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 [Music]

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 And welcome to the Pick Six Movies Podcast where each season we select a topic and then we find six

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 movies that are all related to that topic and then on each episode we pick one of those six movies

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 and we give you all kinds of history and information on how and why this movie got made

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 followed by a full review from start to finish to see if the movie is any good.

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 [Sigh] You know, Pick Six Movies Podcast. I'm Chad Cooper, one of your two charming

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 hosts and along with my lifelong and dearest friend Mr. Bo Rand's do we find ourselves smack

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 dab in the middle of season 24's theme pop culture club featuring six movies that were all

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 based on wildly popular pop culture phenomena. This is episode four and we are featuring the movie

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 Super Mario Brothers based on the old school Nintendo video game. Now I know what you're thinking,

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 isn't that movie notoriously terrible? Yes, yes it is. Oh and I forgot to mention that we mostly

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 watch and discuss terrible movies on this podcast. Super Mario Brothers has Bob Hoskins from Who

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 Frame Roger Rabbit and John Leguizamo from The Past or Spawn or Chef. Chef's a good movie. He was

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 in Chef, that's worth watching. We got Dennis Hopper from Easy Rider and Blue Velvet. Oh,

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 Mojo Nixon shows up to really make you scratch your head. There are dinosaurs and incoherent

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 narratives, extraneous characters that should have been left on the editing room floor. This

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 movie's got everything. It's a real mess. But there is a reason that this movie is a real mess.

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 And to explain how bad things happen to good actors, let's get Bo in here to explain how

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 one of the most popular video games of all time went down the tubes in this terrible big screen

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 adaptation. Bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, get in here and tell these people how this stinkeroo got made.

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 You may not know the name Shiguru Miyamoto, but you live in a world he helped to create.

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 He was born in a little town north of Kyoto to a father who worked as an English teacher to

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 Japanese students. Before he found his true calling, Miyamoto wanted to be a manga artist.

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 He got a degree in industrial engineering and something about this blend of the creative and

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 the practical would make him a video game legend. He loved creating and even modeled toys of his own

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 design. And he was a dreamer given to flights of fancy and imagination. To make him an honest man,

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 his father introduced him to Hiroshi Yamauchi, the president of Nintendo. This was way back in 1977

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 when Nintendo's video game profile was slight, mostly they made card games and novelties.

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 Miyamoto showed off some of his toy designs to Yamauchi who hired him because of his creativity

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 and probably mostly because of a mutual friendship between Yamauchi and Miyamoto's father.

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 Stupid Nepo Babies.

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 A year after beginning work at Nintendo, Miyamoto encountered an arcade machine called Space Invaders.

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 While working as an apprentice in the planning department, Miyamoto worked on the art for Nintendo's

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 very first original arcade game called Sheriff. His first job in helping develop a game was an

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 ill-fated arcade game called Radar Scope. When Western buyers got a look at the game,

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 they passed. And not just passed, they left Nintendo with a bunch of arcade cabinets

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 and nowhere to put them. Yamauchi, the president of Nintendo, saw financial ruin for Nintendo on

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 the horizon but came up with a pretty good idea. Why not use these cabinets, which they had a

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 bunch of, but put a different game in them. As Miyamoto put it later, there was no one else to do that

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 job so he was drafted to make a game to fit the Radar Scope cabinets. Miyamoto drew on the

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 influences of literature and film. He wanted to create a love triangle in the vein of King Kong

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 or Beauty and the Beast or even Popeye, a property Nintendo tried and failed to license.

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 So, Miyamoto changed Popeye's villain, Bluto, into an ape, but nothing too scary or disgusting.

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 To quote Miyamoto, "A hang loose kind of guy." He would be the pet of the player's character

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 and in love with the character's girl. It was the first time in recorded history,

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 an actual story preceded the programming of a game. Speaking of, Miyamoto was many things,

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 but a programmer he was not. Gunpei Yokoi was tapped to lead the team and he worked with Miyamoto

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 to make his new game, called Donkey Kong, a reality. Miyamoto had grand visions, including

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 different levels and ladders and different ways for the characters to move. The programming team

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 complained Miyamoto was making the program the same game multiple times, but eventually they

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 were lent to create a rotating set of stages for the main character to climb and jump through.

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 There were barrels and flaming balls to avoid and when the game was done,

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 it was sent to Nintendo of America for testing. They were skeptical. Most games were single

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 screen shooters like Asteroids or maze games. This was something entirely different, but it's

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 what they had to sell. Nintendo of America came up with a few names, like Pauline for the female

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 character, named after the wife of Nintendo of America's warehouse manager, a woman named Pauline,

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 and the character rescuing Pauline from the villainous Donkey Kong was called Jumpman.

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 Donkey Kong was a hit in a sequel Donkey Kong Jr. followed in 1982. Donkey Kong 3 arrived in

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 1983, and Miyamoto's legend began. His next game would change the entertainment world forever.

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 Miyamoto wanted to use Jumpman from the Donkey Kong series in his next game. He changed the

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 outfit from that of a carpenter as was intended in the Donkey Kong representations and worked with

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 Nintendo of America to give Jumpman an actual name. They chose to name the character after the

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 Nintendo of America warehouse landlord, a guy named Mario Sigali. And so Mario was born.

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 Not only did his name and appearance change, he was given a brother, Luigi, and superpowers,

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 at least according to Miyamoto. He and Luigi would be able to fall from any height, and their

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 adventure would take place under New York City. There was a maze of sewage pipes for the brothers

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 to explore, and it would have a two-player mode reminiscent of the popular arcade game Joust.

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 But in 1985, Nintendo released the Famicom or Family Computer in Japan, a home video game system.

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 Along with the release of this console, which would be called the Nintendo Entertainment System

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 in the United States, came two games developed by Miyamoto. The first was a sequel to the arcade

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 game Mario Bros. This one called Super Mario Bros. In a bold move, the game would be included

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 with the console, making it both a sales incentive, and a landmark in-home video gaming.

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 Along with Super Mario Bros., Miyamoto shepherded the release of The Legend of Zelda.

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 A big departure for Miyamoto and games as a whole. Most games, including Super Mario Bros.,

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 were linear. Mario moved from left to right, jumping his way through the level. In Zelda,

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 the game would be non-linear. Players could guide their character in any direction,

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 and the puzzles they encountered might have more than one solution. It was the kind of innovation

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 in gaming that would pave the way for the multi-billion dollar industry it is today.

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 Miyamoto expressed an ability to create worlds for gamers that could immerse them completely

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 in his vision. For Zelda, Miyamoto drew on the fields around his childhood home near Kyoto,

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 his adventures jumping creeks and discovering caves. Miyamoto recalled the joys of rounding

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 a bend to discover a lake, and wanted the player to feel that same sense of wonder and exploration.

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 Even the mazes were reminiscent of his childhood home with its sliding doors,

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 making a maze just like the player would encounter in the game.

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 During the life of the Famicom, or NES, depending on where you bought it, Miyamoto also developed

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 Kid Icarus, Ice Climber, Excite Bike, and sequels to Super Mario Bros and the Legend of Zelda,

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 making each new incarnation bigger, bolder, and more complicated.

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 When Nintendo upped their console game with the Super Nintendo Entertainment System,

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 or Super Famicom, Miyamoto was tasked with developing another launch title,

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 a sci-fi racer called F-Zero. He also worked on Star Fox and two more Mario games, Super Mario World,

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 which would introduce the dinosaur Yoshi and Super Mario RPG, a role-playing game developed in

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 concert with Square Enix, who made the Final Fantasy series of games among others.

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 That game takes place in the Mushroom Kingdom, which appeared in later Mario games, and kind of in the

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 movie. As if that weren't enough, Miyamoto also assisted Satoshi Tajiri in the development of

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 Pocket Monsters, Red and Gold, which marked the introduction of the Pokémon franchise. Miyamoto

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 even helped guide the social trading aspect, which launched the Pokémon franchise into the stratosphere.

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 The introduction of the Nintendo 64 brought Super Mario 64 and two more Zelda games,

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 the Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, often hailed as one of the best in the franchise,

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 and Majora's Mask, often confusing. This brought the games into the 3D era, while new spin-offs like

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 Mario Kart and Mario Party also developed alongside with Miyamoto supervising.

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 Nintendo's next console was the GameCube, which brought a new spin-off Luigi's Mansion,

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 a haunted house game featuring everyone's favorite plumber brother. When Yokoi, his mentor and friend

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 who helped develop Donkey Kong, died, Miyamoto picked up development of Metroid Prime, and then

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 went off to create Pikmin and Pikmin 2, which were inspired by Miyamoto's love of gardening,

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 and of course there were sequels to Mario, Zelda, Donkey Kong and have zero.

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 Nintendo dipped into handhelds during this era too, with the DS. Old games found their way to

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 the portable platform, while the invention of the Wii and its motion controllers gave Miyamoto

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 a new set of tools to play with. Miyamoto's influence continues as he holds a creative

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 director position within Nintendo, acting as a sort of consul yeria fund for a series of new

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 presidents of Nintendo. He famously does not focus test his games, only gauging whether a game is

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 fun or not by his own personal scale. He said, quote, "that's the point, not to make something

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 sell, something very popular, but to love something and make something Wii creators can love,

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 it's the most important feeling we should have when we make games."

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 Miyamoto has been hailed as the Spielberg of video games, arguably the most important

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 video game designer of all time, and still, he's a humble guy. He prefers not to appear on television,

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 only showing up on stage for Nintendo's shows to introduce new games or new consoles.

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 He plays the guitar and the mandolin and the banjo, he loves bluegrass music,

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 he's a quiet perhaps even a shy man who quietly and profoundly change the world.

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 It was no surprise then, given the massive popularity of the Mario games,

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 that someone sometime would make a movie adaptation. In Nintendo, way back in the early 1990s,

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 believed that the Mario brand was so strong that offering a license up to a filmmaker with a vision

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 someone who might experiment with a concept was not such a bad idea. Enter Roland Joffee,

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 an American producer behind such diverse films as The Killing Fields, Fat Man and Little Boy,

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 and that horny Gary Oldman adaptation of the Scarlet Letter,

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 he met with then-president of Nintendo, Hiroshi Yamauji, and pitched them on a story idea,

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 something akin to the tone of Ghostbusters, using the Mario character. He left there about

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 $2 million lighter, but with a license to use Mario in film. One of the factors in the licensing

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 was Joffee's assurance Nintendo could have complete creative control, which Nintendo declined.

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 They felt they had no idea how to make a movie, and besides, Joffee was a professional,

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 he'd made The Killing Fields for God's sakes. That was a mistake Nintendo would never make again.

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 The first script was sort of a road trip movie written by Barry Moro, who had made waves with

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 his script Rain Man. His version was often referred to as "Drain Man" because it was criticized as

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 being too dramatic and frankly not much fun, and also kind of like Rain Man.

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 Next came Jim Genewine and Thomas Parker, who were known for their live-action adaptation of

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 The Flintstones. Their take was inspired by The Wizard of Oz, a movie where our plumbers find

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 themselves in a magical world. They wanted it to be a buddy movie that sort of skewered fairy

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 tales in the process. Genewine later acknowledged their draft was not unlike the Shrek films in tone.

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 Greg Beeman, the guy who directed that license to drive movie, was selected to direct and the

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 movie moved into pre-production. Unfortunately, Beeman also directed a movie called "Mom and Dad

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 Save the World," a movie that bombed hard enough that Beeman was shitcanned from the Mario movie.

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 So Joffee, the producer, went to Harold Ramis, who wisely declined, and after a few more misfires,

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 Joffee landed on the creative minds behind Max Hed room. Rocky Morton and Annabelle Jankle,

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 a husband and wife team with a very distinct sensibility.

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 Drawing on their love of Tim Burton's 1989 Batman, the directors and producer Joffee,

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 agreed that the movie should have a darker tone than the whimsical Wizard of Oz draft of the script.

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 A new screenwriter, Parker Bennett, was brought in to add these darker elements,

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 drawing on things like Mad Max, Blade Runner, and Die Hard, you know, kids movies.

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 They envisioned the story as a prequel to the games, an origin story of the plumbers,

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 and their adventures in these crazy pipes. Bennett said quote, "We were aiming towards funny,

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 but kind of weird and dark." Super Mario World had already come out and served as a

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 video game inspiration for the dinosaur land of the movie, a location that existed in the game,

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 along with the new character Yoshi. During this stage of development, Joffee determined that the

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 movie was too funny and dismissed Bennett and his writing partner Terry Runte,

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 and two writers named Dick Clement and Ian Lefranay,

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 writers of the likely lads in Uffweida's Ain Pet, whatever the hell those are,

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 they were brought in to restore the dark tone and add a dash of feminism to the script.

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 It was on the basis of this script that Bob Hoskins agreed to take the role of Mario,

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 unaware of the fact that there was a video game at all.

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 When his kids showed him the video game and the character that he would be playing,

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 the story goes that he said, "You know, I was kinglier once."

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 So the rest of the cast filled in, including John Leguizamo as Luigi and Samantha Mathis as

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 Princess Daisy, and of course the often insane Dennis Hopper as the villain. There were other

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 possibilities for Mario, Dustin Hoffman originally was signed on, and then Danny DeVito, who also

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 would have directed. This was a version I would absolutely love to see of this movie.

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 Tom Hanks was up for Luigi, but he was passed over after he had gone through a string of box office

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 flops, and at that point in his career was kind of box office poison. This was also the same year

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 that he would shoot Philadelphia and come on to win an Oscar, so things worked out for him I guess.

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 Arnold Schwarzenegger and Michael Keaton were offered the role of Cuba

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 before production landed on Hopper, and then the role of Toad was offered to

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 Kruner Tom Waits, but he declined. However, Rockefeller punker Mojo Nixon's manager said

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 they could have a two-bit Tom Waits for a third of the cost, and Joffy signed Mojo Nixon up.

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 So with the cast in place, Joffy now believed the film was too dark and skewed away from the

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 intended family audience. Also, the effects that were called for by the script were a little

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 beyond their budget, so without telling the directors or the cast or the crew,

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 Joffy hired new writers to change the script one more time.

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 When the cast and crew arrived in Wilmington, North Carolina to shoot the movie, they received

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 the new script. Morton and Jingle, the directors, who you may remember, had originally done the TV

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 series Max Headroom, contemplated walking out, but they decided that they owed it to their cast

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 and crew to stick it out with them. Meanwhile, Bennett and Runtay came back to add some more

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 to the script while Ed Solomon, one of these new writers, also worked through production.

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 It was truly building the plane in mid-air. The production design was inspired by Tim Burton,

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 and his surreal, beetle-juiced-like visions of alternate dimensions, and while they are primitive,

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 a lot of the visual effects work was pioneering at the time. Even the practical puppeting effects

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 of the dinosaurs are kind of impressive. Producers of Jurassic Park visited the set to get some tips

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 on making their own puppets for that movie, which I probably don't have to tell you, was way more

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 successful. Still, there was a sense that things were going wrong. The directors were managing a

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 production nightmare, and in response, Hoskins said he and Leguizamo would drink every day

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 before shooting began. Hopper, who had signed on for five weeks, ended up spending 17 on the

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 North Carolina set, and he was one of those who would later say in interviews that the whole thing

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 was a nightmare. With directors arguing with each other, Hoskins kind of checked out, even though

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 I think he gives a pretty good performance. And Leguizamo and Samantha Mathis just trying to get

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 through this film that was supposed to be kind of a break for both of them.

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 A few weeks before filming, Disney purchased the distribution rights for the movie,

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 and Joffy was straining to force the movie into more of that family-friendly mold,

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 where the directors and crew were trying to make the bleak, offbeat comedy they signed on for in

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 the first place. According to Leguizamo, the directors were shooting scenes of strippers and

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00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:46,240
 sexual-hy explicit material that would wind up on the cutting room floor in favor of dancing goombas

198
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:51,760
 or whatever the hell they are. After production wrapped, Morton and Jingle were locked out of the

199
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:57,120
 editing room, while second unit reshot some of the movie. Finally, unappealed to the director's

200
00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:03,040
 Guild of America, got the filmmakers back into the editing booth, but the insistence of the producers

201
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:08,880
 to cut the movie using analog techniques meant the process was slower and disallowed some of the

202
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:14,640
 effects to be completed, whereas the original directors wanted to use digital editing. Sounds

203
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:19,440
 like a minor thing, but kind of a big deal. And when the movie was finally released,

204
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:26,000
 it was the disaster everyone feared it might be. Worldwide, the movie brought in about $40 million,

205
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:32,000
 which was not nearly the success everyone had hoped for, and the critical response was even worse.

206
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:38,000
 The LA Times said, quote, "It's a movie split in two, wildly accomplished on one level,

207
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:42,800
 wildly deficient on another." Siskel and Ebert, those old stalwarts,

208
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:49,360
 put it on their list of the worst movies of the year in 1993. And supposedly,

209
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:56,640
 there is something called the Morton Jankle Cut, an extended version of Super Mario Bros.

210
00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:02,720
 that exists as a sort of work print, sort of like the David Lynch Dune, in which there's a rap,

211
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,880
 which you can hear a little of here.

212
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,160
 "Yeah, if you get the feeling you're on automatic pilot, you're going through it

213
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:12,080
 emotions like waves in the ocean, that life is a series of brainless notions and you want to

214
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,840
 feel something more than empty emotions." "When we met Tupac Lumber, who had an idea,

215
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:21,040
 they showed us a light and a new frontier, and Luigi, no one's rain, we got to take a stand

216
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:26,240
 and put up a fight." "Well, stop and think this through, it's time to get rid of you know who,

217
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:33,200
 a radical development is taking place, and Spike will set the pace. Koopa, the party Boopa,

218
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:40,800
 the Boopa Super, it's a crying shame, he's got a so tame, it really is lame."

219
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,880
 "We're all so dumb being under his thumb."

220
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,120
 "Be proud reptilians, we number in the millions!"

221
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,240
 "Look at these gumbas!"

222
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:47,200
 "Shutna style!"

223
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,920
 "The rule of force is the rule of this clown, Koopa, the party Boopa."

224
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:58,000
 Also, some of that sexually explicit material found its way in there, it's a real mess.

225
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,400
 But can the movie, as it stands, this theatrical version of Super Mario Bros.,

226
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,560
 can it really be that bad? Well, there's only one way to find out.

227
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,240
 Let's get our resident Goomba in here to do some dancing for your pleasure.

228
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:18,320
 Ladies and gentlemen, Mario's and Luigi's, it's 1993's Super Mario Bros.

229
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,320
 2.

230
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:46,400
 [Music]

231
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,400
 "Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop!"

232
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,600
 "Welcome back everyone!"

233
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:56,880
 "It is the only video game podcast that I'm aware of on the internet,

234
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:04,080
 but this time we are diverting from our usual talk of video games and game related shenanigans

235
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,440
 to talk about a movie."

236
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,160
 "Wait, wait, wait, wait, is that this podcast?"

237
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,760
 "No, it's the other podcast that you do with Joey Joystick."

238
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,040
 "Oh, Joey Joystick, that guy's always got to take on something.

239
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,000
 Hot take Joey."

240
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,280
 "Right, this picks six movies. I vote this is, uh, this is Chad."

241
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:20,000
 "Hey!"

242
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,200
 "A Goomba if ever there was one."

243
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,960
 "You can just call me King Koopa."

244
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,880
 "Oh, you know, I didn't put that together. Now I feel really stupid.

245
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:32,960
 I feel like I should have introduced you that way."

246
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:37,040
 "I'm glad you didn't."

247
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,680
 "I mean, low-hanging fruit right in front of me."

248
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,040
 "Do you go see this new Mario Bros. movie in the theater that everybody's seen?

249
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,720
 It's made like a bedgillion-jillion dollars."

250
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,160
 "I have not seen it."

251
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,840
 "No, I mean either. You want to know why? Because I'm a grown damn man."

252
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,720
 "I would take kids to it. I'll probably watch it when it hits one."

253
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:53,920
 "You're van in the shop?"

254
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,880
 "Hey, hey, get in the van. You're going to see Mario?"

255
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:03,760
 "Hey, the ice cream van, the music thing is broken. It doesn't play the high-piper-esque

256
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,280
 to your two lower children."

257
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:11,120
 "I would like to see it just out of curiosity because I do enjoy the Mario games and Mario

258
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:17,840
 Kart and all that stuff. And I'm enough of a mark that if you throw enough references to stuff,

259
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,680
 I know that kind of dirt bag."

