Welcome to the We Are More podcast. My name is Alyssa.

And my name is Bree. We're two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism. We believe

that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach his word. And, apparently, that's controversial. Get comfy. Happy love week, everyone.

Oh, yuck.

Love. You could sing the love boat song.

The love boat. I also was gonna break into love and marriage. Love and marriage.

What is that from, though?

Old show.

Helpful. Thank you.

Was it, The Honeymooners?

Girl, I don't know. If I knew, I would not have asked. I

think it might be that, but I I could be dead wrong. The fact

that we know The Love Boat is some sort of miracle. The Love Boat. That came on after some other show. When we were kids, like

Mhmm.

We were not allowed to watch Nickelodeon and a lot of the normal kid shows. We were

watching Nick at night. Yeah. So it

was, like, Green Acres and Andy Griffith and whatever. Lucy. Yeah. Yeah. And The Love Boat came on after something in the evenings.

I don't know. And I remember we had to turn it off. Mom would not let us watch it.

Was it in a pro pro? I think so. Too much love on that boat.

To be honest, I

never went back and watched it. Me neither. A lot of those shows, I can go back and enjoy, but the feminist in me just, you know.

Green Acres kills me.

I Love Lucy kills me. Even though I love her. I love her.

I love her, but the show is a rough one to get through.

Yeah. Especially if you know about her real life too.

I I try not to and I've heard people say this before, you know, you can't hold today's standards against things that were made in the past. And I understand that to some degree because then you'd kinda have to throw everything out. But at the same time, there's some stuff that's just so heavy handed.

Mhmm. It's really hard to get past. Mhmm.

Like I Love Lucy or Green Acres or any of those. They're just you just wanna smack these men in

the face. I just wanna be like,

ah. Anyone listening with headphones just jumped. Sorry.

We should put a warning at the beginning. Alright.

Two minutes and ten seconds. Who's gonna scream? That'll be fun. Sorry.

But we're not gonna tell you why. Mhmm. Just general feminine rage.

Isn't that what it always is? Mhmm. Ain't that always the thing? Feminine rage or feminist rage? Feminist rage.

I think both. You have feminine rage? Yes. I'm just, like, outrageously feminine and gorgeous, and I'm mad.

I'm gonna be fully honest with you. With your hair clip in there, I don't know that outrageously feminine would be what I was gonna say.

I think I'm the opposite. Outrageously masculine. Yes. I'm so manly.

Breed loves to go, do you love taxidermy? We haven't made that joke in a long time.

Taxidermy. I love it. In fact, I wanna make a whole taxidermy baseball team out of chipmunks. Wow. That was in a movie or a show or something.

Oh, you didn't just pull that out of your butt? No. Okay. Good. I don't I don't remember if hey, out there.

Do you remember what show slash movie slash book, maybe a podcast that they had

a

taxidermied baseball team made of? Chipmunks.

Now that we've narrowed it down for you. In any media outlet ever

from the beginning of time. Any kind of media that you could consume. Do you remember?

Or has Brianna simply lost her mind finally?

That's actually probably very true. This week has been a butt, and it's Tuesday.

I can't believe. Not for them. For them, it's Thursday.

Well, for me right here, right now, it's Tuesday, and I wanna vomit. Well, We've really derailed. We have,

and we're only four minutes in.

Only four minutes in. I don't even know what we're talking about.

This week, we're talking about love.

Hugs and kisses. For you, this is coming out the day before Valentine's Day. Mhmm. Kissy kissy. Go go go.

Go go go.

Yes. Okay. So we figured actually, last week, we said we were gonna do a part two of the devotional for boys,

but this is our podcast, not yours. We hated that darn book. We really hated it. I have nothing more to say.

We just it was like trudging through mud and slime, and we hated it.

So Alyssa and I have been really into reading lately. I know that we've talked about this. But nothing will put you in a reading slump more than a devotional geared towards seven to nine year old boys. There was nothing good about it.

No. It was really bad. So we gave up. Yeah. And here we are.

So this week, we're talking about love because it is the week of love. Kissy kissy. Goo goo goo. Stop it. So we're gonna talk about three different aspects of love.

We're gonna talk about romantic love because Valentine's and all, hearts and Yes.

Stars, horseshoes Chocolate.

Clovers and blue moons.

Pots of golden rainbows. And the red balloons.

And we're also gonna talk about loving your community, your neighbor, you know, like, that biblical sense of love. Mhmm. And then we're also gonna talk about loving yourself, loving who you are as a person.

Mhmm. Which quite frankly, I mean, put that first.

Alright. Let's do that first.

Love your neighbor as yourself, but you can't love your neighbor unless you love yourself.

