well hello All You Beautiful
[Music]
People you know what time it
is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and
everyone in
between gather around get you something
real nice to sip on and comfy to slip
on cuz it's time for smut Club here's
your hosts Chelsey and
[Applause]
Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut
club I'm Hannah and I'm
Chelsea and this is the podcast where we
sometimes Day drink other times don't
today is a drinking day we will need it
we will need it and we talk about um
romance novels of varying quality and
caliber and
caliber choose your vocab word
um I am
um
trepidacious about today and the book
that you have chosen I have no idea why
it's just a book called Teddy that's a
paranor a paranormal teddy bear stuffed
animal romance I don't know why you are
experiencing any level of trepidation H
it's just your typical paranormal teddy
bear stuffed animal Romance
H okay
Han I just I'm just going to point out
and this is no judgment cuz you know I
adore you you read a lot of weird [ __ ]
and then whenever I roll up and I'm like
so I found some other weird [ __ ] you
always like
oh that's a
choice but then I like I'm like is mine
is mine weirder am I going more out of
pocket is it all the same level and you
just don't expect it from
me I think maybe a little column A and A
little column B um you know yeah it
could be
both I apologize for the haunted vagina
none of us know none of us knew we will
continue to blame Drew for that forever
but shout out to Drew that was our
former coworker or my former coworker my
current coworker um but no I think the
difference is that you've done a lot of
inanimate object ones well two I
shouldn't say a lot this is the second
right I got nervous for a second when
you said two I was like two that we've
already done I was like oh God did I
black out did I forget one I was like
this is the second inanimate object this
is the the second that's fair but to
When someone tells you they have an
erotic romance about aore who's not
intrigued I mean I certainly have
questions you were telling me earlier
today about a balloon animal one I was
yeah and quite frankly I'mma let you
take that one I'm going to do it maybe
not tomorrow but I'm going to do it like
you know what Chelsea I'm going to keep
it and then when the moment's right I'm
going to remind you least suspect
it okay so welcome to The Squeakquel
this book is Teddy by Christina
maddingley
okay um it is less than 200 pages okay
so a a pretty quick simple read in that
regard we start with Aaliyah um Aaliyah
is on the phone with her mom and
complaining about her boss and she's
like I just wish that handsy fool would
get hit by a bus sort of energy and her
mom is like
Aaliyah you know that the things you
speak manifest things so like watch your
words girl like and so you don't really
know yet you're like if is that like a
real thing is that like a passive
thing but we do know that Aaliyah at
least has a history of speaking things
into happening okay not like into
existence not being like I would like a
bottle of wine to appear like not
Conjuring million dollars right yes but
more of the
like uh I think like her mom said like
at one point she like wished that like
oh do you remember when you wish that
the neighbor's dog would like get hit by
a car so would stop barking in the
middle of the night and then it did
remember when you like caused the whole
class to like get sick before a test
like that sort of stuff has maybe
historically happened like The Witches
of Eastwick where they accidentally like
make every yeah never mind yeah great
deep cut thank you yes was that the one
with Channing Tatum
xwi no there were a couple witch series
around the same time that all blend in
my head feel like Witches of Eastwick
was older than that but maybe not I'll
have to look it up later we'll have to
figure that out later yeah so Aaliyah
has a boyfriend Devin also apparently I
was writing this very quickly when I was
jotting my notes because it says Ali's
boyfriend Dave neither of those are
characters in this
book we're here for the attempt da it's
fine uh Devon is a like travel paramedic
and he takes a lot of contracts outside
of town so he travels a lot it seems
like they have a very sexually open
relationship and um like bringing other
people into the bedroom with them and
like a lot of toys and exploration when
they're together but when he's not there
he's been like
hey would love for us to be monogamous
and like only explore those things when
we are together yeah so it's a it's a
lot of longdistance phone sex which is
leaving
her a bit frustrated also because
apparently as soon as Devon finishes
he's like nothing worse than Dad come am
I right and just like hangs up so
they'll be like on FaceTime and he'll
finish and then just like hang up very
abruptly and she's like this doesn't
feel great and like she's tried to
communicate that to him and yeah he's
like well you know how it is with the
with with the dried [ __ ] like just kind
of then have a tissue ready [ __ ] or
like a wet wipe come on now yes like it
feels like we have some proactive
options we aren't pursuing here and like
your girlfriend is expressing a need
that you aren't hearing mhm and he will
send her nice gifts he sent her like a
Tiffany's necklace oh and he also sent
her a giant teddy bear it's like a 4ot
tall teddy bear oh it was larger than he
anticipated um so they Aaliyah and Devon
or Ally and Dave call them what you want
uh they
are having sexy time on FaceTime he
hangs up immediately after and she's
feeling very sexually frustrated and
just decides to use the teddy bear he
gave her as a toy so she starts like
[ __ ] the face of this teddy bear She
lays it down sure on her bed I guess it
Sout was well shaped I don't know I
started that sentence and then regretted
it but still had to end the sentence I
saw the moment that you found your
regret and then the moment that you
realized you were in too
far and sounds like my prop night
hey I okay all right okay okay listen I
just needed a slight wine break I mean
so using things that maybe were not
intended as toys as toys cool like meet
your needs cool cool yes so she is face
[ __ ] this teddy bear and like and is
verbal and like speaking out loud as
she's doing it so she's just like man
like I wish you had a tongue to use on
me like this feels so good like that
sort of thing and then she's like she
also took an edible at one point and
this matters because she's like I swear
I said that and I like I felt a tongue
like what and then she's like this
edible must be it is hidden yes very
high quality drugs that I consumed so
like she has a great orgasm comes very
hard and falls
asleep when she wakes up her room is
clean like and she's like I know I made
a mess yesterday like there were toys
out Teddy's face should be covered in
some substances sort of deal and she's
like my room is clean and there's like a
warm presence and then realize it's like
Teddy's spoon her
so but once again not like moving his
body just like she woke up and the teddy
bear is spooning her and once again
she's like my
edible was Far higher quality than I
really had any understanding up and just
kind of is writing it off more potent
than I anticipated which I think is the
normal reaction to an edible yeah yeah
and I'm like if you wake up the next day
and your like room is clean you're going
like wow I should do that again this is
a once a week edible Hi Chelsea was so
productive yeah absolutely thank you Hi
Chelsea going to make this my cleaning
routine just pop an edible wait an hour
and a half and see if things get
[Laughter]
clean um and then she I don't know gets
a call text from a cooworker who's
like whatever the boss's name was hit by
a bus and she's like oh [ __ ]
are we still having to go to work is the
cup and they're like right because I
guess it's like a small I actually have
no idea what the what the job is at any
point but she she does have this
coworker who lets her know that Haley I
think is the cooworker lets her know
that the boss was hit by a bus but uh
we'll be making a recovery I was going
to say in the way that Gina from
Brooklyn 99 was hit by a bus and like
recovery is possible or she become a
celebrity spokeswoman after dead now as
horrible as the sounds I think he was
recovering quite frankly it didn't
matter to the the teddy bear part of
this for me and but yeah I think he's in
the hospital I don't think he's dead
Okay um but we also it like comes up in
this section that like she is a mage but
like we don't really know what the full
scope of those powers are it sounds like
she can just kind of like sometimes
speak things into happening over time
more than it's like potent power right
right she decides that before she goes
to work she wants to have some fun so
