Well, hello all you beautiful people.
You know what time it is.
Ladies and gents, guys and dolls and
everyone in between.
Gather around. Get you something real
nice to sip on and comfy to slip on.
Cuz it's time for Smite Club. Here's
your hosts, Chelsea and Hannah.
[Music]
[Laughter]
Hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club.
I'm Hannah. And I'm Chelsea.
And this
and this is the podcast where we are two
licensed therapists who sometimes
daydrink and sometimes don't
and review smut books of varying
caliber. I almost had it. I think you
did a beautiful job.
Thank you.
Today is a drinking day.
Clearly,
penog greater
box.
Yep. We are still at this point as of
this recording. We are still not
sponsored by Boa Box.
Yeah.
Be a lot cooler if we were.
It would.
Uh cuz I'll also say, and this is by no
means trying to like Boa DM me. Not not
trying to make that happen. It if you
wanted to, you could though. I'm
enjoying this pino more than I expected.
Oh, me too. Yeah. It's not as sweet as I
thought it would be. It's nice.
Yes. I think I normally lean Chardonnay.
Me, too.
But I sometimes feel like the the Boda
Chardonnay has a specific aftertaste,
which I don't mind. I'm just not always
looking for it.
Sure.
Um and so I'm enjoying this pino as cuz
I feel like I typically do the
Chardonnay or the rosé.
Yes. Mhm. Mhm.
And you know what I won't do though?
What?
Soft blanc.
M. No.
No. I'm not a grapefruit girly.
Me either.
And that is a a hard one if you don't
like the acidic fruits in that regard.
Speaking of that, on my way here this
morning, for some reason, I had the
thought that um cuz I I guess I saw an
advertisement for the new um lavender
latte at Starbucks. I was like, "That's
interesting,
but I hate lavender." And then I had the
thought and I was like, well, I did
really like that lemon and lavender
lemonade or something that I had at
Chelsea's. I'm going to try it and it
was a mistake, but I paid $6 for it and
so I drank it anyway and I just
committed to it.
I like a iced lavender latte, but I
don't know if I've had lavender as a hot
like in a hot beverage option and I
don't know if I would enjoy that outside
of tea. It was it was cold, but for me
it was the the like the flavor itself
was fine, but then behind it was like
lavender and I was like
you can very easily overdo
Yeah.
the floral notes
with beverages.
Yeah. It's a fine line.
It's a rookie move.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, Starbucks a bunch of noobs.
Maybe because I had CO two or three
times, maybe my taste buds are different
now and that's why I liked the lemonade,
but that wasn't it. I think it was just
better balanced.
So, I'm just going to admit that I don't
remember serving you lavender lemonade.
You did? Or honey lavender something.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Wasn't it lemonade?
So, I have uh True Honey Tea Company
makes a lavender lemonade tea bag. I had
if it was iced, I steeped it in a I made
like a cold concentrate. Yes. Oh, that
was Yeah,
I should make more of that.
It was really good.
I forgot about that.
Yeah. See, they did the right amount of
lavender. That's why we like it.
Nailed it.
Take note, Starbucks.
All right. So, all that said, today we
are reviewing Sleet Princess by SJ
Tilly.
Is this hockey? How'd you know? Well, I
was like, this is going to go one of two
ways. Either she's going to be like an
ice princess fa situation, but that's
not usually the energy you bring.
Sometimes, but not usually.
Yeah.
So, I was like, feels more like hockey
potentially.
Yeah. So, this one is hockey. Great
call. Um, and this is actually the
fourth book in the series. It's the
final book, but they're all standalone.
Um,
so there are like references to the
friend group a lot in the book, I think.
I'm like, and all of the names are based
off of like whatever the dudes like
freaking nicknamed the girls. So, like I
think it's like sleep kitten, sleep
sugar, sleep banshee, and sleep
princess.
I got to be honest.
If a man's nickname for me is Banshee,
probably not. No, I don't think that's a
person I want to be romantically
involved with.
Yeah. It's not giving that you like the
person, right?
It's not giving like enjoyment of the
relationship.
It's not the kindest nickname.
No, it's giving you screech at me like
Yeah.
But you know, some people are into that.
That's true. That's true. Yeah.
And so we love that that nickname is
available
to them.
To them.
Yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough.
Okay. So, but this one is sleep
princess. Yes.
This opens with Luke. Um, Luke is one of
the co- captains for the Minnesota SLET,
the NHL team.
He is, uh, I think he's 36.
Yeah, cuz at some point I think he says
like his birthday is is coming up and
he'll be 37 soon, but like it's passive,
so could be off on that. Um, he's close
to retiring. Like
I was going to say that's getting up
there for a hockey player.
Yes. which is kind of where he's like,
you know, like all of my like friends
and like peers have found love and are
kind of like entering that next season
and I I too would love to find love and
I only have so many years left in me. I
don't rebound like I used to. That sort
of energy.
Um he is in Mexico for his cousin's
wedding.
That's nice. Yes.
Was that a previous book?
No.
Okay.
No. Uh
they do that sometimes. Well, they do.
They They really frequently do. No, but
he is his uh the cousin's best man.
Okay.
And so they are going on a run and
working out together and just like
getting a workout in at the gym before
all of the wedding festivities kind of
start.
Switch to Natalie. That's who we meet
next.
She is also at the resort resort for her
cousin's wedding. Not the same wedding.
Okay, that's a good distinction.
Yes. This is not like they're not in the
same wedding parties together. Like it's
not there's not that much
happened to be in the same place.
Yes. They are at the same resort,
right?
For some reason in my head when it said
that they were each there for their
cousin's wedding, I was waiting for it
to like be the same wedding to the point
that like they flew home and were no
longer in Mexico. And I'm like, "Oh, so
it's not I was still waiting." I don't
know why I built that in my head.
Well, because that I mean that feels
like a book I've read, but where you
know, and then they dance together and
then they have a one night stand and she
turns out to be pregnant and 6 months,
you know what I mean? Like,
yes,
that's kind of a tropey thing, you know?
1,000%. and like the oh we were like
making eye contact and like the jokes
like in the ceremon like those sorts of
like cute moments and things like that.
That's not what's happening here.
