1 00:00:00,142 --> 00:00:04,702 Welcome to Say More, the powerhouse podcast dedicated to elevating the voices 2 00:00:04,702 --> 00:00:09,042 and journeys of women striving for the C -suite and those who've already conquered 3 00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:09,532 it. 4 00:00:09,532 --> 00:00:14,102 Brace yourself for candid conversations, illuminating interviews and unfiltered 5 00:00:14,102 --> 00:00:18,962 insights as we delve into the triumphs, hurdles and invaluable lessons learned 6 00:00:18,962 --> 00:00:20,686 along the path to success. 7 00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:25,306 Join us on this empowering journey where inspiration meets empowerment and wisdom 8 00:00:25,306 --> 00:00:26,486 reign supreme. 9 00:00:26,486 --> 00:00:30,946 Get ready to ignite your ambition, harness your potential and thrive alongside your 10 00:00:30,946 --> 00:00:33,350 sisters on Say More. 11 00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:53,498 to the Say More podcast. 12 00:00:53,498 --> 00:00:59,348 I am so excited to be joining all of the listeners today to talk about, you know, 13 00:00:59,348 --> 00:01:04,638 this whole notion of how do you make it to the C -suite, you know, and there's this 14 00:01:04,638 --> 00:01:09,858 space and place that we need to have these conversations about things that we're 15 00:01:09,858 --> 00:01:13,918 experiencing, things that, you know, probably depending upon where you are in 16 00:01:13,918 --> 00:01:17,798 your journey, that man, if you could step back and would have been able to tell your 17 00:01:17,798 --> 00:01:19,055 20 year old self. 18 00:01:19,055 --> 00:01:21,915 You know how that would be very different. 19 00:01:22,095 --> 00:01:28,855 And some of the time and I think that most listeners would agree that you just don't 20 00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:37,175 know if what you're experiencing is isolated to you or is this a thing that 21 00:01:37,175 --> 00:01:41,355 you need to be concerned about or even advocate or address. 22 00:01:41,355 --> 00:01:44,174 So say more is all about. 23 00:01:44,174 --> 00:01:48,494 women, it's inspiring them that regardless of where you are on your journey, you can 24 00:01:48,494 --> 00:01:54,314 contribute and you can give back to make sure that someone else's journey is in 25 00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,014 load is honestly lighter. 26 00:01:56,014 --> 00:01:57,944 So that's what this conversation is about. 27 00:01:57,944 --> 00:02:02,814 And I am so glad that I am joined by my friend, Monica, Dr. 28 00:02:02,814 --> 00:02:09,014 Monica Curry, but Monica to talk and share because really what you can expect from 29 00:02:09,014 --> 00:02:10,322 the same or. 30 00:02:10,322 --> 00:02:15,942 podcast is individuals coming and being very authentic and genuine about the 31 00:02:15,942 --> 00:02:16,802 journey. 32 00:02:16,802 --> 00:02:20,582 And oftentimes we think it's a straight line, but I will tell you that it's not a 33 00:02:20,582 --> 00:02:21,352 straight line. 34 00:02:21,352 --> 00:02:25,702 There's some hooks and curves and you know, and I'd say for some even tunnels, 35 00:02:25,702 --> 00:02:27,282 you know, if you will. 36 00:02:27,302 --> 00:02:29,202 So Dr. 37 00:02:29,202 --> 00:02:36,302 Curry, Monica, would you start I mean, just shares with our say more audience. 38 00:02:36,302 --> 00:02:41,192 a bit about your own personal journey and how you navigated your career path. 39 00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,562 And of course, we'll unpack it as we go throughout. 40 00:02:43,562 --> 00:02:44,842 Sure, I am honored to be here. 41 00:02:44,842 --> 00:02:46,402 So thank you. 42 00:02:46,402 --> 00:02:47,922 I'm normally on the other side. 43 00:02:47,922 --> 00:02:52,102 So me sitting here having to share my story is a little uncomfortable, but thank 44 00:02:52,102 --> 00:02:53,042 you for stretching me. 45 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,082 I appreciate it. 46 00:02:54,082 --> 00:02:56,422 So my journey, my goodness. 47 00:02:56,582 --> 00:02:59,182 So I'm an Air Force brat and I'm gonna start there. 48 00:02:59,182 --> 00:03:00,402 I'm an Air Force brat. 49 00:03:00,402 --> 00:03:04,130 So I spent most of my formative years overseas. 50 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:10,302 in England and Spain and my dad was very intentional about us not living on base. 51 00:03:10,302 --> 00:03:16,042 We actually lived off base amongst the people so to speak in the community. 52 00:03:16,042 --> 00:03:18,092 And so I thank my dad for that. 53 00:03:18,092 --> 00:03:23,102 He's deceased now, but I thank him for that because it exposed us to different 54 00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:24,322 cultures. 55 00:03:24,322 --> 00:03:31,422 I fast forward and that those experiences have created the person that I am. 56 00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:33,934 And I say it that way because, 57 00:03:33,934 --> 00:03:39,434 every three years or five years, we were required to pick up and move stateside 58 00:03:39,434 --> 00:03:41,774 back international stateside. 59 00:03:41,774 --> 00:03:48,074 So, you know, we change has been fundamental and who I am and how I was 60 00:03:48,074 --> 00:03:48,474 raised. 61 00:03:48,474 --> 00:03:56,234 And so it has allowed me one, as I move from one organization to another, or as if 62 00:03:56,234 --> 00:04:00,714 you're in an organization with the mergers and the transitions of organizations and 63 00:04:00,714 --> 00:04:01,874 teams, 64 00:04:02,638 --> 00:04:08,198 the transitions through change were easier for me because I had already created 65 00:04:08,198 --> 00:04:14,298 strategies of whether it's reinventing myself or how to seamlessly transition 66 00:04:14,298 --> 00:04:16,928 into another role or another organization. 67 00:04:16,928 --> 00:04:18,738 How do you ask the right questions? 68 00:04:18,738 --> 00:04:20,578 You know, how do you show up differently? 69 00:04:20,578 --> 00:04:27,118 How do you identify what the new culture is and not lose who you are, but be able 70 00:04:27,118 --> 00:04:28,878 to fit into that culture? 71 00:04:28,878 --> 00:04:35,318 So I always start with those formative years as I transition into corporate 72 00:04:35,318 --> 00:04:36,518 America. 73 00:04:36,598 --> 00:04:42,818 I started in, I actually started my career in the travel industry. 74 00:04:42,818 --> 00:04:47,668 So I have landed planes, brought them in, I have loaded and unloaded. 75 00:04:47,668 --> 00:04:49,038 I'm only five, one and a half. 76 00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:54,238 So I always needed help getting into the belly of the plane to unload the, so I've 77 00:04:54,238 --> 00:04:56,142 worked for Carnival Cruise Line. 78 00:04:56,142 --> 00:05:01,542 And then, you know, I went through a divorce, you know, personal struggles or 79 00:05:01,542 --> 00:05:04,332 challenges kind of had to reinvent myself. 80 00:05:04,332 --> 00:05:08,192 And so the question was, you know, through that divorce, like, who am I? 81 00:05:08,192 --> 00:05:09,842 What do I want to be when I grow up? 82 00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:12,792 I had a daughter who was two years old at the time. 83 00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:15,172 And so I came back home to Delaware. 84 00:05:15,172 --> 00:05:17,472 And so it was just like, okay, so I'm home. 85 00:05:17,472 --> 00:05:18,242 So what am I going to do? 86 00:05:18,242 --> 00:05:19,862 So I went back to school. 87 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:21,622 And so. 88 00:05:21,774 --> 00:05:26,934 Of course, what I did is I found an organization that would pay for me to go. 89 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:32,614 So with tuition reimbursement, I started at a financial institution and I kind of 90 00:05:32,614 --> 00:05:34,124 stuck with financial institutions. 