{ "version": "1.0.0", "segments": [ { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "0.24", "endTime": "15.445", "body": "Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another one of these ten minute Mondays. Let's start off with this. Have you ever noticed that your brain can replay a five second conversation for maybe the next five days? Maybe you said something that came out a little bit awkward." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "15.525", "endTime": "51.385", "body": "Maybe somebody gave you that look and you can't stop wondering what it meant. Maybe you sent a text that still never got a response, or you keep replaying something that you said at dinner three nights ago that everybody else has completely forgotten about. And there it is again, while you're driving, while you're brushing your teeth, while you're laying in bed trying to fall asleep. Your brain keeps hitting replay on these moments whether you want to or not, and usually it's not. And every time that it comes back, it feels like maybe this time you might figure something out or might be able to let it go." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "51.785", "endTime": "61.12", "body": "Here's the strange part. The other person, they've moved on. Your brain hasn't. Now the question is, why? And the answer is simple." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "61.12", "endTime": "76.875", "body": "Because your brain thinks it's still working on a problem. And there's a name for this that we all know. Rumination. It's repetitive thinking that feels productive because we're thinking so hard about it. But most of the time, you're just running that same loop." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "76.875", "endTime": "97.875", "body": "But here's the thing, that loop exists for a reason. Our brains have evolved over time to solve problems. Way back in the caveman days, replaying a mistake, they could keep you alive. Because if you forget where the danger was yesterday, there might not be a tomorrow. So your brain has gotten very good at holding on to these unresolved things." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "98.435005", "endTime": "117.409996", "body": "Some brains, however, grip harder than others. You've probably noticed this. Somebody says something at dinner, the person next to you forgets it by the drive home, and you're still thinking about it next Thursday. Now that's not a character flaw. Some people simply have brains that hang on to things longer than others do." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "117.57", "endTime": "139.41", "body": "And if that's you, you've probably noticed that's you and you're someone who pays attention to details and probably cares a little bit more maybe than the next person or at least that's how it feels. The problem is modern life is full of questions that don't have clean answers. Things like, did I offend them? Should I have said it differently? Why haven't they text back?" }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "140.05", "endTime": "157.345", "body": "I wonder if my boss took it the wrong way. Your brain treats those like solvable problems. It keeps working on them and even when there's nothing left to solve. And there's a second piece to this. Researchers found that people tend to remember unfinished things better than finished things." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "157.745", "endTime": "178.26501", "body": "And there's actually a name for this. It's called the Zeigarnik effect. And it started when a psychologist started noticing that waiters could remember every detail of an unpaid order and then forgot it all almost completely when the bill was paid. Once something is complete, your brain lets it go. If it feels unfinished, it stays open." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "178.585", "endTime": "191.065", "body": "Think about a movie that ends with a cliffhanger. You keep thinking about it. Or maybe a song that cuts off before that last note. It almost physically bothers you. Our brains hate these open loops." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "191.48001", "endTime": "203.08", "body": "Now think about conversations. Conversations, they don't tend to end with perfect closure. Guess what? Most relationships, they don't either. You also never fully know what the other person is thinking." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "203.08", "endTime": "216.57501", "body": "Boy, I wish you did. So your brain, it leaves this file open. And every so often, it pulls it back out and says, let's work on this again. Except you're not actually working on it. You're more replaying it." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "216.975", "endTime": "231.3", "body": "So try this. Think about how many conversations that you've replayed in your life. Now think about how many you actually solved by replaying them. Probably not that many. And I did this constantly as an entrepreneur." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "231.3", "endTime": "245.915", "body": "I would have a hard meeting or a pitch. Then I'd spend two days replaying maybe just one sentence during that time. Should I have answered it differently? Did I sound confident enough? Did I make the wrong call?" }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "246.48999", "endTime": "271.635", "body": "Meanwhile, probably the other person was 10 meetings past it, and here I am carrying this one thing around. Okay. So here's where this connects to drinking because this is one of the real reasons that a drink might get attractive at the end of the day. A lot of the time, what you're actually craving is that replay or that loop to stop. And a lot of us will call this a stressful day." