1
00:00:01,744 --> 00:00:13,839
I gotta take a leak. Hey, what the hell am I worried about? This joint ain't the Ritz. The whole place is a toilet.

2
00:00:15,247 --> 00:00:21,135
This is the night of heavenly fright

3
00:00:21,519 --> 00:00:32,143
Witches on broomsticks are up to their tricks. And poltergeists wail to the moon.

4
00:00:32,752 --> 00:00:45,136
Which looks like a silver balloon Frankenstein's mustard is having a ball

5
00:00:45,136 --> 00:00:56,719
Scaring the goblins right off of the wall. Bogeyman crats at our favorite guest.

6
00:00:56,719 --> 00:01:04,591
And children are king and queen. They wish you a merry.

7
00:01:15,152 --> 00:01:30,096
Hello, and welcome to Hello, This is the Doomed Show. I am your host, Mr. Spookies, and I am here talking to my co-host, Mr. Spookies.

8
00:01:30,096 --> 00:01:43,103
That's Richard. I'm here with Mark. Hello, Mark. Hello, Richard. How are you? I'm good. I am full of barbecue.

9
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:56,128
That was probably some werewolf meat because this is our Halloween episode. What about you? Of course it is. So what I had for lunch, I had chicken and fries.

10
00:01:56,128 --> 00:02:10,304
Fritz, as they're called over here. Fritz. Oh, my God. Yeah, with peanut butter sauce on the chicken. So I try to think how to make this creepy. What would that be? I guess ghoul meat, probably ghoul meat.

11
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:27,424
skeleton fingers that's what i had for i always think about there's a song as a halloween song i want maybe it's a zacherly song where he's singing about like a bunch of gross ingredients at a dinner party for ghouls and stuff so that we'll have to like reference that

12
00:02:27,424 --> 00:02:38,271
at a different episode because I was not prepared. I'll wait while you look it up. Actually, that's weird that you mentioned Zachary because he's going to come up in just a little bit. That's so weird that you would mention that.

13
00:02:38,271 --> 00:02:49,360
Excellent, excellent. But yeah, folks, this is our spooky-ooky time. If you choose to listen to this episode on Halloween night, your soul will be damned forever.

14
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:55,295
And if you listen to it any other time of the year, your soul will not be damned.

15
00:02:55,295 --> 00:03:09,599
Choose wisely, boys and girls. Forever. Or not. Or not wisely. But yeah, this is an episode about a film called Spookies from 1986. Oh, did you say Spookies?

16
00:03:09,599 --> 00:03:17,135
Yes, what did you say? I thought you had said ghoulies. These notes are not going to be any good whatsoever. I'm so sorry.

17
00:03:17,135 --> 00:03:29,695
I don't even need to rewatch Ghoulies to tell you all about that movie. I love Ghoulies. Oh, my God. Oh, I meant Munchies. I'm so sorry. Did I say Ghoulies? I meant my daughter. Munchies. Munchies is funny because I thought it was the...

18
00:03:29,695 --> 00:03:38,608
brilliant film when I was a kid and I tried to watch it as an adult and I could not get five minutes into it. I need to give Munchies another chance.

19
00:03:38,608 --> 00:03:51,840
Doesn't that have a brutally low IMDb score? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. It's pretty rough. Yeah. No, I did watch Spookies. That was my trick. Oh. Not my treat.

20
00:03:51,840 --> 00:04:03,056
You are the treat. Well, thank you. Well, see, Munchies has got a higher IMDb. It's got a 3.9. I find the IMDb score is very fun.

21
00:04:03,056 --> 00:04:17,711
and curious i don't like follow them really but i love to see them um it's 3.9 versus crawlers aka contamination 0.7 2.9 which folks be sure to check out the jeffrey episode where we

22
00:04:17,711 --> 00:04:30,896
It's coming. I defend the crawlers. But yes, this is directed by three whole entire people. This is directed by Jeannie Joseph, also known as Eugenie Joseph.

23
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:45,839
Thomas Duran and Brendan Faulkner. This also had four writers. Oh boy. These people again, but with the addition of someone named Ann Burgund.

24
00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:59,632
And another person named Frank M. Farrell. So the deal with this movie is they were making it. It was going to be called Twisted Souls. And then they had a little problem with...

25
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:14,096
The distribution slash producers and everything fell apart. So a movie that was shot in 84, supposed to be released in 85, got completely screwed up and unfinished.

26
00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:28,624
Then finished by other people with some additional scenes and then put out finally as a spookies. What could go wrong? Everything. But then the resulting movie is, it's just a.

27
00:05:28,624 --> 00:05:42,175
wonderful farting zombie of a time. Oh, yeah. Nothing but flatulent fun. I was talking with Jeffrey about this, the farting zombie thing, because it wasn't...

28
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:54,624
It's called like Frankie and his pals. Yes. Oh my gosh. I hadn't thought about that forever. Yes. Yes. Also had some flatulent ghouls. If I recall, I've not seen that. Yes. I believe it was.

29
00:05:54,624 --> 00:06:09,439
Not Severin, but through Severin, it's called Inner Vision. Yes. Yep, and the Inner Vision, I had the DVD. Yep. Lovely, lovely. Yep. So, folks, we're going to spoil Spookies, although it's definitely one of those movies where you could listen to somebody talk about it.

30
00:06:09,439 --> 00:06:21,088
scene by scene forever and you'd still have to see it you have to see spookies so strong recommend to y'all i'm going to play the trailer and don't worry

31
00:06:21,088 --> 00:06:33,648
Anyone who's familiar with the trailer for Spookies, it is not going to be the three minutes of people screaming and all of the monsters. It's like a greatest hits reel of the movie. It's, it needs a voiceover guy so bad.

32
00:06:33,648 --> 00:06:46,031
They thought they were having a fun time. Little did they know that they were going to fill their underwear with little spookies. What? That's...

33
00:06:46,031 --> 00:07:05,072
The best I could come up with off the top of my head. Hope that's okay. Yes, it is. It's perfectly perfect. Here's the trailer. That's weird. No, no. Happy birthday, Billy.

34
00:07:53,776 --> 00:08:04,624
That was the very truncated trailer. It just said Spookies coming to a theater interview. That was the only trailer. It didn't even say that. It doesn't even say Spookies. It just shows you the logo.

35
00:08:04,624 --> 00:08:18,687
What it interests me is a loop of that guy going, duh, I'm Duke the horny ghost. Now, has that ever worked for you? Because that's gotten me like quite some action. Oh, boy. Yeah. Yeah.

36
00:08:18,687 --> 00:08:32,224
multiple times a day sometimes oh boy um so i'm gonna read this i'm gonna make a mistake right now folks i'm gonna read the entire sony vhs the back of this thing is insane

37
00:08:32,224 --> 00:08:45,648
This is four paragraphs. I apologize in advance now, but I think this might be important. Imagine you and your friends are paired up with your favorite dates and the night is very young. There's an old dilapidated mansion just down the road a bit near the deserted graveyard.

38
00:08:45,648 --> 00:08:59,775
it would be the perfect place to party let loose lose your souls what you and your friends don't know is that inside the house lives an ancient sorcerer a master of the dark arts he has sacrificed many to give eternal life to his beloved comatose bride just a few more humans are needed

39
00:08:59,775 --> 00:09:13,279
The masterful wizard is about to begin another evening of magic conjuring up a dizzying array of monstrous creatures, hellish lizards, skeletal reapers, demons, zombies, ghosts, lust, crazed muck men. First of all...

40
00:09:13,279 --> 00:09:27,823
If they're lust crazed, they need to stop farting for just two seconds. That's an aphrodisiac in some countries. You were reading, go ahead. I didn't mean to interrupt. Every country, Mark. Every country.

41
00:09:27,823 --> 00:09:29,120
Let's see where was I?

42
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:43,855
Hellish lizards, skeletal reapers, demons, zombies, ghosts, lust, crazed muck men, luring hags, and spider women, all driven by a blind killer instinct. Special guests will be treated to an onslaught of twisted supernatural torture until each begs to die.

43
00:09:43,855 --> 00:09:56,288
Nothing you have ever witnessed before will have prepared you for the incredible special effects that make spookies the ultimate unforgettable experience of pure, unrelenting terror. Color, approximate running time, 85 minutes.

44
00:09:56,288 --> 00:10:08,224
1985 Miggles Corporation, Nevada. Miggles. Miggles. Quality. Wow. Quality. Yes.

45
00:10:08,224 --> 00:10:20,288
I wish I hadn't done that, but I did it anyway. That's for you, my Halloweeners. There's your treat. Yes. Real quick, we're going to talk about some of the characters here. We've got Crayon.

46
00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:34,272
Or as I call him, Creon. He's actually called Creon. He's played by Felix Ward. Yes, he's the occultist. He's our magician. He's a little dry. He looks vaguely like the lead zombie from...