Different weddings. Um she actually I
don't I think her cousin she's not in
the wedding party cuz her cousin didn't
do wedding parties. She's just like
there for the wedding but the bride is
still kind of bridezilla and is like
I need all of my friends who are here
like all of my girls like we're still
going to the gym. We're still like doing
so one of those like I'd say she like
doesn't have a formal wedding party but
just has a bunch of friends that seems
like like house party might be a better
term for it.
Right.
And so they're like we're going to the
gym and Natalie is not thrilled. She's
like I'm on [ __ ] vacation but like
right okay
you're the bride. I guess I'm going to
the gym. Like I'm not loving this but I
guess that's what I'm doing. So um back
to Luke it. So this book
there are so many chapters. Holy [ __ ]
It's like the book is like less than 400
pages and I think there were like 120
chapters.
Yes. Like and especially there are a lot
of chapters like and it goes pretty much
back and forth every other chapter on
point of view. But like there will be a
chapter that's like four sentences and
then the next page is another four
sentence chapter from the next person.
So like things do kind of move
quickly
in some regard and but it is a lot of
back and forth. Sometimes it feels
relevant, sometimes it really doesn't.
Yeah.
Um
so Luke is on this run with his cousin,
walks into the gym, immediately sees
this like beautiful woman just laying
out on the weight bench reading her
Kindle.
I like that a lot. He's like, I am into
her. I would I I need to know more about
this situation. So, he just walks up and
goes, "Mine Sharon, Princess Princess."
Um, clock it. Page nine, his
introduction to this woman already has
the nickname. That might be a record.
It might be.
Yeah.
Cuz I know when we just reviewed Twisted
Love, you were like, "The nickname shows
up at 25%." And in my head, I was like,
I know I'm reviewing this book soon, and
I can't wait to beat Hannah's record. I
don't know if we if we I don't know if
you can top page nine.
That is early,
especially when they've they don't know
each other.
They've never spoken.
Yeah. This isn't like a they grew up
together, brothers, best friend sort of
trope.
You're probably the only one who can get
away with that on page one, right? But
I'm like, page N is so freaking early
for the nickname.
Well, generally in real life, when a guy
calls you some kind of nickname at the
gym or when you're on the street, at a
restaurant, whatever, it's not cute at
all.
No.
Like, it's usually extremely either
condescending or just like generally
creepy. Like, that's not that's not good
vibes. Well, and they each have a couple
nicknames throughout the book for each
other. So, like he calls her Princess,
Green Eyes, or Little Royal.
Okay.
Like the whole like going between the
three. And
he has a couple Mr. Muscles.
Nope.
Player.
And I think there there might be another
one, but I'm just like, Lord, so many
freaking nicknames. So, uh, she is
startled when he's like, "Mind sharing?"
And like drops her Kindle. He grabs it
and just starts reading.
Mhm.
And it's a sex scene. I'm sure
it is smut. It is indeed smut.
And so she's like, "Can I have that
back?" Like reaches for it. He's like
holding it out of her arms reach.
Finally gives it back to her and he's
like, "What's your name?" And she's
like, "Princess is good." And just like
walks away.
You know all you need to know. Thank
you.
Uhhuh. And she's like, "All right, put
in my time at the freaking gym. I showed
up,
right?
I'm going to the beach now. I'm on
vacation. Let no man stop me. I'm not a
freaking bridesmaid.
Don't give me tasks.
I didn't sign up for this."
Yes. Um, so she is down and
swimming and and just like kind of
floating in the water. Luke goes out and
is at the beach immediately like clocks
the pink swimsuit and he's like, "Yep,
there she is.
I'm here. Hello."
So goes out and like swims out to her,
but then startles her and she just like
goes under because
I'm sure.
Yes. I'm like as any of us would do if
we're just floating in the ocean and
someone startles us.
Um, and so then he's like apologizing
and he's like, "It's you can push me
under if you want." And she's like, "I'm
not gonna." And then like before she
finishes the sentence, just dumps some.
And he's like,
"Good for her.
I I respect it."
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Good for her.
Um, they introduce themselves, start
flirting, like very hard from the jump.
This like instant attraction.
She's from outside Chicago. And uh and
he's like, "Oh, like because he says he
plays hockey and I forget exact but like
it's something where he's just like oh
you live outside Chicago so you can't
claim Chicago. The sle is your team
now." And you're like what the good sir
you don't know this.
Your face is so unimpressed.
Well I'm just like hockey never heard of
it. Like, how do you know if she even is
into hockey? Like, why are we assigning
her a team? Which is okay. All right.
Well, I think it was more of like a Oh,
so you play like
he's like, you're not Chicago. You said
you live outside Chicago. So, like sle
is your team now. Which still you're
okay. Roll your eyes. It's fine.
Well, it's giving desperation, but go
ahead. Like, okay.
Well, she's into the desperation. It's
working for them.
Hey, different strokes and all that.
Good for her and him, I guess.
I like that every single thing that
Luke's doing, Hannah's like unimpressed.
Please move on to the next. And I'm
like, and then he did this and you're
like still unimpressed.
Hate it.
And I'm like, Natalie does not seem to
feel that way.
I'm happy for both of them. They really
found each other. It sounds like Oh, I
mean, we're pretty early still. I
imagine there's some plot.
I
I imagine there's a plot. Maybe
they had been out in deeper waters and
he ends up like swimming them back into
like slightly shallower territory.
They end up kissing. It gets heated. Uh
it would probably get more heated, but
then someone on the beach calls for her
and it's like one of it's not her
cousin, but it's one of the non
bridesmaids and she's like, "Well, I
guess I probably got to go get ready for
the rehearsal." So, she kind of takes
off and he's like, "Well, I'm going to
swim around for a minute and then I I
too will get out, but no need to scare
the children right now." Oh, no. You go
ahead.
So awkward.
He's like, I will stay where I am.
What's that episode of Community where
the guy from Subway has sex with Britta?
It's a whole thing. But they listen to
them having sex and the guy from Subway
is like, "Unacceptable. You're fired."
And then he's like, "And then if someone
would hand me my coat, I would make my
way out." And everybody's like, "Your
coat is next to the door." And he's
like, "If somebody would hand me my coat
and everybody's just like,
"Yeah, that's what it makes me think of.
Hand me my coat.
hand me my coat.
