WEBVTT 365 00:30:58.935 --> 00:31:03.305 Well, uh, I think it must have been hard parenting me when 366 00:31:03.305 --> 00:31:04.345 I was seven years old. 367 00:31:04.365 --> 00:31:06.825 It was the night before Easter, and my dad took my brother 368 00:31:06.885 --> 00:31:08.145 and me to the Catholic church 369 00:31:08.145 --> 00:31:09.625 where we attended the night before. 370 00:31:09.645 --> 00:31:12.265 Easter is called the Easter vigil if you 371 00:31:12.265 --> 00:31:13.305 were raised Catholic. 372 00:31:13.965 --> 00:31:15.985 And, uh, my dad sang in the choir. 373 00:31:16.225 --> 00:31:17.305 I don't remember where my mom 374 00:31:17.325 --> 00:31:19.225 and my sister were on this particular night, 375 00:31:19.245 --> 00:31:20.865 but my dad sits, my brother 376 00:31:20.865 --> 00:31:22.145 and I down right in the middle 377 00:31:22.145 --> 00:31:23.665 of the church right there in the pew. 378 00:31:23.665 --> 00:31:26.625 And he says to us, be good as he goes 379 00:31:26.625 --> 00:31:28.145 and leaves us to go sing in the choir. 380 00:31:29.285 --> 00:31:31.785 We weren't good. This wouldn't be a good story 381 00:31:32.285 --> 00:31:33.345 if, if we were right. 382 00:31:33.445 --> 00:31:34.545 But in our defense, 383 00:31:35.005 --> 00:31:37.265 the Easter vigil is the longest service 384 00:31:37.525 --> 00:31:38.985 in Catholic church history. 385 00:31:39.055 --> 00:31:40.345 Like it's the kind of service 386 00:31:40.355 --> 00:31:43.625 where you sing every single verse of every song. 387 00:31:43.645 --> 00:31:44.985 And we all know that the, 388 00:31:45.005 --> 00:31:47.545 the priest has like some shortcuts available to him 389 00:31:47.545 --> 00:31:49.465 that he could take to shorten things up, 390 00:31:49.485 --> 00:31:51.745 but he doesn't take any of those on the Easter vigil. 391 00:31:51.925 --> 00:31:53.545 My brother and I knew we were in it 392 00:31:53.545 --> 00:31:55.545 for the long time, uh, for the long haul. 393 00:31:55.545 --> 00:31:58.465 And we were miserable. Uh, we were bored out of our minds 394 00:31:58.595 --> 00:32:01.885 until hope they started passing out 395 00:32:02.075 --> 00:32:03.285 candles and lighting them. 396 00:32:04.065 --> 00:32:07.965 That's right. And our tiny unsupervised hands, my brother 397 00:32:07.985 --> 00:32:10.125 and I now held fire, 398 00:32:12.115 --> 00:32:13.485 hide it under a bushel. 399 00:32:13.865 --> 00:32:15.605 No, we were gonna let it shine. 400 00:32:16.705 --> 00:32:18.085 And so we thought, you know what? 401 00:32:18.145 --> 00:32:20.525 The hymnals seem like a good place to start. 402 00:32:20.665 --> 00:32:23.765 And it turns out hymnals are perfect kindling 403 00:32:23.825 --> 00:32:25.965 for the wooden pews that they keep 'em in. 404 00:32:26.225 --> 00:32:29.285 That's right. We tried to blow it out to our astonishment. 405 00:32:29.745 --> 00:32:31.485 Yes. What you're picturing is right, 406 00:32:31.485 --> 00:32:32.925 all the hymnals catch fire 407 00:32:33.025 --> 00:32:35.405 and then the pew in front of us, there's shouts, 408 00:32:35.435 --> 00:32:36.965 there's screams, there's chaos. 409 00:32:37.265 --> 00:32:39.325 My dad comes running from the choir, 410 00:32:39.465 --> 00:32:42.445 he literally pulls my brother and I out of all the wreckage 411 00:32:42.625 --> 00:32:43.965 and he drives us straight home. 412 00:32:44.285 --> 00:32:45.805 I don't even honestly know if 413 00:32:45.805 --> 00:32:49.365 that solemn Easter vigil continued in my absence or not. 414 00:32:49.645 --> 00:32:50.965 I have no idea. But I could tell you 415 00:32:50.965 --> 00:32:52.325 what our night was done. 416 00:32:52.665 --> 00:32:56.165 So I tell you, it must have been hard to be my parent. 417 00:32:57.555 --> 00:32:59.565 It's helpful for me to remember that from time 418 00:32:59.565 --> 00:33:01.325 to time when my kids do dumb things. 419 00:33:01.475 --> 00:33:03.725 It's just helpful to remember I was a mess too. 420 00:33:03.785 --> 00:33:07.325 And even if you'd say today that you have good kids, 421 00:33:07.705 --> 00:33:10.005 and I think I do, I think I have really good kids. 422 00:33:10.195 --> 00:33:11.725 Parenting seems to be getting more 423 00:33:11.745 --> 00:33:13.085 and more complicated, doesn't it? 424 00:33:14.505 --> 00:33:17.205 As parents, we blame a lot of things though. 425 00:33:17.825 --> 00:33:22.205 But I think the primary reason we all think parenting is 426 00:33:22.205 --> 00:33:23.885 getting more complicated is 427 00:33:23.885 --> 00:33:28.445 that we've actually abandoned the book that tells us how 428 00:33:28.445 --> 00:33:31.085 to parent our children as God has faithfully parented us. 429 00:33:32.185 --> 00:33:33.605 And that's one of the main ideas I 430 00:33:33.605 --> 00:33:34.725 want to share with you today. 431 00:33:34.785 --> 00:33:36.525 We are to faithfully parent our kids 432 00:33:36.705 --> 00:33:39.605 as God faithfully parents us in this book. 433 00:33:39.625 --> 00:33:41.405 In fact, I wanna give you the two other main 434 00:33:41.405 --> 00:33:42.725 ideas right off the top. 435 00:33:43.225 --> 00:33:47.165 Uh, parenting is not about behavior control. 436 00:33:48.345 --> 00:33:49.395 It's about heart change. 437 00:33:50.555 --> 00:33:53.615 And a parent's job, a parent's role is 438 00:33:53.775 --> 00:33:55.975 to faithfully represent God. 439 00:33:56.905 --> 00:33:58.525 We represent him even as we fail. 440 00:33:58.545 --> 00:34:00.085 And especially as our kids fail. 441 00:34:00.085 --> 00:34:01.205 And make no mistake, parents 442 00:34:01.225 --> 00:34:02.525 and kids alike, we're going 443 00:34:02.525 --> 00:34:04.725 to fail more times than we care to admit. 444 00:34:04.725 --> 00:34:06.845 So we're gonna need help, we're gonna need encouragement, 445 00:34:06.905 --> 00:34:08.925 and we're gonna find it today in God's word. 446 00:34:08.945 --> 00:34:11.365 So open up with me to Ephesians chapter six. 447 00:34:11.615 --> 00:34:14.405 We're actually picking up right where we left off last week, 448 00:34:14.495 --> 00:34:16.725 right after the verses to husbands and wives. 449 00:34:16.985 --> 00:34:19.165 Um, but it's real short six verses today. 450 00:34:19.505 --> 00:34:20.525 I'm gonna read it to us now. 451 00:34:20.545 --> 00:34:24.005 It says this, and starting in, in, in verse one, children 452 00:34:24.595 --> 00:34:25.925 obey your parents in the Lord. 453 00:34:25.985 --> 00:34:28.805 For this is right, honor your father and mother. 454 00:34:28.805 --> 00:34:30.685 This is the first commandment with a promise 455 00:34:30.875 --> 00:34:32.245 that it may go well with you 456 00:34:33.305 --> 00:34:35.165 and that you may live long in the land. 457 00:34:35.635 --> 00:34:37.645 Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, 458 00:34:37.705 --> 00:34:40.005 but bring them up in the discipline 459 00:34:40.265 --> 00:34:42.085 and instruction of the Lord. 460 00:34:42.795 --> 00:34:45.725 This short passage is part of a larger section of scripture 461 00:34:45.725 --> 00:34:48.565 that's often referred to as the household code. 462 00:34:49.065 --> 00:34:51.805 Uh, Paul actually introduces this whole thing, 463 00:34:51.915 --> 00:34:55.285 several verses before in verse 21, setting it all up. 464 00:34:55.305 --> 00:34:58.365 He says, uh, that we are to, we're submitting to one another 465 00:34:58.905 --> 00:35:00.445 out of reverence to Christ. 