47
00:10:34,272 --> 00:10:48,192
children shouldn't play with dead things. I used to... Okay, keep going. You're going to bother me. I like to bother you. Because I love that movie so much. Orville! Orville! Orville!

48
00:10:48,192 --> 00:11:02,495
Okay, go ahead. Hey, we've got Maria Petrucas. She plays Isabel. She's our lovely bride-to-be. She's the one that he's trying to resurrect by sacrificing people. Although...

49
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:15,135
there's a moment where I think she changes actresses or just had such different makeup that I didn't recognize her for a few minutes, but based on this film's insane production. Yes.

50
00:11:15,135 --> 00:11:29,216
I think it was Winona Ryder, uncredited. Yep. She just got out of jail. A little shoplifting adventure. Oh, Winona. Then we have Dan Scott. He plays Crayon Servant or the Catman.

51
00:11:29,216 --> 00:11:38,368
Really not my favorite character, but he did a great job. For someone with a hook hand. Yes, he's a hook-handed cat man. Do.

52
00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:49,183
And then we've got Alex Nemzer. He plays Billy, the unfortunate birthday boy. Our main character until he's not. I love him. Oh, man.

53
00:11:49,183 --> 00:12:02,960
This guy, he grew up into quite a good-looking young man. He did. Yeah, once the braces came off, it was all uphill for there. Oh, man. He's got a T-shirt on freaking IMDB. It says Beatbox Champ.

54
00:12:03,279 --> 00:12:15,823
But is he really? Exactly. I want to hear those beatboxing. I'll be the judge of that, Billy. Damn right. He was in one episode of General Hospital. Weren't we all?

55
00:12:15,823 --> 00:12:19,535
I wish he was just short of the.

56
00:12:19,535 --> 00:12:32,207
the long running character. He almost made 13,761 episodes. Fuck. We've got one of my favorite, favorite characters in this movie, a little boy named Corda.

57
00:12:32,207 --> 00:12:43,535
played by A.J. Lowenthal. He's a ghoulish little boy. He's a child. Perhaps he's going to have some issues when he grows up because mom didn't know about him and dad was very proud of him. It's very scary.

58
00:12:43,535 --> 00:12:57,807
How does that happen? Isn't that the other way around when like dads find out they had a kid, but like mom, you know, in the dark on this one. Yep. Yep. You know, I'm not looking at these people's careers because I don't think they did very much. Okay.

59
00:12:57,807 --> 00:13:11,375
fine keep going because there are certain ones that i'm going to point out okay um i'm so excited a drifter named pat wesley brian another main character in in the movie until he's not i love that guy weirdly enough

60
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:20,960
He looks like a hipster that like stepped out of 2025. Like he's at that bar. He's got the IPA list memorized.

61
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:32,816
I was so in love with this guy just because he's just, he doesn't look like 1984, 85, 86 at all. He just looks like maybe he's like Mr. Jean jacket. I don't know. Love him.

62
00:13:32,816 --> 00:13:47,312
To me, he seems like he would do Kiefer Sutherland imitations as a side hustle. And not do it well, but he would do them. Hey, anything for a buck. We got Peter Dane. They creatively named his character Peter.

63
00:13:47,312 --> 00:13:55,648
I believe he's the guy in the tie and the blazer, right? That would make him Megan's boyfriend. Yes.

64
00:13:55,648 --> 00:14:10,032
He and Megan, they should not have been there. They were the wrong people. None of these people should be... It's worse than Friday the 13th Part 3. None of these people would have hung out together. None of them. Exactly.

65
00:14:10,032 --> 00:14:21,663
of them she even remarks i can't believe i grew up with these people neither can we clearly man because some of like peter's like 10 years older than you i thought he was like her teacher that she was having an affair with just to get a good grade

66
00:14:21,663 --> 00:14:36,432
Now, Peter Dane was in a movie I suffered through once called Igor and the Lunatics. Many of the, okay, so that's what many, many, many of these people were in Igor and the Lunatics and many of them were in Day of the Dead. Wow. Yes.

67
00:14:36,432 --> 00:14:44,816
Those are the two overlap movies. For some reason, many of these people were in Igor and the Lunatics, like you said, and many of them were in Day of the Dead from 1985. Weird, okay.

68
00:14:44,816 --> 00:14:54,303
They were also in something called Killer Dead. It literally says this is a spiritual sequel to Spookies from 1992.

69
00:14:54,303 --> 00:15:05,488
I did not know this movie existed until just a few minutes ago. Correct. I'm right there with you. Yeah. I wonder if that had production problems. Next up is Nick Gionta.

70
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:18,639
Nick plays Duke. Duke. Now, he was in Street Trash. Wow. Nice. Street Trash. That's a very special movie. That is a very special movie, yes. I've not seen the remake, though.

71
00:15:18,639 --> 00:15:33,552
But yes, Duke is our kind of our, just like our macho, dork ass dude. He and Peter will not be friends. I don't think Duke could be friends with anyone. He's like a rabid dog. He's the worst.

72
00:15:33,552 --> 00:15:42,224
Oh, my God. He's like head to toe and faux leather. It's amazing. Yeah, I think Toto Coelho wants their outfit back.

73
00:15:42,288 --> 00:15:57,024
Suzy Quatro wants her outfit back as well. Oh, my. You mean Leather Tuscadero from Happy Days? That's who I think you mean. Leather Tuscadero. Well, Suzy Quatro was the bass player singer, right?

74
00:15:57,024 --> 00:16:10,000
Yeah, I love Susie. Susie Quattro is the one who kind of lit the fire under Joan Jett. Well, yeah, because freaking Susie Quattro is beautiful. Well, yeah, she's kick-ass. She lit a lot of fires. Yeah.

75
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:16,735
She's still touring. She's on tour in Germany right now. That's crazy. Bless her heart.

76
00:16:16,735 --> 00:16:29,600
We're on our way there. Next up, we got our girl from Evil Dead in that she's basically a character from Evil Dead. Her name is Carol, and she's played by Lisa Freed.

77
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:36,576
She just reminded me so much of the first lady possessy from the evil dead. She's a true dead. I.

78
00:16:36,576 --> 00:16:50,159
Whose name I cannot remember, but that's Cheryl. It's me. It's your sister, Cheryl. Oh, thank you. Thank you. That's awesome. I'm two for two. Orville and Cheryl. Man, you're doing great. Then we got Linda, Joan Ellen Delaney.

79
00:16:50,159 --> 00:17:04,384
who was also, of course, in Igor and the Lunatics. Bless her heart. Is she Duke's lady? Yeah, Linda. That's Linda. Linda, whose eyeshadow perfectly matched her top. Yes. Like they were the exact same color.

80
00:17:04,384 --> 00:17:16,559
She's our busty lady. According to what little trivia I gleaned, the crew named her breasts Huey and Dewey or something like that. It was very inappropriate.

81
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:22,912
But bless their heart, there is no nudity in this movie. The ladies kept their freaking tops on. I'm very proud.

82
00:17:22,912 --> 00:17:37,632
You know there was going to be, but they wouldn't pay her enough. You know this crack. Well, good. Stick it to the man. Yeah, but it wasn't her. I don't think it was her. I think it was one playing the bride. Yeah, yeah. She also was like, you guys can rip all my clothes off except...

83
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:47,248
The thing's covering my bits. Yeah. Next we have our Comodian. Oh, I mispronounced it. Our Comedian. This is Rich.

84
00:17:47,248 --> 00:18:01,695
I love that they call him Richard. I felt a kinship with the shittiest character in the movie. Okay. Let me rephrase that. He's the second shittiest character. Aren't they all kind of Richard? I tried to figure out which ones you're referring to.

85
00:18:01,695 --> 00:18:13,903
This is Peter Ayazelo Jr. And he is our comic relief. And then real quick.

86
00:18:13,903 --> 00:18:24,576
He was also in Street Trash and Day of the Dead, but he was in the movie Skin Deep. Did you ever see Skin Deep? I have not seen it. I saw that director's other film. Was it St. Bernard?

87
00:18:24,576 --> 00:18:34,832
It's very odd. They both are very odd, but Skin Deep is a very odd film. Yeah, let me make sure. Yes, he directed St. Bernard, which is insane.

88
00:18:34,832 --> 00:18:48,720
That movie, I know Skin Deep is crazy. St. Bernard is next level. What? Wow. He's going to whip his puppet out at us. Oh my gosh. Okay. Important detail about that character. He has a t-shirt.

89
00:18:48,720 --> 00:19:01,551
Of himself. And the puppet. Yep, he has the puppet. They're both on the t-shirt. That is marketing. Now, were you old enough to remember you would go to the mall? Because the picture is dot matrix from a computer.

90
00:19:01,551 --> 00:19:06,768
Yes. Yeah, and it's on a jersey, like a baseball jersey. Everything about this is amazing.