I think we've made that point before. I think that's something we often forget.

Mhmm.

Because I remember as a kid, that acronym, that joy acronym, I know we've talked about that before, but people would say joy means putting Jesus first and then others and then you last. And I understand that they're, like, looking at Jesus and saying, Jesus put others before he put himself.

Mhmm. And

that's really important. But Jesus also knew when to put himself first.

Like, when he wandered into the wilderness. Right? He needed a freaking break.

Mhmm.

He was like, I need to get away from these people for just a minute.

We also didn't see every moment of Jesus's life. So my guess is there were more moments like that than we got to see.

And I hate just, like, black and white. Always put others first. Right. I actually was talking to a friend about this today. I was like, you deserve the amount of love that you give others.

Yeah.

You need to put yourself first sometimes. I'm not saying all the time. Mhmm. And you can it can be situational. Sure.

But at some point in your life, you need to put yourself first Mhmm. Because you deserve it, and you need to demand it a little bit. Bit.

Well, I think we can absolutely see that modeled throughout the bible.

Mhmm.

You can see it modeled in the creation narrative. When god on the seventh day rests Girl. Even though he doesn't technically need that Mhmm. That's god saying, put yourself first for a minute. Yep.

When you've had to put everyone else, all the needs of everybody else first all week long, or for however long you've had to do it Mhmm. Sometimes you need a minute.

We're just diving right in.

I think we are. I think we're diving right in. Because I think it's hard to love anyone else

Mhmm.

If you don't love you.

If you look in the mirror and you can't stand what you see and you spend all your time just hating on you

Mhmm. How are

you supposed to spread love to anybody else? How are you supposed to be that light of Jesus Right. When there's no light in you?

I think we want to think if I just focus on everyone else

Mhmm.

Me will sort myself out. You know? All the puzzle pieces will fall into place if I just focus on everyone else. Mhmm.

If

I get their lives into sync. Mhmm.

That's not what happens. My friend was saying she lives by the philosophy that, like, kindness you put out into the world will eventually come back to you. Right? But does it? Are you willing to wait that long and hope that it comes back around?

You need some kindness to yourself. The simple reality

is that others are unlikely to fight for you. Right. That's super hard. And I don't know necessarily where that fits in the Christian sphere, but in the sphere of simple reality, of simple humanity Human nature. Yeah.

No one, not your spouse, not your kids, not your bestest best friend in the whole world, other than god himself

Mhmm.

Is going to fight for you, fight for your well-being, your peace of mind Mhmm. Your stress level, your anything

Mhmm.

The way that you would. They might try. I'm not saying that they're gonna, like, throw you to the wolves.

Right. And it's not everyone all the time. Right.

But no one is gonna prioritize you the way you need to be prioritized. Mhmm.

And sometimes you wish that people could just, like, get in your mind. Right? Just just read my mind for a second. And now Alyssa and I are a special case because we actually legitimately do read each other twice. We really do.

But it's okay to vocalize what you need. Mhmm. I need a minute. I need some time to myself. I need to go get a Starbucks.

Otherwise, I'm gonna die. I legitimately worry if we visited, like, a psychic at some point that they would be afraid of us and run away because of our creepy mind connection.

Yeah. We're I'm telling you, this is a psychological thriller. We are one person. Spooky spooky spooky. I'm gonna write a book one day.

Well, actually, you're gonna write a

book, and I'll inspire it. Oh, good. You can be the the author, and I'll be the ghostwriter. Right. Great.

That'll be a good time

because we actually are one night.

We'll just put one name on the front. By Brian Alastair.

Now I feel like self love has gotten such a bad rap because it just sounds so cheesy. Right? Yeah. Go get a face mask, light a candle, drink two bottles of wine to yourself. You know?

Wow. But

I think the the real message is just, like, take a minute for yourself. We live in such a hustle culture right now Mhmm. That we really prioritize how much you can get done Right. In a day. And your self worth is all tied up into how far you've gotten, how much money you're making, how many kids you're popping out, when really it's just you need to just give yourself a break.

Mhmm.

Light the candle.

Take a bubble bath. Yeah. Read the book. Read the book. Guys, I am on book.

I just finished book five of February. You're crazy. And they've been long books too. But I think what I'm recognizing in myself, and I think it's important, is my anxiety has been very, very high lately for a million reasons. Mhmm.

And reading is something that makes me feel calm.

Mhmm.

That makes me feel a little bit safer in a world that I cannot control. Yeah. And so I've given myself that grace.

Mhmm.

Because I know that god would give me that grace.

