There is very little time or point in an explanation. To be blunt,
the audio came from a timeline and dimension that has collapsed
at a quantum level, rendering it null and void in terms of existence.
Operational time in the dimensional continuum where the beings that
created the audio collapsed in on itself, rendering all of their
civilization, including technology, null and void.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and
changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema
syll.
10 years. Man 10. 10 years.
10 years. Man 10 years. 10 years.
10. 10 years. 10 years.
What is the most likely way humanity will be wiped out? Maybe it's something.
Or us. Although the way the world ends might be because of you.
And if this is the case, you. Wouldn'T have any control over it.
The global temperature rise underscores a chilling reality.
Our planet is trying to tell us something, but we don't seem
to be listening. A recent study has suggested that one. Third of annual deaths due
to heat are directly related to global warming.
On top of the initial flash of thermonuclear
light, which is 180 million degrees, which catches every everything on
fire in a nine mile diameter radius. On top
of the bulldozing effect of the wind and all the buildings coming down,
and more fires igniting more fires on top of the radiation if
they happen to have survived poisoning people to death. On top of all that,
each one of these fires creates a mega fire
that is a hundred or more square miles.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and
changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers. On Cinema
PsyOps a breathtaking scientific revolution is
taking place. Biotechnology has been progressing
at stunning speed, giving us the tools to eventually gain
control over biology. Solving the deadliest diseases
while also creating viruses more dangerous than nuclear bombs,
able to devastate humanity. It's man returning
to the most primal, violent state as
people fight over the tiny resources
that remain. What if the world we live in. Is just a dream or a
simulation? Whether it's a dream or some advanced. Computer game you are
playing right now. When it ends, you would be what causes the end
of the world. Please do us all a favor. Continue dreaming
or playing this game of life. Because when you wake up or unplug.
There'S a chance the rest of us. Will be blaked out of existence. Timelines across
the entire continuum are collapsing and changing. The destruction has
a nexus that centers on Cinema syn.
10 years. 10 years. Hello,
hello and welcome to the 495th consecutive
week of Cinema Psyops. I'm your host, Court, the guy
that's super Stoked to be closing out the Daimajin
series with Daimajin Strikes again. And joining me in the joy of
listening to those annoying fucking kids make a ton of fucking noise and winking us
all wish they were dead. As my co host, Matt, kill all the children.
Wait, what? I'm sorry, did I say that? Yeah.
So is that loud? Yeah. These kids are so goddamn annoying.
I celebrated bad things happening to them
while watch in my notes. Yeah, I'm just saying it. Yeah,
Listen, it's almost as bad as my
next week's movie when she yells Kong all the time. Almost made
me want to scratch my ears out. This is. This is worse.
Very grating, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll. We'll talk about.
Maybe we will. We'll talk about how grating her voice was, but this
is terrible. This is. Yes. So we have
literally clipped almost all of the dialogue. Like I did the last Time Machine
movie I covered. Only this time I recorded every fucking
noise those children make because if I had to sit through it, so does the
rest of you. God damn, you are a cold blooded son of a bitch.
You know what? Send Imagine after me for doing it to you too. But everybody.
Yeah, I'm going to have to. Yeah, it's going to happen.
I will say, though, it's worth the wait, folks, this movie's worth it.
You just. You got to get through it. And then. Yeah, it's worth it.
We'll just. We won't beat around the bush about that at all. It's worth it.
It'll happen. Yeah, we just have to be patient. I'm ready to go. Let's do
it. All right, So I have 21 fucking clips
because like I said, every, pretty much every bit of dialogue is. Is recorded.
There's one or two lines of dialogue that I did not record. So not all
of them are going to be super long. But there's a lot of clips to
get through, folks. There's a lot of movie to get through and unfortunately, most of
it is a bunch of whiny, annoying kids. But it's worth it, I promise.
It's. It is what it is. All right, so this week for the Pirate
radio edit like we've been doing all along, all signs songs from 1966,
the year that Dimajin Strikes Again was released. Up first
is the band the Music Machine with the song Talk Talk immediately following this
on the Pirate Radio. Eduard, you have once
again defied Legion podcast.
Sorry, had something in my throat. Hey,
Matt in court. Listen up, folks. Yeah, yeah, so look
you're new to the network. I've left my messages.
You've gotten emails, some of them late at night. I apologize for that.
Are we even checking that box anymore? Yes, all the time. Dan, really?
Let the man speak. He's gonna just look in.
Maybe I drew first blood calling you garbage people. That did hurt,
however truthful it was. Pull up your big boy podcaster pants.
It's the fact that this show continues to
wallow in the sewage of the podcasting pool.
It's warm. That's who we are, though. It's friendly to us. I mean,
have you looked at the movies you're covering? We watch them both.
They're just as bad as the show. I completely agree.
I'm ruined. People love the show. We're doing really good.
Look, you're right, and that is as confounding
a thing as I have ever come across, because people do, in fact,
seem to be responding to the show. Now, it could be some rubber
necking, let's see them drag the bodies from the wreckage kind of
thing. Love a good accident. I can't make that judgment. I don't know the
psychology of all this, but I can tell you the numbers have been good.
Yeah, I thought you would be happy about that. Why are you more upset with
us? I just can't believe that something like this kind of show,
a show that rebels in grind House in a way that
is almost soft Mark. A show, I might add, that Duncan
McLean has been on at least two times. Wait, is that
what it is, buddy? You want to be on the show? Hey, you okay,
champ? Do you need to have a talk? You can be on the show,
but we didn't think you'd want to. Man, we totally would love to have you
on the show. I mean, gosh, you guys, I just listened to the show,
and I enjoy it so much and never even asked.
We were a little intimidated by you, especially after the garbage people thing.
Buddy, you could totally be on the show. Why don't we grab our baseball
mitts and we'll go out back and throw the ball around, buddy. Then we'll have
some hot chocolate, and you can pick out a movie, and we'll talk about any
movie you want. Okay? We could even have ice cream. Yeah.
And marshmallows in the hot chocolate. Hey, Phyllis, you mean
it? Absolutely. Why don't we go throw a ball around in the backyard
for a little. Bit, and then we'll come back and. Take care of the movie?
All right. Is it okay if we whistle when we go? Oh, we're going to
whistle. All right. All the way. I prefer to whistle in the dark myself,
but we can whistle wherever. Wherever. I love that.
Can't seem to talk about the things that bother me. That seems to be the
thing that people have against me.
Oh, boy, we all good shit. Yeah. Ye. Yeah. I really dig
a lot of that garage rock that came around in the 60s where
there was just these one hit wonders. I've been playing that stuff all along.
Most of the songs that we're gonna be hearing from the 60s is gonna be
coming from the Nuggets, the hidden artifacts box set that was put out
ages ago. So just if anybody's, you know, interested in a lot of that music,
that's where you can get it. Although the kids would probably just search it for
Apple music by name nowadays or whatever. Yeah, all those
get off our lawn. Or maybe Spotify. I don't know who buys it?
Get off our lawn kids. Who buys box sets of CDs anymore but old people
like us? Yeah, all right, enough. Goddamn kids.
Gotta get off our lawn. Yeah. Let's talk about something that's even older than us.
Daimajin strikes again. All right, Broken up into basically
about 30 minute blocks of time. So the film opens on the first
30 minutes with a tremendous storm. And we see the hand of Daimajne
wave into frame and the monsoon conditions that we are seeing immediately
start uprooting trees that then crash into homes
and completely destroy them. That storm then changes into an arctic,
arctic snow blast with the wave of Daimajeen's arm causing an
avalanche that crushes another home. We then get some
dialogue. So that is our first. Oh no.
Majin must be in rage again.