she puts her strap on on
Teddy I just love watching your face
with the details um yeah you just said
that so casually how was I supposed to
say it Hannah I don't know but I can
tell you that if I wasn't locked in I
would have missed it so I said it too
casually because you were like and so
anyway yeah so she wanted to have some
fun before work so she puts a strap on
on Teddy okay
mhm um also I learned some things about
[Laughter]
sex you know honestly that's why we do
this to learn and growing up when I
repressed Christian households this is
how I've gotten my education thank you
um comprehensive sex education matters I
don't know if they teach this in sex ed
I did not know that there are squirting
dildos what I like looked it up
afterwards like I Googled it so my
targeted ads are going to suck for a
while but yeah squirting dildos like
that have like pumps so like you can so
uh Aaliyah has a breeding Kink okay vary
in to seen okay wants all of the seen
sure like at one point in the future of
this book I don't quite remember when
but like they're [ __ ] and like
Teddy's like I'll give you more seen
than five men combined could ever give
you together and she's like over the
moon about it um and I'm not saying I'm
going to hang up on someone immediately
on FaceTime after finishing but I am
probably closer to Devon on this
spectrum of
like K is kind of gross it's been I'm
like I'm not like like she's like buying
fake [ __ ] to go in the squirting dildos
like that level of and this is not
please do not hear me judging anyone if
this is what you're into this is a new
territory for me that like I did not
know squirting dild existed until
earlier this week yeah well that makes
me think of because I've read so many
times where like they're like and I
could feel him paint my walls or
whatever and I'm like you what
what well or also sometimes when they're
painting the walls and they talk about
like the temperature difference and I
was like how warm is their SE yes I have
questions isn't it supposed to be colder
than body temperature is it yes I have
no idea yes why is it so warm then it
shouldn't be that's what I'm saying like
I felt his warmth flood me like what
you're never mind nope I just
that's my hang up with these books some
of them but because when they're filling
them they're filling them with warm
seen didn't didn't love that but here we
are so she's like getting all of her
toys ready she's filling the syringe for
the squirting dildo just so much prep
okay well she her boyfriend's on the
road a lot so she is getting her knees
met yes that's just a lot of prep she's
also very vocal with Teddy like this
whole time as well okay um and when she
starts coming she
realizes that she's filling this like
the come fill her um but she didn't
actually press the button and so she's
like oh like maybe it was faulty maybe
it was like just realizes right right
right that like the strap-on did what
she wanted it to do but she just hadn't
initiated it
manually uh and then like as she's like
looking around after she's like coming
down from her high and is like oh my
gosh everything is so messy and is she
like looks at Teddy and is like huh I
guess it'd be too much to ask like ask
you to clean up right like uhhuh you're
a teddy bear and just like moves on with
her day um but is very aware of the
level of mess that she left to the point
that she stops on the way home to buy an
upholstery
vacuum mhm mhm your eyes just got so
large and then you like took a second to
process it and you went okay deep breath
and
continue well so the thought I had was
was the upholstery vacuum for Teddy was
it for her area rug like what was
requiring that
level yes okay all right we're just
messy with the the toys and the fake SE
and
hell maybe not everyone has been there
but I like to think this is more of a
universal experience you open the lube
you try and squeeze a little loud how
much Lube goes everywhere look Touch Too
Far yeah yes and you're like oh God what
am I going to do with all of this Lube
so then I pretend to rub my husband's
back just I don't have a
towel that that part might just be
me that might not be a universal
experience you do the sexy thing where
you're like rubbing your boobs with it
it's like my husband like why are you
rubbing the back of your hand on your
boob I like don't worry about it man
like and not every time by God but like
I do feel like everyone has had a Lube
mishap at some point yeah where you get
overzealous or whatever and you're like
well here now and you're like don't know
what to do with the rest of this yeah um
so I'm I think it was partly Teddy I
think it was partly the BET like just
all of the yeah yeah yeah the things um
and when she walks in her house like
with a poolery vacuum in hand knowing
she left a mess this morning her house
is spotless like everything is put away
everything is clean Teddy's just like
sitting in the chair in her bedroom and
she's
like what the [ __ ] is happening like
that's great but also horrifying well
and so she uh is like text Devon just to
say hi and he is like oh did you get my
surprise and she's like what what
surprise and he's like oh I called your
cleaning lady and like to have her come
cuz I thought it would be like nice but
then Aaliyah is sitting there mortified
cuz she's like holy [ __ ] my cleaning
lady came to the
house I left a strap-on on the teddy
bear there's like fake Lube on the bed
toys everywh and she's like mortified
and this is a like a cleaning lady she's
used before this isn't a oneoff so she
she calls the cleaning
lady uh to apologize to her and Beth
Beth is the cleaning lady and she's like
no problem at all she's like honestly
like it was so clean it like barely took
me any time I charged Evan half price
and then she was like then Beth makes a
comment she's like I thought you were
cheating on me with another cleaner cuz
I've never seen your bed made but like
when I've like come to the house and so
then ol sitting there and she's like
what this is getting more confusing
she's like I'm no longer mortified that
she saw my sex Cho but I do have more
questions yeah now I'm just more
confused that she didn't see my sex toys
uh and so Aaliyah is sitting there
trying to figure this out ends up like
calling her mom to check in and on the
phone call with her mom like something
her mom says kind of triggers the
manifesting and she's like well I was
talking to Teddy but I like didn't say
like I wish you would like as
objectively as she's previously
manifested things she's like I didn't
say anything like that she's like but I
guess I was still communicating my need
so she's like I don't right I don't know
I was communicating desire even if I
didn't say like I want you to do this
exactly and so she just like when the
phone call ends with her mom she goes
into her bedroom and like looks at Teddy
and she's like
so what tell me what what happened here
right and he just looking at him it's
like this is ridiculous maybe he'll
answer maybe he won't but like like
she's like I don't know she's like what
is happening and then she hears a voice
in her head uh that's like it's really
difficult to speak into your mind when
your thoughts are so loud and Fast like
you're clearly distressed like love to
communicate with you but like I need you
to
like take a breath and she's like what
the [ __ ] this is not the way to calm me
down no a new voice in my head is going
to do the opposite right like do I need
a how doll
shot
like
no
no oh yeah I was just thinking of a like
working in like Crisis units where
you're like okay so like this is like
non-voluntary Med injection at this
point cuz this is the level that we're
at and when everyone takes like a
collective like sigh of relief that
we're like we got the meds in you they
just need to take effect everything will
will be fine in a few minutes and then
those people that their adrenaline just
like burn straight through the meds and
you're like oh [ __ ] like
well we uh when we were still living in
Nashville the company I was working for
we'd had our it was in like an office
Park that we like retrofitted to be the
crisis center right and so we were we
were building a brand new crisis unit uh
which was necessary because we had
finally had a safe room built on like
the the retrofitted side
um it like someone managed to like break
the window the first day we had that
room right sounds right yeah uh and so I
remember we like had a super ESC we
finally got them in the room and we like
all took that like Collective like okay
they're there they're locked in they're
safe they're safe we're safe everyone's
safe we're like working we're working on
this and then all of a sudden we just
hear a like shatteringly loud sound and
we look and he just [ __ ] kicked the
door I'm like I have no idea how you did