All of the things I think of with
community,
that's not one of the But like when you
said it, I'm like, "Oh, yeah, I do." But
I whenever I think of Brida, I think of
her organizing the political protest and
when she goes to protest something
and no one else shows up and then she
sees them all walking by and she's like,
"What happened guys? I thought we were
all like gonna like fight for the
animals together." And they were like,
"Well, I ate a cheeseburger and then I
wasn't cold anymore."
Yes.
And as someone who's been predominantly
meat-free for over a decade,
Yep.
I was like, "Oh, is that the answer? I'm
always [ __ ] cold."
Oh, no. Have a cheeseburger.
The solution. Absolutely the solution.
Supplement, I suppose.
So Natalie is my urine supplement would
also be helpful.
Anemia runs in my family.
I should get my labs done again soon.
It's been a minute.
Preventative health matters.
Mhm. To be fair, I got my lab work done
probably about 6 months ago and then my
doctor text me and said, "It came in.
When are you free to schedule?" And I
said,
"Let me get back to you." And by the
time I get back to them, I'm gonna need
new lab work. That was already spilled
over six months ago.
Yeah,
my bad. So, okay, Natalie is at her
cousin's rehearsal at this point and
Googles Luke because Yes, that's what
you do.
Yes.
And so, as she is uh looking at her
phone, her dad sees it and is like, "Oh,
let's let's start with one team." Haha.
Because apparently Natalie's and her
dad, they own Wagner Corp. I don't know.
Um, it sounds like general business.
They do
very lucrative. She has like a trust of
like a 100 mil that like she's never
even touched because she doesn't need to
based off of her like
the So her dad just bought the NFL team
in Minneapolis.
Oh. So, he just bought the biters and
they will be Yep. I didn't name it.
They will be moving to from Illinois to
Minnesota.
Oh.
Very soon because he just bought this
team.
Um, which she's like,
"Yeah, I wasn't really didn't want to
lead with that with
meeting Luke." She's like, "When do you
tell them that you're moving?" And then
when they ask why you or like because my
dad just bought an NFL team like
right right
I don't really know how to slip that
into conversation
or be like well the sleep will be my
team in about a month. Yay. Wink wink.
Yes.
So later that night she is creeping his
Instagram and does what all of us have
accidentally done at some point.
Yep.
Likes a photo.
Yep.
Too far back and is immediately like
[ __ ] and like tries to unlike it, but
like by the time she unlikes it sees
that she has a new DM and she's like,
"Oh,
okay."
And so like he's sitting there and he's
like texting her and then like his
cousin is like annoying him and he's
like, "Remind me why I like room with my
cousin and any room with like where
where you're staying h like that sort of
energy and she's just like
you can have the floor room 112."
All right. So he just takes off.
He's like, I will not wait for her to
change her mind.
What a wingman.
Yeah. Goes,
"Great job."
Just just knocks on her door. They She
opens it. They immediately start going
at it again, right? Uh
then there's a knock on her door and
it's her dad and he's like, "Hey, I
brought ice cream." And she's like,
"Fuck, [ __ ] fuck." She's like, "Sorry
about this." and kicks him out. But she
has like a swim up pool off the back.
So, and he just like laughs.
Swims out.
Yeah. He's just like this. It's a story
kind of energy. And he's like, well,
carries his phone over his head and just
like wads out.
You're 36 years old, bro.
Hannah,
my husband is 36 years old. Dead ass.
Tell me Vance would not do like in if
the circumstances were right. like I
you're like I take it. He would
and my husband who is fully 43 would
likely do the same. So yeah,
in my head Matt was still 40.
Yours keep moving though.
Yeah. I just feel like on Facebook I saw
that it was his 40th birthday and would
have bet that that was within the last
year and I'm realizing
no
I'm wrong and it was not within the last
year.
Last night I was asking him like you
know if you needed anything checking in
whatever and he was like I mean not
really
a surprise [ __ ] would be nice. And I
was like, "What level of surprise?"
Like,
like, "Do you want no warning? Do you
want a lot of warning?" Like, what?
Is it just like a I want to suck your
dick right now? Is like that what you're
looking
am I just like, am I taking the wheel
here? Cuz that's different energies. I'm
open to both, but like I need more
information. And he goes, I want to be
so surprised that I go
[Applause]
And I was like, "Okay,
I'm vastly overthinking how to achieve
that level of response."
Okay, I guess I have to jump out of a
closet or something.
uh pop out of a cake like a stripper.
I remember there was this dude that uh
I don't know. I think he was like a
detective for Nashville PD.
Uh I don't know. I knew him because I
worked crisis and we worked very closely
with law enforcement. He was law
enforcement, whatever that that was.
Sure.
But he was my age, my co-workers age.
him. Uh we were at a training and uh me,
it was me, a male coworker, and then
this dude who is law enforcement,
whatever that is.
Sure.
And they were talking about first dates
and like
what level of intimacy happens on a
first date and if a girl puts out or
things like that.
Sure. But he's like, listen, he's like,
I'll always pay the bill. Whatever you
want to give. Like a [ __ ] like never
expected.
Always appreciated.
Never expected.
Always appreciated.
And Vance will still say that to me now.
I like that.
Yeah. He's like never expected.
Always appreciated.
Yeah.
And I do feel like at any point in time
if you're just like want me to suck your
dick? That is the That's the level of
surprise right there.
Yeah,
you don't need to jump out of a closet.
I don't.
That's gift enough.
You're really right. I'm overthinking
it.
Or when we're done recording, we can go
see what mask options you can buy to
really commit to the bit and surprise
him.
Matt already has most multiple masks of
various horror characters. I can just
not the Jason mask cuz it's a hockey
mask so there's not a lot of room. Wh
see horror masks make some people's
dicks twitch and it makes other people's
dicks
invert.
And so that is where we shall leave
Hannah's husband's dick.
I don't know. Never expected. Always.
Always appreciated.
That's going to go on our merch.
I hope you jump out of a closet and
that's what he says.
That would be full circle, wouldn't it?
That really would be. Yeah. So, he
sneaks out from the swim up pool.
The next day is the wedding. The
weddings happen. and no one gives a
[ __ ] I don't even know if I know the
name of the bride. Like, I don't even
know if I know Natalie's cousin's name.
They probably mention it. It wasn't
really relevant cuz she didn't also
really like her cousin that much.