91 00:05:34,124 --> 00:05:36,994 So I was able to get my undergrad. 92 00:05:36,994 --> 00:05:41,174 There was some time where I was traveling too much or so much because I'd love to 93 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,364 travel for work. 94 00:05:42,364 --> 00:05:46,714 And so I couldn't finish my undergrad. 95 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:50,434 And with this organization that I had been with for 12 years. 96 00:05:51,278 --> 00:05:54,698 I wasn't able to stay with the organization in that current role because 97 00:05:54,698 --> 00:06:01,118 they had changed policies in HR and you had to have a bachelor's degree for my 98 00:06:01,118 --> 00:06:01,848 particular role. 99 00:06:01,848 --> 00:06:10,058 So I no longer qualified for my own job that I had been in for almost 12 years. 100 00:06:10,358 --> 00:06:12,318 so. 101 00:06:12,526 --> 00:06:14,476 So that goes back to the point of that. 102 00:06:14,476 --> 00:06:15,846 It's not a straight line. 103 00:06:15,846 --> 00:06:20,766 I mean, there are so many things and factors that you just don't control, but 104 00:06:20,766 --> 00:06:22,516 it does matter how you handle them. 105 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:22,766 So, yeah. 106 00:06:22,766 --> 00:06:23,296 That's what it is. 107 00:06:23,296 --> 00:06:24,986 It's about resilience. 108 00:06:24,986 --> 00:06:26,326 How do you navigate? 109 00:06:26,326 --> 00:06:27,346 What do you do? 110 00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:28,356 What could you do? 111 00:06:28,356 --> 00:06:35,066 I could have just gave up and, you know, so I decided that that would never be a 112 00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:36,920 factor again, my education. 113 00:06:37,454 --> 00:06:40,814 so found a new role, another financial institution. 114 00:06:40,814 --> 00:06:45,494 They paid for the remainder of my undergrad, and the master's program. 115 00:06:45,494 --> 00:06:52,074 And so that organization, our values no longer aligned after three years. 116 00:06:52,074 --> 00:06:58,714 And so for me, I read the same way people reevaluate relationships. 117 00:06:58,714 --> 00:07:03,554 I also reevaluate my career and the relationship that I'm in with an 118 00:07:03,554 --> 00:07:06,254 organization and gas prices were going. 119 00:07:06,254 --> 00:07:07,534 astronomically high. 120 00:07:07,534 --> 00:07:12,594 I've always commuted at least 45 minutes when I went into a while. 121 00:07:12,594 --> 00:07:15,684 So our values no longer align. 122 00:07:15,684 --> 00:07:21,334 So I started looking for another role and I found another role. 123 00:07:21,354 --> 00:07:28,194 And so this new organization that I was with, they paid for my doctorate degree. 124 00:07:28,194 --> 00:07:34,314 Now keep in mind, keep in mind, you know, most organizations will pay for one, one 125 00:07:34,314 --> 00:07:35,086 undergrad. 126 00:07:35,086 --> 00:07:36,366 one masters. 127 00:07:36,366 --> 00:07:40,266 A lot of times they won't pay for a doctorate's degree. 128 00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:45,046 But what I did, and this is that entrepreneur spirit, like everything that 129 00:07:45,046 --> 00:07:49,726 I was learning in my program, I was applying to my job. 130 00:07:50,506 --> 00:07:51,976 So there was equal benefit. 131 00:07:51,976 --> 00:07:52,406 Yes. 132 00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:54,066 I had to put together a proposal. 133 00:07:54,066 --> 00:07:56,086 Literally I put together a proposal. 134 00:07:56,086 --> 00:07:57,566 This is what I'm learning. 135 00:07:57,566 --> 00:08:00,386 This is how I've applied it thus far. 136 00:08:00,676 --> 00:08:03,886 this is what else I'll be learning and how I anticipate. 137 00:08:03,886 --> 00:08:08,426 And so I proposed it, went and presented it to our CHRO. 138 00:08:08,426 --> 00:08:14,766 And so at that time she was like, okay, so we'll take it from the, it was no longer 139 00:08:14,766 --> 00:08:18,446 coming from tuition reimbursement and it came from the training budget. 140 00:08:18,446 --> 00:08:25,526 And so again, you've gotta be on your grind as I call it because it was just as 141 00:08:25,526 --> 00:08:28,656 beneficial for the organization as it was for me. 142 00:08:28,656 --> 00:08:33,106 And so with that, I was able to get my doctorate's degree. 143 00:08:33,432 --> 00:08:39,302 I went through multiple certifications and I won't even name them, but one of the key 144 00:08:39,302 --> 00:08:44,922 contributors to my success in the diversity space is I am a change 145 00:08:44,922 --> 00:08:45,942 management practitioner. 146 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:50,362 I won't say the organization, but I am a certified change management practitioner. 147 00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:55,842 And, and for me, the reason why that is fundamental in just about everything I do 148 00:08:55,842 --> 00:09:01,952 is you talk about coaching, whether you're coaching frontline leaders or executives, 149 00:09:01,952 --> 00:09:02,766 C -suite. 150 00:09:02,766 --> 00:09:04,866 It's about the change in behavior. 151 00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:06,056 And you know. 152 00:09:06,056 --> 00:09:11,406 Change in behavior and actually you know a question for you because I don't want to 153 00:09:11,406 --> 00:09:14,376 lose this that you know two points that you made. 154 00:09:14,376 --> 00:09:19,426 One is that we're always looking for ways and should always be looking for ways to 155 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:25,126 invest in ourselves but at the same time identify the win win for your organization 156 00:09:25,126 --> 00:09:27,006 especially if we're seeking their support. 157 00:09:27,006 --> 00:09:31,246 And the other is to from what I gather from. 158 00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:34,886 both this conversation and the conversations that we've had in the past, 159 00:09:34,886 --> 00:09:40,846 it's how do you make sure that what you're doing today will also benefit you in the 160 00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:41,526 future? 161 00:09:41,526 --> 00:09:44,526 And that's a longer range plan. 162 00:09:44,526 --> 00:09:47,106 So was that by circumstance? 163 00:09:47,106 --> 00:09:51,126 Do you think that, or maybe that was just innate, but I think it's important for our 164 00:09:51,126 --> 00:09:52,398 listeners to... 165 00:09:52,398 --> 00:09:57,588 realize and even be able to step back that because I have oftentimes heard, you know, 166 00:09:57,588 --> 00:10:01,218 a lot of people, I'm not assuming that new responsibility or I'm not learning 167 00:10:01,218 --> 00:10:06,598 anything new unless they're paying me for it and they're going to give me a raise. 168 00:10:06,658 --> 00:10:11,498 And I firmly believe, and I understand the rationale, but you're shortchanging 169 00:10:11,498 --> 00:10:18,118 yourself and better positioning for the future when you don't take on the extra. 170 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,294 I would say and submit that for my own career, 171 00:10:21,294 --> 00:10:27,374 I've always worked out of position with the intent of being prepared and ready 172 00:10:27,374 --> 00:10:29,774 when opportunity presents itself. 173 00:10:29,774 --> 00:10:32,954 So, you know, what, what, what, you know, is there more that you'd want to weigh in 174 00:10:32,954 --> 00:10:33,414 on that? 175 00:10:33,414 --> 00:10:34,314 What was your thinking? 176 00:10:34,314 --> 00:10:38,294 Because this, you know, say more is about, you know, really getting to know the 177 00:10:38,294 --> 00:10:41,494 individual and kind of what led to these decisions. 