WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:01.590 --> 00:00:02.700 Hi, everybody. 00:00:02.700 --> 00:00:03.660 Welcome. 00:00:04.140 --> 00:00:07.620 This is the She Who Is Seeking podcast. 00:00:08.370 --> 00:00:13.740 Which is a podcast for the insatiably curious Mystic, Witch and Weirdo. 00:00:14.520 --> 00:00:20.550 Where I explore themes like spaciousness, dreams, fear and pleasure with curiosity. 00:00:21.180 --> 00:00:24.990 What do I think I know, and perhaps more importantly, what am I missing? 00:00:25.620 --> 00:00:26.580 What have I learned? 00:00:26.670 --> 00:00:30.000 And what might I be able to share from my experience? 00:00:31.110 --> 00:00:32.890 And do you have to be a Mystic, Witch or Weirdo? 00:00:32.910 --> 00:00:33.480 Weirdo? 00:00:33.780 --> 00:00:34.020 No. 00:00:34.650 --> 00:00:35.310 Of course not. 00:00:35.730 --> 00:00:40.920 But I imagine it will appeal to you more if you're open and curious 00:00:40.920 --> 00:00:42.480 and not afraid of those words. 00:00:43.980 --> 00:00:48.630 I'm your host and guide Meena Melissa Leigh, and I want to 00:00:48.630 --> 00:00:50.400 welcome you into our parlor. 00:00:51.210 --> 00:00:53.400 Grab a lovely cup of tea. 00:00:54.150 --> 00:00:56.880 And today we're going to explore freedom. 00:00:57.810 --> 00:01:01.050 Freedom to be a hundred percent myself. 00:01:01.530 --> 00:01:05.970 And the claiming of freedom for you to be a hundred percent yourself. 00:01:06.870 --> 00:01:13.020 And this is so intertwined with the bravery and rebirth stories. 00:01:13.950 --> 00:01:17.370 And even the healing episode really. 00:01:18.330 --> 00:01:22.860 Because it's easier to step into being yourself when you've gotten some 00:01:22.860 --> 00:01:24.300 of the other stuff out of the way. 00:01:25.170 --> 00:01:29.820 Or at least you're aware of what programs are running in the background. 00:01:31.050 --> 00:01:36.390 I also feel like this could have been titled She Who Is Seeking Rebirth 00:01:36.480 --> 00:01:39.600 Business Edition or Entrepreneur Edition. 00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:43.650 And it's also really about stepping into your purpose. 00:01:46.110 --> 00:01:50.610 This is about cultivating that wildness that lets our magic shine. 00:01:51.190 --> 00:01:56.470 It's about how things like embracing wildness, is an act 00:01:56.470 --> 00:01:58.780 of freedom and resistance. 00:01:59.370 --> 00:02:04.830 And this story is also about how doing things my own way, rather than following 00:02:04.830 --> 00:02:07.440 the rules and structures set by others... 00:02:07.890 --> 00:02:12.510 Finally allowed me to get back into flow and in touch with my magic and 00:02:12.510 --> 00:02:18.930 ready to do the work I am meant to do as a big, bad, bold, beautiful bad-ass. 00:02:19.890 --> 00:02:21.420 I guess I should say. 00:02:22.230 --> 00:02:24.300 If I really want to do a major alliteration. 00:02:24.900 --> 00:02:27.330 As a big, bad, bold, beautiful. 00:02:28.380 --> 00:02:30.240 Bad-ass business bitch. 00:02:32.190 --> 00:02:34.920 And I bet that applies to a lot of you out there too. 00:02:35.730 --> 00:02:41.550 And so I want to share my story with you in this way, because I think 00:02:41.550 --> 00:02:43.260 you'll find bits of yourself here. 00:02:43.770 --> 00:02:46.050 And I want the best for you. 00:02:46.330 --> 00:02:48.040 I want for you to shine bright. 00:02:48.820 --> 00:02:53.320 And when we can learn the lessons and bring them back, then we 00:02:53.320 --> 00:02:55.090 can light the way for others. 