well
hello all you beautiful people
you know what time it is
[Music]
ladies and gents
guys and dolls and everyone in between
gather round
get you something real nice to sip on
and comfy to slip on
because it's time
for smut club
here's your hosts chelsea and hannah
[Music]
hello everybody hi
welcome to to this day's episode of smut
club
um we've missed you we have
and we miss you so much and we missed
our girl j.s scott jan so much
we decided we needed to review
the third book in the billionaire series
um this is going to be a joint review
and honestly we're just gonna need to
take a break from her after this because
we were like we've committed thus far
and we just have but damn i feel like
they're already painful and then you
re-read them and they don't
they don't get better with time and age
no they they don't if anything the plot
holes become more gaping
yeah that's a fair
i when i was kind of doing my reread of
this book because i knew we were going
to be recording it i just i had
far more questions than answers
yep as we went along and i find myself
identifying with the female characters
less and less because i'm like
i can't can't relate man
i'm kind of like
have a backbone and maybe believe in
yourself a little bit
yeah
because
all of these women are like
you've already heard how we felt about
mara
mar okay it was mara and jared and then
the first one was
dante and sarah
and then the the prequel that i haven't
read but i think you've read hannah i
have is grady and
emily
and that actually is important for this
one so that actually is an excellent
segue into our prologue we start our
prologue for the billionaire's touch
is is this one the the forbidden
billionaire the billionaire's touch i
don't know the billionaire's feather i'm
just making [ __ ] up i'm sure it'll be
one at some point i don't remember the
first one um
no ordinary billionaires no ordinary
billionaire well and then i think the
pre the prequel was a billionaire's
christmas because
i think we forgot they have money
sprinkle a little hallmark in there
so
okay so in the
prequel with grady and emily the whole
thing is that emily was dating this guy
emily is the
director you may hear brandon
my dog y'all i'm sorry brandon has no
boundaries he just wants to be a part of
everything we're always doing we we even
gave him some cbd treats this morning
and he is not vibing yet so
these things happen it's okay he's just
gonna live his best life with his little
clicky clacks on the wood he literally
got his he went to the groomer and they
ground his nails yesterday so i'm
dumbfounded and impressed
i mean
he knows what he's about
so anyway so the whole thing with the
prequel is emily who is the director of
the youth center in ames port was dating
this guy who stole all the christmas
money oh my stars
and so she's super upset and she goes to
grady to try to
get the money
i just i
i just need y'all to know
um so hannah's feet don't touch the
ground we're at a table and my like my
breakfast i'm not that short she really
isn't that short but also these chairs
aren't very tall so i'm not quite sure
what what the disconnect is
um
but my husband had gone to the liquor
store earlier this week and i was like
hey could you pick up a bottle of
diplomatico rem because it's delicious
and wonderful and if you haven't tried
it you should we also weren't sponsored
by diplomatico it would be cooler if we
were but the bottle he picked up had
this great gift set and it came with
these two like diplomatic glasses and it
was a very fancy looking gift set
because they didn't just have a bottle
they had a gift set for the same price
so now we have the glasses
um but because hannah's feet don't touch
the ground my husband just snuck into
the room and slid the box at the
diplomatico and the glasses came in
under her feet so she would have a stool
and that is what just happened i was
like is brandon behind me or something
i'm just gonna pretend that's not
happening but it was just vance
and
no it wasn't the dog it was just
chelsea's husband coming in with a
footstool
i guess i'm very comfortable thank you
vance
so anyway so the prequel grady and emily
right and emily is over the community
center in aim sport right so emily is
trying to figure out how to get the
money for christmas because apparently
despite all the billionaires
all over the place in this tiny main
town they don't have a lot of money and
so some of these kids like this is their
only christmas
tears whatever
so she goes to grady to ask him for
money
and so all that is in the prequel
why that's important for the prologue is
her best friend randy
decides that she is going to email
the sinclair foundation
to request a no one's donation just like
the general foundation to shoot her shot
and just like contact
sinclair foundation dot org or whatever
sinclair foundation dot org
like nothing is personal about this but
she's like i'm just gonna email this
whole foundation and be like you don't
know me but
we're this tiny town in maine called
aimsport and like she signs it what it
like she signs a concerned citizen or
something it was kind of very like allah
like sleeping in salat
sleeping in selattle y'all sleeping in
seattle
yes yes so she did sign it um
concerned in ames port
i guess
um
so yeah concerned resident of aimsport
and she's emailing from a generic email
address at the youth center because she
volunteers there well she's emailing
from her email account
yes but
her full name is miranda but she goes by
randy well but that's not in the email
address
it's not
it's like a like a generic
one that she uses through the foundation
that is not connected to her name that's
how she stays anonymous
well damn y'all i just thought it was
because it was m something
clearly y'all i've read this book twice
and i couldn't bring myself to give a
[ __ ] about the finer details so so glad
we have hannah for these you're welcome
um i'm i'm a sponge so
so she sends this email that is like
please help us
you know blah blah blah and then
multiple months later
right no one has responded she forgot
about the email grady saves christmas
anyway
um we know that because of the prequel
and
sorry if we ruined it for you spoilers
um
and
so
then the eldest sinclair brother
is going through the emails for some
evan reason evan and let's let's not
forget evan was very prominent in mara
and jared's book he was he rescued mara
from the fire in her house
um
and then made out like he was he was
coming after her yeah jared was not into
that he like made a power play so his
brother
wouldn't be a [ __ ] and would just ask
out the girl that he liked so that's
what we know about evan he's serious he
wears suits
exclusively
like almost like barney stinson on how i
met your mother like the way they
described evan i was like does he do it
i'm like does he have a silk sleep suit
because that is the energy they are
giving them
think about that i was like does he have
does he have like flannel pajama bottoms
or is this are we like
what sort of sleepwear i imagine it's a
flannel suit with a flannel tie
i'm just gonna
agree with that because i want it to be
true so evan reads this email and he's
like the audacity and so he responds and
is like uh
why would you ever
think that we would help you like
that's the dumbest [ __ ] i've ever heard
we helped like people with real problems
not small towns for christmas
yeah we're not your personal santa or
some [ __ ] or he said something about
like next time direct these sorts of
requests to the north pole or something
like that like snarky like we'd help
people with real problems like not
people like in a town that's not even on
a map or like
[ __ ] like that and randy is like
i guess audacity was on sale and she
snaps back and so she she gets a map
and highlights aim support on it and
attaches it to the email and like does a
whole thing and he's like i'm into that
but they never sign their names right on
these emails so that is the
prologue yes they are starting to
develop this relationship we do find
like as their pen pal relationship
continues they each sign it with a
letter
and so she's signing hers with m like
her sign off in her email says m for
miranda this is what i was getting
confused with her email and then evan is
signing his off with s
for sinclair would you know be
everyone's logical guess here yep
so
um
i guess
i know i mean honestly i don't even know
like these books are a disaster you guys
we're really doing our best so