178 00:10:41,494 --> 00:10:46,294 There was an individual, I'll keep it. 179 00:10:46,294 --> 00:10:47,484 He was younger than me. 180 00:10:47,484 --> 00:10:49,972 He was a more senior level. 181 00:10:49,998 --> 00:10:53,888 And so he just one day we were just sitting down. 182 00:10:53,888 --> 00:10:59,878 We had lunch and he said Monica You need to play the role you need to dress the 183 00:10:59,878 --> 00:11:06,118 part that you want to be tomorrow not today and So that just resonated with me 184 00:11:06,118 --> 00:11:13,218 with everything I do right so I am open to trying new things I am open to hmm How's 185 00:11:13,218 --> 00:11:17,718 this gonna benefit me and how does that translate into the organization as well? 186 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,950 And so there's not much 187 00:11:19,950 --> 00:11:26,050 And this is also, you know, hindsight, 2020 is, is one of my opportunities. 188 00:11:26,050 --> 00:11:32,130 There's not much that I've said no to because I'm willing to try anything. 189 00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:37,670 but I'm, I'm willing to roll up my sleeves and, you know, even, you know, get down 190 00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:41,970 and dirty, if you will boots on the ground, because I understand from top to 191 00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:46,080 bottom, but this individual just really, it just resonated. 192 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,934 You gotta, you gotta dress the part that you want to be in tomorrow. 193 00:11:50,030 --> 00:11:53,090 the role versus where you are today. 194 00:11:53,090 --> 00:11:54,970 And that's powerful. 195 00:11:54,970 --> 00:11:56,510 That's so powerful. 196 00:11:56,510 --> 00:12:00,530 I think one of the important things again, and I know there's gonna be so many 197 00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:04,150 nuggets and I want to draw everybody's attention to it because again, depending 198 00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:09,330 upon where you are in your walk right now or your journey, it may be different, but 199 00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:11,670 I'm certain that it's gonna resonate. 200 00:12:11,670 --> 00:12:14,230 And that's when you think about failing forward. 201 00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:17,966 A lot of people, I don't want to try new because what if I fail? 202 00:12:17,966 --> 00:12:21,416 So it's not about failing, it's about learning. 203 00:12:21,416 --> 00:12:26,306 And when you think about, you know, the majority of a population being fearful of 204 00:12:26,306 --> 00:12:31,166 whether it's public speaking or whatever that thing may be, I mean, the, the whole 205 00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:38,066 notion that you tried in and of itself is your mile marker or stone that says I can 206 00:12:38,066 --> 00:12:41,746 do that next thing because you've already made the first step. 207 00:12:41,746 --> 00:12:44,016 So what's your thoughts about that? 208 00:12:44,016 --> 00:12:47,226 That it's not about try to fail. 209 00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:47,566 It's, 210 00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:49,126 try and work. 211 00:12:49,126 --> 00:12:50,896 I think about it in this way. 212 00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,766 I think about regret. 213 00:12:53,586 --> 00:13:03,246 I would rather take the risk and fail than to ever regret not trying because what 214 00:13:03,246 --> 00:13:08,786 what if what could have been that is the worst and I've had those instances. 215 00:13:08,786 --> 00:13:14,886 What if I could have been I could have been I should have been but I would rather 216 00:13:14,886 --> 00:13:15,918 you know with 217 00:13:15,918 --> 00:13:23,118 High risk comes high reward That's what it was any yes, and so I would rather risk 218 00:13:23,118 --> 00:13:30,938 Embarrassing myself or failing then to wake up tomorrow Wondering what could have 219 00:13:30,938 --> 00:13:35,494 been that regrets is worse for me than failure? 220 00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:43,074 So this leads me to, because we talk about those twists and turns, because though you 221 00:13:43,074 --> 00:13:48,474 can control what you can control, there are things that will fall outside of your 222 00:13:48,474 --> 00:13:50,074 control along the journey. 223 00:13:50,074 --> 00:13:51,984 So let's talk about some of those things. 224 00:13:51,984 --> 00:13:55,154 And again, you know, we'll talk about challenges, but we're certainly going to 225 00:13:55,154 --> 00:13:59,074 be identifying things that you can do that empower as well. 226 00:13:59,074 --> 00:14:04,794 But, you know, part of this journey for even say more is talking about and calling 227 00:14:04,794 --> 00:14:06,766 out those things that just. 228 00:14:06,766 --> 00:14:13,326 you know, create those stumbling blocks and how you can pivot and move from. 229 00:14:13,326 --> 00:14:19,006 So unconscious bias, microaggression, imposter syndrome. 230 00:14:19,006 --> 00:14:23,166 Again, you know, they're prevalent challenges faced by many women in the 231 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,286 workplace. 232 00:14:24,286 --> 00:14:29,726 Can you speak to your experiences with these obstacles and how you were able to 233 00:14:29,726 --> 00:14:31,816 overcome or manage them? 234 00:14:31,816 --> 00:14:36,218 Because, you know, speaking from experience, these they're they're real. 235 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:40,134 They're real and you never can pick the time that you'll be confronted by it, but 236 00:14:40,134 --> 00:14:41,554 you will be right. 237 00:14:41,554 --> 00:14:41,654 Yeah. 238 00:14:41,654 --> 00:14:46,234 And to your point, it's how you overcome the characters built based on how you 239 00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:47,494 overcome those challenges. 240 00:14:47,494 --> 00:14:49,294 And I'm actually going to do them. 241 00:14:49,294 --> 00:14:51,414 Talk about them in, in the order. 242 00:14:51,414 --> 00:14:56,634 I think that you actually mentioned them because unconscious bias is a, is about 243 00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,914 someone's projection onto you. 244 00:14:58,914 --> 00:15:00,344 So that's his, their mindset. 245 00:15:00,344 --> 00:15:01,734 These are their values. 246 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,502 These are their beliefs. 247 00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:05,252 that they will project onto you. 248 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,962 And I kind of made some notes and I went to the Webster dictionary just to make 249 00:15:08,962 --> 00:15:10,832 sure that we were clear on the definition. 250 00:15:10,832 --> 00:15:16,042 I'll give you the true definition then a monicaism as I'll call it and how exactly 251 00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:17,152 and how I felt it. 252 00:15:17,152 --> 00:15:22,822 So unconscious bias is when we make judgments or decisions on the basis of our 253 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:30,062 own prior experience with with the color race gender. 254 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:32,270 So those are our own how we grew up. 255 00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:36,850 and what we may have heard other people say about these individuals. 256 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,770 And so that is really a mindset. 257 00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:41,070 Can we shift it? 258 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:41,650 Absolutely. 