00:02:55.810 --> 00:02:56.470 So... 00:02:57.340 --> 00:02:58.120 here we go. 00:03:00.670 --> 00:03:04.840 I had been encountering a lot of stagnation, but the way I want 00:03:04.900 --> 00:03:07.540 to show up in the world, As in- 00:03:08.290 --> 00:03:11.770 I was proclaiming how I wanted to show up in the world and 00:03:11.770 --> 00:03:13.720 I knew what I wanted to do. 00:03:14.290 --> 00:03:16.030 Only it wasn't happening. 00:03:16.360 --> 00:03:20.020 At least not in the really big ways I had been picturing. 00:03:21.160 --> 00:03:25.720 And worse in my book, it felt like I had done all of the things. 00:03:27.190 --> 00:03:31.570 Figure it outmy "whys", journaled about the barriers, affirmed it was my time 00:03:31.570 --> 00:03:33.100 for this- blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 00:03:33.910 --> 00:03:38.050 And it was obnoxious and annoying because it felt, and I mean, 00:03:38.050 --> 00:03:42.790 truly felt ,like I was doing everything that I possibly could. 00:03:43.810 --> 00:03:46.210 And yet there was that dreaded disconnect. 00:03:47.020 --> 00:03:52.790 So this episode is about the rebirth through healing and the birthing 00:03:52.810 --> 00:03:56.680 of freedom I've been experiencing as a human and entrepreneur. 00:03:57.340 --> 00:04:01.360 One who has to earn a living in this world, and who wants to do 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:03.520 the work as my authentic self. 00:04:04.420 --> 00:04:06.790 I insist upon the freedom to be me. 00:04:06.880 --> 00:04:08.380 And I want that for you too. 00:04:09.190 --> 00:04:13.780 Life is too precious to waste on pretending to be somebody you're not. 00:04:14.290 --> 00:04:15.970 Or what I was doing. 00:04:16.690 --> 00:04:20.050 Hiding parts of yourself that really make you, you. 00:04:21.760 --> 00:04:28.270 There's big and small ways in which this shows up in our everyday life, right? 00:04:28.900 --> 00:04:32.800 Trying to fit in, or make people more comfortable. 00:04:33.400 --> 00:04:38.800 Maybe hiding something about ourselves that we know might not land with someone. 00:04:40.120 --> 00:04:44.530 So, this definitely had been showing up in all of my life. 00:04:45.310 --> 00:04:49.240 But it really hit home when I thought about how it applies to 00:04:49.240 --> 00:04:51.280 me as a spiritual entrepreneur. 00:04:52.540 --> 00:04:57.370 And if you aren't an entrepreneur or self-employed, I'm sure you can imagine 00:04:57.370 --> 00:05:02.920 whatever applicable stand in you like, 'cause I bet that you'll be able to see 00:05:02.920 --> 00:05:05.110 how it's relating to a part of your life. 00:05:05.860 --> 00:05:09.340 Because when I've worked with people, these same kind of 00:05:09.400 --> 00:05:12.220 things pop up again and again. 00:05:15.849 --> 00:05:17.379 So, here's some background. 00:05:19.030 --> 00:05:24.640 I never have had a problem with working and I especially love to get in flow and 00:05:24.640 --> 00:05:27.640 make 190 of whatever it is at a time. 00:05:28.509 --> 00:05:32.919 And I get into this zone where I create and time stands still. 00:05:33.429 --> 00:05:35.469 And I forget to eat and all of that. 00:05:36.369 --> 00:05:37.900 And I've always been that way. 00:05:38.530 --> 00:05:41.799 Or, if I'm leaning into something I'm all in. 00:05:42.580 --> 00:05:45.580 I've always been a part-time hustler or a busy bee. 00:05:46.270 --> 00:05:51.640 I've had a jewelry company, and I've had one where I made soaps and 00:05:51.640 --> 00:06:00.669 bath salts ,and I had doll making and bookbinding and mixed media, 00:06:00.700 --> 00:06:02.499 art collage, all sorts of things. 00:06:03.039 --> 00:06:08.889 But there was always a part of me that was not as committed to getting paid 00:06:09.189 --> 00:06:11.889 as making the items, or doing the work. 00:06:12.789 --> 00:06:20.679 And I would even offer crazy discounts or giveaways, or give things away as gifts. 