260
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,720
 "Hey, look, roots rainbow road from Mario Kart."

261
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:29,120
 "Yeah, the bar for illumination entertainment is pretty low for me. There's not a whole lot

262
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:33,840
 that they put out that's worth a damn. And so I'm like, all right, if you can somehow stumble

263
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,840
 over that bar, good for you."

264
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:41,200
 "That's honestly one of the things that kept me away from it is because I saw

265
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,360
 minions the rise of grew in theaters."

266
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:44,480
 "I'm so sorry."

267
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,680
 "And that thing was unendurable."

268
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:52,240
 "I find all of those despicable me movies to be unwatchable."

269
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:52,720
 "Yeah."

270
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:59,200
 "My son grew up as those movies slowly rolled out and just one after the other,

271
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,880
 those felt like movies that were written by Frenchmen."

272
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:07,040
 "And I'm like, well, there's something culturally different that I'm just not getting, you know?

273
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:11,280
 Like, or a movie that was like, oh, the people behind this, the triplets of Belleville,

274
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,120
 something like that. There's a weird deep cut. You know, when you watch it, you're just like,

275
00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:19,760
 "Well, there's something that's being lost in translation in how you're defining good guys

276
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:24,720
 and bad guys and what's funny and what's not. For some reason, all of these movies have seven

277
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:28,080
 acts, but they remove four and six just to keep you on your toes."

278
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:32,160
 Like, that kind of shit. Those movies were, every single one of them progressively just got

279
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,480
 worse and worse and worse for me."

280
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:39,840
 "For a second there, I was very curious what you meant by this feels like it was

281
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:46,400
 written by French people. And what I pictured is Mario just smoking at a cafe.

282
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:54,720
 What is the point of all this jumping? I jump on a mushroom, I jump on a turtle."

283
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,520
 "How many coins do any of us really need?"

284
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:04,880
 "I jump on Zifflag, I ride it down, fireworks go off over Zcastle over and over again."

285
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,400
 "What does it matter?"

286
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:11,920
 "To what end? Luigi, put down this straight razor. Life is worth living or not. Actually,

287
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,520
 give me this straight razor."

288
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:20,000
 "The princess is always in another castle. Why should I even bother to use my head to make

289
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,680
 blocks above me bounce up and down?"

290
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:24,960
 "Bring me my wand!"

291
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:28,560
 "Lays of gentlemen, welcome to French Video Game Theater."

292
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,720
 "But are we recording? Have we started yet?"

293
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:30,960
 "No."

294
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:32,640
 "I have recorded many movies."

295
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,040
 "And welcome to pick six movies!"

296
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,800
 "Well, I'm excited to be here."

297
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:42,160
 "But this is a real eyeball movie, Super Mario Bros. I mean, not the animated one,

298
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:51,920
 but this 1993 kind of curiosity. And it was one of the first video game movies.

299
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:57,600
 And it was one of the reasons that there weren't a lot of video game movies for a while."

300
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,360
 "What else is in there? Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter?"

301
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:05,920
 "Yes, Raul Julia's last film, RIP. Raul Julia."

302
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:10,960
 "I gotta say, that Street Fighter movie is terrible. Raul Julia, terrific in it."

303
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,320
 "He's great in everything."

304
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:19,280
 "That whole bit of outlook. For you, the day that Bison graced your village and killed your father

305
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:26,320
 was the single most important day of your life. For me, it was a Tuesday. You can't beat it."

306
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:32,160
 "I was probably like 12 or 13, and I watched Kiss of the Spider-Woman with my mom."

307
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:33,520
 "Oh, wow, that's uncomfortable."

308
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,040
 "How fucking weird was that?"

309
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,640
 "And it was my choice."

310
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:43,280
 "I was gonna say why on earth, but knowing the movies that we watched when we were younger,

311
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,480
 like we were real like budding cenophiles and we're-

312
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,520
 "We were weird, man." "Stringly adventurous."

313
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:54,560
 "We were the kids at the back like Bartun Fink, Bartun Fink. That would have been us,

314
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:59,600
 because we were just into that shit. We watched unironically wanted to see Bartun Fink,

315
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,760
 not because we like the Goan brothers, you know, and that doesn't totally surprise me.

316
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:13,840
 "I think you and I got in that beat up Sorrocco that my dad, and drove like 40 miles to go to a

317
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,520
 theater to watch Roger and me."

318
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,120
 "Yeah, oh for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah."

319
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:22,400
 "I had my driver's license and you were like a few months away like,

320
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,320
 'Dude, we could totally go see Roger and me.'"

321
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:25,680
 "Yeah."

322
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,440
 "We went to go see Barry Levinson's Avalon, and we were like-

323
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:30,400
 "We soaked about it."

324
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:35,280
 "We saw it once and a while, like that's not enough. That movie deserves more."

325
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,560
 "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

326
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,680
 "It was like a date trip."

327
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:40,320
 "Uh-huh."

328
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:41,520
 "Yeah, yeah, uh-huh."

329
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,520
 "But, right, like, oh man, we're such little assholes. I love it."

330
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:52,160
 "Super Mario Brothers, I didn't see this movie until recently. I heard it was bad. I never

331
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:53,040
 needed to watch it."

332
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:57,600
 "I remember watching about half of it on some cable channel and just being like,

333
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,960
 'Yeah, I'm tuning out. This isn't very good.' And then I just went on my merry way."

334
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:05,760
 "So until we did it for this particular episode, I'd never really sat down and watched it."

335
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:11,120
 "And let me just say, based on your intro, it all makes sense. They came and said make a movie

336
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:16,240
 based on this IP. There's no backstory. There's no plot. There's no characters."

337
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,640
 With Nintendo being like, "Just do something."

338
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:20,080
 And this is what you got.

339
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:24,240
 I don't fault the filmmakers for the product that they ultimately produced.

340
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:30,640
 It is like going to a child on Mother's Day and saying, "Hey, go in the kitchen and make breakfast."

341
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:35,520
 And when they come in and it's just a fucking nightmare on a TV tray,

342
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,440
 then you got what you asked for.

343
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:42,960
 I think this is largely a producer problem, as you heard in the introduction.

344
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,800
 The main producer of the film saying like, "No, no, no. It needs to be darker."

345
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,400
 "Oh, wait, wait. It needs to be lighter."

346
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:48,880
 "Okay."

347
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,160
 "No, no, no. Forget what I said. It needs to be darker again."

348
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,040
 "Oh, but Disney's putting it out, so we need to make sure it's good for the kids."

349
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:55,440
 "Yeah."

350
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,560
 "When you're trying to please everybody, you please nobody."

351
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:02,880
 If the movie had just been this weird dark, blade runner-esque thing,

352
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,680
 which it kind of is, but it's not totally that.

353
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:09,760
 And so it fails. And if it had just been a kids movie, that would have been fine,

354
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,160
 but it's not totally that. And it fails.

355
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:16,640
 It's trying to appeal to so many different perspectives.

356
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:17,920
 And you just can't do that.

357
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:25,520
 I got to tell you, on my first pass, clearly it has hints of The Wizard of Oz or Alice in Wonderland,

358
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:28,160
 but to bring it more in line with when the film came out,

359
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,960
 it kind of reminded me a little bit of Labyrinth.

360
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:35,200
 These movies where you take a character and send them to this fantastical world

361
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:39,360
 where crazy weird shit happens, and that's what this movie really is.

362
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:43,920
 In fact, I would argue that this movie would make more sense

363
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:49,680
 to someone who had never heard of Super Mario Brothers, unlike the garbage fail kids.

364
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:53,440
 Like if I show garbage fail kids into somebody and they don't know what garbage fail kids are,

365
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,440
 they're lost, okay?

366
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,280
 I think the flip side is true here.

367
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:59,920
 That because you're constantly drawing comparisons,

368
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:03,440
 we, "Oh, that's this and that's that," creates more confusion.

369
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,520
 If I showed this to a 10-year-old kid now who'd never played any of the Mario games

370
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,160
 or heard of that property, it's not going to make more sense,

371
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,440
 but it's going to make more sense than for people who were aware of that.

372
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:14,560
 Does that make sense?

373
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:19,680
 But yeah, because the problem is when you're watching it as someone who knows the games

374
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,240
 and the influence that they've had on pop culture,

375
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,200
 you're constantly looking for things like, "Oh, look, there's the Bobam,

376
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:30,080
 and there's a Bullet Bill, and look, there's a Thwomp, and you're Goombas,

377
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:32,000
 and here's this reference to the Mushroom Kingdom."

378
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:39,520
 And everything is kind of there, but they're in a way that doesn't quite sink with what you expect it to be.

379
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:39,920
 Right.

380
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,480
 That's why I said, I think, to you offline,

381
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,840
 it's like somebody played a game of telephone with the video games

382
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:52,000
 and told someone who told someone who told someone else who told the director what the games were like.

383
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,200
 And as a result, it just turns into this thing of like,

384
00:31:55,200 --> 00:32:00,800
 "Oh, yeah, all that stuff is in there, but it's in there in a way that is

385
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:08,080
 deeply unsatisfying if you're into the video games, and utterly baffling if you're not."

386
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,200
 All right, let's get into it.

387
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:10,320
 No, we're starting, okay.

388
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,920
 Let's just kick things off here.

389
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,720
 We start off with the classic Hollywood Pictures logo.

390
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:20,880
 Nothing says, "You're in the 1990s movie theater going experience,

391
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:22,720
 then this particular production company."

392
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,000
 It was a simpler time, though.

393
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:28,480
 When only one production company made a movie instead of this parade of investment,

394
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,040
 corporation logos that you see nowadays.

395
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,080
 And Hollywood movies was sort of like Disney saying,

396
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:38,320
 "Yeah, we want to put it out, but we don't want the Disney name on it."

397
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,320
 It was the stuff that it almost went straight to home video,

398
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,360
 but we'll put it in the theater for a few weeks anyway.

399
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:52,000
 So we get, at this point, the signature Super Mario Brothers music from the video game,

400
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,760
 and for a moment, you're like, "Hey, this might be good."

401
00:32:55,760 --> 00:33:03,600
 Actually, up through the first 20 minutes, I would say, I'm like, "Okay, okay."

402
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:04,480
 Nah.

403
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,640
 It lost me right after this music.

404
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,520
 Like, after we got the ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

405
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:10,480
 I was like, "Okay."

406
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:18,640
 And then as soon as I heard Dan Castellanetta doing the voiceover of the Sega Genesis graphics,

407
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:19,360
 I was out.

408
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:20,640
 This is awful.

409
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:25,520
 The narration, by the way, Chad, just to set the stage for both you and the listeners,

410
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:32,160
 is a long, long time ago, the Earth was ruled by dinosaurs.

411
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:33,120
 It's not that at all.

412
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:34,960
 It's a long time ago.

413
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,040
 The world was ruled by the dinosaurs.

414
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,680
 They were big, so not a lot of people went around hassling them.

415
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,320
 Actually, there was no people around at all.

416
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:46,160
 Because they were dinosaurs and people went around back then.

417
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:46,880
 You know what?

418
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:50,640
 I know some people at the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky.

419
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:52,800
 They would disagree with you, sir.

420
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:57,360
 The ones who have the posters on their wall of Jesus writing the Velociraptor.

421
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:03,040
 A Ugov survey within the last five years showed that 40% of Americans believe that dinosaurs and

422
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,120
 people were on Earth simultaneously.

423
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:10,640
 As a public school teacher, Chad, I am shocked that they knew that dinosaurs weren't made up.

424
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:15,280
 You think that two out of five people that went to see this in the theater and they heard

425
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:20,080
 Homer Simpson's voice saying that dinosaurs and people did not coexist were like,

426
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:20,960
 "That's it, kids!

427
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:21,440
 Get up!

428
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:22,720
 We're getting the hell out of here!

429
00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:23,600
 It's bullshit!"

430
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,760
 It's a big enough world that happened at least.

431
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:29,840
 Go on Homer, we're watching the Flintstones movie, just the way God intended.

432
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:37,120
 I came here to show my kids a movie where two plumbers jump around and fight dinosaurs.

433
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,200
 I do not want a history lesson.

434
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,600
 Thank you very much, Super Mario Bros. movie.

435
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,200
 Woe, Mario Bros.

436
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:44,000
 More like it.

437
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,040
 That's why it's going broke.

438
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:46,080
 Woe means broke.

439
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,960
 Let me just say right now, anyone listening to this podcast,

440
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:54,160
 if you've ever claimed that something is woke, please turn it this off and go away forever.

441
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:55,600
 We don't want you here.

442
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:56,560
 I don't want you here.

443
00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:01,280
 I don't want to speak for BOW or the rest of the Picsix movie staff or any of our interns or all the-

444
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:02,320
 I don't want you here.

445
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,000
 I'm tired of this woke nonsense.

446
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,080
 Woke means you believe something that I don't.

447
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,960
 If you's disparagingly, yeah.

448
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:10,720
 I'm making a peanut butter and jelly.

449
00:35:10,720 --> 00:35:12,320
 Would you like crunchy or smooth?

450
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:13,520
 I'm gonna have crunchy.

451
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:14,240
 Oh, really?

452
00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:14,800
 You woke?

453
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,760
 We're a smooth peanut butter house.

454
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:21,760
 Get the fuck out of here with your woke crunchy peanut butter.

455
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:28,000
 I would think that smooth would be woke because that's fucking with like God's honest peanut butter.

456
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:28,800
 You think?

457
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,160
 I've read the Bible Chad and the Bible is definitely pro crunchy.

458
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:35,600
 I think it's in Deuteronomy.

459
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:36,960
 Shipesses 12.

460
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:41,920
 Peter Panthe, please.

461
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:43,920
 There you go.

462
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:45,040
 Peter Pantheons.

463
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:46,960
 Choosing Messiah's, choose Jeff.

464
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,080
 I think is how that went.

465
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:54,320
 But yeah, so in this whole Dan Castle and Edith thing, he says,

466
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:58,400
 "There was a giant meteorite that struck Earth and all the dinosaurs went away."

467
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:02,320
 But then he says, "But what if the dinosaurs weren't destroyed?

468
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:06,240
 What if the impact of that media created a parallel dimension?

469
00:36:06,240 --> 00:36:10,400
 Where the dinosaurs continued to thrive and evolve into intelligent,

470
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:14,480
 vicious, and aggressive beings just like us?"

471
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,600
 And hey, what if they found a way back?

472
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,880
 And then before we get the title of the movie, everyone's like,

473
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,280
 "What does this have to do with the Super Mario Brothers?

474
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,920
 Aren't these people going to jump on the back of a turtle at some point?"

475
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,880
 We do get the title, "Super Mario Brothers."

476
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,240
 Like that's the buildup.

477
00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:34,000
 And it's just reflective of everything that's wrong about this film.

478
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:37,760
 Yeah, it was so it starts like Brooklyn 65 million years ago.

479
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,760
 Kaban, Brooklyn 20 years ago.

480
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,080
 And I'm like, "Oh wow, okay, that was a big jump."

481
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:43,840
 Brooklyn 100 million years in the future.

482
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,600
 Brooklyn 30, two weeks from now.

483
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:46,560
 What?

484
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:47,280
 Stop it.

485
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:51,120
 I just want to eat my popcorn and not have to think about the space time continuum.

486
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,680
 Alan Sylvesteri did the music for this movie.

487
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:57,680
 And there are a few moments where you get whiffs of Back to the Future

488
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,040
 in this particular film.

489
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,560
 When the movie starts off especially,

490
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:06,720
 here we see this mystery woman running through the city streets of

491
00:37:06,720 --> 00:37:10,000
 Somewheresville at night in a big thunderstorm.

492
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,160
 And this is where you get Brooklyn 20 years ago.

493
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:13,600
 And I'm like, "What, from now?

494
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:14,720
 From when the movie came out?"

495
00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:15,360
 I'm with you.

496
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,000
 Just keep going.

497
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:21,440
 And there are definite moments in this score that reminded me of Back to the Future.

498
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,920
 And as this movie progresses,

499
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:31,120
 I don't know that I've seen a movie for this podcast that is more drenched in the 90s than this film.

500
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:36,240
 It felt like the dimwitted younger brother of Cameron Crowe's singles.

501
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:41,040
 All of the Doc Martin boots, the Baby Doll dresses,

502
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:44,720
 the soundtrack, and the artists that are featured,

503
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:48,400
 it's really wrapped in "I Love the 90s."

504
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:57,040
 Fashion, the sensibility of it, because it's got that sort of semi-cyber punk kind of vibe.

505
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:58,320
 But no, white.

506
00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:58,800
 Yeah.

507
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,880
 Like Johnny Numanic.

508
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:01,680
 Yeah.

509
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:02,240
 Why?

510
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:05,920
 When that movie where they plug wires into dolphins heads and shit?

511
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:06,480
 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

512
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,560
 There's a dolphin in Johnny Numanic.

513
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,400
 You'll forget about that dolph Lundgren running around as some kind of cyber-priest.

514
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,560
 That's a real stay tuned for this show.

515
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:15,840
 Don't even worry about it.

516
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:23,040
 And Johnny Numanic will happen at some point that whenever we get some like crack-putte sci-fi

517
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:29,680
 theme season, Johnny Numanic will appear because it's just too weird a movie not to talk about.

518
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:30,800
 We see this woman.

519
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:35,200
 She's running through the city and she's got a little bundle in her arms.

520
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:42,320
 This is where the movie makes its first egregious, confusing mistake because this woman running

521
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,280
 through the streets, she's played by Samantha Mathis.

522
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:51,280
 The actress who also plays Daisy in this movie, but knowing that Samantha Mathis is the female

523
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:55,440
 lead in this movie, I was confused later when she showed up playing Daisy.

524
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,960
 Because I was like, wait, is this the same character from the beginning of the film?

525
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:03,440
 But they don't ever really touch on any of this because she's playing her own mother.

526
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:05,840
 And they don't ever explain what happened to mom.

527
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,440
 They just say that she died.

528
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:12,560
 But this mystery woman, Daisy's mom, she drops off a little metal pod that has this

529
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:16,080
 pointy crystal rock on top for safekeeping at this building.

530
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,480
 Turns out that it is a covenant.

531
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,080
 And the mystery woman, she bangs on the door and she runs off in the rain.

532
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:26,240
 And then she disappears into the sewers, though, which I was like, well, that kind of feels like

533
00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:28,080
 a Mario reference with her going.

534
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:29,040
 But it's not a pipe.

535
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:32,800
 It's just like she removes a manhole cover and down she goes.

536
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:38,480
 Was it just me or should there have been one of those lasers like they use at

537
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:43,200
 Raves spinning around her with a smoky kind of look?

538
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:44,720
 Do you know what I'm talking about?

539
00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:45,840
 To what end?

540
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,480
 Just for style, just because it was the 90s.

541
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,000
 I thought you were meaning as a plot device.

542
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:51,040
 Oh, no, of course.

543
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,360
 She should have had maybe a glow stick in her hand or two.

544
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:54,000
 She runs off.

545
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:54,800
 I think you're right.

546
00:39:54,800 --> 00:40:00,400
 The idea of her being her own mother or looking like her own mother is one of those things that on

547
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,240
 paper I kind of get.

548
00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:05,200
 But it's confusing in the movie.

549
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:10,080
 And maybe there was something more like there's an all-handed line later about how she has her

550
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:16,000
 mother's eyes, but it's not quite enough to justify that, I think.

551
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,600
 I'm just going to go ahead and pepper this in right now.

552
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:20,960
 It shouldn't have been her mom dropping her off at the nunnery.

553
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,240
 It should have been a different character, but we'll talk about that later.

554
00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:25,440
 It shouldn't have been--

555
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,280
 It should have been--

556
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:32,000
 It should have been Lana, but maybe or somebody else, somebody that was close to her,

557
00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:33,760
 but we're getting ahead of herself.

558
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:37,920
 The nuns show up and they open the door and they're like, "Jesus Christ, there's a little

559
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:38,800
 middle box out here.

560
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:39,680
 Let's take it inside."

561
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:43,920
 And instead of calling the police as normal people would, because this thing looks like a

562
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,800
 bomb casing, they take it inside and they pray over it.

563
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:47,360
 [blows raspberry]

564
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:48,560
 Like, that's going to do anything.

565
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:53,200
 They open it up and inside, though, there's not a baby but a giant egg.