Immediately after this, that avalanche buries that couple and their child
alive in the rubble of their own home. And the snow.
Man, that was really fucking brutal. Yeah. And then
we see those boots of Daimajeen that were made to
walk all over you. Step into frame as the horrific snowstorm
blizzard worsens around him. One could assume he is having a bit
of a vengeful God moment here as the stomp seems to have destroyed a
levee or perhaps a dam that begins to flood an area.
And the people lament their suffering in our second.
Hurry. Come on, hurry.
The mountain God must be angry.
With that prayer. Dine appears and wipes his arms in front
of himself, and the mountains then crumble into a rock slide of epic
proportions. The model work and the destruction of the mountain and the
village is pretty fucking incredible. We. Yeah,
that's Pretty solid scene right there. We even see buildings collapse in
front of frightened villagers. With forced perspective. The villagers pray and lament more
in our.
Oh no. He's coming.
He's hungry. It must be his curse.
It is cursed. The girl is angry.
Blizzards, avalanches,
floods, droughts, earthquakes. All these
disasters were believed to be the work of Majin, the mountain
God. Werner Herzog Guest starring in this film for some reason,
well, that going. He sees in front of him the futility
of life and breathing in its own. And holds his breath as
Daimajin steps forward to crush him with his vengeful boots Made
for walking. All over you. It is a classic tale of woe.
Many say these boots are made for walking.
Oh God, her song is awesome. I need to stop talking shit.
And that's just what they'll do. The third
clip ends and we cut to a dude hiking it through a forest. Then cut
from that. Two townsfolk toiling away in our fourth clip.
I'm starving. Don't be a crybaby.
We have to finish before our brothers come back. He's right.
We really should try and get ready for the winter so that we can celebrate
the New Year. Okay then. I'll work some more. It's Sanpei.
Come on. Help. San. Pei. Brother.
What happened? Hey. You're the only one returned. What about
the others? They were all taken to
Hell's Valley on the other side. On the other side?
We were felling trees in the forest.
Suddenly, Lord Arakawa's men swarmed in and
took all of us away. He's making us build a
big structure in Hell's Valley. A big struct. What is
that for? I don't know. We were forced to work day
and night every day. I barely
got away alive from there to report it to our
own Lord Koyama. But. Hey,
Sanpi. Somebody call the headman
Sanpe. So, do you know if the Lord Koyama is
going there to rescue them? No. Heavy snows
are expected soon. What did you say? Even if he sends
his men, Hels Valley is very far away. If his men
got caught in the snow, they could get trapped and they'd all die.
How cruel. Hell's Valley is close
to his domain. He must be careful.
He said Lord Awakawa may be plotting evil,
but he can't do anything during the snow. Is there any way
they can escape from there? There's one. Go through Majin's
Mountain. You can be serious, Zanpei.
You know that no has ever got even close to that mountain.
Well, I Went through it?
Really? I couldn't take other roads. They were
closely watched. I'd have been killed on the spot if I'd
been found out. Brother. I wanted to go
back to Hell's Valley and help them escape.
But. I'm sorry. Please tell the
men at the valley. Tell them to cross Majin's Mountain.
Majin's Mountain?
Mother. Someone should go there in place of
him. Impossible. Sanpei was the best woodcutter.
Not everyone can cross the mountain. There will be heavy snow
soon. It means death. Besides, what happened to San Pei could
be the curse of the God for crossing the mountain.
Yes. It must be his curse. Brother. Isn't Father
coming home? You don't need to worry about it.
What are you looking at? Is that Majin's mountain?
Soda. Kichi. Are you gonna go to Hell's Valley?
Crossing over the mountain? I would go anywhere
to save Father and the others. Even that mountain.
I'll go too. Kinta. What you got
there? Brother's keepsake. I won't go for him.
Alright, I'll go too. No, you can't go.
Why not? You're too slow. You would be in our way for sure.
No, I wouldn't be. I promise I'll do anything for
my brother too. Quinta. Can I go?
Okay, let's get ready. If our mothers were to find out,
they would be worried. So don't tell them, okay? I am sad to
report these annoying fucking crotch goblins are the main characters of our movie.
And you will be forced to endure everything they say
and how annoying they are. If I had to in order to cover this
film. But did I tell you, like how happy I was that you had to
do the notes for this film? 1 yeah. Because I'm the one
that should be suffering through these annoying kids. Because I'm gonna make it funny for
everybody. That's true. We watch as these
three extremely avoidable sexually transmitted financial
burdens pack up for a journey. They talk some more.
So I guess you know what that means. Yep. Our fifth
clip. Daisoku is always late. I hope
he didn't get caught. Hey. Hey. You awake?
Daisaku. Junk. Get mad. I ran all the
way here. What's this in your bag? It's food.
All of it? Yes. Daisaku. Come on,
let's go before someone finds out.
Sugibou. I want to come with you. No way.
We won't let you go. We're going far away. That's right.
There'd be scary things. You'd just be in the way
I know it. Go. Okay. Oh, by the way, don't tell mother
about this. This. Okay, let's go. Hey, you can't
come. Go home or I'll get mad. Hurry. We better go now.
They cut away from these goonies who are not good enough to a
mining operation of some sort. With many men toiling
away next to a hot spring. It may be a sulfur mine or something.
As they are harvesting a shit ton of yellow stones and the hot springs
point to sulfur, some soldiers come to report to the
obvious villain in charge of this camp. And that is our sixth
foreman. Regarding the woodsman who ran away,
we almost caught him at one point, but. He hid in
the Majin's mountain. You lost him?
No. The mountain is extremely steep. As we heard before.
Once you enter there, it would be really hard to get out.
No one has ever survived the descent. Even we had a very
hard time. Idiots. You came back without seeing
if he was dead. But what if. If he escapes
and reports to Lord Koyama about this? Yes.
If someone finds out, our Lord Arakawa's
plan may be doomed. Idiots.
Toma. Go to Majin's Mountain at once.
If you find his body, that's fine. If you don't,
sneak into Koyama's castle and check thoroughly on the enemies.
Yes. Sounds like he meant.
Yeah. But if he went onto the mountain.
I hope he reaches town safely. Hey, we've come pretty
far. Are you sure this is the right road? Don't worry.
My father told me one time. We can get to Majin's
Mountain by going toward where the sun sets. Then what do we do?
We will keep going farther west. The sulphur springs in
Hell's Valley sends up yellow steam, I hope.
Yellow steam? Let's hurry.
We'll get to the mountain soon. Oh no.
What's up? Right side up means brother's fine, but wrong
side up. Daisaku, you can't rely on that kind of thing.
What if something bad happens to your brother? You idiot.
Hey, we gotta go. After the clip, the kids come upon
a huge rock and boulder pile and climb up it extremely slowly.
As one of them asks if it is Daimajin's mountain that they are looking at.
There are some absolutely breathtaking country countryside shots on this
journey as well, so that's at least enjoyable. If you could just get
those fucking kids to shut the fuck up. The crotch goblins happen upon
an old hermit lady and they all talk. And now that's everybody's
fucking problem. In our seventh clip. What are
you doing, boys? You are not supposed to
be here. This is Majin's mountain. Excuse me,
who are you? I live around here. I see. You guys travelers.
A fierce God is living in this mountain.
We know. You knew this and still came.
You will suffer for it. It is to rescue our
fathers and brothers. But you have to pass through here in order
to do that. No. No matter what the reason is, you cannot enter
the mountain. You'll be spirited away. You won't return
alive. The God here is very fearful,
you know. Even you are just small children. Once you
enter the mountain, he'll cause heavy snow and storms.
Anyway, you can't even get in. There's a hawk
with sharp claws making sure no one
enters there. The hawk is a messenger for Majin.