00:06:20.679 --> 00:06:22.149 And I did a lot of trades. 00:06:22.779 --> 00:06:25.179 And it was bonkers. 00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:30.639 And is it just that I love creating beauty, and using my hands, 00:06:30.669 --> 00:06:32.679 or the idea of a little shop? 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:37.329 Well, sort of, I mean, somewhat- that's part of it. 00:06:37.869 --> 00:06:44.499 But in doing healing work years and years ago, I learned that this is very common. 00:06:45.369 --> 00:06:48.549 And often it's due to a self-worth issue. 00:06:49.119 --> 00:06:52.959 As in, I don't deserve to make money doing something I love. 00:06:53.409 --> 00:06:56.349 Or something that's related to a lack mentality. 00:06:57.099 --> 00:07:02.469 Where you just can't imagine ever being in flow, or in abundance. 00:07:03.189 --> 00:07:08.109 And sometimes it's super subconscious and you have no idea you're even doing it. 00:07:09.159 --> 00:07:12.309 Other times you kind to know, but you don't know how to fix it. 00:07:13.089 --> 00:07:19.390 So, whatever the case, my guess is all of that's true for myself to some degree. 00:07:21.189 --> 00:07:25.179 And I did have much more fun doing the work than asking for payment. 00:07:26.229 --> 00:07:31.089 The problem with that is something I'm sure that you've already figured out. 00:07:31.839 --> 00:07:35.559 Which is, how do you pay your bills? 00:07:36.280 --> 00:07:37.659 And pay for your life. 00:07:38.169 --> 00:07:41.140 If you're not charging appropriately for your work. 00:07:42.880 --> 00:07:43.900 The short answer. 00:07:44.589 --> 00:07:45.069 You don't. 00:07:46.119 --> 00:07:49.689 So I think we've honed in on some issues. 00:07:51.459 --> 00:07:55.329 Self-worth, confidence, focus. 00:07:56.020 --> 00:07:59.739 Even if there's not a solution yet there, we can kind of see the problem, yes? 00:08:00.640 --> 00:08:04.989 So one of the other issues that I uncovered for myself was the fact 00:08:04.989 --> 00:08:08.589 that I needed to fully be able to support myself and my children. 00:08:09.549 --> 00:08:14.169 But back then, I didn't feel like I had the qualifications to do so. 00:08:15.069 --> 00:08:21.069 So when I found myself suddenly a single mom, I was reeling from heartbreak. 00:08:21.819 --> 00:08:28.209 See the episode on healing, and I knew I needed to clear myself, so I could be 00:08:28.209 --> 00:08:31.299 a conduit for healing for my children. 00:08:32.199 --> 00:08:33.999 And we were all hurting. 00:08:34.059 --> 00:08:36.039 It was covering us like a blanket. 00:08:36.819 --> 00:08:42.400 And this started me on the path of trainings and certifications and 00:08:42.880 --> 00:08:45.310 up leveling my skills in Reiki. 00:08:45.339 --> 00:08:47.890 Shamanic healing work, yoga, sound healing. 00:08:48.430 --> 00:08:51.489 I did a lot of space clearing, hands-on healing. 00:08:52.510 --> 00:08:57.520 I did an amazing full-blown life coaching program, which was super cool. 00:08:57.579 --> 00:09:00.969 It was centered around a five point elemental system. 00:09:01.900 --> 00:09:03.949 And I've done learning and herbalism. 00:09:05.020 --> 00:09:09.160 All of that was done on weekends and evenings or when the kids were in 00:09:09.160 --> 00:09:11.349 school or whenever I have spare time. 00:09:12.489 --> 00:09:15.760 And the training's built on skills I already had. 00:09:16.359 --> 00:09:22.030 And I've been practicing mystical arts in some way for basically my whole life. 00:09:22.780 --> 00:09:25.989 But it felt like there was a lot of remembering. 00:09:26.319 --> 00:09:31.160 Or learning words for things that maybe I was already doing, but I didn't 00:09:31.180 --> 00:09:33.670 know how to describe what I was doing. 