566
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,960
 And that's where you call the authorities.

567
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:58,160
 Somebody left a ginormous egg on our doorstep.

568
00:40:58,160 --> 00:40:59,520
 This is not human.

569
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:03,440
 It needs to be quarantined until we figure out what the hell this thing is.

570
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:10,560
 Eventually, the egg cracks open and then what they find inside is what appears to be a human baby.

571
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:13,200
 And here, these nuns have two choices.

572
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:18,080
 One, except this as the second coming of Christ, but Christ is now a woman.

573
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:25,760
 Or two, murder this thing as the unholy abomination that it is because it's clearly the anti-Christ.

574
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,040
 I mean, there's no other path forward for these nuns.

575
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:33,600
 They should be bouncing this thing and drowning it in holy water.

576
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,320
 Right. Or just taking it to the toilet and kill it.

577
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:41,520
 Also inside, this canister one presumes is this rock.

578
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:43,280
 You talking about the little pointy crystal?

579
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:44,320
 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

580
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,080
 It's on top of the casing.

581
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:46,560
 Okay.

582
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:49,360
 It looks a little bit like the thing Superman showed up or something.

583
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,200
 They just stuck it on top as an ornament.

584
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,360
 And for those who haven't seen this movie, please don't.

585
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:57,680
 It looks like something you would have bought from that store in the mall that sold dream catchers

586
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:02,960
 and Katana swords and blankets that had Native Americans and wolves and shit.

587
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,840
 Right. Like full Asian lawns.

588
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:06,480
 Yeah.

589
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,200
 Umbrella stand that's made entirely bamboo.

590
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:10,320
 Yeah.

591
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:14,400
 And this crystal clearly looks like something you might want to rub on your armpits if you

592
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:19,840
 are opposed to aluminum based deodorant and you enjoy stinking and having people tell you how

593
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,000
 bad you smell. That's what this crystal is.

594
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,360
 Back in the sewers, Daisy's mom has played by Daisy.

595
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:29,200
 She runs through the sewer tunnels that have suddenly now become subway tunnels

596
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:35,280
 and she dashes along and she runs into Koopa who is played by Dennis Hopper.

597
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:35,760
 Mm-hmm.

598
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,080
 And Koopa just emerges from the shadows.

599
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,640
 He's like, "Where's the rock man?"

600
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:45,280
 I guess his loud screaming causes a cave-in of sorts and all these beams fall

601
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,680
 and our mystery were woman screams.

602
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:48,000
 Yup.

603
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:49,200
 Hope she's okay, Bo.

604
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:50,240
 Or whatever.

605
00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:53,360
 And then we cut to Brooklyn present day.

606
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:53,920
 Right.

607
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,920
 Our present day is of 1993.

608
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:59,920
 We see a street corner and there's a store front for Fulton's flowers.

609
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:03,840
 But in front of it is a work truck that very faintly,

610
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:09,680
 like in sun-drenched, poorly scribbled paints as Mario Brothers plumbing,

611
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,400
 why do we have Fulton flowers as the corner shop?

612
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:16,720
 Why not make the shop Mario Brothers plumbing shop and they have a truck out front?

613
00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:21,120
 They talk about how they're going broke but there's a good way to show that.

614
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:25,760
 Just have the place to be run down and fucked up and there's rats running around and you know

615
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,600
 they got a bunch of stacks of papers that say overdo on it.

616
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:29,840
 Mm-hmm.

617
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:31,120
 Like okay I got it.

618
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:31,600
 Right.

619
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:33,440
 Just fix your shit man.

620
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,640
 Movies are not that hard to make, especially shitty movies.

621
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:37,520
 I did one.

622
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:38,400
 It's easy.

623
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:39,680
 You made two.

624
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:40,560
 Yeah, yeah.

625
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:41,760
 One of them's worse than the other.

626
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:43,920
 But they both got made.

627
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:45,920
 And in many ways better than this.

628
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:48,960
 I would argue at least one of them is better than this, yes.

629
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:50,000
 I would agree with you.

630
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,200
 The question is which one?

631
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:52,160
 The answer makes a surprise.

632
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:52,560
 No.

633
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,400
 So anyway, Luigi we made who's John Luke Wizamo.

634
00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:01,520
 He's laying on a couch watching some tabloid TV show about other dimensions and shit.

635
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,840
 It's like this unsolved mysteries knockoff.

636
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:07,120
 Except it's unsolved completely ridiculous mysteries.

637
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:10,480
 The host is like what if there was another dimension?

638
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,120
 A universe next door.

639
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:16,000
 This is all foreshadowing of course because this movie is clever.

640
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:21,120
 And Mario gets a phone call and he's like hey Luigi get your ass in gear.

641
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,040
 We got a work to do.

642
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:29,600
 And he tries to rush Luigi into action by just dropping boots on his dick.

643
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:32,080
 Yeah and Luigi recovers pretty quick.

644
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,520
 Dude you drop a couple of steel-tone work roots on my cock.

645
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:36,640
 I'm out for the day.

646
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,920
 At the very least I'm going to need five, ten minutes to recover.

647
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:45,120
 And Luigi by the way is telling him all about like listen Mario they said there was on the show

648
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,600
 that this guy's brain got tended to cheese.

649
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:51,920
 We gotta go fix this busted dishwasher at the who cares restaurant.

650
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,400
 Alright come on we're broke we gotta get to work.

651
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,040
 Ah come on Mario you just gotta believe.

652
00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:03,600
 Anyway so on the way to the job Luigi completely screws it up by saying Mario I'm gonna follow

653
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:07,280
 my instincts and I'm gonna go the opposite direction of the job.

654
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:12,960
 And of course Mario played by Bob Hoskins who by the way is giving his all in this movie but

655
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:16,000
 one man cannot support an entire film.

656
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:21,040
 He's kind of playing the generic Bob Hoskins character which is hell it's

657
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:24,240
 probably not much different than the character he played in Roger Rabbit.

658
00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:28,480
 Not much different at all but it's still kind of impressive especially when you know that he's

659
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:36,720
 got this crazy British brogue really and doing a fairly good cartoonish Brooklyn accent like

660
00:45:36,720 --> 00:45:40,080
 this is the Mario that makes sense in my head.

661
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:46,320
 Even though what he does in the movie does not but Bob Hoskins as Mario adds up that makes

662
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:51,520
 sense to me and he's like what are you doing Luigi we're trying to get to this job and he's

663
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,640
 like you just gotta trust me Mario I know what I'm doing.

664
00:45:54,640 --> 00:46:00,160
 You said turn right I'm gonna go left right like what that's you're going the opposite direction

665
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:05,040
 of where the work is yeah I got a good feeling about this Mario you idiot.

666
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:09,120
 It turns out I didn't want to do shit today and if we take enough left turns

667
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:12,960
 then by the time we get there it'll either be fixed or somebody else will be doing it.

668
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:17,200
 If we're lucky we'll get back to our apartment I can go back inside and keep watching that

669
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,240
 television program but some I saw my nuts.

670
00:46:20,240 --> 00:46:25,040
 The next segment was all about some kind of dinosaur thing so they get there and there's

671
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:30,320
 a rival plumbing company slash developer named the Scumellies there.

672
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:37,680
 Their truck says that they do plumbing in London, Paris, Palermo, Beverly Hills and Brooklyn.

673
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:43,600
 Clearly this is a money laundering front for the mob and also if you got a bus at dishwasher

674
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:48,080
 you don't call multiple companies to show up in the first one their fix is it like if a company

675
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:53,120
 shows up like you got to pay a rate to have them show up in an emergency that's not how plumbing

676
00:46:53,120 --> 00:47:00,400
 works I know from experience. Also just real quick Bob Hoskins looks like he could be Luigi's

677
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:06,720
 grandfather in this movie. Well we'll get to that in a minute because there's a discussion about

678
00:47:06,720 --> 00:47:12,160
 his role but yeah so they get there and they're like oh Scumellies you you've done it again.

679
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:18,640
 Then we cut to this archaeological dig where mr. Scumellie the owner question mark of this

680
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:23,920
 multinational plumbing construction and plumbing. Yeah right is giving this big

681
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:30,720
 speech about how they want this land and Daisy princess Daisy played by Samantha Mathis not her

682
00:47:30,720 --> 00:47:36,320
 mother shows up. You threw out that she's princess Daisy. Oh sorry. Now is that because you've played

683
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:41,120
 the video game and you know that she's princess Daisy? Well partly that and also because they

684
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:46,800
 call her princess about 3000 times in this movie. Yeah but it doesn't really start until like act

685
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:52,640
 three and it's set off handedly and once somebody says it then everybody else picks it up. Yeah but

686
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:58,000
 it's never really explained. It's like when you meet somebody for the first time and you don't know

687
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:02,800
 their name like you know their name is Doug and then one of their friends who's known him a lot

688
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:07,920
 longer call some D dog and you're like oh so he's just called D dog then and then you just start

689
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:13,360
 calling him D dog too. You remember when you and I lived in government subsidized housing together

690
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:20,480
 and there were three guys that were the like maintenance men and there were two of them named

691
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:27,440
 Bill and then one day somebody referred to one of them as stinky Bill and we all knew which one.

692
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:32,320
 Well sure I mean you get that descriptor. Right but it was like they're both like we're going to

693
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:35,840
 send Bill up and you're like oh I wonder which bill we're going to get and then one day they were

694
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:42,320
 like so did you get stinky Bill and you're like no no no we just got Bill. That was the first time

695
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:47,120
 I ever saw a crack pipe when we lived there. I saw a crack pipe that old guy who passed out

696
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:51,680
 and then we found his wallet and our buddy tried to use that old man's idea by beer and that didn't

697
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:56,400
 work. I remember that. Remember that night that lady came to our apartment and banged on the door

698
00:48:56,400 --> 00:49:00,800
 screaming she wanted her cigarettes and we didn't let her in because we didn't know her and she just

699
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:07,520
 went through a rainbow of emotions of anger, fear, rage, despair, sadness. Dude that was legitimately

700
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:13,360
 terrifying. That was a good night. So you say I want my goddamn cigarettes. Thump thump thump.

701
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:22,000
 I was like dude we need to get a gun like we should. And I didn't have a car. So I was like

702
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:27,040
 walking the mean streets of Knoxville. I can't believe I'm going to say this on a public format.

703
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:33,280
 One night I was so sick to my stomach. I had to have diarrhea in a public parking lot on my way home

704
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:38,800
 from work. I've never heard that. I'm never going to say that. I don't think I've heard that story

705
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:43,680
 before. That happened. I was on my way home from work and I got suddenly very sick and I was like

706
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:49,440
 well I'm either going to poop myself or I got to find some shelter from the storm. Right. And I

707
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:54,560
 look for a bathroom couldn't find one. The nearest thing was a public parking lot. So I found a spot

708
00:49:54,560 --> 00:50:00,080
 as far away as I could get from the road and just let loose. Just shit in the parking lot. Yeah.

709
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:04,640
 Yeah. That's awesome. I'm not proud of it. But there's some curveballs sometimes man. You got

710
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:10,080
 to deal with it. Welcome back to Ask Chat with Bo and Chad. Caller number two. You're on the line

711
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:15,600
 west of the Rockies. I always just want to get a light bulb. L.E.D. light bulb.

712
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:20,720
 How do I rectify put it in there? You know just see if it'll glow like Uncle Fester. All right.

713
00:50:20,720 --> 00:50:23,440
 Yep. What you're going to need to do you're going to need to get a small

714
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:28,880
 bandsaw. The kind that they use to remove casts from people's arms and you're going to need to

715
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:33,840
 cut into that one quarter inch horizontal then come in another quarter inch at a 45 degree angle

716
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:39,840
 to create an opening to release the vacuum slides right out every time. All right. Well

717
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:43,120
 I'll tell you what. Let me ask you one more question. I'll hang up and listen offline.

718
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:49,120
 What if also there's a boa constrictor as well as L.E.D. light bulb. Okay. Thanks for taking my

719
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:54,720
 call. Yeah just for that call right there. Same response. It's the old 90 45 but with any sort

720
00:50:54,720 --> 00:51:00,560
 of livestock as we always say you need to film it and send it in. All right. All right. We have

721
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:05,920
 to have proof. No word from our sponsor. Cash for gold. Cash for gold. The company that gives you

722
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:10,400
 the most money for the things that you value most in your life. Send it in to cash for gold.

723
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:17,520
 Remember to use the special passcode keyword Ask Chat for an extra 10% on top of you selling your

724
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:21,920
 most valuable possession. How would it not be Vaseline? How would that not be this sponsor?

725
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:31,040
 Need something sticky and slippery that ain't? Drive Vaseline. Yeah. Yeah. The old

726
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:38,320
 duty bottle indeed. Anyway. So Daisy you can edit that down and just pick it up there. Yeah. So Daisy

727
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:44,480
 is like hey you can't develop this place because there's important archaeological stuff happening

728
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:49,520
 in this tunnel. We're digging up dinosaur bones as long as the court will allow us.

729
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:54,640
 And Scarpelli says hey look yeah we look like a smart girl. All right yeah I got a feeling

730
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:59,840
 that you're gonna be done tonight. All right. Plus I hear there's a lot of girls going missing

731
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:06,000
 in Brooklyn. That clearly is not even thinly veiled threat. That's just a threat. Is Scarpelli

732
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:12,240
 abducting women? Is he human trafficking? Probably but it turns out he's not. Yeah but that's kind of

733
00:52:12,240 --> 00:52:18,720
 the implication. He's just capitalizing on a recent spate of crimes apparently to threaten

734
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:23,520
 this poor woman. Yeah and on the first pass I didn't even pick up that all these women were

735
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:28,240
 missing out of Brooklyn. Until we get to like the end of act two early act three I was like oh yeah

736
00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:34,640
 they did mention that earlier. Then we cut to two of our villains of the movie Spike and Iggy.

737
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:40,560
 To call them villains they're this movie's version of Otis from Superman the movie.

738
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:49,440
 It's like if Otis had babies with the Roxbury guys. I very apt way to describe them. Iggy Berg.

739
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:56,160
 Iggy is played by Fisher Stevens. Uh huh. Who was an actor that studied with Uda Hagen and performed

740
00:52:56,160 --> 00:53:03,760
 in over 500 performances of Harvey Firestein's Torch Song trilogy on and off Broadway and he played

741
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:12,480
 Eugene in Neil Simon's Brighton Beach Memoirs and he was married to Michelle Fife in the 90s.

742
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:17,600
 Andy War Blackface in Short Circuit in Short Circuit 2 playing a man for Mindia. But all of that

743
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:24,240
 should not be negated because of his terrible decisions to play an Indian man. The guy has worked

744
00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:30,240
 with everybody. He was in Isle of Dogs and the French Dispatch with Wes Anderson. He did a big one.

745
00:53:30,240 --> 00:53:38,560
 Yeah he did a big run on succession. He was in Hail Caesar from the Coel Runners. Yeah I missed that

746
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:45,120
 one. He's been in everything. It seemed like he was gonna have a real career and then somehow he

747
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:52,000
 ended up in this. Did he get a drug addiction or just bad advice? Hackers was a couple of years

748
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:56,800
 after this and that was still a pretty big movie for him. But after that he just kind of fell into

749
00:53:56,800 --> 00:54:04,720
 television. Spike the number two is played by Richard Edson who you only know is the dirt bag

750
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:11,120
 garage attendant that goes on a joyride in Cameron's dad's convertible in Ferris Bueller. He was

751
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:15,440
 in Do the Right Thing too. Was he? Yeah yeah yeah. I don't remember that. Yeah yeah yeah. All I

752
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:22,320
 remember from Do the Right Thing is Radio Raheem, Spike Lee, D'Mayer. Yeah I remember that. What's

753
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:27,120
 this thing John heard with the bike moving into the neighborhood doing the whole can't we all get

754
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:31,920
 a long thing. And what's her name? Shakin her ass at the beginning. Oh yeah yeah sure Rosie Perez.

755
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:37,520
 Yeah. Yeah that's a good movie. That was a good movie. Yeah that was a movie we saw on one of our

756
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:42,240
 day trips I feel like. Here's something nobody gives a shit about but you and me. Come on. These

757
00:54:42,240 --> 00:54:47,600
 are my favorite shoes. Did you and I see Rumblin the Bronx together? Yes we did. This was one of the

758
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:52,880
 most memorable trailers ever I saw in my life because we were in a theater packed with military

759
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:59,200
 personnel and like us seeing Rumblin the Bronx opening night Jackie Chan and they showed the trailer

760
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:03,440
 for the Beavis and Budhead movie and not one person in that theater even knew that a Beavis

761
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:09,040
 and Budhead movie was a thing and this theater lost its fucking mind. When they started playing that

762
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:13,360
 opening guitar if you remember that. I mean I thought people were just going to start ripping the

763
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:18,400
 chairs out of the floor and start beating each other with it in anticipation of a Beavis and

764
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:23,200
 Budhead movie. That's terrific. And then that hovercraft goes over that guy and pulls his pants off

765
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:27,920
 and Rumblin the Bronx. That's pretty good. Rumblin the Bronx is a great movie and I've been meaning to

766
00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:35,040
 go back to it's one that has come up in my memory two or three times lately and I tried to watch

767
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:42,080
 Shanghai noon. Yeah. To get it. Sorry. It's not as good as you remember it. I've watched it recently.

768
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:46,960
 My son is of the age that that's appropriate for him and I know we try to stay focused and we're not

769
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:50,960
 doing a very good job on this episode. I do want to say just as a recommendation if you were a fan

770
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:56,400
 of Beavis and Budhead that Paramount Plus Beavis and Budhead movie the first half of it is funnier

771
00:55:56,400 --> 00:56:01,520
 than it deserves to be. The back half of it loses its way a little bit but the first half of it

772
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:06,720
 would surprise me at how entertaining it was and I'm I'm a fair weather fan when it comes to Beavis

773
00:56:06,720 --> 00:56:13,760
 and Budhead but it made me laugh the same way that the jerky boys movie did that it's both the nostalgia

774
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:20,640
 part of it but the stupidity still lands the way that it should. Mike Judge turns out pretty good

775
00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:26,240
 writer director generally makes good shit. King of the Hill. Awesome. Silicon Valley. Awesome

776
00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:32,080
 Ur. Yeah. Road stories is that what's got earth tails from the road. Yeah. Also fantastic. All right

777
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:36,240
 anyway we got to get through this otherwise we're yeah yeah we'll be talking about better things

778
00:56:36,240 --> 00:56:46,240
 than this piece of shit so yeah Iggy and Spike show up. Basically they're the and I put this in

779
00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:53,360
 sneer quotes comic relief of the film as they are trying to find Daisy like you said they're

780
00:56:53,360 --> 00:56:58,160
 dressed like the Roxbury guys and they're like kubo will kill us if we bring the wrong girl again.

781
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:05,360
 So they're on the heels of Daisy. Meanwhile the Mario brothers fan breaks down because Luigi

782
00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:10,640
 doesn't know how to bother with a check engine light or use a clutch or read street signs.

783
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:14,240
 I think that's why he's like go left or right because he doesn't know how to read. I think he's

784
00:57:14,240 --> 00:57:21,040
 just illiterate and ignorant. Mario is more caretaker than brother. It's a real like the other sister.

785
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:26,400
 It's real questionable if their brothers at all. There which by the way I don't think that they

786
00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:31,600
 are. No no no no. I think he found Luigi in a trash can or something. The parents got a whiff of

787
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:38,000
 how this kid was gonna turn out and took the easy way out and Mario had the dumb luck or the

788
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:42,000
 stupidity to pick him up and be like maybe I'll take him home and see what I can make of him.

789
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:46,160
 You're saying I can get a tax right off? What with this thing? Why not?