that but now we're all right back where
we were 10 minutes ago only worse
because now you have glass as a weapon
super I was like cool cool cool cool
cool this is great and it was one of
those days where I was like I forgot my
hair tie so I'd already like broken a
like a plastic glove and was using like
the wrist section as hair tie with paper
clips cuz I didn't have bobby pins and
I'm like this is not a great day at work
if I'm being honest I had better dates
yeah yeah bless Vance's heart in that
era of like when we were dating and
early married and he'd like how was work
today and as soon as like well I've had
better he's like oh no yeah he's like
that could mean someone ate your lunch
uh from the fridge or it could
mean you had to call 911 cuz someone was
chasing you down the street and I don't
know where this is going to go yeah
Vance very quickly realized uh in our
relationship not to tell me that he'd
had a bad day until he'd ask me about my
day cuz I like oh how's your he's like
not good and he'd like tell me a story
he's like how was your day and I'm like
well an HIV positive teenager spit blood
in my face and he'd be like should have
asked you first yep in retrospect should
have double checked
yep but it's nice for you and Matt cuz
you work at the same facility we do so
usually if one of us has had a bad day
we've already seen the email about it so
we know to tread carefully we've already
seen the email we know to tread
carefully not our communication about it
because we don't work in the same
Department n but we saw the email to
know what to expect when we get home
yep o yeah so Teddy's sitting there and
he's like hey trying to talk to you
through your mind take a deep breath
girl love to connect
yes need you a little calmer
communication will be
easier and he's like you still seem
distressed is there anything I can do to
like ease your mind ease this tension
and she passively thinks to herself
she's like best way to ease my stress H
an orgasm or five and he's just like if
that's what you want I'm happy to oblig
she's like I am your teddy like I am
your comfort item I am literally here I
exist to provide you
comfort and so he's like I he goes if
that's what you want I'm happy to oblig
I believe you said you wanted to use me
to make you come do you want me to use
my do you want to use my face again or
would you like a [ __ ] this time it's
just like help me help you how do we
manage this stress
girl all
right which is like such a funny cuz I'm
like just thinking through yeah being in
this room when you're like oh my God I'm
freaking out because my teddy bear is
talking to me in my head right and then
when he's like you seem really stressed
what would help and she's like an orgasm
and he's like okay my face are a [ __ ]
and you're like I'm like maybe if my
teddy bear stopped talking to me I would
be less stressed yes and like she like
starts to get like woozy because she's
like
and then like sees Teddy actually move
to like help keep her up and support her
uh and he and Teddy being her like
Comfort item who exists purely for
her Comfort I don't know is there a cym
that I need ribbed for her
pleasure furry for her pleasure I don't
know if he's
ribbed I think for soft on his paw
probably right uh but as he can tell
that she's freaked out and he's holding
her he's like okay no problem I'll hold
you and then when you're relaxed I'll
feed you whatever you need girl like
like bless Teddy really trying to walk
her through this journey and be a
support okay so Teddy is is a daddy he's
caretaking and providing and like yeah
yeah yeah I guess I guess you could call
him a daddy and probably maybe
overselling it considering it's like 180
Pages total but just of this like
comforting her through learning this and
as they're cuddling and he's like i'
like can I make you feel good and she's
like like sex and Teddy's like isn't
that your favorite coping skill like I
can see in your mind like you think it I
can make it happen so you seem to like
sex if sex will help help me help you my
girl
okay aiyah in this this is no longer
freaking her out she's like it is my
favorite coping skill thank you for the
reminder that edible lasted so
long I've never had an edible last 24
hours before Oh my God they could sell
this for way more
money so she starts uh grabbing toys and
then like realizes for a second she's
like did you trigger the like the seamen
and my squirting dildo yesterday and
he's like yeah like that's what you
wanted so like that's what I I did cuz
that's what I figured you you were
wanting then she was like oh can you
come inside me like and he's like
probably he's like I don't really know
the limits of the magic but I exist
literally like I'm a comfort item this
is what I am here for so like if that is
what you are needing and it brings you
comfort probably I guess we'll figure
out how your magic
works and only is like okay I want to do
reverse cowgirl and he's like okay
where's your cowgirl hat and she's like
no that's not no hats
required so it's just more of that right
and he's like I exist to make you happy
and fulfill your needs and Aaliyah's
like okay okay now that I'm past the
shock of this I'm into it bet what are
your thoughts on double penetration
and he's like if that's what you want
and then he like pauses and he's like do
you want me to be dominant or passive
and she's like oh dominant would be
great right so she's just like it feels
like she accepted this very
easily yeah yeah
yeah dare I say too easily I'm still
looking for Thorazine like I'm like like
if I'm in this
situation I'm still wondering where my
Geodon and Adavan are I just if you
suspend belief you won't need any drugs
so what I keep thinking
about is how working in a residential
facility people pack all sorts of
items in their bags or in their prison
purses
both I was thinking in their
bags but technically both but
technically both yeah
so I specifically keep remembering this
one time
that this ra who was very new and very
very sweet and maybe not as um familiar
with things
came across
a a silver item that had a jewel on it
that was wrapped in a tissue so a butt
plug uhhuh but she did not know that and
so she thought this must be a valuable
item it should go in the
safe and listed it on the valuables
list oh God cuz I forgot you have to you
have you have to write down to L it you
have to log it so she she wrote it down
and then brought the valuables to the
business office and one of the people
who worked there was like baby girl nigh
neigh nay allow me to
explain I found out about this later I
did not know when it occurred so I
talked to her and I was like laughing
about it and she goes it's not funny I
didn't eat for three days I washed my
hands so many
times because she didn't know what did
she list it as I don't
know it's like some kind of jewelry or
something she really didn't know what it
was um
incredible yeah but people bring a lot
of different things
yeah I guess I've never really thought
about cuz like I was one more of like a
short term like right 72 hours sort of
unit situation yeah
um I hadn't really thought about the
like more long-term are do you all allow
SE like vibrators all of it gets
just that makes the most sense yeah
wasn't
sure how Progressive and open-minded
your residential substance abuse
treatment facility was not
that honestly as I asked the question I
was like this feels unlikely but you
know you never know unless you ask -
yeah unless like unless it's something
that someone does not realize is a sex
toy yeah and it sneaks
through yeah and goes in the safe and
goes with everybody's cell phones and
laptops and and
jewelry yeah and it and Ashes one time
somebody brought someone's ashes with
them yeah people bring a lot of things
people bring a lot of things and they do
a lot of things that are
fascinating I do remember a girl her
like cat had passed away and she wanted
to get it cremated and turned into a
necklace but she was saving up money for
it so she just put it in her
freezer okay like next to the ego
waffles sort of energy um and her case
manager was next to the French bread
pizza yes ill prepared for that visit
and the dino
[Laughter]
nuggets yeah you're like ooh right next
to the ice
cream I just made like smoothie packs
for the week like I prepped those last
night with like bananas and blueberries
and like greens and stuff and I'm like
oh next to my smoothie pack yes yeah
that sort of energy just opening your
freezer next to all of your smoothie
packs ashes
dead cat not even the not even Ash yet
no like the whole cat oh my God I
thought it was ashes no oh my God we
hadn't made it to the cremation yet my
God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my
God it's like Dwight from the office
where it woke up and clawed all the the