466 00:35:00.465 --> 00:35:02.845 And then he goes on to explain how that pertains wife 467 00:35:02.845 --> 00:35:05.765 to their husbands and now children to their parents. 468 00:35:06.705 --> 00:35:10.405 But notice it's that out of reverence to Christ's part. 469 00:35:10.405 --> 00:35:11.765 That is our motivation again. 470 00:35:12.145 --> 00:35:15.405 And as we zoom way out, we see this bigger picture of 471 00:35:15.405 --> 00:35:18.805 what God has been up to as he's been restoring everything 472 00:35:18.805 --> 00:35:20.205 that has been broken on earth. 473 00:35:20.345 --> 00:35:22.885 Paul's been building this story explaining 474 00:35:22.885 --> 00:35:24.965 what God's been up to in the first three chapters 475 00:35:24.965 --> 00:35:27.525 of this letter to the, the church in Ephesus, 476 00:35:28.075 --> 00:35:32.245 that God is working to unite all things in him, in Christ, 477 00:35:32.465 --> 00:35:36.685 things in heaven and things on earth by faith in Jesus. 478 00:35:36.995 --> 00:35:38.605 This includes all nations on earth 479 00:35:38.605 --> 00:35:40.085 and it includes every man, woman, 480 00:35:40.185 --> 00:35:43.605 and child who believe in Jesus being united back to God. 481 00:35:43.945 --> 00:35:47.085 And especially it includes families being united back 482 00:35:47.245 --> 00:35:49.245 together, husbands back to their wives 483 00:35:49.245 --> 00:35:50.685 and children back to their parents. 484 00:35:51.545 --> 00:35:53.245 And this letter to the Ephesians, 485 00:35:53.355 --> 00:35:55.685 Paul first reminds us of the gospel. 486 00:35:56.465 --> 00:35:59.485 He begins by reminding us that we have a father. 487 00:35:59.785 --> 00:36:00.965 God is our Father. 488 00:36:01.065 --> 00:36:03.325 If we put our faith and trust in Jesus, he goes on 489 00:36:03.325 --> 00:36:05.485 to explain that, that the father's love 490 00:36:05.505 --> 00:36:09.205 for sinners has finally arrived in his son, Jesus Christ. 491 00:36:09.755 --> 00:36:12.365 It's good news for all people that if we trust in Jesus, 492 00:36:13.075 --> 00:36:15.765 that if we put our faith in his death 493 00:36:15.765 --> 00:36:18.165 and in his resurrection, then we will be forgiven. 494 00:36:18.165 --> 00:36:21.325 That we will no longer be considered dead in our trespasses 495 00:36:21.325 --> 00:36:24.925 and sins, but we will be made alive together in Christ. 496 00:36:25.235 --> 00:36:29.005 That not only that we will be adopted into God's family 497 00:36:29.705 --> 00:36:33.325 and once in God's family with him as our Father, the way 498 00:36:33.325 --> 00:36:36.045 that we can live our life will bear a powerful testimony 499 00:36:36.065 --> 00:36:37.405 to this good news to the gospel. 500 00:36:37.915 --> 00:36:40.765 That once in his family with God as our father, 501 00:36:41.105 --> 00:36:44.725 we will have a chance to walk by his spirit in light 502 00:36:44.865 --> 00:36:47.885 and in truth and in wisdom in his family. 503 00:36:48.545 --> 00:36:51.485 God the Father shares graciously all things with us. 504 00:36:52.185 --> 00:36:53.925 He loves us and he cares for us 505 00:36:54.025 --> 00:36:56.925 as he's growing us up into the image of Jesus Christ. 506 00:36:57.185 --> 00:36:58.885 And so in light of all that, he says, 507 00:36:58.885 --> 00:37:00.005 husbands love your wives. 508 00:37:00.025 --> 00:37:01.685 And now children obey your parents. 509 00:37:01.985 --> 00:37:04.725 The gospel is the context for our sermon today. 510 00:37:05.425 --> 00:37:09.005 The gospel is also the motivation. We look to Jesus. 511 00:37:10.005 --> 00:37:13.485 Remember out of reverence to Christ, he says in verse one, 512 00:37:13.485 --> 00:37:15.485 then children obey your parents 513 00:37:15.545 --> 00:37:16.805 and the Lord for this is right. 514 00:37:17.905 --> 00:37:21.965 How cool is it that Paul directly addresses children here? 515 00:37:22.225 --> 00:37:24.725 Uh, he assumes that his congregation is made up of, 516 00:37:24.745 --> 00:37:27.525 of a multi-generational church, that, 517 00:37:27.555 --> 00:37:29.805 that children are present with their parents 518 00:37:29.825 --> 00:37:30.845 as they hear this message 519 00:37:30.845 --> 00:37:33.325 that there's responsibilities being shared directly 520 00:37:33.325 --> 00:37:35.205 to parents and directly to kids. 521 00:37:35.365 --> 00:37:36.765 I think that's awesome. I I, 522 00:37:36.845 --> 00:37:38.365 I remember several weeks ago we did that. 523 00:37:38.365 --> 00:37:40.645 We invited our children into our services together. 524 00:37:40.765 --> 00:37:43.405 I hope we get to do that again. It just feels like family. 525 00:37:44.305 --> 00:37:46.445 So Paul tells children directly, 526 00:37:47.395 --> 00:37:49.765 kids obey mom and dad. 527 00:37:50.395 --> 00:37:52.405 There's no indication of compulsion here. 528 00:37:52.885 --> 00:37:56.885 Children are willingly and joyfully to obey parents. 529 00:37:56.885 --> 00:38:00.085 Have you tried this? Kids obey 530 00:38:01.265 --> 00:38:02.525 if only it were that easy, right? 531 00:38:02.525 --> 00:38:05.605 If only the first time we told them they would just 532 00:38:05.795 --> 00:38:08.405 obey personal pet peeve. 533 00:38:08.945 --> 00:38:12.845 Um, I I I hope we can all get over the parenting. 534 00:38:12.845 --> 00:38:14.565 Like counting to three trick. 535 00:38:15.115 --> 00:38:16.205 This is kind of an aside, 536 00:38:16.205 --> 00:38:18.805 but you know, the, like the Johnny, uh, I'm gonna count 537 00:38:18.805 --> 00:38:21.925 to 3 1 2. 538 00:38:22.035 --> 00:38:24.045 Okay? Johnny, you know what happens when I'm gonna get 539 00:38:24.045 --> 00:38:25.765 to three, I'm gonna start over again. 540 00:38:25.765 --> 00:38:30.285 Johnny. One, two. Can we just agree to stop that? 541 00:38:30.805 --> 00:38:32.845 I mean, think about what this is communicating 542 00:38:32.865 --> 00:38:35.565 to our kids versus what Paul is saying here, 543 00:38:36.265 --> 00:38:39.965 how God wants us to obey our parents as to the Lord. 544 00:38:40.345 --> 00:38:41.805 We would never do that to God. 545 00:38:41.945 --> 00:38:45.525 God, it it wants us to obey right away all the way 546 00:38:45.755 --> 00:38:46.765 with a happy heart. 547 00:38:47.685 --> 00:38:50.665 Can you picture God doing that with us? Dave? 548 00:38:51.485 --> 00:38:52.985 I'm gonna count to three. Don't you like 549 00:38:52.985 --> 00:38:54.105 those hymnals on fire? 550 00:38:54.135 --> 00:38:58.985 Dave, walk two. I digress. I digress. 551 00:38:59.125 --> 00:39:01.585 Um, how important is this anyway? 552 00:39:02.465 --> 00:39:05.565 How important is it that we obey our parents? 553 00:39:05.765 --> 00:39:07.845 I find it fascinating to look at other places in scripture 554 00:39:07.845 --> 00:39:09.085 where we find the same idea. 555 00:39:09.095 --> 00:39:12.245 Jesus himself mentions honoring your father 556 00:39:12.345 --> 00:39:14.725 and mother five times in, in the gospels. 557 00:39:15.065 --> 00:39:17.805 But Romans 1 29 has stopped me in my tracks 558 00:39:17.905 --> 00:39:18.925 as I was preparing. 559 00:39:19.205 --> 00:39:21.725 Disobedience is listed right there in this list 560 00:39:21.865 --> 00:39:25.525 of horrific things, including murder, including, uh, 561 00:39:25.865 --> 00:39:27.765 deceit hating God, inventing evil. 562 00:39:27.765 --> 00:39:28.765 And then right there in the middle 563 00:39:28.765 --> 00:39:31.125 of the list disobedience to parents. 