790
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:51,920
 Independent why I always wanted one of them for taxes. Anyway the the van is broken down. Luigi's

791
00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:57,360
 calling for help while Iggy and Spike are following Daisy through the streets of Brooklyn and Mario

792
00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:01,360
 goes in for some water because it turns out that's all this car really needs all the van needs

793
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:09,680
 and Luigi meanwhile gets all horned up when Daisy shows up to use the public pay phone and so he

794
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:16,640
 just hangs up on whoever he was calling to fix the the van while we hear Mario in the background

795
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:21,680
 yelling at the store saying everybody's got tap water yeah because apparently it buys him bottle

796
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:26,400
 water or something and so he's putting water in the van while Daisy's making a phone call to say

797
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:31,200
 look they need more security at the the archaeological dig. Yeah but Luigi was the one who gave her the

798
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:35,840
 quarter to make the call he's like does use needs to be using the phones here takes one of my

799
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:41,200
 quarters is here yeah you smell so good you look so pretty you're so fine you might if I stand

800
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:45,120
 uncomfortable close to you while you make your telephone call dear I heard your name is Daisy

801
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:50,800
 like the flower no shit idiot well and Mario is watching all this go down and it's just like

802
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:56,880
 ah son of a hey just go talk to her and don't sound like an idiot hey you you look like you're

803
00:58:56,880 --> 00:59:02,640
 in trouble we got a van you want to get into back and we'll take you somewhere as and she's like

804
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:10,160
 uh okay and I'm like no yeah that's abduction and rape 101 never go to a second location and they

805
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:15,840
 are absolutely trying to take her to a second location if someone shows up with a van and says

806
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:22,480
 do you need a ride the answer is no it is always no but she gets in with him and iggy and spike

807
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:27,760
 are watching all of this go down is that chloroform oh my gosh what are all these rags

808
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:34,080
 or duct tape that's weird shovels why what are you guys do for a living

809
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:40,320
 Jackie Lum is in the back squirting the hypodermic sedivism mouth oh we've got one huh what are all

810
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:45,440
 of these maps to the middle of nowhere what's this box mark trophies with all these bracelets

811
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:51,760
 and drivers licenses in them but they end up driving her to the college shockingly and Luigi asks her

812
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:58,240
 to dinner hey what's the use of a eats foods and and drinks and things at night oh yeah would you be

813
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:04,800
 interested in going to dinners with me and my brothers marios over here is uh do i have to pay

814
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:10,480
 for anything marios does she has to pay for any things and no we got to cover kid nah you can just

815
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:17,200
 come and eat whatever she wants is okay so we immediately cut to the date that night that mario

816
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:24,800
 and his busty girlfriend daniela uh-huh it's a double date with Luigi and daisy this is like the

817
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:31,200
 date from the fisher king yes where his girlfriend is like oh my goodness daisy you need a tan how

818
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:35,280
 about you come by the shop sometime you want to make sure that you wear something that doesn't

819
01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:39,760
 give you tan lines because you know when guys are looking at your bed tits they don't like tan

820
01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:44,720
 lines so much we were real classy tanning salon when you come in we got these little playboy bunny

821
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:49,360
 stickers you put one right up here and you tip before you get in there when the guys see that

822
01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:55,200
 they know you're down to play all right which begins the weird horniness of this movie and this

823
01:00:55,200 --> 01:01:02,480
 is a horny movie for one guy's horny it's me is everybody i got to bonus in my pants all right Luigi

824
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:07,760
 we'll get into the big birth of stuff later with mario but is a sub he wants to have somebody step

825
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:13,520
 on his nuts that's probably why he's driving the boots on louis G's dick he's like hey does the apple

826
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:19,280
 fall fall from the tree he's secretly hoping that he repays the favor come on man don't you want to

827
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:24,800
 get revenge on me hey there's a bowling ball in the closet i'm gonna go to sleep now in the nude

828
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:29,680
 with no blankets did you see that jerky boys movie they always talk about jagging each other in the

829
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:34,640
 ass you ever thought about doing that to somebody but this is a movie that definitely wants you to

830
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:39,520
 know that mario fucks i don't think he's really tied down to any woman when he says girlfriend that's

831
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:45,200
 a label that he applies to a lot of different people sure during this dinner daisy says i'm a

832
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:51,200
 dinosaur science research person that's what she says and she says and we're digging to find a

833
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:58,480
 location where the meteorite that hit earth landed and it killed all the dinosaurs first off it's

834
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:05,520
 called a paleontologist not dinosaur research and second the reason i know you're not one is that

835
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:11,520
 you've never heard of the chixula crater in the yukatán peninsula which is widely to believe the

836
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:17,360
 location of the meteorite that crashed that killed all the dinosaurs it did not happen in brooklyn

837
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:24,080
 next to a flower shopper wherever the hell we are she basically is talking about her weird meteor job

838
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:30,800
 and also she says she has this special crystal necklace that she got from the mall only she doesn't

839
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:36,560
 say that what she says is she's had it ever since she was a kid when she was and i quote found her

840
01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:42,640
 exact words are i know it sounds weird but it's the only thing i had on me when i was found yeah you

841
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:48,800
 know it sounds weird saying that you were found weirdo and louisci was like what's that yeah i was

842
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:55,680
 found too because nobody wanted me neither and the busty girlfriend of mario daniela is like listen

843
01:02:55,680 --> 01:03:02,240
 i got an idea how about me and my mustachio plumber here take the van back and get down while you

844
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:08,880
 and daisy walk home we could take the van back it's fine and so that's what happens they take off

845
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:16,160
 and iggy and spike end up instead of following daisy and louisci they follow mario and daniela

846
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:21,520
 in the van because they're idiots oh she's wearing a disguise oh of course she is we get to talk about

847
01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:27,200
 fisher stevens in this movie and the fact that he has no eyebrows yeah it looks like he's going

848
01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:35,120
 through chemotherapy or he's pink floyd so yeah thought you you and i went to high school you don't

849
01:03:35,120 --> 01:03:39,280
 need to believe this name because i am a hundred percent sure this dude is not listening to this

850
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:45,760
 podcast uh we went to high school with a guy named bony swafford that's a name i've had a long time

851
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:51,120
 yeah and he showed up at school one day in our junior year of high school with no eyebrows and

852
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:56,960
 everybody's like what and i think he tried to play it off that he lost a bet or something but again his

853
01:03:56,960 --> 01:04:03,040
 name was bony swafford so write your own fan fiction as to how that happened bony swafford would be the

854
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:11,600
 name of the silent weird character that nobody sees in an off off off broadway production of

855
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:17,680
 to kill a mockingbird like if you just swap booradly for bony swafford and you've got the same character

856
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:24,160
 but yeah so louis g sees daisy not home because they start debating who's weirder and he's like

857
01:04:24,160 --> 01:04:29,200
 if and you understand that i'm not a good guy and he wants to get out of this day to something

858
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:33,200
 then that's fine i understand but if you want to talk about how you don't like to talk to me

859
01:04:33,200 --> 01:04:37,680
 you can always talk to me about that she's like uh all right let me ask you a question do you

860
01:04:37,680 --> 01:04:42,480
 really think my job is cool he's like what do i think it's cool you should see all the tv shows

861
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:47,280
 i watch that stuff is the coolest ever and they talk about dimensions and dinosaurs and stuff all

862
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:51,920
 the time i think your job is incredible oh my god like would you be interested in coming down and

863
01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:57,360
 saying the dicks i oh for reels is like so i can come down there and like ride a dinosaur and stuff

864
01:04:57,360 --> 01:05:02,880
 well but yeah you can come down and ride a dinosaur yeah let's go get petted and everything i'm gonna

865
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:07,840
 name one of them i'm gonna call it louis g wiji some like that yeah let's go ride dinosaurs she's

866
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:13,760
 like all right come on let's get you off the streets meanwhile iggy and spy grab daniela

867
01:05:13,760 --> 01:05:19,840
 there's a very quick scene of them nabbing her mario kisses her good night he leaves when they

868
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:25,360
 grab her bow she starts screaming and yelling and they drag her off no one in the neighborhood bats

869
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:29,760
 and i and then you just see like a random hand from the super put a for rent sign in our window that

870
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:34,800
 seems a little insensitive doesn't it yeah well you know real estate's valuable we had it let prime

871
01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:40,960
 new york property just sit there so at the site louis g and daisy are going down this tunnel and

872
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:45,840
 she's showing off some fossils and saying like these dinosaurs have opposable thumbs it's like a

873
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:54,400
 monster trying to be a man all right number one uh louis g does not know what the word opposable

874
01:05:54,400 --> 01:06:01,120
 makes number two there is a less than 20 percent chance that he could pick out which digit on his

875
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:06,640
 hand is a thumb and the bones that she's showing him look like something from a playground at a

876
01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:11,280
 children's museum it's a science museum fossil to be sure and he's just kind of

877
01:06:11,280 --> 01:06:16,560
 tromping around on it where's the one i can feed he got me some of that dino chow i got a quarter

878
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:20,880
 all right i'll put it in i'll feed it die so for my hand i don't care and daisy is doing this

879
01:06:20,880 --> 01:06:26,080
 middle checklist of like daisy you work so much and you don't get out and you can't meet anybody

880
01:06:26,080 --> 01:06:31,600
 and this guy's a real adult but he's got kind of big dick energy and that's what you're looking

881
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:37,520
 for right now i like i'll put the chow in my my hands uh-huh you know go if he bites off one of my

882
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:42,560
 thumbs i got three more left i'm gonna be fine all right it's i got a bunch of honey okay okay

883
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:47,840
 daisy you can do this just go home with him don't let him know where you live you're on the pill

884
01:06:47,840 --> 01:06:53,520
 you've got an iud you've been vaccinated for everything for the next week you can fall down the stairs

885
01:06:53,520 --> 01:06:58,640
 repeatedly you're gonna be okay days they haven't made that abortion drug illegal yet we're still

886
01:06:58,640 --> 01:07:03,600
 good and so they're about to kiss and then water bursts out of a tunnel and you see a couple of

887
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:10,800
 scapelli guys right off hey let's get out of here the movie does this weird thing where Luigi and

888
01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:18,880
 daisy leave go get mario who straps on his belt of tools and then they go right back to the broken

889
01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:25,360
 pipes where mario starts to do his plumber thing and the one thing i will give this movie is i like

890
01:07:25,360 --> 01:07:31,760
 the fact that mario's plumbing skills come into play repeatedly in the movie yes because he's a

891
01:07:31,760 --> 01:07:36,320
 plumber right you got to do something with it and they actually do something with it and right

892
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:41,600
 meanwhile iggy and spike are wandering around the tunnels because there's zero for five in

893
01:07:41,600 --> 01:07:47,520
 abducting the right woman and iggy says you know listen if we show up empty handed again koop is

894
01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:54,480
 not gonna kill us he ain't that nice and then he gets this weird like jedi force sense that daisy is

895
01:07:54,480 --> 01:08:00,320
 nearby right while mario is getting the pipes fixed and they're about to like turn open or

896
01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:06,880
 close the main drain right get knocked out by you again spike yeah again spike grab daisy and then

897
01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:14,320
 within i guess moments mario and louis come to come to they go chasing after mario stops them at one

898
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:19,040
 point is like no don't go that way we got to go this other way over here louis g i've been listening

899
01:08:19,040 --> 01:08:23,040
 of pipes all my life that sometimes this sound can fool you and you're like oh that's something

900
01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:29,120
 that'll happen later in the movie no that's just anything for this scene and then they end up they

901
01:08:29,120 --> 01:08:35,680
 on the set for the finale for the goonies down here this is our time louis g says he goes into one room

902
01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:39,840
 this is the men's room remember that in the goonies when all the boys are going to go piss in one

903
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:45,760
 cave and the girls are going to go in another and then uh the older brother is played by josh bro and

904
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:50,320
 he's like this is the men's room and he goes in there and pisses next to the girls that's gross you

905
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:56,160
 know it's the weirdest men pissing scene that i can think of at this moment it was in i was in

906
01:08:56,160 --> 01:09:02,240
 jeepers creepers too when the bus breaks down and like these four dudes go off into a cornfield to

907
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:07,280
 piss and they all take a piss and they're all shoulder to shoulder pissing i explained to my

908
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:13,600
 wife that no man that i've ever known in my life would ever be in a cornfield and be this close to

909
01:09:13,600 --> 01:09:18,480
 another man pissing was that also directed by victor salva because if so that would make some

910
01:09:18,480 --> 01:09:25,440
 sense absolutely it was okay well then there you go i'm gonna hide over here in the low cut grass

911
01:09:25,440 --> 01:09:31,680
 in front of you to make sure it's framed up properly the guy who made the movie powder and then went on

912
01:09:31,680 --> 01:09:39,920
 to be credibly accused of child molestation shot the shoulder to shoulder pissing not a stutter should

913
01:09:39,920 --> 01:09:46,160
 should we do the movie powder at some point is it too troublesome that is a movie that is bizarre

914
01:09:46,160 --> 01:09:51,360
 powder yeah powder is a weird one if we do a season with powder we also need to do that one

915
01:09:51,360 --> 01:09:57,440
 where john travolta gets a tumor in his head and he gets superpowers not quite superheroes the

916
01:09:57,440 --> 01:10:04,000
 season something like that i would be down for that okay so in the goony said mario and luigi find a

917
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:10,560
 wall that isn't really there and daisy's face keeps popping out of it in this bad cgi thing where

918
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:19,040
 she's like mario help me luigi and while he's reaching for her luigi snatches the mall crystal

919
01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:24,800
 from her neck why would he grab her arm or her hand instead he grabs this loosely dangling crystal

920
01:10:24,800 --> 01:10:29,200
 medallion he's trying to choke her to death that's mario's thing hey hey why don't you put that

921
01:10:29,200 --> 01:10:35,040
 around my neck give it a nice tight squeeze that's the problem with growing up with mario is that

922
01:10:35,040 --> 01:10:40,000
 your sexuality is all screwed up because you've got a guy in the house that's just constantly like hey

923
01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:44,320
 pick this plunger here that we were using on the last job and just just put me in the

924
01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:49,440
 ass a couple of times with it comes in the bedroom mario what's this you doing there um i'm i'm

925
01:10:49,440 --> 01:10:55,200
 practicing tying a tie but that's a belt get out of here why are you not wearing any pants why do

926
01:10:55,200 --> 01:10:59,840
 you haven't lived around the door handle and why are you leaning down towards the floor why should

927
01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:05,600
 p p pointing towards the window get out of here luigi you're not trying to world's greatest dad are

928
01:11:05,600 --> 01:11:11,360
 you i said get out of here i'm a plumber you're not trying to in excess are you you're not going

929
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:19,280
 to come fool yourself are you this is a episode it's taking a weird time i like it i'm talking about

930
01:11:19,280 --> 01:11:25,280
 butt stuff and weird sex i i did not expect this coming into the booth today but here's the thing

931
01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:30,880
 anytime we do like children's movies for some reason those tend to be the filtiest episodes

932
01:11:31,600 --> 01:11:37,120
 and i don't know why that is that it's probably says something about moral failing on our part

933
01:11:37,120 --> 01:11:44,720
 but it's just how it is let me remind you of the marz needs mom's episode and help

934
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:51,600
 rotten that one got yeah that was pretty bad anyway so lemme try mario jump after and then they

935
01:11:51,600 --> 01:12:00,480
 end up flying through some windows 95 screen savers ah look at all these pipes yeah oh

936
01:12:00,480 --> 01:12:07,360
 toast is a flying around this mario and they end up landing in another tunnel and they hear

937
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:12,560
 daisy like they're hot on the heels of daisy and iggy and spike and they give chase and then they

938
01:12:12,560 --> 01:12:18,800
 just open a door to a music video set of really any dorandaran video and there are chain link

939
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:24,480
 fences and there's this like latex which later they call fungus but it's just dried latex draped

940
01:12:24,480 --> 01:12:31,840
 over everything the koopa name is everywhere because it is this fascist version of brooklyn

941
01:12:31,840 --> 01:12:38,880
 they're posters it's a vote koopa koopa can't lose election was on a headline of a newspaper they see

942
01:12:38,880 --> 01:12:47,040
 daisy being shoved into a car and they end up yelling for her and leaning on this railing which

943
01:12:47,040 --> 01:12:52,480
 collapses gives weight under the weight of mario because he's the fat one although bob hoskins really

944
01:12:52,480 --> 01:12:58,080
 isn't that fat he's just a short dude with dad bod he's kind of barrel-chested not really fat

945
01:12:58,080 --> 01:13:03,120
 it's what the park calls for again i think he makes a good mario although i am interested in that

946
01:13:03,120 --> 01:13:08,320
 danny devito version just to see what that would have looked like yeah so they end up falling down

947
01:13:08,320 --> 01:13:14,800
 and sure enough there's a couple of like little dinosaurs fighting over a piece of meat or something

948
01:13:14,800 --> 01:13:20,560
 and they're like right what is this this movie doesn't do a very good job of explaining the rules

949
01:13:20,560 --> 01:13:27,040
 of this new world so like people are walking around but some of them have lizard heads or

950
01:13:27,040 --> 01:13:33,280
 partial lizard heads a woman walks by with a baby stroller with a giant egg and she's like get away

951
01:13:33,280 --> 01:13:39,360
 from my baby and all i can think about was the woman in my neighborhood that does the same thing

952
01:13:39,360 --> 01:13:46,080
 with this small elderly poodle in a stroller she's a crazy person yeah anybody that pushes a dog

953
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:51,360
 at a stroller there's something going on you got issues louie g says i got some feelings

954
01:13:51,360 --> 01:13:56,800
 that when that's in brooklands anymore is marios and you're like okay so it's a little wink at the

955
01:13:56,800 --> 01:14:03,280
 audience about the wizard of ours here we get our first glimpse of uh koopas mutated soldiers

956
01:14:03,280 --> 01:14:09,840
 the goombas which look like three kids stacked on each other's shoulders wearing an oversized trench

957
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:17,760
 coat sneaking into an r-rated film but on top of this body is a baseball sized lizard head do we

958
01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:21,840
 want to talk at all about the fact that there's a porn theater in the background of this shot

959
01:14:21,840 --> 01:14:27,520
 showing a movie called i was a teenage mammal triple x oh i saw i was a teenage mammal but i

960
01:14:27,520 --> 01:14:33,520
 didn't catch the triple x part yeah this is a porn movie again super mario brothers the movie

961
01:14:33,520 --> 01:14:40,880
 from 1993 potentially aimed at children filled with big horniness on louie g's part some kink

962
01:14:40,880 --> 01:14:46,400
 for mario yeah and a straight up porn theater in the background of one of the shots all right

963
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:50,640
 one time when i was in high school i guess we were in high school i went and pulled up some

964
01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:55,680
 microfiche you know back in the olden days and i was looking through our hometown newspaper and

965
01:14:55,680 --> 01:14:59,600
 scrolling through on my birthday to see what happened on the day i was born and i found the

966
01:14:59,600 --> 01:15:06,240
 movie listings of what movies were showing and down at the roxy theater in our hometown it was all

967
01:15:06,240 --> 01:15:11,440
 porno really yeah huh that's an interesting thing i was like they don't show porno down there now

968
01:15:11,440 --> 01:15:18,720
 oh they now they just got accused petafiles allegedly it's not accused kupa we cut to for the first time

969
01:15:18,720 --> 01:15:23,120
 we saw him briefly at the beginning of the movie but this is the first real scene where he's like

970
01:15:23,120 --> 01:15:31,920
 i gotta get rid of all this fungus man i'm sick and tired of it and he gives his villain speech

971
01:15:31,920 --> 01:15:37,120
 here where he's like i'm sick and tired of living in this dinosaur world man we're gonna merge with

972
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:43,600
 the mammal world it's gonna blow your mind once we get back and we get the girl then we'll be able

973
01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:51,520
 to do something with the dimensions or something and i didn't scuba i'm gonna rule the universe man

974
01:15:51,520 --> 01:15:58,240
 and iggy and spike show up and they're like oh you're gonna be so happy we found daisy and he's like

975
01:15:58,240 --> 01:16:04,720
 that's great man daddy wants his rock and they're like oh we didn't actually get the rock part of it

976
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:09,600
 you didn't what the what there are a couple of moments it's sort of like if

977
01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:14,960
 walkin had played this part where you get a couple of really great dennis hopper deliveries

978
01:16:14,960 --> 01:16:22,320
 the problem is that dennis hopper is absolutely capable of playing a villain yes but the villain

979
01:16:22,320 --> 01:16:31,280
 that he plays needs to be a truly insane hardcore maniac like someone that's truly capable of doing

980
01:16:31,280 --> 01:16:35,920
 horrible shit and in this movie he's a cartoon care he's not gonna smash someone's head in with a

981
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:41,360
 hammer but that's what dennis hopper would do absolutely yeah yeah yeah we've all seen blue velvet i do

982
01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:47,520
 like however him saying all right man issue a plumber alert as if that is the thing and i thought

983
01:16:47,520 --> 01:16:55,280
 that was an actual good joke in this movie yeah and so we see down below this old woman come up

