Life doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a mom. And the message that I want to send is that we have got to spend the time to figure it all out. We spend more time decorating our homes. And when it comes down to what it takes to be the mother that God has called you to be, we don't wanna spend the time.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to today's episode of the Christy Faith Show podcast. I am thrilled about what we are talking about today. I think in every single consultation I have, regardless of the kiddos age level that the parents are homeschooling, I get the question of what about high school? And often parents are absolutely gripped with fear, if not paralyzed over this.

So in today's episode, we are going to be talking about homeschooling high school, and specifically, we are gonna unravel some misconceptions that are often bandied about. Many homeschool parents, even those with young kids, are so scared of homeschooling high school and are paralyzed with fear and believe the myths surrounding it. So whether it's the belief that socialization is impossible or doubts about academic rigor, it doesn't matter. Just a scary thing to think about, especially when you're not there and you haven't done it yet. It's time today, finally, to separate fact from fiction, and I have the perfect guest to do that for us.

Joining us is Laniser, an esteemed expert who will help us illuminate the realities and provide a clear and insightful perspective. Let me tell you a little bit about our guest today. LaNissir James is an author, consultant, and enthusiastic speaker who inspires others through real life experiences. With a BS in journalism from the University of Maryland, she has served the homeschool community for over 20 years, guiding countless parents and students into college careers and beyond. She is a certified Myers Briggs practitioner.

This is so fun. We've had a lot of conversations about this because I'm a Myers Briggs girly too. And she enriches her clients' interpersonal communication through helping them understand themselves. A homeschool mom of 7 and author of The Mom's Manual. And I actually Lanysser, what you didn't put on here is I do believe you are pretty much the nationwide expert on homeschooling high school.

And I'm so happy to have you here today. LaNissir, would you tell us a little bit about yourself to start off and about your homeschooling journey?

Yes, Christy. I am so excited to be on the Christy Faith podcast. This is so very exciting, and, man, I do love homeschooling through high school. I'm here to encourage everyone who's listening. I too joined Reluctant in homeschooling almost 20 years ago, And my oldest daughter was finishing up 4th grade, and my husband was like, is this legal?

We went from $20,000 in private education to $500 in books. And the kids look happy, the school bus is going down the street, and we began to start our research. And one of the things that I know is that when you are new to homeschooling and you're just starting out, if I remember back to our first of 7 children, you're trying to prove to the world that this works. And I remember being there. My mother said, you're homeschooling my grandchildren?

That was a code word for it better be good. It better be good. So I was after everything fabulous. I told my oldest daughter that she was gonna be a doctor and a lawyer. Right?

Just so I could stay out of trouble with my mother, you know. So that's how my journey started. And I know so many of you are there where you're trying to figure out how will I do this? How can I get past? Like, all of us believe that we're smarter than the 5th grader.

But when we get beyond 5th grade, people get nervous. And so I'm here to encourage you today. And so I went from, my first daughter being very, very active in, dual enrollment. She was a junior Olympic gymnast. We did all things all things to, my youngest right now.

My oldest is 26 and my youngest is 8, Christy 8. So I am with you. I have one who's rising to 3rd grade. And along our journey, we have graduated 4 homeschoolers already, and all of them to college.

It's so exciting. And I have just 3 more. So out of the ones that have gone to college, 2 have already finished college, and 1 in the top twenty of her department in university cum laude. Right now at the University of Maryland and we have another one who's at Liberty University and at home, guys. I have a high schooler, a middle schooler, and an elementary school student.

And so I'm with you in the trenches, and I'm excited when you're here, Christy.

As a homeschool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids' diverse ages and learning needs. With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest. It's a challenge. Now, yes, I know perfection isn't the goal. But if you're listening and you could use a little easing of your mental load in your day to day, I found a resource that has become the quiet hero of our routine and it could be a really great option for you too.

BJU Press homeschool curriculum. Now, many think that BJU Press homeschool is solely an all in one option. And though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have? BJU Press Homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure and flexibility and easily complements my family's mixed age, family together, on the couch learning style. They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities in the lessons.

To find out how BJU Press Homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes. Oh, that's so fantastic. And we love hearing from mamas who can help those of us who have the younger kiddos. Look, it'll be okay.

You don't have to do everything perfect. I said, when we were talking about this episode before, I said, Man, I would love for you to come with some myths. And you have come today with 5 myths about homeschooling high school. Would you share with us you the first myth that you brought today?

Yes. The first myth is that homeschoolers can go to college. They'll be accepted at college. Even though you do not attend a public school, private school, or a charter school, you homeschool. I think one of the myths is that my kid can't go to college now because they're homeschooling.

That's not true. You can go to college. In fact, colleges love homeschoolers. You know why? Because they're already independent learners.

They're already connecting with adults from a healthy endpoint. Like my oldest daughter, she says she always showed up at office hours when she got there with the professor, they say you're homeschooled. Right? Because

Yep.

My kids wanna know, hey, when can I come see you? When can you come talk about the class? Who wants to talk about classes except for homeschoolers? Right? And so it is a myth.

And so we are been blessed to have so much merit based scholarship as homeschoolers and my job adjusted wonderful in the college setting. So that is definitely myth number 1. I think sometime people say, Christy, they're saying, hey, I'm not gonna homeschool through high school because I want my kid to go to college. That's a myth. Thank you.

Exactly. And you know what? And you know what I hear a lot is they say you need an accredited diploma. Do you hear that a lot?

All the time. A diploma can't accredit itself. Accreditation goes to schools and institutions, so you don't have to worry about that when you're homeschooling. Your job is to get the most vigorous pace that your kid can handle for the best, you know, academic experience. And guess what?

Colleges understand. And the importance of doing some paperwork, we'll talk in just a minute, but having a great transcript that summarizes it is what you what you need as a homeschooler.

Yeah. Exactly. And, you know, and I would go as far as to say that if a college does frown upon a homeschool transcript, that I would consider that discrimination because it is a viable school legal option in all 50 states.

Yes. It is.