259 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:48,650 And for me, it is creating space and opportunity for individuals to empathize, 260 00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:54,090 to share in somebody else's story, to walk in someone else's shoes, for them to 261 00:15:54,090 --> 00:15:59,546 understand that, yes, Monica is a cisgender black female. 262 00:15:59,598 --> 00:16:03,158 But let me tell you about the person that she is. 263 00:16:03,158 --> 00:16:05,818 She's not just black, you know? 264 00:16:05,818 --> 00:16:12,218 And so unconscious bias again, is someone else's values and mindset projected onto 265 00:16:12,218 --> 00:16:12,988 us. 266 00:16:12,988 --> 00:16:16,638 And the way it's projected is microaggressions. 267 00:16:16,678 --> 00:16:17,638 That's that behavior. 268 00:16:17,638 --> 00:16:18,788 That's how it shows up. 269 00:16:18,788 --> 00:16:24,618 And so let's talk about a microaggression is defined as every day, subtle, 270 00:16:24,618 --> 00:16:27,190 intentional, sometimes unintentional. 271 00:16:27,190 --> 00:16:28,190 interactions. 272 00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,730 So an example. 273 00:16:29,730 --> 00:16:37,284 So if someone has an assumption that because I am black that I'm lazy, 274 00:16:39,118 --> 00:16:43,798 then that microaggression may show up as Monica, did you do this yet? 275 00:16:43,798 --> 00:16:44,938 Monica, did you do this yet? 276 00:16:44,938 --> 00:16:51,158 Monica, can you email me when you did this or you're very articulate. 277 00:16:51,158 --> 00:16:53,738 You speak very well. 278 00:16:54,758 --> 00:16:55,218 Right. 279 00:16:55,218 --> 00:16:59,378 Because there's an assumption we've watched boys in the hood or something. 280 00:16:59,378 --> 00:17:01,118 We've heard something. 281 00:17:01,118 --> 00:17:02,938 It's a whole bunch of slang. 282 00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:03,918 Don't get me wrong. 283 00:17:03,918 --> 00:17:06,658 I can get down with the get down. 284 00:17:06,898 --> 00:17:08,366 please for that. 285 00:17:08,366 --> 00:17:16,086 And so, you know, again, it's the mindset that shows up in a certain behavior on, on 286 00:17:16,086 --> 00:17:20,806 me or someone else or someone else. 287 00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:28,566 What happens is those microaggressions then lead me to question my value. 288 00:17:28,826 --> 00:17:36,746 And so when we talk about imposter syndrome, so again, your mindset then 289 00:17:36,746 --> 00:17:38,126 shows up at a, 290 00:17:38,126 --> 00:17:46,026 for a behavior towards me which then impairs the way I think of myself and how 291 00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:52,506 I work and so imposter syndrome is a persistent inability to believe that one 292 00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:59,606 success is derived or has been legitimately achieved So I start 293 00:17:59,606 --> 00:18:00,276 questioning. 294 00:18:00,276 --> 00:18:02,006 Okay, should I be here? 295 00:18:02,006 --> 00:18:04,756 Like why does Kimberly have me on her podcast? 296 00:18:04,756 --> 00:18:07,826 Like should I even be a subject matter expert? 297 00:18:08,238 --> 00:18:15,858 It also shows up for me sometimes I don't carry my doctor's title a lot of times I'm 298 00:18:15,858 --> 00:18:20,438 just like just call me Monica like an or I'll say everybody can do it if I can do 299 00:18:20,438 --> 00:18:26,498 it anybody can do it And so it shows up in different ways a lot of times. 300 00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:30,698 It's just innate It's inside of me, you know, some people will know some people 301 00:18:30,698 --> 00:18:32,878 won't know it's that nervousness. 302 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:36,006 I can't believe that I'm here Should I really be here? 303 00:18:36,398 --> 00:18:38,418 You know, should I really be here? 304 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,938 So it will then impact my performance. 305 00:18:40,938 --> 00:18:42,918 It impacts my mental health. 306 00:18:42,918 --> 00:18:47,538 It impacts everything to do with Monica. 307 00:18:47,538 --> 00:18:51,308 So again, it shows up in different ways. 308 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:56,778 and we have found, you know, I have a mantra, let no man or woman ruin your day. 309 00:18:56,878 --> 00:19:00,618 depending on the situation, the circumstance, you know, we create those 310 00:19:00,618 --> 00:19:05,646 strategies to help us still maintain a level of productivity and confidence. 311 00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:12,266 But you have that unconscious bias that's projected at you and then those 312 00:19:12,266 --> 00:19:16,346 microaggressions which creates that imposter syndrome in me. 313 00:19:16,346 --> 00:19:20,666 And so you've got to create that level of resilience to be able to navigate over 314 00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:24,726 those lumps and bruises to still be successful. 315 00:19:25,886 --> 00:19:32,026 I think, again, sharing and recognizing own experiences, but also in the 316 00:19:32,026 --> 00:19:33,390 conversations. 317 00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:40,850 that we hear, whether in the same group or individually, about the challenges and 318 00:19:40,850 --> 00:19:48,750 where it has for a lot of people impacted their ability or desire to seek higher 319 00:19:48,750 --> 00:19:53,190 positions because of how they were made to feel. 320 00:19:53,190 --> 00:19:59,630 And I think, again, with, say, more with bringing awareness and attention to it is 321 00:19:59,630 --> 00:20:02,862 critical for making sure that... 322 00:20:02,862 --> 00:20:08,022 Individuals know that you're not crazy when you're in experiencing these things 323 00:20:08,022 --> 00:20:10,522 and to call it out as what it is. 324 00:20:10,522 --> 00:20:14,742 And I think sometimes it's just that it may be error. 325 00:20:14,742 --> 00:20:18,162 Folks just don't know that they're doing it and realize, and I guess that's why 326 00:20:18,162 --> 00:20:19,682 it's unconscious peace. 327 00:20:19,682 --> 00:20:25,682 But for the person that's receiving it, for example, and again, we, we, well, it's 328 00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:28,402 about women, so we can be gender specific on this. 329 00:20:28,402 --> 00:20:32,078 So the conversation about, my gosh, 330 00:20:32,078 --> 00:20:34,737 She has such a strong personality. 331 00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:43,018 We all know for code word, you know, it's code word and to translate that because 332 00:20:43,018 --> 00:20:48,398 again, if apply to another gender, why? 333 00:20:48,398 --> 00:20:50,888 You know, is absolutely is absolutely amazing. 334 00:20:50,888 --> 00:20:52,418 He is going somewhere. 335 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,218 He is firm. 336 00:20:54,218 --> 00:20:55,458 Yeah, he's done. 337 00:20:55,458 --> 00:20:57,230 But when applied. 338 00:20:57,230 --> 00:21:01,970 to and it goes against how you perceive that this person ought to present 339 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:07,870 themselves and bring what they bring to the table and then becomes a negative that 340 00:21:07,870 --> 00:21:14,150 oftentimes people will want you to own when it's their vision that they're 341 00:21:14,150 --> 00:21:17,370 looking to have you minimize and fit into that box. 342 00:21:17,370 --> 00:21:22,850 So it's so important that again, women, regardless of where you are in your 343 00:21:22,850 --> 00:21:26,510 journey, that you hear and understand that it is. 344 00:21:26,510 --> 00:21:32,050 You know, it is not a compliment to say or believe that if you, if you would place 345 00:21:32,050 --> 00:21:38,370 that same conversation on another gender in a positive way, but it becomes negative 346 00:21:38,370 --> 00:21:44,310 when you talk to Monica, because Monica, you have a strong personality. 