: was a sub defuse to get Harley here.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So the you know, Jennifer was just like what do
Speaker 1: we say? And I was like, just tell her that,
Speaker 1: like I've got a I said, give me your phone.
Speaker 1: I took her phone and then I just shot a
Speaker 1: video where was like, kiddo, you got to come over
Speaker 1: and take a picture with me and the pinball game.
Speaker 1: Because what'd I say?
Speaker 2: Like he said that I got it for a discount
Speaker 2: because I told the guy that I would film a
Speaker 2: video with you because he was our fans. I bought
Speaker 2: it two days ago when I still haven't sent it,
Speaker 2: so you need to come over now. But also days
Speaker 2: before that, there was a plan to go to Crossroads
Speaker 2: for dinner. Yes, and Mom said you have to come
Speaker 2: see dad's new pinball machine.
Speaker 1: That was mom setting the setting the table.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she never really we don't really make plans
Speaker 2: that far in advance.
Speaker 1: I would say, were you suspicious?
Speaker 2: Well, I wasn't suspicious, but I was kind of like, they're.
Speaker 1: Going to sit me down and tell me they're getting divorced.
Speaker 1: Oh god, what were you did you You weren't like
Speaker 1: this must be an engagement party, but you were like,
Speaker 1: why is she planning this while.
Speaker 5: In advance, well, I was just like hmm okay, But
Speaker 5: then I thought like Nan and Pop would maybe be there,
Speaker 5: so maybe it was just like planning it in advance
Speaker 5: for them or something.
Speaker 2: I don't know. But then the day came and Christmas,
Speaker 2: Austin and I were like, can we just see the
Speaker 2: pinball machine after dinner?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I don't text to Jen and maybe me as well
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, like, can we just meet at crossroads?
Speaker 1: Because to be fair, crossroads is closer to them than
Speaker 1: then coming all the way to our house and then driving.
Speaker 2: It made no sense. A person who was always late,
Speaker 2: it made no sense. I was like, if you want
Speaker 2: me to be on time, I should just go to the.
Speaker 1: Restaurant, which sound logic so long as you don't know
Speaker 1: there's a surprise engagement party waiting and that crossroads is
Speaker 1: not the ultimate destination.
Speaker 2: I had absolutely no clue.
Speaker 1: I had no clue. That's when the subterfuge came in,
Speaker 1: because it's like, we gotta get over it. And that's
Speaker 1: when Jim was like, she's not coming. She says you
Speaker 1: can come later, and so then I sent the video
Speaker 1: and I was I was not like, you get your
Speaker 1: bucking ass over it. But I was like, kiddo, I
Speaker 1: gotta send this fucking video man, Like I've got the
Speaker 1: pinball table a couple of days ago, and he's already
Speaker 1: been waiting and Bubba and he's a huge fan of
Speaker 1: Perialistic so we got to do this. And she just
Speaker 1: sent back the very passive aggressive yes, your generation so much, just.
Speaker 2: Like because I was like, why are they being crazy?
Speaker 2: I don't understand why? I just can't do this.
Speaker 1: Still at that point, you're not like, no, I still
Speaker 1: was a party on my behind.
Speaker 2: No why, I no clue whatsoever.
Speaker 1: When you pull up, so you know, the whole house
Speaker 1: fills up upstairs, got how many people twenty thirty people
Speaker 1: up there, thirty thirty people, and you know everyone's fucking
Speaker 1: in a party mood, right, they're already drinking, fucking getting
Speaker 1: shit going, food's already out and whatnot. So there's a
Speaker 1: lot of chatter. So I'm on the deck looking down
Speaker 1: the street, up and down the street in case she
Speaker 1: comes from the different direction and ship, keeping an eye
Speaker 1: on for when you know, I'm playing chicky, I'm looking
Speaker 1: at as soon as I see that car come up,
Speaker 1: I'm like, everybody shit, forgot and everybody went quiet. Shit.
Speaker 2: We saw you on the deck and which were like
Speaker 2: it and you and Mom were on the deck in
Speaker 2: Austin and I were like, what the.
Speaker 1: Fuck is going see she shouldn't.
Speaker 4: Have been on well.
Speaker 2: We were just like, why are they being so anal
Speaker 2: today about.
Speaker 1: The time and still you're not like no.
Speaker 2: I even saw Olivia's car parked in front and it
Speaker 2: didn't even occur.
Speaker 1: I was, I was going to be my next question,
Speaker 1: did you not notice not never mind Olivia's car.
Speaker 2: All the cars I did, I literally did.
Speaker 1: It was one spot open for you, I know, and
Speaker 1: everything was jammed.
Speaker 2: I just I saw Olivia's car, but I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: someone else has Olivia's car. And then I saw we
Speaker 2: saw you on the deck and before we got out
Speaker 2: of the car Austin, I looked at each other and
Speaker 2: we're like.