Absolutely. What's the second myth that you brought for us today?

Alright. Well, the second one is that the myth buster is that it doesn't take several years to prepare for college. Several years. I see too many sophomores and juniors, even freshmen with no idea of what they wanna do after they finish high school. It takes more time than you realize, and it's really stressful.

Right? If you wait till that last year, and God forbid you wait until they're out of school. Oh, my gosh. You're gonna spend a year trying to figure out what you're gonna do. So I think the myth is that it doesn't take time.

And you know what? If you will begin with the end in mind, start 9th grade, getting clear about what you will do post homeschooling, it will make a world of difference. And and homeschooling is the perfect platform to do this. So it's a myth that you don't need several years, not months. I said years.

Right? So if you were in high school right now, you should start now. Start doing colleges. You know, start maybe it's a career. Even if it's a career that your student is going towards not college, they should get exposed to those careers.

They should check out what kind of certifications they can get in those careers. You know, I think sometimes when you get to high school in 9th grade, you're like, oh, I have 4 years. But the truth is, colleges, universities, they're only seeing 3 years of your work. 9th, 10th, and 11th, because by the time you're applying for colleges, you know, you barely can, you know, finish 1 semester of high school. So it's a myth that you don't need to start and start early.

Right? So in order to be prepared, you would have to start it maybe 2 years prior. And and it's fun when you do it inch by inch. Right?

As opposed to Right. Because you're yeah. You're taking the fight or flight out of the situation. Yes.

Yes.

And and you know what else? Because we used to help kiddos in a similar situation with college counseling and such. We don't do that anymore. But, of course, we don't expect a 9th grader to know what they're gonna do for the rest of their lives. But I will say, most of us do know, including the students themselves, what their natural bents are, what their giftings are.

And you kind of if your child's college bound, you kind of have an idea of the type of college. Right?

Yes. Yes. That leads me to myth number 3, if you're ready. Okay. Let's go.

Myth number 3 is that we believe that these electives and the interest of your children don't play a key role in the admission and college and career process. Right? And like you just said, it's kids are already have a bit of their interest. I'll give you a story. My oldest daughter, she said, oh, I wanna be a physical therapist.

Okay? She twisted her ankle as a gymnast. And I said to her, I was like, listen, while you're with the physical therapist, interview him, find out where he went to school, what he loved about it, what kind of tips he could give you. My daughter spent a week with the physical therapist, came home one day and said, ma, he touched my feet all week. I do not wanna be a physical therapist.

And Oh. Poof. Oh. Wouldn't you want that to happen when they're in high school and not in college? So being able to expose kids to what I call unique electives is important.

And it's a myth if you believe that the things that they do outside of the core classes, English, math, science, history, foreign language, those things that they do outside of the core classes shapes their future. We call them unique electives. Right? If you're getting a degree in computer science, I should see clues. I should see coding, Java, c script, c plus plus.

I should see things that show me you're interested in computers. If you're interested in pre med, if you're interested in law, I mean, you know, no matter what you're interested, I have one student who's a studio art major. It was clues through her academic years that she was gonna be a phenomenal artist, You know? And my other daughter, she she had clues. She was in environmental science.

Well, guess what? There were specific sciences that tied to that gave her experience in the areas that she was interested in. So it's a myth if you believe that those electives don't play a big part. Like, they're not important because they are.

Yeah. And I love that term unique elective. And I think this is important even if you have a kiddo that might go degree free. If anything, that would be even more important. Right?

Yes. Yes. It's exciting. This is exciting.

It is. Okay. I wanna ask you a question before we move on to myth number 4.

Yes.

Many people believe that homeschooling in high school limits social interactions. They think of, you know, they're missing the Friday night lights and the cheerleading and the football and the all of that. How can homeschooling actually provide unique social opportunities for high school students?

Oh, this is such a good question, Christy. And I was just having a conversation. You know, there is a myth that just because we sit a child in in an environment where there are 2,000 other people that they're social. They're not social. They're just standing around a whole bunch of people.

Right? And I think that when all of us, particularly as we get older, we know that it takes time and practice and healthy boundaries to build great relationships. And what I love about homeschooling is that you're not around a ton of people. You're around key people. And so I've taken the time to connect my kids to like minded individuals, healthy relationships, good families, the ones that really are your friends.

I see too men too much bullying. I see too much unhealthy relationships in these settings. Right? These these public school settings and people call that socialization. You know?

And guess what? It becomes a life skill to be able to find a healthy relationship. Right? Because, see, I have just fallen in love with being able to connect with you. You know, we've been connecting on Voxer and, you know, it's a great relationship.

Why? Because we have the tools. Right? You and I have the tools of what it looks like, of how we can encourage and care, you know, and encourage each other and inspire each other. So that does so it's healthy.

And so I think that that's the the thing you're after in high school and I think is super important. So what I would say if you have a high school student who's saying, oh my gosh, I'm gonna miss the football game, right? It's it doesn't mean that they're gonna miss the football game, but who are you sitting with at the football game? Why don't you grab one of your homeschool friends and you check out the game? Check out the, you know, college game.

Check out the high school game and go other places. Right? Because it's about the relationship. And so that's what we're after. And and guess what?

In homeschooling, they're so my kids are so social. I'm, like, telling them how what we're not gonna do in this homeschooling. Okay? I'm like, listen. We only got one mama.

Right? Is that the same?

Yes. Raise your hand if you're raise your hand if you're exhausted from your kids' socialization. But what I want people to hear, though, I this is this is what I've come to realize. A lot people come to the table when they are considering homeschooling in particularly in the older years. In the young years, it's easy to see how going on a nature walk is so much better than sitting in a classroom.

It's a lot harder for people and I and I see a scarcity mindset. The focus is on the experiences their kids will not have, and they don't see the massive exponentially larger amount of incredible experiences that they could have through homeschooling. But here's what everyone needs to realize and this is why I'm so big on constantly deschooling myself and and everybody that I come across is, make no mistake, socializing in high school in a public school setting does not look like socializing as a homeschooler. Is one more healthy than the other? Well, actually, I would say yes.