347 00:21:44,710 --> 00:21:45,740 what does that say? 348 00:21:45,740 --> 00:21:48,850 I mean, I think again, it goes back to continuous learning. 349 00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:55,030 And I'm so glad that a number of employers and industries are taking a look at this, 350 00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:55,310 but. 351 00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:59,750 in the midst of this where it's not being looked at, it's wreaking a lot of havoc. 352 00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:00,410 absolutely. 353 00:22:00,410 --> 00:22:05,890 And you know, I will even take it outside of gender or race or ethnicity. 354 00:22:05,890 --> 00:22:10,150 You talk about, you think about a socioeconomic class, you know. 355 00:22:10,910 --> 00:22:12,430 I was a single mom. 356 00:22:12,430 --> 00:22:17,810 I just, I hid that for a long time because as single parents or as parents in 357 00:22:17,810 --> 00:22:22,110 general, sometimes you don't get the sexy projects because, she has a kid, so she's 358 00:22:22,110 --> 00:22:25,166 not going to be able to travel or she this or. 359 00:22:25,166 --> 00:22:28,746 she's taking care of her parents or so, you know, you, we have to keep those 360 00:22:28,746 --> 00:22:35,366 things top of mind, opposed to making an assumption about a single parent or an 361 00:22:35,366 --> 00:22:37,806 individual that are caring for their parents. 362 00:22:38,006 --> 00:22:39,586 You can't make that assumption. 363 00:22:39,586 --> 00:22:40,906 You just have that conversation. 364 00:22:40,906 --> 00:22:42,426 Hey, we have this project coming up. 365 00:22:42,426 --> 00:22:44,006 You're the best person for it. 366 00:22:44,006 --> 00:22:44,936 Just let me know. 367 00:22:44,936 --> 00:22:47,494 Is this something that you're interested in? 368 00:22:48,942 --> 00:22:53,362 So what do you think about, again, you know, it's important for women to 369 00:22:53,362 --> 00:22:58,602 recognize one, as we've talked about these challenges, but addressing it because 370 00:22:58,602 --> 00:23:00,962 that's a whole nother layer. 371 00:23:01,682 --> 00:23:08,862 I, you know, you hear it, you read it, you see it, you experience it of addressing it 372 00:23:08,862 --> 00:23:11,062 in your professional workspace. 373 00:23:11,062 --> 00:23:16,302 You know, I have heard from a variety of goes across sectors, women that say, I 374 00:23:16,302 --> 00:23:18,662 just chose to lead the job. 375 00:23:18,894 --> 00:23:23,954 didn't fight it, didn't, you know, just didn't speak up about it and just chose to 376 00:23:23,954 --> 00:23:28,494 leave the job because in their mind, you know, it's just toxic and it's ruining my 377 00:23:28,494 --> 00:23:29,204 mental health. 378 00:23:29,204 --> 00:23:32,494 And I think a lot of, again, mental health is important. 379 00:23:32,494 --> 00:23:37,294 You know, the fact that it's off the radar now, it is so important and that it 380 00:23:37,294 --> 00:23:39,514 matters where you are in that space. 381 00:23:39,514 --> 00:23:44,014 But, you know, what do you say about that for women being able to recognize and 382 00:23:44,014 --> 00:23:44,654 address it? 383 00:23:44,654 --> 00:23:46,074 What are some tips? 384 00:23:46,606 --> 00:23:49,116 I went through those different phases in my 20s. 385 00:23:49,116 --> 00:23:51,186 It was just like, okay, I'm gonna fly under the radar. 386 00:23:51,186 --> 00:23:53,526 I'm just gonna ignore it. 387 00:23:53,526 --> 00:23:56,294 And as I became more comfortable. 388 00:23:59,182 --> 00:24:02,762 And I took on a responsibility to educate. 389 00:24:02,762 --> 00:24:04,272 I took on that responsibility. 390 00:24:04,272 --> 00:24:09,242 Not everybody is in the space, the mental health space. 391 00:24:09,942 --> 00:24:12,182 there are some people that are still angry about things. 392 00:24:12,182 --> 00:24:17,082 And so to teach, teach someone is not where they are right now. 393 00:24:17,082 --> 00:24:22,842 And so probably in, and I'm just putting it in age range because I got more 394 00:24:22,842 --> 00:24:27,918 comfortable with myself at my, in my forties, became C suite. 395 00:24:27,918 --> 00:24:32,338 I'm not my doctorate degree and I'm like, okay, I'm not angry anymore. 396 00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:34,058 And so I'm willing to teach. 397 00:24:34,058 --> 00:24:38,318 I'm willing to own that, you know, whether I'm on a cruise ship and somebody asked to 398 00:24:38,318 --> 00:24:42,278 touch my braids, is it mine or I am in the office. 399 00:24:42,278 --> 00:24:47,638 And because I've gone natural with my hair, not blown in out, someone said, did 400 00:24:47,638 --> 00:24:48,358 you cut your hair? 401 00:24:48,358 --> 00:24:49,178 And I'm like, no. 402 00:24:49,178 --> 00:24:52,438 So let me tell you about, so that's teaching I have owned. 403 00:24:52,438 --> 00:24:56,798 I have within my forties, when I turned 40, I decided that I was going to own 404 00:24:56,798 --> 00:24:57,788 teaching. 405 00:24:57,838 --> 00:24:59,598 It takes a level of courage. 406 00:24:59,598 --> 00:25:04,698 It takes a level of compassion and it takes patience to be able to teach. 407 00:25:04,698 --> 00:25:10,478 And so, you know, when it comes to an organization, if something is, I'm also an 408 00:25:10,478 --> 00:25:11,288 active ally. 409 00:25:11,288 --> 00:25:15,938 It may not even be done to me, but I'm speaking up because the first time is 410 00:25:15,938 --> 00:25:17,378 shame on them. 411 00:25:17,838 --> 00:25:21,008 The second time is shame on me because I didn't address that. 412 00:25:21,008 --> 00:25:23,598 So we're teaching people how to treat us. 413 00:25:23,598 --> 00:25:25,908 We have to teach people how to treat us. 414 00:25:25,908 --> 00:25:27,502 And so I've, 415 00:25:27,502 --> 00:25:32,102 I have addressed situations in two ways. 416 00:25:32,102 --> 00:25:38,802 One, depending on who it is and how many people are in the room and how many people 417 00:25:38,802 --> 00:25:40,262 it impacted. 418 00:25:40,282 --> 00:25:46,562 I am comfortable enough to say, Kimberly, did you mean to say that? 419 00:25:46,762 --> 00:25:50,562 Or Kimberly, do you mind if I chime in? 420 00:25:50,722 --> 00:25:52,392 This is what I heard you say. 421 00:25:52,392 --> 00:25:55,814 And I just need to tell you how, how that made me feel. 422 00:25:57,442 --> 00:26:03,202 that's not always the time or the place, you know, I will also grab someone that 423 00:26:03,202 --> 00:26:08,882 after meeting conversation, Hey, Kimberly, do you mind if I walked to your office 424 00:26:08,882 --> 00:26:09,672 with you? 425 00:26:09,672 --> 00:26:12,142 I just need, cause I saw a couple of faces. 426 00:26:12,142 --> 00:26:14,918 I just need to share something with you. 427 00:26:16,974 --> 00:26:21,874 And so in your role, and I want the listeners to appreciate this, that even if 428 00:26:21,874 --> 00:26:26,533 it's not being imposed upon you, or the fact of the matter is that there is 429 00:26:26,533 --> 00:26:27,274 advocacy. 430 00:26:27,274 --> 00:26:33,353 And that goes to the point that though, Say More is focused on women and the 431 00:26:33,353 --> 00:26:38,614 journey, we realize that there are a number, a majority of men who are in 432 00:26:38,614 --> 00:26:43,434 leadership roles at the C -suite level and are the, you know, chief executive 433 00:26:43,434 --> 00:26:46,158 officers where it's important. 434 00:26:46,158 --> 00:26:48,378 that they too can call it out. 435 00:26:48,378 --> 00:26:54,277 So everybody has this responsibility to call it out because again, in all the 436 00:26:54,277 --> 00:26:57,738 conversations that I've had, you would say, yes, and it's happened to this person 437 00:26:57,738 --> 00:26:58,858 and it's happened to this person. 