564 00:39:31.585 --> 00:39:35.245 So in short, disobedience to parents is a sin. 565 00:39:36.025 --> 00:39:37.045 Now, before you go run 566 00:39:37.145 --> 00:39:39.725 and tell your kids that Pastor Dave called them a little 567 00:39:39.725 --> 00:39:41.245 sinner, uh, it might be helpful 568 00:39:41.385 --> 00:39:44.765 to remember your own disobedience to your parents, right? 569 00:39:45.795 --> 00:39:48.695 If you really wanna be thoughtful about it, you may pause 570 00:39:49.435 --> 00:39:51.135 and remember your own disobedience 571 00:39:51.135 --> 00:39:52.615 to your heavenly parent as well. 572 00:39:52.935 --> 00:39:54.335 I promise you that will cause you 573 00:39:54.595 --> 00:39:55.735 to move toward your children 574 00:39:55.765 --> 00:39:58.135 with a little more grace the next time they misbehave. 575 00:39:59.065 --> 00:40:00.085 Here's an observation, 576 00:40:00.085 --> 00:40:02.405 whether they're your biological child, 577 00:40:02.435 --> 00:40:06.005 your adopted foster child, your grandchild, the things 578 00:40:06.005 --> 00:40:09.885 that irk you most about your kids are the things 579 00:40:10.035 --> 00:40:14.045 that are exactly like you, like 580 00:40:14.605 --> 00:40:18.405 reproduces, like, ugh, they're so stubborn, 581 00:40:18.555 --> 00:40:19.685 they're just like me. 582 00:40:19.715 --> 00:40:20.885 It's so frustrating, right? 583 00:40:21.995 --> 00:40:25.845 Well, no, children are not commanded to obey mom and dad 584 00:40:25.845 --> 00:40:27.725 because mom and dad are geniuses. 585 00:40:27.725 --> 00:40:31.885 Somewhere around age 13, every kid thinks, huh, my mom 586 00:40:31.885 --> 00:40:34.245 and dad aren't as smart as they made me think once. 587 00:40:34.425 --> 00:40:37.685 Um, they, they know that nor are kids committed to obey mom 588 00:40:37.685 --> 00:40:39.125 and dad because mom and dad are perfect, 589 00:40:39.665 --> 00:40:42.685 nor are they commanded to obey parents unconditionally. 590 00:40:43.925 --> 00:40:45.465 Paul's not saying that we should follow 591 00:40:45.485 --> 00:40:46.545 our parents into sin. 592 00:40:46.865 --> 00:40:48.385 Remember last week, we looked at the same verse. 593 00:40:48.385 --> 00:40:51.905 Peter said, we must obey God rather than men. 594 00:40:53.555 --> 00:40:55.235 Although I admit, I've often said the words 595 00:40:55.265 --> 00:40:58.955 because I said so when my kids ask why do they need to obey? 596 00:40:59.095 --> 00:41:00.995 Uh, there's better biblical answers to why 597 00:41:01.055 --> 00:41:03.355 and how children should, should obey their parents. 598 00:41:03.355 --> 00:41:05.275 And we can find three right here in this verse. 599 00:41:05.695 --> 00:41:07.395 The first one is this. They need, 600 00:41:07.395 --> 00:41:09.235 they should be obeying in the Lord. 601 00:41:09.705 --> 00:41:11.755 This could also be rendered as to the Lord. 602 00:41:11.785 --> 00:41:13.155 It's the same idea that's flowing 603 00:41:13.155 --> 00:41:14.715 through this whole section of scripture. 604 00:41:16.015 --> 00:41:18.035 Uh, in other words, why should they obey? 605 00:41:18.225 --> 00:41:22.475 Well, out of reverence to Christ, submission 606 00:41:23.255 --> 00:41:26.595 to to, uh, in obedience, appearance is rooted in our love 607 00:41:26.595 --> 00:41:28.275 for Jesus that's rooted in the gospel. 608 00:41:28.575 --> 00:41:32.595 Second, for this is right, he says, we don't need 609 00:41:32.595 --> 00:41:33.925 to oversize this. 610 00:41:33.925 --> 00:41:36.205 Obeying your parents is simply the right thing to do. 611 00:41:36.745 --> 00:41:40.685 Um, you know, we, we all pretty much say things like, 612 00:41:40.955 --> 00:41:42.285 because I'm dad. 613 00:41:42.345 --> 00:41:44.845 That's why, and this is actually kind of close to that. 614 00:41:45.605 --> 00:41:46.925 I think the reason we all say this, 615 00:41:46.995 --> 00:41:48.845 even though our kids roll their eyes every time 616 00:41:48.845 --> 00:41:50.005 we say it, because I'm dad. 617 00:41:50.005 --> 00:41:52.765 And that's why is because God has ingrained this idea 618 00:41:52.785 --> 00:41:57.245 and I in us, in all of us, that it's just right to obey mom 619 00:41:57.245 --> 00:41:59.005 and dad, even though we choose not to. 620 00:41:59.425 --> 00:42:02.945 And third, because it's commanded in God's law. 621 00:42:03.725 --> 00:42:05.305 In verse two and verse three, uh, 622 00:42:05.305 --> 00:42:07.305 Paul specifically references the 10 commandments 623 00:42:07.305 --> 00:42:11.185 that were given to, uh, Moses in Exodus chapter 20. 624 00:42:12.135 --> 00:42:14.275 So if we believe that God's word is truth 625 00:42:14.335 --> 00:42:16.995 and we believe that God's way is best, then we're going 626 00:42:16.995 --> 00:42:19.755 to align our lives and relationships to what he says. 627 00:42:20.335 --> 00:42:22.275 And he says, honor your father and mother. 628 00:42:22.585 --> 00:42:24.155 This is the first commandment with a promise 629 00:42:24.425 --> 00:42:25.555 that it may go well with you 630 00:42:26.015 --> 00:42:28.355 and that you may live long in the land. 631 00:42:29.455 --> 00:42:32.435 Now, this promise does not guarantee that obedience 632 00:42:32.435 --> 00:42:34.355 to your parents is gonna give you some sort 633 00:42:34.355 --> 00:42:36.315 of immortality or invincibility. 634 00:42:36.455 --> 00:42:39.995 We, we sadly all know, uh, tragic cases where, 635 00:42:39.995 --> 00:42:42.515 where children have died tragically too young. 636 00:42:42.535 --> 00:42:44.195 And I, I actually, I know there's some of you here 637 00:42:44.505 --> 00:42:46.195 that are firsthand experience with that, 638 00:42:46.255 --> 00:42:50.475 and I can't imagine, but this promise was originally given 639 00:42:50.535 --> 00:42:51.995 to the children of Israel. 640 00:42:52.495 --> 00:42:54.195 But Paul's expanding on it here, 641 00:42:54.195 --> 00:42:56.475 making it universally applicable to all of us. 642 00:42:56.505 --> 00:42:59.275 Paul actually adds words here that aren't in Exodus 20. 643 00:42:59.275 --> 00:43:01.075 They aren't in the original 10 commandments. 644 00:43:01.255 --> 00:43:04.115 He adds the part that it may go well with you. 645 00:43:04.245 --> 00:43:06.475 Those words aren't in the 10 Commandments, just the, 646 00:43:06.505 --> 00:43:08.395 that you may live long in the land 647 00:43:08.415 --> 00:43:10.115 and this is what he's driving at, 648 00:43:10.225 --> 00:43:13.275 that if you do this generally it's gonna go well. 649 00:43:14.385 --> 00:43:15.555 It's not a guarantee that every, 650 00:43:15.765 --> 00:43:17.995 every day is gonna end up in perfect happiness, 651 00:43:17.995 --> 00:43:19.435 but generally we can expect 652 00:43:19.435 --> 00:43:21.755 to experience God's best when we're obedient to him. 653 00:43:22.215 --> 00:43:23.435 In other words, if we were 654 00:43:23.435 --> 00:43:25.275 to take a big step back from all this 655 00:43:25.275 --> 00:43:27.195 and we're to look at a healthy church, if we're 656 00:43:27.195 --> 00:43:29.595 to look at the family of families and, 657 00:43:29.595 --> 00:43:31.315 and figure out how can we get healthy again, 658 00:43:31.315 --> 00:43:32.435 it's not gonna be possible 659 00:43:32.615 --> 00:43:35.555 unless the parent child relationships are marked by love 660 00:43:35.695 --> 00:43:37.955 and by trust and by obedience and honor. 