The homeschooling is more healthier. But it doesn't look the same. And I think a lot of parents just it takes time, wouldn't you say, to come to terms with that?

Yes. It really does. And and it's still parents have to be participatory. Right? You have to help.

And and I think that that's the part that parents are a little nervous about. Because when you're sending your kid to a a traditional school, you don't have to do anything. Least you don't think until there's a problem. Right? And then you're all in the middle of it.

But Yeah. You're like, oh my gosh. Did Johnny push you? Right? So but I think that, it takes deliberate action and effort.

Right? We have homeschool dances. We have homeschool events. We have homeschool sports. We have homeschool this and that and this.

And every place that we, engage as a homeschooler, there's opportunities to build a relationship with people who are homeschooled. And I would rather have 2 to 3, 3 to 4 good friends than 2,000 people who are not my friends. Right?

Yes. So And you know what else I would rather have? I've actually done a, social media short on this. Is what I've noticed with my kiddos is that their friendships are more diversified than kiddos who are, I will call it, forced association. They are forced to be at school and they have to go through school with the same group of kids for 12 years.

So if something happens socially, it

can be catastrophic if your entire

social circle is 1. And so catastrophic

if your entire social circle is 1. And so what I've

noticed is, you know, we're not in gymnastics anymore, but my girls had their gymnastics friends, and then we had some co op friends, and then we had church friends. Because there normally is just a little bit of drama as you navigate life and it wasn't catastrophic.

Yeah.

Right? Because we didn't have, I mean, for lack of a better term, all of our eggs in one basket. And I think that is just a fabulous benefit of, you know, oh, I may have not been invited to that party but I was just invited over here, right, type of a thing Yeah. That homeschooling allows.

Yes.

And we have There's also pull ups too. We have co ups. We have tutorials. Homeschoolers don't just sit, you know, and do nothing. Right?

There are things going on during the day where homeschoolers gather, and it's always fun. And the parks are empty, and we get to take over the park.

So that's a road. Exactly. Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that has been a game changer for our family. At our learning center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every program on the market. So we know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures.

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Find her if she is at one of your state conventions because she is just so fabulous and will help you so much through navigating these years. But I'm sure you hear a lot that high schoolers are missing out on a real education. So there's there's always this socialization piece with high schoolers and then there's this academic piece. And I gotta say, and this makes me really sad, it's not uncommon for me to hear a father doubting his wife. Hear a father doubting his wife regarding the ability or capacity to homeschool high school.

What do you say to that to encourage those families?

Yes. I I would imagine that when chemistry rolls around, you're and if you're not in the science field, it could get a little difficult. But there's so many resources out there, especially now. I mean, we're homeschooling now and there are resources. There are videos.

There are labs. There are all kinds of things. I know what my oldest daughter, she graduated top in her her department and they wanted to meet the parents. Right? And they're like, we heard you homeschooled and that you taught all the classes.

You know, that doesn't mean you have to. You can outsource. You can find people who are good in a particular subject to give them just that subject. Right? Or exposure and things like that.

So it's available for you. But I find that in the process of learning alongside my student, we both grow. We both grow, we both learn, and we learn how to learn because, you know, when the material is in front of you and we we have some great curriculums. I know you have a lot of, curriculum friends out there too, Christy. I mean, it's getting better and better and better.

And with technology, information is a superhighway y'all. It's a superhighway and and the information is out. And what I love most about the academic part, let's just talk about the academic part of high school. We're not teaching a test. We are teaching mastery.

We're able to stay on a subject until we until we master it. Right? You remember, it's kind of like you learn the multiplication and you're moving on before you've mastered it. And now you're on to the next math and you're struggling because you never got the basis of the the first math. You have the ability to pull together what you need, resources that you need in order to master the material.

You know, it's just like college. Right? College, you go in, you get a 90 minute lecture, and you're back in your dorm room, the library, studying that material. And this is why homeschoolers do so well on the act the higher academic setting is because they learn how to work independently. So, you know, I really think that that's a myth.

Like, hey, you got a myth in here today that academically, right, that it's not possible. But I dare I dare say that anything that a high schooler's learning, if you can't teach it, you can find a curriculum, a resource, or a tutor who can help your kid not only do well, but soar. And they're better off with 1 on 1, 2 on 2, 5 on 5, then 30 people in 1 classroom trying to learn a topic that's hard for them. So Yeah. Yeah.

They learn how to learn, which is great.

Yes. Absolutely. Okay. What is your myth number 4 that you came with today?

My myth number 4 is, the r's. Let me hear you say the r's. It is recommendations and resumes and record keeping. The myth is that these things don't matter. They matter.

You forget that the relationship with someone who can write a recommendation, a referral for your kid isn't important. It is just as important as Good Grades, right? Why wait until the the application process while you have the common app right in front of you, the application in front of you, and you need a letter of recommendation. And you knew a professor, you know, dual enrollment class, you know, a parent who had an expert in the field who could have wrote the letter of recommendation 3 years ago when you were in their class. So the myth is that those things are not important, not just 1 year, but year after year.

I'm gonna say it again, the R's. It's the it's the recommendations. Okay? It's the resumes and it's the record keeping. Let's talk about I talked about recommendations.

Some of the, finest people have come alongside my child, gotten a chance to to know them in in different settings and are able to speak in a written way to colleges, universities, jobs, and to speak about my student. Right? Parents are always gonna say something great, but who else has gotten a chance to know your kid and to give a recommendation or a referral? And then resumes. How about putting all your top priority things on one piece of paper?

Right? You think that that, you know, where you landed in the piano recital doesn't matter, but your discipline to to learn piano says a lot about you. Right? My daughter's with you. I had 4 junior Olympic gymnasts.

I said, their sport your sports and your ability to spend the kind of hours you spend to be a junior Olympic gymnast speaks about your ability to be a student athlete. You know, so those kinds of things that may not go on the transcript go on the resume, and it speaks so much about you. And it's very important. Guess what? How Johnny shows up, you know, going to the, you know, the girl scout, boy scout, 4 h, or wherever they're going speaks a lot about them, and it should go on the resume.