984
01:16:55,280 --> 01:17:02,080
 tomorrow in louisci and ask them like oh my poor little dears you look so lost you don't have any

985
01:17:02,080 --> 01:17:07,760
 weapons do you and they're like no man we sure don't and she's like good and then pulls out a gun of

986
01:17:07,760 --> 01:17:16,080
 her own to mug them yeah only to be manhandled by a younger bigger lady that we will learn later

987
01:17:16,080 --> 01:17:22,320
 is big birtha she's a large black woman and she just throws this old woman off of a ledge y'all

988
01:17:22,320 --> 01:17:27,840
 presumably to her death yeah i don't think presumably i think that's pretty clear she lands in that

989
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:35,200
 convertible and she kind of bounces up and causes a multi-car crash she is dancing around with mario

990
01:17:35,200 --> 01:17:42,880
 she grabs the rock from louisci i think is who has it and then just uses these jump boots that will

991
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:50,320
 come into play later just uses those to get away and so all of a sudden mario and louisci are lost

992
01:17:50,320 --> 01:17:57,360
 in this new world and don't even have the rock anymore it has been stolen by big birtha who just

993
01:17:57,360 --> 01:18:05,680
 disappears from the movie for the next 30-40 minutes yeah so Chad yes enter one of the great figures of

994
01:18:05,680 --> 01:18:17,680
 our child mojo nixon with this weird spiral haircut and sort of pompadour flip at the top of his head

995
01:18:17,680 --> 01:18:24,720
 singing a song about fascism we got to talk about mojo nixon please how do you describe mojo nixon

996
01:18:24,720 --> 01:18:31,520
 i like the description that his agent had of a two-bit tom weight i like that he refers to the

997
01:18:31,520 --> 01:18:36,640
 holy trinity as being elvis prezley foghorn leghorn and otis the drunk from the indy griffer show and

998
01:18:36,640 --> 01:18:41,520
 i think that he's some combination of those three yeah but yeah he has a two-bit tom weight who sings

999
01:18:41,520 --> 01:18:47,920
 rockabilly music it's like rockabilly and punk rock it is kind of tough to describe which is what makes

1000
01:18:47,920 --> 01:18:54,240
 him kind of wonderful and unique he's profane and is and all of his songs were inherently novel these

1001
01:18:54,240 --> 01:18:59,600
 songs because his big hit at the time was elvis's everywhere and then he sang a song called debbie

1002
01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:04,240
 gibson is pregnant with a two-headed love child and he had another song called stuff in martha's

1003
01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:11,680
 muffin which is about him fucking mtv vj martha quinn you and i both love berry drinking uh-huh

1004
01:19:11,680 --> 01:19:18,320
 jim guzzlin frenzy just look at his catalog it's insanity were you with me when he performed with

1005
01:19:18,320 --> 01:19:25,760
 the dead milkman yeah yeah he came on stage and his eyes were the color of red that is normally reserved

1006
01:19:25,760 --> 01:19:31,280
 for a character in film when they're possessed by the devil like you know it wasn't like bloodshot

1007
01:19:31,280 --> 01:19:37,040
 it was like i think something is burst in both of his eyes and it was just whiskey fueled insanity

1008
01:19:37,040 --> 01:19:46,080
 yeah everyone was in danger except for mojo nixon he is a tamer less poofilled gg allen i highly

1009
01:19:46,080 --> 01:19:51,680
 recommend if you don't know mojo nixon and you want to just make your life oh so much better

1010
01:19:51,680 --> 01:19:58,640
 then just go to spotify dip into the mojo nixon catalog there's gonna be two or three songs that

1011
01:19:58,640 --> 01:20:04,880
 you're really gonna like they're very silly if you like this podcast you'll like mojo nixon absolutely

1012
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:10,240
 there's no doubt the dead milkman kind of did the tip of that had to mojo nixon right back in punk

1013
01:20:10,240 --> 01:20:16,160
 rock girl which was probably their biggest hit yep with the line we asked if they had mojo nixon and

1014
01:20:16,160 --> 01:20:21,680
 and he said no he don't work here and we said if you're sorry don't have mojo nixon then your

1015
01:20:21,680 --> 01:20:26,960
 story could use some fixin uh-huh and i firmly agree that if your story does not have mojo nixon

1016
01:20:26,960 --> 01:20:34,880
 your story could use some fixin he proactively put an explicit lyrics warning label on one of his

1017
01:20:34,880 --> 01:20:39,760
 albums it wasn't vodacious it's the one that's like a purple and gray cover but it's him looking

1018
01:20:39,760 --> 01:20:44,080
 like a homeless motherfucker which he always looks homeless yeah but even more so and he's just

1019
01:20:44,080 --> 01:20:49,280
 holding up a sign that would normally be reserved for begging for money in his album cover it says

1020
01:20:49,280 --> 01:20:56,480
 i says dirty words on my album he is like if george thorough good possessed irony yes and then somehow

1021
01:20:56,480 --> 01:21:03,440
 was birthed out of the tasmanian devil yes but mojo nixon is wonderful there are glimpses of how

1022
01:21:03,440 --> 01:21:09,920
 fun mojo nixon really is in this movie but he's really just doing a bit part here and it is too

1023
01:21:09,920 --> 01:21:17,600
 quickly replaced by a puppet head but yeah so a cop shows up to arrest mojo nixon and then marion

1024
01:21:17,600 --> 01:21:22,720
 louisci are taken in because there's a plumber bulletin out there an all plumber bulletin and

1025
01:21:22,720 --> 01:21:30,720
 a p b and then meanwhile dazy is also taken to this holding cell where a bunch of women including

1026
01:21:30,720 --> 01:21:35,760
 mario's busty girlfriend danielle are being out there these are all the women who had been

1027
01:21:35,760 --> 01:21:40,640
 abducted from brooklyn that were casually mentioned in the first part of our movie none of this really

1028
01:21:40,640 --> 01:21:45,360
 matters at all because a little later they are just politely escorted out of the film i did like

1029
01:21:45,360 --> 01:21:51,200
 that one of the women is perpetually holding a cigarette in her fingers like she's on her way

1030
01:21:51,200 --> 01:21:57,440
 to breakfast at tiffany's does she have a pack and that's how she's getting with cigarette after

1031
01:21:57,440 --> 01:22:03,440
 cigarette because you don't see anybody in the dinosaur world ever smoking nah she probably had

1032
01:22:03,440 --> 01:22:07,520
 him tucked into her bra she's walking around looking for a light no thing she can get her those guns

1033
01:22:07,520 --> 01:22:13,600
 that blast out those giant orbs hey any port in a storm man sure it's here that danielle says oh

1034
01:22:13,600 --> 01:22:19,680
 my god they're looking for this princess they say in his princess daisy and they're like wait daisy's

1035
01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:26,960
 a princess since when now yep this is the first moment that they even interject this royal lineage

1036
01:22:26,960 --> 01:22:33,200
 the pale for it is not great either we come back to the car and mario and louis G they're riding

1037
01:22:33,200 --> 01:22:38,560
 with mojo nixon in the back of this patrol car and they take him for intake at the police station

1038
01:22:38,560 --> 01:22:45,760
 and the officer asked for their names and mario says that his name is mario mario which is a little

1039
01:22:45,760 --> 01:22:50,320
 bit silly i kind of expected to be like you're my last name fuck you that's my name that would have

1040
01:22:50,320 --> 01:22:55,840
 been even better but this movie is pg but when he says his name's mario mario i was like that's kind

1041
01:22:55,840 --> 01:23:01,040
 of silly but then there was dougie dug he had the same first name in last name and for that matter

1042
01:23:01,040 --> 01:23:07,280
 chris christy is pretty close and chris christofferson honey boo boo bam bam bigalo joey joe joe shabadoo

1043
01:23:07,280 --> 01:23:14,080
 the list goes on an oboe this is one the one and only thing that i think that's made its way into

1044
01:23:14,080 --> 01:23:20,000
 the video game canon from this movie because never before had a last name been mentioned

1045
01:23:20,000 --> 01:23:25,200
 it was mentioned in this movie and then moving forward that has been true in the video game

1046
01:23:25,200 --> 01:23:30,480
 doesn't cramer on sinefeld isn't his last name cramer isn't he cramer cramer that's his last

1047
01:23:30,480 --> 01:23:34,240
 name his first name is cosmo we'll strike that i'm clearly i've been paying attention

1048
01:23:34,240 --> 01:23:38,800
 sinefeld is not a show that holds up for me i've tried to go back and rewatch it i'm like this is

1049
01:23:38,800 --> 01:23:44,960
 intolerable i have not gone back to watch it because i was afraid of that very thing and just

1050
01:23:44,960 --> 01:23:50,720
 wanted to live better in my memory and so lately i've just watched the good place again wise choice

1051
01:23:50,720 --> 01:23:56,160
 yeah terrific show by the way and if you really do like that show you should read the book how to

1052
01:23:56,160 --> 01:24:02,080
 be perfect by michael sure i think i'm getting the audiobook of that you will not be disappointed

1053
01:24:02,080 --> 01:24:06,320
 it is fantastic what we're talking about this episode's been full of all kinds of surprises

1054
01:24:06,320 --> 01:24:10,880
 the least of which or anything related to this one let's just talk about jeremy barry for a minute

1055
01:24:10,880 --> 01:24:19,440
 and how how funny that is mario and louis g and mojo nixon are taken before a cop who's getting

1056
01:24:19,440 --> 01:24:25,360
 this weird like face foot job from some woman uh-huh in the general weird kinky hoardingess of this

1057
01:24:25,360 --> 01:24:30,080
 movie and like you said this is where we get the mario mario and louis g mario and then they just

1058
01:24:30,080 --> 01:24:36,160
 get cattle prodded into some they go to like this delousing chamber it's an antifungal

1059
01:24:36,160 --> 01:24:40,160
 it's like what andy do frane went through before he headed into shawl shake except the

1060
01:24:40,160 --> 01:24:45,360
 gee clothes on and nobody's you know taking bets on who's gonna start crying first or get raped

1061
01:24:45,360 --> 01:24:52,720
 first mario mario went through one mile of antifungal for one smell of freedom how about you fresh fish

1062
01:24:52,720 --> 01:24:58,160
 who says he's talking about siz marios who's the fish can i ride a fish i'll feed it something marios

1063
01:24:58,160 --> 01:25:02,400
 he's talking about us he's saying that one of us is probably gonna get raped i know which one i

1064
01:25:02,400 --> 01:25:08,720
 hope it isn't that's you you know look i do kind of like the rough stuff i got to be honest maybe

1065
01:25:08,720 --> 01:25:12,400
 uh it's called consensual non-consensual

1066
01:25:12,400 --> 01:25:20,800
 with a mario brothers i'm looking for the mario sisters over there i drop my soap again and mario

1067
01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:27,120
 was so into it that the sisters never bothered him again it was the thrill of the hunt that turned

1068
01:25:27,120 --> 01:25:34,000
 them on him serving himself up as a buffet somehow made it less enjoyable two things never happened

1069
01:25:34,000 --> 01:25:41,680
 after that night one the sisters never bothered mario mario again also mario never got sexually

1070
01:25:41,680 --> 01:25:48,640
 satisfied again upon his release mario crawled through a mile of shit to get back into prison not

1071
01:25:48,640 --> 01:25:58,560
 that he wanted to be back in prison he just wanted to crawl through a mile of shit

1072
01:25:58,560 --> 01:26:04,160
 i want to watch that movie so much more than i want to watch this so when they get thrown back

1073
01:26:04,160 --> 01:26:10,400
 into this cell and they're just these cages stacked on top of each other and mojo nixon is above

1074
01:26:10,400 --> 01:26:16,320
 themy and he says listen man i gotta tell you that focus is so good this city and then they just get

1075
01:26:16,320 --> 01:26:22,880
 chained against a wall with red dots appearing on them and like they're being shot by snipers

1076
01:26:22,880 --> 01:26:28,160
 and it turns out they're just taking pictures and then mojo nixon kind of sings the story of them

1077
01:26:28,160 --> 01:26:34,240
 traveling into another dimension because he apparently has talked to them enough in the police

1078
01:26:34,240 --> 01:26:41,440
 car that he knows the tale of the marios now and he also says i think this fungus here it's a role

1079
01:26:41,440 --> 01:26:47,280
 king man de-evolved and reconvenience on the city huh yeah right this city used to have a king

1080
01:26:47,280 --> 01:26:55,440
 but now they have democratic elections according to all the signage so dennis koopa did he have a

1081
01:26:55,440 --> 01:27:00,800
 coup yeah it was a military queue where you use the de-evolver which we will get to here in just a

1082
01:27:00,800 --> 01:27:06,480
 minute maybe the king was a figurehead like in the uk just it was more ceremonial that actually

1083
01:27:06,480 --> 01:27:13,200
 integrated into the governing of the people clearly this koopa led city is very colonial

1084
01:27:13,200 --> 01:27:18,000
 well people don't care for it there's fungus everywhere man places gone hell just pick up the

1085
01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:23,680
 trash make the trains run on time come on football on sundays leave enough drugs on the street so

1086
01:27:23,680 --> 01:27:28,000
 that people can get a little bit high not too high but enough to where they show up to work on monday

1087
01:27:28,000 --> 01:27:33,680
 come on man i think what you're talking about is just being a warlord so the mario brothers are

1088
01:27:33,680 --> 01:27:39,520
 taken to meet their lawyer who it turns out is dennis koopa pretending to be a lawyer why would he do

1089
01:27:39,520 --> 01:27:46,400
 this i have no idea they clearly saw his face everywhere in the city before they were arrested

1090
01:27:46,400 --> 01:27:51,920
 he's not fooling anybody just rule the city with an iron fist beat the shit out of these two to get

1091
01:27:51,920 --> 01:27:56,720
 the information you need then murder them both and leave them in the desert to be eaten by worms or

1092
01:27:56,720 --> 01:28:02,640
 birds or whatever the hell else evolution and it has created to deal with the carcasses of dead

1093
01:28:02,640 --> 01:28:08,720
 creatures he's asking about where this rock is and they're like look we just need to talk to this

1094
01:28:08,720 --> 01:28:14,000
 koopa weirdo i'll tell you where it's not it's not in my pants i don't care how long you look you

1095
01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:19,200
 could look and look and look and keep looking what you probably want to do just to make sure you

1096
01:28:19,200 --> 01:28:23,520
 probably want to pick up a mallet just bang my crotch a little bit make sure that you don't feel

1097
01:28:23,520 --> 01:28:30,560
 a rock or nothing under my underwear is dennis koopa is like just tell me where the rock is man

1098
01:28:30,560 --> 01:28:35,120
 louis g says we don't know what you're talking about with all this rocks is and stuff he tries

1099
01:28:35,120 --> 01:28:41,360
 to puncture louis g's eyes into louis g skull yeah just go with his thumb cable at him

1100
01:28:41,360 --> 01:28:49,440
 see that was dennis hopper improvising that was not in the script that was no he just jumped over and

1101
01:28:49,440 --> 01:28:55,680
 grab leg was almost head and was trying to blind him with his thumbs and they were like oh cut cut cut

1102
01:28:55,680 --> 01:29:02,960
 dennis you can't kill him what oh shit sorry just give me my ether man and so dennis koopa then

1103
01:29:02,960 --> 01:29:10,960
 orders them taken to the devo chamber uh-huh and there we see mojo nixon strapped into this chair

1104
01:29:10,960 --> 01:29:15,680
 shouting meanwhile everybody loves the king man the king's coming back and the as soon as he says

1105
01:29:15,680 --> 01:29:21,840
 the word king elvis is everywhere just starts playing in my head yeah but he is pushed into this

1106
01:29:21,840 --> 01:29:27,520
 d-evolver machine which basically the chair moves up and your head goes into this giant

1107
01:29:27,520 --> 01:29:33,200
 hairdryer and then he's d evolved into a goomba which as you pointed out earlier is just like a

1108
01:29:33,200 --> 01:29:39,440
 softball sized lizard head and his body again looks like the animatiax are trying to sneak into the

1109
01:29:39,440 --> 01:29:47,040
 studio in a trench coat sometime here in the next few moments of the film he gets a harmonica holder

1110
01:29:47,040 --> 01:29:53,040
 placed around his neck so that you recognize mojo goomba whenever he shows up because they're

1111
01:29:53,040 --> 01:29:58,000
 all pretty indistinguishable from one another it's like levern and surely putting the elle on her

1112
01:29:58,000 --> 01:30:02,560
 blouse so you know who's who right because all the ladies look alike did you know that that's why

1113
01:30:02,560 --> 01:30:07,600
 she wore the elle because audiences couldn't remember who was who and so penny marshal was like just

1114
01:30:07,600 --> 01:30:13,200
 put a big elle on all of my clothes so that they know i'm levern uh that's both smart and kind of

1115
01:30:13,200 --> 01:30:17,840
 sad i know but hey penny marshal that's why she played the director and get shorty

1116
01:30:17,840 --> 01:30:28,640
 so dennis koopa and explain that they get all healthy d evolved back into like primordial goo

1117
01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:33,360
 which comes to play at the end of the movie and then i didn't even catch that but okay mario and

1118
01:30:33,360 --> 01:30:39,360
 louisie shove koopa into the d-vo chair which he gets zapped a little bit but nothing really comes

1119
01:30:39,360 --> 01:30:46,400
 of that until way later and then mario and louisie run the fungus drops a bobam this tiny little

1120
01:30:46,400 --> 01:30:50,560
 bomb with legs like a little wind up bomb in front of them and they just ignore like hey

1121
01:30:50,560 --> 01:30:54,560
 look at this weird fungus i won't do if i can rub it on my crotch i wonder what it would do

1122
01:30:54,560 --> 01:31:02,000
 louisie grab that i need to hide it right up oh yeah oh but don't go off slippery just like vassaline

1123
01:31:02,000 --> 01:31:07,840
 remember vassaline makes things gooey buy it at your local store use promo code ass

1124
01:31:07,840 --> 01:31:13,840
 chan and mario and louisie swing temple of doom style toward the exit while a bunch of goomba

1125
01:31:13,840 --> 01:31:20,400
 shoot at him it's like they're on a zip line and all of this feels very geared towards a very

1126
01:31:20,400 --> 01:31:27,200
 young audience it's all very silly and the music is like bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam

1127
01:31:27,200 --> 01:31:34,400
 there's no peril at all it's just wacky p.g rated high adventure no one's gonna get hit by a fireball

1128
01:31:34,400 --> 01:31:41,840
 and see their arm ripped off but also moments before we saw this woman pushing her high heel into the

1129
01:31:41,840 --> 01:31:48,080
 face of a cop during the intake and that's where you're like who is this movie for again do you think

1130
01:31:48,080 --> 01:31:54,880
 this movie would have been better if they had cast children in the roles of mario louisie and

1131
01:31:54,880 --> 01:32:00,720
 daisy but they kept everything else the same yeah as adults and it was cut from the same cloth as

1132
01:32:00,720 --> 01:32:07,200
 home alone or all of those john hues shit movies he made late in his career like dennis the menace

1133
01:32:07,200 --> 01:32:12,080
 or baby's day out where it's basically young kids sticking it to adults

1134
01:32:12,080 --> 01:32:21,360
 if everything else remained the same then no because you still have lines like you know what

1135
01:32:21,360 --> 01:32:27,200
 they say no girl ever forgets the first time she's kissed by a lizard well you would clearly have to

1136
01:32:27,200 --> 01:32:32,240
 edit around some of these things you can't have dennis hopper putting his gene simmons

1137
01:32:32,240 --> 01:32:38,240
 forked lizard tongue into a child's mouth not in my movie i'm picturing this is more of a

1138
01:32:38,240 --> 01:32:45,120
 buxie melodia fair where you change nothing but the actors you remake this movie everyone's a muppet

1139
01:32:45,120 --> 01:32:51,760
 but dennis hopper and all the muppets are nude yeah and graphically said and anatomically correct

1140
01:32:51,760 --> 01:33:00,560
 exaggerated evil like overtly sexualized that's horrifying yeah i mean i guess that's kind of

1141
01:33:00,560 --> 01:33:06,000
 meet the feebles and you see the trailer for this tv show called the mayhem oh the muppet mayhem

1142
01:33:06,000 --> 01:33:10,400
 no no no yeah it looks terrible you know why they shouldn't make anything to do with the muppets