It seemed like this wedding was more of
an excuse for her to go on vacation.
Yeah. It was more of like a
my dad loves his brother and I love my
dad and so I'll show up to my cousin's
wedding.
That makes sense. Mhm.
But pretty much as soon as the reception
start, Luke is like, "Well, I think it's
time I go seek out Natalie."
He's like, "There are only so many other
places weddings can be happening on this
island."
Mhm.
Not island, it's Mexico
in this general vicinity.
This general resort.
Sure.
Yes.
It works well. He finds her. Uh
they bone on the beach. It's secluded
enough.
He did also steal his cousin's condom.
His cousin whose wedding night it was
who only brought one condom for the
wedding night. Wedding weekend. I had
extra.
To be honest, I feel like that's on the
cousin.
Why are you only bringing one?
Yeah. I'm like, but also if you know
your cousin only brought one and it's
his wedding night and you steal it from
him, that is pretty shitty. that if you
know it's his only one, that's pretty
shitty.
But also to your point,
it's your wedding night and it feels
like you could have prepped more going.
I feel bad for your new wife.
Do better.
Come on, man. Do better.
Yeah. Uh
yeah. Yeah. So they bone on the beach
and then like as they're walking back
his name is called and he's like, "Oh,
it's like people like from the So they
just kind of like part ways and
sure
and move on." And so the next morning
they fly home individually which like
starts a text montage.
Um there are a couple different text
montages that we'll have throughout
this. And so throughout this like you
can tell she's traveling for work. he's
also traveling for games
like they facetimed amidst the travel
and um he asks her about her travel
schedule for the week and she has a free
night. She has to be in California the
next day um but has a free night and he
has a game in Vegas. So she agrees to
have a layover in Vegas to go to his
game and see him. H yes. Uh, so that
said, he also like he does he still does
not know she's loaded,
right?
She's just they're just like living
their life, having this like flirty
banner. It's also one of those things
where like his mom has always been like,
"You got to look out for gold diggers."
Like you're like a professional athlete,
right?
And so
for some reason that comes up a couple
times in the book and then it's like,
"Yeah, and she's not one." So
that's convenient. Anyway, it's like
kind of how it read to me like a little
a little too passive. I was like, why
did we reference this? We could have
just
It seems unnecessary.
Yeah, at least was my interpretation.
Sure. Oh, it could it doesn't sound like
it's relevant to the plot.
Yes, exactly.
Um, so she just bought herself one
ticket cuz that's all she needed and it
is right next to the penalty box. Very
good seat.
Mhm. And um as anticipated as well as
I'm sure you can anticipate
what Luke gets in gets thrown into the
penalty box with Zach
who I believe was the if I'm remembering
correctly was the main dude in Sleet
Sugar.
Okay. Yes. Zach is with Izzy
Sugar. Uh
and her dad is the coach of the team.
Oh, okay. Yes.
So, Zach and Luke both get thrown into
the penalty box and then Luke sees that
she's sitting there and Zach is
immediately like trying to like elbow
him back like, "Who are you looking at?
What's happening?"
And Luke's going to play [ __ ] cool,
man. Shut the [ __ ] up. Yeah. Get back.
Get back. Uh, and he sees that she's
wearing a sleet jersey and he's like,
"Turn around." Like, so she turns around
and it's just a blank jersey.
Not Zack. Luke is like, "The fuck." Like
good for her.
Yeah.
Well, and she's like in her inner
monologue, she's like, "Well, I wanted
to like get a jersey. I didn't think he
would want me to wear a friend's like
name, but I also
don't feel like we're at a point where
I'm like wearing his name on my back."
So,
very presumptive.
Yeah. She's like, "The blank jersey felt
like the safe appropriate move, which I
agree with."
I'm like, I I do feel like I would also
go blank jersey. Definitely. Yeah.
You met him last week, right,
in Mexico?
She seems to have a better understanding
of where they are in the process than he
does.
Yeah.
I Well, I also feel like she's a little
I'm like, you haven't told him that
you're like, there's some things that
you're not telling him.
She's hiding a lot of stuff.
Yeah. And he's like, I really like this
girl. Like, what's not to like? I'm just
going to like keep doing this until I
learn something that informs me
otherwise.
Right. Right.
Which I also appreciate that like
cuz you know some people go into
relationships looking for the excuse to
end it.
Right. Yes. Mhm. Mhm.
And it's was kind of refreshing to read
about like a someone who wasn't fighting
it along the way.
Yeah. but also isn't like overly golden
retrievery, if you will.
Um, so yes, he is unimpressed and like
in in his head he's like, "I will buy
her a new jersey immediately and that
one will go in the donation pile cuz who
needs that black jersey? That's not
doing anyone any favors." Which is very
sweet. And then he winks at her before
he goes back out on the ice and people
definitely see it. Like people behind
her are like,
"Do you know him?" Oh [ __ ] And she was
like, "Uh-huh." And one of the girls was
like, "Is he good?" sort of energy.
Yeah.
She was like, "Good." Oh, and I didn't
mention this when they had the beach
sex. But it was so good that once he
pulled out, he collapsed on the sand but
forgot that his dick was still out. And
then he's like, "Oh, no."
That's why I made the face I made when
you said they had sex on the beach. I
was like, "Yes."
Oh, hell no. Hell no.
No.
Hot in theory, less in practice.
And honestly, not even in theory because
in my head, all I think of is all of the
like we would go to the beach at night,
Clear Water Beach when I was like
growing up.
And there were some sand dunes. And it
wasn't uncommon that like people would
like
go hook up
go hook up in the dunes. But you know
who else went in the dunes? Everyone who
needed to pee.
Also correct. Yeah.
Oh, and definitely had some friends go
behind some dunes and find some people.
And I'm like, that is what I'm imagining
in my head. So, I'm glad no one
interrupted them, but I'm also like it's
hard for me to like imagine getting
there sexually in that situation.
Yeah,
cuz I
Things are going to be scratching that
shouldn't be scratching.
No, you can never get rid of all the
sand.
No.
Yeah, I think I still find some.
I haven't been to Florida since 2019.
Is that actually I think that is true. I
said that a little faciciously and then
I was like actually
yeah my bad should go see my family
soon.