91
00:19:06,768 --> 00:19:17,279
Everything about this is amazing. It'd be great if he was also wearing one of those big yellow 10-gallon hats that's made of foam.

92
00:19:17,279 --> 00:19:31,392
The freaking fair or something. That would have been great. Or if he just kept bringing out props the whole movie and we don't know where he's getting these props. I have my suspicions, but I don't want to be. Next up we have Megan or Megan.

93
00:19:31,392 --> 00:19:46,304
written here um she's kind of like not the most interesting character she's uh she's there loves the sweater vest she does look good my favorite character however in this whole movie is adrian

94
00:19:46,304 --> 00:19:57,008
Or Adrian. That's Charlotte Alexander, correct? Yes, yes. This lady is my favorite. I always love the bitchy characters. She's so funny.

95
00:19:57,008 --> 00:20:06,208
She's British, like actually British. She's not putting on a fake accent for this movie. So now she was in Immoral Tales. Did you ever see that one?

96
00:20:06,208 --> 00:20:16,016
Oh, my God. No, I know of it, though. I've never seen it. Yeah, she was in that one. And she was in like an Emanuel movie, like Emanuel 3. Dude, that's crazy. Yeah.

97
00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:28,640
I saw Laurel Tales because Arrow Video put it out, and I was buying everything Arrow put out, and so I watched it. It's very odd. I love it. She didn't get to play Emmanuel. The role hadn't been...

98
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:42,192
stolen from Sylvia Christelle just yet. I think she played three. She played part three. She played three, number three. It was like six, six from Blossom. Yeah. Oh my God.

99
00:20:42,928 --> 00:20:47,392
Speaking of freaking hilarious characters.

100
00:20:47,392 --> 00:21:00,415
oh my god like how are you friends with this fucking weirdo and it goes both ways why is it awesome why is it blossom friends with six it's like kimmy gibber all over again

101
00:21:00,415 --> 00:21:13,728
Holy shit. But Adrian's big thing, other than being British, she bosses around her boyfriend, Dave. Oh, bless Dave's heart. He is such a pathetic, dork-ass son of a bitch. I love him.

102
00:21:13,728 --> 00:21:25,551
Yeah, he's a human. What's the word I want? Matt. A doormat. Doormat. Thank you. He's a human doormat is what he is. Yeah.

103
00:21:25,551 --> 00:21:35,455
I guess another character that I really like is Sue. Oh, I'm going to mess this name up. Sue Paik. I'm going to say Sue Paik. She plays the spider woman.

104
00:21:35,455 --> 00:21:47,920
She just steals the whole movie for the moment she's in the movie. She's great. And then her transformation sequence is literally a big chunk of the movie as well. So yes.

105
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:59,855
We're going to jump into this plot. We're going to skip around a little bit. Can I do one more person? Oh, please. Don't let me leave anybody out. Gabriel Bartalos. Okay.

106
00:21:59,855 --> 00:22:12,192
And I only want to mention him because he was an extra in Deadly Spawn, which we have already talked about. Oh, wow. That's amazing. Flashback to our Deadly Spawn episode, which...

107
00:22:12,192 --> 00:22:26,496
By the time I get to it, it might come out after this episode. We just don't know. Whoa. All right. So this movie kicks in and I am in heaven immediately.

108
00:22:26,496 --> 00:22:41,215
These titles, title sequence, are awesome. The animated skull. I love the animated skull. It's so good. They show it like five times in the trailer. But the music, holy shit.

109
00:22:41,215 --> 00:22:45,983
This music feels like a freaking Italian horror film.

110
00:22:45,983 --> 00:22:59,728
that never existed this these guys this has two composers so i'm not sure who's the main person here they did not do enough for my taste this is james calabrese and kenneth higgins

111
00:22:59,728 --> 00:23:13,711
And God bless America. I wish they'd done more. I really enjoy the music to this movie, especially this beautiful intro tune. We got a kid in the woods. We got our lost little 13-year-old boy named Billy.

112
00:23:13,711 --> 00:23:21,567
Billy. And he's wandering around and he's being stalked by the Smiley Hook Man.

113
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:34,016
Okay, so... Or Kitty Baby. Kitty Baby. Does Kitty Baby not look like if you took the DNA from Barnabas Collins and mixed it with Zachary and Eddie Munster, you would get this character with a hook hand?

114
00:23:34,016 --> 00:23:48,559
Yep. And like the same clothes too. Same clothes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. We get introduced to our two cars full of good time Charlies.

115
00:23:48,559 --> 00:24:02,496
Man, oh man. You know what? If these morons got along better, they would totally be Good Time Charlie. It's like if Peter and Duke could get along, this would be like the ultimate Good Time Charlie movie. But literally, it opens with...

116
00:24:02,496 --> 00:24:17,392
What a jerk. Because Peter is mad that they're following Duke and company out into the middle of fucking nowhere for a party. It's a party. It's just a party. There's always a party somewhere. But that's the best part.

117
00:24:17,935 --> 00:24:29,071
There is no party. None. But if you believe in yourself and you bring your own alcohol. And hand puppet.

118
00:24:29,071 --> 00:24:43,375
Yes. Let's talk about this hand puppet. What is his name? Mook. Which is that offensive and derogatory to someone? I think it is. Oh, hold on.

119
00:24:43,536 --> 00:24:58,384
Let's, let's see. Let's, let's be accurate here. MOOC slang or what known as urban dictionary. We might get something modern. Ooh, it's an Italian American slang.

120
00:24:58,384 --> 00:25:10,624
Short form of maluk or motherfucker. Oh my. A person of little social standing. One not worthy of respect. Or a term.

121
00:25:10,624 --> 00:25:19,776
for a regular guy like an affectionate term and i'm pretty sure i learned this word from laverne and shirley wow i'm pretty sure

122
00:25:19,776 --> 00:25:33,455
I'm absolutely confident that you did because that sounds like something that Squiggy would be throwing around. Exactly. But the puppet is like, I'm pretty sure he's made of pantyhose.

123
00:25:33,647 --> 00:25:40,192
which grosses me out. And it's a grown man with a hand puppet. Okay, so how do I do this?

124
00:25:40,192 --> 00:25:49,759
Now, I think I'm not your average movie watcher. I do weird things. When there's groups of people like this, I always try to figure out the dynamics.

125
00:25:49,759 --> 00:26:02,432
Who brought who into the friendship? I cannot for the life of me figure out how any of these people would have known each other, would still hang out with each other. Like I cannot for the life of me put these people together at all.

126
00:26:02,432 --> 00:26:16,400
No, this is a real motley crew here. This is ridiculous. We cut to our pal Crayon or Crayon.

127
00:26:17,455 --> 00:26:31,311
he's got his bride to be. And one of the thing I love about it is that it's just Madonna in her, like a virgin arrow.

128
00:26:31,407 --> 00:26:45,488
She made it through the wilderness. Yep. She didn't get very far afterwards, though. No, right to that coffin. Let's talk about Billy. So he meets a stranger.

129
00:26:45,488 --> 00:27:00,079
in the woods and the stranger is like he can't believe this kid's 13 what are you doing out of your kid i can't believe you're 13 and uh what are you doing out here like i'm running away and he immediately figures out

130
00:27:00,271 --> 00:27:06,096
that Billy's parents forgot it was his birthday. Almost like he knew.

131
00:27:06,415 --> 00:27:21,344
Which I call shenanigans. Tell me that John Hughes did not see this before directing 16 Candles. It's the same frigging plot. It's 13 Candles. Right. Yeah. But yes, so as soon as...

132
00:27:21,344 --> 00:27:31,855
Billy very smartly gets creeped out by this guy who's just hanging out in a tree out in the darkness. That guy gets gotten by our Catmandu.

133
00:27:31,855 --> 00:27:42,960
The way the guy was, did you like I thought he would be have something to do with Creon or like he would turn to the cat guy. No, not at all. Just some creepo hanging out in the cemetery.

134
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:55,407
Billy gets a little farther in our adventure here though. He, he goes inside the creepy old house and he's like, Whoa, this place is huge. This could be a room for me here. And there is a room for him. It's the entire.

135
00:27:55,407 --> 00:28:08,112
fricking dining room. Mark, what is awaiting Billy? Billy clearly is mentally challenged to some degree because he walks into this, walks into a house, doesn't knock, walks in.

136
00:28:08,112 --> 00:28:22,400
there's a party set up with a giant wrapped gift and a creepy ass baby doll it's not crying it sounds like it's moaning like in pleasure yeah but he automatically assumes it's a surprise birthday party for him which i'm like

137
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:36,240
How would they know you were going to be there? How would they have gotten this house? Like the chances of all of this are so slim. He's just so excited to be celebrating his birthday there. And now in Billy's defense, I would also have had hope.