you know who didn't do their best the
bot that wrote these
like if i have to read the phrase
elemental desire one more time i will
lose it we'll get there so anyway
um it the book opens with evan
coming to town on his
jet
for his sister's
ball
she's throwing some kind of a party yeah
like so there's like a
a bigger ball that happened
we are children
um there's like a bigger ball that
happens at the end of the book but then
like
i think hope had just had a kid that's
the sister and so he was like was coming
to meet the sister or not meet the
sister nephew meet the nephew and
his cousin micah sinclair hitched a ride
on his plane and he has the next book
that we won't be reviewing until next
year we're that's that sounds like a
2023 review because maybe a late 2022
but lord help us i i don't know if i can
bring myself to do more of these yeah
so
they are coming in
and um
i don't know what i don't even know
what's happening well like they're
coming in and like it's honestly just a
lot of like evan in his head and then
he's like and i don't even he's like
yeah like i mean like i want to see my
sister he's like but i hope i don't have
to see randy and her like she's always
so annoying in her stupid face but like
kind of in this like her stupid cute
face that i just want to kiss is kind of
like
the energy behind it i don't know am i
misreading that no you're right so so
evan and randy have been paired up in
all of the weddings
um that have happened with all of his
siblings
so they're constantly being thrown
together
and so
and he's like she hates me she either is
completely ignoring me or she's
insulting me but then she's also like i
tried to talk to you and be friends with
you and you didn't respond and were kind
of a dick about it so i
let go of that dream and just figured
you didn't like me and it is what it is
i was a dick back right so we have evan
coming to town and then
where randy's story is starting off is
her foster mother recently passed away
yes
um
about a month prior yeah like within
like a very very recent passing um and
she had told her pen pal about this
passing yeah
um and then the pen pal discloses
that he is going to be in maine and
she's like oh my gosh wait he's going to
be in aimsport and then she's like what
do we do and then she's like there's a
storm coming did you know that the
weather's gonna get bad
and then she's like okay well have a
good time i have a date with arando
who
the rando
is
liam
something liam and tessa own
the lobster
the lobster roll shack
sullivan's um
something or other
seafood or something i don't [ __ ]
know but we love alliteration so we were
both gonna guess it we do i'm
sullivan steak and seafood that's the
one
so we do love some good alliteration so
randy is talking to her pen pal he knows
all about her recent grief
and they have this ongoing joke that
they always talk on date nights because
they're both homebodies and never go out
and he she's like i have to sign off and
he's like got a hot date and she was
like i don't know if it's gonna be hot
but yes
she's like i do actually have a date and
he's like what
yeah but she doesn't know he's in ames
port she just knows he's in maine
um and he says he's visiting family
yes i guess you're right he she just i
remember her like like it's saying in
the book that she was like he's here in
my head i'm like wow she really knew
aimsport but you're entirely right she's
just been in this state i mean maine's
not that big is it
it's not that small
that's fair
well also something we need to know i'm
pretty sure when evan was on the plane
he is um
touching for comfort the
stone
oh yeah
um
that beatrice sent him
with a letter that he was gonna be
married within six months
yes and i don't know if y'all remember
this or honestly if we mentioned it
because it's a weird aside of all of
these books but like beatrice has given
each of these couples in each of these
js got billionaire books um matching
stones and she's like i it's gonna be
your soulmate and i know it and so then
she so evan is like reminiscing on this
and like has the stone in his pocket and
he's like
well i doubt it but i'm not gonna like
be mean to this old lady and then randy
um beatrice took it a step further she
like told her her mom would like her mom
would die but then she'd find love yeah
she was like she will not survive the
winter
but she will find love or some [ __ ] i
don't know and i'm like
i also like beatrice was in the last
book just like kicking it at the
farmer's market yeah and
in her like bray pink tracksuit
and she has another older friend whose
name i'm forgetting something with an e
elise or something or maybe i don't it
doesn't matter agnes i don't it could be
it's a it's a name that starts with a
vowel that's all we know here's the
thing we're really trying to like we've
both reread this but we did and we are
struggling this much to get through it
so all right
um
randy tells the dude her pen pal that
she does not know is evan that she has a
date she's like i don't know if it'll be
hot but i'm going on this date and then
um and i'm i think she says i'm going
for coffee then evan decides to go to
the coffee shop because he's like
maybe i'll like see someone on a date
and i'll like be able to figure out who
my pen pal is because he doesn't know
it's randy at this point either
and he's like i'm not just gonna sit
here like a loser i'll just go to the
coffee shop and be a bigger loser but
then he gets to the coffee shop and he's
like i don't know why i thought this was
a good idea i'm just gonna leave so he
literally just went to the coffee shop
ordered a coffee
and then and then decided to leave but
in the snow in the snow but as he's
stepping out the door he just like stops
in the walkway yeah and then someone
crashes into his back and supposedly
what no one saw this coming randy
um so she spilled her mocha all down his
back well and then
i don't know he's kind of a douche like
he really is like she's like oh my gosh
i'm so sorry
okay yeah and he's like it's my favorite
coat and she's like i'll pay to have it
cleaned and then he's like
like like she could afford to get like a
coat of this quality cleaned on a
teacher's salary but then like the dude
loki's like
i have the exact same coat like i have a
duplicate of it
yeah i already own two so it's not the
end of the world if if this one doesn't
come together i'm almost like you're a
billionaire how much can you love this
[ __ ] coat right why like why the
attachment
right and maybe it's because of his
you know
his special needs we'll get there we'll
learn about his special needs later in a
very confusing way that i still don't
really feel like i learned about his
special needs and so then randy crashes
into him
um he doesn't realize who she is we
don't quite know what happened yet but
she crashed into him and then he insists
on like walking her to her car and he's
like it's not safe he's like it's
snowing anything could happen and she's
like [ __ ] i live in maine like
yeah she's like this is not los angeles
like i can walk down the street you nut
yeah she's like it's a very safe area
it's just some snow i know how to live
in snow and evan is like
i'd rip my own heart out before i let
anything happen to her and you're like
where is this coming that is a strong
reaction so he does he walks her back to
the vehicle and then just decides to pin
her against it and make out with her a
little bit well and they also realize
that they have matching stones from
beatrice oh right right right because
he like insists on taking her car keys
to open the door for her or something
and like they like fall out of her purse
i don't really remember but then like
what you have an apache cheer i having a
patch each year oh my stars and then
evan's like come to come to hope's party
with me the sisters party and then
randy's like i think we should pretend
this didn't happen and as she's trying
to say it like evan like
shushes her like puts his fingers over
her lips in his sentence and it's like
no we're going to this party together
and she's like okay she's like well i
guess since he put his finger to my lips
and wouldn't let me talk
i have a date to the party now so
romantic
right so all right then randy gets home
from this exchange
um oh we we forgot so randy was supposed
to be meeting her blind date at this
coffee shop he stood her up
which we do learn in the future
he was sick yes he was sick and didn't
have her contact info which i don't
