I just had a frustrated commenter (Carol) on my facebook page.
She said “I could care less about having a relationshit”.
It’s not worth the BS and the hoop jumping,
and the fact that no one cares about boundaries.
Single is peace.”
I just wanted to jump through the inter webs and give her a hug.
Too many people these days can relate to this.
Relationships are crumbling.
Dating these days is scary AF.
She’s voicing the frustration of many folks
who deep down clearly want to have safe and secure connections in love,
but have been so disillusioned with their past experiences,
that they just feel like throwing in the towel.
Still wounded and shell shocked from their previous attempts.
You might be single or even in a partnership
but if you’re reading this piece of content,
it means there’s a chance that you’re wanting to master
the complex art of becoming better at love.
Even Carol— as disheartened and demoralized as she is,
you can tell she really wishes things were different.
She wouldn’t be seeing my content if she REALLY had given up.
Same with you.
I can relate— because I felt the exact same way.
I went on a search to find out the root cause
of what the hell makes relationships so complicated.
I was shocked and relieved to find out.
It was a “eureka” moment when I discovered it:
ENMESHMENT TRAUMA.
Enmeshment is a developmental form of trauma
where you’re raised in environments
where there is blurred,
unclear or a complete a lack of boundaries between family members.
Think of your family of origin.
In cases where enmeshment is present,
members often have a difficult time differentiating their own emotions,
needs, desires, and issues from others in the dynamic.
If dad is upset, then you are too.
“I can’t be ok, if you’re not ok. So I need to fix others to feel safe."
There’s excessive over-involvement and over-reliance on others
to make decisions for you,
with an over-expectation of receiving emotional support from you.
Or vice versa.
This pattern gets hard-wired into your nervous system.
If left unchecked, it gets passed down to your children.
And then they eventually feel they are responsible for your emotions.
Your intimate partnerships start to become chaotic:
- Lack of identity and sense of self, inability to think for oneself
- fawning (fixing identity)
- people-pleasing
- excessive fear of conflict
- trouble forming and maintaining healthy relationships
- reliance on external validation
- over-run by feelings of guilt, shame, and resentment
- Chronic health issues
All happens when a relationship gets s£xual, but even before.
Pretty soon you feel like you have lost yourself.
“I can’t have me and have you at the same time.”
This creates a massive push/pull dynamic
that’s characteristic of a Trauma Bond.
No wonder Carol would rather avoid relationships.
Anyone who says “I’m done with relationships” is likely Enmeshed,
and doesn’t even know what that is.
If you can relate to this list, this isn’t your fault.
You simply haven’t yet learned how to Become Trigger-Proof,
and heal from Enmeshment Trauma.
It’s a process.
It’s a skill you can learn,
and it involves going much deeper than talk therapy
where you’re just telling your story and getting advice every week.
Why?
Because since it’s a DEVELOPMENTAL Trauma,
much of the issue has begun before having language,
and it’s so insidious you didn’t even likely know this was the root of the issue.
So that’s why going to a Therapist is helpful to have an assessment
and validated in your story,
but leaves you frustrated without any tools.
That’s where Debra was.
Debra was on her 2nd marriage and stuck,
her relationship was frozen,
feeling like her life force energy was off,
and her daughter who had been a part of our community for a year,
finally talked her into attending the Overview Experience.
In that event, she had an epiphany about Enmeshment,
and began applying the tools to rewire it from her biology,
and experienced such a profound shift,
she wanted to share exactly how she did it and the impact it made
in this 8 minute video.
HERE’S WHAT TO DO:
If you’re stuck in a “should I stay or go” situation,
or you KNOW you deserve better than what you’ve been experiencing,
and you’ve tried all the things,
and you’re tired of just having your story validated,
and are wanting skills to heal from Enmeshment,
master the art of taking your triggers and moving them through your body,
so they don’t consume you anymore,
I’m demonstrating EXACTLY the process I had to create
to go from Toxic Trauma Bond to secure love in 6 months
at the next Overview Experience.
I’ll be training my community (plus 10 spots I open for those committed to learn)
how to shift your system into safety,
dissolve the judgement, shame and guilt
you may have been carrying for decades,
so that you can find your self worth,
and trust yourself in relationships,
and find your boundaries,
break free from codependency
and become magnetic to a secure partner if you’re single,
or upgrade the intimacy in your relationship.
Yup, the process is laid out for you,
all in a matter of 6 hours that flies by.
It didn’t start with you,
It’s not your fault.
but it can end with you.
Chances are, you might be enmeshed
and it’s killing your vibe.
But the good news is,
you no longer have to be.
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
P.S. February 24th from 12noon- 6pm PST (3-9pm EST)
I’ll be doing a deep dive into the nuances of Enmeshment,
resentment, and how to break free from Trauma Bonds
and the Anxious/Avoidant cycle.
10 spots for guests— 8 spots remaining.
Upon registering, share your specific situation,
giving me a background and I’ll be sure to weave it into
the conversation.
This zoom event is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced,
where your participation is a part of the process itself.
What is Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)?
Welcome to the TriggerProof podcast.
This is the first season of the Podcast which are audio renditions of
Facebook Live Video Transmissions done for the “TriggerProof” Facebook Community.
These were set up by request of our community members who wanted an opportunity to listen
to insights, tools, and strategies to help heal relationship dynamics, deepen intimacy,
and master the fine art of Autonomic Nervous System Regulation so that we can build resilience,
heal from the past, and become active operators of our mind, body, and life.
This first season wasn’t designed to be a podcast, so you’ll notice the audio isn’t
Professional Studio Quality (like it is on season 2 as we’ve upgraded incrementally).
These trainings are designed to introduce and deepen you to the most critical 2 skills we’ve never been taught:
1) The skill and practice of taking our triggers (Nervous System Activations) and turning them into deeper safety and self-love,
2) The skill and practice of taking conflict (that happens in any relationship) and turning them into deeper intimacy between the parties involved.
Not learning these two critical skills at this time in history costs us dearly: Physical and Mental health is on the DECLINE.
Doing this deep level of healing work can break the cycle of Intergenerational Trauma that didn’t start with you.
It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you,
#Cyclebreaker.
______________________________________________________________________
When you're ready, here's what we got:
Upcoming Masterclass "SHOULD I STAY OR GO?" Live Event (Every month)
If you’re stuck in limbo, in repetitive relationship patterns, same arguments, attracting the same patterns, and you want to gain the clarity, confidence, and Courage to create secure relationships
https://drnima.com/lp/should-i-stay-or-go/?sl=transistor-podcast
Upcoming "Breathwork and Badassery" Live Event (Every month)
Regulate Your stress, deepen your connection to your inner child, process your stuck emotions and improve your capacity
https://go.drnima.com/bbvw?sl=transistor-podcast
Upcoming Overview Experience Virtual Event (Every month)
Dissolve your current relationship resentment, heal your attachment wounds, resolve your past and bring clarity to your next step.
https://go.drnima.com/oevw?sl=transistor-podcast
Or if you are wanting to hop on a call and discuss how we can support you through your transition and you're wanting deeper guidance on your healing journey and you're ready to break the cycle of inter-generational trauma (divorce, separation, relationship limbo, past trauma spilling into present)
https://drnima.com/discovery/application/?sl=transistor-podcast
Join my Facebook Group to help you understand yourself, control your triggers, regulate your nervous system and know what's keeping you stuck in these times of crisis:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/triggerproof