Mhmm. I know that Jesus gave himself that kind of grace. Something I would highly encourage everybody to do is put your phone and your computer down for a little bit. And I know that sounds crazy and stupid and cheesy. Right?

But get off social media for a little bit. You don't need that nonsense around you all the time. That's what gives me anxiety right now is all the drama that's going on. So, yeah, we've been turning to reading. Mhmm.

It's predictable. This book has a beginning and an end. Mhmm. I'm gonna get through it. She's gonna fall in love with that boy, and they're gonna

kiss. Bree's reading a, retelling of Princess Diaries right now.

Yeah. They said it's like a retelling of The Princess Diaries mixed with Crazy Rich Asians. It's really good.

I'm very excited about it. Sounds a great time. Mhmm. But I think even if you're not like, if reading is not your vibe, find something that that gives you peace.

Is it yoga? Is it art? Is it taking your dog on a walk? Is it embroidery? Or taxidermy, perhaps.

Or baking? My mom's been really in our mom.

Our mom. We share our mom.

We share our mom. Our mom's been getting into bread making. And a mind.

I also crochet. That could be your thing. Just walk into, like, a Joanne's, although they're going bankrupt. So maybe maybe you can't. Maybe you walk into a Michaels Mhmm.

And just just glance about and see what new hobby you could take up. Where could you spend all of your money for the next decade? Who knows? The options are endless. For me, it's thrift books.

But I think that just the general point of loving yourself is that it's not anti Christian. Mm-mm. No. That joy acronym that Us church kids learned as kids Mhmm. Is crap.

It's garbage. Throw it out. Throw it out with the rest of the garbage that we learned when we were little, and give yourself permission to say, I can be a Christian.

Mhmm.

And I can still love myself, give myself grace, give myself time Mhmm. Take myself to Starbucks, and that that's okay.

I think something that I really didn't expect after turning Mhmm.

Years old. Oh, we've said it 4,000,000 times.

97. I like myself a lot more now than I did back in my twenties. I think it's just something about just, like, settling into yourself, you know, like a old sweatshirt. I won't say a good pair of jeans because I hate jeans. But just, like, there's a comfort level of knowing yourself really well, but you have to take the time to get to know yourself pretty well.

And I think it will affect all of the relationships that you have moving forward.

A lot deeper relationships, not just with a romantic partner, which we can talk about next. Mhmm. But your friends, your family, you're gonna have stronger relationships if you like yourself.

Well, I think about you know, we all have masks that we wear

to different people. K n 90, surgical fabric. You're so strange. A sheet mask, a mud mask. So weird.

Anyway,

the people that you work with, you're one person. To the people that you go to church with, you're a different person. To the people that, I don't know, you're friends with, you're a different person. Is there anyone in your life where all of those masks just go away?

For me, it's probably you.

Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. With me and Brie, we've reached a point in our lives, and I maybe we've always been like this. I don't know. But Mhmm.

Both of us have reached a point in our lives where we're pretty happy with who we've developed into. We're pretty comfortable with the absolute ridiculous humans that we've become. Yeah. And and we're just that together.

Mhmm.

You know? And in being able to be that together, it gives us the confidence to go out into the world and be those same people

Mhmm.

And not have to put on the mask to everybody else

Mhmm.

Which then lets me have better relationships with the people that I meet along the way. Mhmm. You know? So becoming comfortable with myself, loving who I am, loving who I've become, and loving the journey that I'm on too, not just waiting for that eventual result, that eventual perfect human that I may be.

Yeah. Not just waiting for things to happen to you, but actively taking steps to make sure that that life that you want is happening. Mhmm.

And giving giving yourself the opportunity to like who you are today. Mhmm.

I

like who I am today. I'm overly confident in who I am today.

Two strangely confident, gorgeous, beautiful women Mhmm. Who share one brain and a love of caffeine.

A deep, deep burning love

of caffeine. I'm Kendrick Lamar. That too. That's all I've been listening into my car. Oh my gosh.

I need to listen to more than just that one song. I've heard that one song, and that's it. That's all I got.

Euphoria, another good one. Oh. But it just makes my whole car rattle, and I just feel so cool.

Don't you love it when you can feel the beat of a song in your toenails? Yeah.

Yeah. I

have I have really burned out some speakers, guys, and I've

gotta be very careful.

Lest I burns more.

Lest.

Alright. But let's talk also about romantic relationships next as it is the week of love.

Happy Valentine's Day

to you. Valentine's Day to them. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day eve to you, yourself, and any other interested parties?

Is it Valentine's Day in other countries?

No. I don't think so. It's just us? I don't know.

Just us in Hallmark?

But what a great excuse to buy yourself 24 Ferrero Rochers. Should I do that right now? Target. Maybe you should. No.