00:09:34.239 --> 00:09:36.010 So I think it was really worth it. 00:09:36.010 --> 00:09:38.530 And I was learning so much and loving it. 00:09:39.040 --> 00:09:40.810 Meeting amazing people. 00:09:41.349 --> 00:09:43.089 Healing myself along the way. 00:09:43.989 --> 00:09:45.489 It was amazing. 00:09:46.390 --> 00:09:50.469 I could listen to my friends and hold space for them all day long. 00:09:51.099 --> 00:09:54.130 Offered advice and reflect their growth back to them. 00:09:54.880 --> 00:09:58.479 I was always assured I was ready to start earning money using these 00:09:58.479 --> 00:10:05.140 gifts and talents by my teachers, and I knew that as well, but it always 00:10:05.140 --> 00:10:08.469 felt like it wasn't enough training. 00:10:09.219 --> 00:10:11.380 That's just definitely how I am. 00:10:11.979 --> 00:10:13.689 I've always wanted to know everything. 00:10:14.140 --> 00:10:15.130 I want to learn it. 00:10:15.550 --> 00:10:17.689 Talk to people about it ,by all the stuff. 00:10:18.369 --> 00:10:19.989 If there's a magazine, I want it. 00:10:20.709 --> 00:10:21.550 A conference. 00:10:21.579 --> 00:10:23.290 Yes, I'm booking a ticket right now. 00:10:23.920 --> 00:10:24.430 All of it. 00:10:24.579 --> 00:10:25.390 I want to do all of it. 00:10:26.410 --> 00:10:30.550 Stay up late ,night after night, diving deeper, going down rabbit 00:10:30.550 --> 00:10:32.229 holes of hidden knowledge. 00:10:32.290 --> 00:10:34.869 And I bet this is sounding familiar for a lot of you. 00:10:36.459 --> 00:10:41.709 And I was looking for some way to test or quantify my knowledge. 00:10:43.300 --> 00:10:45.609 It's just who I am, I suppose. 00:10:46.209 --> 00:10:49.060 Part of this was the eternal student. 00:10:49.869 --> 00:10:52.689 You know, the one who doesn't want to graduate and get a job. 00:10:53.410 --> 00:10:56.859 So they'd rather just keep learning and we all know those people, and 00:10:56.890 --> 00:10:59.199 maybe all of us are those people. 00:11:00.130 --> 00:11:03.339 So hopefully this next bit is true for you as well. 00:11:06.249 --> 00:11:08.949 I've always had big dreams for myself. 00:11:09.760 --> 00:11:11.949 I could always see a path forward. 00:11:12.400 --> 00:11:15.579 Where I was living a beautiful and colorful life. 00:11:16.150 --> 00:11:18.249 So what was getting in the way? 00:11:19.449 --> 00:11:24.999 It is true that I was afraid I would fail or perhaps even scarier succeed. 00:11:26.079 --> 00:11:27.640 But why is succeeding? 00:11:27.640 --> 00:11:28.420 Scary? 00:11:29.800 --> 00:11:34.630 Well, Because if I succeeded, then that would mean everyone 00:11:34.630 --> 00:11:36.400 would be able to see me. 00:11:37.390 --> 00:11:38.560 To see my truth. 00:11:39.189 --> 00:11:40.689 See my vulnerabilities. 00:11:41.739 --> 00:11:42.130 Okay. 00:11:42.520 --> 00:11:44.560 So number one. 00:11:45.609 --> 00:11:46.060 Fear. 00:11:47.499 --> 00:11:52.209 The next one makes me sound kind of like an asshole, but. 00:11:52.930 --> 00:11:53.979 And we'll just do it together. 00:11:55.569 --> 00:11:58.989 I've always had a knack for attracting amazing people to me. 00:11:59.650 --> 00:12:04.810 Some are brilliant or rich, famous, accomplished, funny, amazing people. 00:12:05.170 --> 00:12:11.650 And ,you know, they thought I was cool and worth their time, but I 00:12:11.650 --> 00:12:16.810 had a hard time letting that in and feeling like I was actually worthy. 00:12:17.920 --> 00:12:22.060 And why am I being so painfully in embarrassing, transparent? 00:12:22.719 --> 00:12:28.660 Well, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not the only one here who 00:12:28.660 --> 00:12:30.550 has felt that at some point, right? 00:12:31.869 --> 00:12:35.530 Everyone around you is published, or known and accomplished. 