Rem: Unhealed... whatever that is... trauma.
Alvia: We're having a serious topic here.
Alvia: You called it "whatever that is."
Rem: Could be eczema, right?
Alvia: I don't know, cough?
Alvia: It's not a good enough reason to bring a
Alvia: new life into the world.
Alvia: The child had no choice.
Alvia: Parents are the biggest effect on what
Alvia: happens to the child.
Alvia: What's the meme?
Alvia: Instead of generational wealth, you receive
Alvia: generational trauma.
Rem: Hi, I'm your host, Rem.
Alvia: And Alvia.
Rem: And welcome to our second episode.
Rem: So, we had to stop abruptly last episode.
Rem: Where were we? I don't remember.
Rem: That was just a while ago.
Alvia: We just watched it.
Rem: We just watched it.
Alvia: So, what we were talking about was,
Alvia: we're still in our grind years.
Alvia: And of course,
Alvia: you think about it, if you have a child,
Alvia: what's your runway?
Alvia: What's an acceptable age to have a child?
Alvia: Because people are,
Alvia: not most, but there are people who have
Alvia: children later than now.
Alvia: Because of whatever reason.
Rem: Like my brother, how old are they?
Alvia: Whatever.
Rem: They're older than me.
Alvia: Wow.
Rem: They'll get mad at me.
Rem: They're not watching this anyway.
Rem: It's okay.
Alvia: They might be watching us and supporting
Alvia: us.
Rem: One day.
Alvia: I got lost.
Alvia: What's the topic?
Alvia: What if you're 40,
Alvia: and you're still going to send your
Alvia: child to school until 60,
Alvia: and you're still going to support him
Alvia: even after.
Alvia: I mean,
Alvia: except if your child is already self-sustainable,
Alvia: which is probably not the case.
Alvia: So, that's it.
Alvia: That's the ending.
Rem: It's already over.
Alvia: Told you it was already over.
Rem: For me, I have something to add.
Rem: I'm also thinking,
Rem: can I really build,
Rem: because this is also a bit of a Woke-ism.
Alvia: There are so many -isms.
Rem: It's also like,
Rem: they call it woke, right?
Rem: But more of how society is now putting
Rem: emphasis on trauma,
Rem: on mental health.
Rem: It's really a must.
Rem: They're just gaslighting.
Rem: by calling it woke.
Rem: But it's necessary, guys.
Rem: But,
Rem: I'm scared that if I ever have a child,
Rem: I'll damage another human being.
Rem: Because,
Rem: I have a lot of baggage.
Alvia: I'm sure. Everyone has.
Rem: Everyone has.
Rem: Admit it or not,
Rem: there are.
Rem: And it manifests in many ways.
Rem: But, I'm aware that there are
Rem: unhealed--whatever that is--trauma.
Alvia: Our topic is serious!
Alvia: and you just called it whatever.
Rem: Could be eczema, right?
Alvia: I don't know. Cough?
Alvia: You're so annoying.
Alvia: But seriously,
Alvia: it's only now,
Alvia: with our generation,
Alvia: that we recognize these types of things.
Alvia: Actually, one of the good things with
Alvia: this generation of parents,
Alvia: they're the most involved dads.
Rem: Oh, like my brother.
Alvia: Yes.
Alvia: And we also see my brother-in-law,
Alvia: and friends.
Alvia: The involvement is different.
Alvia: Because, in our parents' time,
Alvia: dads were more focused on providing.
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: It's like that.
Alvia: It's rare to see,
Alvia: soft,
Alvia: not soft,
Alvia: but,
Alvia: very hands-on to their children.
Rem: Nurturing.
Rem: Being an emotional,
Rem: what do you call it?
Rem: Emotional support dog.
Rem: Support dog?
Alvia: Wrong.
Rem: Wrong again.
Alvia: You're just out of it.
Rem: I don't know what happened to me these
Rem: past few days.
Rem: But, I'm running out of vocabulary.
Alvia: You just stopped for a while on the podcast.
Rem: Yes.
Rem: I feel like because I don't have other
Rem: people to talk to,
Rem: besides you,
Rem: I'm running out of--
Alvia: And we're just sending memes.
Alvia: Maybe the memes degrade the mind.
Rem: Yes.