138
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:50,112
that my parents had somehow figured out where i was going because birthdays are very important to me yeah there's a great this is a great sequence i love this this is what

139
00:28:50,112 --> 00:29:00,304
It's so fun about this movie with its two different directors and two different crews working on something. You get this whole other movie.

140
00:29:00,304 --> 00:29:14,096
it's almost like an anthology film at this point because the whole Billy birthday bullshit is great. The doll is creepy. The robot with the sparks coming out of it is. Oh yes. I forgot. Yeah. It's so fun.

141
00:29:14,096 --> 00:29:23,311
The box that's just big enough to be a head because it is a head, because clearly he's never seen Spoiler Alert 7. There's a head in the box. Yeah, it's all so weird.

142
00:29:23,311 --> 00:29:35,807
So yes, he opens up the box and there's Crayon like, happy birthday, Billy. So fun. He runs away. What happens to Billy after he, well, tell me about his big getaway.

143
00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:49,791
Okay, so outside is pretty much a cemetery, which means like styrofoam tombstones just kind of thrown around. Yep. And then he falls. Oh, my gosh. I remember that. Okay, so the cat guy.

144
00:29:49,791 --> 00:30:01,983
This poor child actor. The cat guy literally buries him alive. But there's like, he really is throwing dirt on this kid. Oh, it's so funny. Oh my God, it's so horrifying.

145
00:30:01,983 --> 00:30:14,223
Around this time, we see Corda. We're going to get introduced to Corda properly later, but Corda is this little demonic kid who looks the same age as Billy.

146
00:30:14,223 --> 00:30:31,567
who might be a jawa who might have escaped from phantasm who might be copyright infringement you stole i was gonna say the jawa thing you got it yes he's either jawa or one of the little minions or whatever they're called from uh um phantasm

147
00:30:31,567 --> 00:30:41,935
No. No? I said Minions, so he's from Despicable Me 2. Is that really what you mean? Banana, banana, banana, whatever the fuck.

148
00:30:41,935 --> 00:30:49,920
I hate those movies so much. Oh, yeah. I'm surprised you referenced it. Okay. I couldn't resist. I said the M word. I brought it out.

149
00:30:49,920 --> 00:31:01,968
Our gang of dork asses arrive. And in my notes, I wrote, how the fuck are these people friends? Exactly. They go inside the house. There's lots of debate over why is the house here?

150
00:31:01,968 --> 00:31:16,400
Who's here? Who's home? Is no one home? Why is the power on? Because like Billy, they just walked right in. Yeah. Damn right. Came right in. Yeah. You got to be confident when you're urban spelunking or whatever.

151
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:30,895
This doesn't make any sense. I mean, who built a house in the middle of a graveyard like this? Might have been the other way around. Yeah, but still. Hell of a way to fertilize your lawn, eh? What the hell are we doing in a place like this? We're gonna get in trouble if we hang around here. This has gotta be private property. Don't stay.

152
00:31:30,895 --> 00:31:44,208
Just leave the trouble to me. So old. We can't dance around here all night. Let's go. Somebody might live here. I don't think anyone lives here. No one lives here. It's empty.

153
00:31:47,728 --> 00:32:00,672
She's right. There's nobody here. Come on, people. What, are you afraid of the dark? They go in and start to trash the place and look around. Duke's being a real Duke ass. Love him.

154
00:32:00,672 --> 00:32:13,263
Now, see, I kind of do love him. Okay. Like, I kind of do. I think it was when we kept seeing his hairy back crack that won me over. I think you do love him.

155
00:32:13,263 --> 00:32:26,367
I do glove him. I think I do glove him. Yeah. Whoa. They find a Ouija board and they find a Ouija stick that looks like it would be very dangerous to, to stab somebody with.

156
00:32:26,367 --> 00:32:40,352
Oh, the Cate Blanchett? Yes, yes. They start doing their... Did you say the Cate Blanchett? No, I did. I said the Cate Blanchett. Thank you. That's amazing. Thank you.

157
00:32:40,352 --> 00:32:49,231
Now I want to watch Manifesto. Oh, let me see. Manifesto. IMDB.

158
00:32:49,231 --> 00:33:03,951
Yep, it's Cate Blanchett playing 13 different characters, each one reading their manifesto they're famous for. See? It's a little talky. If you can believe it. If you can believe it. Anyway.

159
00:33:03,951 --> 00:33:17,071
Why have I seen that? Cut to you wearing a Cate Planchette t-shirt and the Cate Planchette poster behind you. They need to have a special Cate Planchette Ouija re-release of the game.

160
00:33:17,071 --> 00:33:31,455
Can you imagine? I'd buy it. That'd be so fun. As we're dealing with this Ouija and it starts predicting the deaths of everyone there, it's a great sequence. I love it. It's so fun. All of a sudden, Carol seems to have all the details.

161
00:33:31,455 --> 00:33:42,528
about how all of this works. She knows too much. How does she transform and what does she transform into, Mark? Very quickly for listeners out there in TV land.

162
00:33:42,528 --> 00:33:52,319
She looks like to me, if you took Linda Blair and Carrie Fisher and the actress who plays this same character from the Amityville horror movie.

163
00:33:52,319 --> 00:34:05,344
and mix them up that's what carol looks like so she becomes possessed and she the makeup to me is like almost a spot-on deadite from the evil dead like richard said earlier like when she gets possessed the sister she looks just like that

164
00:34:05,344 --> 00:34:19,583
Yeah. You can kind of tell based on the quality of the makeup that maybe it was the same person who did the cat man. I get vibes. Yes. Yeah. Just the way it looks on camera, not the design. Yes. Yeah.

165
00:34:19,583 --> 00:34:31,664
Oh man. But yeah, she goes crazy, starts going wild. People are very confusing in this film. I think they're confused. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone gets separated and people act so dumb.

166
00:34:31,664 --> 00:34:44,576
Oh my gosh. Yes. They forget they're in danger and remember they're in danger and just shit like it's crazy. Duke is the worst. I'm going to say Duke is the worst. This must happen to him all the time. I guess so.

167
00:34:44,576 --> 00:34:54,192
Because he's like, let's go down to the basement and have sex. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Oh, my God. Of all the things you're going to do.

168
00:34:54,384 --> 00:35:06,608
Oh, my God. But really quick, I do like when she becomes possessed that she knocks Richard out cold, which I'm like, I put thank you for that because I just cannot stand his character at all.

169
00:35:06,608 --> 00:35:20,320
People try to do it to me all the time. They just need a break. I'm too much. It's that hand puppet. They look at me for every time people meet me for the first time. They're like, wow, you must be a podcaster.

170
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:33,807
But they don't mean that in a nice way. Cut to you with your dot matrix picture of you on your shirt. Dude, I'm telling you, I am very tempted. I am tempted. Do it. Do it. Dot matrix, do it. I'll Duke matrix it.

171
00:35:34,096 --> 00:35:47,920
you know the weirdest things happen to me Elvira mistress of the dark I mean here I am stocking up for Halloween I got mistakes got my ribs then when I asked the stock boy where the Coors light is back he points me to the Coors and Coors light Halloween display

172
00:35:47,920 --> 00:36:02,688
And I'm on it. Whoa, it's like deja vu. Whoa, it's like deja vu. Look for it where you buy beer. I shop here because they flash prizes. There goes another one. Happy Halloween, darling.

173
00:36:02,688 --> 00:36:17,423
Down in the basement, when Linda says, I am not horny right now, Duke, leave me alone. They get some special guests. Tell me about their very unique guests. So they've got these, which I'm going to say, okay.

174
00:36:18,128 --> 00:36:32,143
If you would turn down the volume or substitute it with different music, I think it would actually be kind of a scary, as far as this movie goes, a scary setup. But no, these monsters in the cellar are actually flatulent.

175
00:36:32,143 --> 00:36:44,096
And it's not even convincing. It's like someone's doing it off, like right off the camera with their mouth. It's so stupid. I watched.

176
00:36:44,096 --> 00:36:56,480
With the Vinegar Syndrome release, there's a whole feature-length movie about the making of this movie. It's crazy. I couldn't finish it. It's crazy. And was it like the producer's idea? Like, the directors didn't want this. Someone else thought it would be really funny.

177
00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:09,248
No, they were upset. They were upset with all the changes, which were massive. Yeah. And this one I think was particularly insulting because like you just said, it totally works as a scene.

178
00:37:09,248 --> 00:37:20,288
Oh yeah. Movie. And you know, what's funny is I remember it differently every time. Cause like, this is like my third viewing, I think. And my 30th.

179
00:37:20,288 --> 00:37:33,264
Nice. I just remembered it just being like a thing that happens once or twice, not over and over again through the entirety of the scene. It's so stupid. It is so stupid. And then eventually...

180
00:37:33,264 --> 00:37:41,599
The girlfriend, Duke's girlfriend has to break open a giant like wine barrel and the wine causes them to just melt.