understand how that can happen in modern
day i guess he had her home phone number
but
his sister was the one who set it all up
so he didn't have randy's cell phone
number which again like as previously
mentioned the the gaping plot holes only
become more confounding
well i'm also like
who has a home phone
yeah i'm like what era is this book set
in because like social media you could
slide into her dms and be like hey so
sorry i'm sick like i feel like you have
options you do um
and how far back do we have to go for
this book to have taken place where you
didn't have those options
i don't know
but regardless she did not have her date
and so
she she reaches out to her pen pal and
she says
she basically talks about making out
with evan but she doesn't name him she
just says my date wasn't there there was
this other guy that i hate he was there
he kissed me
i don't know i feel really weird about
it and evan's like um no you need
someone who's gonna treat you right
like absolutely not do not give this guy
the time of day that's [ __ ] but then
also is like we should meet and she's
like no
yeah so evan is [ __ ] on himself
unknowingly unknowingly shooting at
himself it's a whole thing and then we
cut to like the blizzard is getting
worse
and
um and evan decides to ask his sister
hope to go to the grocery store with him
to buy
randy supplies to make it through the
blizzard because she lives a little bit
further out of town yes and he's worried
about her trying to drive
in her purple suv
i don't know why that like stuck in my
brain i was like
this do they even make those is that a
custom paint job what the [ __ ]
whatever
her purple suv he's concerned that it
won't make the trek because it's a
smaller sport utility vehicle so
i also just
i
i don't know he has a lot of money so he
doesn't really have any problems let's
also note that like when he decides to
deliver all of these things to randy he
has the sinclair family's personal plow
and go out on the road in front of him
that's right that's right so that he
could make sure the roads were clear and
i'm like how much are you spending on a
personal plow but he's a billionaire so
he doesn't he does whatever he wants but
there so he's at the store with his
sister and they are buying
um
sorry chelsea's cat is trying to get
into our boda box of wine
and again while we are not sponsored by
bota box it'd be a lot cooler if we were
we have an empty and a half md on the
table because that's where we're at
today well you know how it goes when you
get to the bottom of the box but you
still got one so you gotta take the
bladder out to do what you gotta do
for some more wine and so i took the
bladder out and my cat is fully grown at
only six pounds bless up craig he's a
permanent kitten but he is he's trying
to get into
the top of the boat a box
um because he knows if it if he fits he
sits it is very much his energy in life
good for you craig live the dream right
okay so evan is at the grocery store
with hope buying supplies for randy
including dog food which will wind up
being relevant later yes and then hope
keeps like putting things in the cart
and then evan keeps taking about and
being like these are all so unhealthy
and she's like well you asked me what
randy's favorites were and she has
really poor nutritional understanding so
right she likes all of this [ __ ] put it
back in the cart and then as hope and
evan are just talking about randy
um hope calls her miranda yeah she calls
her miranda and then evan starts to like
realize like wait
do what and then he's like did did her
mother like her foster mother recently
pass away and he's like oh my gosh how
did you know that
and oh [ __ ] and then he like has this
big epiphany moment where he realizes
that they are indeed pen pals
um
and then his sister's like
sum things up like
this is very unlike evan so then evan
spills his guts to his sister not just
about randy about
a bunch of childhood trauma yeah um and
stuff that
was very misdiagnosed
um yeah and we don't find out what that
is yet no but he just goes on and on
about it's like sweetheart she was
asking you about your [ __ ] pen pal
why are you telling her about being
beaten regularly as a child like how did
we get here well damn hannah way to turn
the page i mean i mean we're gonna get
there for sure um but then hope is like
okay i'll help you land randy and so
then they mention it later in the book
because then suddenly
evan starts wearing normal clothes that
aren't suits and hope took him shopping
for normal clothes so he would seem more
approachable yes and she did tell him
you need to tell her who you are right
then that you are her pen pal yes right
now and he was like okay
right so then evan gets to randy's house
with all of these supplies right as the
power goes out at randy's house because
of the blizzard and oh no and it's randy
and her dog and what's a girl to do and
her generator's not working
right she she didn't have time to get it
looked at because her foster mother
recently passed away and
so i just love that this is the third
book in a row in this billionaire series
where like
in the first like 30 of the book some
[ __ ] goes sideways and the girl just has
to go stay with the guy yeah well she's
like i can go get a room at the end and
he's like no
well
well yeah because he was i think she was
on the phone with hope at first when he
was getting there and so she's like no
let evan take you back to the sinclair
peninsula because
they all have their homes on the and
guest houses yes and these guest houses
and all of them have
their
the siblings all have homes at the
sinclair she makes up some weird [ __ ]
about
you can't stay with hope she just had a
baby and he she's like
yeah
but her guest house he's like nah
well and i'm also like the way they've
described all these houses and former
books and like each of these houses is
at least 10 000 square feet not
including the guest house right how big
is this [ __ ] peninsula how big is the
baby
no guest rooms available there's no room
in the end
so
and then she's like well i i i have to
bring lily who is her dog and he's like
she she can't stay here and
randy is like no i can't just leave my
dog at home in a blizzard and he's like
okay i guess
well and then all right
on there i think it's like on their
drive back to the peninsula i was like
this is where i just was really like
evan is a complete piece of [ __ ] where
he's like oh so like
um did your foster mother recently pass
away hope hope told me she passed i'm
like [ __ ] no you knew because you're
her pen pal and this was the prime
opportunity to tell her
that you'd put these pieces together and
instead you completely lied to her face
and i
didn't really respect you in the first
place and i
am quickly losing
no i wouldn't say what minimal respect i
had there was no respect left because
there was none to start with it's
bottoming out and then
i don't remember how it happens exactly
but randy is emailing with her pen pal
who is evan again
and says something about um
this guy that the pen pal originally was
like stay the [ __ ] away from that guy
and now he's like you should really give
him a chance
right and so then you're like evan is
emailing her being like no you should
really give your you should meet your
pen pal and you're like you are
truly the worst but i also love that
like
while all of this is going on like randy
and evan are kind of like i guess like
we need to like clear the air and she
was like i just wanted to be your friend
and he goes i'm sorry i hurt your
feelings and she goes okay i forgive you
and then he's like i'm going to call you
miranda
i'm like
and she's like please don't
and then they bone
yeah and then she's like i don't do oral
but then he also doesn't clarify if
that's giving or receiving and then just
goes down on him yeah he's like i'm
assuming because it's from his
perspective at that point he's like i'm
assuming
that you did not mean that you weren't
game to receive
but doesn't clarify and doesn't ask so i
kind of feel like there were like three
strikes you're out
right in a row yeah and like
who respects you
yeah like as the leader of the sinclair
felt like i'm like how do you whatever
i'm [ __ ] him this is how i feel about
evan throughout this entire book i was
just like i was like yeah another
example of fm being a complete piece of
[ __ ] it was like how i felt most of it
kelsey has a lot of feelings you guys
about evan i really do i'm like you are