Rem: We are getting less articulate.
Alvia: That's why we need to have a podcast.
Alvia: And I think,
Alvia: the emotional maturity,
Alvia: it's not being talked about.
Alvia: Even the moms.
Alvia: Right?
Alvia: They're there physically,
Alvia: but,
Alvia: they're not aware
Alvia: of the effect on the children.
Alvia: On so many things.
Alvia: But again,
Alvia: at least the awareness is growing now.
Alvia: And it's talked about more, I guess.
Rem: And also,
Rem: once we're aware of those things,
Rem: it's not a default that people should
Rem: have children.
Rem: Just because.
Rem: Because,
Rem: for me,
Rem: you really need to think about
Rem: why you want to have children.
Rem: Because there's a lot of valid reasons
Rem: to have children.
Rem: But,
Rem: if you're going to have children,
Rem: but you don't know why.
Rem: Just because it's dictated by society.
Rem: That's a bit dangerous.
Rem: Right?
Rem: And,
Rem: if that's the reason why we're going to
Rem: have children,
Rem: just think of the effect on the child.
Rem: The foundation of how he was brought
Rem: into this earth.
Alvia: Into the unknown.
Rem: Into the unknown.
Rem: Are you going to sing?
Alvia: This episode has no value at all.
Alvia: Random things pop into our minds.
Rem: It's not solid.
Rem: It's not...
Rem: Just ticking a checkbox.
Alvia: Yeah.
Alvia: It's not,
Alvia: for us,
Alvia: it's not a good enough reason
Alvia: to bring a new life into the world.
Alvia: The child had no choice.
Alvia: And,
Alvia: of course,
Alvia: parents are the biggest effect
Alvia: on what happens to the child.
Alvia: There's a meme that,
Alvia: instead of generational wealth,
Alvia: you're going to have generational trauma.
Rem: Yeah, that's just handed down.
Alvia: And even if it's just unconsciously
Alvia: manifesting,
Alvia: you don't know how it's going to be
Alvia: unlocked.
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: It's like that.
Alvia: But yeah,
Alvia: what else?
Rem: I lost my train of thought.
Alvia: Intrusive thoughts.
Rem: Yeah.
Rem: Please forgive us.
Rem: I don't know,
Rem: maybe we have adult ADHD.
Rem: We're too...
Alvia: It's because of TikTok.
Rem: I feel like social media has a huge
Rem: effect on me.
Rem: But still,
Rem: I'm still addicted to it.
Alvia: When I wake up after sleeping before him,
Alvia: I have a huge backlog.
Rem: Backlog meaning?
Alvia: The memes.
Rem: I have a lot of...
Alvia: A lot of them are sent.
Rem: We get mad at each other
Rem: when...
Rem: You send a meme and the other doesn't react.
Alvia: Yes.
Rem: That's our...
Rem: That's how we...
Rem: That's our love language.
Alvia: You just don't know how it hurts.
Alvia: It's true.
Rem: But yeah.
Rem: People need to really assess.
Rem: Why?
Rem: Why do you want to have a child?
Alvia: And again,
Alvia: if you really want to have a child,
Alvia: it's okay.
Rem: It's okay.
Rem: But yeah.
Rem: Think about the child.
Rem: Think of what happens to the child.
Rem: How will you raise him?
Rem: If...
Rem: If the parents are half-hearted.
Alvia: But there are a lot of countries now
Alvia: where birth rates are going down.
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: There are...
Alvia: What is it?
Alvia: In Japan,
Alvia: there are provinces that...
Rem: What?
Alvia: For years,
Alvia: there are no children.
Alvia: So the first child is very treasured.
Alvia: And then they're giving incentives
Alvia: for areas like that.
Alvia: The local government is giving
Alvia: incentives
Alvia: for families to settle.
Alvia: And then there's an extra incentive
Alvia: if they have children.
Alvia: That's how bad it is.
Rem: That's true because...
Rem: We mentioned it in the last episode.
Rem: The economy is bad.
Rem: You don't have any incentive to have
Rem: children.
Rem: That's the thing, right?
Rem: Society is forcing you to have children
Rem: or advising you to have children.
Rem: But the state doesn't support that.
Rem: Especially in Japan.