181
00:37:41,599 --> 00:37:54,751
Yes. And make fuck noises as they melt. Yeah. He goes, what? Because one of them falls in a puddle and immediately melts. So she, I love, I love the effects here. She cracks open the wine barrel.

182
00:37:54,751 --> 00:38:07,168
with this hatchet that was in the basement. She busts the hole in the wine barrel and there's a split second before the actual liquid comes out. Right. Oh, that made me smile. I love that.

183
00:38:07,168 --> 00:38:20,016
Well, because it was so old it was at the back of the barrel. Yeah, there's a film. And it had time to get to the front of the barrel. Wine drinkers can tell you there's always a film. It's like the wine sack in a barrel.

184
00:38:21,103 --> 00:38:35,695
That's so unappetizing. It's like that weird globule that covers a baby. It's like that.

185
00:38:45,423 --> 00:39:07,440
Okay, so I wrote in my notes, Adrian and Dave, couple of the year. This is when we get to see... adrian like just totally stomping all over dave's testicles um and that's literally happens in this movie pretty much it's it's figurative she's just berating him and like making fun of him and he's like

186
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:15,184
doing these like really sad, pathetic attempts to stand up to her, which she does not impressed by at all. It's so good.

187
00:39:15,184 --> 00:39:28,784
But they're also like, she's like, I'm so comfortable on this. It's a gross foldout couch in this creepy ass house. Lietta literally pointed that out. She's like, what is she doing on that?

188
00:39:28,784 --> 00:39:40,016
And of all characters, she would not be the one to be comfortable on that. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh my God. This is like most snooty, snooty jerk girlfriend character ever.

189
00:39:40,016 --> 00:39:51,632
Oh, my God. So then we have our couple here are attacked by what are they attacked by? I call it the spooky puppet. It's not not mook.

190
00:39:51,632 --> 00:40:04,768
Not Moo. No, no, no, no. To me, it's almost like the Fiji Merman brought to life. That's exactly. You and Lietta should do this episode. She totally called it. She's like, are those Fiji Mermaids? They are totally that, but they...

191
00:40:04,768 --> 00:40:17,568
And I don't mean this in a bad way, but they they look like they would have escaped from a Charles Band film. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's one part where it like undulates underneath the fold out couch bed thing. And that's pretty creepy.

192
00:40:17,568 --> 00:40:29,936
Yeah, the tail wagon was pretty sick. I liked it. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. The teeth, there's close-ups, which they should not do because the teeth bend, and teeth don't bend like that.

193
00:40:29,936 --> 00:40:36,639
That was the money shot they should have left on the cutting room floor of all the things to keep in the movie. That wasn't it.

194
00:40:36,639 --> 00:40:51,023
And I think one's eye kind of moves more than the other one's. Like he has two eyes, but one moves way more than the other one. So he's got like a lazy eye or something going on. So, so we don't, we don't see Dave kill. Dave is, he's like laying down. And when she tries to like wake.

195
00:40:51,023 --> 00:41:01,775
him up he's got his face all slashed and he's dead and then of course adriana sadly gets bitten and she's like dying unfortunately she doesn't die here she has a much worse fate

196
00:41:01,775 --> 00:41:11,519
That is pretty amazing later. The moment I want to point out is Richard pees in the fireplace.

197
00:41:11,519 --> 00:41:22,320
And I don't think that scene was long enough because that scene was making me laugh just because like, wait a minute, this whole place is the toilet.

198
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:36,847
Oh, my Lord. Which is what all the citizens of Tampa say all the time. Hey, you sure you don't want to come back to America, Mark? I might be joining you soon. Okay, come on over. Come on over.

199
00:41:36,976 --> 00:41:51,952
With my hand puppet. I knew that was happening. So let's see. I don't want to get this too mixed up here. I guess it doesn't fucking matter. Oh, here we go. Then Adrian does get killed. So she gets killed by the most.

200
00:41:51,952 --> 00:42:06,784
elaborate monster and i don't know what the hell it's supposed to be right yeah there's some of these things where it's like they look good don't get me wrong they're fun they're cool i would almost like to have seen illustrations

201
00:42:06,784 --> 00:42:20,032
Yes. Yes. But yeah, she does meet her match at the hands of this weird creature. And then her face gets melted off. But now, OK, what I do like about this, though, is it starts with the dark corridor and David's at the other end.

202
00:42:20,032 --> 00:42:31,632
calling to her yeah and then of course you know he's not david he's this creature thing so i thought that was a cool setup too see there's a good movie buried in all this insanity oh yeah well it's also good

203
00:42:31,632 --> 00:42:45,775
Tell me about Richard versus the Spider-Woman. I think this is the real version of Kiss of the Spider-Woman. It truly is. Okay, so given where they're at, and you enter this room full of giant spiderwebs.

204
00:42:45,775 --> 00:42:59,568
would you not be like, this is going to be where I meet my maker? But oh no, he follows this, this, does the character, I don't think the character really has a name. She's just this Asian woman that pops up. Yes.

205
00:42:59,568 --> 00:43:13,135
She lures him to her den of webs and then turns into a pretty cool spider, except I can't figure out. Everything happens from her head. Yeah. It's like, huh?

206
00:43:13,135 --> 00:43:22,943
So basically she turns into a giant spider, but I'm like, is her body still attached to the bottom of the spider? Or is it just a giant spider? Unclear.

207
00:43:22,943 --> 00:43:29,295
Because it would be, to me, way unnerving to have this giant spider still attached to that Asian lady's body.

208
00:43:29,423 --> 00:43:39,088
But it's kind of moist and ooky and like the legs come out. Like the head thing is pretty cool because it cracks and separates and then the giant like spider legs come out and everything.

209
00:43:39,088 --> 00:43:49,983
Yeah, but clearly Richard's a moron. Richard and Billy might be relatives because they are both equally stupid. Boy, howdy. Just think, Billy could have grown up to be a Richard.

210
00:43:49,983 --> 00:44:04,047
He could have. The thing that cracks me up here is, you know, points, good points for having an Asian actress, you know, but then they lose some points for the attempts at the Asian music on the soundtrack.

211
00:44:04,047 --> 00:44:17,791
She's also dressed like a traditional Asian person with a silk dress. Yeah, like a character out of a freaking... Like Charlie Chan. Yeah, oh boy.

212
00:44:17,791 --> 00:44:32,032
She got to work. She got to have a nice, a nice scene. And she's never done anything else ever. That sucks because she's great. Yeah. Yeah. I do like when she sucks Richard dry. That cracks me up.

213
00:44:32,032 --> 00:44:45,967
There's a Grim Reaper for some reason. I love it. Okay, so really quick, one Halloween, to scare me, Walter bought a giant life-size, it looks just like this thing, but it didn't have the... No way.

214
00:44:45,967 --> 00:45:00,335
Actually, if you scroll back to my old Instagram account postings, you'll see Kenneth in a couple of them. But anyway, so automatically, as soon as I saw this, I'm like, oh my God, Kenneth. And I hope he's happy because he's still in the States. Someone bought him.

215
00:45:00,335 --> 00:45:13,360
just like kenneth yeah he looks just like kenneth so shout out to kenneth oh i love it but again this is a cool effect too like the monster effects are really cool yeah he starts off as like a statue yes

216
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:23,744
And then he comes alive and like you can see his heart through his ribs and it's pretty cool. So one of the weird things about this movie is Billy had an ice pick.

217
00:45:23,744 --> 00:45:35,168
yeah he sure did and somehow the bride who has been she finally is standing up to crayon she's like i don't want to be with you bro why'd you bring me back from the dead i was like asleep dude

218
00:45:35,168 --> 00:45:49,472
Yeah, she's like, I'll just kill myself like I did the first time or whatever. Yep, exactly. She flees from him and she finds the ice pick and now she's armed. But she's being pursued by...

219
00:45:49,472 --> 00:45:57,583
like a giggling banshee creature or something. Which I love because you can see the puppeteer behind it in some scenes.

220
00:45:57,583 --> 00:46:10,623
I miss that. I love it so, oh no, you could totally see the puppeteer crouch behind it, which made it even better to me. Because I want her attacked by this with the puppeteer behind, like, do you know what I'm saying? Like in her reality, it's the monster and that puppeteer behind.

221
00:46:10,623 --> 00:46:24,784
So while she's going through her whole thing, and I swear it's two different actresses. Meanwhile, Crayon is hanging with Corda, which I thought was very sweet. He's spending some quality time with his son. And then Mark, I need you to tell me what happens. Excuse me.

222
00:46:24,784 --> 00:46:36,735
I need you to tell me what happens when they run out of movie and decide to spend a little too much time with the zombies. So she ends up making her way out of the house into the graveyard where...

223
00:46:36,735 --> 00:46:49,599
Pretty much in my mind, everyone they knew, they're like, hey, would you be a zombie? Because they don't look like they were just like they like they got like running clothes on and tennis shoes. Like they do not look like they were just buried.