Speaker 1: What I stayed on right now? Hell?
Speaker 2: It was so strange.
Speaker 1: Mom like quick Brandonside'd be like, get I knew she
Speaker 1: was going to give it up.
Speaker 2: It wasn't given up.
Speaker 1: You seeing her up there made it even more like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck's going on?
Speaker 2: I just saw you guys were being crazy about the time.
Speaker 1: So we got the dogs wearing these fucking collars made
Speaker 1: of flowers. So cute, very cute, and so we had
Speaker 1: them upstairs with us. So the kids come in downstairs,
Speaker 1: and you know, it takes a red hot minute to
Speaker 1: get up to the top floor, and then we're all
Speaker 1: I set up a camera on the table. I put
Speaker 1: up the video online and you could see them like
Speaker 1: come up, and pretty early on you see the table
Speaker 1: and you're like, what's going on.
Speaker 2: I saw the table and I was like, whose birthday?
Speaker 2: And then I saw the phone and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: what's going on here?
Speaker 1: I must have felt very like like a jigsaw.
Speaker 2: It was pretty crazy, like there's just a.
Speaker 1: Phone recording it on a table that's laid out perfectly,
Speaker 1: and not a soul in sight. It's like, hello, welcome, stranger.
Speaker 1: Sit at the table and followed the instruction, and then.
Speaker 2: Bird just passes by in a flower crown, and.
Speaker 1: Bird crept out from behind the wall like wear and
Speaker 1: it looks like something out of a ring video or
Speaker 1: something like that. Not a ring video, the ring, that
Speaker 1: movie of Old and Ship where she just steps out
Speaker 1: creepily in the hallway. It looks like a found footage,
Speaker 1: like Haunted House video.
Speaker 2: It was. It did remind me though, of like when
Speaker 2: we got engaged and Austin was like, oh, your family
Speaker 2: doesn't know, and I was like, what my mom doesn't know?
Speaker 1: And this is the worst name. I face got face
Speaker 1: this and the record. I would not have been like mad.
Speaker 2: You weren't who I was concerned about. It was the landlord.
Speaker 2: But then but then we got here and we got
Speaker 2: upstairs and you guys were all waiting and there was cake,
Speaker 2: and that was.
Speaker 1: For your engagement.
Speaker 2: Yes, so it was actual engaged. It was reminding me
Speaker 2: of that.
Speaker 1: And also you probably weren't thinking engagement party. Kids, it's
Speaker 1: been since you've gotten engaged.
Speaker 2: My engagement party was freaking going to France.
Speaker 1: I didn't count on your bodies.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was so beautiful.
Speaker 1: You seemed genuinely shocked and touched.
Speaker 2: I was so touched. I was so shocked. I the
Speaker 2: biggest shock of my life thus far. I would have
Speaker 2: to say, I.
Speaker 1: Not the engagement party, honestly, I think this far. You're
Speaker 1: like I was expecting that sooner or later, but no,
Speaker 1: but this.
Speaker 2: Party was actually the shock of a lifetime and turning
Speaker 2: the corner. At first I saw you a mom and
Speaker 2: I was like huh, and then Olivia and Maya stepped
Speaker 2: out and I was like ah. And then I turned
Speaker 2: the corner and like fucking Jesner Milton's there, and I'm
Speaker 2: like what.
Speaker 1: And then you turn the other corner and there's like
Speaker 1: a fucking bed with an upside down cross hanging over
Speaker 1: a candles all around it, and we're all like, fucking
Speaker 1: It's like Rosemary's Baby.
Speaker 2: That's it, and that's what happened Wet the Devil, and
Speaker 2: that was how the night went.
Speaker 1: Harley meet PL's above and Austin's like, what about me? Bro?
Speaker 1: What am I doing here to the Devil? My daughter?
Speaker 1: Austin's like, we so, I'm off the hook here?
Speaker 2: What does that mean?
Speaker 1: Run By Tonight? She lose very seventies movie.
Speaker 2: I have seen it.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean, are.
Speaker 2: You saying Rosemary's Baby?
Speaker 1: I referenced Rosemary's Baby, and absolutely, I'm definitely liberally taking
Speaker 1: from it. But the whole scenario, I was saying, it's
Speaker 1: a very seventies Nobody would make that movie today. There's
Speaker 1: a time in the seventies when they were like the
Speaker 1: fucking Devil. Everyone's like nowadays.
Speaker 2: Nowadays, like the Devil walks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, devil's like the Double. Fucking Someone told me to
Speaker 1: hold his beer and then showed me what true evil was.
Speaker 1: I feel kind of silly. I thought I was the
Speaker 1: literal prinds of darkness.