661 00:43:38.095 --> 00:43:39.195 If we get that right, 662 00:43:39.775 --> 00:43:41.675 Paul's saying it's gonna go well for you. 663 00:43:43.345 --> 00:43:46.725 And then verse four, Paul shifts his instructions directly 664 00:43:46.725 --> 00:43:49.925 to parents, specifically fathers are instructed here. 665 00:43:49.925 --> 00:43:51.405 And it doesn't mean that mothers don't need 666 00:43:51.405 --> 00:43:52.525 to heed these instructions. 667 00:43:52.635 --> 00:43:55.405 This is can be seen as an extension of the headship 668 00:43:55.425 --> 00:43:58.205 of the husband, that God, uh, that Paul has established, 669 00:43:58.205 --> 00:43:59.725 excuse me, that God has established in the 670 00:43:59.925 --> 00:44:01.005 previous few verses. 671 00:44:01.745 --> 00:44:04.815 Um, so he says, 672 00:44:04.915 --> 00:44:07.975 and by the way, just by way of reminder about that headship, 673 00:44:08.455 --> 00:44:10.455 remember if, if you were tracking with us last week, 674 00:44:10.775 --> 00:44:12.415 husbands are set up as the ultimate 675 00:44:12.415 --> 00:44:13.495 servant in your marriage. 676 00:44:13.515 --> 00:44:15.655 If you miss that sermon, go back and watch it online. 677 00:44:15.655 --> 00:44:17.615 It's a good one. But the, the, the instruction is 678 00:44:17.615 --> 00:44:18.935 for fathers and mothers alike. 679 00:44:18.935 --> 00:44:21.575 But he says, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, 680 00:44:22.155 --> 00:44:25.015 but bring them up in discipline and instruction of the Lord. 681 00:44:26.035 --> 00:44:28.335 So Paul's instruction is first negative, 682 00:44:28.395 --> 00:44:30.175 and then he moves towards the positive. 683 00:44:30.195 --> 00:44:33.245 So we're gonna stand, uh, on the negative for just a moment, 684 00:44:33.475 --> 00:44:34.925 then we're gonna move toward the positive. 685 00:44:34.925 --> 00:44:37.725 So negative, do not provoke your children to anger. 686 00:44:38.045 --> 00:44:40.925 Provoke means to exasperate, to frustrate intensely. 687 00:44:42.335 --> 00:44:45.585 This kind of continues Paul's comments earlier about anger 688 00:44:45.585 --> 00:44:48.385 that he said just a couple, uh, chapters before, be angry 689 00:44:48.885 --> 00:44:49.985 and do not sin. 690 00:44:50.405 --> 00:44:52.145 Do not let the son go down on your anger 691 00:44:52.165 --> 00:44:53.825 and give no opportunity to the devil. 692 00:44:54.085 --> 00:44:57.425 In other words, don't forget, there is an enemy out there 693 00:44:57.575 --> 00:44:59.185 that is trying to bust up your family. 694 00:44:59.815 --> 00:45:01.505 He's been doing it since Genesis three. 695 00:45:01.845 --> 00:45:05.065 And anger is a great weapon for him to bust up families 696 00:45:05.065 --> 00:45:07.265 for dividing children from their parents. 697 00:45:08.185 --> 00:45:10.325 So do not provoke your children to anger. 698 00:45:10.325 --> 00:45:12.525 Literally means, Hey, show some restraint 699 00:45:13.145 --> 00:45:14.525 in the Roman culture of the day. 700 00:45:14.575 --> 00:45:18.125 There is this, uh, uh, unique, I guess is the right word, 701 00:45:18.225 --> 00:45:22.365 uh, cultural phenomenon called patria potus, the authority 702 00:45:22.365 --> 00:45:23.365 of the head of the house. 703 00:45:23.915 --> 00:45:25.925 This is the culture that he's speaking to here. 704 00:45:26.035 --> 00:45:29.605 This gave the father unlimited power over his children, 705 00:45:30.035 --> 00:45:31.645 that if his children misbehaved, 706 00:45:31.645 --> 00:45:35.005 he could inflict severe physical punishment that actually, 707 00:45:35.105 --> 00:45:36.325 if a child misbehaved, 708 00:45:36.325 --> 00:45:39.365 the father could have his children sold into slavery 709 00:45:39.365 --> 00:45:40.645 because of misbehaved. 710 00:45:41.105 --> 00:45:44.725 He could actually legally command the death penalty if his 711 00:45:44.925 --> 00:45:46.445 kids misbehave, misbehaved. 712 00:45:46.445 --> 00:45:48.885 Imagine that instead of counting to three 713 00:45:49.025 --> 00:45:50.565 or a timeout, right? 714 00:45:52.835 --> 00:45:56.015 And Paul is saying in the, in the Christian household, 715 00:45:56.555 --> 00:45:57.615 it shouldn't be like this. 716 00:45:58.875 --> 00:46:01.045 This kind of unrestrained tyranny of a father 717 00:46:01.145 --> 00:46:02.285 or of a husband is not 718 00:46:02.285 --> 00:46:03.805 what a Christian home should look like. 719 00:46:03.905 --> 00:46:05.005 So show restraint. 720 00:46:05.375 --> 00:46:07.205 Don't provoke and frustrate your children. 721 00:46:07.215 --> 00:46:08.445 Don't do more harm than good. 722 00:46:08.475 --> 00:46:11.245 It's tragic when kids are brought up in an environment 723 00:46:11.245 --> 00:46:12.885 where they're constantly in fear 724 00:46:12.885 --> 00:46:15.005 of the next volcanic eruption from mom 725 00:46:15.305 --> 00:46:16.685 or especially from dad. 726 00:46:17.755 --> 00:46:19.375 But it's not just outbursts of anger 727 00:46:19.405 --> 00:46:21.695 that can frustrate our kids and provoke them to anger. 728 00:46:21.795 --> 00:46:24.375 Let, let me uh, give you seven ways we 729 00:46:24.535 --> 00:46:25.575 provoke or frustrate our kids. 730 00:46:25.575 --> 00:46:27.615 And you're like seven Dave that's kind of heavy handed. 731 00:46:27.665 --> 00:46:29.135 Maybe just two would be enough. 732 00:46:29.155 --> 00:46:31.935 But I want you to know, these are seven things I'm learning. 733 00:46:32.025 --> 00:46:34.575 These are seven things that I'm tempted to do, seven traps 734 00:46:34.575 --> 00:46:36.495 that I have fallen in from time to time. 735 00:46:36.595 --> 00:46:39.655 I'm a co struggler among you, so I'm just sharing with you 736 00:46:39.655 --> 00:46:41.095 what I'm learning as a parent. 737 00:46:41.155 --> 00:46:43.895 But the first thing is this, our selfishness. 738 00:46:44.525 --> 00:46:45.855 This is at the top of the list. 739 00:46:46.865 --> 00:46:49.155 When we forget that our children belong to God, 740 00:46:49.495 --> 00:46:51.595 it gives us it, it sends us into a whole 741 00:46:51.595 --> 00:46:52.795 world of parenting trouble. 742 00:46:53.595 --> 00:46:55.055 If you wanna see this in action, go 743 00:46:55.055 --> 00:46:56.575 to a soccer field on the weekend 744 00:46:56.575 --> 00:46:59.495 and watch the parents watch what happens when, when a kid 745 00:47:00.395 --> 00:47:01.735 misses the penalty shot 746 00:47:01.795 --> 00:47:03.055 or when a kid blows it 747 00:47:03.055 --> 00:47:04.495 for the whole team and they lose the game. 748 00:47:04.495 --> 00:47:05.935 Watch the parents' response. 749 00:47:06.285 --> 00:47:09.615 Sometimes they, they, they have this personal embarrassment 750 00:47:10.005 --> 00:47:11.575 that le leads them to anger. 751 00:47:11.575 --> 00:47:13.895 They lash out the kid saying things like, well, 752 00:47:14.155 --> 00:47:16.775 I'm signing you up for, for, uh, extra lessons, 753 00:47:16.775 --> 00:47:19.575 private lessons starting tomorrow as the kid just kind 754 00:47:19.575 --> 00:47:21.255 of shrugs and is ready to quit. 755 00:47:23.005 --> 00:47:24.505 Is this more about the kid 756 00:47:24.565 --> 00:47:26.865 or is this more about us as a parent trying 757 00:47:26.865 --> 00:47:29.105 to make our kids into our personal trophies? 758 00:47:30.645 --> 00:47:32.405 I mean, that, that's the kind of selfishness 759 00:47:32.405 --> 00:47:35.165 that makes everything about our hopes, our dreams, 760 00:47:35.825 --> 00:47:38.165 our expectations, our reputation, 761 00:47:38.165 --> 00:47:40.085 rather than encouraging God's plan 762 00:47:40.425 --> 00:47:42.325 and his desire for his children. 