Uh they finish the game, they win, they
go out afterwards and it's sweet because
they start out at the bar with all of
his friends and once again who all have
their own books of like they get to meet
her and they all have a fun time hanging
out together. And then Luke and Natalie
decide that they're going to go like
explore the strip and just like have
some time for them. They like get the
giant
drinks, you know, the ones and the, you
know, the specific cups that I'm
You'reing I'm mimming that no one else
can see me m
that are like symmetrical where they
have like the funnally top on the top
and funnally top on the bottom and long
and skinny in the middle.
Thank you. Yep. Thank you for describing
it perfectly. Yes. On the strip and at
like
amusement parks are the are the places,
right? So, they get their drinks and
they're just kind of walking and they
see this like kind of alley kind of just
sidewalk that like goes maybe like 20
yards back and that has a door at the
end that there's like a bouncer outside
of and the door has like a pink glow
around it. And so they start to walk up
and the bouncer's like, "Sorry, like
closed event." And then as they get
closer, the bouncer's like, "Holy [ __ ]
you're Luke Anders." And Luke's like,
"Yeah, man. Want my girl to take a
photo?" Like, and so they're just having
a great conversation and the bouncer's
like, "You you really here for this
party?" And he's like, "Yeah." And he's
like, "Okay." Like, "I can't let you
take the drinks in, but like doors
open." And sure. So they go in, they're
having a great time,
drinking, vibing. Uh the DJ is hyping
everyone up. Just a great dance party
all around. Like, but like the DJ's
hyping them. He's like, he's like, "Look
at your partner and tell him you love
him. Tell me your hoare is over. Like,
make out like you mean it. Like, and
everyone's just like, "Yeah, like having
this great time." They're like, "Okay,
we're going to go back to our hotel now
before this turns into an orgy." Like,
uh, yeah.
And as they get to the edge of the dance
floor, they're like people standing
there and they're like, "Okay, we need
you to sign like the like the waiver."
And they hand him hand like a party
favor bag.
So Luke takes the bag and she takes the
paper and they they go back to the hotel
and have great sex, you know. Sure.
At least I'm pretty sure that's why.
Less sand.
Yeah. Less less Sandy
and more condoms. I imagine
uh
he tells her like he doesn't want it all
to end. And she tells him, "I'm moving
to Minnesota next week." And so she does
tell him and he's very excited about
that. Yeah. But she just tells him that
her company's headquarters are moving
there.
Right. does not say
my dad just bought a pro sports team,
right? I mean, technically true, but not
the full picture.
Yeah. Which I mean, I guess it was
enough.
I mean, they've known each other a week.
I could see on her side like also being
cautious of
Yes.
people taking advantage of you have that
much money,
right? You got it.
Yeah. You have to be a little bit
guarded about who you let in and what
all you tell them.
She's like, "Oh, you're so cute. You
make what a professional athlete makes.
I'm in the 1% of the 1%. You're
adorable. Like, we are not the same.
Have you heard of Blue Origin?
Oh, no.
Why did you say Oh, no. They all lived.
Yeah, that's true. That's true.
I I don't think Katie Perry loved her
response,
but I loved when I got to tell you what
Kesha posted a picture of herself
because she and Katy Perry hate each
other.
Mhm.
She posted a picture of like cut cropped
her eyes out and it's just her drinking
out of a Wendy's cup and there's no
caption, there's no hashtag, there's no
nothing. She just posted it and I was
like, "Oh,
the petty." Oh [ __ ]
Yeah, cuz honestly that was my favorite
part was Wendy's.
Yes. Yes. Can we send her back? And
everybody was like, "A corporation
shouldn't be tweeting things like that."
It's like,
okay, well,
why?
Yeah,
just fire the Gen Z social media
coordinator. It's f like
Right. Right. the 22-year-old who just
graduated and got their first job in
social media marketing. Like,
okay. I'm like, I think the rest of us
think they're crushing it.
Well, apparently they got up there and
Katie Perry like unprompted just started
singing What a Wonderful World.
Like, nobody asked you for that, Katie.
I was watching Josh Johnson.
Me, too. Yes. When he was like, "Why?
Can't you just sing it like Louis
Armstrong?"
Well, also, he's like, "It was 11
minutes in total." So, you went about
like 5 minutes up there and over half of
that you're like, will you shut the [ __ ]
up? We're singing.
Wendy's does go hard on their socials
though.
Yeah, I do. I can appreciate it.
KFC, I don't know if KFC goes hard, but
what I appreciate is at least
historically on X when it was at least
called Twitter when I was on it. I don't
know. I don't know if this is still the
case, but
um KFC only followed 11 people total.
Six guys named Herb
and the five Spice Girls total. That was
all they follow.
That's very good.
I was like, I respect you guys a lot.
That's very good.
I was like, didn't see that one coming.
I like it a lot.
Well played, KFC. Well played. Which
also hot take. Some of my favorite fast
food fries are KFC.
I don't know that I can accurately
recall what a KFC fry tastes like. I
haven't been there in years.
It tastes delicious. That's all you need
to know.
Noted.
Yeah.
It's like less seasoning than like a
Checkers fry.
Sure.
But I don't think Chick-fil-A fries are
very good. I hate the waffle fries. Yes.
I was talking to somebody else this week
and I I was like I
like is it a safe enough space to
I don't mean to make a controversial
statement, but like I really don't like
Chick-fil-A's food. Like in general, I
don't think it's that good. I would
rather go to Popeye's. It's not any kind
of political statement at all. I just
really don't like their food.
And they were like, damn. I was like,
I'm sorry. It felt like we were having
this like intense heartto-he heart.
They're like, "Oh, wow. I've learned so
much about you." And you're like, "You
did?" Yeah.
Yeah. I've kept it in, you know.
I finally feel safe to come forward.
I hope this doesn't change how you see
me or how we interact in the future, but
yeah.
Doesn't change who I am as a person. It
just, you know, it's my truth and I
choose to live it.
We should do a fry off one day with just
like all of the different options. Yes,
Vance brought me home some Arby's curly
fries recently.
But I feel like the thing with the curly
fries is like some of them are like real
curly and some of them you're like
that's just kind of like a slightly
that's a normal fry that leans a little
to the left.
Yeah.
That we're calling
Yeah. Yeah.
a curly fry. And so I do think because
they're not consistent across the board,
it's hard
toudge to back the Arby's fry as much as
I used to. Unless I'm also getting a
Jamoka shake.