438 00:26:58,858 --> 00:27:00,418 And you're like, what do they do? 439 00:27:00,418 --> 00:27:01,698 we all left. 440 00:27:01,878 --> 00:27:08,678 And so we all left is not, you know, advocacy or it's not standing up for 441 00:27:08,678 --> 00:27:09,578 yourself. 442 00:27:09,578 --> 00:27:10,138 It is. 443 00:27:10,138 --> 00:27:14,498 And sometimes I will say that that's, you know, that's all you can do. 444 00:27:15,886 --> 00:27:18,366 It was just like, you know what? 445 00:27:19,126 --> 00:27:22,806 It's just, it's just time. 446 00:27:22,806 --> 00:27:26,306 We'll just have to leave them to their devices on their own. 447 00:27:26,306 --> 00:27:26,586 Yeah. 448 00:27:26,586 --> 00:27:28,026 Let somebody else fix them. 449 00:27:28,026 --> 00:27:31,266 So, you know, I'm glad that you pointed that out. 450 00:27:31,266 --> 00:27:35,896 When you think about microaggressions, you know, they can have a significant impact, 451 00:27:35,896 --> 00:27:39,426 as you mentioned on confidence, sense of belonging in the workplace. 452 00:27:39,426 --> 00:27:44,238 You know, you mentioned that you have experienced that and. 453 00:27:44,238 --> 00:27:47,058 How did you respond in those instances? 454 00:27:47,058 --> 00:27:51,738 And was there any advocacy that you felt coming from anybody else was again, it's 455 00:27:51,738 --> 00:27:56,398 about how do we help someone else that may be experiencing it going through the 456 00:27:56,398 --> 00:27:59,598 journey or if you're on the other side of it and it's not happening to you, how do 457 00:27:59,598 --> 00:28:03,998 you become an advocate and support someone else who may be experiencing it? 458 00:28:03,998 --> 00:28:06,958 So I'll talk about it in two with two lenses. 459 00:28:06,958 --> 00:28:11,438 One, I was fortunate to be in a CDO role. 460 00:28:11,438 --> 00:28:14,010 And so was my, so I had the power. 461 00:28:14,158 --> 00:28:18,358 had the authority to be able to speak up. 462 00:28:18,358 --> 00:28:19,528 And that's at different levels. 463 00:28:19,528 --> 00:28:25,078 Now, keep in mind, my speak up, maybe can I share your story without sharing the 464 00:28:25,078 --> 00:28:26,038 character's name? 465 00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:32,038 A lot of times I would share behaviors and the impacts without sharing individuals' 466 00:28:32,038 --> 00:28:32,678 names. 467 00:28:32,678 --> 00:28:36,998 So that senior leaders would understand it's not just happening in Hollywood or 468 00:28:36,998 --> 00:28:37,678 the newsletters. 469 00:28:37,678 --> 00:28:41,238 There are some things that are happening right within our four walls. 470 00:28:41,238 --> 00:28:43,398 And so... 471 00:28:45,006 --> 00:28:49,166 I've gone into roles saying, and let me back up. 472 00:28:49,166 --> 00:28:56,646 There was a CHRO that said as a chief diversity officer or working in the 473 00:28:56,646 --> 00:29:04,746 diversity space, if you are always making people comfortable, you're not doing your 474 00:29:04,746 --> 00:29:05,746 job. 475 00:29:06,066 --> 00:29:10,628 So I went into these roles saying, okay. 476 00:29:11,182 --> 00:29:15,141 I'm not meeting people where they are because then that's status quo. 477 00:29:15,141 --> 00:29:16,312 That's not my role. 478 00:29:16,312 --> 00:29:20,342 My role is to now I'm not going from zero to 100. 479 00:29:20,342 --> 00:29:23,342 I might go to 20 to 30 and then move. 480 00:29:23,342 --> 00:29:27,161 So do you think that am I going to get fired thing? 481 00:29:27,161 --> 00:29:31,672 Is that more, you know, when you talk about whether it's unconscious bias, 482 00:29:31,672 --> 00:29:36,082 whether it's microaggressions, imposter syndrome, is it a combination? 483 00:29:36,082 --> 00:29:36,412 Is it? 484 00:29:36,412 --> 00:29:39,406 And here's the thing, you know, you have to ask yourself. 485 00:29:39,406 --> 00:29:44,606 you know, in an order for point of fairness, you know, what it happened, if 486 00:29:44,606 --> 00:29:48,806 it were a different gender, different group, whatever the case may be, what's 487 00:29:48,806 --> 00:29:55,966 your baseline for figuring out that, you know what, you know, job related or other 488 00:29:55,966 --> 00:29:57,356 factors that relate. 489 00:29:57,356 --> 00:29:58,046 Sure. 490 00:29:58,146 --> 00:30:04,226 And I've always kept a circle within the organization, a circle of trusted advisors 491 00:30:04,226 --> 00:30:05,426 is what I'll call them. 492 00:30:05,426 --> 00:30:07,790 Board of directors, I've heard different terms. 493 00:30:07,790 --> 00:30:10,250 inside the organization and external. 494 00:30:10,250 --> 00:30:19,230 Also keep in mind, my trusted circle that tribe spans the gamut in diversity, male, 495 00:30:19,230 --> 00:30:20,340 female, black, white. 496 00:30:20,340 --> 00:30:22,030 So it spans the gamut. 497 00:30:22,030 --> 00:30:25,590 So there's still a lot of times that I'm like, okay, am I being too sensitive? 498 00:30:25,650 --> 00:30:27,310 Let me know, just be honest. 499 00:30:27,310 --> 00:30:29,050 Am I being too sensitive? 500 00:30:29,050 --> 00:30:35,870 But I've also found a way when reporting to a CHRO or someone that is a decision 501 00:30:35,870 --> 00:30:36,558 maker, 502 00:30:36,558 --> 00:30:41,838 In this space, when we're talking about diversity and inclusivity, I've always 503 00:30:41,838 --> 00:30:44,278 come to solutioning in two ways. 504 00:30:44,278 --> 00:30:48,578 I'll go and tell this individual, okay, this is how I feel, because they need to 505 00:30:48,578 --> 00:30:54,278 know how I feel as a woman, as a woman of color, as a divorcee, as a single parent. 506 00:30:54,278 --> 00:30:56,768 Like, I need you to understand the context. 507 00:30:56,768 --> 00:30:58,098 This is how I'm feeling. 508 00:30:58,098 --> 00:30:59,258 This is how I feel. 509 00:30:59,258 --> 00:31:02,818 But then I can put on that logical hat and say, okay, so this is what I think we 510 00:31:02,818 --> 00:31:03,998 should do. 511 00:31:04,942 --> 00:31:10,392 Right again, I'm able to kind of compartmentalize in this particular role. 512 00:31:10,392 --> 00:31:13,892 I can't say that I was always this courageous. 513 00:31:13,892 --> 00:31:16,902 I can't say that I was always this logical. 514 00:31:16,902 --> 00:31:21,561 I can't say that I could always separate the logic from the emotion. 515 00:31:21,722 --> 00:31:27,202 But with maturity, and for me, when I say maturity, I'm not talking about age. 516 00:31:27,202 --> 00:31:32,402 I'm talking about having gone through different experiences and understanding, 517 00:31:32,402 --> 00:31:33,934 you know, what 518 00:31:33,934 --> 00:31:36,824 starting with the end in mind, what do I want to accomplish? 519 00:31:36,824 --> 00:31:37,594 What's my goal? 520 00:31:37,594 --> 00:31:39,074 What's my goal here? 521 00:31:39,074 --> 00:31:40,444 Always kind of that logic. 522 00:31:40,444 --> 00:31:41,464 What's my goal here? 523 00:31:41,464 --> 00:31:46,574 I could be, I could be emotional and just be that angry black woman. 524 00:31:46,694 --> 00:31:48,154 but what am I getting from that? 525 00:31:48,154 --> 00:31:54,454 If, if, if I demonstrate those behaviors, so I'm able to, again, I, I always feel 526 00:31:54,454 --> 00:32:01,074 that whoever it is needs to know how that behavior made me feel, but all the, let's 527 00:32:01,074 --> 00:32:02,766 figure out how we work through this. 528 00:32:02,766 --> 00:32:05,190 not only for me, but for the greater good. 529 00:32:06,766 --> 00:32:11,086 So when you think about, and you've talked about this, you know, mentors and having 530 00:32:11,086 --> 00:32:17,786 that network or tribe, that can certainly be invaluable for helping you, you know, 531 00:32:17,786 --> 00:32:21,046 someone who may be experiencing this to overcome some of these obstacles. 