french fries the frozen french
fries
yes I'm like straight faed could not do
that my gosh all right so in this
Teddy's like yeah all about double
penetration if that's what you want I'm
literally here for whatever you want I
have no personality at this point I can
be a DP Dom yes here to serve starts
with a butt plug sure they got it out of
is it
jeweled they got it out of the
safe your facility what there was a book
that I read where they were like doing
they were building a
hotel and the designer was like the Mean
Girl sort of energy but like whatever
poles that she had chosen all looked
like butt plugs so at one point he's
like [ __ ] the girl on one of the
abandoned
floors uh and reaches over and like uses
one of the poles as a butt plug cuz they
were that similar and I'm like I on a
construction site feels like not the
move if you want to use it yeah just
clean it first yes you know I'm like I
don't think someone else had used it as
a butt plug but it has been sitting on
like a dusty ass construction site yeah
I'm concerned about her health and
safety more than she was if we're being
honest yeah OSHA would not
approve
sorry I uh I was thinking about our for
for like OSHA nurse like director of
safety when I lived in Nashville and she
was doing the annual OSHA refresher and
she's like listen it's some dry material
I know that so she's like trying to make
it engaging make it a competition
amongst the tables tossing candy out and
the former VP of HR went giving candy to
everyone in a competition is
participating in the wussification of
America you should have only given it to
the winners at previously dated you
would and saying that we participating
in the wussification of
America it's one of my favorite
insults
oh nope I cannot say the thoughts that I
have about that right okay so back we're
now in the double penetration sure yeah
so like we start with we start with the
butt plug from the safe he's like ride
my paw and I'm like I can't every time
you say the word paw I just lose it it
does not feel
sexual um in this that feels like like
Little House on the Prairie like where's
Paul like I don't like that I don't like
that I don't like that I'm so sorry Pa
having a w on the end did make me feel
slightly better then where is Paul but
now that you've said it I can't unhear
it I'm so sorry um after she's writing
his paw they switch to the double
penetration with the two dildos and then
in her head for a second she thinks
she's like one day I'd like to see what
it feels like with
three and Teddy's out here and he's
like manifest baby girl so then suddenly
there's three dildos and
then all of them are squirting dildos
that he's made I'm not really sure so
much come so much come that her belly is
swollen with it is a note in the book
and that's dare I say too much
come your
face yeah so then he Teddy's like I want
I want a final orgasm out of you like
through all of
this uh and is like telling her to come
on his paw again sure and then Aaliyah
thinks for a second she's like man like
what would make this like final orgasm
easier she she like there's nothing like
a man's tongue on you once he's just
filled you okay uh which I feel like
there was a Nikki Sloan book that
referred to that as a cream pie am I
remembering that correctly I don't know
that's a saying I'm not the most
familiar with uh because the eating out
after coming inside someone is is a very
specific Kink I would say yeah um and so
as she's thinking that Teddy switches it
up up and then she feels a actual human
tongue on her [ __ ] and passes out from
the orgasm okay good Mission achieved
yes to relax her
right Teddy was created for one thing
and one thing only and he is thriving at
he achieved that goal he really did yeah
so she when she wakes up from passing
out yet again from this orgasm I guess
the first time she had fallen asleep and
and had taken the edible so she didn't
pass out shock but even still uh when
she wakes up this time Teddy is now in a
human form and is like the hottest dude
she's ever seen in her life sort of
energy okay so does she immediately know
it's Teddy or is she like this is a
strange man in my [ __ ] room right now
no she's like very aware that Teddy is
now in a human form but also as she's
like aware of it and into it she's also
like what the [ __ ] do I tell Devon I
still have a boyfriend
um and so Teddy's
like I exist for you so like whatever
you need like if if you just need me to
like stay in my bare form when he's here
I can do that
like my bare form yeah I can just be a
teddy bear in the corner of the room if
that's what's needed um but then
also this is the first time she's seen
him in human form and she's like keep
your eyes on his face Aaliyah like he's
a human keep keep your eyes on his face
in this conversation but then when she
looks down he has two dicks and she's
like oh my god there are two and he's
like what I you seem to like too I
thought you would enjoy it I no give me
a second and like goes back to one very
quickly and can change his body and
manifest whatever she will like the best
but yes uh started with two dicks
because he's like this is what she will
like the best and then she sees it and
it's like oh my God okay that's weirdly
endearing it really kind of was yeah
that's like weirdly endearing okay and
he's like and he's a little embarrassed
about it and he's like I thought that's
what you want so I my yeah here's one
it's
fine just
kidding yes and then beyond that like
they just kind of settle in for like a
sweet cozy day where she's like well
this girl's covering my shift and I
don't need as much help at work because
my boss got hit by a bus so sure going
to hang out with Teddy and Teddy's like
we can watch your baking shows I can
braid your hair what do you need like
I'm I'm just here for you yeah um and I
think it it does read us far more
endearing throughout the book like it
doesn't read us like
obsessive um but I do also recognize it
you're like what do you do I don't have
a job I exist for your pleasure what
what do you need comfort that's all I
know how to do I am a one trck minded
bear so it's like but also a little like
hey man get a hobby outside of me well I
can see like how could he he's a bear
the fantasy of having someone that like
exists to meet your needs like in theory
that's amazing and awesome and in
practice it's like Jesus wept get out of
my face
like find a friend find a
friend like oh my God phone a
friend was that Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire yes was that the yeah yeah
yeah sometimes they called friends that
were straight up idiots yeah dude and
honestly what Panic you must have F Well
I guess it wasn't live was
it cuz that would be a different thing
cuz that would be another level of panic
to be watching your friend on a show and
they get asked a question no I don't
think it was live and that was also
before like Google yes the goo the Googs
yeah so he goes back to having one dick
and then they just have like a very
sweet cuddly cozy day yeah we love that
yeah so later she's FaceTiming Devon and
like at one point he like asks to see
the bear cuz he sent it to her but is
never really he's like yeah he's like
honestly I didn't realize how large it
was until I saw the shipping amount and
then they were like yeah we don't do
free shipping on like this size thing
and he's like if you want something
smaller like I'm I'm happy to return it
and she's like no no I'm happy with
Teddy no please and he makes a joke and
he's like oh named him Teddy huh like
what like is he can be your boyfriend
while I'm out of town hahaa and
like she feels guilty about it right in
a way that like Teddy's like in your he
gave you permission but it seems like
you still don't feel cool about it sort
of energy because he doesn't understand
that like it's a
joke yes right right well and Devon also
does understand that she's actually been
[ __ ] her bear like yeah so just kind
of her living in that like this doesn't
feel ideal yeah but Teddy being Teddy is
like I can tell you're distressed would
you like an orgasm would you like to sit
on my face he's like like you did that
first time so she sits on his face
they're having a great time she turns
around introduces him to 69ing and then
she's about to come when her phone
starts ringing again and Devon his face
timing her and she's like [ __ ] [ __ ] so
she gets off of of Teddy but clearly
looks a little flustered and Devon's
like oo are you playing like do you want
to play together like she goes okay well
how about we play the game where you see
my face and guess what toy I'm using and
then just goes back into her bedroom and
it's like if I keep Teddy off camera
it's fine you'll never know I don't know
if your boyfriend would feel fine about
that probably not yes especially cuz at