Ooh, only Jamoka, no other flavors. No,
I will not be taking questions.
I pass an Arby's on my way home. That
might happen.
I hope it does.
Yeah,
I want that for you.
I want that for Matt.
Thank you for that. Yes. Um, so they
start going at it in the elevator as
they are going up to her hotel room
and also like Luke is realizing like cuz
she she ended up booking her own room at
the hotel they were staying at just cuz
she was like I didn't want to like
be presumptive.
Yeah. But they like get up to the room
and he's like where's the where's the
bed? And she's like in the other room.
Like
it's like a full assuite.
Yeah. He's like this suite is insane.
He's like she clearly has money. Like
he's like she clearly is doing well for
herself
with whatever that is
unless she's making very poor decisions
with a credit card. Like
Yeah.
Yeah. And he's like and she's not giving
that energy.
Mhm.
But like I think the thing for me is I'm
like you didn't ask the questions,
right?
We could have had the answer. We could
have had the conversations around this.
Um so they have the the great hotel sex
and then the next morning her alarm goes
off and she's like, "Shit, got to get to
the airport. Got that flight. That's
real early. She takes all of her stuff
into the bathroom to get ready. And as
she's like refolding her jeans, she like
hears a crinkle, pulls out the paper,
opens it, and it's a marriage
certificate. So like the people standing
on the edge, she's like, "Oh, we signed
it, then they signed it. They were the
witnesses."
And the DJ was an officient.
Yep. Look at your partner. Tell them you
love them. Tell them your hoe era is
over.
like what vows%
yes but like the whole time you were
reading it and I tried to set it up
accordingly but like as you're reading
it you're like is this going where I
think it's going is this what's about to
happen because as they're like signing
the paper Luke is like oh yeah like I go
to parties as a professional athlete
yeah NDAs are super common like the
photo
release that's kind of what it seemed
like Yes. And so just like they signed
it without like looking at it just so
that they could move on cuz they were
they were so horny they ended up married
is really kind of what happened if you
think about it.
I almost just said a real bad thing.
Go on. You should say it anyway. I
was going to say I knew a lot of of
people from youth group who did the
same. So
I'm so sorry.
Oh no.
And most of the people who got married
for that reason realized that it takes
more than that alone to have a healthy
relationship.
Yeah.
And some of them figured it out and some
of them
did not
figured it out with the next person.
Yeah. They learned lessons and they
moved on.
Yeah. I'm like the hormonal
Mhm.
shift of being like, "Hey, I know she
was the first person besides yourself to
touch your dick."
Mhm.
Doesn't mean that that's a great life
partner.
Yep.
Mhm.
A lot goes into a marriage. Like so much
goes into a marriage. Like
when I feel like a lot of those like
couples you're like oh you like you got
married so young you you kind of did
figure it out together
cuz you you grew up together.
Exactly. And sometimes you grow up
together and sometimes you grow
Yeah.
up together apart like you know
1,000%.
It feels very hit or miss like I
Yeah.
cuz you you see those couples now where
you're like, "Yeah, I I see where you
guys made sense and I see where you
still made sense." And then you look at
the couples that you're like, "You got
married before your brain was
developed."
Yeah.
And like didn't understand everything
that that entailed,
right?
And let no one vilify you for the fact
that like
you had to learn some lessons along the
way.
Of course not. Yeah. cuz I'm like I
don't know. I think people can be like
so cruel and unforgiving in those
situations and it's just like man
context matters.
It does.
Yeah.
And sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's
still just okay.
Whatever. Also true.
Yes. So Natalie finds the marriage
certificate and is like the [ __ ] And is
like Luke wake up. And he's like well
like if you want to go again before the
airport. She's like I don't. This is
serious.
She's like, "My pants are on and yours
should be too." Very serious.
Yes. And he's not that upset about it.
And he's just like, "Well, didn't see
this coming, but enjoying it. Enjoying
getting to know her so far." Is kind of
his like
That seems like the energy of this guy
the whole time. Her dad shows up and he
has to swim out of her room. He's like,
"Cool."
He's like classic Natalie,
right? Like
cuz you've known her for 24 hours and
you're like that's just Nat
known each other for a week and we're
married. I mean she seems pretty chill.
So
Well, cuz the bag that he grabbed had
two like hot pink silicone wedding
rings.
Very good.
In it. Yes. So they're like, "Well,
we'll sort this out, but we have flights
to catch." Sort of like got to keep
living. Fly safe, honey.
Yep. And so
spouse of mine.
Oh, spouse of mine.
So then there's another like cute text
montage of before she's moved to
Minneapolis. Uh but they're like
preparing for she's like, "Hey, I'm like
I've talked to my lawyer. I'm like
getting like the papers written up so
that way we can just like
enol it, call it call it good."
Exactly. And we can just move on and
like we'll we'll keep dating. But like
Mhm. that this can be a very simple
silent resolution to this situation.
There doesn't need to be any press. We
don't need to make it weird.
Yes. So, it's I guess it's probably been
a week, however long it was until she
like officially moved to Minneapolis.
And so, Luke is going to her office to
meet her to sign these divorce papers.
But he like
checks the address when he gets there
and he's like,
"Byer headquarters. Why is Natalie here?
like what am I? Huh? This feels weird.
Like what am I missing? Why is she here?
And so he walks in to to go meet her.
And but as he's walking in and getting
in the elevator, his phone starts
blowing up. Cut to Natalie.
Uh-oh.
Yeah. So cut to Natalie. She's nervous
because she knows that Luke is about to
arrive. She hasn't seen him since Vegas.
Right. Before Luke can get there, her
dad charges in because someone from the
hotel released the video footage of them
in the elevator.
Oh no.
And so Natalie is also supposed to take
over as CEO for
sure
this for her dad's company, but has to
like prove her leadership at like and
the board is already crying nepotism. So
she has to really like stay in line. And
so her dad's like, "I can't believe that
like you would just like
be so foolish,
jeopardize your future."
Yes. To get like just making out with
like a pro alet like the the hell are
you doing sort of energy.
And dad is big mad about all of this.
And
she doesn't want to screw over her
promotion. And so she's like, "It wasn't
a random hookup.
It was a
he's my husband. It was a couple on
their wedding night. Yep. Is that really
better?