00:12:36.579 --> 00:12:40.510 Maybe they're further in thier career or attaining their life goals. 00:12:40.540 --> 00:12:43.660 And it can be very confronting. 00:12:45.099 --> 00:12:47.260 It wasn't that I felt unworthy. 00:12:48.160 --> 00:12:51.189 And definitely, I didn't feel unworthy of them per se. 00:12:51.189 --> 00:12:56.859 But it was just, I don't know, I didn't feel up to snuff for a long time. 00:12:57.910 --> 00:12:58.569 So. 00:12:59.469 --> 00:13:00.489 Issue number two. 00:13:01.119 --> 00:13:01.839 Self-worth. 00:13:03.880 --> 00:13:05.199 I had gained skills. 00:13:05.619 --> 00:13:08.680 And I was doing work for healers and teachers. 00:13:09.160 --> 00:13:14.050 And so I should've realized I was good to go and launch an amazing career. 00:13:15.010 --> 00:13:15.969 Like now, right? 00:13:16.719 --> 00:13:20.739 Well, Let's queue the industrial standard... 00:13:22.660 --> 00:13:24.760 the I'm a fraud free for all. 00:13:25.239 --> 00:13:27.699 The dreaded and yet incredibly common... 00:13:28.209 --> 00:13:29.530 imposter syndrome. 00:13:30.729 --> 00:13:34.060 And it's like the common cold of the healer world. 00:13:34.449 --> 00:13:40.180 It is so incredibly common and all over the place. 00:13:40.209 --> 00:13:45.729 And I think it's hard to find somebody who hasn't had it, at least once 00:13:45.729 --> 00:13:47.079 or twice pop up in their lives. 00:13:47.589 --> 00:13:49.359 So issue three. 00:13:49.930 --> 00:13:51.579 Is Imposter syndrome. 00:13:52.479 --> 00:13:57.640 And it didn't help that I had such amazing aspirations. 00:13:58.239 --> 00:14:03.069 All of the things that I wanted to do were so big, that it ended up 00:14:03.099 --> 00:14:05.530 feeling a little bit impossible. 00:14:07.719 --> 00:14:08.890 What's the next step? 00:14:09.099 --> 00:14:10.060 Where do I start? 00:14:10.540 --> 00:14:13.030 Well, the business stuff was hard. 00:14:13.359 --> 00:14:15.609 So I did business courses. 00:14:16.569 --> 00:14:21.339 When I would see the people that I had been in the business cohorts 00:14:21.339 --> 00:14:26.829 with, and I saw that they had like a kajillion followers, part of me 00:14:26.829 --> 00:14:31.150 wanted to see that as proof that they were meant for this kind of work. 00:14:31.180 --> 00:14:32.079 And I wasn't. 00:14:34.390 --> 00:14:36.190 And obviously that's not true, but... 00:14:37.359 --> 00:14:38.440 That is issue four. 00:14:39.069 --> 00:14:40.569 Compare and despair. 00:14:41.980 --> 00:14:46.869 When in reality, it is a lot more complicated than that. 00:14:48.040 --> 00:14:50.859 When we have this innate sense of worth. 00:14:51.339 --> 00:14:54.369 It's easier to see bullshit for what it is. 00:14:55.270 --> 00:15:00.069 I had days of clear vision and days shrouded in real pain. 00:15:00.760 --> 00:15:04.660 The pain that can lead to a little bit of self pity and you feel me ,right? 00:15:06.550 --> 00:15:08.560 I'm a tenacious entrepreneur. 00:15:09.250 --> 00:15:13.420 With the chaotic neutral attachment pattern, some days. 00:15:14.170 --> 00:15:18.339 And finally for the first time I was seeing my attachment pattern, 00:15:18.430 --> 00:15:19.960 really getting in the way. 00:15:22.270 --> 00:15:26.740 I would make great strides forward, then I would freeze and retreat. 00:15:27.609 --> 00:15:30.010 I knew what I wanted to do with my life. 00:15:30.369 --> 00:15:33.189 And I knew I wanted to fulfill my purpose. 00:15:34.389 --> 00:15:39.459 Those people in my business cohorts did the things that they were supposed to do. 00:15:40.659 --> 00:15:44.679 They posted on their Instagram and they did lives and made 00:15:44.679 --> 00:15:46.359 videos and offered services. 