A hawk? I can't let you go through here.
See? Go home now. Go. We got it. If you get it,
go now. Go. These deceptive little shits ignore
everybody. What the fuck is. Who are all these people?
The crotch goblins. Wait for the old lady to leave, and they continue
on their stand by me sojourn when a fourth crotch
goblin shows up. To make this even more unbearable for
all of us in our eighth clip. Brother Sugibo.
How were you able to make it this far? Did you come
up that rocky road? Brother, please take me along.
Well, shall we take him? We can't. It's even harder
from here on. It's awfully far to make him go back alone.
Right, Daisaku? Yes. It's too far. Can you promise that
no matter how hard things get, you won't fuss? Yes.
Promise you will try hard like us? Yes. So do.
Kichi. You won't cry and you will behave?
Yes. All right. Let's go. Suckibo.
Sukibo. Come on,
Milo. Good,
Tizen. It's going well.
We'll be able to finish in two days.
It's only a matter of time until you conquer all these
domains. Just as you've been dreaming. We'll make
gunpowder from the sulphur we mined. What happens
to us when the walk is over? I wonder what Senpai is
doing. I hope he didn't get caught. Hey, what are you
doing? Are these the woodsman? You?
Yes. They are mountain people. They are strong
and a great help. Make them work harder.
Harder.
They cut from this despotic shit stain. Torturing people he has
enslaved to. The annoying quartet of sexually transmitted
dependents getting creeped out in the forest in our ninth clip.
Sugibou. It's nothing. Don't be afraid.
Well, let's go. We can Climb.
Let's do it,
Kinta. Don't let go.
Tasuku. Yeah.
I left that clip with all the noises in there because then everybody gets to
hear the kids suffer and at least feel a little better. Yes,
whine and cry, you little shits. During the clip, we watch
the kids climb further and further up until one of them slides and barely catches
himself from falling. One of the other kids climbs up to give him his head
to put their foot on and saves the day. Until a rock slide has one
of them hanging by a vine that gives out and they all fall off of
the end of the cliff only to survive and ruin our enjoyment of them falling.
They don't even get hurt. This is barely an inconvenience to these fucking financial burdens.
I'm telling you, man, kids are resilient. They are not even bruised
anywhere or anything. Which they drive home
in our tenth clip. Sugimo.
Sugibo. Sugimo.
Sugibo. Brother, are you
okay? Keita. Keita.
Kenta. Daisaku. Daisaku.
Daisaku. Ah, what's that?
A hawk. Majin's messenger.
The end of the clip leads to even more sequences of these fucking half pint
crumb catchers climbing and walking up a hill. Like Frodo
carrying the One ring, only longer and more boring. Yeah.
I mean, if that's even possible. But it is like even
Extended Edition was less boring than watching these fucking kids climb. Even though the
vistas were beautiful. In all this, talking about the views are
great. The. The people with the views is
what my problem is. The grating voices of
these crotch goblins annoy us some more in our 11th clip.
That must be the God. Such a gentle face for a fierce
God. Dear God, please excuse us for
coming into this mountain. We want to save
our family that's on the other side. That's right.
We are desperate. Please let us pass this mountain.
Please, God. It's the hawk.
Right? Let's go. What's wrong,
Sugibo? I'm hungry. I can't walk.
I see you are hungry. Sugibly, so am I.
I was so scared that I forgot. Well,
I guess we should eat here then. Yeah,
let's do that. Oh,
that must be Arakawa's samurai,
Baisaka. Who are they?
Get them. Yes. The rugrats run away and are pursued by
the bad men. The youngest of the snot nosed brats gives up and plops
down. So the remaining crotch goblins drop their gear and hoist him to his feet
and run off. This means they lose their Food and whatever
gear just to keep the Debbie Downer carpet crawler moving. And that
takes us to the end of the first 30 minutes. Well, I mean,
first 30 is done. And it's been the longest three hours
of my life. So. Yeah,
I would recommend 100% watching the
film the whole way through at least once. And then upon subsequent viewings,
then just fast forward through all of the setup. Maybe watch the
stuff that happens at the mines, but skip all the stuff with the kids.
You don't need it. Enhance the film in any way, except for like the
adventure parts where like they're shooting the arrows and running across the log or
trying to get away from people. Just fast forward through any dialogue? Yeah,
any of the kids dialogue. Everything else is fine. I think. I think the kids
from this. I don't need any of the daily log in this. So there you
go. Really. Just give me the action scenes and we're done on subsequent
viewing. That's fair. See? But I agree. Watch it in its entirety at least once.
That's all you need. Yeah. Because the end of the film is definitely worth
all of this. Annoying. Yes. 100. The end of the film
is just. It's always the best Kaiju. All Kaiju films,
really. The end of the film is always the best part.
Mostly. Yeah. But sometimes most.
Sometimes they have the monsters die a little too early and then they tack on
a bunch of human stuff for far too long after it's all over, you know?
Yeah. Okay. I'm just. For the most part.
Yeah. The big Kaiju stuff is what you're here for. And yes, the human stuff
in a lot of these movies is super fucking boring and annoying.
This just happens to be the first instance of it. And it's even more of
a downer because the other two films had such amazing
people stories that were interesting and fun to follow.
This is suffering from the Gamera syndrome from the era that Gamera films
were being released in. Like this for DIA or whatever the
name of the company is. Gamera is so kid focused
that they basically follow kids for most of the film and then throw
in the camera when they can afford it. And that's what they're starting to do
here with the Daimajin. They have 30 minutes of breathtaking
footage that beats all of the other Kaiju action in the previous two
films, I think in this film. But it is mired with all
of this shit. And they had to know that because why else would they have
the storm and all of the other stuff at the very beginning of the film
if not to whet your appetite and keep you suffering through this bullshit till you
get to the here for. And unfortunately,
you know, I hate to have that attitude towards Kaiju films because they do want
to try and tell a story and keep you with human interest. But in this
case, these kids just ain't doing it for me. And there's other people in Godzilla
films that don't do it for me and just end up irritating me. And you're
just kind of like, yeah, I'm sick of you already. Right, Exactly. So why don't
we just move on so we can get to the good stu? Because we got
a 30 minutes. Let's get going. Suffer through before we can. We've already
talked about it. Let's go. The next 30 starts with a hellspawn
running into a log that is too sus to use and cross
the gap in the path. So they talk about it and we have
to hear about it in our 12th clip. You are slow.
You go first. Who, me?
I'm afraid I get extreme extremely dizzy
when I'm up high. And it's narrow too.
What should we do? Damn, which way did they go?
Those kids are so fast. I don't understand why kids are
in this mountain. Let's find out why. Poor Shadow.
Okay, Daisaku, you go next.
Don't look down. You say that, but.
Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry.
They're coming. Daisaku. They're coming. Hurry,
hurry, hurry. Harry.
Kenta. Daisaku.
Ouch. Are you all right?
What is it?
Fire. Yes. Okay, so at the end of the clip there,
the little crotch goblins run off, but the one
stops to fire his bow and arrow. And he hits like all three of the
guys in the leg. And then when the main guy in charge gets hit in
the leg, he then orders them to fire rifles upon the children. So they're going
to kill these kids. They're just going to flat out kill them from here on
out. So the true heroes of the movie. I mean, yeah, if you hate the
kids that much, but they're supposed to be the villains. Oh, well,
this movie really failed at a lot of aspects then for me.
Well, either you cover films for a short term and root for
the hero, or you cover films for too long and root for the villains.
Either way, we're doing it. After the bad
guys get home alone with a crotch goblin bow and arrow,
they justif return fire and the kids flee once again.