the worst he is well and i'm like it's
hard to read in a book that's
essentially a love story and not be
rooting for them at any point no and
then so then he so they they don't even
make it into the house really or into
the bedroom they they [ __ ] on the couch
and then he leaves her there because she
fell asleep and he goes down to his
office
and has the dog with him and he's like
dogs are pretty cool like sitting there
petting her
and then after he's like should we just
leave your dog in the middle of a storm
right oh he's like no now that i've been
around one not so good
so then he hears a scream oh no
and he's like i will kill anything
that's made her scream and like runs up
the stairs
and randy is having a nightmare and so
lily goes up and is waking her up did i
skip something i think we i think we
skipped but honestly it's all the same i
like i don't because like
she fell asleep and then
when she woke up he'd fed her dog steak
oh yeah i forgot about the state and
then we honestly maybe that is what
happens next but we cut in the book to
like just
all of the sinclair siblings where like
hope takes it upon herself to have a
powwow with all of her siblings to
disclose their older brother's childhood
trauma that he hasn't [ __ ] told
anyone about and she's like i just felt
like they all needed to know i'm like
that is not how that works she's like he
didn't tell me not to say anything so
must be kosher right and then micah
cousin micah has a meet cute
with ted with tessa where she's cleaning
and he was showering and then she didn't
hear him and then he's like what are you
deaf or something and then she's like
yeah i actually am deaf you
you other piece of [ __ ] and he's like
claire pieces of [ __ ]
the sinclair shits he's like oh no yeah
he's like oh my bad i feel really shitty
but i know asl so we can we can go
forward with that this person who knows
asl is just chilling
being super
ableist about this poor woman who's deaf
and is like oh well let me do some sign
like what
whatever
no honestly all of these characters but
then you're right then randy's having a
nightmare and then evan finds her
and then
i honestly then he
she tells him about her childhood trauma
yeah is that what happens in her
adoption yeah but like
so and he's just pretending like he's
never heard any of this as his pimpo
well some of it he hadn't heard because
she
discloses that her mother was a
prostitute
she doesn't know who her father was they
lived in a building of prostitutes that
was close to her mom's corner and all
these women kind of looked after her and
stuff as she was growing up and then
when she was like 11 or 12 or something
her mother was murdered
and just never came home
and so these other prostitutes were
looking after her while her mom was gone
and then
dfax family services shows up and it's
like you're going to foster care which
obviously turned out really well for her
because then
she was
he tried to force her into the foster
father try to force her into oral sex
because he knew her mother was a
prostitute right so that's that's part
of it is that in her nightmare she kept
saying over and over again i'm not a
[ __ ] i'm not a [ __ ] and evan's like
what the [ __ ] is happening right now and
so she tells evan all of this and
explains that she ran away
at that point and was living on the
streets and did some pretty terrible
things
to eat they're not that terrible she
like stole some stuff which is totally
fair when you're starving i feel like
yeah i mean i feel like we all judge
people until we're in that situation and
then it's very justified but she tried
to steal from
who ended up being her foster parents
and they caught her red-handed while she
was trying to steal from them oh this
was in california by the way
yes and then they took her back and they
like pretended that they were like
long-lost relatives who did have custody
also did we actually ever clarify what
evan's trauma is
no
so evan
[Music]
is dyslexic
um that said the way his dyslexia is
described throughout the book
um
reads very much akin to how the dsm
would describe the autism spectrum yeah
just in a way where
like parts of it you're like yes that is
a symptom of dyslexia in other parts of
it you're like that
feels like we're reaching
yeah so like obviously switching up
letters difficulty with reading
comprehension difficulty with number
sequences
um and like math in general can be part
of it but then it's like and and that's
why he has a hard time understanding
jokes and it's like that's not he can't
read social cues that's not it
yes and so there's
pretty much
all of evan's like childhood trauma is
based around him
having dyslexia right which he doesn't
tell her yet yes he does not tell her
this but we're like we're we've gotten
pieces of this from the conversation
with hope and the conversation they had
after than the conversation she had with
her siblings but randy does not know
about this yet right
um
but then all of his siblings are
like treading lightly
because
they didn't know then they feel bad
because he was abused as a child by his
dad because
of his difficulties including like
withholding food from him and really
restricting his diet and stuff like that
because i guess he's a little bit chubby
so that's why he eats the way that he
does he won't eat anything that's like
carb heavy or sugar heavy
oh yeah his coffee order
yeah was like a black coffee yeah
something like that well honestly that
makes a that makes more sense i couldn't
remember why i felt it was worth noting
because my next line on this book says
feeds him cake
they get naked this is
the description so she makes spaghetti
and he's like this is a lot of carbs and
he's she's like you should eat it and
then he explains that his dad like
withheld food from him and now he
understands why she eats with such gusto
because she knows what it's like to be
hungry and then she feeds him the cake
that she made and it's very sensual and
then they got naked and then she saw his
scars from his abuse yeah and then like
now they have that trust there right so
now
she gives him a [ __ ] and he's like no
don't you don't like it
and then
right and she's like maybe with you i do
yeah and i'm like this isn't how trauma
works you guys that's not
oh
god in heaven
i just can't i just it stresses me out
so bad
yeah so then while they're
boning there's like one of those moments
where he's like you're mine say you're
mine and i'm like one of these weird
claiming moments and they realize
afterwards they didn't use a condom
and then she's like it's okay i'm clean
and then he's like yeah i wasn't really
worried about you being clean i was
worried about like accidentally knocking
you up and she's like damn and then
she's like
oh he doesn't see a future with me
right and like he's like he doesn't want
to knock up a [ __ ] daughter and like
like wow we really
leaping
like have you seen like those like memes
where they're like
don't jump to conclusions and then it's
me jumping to conclusions and it's like
someone like on one of those like
three-story trampolines like this is
what it feels like here he's like i was
just worried about getting you pregnant
she's like i knew he wouldn't want to
get a horse daughter pregnant and you're
like i really don't think it had
anything to do with your upbringing i
just think like he didn't want to have
children that's more believable for how
trauma works than just suddenly being
cool with a bj
like
that's more in line with how trauma
works so at least she got something
halfway bright
hey there's my puppies
we'll get you right back to the show in
just a moment
but first
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maybe even
love us
cause we sure love you and if you do
love us
don't tease us
tell us in those ratings and reviews
wherever you're listening right now
maybe even send us over to a special
sexy someone that would enjoy getting
smutty with us
because you know the first rule of smug
club
is to talk about smut club
all right
i won't keep you any longer
let's get back to the show
[Music]
so then
so then she's like shutting down and
evan's like what ha what is happening so
he goes to his brothers
right yep he goes to
the brothers who have all had these
books and so now they all think they're
relationship experts and then he tells
them what he said and all of his
brothers are like wait you [ __ ] said
that
you should start groveling like do you
realize how that came off