Speaker 2: But good God, worse than the Double.
Speaker 1: Anyways, So your party lasted till like one in the morning.
Speaker 1: We were there for the surprise, and then we fucked off.
Speaker 1: Downstairs they had the whole I saw a lot of
Speaker 1: toilet paper.
Speaker 2: Because there was a a wedding trailet paper bride where
Speaker 2: they call it toilet paper bride or.
Speaker 1: Tissue paper wedding dress. Is the toilet paper bride was
Speaker 1: the name of that story that came.
Speaker 2: I can't say.
Speaker 1: Who got dressed up.
Speaker 2: They rapped was in partners of two, So who you
Speaker 2: partnered up with? Austin and I were the judges.
Speaker 1: So you didn't have to mummy up. No observed who
Speaker 1: won the cut and little cocks? Just that? What? Who
Speaker 1: who won?
Speaker 2: I believe our friends Ben and Taylor one and then.
Speaker 1: Taylor as in fucking.
Speaker 2: From the the tenth wy farted.
Speaker 1: It'll happen and smells you love walky. You gotta take
Speaker 1: all of her? Oh oh, oh god, I hope it
Speaker 1: stays over there because I don't want to think about
Speaker 1: walking in that way.
Speaker 2: That was it's not like trash.
Speaker 1: Well, she had a pupcake like rotten back to uh.
Speaker 1: I mean, she don't eat what's on the ground. We
Speaker 1: went back to the farmer's market and we went back
Speaker 1: to the dog bakery. Al'tost taste it right, So she
Speaker 1: had three three pupcakes. Two of them are brownie style.
Speaker 1: Can She's like, he's smelling my Barnes. Don't embarrass her.
Speaker 1: She's such a she's older, she's like the dogs at
Speaker 1: this point.
Speaker 2: It's true. The bird look a bird.
Speaker 1: Somebody asked me. They were like, oh, they were like, oh,
Speaker 1: they're you know, whenever they see him together, like a's adorable.
Speaker 1: And I always explain that it's mother and daughter.
Speaker 2: You're very proud when you when you get to lay
Speaker 2: that out because they're like, what's going on here?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: One so small.
Speaker 1: They never asked that, They asked mom and daughter. They
Speaker 1: just assumed that, oh, well, daughter means puppy. So she's
Speaker 1: still a puppy. No, no puppy. She's just really small,
Speaker 1: which I'm like totally cool with.
Speaker 2: She's a miniature German shepherd was.
Speaker 1: A miniature doction. We got ourselves a miniature German shepherd
Speaker 1: because let me tell you something, the little farther behind you,
Speaker 1: she's a maximum German shepherd. There, fucking she is just like.
Speaker 2: Could not could not be more.
Speaker 1: She's like gooden dog.
Speaker 2: Wucky wucky walky. So anyways, a party was gorgeously decorated.
Speaker 1: It was the theme was wuck be a waited to die.
Speaker 3: Waited ton.
Speaker 1: Wk if you ever were a birdie to begin with waited?
Speaker 1: Why was it card or Vegas themed? What what was
Speaker 1: that all about? I was puzzling me and your mother.
Speaker 2: I had I think it's just a cute theme. But
Speaker 2: I did, like a week before be like we should
Speaker 2: go to Vegas, and so it could have been it
Speaker 2: could have been that interesting.
Speaker 1: I would have been like, just make a bunny themed.
Speaker 1: She likes bunny, she likes fucking cat. Just bunny and
Speaker 1: cat theme.
Speaker 2: Honestly, it occurred to me that.
Speaker 1: Make sure you got vodka yellow shots, because she likes
Speaker 1: to get fucked up.
Speaker 2: I can't even have jello.
Speaker 1: Well, no gelatin could be made.
Speaker 2: Without jelis hoof, there's no.
Speaker 1: There's no vegan gelatin yet.
Speaker 2: There is I believe there is how we get rich.
Speaker 1: If you see a whole fill it. Because let me
Speaker 1: tell you something about jello. Fifty sixty, maybe one hundred
Speaker 1: years they've been selling this shit. People still buy it.
Speaker 2: People have no idea what it is.
Speaker 1: They eat ll oh, it comes from pigs.
Speaker 2: Hooves, right, it comes from so many different horble horrible thing.
Speaker 1: But they can't replicate this in the being vegan style yet,
Speaker 1: Like what what I mean?
Speaker 2: It's like, I mean, there are vegan gummy candies, so
Speaker 2: and those gummy candies usually contain gelatin, so there has
Speaker 2: to be some sort of I don't think I've ever
Speaker 2: seen a vegan.
Speaker 1: Jello though, watch Wiggle see it jiggle cool and fruity jello,
Speaker 1: brant gelatin.
