00;00;11;03 - 00;00;14;29 Emily And welcome everybody to The Moos Room 00;00;15;06 - 00;00;23;05 Emily It is just Emily here today. Every so often, Brad does allow me to do the Emily show. He's got a lot of travel this. 00;00;23;05 - 00;00;33;00 Emily Week, and so I said I would step in and take care of this one. Of course, he does a lot of solo work, so I felt like it was my turn to, to pull some weight. 00;00;33;02 - 00;00;37;02 Emily And I wanted to have just a quick episode today. 00;00;37;03 - 00;00;40;09 Emily Of course, I love to talk about. 00;00;40;11 - 00;00;49;18 Emily Stress, safety, mental health topics, all of those types of things. And the holidays are right around the corner. And I get asked a. 00;00;49;18 - 00;00;51;09 Emily Lot this time of year. 00;00;51;11 - 00;00;54;19 Emily About dealing with holiday stress, specifically. 00;00;54;19 - 00;01;03;19 Emily Around relationships, dealing with our family. You know, so the people we see every day that being extra strained. 00;01;03;19 - 00;01;05;12 Emily Or stressed and also. 00;01;05;14 - 00;01;11;16 Emily Perhaps seeing family members we don't see as often and that can bring all sorts of stressors. 00;01;11;16 - 00;01;19;12 Emily Right? So I just want to jump into it and briefly talk about setting boundaries. I think we've discussed this. 00;01;19;12 - 00;01;20;27 Emily Before on the podcast. 00;01;20;27 - 00;01;23;05 Emily And just as a reminder. 00;01;23;05 - 00;01;28;03 Emily You know, boundaries really allow us to, you know. 00;01;28;03 - 00;01;31;20 Emily Be able to move about the world and live our lives in. 00;01;31;20 - 00;01;33;15 Emily A way that is comfortable. 00;01;33;15 - 00;01;35;08 Emily For us and doesn't. 00;01;35;08 - 00;01;37;29 Emily Cause us any extra stress. Right. 00;01;38;02 - 00;01;41;07 Emily And all sorts of things may cause us stress that. 00;01;41;07 - 00;01;42;26 Emily We need to put boundaries around. 00;01;42;26 - 00;01;47;17 Emily Right? It's not just people. It can also be situations, places. 00;01;47;19 - 00;01;51;04 Emily Etc. all sorts of things. Right? 00;01;51;06 - 00;01;56;00 Emily But author Nedra Glover to OP kind of gives three easy steps. 00;01;56;00 - 00;01;58;03 Emily On on how to set boundaries. 00;01;58;06 - 00;02;01;29 Emily So step one be clear and be straightforward. 00;02;01;29 - 00;02;05;21 Emily When setting a boundary, don't raise your voice. 00;02;05;23 - 00;02;10;10 Emily Step two state your need or request directly. 00;02;10;13 - 00;02;11;01 Emily What you'd. 00;02;11;01 - 00;02;12;00 Emily Like. 00;02;12;02 - 00;02;15;21 Emily Rather than what you don't want or don't like. 00;02;15;24 - 00;02;18;09 Emily And step three accept any. 00;02;18;09 - 00;02;24;14 Emily Discomfort that arises as a result, right? Knowing sometimes when we set boundaries. 00;02;24;16 - 00;02;30;00 Emily People get a little upset, right? Especially if we have never set a boundary. 00;02;30;00 - 00;02;41;11 Emily With them before. It can be a little bit of a shock to them. You know, they aren't used to not getting their way or not being able to say or do whatever they want around you. 00;02;41;13 - 00;02;44;15 Emily So you may wonder, what do those boundaries. 00;02;44;15 - 00;02;48;25 Emily Sound like that, right? How how can I actually set the boundary? 00;02;48;25 - 00;02;57;22 Emily So I kind of have four examples of of how we can set boundaries in different situations. And I know that setting boundaries. 00;02;57;22 - 00;03;01;07 Emily Can be uncomfortable. Right? It's an uncomfortable topic. 