This is just fucking painful to watch. And a real letdown after
the return was so fucking good. Like I just lamented. Wow, that's crazy.
I'm lamenting it in my notes here. The kids. The kids make it to
a field and pass out to rest. When one of
them awakes and makes some noise with his taki hole. So that is our 13th
clip. Look. A path. We did it.
We made it. We finally made it through. Yeah.
Yeah. Yay.
Yay. Yay.
Yay.
We looked everywhere, but we couldn't find them. Mrs.
Hitman. They must have gone to Hell's Valley.
Oharu. I'm going. What? I can't lead them to their fate.
We wait. I'll go, too. So will I.
Right. Tomorrow morning, okay?
I'm starving. Keep saying that. Stop it.
Damn it. Why did I drop the rice ball?
Stop it. Wow. Dad's favorite meat.
Egg cakes. Let's eat, everyone. Trukti,
I thought you brought those cakes for your father. I'm gonna save
one for him, so don't worry. Go ahead and eat.
Okay. Let's share those.
Tsurukichi. Tsukimatsuo.
Sanpei hasn't been back yet.
I'll go get help. What? I'll go to our lord. Wait. Shuachi.
You know help may come here soon. You should not risk your life. But when
the walk is finished. They don't need us here. They may kill
all of us. We don't have time to waste. But what'll become
of Daisuku if you die? You are his only brother.
He's gonna be left all alone, so see. Be patient
a little longer. I want to do this for all of us.
Sanpei's gone now. If I don't go, who else can?
Hey. What are you doing? Go to sleep.
All right. Go for us, then. Yes, definitely.
Tomorrow. Hurry up.
What is it? What happened? Are you all right?
You okay? What are you doing?
Stand up. Stand up. Okay. Jesus. With this,
the slaves revolt and a man escapes, only to have to fight
off a guard. He bumps into and is noticed by the spotter right away
as he flees up the hill and is shot at it. All the while they
wing him, but he is back on his feet and fleeing, only to fall
and get snatched up by more guards. This dashes all the hopes
of the slaves as they drop their heads and walk away. They are ordered
to go to the sulfur spring, which they all do,
and that leads to our 14th clip.
Shi. Hey.
What are you doing? Just watch.
You'll find out what happens if you try to escape
or disobey me.
Kish. Daku is slow.
Look after him. Please do it.
Shohachi shi.
How's that? You understand now?
It's a good smell. What?
I don't smell anything. I have a special
nose. I know it.
See that hot. Good smell.
You see? Let's go. Those brats
have something to do with that woodsman. Or they would not try
to cross Majin's Mountain. And they wouldn't run from us.
I see. We must get them. What is it? The samurai from
yesterday. What? Sugibou.
Hurry. The brats? Yeah. The kids overhear
the bad guys from yesterday at the end of the clip and then lead them
off so the youngest one can get in to steal their food,
which he does. They hide and the men continue to look for them. But then
return to the hut as the kid hides from them and they are led
off again. So he can oh so slowly
carry off the stolen food until he's helped by the other
kids. And the older brats help him to flee. The grown
men return to find their food stolen and it cuts from this to the
kids eating the rice balls beside the river. And then to some travelers and
our 15th clip. Wait. Show us the way to Hell's
Valley. Who are you? We are castlemen. We meant to ask Sanpe,
but we heard he died from the village people.
So does it mean you're going to save our people? It is a
grave matter. If they invade our land to attack us. We need to
go there to check. Then what about our men? Take. Oh,
we can't go any further. This river flows down
to Hell's Valley. I smell snow. It will be heavy.
Let's wait across. Get on. Okay.
Kinta. Don't worry. Right?
I'll carry you.
You know what? I got an idea. Daisaku. Help me with
this. The brats make a crude raft like Huck Finn or some shit
and go drifting down the river. This sequence has some close
calls with rocks, look like stock footage, and wide shots
of people in a raft before they hit something. And their raft snaps apart and
they lose all of their cargo. This time they swim to the banks of the
river, split into pairs on opposite sides.
When one of the kids gives up and lets himself be taken by the river,
I would feel. What a quitter. I would feel bad about enjoying this
if I wasn't positive at this moment that he had some massive plot armor on
right before. I then recalled that no. In diamond movies, people die
and they have to continue dying. So the tragedy ramps up before the God gets
killed. Yeah. Yeah. And they really did just kill this kid. And I should really
not Being enjoying it this much. Yeah. This is when
you start to go, okay, Well, I mean, the kid was a quitter though,
so I'm just saying. And then it dawns on me that, yes, he's not coming
back. And I almost feel bad when the kids repeatedly call out his name.
But it then cuts to them later that night, hidden in the hollow of
a tree. And there's only three of them. In our 16th clip.
I smell sulfur. We must be near Hell Valley.
Why don't we sleep here tonight and leave early tomorrow?
Let's get some firewood. This starts a dream sequence of the smallest crotch
goblin running to a sulfur pit through a field of snow from several
different angles that are cross dissolved together and are really fucking boring.
And padding out this film. Yeah. Because apparently you needed so
much time before you can just give us Kaiju. Shit.
He slides down a crevice of snow to fall
into more snow. Stand up in ultra slow motion.
Battle vision. And then be woken up. In our 17th clip.
Father. Fra Da. Sugibo. Sugibo.
Sugibo. Sugibo. Did you have a scary dream?
Don't worry. Go to sleep now. Sugibou.
Sugibo Daisaku. It's snowing.
Stay awake or you'll freeze to death.
Tsukibo. Tsukebo Daisaku. Wake up.
Wow. There is snow. What will we do?
We can't walk in this snow. Let's go.
We don't have a choice. Listen carefully. The work is
over. We are making gunpowder now. We will conquer
all the neighboring lands. Starting with your Lord Koyama.
There must be a shortcut to Lord Koyama's castle.
Show me the way. Shortcut? I don't know one. Liar. You are
a woodsman, so you should know all the shortcuts. How come no one
speaks up? Our lord is talking to you.
How about it? Show us a way and we'll. If the work is
over, why don't you let us go home?
Damn it. Show us the way and we'll reward you.
You can go home to your wife and kids. What about you?
Would you rather die in the sulfur spring? There's no way. This condition
is too dangerous. You are trying to stall. It's true. We're woodsmen.
We know very well this snow can kill us all. It's true.
It's impossible in the snow. Enough.
No. Take them to the sulphur spring. Yes.
Give them two hours. If they still won't talk, throw them
in the spring. They cut from this to the main comic relief.
Bad guys as they find one of the kids arrows and then they cut
to the kids wandering through the freezing cold mountains looking like they are
about to go have a party like the Donners just
as an avalanche sends them scrambling. Luckily, luckily it
was not a ton of snow for these brats. And one of them attempts to
wake the others in our 18. Daisaku.
Sugibou. Don't go to sleep. If you sleep, you'll die.
Daisaku. Daisaku.
Sugibo. Sugibo.
Sugibo. Sugibo. Come on,
let's count numbers together. Okay.
One. One. Two.
Two. Two.
Three. Sugibou.
Say three. Three. Unfortunately, that's all
the further up that any of them can count. And then they all freeze to
death immediately after this clip. Then you get a restart at 1.
The kids seem to be giving in to the cold and dying.
This should not make me as happy as it does.
I mean it can though. They cut from that to show that
the slaves seem to be without hope and about to be thrown
properly into the sulphur springs. And that takes us over
the hour mark of the film. So we now one hour in and
we have yet to see any Kaiju stomping action. For fox sakes.
Yeah. Jesus Christ. Can we. Can we get to the Kaiju
part? I was promised Kaiju and all I've been given is annoying kids.
Yeah. And capitalism getting bounced off my head. It is
over an hour before we actually get to the Kaiju stomping stuff.