this Point Teddy has a human form yeah
Teddy is is fully sensient with a human
form at this point yeah yeah 1,000% so
I'm
like and so she is uh riding Teddy and
FaceTiming Devon and then like Teddy
starts like saying dirty things to her
in her head that like Teddy or that like
Devon can't hear uh and at one point
like they're like talking about like
McD's like oh are you are you using that
vibrator with like the knot and she's
like no guess again but that knot would
feel so good and then suddenly like
there's a not stretching her yes very
much that sort of
energy and so uh much like Devon had
been doing to her the whole as soon as
Aaliyah finishes she just like hangs up
and it's like well great chat bye yep on
to the other things I was doing with the
dude actually lost
game I
win
bye-bye I win was it a race to see who
could finish first and then we hang up
nailed it cuz that's what our
relationship has turned into recently
it's kind of that energy right right so
when they hang up she's then looking at
Teddy and she's like I want you to use
me and he's like but I exist for your
pleasure and she's like but I want you
to pretend that I exist for yours
pleasure right is like oh okay this is
role
playing I can do this I can do that
1,000% so I will say I reread this
little section A couple of times to make
sure I didn't miss it still could have
missed it but he handcuffs her to the
bed he now has two dicks again because
she's very into the the double
penetration s of sort of situation uh
and but then he's like jack me off so
I'm like but I thought she was
handcuffed so I know if she just
manifested out of the handcuffs I'm not
quite sure but she was handcuffed to the
bed then suddenly she's jacking him off
and I'm not quite sure how we got there
he like scooted up towards her
hand um but one was inside her one dick
was inside her the other dick he wanted
her to jack
off maybe one hand was
cuffed I thought both were but maybe
yeah you're not
wrong I don't know I was like was it her
feet
we have logistical questions which is
even more impressive if he is inside of
her with one to be using the feet on the
on the other one yeah no that wouldn't
work uh one he's like trying to get her
all prepped before he [ __ ] both holes
is kind of sure the classy wording and
then her mom
calls sorry I should have waited until
you weren't taking a sip of wine and in
retrospect The Classy wording and then
her mom called
before I [ __ ] both holes and then who do
you know barbs Colin I don't know what
her mom's name is but that felt Barb
feels right Barb does feel right
yeah and Teddy's like your mom's a great
woman I answered the call for you here's
your
phone while he keeps [ __ ]
her and I never have any desire to
accidentally end up on the phone with my
mom mid thrust M it's a no for me hard
no in the throws is not the moment for
me to be checking in with Mom and Dad
I'm like the only way I'm accepting that
call is if my ass accidentally hit
answer yeah but outside of that I can
call you back after uh
yeah yeah but I still might not call you
back after because in that post qual
moment I don't know if call calling my
mom is what I want to do then either no
I might wait a few
hours I don't morning how much time
you're going to say but for some reason
like I might wait a few and then I was
like longer than minutes
Hannah make it longer than longer than
minutes you're like hours I was like
okay we can work but yeah that feels it
can't be minutes it can't be minutes it
can't be
minutes it can't be like okay we've done
the obligatory cuddle for the full 2
minutes I've gone pee we've said I love
you thank you I've put a shirt back on
now I can call my Mom it's been 4
minutes
no no no none of that
sorry okay but then like it's just like
a quick phone call with her mom and then
she's like hanging up because at that
point he has his two dicks in both
holes and you can't talk to your mom
during that you can't talk to anybody
during that no nor do you want to no um
and then after they have more sex they
once again just like settle in for a
cozy evening of like things that she
actually likes and her interest and like
watching her baking shows and she's just
like wow how great is this a partner who
cares about my
needs and listens a partner who wants to
do the things that I
enjoy
yeah groundbreaking amazing
revolutionary a partner who doesn't
treat me like well not like [ __ ] that's
being hyperbolic but anyway the next day
she wakes up because well yeah this was
another thing in the book she wakes up
to Devon back in town surprising her and
she says that she had like was so shock
she like hit him with like her no like
he was like waking her up and like she
like sat up and like headbutted him and
headbutted him sort of energy but it
also said that Teddy had had his arm
around her so I'm like was he back in
his bare form because you'd think Devon
would notice if there was a grown ass
man in bed with his girlfriend you would
think that so I guess it must have been
in bare form but that doesn't feel like
it was clearly communicated or I missed
the communication of it or maybe he
shifted back with a
quickness he like hurt the front door
and was like whoop yeah cuz I there are
a couple like things throughout the book
where like uh Aaliyah talks about like
oh like I'll make us food do you need to
eat and he's like I don't need to eat
but if it would bring you pleasure to
like feed me you're welcome to make me
food and I can consume it but I don't
need it for sustenance and so I feel
like sleep had kind of been the same
where like he like didn't need sleep
yeah maybe that was it like Deon showed
up and he like Turned turned into bare
form
H but it's funny because Devon's like
well I switched shifts with the guy so I
had a few days off so I thought I'd
surprise you but like wanted to check
and make sure everything was okay cuz
you like hung up as soon as we like you
finished yesterday and like wasn't sure
if you were mad at me and she's like you
do that all the time and he's like oh
like that bothers you and she's like I
I've told you it bothers me and he's
like oh well like DED come is the worst
right and she's like it feels like we're
kind of like
talking in CES Point here um and then
she's like okay yeah I needed to go to
the farmers market today like let's just
do that and it's like The Vibes are just
kind of off here right and so he's like
okay well like do you what do you want
to do before we go to the farmers market
so she's like yeah cool let's have sex
like not in a passive way I think she
was into it but then when he goes into
the bedroom he like just pushes Teddy
off the bed and she's like hey please
don't do that like please treat my
belongings with care right um and I
would I'd ask you not not be respectful
of my things in my space that you
haven't been in 1,000% like we don't
live together this this is her
place and he's like you're being
ridiculous like this is a bear you're
overreacting and she's like I'm not
being ridiculous I've spoken very calmly
and very kindly I've let you know that
this is something that bothers me I've
asked you not to do it I've asked you to
correct what you did and you're choosing
not to right and like that is what is
bothering me at this point is you like
not treating my feelings or my opinions
with care which is the theme right
because she asked him to stop hanging up
immediately she's asked him for more and
he's chosen not to give it 1,000% so she
just kind of like keeps holding this
boundar as he's like you're being
ridiculous and she's like I'm not being
ridiculous like thanks so much and he's
like all right well call me when you're
lonely and want dick later and just like
leaves
and she's like cool cool cool cool I'm
just going to go to the farmers market
and get my groceries yeah and then come
back so when she comes back it's very
sweet Aaliyah has like bought Teddy some
like sweatpants and t-shirts from the
farmers market that are all like branded
but she's like that way he'll have his
own clothes uh cuz I think he'd been
like using a pair of like Devon's old
sweatpants sort of energy
mm Teddy is absolutely surprised and
delighted that she like got him a gift
and that like she thought of him the bar
is real low for both of them like he's a
teddy bear so I get why the bar is low
for him but like with her I'm like
Aaliyah believe in the me that believes
in you girl I need I need
more are you okay clearly not clearly
not yeah no well and it's also funny
because as she gets back from the
farmers market like she's like showing
Teddy she's like this is like the spray
to use on uh fruits and vegetables to
clean them so he's like helping her like
put everything away and her mom calls
and I guess her mom is a mage who's like
gift is like having a really strong