224
00:46:49,599 --> 00:47:01,536
They look like they may have been told they were going to be in Michael Jackson's thriller, but that was just a ruse. And it goes on forever. It does.

225
00:47:01,536 --> 00:47:10,655
She's writhing and they're ripping off her bridal gown. And then this is when Walt said, I think that someone has seen Return of the Living Dead because...

226
00:47:10,655 --> 00:47:22,192
To me, it was just like a matter of time before she got completely nude. But again, she wouldn't do that because they wouldn't pay her enough. But you could tell that's where they were going with this. Yes. But like it goes on forever. Like I think.

227
00:47:22,192 --> 00:47:29,056
what's the runtime in the movie? I think 30 minutes is just her writhing around with these zombies. Like it goes on and on and on and on and on.

228
00:47:29,056 --> 00:47:43,264
That's the only thing I could complain about is this. It just, it's, it's not that this isn't cool stuff. It's just the, the pacing of this part is way off. And this is a 85 minute movie. I just realized what.

229
00:47:43,264 --> 00:47:53,775
could have filled that time mark anything no a fucking music video this needed a band

230
00:47:53,775 --> 00:48:08,079
who decided to do the Spookies theme song. And as she's running from the zombies, the band comes out of the grave and starts playing. Spookies, spookies, you're getting spookified.

231
00:48:08,079 --> 00:48:18,384
Spookies, spookies, cover your eyes. Trademark. Yeah. No, that would have been great. That would have been amazing. Amazing. But yes, we got what we got.

232
00:48:18,384 --> 00:48:29,487
but let's not leave let's not leave our friends our good time charlie's the the three remaining survivors we got injured linda we got megan and we got um

233
00:48:29,487 --> 00:48:43,023
the Peter. It's Diane. Diane. Diane's the one that got hurt by the Reaper. Oh God. I've been calling her Linda. She's losing blood. She's losing blood. All right. And then got her with the sickle. They're going to stop.

234
00:48:43,023 --> 00:48:58,815
good old crayon by like doing some magical shit but the everything's going crazy and they're aging too fast yeah it's very beetlejuice is to stop him and then That's when our bride stabs good old guy in the head.

235
00:48:58,815 --> 00:49:13,103
And it breaks. So it's like adding insult to injury. Like the, the ice pick goes in his cranium and then she snaps off the handle. So the big part is still his head. Oh my God. That's so horrifying to me. Which I'm just like, that's good.

236
00:49:13,103 --> 00:49:27,775
But I think it would have been funnier to just have that ice pick stuck in his head the rest of the movie. Oh, yeah, that would have been. Yes, I agree with you. I don't even remember what happens at the end. I have no clue. Does he jump out of the grave or something? Are you being serious or are you being silly?

237
00:49:27,775 --> 00:49:39,679
I didn't write anything down. Oh, no. Okay, buckle up, people, because there's twist after twist after twist. Please. So she's running. The bride is running from the zombies and ends up at a station wagon.

238
00:49:39,679 --> 00:49:49,168
Oh, yes. Okay. And she's getting in and I can't figure out if she doesn't know how to operate it because she's afraid or because like back in her time, there wouldn't have been.

239
00:49:49,168 --> 00:50:03,295
Vehicles. I'm like, I don't understand. But out of nowhere, this guy shows up and she slides over, gets in the car, and they drive away. Well, then that becomes like a twist because doesn't he turn into the cat guy? He does. He does.

240
00:50:03,295 --> 00:50:17,936
And then out of the ground pops up Creon and laughing. And then that's your act. Yeah, there you go. Hey, I watched this two days ago. That's a lifetime. So I want to say this. So Don Coscarelli.

241
00:50:17,936 --> 00:50:29,679
Independent film, he gave us Phantasm. These guys gave us Spookies. It to me seems like just a weird twist and Phantasm could have been Spookies and Spookies could have been Phantasm.

242
00:50:29,711 --> 00:50:41,215
Does that make sense? I love it. You just happen to have, like, you kind of knew what you were doing and you had a little bit more stuff at your hands and you end up with Phantasm.

243
00:50:41,215 --> 00:50:52,927
But these guys, something just went a little awry and we got spookies. That's so fun. Yeah, I like that. Some trivia before we...

244
00:50:52,927 --> 00:51:05,679
Talk about how we like this one and move on with our other Halloween festivities. Apparently the executive producer, Michael Lee, everyone hated him.

245
00:51:06,128 --> 00:51:13,152
and uh they talk massive shit about him through the whole freaking documentary

246
00:51:13,152 --> 00:51:28,063
And that's saying a lot because don't forget we had Duke and then Mook's owner, Richard. So for them to hate someone more than them, that says a lot. Yes. You can actually watch the Twisted Souls just by itself.

247
00:51:28,063 --> 00:51:42,175
originally shot it's on youtube it's like 59 minutes or 58 minutes and it's just all of the stuff with our our good time charlie's there's none of the bride stuff i don't think in the uh in the original shot and none of the stuff with billy

248
00:51:42,175 --> 00:51:51,807
All that stuff was added later. The cinematographer, that's what I want to talk about. Hello. One of the cinematographers on this went on to work in some major films.

249
00:51:51,807 --> 00:52:06,512
He started off his career as a camera and electrical department guy on Last House on the Left, the OG. But then he went on to film Harvey Keitel's penis. Didn't we all? In Bad Lieutenant. We all had a hand in that.

250
00:52:06,512 --> 00:52:15,456
Wow. Now tell me, though, just real quick, would not Last House on the Left and Bad Lieutenant make the perfect Christmas watch?

251
00:52:15,456 --> 00:52:25,056
You got the family together and you're like, you know what? It's festive time. Let's watch these two films. Let's see if grandma can survive this.

252
00:52:25,056 --> 00:52:38,608
He also shot the wonderfully pretentious vampire film The Addiction. Oh yeah, that's a goodie. He shot a film that I like. I'm not a big fan of it, but I like it, called Big Night.

253
00:52:38,608 --> 00:52:49,871
with uh stanley tucci that was uh that was uh stanley tucci's co-directing gig before he did one of my favorite movies of all time called the imposters

254
00:52:49,871 --> 00:53:04,815
But yeah, Big Night, Stanley Tucci, and Tony Shalhoub. It's very fun. Very fun movie. Highly recommend it. But he also shot a movie that I always associate with Cemetery Man because one night in the 90s...

255
00:53:04,815 --> 00:53:19,072
my parents and their stolen cable. I was watching, I was, I was looking at the upcoming playlist for that night's movies on whatever HBO Cinemax or something. And there's two movies back to back. One was called the funeral.

256
00:53:19,072 --> 00:53:32,032
from 1996 and the other one is called cemetery man and i didn't know what either of these movies were but i set the tape to record and i either went to work because i was working nights or i went to bed because i was tired

257
00:53:32,032 --> 00:53:37,199
And boy, was I surprised. The funeral is a good movie. It's like a gangster story.

258
00:53:37,199 --> 00:53:51,568
Okay, that's one I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not familiar with that one at all. It's Chris Penn, Christopher Walken, Vincent Gallo, Benicio Del Toro. Lots of good people. It's a solid, kind of dour gangster movie.

259
00:53:51,568 --> 00:54:03,503
And I watched it, and I was like, okay. And then Cemetery Man started playing, and I had no clue what I was getting into. You know, I'd seen the most...

260
00:54:03,503 --> 00:54:12,400
recent Italian horror movie I'd seen at that point was trauma directed by Dario Argento. Okay.

261
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:24,896
And that was back when I didn't really know what a giallo was. I just barely knew who Argento was. And here I am watching one of the greatest Italian horror films of all time, just randomly playing.

262
00:54:24,896 --> 00:54:38,367
On cable. And I had that tape. And I would never watch the funeral again. But boy howdy. I watched Cemetery Man over and over. I loved showing it to people. And it was so crazy and so good.

263
00:54:38,367 --> 00:54:48,208
It's amazing. Yep. But yeah, that cinematographer went on to do a lot of stuff. He also filmed a Schooly D music video. I will not say this.

264
00:54:48,208 --> 00:54:57,280
the name of this out loud that's not something that's not something white people say uh but yes it's very very interesting career that guy had um

265
00:54:57,280 --> 00:55:10,351
None of the people that worked on this in the directing and writing capacity went on to a lot of stuff though. Like they did some things, but yeah, I wish that spookies had been a better experience and they had gotten like.

266
00:55:10,351 --> 00:55:22,351
their careers had taken off because this shows a lot of promise. You can tell that this is made by someone who are people that love what they do. Not the actors per se, but like the, like the, the creature effects.

267
00:55:22,351 --> 00:55:26,815
makers and stuff and the makeup and everything, you could tell that they loved it.