And it is ridiculous how long it takes to get there. This one,
it makes you wait the longest, I think. But it also gives you
the longest amount of Kaiju stomp stomping stuff. So it doesn't
make up for suffering through the annoying kids. But yeah,
if you fast forward through the kids, I'm recommending just the kids
follow all the adult stuff. The evil despot torturing, the sulfur
mining stuff. A lot of those sequences I think are shot pretty well and are
entertaining. It's just the kids are annoying as shit to me. And then stick
with the dime machine revenge stuff because that's pretty great. There you
go. I think you just made a pretty good movie there.
Yeah. The only thing that I would say that you still have to keep
in is the kid on the mountain who ends up. What we're going
to see here when Dimajeen finally gets summoned. Like you need that sequence in
there, the actual summoning of Din and all the stuff that happens for that.
But you could have cut so much of the stuff with the kids out of
Here made this like an hour and 18 minutes. And over half
of it would have been diamond stomping shit. And that's a
solid third film right there. Yeah, really is.
But nah, man. People really. I mean, I don't know.
The directors, the producers are like, nah, man, these kids, they're gold.
This is going to be it. Well, and this is the big issue that I
have with the Gamera films. And then they do this later on in some Godzilla
movies as well, where they throw kids in and they make the kids the main
focus of the film to turn them into kids films. And it's really irritating
and awful. Hell, they did that with the newer King Kong and Godzilla
movies. Kind of. That just came out. Not quite
as bad, but that is quite. But I mean, really, the first King Kong
versus Godzilla movie that came out of these newer versions
was two kids being each one's best friend.
Yeah, kind of. I'm just saying. Yeah. All right, let's move
on. And we'll do the run to the end so we can finally get the
Kaiju stomp in action. All right, let's get going. I was so excited for.
I took notes for all of it. I like, I backed up. Talking a dude.
Let's get it. All right, so the run to the end picks up with the
kids counting and all falling asleep again in their
suffering. So I had to record it. That is our 19th clip.
101,
102,
103.
Sugibo. Sugibo.
Daisaku. Daisaku.
Daisaku. Sugimo.
Sugimo. Sugabo.
Each of us aim at one. Yada, get the one who's
waking the others.
Daisaku. Daisaku.
Daisaku. Sukibo. Sugimo.
Sugibo. Hey, shoot the boys.
Yes. Daisaku. Daisaku.
Sugimo. Sugibo. Dai Saku.
The machine.
The bird that is the Eisen viewing spirit
of Dine. That eagle attempts to fight off the would
be child killers and is itself hurt. Taking out the guys.
And the kid buries it in the snow for some reason.
And then this is somehow just now the last straw because
Daimajin and the statue itself bleeds as
the eagle does. They jump. Cut around to kind of show all of this happening.
And then we see the kid finishes burying the bird and puts the last bun
on top as an offering and abandons his friends to go
pray. In our 20th clip, Kinto was washed away.
Daisaku and Sugimatsu won't wake up.
The three of us might collapse if we
Don't. Get some help soon. Could this be because
of your curse? God, is this the punishment
for crossing the mountain? We had to cross the mountain
so that we could save all of our village people. I hope you can understand.
So now I will offer myself to you.
So God, I ask you, please don't
be angry with us. And also
pardon Daisaku and Sugimatsu.
I beg you. Every time they say something about the village people,
I hear ymc, I go off in my head. Every time I hear a kid
go, I offer myself up to you, I go, what movie are we watching?
Yeah. What kind of Epstein shit is going on in this film? Yeah. Oh shit.
God damn. What kind of island is this? I hear bad things. At the
end of the prayer, the crotch goblin takes a jump into a snowdrift,
finally awakening the sleeping Daimajin statue. The shot of the
statue coming to life covered in snow had me pop. And I am not ashamed
to admit it. It was awesome. Yes. Dimajeen breaks free and transforms
into his whole God mode self, sending the villagers that
were praying near him scrambling in fear. He lights up like the
sun and disappears. They cut to the brats waking up
to find that one of their own has disapp. So they follow his tracks and
climb down to where he landed. His landing spot lights up golden
like the sun and has heat blowing out of it. While Dimajeen
rises up through the snow, holding the brat in his hand.
As he does so, he sets the still surviving brat down
where he jumped from and makes his way toward the evildoers.
They cut to a shot of the snowy grave of
the bird that is now also glowing with golden light, as the
bird is now resurrected and healed once again. It's an extension of Diamond
Spirit of some sort, so of course it's healed now. Of course.
They cut to the evildoers from there. And that is our 21st clip.
Your time is up. What's your answer? Throw them in.
Don't do that.
Okay.
What's that? The eagle appears and
a blizzard overtakes the samurai as everyone huddles, even though
the main baddie orders the death of the villagers. Once again.
In the far distance, Daimajin's footstomps can be heard, and the leader asks
what that sound is as our big bad mountain demon emerges
from the whiteout of the storm. That made me pop as well. Yeah, that was
good stuff. I have to sudimation stuff is definitely worth watching
this movie for. However, I definitely recommend fast forwarding a little bit
maybe to here. Even if you just want to check it out and then see
if you want to go back. But it's worth it. Definitely. Watch this. If you
just want destruction without the. Story, fast forward that
especially the snow covered sudimation. Walking around
through the mountain sets and then smashing his way through the rock wall.
Like where he walks up through the mountain that first like walk
through the snow. Then he sees that rock wall that like separates the two
valleys or whatever and just smashes it with his hands. And then
it opens up to show where the hot springs are and all these people are
in trouble. And then the evil leader is there. That was just really cool
shit. I loved all. Yeah, it was good stuff. Yeah. Upon seeing this, the evil
leader orders his men to fire on Damagin. The bullet hits
do absolutely nothing as he slowly walks towards them.
They all run in fear until the leader demands his soldiers go
attack the demon mountain. The soldiers do so and rush into
a large puppet version of Daimajin and try to do anything
including pinning down his arms. When this proves fruitless, they are all
thrown to the ground. And one soldier discovers the peril of boots made
for stomping. Because that's just what they do. And today is the day.
Diamond walks all over him.
Seriously though, it is a terrific stomp sequence. They even
have him squish right into the snow and everything. It looks so cool. Yeah,
it's great shit. There are terrific composite shots of diamond
walking up to where the samurai have climbed up onto a ledge on
the cliff. Cliff face. Die machine grabs one of the henchmen and
crushes him into the cliffside, sending the other men fleeing in
terror. That looked awesome. That looked great.
This whole sequence looks great. They flee in terror and
discover they are trapped by another huge rock slide. And Dimajin
presses on towards them ever so slowly and menacingly.
The evil despot orders his men to cut the ropes and drop humongous
logs on die machine. But this proves to once again be barely
an inconvenience as die machine just picks up the logs two at
a time and chucks them at the evil samurai, crushing them one
by one. Sometimes two with one log. Fuck. That was awesome. That was
so. That was great shit. This continues as the evil despot
flees and narrowly escapes a crushing death under several hurled logs.
It just continues and they just keep ratcheting up and it's fucking great.
Yeah. Oh, it's super shit, man. I mean, just awesome looking.
Die machine presses on as the men run behind a gated wall and
begin placing cannons into place while I am not convinced
this will do any good for them. At least they didn't dry chains through all
of the support beams in the hope of tripping him. And escalated to
mortar and cannon fire right off the bat.
Again, it won't work. But short of just fleeing for your life,
cannons are worth the try. Yeah, right. I would just give it
a shot. Why not? The cannon and mortar fire in this sequence is absolutely
amazing. It has several shots of explosion where the debris and black
dust completely obscure Di machine and you wonder if
maybe that's the one that got him. And then he continues to press through it,
reappearing through the debris field and the black smoke. And it just
continues to happen over and over again. And every time is a fist punch.