Intuition or like knowing when
something's off so like calling because
she like felt like The Vibes were off
with Devon uh but in that way where like
Ali's like
yeah he surprised me and came home but
we had a stupid fight and he left and
her mom is like I never liked him for
you anyway and aiyah is like we didn't
break up Mom just had a fight and her
mom's like well maybe some things to
consider right it's not too late like so
the day I got married to my
husband or the day before I went to get
my hair done like you know whole
situation my hairdresser who's in jail
now I I don't think she's in jail she
did get arrested oh no no no it's a
different it's different it's different
MTI arrested it's different it's
different oh my
God but my favorite part is how
passively you started answering that
question before you realize that two of
your former hair stylists have been
arrested for various reasons yeah no
different different different one so
um like no I don't think oh [ __ ] no
she's not still in jail Jesus Christ
anyway no
anyhoo so I'm getting my hair done and I
was talking to my mom about my
ex that I had been with for many years
and blah blah blah blah blah and my
mom's like Oh yeah we never liked
him I was with him for 10 years Mom oh
my God 10 literally all through High
School all through
college and graduate school Hannah I'm
not beating that but last
night what so my parents are in town my
parents don't live in Georgia uh but
they do have a have a place here so they
were in town and we were hanging out
last night and as Vance and I are
walking to the door we were like at the
door to
leave my dad looks at my husband and
he's like Vance I just to
say I just really love you for Chelsea
and like you're such a great addition to
the family and just like it was like
actually a very kind very sweet
endearing moment but I was like what the
[ __ ] were you going to do man it's our
7year wedding anniversary this year and
we have a one and a half year- old Matt
and I just celebrated s months a few
weeks ago yes seven years seven years
what did I say seven months seven years
a few weeks ago wait Hannah I've known
you for several years so if you've only
been married for seven months you've
been burying the lead in a way that like
I don't know if we'll be okay
with like this might be the end I was
like have you been lying to me for years
seven years a few weeks ago yes
yeah well I also brought up last night
to my dad I was
like yeah do you remember when Vance and
I wearing engaged and like we had a
six-month engagement roughly we already
had like The Wedding Date book like
there were a couple things that had
already been planned
proactively so it's 3 months before the
wedding we're all at the lake for 4th of
July and I'm on a jet ski with my dad
just the two of us on this jet ski and
my
parents live on a pretty isolated remote
lake so he and I are just going down to
like the very end of the lake that is
even more isolated and remote and my dad
is just like shouting over his shoulder
he's like I really like Vance for you he
brings out good good things and just
like keeps going I'm
like Dad we're
engaged like and like not like yesterday
like right all deposits have been
paid I was like you would save the dates
have been sent invitations have been
sent at this point so I'm like are you
going to look at your wife my mother in
the eye and tell her that you just now
like it was just so funny I was like
yeah the ship has sailed my guy if you
didn't like him for me you probably
should have let me know yeah before we
got
engaged yeah my mom was like oh we never
liked him I was like when were you going
to tell us mom I was like why didn't you
tell me that and she goes well we just
kind of thought that maybe it wouldn't
be open to our opinion I was like okay
would you have been I was like I I don't
know but I was like how do you feel
about
Matt like okay not talking about the
dude from uh for the for those 10 years
that we dated but for the one that I'm
uh signing a legally binding contract to
today what are your thoughts concerns
any questions you know yeah oh my gosh
that is yeah wild well I I may or may
not have told you my mom Matt brought
Gizmo our dog who is paralyzed who he's
had before or we got together Brock
Gizmo when he met my parents I feel like
that would endear your parents to him
very much so Matt is has some some
tattoos that he got well incarcerated
and some other tattoos that are show how
many Insane Clown posy tattoos does your
husband have seven okay keep
going um you know and um you know random
things like that and I remember being
concerned because my mom is very um
Southern old school Christian kind of
situation I remember being a little
worried about like if she was going to
be cool and she said oh that must be a
really good man to take care of that
little dog like
that and so that was like the deciding
factor for that's a great deciding
factor and I will also say uh I dated
someone well dated people before my
husband as I'm sure you know big shock
there but the guy that I dated before my
husband my parents and my sister and
brother-in-law all very lovingly like we
had a conversation where they were like
he's very kind he's not your person he's
not it and it was a very difficult
conversation to go through um and they
were not wrong I knew it and just
like just holding on to it yes uh so so
we'll say I don't know if it's better or
worse cuz like having that conver like
that conversation [ __ ]
sucked but at the same time I'm like
grateful that they were like hey we love
you enough to like this isn't about us
this is like right but I also see where
you're like well we don't really know
how this is going to be received and
it's going to play out how it plays out
so we'll just love our daughter through
this journey yeah and hope we come out
the other
side where we all would like to be
like you know and we did yeah that's the
thing right you're like well it played
out how it was supposed to I just
remember sitting there with like foils
in my hair being like are you [ __ ]
serious like
what yeah and you're like but once again
the foils are in so how are we feeling
about Matt just double checking right
I'm stuck here for a minute so maybe
like Now's the Time my gosh
um all right so within all of this
Aaliyah then kind of has like a a
debrief with Teddy where like Teddy like
Can Tell She's like feeling some type of
way and feeling very conflicted and he's
like I can just be a stuffy like I I
won't be able to meet all of your other
needs but like if that's what you need
from me like yeah if I'm confusing you
yes like I can just be your your stuffy
but also like Teddy kind of points out
that like
Devon is selfish yeah and he's like it
seems like uh he doesn't want you to be
with other people when he's not here
because it's more of an ego thing for
him yeah and like it feels like maybe
y'all are are a bit of a Miss but like
once again like your relationship like M
you you do what you need but Aaliyah it
has now like given her enough thought of
like maybe I'm not happy maybe this like
hasn't been what I've wanted um
they nap again there's a lot of naps I
love that me too I'm like yeah so they
take a nap uh my notes say sexy times
incoming okay not incoming Georgia where
I live just incoming sure sure yeah
important clarifying Factor um I forgot
that people giggle when they
hear yeah coming Georgia um like I
forgot to point that like a friend who
lives in Missouri sent me a post where
like someone was like traveling through
Georgia and they were in a Walmart
that's like 5 minutes from my house that
like had all of these like coming mugs
and I was like I know where to buy those
that's right next door it's around the
corner I was like would you like one I
can send one to Missouri for you no
props the answer is yes I should I
should just send her a mug that would be
great uh
then
also like sexy times are incoming and
Aaliyah's like I want to come on your
hand and he's like okay like here are my
fingers girl go for it and she's like no
your whole hand inside of me so we're
fisting now so we're fisting and then uh
with her breeding King she like wanted
his like come as
lube so he like comes inside her
first okay with his dick with his dick I
was like wait does his fist suddenly
like you know with how this book has
been going that's a great clarifying
question no it was with his dick okay
okay okay uh but in that like no human
produces this much this is a paranormal
level mhm of
ejaculation I read a dragon alien
situation where there was like a whole
thing about like their belly would
expand with the amount of come and that
was like part of the king and like
yeah yeah a breeding Kink is never one
that I've personally experienced or had
any desire to