and he's like no and then he's like i
just didn't
he's like well like dyslexia's genetic
and so i didn't wanna i don't have
children because
i don't want them to like relive my
upbringing right i don't want to curse
future generations right and so then
his brothers are like yeah you
still need to like explain this to her
or she's going to think it's about her
so then
randy while she's a teacher third grade
is that did i make that third grade
elementary age teacher yeah and then she
volunteers at the community center doing
tutoring for special needs yes for
special needs kids and so she is at the
community center in one of her tutoring
sessions and then realizes like evan is
leaning against the wall
watching her and then he starts being
like
it's gonna take him like four times
longer for word recognition this much
longer for this and then like starts
telling randy all the stuff and she's
like oh [ __ ] he knows all this because
he also has dyslexia but she's also like
i know that because i have a masters in
special needs education thank you
you know that too honestly low-key
remind like the mansplaining yeah
which like i get that it was like a
first-hand experience yeah um no that
reminds me of when i had an ex-boyfriend
trying um he had been diagnosed with
anxiety
and then was
this is when i was working crisis and so
i'd like work a 12-hour shift and then
at the end of the day and big how's your
date and he's like horrible
i'm like really
because i had someone spit blood on me
today so tell me how how horrible your
day was i have to get tested for hiv for
the next six weeks because for six
months because you know
yes and then he was like i was just like
i don't exactly remember what happened i
remember he started trying to mansplain
to me
the connection between depression and
anxiety and i was like i have a [ __ ]
degree in this i'm licensed in this
it's literally my [ __ ] job hey you 22
year old college musician barista
i mean no judgment but also judgment but
also everyone i dated when i was single
so there is that no they weren't all in
college there were age
there was an age there was an age
but yes i just remember he really tried
to mansplain depression and anxiety to
me and i'm like this is offensive on so
many levels
um and also i don't give a [ __ ] that you
had a bad day because
in maslow's hierarchy of needs
you're doing great kids yeah yeah my
empathy is gone get away from me right
and that was also probably when i knew
we shouldn't be dating
i'm like i don't give a [ __ ] about your
bad day and that's a bad sign
it is yeah right yeah i'm like maybe we
shouldn't be dating if i'm like i do not
care that you had a bad day um all right
so
going back to evan mansplaining dyslexia
to someone with a degree in
exceptional education
and then randy's response is like well
i'll help you find your happiness yeah
he's like that's why i didn't want to
have i didn't want to get you pregnant
and she's like what
oh
well you you wouldn't be your dad you
have so many resources this child would
be so loved and
whatever sorry i don't i still just like
i don't give a [ __ ] about evan but we're
here so then
it's very much like your ex it feels
like
she's like i don't give a [ __ ] right
you're not wrong um
so then evan emails randy as her secret
pen pal is like so what's your favorite
flower like i'm like how this girl has
not pieced this together at this point
is well because he was thinking i'm
gonna send her flowers to
write whatever wrong i've committed but
i don't know what kind of flower she
likes so i guess i'm [ __ ]
well no i understand his motivations i
just still think it's really obvious
that he's the pen pal it is kind of yeah
and she just like really has not put
those pieces together but then it's like
he asked
he asked her what her favorite flowers
are and then he's like oh it's like how
are things going with the guy and she's
like not knowing it's evan she's like
it's not that serious he's leaving town
like i'm just having fun we're like it
is what it is and it's fun for now and
but like evan like keeps fishing
and
but she's like he's leaving after this
week so there's really nothing else
going on
and then we cut to another micah
and tessa scene which i'm like i
yeah he goes to sullivan's steak and
seafood
to eat and to just watch her
be there i guess
and is like i'm super into that and her
brother liam who stood up randy on the
date previously is like stay the [ __ ]
away from my sister she's been through
enough she's handicapped and he's like
she looks fine to me bro maybe you
should simmer down
but i'm also like
if they're gonna get their own book i
don't know why we keep
did she not have enough for this book so
she started throwing scenes in for the
must be it must be because they do get
their own book and i did read it and i
regret it deeply
every time i read another one of these
i'm like i regret my choice they're like
palette cleansers for me after i've read
something really heavy i read another
one of these [ __ ] videos that's how i
read them too i'm like i'm like oh i
just read a really good really
thought-provoking book
i should read some more js scott yeah
it's like i just
had this incredible meal and now i need
a bonbon that i'm gonna forget that i
ate in 10 minutes like that's what i
need and that's what these books are
like they're just like not even in an
entire dessert they're kind of like
cotton candy yes it's exactly like
cotton like they just disappear you're
like that was fun
but like that was very short-lived yep
and there's a little bit of an
aftertaste and you're like yeah you
drink some water and you're good you
have a slight stomachache after and you
don't know why
so all right randy's favorite flowers
are calla lilies yes and then she goes
to her
foster mother's grave yes and foster
father because they're they're both
deceased at this point you are correct
both of them are deceased both of their
graves she goes
and there are calla lilies on the grave
with a thank you card attached she's
like who would be thanking them and like
leaving kel and like i'm like [ __ ] can
you really like
are you
do you like do you have do you have
dyslexia i mean i wasn't gonna make that
joke i got to say are you teaching the
third graders or are they teaching you
well and like somebody shoveled the
walkway to their gravesite and like
cleared the snow and left a single calla
lily with a thank you note
right and then it's just this like
poignant scene where like
randy
is crying and it's like i think i can
start healing again now and we're like
just like beatrice with her [ __ ]
patchy tearstone predicted
um
so then there's a family like evan like
the sinclair siblings are all gathering
evan's siblings are all hanging out and
everyone's noting like oh like
evan's like chill and like seems happier
and
is eating carbs
um
and randy is there
yeah and randy's there and like talking
to them about this progress and they're
like obviously you're in love with him
and she's like
no
right she keeps denying it and then they
do like she in helping evan find his
happiness they do some yoga together
they try to do meditation meditation and
then she just like [ __ ] him and that's
the message she's like no close your
eyes and lay on your back and then she
just like hops on his dick
and she's like
take deep breaths he's like if this is
what meditation is i'm into it
right well i also just remember mid
meditation
evan started telling randy about like
her childhood abuser being dead oh yeah
i remember thought about it because evan
was like i need a name to know who try
and forced you into sex acts when you
were in foster care
um and so then he i'm like what were you
gonna do evan were you gonna hire a hit
man like so he would have done it
himself with his bare hands
[Laughter]
i'm a man could he order himself a plane
ticket that's all i'm wondering i mean
he has a private jet
you're right yeah the dyslexia has no
impact on his flight status
he has assistance for that
yes the perks of being a millionaire
billionaire
not just a millionaire
because the last book in this series you
guys is
only a millionaire just for the record
what the [ __ ] just for the record who
fell out of the family will
no that one's about liam
how is liam a millionaire don't worry
about it he co-owns a restaurant in a
small town because he used to be a
stuntman in hollywood and developed all
of these like
i don't know what they are these like
devices and things to make stunts safer