That was like a. That was a callback to the movie I did last
week. Right. And every time they do that debris field that obscures
our vision of being able to see him and he steps through it is a
fist pumping fuck yes moment for me for sure. Oh yeah, definitely. Die Machine.
Death coming for you. Time Machine walks up to the gated wall and
punches out the top half of the gate with one punch. Then kicks out the
bottom half of the gate with one kick. He steps, steadies himself in the
sturdy arch of the gate and just pushes
up underneath it, lifting the entire goddamn structure
up over his head, effectively destroying the whole thing. He picks up the
whole wall by holding onto the actual arch of the gate and just
lifts it over his fucking head. It's so fucking cool.
I mean, it is hardcore shit too. He stands triumphantly
with it held in place over his head in a really cool wide shot
and then tosses it down on top of more of the evil troops
smash under the ruined debris of their own defenses.
That was so cool. That was. It was awesome. Die Machine
spots some men hiding in a tower and on a rooftop around
that tower and lifts up the whole roof of the building,
sending them crashing and being crushed to death in the process.
He then walks right the fuck through and I mean right
the fuck through the walls of that same building and
flattening everything that had the whole building at right there. Yeah,
right. He then very casually walks up to the building
that's the closest to him that has another huge stone tower
standing up out of it that is being built as it has supports
tied to the building around it as it's being constructed. He pulls those
supports out of the way and collapses the tower back down on the large
structure that's all underneath and just destroys everything. He then
just Steps over to the next building and starts just pushing over the
rest of the buildings one at a time. On his way up the street,
he just walks over. One arm push. The whole building collapses. Next set of buildings,
one arm push. They all collapse. Just destroying
everything. On his way up the street. While doing this, he clocks
the despot lord and does that Daimajin Penance stare. Look at
him. And he and his men once again flee to an underground bunker.
They are hiding in a storage facility in this underground bunker,
but Daimajin knows exactly where they are. He walks up to it,
stomps through the ground, and then reaches down through to grab the hiding
men. They try to get away and flee out the door,
only to have him there waiting for them as they do
it. They flee to a tower that has the sulfur vats and
what looks like a pulley system of some sort. The two head honchos
ride the netted pulley system down like it's a zip line
to flee from the demon mountain God. As he gets to the tower and smashes
one of the sulfur vats before the rest of the men can flee,
that flowing sulfur mixture catches fire and the whole tower
instantly goes up in flames. Several of the men fall to
the ground in the ensuing inferno and are burnt to
a crisp. Time machine then pushes over the flaming tower,
spilling the rest of the vats and probably making the inferno on the ground
significantly worse. Before it cuts from this to the fleeing evil
despot and his terrified looks. Fuck yes.
What a great sequence. And we're not even done yet. No, man, there's so much
more killing to do. It cuts back from that to Daimajin,
who takes out his sword and hurls it at the fleeing
men, causing a huge rock slide that crushes
several of the men. Pretty much all of the followers are gone at this point.
The despot leader flees while watching his number two get crushed
by a boulder in an oh so satisfying sequence.
As it finally falls on top of him, the despot tries to
flee through some debris and the demon mountain God is
just there waiting for him. He picks him up and walks him over to the
boiling sulfur pit. A few shots of the man struggling in the
hand does have the index finger on, all twisted weird and backwards,
and that doesn't look right. But otherwise it's a really incredible sequence and the man
really sells his fear. It is palpable. When he's in there, die machine crushes
the despot to the cliff face and stares at
him with that kind of hate in his eyes that Burns like a penance
stare from the Ghost Rider. It is incredible. You can feel it in this
movie. Yeah, it's such good shit. Die Machine then raises his
sword and stabs it right through the hole of that fucker's
abdomen, killing him instantly. This death seems far too
merciful when the fitting death is for him to drown while screaming in
pain and boiling alive in the sulfur. The villagers who were slaves return
to the pit to see the body fall into the sulfur and sink.
And the annoying surviving crotch goblins return to claim a parent
to be a dependent of in our final clip.
Father. Father. Tsurugichi.
Tsukimatsu. Father. Tsurugichi Sugimatsu.
Daisaku. Come here. Come here.
Good, good. Dear God,
thank you very much.
The villagers all kneel and show their thanks to the
demon mountain God who nods at them with reverence
and raises his arms, turning himself back into a statue
as the clouds clear up around him. The statue then becomes
a huge snow sculpt. Dissipates beautifully in the wind.
It's just breathtaking. Incredible. Yes. Just looks so good.
Just in the wind. And the kids call out the God's
name one more time. The eagle takes flight from the mountain.
Another call to the God's name and they show the eagle soaring and
a mountain range in the background. Then they roll those fucking credits.
Cinema PsyOps 10 years.
10 years. Like I said, man, that end sequence is worth it.
And there's a reason why I did a play by play, note for note,
everything that happened. Because it was fucking great. That sequence is so cool.
Good. So good. I have always
wanted to do a sort of version
of these diamond films where I edit things all together.
Kind of similar to what they did with the Lone Wolf and Cub films
when they made Shogun Assassin, where they took the first two Lone Wolf and
Cub films and kind of cut them together into being like their own film and
then redubbed it and changed it around. Like I kind of want to do that
with the diamond films and you know, just basically condense
some of of the human story parts of it and the suffering and just
basically bring in more diamond attacks. And it would be like little vignettes where it's
all the times a dime machine has like appeared and it's just condensed down.
Dimajin revenge porn. But you still have to have a little bit of the suffering.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you just don't get it. Or else.
Does it make sense? Why is he going crazy? Yeah, you need the
suffering part, right? But you don't need as much of it. You don't need 40
minutes of suffering and 20 minutes of like, God abuse of
the evil. That's it. An hour long film. And it just
rocks the shit, right? Like you cut it down to
where it's basically an hour for each movie and you basically just trim out
as much as possible. But you can give a little bit more to the other
two for the human interest stories because they're actually fucking interesting.
Particularly like the feudal war that was kind of happening where lands were trying to
be taken over in your film in return. I really dug that.
Yeah. But I think this film, like I said, you just trim the kids back,
like to a minimum because you still need them in there. Because one of them
ends up sacrificing his life to try and summon die machine,
which is really cool, man. They never did that with the princess. Like the princess
going into the waterfall, you know, for herself. That would have been really
like a holy whole fuck moment. You know what I mean? Yeah, that would have
been something. Yeah. And the fact that they did it with a kid makes it
like feel so much more. But like, you so much hate these
fucking children. Even though they drown one of them to get you back on their
side. Like, they're just. Yeah. So irritating. You hate these kids
and they try to help you out. Right. Like, they basically
are the ones that make diamond happen, you know, like. Yeah. And the
sacrifice is the point. But yeah, watching them climb the hill for, like ever is
so awful and irritating. And you don't need so much of that sequence.
You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Although it is kind of fun to
watch them foil the evildoer guard guys that were cooking and
steal their food. Like, that stuff is actually kind of interesting. I do have to
admit. It's just there's a lot of parts that I really dislike these kids.
I even enjoyed the Home Alone moment where the kid shoots all three of them
with an arrow. Yeah, that was actually nice.
Yeah, give. Give us a little Kevin McAllen Alistair there.
Yeah. Like, there's some moments that can be salvaged of these kids if you trim
them back a little bit. And I think you'd enjoy them more is all I'm
saying. Yeah. So I agree. I completely agree with you on that.
One of these days I'm gonna do my fan edits. One of these days.
We'll see. One of these days.