And then record keeping. Let's talk about that transcript. It matters that you keep good records. It really does from year to year. And so I think the myth is, oh, it doesn't matter or, oh, you know, I unschool.

And it's okay to unschool and deschool, but you do need to be able to get one piece of paper that you can't talk over to summarize your high school student. It's exciting.

Yeah. It is. It is. And I'm a big believer. I mean, I love homeschooling all of the years, but it really truly breaks my heart when it come junior high and you're in your co op and you watch your friends drop like flies.

They start putting their junior hires in 1 by 1 because, being honest that those ages are hard. There's a lot of hormones. It gets tough. And it truly breaks my heart because these are the years where your kid can come to you with really good questions and you can have amazing conversations and you can this is where the SEL learning, where the rubber meets the road, where you're rather than when they're younger, you kinda pick their friends. Well, now you're navigating and helping them choose their own, right?

And so I just think these years are so important. I gotta ask you this next question because because I've heard you advise another mom on it and I just want it I want it said again on this podcast because I loved your answer. Okay, here it is. Young adults today face considerable pressure when it comes to making career and life decisions. And there was actually a UK survey found that 60% of young people aged 18 to 24 feel so overwhelmed by the pressure to succeed that they find it difficult to cope.

Additionally, 52% of high school students report feeling pressured to make future decisions too soon. Does homeschooling during high school provide an advantage in alleviating this pressure for students?

Yes. That's a good question. I wanna kinda dive back into the beauty of having that homeschooler at home and the relationship. That's another r word and that is the beauty of being able for you to see your student who you full well know. You know your child better than any other person.

You know when they're under pressure. You know when they're under too much pressure and you have the ability to turn the the temperature up or down based on what it is that they need to do and that's what I love about homeschooling. You know, my I have students who are undecided. They don't know what they wanna do and that's fine. That's totally fine.

They're taking your energy about that. Listen, we're we're grown and don't know what we wanna do when we grow up. Right? But but we have younger people who we make them feel like, oh, you should know. No.

You should go as far as you can see and when you get there, you'll see more. You don't have to have all the answers. It's just what do you wanna do today? I mean, we sat around, I have teens, you know, and I said, hey, what sports are we doing? What outside activities are we doing?

You know, why do you wanna do this? What makes you happy about it? And so on and so forth. All of this, Christy, gives me clues about their future. Things that they can't see.

I'll give you another story. So my son my

husband was doing a woodworking class at our

co op and he's not a big fan of woodworking, but I convinced him to do this class. So he's doing this woodworking class and my son gets a hold of his interest in woodworking. We're realizing that he's enjoying it and he's loving it and all of a sudden he's building this and that and we tragically lost our our grandparents, okay? His their grandparents, our parents. And he had an opportunity to restore his grandparents beach house.

And guess what? He took some of those skills that he loved. You know what I mean? It wasn't the 5 core. It wasn't English, math, science, history.

And he began to get better at it and better at it and better at it and better at it. And all of a sudden he was like, I work well with my hands. And I'm so excited about the university he goes to now where he's able to get a bachelor's degree in in business administration project management and his technical studies, where he'll be picking up trade. He called me today. But guess what?

That happened 5 years ago of us being undecided, unclear what we wanted to do, just allowing kids to be kids. Right? If I see you doing a lot of video games, then let's get some coding underneath your belt. What do you love about it? If I see you outdoors, let's see what you love outdoors and let's get connected.

And so I think, and and I hope I'm answering your question, I think that when you have a student, particularly a teen who does not know, it is an opportunity for parents to engage in a way with their student that makes them feel comfortable to help unpack their passion. And and when they slowly unpack their passion, you know, you will be surprised how much clearer they are by the time they're leaving and going to college than the kid who didn't have a chance to unpack their passion. And don't get me wrong, there gonna be some kids who are gonna jump all around. Great. Let's eliminate them, Christy.

Right? Let's eliminate what you don't like. It's kinda like my daughter with the physical therapist. It's like poof, it disappeared. But I knew upfront, hey, you know, she's an introvert.

She doesn't want people touching her feet all day. Right? It's just as not a career that she wants to do. And so that exposure so I hope I answered the question, but there's so much opportunity as a homeschooler, particularly of teens for you to get right connected side by side, relationship with relationship with some real data about your student, about what really what they want when they're in your home. As opposed to if they're gone all day, you don't know, they don't know, and you've not had an opportunity to unpack it.

Right. Exactly. And what was coming to mind just because we worked with so many high schoolers back when we had our center is how busy they were. If they weren't doing school and sports, they were doing school in a job. Yes.

And then come junior year or hopefully sooner, but come junior here years, the pressure, Oh, my goodness. Now there's SAT courses and all of this on top of it. And I can't help but see that when you homeschool, because it doesn't take as much time, honestly, to do the same amount of work

Right.

Even if you're comparing apples, even if you're homeschooling in the same style as the public and private school system, it just does not take the same amount of hours. Yeah. And what an opportunity with that extra time to help our kids figure out maybe what they're bent to. And I love that. If it's not like an absolute passion to lean into, it's a process of elimination.

Yes. And right? And with one of my kids, we knew football. He loves football. 1 of my girls, we're still trying to figure it out.

She she'll try everything. She really will. And it's like, okay, that wasn't it. Anyway, now it's sewing and I happen to own a sewing machine and I don't know how to sew. But guess what?

Hey, I'm gonna find a sewing class for that girl.

There you go.

Yeah. Absolutely. Because there's clothing design and all sorts of stuff that can go with that and

Yeah.

And and not pressure our kids. Just let them tinker with these things. Right? Don't you know, after the very first class, don't say, like, oh, do you think you wanna be a professional plumber? Right?