Buy me some buy me some Lindor truffles.

I had a Lindor truffle today.

They're the best. But don't get don't the not the ones in the heart shaped boxes. Just the regular ones in the red package. Yeah. Those are the best ones.

Mhmm. But I think so we wanted to talk we've talked before about obviously, Brie and I, in our romantic lives, are in different stages.

What? I'm much further along. I've had 17 husbands.

Brie is 97, and she's had time to have 17 husbands. I've lived a life. Lived many a life. I've been married for how long twelve years? I don't know.

It'll be twelve years this year. Woah.

A whole dozen.

A whole dozen years this year. And so I I have that perspective.

Mhmm.

And Brie is single and has been on the dating apps and has had to deal with that hot mess of garbage.

Currently, exclusively off the date. Thank you. Not lookin'. Hey. But we did discover

did I say this last episode? I don't think I did. That there are Disney adult dating apps.

Oh my gosh. So potential. No. I'm not getting on there. I love Disney with my whole entire heart, but I do not identify as a Disney adult.

But you could who knows who could be on on there? Walt Disney himself could be on there.

Walt could be there. His spirit, at least. Unless you're

outrageously wealthy

and don't have any children, and you're looking for a a young, gorgeous, gorgeous woman in your life to take all your money, then I'm available.

I don't think you'll be finding those sorts of gentlemen on the Disney adult dating websites. I have a feeling.

They have enough money to go to Disney, though. Maybe. Hey. Alternatively, do you have an annual pass? I'm also down.

Anyway but because we have different life experiences in that with

what we talk about, what love should look like Yeah. I think.

So go ahead, Brie. Go ahead.

What does What should love look like? With all my years of experience, here we go, with a romantic partner, love should not feel insulting. Love should not feel uncomfortable. Love should not feel icky. And that's what I know.

Mostly, I know what it should not feel like. Yeah. Because I, quite frankly, have not been in a romantic love relationship, although they have loved me.

They have loved you. They have really deeply loved you.

Love me, but I haven't loved them back. Sorry.

I think the interesting thing for you is that you hold your standards very high.

I do. Yeah. And I'm quick to let them go,

Which I it it is funny. Like, when you say it's funny, but at the same time, of course you do. I'm sitting here thinking like, well, heck yeah. Of course you hold your standards high. Of course you let them go the moment that you think, why am I here?

But you have had so many people tell you, well, you just you just need to stick around for a little longer. You just need to lower your standards.

Mhmm.

And I wanna know what the relationship would look like if you did that.

Oh my gosh. You know? I have told people I don't wanna go back out with them purely because they're annoying. No. But, like, one guy insulted my age and was pushing, like, wanting to have babies.

And he thought a good way to push me into it would be like, oh, you're getting older. You need to start thinking about this. I had another guy say that he wanted to be head of the household. And then I was like, pass see if I. I had one guy send me pictures that he painted when he was in third grade of a leopard.

And then he sent me baby pictures of himself before we even went out. And so I said, no thank you.

I love that the risk of ever speaking to you on a dating app is that these poor boys are gonna wind up on our podcast.

Yeah. They

don't even know it.

No. But, like, truly, if I think even for a second, I don't see this going anywhere Mhmm.

I am done.

Mhmm. Now I have had people tell me, well, I like that's not so bad. Mhmm. What he said to you wasn't so bad, so maybe you just give him one more chance. And I'm just not willing to do that.

Mhmm. I'm sorry. I'm a great time. I'm amazing. I need to have someone up to my level.

Mhmm.

And I think you're not just talking about, oh, well, he said this thing that vaguely annoyed me. No. That's not what you're

saying here. You're saying he said things that hit a nerve. Fundamental differences. Right.

And, yeah, if you asked him again, he might backpedal. And that's happened to you before too

Mhmm.

Where you questioned it and they backpedaled. Oh, yeah. But what's happened is someone's shown you who they are at their core.

Mhmm.

And I think women in particular in Christian circles are expected to just sort of accept what's given to them.

Yeah. And I also think women don't believe other women. Mhmm. Like, when I say this was a really bad experience. Mhmm.

Like, I don't need to go into detail, but things got out of hand. I felt uncomfortable. And they're like, no. Just give them one more chance.

Mhmm. Unfortunately, women are kinda taught by other women Mhmm. Not to trust each other, not to be the sisterhood that we could be. I remember one girl

who that was in my small group. She was she was older than me and this other girl that were in there, and we were both kind of sharing dating stories, and we're like, yeah. No. I was done with him. I was done with him.