for movies and so he's collecting
royalties and made bank
so
anyway yes don't ever besmirch the
sinclair name
by using the m word
the m word millionaire um yes so
mid-meditation evan is like i just want
you to know i did some research and your
childhood abuser is dead he did and so
then she's like okay lay on your back
and we'll do some meditations
obviously the meditation we're trying is
not effective so let me try it
with your dick inside me right i'm like
that's
that's not i mean if you're gonna do
like tantric yoga then do tantric yoga
don't be weird all i'm saying is when i
used to live in nashville i once led a
meditation seminar at a local library
and i led them through several different
types of meditation and let me tell you
this was not one we did at the library
at no point i was like all right lay on
your back take out your dick and for the
record in case it hasn't been made
obvious by all of our previous episodes
we're very kink affirming
right there's no shaming here like none
like live your truth it is entirely okay
i also didn't want to get arrested
um at the public library also my husband
was not in attendance and i feel like
there would have been a lot of questions
if i let a meditation
hour at the library can i get a
volunteer
and he's like i'm like hey honey i got
arrested because apparently the type of
meditation we did at the library was
too progressive
um right so
there's meditation sex and then
what happens after that like i don't
really feel like there was much plot
there there's none it's just like and
then we disclosed we were abused and
then we [ __ ] and then we go to a party
and then we [ __ ] and then we well and
then oh that's what happened um evan as
pen pal evan
randy still does not know that evan is
her pen pal because he is a mystery
piece of [ __ ]
and also she has no deductive reasoning
skills honestly it's on both of them at
this point um but he like pen pal evan
emails her and is like oh it's like
how's it going with your like new guy
like did you change your mind about like
if it could be more
and then she says like i could never
love
um i could never fall in love with a man
like him
um
but then like as soon as she sends the
email she's like i was lying to myself
because i'm already in love with a man
like him but then obviously like evan is
gonna be salty about that he goes into a
full tail spin about it so they
previously the um
the party the ball that hope was
throwing had to be postponed because of
the storm so it's finally the day of the
ball is that what happened yeah
i could not bring myself you had notes
i took note of the things i thought were
important and that's why i wrote down
meditation sex
i did not write down priorities the ball
was delayed due to the blizzard
priorities
so then anyway
they're getting ready they go
um oh stoke's the driver
so they get into
the evans
bentley or
rolls or whatever the [ __ ] he's driving
or not driving he has a driver
and um
randy's like what's your driver's first
name and he's like i don't know
she's like is he a new employee and he's
like no he's been with me for years and
she's like are you serious right now and
so she finds out the man's name is jerry
he is very advanced in age he has six
children and three grandchildren i just
made that [ __ ] up i don't know i think
it was the opposite i think he had three
children and six grandchildren and like
two great grandchildren
i don't know i did not take notes
well apparently i didn't take notes on
the right things
that's why we do joint reviews
because they work obviously so
she finds out all this personal
information about him
and finds out that like his daughter was
sick and evan giving him a job like
saved his daughter's life and he's like
i'm gonna drive for him until i can't
drive anymore and evan's like wow i'm a
dick i can't believe that randy found
out this information
that quickly oh we've left out that at
some point
randy explains to evan that only her
mother ever called her miranda and it's
very like
it's a trauma trigger for people to call
her miranda and he's like son of a [ __ ]
i will never call her miranda i
literally do not remember this happening
i don't remember when it happened i just
remember that happening because i was
like also i just don't like it when
people don't use the names that
they request to be called like why are
you going to do that i don't like she's
like i go by randy and he's like i'm
calling you miranda she's like it'd be a
lot cooler if you didn't and he's like
i don't give a [ __ ] because i'm a
caveman yeah he's like maybe you'll like
it when i'm moaning it when i make you
come and she's like probably not
generous offer
still gonna pass on being called miranda
still a no for me thanks
so
they go to
the ball
yeah they get to the ball and then
i'm not sure where evan went but liam
asks randy to dance yeah he just didn't
ask her and he also doesn't drink ever
but decides tonight's the night after he
sees her dancing with liam yes and he's
like she smiled at him
like like goes full [ __ ] caveman at
no point like i'm like hey you could
have just walked up and been like may i
cut in
but instead like his brothers are like
holding him back because he's like fight
me bro she's mine i can't believe anyone
would encroach on my territory grabbing
his lapels and like shoving him and
liam's like bro
dude what is happening
like i just was trying to
apologize for standing her up can you
not be who you are right now
right like it was there was nothing like
sexual
happening but her dress was low-cut in
the back and his hand was on her bare
skin or something i don't know um i
don't know if that's true but it feels
right that i said it i agree it does
feel right that you said it because i
think in my head there's like a 70
chance that that's what happened because
i really just didn't care
and then like randy and evan leave the
main room and go to a bathroom for a
confrontation and because one of the
brothers is like randy you need to get
him out of here and calm him down and
she's like
bet on it and then she takes him and
[ __ ] him in the bathroom well and i i
don't really remember what happened i
just remember there being really
dramatic like we can't have forever but
we can have tonight
so i'm like so so [ __ ] me in the
community center bathroom is that what
we're going with the peak of romance
so well my husband's birthday is next
month and i was taking some time off
work so instead of planning a trip
somewhere i'm just going to find our
nearest community center bathroom if
that's the peak of romance noted
obviously my husband's birthday just
passed and i did it wrong so
our anniversary however is coming up we
were gonna take a trip and go see
slipknot in concert but
i will cancel that immediately as you
should this is also far more
economically priced because community
centers have to be open to the map so
accurate instead of going out of state
for a slipknot context also another
thing i just want to mention oh god
because yeah no that's how i feel about
everything in this book i'm like oh
[ __ ] another thing to mention
she's like wearing her dress and then in
the bathroom [ __ ] she's like has her
silk stockings and her garter belt and
i'm like
are garter belts just real i know we've
talked about this before but are garter
belts just way more common than i'm
realizing because like there's a peak of
sex appeal and i've never
i have never personally worn a garter
belt
never
and yet they're acting like you can pick
them up in a five pack at walmart
i've never looked
you're like maybe you could i mean
i can neither confirm nor deny i've
never worn one but i've also never
looked to purchase one i've never tried
no i'm not disputing they can be sexy
sure
maybe i am in some situation i mean like
but
you really think about it it's like it's
just a weird band that goes around your
waist like why
yeah and i have i have a weird weirdly
proportioned tips for that so i don't
think i'll ever wear one but that's a
story for another time noted well okay
so then during this like garter belt
silk stocking community center bathroom
sex well he [ __ ] her from behind so
they can look at each other in the
mirror
as as
true love takes place we do need to make
note for your anniversary my husband's
birthday um but then she like she says i
like she like tells him i love you like
while she's coming she like screams i
love you right which i'm also like this