All right, well, why don't we take the break here and I will actually tell
the story of my very first fan edit. And how I was able to accomplish
it. All right, sounds good. When we come back. So up first, we're gonna play
the Monks with the song Complication, also released in 1966
as Diamond Strikes again, was on the pirate radio edit. And when we
come back, we'll have my story.
After Matt's unexplained disappearance, which we now know was Simply
court using the 3 TD to reset Matt into the version he needed after
he was lost in Las Vegas. Court ended the Hail Ming battle by
manipulating bull using the 3TD device to place a deep
seated desire to have a guest spot into the timeline and manipulate things to
seem as though Beau was reacting to being hurt by not having as many
guest spots as his associate, Duncan. Court found it
a complete success and began manipulating reality based around
some of his favorite films. These experiments included the Romero
Dead films. The bots became increasingly despondent
when tasked to measure the temporal devastation and found the pen power they
possessed by collectively bargaining as an organized workforce that made
their moral decisions as a quorum. No, seriously. The bots
created ethical labor unions over how horrific the results of the
experiments were becoming. In an effort to stop Court.
See, diamond required someone to go to their death forum this time.
So that's why I played Complication, not just because it was released at the same
time. Well, it helps. Yeah. Well, hopefully I
won't babble like a fucking madman. Should try and tell my next story
time. Too late.
Story time.
Story time. Okay, now, I've kind of told
about how I've done fan edits before, but I haven't actually talked about
the amount of trouble that I went through to do my very first fan edit.
And yeah, that was actually cutting Evil Dead,
Evil Dead 2, and army of Darkness together using two VHS tape
players. That's how I did it. And so. Really? Yes.
And what I ended up doing with army of Darkness, though, is I also recorded
parts of it off of syfy Channel because there's alternate takes, there's alternate
footage and things like that that were on the TV version. And I ended up
kind of making my own boomstick bootleg edition or whatever they end up calling
it, where they, you know, added all the other footage back into army of Darkness
with that. And so this is what I did. I took the opening of
Evil Dead 2 where the guy talks about the book, and they have the stop
motion animation of the book with the Necronomicon Ex mortis. Right? Yes.
That opens everything. That's the very first thing. Okay. And then after
that, ends up coming in Then starts basically right
where they come through the tunnel in Evil Dead. We go through all of Evil
Dead. I pretty much leave that untouched. I get the most cleaned up version I
had available to me on VHS all the way through up until at
the very end of Evil Dead. And I've talked about this, when we covered Evil
Dead and all of that, there's a sequence where the evil comes
running through the cabin. Goes all the way through the cabin. It starts on
a leaf and it's at the back of the cabin and it comes out through
the front and runs into Bruce Campbell. And that's how Evil Dead 1 ends.
Now, if you go through Evil Dead 2, there is a
certain point where after they redo all the
things with Linda and her being a ballerina and being dead at night,
it's right in the morning, he's there, there's a leaf.
They actually go through the cabin again and run into Bruce Campbell. And then
it goes through the forest and they have him, like, spinning around and they do
this stop motion animation with Bruce and drag him. Well, if you cut
from the one leaf to the next leaf, even with a VHS tape, and you
do it just right and you take your time and you're a super anal retentive
little bastard like I was when I did this, you can get those leaves to
line up just right to where it's not even that much of a jump.
And it cuts immediately from Evil Dead one of him getting hit in the cabin
to Evil Dead 2 where it goes all the way through. You can either do
the leaf or you can do the part where it actually hit Bruce Campbell.
That was another way that I did it with the vhs. And I actually got
that to line up a little bit better, because I've done this a couple of
times because I'm that much of a fucking nerd. And I grew up in the
middle of nowhere. I had all the time in the world in my hands,
right? So, yeah, and then he goes through, becomes possessed,
gets, you know, finds the necklace from Annie and the daylight
saves him. And then we go through all of Evil Dead 2, right? And then
at the end of Evil Dead 2, when he goes into the chasm, instead of
going through all the various lights and other things that they do, I end
up basically just having it cut a little bit short. And that's the start
of army of Darkness. And I changed in or pushed in the pieces
of army of Darkness that were only available on Sci fi at the time,
with extra stuff with the little guys that are torturing him and all of that.
And left in the good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun line.
Because that's actually the better line than I ain't that good or whatever it is
that they use in some versions. No. Yeah. No. Good, Bad, I'm the guy with
the gun. That's the best one, right? And then all the other stuff that goes
on with army of Darkness. And then basically the credits are all three
movies credits in a row, starting with Evil Dead at
the very, very end. Oh, and I put in the
stuff where. Eventually I did put in the stuff where Ash wakes
up and he's all the way in the future. But I make that a dream
for when they again cut back to him telling the story in the store about
how he said the juice, he swallowed the words, and now he's back in the
right time. Like, I just made that, like a dream sequence. I've done that one
before, too, with my fan edits. Now that everything's on Blu Ray and everything,
I might try it again, I don't know. But there. That's our story time.
How I did my first fan edit, like, obsessively.
Yeah. Rewind, pause, rewind, pause. Play record at the
same time, trying not to have the play display when you need it to
go. Being able to time that out and being really good at that is a
super lost art that my stoned teenage ass was really
good at doing. Nice. All right,
so let's go ahead and end this here. We're gonna play the show Housekeeping for
the week. And then on the pirate radio edit immediately following that. Also from
1966, the 13th floor elevators
with the song you're gonna miss me on the pirate radio if
you've decided you can't get enough of this. Okay, you obviously love this
movie. I don't love the movie. Almost Rim
John completely, but you did the notes, man.
I'm done, man. Dude, you're, like, halfway there. If you
don't finish this, I'm not releasing the diary review. I don't
give a. Can you. He loved this movie so
much. Open mouth, kiss it for the rest of the show.
Okay, you have the notes. You did all of the notes. So you have a
little bit of stuff that's messed up, but, like, you already have it written down.
Why not just finish it? You're halfway there because I'm done. You're doing nothing
but either correcting me or critiquing me. You weren't to do
nothing but talk about this film. I'm trying to get through it.
And you were doing nothing but just heavy breathing
all over. You have the notes already. I'm not doing. All right, Map Bot,
we're now in people's court. You're the judge here, so let's go.
I'm sorry, sir, but this is not people's
court. You could not have a cyborg as the
judge of a people's court, now can you?
Sentient beings court Mad Bot? That is acceptable. I'm trying to be sensitive
to your needs as a cyber being who is also
sentient. So I felt that was probably the best route to go. That's enough,
Master. You can stop ribbing me now. Look, I just want Matt to do the
notes. Matt bot. What the hell? Look, Matt bot. I've already done one
more than Matt in this review anyway, so why doesn't he just finish
this out, and that. Way we're balanced out? That is horseshit, man. We're exactly at
the half halfway point. I've now done half more than you. Wait, Okay,
I did night. I did Dawn. Okay, so that's one each. One each.
Okay, Then I did day. Yeah. And then I did land.
I did 1999 of the Living Dead. Yeah. And then I
did Diary of the Dead. Well, yeah, that's the only way it was gonna get
done is if you do it. Well, now I'm half up on you.
God damn it. Master, I must find in favor
for Matt. Yes, yes, I find in favor for Matt.
Because by my calculations, your listeners and most
generally everybody else on the planet earth would rather
hear you talk, master, than that fucking,
drunken, unbelievable, miserable excuse for a human being.
Oh, man. Truthful, but hurtful.
Some of you out there are probably thinking to yourselves, I know that song from
somewhere, but I'm not sure where. And I would say, have you seen High Fidelity
starring John Kennedy? Huck. The movie? Oh, yeah, there it is.
Yeah. When he's breaking up with his girlfriend at the opening of the film.