No. Thank you. And she was like, I'm just so proud of you girls. I just was never like that. I would just stick out a relationship no matter what, no matter what was happening because she needed to be in that relationship.

Right. And I think that circles right back to self love. How much do you love and respect yourself?

Mhmm.

Because you don't need to be in that stupid relationship. You don't need to be. Right. You're enough. Now, Alyssa, tell me what you need in love.

I don't know what help me find someone.

Well, I think what what we've often say is I'm gonna find my other half.

Mhmm. Yeah.

I deeply, deeply hate that phrase. Uh-huh. So that comes from I think it's a Greek Greek mythology or Roman mythology. I'm not a % sure. But it comes from this concept of there were once these, like, beasts roaming the earth Woah.

That had four arms and four legs, and they were so powerful that the gods were afraid of them.

Mhmm. And

so in their fear, the gods split them in half, and then the two halves were cursed to roam the earth forever looking for their other half. Mhmm. That's where that phrase comes from. Now we've adopted that into being something like romantic and cute. And it sounds cute.

Right?

Like Well, it sounds like you're both beasts.

Well So

They we forgot that part. Find your other beast.

That sounds more romantic, actually. I'm gonna use that one. I like that. I'll print that on a t shirt. We we could have so many t shirts

We could.

So much merch. Maybe we

should start posting that on our social medias. Maybe.

But I think as much as it does sound like cutesy, like, oh, I just he's part of me. He's whatever. But it could be anybody.

You could fall in love in Florida. You could fall in love in Malta. You're gonna find someone if you wanna find someone. Exactly. And I don't want someone that has to complete me.

No. Because what happens if he's gone? Exactly. Then you're left half empty without a butt. You're

a half person. And it could be you could love this person so much, you're never gonna get divorced. You know for sure you're never gonna get divorced. Okay. Maybe you don't.

Mhmm. But maybe he dies. Yeah. Or you die, and then he's left.

I mean, quite frankly, there's only one way out of here. I don't know if you all know this. We all have to die.

I was listening to a song about that the other day. It was a very depressing song.

We all deserve to die. Wow. That's from Sweeney Todd.

Thank you. Mhmm. And now we've uplifted the group. But I just think it's so silly. And like you were saying about self love, we forget that part.

We forget before we get married, before we fall in love, before we do the premarital counseling or whatever

Mhmm.

To find out who we are as human beings, to find out what's important to us, what makes us tick, what makes us ourselves. And I look at how young I got married

Mhmm.

And I think, my gosh. I was so lucky. Yeah. Because now I don't have any control over what my children do once they become adults. But if my daughter came to me and said at 21, mom, I wanna get married, I'd say, my gosh.

Please don't. No. Please please please rethink this. Because I didn't know myself Mhmm. At 21.

I didn't know who I was, and I've spent the last twelve years developing into a very different woman Mhmm. Than the one I was when I said I do. Mhmm. And my husband has done the same thing. He hasn't developed into a very different woman, just to be clear.

He has, actually. He would be a very tall woman. Very fuzzy one too. But I am fortunate in that we grew together.

Mhmm. But you both put in

the work. We absolutely did, and it's been heart wrenching

Mhmm.

Because I have grown in different ways than he has grown. And all of all of this, the podcast, the feminism, all of it was not something either of us grew up with.

Mhmm.

So if I had developed into this and he hadn't been willing to come alongside me, Hello, divorce. Yeah. And so I think we we forget that aspect of love, of romantic love, that you need to know who you are first. You need to love who you are first. You need to be sure of who you are first.

Mhmm. And I think that goes right into, is your love conditional or is it unconditional? Yeah. Because if it's truly unconditional, true true love, I'm gonna love you no matter what, even if you grow into a raging feminist. You know?

Despite that, I'm gonna love you.

You love me because of that shut up, and I brought you right alongside.

Or is there a condition on your love? Right. Like, if you do this, then I no longer love you.

And I think we all have some conditions. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's an Adam Levine song where he says something about, like, if I got locked away, would you still love me, basically. And I think about that song a lot, and I'm like,

no. There are definitely limits. I'm not saying limitless. Unlimited. Like, if you commit, you know, ridiculous crimes, no thank you.

Goodbye.

The book top girlies are fine with that, though. They're like I'm telling you. Some of that.

Some like, the mafia romances.

Oh, thank you so much. I have that. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. My feminist heart can't read that.

No. I don't think I can manage But, like, yeah, there's the I think, you know, we all have some conditions, but what you're talking about is, are you okay with that person developing into whoever they're meant to be? Mhmm. Whoever god has meant them to be and giving them the freedom to find that. I mean You know?

No crimes. No crimes,

for heaven's sake. Unless, like, they're good crimes.