You know, not like that. But just letting them without the pressure because when they turn 19 and 20, if it's not what's their major, it's what are you doing? What do you and that pressure, it'd be it's nice to have the opportunity to have our kids so comfortable in their gifts and talents and and some sort of direction, even if the end goal is still not clear. At least there's a little bit more direction and not just utter panic, honestly, because the statistics show this is what 19 year olds feel. And think of us, you know, it used to be a generation ago that our parents had the same job.

You know, we're looking now at our future where they're saying that our children, our children, that we are going to be graduating and now into the next 10 years, they're not only going to change jobs many, many times, but they're actually going to be changing careers.

That's right.

And so when you homeschool, we now have the opportunity to prepare them with the skills they actually need to succeed, which is more about soft skills, honestly, than hard school. If we can train our kiddos that this is how you learn, so now you can learn anything that you need to, right? I mean, pretty much everyone agrees now that the public and private schools done in the traditional style are they're just preparing kids for a world that honestly no longer exists.

That's right.

And in that way, what a great opportunity and an advantage, right, for homeschoolers.

And one thing I wanna add to that is that when we left the traditional school setting, people don't realize you're gonna gain about 24 hours a week. We counted it. You know why? Because you don't have homework. Because kids are in school all day learning and then they're at home at night doing homework.

So it's double duty. So when you're homeschooled, guess what? You eliminate half of your schedule so that now you have the time, right, to unpack the things that you love. And I think that that's why when you think traditional setting, you don't think that a kid is just sitting home all day, right? And all, you know, all night trying to finish up homework assignments.

They did it during the day. So my kids, they're funny. They're just homeschools and they were homeschoolers in a private school. And then I saw them leaving with their backpacks. I was like, why don't you bring your backpacks?

They're like, oh, we just want to support our friends. They're under so much stress. You know, on the team van coming back, they're finishing assignments, they're under stress. We did our work during the day so they got home. You know what I mean?

So you would be surprised the amount of pressure that you can release off of teen students when they could just get the job done. And it's during the day and guess what? They can decide they can do school work, Right? In the morning, they can do it in the afternoon, they can do it on weekends, they can do it in the evening. It's totally up to them and it gives them the ability to build those other skills.

And I love what you said, those soft skills.

Yes. Well, and also don't panic. Just if you let your teenager sleep in, which studies show they actually need a lot more sleep

Thank you.

Then, I was looking into that when we were doing we were very good at our SAT and ACT prep and there has been a direct link to lack of sleep and scores. But you guys, like, people panic and they think their 5 year old has to wake up by 6 am because they might not be able to hold a job when they're 25. That is there you need to be an early riser. Guess how fast a kid can learn how to wake up early if they're gonna get fired if they don't show up?

Makes sense.

One day. Exactly. Not a big deal. Not a big deal. And not to be neglectful of real world responsibilities and things like that, but we just have a lot more freedom.

Yeah. And a lot of this has to do with deschooling. Now I wanna ask you a hard question.

Yes.

And it is nothing's perfect. Right? Homeschooling isn't perfect. What for parents that aren't homeschooling high school yet, what are some real challenges that hurdles you've had to overcome that so just to set expectations.

Yes. So a a hurdle is the personality difference. You know, god has a sense of humor, and he has a tendency to give us our opposites. Right? We marry our opposites.

Right? We birth our opposites. And so some of the challenges means that I'm an extrovert, and I have an introverted child here. And my vision of homeschooling is, come on. We're like miss Frizzle.

We wanna sit around the table, and we're gonna all homeschool together. And that student's version of homeschooling is I wanna sit in my room and I'll get my I wanna read my books in the room. I wanna sit on my bed and you're thinking, no, you can't do school that way. Right? Because that's the challenge.

The challenge is thinking that there's only one way to do it. And so what I have loved, particularly being an expert in the Myers Briggs type indicator, is being able to help people become more fascinated and less frustrated about why people do what they do. Leaning to your team, figure out what's gone, you know, Help them, you know, take a break from social media. Figure out what they're thinking, what's on their mind, how they're interpreting the world. And so, that's a challenge sometimes when there's a personality clash.

But here's my solution. The solution here's my my warning to you. My solution is not to go send them off to school. Right? And let's just send them off to school, and I don't have to deal with it.

Guess what? Now you have an adult that you can't get along with, and it's your kid. So being able to work through the relationship challenges is one of the difficult things about homeschooling, particularly if you have a child who has seen the teacher as the only expert. Oh, my mom doesn't know anything. Right?

And and they don't see the parent as the authority that they have. And so you're working through those things. I tell my kids all the time when they leave out for college. I say, I know you're gonna meet great friends and you're gonna know them for, like, 90 days. And you're gonna think that they are the best thing since sliced bread.

Please remember that we love you. That this is home, and we love you, and we love you the most. Right? And so I think that that is the challenging part. So I I could go on with other challenging.

We're not gonna pretend that it's perfect, but I think the personality challenges will come up at the top. And I just don't think that the solution to it is to send them the way. I think the sooner that parents can work on the relationships with their teens, the better off they will be, the better their young adult life will be and and beyond.

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Yes. And, you know, it reminds me of parents who say, oh, they're just oil and water and then just shrug their shoulders. It also teaches our kids to fight for relationships.

Yes.

Of course, not you know, there is toxicity in health, but we're talking about in a healthy family. Yeah. There's personality differences, but your siblings are forever.

Yes.

And friends come and go. You rarely do we find, like, that one lifelong friend. I would think they've done studies that it's actually less than one hand if you're lucky. Often people go their entire life and don't find that forever friend. Right.

And and so but siblings are that and teaching them how to navigate each other and understand each other. I think I think that's such an important thing. And I do think Lanyssa, don't you think a lot of people quit homeschooling in these years because it's so taxing in the relationship realm?

I think so. I think so. I think we'll want to pause what goes on with their teens with the hopes that it will go away. Unfortunately, it magnifies itself, right? And we've seen it.

We've seen it in the media. We've seen what's going on when you have a teen that's disconnected from it. And so being able I mean, I just want you to go back to when that baby was in a onesie. Right? When they were in the onesie, it was just so precious and sweet.