explore because I like in my head I was
like oh well is it like a just like a
[ __ ] kink like a semen Kink right uh and
sometimes a little bit yes maybe yeah
but I'm also like once again on the
Aaliyah to Devon
Spectrum I don't want to be drowning in
a PO of [ __ ] I don't want to be
distended distended with
[ __ ] no like i' like I hurt just thinking
about it yeah I get distended when I eat
gluten I don't need to add semen like
gassy come like no neither is good I
don't want either thank you it's not for
me he comes inside of her to use it as
lube he fists her he Tong his [ __ ]
her not
his I was like what the [ __ ] no I like I
was like hold on hold on that was my
that was my bad that was my bad okay he
Tong her [ __ ] got it okay he tongs
her [ __ ] as they're finishing there's
a knock at the door so she goes in her
robe to figure out who's there and it's
Devon and he's like oo like were you in
the middle of something and she's like
just finished like and like isn't
stepping back to like let him in right
and and he's kind of like yeah like I'm
sorry things got so out of control
earlier and just like tries to like walk
in and she's like well that's not a real
apology and he's like what do you what
do you mean I just apologized she's like
no apologies involve ownership of Your
Action in it and being like Oh so sorry
everything got so out of control it's
not the same as being like you
specifically asked me not to disrespect
this and I did it and like that
accountability yes accountability being
a big thing there and so it's just like
Devon's not really getting it it's
leading to increased
tension and like it kind of like comes
out in this conversation that he's like
yeah like I just liked having you wait
until I got home because you were always
so much more excited and like aggressive
and like I was into that more than
thinking of like her needs right
throughout all of
this uh yeah so just that kind kind of
shitty he's like I mean yeah we can like
make it just sexual instead and she's
like wait you'd be willing to throw away
our relationship just for like a casual
sexual
one seems like a little bit Yeah so just
like not yeah not a great long-term
partner sort of situation like he kind
of makes com he's like okay like good
luck and she's like I already have your
replacement lined up like this is not
this is a nonissue right yeah thank you
next but then when uh Aaliyah goes back
into the bedroom the bedroom is still
messy from like everything she and Teddy
had just been doing and like Teddy's
like laying where she left him and she's
like like Teddy is no longer sensient
she's like speaking to him oh cuz she's
like oh like maybe he just like didn't
like clean it up like that's fine cuz
like he can CLE like he just does all of
these things in his mind so like at one
point they like she needs to shower
she's like oh do you need a shower and
he's like I kind of just like think
myself clean and it happens so that's
kind of how he' been cleaning her space
this whole time was just like thinking
it clean but when she walks in she's
like oh maybe he just like didn't and
then when she's speaking to him what a
power I would love to think things clean
oh my God yes like I would love to
manifest that for sure so she's super
freaked out and uh it's like okay I'm
going to go in town and she's looking
for ma who's the Fay leader in town okay
also until this point we've like had no
real conversation about it being like
yes and that's why I I felt like this
book was almost a
prequel because I was like okay it feels
like it's setting it up for this like
Paranormal town it's like this is how
we're getting introduced to people I
don't know I was reading through the
author's list of Publications and was
was a little confused this is the only
one that I've read um so I'm not quite
sure how all of this plays out and if
other people in town have other books
but like she goes looking for Ma they're
like oh Ma's not at the diner she's had
a meeting with the fire chief the fire
chief is like a very kind man who's also
like the alpha of the local shifter pack
sort of energy that does feel like a
setup yes yeah and so she's like talking
to the Chief and it also seems like
she's talking like hypotheticals like
where there's like she doesn't want to
get in trouble for using her magic and
I'm like what what are the ramifications
I have no idea um but as she's like
talking to him and like well the
hypothetical like I
like was turned him sensient and now
he's not and I want to get my friend
back sort of energy and the fire chief
calls a guy named Kingston and is like
hey I have a young lady here who I think
may have been affected by the incident
this
week okay okay so like Kingston shows up
they explain the situation to
him um and Kingston's like oh yeah I can
recreate that spell so he like goes to
her house with her helps her recreate
the spell to keep Teddy this way
permanently and like says something
about like whatever he'd been whatever
Kingston had been doing earlier in the
week had like caused an uptick and
magical ability for the Mage population
huh so like her uh manifesting was a
little bit more potent I'd say than it
normally was okay so like a solar flare
yes like almost like a magic solar flare
is a how that it kind of seemed alluded
to okay um and he's
like there you go there you go Teddy's
here now if you need help getting him
papers so he can be a real human let me
know and I can help with that as
well and now Teddy's back and that's the
end that's the whole book
okay that is a journey
right the the look your face is giving
is like a it's a journey that I just
might need to sit and process for a
little bit to figure out how I feel
about it well because on one side it's
like okay so she just created the
perfect
man this wasn't like they found each
other no she like made a person yes she
had a teddy bear that she turned into a
human whose Soul existence was to make
her happy was yeah to be a comfort item
for her
and so she was like yeah this is a
better option than my boyfriend who
doesn't really always think of my needs
or
interest and now Teddy and I are in
love in a weird way I'm like good for
her like I know yeah no I actually do
like I felt the same where I was like
okay I respect you realizing what you're
worth realizing that the relationship
you were in was ultimately making you
unhappy and uh finding the freedom and
The Bravery to hold that boundary and
have that conversation yeah cuz I
absolutely say that as someone who like
dated someone for 10 months that like
every week I was like this is the week
like it's time to go The Vibes are off I
just need to end it and then 10 months
later we're still in it I'm like well
this is a me problem yeah he's not going
to end it he's very happy it's me that's
the problem here yeah and so like I
respect her like coming to that
determination over time but like I'm
like well if you hadn't have created the
perfect [ __ ] toy for yourself you'd
probably still be dating
Devin and I think that feels like a
weird thing to reconcile
right cuz there's this like I know my
worth do you but you didn't 12 hours ago
like yeah you didn't until you literally
had someone who was a comfort item who
then became human who still as a human
their sole ex reason for existing is to
provide you comfort in whatever way you
need
comfort but if you didn't have that I
don't think you would have left your
other
relationship well I think it's about the
level of comfort right because she was
comfortable with her ex and the dynamic
that they had until she understood that
like it could be different well it also
seems like she didn't necessarily
realize that her ex was being selfish
and kind of taking advantage of her and
that it was more like just about his
needs and ego versus her interest and
until it became a little more
like in his face and blatant that like
things weren't where how they had been
or how he wanted them to be right but I
will say to her credit and something I
forgot to mention was like in the
conversation that she's having with
Devon about the future of their
relationship he's like okay so you just
like want to break up with me if you
can't [ __ ] other people and she's like
no I'm I'm perfectly willing to like
wait until your contract is up and we
can navigate this together she's like
but I I can't do this long term like I
want someone who wants to watch my shows
with me and like has similar interest
yes she's like I want someone that like
I can go to the farmers market with and
so if you are willing to meet me there
I'm happy to have that conversation and
Devon like wasn't willing to meet her
there so it wasn't like she was just
like I know my worth I have a teddy bear
who [ __ ] me you're out like there was a
little more conversation to it for sure
right but but yes very interesting