532 00:32:21,046 --> 00:32:27,166 You know, when you think about some of the challenges that you face, your network and 533 00:32:27,166 --> 00:32:29,186 you've talked about has been absolutely critical. 534 00:32:29,186 --> 00:32:34,894 How would, or what advice would you give our listeners on coming up with that? 535 00:32:34,894 --> 00:32:42,094 trusted tribe or group because for many I have heard their stories of where it just 536 00:32:42,094 --> 00:32:47,774 totally backfired and what was thought to be trusted was not so trusted. 537 00:32:47,774 --> 00:32:52,974 So, you know, any tips there because, you know, we want to talk about, you know, the 538 00:32:52,974 --> 00:32:54,994 real what happens there. 539 00:32:54,994 --> 00:32:56,774 There's theory and there's reality. 540 00:32:56,774 --> 00:32:57,144 Right. 541 00:32:57,144 --> 00:32:58,094 So, right. 542 00:32:58,094 --> 00:33:01,862 So I, so I trust but verify. 543 00:33:02,766 --> 00:33:07,746 So in this respect, because there's trust with Verify and work and everything, but 544 00:33:07,746 --> 00:33:10,886 when you're talking about relationships, there's trust, but verify as well. 545 00:33:10,886 --> 00:33:15,406 So I will tell Kimberly something and I'll wait a week to see if it comes back in 546 00:33:15,406 --> 00:33:16,346 some other fashion. 547 00:33:16,346 --> 00:33:20,356 Exactly what I told her some kind of way is it coming back to me. 548 00:33:20,356 --> 00:33:25,666 So I, you know, it's unfortunate that we have to do this, but I trust, but I verify 549 00:33:25,666 --> 00:33:30,606 and you know, and it's my circle is small. 550 00:33:30,606 --> 00:33:33,706 Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about 50, 60 people. 551 00:33:33,706 --> 00:33:38,626 Now, do I have friends or individuals that I can tap into? 552 00:33:38,826 --> 00:33:38,986 Absolutely. 553 00:33:38,986 --> 00:33:45,246 But this circle is a very small circle that consists of some of my family 554 00:33:45,246 --> 00:33:48,426 members, because I know they will tell me, my little brother will tell me the 555 00:33:48,426 --> 00:33:50,586 absolute honest to goodness truth. 556 00:33:50,586 --> 00:33:53,366 He doesn't care if he hurts my feelings. 557 00:33:54,358 --> 00:33:59,198 but he also has a business sense and I know he has my best interest in mind. 558 00:33:59,198 --> 00:34:03,478 And then I have like a Becky Corbin. 559 00:34:03,478 --> 00:34:08,388 So, you know, she's someone that I went through the doctoral program with. 560 00:34:08,388 --> 00:34:13,018 So I spent three, almost four years with her. 561 00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:14,558 She doesn't look like me. 562 00:34:14,558 --> 00:34:21,070 She comes from a different economic class than I do, but she's able to push me. 563 00:34:21,070 --> 00:34:23,910 She's able to give me different insights. 564 00:34:23,910 --> 00:34:25,710 Am I being super sensitive? 565 00:34:25,710 --> 00:34:30,350 But I'm also able to lend her credibility in spaces that she wants to enter, where 566 00:34:30,350 --> 00:34:36,390 she's able to lend me her social capital credibility to get into places that I want 567 00:34:36,390 --> 00:34:37,430 to get into. 568 00:34:37,430 --> 00:34:42,030 And so, and it's not I'm her friend because I can get something from her, nor 569 00:34:42,030 --> 00:34:43,350 is it the converse. 570 00:34:43,350 --> 00:34:46,810 It is we are great friends and how can I help you? 571 00:34:46,810 --> 00:34:48,870 How can I be of service to you? 572 00:34:50,030 --> 00:34:51,870 I love that you pointed that out. 573 00:34:51,870 --> 00:34:56,530 And again, I want the listeners to embrace and to understand because when I think 574 00:34:56,530 --> 00:35:02,190 about and reflect on my own personal journey and the role of mentors, my 575 00:35:02,190 --> 00:35:04,990 mentors have been a different gender. 576 00:35:04,990 --> 00:35:07,210 They've been males. 577 00:35:07,990 --> 00:35:14,330 They've been white males for that, when thinking about that. 578 00:35:14,690 --> 00:35:18,510 And just a sprinkle there, and some black males as well. 579 00:35:18,510 --> 00:35:22,290 and how important that to have that trusted circle. 580 00:35:22,290 --> 00:35:27,590 But I think it also gives us an opportunity because I focus in on 581 00:35:27,590 --> 00:35:32,830 mentoring and supporting other women because I think when you talk about some 582 00:35:32,830 --> 00:35:38,570 of these challenges, unconscious bias, microaggressions, these aren't male, you 583 00:35:38,570 --> 00:35:42,010 know, what we something that we're going to put in a box for men because the same 584 00:35:42,010 --> 00:35:46,270 thing can happen with women versus and with other women. 585 00:35:46,270 --> 00:35:47,342 And so, 586 00:35:47,342 --> 00:35:52,622 It's important that we know what it feels like with a different gender, but that we 587 00:35:52,622 --> 00:35:57,882 also look at and reflect that, you know, depending upon the role that you're in and 588 00:35:57,882 --> 00:36:04,102 even if you're front line, being able to call it out again, of course, having tact 589 00:36:04,102 --> 00:36:05,762 for what it is. 590 00:36:05,762 --> 00:36:11,662 So your thoughts related to just, you know, self -awareness, you know, what are 591 00:36:11,662 --> 00:36:15,522 some tips that if, you know, maybe this has not been your journey, this has not 592 00:36:15,522 --> 00:36:17,134 been your walk, but. 593 00:36:17,134 --> 00:36:22,994 you are in a position to provide advocacy, you are in a leadership role, and you want 594 00:36:22,994 --> 00:36:29,614 to better understand how you can avoid either doing it, being a part of it, or 595 00:36:29,614 --> 00:36:35,934 just making sure as an organizational leader that you are helping the 596 00:36:35,934 --> 00:36:38,674 organization to understand and educate. 597 00:36:38,674 --> 00:36:39,574 What are your thoughts? 598 00:36:39,574 --> 00:36:41,786 So on self -reflection. 599 00:36:44,814 --> 00:36:48,214 So I've started going to the gym, well, it's been about a year. 600 00:36:48,214 --> 00:36:54,994 So you've got to find that space or that place where you can just remove all of the 601 00:36:54,994 --> 00:36:55,994 noise. 602 00:36:55,994 --> 00:37:00,214 Even though the gym for most people isn't removing the noise, that is just my form 603 00:37:00,214 --> 00:37:01,023 of meditation. 604 00:37:01,023 --> 00:37:03,904 And I do a lot of self -reflection there. 605 00:37:03,904 --> 00:37:09,674 I do a lot of Ted talking and then reflecting or reading and then reflecting. 606 00:37:09,674 --> 00:37:13,894 And so what I always think about, I ask myself, 607 00:37:14,414 --> 00:37:15,856 Two questions. 608 00:37:17,390 --> 00:37:20,790 Lastly, three, what am I grateful for? 609 00:37:20,790 --> 00:37:21,850 What am I doing well? 610 00:37:21,850 --> 00:37:22,940 What am I grateful for? 611 00:37:22,940 --> 00:37:24,510 What am I doing well? 612 00:37:24,510 --> 00:37:27,240 I ask myself, what am I not doing well? 613 00:37:27,240 --> 00:37:29,210 What would I want to do differently? 614 00:37:29,370 --> 00:37:38,290 But I also ask myself in that challenging space, what role did I play in that? 615 00:37:38,470 --> 00:37:40,450 And what would I do differently? 616 00:37:41,110 --> 00:37:43,296 Because even, 617 00:37:43,502 --> 00:37:49,012 in those hiccup moments is what I'll call them those hiccup moments. 618 00:37:49,982 --> 00:37:54,582 You have to own what what was yours what is yours what was my role in this what 619 00:37:54,582 --> 00:38:01,202 I've done differently to garner a different result or maybe I did again we 620 00:38:01,202 --> 00:38:06,722 talked about leaving a job I did all that I could mentally and physically do without 621 00:38:06,722 --> 00:38:08,242 harming myself. 