00:15:46.839 --> 00:15:48.099 Out in the open. 00:15:48.489 --> 00:15:52.089 To everyone, and they gained followers and they gained traction. 00:15:52.359 --> 00:15:56.800 They gained experience, and I'm sure it wasn't all cookies and success. 00:15:57.489 --> 00:15:59.709 But you see what you want to see. 00:16:00.699 --> 00:16:05.500 The real problem wasn't the one that I was actually worrying about. 00:16:06.310 --> 00:16:11.530 I wasn't seeing what I wasn't doing. 00:16:12.879 --> 00:16:15.790 I saw the ways in which I was letting myself down... 00:16:16.119 --> 00:16:21.520 the massive amounts of scheduled posts and Instagram lives, I felt I should be doing. 00:16:22.270 --> 00:16:25.810 But what I needed to do was reevaluate my life. 00:16:26.530 --> 00:16:29.470 My gifts, my focus, my skills. 00:16:30.040 --> 00:16:35.770 When I describe myself as chaotic neutral, and a tenacious entrepreneur. 00:16:36.099 --> 00:16:36.819 It was true. 00:16:37.270 --> 00:16:38.260 But so is this. 00:16:38.890 --> 00:16:42.069 Something I saw clearly when I thought about it was this. 00:16:43.000 --> 00:16:45.339 I've had a long life of lessons. 00:16:45.819 --> 00:16:49.210 I've lived through pain and suffering that has made me tough and 00:16:49.210 --> 00:16:51.099 burnished bright like glossy marble. 00:16:51.880 --> 00:16:54.579 All of the whipping of life has been like a buffing cloth. 00:16:55.810 --> 00:16:59.890 My life shines, and it shines bright. 00:17:00.940 --> 00:17:05.290 Even the armature inside of this sculpture might be jenky and 00:17:05.290 --> 00:17:07.240 made of cheap wire and duct tape. 00:17:08.200 --> 00:17:13.460 But at this point, there are so many layers of love and life, and 00:17:13.480 --> 00:17:18.910 insights and learnings, that I can hold my own as a work of art. 00:17:19.870 --> 00:17:20.980 I am strong. 00:17:21.430 --> 00:17:22.599 And I am capable. 00:17:23.500 --> 00:17:28.420 And I've literally never done the things"the right way". 00:17:29.290 --> 00:17:30.580 I'm a rule breaker. 00:17:31.240 --> 00:17:33.820 I have the heart of a peaceful anarchist. 00:17:34.510 --> 00:17:36.400 I hate rules for the sake of rules. 00:17:36.760 --> 00:17:41.500 I hate following the crowd or arbitrary "You have to do it this ways". 00:17:42.100 --> 00:17:45.820 To be clear, I'm not a full anarchist, more of a, that rule is 00:17:45.850 --> 00:17:48.880 dumb, so I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear it- type person. 00:17:50.050 --> 00:17:54.340 So ,it's not about personal freedom, but righting wrongs. 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:59.380 I don't see the value in upholding punitive, punishing, hateful, 00:17:59.380 --> 00:18:03.700 hurtful laws, just because somebody put their stamp of approval on it. 00:18:03.850 --> 00:18:06.850 It's a tiny digression, but I stand by it. 00:18:08.110 --> 00:18:11.710 So much of my life, I have felt like an outcast. 00:18:12.280 --> 00:18:13.570 The one who didn't belong. 00:18:14.050 --> 00:18:16.000 The black sheep, the lone Wolf. 00:18:16.360 --> 00:18:18.010 The wallflower, the weirdo. 00:18:18.820 --> 00:18:22.990 I felt like every time I met someone, I stuck my foot in my mouth. 00:18:24.130 --> 00:18:25.990 And that is true. 00:18:26.200 --> 00:18:29.440 I could give you instances, but they're like, Embarrassing. 00:18:29.440 --> 00:18:30.850 And that's not what we're talking about right now. 00:18:31.660 --> 00:18:35.500 So as for the outcast thing, it's not really true. 00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:38.020 I was just with the wrong people. 00:18:38.830 --> 00:18:40.810 I'm not too much. 00:18:40.930 --> 00:18:42.220 I was just too much for them. 00:18:43.000 --> 00:18:43.840 And side note. 00:18:44.230 --> 00:18:49.570 If you feel yourself feeling like you are too much, then I would 00:18:49.570 --> 00:18:51.100 advise you to look at your circle. 