Right? And then you ask yourself, what what elements were added to their lives that took away the joy? You know? And so I love teens. I lean into teens.

I serve teens in my community because I love being able to connect with them and to find out what's going on. You know, what how are they interpreting? You'll be surprised when you lean in and you care a lot. It it matters. They open up to you.

They share with you and then you gotta stay neutral. Always one of my friends said you can't look like you're in shock. Right? Because they're going through a lot. They're hearing a lot.

You know, not only in homeschooling but private school, public schools, they're going through a lot. And parents have to be able to come alongside. Remember when you were a student. I know things are a lot rougher, right, than when we were kids. Right?

But we have to be able to come alongside and navigate the the what I call the hard stuff and have the hard conversations and do hard things. So and it's worth it. I mean, where else would you do it? Right? Your children?

Your spouse? What else? Where else would you make this kind of sacrifice? And this is where you should be doing it.

Before we get to the 5th myth, there's something that I ask a lot of guests on this show.

Yes.

We are you are in the homeschool space and so am I. If you had one message to give to the world right now, not just homeschoolers, but the world right now based on your field of expertise in homeschooling and homeschooling high school, and you're also an accomplished journalist. Just today, you had an article published in, what, USA Today?

Yes. Yes. It's exciting. Yes. I'm homeschooling too.

So check it out.

Oh, awesome. Okay. Yeah. And maybe we'll put that link in the show notes, actually. That would be really fun.

I think we'll do that. And, of course, you guys know everything's in the show notes, but the show's not over yet. So wait because I there's a couple more questions I wanna ask you, Lanisa, and I wanna get to your 5th myth. What is one message that you think the world needs to hear right now?

Yes. So I wrote a book on this and it's called Mom's Manual. Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a mom. And the message that I want to send is that we have got to spend the time to figure it all out. We spend more time, you know, planning our vacations, right?

Decorating our homes and when it comes down to what it takes to be the mother that you that God has called you to be. We don't wanna spend the time. Right? We don't have an academic plan written down. We don't have a plan for our own self care so we can be a better parent.

Right? A better spouse. We don't have, you know, a a a schedule of how we're gonna handle our free time. We don't do it. And I think that the if I had to send a a message to the world is that you didn't get a manual when you had your baby.

Right? You picked up your baby and you they said, okay. It's time for you to go home or you adopted or whatever. There wasn't a how to book. It's for you to design and you have to move at the speed of your family.

Right? We gotta stop looking left and right and go at the speed of our family and spend the quality time. I always say that when you come across the mom's manual, I hope that your grandchildren and your great grandchildren will come across the plan you had in place for your family. Because everybody says, I don't get. How do you do it?

How do you do that? You want to come across the sacrifices, the prayer time, the time that you set aside to get a plan, right? Hey, we're gonna we're gonna go down and visit your brother at school and we're gonna all drive down and we're gonna go to this place for dinner and this is the plan, that you took time into figuring out how you were gonna do it. And I think that that's the message. We're just not spending enough time.

We need to get a plan. It needs to be written. Right? And it always be an heirloom for your family so that the people behind you, the legacy that you leave behind can have clues to figure out and do what they do. I am the heavenly 7.

My great grandmother had 7 children. My great grandmother, and I didn't know I was the heavenly 7. I went very late in life with only a certain amount of kids and then very very late, right, I had really what is geriatric geriatric pregnancy.

Oh my god. Pregnancy. It's great.

I was

like, oh my gosh, I'm pregnant again. And and and I found myself being the heavenly 7 again. And I said, wow, what I would want to be able to see what was in my great grandmother's to do list, her her schedule, her day. I would love to know what she did. So that's what I want the mom's manual to be.

I want people to be comfortable with moving at the speed of their life. I don't want people with little babies wishing they had teens. Honey, it's gonna be a while. Right? And people were thinking your teen is gonna act like a little baby.

It's not gonna happen. Right? You passed that season. And so that's my message. That's my my my heartbeat about life.

Move at the speed of your family, your life, where you are in your season, and leave a footprint. Leave clues so that when people come behind you, they find out how you did what you did.

Oh, I love that so much. And, you know, you hear often where someone will reflect on their life, maybe an older person, and they'll say, oh, she was such an amazing mother. And then it kinda ends there, and you wanna think or ask, well, how? What what made her amazing? Or she wasn't a great mother and I had a really hard childhood.

Well, what behaviors made it that? And I think that's so incredible. You know, Lanisa, we have 4 children and I had a wake up call several years ago where I really was convicted about a heavy authoritarian style of parenting and we had to make some major changes. And and I've had to apologize to my oldest. I you know, a lot of it was the type of, community that we were in, the type of church that we were in, and how they were training young parents and things like that.

And but so, of course, his experience being raised is nothing like, for example, my youngest. And just having the space for that and maybe this is great, Lanisa, because I think I'm going to write down for my kiddos my story of transformation Because our relationships are really connected now and I'm not running a shame based punitive household anymore. I am more focused on relationship and, you know, and surprise surprise, behaviors are better, right? Like not every Yeah. But I think that is such a beautiful piece of wisdom coming from a mama who has already graduated and some are graduates of college already and onto their career on down to an 8 year old.

That leads us to the 5th myth that you came with today regarding homeschooling high school.

The 5th and final myth is that your individual homeschool plan shouldn't include things that your teen loves. Right? I think sometimes we're so focused on the 5 core, the English math, science, history, foreign language. And we think that the things that the kid loves should not also be a part of the individual education plan. It's a myth.

Just as much as you pursue the proper curriculum for your English class or your honors biology, guess what? It's a myth to think that that individualized education plan should not include the things that your child has a passion in. Because we want to cultivate a love for learning. And the way that you find a love for learners when you get a chance to do the things that you love. Right?

And so how can we make that? I love working with online programs and things that help expose my child to things she loves doing. Let me give you an example. My daughter, Lekayla, she loved art. Well, I can't color, cut, and paste anything.

Like, you don't want me in your craft books. Just kept forgetting the fine arts because I'm like, hey, hey, let's do your English, your math, your

science, and history.