622 00:38:08,462 --> 00:38:10,292 I did all that I could do. 623 00:38:10,292 --> 00:38:13,902 And so it was just time to say goodbye, farewell. 624 00:38:13,902 --> 00:38:17,022 It's time for a new regime, whatever it is. 625 00:38:17,261 --> 00:38:19,002 So those are the three things. 626 00:38:19,002 --> 00:38:20,362 What am I grateful for? 627 00:38:20,362 --> 00:38:21,722 What am I doing well? 628 00:38:21,722 --> 00:38:24,762 What are those hiccup moments and what was my role in those? 629 00:38:24,762 --> 00:38:30,682 But I've also learned that I have to give myself space and grace because I have a 630 00:38:30,682 --> 00:38:36,162 tendency and with high ethics, high performing teams and individuals, we take 631 00:38:36,162 --> 00:38:37,550 everything personally. 632 00:38:37,550 --> 00:38:38,930 Everything is personal. 633 00:38:38,930 --> 00:38:39,260 Right. 634 00:38:39,260 --> 00:38:43,750 And I'm learning that work is work. 635 00:38:43,750 --> 00:38:47,410 I've got to find a way to leave work with work. 636 00:38:47,410 --> 00:38:48,990 It is not personal. 637 00:38:48,990 --> 00:38:53,509 If somebody else was doing the same thing, these people would be mad at them too. 638 00:38:53,509 --> 00:38:54,900 So it's not about Monica. 639 00:38:54,900 --> 00:38:56,890 It's about the role and the work. 640 00:38:56,890 --> 00:39:00,920 And I'm learning to disconnect those two. 641 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,000 It's hard. 642 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,726 It's hard. 643 00:39:03,726 --> 00:39:08,646 because of who I am, I take things personally, this is my job, but I've gotta 644 00:39:08,646 --> 00:39:10,586 learn to disconnect. 645 00:39:11,246 --> 00:39:15,686 And sometimes I don't let go fast enough. 646 00:39:16,586 --> 00:39:23,686 So for those that are listening, and again, those three questions I think will 647 00:39:23,686 --> 00:39:31,606 be critical, but when you talk about wits in, that's a huge step for a lot of 648 00:39:31,606 --> 00:39:32,528 people. 649 00:39:32,974 --> 00:39:36,374 you know, what went into your, you know, mindset? 650 00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:40,494 Was that a quick decision or was that one that you labored over? 651 00:39:40,494 --> 00:39:41,874 For which one? 652 00:39:42,494 --> 00:39:44,384 The question regarding, you know what? 653 00:39:44,384 --> 00:39:45,854 You're at your wits end. 654 00:39:45,854 --> 00:39:48,154 You know, you're at your wits end. 655 00:39:48,154 --> 00:39:53,894 You, you know, was that something that you labored over or was that something that 656 00:39:53,894 --> 00:39:54,924 was well thought out? 657 00:39:54,924 --> 00:39:56,014 And again, it. 658 00:39:56,014 --> 00:40:00,054 It really, it will be different for a lot of people, but I also tend to believe just 659 00:40:00,054 --> 00:40:03,794 by way of conversations that for a lot of people, it's the same thing too. 660 00:40:03,794 --> 00:40:05,214 You're what's in. 661 00:40:05,214 --> 00:40:05,754 So yeah. 662 00:40:05,754 --> 00:40:06,914 Yeah. 663 00:40:08,274 --> 00:40:11,054 hi, my name is Monica and I have a problem with letting go. 664 00:40:11,054 --> 00:40:16,674 So that's again, because I'm a, I'm a nurturer. 665 00:40:16,674 --> 00:40:17,604 I'm an empath. 666 00:40:17,604 --> 00:40:19,064 I'm like, okay, I can do this. 667 00:40:19,064 --> 00:40:20,434 I can help here. 668 00:40:20,434 --> 00:40:21,998 And so it. 669 00:40:21,998 --> 00:40:24,058 It was not an easy decision. 670 00:40:24,058 --> 00:40:28,918 It was a decision I labored and in some cases cried over. 671 00:40:28,918 --> 00:40:31,218 I'll just be completely honest. 672 00:40:31,738 --> 00:40:40,238 It was I'm a failure because I couldn't or that I decided like I was a failure. 673 00:40:40,238 --> 00:40:44,018 So again, all this imposter syndrome comes into play. 674 00:40:44,158 --> 00:40:49,658 But it was a decision that I labored over for quite some time. 675 00:40:49,658 --> 00:40:50,708 But. 676 00:40:53,262 --> 00:40:58,062 I hadn't set boundaries for myself or for the organization. 677 00:40:58,362 --> 00:41:01,962 So, you know, self -care is not self -ish. 678 00:41:02,062 --> 00:41:07,862 It is ensuring that you're the best person that you can be for them, whoever the them 679 00:41:07,862 --> 00:41:08,722 is. 680 00:41:08,722 --> 00:41:14,342 And so there were some personal realizations that came to me, because I'm 681 00:41:14,342 --> 00:41:20,270 a hard head, you know, whether you believe in karma, whether you believe in God. 682 00:41:20,270 --> 00:41:24,350 You know, there are certain things that have to happen to me for me to let go. 683 00:41:24,350 --> 00:41:28,850 And so, you know, I hadn't been to the doctors in quite some time. 684 00:41:28,850 --> 00:41:30,530 I had gained a whole bunch of weight. 685 00:41:30,530 --> 00:41:31,460 I was stressed. 686 00:41:31,460 --> 00:41:32,860 My blood pressure was crazy. 687 00:41:32,860 --> 00:41:38,170 And so all of those were contributing factors into me holding on and staying 688 00:41:38,170 --> 00:41:41,050 longer than I should have. 689 00:41:41,290 --> 00:41:46,890 But so talk about, you know, because beauty for ashes, you know, that whole 690 00:41:46,890 --> 00:41:49,262 piece of. 691 00:41:49,262 --> 00:41:53,062 the I think about how things have evolved since then. 692 00:41:53,062 --> 00:41:58,702 And so share with our listeners about the doorway that it opened for you and how 693 00:41:58,702 --> 00:42:04,542 you're really using it as a tool to empower other people. 694 00:42:04,702 --> 00:42:09,662 So I had I had actually incorporated back in like 2014. 695 00:42:09,662 --> 00:42:14,002 And so I said, I'm going to do a and strategy, which means I'm going to work 696 00:42:14,002 --> 00:42:17,198 corporate and I'm going to work. 697 00:42:17,198 --> 00:42:19,558 my organization, which is impacting squared. 698 00:42:19,558 --> 00:42:22,878 If you impact the employee, you will impact the organization. 699 00:42:22,878 --> 00:42:26,018 And so that didn't work very well. 700 00:42:26,558 --> 00:42:30,038 cause I was totally consumed with my full time gig. 701 00:42:30,598 --> 00:42:33,488 so then, then I decided, you know what? 702 00:42:33,738 --> 00:42:35,418 it's, it's time. 703 00:42:35,418 --> 00:42:36,718 I'm comfortable. 704 00:42:36,718 --> 00:42:41,938 I'm confident in 2023, my word for the year was courage. 705 00:42:42,018 --> 00:42:46,124 And so I found the courage to leave. 706 00:42:46,126 --> 00:42:50,806 come back to my organ at my LLC, my firm full time. 707 00:42:50,806 --> 00:43:00,586 And so in that transition, it, my question was, how can I be of service to the Monica 708 00:43:00,586 --> 00:43:04,836 in 2020? 709 00:43:04,836 --> 00:43:10,366 I love that how you were able to channel that energy in such a powerful way and how 710 00:43:10,366 --> 00:43:13,506 it's creating impact beyond. 711 00:43:13,506 --> 00:43:15,406 And so again, say more. 712 00:43:15,406 --> 00:43:21,046 It is about the journey that we all take and how it looks is very different, but I 713 00:43:21,046 --> 00:43:25,246 think we owe it to each other when we talk about being our sister's keeper. 714 00:43:25,246 --> 00:43:31,646 So that is actually the close of our Save More podcast. 715 00:43:31,646 --> 00:43:36,546 We're so again, excited to have you join us for the kickoff. 716 00:43:36,546 --> 00:43:42,326 And I know that the listeners will be not only excited to learn more about what 717 00:43:42,326 --> 00:43:44,878 you're doing and what you've already shared. 718 00:43:44,878 --> 00:43:49,278 but also for the great speakers and sharers that will be coming up in future 719 00:43:49,278 --> 00:43:50,438 episodes. 720 00:43:50,438 --> 00:43:55,878 Again, say more, brought to you by Envision More, consulting group where we 721 00:43:55,878 --> 00:43:58,098 bring your bold visions to life.