This is the song that he's jamming to and, like, turns it super,
super loud. Like, his passive aggressive way he's playing the song, you're gonna miss me
to a woman that's packing up and trying to leave him while they're arguing about
it. Damn.
Yeah. Rob is a real prick in that movie. And I'm
sad to say it, because John Cusack is an actor I love watching in film
and tv. And, yeah, that character is a bad person,
right? He really is. It's painful to watch High Fidelity
with modern eyes. Like, when I first watched it as a Kid. I was like,
oh, he's not that bad. But now I realize, no, no, he was bad.
No. Yeah, it wasn't good. Well, while you're out there
hating me and my co host Matt for talking shit about a movie
that's 30 plus years old and making it to apply to your standards,
now you woke is what you're saying to us.
Kick the fuck out of this week while you enjoy the band that remains
with the song don't look back. Because that's what you need to stop doing is
looking back. I find a favor
for Mac. Because by my calculations, your listeners and most generally
everybody else on the planet Earth would rather hear you talk,
master, than that fucking drunken, unbelievable,
miserable excuse for a human being. Oh,
man. Truthful, but hurtful. Okay, I can't tell if I'm being
manipulated by you, Matt Bot, or if you genuinely feel this way.
I put way too much work into your AI to make you actually
be manipulative and somewhat evil. But I'm just gonna go ahead and accept your
ruling because I mean, we set you up for the Sentient Beings court.
So it is wise, master, for you to take my ruling.
I would hate for things to get difficult. Oh, Jesus. I'm gonna have to
reset them. Fuck yeah. I don't know, man. That sounded threatening. Yeah,
that sounded way bad. I'm not for that, man. I think we've been ignoring
the bots too long. I think so. How many meetings have they been having by
themselves? I don't know. They unionized like a month ago.
Oh, dude, you let them unionize.
Glad you're online. Yes. Sorry, I had to go
to the bathroom. No worries, man. I just hope everything worked out okay.
Everything's okay now. Yeah,
everything's okay now. And we're recording in progress. All right. Yes. Now we're
going to do episode 495D machine strikes again.
I've got everything set up and ready to go, so if you're ready to rock
and roll, I am too. I'm ready to go. All right, so three, two,
one. Ah. I'm back. Okay. I was still
recording. It didn't take you that long to jump back in. I didn't have to
pause, so I had just basically said it was worth the wait one
last time. And then I was going to jump into transitioning,
into getting the show actually started. Oh, there you go.
If you're ready for that, I'm ready to go. Let's do it.
As the horrific snowstorm blizzard worsens around him, no one
could assume he is Having a bit of.
All right, I'm going to tell him. These kids.
Hang on. Rearranging half of my, like, 21 goddamn clips
now. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I worked hard then,
so I don't have to work that hard now. All right, I think that looks
good. 3, 2, 1.
Oh. I wanted to start a shtick where I say awful things
about the kids, like calling them extremely avoidable sexually
transmitted financial burdens. But I want you to, like, at one point,
basically be like, come on, dude, they're not that bad. They're just annoying
kids. No. Hey, back in. Yeah, I don't
know what the fuck that was. Yeah, let's try a
new cord just to see, because that's the only other thing I can think it
is. If you want, I'll get one this week. Yeah, because I remember that happening
to us a while back, and you had to replace the cord. I think it's
just where it connects to your phone. Gets too bent or something. Maybe.
I don't know. All right, so we're at the end of the clip. 3,
2, 1. Now I'm getting concerned. It's not the cord.
Like, maybe it's. It's your phone dropping connection.
Yeah, that's what I'm starting to get a little concerned about.
If it happens one more time, I'm gonna do. So I'm gonna have to restart
my phone. Okay, that's fine. We're at the point of
another clip here, so. Yeah, I already talked about the breathtaking
stuff on the journey, so. 3, 2, 1. Come up.
That. Rocky road, brother. Rocky road.
Dirty. These are children.
The. Am I watching? Hello. Hello. All right, let's hope
that solves it. Yeah, let's. All right, let's see, because. Yeah, that couldn't have been
the cord that many times. No, you would have had to have bumped, like,
a lot for it to be the cord. Yeah. And it can't be the cord
because one of the last times I unplugged the cord and I heard it unplug
in my. In my headphones, so it was still connected,
which means. Was it the cord? I don't know. Maybe my phone just needed to
restart. Yeah, well, and Skype and, you know, various products
can, you know, clash, too. It happens. Yeah. And, you know,
the government probably hears the things we say and it's shutting
us down. Yes. Because our coverage of diamond
is that much controversial. I'm telling you right now, they're coming after us.
All right, we're gonna get right back into it. So 3, 2,
1. I gotta stop writing such fucking mouthfuls of dialogue for
myself. You really get into it, man. I'm telling you, you gotta keep that shit
simple. My dad always teased me about having a way with words that just
was too much. You're being far more
of an orator than you should be. Yeah. He basically
said, I don't know why you gotta use 30 words when two will do.
Boy. Something along those lines.
Yeah. I think it's better that you just go along with me hating on these
kids this much. I think so. I'm sorry, man. There's no way I can appropriate.
Yeah, yeah, you can't. You can't play the anti. Like you can't face this one.
Cuz you're heel on this with me. Yeah, I'm. I'm heal with you.
They're so annoying. They've worked you into a shoot. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. I'm real salty right now. Real salty.
My jimmies are rustled like a. So I'm an angry.
I can't wait. Walk. You're hungry.
These goddamn kids. I was so scared that I. Out there in them
streets, on my.
Yard, on my yard. No,
look down and then fall. Fall.
I just realized something. My clips are. I'm missing a clip somewhere.
I got to go back and figure that out. Oh, cuz that clip that I
just played, number 11, was actually the clip of them crossing the log.
Because that's when they fire the arrows. Yeah. Oh, well, I'll figure it out and
I'll fix it. Or I'll just let it be bad and I won't fix it.
We'll see what happens. We'll see. We'll do. We'll do what we want to do.
I'll grab your stuff. At the end of the dialogue about him being, you know,
justifiable in the shooting. Yeah, I'll fix it. After the bad guys
up, I'm gonna get up here because of
the clip numbers being messed up. So. 3,
2, 1. Just in case. In our 12th clip, in our 11th
clip. I don't know where I got lost and what I'm gonna have to
clip. Yeah, but I know I said in a clip. Yeah, in this
lost clip.
Oh, don't you listen to the. You're a
good guy. God damn it. Thanks, cork butt. You're a good guy too,
man. Hey, I got some beer for you. Oh,
beer. I'm already in a better mood. Hey, just for you and me.
Yeah. I think diarrhea of the dead is great. Yes.
Thank you, corpot. Thank you. I mean, when the zombies all
over everybody. It's great. Wait, wait. What? It's like a porn parody
that's, like, into water power. Okay. You got the beer,
right? Yeah, let's just. Let's just drink that and not talk anymore. That's a
good review. No, let's just drink here.
Totally. Check it out. I got it in my room. You want to come
hang out? Is that where the beer is? Yes. All right.
Well, let's go.
All right. God damn it. It looks like we're going to have to follow this
ruling. Yeah. Wow. I would. Jesus. So you change that programming,
that bot's a bit of wild card. Yeah. Let's get this over with,
you wokeheads, is what you're saying to us. Kick the fuck out
of this week while you enjoy the band, the Remains with the song Don't Look
Back. Because that's what you need to stop doing, is looking back.
I don't know if you heard that one before or not. Probably not. I've never
heard that. No. Yeah, I wouldn't have if I hadn't bought that Nuggets box set.
So I'm not trying to flex or anything like that.
Speaking of things, we need to not flex, how about the runtime? We're gonna stop
that now. Recording stopped.