Speaker 2: We can't promote that on our show.
Speaker 1: Do whatever we want. Now we're at the end of
Speaker 1: this fucking rope. Oh yeah, well, I'm not saying go
Speaker 1: buy it. But although that song will make a lot
Speaker 1: of people my age go like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: want some Jello, I feel like I'm no, fucking jello
Speaker 1: is for losers. There I said it, and that's what
Speaker 1: got has thrown off. I heeart. Shit. Jello is when
Speaker 1: you can't commit to a real dessert, you might as
Speaker 1: well just ee whipped cream straight out the can, huff
Speaker 1: it while you're out.
Speaker 2: Seen you do that many times.
Speaker 1: Of course it's tasty. You're talking to the son of
Speaker 1: a man who drank a peanut butter straight out the jar.
Speaker 1: You do that also because he did it. Here's my
Speaker 1: male role model. I said, if dad, If dad could
Speaker 1: do it, it couldn't have for me.
Speaker 2: Milk out of the carton, juice out of the carton,
Speaker 2: peanut butter out of the Do you not drink.
Speaker 1: Your juice out of your carton when you're in your fridge?
Speaker 1: Me poured into a glass? Yeah, this man, isn't that's
Speaker 1: your kicking in here? Like fuck fancy? What was it
Speaker 1: like getting on one of the first lifeboats off the Titanic?
Speaker 1: Richie rich Wow?
Speaker 2: Wow, wee wow?
Speaker 1: Did juice out of a glass like you're at Denny's
Speaker 1: or some said, ship, I just can't uncork that put
Speaker 1: it back in.
Speaker 2: I couldn't. I I'm not problem with protect them. Maybe
Speaker 2: Austin guys, have you ever kissed? No?
Speaker 1: My god, this marriage is doomed, doomed.
Speaker 2: It's been almost six years. I'm just waiting.
Speaker 1: There are fuckers that get to the altar without having kissed,
Speaker 1: never been kissed.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine what if it was a horrible kiss,
Speaker 2: which like that would suck.
Speaker 1: Most first ones aren't like fucking you know, nailed to
Speaker 1: learn the other person ship? What happened at the party?
Speaker 4: That?
Speaker 1: Did you guys play Spin the bottle side of thing?
Speaker 2: Still, we actually did not play Spin the Bottle.
Speaker 1: You look at me like, I'm like, come on, dad,
Speaker 1: But meanwhile you said your generation fucks with Rocky Heart
Speaker 1: Picture Show. Spin the Bottle predates Rocky Heart Picture Show,
Speaker 1: just like.
Speaker 2: The engagement party. I don't know if we're like playing
Speaker 2: a game that centers around kissing other people. You know,
Speaker 2: I just told you I haven't even kissed Austin before.
Speaker 1: I mean, is it because it takes the attention away
Speaker 1: from the No, because you were dressing up motherfuckers for
Speaker 1: in wedding gowns and you weren't the center of attention,
Speaker 1: You were just a judge. I could see a fucking
Speaker 1: game Spin the bottle being at home in an engagement party.
Speaker 2: I don't even know.
Speaker 1: If I somebody could find their next the next engagement
Speaker 1: could have happen and I would support it, Olivia and
Speaker 1: Maya had asked me, I would have been like, spin
Speaker 1: the bottle, mandatory, mandatory, bigired kissing game, Oh my huge.
Speaker 1: At parties you get arrested.
Speaker 2: Mayan Olivia are like, I don't know why, but your
Speaker 2: dad really suggested that you that we all play spend
Speaker 2: the ball.
Speaker 1: He told us a twenty minute story about how he
Speaker 1: never got to play Spin the Bottle at a party,
Speaker 1: so played it. It would be in some way him
Speaker 1: completing a circle of life even though he wasn't playing
Speaker 1: and stuff. He also suggested dental damns and said we
Speaker 1: should do Reynolds wrap when we kissed strangers. He had
Speaker 1: a lot of rules really played out in his heads.
Speaker 2: Started to weep and then he walk away.
Speaker 1: It would be crap. It'd be really creepy if he
Speaker 1: didn't crab walk away. I think he was working a bit,
Speaker 1: but it was a little too honest to just be
Speaker 1: a bit. He's working out a bit, yes, but he's
Speaker 1: also working out his life also.
Speaker 2: I think he just dumped some trauma on us.
Speaker 1: I don't I feel pretty dramatized.
Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 1: What is I guess that when do is that high
Speaker 1: school parties they play spin the bottle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, it's not like an adult thing.
Speaker 1: I would say, no in the fucking like, are you
Speaker 1: guys all like liberal and bed hoppy and shit like that?
Speaker 2: All right, we're not you guys.