Rem: Their culture is really workaholic.
Rem: Grind.
Alvia: And they don't have much support for
Alvia: child care.
Rem: That's right.
Rem: There's no child care.
Alvia: So how...
Rem: At least here in the Philippines,
Rem: what's good here.
Rem: They say it takes a village to raise a
Rem: child.
Rem: Literally, here.
Alvia: Extended families.
Rem: Literally, your mother is there
Rem: to help you raise your child.
Alvia: Like your brother.
Rem: Yes, my brother.
Alvia: Grandparents from both sides.
Rem: That's great.
Alvia: Strategic.
Rem: Strategic.
Rem: Which is okay, right?
Rem: So they got a place near their parents.
Rem: My brother is really wise.
Rem: Sorry, I'm sharing your story.
Alvia: Turns out this podcast is not about DINKs.
Alvia: It's about your brother.
Rem: But it's amazing.
Rem: Their love story is interesting.
Rem: They're neighbors.
Rem: My brother's ex-girlfriends live far away.
Rem: Traffic was already bad then.
Rem: It's even worse now, right?
Rem: But he learned his lesson.
Rem: He gave up on them.
Rem: So by design or by chance,
Rem: he already knew our neighbor.
Rem: We moved to their village.
Rem: And they became a couple.
Rem: Then eventually, they got married.
Rem: Then they got a place near that village.
Rem: And when they're there,
Rem: their grandparents are there to help.
Alvia: Even if you have a helper,
Alvia: it's still hard.
Alvia: I saw my sister.
Alvia: She has a helper, a driver, and
Alvia: everything.
Alvia: But she still needs support.
Alvia: Maybe, on one, it's her baby.
Alvia: And then sometimes, it's for her.
Alvia: It's like for her emotional support.
Alvia: Although even your husband is there.
Alvia: Fortunately, us siblings.
Alvia: We're close.
Alvia: So it's like that.
Alvia: Especially, we have a sibling who's
Alvia: always present.
Alvia: The whole time she's pregnant,
Alvia: when she's just giving birth and
Alvia: everything.
Rem: You're lucky with that sibling.
Alvia: She's really on-call.
Alvia: She's very flexible.
Rem: She loves that.
Alvia: She loves that.
Alvia: So good for her.
Alvia: She's also the one we're with most of
Alvia: the time.
Rem: Yes.
Alvia: Because she's always around.
Rem: Always ready to be there.
Alvia: Yes, her life is a bit flexible.
Alvia: But yeah.
Alvia: It really takes a village.
Alvia: Not necessarily your parents if they're
Alvia: not available.
Alvia: Sometimes, siblings.
Alvia: Sometimes, we have cousins who are
Alvia: always there.
Rem: Yes, even cousins.
Alvia: And then friends.
Alvia: So it's hard.
Alvia: Not just on the cost,
Alvia: but the emotional capacity needed.
Alvia: I don't know.
Alvia: What am I even saying here.
Alvia: I don't have a child.
Rem: That's another thing.
Rem: I also know that I'm not fit to have a
Rem: child.
Rem: For example, if Nicco asks me for help,
Rem: I mean, if it's really an emergency,
Rem: I'll be there.
Rem: But I'm not the one who will offer first.
Rem: I mean, that's not my child.
Alvia: And not just that.
Alvia: Because our life really can't handle it.
Alvia: My sister also asks me if I can help her.
Alvia: Then I'll just work at their place.
Alvia: And I tell her that if I start working, I won't
Alvia: be able to help.
Alvia: So you literally just put me in your
Alvia: house
Alvia: and I won't notice you.
Rem: I know that.
Alvia: But again, if it's an emergency, of
Alvia: course.
Rem: Of course.
Rem: You'll go on leave from work.
Rem: If it's really necessary.
Rem: But I mean, day to day,
Rem: we need to take care of the baby?
Rem: I can't.
Alvia: Just leave our nephews in the lobby with
Alvia: their nannies.
Rem: I really can't.
Rem: Like we said, I don't carry babies.
Alvia: He really can't.
Rem: I really can't.
Alvia: He'll pay attention to a child when he's two-years-old already.
Alvia: When the child is not fragile anymore.
Rem: Despite that.
Rem: I'll just play with a child if he comes
Rem: to me.