268
00:55:26,815 --> 00:55:39,519
To me, if they had been presented just a little bit differently, a lot of the creatures seem like they could have come from like Tales from the Dark Side or the TV show Monsters. Yeah, yeah. There's some really cool concept stuff going on.

269
00:55:39,519 --> 00:55:53,711
Sorry, my cat is distracting me. It must be a spooky night on Halloween. All these Day of the Dead people and Frankenhooker. Have you ever seen, it's called Cemetery of Terror.

270
00:55:53,711 --> 00:56:08,175
Ruben Galindo Jr.? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I love that movie. Yes. But now there's something about this that reminds me of that. I'm not saying they ripped it off. That's not what I mean. But there's just something about it that reminds me. Like, to me, I would pair these in a weird way.

271
00:56:08,175 --> 00:56:21,487
Oh, man. Well, they're kind of contemporaries. This was supposed to come out, I think, the same year. There's just something about the feel of it, like the group of people. The other one's actually Halloween night, if I'm not mistaken. It is, absolutely.

272
00:56:21,487 --> 00:56:35,119
But just something about like, and like the kind of like the level of the effects and stuff. I don't know. I just think they pair really well. Yeah. I would watch spookies first though. And then cemetery. Absolutely. Well, you know, you, you want to.

273
00:56:35,119 --> 00:56:41,871
You want to save good old Hugo Stiglitz as the main course. Right.

274
00:56:41,903 --> 00:56:54,255
But yeah, no, I love this movie. I wish I'd seen this as a kid. I would have been totally amazed by this and all of the weird shit that an adult thinks about.

275
00:56:54,255 --> 00:57:08,239
as far as like structure, pacing. I wouldn't have noticed at all. I would have just loved this movie. I like the, the cheap effects that are either cheap or super elaborate, depending on.

276
00:57:08,239 --> 00:57:22,623
like where you are in the movie. Yep. Love how they kill the kid and the crazy logic and the self-awareness, like the silliness I like, but I also wish that they hadn't had to do that stuff.

277
00:57:22,623 --> 00:57:33,807
There's some genuinely eerie moments. Do you remember when they find the lady that's hanging from the rafters? Yes. They find the lady who was one of the other.

278
00:57:33,807 --> 00:57:48,192
people who was trapped in the house and she chose to kill herself. Right. Yes. Orps is hard to look at. It's very upsetting. Yeah. But I recommend watching this with a bunch of pals. Absolutely a party movie.

279
00:57:48,192 --> 00:58:02,431
Mark, how do you feel about this movie, though? So to me, it feels like if you were able to capture a nightmare on film, and I don't mean it's scary, but I mean it's like it doesn't...

280
00:58:02,431 --> 00:58:15,967
Quite makes sense, but you have to go with it. You know what I mean? And there's like these little, like you said, little glimpses of like kind of genuinely creepy moments. And if you're at all like a creature feature fan, I think there's a lot to love here.

281
00:58:15,967 --> 00:58:30,112
It may not be super successful, but a lot of the creatures are really fun. I'm just going to reiterate, it seems like it was really made by people who are into this. Like it wasn't, they just threw a bunch of money at some guy who'd never done horror and he didn't really care about it.

282
00:58:30,112 --> 00:58:41,103
Yeah, it's got its shortcomings, but it's still really, really fun for what it is. Great. I agree. And I'd like to add that if you watch it with your friends, one of them must come with a hand puppet.

283
00:58:41,264 --> 00:58:52,271
Everyone should bring their own MOOC. Yeah, bring your own MOOC. Carving your own Halloween pumpkin can be a lot of fun for grown-ups.

284
00:58:52,271 --> 00:59:06,576
Hey kids, isn't this fun? But with a pumpkin cutter, children of all ages can easily design and carve their own Halloween pumpkins in complete safety. The pumpkin cutter is simple and safe to use. There are no sharp edges, yet it quickly cuts through all pumpkins smoothly.

285
00:59:06,576 --> 00:59:19,376
Any child can learn to use the pumpkin cutter the very first time. Make this Halloween extra special with the pumpkin cutter. Available at Pathmark, Genovese, and Rickles Home Centers. So folks, we're introducing...

286
00:59:19,376 --> 00:59:33,184
a new segment here before we, before we get into our, our Halloween recommendations or our spooky ooky time recommendations. This is the perfect time to introduce a segment we like to call.

287
00:59:33,184 --> 00:59:47,679
All about Joan. All right, my dear. Let me tell you something totally radical. Collins, that is.

288
00:59:47,679 --> 01:00:00,447
Collins, that is. That's what it's called from now on. Tell us about the selection you have chosen to discuss from the filmography of the great Collins Joan.

289
01:00:00,447 --> 01:00:05,920
Collins Jones so they're okay so Richard there's so many to choose from like I don't think people realize

290
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:18,079
that this woman has like, she is a scream queen in her own right. And I don't think people realize this because it mainly took place like in the seventies for the most part. Sure. She did like some really cool, like anthology horrors.

291
01:00:18,079 --> 01:00:28,911
like Fear in the Night's awesome movie. She did Dark Places, Empire of the Ants, not to mention the two Jackie Collins movies she did. Her sister wrote like The Bitch and the Stud and she starred as...

292
01:00:28,911 --> 01:00:33,903
Fontaine. Fontaine Khalid, I believe it is. But the one I want to talk about, and I've...

293
01:00:33,903 --> 01:00:45,599
I've mentioned this before, I think, on the show, but whoever programmed the movies for my local TV channels, God bless them. I want to meet them and hug them because they changed my life.

294
01:00:45,599 --> 01:00:57,967
I love it. So there was a movie that came on and like we're talking like probably probably aired like between like 76 to 78. So I would have been like probably like 10 maybe.

295
01:00:57,967 --> 01:01:11,791
And I was old enough to have not seen The Exorcist, but I knew that they were kind of doing their own take on like demon possession, which terrified me as a child. So the movie is got a couple names. There's I Don't Want to Be Born.

296
01:01:11,791 --> 01:01:21,791
It was also known as the monster or Sharon's baby, which I find most disturbing because her character, Joan Collins, is not named Sharon at all.

297
01:01:21,791 --> 01:01:29,679
So I don't know whose baby would be possessed if it would have been Jones Collins. Yeah, because it wasn't her. But what's great, there's so much that's great about this.

298
01:01:29,679 --> 01:01:44,576
She's Joan Collins. Like she can never not be Joan Collins. So she's got that like kind of like I'm better than you and I'm cooler than you. But she played this dancer who's now met like a wealthy Italian man. And when she was a dancer.

299
01:01:44,576 --> 01:01:57,791
There was a height challenged small person named Hercules who hit on her at the club. And she like, you know, kind of put him in his place as only Joan Collins would do.

300
01:01:57,791 --> 01:02:10,768
And she ends up having a baby who is just a baby, Richard. Like it's the cutest baby in the world. No matter when they cut to it, no matter what it's supposed to have done, the baby was not in on what like was happening at all.

301
01:02:10,768 --> 01:02:24,559
So it's just wonderful. There's lots of like people screaming, people dying, cut to a baby with like a little bit of blood on its mouth, like looking happy as can be. But not only do you get Joan Collins, you also get.

302
01:02:24,559 --> 01:02:38,864
Donald Pleasance as a doctor, but before he was Dr. Loomis in Halloween. Yes. You get him. You also get the ever beautiful, like to me, they're like competing with each other. Caroline Monroe. Yes.

303
01:02:38,864 --> 01:02:43,295
Yes. She's her friend, Mandy, who's also a dancer at the club.

304
01:02:43,295 --> 01:02:54,576
I do love, though, that like, OK, as it plays out, we find out that she's married this Italian man and she's living the high life now and everything. But it had only been nine months ago that she was at the club.

305
01:02:54,576 --> 01:03:08,527
But you would have never guessed that. Like you thought it took like 20 years. She just married and all this and suits her just fine. Now we don't get a priest here, though. We get a nun who is played by Eileen Atkins.

306
01:03:08,527 --> 01:03:21,119
Oh, she's good. Sister Albana. Oh, my God. Like this is a kick ass nun. Like this is these are the nuns that taught me. These are the kind of nuns that gave me my education in grade school. Yeah, it's just.

307
01:03:21,119 --> 01:03:30,208
So 70s, you've got her smoking and drinking with the baby. You've got ugly brown patterns on everything.

308
01:03:30,208 --> 01:03:43,023
The strip club numbers are amazing because they're just so lackadaisical. Like no man would stay and watch this because they'd be bored. It's just wonderful. And like the baby is like dragging people like into like.

309
01:03:43,023 --> 01:03:52,224
the sewer system and like hanging people and drowning them. And it's like a baby. It's so wonderful. The director, it's Pete, uh, SAS D.