Yes. I impulsively married somebody in
Vegas. It's not that I hooked up with
someone. I impulsively married them in
Vegas.
No. Well, if we we're not mentioning the
We didn't impulsively marriage him.
Is that like being what was it we said?
Tangential.
She didn't impulsively marry him cuz she
didn't know she was marrying him. So, it
wasn't an impulse decision. We're not
mentioning any of that. We're just
saying this wasn't a random hookup.
My husband,
this was a couple having an intimate
moment on their wedding night as
newlyweds.
Get at me. Like, what are you going to
do? Right. Have a freak out because I'm
your father and I didn't know you were
dating anyone, much less marry them.
Yeah, that is like for how close her and
her dad are. I'm like, "Huh?" So, at
this point, Luke has like arrived as
she's kind of like saying like that last
section to her dad of like this was like
a couple on their wedding night. And
like her dad like sees like Luke kind of
sitting there and he's like, "So, you're
the guy who married my daughter?" And
he's like, "Yes, sir." Like is kind of,
"Uh-huh, sure am."
Yep. And so dad storms off and like
tells Natalie he's like disappointed in
her in her choices which like is
shitty and him lashing out.
Well, it also feels a little bit like I
mean if she were a dude
like I doubt it would have been a
question or an issue.
To his credit later in the book
Mhm.
they do clear the air and he's like I
didn't respond well to that. And he's
like and quite frankly you're 32. the
fact that it took this long for you to
end up
in any tabloids or pop like with any pop
photos like
Mhm.
Yeah. Like I
Right.
I'm I didn't respond well, which I did
appreciate that followup.
And so her dad storms out and then
there's just kind of this like awkward
silence between Natalie and Luke because
he's like,
"You just introduced me as your
husband."
Yeah. So
thought I was here to get a divorce.
Like was wearing my ring, but like guess
I'm going to leave wearing my ring as
well. Like the [ __ ] And so she's like,
"I'm sorry. I like can't let him cut me
out of the business." And he's like,
"So this is a financial decision." And
she's like, "No, no, no." And she's
like, "But like if like the board like
got wind and he's like, "So this is a
political decision." like
right I'm being used now kind of
deal
and like and he even is straight up like
why should I go along with this
right what's the benefit to me here
exactly
and she's like well that like the sleet
wouldn't like it either like
think of your sponsors think of the team
like
this paints both of us in a negative
light and just kind of like
we're both high-profile whether we
but that or kind of blackmails them and
like strong arms them and it's like
it'll like [ __ ] up
the end of your career as if
is this how you want to go out?
Yes. And like
like it's not that like explicitly
stated, but like very much like that is
like the energy and he's like well
like tosses Yeah. like tosses the ring
pouch on the desk to her and he's like
I guess I'll keep wearing this like [ __ ]
you very much. I don't think he actually
says that but just like
Yeah. Yeah. takes off.
It's like no longer thinks she's chill.
Yes. And so he's big mad and she's like,
I understand why he's mad. Like I like
this is a shitty situation. I wish we
could have talked it out a little bit
more than like how it just played out,
but like she's like, well,
got to call my PR team and ask them to
like release a statement and like this,
that, and the other. And like so she's
just still kind of handling it amidst
all of this
and is like I'm going to give him a day
to be mad and then I'm going to reach
out and like try and follow up.
So then switch to Luke. Luke's mom calls
him and is like
your aunt called me because she saw it
on ESPN. It's like the hockey player in
the AIS and like what like I didn't know
you like you had sex with the sleep
[ __ ]
Jesus, mom.
Oh, yeah.
Like, okay.
And he's like, "We don't." He's like,
"That Sleeput is the name of one fan
group. We don't call them that.
That's not what we call our puck
bunnies, Mom."
Well, and she's like, "So, what would
you call her?" And he's like, "My wife."
My wife
is mic drop, Mom. Yep. You get it.
So, the next text montage, but this text
montage is all
Natalie texting Luke and him not
responding. And like a couple days are
going by and like there's like hey like
can you call please call me back and
then there's like a you'll talk about
our marriage in a postgame interview but
you won't respond to like my messages.
And like after a week she just sends a
message and is like
you know where to find me. Like I'm I'm
not reaching out anymore. You're
traveling. I'm traveling. Like
hit me up when you're in town, I guess.
Yeah. Whenever
whenever you want to talk and be an
adult, you know where to find me. But
like I've reached out several times with
such a weird shift for him because he
was absolute desperate Dan at the
beginning. He was like, I'm I'm
following her around. Like I'm finding
her. I'm looking for her. Showing up for
her, inviting her to my game. I'm doing
this. I'm doing that. And then now he's
like, I hate her. Like you knew her for
a week, bro.
Well, and to his credit, now that he's
calm down, it switches back to his point
of view and he's like,
now that I'm not really heated about
this, like
I get where she was coming from. That
was the best way forward. and he's like,
I I need to reach out, but we have some
like away games coming up and I like
want to like
be here,
be here, be set, be be ready for it. And
so he's still dragging his feet. And I
think that honestly frustrated me
because I'm like, just reach out, bro.
Just you can just text her and be like,
"Hey, traveling. want to talk when like
you could have said anything at any
point in time but like
Natalie's dad invite like extends an
Oliver and she's like hey Natalie like I
know like we have like a biters game
this weekend like and you should like
invite Luke and she's like oh yeah
and then she doesn't because she's like
why am I going to reach out to him but
then like Luke sees the photo of Natalie
and her dad in the owner's box and is
like [ __ ] like
what did she tell her dad like
how did she explain why I wasn't wasn't
there. Like, that's shitty. Like, I
should have been there.
And he's like, "All right,
we have like I think it's Monday cuz
he's like, "We have an away game
tomorrow on Tuesday." He's like, "Our
our next home game is Thursday. I'll be
back. Going to like settle all of this
then."
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
So,
it's now the home game.
Okay.
Natalie is at the sleet game because her
dad owns a team and they were invited by
the owner of the hockey team of the
sleet. So they're in the owner's box and
she's like my husband doesn't even know
I'm here like
I am wearing a jersey with his name on
it at least like trying to play the part
but like
I did receive the feedback provided.
Yes. And she's like well I'm here. I'm
like, "Okay, yeah, this is great."
Oh, we have plans for after the game to
meet at home.