community center is full of people for a
[ __ ] party
and nobody hears the [ __ ] fest well
grady paid a lot of money to renovate it
so i imagine there was sound proofing
obviously that would be the first
because a billionaire came in and
soundproofed the community center
bathrooms so him and his siblings could
bone in there top priority yes exactly
so she's like as she's orgasming she's
like screaming her love for him and then
he's straight up like well then how come
you said you could never love a man like
me and she's like i never
said that she's like what the [ __ ] are
you talking about and then she's like oh
what you're my pen pal son of a [ __ ]
what
and then she gets upset and is because
he's like well how could you say that
and like how could you say could never
love a man like me and then she's like
because how could i love a man that
doesn't exist
which is just the dumbest thing ever and
she was like she didn't say she's like i
didn't say i didn't love a man like you
i said that i couldn't because you're
leaving you're going to leave me and
you're a billionaire and i'm a [ __ ]
daughter
and there is clearly never a future for
us so all i can think about when
the it's like the [ __ ] daughter
whatever
is the
store the junk man because there is a a
franchise called the junk man's daughter
in five points in atlanta
and i used to love it there i used to go
there all the time so every time she's
like the [ __ ] daughter i'm like the
junk man's daughter and that's not it
doesn't make sense but neither does the
book so
you're like so it's on brand
so it tracks so
randy leaves she runs out disheveled
disheveled and stokes the driver
is like i'll take you home and she's
like no evan's gonna need a ride and
he's like yeah evan can wait for once in
his life you're a sobbing disheveled
woman not really sure the status of her
attire at this point it's not great no
and so he drinks she's crying obviously
her makeup is [ __ ] her hair is
probably all messed up because evan is
not a gentle lover
[Laughter]
he's not he's not um so then evan goes
to the bar
with his cousins
with micah
and the other one julian yes yes yes yes
and so
okay and i know they have future books
micah
makes like high-end
[Music]
extreme extreme sports equipment and
then julian
is a famous actor he's a movie star yes
he's a movie star
so there at the bar evan is drinking
basically for the first time in his life
and spills his guts to his cousins about
this meanwhile julian is antagonizing
their waitress
basically who is kristen
who
is sarah
dr sarah from no ordinary billionaire
she's also her
secretary yeah and best friend and best
friend who broke her foot in
the second book which is how mara became
a bridesmaid and sarah's wedding because
this is the only town i've ever seen
where someone's like i broke my foot i
can't be in your wedding so i found
another bridesmaid for you i'm like
no if i were a bride and someone was
like i found a bridesmaid for you that
you don't know
that's weird
that does remind me
once i was in a wedding for one of my
really really good friends from graduate
school
and she was super stressed because her
husband's family
was a lot they're like they were a lot
to deal with um and her family was very
well to do had a ton of money um they're
from turkey like very
very different people meanwhile his dad
was a baptist preacher oh wow from
florida a lot of culture clashes
happening so much happening and so she
had selected like three of us to be
bridesmaids you know four of us or
whatever
and then his sisters were like
we're gonna be bridesmaids too right and
she was like
yes
[Laughter]
so that's how his sister pumpkin came to
be in the wedding
her is that her gifted name i do not
believe that was her given christian
name i never learned the real one
and we got super smashed in key west
together i never learned her real name
i got smashed in key west with a
bridesmaid named pumpkin who inserted
herself into the wedding party is the
most florida [ __ ]
i've ever heard
and i don't remember the other sister's
name but it was something like pookie or
something stop i'm serious i don't
remember but it wasn't it wasn't great
it doesn't
sound like it was right yeah i don't
know i had an old roommate who
i was not in her wedding which i was
entirely okay with but she had 10
bridesmaids and one of her bridesmaids
oh i knew a girl who had 18 bridesmaids
it's too many
yeah i don't even like 18 people truly i
do not
but
um
i forget which one i was going to tell a
story about because they both have great
stories
the one with ten they both honestly have
great stories from both of these
weddings but the one with ten one of the
bridesmaids was like
if i'm not in your wedding i'm not
attending your wedding
and in my head i'm like damn don't let
the horde
don't let the [ __ ]
where was that going
somebody help me
don't let the door
hit you on the way out was where i was
we haven't had enough to drink for that
we really haven't this is like i've had
one glass of wine over the course of
like an hour and a half there's zero
reason this is just who i am as a human
which is kind of worse it is kind of um
or better but yes but she like
legitimately had a bridesmaid that was
like if i'm not in your wedding i won't
be attending it and she was like well i
guess you're in my wedding then and am i
i'm like [ __ ]
you are not going to be at my wedding at
all then and i'm entirely okay with that
yeah i didn't have any bridesmaids i
didn't even want to invite my parents to
my wedding
but my husband
is
softer than me and he was like well i
really want my my grandma to be there
and if my grandma's there then obviously
i was like this is give a moose a muffin
he's like if we invite my grandparents
then we have to invite my parents if we
invite my parents we have to invite your
parents i was like oh my god i literally
just wanted to go to the courthouse i
did not want to do this
but in our county that is very fast
backwards they did not do courthouse
weddings what yeah because they didn't
want to be forced to marry same-sex
couples so they just stopped doing all
marriage ceremonies of any kind
oh my god yeah so we had a friend
perform the ceremony on a dock on the
chattahoochee with our parents there and
matt's grandparents and my sister
one of my sisters
i had two bridesmaids
that feels like a good number
my sister
and my best friend of 20 years well i
was i was a [ __ ] like straight up like
i'm not even gonna lie so a couple of my
friends were like let us decorate the
doc because i was like i legitimately
don't care i just want to sign the
marriage license like i don't i don't
care
that's just not who i am
and they were like let us decorate i was
like you can come and decorate but you
can't stay
for the ceremony
like i don't hold that boundary i
literally didn't invite anybody else
like you guys can't stay thank you
though and then after
everybody was like well what are we
gonna do now i was like i don't know
what you guys are doing but matt and i
are going to dinner thanks bye
so
i love this story i was like i don't
know i really appreciate that like
we have several friends who have gotten
engaged since since we got married and
whenever they're like what's what advice
would would you give and all those
things i'm like
it's a day about you
but inadvertently it becomes a day about
all of your friends and family trying to
love you really well and how they want
to be loved and then it inadvertently
becomes about them yeah even though all
they're trying to do is love you
terrible so
my mother was like so we can't invite
anybody and i was like if you want to
throw a party mom you can throw a party
and you can tell me when to show up but
i'm not paying for it and i'm not
planning it and i'm not doing it so
she did that six months later they had a
huge party oh and i was like this is
nice
and weird was it people you like
some of them oh that's you know
better than zero of them some of them
but i was like okay
then all right now so our our trick for
our wedding was that we got married
at a vineyard five minutes from my
parents house nice and my parents live
in
the middle of nowhere in the mountains
in a town that doesn't have a stoplight
and
it but it's it's so stunning they live
on a lake in the mountains like off the
appalachian trail absolutely beautiful
um but it is
not a place you get to by accident right
and so it was very much one of those
weddings that like we'd love for you to