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "271.90997", "endTime": "294.01498", "body": "Your brain has been spinning for hours, kids and bills, maybe that awkward conversation, that email that you wish you had written differently. So then you pour a drink. And for a little while, goes a little bit more quiet. The movie in your head finally kind of pauses. You don't have to solve anything right now." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "294.335", "endTime": "308.09", "body": "It just turned the volume down for a little while. Your brain has stopped trying to work. And that relief, that can feel incredible. But here's the catch. The next morning, as we all know, the conversation, it's still there." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "308.09", "endTime": "320.615", "body": "The email's still there. The uncertainty is still there. Except now your brain has something else to replay too. Why did I have that extra drink? I thought I wasn't gonna drink tonight." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "320.615", "endTime": "341.465", "body": "Did I say anything stupid when I was having a drink? Also, worst, why do I keep doing this? Now you're replaying yesterday's problem and yesterday's drinking. Now the loop has gotten bigger. That's why alcohol works so well short term and so badly long term." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "341.465", "endTime": "360.56", "body": "It pauses that loop without actually closing it. And when the pause ends, the loop starts again. And sometimes it's worse. Now I want to be clear about something because there's a version of this that's actually useful. Rumination is not the same as reflection." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "360.88", "endTime": "377.56503", "body": "Reflection asks, what can I learn from this? And then it moves on. Rumination asks the same question, but 20 different ways and never accepts the answer. Reflection creates clarity. Rumination creates exhaustion." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "377.885", "endTime": "394.78", "body": "So basically one moves you forward, the other keeps you standing in the same spot and burning up energy. So how do you tell one from the other? Here's the question that I use. Am I actually solving here? Is there an answer that I'm seeking?" }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "394.86", "endTime": "419.97003", "body": "Or am I just replaying and looping with no real problem solving in mind? If you're thinking the exact same thoughts that you had yesterday in the same words, you're not solving anymore. You're just looping. And that recognition helped to change or at least identify. Because once I know I'm in that loop, and this is easier said than done, I try to stop thinking my way out of these things." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "420.53", "endTime": "429.89", "body": "And thinking is what got me here. This is what got me stuck. Instead, I need to change. I need to step out of my own head. I need to do basic things." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "430.285", "endTime": "461.815", "body": "Go for a walk, get on a bike, call somebody, maybe stay busy with starting dinner. Those all have one singular simple job that don't require a lot of mental energy. They interrupt that loop. More thinking can't do that because by this point, more thinking is just more looping. The biggest mistake I used to make was believing that if I thought about something long enough, I'd eventually land on this perfect answer or just make it feel resolved in my head." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "462.29498", "endTime": "484.66", "body": "But a lot of life's questions, they just don't have one. Some conversations stay unfinished. Some relationships never fully make sense. Some people are not gonna text me back, and some decisions never feel 100% all the time. And that has to be okay because peace doesn't come from closing every loop." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "484.82", "endTime": "506.36002", "body": "Sometimes peace is deciding that the loop doesn't deserve another lap. So here's what I want you to try this week. The cue is the rerun. The moment that you realize that you've already had the exact same thought before, maybe it was today or yesterday, maybe sitting at that stoplight. When you catch that rerun, ask the same question." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "506.92", "endTime": "519.355", "body": "Am I solving here or am I looping? If you're solving, keep going. If you're looping, that's your permission to stop. Get up. Of course, not if you're at a stoplight." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "519.355", "endTime": "537.52997", "body": "Your brain has done all the useful things that it's gonna do today. There's nothing wrong with you. It's your brain doing exactly what it's built to do. It's trying to protect you by finishing unfinished business. It just never learned that some of these things, they need to stay unfinished." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "537.52997", "endTime": "550.255", "body": "Some conversations, some uncertainty, they all do. And sometimes the healthiest thing that you can do is let it stay that way. Okay. Thanks for hanging out with me this week. If you got anything out of this, please rate and review." }, { "speaker": "Speaker 1", "startTime": "550.255", "endTime": "557.535", "body": "Of course, I love hearing from you. Mike at Sunnyside dot co. And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey." } ] }