00;03;01;07 - 00;03;01;23 Emily That's why I'm. 00;03;01;23 - 00;03;05;10 Emily Talking about it. Without Bradley here. Right. 00;03;05;12 - 00;03;12;02 Emily It really makes me uncomfortable. So it does take work. It does take practice. But I remind myself. 00;03;12;02 - 00;03;13;14 Emily And others, you know, like. 00;03;13;14 - 00;03;14;27 Emily What is the the cost. 00;03;14;27 - 00;03;16;19 Emily Benefit here? Like. 00;03;16;21 - 00;03;20;25 Emily Maybe it's an awkward conversation. Yeah. Maybe somebody is going to be. 00;03;20;28 - 00;03;24;20 Emily Mad at you or upset for some period of time. 00;03;24;23 - 00;03;27;05 Emily But overall is your. 00;03;27;05 - 00;03;31;03 Emily Well-Being going to be better? Right? Are you going to have less stress? 00;03;31;03 - 00;03;33;06 Emily And if you are, then probably. 00;03;33;06 - 00;03;36;12 Emily Worth taking these steps to do this. 00;03;36;14 - 00;03;46;09 Emily So setting boundaries can sound a variety of different ways. I'm going to go through four examples. Example one know as simple as that. It's okay to. 00;03;46;09 - 00;03;48;00 Emily Tell people no. 00;03;48;02 - 00;03;52;06 Emily It doesn't mean that you don't care about something. And knowing when you can. 00;03;52;06 - 00;03;54;26 Emily And cannot take something on or be a part. 00;03;54;26 - 00;03;56;29 Emily Of something is a really important. 00;03;56;29 - 00;03;58;20 Emily Part of setting boundaries. 00;03;58;22 - 00;04;05;12 Emily And also keeping in mind too, that boundaries may be permanent, but they can also be temporary. 00;04;05;14 - 00;04;06;24 Emily Right. And. 00;04;06;24 - 00;04;08;12 Emily We'll talk more about. 00;04;08;12 - 00;04;10;05 Emily That in a later example. 00;04;10;08 - 00;04;13;11 Emily But example two, and this one is probably. 00;04;13;11 - 00;04;19;05 Emily Really appropriate for uncomfortable conversations you may have around the holidays. 00;04;19;08 - 00;04;25;01 Emily Let's talk about something else. You have no requirement to participate in something that. 00;04;25;01 - 00;04;26;27 Emily Makes you uncomfortable. 00;04;26;29 - 00;04;29;08 Emily And so redirecting the conversation. 00;04;29;08 - 00;04;33;29 Emily Communicates your boundaries to others, right? And if they don't accept. 00;04;33;29 - 00;04;34;04 Emily That. 00;04;34;04 - 00;04;36;10 Emily Redirect or they say no, I really want. 00;04;36;10 - 00;04;38;29 Emily To talk about this, then you can maybe. 00;04;38;29 - 00;04;40;11 Emily Exit the conversation or. 00;04;40;11 - 00;04;41;12 Emily Say, well, I don't want. 00;04;41;12 - 00;04;44;29 Emily To, so I'm going to leave. I'm going to go talk to somebody else. 00;04;45;02 - 00;04;52;16 Emily Example number three getting back to some boundaries, just needing to be temporary. Can I follow up with you? Sometimes the biggest. 00;04;52;16 - 00;04;53;26 Emily Boundary we really. 00;04;53;26 - 00;04;55;04 Emily Need for ourselves. 00;04;55;04 - 00;04;57;04 Emily Is time, right? 00;04;57;04 - 00;05;01;10 Emily And asking for more time allows us to focus. 00;05;01;13 - 00;05;08;15 Emily On, you know, what needs our attention right now. So like I said, again, I like this. 00;05;08;18 - 00;05;10;17 Emily Boundary setting a lot because it's. 00;05;10;17 - 00;05;14;08 Emily Not forever. It's not permanent. It truly is temporary. 00;05;14;08 - 00;05;17;05 Emily I need some time to myself communicate with others. 00;05;17;05 - 00;05;18;16 Emily When you need a break. 00;05;18;18 - 00;05;19;28 Emily Right? That is a huge. 00;05;19;28 - 00;05;23;28 Emily Part of boundary setting is just taking yourself away from something. 