make it and we have zero expectation
that you are going to show up when the
nearest airport is like almost a
two-hour drive away right so we had a
lot of no's
for that reason and while i was very sad
they couldn't make it i also wasn't was
not sad they couldn't make it um anyway
so i don't know how we do so all this to
say evan and randy
and
um
so where had oh so
evan is getting trashed for the first
time in his life
with his cousins the movie star and the
extreme
outdoor
equipment maker
and
he tells them everything and they're
like bro what the [ __ ] are you serious
you've been sleeping with her all this
time and you knew who she was and you
didn't say anything well and also we did
forget to mention a while back there was
another cutaway scene like right before
the ball started tamara and jared from
the last book oh they're talking about
how like all of the siblings knew about
the pen pal situation so like everyone
at that point was under the impression
that
randy already knew and i'm like man i'd
feel
real dumb if i were randy and found out
that everyone else knew about this super
betrayed yeah yes i'm like no
you should be pissed about this
so
randy
it's like the next day i guess
and randy is like i'm not gonna check my
email i'm not gonna check my email i'm
not gonna check my email
and then she checks her email and she
has a
message from evan that's like have you
ever done something really stupid
she's like not really no
not like your dumb ass ass
she's like
no
and he's like well i have
and so they do this exchange and then
she's crying and then evan is behind her
somehow yeah in her house
not his house because the storm has
passed she is back in her own house now
yep yep and evan's just there and he's
like you should probably marry me
and then she's like okay
like
and then that's really the end of the
book
man i hated that book
so much
like all right what's our what's our
rating scale for this book did we do jam
for mara's books and she meet was the
jam maker i don't remember our rating
skill for that one i don't know um
i
how many calla lilies that's all i can
think how many like one dead one that's
been on the grave for a while and we
left out that he was apparently going
back every single day to leave a calla
lily for her
dead parents do we really think he was
doing it or do we think he was paying he
probably had an assistant do it and
she's like why did you do that and he
was like i was thanking them for being
there for you and saving you when i
couldn't and she's like
you didn't [ __ ] know her that i
didn't know i'm
misplacement like that don't make no
sense like
i guess this was no it wasn't sweet he
like you tried to get there and you
couldn't no like i'm like the entire
book you were manipulating this girl and
you knew
and i have very little respect for you
but i'm also like i also have i don't
really have much respect for randy
because
just like the other girls in these books
these dudes are like
committing these atrocious acts against
these women and then they're like i'm so
sorry and that girl's like
i will marry you now like hell
mara had her house sold out from under
her her the house she grew up in where
her business was where her business was
and jared was like well i just knew
because i'm an architect that the house
wasn't safe and you were gonna die and
like yes the the house did ultimately
light on fire
and burned to the ground she had turned
to the ground she had to be rescued no
one is disputing that
but i'm like there are other ways to do
that and at no point you like
like did jared not think like i could
tell mara
that
this is why i sold her house or like not
sold it this is why i i purchased her
house so i could save it but i'm like
i just feel like all of these large
things are happening where i'm like
we're very quick to forgive and i'm like
i'm not like saying we need to be
holding grudges but i'm also like it
sounds like maybe more than like two
hours of separation when you left a
party crying like you might need more
time than that to really process yeah
and micah
the cousin was like dude
what is happening like this woman is
running out of the room disheveled and
sobbing and here you come with no
buttons on your shirt because she ripped
them off that's not a good look bro what
the [ __ ] are you doing
i mean
and evan's just like i can't help it i'm
dyslexic and i'm like
that's literally
nothing to do with the moral choices
you're making right now so should we do
it out of billionaires how many
billionaires how many billionaires
um
like a billionaire who's living below
the poverty line is what i'd give it a
billionaire who's lost it all
yeah like
someone who had a billion dollars put in
their bank account
and then
they refreshed their bank account and it
was gone and it was gone is what i rate
this
i was gonna say like
like one and a half billionaires which
would be like one billionaire in one
millionaire
[Laughter]
so terrible it would be dante sinclair
and liam sullivan there it is yes um
precisely
i will rate it one billionaire but it is
not the billionaire that this book is
about amen well and that's the other
thing that i hate about this book and a
lot of these books in general is it's
like
the women like their whole character
development is is some trauma
that happened and it's like they
they can have stories outside of that
like does it have to be the terrible
things that happened to them that that
drew them to these men like i don't
apparently trauma bonds are not the only
bonds
we can have other ones
healthier ones we can have other ones in
fact we encourage you we did to have
healthier ones um we would love for you
to find a therapist if you're needing
one but like
evan sinclair you need a therapist my
guy yeah and i don't want it to be me i
can tell you that much i do not want you
as a client
much like and i can't remember i've said
this before like
whoever and voluntarily committed kanye
west to a psych hospital
i have the power to write commitment
papers yeah um
am i so glad i was not the person called
to have to go write commitment papers on
kanye west yes yes i am
like go get another therapist but you
need one yes it's like britney spears
therapist well she was under
conservatorship would i want to be that
person
no do i want to be that person now that
she's out of conservatorship and has her
freedom back yes call me brittany please
thank you
i love you all right so we're gonna rate
this
one billionaire
um not the billionaire that the book is
about where we'll rate it we'll rate it
a dante dante
he seems to be the
least atrocious of the sinclair
bookstore yeah but is that just because
we're so remote from it but i'm like the
lapd
detective billionaire
so maybe i'm i'm
maybe he's not maybe just a just a
different billionaire
one elon musk
that is my final offer i'll rate it one
jeff bezos we're gonna go full lizard
person thank you
i'm really sorry that you guys had to
listen to this wow
i apologize y'all thank you for joining
us on this journey it was it i i hope it
wasn't nearly as painful for you as it
was
please don't give up on us we'll do
better next time um but j.s scott will
likely not be doing better next time no
thank you for your effort jan please
stop
well she's a bot can't stop won't stop
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thank you all for joining us catch us on
the next one please don't leave us after
that review because we hated it too but
we love you but we love you have a great
day bye
next week on smack club i think whenever
she fell to route she just described it
as her flower tingling i'm like is that
what it like is that what we're saying
like you're just aroused like oh like my
dick twitch
i don't know
we can bring my husband on and interview
him i'm not gonna put him on the spot
and ask but i'm like that is like a
question i am definitely not gonna ask
yeah hannah i think it's great that
you're not just gonna like go up to my
husband and be like can i ask you about
your dick and how it twitches does it
twitch yeah if so
it like is it an exaggerated twitch like
is it a little wiggle like what's
happening down there are you just gonna
like make really intense eye contact
you're gonna be like blink if you're a
dick twitch blink once for yes and twice
for now
like blowing on his eyes to see what
happens is that where we're gonna end up
here
well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]
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