What are the good crimes?

Robin Hood. They can

go be Robin Hood. Mhmm. Alright.

If they turn into a fox, like a really cute fox, and they are Robin Hood.

Well, that's fine. We have referenced Robin Hood too many times in this podcast.

Have you seen the TikToks where it's like, hear me out. Hear me out. And it's all about, like, people or whatever characters that you find attractive? Oh, yeah. Robin Hood.

I I don't even think that's a hear me out. Like Yes.

Are do other people say that? Or is that just you?

I think other people might.

I think it's just you. It's only you.

Also, Abraham de Lacy, Gio said P. Casey, Thomas O'Malley.

Oh, from Aristocats? Really?

O'Malley the alley cat. He's just a nice cat.

You frightened me. This is what I grew up on. I know. I was there.

I have some people out there just screaming and hollering amen. There's one person. I can hear you.

You got

one person. I'm high fiving a million angels. You got one person. A million times. I'm high fiving that person.

Okay. Anyway are gonna bleed.

Let's see. What else is love? Love is not judging when your partner buys 4,000 books. That's pretty good. Love is not judging when your partner goes to Starbucks twice a day every day.

I think love is just often putting that other person in a place of honor. Mhmm. Not always first. I think we we mess it up a little bit. We have all these, like, platitudes that we say all the time.

Like Mhmm.

Jesus, others you, and put the other person first, and he's my other half, whatever. Mhmm. It's not always put them first. I think it's putting them in a place of honor in your life, in an important place, and sometimes it's putting them first. Mhmm.

And it's the knowledge that they will love you when you have to put other people first too.

Mhmm.

It's understanding between two people. It's consideration between two people. It's a two way street. It's I don't know. It's one of those things where you know love when it's there.

Yeah. You know real love when it's there. Real love shouldn't hurt.

Mhmm.

Real love shouldn't be hard. And it's not that there won't be times in your marriage or in your relationship or whatever where it is hard. There will. Like, the first couple years of marriage suck. They're really hard.

I think something important to note that our mom told us is, like, love doesn't have to feel like butterflies. It's, like you said, it's honoring that person. And if you can find that in a person that I think for me, it's like finding someone that's gonna treat me with respect. Mhmm. And so many relationships out there, there's a huge lack of respect coming from a feminist perspective.

Mhmm.

Women are supposed to really truly baby their husbands. I'm not looking for someone I have to mother. Yeah. No. Thank you.

I think a question that you should be asking yourself if you're in a relationship, looking to get in a relationship, whatever, is would I wanna do life without this person?

Mhmm.

It's that simple. If there were no strings, no nothing, would you want to live life without them? Mhmm.

I

have no desire to live life without my husband. He makes everything better. And so if you're in a relationship and you're sitting there thinking,

meh. If

I was by myself, that'd be fine.

Mhmm.

Even if it's for no particular reason. Even if it's just like, meh. Whatever. I could do with or without. Then you're better off by yourself.

Understand that being alone is not worse than being with someone that you don't wanna be with.

It's not it shouldn't be taboo. It shouldn't be thinking that it's, like, a step below. Mhmm. You get to choose yourself. That's pretty cool.

Mhmm.

And think of all the adventures you get to go on.

I don't have to ask anybody if I wanna well, I if I wanna go somewhere on a plane, someone might need to take me to the airport. So I might need assistance. I don't have to ask anybody if I wanna fly to France. Do you? No.

Okay. Not by myself. I'll go with

you. But I do have to ask some people. I have a job and children. Yeah. So then the last one we wanted to talk about, because I'm trying to keep us on on some sort of track here.

We're not. You know, Valentine's Day is kinda spazzy. I'm assuming you're listening to this bottle of wine in. Oh. We have not had any.

I'm thinking of sparkling water.

What are

we doing? We're dumb. We did this wrong. Actually, we might be a lot more

coherent if we had drank something. We usually are. So the last one we wanted to talk about is non romantic love. So, like, love for your community, your neighbor, your pets. I don't know.

Your strangers. Your strangers?

Your strangers.

I appreciate your strangers. Mhmm. The verses in the Bible that we wanted to focus mostly on Bree's got a few of them written down, but the ones that came to mind for me are those verses in first Corinthians that you absolutely always hear at weddings.

Mhmm.

And they're totally taken wrong, like, out of context.

Mhmm.

And that drive me insane.

Yeah.

And do you have them written down?

Yeah. It's first Corinthians thirteen four through seven. Would you like me to read it? I would love it, please. Okay.

Get ready. This is the NLT version. I really, really enjoy it. I don't know that I've ever read it in the NLT, but here it goes. Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous, or boastful, or proud, or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, and always is out is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.