Speaker 1: You're in a relationship, but like, aren't most kids your
Speaker 1: age like not committing to engaged partners and whatnot? Yes,
Speaker 1: what do they call that when you're not in a
Speaker 1: non committed relationship? Is that what it's called or is
Speaker 1: there a better term of art for it?
Speaker 2: Someone who's in a relationship with multiple people.
Speaker 1: Open relationship so you can well open relationship, not meaning
Speaker 1: like you're married and you can fuck other people? What
Speaker 1: is it called when you're dating more than one person?
Speaker 1: Polyamorous but not like I'm fucking all of them? Like, oh,
Speaker 1: and they're not like this one's boy, this.
Speaker 2: One's girl seeing multiple people at once.
Speaker 1: Yeah? Is there a name for it? Dad, take it
Speaker 1: back now, absolute dad. It was a term of art
Speaker 1: from our childhood.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: What is the name of somebody that like, just I'm
Speaker 1: not again.
Speaker 2: Not exclusively dating seeing other people?
Speaker 1: Just I saw it on Instagram. They called it a
Speaker 1: thing where it's number of people. I mean hooking up
Speaker 1: as an old term, but like there was a term
Speaker 1: that was like this is what it's called now when
Speaker 1: you're like I guess maybe it was like you were
Speaker 1: in or No. It wasn't a deceptive thing. It was
Speaker 1: just like I'm.
Speaker 2: Not closed off.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I forget what it is, but it
Speaker 1: shows you exclusive. Well, I mean I know that term,
Speaker 1: but that's not it. It was something else. It was
Speaker 1: like a new name for those that won't commit to
Speaker 1: a single partner, but not like.
Speaker 2: On committal commitment issue.
Speaker 1: It was I've never seen it before and it didn't
Speaker 1: immediately make sense where I was like, oh, of course
Speaker 1: that's what that would be. It was something that had
Speaker 1: to be explained in the article and I.
Speaker 2: Was like, uh, I don't know. So anyways, we did
Speaker 2: not place in the bottle?
Speaker 1: Then what did you do?
Speaker 2: They created a Bingo card based on the guests at
Speaker 2: the party. Okay, so each little thing was like, who
Speaker 2: is did I have a space? You did? Actually you did?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you should get texted me about to
Speaker 1: run upstairs and play Hi everybody.
Speaker 2: Clarks Yours was Harley's co podcast.
Speaker 1: Host I Got a.
Speaker 2: Man, Got a Maine Jane.
Speaker 1: Got a man.
Speaker 2: And Pa and mom.
Speaker 1: Fuck so everybody got a shout out. M hmm, what
Speaker 1: were their shout outs? I get podcast partner, not my child,
Speaker 1: my childhood and adulthood hero.
Speaker 2: An, icon iconic father, iconic director appeals to the people
Speaker 2: of the nineties.
Speaker 1: One might say h iconic anyway.
Speaker 2: Pop Paus was ex ex police officer X cop.
Speaker 1: He's like, thanks for reducing me down to my.
Speaker 2: Job and also appreciate who the hell was this popfriend?
Speaker 1: Like, no, Pop's her fucking grandfather? Like whoa Byron?
Speaker 2: Nana's was used to live in Hawaiian I have moved
Speaker 2: to Hawaii? About Nana, Well, she moved there when she
Speaker 2: was a teenage.
Speaker 1: She did totally. But it is something she did, like
Speaker 1: literally fifty something years ago and stuff.
Speaker 2: I can't remember what I could have went with.
Speaker 1: Let's see what would have gone with for a clue,
Speaker 1: For Nana made Thanksgiving dinner four times a week for
Speaker 1: twenty years. Damn it wasn't quite twenty There was There
Speaker 1: were so many what's for dinner Turkey and mashed potatoes.
Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, she really she did it
Speaker 2: up for you.
Speaker 1: She did. And when we all ate meat like it
Speaker 1: was like big bird and stuff. But then she started
Speaker 1: getting smaller, like like a just a turkey breast because
Speaker 1: I was the only one, like a.
Speaker 2: Thanksgiving and then you turned to the vegan side.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the one Thanksgiving when I had the
Speaker 1: turkey press and you were like, oh.
Speaker 2: Do I remember? Do I remember me?
Speaker 1: My name? Father?
Speaker 2: I was so mad and disappointed. I was like, you
Speaker 2: can't give it up for one day while I'm here.
Speaker 1: The Lord punished me. I had a massive heart attack.
Speaker 2: So you know what, I'm not gonna say you deserved it,
Speaker 2: but you.
Speaker 1: Can see that the Lord works in mysterious ways. And
Speaker 1: the Lord too is just like, You're right, Harley, watch
Speaker 1: this flicking. I'm sorry, that's so sad. Of all the
Speaker 1: things that probably gave me that heart attack, turkey not
Speaker 1: even on the list, I would imagine.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's on the list, for sure, but.