Right? But but the fine arts was a big part of what she loved to do. You know that kid because while you're talking to them, they're drawing on the paper, right? They're drawing. I know you're out there.

They're drawing and you're

like, hey, stop drawing. No. Draw some more.

Why don't we incorporate more time so that you can use the mediums to do more of what you love? So it's a myth when we believe that the edge the individual education doesn't include passion based things. Right? And and think out of the box. Right?

It's kind of like the carpentry story I told you about my son. You know, my daughter who wanted to do environmental science, she did a lot with 4 h and she did her biology on the beach. She loved it. Right? So so there were opportunities for us to be in places that seemed like it was having too much fun.

Right? You know, teens have fun too, you know. Teens like to have fun too. And I think sometime we forget that. I love what you said, you know, kind of releasing yourself from the authoritarian thought of authoritative kind of parenting and really delighting yourselves about the smiles on the on your faces of your children.

Like, really, that is our passion. And so making that a part of your education is still homeschooling. I'll tell you this final story. So we own a family beach and often we're down in the area and we have our family members who are there and they ask the question. The kids they're they're just playing, they're planting strawberries.

Is that is that homeschooling? I say, oh, yeah, that's spot me. Right? And my other daughter who's, you know, restoring her grandmother's beach house and she's painting, and they're like, is that homeschooling? I was like, yeah, it's art.

I mean, this particular child loved to do it. And then LJ with the carpentry and, you know, so what happens is you tie the things that they love to do in with their education. You call them unique electives, you make it a part of the individual plan. And guess what, mamas? If you have several children, it'll be different for every child.

You know, they may not have the exact same passions, which is normal. Right? And so you you hone into those things. But one of the myths is that you think that that doesn't have just as much value as the core classes. In fact, I dare say you're looking at their future.

Don't you love the stories of the kid who says, I was doing this when I was 10 years old. I love to do this when I was young. Right? And then what? Shows up later in life.

Right? So thank God you could be that mom or that dad who nurtured the passion of your student and it turns into something that that became a lifetime career. It's exciting.

And what came to mind when you were saying that is I had a little bit of sadness because I know that someone might hear you say that and think that we're not taking academics seriously. And one thing I feel like I am constantly de schooling myself. For some reason, we have connected actually, I think Peter Gray goes into this in his book. But we if something is play, we automatically discredit it and we discredit its value. When, in fact, the human brain is that is when it is most engaged, remembering will happen the most, and so many other cognitive benefits to fun.

I think there was a study once where I'll totally get it wrong, but I'll do the gist and I'll say it in a way where I feel at least academically responsible but what they did is they gave surgeons, a task before surgery and one task was have you heard of this study where it was they were, they were involved in a play activity together before they had to go into surgery? And then there was one where they were given a really hard task or something else that was like designed to be laborious. And they, like, watched them and their well-being and their enjoyment and overall happiness, like, based off of this study. And they actually made fewer mistakes during the surgery after the what would be considered play, for example, and things like that. They've also done similar studies with kiddos.

They've linked remembering things more with that's why I love when kiddos struggle with phonics, for example, if we can incorporate games rather than just drilling them with flashcards. There's cognitive benefits to this type of thing. And I agree with you so much. Let's lean into those interests. Does it mean it's gonna be their forever career?

But I think you're right. I think that's where we're looking at their future, even if it's not they're going to be a farmer of strawberries, you know, we just are, oh, okay. Well, there's a lot that could go here. There's a lot of directions this could go in with the interest in digging and being with the earth and growing things and all my husband grew up in Central California and they call it ag and all of his high school friends went into ag because that's just what you kinda do in Central California. But anyway, yeah.

Thank you so much for coming today. There's one last question.

Sure.

A little bit edgy.

Okay. You are

in the homeschool space. And one of the reasons why I started this show is because, one, it's important that we bring game changing ideas because those mamas who are listening definitely have a growth mindset. We want to be the best homeschoolers that we can be. I do think in the homeschooling space, there is a lack of, intellectual integrity and professionalism at at at some times, not all of the time. I'd love to hear from you as really a thought leader in the space regarding homeschooling.

And you also work a lot with HSLDA, a very reputable organization. What is something in the homeschooling space regarding your expertise that you just can't get behind that you disagree with? Hi, mama. If you like my social media content and my show, I'm pretty sure you will love my book, Homeschool Rising, Shattering Myths, Finding Courage, and Opting Out of the School System. My book is for homeschool parents both veteran and new and the perfect book to hand any homeschool skeptics in your life so they can better understand why you've chosen this amazing lifestyle.

This book will challenge you, empower you, encourage you, and give you solid, mindful answers to all those questions you get about your homeschooling choice. Grab your copy and maybe an extra one for your mother-in-law today. Homeschool Rising is available wherever books are sold. Hi there, podcast family. If our episodes bring a smile to your face, challenge you, or spark your thoughts, tap that like and subscribe button to stay connected with us.

Also, we'd truly love to hear your voice in the comments. Your insights and stories are what makes this community special. And not only does it allow us to hear you, but your engagement helps us reach more people and spread our message. So go ahead and don't be shy. Like, subscribe, and comment.

What I disagree with in my space is I think the thing that I disagree with most really has a lot to do with this podcast. I disagree with the fact that people believe that homeschoolers can't homeschool through high school. We, you know, again, we all feel like we're smarter than a 5th grader, and you'll see lots of people will homeschool through the elementary, middle school stage. And I disagree with the notion that teens are better outside of the home. I do.

I believe it becomes a a problem, you know, for for young adults because they haven't gotten a chance to be around people who love them the most. Right? So I think that that that whole climate of, Yeah, you can homeschool, but when they get to high school, right? We've seen it. When they get to high school, put them in school.

It's better for them. I cannot tell you how many times and you probably heard that too, Christy. It's better for them. It's better for them. Like you said, to be at the football game to be and I dare say that it's not.