00;05;23;28 - 00;05;25;02 Emily To be an. 00;05;25;02 - 00;05;28;06 Emily Advocate for yourself and for your health, right? 00;05;28;06 - 00;05;34;02 Emily Sometimes you just need some space and not everybody is going to advocate for you the. 00;05;34;02 - 00;05;38;18 Emily Way you will, and you know your needs better than anybody. 00;05;38;20 - 00;05;50;27 Emily So as we put this all together, we need to remember that setting boundaries, of course, takes some practice, it takes some thought, and it also takes self-awareness and self understanding. 00;05;51;00 - 00;05;51;19 Emily Right. 00;05;51;21 - 00;05;59;04 Emily We need to take the time to reflect with ourselves of what we really need, what situations are maybe making us. 00;05;59;04 - 00;06;01;17 Emily Uncomfortable or are difficult for. 00;06;01;17 - 00;06;04;29 Emily Us, and that can help us figure out where we may be. 00;06;04;29 - 00;06;07;02 Emily Need to set boundaries. 00;06;07;05 - 00;06;08;26 Emily And of course, I love to talk. 00;06;08;26 - 00;06;09;25 Emily About resilience. 00;06;09;25 - 00;06;13;12 Emily So I need to mention as well that boundaries can help. 00;06;13;15 - 00;06;15;09 Emily Build our resilience. 00;06;15;11 - 00;06;24;09 Emily Right? Boundaries create ways for us to avoid unnecessary or extra stressors, so that helps us. 00;06;24;09 - 00;06;26;07 Emily Be able to handle our overall. 00;06;26;07 - 00;06;26;21 Emily Stress. 00;06;26;21 - 00;06;27;10 Emily That much. 00;06;27;10 - 00;06;31;08 Emily Better. I also will share that boundaries may mark a change in a. 00;06;31;08 - 00;06;36;09 Emily Relationship, right? Especially if it is something new, if it is an effort to. 00;06;36;10 - 00;06;39;18 Emily Distance ourselves or again, just change the dynamic. 00;06;39;18 - 00;06;41;04 Emily Of a relationship. 00;06;41;06 - 00;06;52;21 Emily And that can make this process feel hard. But again, keep in mind any sort of change is the foundation of resilience, and having a healthy view. 00;06;52;21 - 00;06;57;21 Emily Of it is going to make your resilience that much more powerful. 00;06;57;23 - 00;07;15;00 Emily And of course, I always say that self-care is not selfish, and setting boundaries is a form of self-care, right? So doing this is not about being mean or hurting somebody's feelings. It is really about, again, taking care of yourself and assessing. 00;07;15;07 - 00;07;17;20 Emily What you need to feel. Well. 00;07;17;20 - 00;07;25;21 Emily And so I am just going to wrap it there today. I said it was going to be a quick episode. You know, sometimes when it's the family show and I have free. 00;07;25;21 - 00;07;27;22 Emily Rein, I can go on and on, and. 00;07;27;24 - 00;07;31;01 Emily Sometimes I just have a few quick thoughts that I want. 00;07;31;01 - 00;07;32;00 Emily To share with you all. 00;07;32;00 - 00;07;38;00 Emily So, you know, as we're heading into the holidays again here, remember that boundaries are a really. 00;07;38;00 - 00;07;44;13 Emily Healthy way to build positive relationships and to help maintain positive relationships as well. 00;07;44;15 - 00;07;58;02 Emily So I really hope that you are able to find ways to put up some boundaries and build resilience for yourself this holiday season. And as always, if you have any questions, comments, or scathing. 00;07;58;02 - 00;08;01;09 Emily Rebuttals about today's episode, you can email those. 00;08;01;09 - 00;08;04;14 Emily To the newsroom at UMD. 00;08;04;16 - 00;08;06;12 Emily And you can find us on the web at. 00;08;06;12 - 00;08;14;12 Emily Extension at UMW. I hope you have a happy and safe holidays, and we will catch you again next week. Bye!