Speaker 1: You sure it's not an artery cleaner.
Speaker 2: Beef is above it. All meat contributes to artery blockage.
Speaker 1: Even foul chicken, your turkey, your squab. You know what
Speaker 1: squap is? Squab? Do you do? You know what squab is? Technically?
Speaker 2: Not technically, but I mean it's a.
Speaker 1: It's a poultry dish of so it's a bird. But
Speaker 1: do you know what bird it is? Because squab is
Speaker 1: a fancy name for a very common pigeon. Yes, squab
Speaker 1: is literally fucking pigeon. Could you imagine.
Speaker 2: What's the difference between a pigeon and a turkey?
Speaker 1: Not a lot to some connoisseur, is absolutely fucking nothing.
Speaker 1: To me, though, a pigeon sacred.
Speaker 2: Skyrats I don't think of them.
Speaker 1: Is that. I think of them as the heroes of
Speaker 1: World War One. Pigeons carrier pigeons. That's how we got
Speaker 1: messages back and forth, and she liked that they were
Speaker 1: a big part of the war effort.
Speaker 2: I love a pigeon. A skyrot is not a diss.
Speaker 1: Love a pigeon if you want to. But you damn
Speaker 1: skippy better salute a fucking pigeon.
Speaker 2: You damn skippy better show your respect.
Speaker 1: No fucking daughter of mine is not going to salute
Speaker 1: a pigeon. Can you imagine you on your Bengo card.
Speaker 1: It's like constantly salutes pigeons due to childhood trauma. I
Speaker 1: was like, I got another mention.
Speaker 2: I go to New York with some friends and I
Speaker 2: can't saluting the pigeons. My friends are like, why are
Speaker 2: you doing this?
Speaker 1: They're like, we were going to go to the met gala,
Speaker 1: but she just would not leave Central.
Speaker 2: Park until she saluted every pigeon.
Speaker 1: In the library steps and wherever we went. You have
Speaker 1: no idea how many pigeons are in New York until
Speaker 1: you go there with someone who insists on saluting each one.
Speaker 1: Why was she saluting them because of World War whatever?
Speaker 1: Her fucking silly bill, dad whatever, Fox said something to her,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what more can you say about the party?
Speaker 1: Who hooked up? Any hookups? Would anybody be like, did
Speaker 1: anybody hook up who hadn't hooked up at the before?
Speaker 1: They all they were all there as couples.
Speaker 2: Not no one actually hooked up at the party. There
Speaker 2: could have been romance in the air.
Speaker 1: Here. I'll tell you a story about I know another
Speaker 1: listener to the show because he was very fucking unhappy
Speaker 1: when he heard that the show was coming to an end,
Speaker 1: and then I told him to plan afterwards. He was like,
Speaker 1: that's fine. Brian Lynch, Brian Lynch first kissed his wife,
Speaker 1: who like runs fucking lucasfilm. Now she's the one who
Speaker 1: makes like the Mandalorian, Ahsoka and stuff. Carrie carryback. He
Speaker 1: for their first date was here at the house and
Speaker 1: their first kiss was like on the on the by
Speaker 1: the outdoor fireplace. Really yeah, and they got some there's
Speaker 1: a fucking human being because of that ship.
Speaker 2: Because of your fireplace.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take all the credit.
Speaker 2: For your chim and I.
Speaker 1: I didn't put him together, but I like made the
Speaker 1: bed that they felt comfortable enough to be like, that's true.
Speaker 1: And so she works for Lucasfilm. He works for fucking
Speaker 1: Illumination that the the Minions people. I think, I think
Speaker 1: I'm out a taste of each of their.
Speaker 2: And may I please have a film financial Empires?
Speaker 1: Yes, no, I keep the film just I think? Is
Speaker 1: that too much to ask?
Speaker 2: Illuminations?
Speaker 1: So much?
Speaker 2: Joy Minion franchise?
Speaker 1: If the parents don't see, I'm going right to Henry,
Speaker 1: like listen, kid, parents kiss who is my house?
Speaker 2: He saw me to salute a pigeon and give him
Speaker 2: ten percent of your company?
Speaker 1: Who is this? And your better salute pigeon. He's over
Speaker 1: in England, Brian and Carrie, I guess she's over there
Speaker 1: working on Ahsoka whatever. So he went over with Henry.
Speaker 1: He's like fucking super dead. Like if you ever look
Speaker 1: at his instagram, he is constantly just like like it. Honestly,
Speaker 1: looking at his Instagram makes me go like, I really
Speaker 1: shut shifted my own child.
Speaker 2: You did a great job, thank you.
Speaker 1: But he's such a good debt and he took the kid.