So the Bible teaches us how to love. This can apply romantically too. Sure. But in general, overall, as Christian people, this is how we should be loving the world. We should be patient.

We should be kind. We shouldn't be proud and rude.

I think it's really important to acknowledge the fact that no matter on what side of the vast divide you stand, Christians are not known at this time in history for their love. Mhmm. I I don't think you have to look far at all to see that. Nope. And we haven't been for a really long time.

Yeah. It's one of those things where and we've talked about this on the podcast before. You almost don't wanna say that you're a Christian because people will assume you're a hypocrite. Yeah. People will assume you're kind of a jerk.

But here, we see Paul telling us what love is supposed to look like. Mhmm. And, man, do we suck at it? Like, we're terrible.

I mean, how often do you hear love doesn't demand its own way? Yeah. How often are people demanding their own way right now? Quite often.

Well, and remember that this is talking about in your community, in the world with your neighbors. Like, this is the broader picture here.

Mhmm.

Love doesn't demand its own way. Love is not proud. Love keeps no record of wrong. I remember hearing someone say once that, and this was a Christian person, that children were being punished because of the sins of their parents, like generational sin. Now the bible does talk about generational sin, but it's in a totally different context.

And if as Christians, we're fine with atrocities against other people because their parents sinned Mhmm. Then we are fully ignoring what Paul says here

Mhmm.

Which is that love, which is what we are supposed to be. We're supposed to be the embodiment of love. Love is supposed to be

us. Mhmm.

Like, think of a a candle, the flame of a candle. It's no longer air. It simply is fire. Mhmm. We're simply supposed to be love.

Well, okay. John three sixteen. Most people who grew up in the Christian world know this verse. Now we memorized this verse from the KJV, and it doesn't hit as much as the NLT does. So the NLT says, for this is how god loved the world.

He gave his one and only son so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. Now we as Christian people are supposed to be the body of Christ, which means that he loved us so much that he sacrificed himself. Like, we are supposed to be love. Mhmm.

And if we are love, if that is what we are as people, if that is our identity, we don't keep records of wrong. Mhmm. We don't look at the rest of the world, the rest of non Christian people, Christian people, anyone, and say, you wronged me in some way, or I hold this grudge against you, or I'm better than you for whatever reason. Mhmm. And therefore, I'm going to harm you in some way.

I think we do a really great job, just in general, not just Christians, but in general, of dehumanizing people. Mhmm. Because they're not from where I'm from

Mhmm.

Or they look different from me or they act different than me or they don't go to my church or they don't believe the same things that I do religiously. Like, it's easy to not make that person into a person anymore. But do you think God sees them that way? He sees them as his children, every single person. Right?

Even the people that you don't like, the person that you hate the most in this world, God loves as much as he loves you. That kind

of wrecked me when that hit me. Because you you hear that all the time. Right? Like, and but it doesn't always mean something. But when you really internalize that, the fact that like, think of the person that you hate the most.

And I have a thought in my head that I will perhaps not share.

Oh, there's Cheeto dust on my fingers.

God loves that person as much as he loves me.

Mhmm.

And if you really let that sink in, if you really stop and let that sink in that the person you hate the most in the whole universe that has hurt you the most, that has hurt the people you love the most, and God loves them as much as he loves you, that will destroy you. Mhmm.

He was on that cross for them. He took on all of their sins. And in my human brain, I don't know how to reconcile that. Mhmm.

Because the person that I hate the most has committed all kinds of atrocities. Mhmm. And in my mind, should not be forgiven, should not be loved, should not get the same kind of consideration that I get because I haven't done those things, but that's not how god functions.

Yeah. Well, you have to think of it as otherworldly. Like, it's supernatural love. Like, how in the Bible it talks about supernatural peace. Mhmm.

You can pray for supernatural peace. And I believe in that. I believe in that wholeheartedly. But our love is supposed to be otherworldly. It's supposed to be like God, but we're not showing it.

No.

And instead, we're showing the opposite, absolute hate.

Yeah. And I'm scared for the world that they think that that's what Christians are. Mhmm. That we spew hate. Mhmm.

The one great thing that I am seeing as we've delved into this, like, more deconstructionist Christianity Mhmm. I'm starting to see a new generation of Christians, and it is a lot of, like, millennials and things like that. But I'm seeing a lot of older people as well.

Mhmm.

As they're starting to deconstruct their faith, and you rip it apart and you see what's left. And it's painful, and it hurts, and it's not a good time. Mhmm. But when you get to the end, what I'm seeing is all these people finding something different.

Mhmm.