Rem: I won't initiate.
Rem: I'll just wave or smile at him.
Rem: I'll just be like that.
Rem: And a lot of people get offended.
Rem: If you do that, you're not providing their
Rem: child with attention.
Alvia: You're not competing to hold the child.
Rem: You're not competing.
Rem: Why?
Rem: I mean, it's cute.
Rem: Especially our nieces.
Rem: I love our niece and nephew.
Alvia: I thought you weren't going to include
Alvia: our nephew.
Rem: I was a bit confused.
Rem: What's the male version of niece?
Alvia: Because in Tagalog, it's just "pamangkin."
Rem: I don't know why spoke in English.
Alvia: I also don't seek to hold the child.
Alvia: Especially when it's a nephew.
Alvia: I know I see him every now and then.
Alvia: So I won't compete to hold the child.
Alvia: But they hand them to me.
Alvia: Because when they see that you don't mind
Alvia: not holding the baby
Alvia: they hand it to me.
Rem: I really don't understand that.
Rem: Because I'm okay with it.
Alvia: We're that weird couple.
Rem: I'm okay with it.
Rem: I don't get it.
Rem: Why do other people get offended
Rem: when you don't want to be a part of that?
Rem: I mean...
Alvia: Because it's weird.
Alvia: Usually, it's...
Alvia: It's like they're really competing.
Rem: I find babies cute.
Rem: But not enough to...
Rem: pinch their skin.
Rem: Especially if it's a newborn.
Alvia: That's scary.
Rem: And the vaccine isn't complete yet.
Rem: I won't really hold it.
Rem: I might drop it and break it.
Alvia: Break it?
Alvia: You're really hopeless.
Rem: No, really.
Rem: That's how I am.
Rem: And I won't...
Alvia: Baby hater.
Rem: We have a friend who's our only child.
Rem: Our only child?
Alvia: Our only child.
Rem: Our only friend.
Alvia: She makes babies cry.
Rem: She makes babies cry.
Rem: She's a bully.
Rem: Let's call her out when she's here.
Alvia: You always see her here.
Alvia: She's our only friend.
Alvia: Sorry to our other friends.
Rem: She's our only friend because we're like
Rem: this.
Alvia: We're more damaged.
Rem: Guys, I admit I'm a mean person.
Rem: I don't hide it.
Rem: I'm telling you, I don't hold a child.
Rem: Why are you forcing me?
Alvia: But other people...
Alvia: There's a reverse psychology.
Rem: Oh, yeah.
Alvia: That's why people think...
Alvia: You know, you're just trying to be
Alvia: cute.
Alvia: Because it's not usual.
Alvia: That's what happened to me when my nephew
Alvia: was just a baby.
Alvia: I was like, "Why should I get into that?
Alvia: I'll see her next month."
Alvia: Something like that.
Alvia: So I was just chilling.
Alvia: Then they were like, "Oh, give it your
Alvia: Ate."
Alvia: See, my family name is Ate.
Alvia: "Have Ate carry her."
Alvia: I was like, "Guys, you know I know how to hold a
Alvia: baby, right?"
Alvia: Why is there a test?
Rem: It's like they're the ones deciding for
Rem: you.
Rem: "Hold this." I don't want to.
Alvia: What if it's a puppy?
Alvia: You'll grab it!
Rem: It still depends on me.
Alvia: If the dog is cute, you grab it from everyone else.
Rem: Yeah, but I won't carry it.
Alvia: What about the small one?
Rem: Who's that?
Alvia: The terrier.
Rem: Tina?
Alvia: Yeah.
Rem: I still am unsure of it
Rem: I don't want to.
Rem: break anything.
Rem: But...
Alvia: Clumsy AF
Rem: One question.
Rem: Because we don't want to have biological
Rem: children.
Rem: Biological.
Rem: That's the keyword.
Rem: But are we open to adopting babies?
Rem: But before you answer that,
Rem: let's leave our audience on a cliffhanger again.
Rem: And we will discuss that next episode.
Rem: Thank you for watching and tuning in to
Rem: another episode of the DINKWAP Show.
Rem: And yeah, see you next episode.
Alvia: Bye!
You were listening to the DINKWAP Show.
[outro music]