1143
01:33:10,400 --> 01:33:16,400
 anymore because jim hinton's dead yeah and frankoz isn't around and the people who figured out the

1144
01:33:16,400 --> 01:33:22,480
 magic of the muppets aren't here that's what made them up it's great yeah i agree just leave it alone

1145
01:33:22,480 --> 01:33:26,800
 no pushback for me so what is oh yes they steal a cop car

1146
01:33:26,800 --> 01:33:34,400
 louisci finds something to make it go because he plays video games he says speaking of the muppets

1147
01:33:34,400 --> 01:33:40,000
 they crash into another car and using physics that i haven't seen since the original muppet

1148
01:33:40,000 --> 01:33:44,800
 movie their car ends up on top of another car right harry's chasing after what you guys

1149
01:33:44,800 --> 01:33:53,920
 that's where i think in this movie that if you had had children as mario and louisci it makes

1150
01:33:53,920 --> 01:33:59,440
 this kind of stupid shit a little more plausible like kids driving cars and doing adult things

1151
01:33:59,440 --> 01:34:03,920
 the movie's terrible i'm trying to find some way to make it better yeah how do we make this

1152
01:34:03,920 --> 01:34:09,440
 movie less worse and it's really like well how about a just a consistent script and a point this

1153
01:34:09,440 --> 01:34:16,320
 movie feels like a day at work where you are incredibly busy doing stuff but at the end of the

1154
01:34:16,320 --> 01:34:21,680
 day when you look back on it you didn't get anything done like it's full of activity but

1155
01:34:21,680 --> 01:34:29,520
 nothing happens it has the depth of plot you find in most comic books not excuse me coloring books

1156
01:34:29,520 --> 01:34:36,080
 where it's like here's some characters they've done some things we're done so this car chase ends

1157
01:34:36,080 --> 01:34:43,840
 with them heading down a tunnel because louisci says marios we should get up on the parkways

1158
01:34:43,840 --> 01:34:48,400
 and then go find the daisies and then louisci's like that there's this creepy tunnel over here

1159
01:34:48,400 --> 01:34:52,480
 this is probably where all the prostitutes you know and all the the freaks and tranks and lobos

1160
01:34:52,480 --> 01:34:56,240
 you know the people that really do weird shit for not a lot of money let's go to end this tunnel

1161
01:34:56,240 --> 01:35:02,960
 so that's where they hit and they end up driving through the back of this tunnel wall their car

1162
01:35:02,960 --> 01:35:09,520
 runs out of power and they drive off a cliff yeah and they scream as the car is plummeting towards

1163
01:35:09,520 --> 01:35:16,400
 the ground they've got to be thinking these are the moments before i die but fortunately the fungus

1164
01:35:16,400 --> 01:35:22,240
 catches them yeah at that point they're they're kind of saved and louisci is once again like marios

1165
01:35:22,240 --> 01:35:28,000
 the fungus is trying to save us all the time can we just go ahead and talk about the fungus i'm sure

1166
01:35:28,000 --> 01:35:35,440
 the fungus is the king of kupo burger wherever the hell we are yeah and he was deevolved into this

1167
01:35:35,440 --> 01:35:42,640
 fungus so the fungus is alive and is trying to help them on their journey to who cares is aware

1168
01:35:42,640 --> 01:35:49,040
 somehow that even though it's been devolved into a fungus the king still is aware enough that it's

1169
01:35:49,040 --> 01:35:55,920
 actively trying to help mario and louisci beat dennis kupa it doesn't make any sense but that's

1170
01:35:55,920 --> 01:36:03,120
 what's going on so they hop out of their car then we go back to dennis kupa who was taking a mud bath

1171
01:36:03,120 --> 01:36:08,640
 with fiona shaw i mean not bad work if he can get it you know what i'm saying she's lena in our

1172
01:36:08,640 --> 01:36:14,400
 movie uh-huh and she is his number two and she's kind of holding a tiny snake in the mud things are

1173
01:36:14,400 --> 01:36:19,840
 getting weird yeah but mario wishes he was here kupa shows no signs of being deevolved from his

1174
01:36:19,840 --> 01:36:25,040
 earlier heads up that's right none of that's really mentioned ever again spike and icky show up and

1175
01:36:25,040 --> 01:36:30,240
 they wait into the mud because there are a couple of morons and dennis kupa learns that mario and

1176
01:36:30,240 --> 01:36:36,640
 louisci have escaped to the desert and this is kind of a nod to the game as well that the desert was a

1177
01:36:36,640 --> 01:36:43,200
 location for one of the game level so i was like i guess i'll give you that and then dennis kupa says

1178
01:36:43,200 --> 01:36:49,920
 to spike and icky what are you two idiots doing here wait outside and so they leave and dennis kupa

1179
01:36:49,920 --> 01:36:55,200
 says lena you know what i love about mud it's clean and it's dirty at the same time

1180
01:36:55,200 --> 01:37:05,920
 get me the princess somewhere mario was like hey louisci i sense a great disturbance in the

1181
01:37:05,920 --> 01:37:13,360
 horniness somebody's into some weird shit like me lena goes to get daisy from this room of brookalyn

1182
01:37:13,360 --> 01:37:22,080
 ladies and this all leads to them going to the devo chamber where spike and icky are strapped

1183
01:37:22,080 --> 01:37:30,160
 into the chair one by one and instead of devolve they're evolved into smarter versions of themselves

1184
01:37:30,160 --> 01:37:37,280
 in a scene that is not funny or interesting and i hate these characters after they are evolved they

1185
01:37:37,280 --> 01:37:43,200
 reminded me of those two gophers from the warner brothers' cartoons because all their dialogue

1186
01:37:43,200 --> 01:37:49,840
 it's not intelligent it's just slightly more sophisticated where they're just like where's our

1187
01:37:49,840 --> 01:37:56,240
 boss? Indubitably that sounds like a splendid idea oh we have been transformed even to transmogrified

1188
01:37:56,240 --> 01:38:01,440
 we've gone through a metamorphosis of sorts yeah oh very delightful would you give some rudebega

1189
01:38:01,440 --> 01:38:05,280
 i believe that i would how about some indive of course thank you no thank you no thank you no thank

1190
01:38:05,280 --> 01:38:11,840
 you we last saw fiona chara speaking of lena in the movie the avengers no not the marvel one

1191
01:38:11,840 --> 01:38:19,440
 the other one where she played father yeah the mother father yeah weirdo stuff she was in those

1192
01:38:19,440 --> 01:38:23,920
 harry potter movies i think everybody was in those i think you and i were in those harry potter movies

1193
01:38:23,920 --> 01:38:28,640
 yeah i was in prison or vazkaban she's related to the wheezeleys because she has red hair and she's

1194
01:38:28,640 --> 01:38:36,960
 british and those movies great actress really slummined here obviously and as is everybody right and so

1195
01:38:36,960 --> 01:38:43,520
 denis cupa sends iggy and spike to the desert to go get the plumbers and more specifically get the

1196
01:38:43,520 --> 01:38:50,560
 meteorite yes and so meanwhile daisy gets all tarted up to meet denis cupa he's thrown some clothes by

1197
01:38:50,560 --> 01:38:57,040
 lena and lena is like you know i knew your mother you have her eyes also denis cupa believes that only

1198
01:38:57,040 --> 01:39:02,400
 you can mote the dimensions i disagree there's a quick cutaway to mario and louis g

1199
01:39:02,400 --> 01:39:07,760
 trekking through the desert just to remind you like oh right this is a super mario brothers movie

1200
01:39:07,760 --> 01:39:12,880
 but louis gee has his shirt off mario's like louis gee take his shirt off all right a little

1201
01:39:12,880 --> 01:39:18,560
 sum for the ladies a little sum for the mario's then we come back to denis cupa who calls the cop who

1202
01:39:18,560 --> 01:39:24,800
 was the intake cop for mario and like he shows up a bunch in this movie and he says hey man did you

1203
01:39:24,800 --> 01:39:30,640
 get those devo guns for the goombas that i asked for and he's like uh yeah we got those denis cupa

1204
01:39:30,640 --> 01:39:38,000
 great great also remind me again what did these plumbers come from what are their ancient ancestors

1205
01:39:38,000 --> 01:39:46,320
 man and he's like uh apes are all right monkeys good good and then lena shows up with daisy and daisy

1206
01:39:46,320 --> 01:39:53,760
 is put in a room with this little dinosaur that is supposed to be yoshi a and i use quotes again

1207
01:39:53,760 --> 01:39:59,280
 cute dinosaur that just looks like one of them little Jurassic park dinosaurs that's gonna eat you

1208
01:39:59,280 --> 01:40:04,800
 alive it looks like an oversized copy it looks nothing like yoshi from the video game but i gotta

1209
01:40:04,800 --> 01:40:12,800
 say man this walkin dinosaur puppet looks amazing i felt like it was cgi it's like a full functioning

1210
01:40:12,800 --> 01:40:19,440
 dinosaur puppet the cgi's real bad but there are some really good puppet and latex effects in this

1211
01:40:19,440 --> 01:40:22,800
 i do like that they kind of wedge yoshi in whenever they can because you know they've

1212
01:40:22,800 --> 01:40:29,440
 been a fortune on this right dinosaur puppet there's a scene where yoshi should be dead but they're

1213
01:40:29,440 --> 01:40:37,280
 like bull shit not from the price that we paid for this thing absolutely not so denis cupa plays

1214
01:40:37,280 --> 01:40:43,600
 host to daisy and he spends a globe and he kind of lets it drop that like cupa city is all there is

1215
01:40:43,600 --> 01:40:50,320
 man the rest of the planet's a desert and she says so where is my father again he's like yeah yeah

1216
01:40:50,320 --> 01:40:55,760
 he's a round man don't even worry about it look look and then this is the scene where he gets real

1217
01:40:55,760 --> 01:41:01,600
 closer he's like i just want to ask you do you know the saying about little girls never forgetting

1218
01:41:01,600 --> 01:41:07,600
 the first time they're kissed by a lizard and then this crazy tongue comes out and she's like me

1219
01:41:07,600 --> 01:41:16,320
 and eyes of you and i'm like eeee and she's clearly not into it so he's like man bring me that plumber

1220
01:41:16,320 --> 01:41:23,440
 i bet he's into some freaky shit man i could lick his balls and tickle his asshole at the same time

1221
01:41:23,440 --> 01:41:28,800
 with both my hands in the air there's another saying you never forget your first time licking

1222
01:41:28,800 --> 01:41:38,000
 a plumber man so mojo gooba is brought in to take her away and as she's leaving denis cupa says

1223
01:41:38,000 --> 01:41:43,680
 in another creepy moment says all right put her somewhere where i can get her because i'm gonna

1224
01:41:43,680 --> 01:41:49,520
 have to use her later man you're like oh the way that you said use her does not sound like you mean

1225
01:41:49,520 --> 01:41:54,480
 just putting the rock in the thing and just to make sure that we know he's our bad guy after

1226
01:41:54,480 --> 01:42:02,880
 mojo goomba takes away daisy denis cupa just kicks Yoshi the dinosaur yeah i'm a boy with that

1227
01:42:02,880 --> 01:42:10,000
 that that's that's a that's a moment in this movie that i support just kick the fucking thing

1228
01:42:12,800 --> 01:42:17,440
 so we cut to the desert where iggy and spy see the mario brothers just kind of wandering

1229
01:42:17,440 --> 01:42:24,960
 through the desert and they're driving this death race 2000 go-kart do buggy yeah and they just end

1230
01:42:24,960 --> 01:42:30,480
 up crash into a mud pit mario and louisie see this go down and they take him hostage and they demand

1231
01:42:30,480 --> 01:42:35,360
 like hey tell us what daisy is well we desire that you give us the location of the magical rock

1232
01:42:35,360 --> 01:42:40,880
 yes indeed what a bright idea hmm wonderful they strike a deal where mario and louisie say

1233
01:42:40,880 --> 01:42:45,600
 we'll give you the rock but you have to take us to daisy they're like well that sounds like a

1234
01:42:45,600 --> 01:42:51,360
 perfectly crumbulent idea we can agree to that where is the rock and they say well actually

1235
01:42:51,360 --> 01:42:58,080
 we don't have the rock right now there was this woman in a red get-up and she took the rock they're

1236
01:42:58,080 --> 01:43:04,880
 like was she a copulent woman and then all i can think of is was she a great big fat person and

1237
01:43:04,880 --> 01:43:09,600
 then they realized that they were talking about big birtha who is the owner of this bar

1238
01:43:09,600 --> 01:43:15,040
 which is going to lead us to the weirdest scene of the movie which is really saying something

1239
01:43:15,040 --> 01:43:22,080
 is it the weirdest scene we'll get to it but yes for me there were two scenes in this movie

1240
01:43:22,080 --> 01:43:28,000
 that were the most off-putting but yeah it might be the weirdest scene but not the most unsettling

1241
01:43:28,000 --> 01:43:32,240
 we cut up to the penthouse where yoshi is trying to chew through his chain so he doesn't get kicked

1242
01:43:32,240 --> 01:43:40,160
 but dead in scuba again and daisy is kind of soothing him and then we see that the iggy and

1243
01:43:40,160 --> 01:43:48,320
 spike and the mario brothers are kind of peeking over this hill to see a bunch of dudes and gas masks

1244
01:43:48,320 --> 01:43:54,640
 maybe goombas i was never clear on that who are driving this trash truck back into the city and

1245
01:43:54,640 --> 01:43:58,640
 so they just go down there and knock them out and steal this truck and that's how they get back

1246
01:43:58,640 --> 01:44:04,000
 into the city from the desert and then we go to this bar which i think is called the boom boom bar

1247
01:44:04,000 --> 01:44:12,080
 when i was a kid there was a mom in my neighborhood and when one of her youngest kids a son or a

1248
01:44:12,080 --> 01:44:16,960
 daughter whenever she thought one of them had to take a shit she would say do you need to go make a

1249
01:44:16,960 --> 01:44:22,240
 boom boom which is what i thought of when i heard about the boom boom bar that is a detail

1250
01:44:22,240 --> 01:44:29,040
 kid's mom calling it making a boom boom is a detail that would be in any steven king novel

1251
01:44:29,040 --> 01:44:34,000
 that sounds about right but i will say in the real world as i became an adult and i thought about

1252
01:44:34,000 --> 01:44:39,760
 her calling it a boom boom i thought maybe she just has like explosive shits i mean like the kind of

1253
01:44:39,760 --> 01:44:46,000
 thing like every time she shits it involves bleach and a toilet brush and like sweat now just for

1254
01:44:46,000 --> 01:44:51,280
 ass just getting the place in shape that someone else could come in and not throw up oh so so we go

1255
01:44:51,280 --> 01:44:56,800
 to the bar chat the boom boom bar the first thing they do is mario has to hand over his belt of tools

1256
01:44:56,800 --> 01:45:02,800
 like it is a guest or an old west saloon or something and like sam ailey it's out front like no one's

1257
01:45:02,800 --> 01:45:07,840
 saying you can't have your tools no one says you can't carry your tools we just say you can't carry

1258
01:45:07,840 --> 01:45:13,600
 your tools in town like buster scrubs i must say i feel a little bit nude coming in here without

1259
01:45:13,600 --> 01:45:21,760
 a weapon they're also in these red and yellow zoot suits they look like loyd and harry when they

1260
01:45:21,760 --> 01:45:27,920
 showed up wearing those like purple and orange tuxedos it's really out of place what they're wearing

1261
01:45:27,920 --> 01:45:32,800
 and it's totally unexplained like there's some line somewhere about like we have to get you these

1262
01:45:32,800 --> 01:45:37,520
 suits to get in the club or something spike and iggy say that they belong to their wives or their

1263
01:45:37,520 --> 01:45:42,640
 girlfriends or something and how they're kind of feminine but they're not it's strange costuming

1264
01:45:42,640 --> 01:45:48,080
 in our direction all coming together just to make your eyes go cross the co-check girl or the

1265
01:45:48,080 --> 01:45:53,040
 tool check girl calls the cops because there's also a big wanted poster of these plumbers on the

1266
01:45:53,040 --> 01:45:57,440
 wall. It's two plumbers is here come get them i want my koopa coins which by the way you get

1267
01:45:57,440 --> 01:46:03,280
 two thousand koopa coins if you turn in the plumbers is that a lot two thousand bot over in

1268
01:46:03,280 --> 01:46:09,040
 tai land is like 50 bucks here really you're gonna turn somebody in for that what's the usd

1269
01:46:09,040 --> 01:46:15,200
 to koopa coin exchange rate right is it pound sterling or is it lira also chad there is a

1270
01:46:15,200 --> 01:46:22,000
 tremendous amount of tna in this scene almost everyone is wearing fishnet or mesh or rubber or

1271
01:46:22,000 --> 01:46:28,160
 something unusual that's what the kids like there's dance music playing there is a weird

1272
01:46:28,160 --> 01:46:34,960
 thriller style dance happening on the floor that at present does not include mario and luigi it's

1273
01:46:34,960 --> 01:46:42,240
 just happening also the song that's being played is sung by christie amplet the front

1274
01:46:42,240 --> 01:46:47,760
 woman for the divinals and the song she's singing is a love is the drug and she has a voice that is

1275
01:46:47,760 --> 01:46:53,040
 clearly synonymous with the song i touch myself one of the best if not the best pop songs about

1276
01:46:53,040 --> 01:46:59,760
 female masturbation i've ever heard it's up there that or weighing dang sweet pune tank i'm sure that

1277
01:46:59,760 --> 01:47:07,120
 l7 probably has a song about that volcano girls is probably up there mojo nixon had time i

1278
01:47:07,120 --> 01:47:12,880
 peck it to my leg it's a different genre but what is the the song he had about dildo so what was that

1279
01:47:12,880 --> 01:47:19,120
 going on it culminates in the him saying vibrator zill it it be she's vibrator dependent

1280
01:47:19,120 --> 01:47:25,200
 vibrator dependent that's what it was put 220 on the money honey he's vibrator dependent

1281
01:47:25,200 --> 01:47:32,320
 she don't want me in it she just wants to play with her toys oh my god mojo nixon god bless you

1282
01:47:32,320 --> 01:47:37,840
 she pulled it out vibrator zillers what she called it vibrator zilla it'd be

1283
01:47:37,840 --> 01:47:44,800
 is how you put that give me something big and ugly vibrator zilla it'd be oh shit

1284
01:47:44,800 --> 01:47:53,200
 if listers take nothing else away from this it's a celebration of mojo nixon you say the bar is

1285
01:47:53,200 --> 01:47:55,840
 close son all hell just give me a beer

1286
01:47:55,840 --> 01:48:07,120
 come on in boys where's the jin he had a song called jenn guzzlin frenzy jenn guzzlin frenzy

1287
01:48:07,120 --> 01:48:13,200
 that i mean that's really the great mojo nixon one two punch of beer ain't drinking and jenn guzzlin

1288
01:48:13,200 --> 01:48:18,640
 frenzy it's really all you need to know about drinking he had take me to your leader the whole

1289
01:48:18,640 --> 01:48:25,760
 song about aliens invading and then when they asked mojo to take him to the leader of planet

1290
01:48:25,760 --> 01:48:31,840
 earth he took him to mayberry north carolina and introduce him to odes the drug in the jail

1291
01:48:31,840 --> 01:48:40,720
 i mean let's not forget that his big head elvis is everywhere had that moment of uncalled for

1292
01:48:40,720 --> 01:48:47,600
 throne shade of there is one person out there that's got no will this in them at all the the anti-elvis

1293
01:48:47,600 --> 01:48:53,520
 michael jfox says no will listen just going after michael jfox for no good reason oh my god he was

1294
01:48:53,520 --> 01:48:58,400
 not in this movie now he wasn't in too many movies and you know it's crazy when i think about him

1295
01:48:58,400 --> 01:49:04,960
 being in new james i get him confused with tom way it's well of course like which one was in

1296
01:49:04,960 --> 01:49:11,040
 fissure king was at mojo nixon or tom ways who was in down by law the jim jarmish film is that mojo

1297
01:49:11,040 --> 01:49:16,320
 nixon or tom ways who was who played rinfield in copelish drackett there's part of his like was he

1298
01:49:16,320 --> 01:49:22,080
 in mystery men how good would he have been as rancid master master

1299
01:49:22,080 --> 01:49:30,400
 whoa come on give me a spotter let me eat it so what if i give you a cat okay be great