Speaker 1: He's over in England for a few months. And ship,
Speaker 1: could you imagine, Like, I know we took you places
Speaker 1: like you went to Philadelphia or Cilhiladelphia as you called it,
Speaker 1: or Vancouver, but to go to fucking London. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know we took it to London too, but for
Speaker 1: like to be Henry's age, I'm going to London.
Speaker 2: That's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: We're cognizant and ship not just like walking around quacking
Speaker 1: that she went to France. Crack quack quack.
Speaker 2: That was something I did.
Speaker 1: My video of it. Quacks around. That was the frightening thing.
Speaker 1: It was terrifying, Harley, Why are you flacking quack? Why
Speaker 1: are you fucking quack?
Speaker 2: Your face when I asked you, no, no cool keys.
Speaker 1: You can see that face. If you're watching this podcast,
Speaker 1: the second to last home show on that Kevinsmith club
Speaker 1: dot com. If you're watching it on iHeart. You can't
Speaker 1: watch it listening to an iHeart. You probably tuned out
Speaker 1: after the second fucking batch of commercials.
Speaker 2: I wonder why they fired us.
Speaker 1: I don't know there were enough commercials in the show.
Speaker 1: I've listened to it once and I was like, holy shit,
Speaker 1: you can always see it at that Kevinsmith club dot com.
Speaker 1: Where are we doing after show? So the after show
Speaker 1: is also coming to an a beardless stickless.
Speaker 2: Plus, it's all coming to an end.
Speaker 1: Let's say you're a beardless Stickless Me listener and you're like, what,
Speaker 1: there's an after show. Yeah, that's where all the cool
Speaker 1: shit happened.
Speaker 2: That's where the tea is.
Speaker 1: That is spin the bottle of this show. That's the
Speaker 1: real party is happening. What are you gonna do in
Speaker 1: this all goes away? When you never have to come
Speaker 1: to this fucking room anymore, I.
Speaker 2: Think I'll just go upstairs for where we do the
Speaker 2: next thing?
Speaker 1: Probably sorry, giving shit away? Sorry? Yeah, man, fucking it's
Speaker 1: coming to an end. Kid's Beardless stickless Me. You want
Speaker 1: to come see it end live in person?
Speaker 2: Well it's gonna be an epic farewell.
Speaker 1: Come see Beardless Dickless live at Smockcastle Cinemas on August third,
Speaker 1: of the day after my birthday, Me and the kid
Speaker 1: doing the show live for the first and last time ever.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to get oh sorry, that's.
Speaker 1: Modcastle Cinemas dot com or see smat dot com. You're
Speaker 1: trying to get.
Speaker 2: Well, please buy tickets. I'm trying to get Austin's mom
Speaker 2: to come because she has the most contagious laugh of
Speaker 2: all time.
Speaker 1: Must so you'll hear her about everybody else. Could you come.
Speaker 2: And us pretty left round?
Speaker 1: Please? What are you preparing things to talk about? You
Speaker 1: gotta be writing ship down. Oh yeah, it'd better have
Speaker 1: a binder full of material.
Speaker 2: Man, Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Otherwise fucking we're up there fucking and you start tanking
Speaker 1: the show, They're gonna be like, no, we know why.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna crab walk away and then walk back out
Speaker 2: here I heartlet and then walk back in clock cock
Speaker 2: quack and.
Speaker 1: There's crack back. I'm like, why, why's it happening again?
Speaker 1: There is no way to crab walk off because there's nobody.
Speaker 1: So you crab walk to the end of the room
Speaker 1: and people are still like we see you.
Speaker 2: To crawd walk down the aisle down, yes.
Speaker 1: All the way past them. And when you do that,
Speaker 1: people like Harley, can you sign this? And you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm crab walking? Please come on man?
Speaker 2: Can we exit the show that way though?
Speaker 1: Crab walk?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, some things you can do it fast, yeah, Otherwise
Speaker 1: you're fucking stuck.
Speaker 2: What do we race?
Speaker 1: You know what you should be offering to like after
Speaker 1: the show, I'll sign people ship so key, come peace.
Speaker 1: Say we got a heady number, I'd say over one hundred,
Speaker 1: and I'll get more on day up. I'll tell you
Speaker 1: that much or a day before, because in my live show,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like, come on, come on, please give
Speaker 1: me a file? All right? Where can I Where can
Speaker 1: I advertise that I haven't advertised yet. I'll put it
Speaker 1: up on The Atlantic on its Facebook page.
Speaker 2: Put a sign on Birdie and walk around.
Speaker 1: Like Birdie wears this little vest now backpack so it's
Speaker 1: got harnesses on each side like saddle bags. So she
Speaker 1: could totally wear a sandwich board a girl and her
Speaker 1: dad on one side with an exclamation board and then
Speaker 1: on the other side beardless, dickless me August third Pdcastle.