00:18:51.640 --> 00:18:54.640 Maybe they just can't handle that big, beautiful you. 00:18:56.170 --> 00:19:01.360 The way this story was unfolding in my life was circuitous and winding, 00:19:01.990 --> 00:19:06.760 but I began to see a through-line that I had completely missed. 00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:08.110 Which is this. 00:19:08.860 --> 00:19:10.720 So if I'm a Renegade. 00:19:11.230 --> 00:19:12.580 And a rule breaker. 00:19:13.090 --> 00:19:13.870 A weirdo. 00:19:14.560 --> 00:19:18.370 Why was I trying to do things the way that they want me to, or the way 00:19:18.370 --> 00:19:20.950 that business models say you should? 00:19:21.879 --> 00:19:25.180 I mean, that worked for them, but I'm me. 00:19:25.990 --> 00:19:31.420 So whenever I imagine the best version of my life, I was being me, all of me. 00:19:31.450 --> 00:19:34.510 Wild ,free, untamed, authentic. 00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:37.780 And making a life for me ,and for my little family. 00:19:38.620 --> 00:19:41.650 Leading by example, being my whole brave self. 00:19:42.340 --> 00:19:46.420 That me plays by my own rules, thinks with this weird brain, 00:19:46.420 --> 00:19:48.129 and dances, wherever I want. 00:19:48.580 --> 00:19:50.710 And I always have, and I'm so sorry, mom. 00:19:50.800 --> 00:19:54.400 I know the supermarket dancing was a lot and you don't like people 00:19:54.400 --> 00:19:56.690 looking at us, but, couldn't help it. 00:19:57.650 --> 00:19:57.950 So. 00:19:58.940 --> 00:20:01.130 Certainly I don't have to follow the rules. 00:20:01.490 --> 00:20:02.480 I never have. 00:20:02.690 --> 00:20:03.500 I never will. 00:20:04.970 --> 00:20:06.050 And then there's that fear? 00:20:06.800 --> 00:20:09.650 What if I never make money or I'm shunned? 00:20:10.040 --> 00:20:11.240 Or I fall on my face? 00:20:11.600 --> 00:20:13.010 Or I end up in the poor house? 00:20:13.730 --> 00:20:15.860 Well, I would say doubtful. 00:20:16.340 --> 00:20:17.060 I guess we'll see. 00:20:17.660 --> 00:20:21.110 But, I think you want that too! 00:20:21.830 --> 00:20:27.560 I think we all want to live out our wild dreams on our own terms. 00:20:28.100 --> 00:20:31.130 So, why don't we just do it? 00:20:32.810 --> 00:20:35.270 The old ways are toppling. 00:20:36.170 --> 00:20:39.380 The gatekeeping of the Piscean age. 00:20:40.280 --> 00:20:45.590 Has been dying out for a long time coming to an end, and the Aquarian age has been 00:20:45.590 --> 00:20:48.230 setting up the freedoms for new access. 00:20:49.010 --> 00:20:52.850 And we all agree to play this game of life. 00:20:53.900 --> 00:20:55.790 And I really do believe that. 00:20:56.270 --> 00:21:00.440 Collective consciousness keeps the ball rolling and time ticking. 00:21:01.820 --> 00:21:04.520 If enough of us believe we can change the world... 00:21:04.760 --> 00:21:05.480 can't we? 00:21:06.530 --> 00:21:07.100 Won't we? 00:21:08.420 --> 00:21:12.410 The structures that were in place to keep us quiet and tame 00:21:13.010 --> 00:21:15.320 got shaken up with the pandemic. 00:21:15.890 --> 00:21:18.920 When we were all at home and had time to look inward. 00:21:19.580 --> 00:21:23.510 Many of us saw that we were supporting systems that were 00:21:23.600 --> 00:21:25.730 not in line with our values. 00:21:26.660 --> 00:21:27.680 We woke up. 00:21:28.790 --> 00:21:30.710 After any huge awakening. 00:21:31.220 --> 00:21:35.090 We see ripples and echoes of it from then on. 00:21:35.780 --> 00:21:38.180 It's not linear or perfect. 