My I'll tell you this this story. My kids when they were at college, they called me a lot because we we I actually like my kids and they like me. We're like friends. Right? You know, how many of you raise kids that you actually love and love to be around?

And one of my daughters called me, and she was whispering. I'm, like, why are you whispering? She's, like, oh, my roommates, they hate their parents, and they're, like, are you calling your mother again? Right? It's the space of, young adult, you don't need them.

Unless, of course, to pay the bill. You don't need them. You know, they don't have, you know, you wanna find out how they did it and do it differently. And there are some places that they'll do it differently, they'll do it better. That, you know, if there's a soapbox that I get behind is the relationship building that, you know, that you have kids who who are part who want to be a part of the legacy, who have healthy relationships with your parents.

Listen, Christy, anybody who's been in any level of counseling, the first place we go is what? The relationship with your parents. Am I right? It's the foundation to everything that breaks down in life, right? I've been to some of these counseling sessions and I've learned they're like, well, tell me about your mother, tell me about your father, and there's always a story there.

So I think that if I had to dig deep, it would be a dig into how we pull our teens away from the family. We we miss that opportunity to have our younger kids who are shaping their their worlds, their thoughts, their opinions, you know, and they're away from their parents. And they spend more time, hours away from the family and and and what it does to to the longevity of things. You know, so I I just enjoy when I see you can tell a lot about a a child when you can see what's going on with their parent and you can tell a lot about a parent when you see what's going on with their child. And so there's a there's a natural God given relation between the 2 and, you know, the thing that is my bug list is when we pretend teens and they can live independently that they don't need mom and dad.

And listen, we'll have to have another podcast about, you know, kicking your kids out of the house at 18 makes them stronger, right? How many of you guys remember between 18 and 23 the amount of problems you had and if you had a better relationship and if you could have done it better, right, or if you had more better mentors that you could be in a better place. And so I just really, that's just my jam. And again, everything's not perfect with my my kids, but certainly, I wanna have an open door policy where they know I love them and that I care and that I'm alongside of them to encourage them along the way as they move into adulthood and beyond.

Well, that was worth the price of admission right there and I wrote it down. Teens are better off outside of the home. What a hill to stand on because we know when you look at the research of healthy attachment that teens need healthy attachment. Yes. It looks different than a 5 year old who comes running to you with a skinned knee.

They need a healthy attachment with their parent or whoever the loving caregiver is well into the teen years. Otherwise, they will look for that attachment elsewhere and they find it in their peers. This is called peer orientation and it's actually considered a disorder. Now, does it mean that your kid is clingy or that you're enmeshed or or there's a codependent relationship with your teen? No.

It looks different, but you are the safe place. You are the safe place to land. You are are you the person that they can come to when they're embarrassed about something they did? Are they gonna get shamed for coming to you for that? Or are they going to get empathy and help and, yes, accountability too?

Right? But but are you going to be that safe person for them? I think that's so cool that you have a great relationship with your adult kiddos. You know, my mom really struggled raising us and particularly me in my teen years. I wasn't particularly rebellious.

I was a youth group kid but I was certainly snarky and too smart for my own good and thought I knew everything. And it was really rough in my early twenties. And I got a say lanesser. There's something that happened and my mom and I are very close now. We're best friends.

We did a lot of healing. Both of us went through therapy for a while and took responsibility, both of us, for things. And so there was a period of, I would say, about 5 years where our relationship was a little bit distant in my early 20s. Laniser, if I think back at a period where I needed my mom the most, it was when I was a baby adult. When I left the home and was out on my own in West Los Angeles and newly married and trying to find a church and trying to find all new friends, I had left my private Bible college and trying to navigate things.

Man, that's when I really needed my mom's help the most. And so I am rewriting that story for my family and I think that the redemption of relationships with our teens needs to be talked about so much more because they can have that healthy attachment and it does it's not, it's not unhealthy. It's not enmeshment and it's not codependence. It's a healthy attachment that they need anyway. Because if they're not getting it from us, they are getting it from somewhere else.

So what an incredible, honestly, just a fantastic episode today. You have given us so much. You have been so generous with your expertise and knowledge. I wanna ask you, tell us a little bit about the services that you offer to the homeschool community and where my families can find you. Everything you say, I just wanna let everybody know, will be in the show notes to click on.

But I do want you to share that piece before we go today.

Wonderful. Thank you for the opportunity to be here, Chrissy. And as thank you for how you're navigating the homeschool space and the impact you make. It matters, and I thank you. And I know that you are the TikTok girl.

And so before this, I said, Lanyce, get on TikTok. Now I want you to know, I've got 0 friends on TikTok, Christy. You'll be the first. Okay? Because I know

right now.

Find me. I'm the owner in the world. And so, you know, and you could also visit me at lanissirjames.com. That's l a, capital n, I, s as in Sam, s as in Sam, I as in ice, r as in ready. Lanissa James and so you could go to lanissirjames.com and I'm also, you know, a lover of all things homeschooling.

We love what's going on with HSLDA. We do because we need advocates for homeschool freedom and so I am also one of the speakers there, and we hope that you'll visit us there and consider all things homeschooling because we want homeschool freedom, not only for our children, but for our grandchildren and our great grandchildren. So that's the best way to reach me. You can always grab my book on Amazon, Mom's Manual. I'm the only LaMister James.

But more importantly, just to really be connected. If you need help in homeschool, you know, Koinonia Fellowship is important. Don't do it alone. You don't have to. And so I hope they're all a part of your program too, Christy.

You can do this, but don't do homeschooling alone because we're all here for you.

Leigh, and you guys will be delighted to know that I have roped Ladister into doing a master class. So if you want more and a deeper dive and the nitty gritty of the how to's, that is found in Thrive Homeschool Community. And you are coming up here in a couple of months going to be teaching an incredible master class regarding homeschooling high school, and we cannot wait for you to enrich our private community in that way. So you guys feel free to check that out if you're curious about what Thrive Homeschool community is. That will be in the show notes as well.

Thank you so much for joining us today, Lanisa. It's been a blast.

Pleasure's fine. Thank you.