1300
01:49:30,400 --> 01:49:34,720
 they all the blood in that thing man look at this dude crawling up the wall that's a

1301
01:49:34,720 --> 01:49:41,760
 drackler i gotta tell you dr this sound is full of dracklers he is something else all right we got uh

1302
01:49:42,720 --> 01:49:48,640
 all right so getting back to the weirdest scene of the movie mario then decides listen luigi you

1303
01:49:48,640 --> 01:49:54,480
 wait here i'm irresistible to women like this who wear spikes and probably like to step on balls

1304
01:49:54,480 --> 01:50:03,920
 so he goes to big birtha who is wearing her trademark red leather silver studded jacket and and

1305
01:50:03,920 --> 01:50:11,200
 pants and is wearing the bit of meteor right around her neck that she's a large woman it would take

1306
01:50:11,200 --> 01:50:19,360
 two bob hoskins to barely enjoy a sea salt ride with this lady if goombas are three kids trying

1307
01:50:19,360 --> 01:50:24,720
 to sneak into the movies big birthday is a solid two children she's a big one and so mario walks

1308
01:50:24,720 --> 01:50:30,960
 over to her and he goes hey i'm mario i'm your main man and she just rares back and punches him

1309
01:50:30,960 --> 01:50:37,760
 straight up in the face and then wanders away and then mario gets up with what i'm assuming is oh yeah

1310
01:50:37,760 --> 01:50:44,080
 like a steel erection whoa he look i get off on women beating me i want you to hit me again

1311
01:50:44,080 --> 01:50:48,160
 right in the face as hard as you can and do me a favor punch me in the balls a couple of times

1312
01:50:48,160 --> 01:50:54,720
 and then big birtha is just like this is the sub i've been dreaming of this is the lid for my pot

1313
01:50:54,720 --> 01:51:01,280
 yes how do they not end up together it's a shame that they don't they dance and the whole time he is

1314
01:51:01,280 --> 01:51:07,360
 trying to get this rock off of her neck one way or the other he's trying to pull it off her tits

1315
01:51:07,360 --> 01:51:12,560
 with his teeth and at one point just trying to untie the thing and he finally gets it off and then

1316
01:51:12,560 --> 01:51:18,880
 just scammers away she looks kind of sad at first but then she understands like we were going off

1317
01:51:18,880 --> 01:51:24,400
 the deep end there and he's a little scared but he'll come back and then the music changes and we

1318
01:51:24,400 --> 01:51:31,280
 hear a cover of walk the dinosaur by george clinton sands the parlament funkadallic collective this was

1319
01:51:31,280 --> 01:51:37,920
 a song that debuted in the flintstones movie with john goodman that was a pretty good adaptation of

1320
01:51:37,920 --> 01:51:41,920
 an iconically shitty cartoon it's not something that people should go out on the right away to

1321
01:51:41,920 --> 01:51:47,680
 watch it's no excuse i want to clarify it is not a good movie it is a good adaptation of a shitty

1322
01:51:47,680 --> 01:51:52,240
 cartoon that is somehow iconic how are they still making fucking flintstone vitamins and fruity

1323
01:51:52,240 --> 01:51:57,280
 pebbles and cocoa pebbles those characters aren't even a thing anymore are they let me just say this

1324
01:51:57,280 --> 01:52:02,800
 shut your mouth i know cocoa pebbles cocoa pebbles are fantastic cereal i knew i was walking into

1325
01:52:02,800 --> 01:52:08,960
 that i i you know look i don't care one shit about the flintstones but you come from my cocoa

1326
01:52:08,960 --> 01:52:14,400
 pebbles and we got problems you like both the pebbles you like cocoa and fruity i prefer the

1327
01:52:14,400 --> 01:52:19,040
 cocoa pebbles to the fruity pebbles but the fruity it's just his favorite like if you say hey do you

1328
01:52:19,040 --> 01:52:23,120
 have cocoa pebbles or fruity pebbles and you say oh we don't have cocoa pebbles i'm like that's okay

1329
01:52:23,120 --> 01:52:29,280
 it's just his favorite it's just not as much favorite snow cones but i like i like to play

1330
01:52:29,280 --> 01:52:35,520
 i like to play half game because i still get full bowl of cocoa pebbles but you get it full

1331
01:52:35,520 --> 01:52:39,840
 bowl of cocoa pebbles you play half game or full game so i'll play half game just play half game

1332
01:52:39,840 --> 01:52:43,440
 this podcast is for two people and it's the two people making it

1333
01:52:43,440 --> 01:52:52,640
 so anyway yeah walk the dinosaur is played and then link in uh the red headed number two to

1334
01:52:52,640 --> 01:52:58,400
 dennis koopa she shows up right and she's in bond yeah that's the boom boom bar it's what you

1335
01:52:58,400 --> 01:53:05,360
 wear man this movie is so inexplicably horny glory holes in the bag and rooms downstairs where

1336
01:53:05,360 --> 01:53:10,400
 there's no lights there's just somebody with more of that fungus stuff being poured on them in like

1337
01:53:10,400 --> 01:53:17,200
 a foam booth there's a scramble as mario and louisie are trying to get away and much like the beginning

1338
01:53:17,200 --> 01:53:22,960
 of temple of doom the second reference of that movie this episode the rock gets away and is

1339
01:53:22,960 --> 01:53:29,840
 gonna fall through this grate but fiona shaw uses her i assume eight inch alito heels to step on this

1340
01:53:29,840 --> 01:53:36,880
 thing like it's mario's balls to keep it from all in three the great louisie you go on without me i

1341
01:53:36,880 --> 01:53:45,520
 gotta date with them stilettas so i got a recipe for shishka balls she is going to pound my balls

1342
01:53:45,520 --> 01:53:51,840
 like veal cutlets then birthe shows up to save them is like hey i got these jump boots that are

1343
01:53:51,840 --> 01:53:56,320
 kind of like the video game sort of that make you jump really high but anyway you can use these

1344
01:53:56,320 --> 01:54:10,800
 to escape she refers to mario as pudgy buns right here so there's a barrier chase scene and they

1345
01:54:10,800 --> 01:54:16,320
 end up just jumping in the back of this trash truck while one of the goombas says well ain't that a

1346
01:54:16,320 --> 01:54:22,000
 damn shame so i'm gonna throw it away to perfectly good white plumbers like that i'm trying to narrow

1347
01:54:22,000 --> 01:54:27,760
 the references down to just me and just a show made for me these are the jokes folks anything

1348
01:54:27,760 --> 01:54:35,200
 anything from this shelf and above anything from the chicklets over and the jokes basically

1349
01:54:35,200 --> 01:54:42,560
 any joke within this this two-foot area and that's what you can win here folks this is the new coupon

1350
01:54:42,560 --> 01:54:47,680
 a cop the old coupon account got out of business this coupon's got a tattoo right here it says

1351
01:54:47,680 --> 01:54:53,680
 slippery wood what oh let me see that this coupe goes into this throne room where he's just kind

1352
01:54:53,680 --> 01:55:00,000
 of monologuing with this oozing fungus it looks like a big anus of an alien like where a shit

1353
01:55:00,000 --> 01:55:05,200
 comes out of it i thought it was either a shit or a testicle it looks like a hemorrhoid is a Cindy

1354
01:55:05,200 --> 01:55:10,720
 from an anus yes yes so that's happening it's just a whole lot of look at what you've turned into

1355
01:55:10,720 --> 01:55:17,200
 man don't you feel disgusted by yourself yeah you let yourself go and so we see that the super mario

1356
01:55:17,200 --> 01:55:24,000
 brothers get dumped in front of koopa tower which is convenient and then there's a scene that is

1357
01:55:24,000 --> 01:55:31,040
 played for laughs here and it's called back later where it's just Dennis koopa on this video phone

1358
01:55:31,040 --> 01:55:36,880
 ordering a pizza and the guy's like oh you're the usual with the tereducto tail he's like yeah man

1359
01:55:36,880 --> 01:55:43,200
 no mammals or worms and make it spicy and this is the point literally in my notes what are we even

1360
01:55:43,200 --> 01:55:49,280
 doing what is the point of any of this dude i'm telling you it's a day at work full of sound and

1361
01:55:49,280 --> 01:55:55,600
 fury signifying nothing at the end of this when it just stops you're like all right well that's over

1362
01:55:55,600 --> 01:56:02,480
 nothing happens it's shocking so the mario brothers get inside and once again are opening or closing

1363
01:56:02,480 --> 01:56:07,840
 the thing bells mario says like we gotta freeze them out you gotta make it really really cold that

1364
01:56:07,840 --> 01:56:13,760
 makes it hard to get an erection you got to work for it Luigi yeah your pp gets tiny but your nipples

1365
01:56:13,760 --> 01:56:19,440
 get hard geez i don't know you keep saying stuff like that marios but i just don't get off on that

1366
01:56:19,440 --> 01:56:25,040
 kind of stuff you know i just think about being with a girl and the two of us in the backs of a car

1367
01:56:25,040 --> 01:56:28,800
 you gotta open up your mind here put this under your tongue it'll all make sense in about eight

1368
01:56:28,800 --> 01:56:35,040
 minutes all right oh this tastes kind of coppery marios yeah pretty soon you're gonna want to run

1369
01:56:35,040 --> 01:56:40,320
 a hose from the back of that car right into the back seat and when you get the wooziest that's

1370
01:56:40,320 --> 01:56:46,160
 when you fuck that's dangerous mario yeah yeah it's dangerous all right but when you've been around

1371
01:56:46,160 --> 01:56:51,520
 as long as i have when you see what i see in them tunnels it takes a special kind of lady and a

1372
01:56:51,520 --> 01:56:57,360
 special kind of danger to get you off anyway so they find some jumpsuits Chad that are reminiscent

1373
01:56:57,360 --> 01:56:58,800
 of the children's video game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game

1374
01:56:58,800 --> 01:57:03,440
 for the first time we're almost at the end of this movie but they're kind of like hip-hop version

1375
01:57:03,440 --> 01:57:08,400
 kid and play or crisscross they're a little too baggy like they're suitable for pop lockin or

1376
01:57:08,400 --> 01:57:14,320
 break dancing or whatever the hell else i would be doing and they get in an elevator and there's

1377
01:57:14,320 --> 01:57:19,680
 this whole bit that's almost marx brothers esque where goombas get in the elevator and they just

1378
01:57:19,680 --> 01:57:25,760
 kind of follow their backs as the goombas turn around so that they can't be seen and there's a quick

1379
01:57:25,760 --> 01:57:32,640
 cutaway as we see lina being kind of fed up with dennis koopa and his obsession with daisy and so

1380
01:57:32,640 --> 01:57:39,440
 she gets in her head that she's just gonna put this rock in the meteor herself and open up

1381
01:57:39,440 --> 01:57:45,520
 the door to merge the two worlds together and so then we go from that back to the elevator where

1382
01:57:45,520 --> 01:57:51,120
 some more goombas have gotten on and luigi gets the bright idea because there's elevator music going

1383
01:57:51,120 --> 01:57:56,320
 he just starts rocking one of the goombas back and forth and then they all start doing that and

1384
01:57:56,320 --> 01:58:02,400
 kind of dancing together it's franky yankovic no relation to weird out and it's his song somewhere

1385
01:58:02,400 --> 01:58:08,480
 my love that's playing we get a cutaway where mojo goomba is bringing daisy some meat and she's

1386
01:58:08,480 --> 01:58:15,200
 like oh i'm a vegetarian can you bring me something like a steam vegetable tray and then lina shows up

1387
01:58:15,200 --> 01:58:20,960
 and tries to kill daisy yes she just pulls a knife on her to kill her and you're like why are you

1388
01:58:20,960 --> 01:58:26,720
 killing daisy but yoshi just whips his tongue out which is probably doing something for somebody

1389
01:58:26,720 --> 01:58:32,000
 this weird movie did you think he was gonna eat her whole body like yoshi does in the game

1390
01:58:32,000 --> 01:58:36,080
 i hope so that's what i thought would happen that he would just like glurb her in and then spit

1391
01:58:36,080 --> 01:58:41,440
 out an egg but that's not what happens because lina takes that knife that she was gonna use to

1392
01:58:41,440 --> 01:58:50,960
 kill daisy and bo she fucking stabs yoshi in the neck it's the one thing i will say about this

1393
01:58:50,960 --> 01:58:57,520
 movie it doesn't know what it's doing ever it doesn't know what it's doing but also because of that

1394
01:58:57,520 --> 01:59:05,280
 all bets are off anything could happen she stabs yoshi bo and leaves the knife in his neck if she

1395
01:59:05,280 --> 01:59:11,840
 had just carved down yoshi's belly and intros had spilled out it would not have been any more

1396
01:59:11,840 --> 01:59:17,440
 less shocking than anything else in this movie the level of unexpected activity that occurs

1397
01:59:17,440 --> 01:59:23,840
 it's up there with like full metal jacket where you're just like what is happening in this movie

1398
01:59:23,840 --> 01:59:30,400
 because they don't know what they're doing mario just sitting on a toilet louis g i am in a world of

1399
01:59:30,400 --> 01:59:35,360
 shit the goombas are all dancing in the elevator while mario and louis g escape through the roof

1400
01:59:35,360 --> 01:59:40,400
 and can you even do that is that a real thing or is that a movie thing i've never tried can you do

1401
01:59:40,400 --> 01:59:44,640
 that can you just climb out of a little hatch in the top of the elevator i feel like the answer is no

1402
01:59:44,640 --> 01:59:50,080
 not only have i not tried even if i could get the hatch open i mean capable of lifting myself

1403
01:59:50,080 --> 01:59:55,920
 by my arms alone out of an elevator so why even try like what do i want to embarrass myself like

1404
01:59:55,920 --> 02:00:01,600
 that i would rather them show up and see like puddles of piss in the corner of the elevator

1405
02:00:01,600 --> 02:00:06,640
 then then them to see like that i somehow popped open the hatch like so you can pull yourself up

1406
02:00:06,640 --> 02:00:13,040
 uh no like as opposed to you piss in the corner yeah that's okay buddy thanks it's all the time i

1407
02:00:13,040 --> 02:00:19,440
 would need like one of those three step step ladders so i could just at least get my fat gut over the

1408
02:00:19,440 --> 02:00:26,000
 top of it like oh well most of me is up here now so after all the dancing happens and they escape

1409
02:00:26,000 --> 02:00:32,400
 mojo gooba he returns with a plate of vegetables for daisy but then two more goombas come around

1410
02:00:32,400 --> 02:00:38,720
 the corner with spiking iggy on their way to execute these two per their boss's orders and then

1411
02:00:38,720 --> 02:00:45,600
 one of the goombas was spiking iggy whips out a flame thrower and just sets mojo gooba on fire

1412
02:00:45,600 --> 02:00:52,080
 bow fortunately daisy is johnny on the spot with a fire extinguisher to put mojo he's already got

1413
02:00:52,080 --> 02:00:57,360
 second and third degree burns he'll never be the same and then iggy and spike have made a real

1414
02:00:57,360 --> 02:01:02,400
 turn because remember we didn't really see much of them at the club and if you heard the intro that's

1415
02:01:02,400 --> 02:01:07,120
 because they did a little wrap where they discovered that they were sort of anti-fash as well as

1416
02:01:07,120 --> 02:01:13,440
 sudden iggy and spike help daisy and they take her to the throne room so she can meet her fungus

1417
02:01:13,440 --> 02:01:20,720
 hooray father then we cut back to louis jay mario who have made it into this elevator shaft and

1418
02:01:20,720 --> 02:01:26,480
 louis jay does the most fucked up thing in this movie where he's like hey i got an idea marios

1419
02:01:26,480 --> 02:01:33,680
 just wait and watch and so it looks like he jumps off the edge of the shaft into this open space

1420
02:01:33,680 --> 02:01:38,800
 but he's really kind of hooked his belt on this hook that's staying like from above and he's like

1421
02:01:38,800 --> 02:01:45,360
 looks mario i'm flying so over here and mario's like well i guess this is how it goes and so mario

1422
02:01:45,360 --> 02:01:52,480
 just jumps and louis jay's like no no i had a hook on my back i was just fun in tia and mario is

1423
02:01:52,480 --> 02:01:57,280
 hurtling to his death but fortunately the fungus catches him and kind of bounces him back up

1424
02:01:57,280 --> 02:02:02,400
 meanwhile yoshi has snuck into the throne room where daisy is talking to her hemorrhoid fungus

1425
02:02:02,400 --> 02:02:10,400
 father she frees yoshi from this collar yoshi comes in bow with that knife still stuck in his neck

1426
02:02:10,400 --> 02:02:14,000
 well i think that's what she uses to jimmy the lock on his collar to speak it up

1427
02:02:14,000 --> 02:02:23,440
 this is handy and she uses some weird gun thing to use a menu to talk to the mario brothers who

1428
02:02:23,440 --> 02:02:28,480
 were hanging around in the shaft still louis jay's like daisy's we can hear you's down here in the

1429
02:02:28,480 --> 02:02:35,040
 tunnels where should we go to find jes she's like i'm up in sector 7g okay he's we's on our ways

1430
02:02:35,040 --> 02:02:40,880
 is oh the jerks in sector 7g louis jay meanwhile has another encounter with a mushroom that seems to

1431
02:02:40,880 --> 02:02:48,000
 be trying to communicate with him or something the weirdness in this movie is maybe in some ways

1432
02:02:48,000 --> 02:02:54,960
 more but in some ways less weird than the avengers movie that we did again not the superhero one the

1433
02:02:54,960 --> 02:03:01,520
 the one based on the tv show i would say this is 30 percent weirder than that but i think that

1434
02:03:01,520 --> 02:03:08,560
 weirdness is compounded by its lack of focus the weirdness in the avengers was stylistically weird

1435
02:03:08,560 --> 02:03:14,720
 this is just lazily weird or just such a weird mishmash of ideas that the one thing you can say

1436
02:03:14,720 --> 02:03:21,280
 about is it's entirely unpredictable but that doesn't mean it's intertinct so this cop that

1437
02:03:21,280 --> 02:03:27,440
 we've seen from a bunch of other scenes in the movie tells dennis koopa that lina is on the move

1438
02:03:27,440 --> 02:03:31,920
 and seems to have the rock dennis koopa puts together well if she's going to the tunnels she's

1439
02:03:31,920 --> 02:03:38,400
 probably got the rock man you make sure that you arrest her while that's going down daisy and mario

1440
02:03:38,400 --> 02:03:46,000
 and louisci finally meet up in this throne room and she introduces the fungal hemorrhoid to mario and

1441
02:03:46,000 --> 02:03:52,800
 louisci as her father and louisci is like boys i'm sure the happiest meet you sirs and then also

1442
02:03:52,800 --> 02:03:58,560
 daisy let's it slip that daniela is there and mario's like oh i forgot about it i was supposed

1443
02:03:58,560 --> 02:04:04,960
 to take it to resylmania wait you said she's here and so he runs off to rescue her and so while

1444
02:04:04,960 --> 02:04:12,480
 he's going to do that daisy and louisci literally run into dennis koopa and some goombas and then he

1445
02:04:12,480 --> 02:04:17,520
 just grabs him and is like all right you're coming with us now man and we're gonna merge worlds it's

1446
02:04:17,520 --> 02:04:23,840
 gonna blow your mind mario makes his way into the holding room where daniela and all of the missing

1447
02:04:23,840 --> 02:04:29,840
 brooklyn women are located and then one thing leads to another and mario just swings on a lamp

1448
02:04:29,840 --> 02:04:35,120
 cable and knocks out the only goomba guard that's there and then mario and these five women they grab

1449
02:04:35,120 --> 02:04:41,360
 this stained mattress and mario opens a ventilation shaft that's now frozen because they turned off

1450
02:04:41,360 --> 02:04:47,920
 all the heat and mario and these five women just bob sled down this tube and then two other goombas

1451
02:04:47,920 --> 02:04:54,160
 come in and they give chase on their own i guess stained mattress this scene is geared for kids it's

1452
02:04:54,160 --> 02:05:01,040
 like it's meant to be fun and it all kind of ends with mario sticking a wrench in a hole in the tube

1453
02:05:01,040 --> 02:05:06,640
 that they're going down which crashes and and all but kills the two goombas following them and at the

1454
02:05:06,640 --> 02:05:13,760
 very end of this unnecessary scene mario and these women crash through the end of this tube that's

