For an anxious guy, nothing is more confusing than discovering that your avoidant, seemingly asexual wife was having an affair.
No touching.
No sex.
Years of rejection.
And yet… she was sleeping with someone else.
I break down a real message from a man in a long-term dead bedroom who discovered his dismissive-avoidant wife had been cheating for years. We dig into anxious vs. avoidant attachment, why this dynamic is so common, and why the affair usually has nothing to do with you lacking masculinity, confidence, or sexual value.
If you’ve ever wondered:
- “How could she want sex with him but not me?”
- “What does an avoidant partner actually want?”
- “Why counseling never seems to work with avoidant spouses?”
- “Was I just too needy or anxious?”
…this video will make things click.
We’ll also talk about:
- Why “new” always beats “safe”
- Why anxious partners are usually the only ones willing to do the work
- Why avoidant people struggle in long-term monogamy
- And why this pattern tends to repeat itself again and again
If you’re dealing with a dead bedroom, infidelity, or the anxious–avoidant trap, you’re not alone.
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What is Dad Starting Over?
Welcome to the Dad Starting Over podcast! "Starting Over" means different things to different people. It could be that you're newly divorced and starting over fresh with a new life. It could be that you're still married and wanting to hit the reset button and finally do things right within your marriage. Whatever your story may be, you're in the right place.
I'm Ralph, a.k.a DSO, the author of books including "The Dead Bedroom Fix", "Divorce Panic", "Real Talk" "Red Flags" and "REBUILD: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man". You can learn more about me, my books, one-on-one coaching, and the member-only part of my site called the Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com