763 00:47:42.865 --> 00:47:43.965 Second, our severity. 764 00:47:44.805 --> 00:47:47.805 I want you to think carefully about the punishments 765 00:47:47.845 --> 00:47:48.885 you choose for your children. 766 00:47:49.185 --> 00:47:50.325 All kids are different, 767 00:47:50.665 --> 00:47:53.685 and I'm not here to prescribe one punishment over the other. 768 00:47:54.225 --> 00:47:57.085 I'm just asking you think carefully about this. 769 00:47:58.305 --> 00:48:00.135 Don't respond in a moment of emotion. 770 00:48:00.955 --> 00:48:02.095 Ask yourself two questions. 771 00:48:02.605 --> 00:48:04.135 Will this punishment lead to the growth 772 00:48:04.135 --> 00:48:06.015 that God desires for his children? 773 00:48:07.365 --> 00:48:08.825 And does this severity 774 00:48:08.845 --> 00:48:11.465 of this punishment appropriately match the behavior? 775 00:48:13.505 --> 00:48:15.415 Third, our inconsistency. 776 00:48:15.845 --> 00:48:17.855 This is when one day, one thing is ignored, 777 00:48:17.855 --> 00:48:19.775 and the next day the exact same thing is punished. 778 00:48:19.805 --> 00:48:21.295 I'll be honest, when I fail at this, 779 00:48:21.325 --> 00:48:22.775 it's when there's like a difference between 780 00:48:22.805 --> 00:48:23.815 what happens in public 781 00:48:23.815 --> 00:48:26.095 and what happens in private, like privately. 782 00:48:26.255 --> 00:48:28.375 If they do a little bit of misbehaving, I'm like, it's fine. 783 00:48:28.375 --> 00:48:30.175 It's whatever. I don't feel like dealing this right now. 784 00:48:30.715 --> 00:48:33.575 Let 'em go. But in public, they're making me look bad. 785 00:48:34.075 --> 00:48:36.695 And so the exact same misbehavior you can come down 786 00:48:36.915 --> 00:48:39.655 and punish and that, that frustrates our kids. 787 00:48:39.655 --> 00:48:42.385 When that happens, again, it's more about us 788 00:48:43.205 --> 00:48:44.865 and our selfishness, how we feel 789 00:48:45.895 --> 00:48:47.425 when we forget who they belong to. 790 00:48:48.575 --> 00:48:49.675 Fourth, our failure 791 00:48:49.775 --> 00:48:52.155 to distinguish childish foolishness from sin. 792 00:48:52.665 --> 00:48:55.075 Kids are kids and kids are gonna do foolish things. 793 00:48:55.095 --> 00:48:57.395 We just need to know that they may not know any better. 794 00:48:57.755 --> 00:49:00.835 A child getting a Lego stuck way up his nose is not the same 795 00:49:00.855 --> 00:49:03.915 as a child trying to lie to his parents about 796 00:49:03.935 --> 00:49:05.155 how it got stuck up there. 797 00:49:05.255 --> 00:49:09.515 You know, um, like the, the Lego thing, that's not a sin. 798 00:49:09.515 --> 00:49:11.875 That's a kid. Being a kid that's foolishness. 799 00:49:12.295 --> 00:49:14.635 But lying to your parents, that is a sin. 800 00:49:14.815 --> 00:49:16.315 And a wise parent will be able 801 00:49:16.315 --> 00:49:18.475 to distinguish the difference when he, when he 802 00:49:18.475 --> 00:49:20.755 or she is discipling his kid moving forward. 803 00:49:21.935 --> 00:49:24.795 Uh, fifth comparison to other kids. 804 00:49:25.695 --> 00:49:27.115 Why can't you be more like your brother? 805 00:49:28.025 --> 00:49:31.055 These kinds of words are like poison to a kid's heart. 806 00:49:31.675 --> 00:49:34.175 The only measuring stick we should be using is our growth 807 00:49:34.395 --> 00:49:36.855 toward the measure of the fullness of Jesus Christ. 808 00:49:37.955 --> 00:49:39.985 Sixth are hypocrisy 809 00:49:40.735 --> 00:49:43.345 when we ourselves fail in the exact same way, 810 00:49:43.345 --> 00:49:45.425 but it goes unpunished without a consequence. 811 00:49:45.495 --> 00:49:48.305 Like when you say, Hey, don't talk to your mother like that, 812 00:49:48.615 --> 00:49:50.745 when you yourself are disrespecting 813 00:49:50.745 --> 00:49:51.905 your wife in front of the kids. 814 00:49:53.885 --> 00:49:56.295 Seventh, our failure to acknowledge their growth. 815 00:49:56.565 --> 00:49:59.575 This is when nothing is good enough. Ah, you scored a goal. 816 00:49:59.885 --> 00:50:01.495 Well, what happened on that other one? 817 00:50:01.795 --> 00:50:04.015 Or you got a 93 on that test? What'd you get wrong? 818 00:50:05.335 --> 00:50:07.975 Honestly, this is the one I failed at the most as a parent. 819 00:50:08.795 --> 00:50:10.335 One day I was at a restaurant with my son. 820 00:50:10.335 --> 00:50:11.535 We were talking about fears, 821 00:50:11.535 --> 00:50:14.415 and I asked him if he was afraid of quicksand. 822 00:50:14.555 --> 00:50:17.095 My son grew up with this irrational fear of quicksand. 823 00:50:17.095 --> 00:50:18.775 He thought it was gonna get him everywhere he went. 824 00:50:19.035 --> 00:50:20.935 He was really kind of disappointed that we still 825 00:50:20.955 --> 00:50:23.015 to this day, haven't actually seen quicksand. 826 00:50:23.015 --> 00:50:24.295 I don't even know if quicksand is a real 827 00:50:24.295 --> 00:50:25.575 thing to be quite honest. 828 00:50:25.915 --> 00:50:29.085 Um, but he said, no, dad, I'm not afraid of quicksand. 829 00:50:29.085 --> 00:50:31.205 And I said, well, what are you most afraid of? 830 00:50:31.205 --> 00:50:32.485 What's your biggest fear in life? 831 00:50:32.545 --> 00:50:35.125 And he thought, and he thought, he said, 832 00:50:36.785 --> 00:50:38.825 I think disappointing you is my greatest fear. 833 00:50:39.535 --> 00:50:42.505 It's like, oh, dagger to the heart. 834 00:50:44.625 --> 00:50:47.225 I don't know how many times I've often thought the same 835 00:50:47.225 --> 00:50:48.865 thing about my dad before he died. 836 00:50:49.585 --> 00:50:52.625 I mean, the, the crazy expectations of growing up as a, 837 00:50:52.625 --> 00:50:54.545 as a pastor's kid must be incredible. 838 00:50:54.645 --> 00:50:59.545 And I've often failed to see and to celebrate my, my son 839 00:50:59.545 --> 00:51:00.665 and my daughter's victories. 840 00:51:01.605 --> 00:51:04.265 So those are some of the, the traps I've fallen into 841 00:51:04.265 --> 00:51:06.185 that can provoke or frustrate my kids. 842 00:51:06.205 --> 00:51:08.905 So let's not do those. So what do we do instead? 843 00:51:09.775 --> 00:51:11.225 Paul moves us toward the positive. 844 00:51:11.225 --> 00:51:14.265 He says, we, we bring them up in the discipline 845 00:51:14.325 --> 00:51:15.905 and instruction of the Lord. 846 00:51:16.125 --> 00:51:17.985 The word bring them up is the same word as nourish. 847 00:51:18.055 --> 00:51:19.265 It's the same idea that you could use 848 00:51:19.265 --> 00:51:20.665 as you plant a tree in your garden 849 00:51:20.665 --> 00:51:22.945 that you make sure it has the nutrients it needs, 850 00:51:22.945 --> 00:51:26.225 that it gets the sunlight it needs, that, uh, the, the, 851 00:51:26.245 --> 00:51:28.585 the soil is good, it gets the water it needs. 852 00:51:28.805 --> 00:51:30.145 You're, you're bringing it up. 853 00:51:30.365 --> 00:51:33.305 And this bringing it up describes a process. 854 00:51:34.015 --> 00:51:35.905 Parenting is not a one-time event. 855 00:51:35.975 --> 00:51:38.025 It's not something that it just happens and it's over. 856 00:51:38.025 --> 00:51:40.785 It's a process. And that is good news for parents 857 00:51:40.975 --> 00:51:44.025 because that means it's not too late. 858 00:51:44.975 --> 00:51:48.665 Parenting doesn't hinge on our last failure or success. 