1455
02:05:13,760 --> 02:05:19,760
 caked up with icicles and they just glide through the air like they're on a flying carpet into

1456
02:05:19,760 --> 02:05:26,240
 the set of the main city from the start of the film it's nuts man this movie is just fucking crazy

1457
02:05:26,240 --> 02:05:34,320
 it's bizarre they land on dennis koopas goombas as the you know once they shoot out of this tunnel

1458
02:05:34,320 --> 02:05:42,240
 now it's like this showdown between mario and dennis koopa and mario is pretending to have the

1459
02:05:42,240 --> 02:05:49,520
 rod they have a struggle and mario drops the crystal and when he drops it lina is there she

1460
02:05:49,520 --> 02:05:56,400
 leaps off to grab it and tumbles down onto this metal grate that electrocutes her not so much as

1461
02:05:56,400 --> 02:06:01,760
 she's dead but to where she looks like the bride of frankenstein with the big white streak in her

1462
02:06:01,760 --> 02:06:07,520
 hair that's now all poofed up but lina has the crystal and she runs off louis g and daisy give

1463
02:06:07,520 --> 02:06:14,880
 chase why who knows don't worry about it but then louis g he goes in and tells the missing brooklyn

1464
02:06:14,880 --> 02:06:19,600
 women he's like hey you guys guys got to come with us we got to go stop this woman and then the

1465
02:06:19,600 --> 02:06:23,760
 missing brooklyn women they're like who are you and louis g gets a little mouth and he's like

1466
02:06:23,760 --> 02:06:27,520
 i'm louis g mario you got a fucking problem with that and they're just like no no no don't

1467
02:06:27,520 --> 02:06:33,760
 don't hit us he puts them in their place real quick and then lina has the missing meteorite rock

1468
02:06:33,760 --> 02:06:39,920
 but back on the city streets mario and dennis koopa they're kind of having it out and mario

1469
02:06:39,920 --> 02:06:46,960
 realizes hey i'll just pretend i got the crystal in my hand i'll trick this guy dennis koopa so

1470
02:06:46,960 --> 02:06:52,640
 that's where we are right they're kind of chasing after each other dennis koopa and mario these two

1471
02:06:52,640 --> 02:07:00,000
 men in their late 50s early 60s and by chase i mean jog after each other right maybe three

1472
02:07:00,000 --> 02:07:03,920
 four steps at a time before they have to catch their breath somebody's just handy and gatorade

1473
02:07:03,920 --> 02:07:10,720
 every three or four steps but daisy louis g and the other girls from brooklyn arrived to see lina

1474
02:07:10,720 --> 02:07:15,840
 trying to put this rock fragment back in the meteor there's been a lot of business about like oh

1475
02:07:15,840 --> 02:07:21,360
 daisy is the only person who can do that and lina is like ha ha daisy isn't the only person who can do

1476
02:07:21,360 --> 02:07:28,160
 that she shoves it in and gets thrown back against a wall by this electricity that shocks her and

1477
02:07:28,160 --> 02:07:34,160
 lights up her skeleton and she becomes like an instant fossil skeleton attached to this wall it's

1478
02:07:34,160 --> 02:07:38,480
 like something from that movie annihilation i actually look like the corpse of large march

1479
02:07:38,480 --> 02:07:43,360
 yeah a little bit because the jaw falls open a little bit of trivia i didn't put in the intro by

1480
02:07:43,360 --> 02:07:48,160
 the way but is true because this film did north carolina and they didn't know what to do with that

1481
02:07:48,160 --> 02:07:55,120
 prop that lina prop of the skeleton on the wall is hanging on the wall of a bar in wilmington

1482
02:07:55,120 --> 02:07:59,040
 from ever wilmington i'm definitely going there i'm never going to or not

1483
02:07:59,040 --> 02:08:06,960
 the five missing brooklyn women louis g and daisy realized the portal is open because they need to

1484
02:08:06,960 --> 02:08:11,680
 escort them out of the movie so they just hop into this mystery hole and they're gone for good we

1485
02:08:11,680 --> 02:08:15,840
 never see them again they didn't need to be in this movie dandy yellow didn't need to be in this

1486
02:08:15,840 --> 02:08:20,000
 movie mario should have been single and he should have hooked up with big birtha and they should have

1487
02:08:20,000 --> 02:08:24,640
 spent their lives together with her just like whipping his nuts and torturing him forever and

1488
02:08:24,640 --> 02:08:29,840
 being happy as a couple of weirdos back in the city square dennis koopa he approaches mario

1489
02:08:29,840 --> 02:08:36,000
 to get the crystal piece from him and then mario he still got his hand clothes then apparently

1490
02:08:36,000 --> 02:08:41,840
 there was like a thano snap because everything starts turning into pixelated sand dyes and dennis

1491
02:08:41,840 --> 02:08:47,920
 koopa says oh man it's happening we're merging you don't have the rock maniacal laugh maniacal

1492
02:08:47,920 --> 02:08:53,520
 laugh that's from the muppet movie and then uh they disappear and then in the most uncomfortable

1493
02:08:53,520 --> 02:09:00,800
 scene in this entire film we cut to present day new york city where the twin towers circa 1993

1494
02:09:00,800 --> 02:09:09,040
 or whenever this came out they are replaced with what are the twin towers in this alternate dimension

1495
02:09:09,040 --> 02:09:16,880
 where one of them is like crumbling from the top and missing like the top third it's awkward

1496
02:09:16,880 --> 02:09:25,600
 it's strange to see that yes one quick note by the way before mario and dennis koopa

1497
02:09:25,600 --> 02:09:34,480
 thano snapped into actual new york with the broken twin towers mario released a bob on oh yeah i

1498
02:09:34,480 --> 02:09:39,760
 forgot about that sorry because that's a fuse that lights and then pays off kind of in a little

1499
02:09:39,760 --> 02:09:46,720
 yeah because the hemorrhoid ooze goop fungus gives them the bob and he winds it up and it's like one

1500
02:09:46,720 --> 02:09:52,880
 of those little toys that moves at like eight inches an hour like eh eh eh eh with its feet moving

1501
02:09:52,880 --> 02:09:57,280
 but yeah you're right that's the thing that's going on and while they're back in new york this

1502
02:09:57,280 --> 02:10:03,840
 is my favorite lime read of the movie but sarah where dennis koopa and mario realized like oh they're

1503
02:10:03,840 --> 02:10:11,680
 in new york and dennis koopa uses this devolution gun on scapelli who happens to be there at the

1504
02:10:11,680 --> 02:10:19,440
 dig site and he shrinks down into a chimpanzee yes at which point dennis koopa says huh monkey

1505
02:10:19,440 --> 02:10:26,400
 the way he says monkey it's not quite surprise there's a little bit of delight but it's almost

1506
02:10:26,400 --> 02:10:34,240
 like he's telling everyone what it is monkey when he de evolves scarpelli into a chimpanzee does that

1507
02:10:34,240 --> 02:10:39,920
 monkey still own the company like when an old rich lady leaves her estate to a bunch of cats i

1508
02:10:39,920 --> 02:10:45,760
 assume so we'reder than that Chad here's the question i post to you everyone sees this man get

1509
02:10:45,760 --> 02:10:51,440
 struck by some kind of a gun and immediately become a chimpanzee and don't they all start laughing

1510
02:10:51,440 --> 02:10:57,680
 yes the reaction isn't horror and fear it is just after they hear dennis koopa say monkey

1511
02:10:57,680 --> 02:11:04,480
 everyone's just losing their shit laughing about this dennis koopa then takes his devo gun aims it at

1512
02:11:04,480 --> 02:11:10,960
 mario and mario says remember what louigi said trust the fungus and don't put it up your butt

1513
02:11:10,960 --> 02:11:16,480
 until you're dealing with it right and so dennis koopa fires the gun mario is holding the fungus

1514
02:11:16,480 --> 02:11:25,440
 which grows and becomes a shield of sorts this movie's bonkers man and then louigi and dacey have

1515
02:11:25,440 --> 02:11:33,520
 been working on at the meteor to kind of corkscrew out the piece of meteor that they shoved in and

1516
02:11:33,520 --> 02:11:39,840
 so everybody just goes back to their court yes where mario and dennis koopa are suddenly back in

1517
02:11:39,840 --> 02:11:45,680
 koopa land again and one presumes monkey scarpelli is just running free in this dig site i think

1518
02:11:45,680 --> 02:11:51,840
 you're gonna say he's running the construction company now ikik ook ook i want to banana hello

1519
02:11:51,840 --> 02:11:59,600
 my name is bingo and i think he probably ends up just hitching a ride with an 18-wheeler driver

1520
02:11:59,600 --> 02:12:04,720
 where they can have some adventures across the country go when we get back to koopa land we see

1521
02:12:04,720 --> 02:12:10,960
 that this bob-omb is just trucking along like a taxi driver sees is like oh my god a bob-omb and

1522
02:12:10,960 --> 02:12:14,720
 there's a lot of buildup of like oh my god this thing when it goes off it's going to be a real

1523
02:12:14,720 --> 02:12:21,040
 something spoilers it's not no it's treated like a nuclear weapon but it is not and then so mojo

1524
02:12:21,040 --> 02:12:28,640
 goomba hands dacey and louigi a gun and then dennis koopa is shooting at louigi who has

1525
02:12:28,640 --> 02:12:34,320
 guns in each hand you know like super mario brothers and it's just leaping through the air

1526
02:12:34,320 --> 02:12:41,920
 with these jump boots on to make his way to mario so that he could give mario a gun and then they

1527
02:12:41,920 --> 02:12:47,680
 can shoot these devo guns at dennis koopa has there ever been a gun in a super mario game yes they had

1528
02:12:47,680 --> 02:12:53,760
 guns not in mario brothers or super mario brothers games but there was a crossover that they did

1529
02:12:53,760 --> 02:12:56,960
 with the rabbits oh yeah all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right

1530
02:12:56,960 --> 02:13:02,480
 and he had a gun in that but yeah that's a spinoff game but no regular timeline not that i'm aware of

1531
02:13:02,480 --> 02:13:08,400
 unless you count him chucking turtle shells that is not a good card there is art that is

1532
02:13:08,400 --> 02:13:13,360
 nintendo certified of mario wielding a gun like it was a big deal yeah it seems counter to the

1533
02:13:13,360 --> 02:13:19,360
 brand mario is probably his family friendly is anything out there yeah i mean he wantly murders

1534
02:13:19,360 --> 02:13:24,880
 turtles and mushrooms and yeah but he's not shooting people or even the violence that's

1535
02:13:24,880 --> 02:13:31,920
 and it is is incredibly tank a lot of people don't know this but in super mario three there's a hidden

1536
02:13:31,920 --> 02:13:38,320
 level and when you first enter his nuts get squashed he says let's fucking do this and you're like

1537
02:13:38,320 --> 02:13:45,840
 mmm that seems but it's a drink of base translation appearance and somebody just has a a long piece

1538
02:13:45,840 --> 02:13:50,960
 of rope with a very taut heavy knot at the end of it and they just spin it around and bust him in

1539
02:13:50,960 --> 02:13:55,920
 the balls and then what happened to that james bond movie where he's naked in that chair and they're

1540
02:13:55,920 --> 02:14:02,560
 just clocking him in the nuts with a rope yeah i'm just enjoying the thought of mario getting hit

1541
02:14:02,560 --> 02:14:10,480
 in the balls by this knotted rope and going whoa whoo whoo whoo that's more of a wario thing i think

1542
02:14:10,480 --> 02:14:16,160
 mario in the games would never do that but wario oh are you kidding me mario was also a doctor

1543
02:14:16,160 --> 02:14:21,200
 remember he's dr mario too so he probably just popped a couple of pills and he was fine that's a

1544
02:14:21,200 --> 02:14:26,960
 self-imposed title that's ceremonial at best this guy could talk about irina son's man

1545
02:14:26,960 --> 02:14:31,520
 also a referee that was probably something that got him off too where the stripes he's probably a

1546
02:14:31,520 --> 02:14:38,960
 uniform guy so mario and louisci they both have devolved guns they shoot them at dennis koopa

1547
02:14:38,960 --> 02:14:45,680
 and he turns into a tarantosaurus rex sort of and then they blast him again and he ends up turning

1548
02:14:45,680 --> 02:14:52,400
 into the primordial ooze and splats on the ground and that's kind of how our movie ends with our

1549
02:14:52,400 --> 02:14:57,520
 bad guy there's a moment where the bob bomb goes off to kind of after they hit him with the devo

1550
02:14:57,520 --> 02:15:02,800
 gun the first time we're eating something that like hanging construction barrel or something yeah

1551
02:15:02,800 --> 02:15:07,520
 but it doesn't matter because the bomb doesn't do anything it's shit i've made bigger bombs out

1552
02:15:07,520 --> 02:15:12,160
 of a handful of m8s and back in the day you should see what i do with a little fertilizer way more

1553
02:15:12,160 --> 02:15:19,200
 than any bamam you're gonna be swaffered lost in my brows out back doing it bam's of his own

1554
02:15:19,200 --> 02:15:25,360
 bam swaffered bam movie and then the mario brothers just like mario climbs on to louisci's

1555
02:15:25,360 --> 02:15:32,560
 shoes and they jump over this cheering crowd to get to daisy and then in a cutaway scene with

1556
02:15:32,560 --> 02:15:40,640
 nobody else in the room lance henryksen bishop of terminator and alien fame does the like coughing

1557
02:15:40,640 --> 02:15:47,200
 into the hand and letting a bunch of glitter go where he goes oh well love those plumbers

1558
02:15:47,200 --> 02:15:53,520
 and that's it he's the king for what eight seconds in that and does not speak to another living

1559
02:15:53,520 --> 02:15:59,680
 soul in this movie is not in frame with another living soul in this movie it's crazy one of those

1560
02:15:59,680 --> 02:16:04,080
 things that happens where you're like is he is he not going to talk to anybody else no wasn't that

1561
02:16:04,080 --> 02:16:10,480
 oh okay he's just out of the movie now what did they have to fly him there for that i don't know

1562
02:16:10,880 --> 02:16:17,680
 this movie is bonkers man mario and louisci they find the portal back to new york and daisy's

1563
02:16:17,680 --> 02:16:23,280
 with them but she refuses to go because this is her real home and louisci he says uh daisy's

1564
02:16:23,280 --> 02:16:28,080
 i want to be with you like hey i want to be with chu's you know i'm talking about like with my

1565
02:16:28,080 --> 02:16:33,920
 bp not in the mario way where it's only weird and we get hurt but like in a good way mario just jumps

1566
02:16:33,920 --> 02:16:38,160
 in he's like hey look look she says she wants to stay here if you love her you don't understand

1567
02:16:38,160 --> 02:16:42,960
 that you don't mean you gotta let us stay here and if she loves you she'll come back all right if not

1568
02:16:42,960 --> 02:16:48,960
 i got a couple of numbers i can give you and so louisci and daisy they kissed because it would be

1569
02:16:48,960 --> 02:16:54,720
 gross if she kissed mario because of the age difference and then yoshi shows up because that

1570
02:16:54,720 --> 02:16:58,800
 puppet cost a ton of money and they're going to get as much screen time as possible and then mario

1571
02:16:58,800 --> 02:17:06,240
 and louisci leap through the wall portal mojo goomba shows up again to wave goodbye and our movie cuts

1572
02:17:06,240 --> 02:17:11,360
 to louisci lay down the couch watching that unsolved mysteries knock off in mario's apartment and he's

1573
02:17:11,360 --> 02:17:16,160
 all sad because he wanted to try to put a baby in daisy and daniel is there she's cooking dinner

1574
02:17:16,160 --> 02:17:23,200
 with mario and louisci says marios marios come here we're on the tv's and you hear the announcer say

1575
02:17:23,200 --> 02:17:29,200
 these two plumbers did something in a dimension and save the world or something something something

1576
02:17:29,200 --> 02:17:37,120
 i'd call them the super mario brothers and then bow there's a knock on the door it opens up in

1577
02:17:37,120 --> 02:17:44,160
 daisy is standing there wearing this apocalyptic outfit she's got a gun in her hand and she goes

1578
02:17:44,160 --> 02:17:51,200
 louisci mario i need your help and louisci says i don't believe it and mario says i do

1579
02:17:51,200 --> 02:17:57,200
 it's big berg to with you she got those bike heels on let's go and so they grab their tool belt and

1580
02:17:57,200 --> 02:18:02,480
 they head off into the sequel for this movie that luckily never happened the end there's also a

1581
02:18:02,480 --> 02:18:07,760
 post-credits scene is there oh i didn't stick around for that what happened it's of course

1582
02:18:07,760 --> 02:18:15,040
 iggy and spiced being interviewed and debating a video game that could be made based on their

1583
02:18:15,040 --> 02:18:19,680
 adventures and they said yeah you could call it something like super koopa cousins and then that's

1584
02:18:19,680 --> 02:18:24,880
 it and it's embarrassing for every i'm so glad i didn't see that i wish i hadn't i wish that was

1585
02:18:24,880 --> 02:18:30,320
 not a thing that lived in my brain that's super mario brothers the 1993 version not the one that

1586
02:18:30,320 --> 02:18:34,160
 made a billion dollars but the one that made 40 billion dollars and made everyone sad who was

1587
02:18:34,160 --> 02:18:39,920
 involved with it and it's inexplicable it is one of those movies like i cannot possibly recommend

1588
02:18:39,920 --> 02:18:46,400
 it to watch but also it's unlike anything i could have imagined from a movie called super

1589
02:18:46,400 --> 02:18:52,720
 mario brothers i would agree with that it's nuts it's so horny why is this movie so horny i don't know

1590
02:18:52,720 --> 02:18:58,800
 i don't know i know this is only the fourth movie of the season you know i wish i could say that episode

1591
02:18:58,800 --> 02:19:05,760
 five has a chance of being marginally better but the fact that most of the movies we watch they're

1592
02:19:05,760 --> 02:19:11,360
 they're shitty movies but but what if we were to review a movie that had a character that was

1593
02:19:11,360 --> 02:19:17,120
 literally shit in it and i'm not talking about south park's iconic poo poo mr hanky i'm talking

1594
02:19:17,120 --> 02:19:24,240
 about the shocking appearance of patrick steward as a walking talking pile of shit in the emoji movie

1595
02:19:24,240 --> 02:19:30,960
 i thought you're gonna say that uh star truck insurrection no although that's not very good oh

1596
02:19:30,960 --> 02:19:38,000
 okay no it's not the emoji movie is derivative of so many other films and it fails on every

1597
02:19:38,000 --> 02:19:44,640
 conceivable level and most importantly it's barely 90 minutes and it's full of voice actors who have

1598
02:19:44,640 --> 02:19:50,000
 all been canceled by modern day society so we put them on a pedestal and then we knock them off and

1599
02:19:50,000 --> 02:19:53,760
 then we don't really let them get back up we just keep kicking them in the stomach over and over

1600
02:19:53,760 --> 02:19:58,880
 that's what i like the movie is pretty much a cinematic toilet that nobody asked for and nobody

1601
02:19:58,880 --> 02:20:04,560
 enjoyed and i'm sorry in advance it's terrible it's gonna be awful you know i've seen this movie

1602
02:20:04,560 --> 02:20:12,080
 before and i have almost no memory that sounds about right i think i kind of remember the basic

1603
02:20:12,080 --> 02:20:18,880
 beats of it and but that can't possibly be right because the thing i remember is that it's an emoji

1604
02:20:18,880 --> 02:20:26,560
 that doesn't like the feeling that it expresses you're pretty much there oh i know what are we doing

1605
02:20:26,560 --> 02:20:32,240
 all right as always like great review you can reach out to us at pick six movies at gmail.com i think

1606
02:20:32,240 --> 02:20:37,840
 bow and i just both need to go take a mental health day or a silkwood shower or just bang our head

1607
02:20:37,840 --> 02:20:43,920
 on the wall and try to forget how we just spent the last two plus hours of our lives so

1608
02:20:43,920 --> 02:20:50,000
 bow any final thoughts that you have on the super mario brothers movie hey both uh how about you

1609
02:20:50,000 --> 02:20:53,200
 instead of punching me in the teeth you punch me right there whoa

1610
02:20:53,200 --> 02:20:59,520
 we'll see you in two weeks time everybody

1611
02:20:59,520 --> 02:21:06,320
 ah

1612
02:21:06,320 --> 02:21:08,580
 (buzzing)