310
01:03:52,224 --> 01:04:00,128
Peter Sazdy. He's the guy behind Countess Dracula and Hammer films. Hands of the Ripper. He also did...

311
01:04:00,128 --> 01:04:10,688
Doomwatch, which I know some people think it's too slow, but I love Doomwatch. I've always been curious about that one. I love that one, and he did the stone tape, which I think is amazing. Scary, yeah.

312
01:04:10,688 --> 01:04:25,583
Again, it's someone who knows horror who's behind this film. And I know it sounds like you probably shouldn't waste your time with it, but you definitely should and you will not regret it. It's amazing. I love this movie. I love it.

313
01:04:25,583 --> 01:04:39,456
um i saw it i think turner classic movies underground played it i had never heard of it before and i managed to record it on dvdr and proceeded to show it to lots of people because i thought it was so crazy i think

314
01:04:39,456 --> 01:04:48,960
John Steiner is in that as like her old boyfriend from her stripper days. Oh, with the mustache. He's a hottie. I'm like, I would have not.

315
01:04:48,960 --> 01:05:00,288
Yeah, I would have not left my husband for this. Like I would have been with this guy no matter how skeezy he was. No joke, dude. He's so good looking and like that rascal-y kind of like evil.

316
01:05:00,288 --> 01:05:10,592
like sleazy guy but you get to hear him not dubbed for a change actually to hear his british accent because when he was in italy he was always dubbed so far as i know

317
01:05:10,592 --> 01:05:24,864
It's pretty awesome. I also like the fact that she thinks it might be his baby. She doesn't even know. So she invites him back to see the baby. And he's like, well, let's get it on before we see the baby. She's like, no, my baby's demonic. We're not going to have sex.

318
01:05:24,864 --> 01:05:39,327
Dude, I'm so glad you're talking about this. I can't wait to get my DVD of this out again and watch it. I love it. Oh, it's so good, people. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. And that was all about Joan Collins, that is.

319
01:05:39,327 --> 01:05:52,416
So, but Mark, before I let you escape into the night to finish off the spooky ooky punch bowl and dance the, what is that? Dance of the Dead, the Dancing Cobb.

320
01:05:52,416 --> 01:06:05,807
Dead, the Monster Mish. Oh, the Monster Mish. Yeah, because we don't want to get in trouble, so we're doing the Monster Mish. Tell me about a recently seen and loved spooky movie. Can be a...

321
01:06:05,807 --> 01:06:18,608
old favorite or a first time watch what do you got okay again you can edit this out but i want to do two things but i'll do them super fast oh i'm going to edit them twice all right so the first

322
01:06:18,608 --> 01:06:30,096
The Facts of Life, which I know you don't think is scary, people. But on Wednesday, October 26, 1983, Season 5, Episode 6, The Halloween Show.

323
01:06:30,096 --> 01:06:43,199
The girls believe that Mrs. Garrett is killing people and serving them up in her famous, I think they're like sausage links or something. Yeah, they're like kielbasa or something. But it's amazing. Bratwurst.

324
01:06:43,199 --> 01:06:51,583
Yes. And I had taped it and it became like a Halloween tradition in my house for years.

325
01:06:51,583 --> 01:07:04,335
It's really clever. I know it's the facts of life I'm trying to sell this, but it's really clever for what it is. And folks, I think you would have fun with it, especially if you need something like gateway horror, like, you know.

326
01:07:04,335 --> 01:07:15,519
younger kids can't handle like you know what sallow this would be the one to show oh boy really fun now probably the same guy who programmed

327
01:07:15,519 --> 01:07:29,903
I don't want to be born also introduced me to let's scare Jessica to death. Oh boy. Okay. So people complain it's like slow. I do not find that. I find it atmospheric. I find it creepy as all get out.

328
01:07:29,903 --> 01:07:39,711
Zora Lampert, the only other thing I ever saw her in was in Exorcist 3 from 1990. But I love the actress.

329
01:07:39,711 --> 01:07:54,480
True, she looks like the woman from Cagney and Lacey, but it's not her. It's just so creepy, and it's very much a 70s film. You've got that whole open relationship kind of thing.

330
01:07:54,480 --> 01:08:09,344
The way they handle her mental stability issues is very much of the time. And you don't know what it is. You still end up watching the film and you don't quite know what the antagonist was. And it's great. Man.

331
01:08:09,344 --> 01:08:18,912
It's so good. You summed that up perfectly. I have no notes other than I also saw that when I was very young.

332
01:08:18,912 --> 01:08:43,376
on tv and it just planted that seed in my mind of appreciating these kinds of movies oh yeah it's it's fantastic it really is folks if you if you want to kick up the uh the me generation bullshit and cut down on the seriousness check out two films savage weekend oh yeah or dark august

333
01:08:43,376 --> 01:08:56,975
both of those movies have that similar like i just want to get back to myself kind of a vibe oh it's so fun i love ladies doing it for themselves y'all

334
01:08:56,975 --> 01:09:11,728
Thank you, Aretha. For me, a favorite that I love to watch with Lietta around this time of year, it is not a Halloween movie, but it has a costume party that's very Halloween-y.

335
01:09:11,728 --> 01:09:17,760
And it is called The Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow from 1959.

336
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:30,000
That is in that book I was talking about earlier with you, Fright Fest. They mentioned it. Yes. It is in there. Yes. That's awesome. It's a little hard to find. Last time I checked, it was still out of print. It was on one of those.

337
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:39,615
midnight movies compilations, or it might've been, I don't know if it was a double feature or if it was a by itself, but if you can get a copy of.

338
01:09:39,615 --> 01:09:53,568
Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow. Highly recommend it. It's very zany, very kooky. It's real stupid, but it's all wholesome and just corny. It's just really corny and Scooby-Doo-like.

339
01:09:53,568 --> 01:09:59,391
At the same time, I find it wonderful. All of the dialogue with its...

340
01:09:59,391 --> 01:10:08,927
you know, adults trying to translate what these crazy drag racing kids are talking about is very, very entertaining. The songs are fun.

341
01:10:08,927 --> 01:10:23,823
And there's this one girl who stands out like a sore thumb in the movie. She's like six foot tall, nerdy, but sort of looks a little like if, um, Vampyra went like legit.

342
01:10:23,823 --> 01:10:37,823
Oh, that's amazing. You sold me. Yeah, absolutely wonderful movie. And that's it, folks. We are hoping you have a wonderful Halloween time. Hopefully...

343
01:10:37,823 --> 01:10:45,536
The things under the bed sheets aren't just ghosts. They're also...

344
01:10:45,536 --> 01:10:59,344
Genitalia. I don't know. I don't know where I was going with that. But genitalia with googly eyes glued to them. Happy Halloween, everybody. Don't put that in the punch bowl. Don't you dare.

345
01:10:59,471 --> 01:11:12,032
Yeah, I spiked it. It'll sting. Don't do it. But I hope you all have a black cat for each of your Cadillacs that you're driving to the graveyard in.

346
01:11:12,032 --> 01:11:18,256
And make sure you bring some gas X for the fricking zombies down in the basement. Yes.

347
01:11:18,256 --> 01:11:32,623
And don't forget to give out UNICEF or McDonald's gift certificates. They're the best trick or treat ever. The kids will definitely not be back in five minutes to destroy your lawn. Not at all. I have raisins. Oh.

348
01:11:32,623 --> 01:11:45,935
You know what I like to call raisins? Nature's fruit. I've been called that. Oh, my God. That's so weird. Ladies and gentlemen, Mark, nature's fruits.

349
01:11:45,967 --> 01:11:58,192
And I want to stop recording. I'm going to stop it. It's got to stop sometime.

350
01:12:02,992 --> 01:12:17,391
Folks, thanks so much for listening to this episode. If you'd like to write into the show...

351
01:12:17,391 --> 01:12:29,792
Send an email to doomedmoviethon at gmail or hit us up at doomedmoviethon on Instagram or at doomedmoviethon on Twitter or at doomedmoviethon at Discord.

352
01:12:29,792 --> 01:12:44,047
or go to HelloThisIsTheDoomed show on Facebook and message us there. If you want more HelloThisIsTheDoomed show, go to doomedmoviethon.com and click the podcast button for the archive, or go to YouTube.

353
01:12:44,047 --> 01:12:57,216
and look up Doomed Movie-thon, and you'll find the classic episodes of Hello, This is the Doomed Show. And if that's still not enough, I have written some books, you know, about my love of movies.

354
01:12:57,216 --> 01:13:11,952
over on Amazon.com. Just look up Richard Glenn Schmidt and you'll find Giallo Meltdown, A Movie-Thon Diary, Giallo Meltdown 2, Cinema Somnambulist, or Doomed Movie-Thon, the book.

355
01:13:11,952 --> 01:13:22,351
Hello, this is the Doom Show. As a proud member of the Legion Podcasts Network, goto LegionPodcasts.com and check out the other great shows over there.