859 00:51:48.765 --> 00:51:50.665 If, if the last conversation you had 860 00:51:50.665 --> 00:51:52.505 with your kids was a disaster. 861 00:51:52.695 --> 00:51:55.625 Well, good news. You're still mom, you're still dad 862 00:51:55.675 --> 00:51:58.265 until they meet Jesus one day or you meet Jesus one day 863 00:51:58.265 --> 00:51:59.545 or he comes back again. 864 00:52:01.265 --> 00:52:02.515 When Cindy and I, uh, 865 00:52:02.625 --> 00:52:04.915 dropped off our Senate college last year, 866 00:52:04.935 --> 00:52:07.235 we didn't declare mission accomplished. 867 00:52:07.335 --> 00:52:08.515 Our job is over. 868 00:52:09.655 --> 00:52:13.155 We could have, if we considered our job as, uh, 869 00:52:13.555 --> 00:52:15.435 behavior control managers, you could say, 870 00:52:15.435 --> 00:52:16.515 yeah, all right, he's outta your house. 871 00:52:16.515 --> 00:52:18.755 You're not controlling his behavior anymore. You're done. 872 00:52:18.755 --> 00:52:19.995 But that's not our job. 873 00:52:20.475 --> 00:52:22.635 Remember, our job is to faithfully 874 00:52:23.395 --> 00:52:24.915 represent God to our kids. 875 00:52:25.375 --> 00:52:28.595 So we haven't stopped, nor will we stop in this regard, 876 00:52:28.695 --> 00:52:29.915 but it looks different today. 877 00:52:29.935 --> 00:52:33.195 Now we're continuing, uh, to pray for our son, hoping, 878 00:52:33.195 --> 00:52:34.995 praying that he continues on his own 879 00:52:34.995 --> 00:52:36.555 and what we've already taught him in God's 880 00:52:36.555 --> 00:52:37.675 word while he was in our home. 881 00:52:38.175 --> 00:52:39.755 It reminds me of Paul's words 882 00:52:39.755 --> 00:52:41.315 to Timothy, and these are awesome. 883 00:52:41.575 --> 00:52:43.235 Uh, listen to this continue. 884 00:52:43.295 --> 00:52:44.795 He says, in what you have learned 885 00:52:45.055 --> 00:52:49.155 and firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it, 886 00:52:49.155 --> 00:52:51.795 and how from childhood you have known the sacred writings, 887 00:52:51.795 --> 00:52:54.555 the Bible, which are able to make you wise for salvation 888 00:52:54.555 --> 00:52:56.275 through faith in Christ Jesus. 889 00:52:56.585 --> 00:53:00.155 What makes these verses amazing is Paul's actually referring 890 00:53:00.155 --> 00:53:01.275 to Timothy's mom here, 891 00:53:01.415 --> 00:53:03.275 and his mom is named in the letter to Timothy. 892 00:53:03.375 --> 00:53:06.915 Her name is Eunice. He's also referring specifically 893 00:53:06.975 --> 00:53:09.915 to Timothy's grandma, and she's named, her name is Lois. 894 00:53:09.915 --> 00:53:11.155 That these two women as mom 895 00:53:11.155 --> 00:53:12.675 and his grandma were the ones 896 00:53:12.675 --> 00:53:14.835 that taught Timothy God's word. 897 00:53:14.965 --> 00:53:18.995 Isn't that cool? So shout out to godly, uh, 898 00:53:19.665 --> 00:53:21.155 prayerful grandmas 899 00:53:21.175 --> 00:53:23.355 and grandpas that are teaching their 900 00:53:23.355 --> 00:53:24.715 grandchildren God's word. 901 00:53:24.915 --> 00:53:28.045 I applaud you way to go. Grandmas and grandpas keep it up. 902 00:53:29.545 --> 00:53:30.645 So how do we bring them up? 903 00:53:32.075 --> 00:53:34.815 We bring them up in discipline and instruction. 904 00:53:34.945 --> 00:53:36.535 Discipline means training. 905 00:53:37.955 --> 00:53:41.175 The training regimen of a loving Christian parent is 906 00:53:41.175 --> 00:53:43.855 to be framed by the transforming power of the gospel. 907 00:53:44.515 --> 00:53:47.575 Uh, we can't be too overly severe provoking them to anger, 908 00:53:47.675 --> 00:53:49.415 but discipline is required. 909 00:53:50.315 --> 00:53:52.895 We are to faithfully parent our kids 910 00:53:53.795 --> 00:53:56.135 as God is faithfully parenting us. 911 00:53:56.515 --> 00:53:59.175 So again, we look to God's word, we look to his example, 912 00:53:59.235 --> 00:54:02.295 we look to our heavenly Father for a cue on this. 913 00:54:02.715 --> 00:54:04.255 The author of Hebrews writes it this way. 914 00:54:04.255 --> 00:54:06.255 He says, for the Lord, disciplines the one he loves. 915 00:54:06.555 --> 00:54:08.975 And he chastises every son whom he receives. 916 00:54:09.395 --> 00:54:11.175 It is for discipline that you have to endure. 917 00:54:11.235 --> 00:54:12.855 God is treating you as sons for 918 00:54:12.855 --> 00:54:15.815 what son is there whom his father does not discipline. 919 00:54:16.075 --> 00:54:18.335 He God disciplines us for our good 920 00:54:18.335 --> 00:54:19.695 that we may share in his holiness. 921 00:54:19.715 --> 00:54:21.935 For the moment, all discipline seems 922 00:54:21.935 --> 00:54:23.175 painful rather than pleasant. 923 00:54:23.235 --> 00:54:26.055 But later, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness 924 00:54:26.055 --> 00:54:27.535 to those who have been trained by it 925 00:54:27.765 --> 00:54:29.535 with God The Father is our example. 926 00:54:29.675 --> 00:54:33.935 We are to likewise discipline our children in love Again, 927 00:54:33.995 --> 00:54:36.735 the goal in this passage here is not about behavior 928 00:54:36.765 --> 00:54:38.015 control management. 929 00:54:38.115 --> 00:54:39.455 The the goal is heart change. 930 00:54:39.795 --> 00:54:43.415 Its holiness that God is growing our hearts into his 931 00:54:43.415 --> 00:54:46.375 likeness, and it will yield peaceful fruit 932 00:54:46.375 --> 00:54:48.095 of righteousness in our kids' hearts. 933 00:54:48.095 --> 00:54:51.295 That's what it's all about. And this is our training manual. 934 00:54:51.845 --> 00:54:54.375 This is the instruction that Paul is talking about. 935 00:54:54.375 --> 00:54:56.855 It's God's word. Because look, parents, 936 00:54:57.295 --> 00:54:59.495 children are gonna ask hard questions. 937 00:55:00.225 --> 00:55:01.695 Where will you turn for the answers? 938 00:55:02.015 --> 00:55:03.815 Children will ask things like, dad, 939 00:55:03.875 --> 00:55:05.335 why did my friend hurt me today? 940 00:55:07.225 --> 00:55:10.085 Dad, why does our neighbor down the street have two moms? 941 00:55:11.985 --> 00:55:14.485 Dad, how do I know if I'm in love? 942 00:55:15.175 --> 00:55:18.825 These are great questions. They're hard questions to answer. 943 00:55:19.045 --> 00:55:21.185 As a parent and loving parents, 944 00:55:21.295 --> 00:55:24.225 even if they don't know the answer, will wisely reply. 945 00:55:25.015 --> 00:55:26.745 What does God's word have to say about that? 946 00:55:27.925 --> 00:55:29.185 And, and even if you don't know the 947 00:55:29.185 --> 00:55:30.425 answer, you can look together. 948 00:55:30.615 --> 00:55:32.665 This is how we do it. This is discipleship. 949 00:55:32.665 --> 00:55:35.385 This is teaching our kids to turn to God's words so 950 00:55:35.385 --> 00:55:37.105 that they may see the world around them 951 00:55:37.335 --> 00:55:38.625 with a biblical lens. 952 00:55:39.175 --> 00:55:41.945 This is bringing them up in the discipline 953 00:55:41.965 --> 00:55:43.905 and instruction of the Lord. 954 00:55:43.925 --> 00:55:47.505 And those last three words of the Lord are important. 955 00:55:47.525 --> 00:55:50.745 In fact, they're vital. I know we wear plenty of hats, uh, 956 00:55:50.745 --> 00:55:52.785 as parents, we're the medic, we're the chef, 957 00:55:52.785 --> 00:55:55.745 we're the cheerleader, we're the teacher, we're the coach. 958 00:55:55.755 --> 00:55:56.945 We're like a lot of things. 