00:21:38.660 --> 00:21:43.010 But it moves forward always more forward than back. 00:21:43.940 --> 00:21:50.090 The country didn't go back to hats and gloves after the hippies Fucked shit up. 00:21:50.840 --> 00:21:55.610 They left more freedom and openness in their wake and opened up a vein 00:21:55.640 --> 00:21:58.370 of consciousness that echoes still. 00:21:59.270 --> 00:22:00.560 Try as they might. 00:22:01.130 --> 00:22:03.710 You can't stuff the genie back in the bottle. 00:22:04.790 --> 00:22:09.350 So, yes, I'm going to try to do things a little differently this time around. 00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:13.790 Because when I'm in my truth, I'm in my power. 00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:15.380 And so are you! 00:22:18.530 --> 00:22:22.010 This has been the she who is seeking podcast. 00:22:22.730 --> 00:22:26.870 And it is the love child of me, Meena Melissa Leigh, and all the 00:22:26.900 --> 00:22:29.090 views, ideas and thoughts are my own. 00:22:29.900 --> 00:22:34.190 And I would love, love, love if you would come over and find me on Instagram 00:22:34.250 --> 00:22:40.820 or Tik TOK@shewhoisseeking, and if you enjoyed this episode, please share 00:22:40.820 --> 00:22:43.010 it with someone who might like it! 00:22:43.070 --> 00:22:46.190 It would be greatly appreciated! 00:22:48.230 --> 00:22:53.450 And if you are the people who were in Australia or Russia or the 00:22:53.450 --> 00:22:55.730 Netherlands or somewhere else, cool... 00:22:55.760 --> 00:22:58.130 I'm seeing you on the map and it's so exciting. 00:22:58.520 --> 00:22:59.330 Send me a message. 00:22:59.360 --> 00:23:02.210 I would love to give you a shout out, or even if you live in a totally 00:23:02.210 --> 00:23:03.680 normal place and you want to shout out. 00:23:03.970 --> 00:23:05.750 send me a message over an Instagram. 00:23:06.500 --> 00:23:09.920 And, um, I'll give you a little call out at the end. 00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:18.440 And the music is the beautiful song, Snake River by Siren and the Sea. 00:23:19.520 --> 00:23:23.960 And please remember it's up to you to make good choices about your life and health. 00:23:24.020 --> 00:23:26.660 And I am so rooting for you. 00:23:27.350 --> 00:23:28.400 And I love you. 00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:30.380 And I want you to go in peace and power. 00:23:31.490 --> 00:23:33.920 Victory to the Goddess. 00:23:34.340 --> 00:23:35.360 And Blessed Be! 00:23:39.470 --> 00:23:41.540 If you're still here, this is for you. 00:23:44.390 --> 00:23:46.400 I was afraid to let you see me. 00:23:47.120 --> 00:23:49.370 The magnitude of my scheme. 00:23:50.180 --> 00:23:52.940 How big my wings were in that show. 00:23:54.170 --> 00:23:57.020 What a big role I had written for myself. 00:23:58.190 --> 00:24:01.610 It's spanned books and books of journals. 00:24:02.450 --> 00:24:05.450 Written in different inky voices. 00:24:06.350 --> 00:24:08.600 Angry elated, haunted. 00:24:09.410 --> 00:24:11.000 But I pick the best parts. 00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:14.210 And I knew the meat was in the story. 00:24:14.900 --> 00:24:17.900 The framework pinned down and now fleshed out. 00:24:18.950 --> 00:24:21.320 With what I was hoping was wisdom. 00:24:22.670 --> 00:24:23.570 That's the thing. 00:24:24.110 --> 00:24:25.880 You can't get a sense of it. 00:24:26.840 --> 00:24:31.370 I put it on like the emperor's new clothes and walked on stage. 00:24:32.510 --> 00:24:33.350 Where they dapper? 00:24:34.250 --> 00:24:35.240 Was I stunning? 00:24:36.260 --> 00:24:37.850 But only You know, what You see. 00:24:38.810 --> 00:24:40.250 For me, it wasn't the show. 00:24:41.030 --> 00:24:44.780 I just wanted, to for once, say my lines out loud.