Speaker 2: Cinemas, We're like, who is this dog that says beardless, and.
Speaker 1: Anybody, anybody is this anybody's dog? She's walking up and
Speaker 1: down first aven Holmest gut by car.
Speaker 2: You're crap walking away.
Speaker 1: I don't know who's like.
Speaker 2: She seems to really think you should come to this show, though.
Speaker 1: You crab walk instid of a bitch. Come get your dog? Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: come see us live. Those listening at home are like,
Speaker 1: why I'm listening to the show right now, And they're like,
Speaker 1: why would I want to see this live? Because sometimes
Speaker 1: a train wreck is a good fucking time.
Speaker 2: So true.
Speaker 1: Steven is endeavoring Steven as Forecastle, our vegan brother is
Speaker 1: desperate to get your cinnamon videos. He wants to play
Speaker 1: them before the show, and he also needs the get
Speaker 1: me back my nerve Oh of course, which I think
Speaker 1: your mom has on disc. I have it, you have it?
Speaker 2: I have it?
Speaker 1: Have you uploaded it? Why don't you have your boyfriend
Speaker 1: slash finance. He's good with shit like that. Haven't put
Speaker 1: up online? So Steven will grab it, okay, because otherwise
Speaker 1: I won't be getting there until like August. First, dog
Speaker 1: is second. Then he has to fucking process. Hey, Steam's
Speaker 1: got life too, and I know don't.
Speaker 2: Want to dispect.
Speaker 1: I mentioned this, but he's also vegan. I mean, don't
Speaker 1: disrespect the time of a fellow vegan. Do I have
Speaker 1: any sound coming? Hello? All right, well let me see
Speaker 1: God damn it? Have you?
Speaker 2: Has it not been recording sounds?
Speaker 1: It has, but I can't like it's not fine? Man?
Speaker 1: Whoa that? Just hey man? It's me? Well you know what.
Speaker 1: That's not Will because he's always like turned down stuff.
Speaker 1: Bill's like, why am I getting blamed? Yeah? For real,
Speaker 1: I didn't see any bar. Now I'm seeing full bar
Speaker 1: and he's probably like, you talk let me see your bars?
Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, yeah, I imagine you now I was low?
Speaker 2: Do you know that? I don't think anyone knows what
Speaker 2: Bill looks like. I've never I've never showing a picture
Speaker 2: of Bill.
Speaker 1: I'd say it get asses and sees it? This my
Speaker 1: castle show?
Speaker 2: You want to see be?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Would you like to see how handsome Be.
Speaker 1: Would bring video video of Bill? Don't shoot it the
Speaker 1: way you kids shoot it vertically, horizontally be on the
Speaker 1: big screen.
Speaker 2: You know what. Also in the after show, I might
Speaker 2: just show show the people what they want and show
Speaker 2: a picture of Bell.
Speaker 1: Get out of here, some show nipple My daughter shows
Speaker 1: Bill see it on the after show. Beardless dickless pluse,
Speaker 1: do you have a good time, kids? Because this ship,
Speaker 1: this train's coming into the station. Flight's coming in for
Speaker 1: a landing.
Speaker 2: But the train is coming just into a wall and crushing.
Speaker 1: One. Two beardless stickless mees left ever one home show
Speaker 1: and then after that lie that's Marcastle Cinemas August third, and.
Speaker 2: Let us tell you it is never coming back.
Speaker 1: We won't.
Speaker 2: We won't never, no way, we will never be bringing
Speaker 2: it back.
Speaker 1: We're gonna viking funeral this ship. Man.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we're gonna burn it to the.
Speaker 1: Ground, burn burn bird from the ashes will rise.
Speaker 6: Something beautiful, something new will arise, something better will arise.
Speaker 6: I was brought two messences. What's the other song?
Speaker 1: There's a lie over at the freaking start. Please, there's
Speaker 1: a lie burning in the fire. Please. Yeah, there it is.
Speaker 1: There's your beardless stickless me for this week.
Speaker 2: You can hear WUCKI rolling around on the floor press.
Speaker 1: When they start saying it's time to go, time.
Speaker 2: To get out of here.
Speaker 1: Uh there it is, kids for beardless dicklass, ma'am Kevin Smith,
Speaker 1: go have a beardless dick lass day. See the after
Speaker 1: show Beard listen was pleasant.
Speaker 7: Thanksmith club dot com.
Speaker 3: This has been a podcast production, some podcast podcast using
Speaker 3: our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids,
Speaker 3: did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what.
Speaker 3: We've got tons more man thousands of hours of podcasts
Speaker 3: waiting for you at that kevinsmith club dot com. Go
Speaker 3: sign up now,