959 00:55:57.045 --> 00:55:59.505 But remember, our biblical role as parents is 960 00:55:59.505 --> 00:56:00.505 to represent God. 961 00:56:00.525 --> 00:56:03.625 The one that we are trying to, to teach them about. 962 00:56:04.325 --> 00:56:07.465 In other words, behind parents who teach 963 00:56:07.605 --> 00:56:10.865 and discipline their children stands the Lord God the 964 00:56:10.865 --> 00:56:11.985 Father himself. 965 00:56:13.355 --> 00:56:16.155 Ultimately, parenting is not about getting our kids 966 00:56:16.535 --> 00:56:17.795 to depend on us. 967 00:56:18.935 --> 00:56:21.385 It's about getting them to depend on God. 968 00:56:22.115 --> 00:56:23.485 That through godly discipline 969 00:56:23.485 --> 00:56:26.285 and biblical instruction, through meals together, through, 970 00:56:26.545 --> 00:56:29.685 uh, at prayer time at night, through conversations 971 00:56:29.685 --> 00:56:32.605 during carpool that they would come to know and to love 972 00:56:32.605 --> 00:56:36.045 and to follow and to depend on God, the father himself. 973 00:56:36.605 --> 00:56:38.485 I wanna put up a chart for you guys that we use in, 974 00:56:38.505 --> 00:56:39.605 uh, and hope for parents. 975 00:56:40.065 --> 00:56:42.365 Uh, this shows a child's dependence, 976 00:56:42.365 --> 00:56:43.445 and there's two lines on. 977 00:56:43.445 --> 00:56:45.445 Parents goes down into the right on 978 00:56:45.545 --> 00:56:46.685 God goes up into the right. 979 00:56:46.745 --> 00:56:47.885 See, when a kid is born, 980 00:56:48.275 --> 00:56:50.045 it's like off the charts high there. 981 00:56:50.105 --> 00:56:53.725 Uh, like if you don't feed your kid, they will not survive. 982 00:56:53.725 --> 00:56:55.365 They're completely dependent on you. 983 00:56:55.745 --> 00:56:57.765 But notice that's not a straight line going across. 984 00:56:57.865 --> 00:57:00.885 We don't want a kid that's 60 years old still completely 985 00:57:01.205 --> 00:57:02.525 dependent on us living with us, right? 986 00:57:03.505 --> 00:57:04.965 So that line goes down. 987 00:57:05.025 --> 00:57:07.365 We want our children to become increasingly 988 00:57:07.995 --> 00:57:09.765 less dependent on us. 989 00:57:10.135 --> 00:57:12.045 While at the same time that line of 990 00:57:12.045 --> 00:57:14.645 that dependency on God is going up into the right. 991 00:57:14.985 --> 00:57:17.605 We want them to increasingly become more dependent on him. 992 00:57:17.625 --> 00:57:22.525 And notice if like reproduces, like we need 993 00:57:22.525 --> 00:57:25.405 to be as parents growing in our dependence on God if we 994 00:57:25.405 --> 00:57:27.485 expect our kids to follow in that way. 995 00:57:28.955 --> 00:57:31.295 So the key to doing this is again, 996 00:57:31.315 --> 00:57:34.495 to understand your child first belongs to God. 997 00:57:35.745 --> 00:57:39.405 Uh, I think a beautiful, uh, passage that represents this. 998 00:57:39.465 --> 00:57:41.805 In fact, it represents all of our faith beautifully. 999 00:57:41.805 --> 00:57:44.285 The gospel and our role as a representative 1000 00:57:44.505 --> 00:57:47.845 to our kids is two Corinthians five, 17 through 20. 1001 00:57:48.105 --> 00:57:50.725 It says this, therefore, if anyone is in Christ, 1002 00:57:50.745 --> 00:57:51.765 he is a new creation. 1003 00:57:51.825 --> 00:57:54.765 The oldest passed away. Behold the new has come. 1004 00:57:55.105 --> 00:57:59.325 And all of this is from God who through Christ reconciled us 1005 00:57:59.325 --> 00:58:02.565 to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation 1006 00:58:02.915 --> 00:58:04.285 that is in Christ. 1007 00:58:04.385 --> 00:58:06.605 God was reconciling the world to himself 1008 00:58:06.785 --> 00:58:08.965 and not counting their trespasses against them. 1009 00:58:09.275 --> 00:58:12.965 This is the gospel that, that Jesus did it all for us. 1010 00:58:13.945 --> 00:58:16.205 And then get this entrusting to us. 1011 00:58:16.505 --> 00:58:19.565 The message of reconciliation, God is entrusting to you. 1012 00:58:19.595 --> 00:58:22.365 This message, this gospel message. He's saying, here it is. 1013 00:58:22.365 --> 00:58:24.965 Parents, I'm entrusting this message to you. 1014 00:58:25.475 --> 00:58:28.005 Therefore, in verse 20, we are ambassadors 1015 00:58:28.025 --> 00:58:31.725 for Christ God making his appeal through us as parents, 1016 00:58:32.185 --> 00:58:35.645 to our kids, to our neighbors, to the world around us. 1017 00:58:36.185 --> 00:58:37.725 The ambassador doesn't call the shots, 1018 00:58:37.725 --> 00:58:39.245 doesn't write the message, uh, 1019 00:58:39.245 --> 00:58:40.925 write the doesn't set the agenda. 1020 00:58:41.025 --> 00:58:44.205 The the ambassador represents the one who sent him. 1021 00:58:45.215 --> 00:58:46.355 That's your role as a parent. 1022 00:58:47.455 --> 00:58:51.715 You are Christ's ambassador, his primary chosen instrument 1023 00:58:51.775 --> 00:58:52.915 to represent his gospel 1024 00:58:53.215 --> 00:58:56.435 and his truth to your kids in your home. 1025 00:58:57.055 --> 00:58:59.395 And that way, your home is actually God's embassy. 1026 00:59:00.225 --> 00:59:03.355 It's not about church buildings. Once a week for an hour. 1027 00:59:03.745 --> 00:59:05.635 Your home is the primary environment, 1028 00:59:05.635 --> 00:59:06.635 which in which you were 1029 00:59:06.635 --> 00:59:08.155 to bring up your kids in loving discipline 1030 00:59:08.155 --> 00:59:09.315 and biblical instruction. 1031 00:59:10.095 --> 00:59:12.515 You cannot subcontract this job. 1032 00:59:13.665 --> 00:59:14.705 I understand the temptation. 1033 00:59:14.905 --> 00:59:18.625 I hope we have like the most, um, talented group of kid, 1034 00:59:18.625 --> 00:59:20.185 city staff and middle school 1035 00:59:20.185 --> 00:59:22.060 and high school pastors that I've ever met. 1036 00:59:22.425 --> 00:59:24.565 No matter how talented are they are, no matter 1037 00:59:24.565 --> 00:59:27.205 how prayerful they are, how wonderful they are, 1038 00:59:27.345 --> 00:59:29.045 how cool they are, how fun they are. 1039 00:59:29.105 --> 00:59:31.925 No matter how much goldfish we they throw at your kids, 1040 00:59:32.025 --> 00:59:33.965 no matter how much pizza that the, 1041 00:59:33.965 --> 00:59:36.245 the student pastors shove down those kids' throats, 1042 00:59:36.275 --> 00:59:41.005 they cannot compensate for the absence of loving discipline 1043 00:59:41.145 --> 00:59:43.805 and biblical instruction from you in your home. 1044 00:59:46.075 --> 00:59:48.455 The goal of parenting, again 1045 00:59:49.275 --> 00:59:51.095 is not behavior change. 1046 00:59:51.945 --> 00:59:53.845 Oh, that'd be really nice if they behaved right. 1047 00:59:55.345 --> 00:59:59.405 The goal is heart change, that our kids, by his word 1048 00:59:59.405 --> 01:00:01.285 and by his spirit, would be growing into the measure 1049 01:00:01.285 --> 01:00:02.765 of the fullness of Jesus Christ. 1050 01:00:02.795 --> 01:00:04.405 That we as, as Paul says, 1051 01:00:04.405 --> 01:00:06.965 that we may no longer be children tossed to 1052 01:00:06.965 --> 01:00:09.565 and fro by the ways and carried about by every wind of, 1053 01:00:09.665 --> 01:00:12.325 of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness 1054 01:00:12.325 --> 01:00:13.325 and deceitful schemes. 