because she essentially just like
created her perfect man
right and then was like well now that I
have him it's like Weird Science where
they make the perfect woman science you
know like I like
sorry science like that did not age well
you know what I mean like if you've seen
Weird Science it did not age well
no but this is feels weirdly
empowering I was in a A continuing ed
training last week where the uh trainer
made a passive reference that clueless
hasn't aged well and I didn't it hasn't
this was not a training that like I knew
anyone in this was not like anyone I
knew but I almost wanted to unmute
myself and be like but Paul red has hey
and like not the point of this training
it's a trauma training we'll stay there
did I tell you about the abene Abalone
incident I did didn't I
remind yes you did because abene Texas
yeah I was in a meeting and somebody
said they were from abalene Texas and I
was like isn't that a snail and somebody
was like that's an abalone it's a
mollusk also that is a person I want on
my trivia
team the thing is I had watching a lot
of Psych and I knew that it wasn't abene
was a mollusk I knew that but I was like
that's funny and I almost said when she
was like that's an abalone I was like
isn't that an Italian dessert like I was
so close and then I was like I instead I
just said I've heard it both ways and
only one person laughed it was very
awkward for me oh but as soon as you
said I've been watching a lot of Psych
my first thought was I've heard it both
ways yes I literally was like I did say
out loud like I've heard it both ways
and just left it but like yeah um dle
Hill is probably one of my celebrity
crushes 100% And His tap dancing is
incredible such a good dancer oh my God
yes shout out does not get enough
accolades or attention he does not get
enough credit no shout out to douay
sure the main dud is great too but like
James rode I was forget I was like I
forgot his last name I was like it's
James something rode Rod day yes because
it was
Rodriguez well I was going to say James
Rodriguez and I was like that's not
right but I'm forgetting where I'm going
astray here yeah but when he joined sag
there was already a James Rodriguez so
he changed it to rode um I just learned
that that's like Emma Stone oh really
she's an Emily oh and changed it with
sag H but there was a someone at a
recent press conference that called her
Emily and someone else was like it's
Emma and she was like my name's Emily
thank you cuz I guess she like made a
comment recently she's like I'm I'd love
to go by Emily like it's been weird
having my name change
um I was like a good for you girl yeah
reclaim your name but no that uh I
forgot the SAG aspect of James
Roode he's one of those that like much
like Alexis BL like English is not his
first language I think I don't think so
I'm pretty sure his his dad is from
Mexico I feel Spanish is his first
language cuz there was that uh Spanish
soap opera episode where you're like
you're a little too fluent and you're a
little too good at
that this doesn't feel like someone
faking a
bilingual biling willness the official
wording um all right what I shudder to
ask what is our ratings is it I was kind
of trying to avoid what it's going to
have to be four foot teddy bears right
it's going to have to be giant teddy
bears I refuse to make squirting dildos
our basis I I shudder to think what the
graphic that Vance would choose for that
would be LS oh my God so you're welcome
Vance it's teddy bears yeah we're going
teddy bears not squirting Doos we don't
want this episode to get pulled from the
interwebs which we still have to figure
out our Tik Tok Channel got like removed
like hardcore band removed I'm like we
had like two videos I I'm I have so many
questions yeah um yeah so we'll see if
we can get back on the Tik toks we
should we're working on our social media
presence in general we work full-time
jobs and I have a kid and Hannah has
like several animals that need a lot of
attention and love um so we try our best
we do what we can really but also it's
not really a deterrent like we love like
the we have like such solid yeah pretty
good Eng listeners and people that I'm
like oh like you you guys don't give a
[ __ ] if we're on Instagram and we love
you for it I was going to say we're very
grateful for y'all like yes keep us off
of social media and we'll love you even
more we'll get on it it's fine we but
truly like we do love to interact with
all of you on social
please let us know what books you want
to recommend it's funny because uh I
pulled up our like Tik Tok Channel
recently and like someone had like
commented and they were like clearly
responding to something very specific in
the episode and I was like I'm going to
have to go back and listen to this
episode again I have no idea what that
reference is this is great my sister
does that all the time she listens and
she'll text me like a comment on
something we said and I'm
like okay yeah I have some questions
about the things that I say yeah and
concerned sometimes and quite frankly
you we record multiple episodes in one
day and there are times that like I'll
forget what we said in the last episode
yeah um because there's only so much
smut that can keep that space right you
got to you got to let go of ice Planet
barbarians to make room for Teddy am I
right um so all right all that said
we're yeah teddy bears how many how many
teddy bears are out
of
75 oh okay oh well they're 4T tall we
need
fewer 50 out of yeah out of 50 Teddy
Bears
um I feel like there are a lot of
different rubrics that I could use sure
for this one i' say out of 50 teddy
bears I'd probably go
like 20 I was going to say 20 yeah 20
out of 50 4 foot teddy bears uh feels
accurate I do think it's a pretty
seamless read but like the there were a
few moments that I like know I'd pointed
out where I'm like wait what like she
was handcuffed and now she's not wait
what his arm around was around her was
it human or be I don't know like I think
there were some moments like that that
like needed a bit of polishing for me
sure um I I think is like an overall
premise it was very fascinating and I
haven't read anything like it um and so
I thoroughly enjoyed that aspect of
it I I do think that there were some
things that like probably needed to be a
little bit more fleshed out for uh for
more than than 20 yeah but
204t tall teddy bears is still a lot of
teddy bears just saying I was going to
say that that yeah that's a lot of teddy
bears like sure 50 is more no one's
going to dispute that 20 Bears is a lot
of [ __ ] Bears it's a lot of bears
yeah yes so 20 Bears is my final offer
um yeah let us know your thoughts I'm
personally still
processing and probably will be for a
while to be
honest um this yeah and I think that's
the thing like this one kind of stays
with you like not in a but not
necessarily like a good way or a bad way
just in like a
you know there's more to process like
it's a very neutral way I was going to
say in like a huh huh yeah yeah huh
that's how I felt reading it and so I'm
not sure if uh you're feeling that
because that was my experience of it and
I was so like maybe it would be
different yeah if you've read it let us
know more than 20 Bears less than 20
bears are the Bears of a different size
than the ones that we used we used ours
based on the books so if they if yours
are a different size maybe you read a
different book and then I have questions
was he 4 feet as a human as a human no I
don't think so oh my God I think that
was just as a bear I think as a human he
that just occurred to me I'm so
sorry I'm so
sorry no cuz I feel like that would have
been a bigger talking point yeah it was
it gave more of the who's the 6' three
Adis in front of me versus the like like
look at that V and those abs [ __ ] yeah
yeah yeah no I got you a little less of
the oh who's the cute little man is that
cutie yeah more Adonis and less of a
padding on the head yeah yes okay uh
noted oh my gosh sorry what a different
book that would have been sorry that's
so helpful to me okay I'm
glad so 20 out of 50 4ot tall teddy
bears not humans need to be very
specific and clear teddy bears are 4
feet humans are not for feet are
probably at least in this book six foot
plus sex Gods sure sure yes yeah um so
let us know how many teddy bears or sex
Gods you would read this book and we
can't wait to see you next time yeah
thanks y'all bye smut [ __ ]
bye well that's it for this week's smut
[ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it
sure was great for us if you're digging
what we're doing it would mean a lot if
you'd take a minute to rate and review
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now maybe tell that sexy someone to Lind
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[Music]