And I find that really encouraging. Yeah. Because I'm starting to see a community of people that want something different. Now they're not the loudest people yet. Yeah.

So it's a quieter community. You have to look a little bit harder to find it, but you're starting to see these little churches pop up. Like, we've got a couple in our area. They're small, but you're starting to see them talk about things like feminism. Yeah.

Things like equality, which should have always been what the church is talking about, but, unfortunately, is not. And you'll see these online communities where women are feeling safe to say, I am a Christian, also equal. Mhmm. And I will accept nothing less. And that's very cool.

It's very cool to see. And I hope that as we watch an older, more traditional generation step down over time, that we see a new generation step up.

Yeah. Without having to sacrifice your faith. Right. You still get to have that. But in my opinion, it's so much deeper.

Mhmm.

It's a really real, true, raw relationship with my god. I've noticed recently with myself a lot that there are a lot of lines drawn around god.

Mhmm.

Don't do this. Don't say this. Don't pierce this. Don't get this tattoo. Don't whatever.

Like, there's all these little silly things that we as people have done, and some of them are more obvious. Like, I mean, we've all heard the don't get tattoos thing, probably. But then there's other, like, little things, like, don't swear, don't whatever. Like and there's so much judgment in the Christian community when you cross those lines.

Mhmm. It just makes me laugh though because when you go into a church and you find, like, the most tatted up person, the person who's probably has a you know, they drink they drink. And We all drink, Brianna. Every once in a while, they use a swear. Like, the people that that look the furthest from God, and then you sit down and you talk to them, and they are the closest, most passionate people.

They are on fire for God. Right.

And it just tells you how wrong we've got it. Yeah.

We have messed this up. We've messed it up.

All of those lines we Womp. All of those lines we drew around God, all of those silly things. You can't swear. You can't dye your hair. You can't get this pierced.

You can't you can't you can't you can't you can't put yourself in this cage. Mhmm. And God only exists in this golden little cage. It's not. It's not that.

Be who you are. Do what you need to do. Follow whatever line God leads you down. And if he leads you down one where you have to shave your head, then shave your head.

I think I have a weird shaped head.

I don't think he'll lead you down that one.

I don't know.

But maybe some

you say that you'd he won't. God laughs like that. Gosh. Dang it. Sorry.

Lord, I wanna keep my hair. Well, I cursed you. So sorry. Dang it.

Where Bree will soon be shaving her head. I don't know. I guess my point is just that I hope we're opening some of those doors a little bit as we all deconstruct together Mhmm. And figure out what it really means to be a Christian.

And I hope that one day when I'm dead and gone, people remember me that way Yeah. As someone who loved and didn't judge too much and who was open to everyone. Mhmm. That's what I wanna be remembered as, not someone who excelled in their career or was married to this person and birthed to this person. Like, I just wanna be known as a lovely person.

Mhmm. Lovely, loving person. That actually hit me

when and I may have said this before. I'm not sure. When our grandpa passed away about five years ago, he never had a big career. Now I was not born when he was still working. I I was one of the youngest grandchildren, both of us.

We're some of the youngest grandchildren of 11. So many of us. But when he worked, like, he didn't have some big, huge career. He was not the boss. He wasn't, you know, like, sitting making really important decisions.

Mhmm. Not to say that he couldn't have, but he chose other things that were important to him. And yet I remember sitting at his funeral, and it was so full that they had to open up an extra room and put it on a screen so that other people could see. And I remember thinking what an impact he had had even though his career was not some big shining pillar of, you know, whatever just because he loved people.

Mhmm. And he showed it every day. He had a list in his Bible of people that he would pray for every day, and it was a big list. And he would spend hours praying over those people that he loved. I wish I was like that.

I'm I'm not a morning person.

Well, we've got quite a few years yet to get there. But you are 97, so maybe not that many years. Maybe. Alright. Well, I think we'll wrap it up there.

I hope you guys have a great Valentine's Day tomorrow or possibly in the past depending on when you listen to this.

I hope that you listen to every cheesy song about love, Michael Buble. I hope you watch a rom com. I hope that you eat something weird.

I have been listening to a lot of Sabrina Carpenter lately. And wow. She loves love. I'll

tell you that much. She does love love. Wow. But her songs are good. They are good.

They are catchy.

Good beat. Mhmm.

And don't sing them in front of your mom. Or your children. Yep.

Alright. Well, we'll see you guys next week. Frankly, I'm not sure what we're talking about yet. So we'll you you can just live on that cliffhanger for

a whole another week. Oh, suspense.

Oh, just like my book.

I don't like that. That's hard. Happy Valentine's Day.

Good to see you there, Jake. Bye.