1055 01:00:13.325 --> 01:00:14.765 There's so much of that going on. 1056 01:00:14.765 --> 01:00:17.325 There's so many messages bombarding our kids 1057 01:00:17.525 --> 01:00:19.765 that they're being tossed around by the waves, 1058 01:00:20.145 --> 01:00:22.725 rather verse 15, speaking the truth. 1059 01:00:22.945 --> 01:00:24.765 That's the gospel in love. 1060 01:00:25.825 --> 01:00:28.165 We are to grow up in every way into him. 1061 01:00:28.225 --> 01:00:31.605 Who is the head into Christ? That's the goal of parenting. 1062 01:00:32.035 --> 01:00:35.165 That we are growing up like Jesus into his likeness. 1063 01:00:35.905 --> 01:00:37.885 You guys, this is a hard job. 1064 01:00:39.215 --> 01:00:43.125 Maybe the toughest one on the planet, exhausted, worn out. 1065 01:00:43.125 --> 01:00:45.165 Parents are called day after day 1066 01:00:45.165 --> 01:00:47.445 after day to, to wake up and try again. 1067 01:00:48.035 --> 01:00:49.125 Well, here's some good news. 1068 01:00:49.995 --> 01:00:53.205 Your kids don't need to see perfection in you parents. 1069 01:00:55.005 --> 01:00:57.055 They need to see your dependence on God. 1070 01:00:58.695 --> 01:01:02.635 And what God is, is after is not your success as a parent. 1071 01:01:02.665 --> 01:01:04.875 What he's after is your faithfulness. 1072 01:01:05.535 --> 01:01:08.515 That's good news for parents and kids alike. 1073 01:01:09.475 --> 01:01:12.215 That's why, uh, I I I published the book is why we have hope 1074 01:01:12.215 --> 01:01:14.375 for parents is it's the reason we created this class. 1075 01:01:14.475 --> 01:01:17.375 And even with all the good news there is, I want you 1076 01:01:17.375 --> 01:01:18.615 to know there's no guarantee here. 1077 01:01:18.615 --> 01:01:20.655 Sometimes we could do all the things, all, 1078 01:01:20.675 --> 01:01:22.015 all the right things as parents 1079 01:01:22.045 --> 01:01:24.895 that we could raise up a whole family that loves Jesus 1080 01:01:24.925 --> 01:01:27.055 with their whole heart, mind, soul, and strength. 1081 01:01:27.355 --> 01:01:28.775 And because of sin, 1082 01:01:29.485 --> 01:01:32.415 good parents can still raise struggling kids. 1083 01:01:35.225 --> 01:01:37.525 Sin divides families that separates us from God. 1084 01:01:37.745 --> 01:01:40.605 That's why Jesus came to set you free. 1085 01:01:42.195 --> 01:01:43.335 But until he comes back, 1086 01:01:44.115 --> 01:01:46.135 and that is our hope that he's coming back 1087 01:01:46.675 --> 01:01:50.615 to set all things right until that moment comes, until 1088 01:01:50.615 --> 01:01:52.095 that day comes, the Bible's pretty clear. 1089 01:01:52.115 --> 01:01:54.495 You can expect hard times. You can expect suffering. 1090 01:01:54.495 --> 01:01:57.455 And so I I want you to know we're not le sending you out 1091 01:01:57.455 --> 01:01:58.455 to like go figure it out. 1092 01:01:58.455 --> 01:02:00.535 Good luck. We want to walk alongside you. 1093 01:02:00.555 --> 01:02:01.575 We want to equip you. 1094 01:02:01.815 --> 01:02:03.935 I I want to invite you to join my wife 1095 01:02:03.935 --> 01:02:05.135 and me starting next week. 1096 01:02:05.135 --> 01:02:07.335 We're gonna be offering this class called Hope for Parents 1097 01:02:07.915 --> 01:02:09.335 and, and in hope for parents. 1098 01:02:09.795 --> 01:02:11.535 Uh, in the book that's written, I I try 1099 01:02:11.535 --> 01:02:14.215 to share right now real life, tangible hope 1100 01:02:14.485 --> 01:02:15.855 that is rooted in the gospel. 1101 01:02:15.965 --> 01:02:18.935 That we walk through the gospel narrative, uh, of, 1102 01:02:19.025 --> 01:02:22.365 of God the Father parenting us from Genesis to Revelation. 1103 01:02:22.985 --> 01:02:24.605 You can look at some of the pictures from the class. 1104 01:02:24.865 --> 01:02:27.005 By the way, there's grandmas in this class. 1105 01:02:27.255 --> 01:02:28.725 There, there's a woman in this class. 1106 01:02:28.805 --> 01:02:30.565 I dunno if you'll see her in one of the pictures who's like 1107 01:02:30.635 --> 01:02:31.645 literally pregnant. 1108 01:02:31.745 --> 01:02:33.565 She went into labor during the last class. 1109 01:02:33.905 --> 01:02:35.165 So like all the way from 1110 01:02:35.675 --> 01:02:38.925 just literally had a baby in the class to a grandparent. 1111 01:02:38.985 --> 01:02:40.165 You guys are welcome to come. 1112 01:02:40.625 --> 01:02:42.485 You will be encouraged by this class. 1113 01:02:42.485 --> 01:02:43.805 You're gonna be in God's word. 1114 01:02:43.945 --> 01:02:45.925 And most importantly, you're gonna be connected 1115 01:02:45.995 --> 01:02:48.765 with other moms and dads that have the same struggles. 1116 01:02:48.765 --> 01:02:51.205 You can learn from each other, you can encourage each other. 1117 01:02:51.465 --> 01:02:52.605 You can pray with each other. 1118 01:02:52.705 --> 01:02:54.645 And then, uh, Cindy and I, we're just gonna share 1119 01:02:54.705 --> 01:02:57.485 as much biblical truth as we can to encourage you 1120 01:02:57.625 --> 01:02:58.765 to learn from you as well. 1121 01:02:58.965 --> 01:03:00.565 I wanna invite you to join us. 1122 01:03:01.935 --> 01:03:04.965 We're gonna be offering it here, uh, at the Raleigh campus 1123 01:03:05.305 --> 01:03:06.445 and at the Apex campus. 1124 01:03:06.505 --> 01:03:08.525 And we're doing it during service, you guys. 1125 01:03:08.625 --> 01:03:11.325 So like your, your your, your kids will have childcare. 1126 01:03:11.475 --> 01:03:12.565 They'll be taken care of. 1127 01:03:12.565 --> 01:03:15.245 There's literally no excuse, but you gotta register. 1128 01:03:15.665 --> 01:03:18.965 The campus pastors will give you some, uh, uh, next steps on 1129 01:03:18.985 --> 01:03:20.325 how to register for your campus. 1130 01:03:20.705 --> 01:03:22.205 And if you can't make it to Apex 1131 01:03:22.225 --> 01:03:25.245 or to Raleigh starting next weekend, let me know. 1132 01:03:25.405 --> 01:03:27.045 I I'd love to get that book in your hand 1133 01:03:27.065 --> 01:03:29.245 so you could study it either, uh, in your own home 1134 01:03:29.245 --> 01:03:30.325 or with your own small group. 1135 01:03:30.325 --> 01:03:32.765 Just let us know. We, we want this to go to as many people 1136 01:03:33.185 --> 01:03:36.445 as we can, but join us parents. 1137 01:03:37.035 --> 01:03:40.405 It's not too late. It's not too late. 1138 01:03:41.095 --> 01:03:43.005 There is hope for you and your kids. 1139 01:03:44.525 --> 01:03:46.245 I hope I get the opportunity to continue 1140 01:03:46.245 --> 01:03:47.565 to share it with you starting next week. 1141 01:03:47.565 --> 01:03:51.085 Let's pray together. Father God. Huh? 1142 01:03:52.475 --> 01:03:54.285 It's good that we get to call you Father 1143 01:03:54.515 --> 01:03:57.765 because you are the good and perfect father. 1144 01:03:58.685 --> 01:04:01.255 Yeah. We ask for your help as parents because we need it. 1145 01:04:01.315 --> 01:04:02.935 We ask for your help because you hear us. 1146 01:04:02.935 --> 01:04:04.855 We ask for your help because you are able. 1147 01:04:05.155 --> 01:04:08.495 So God, may we parent our kids as a response to the way 1148 01:04:08.495 --> 01:04:10.135 that you faithfully parent us. 1149 01:04:10.435 --> 01:04:12.935 And in the process, God, would you grow us all up? 1150 01:04:14.115 --> 01:04:16.815 God, grow our hearts, transform us from the 1151 01:04:16.815 --> 01:04:19.655 inside out into the likeness, into the character 1152 01:04:20.155 --> 01:04:24.095 of the incredible, uh, of the holy, uh, son Jesus Christ. 1153 01:04:24.115 --> 01:04:25.775 We pray in His name. Amen.