Yep.
Like,
so the owner, however, I'm going to have
another sip of wine.
Go for that.
I'm going to have two more sips of wine.
Have as many sips as you need. But that
makes me concerned about what you're
about to tell me. Makes me think I
should buckle up in some way.
Do you have more wine?
I do. Oh, should I should I hit that?
Okay,
don't be nervous. This is an excited
sip. So, and Natalie is like trying to
be chill. And the owner being very
gracious is like, "Oh my gosh, of like
you probably want to go down and say hi
to him before the game. Like, I'm so
sorry. It like didn't even occur to me.
Like, here, like, let me have someone
take you down." And she's like, "Fuck,
yes, this is absolutely what I wanted to
do." So,
so they ride down the elevator and when
they like when the elevator opens, she
just looks at the attendant and is like,
"I know my way." And she's like, "I feel
like a [ __ ] but like I can't have
anyone with me cuz I
I can't have any witnesses."
She's like, "Okay, my plan is to hide
for a couple of minutes and then come
back,
then go back upstairs, say I saw him,
and move on with my day." Okay. So, she
like makes a turn down a hall and then
like hears all of the hockey players and
she's like, "Fuck." So, she like tries
to back up, backs up, collides with
someone, they both hit the ground. She
has collided with the mascot.
What is the mascot for this?
Blizz.
Is that like what's his name for the the
Philadelphia team?
Sure.
Don't worry about Yeah. Could not.
I can see him.
because he's so distinct. He's like a
giant muppet.
Yes. I kind of pictured it as a white
version of that. Like Blizz like
Blizzard was how I
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Sleet. I don't know. They're all kind of
snowy, right?
Yeah. I really That's going to Is it Oh,
I'm going to have to look it up
later. That's bothering me a lot.
Um, so when Blizz went down, Blizz hit
the ground harder than she did. So she
got back up. Blizz did not. Blizz. Bliss
sprained his ankle.
But Blizz is also like, "This is my
second game and I can't get fired.
Please tell me she doesn't put on."
And she's like, he's like, "I'm going to
need He's like, "You are Blizz tonight."
And she's like, "Fuck." Cuz she's like,
"How do I make this right?" She's like,
"Do I go up to the owner's box again and
like explain to the owner what happened?
I just accidentally tripped over each
other cuz I got turned around." And
so she's like, "Fuck it." Okay. She's
like And she's like, he's like, "Do you
know how to skate?" She's like, "Not
well." And he's like, "But you'll you
can stand on two feet." And she's like,
"Uh-huh."
So he's like, "All right." He's like,
"They're about to call you out. She
can't even get the costume up over her
jeans." So she has to like go down to
her bra and underwear to get this mascot
costume on. And she
How tight is this costume?
Aren't they usually pretty baggy? It
doesn't matter. I'm sorry. I'm getting
caught on the wrong things again.
You know, I think it depends on the on
the costume.
Like, is it a bodysuit? Once again, from
community, the human being. Yeah.
Like that situation. Cuz now that's what
I'm imagining. You said like a white
human being. And when they made the butt
flag.
Yes.
A plurabus anus.
That's a different book. So,
so she's in the costume in her
underwear.
She's in the costume. She's in her
underwear at this point and she skates
out is not doing great. Like skates out
is like supposed to be waving the flag
overhead. It's like like it switches to
Luke's perspective and he's like, "Yeah,
like Blizz like came out a couple beats
late."
Blizz is kind of holding the flag like a
like a jousting stick like
like locked in the armpit. Interesting.
Blizz falls
and Luke is like Blizz's ass looks
really nice tonight. And he's like, "Oh
my god, I didn't just think that about
Blizz. Like, get your [ __ ] together."
And he's like, "What a weird thought.
Move on with your day." And it just like
doesn't get better. It goes back and
forth between their perspectives. Like
she at one point is like, "Okay, well if
I hold the flag higher, then I can't
trip over it, but then lifts it too high
so it like gets caught on the net above
the glass." And so like she goes down
again and each time like
like Luke is like, "What is like is he
drunk?" Like yes. And he's like alo like
that ass is really filling out that
suit. Like what is happening? That's
what it has to be some kind of weird
tight situation for him to notice the
shape of her ass.
Truly. Well, then like between periods,
Blizz has to go back out.
No, but she's wearing sneakers that
time, but it's like a t-shirt cannon
situation. like she slips again and like
to the point that like Luke is like
watching it on the television between
periods and like almost says like
have you guys noticed like Blit like
should we go check on Bliss?
But then it's also kind of like I don't
want to be Has anyone else noticed that
like Blizz is really filling out that
suit cuz like that's a weird sentence.
Well, and I have to imagine in the
owner's box they're like what is she did
she die? Like what is she doing down
there?
like just assuming she's watching the
game from a lower like something, right?
Yeah. So, this continues the whole game.
Every time Blizz like she is Blizz the
entire game,
but you know what? Good for her.
Yes, she committed. She's like, I want
to cry. I kept falling.
She said literally zero good options.
Like, do I just leave this poor schmuck
that I just shoved to the ground or like
I'm not going to be the reason he gets
fired,
right?
I'll figure it out.
And so she's like, "All right, I have
all of my clothes. The game is over. I
pose for all of the [ __ ] pictures as
the freaking mascot." She's like, "I
just need to find a room that has a lock
on it so I can like change back into my
clothes and be done with this
nightmare."
manages to collide in the hall with Luke
this time, of course. Right.
So,
he sees Blizz again. He's like, "Oh,
Blizz isn't steady on their feet."
Goes down, but the head pops off and
he's like, "Natalie." Like, "Holy shit."
Okay, that's pretty good, though. That's
pretty good.
Well, and like as soon as they make eye
contact, she starts crying. Oh.
And he's like, "Are you okay?" And she's
like, "I fell down a lot."
And she's like, "Yeah, you did." And
it's like trying not to like laugh. And
he's like, "Oh, sweetie, baby. Honey,
she's so stressed."
It's like when your toddler gets
stressed and you're like, "Oh,
sweetheart, you're making ridiculous
sounds." He's like, "I saw." Yeah.
Okay. So, not quite the same.
As you know, I used to work in youth
ministry years ago.
I do know that.
Um I the weekend I moved to Texas and
went on staff at this church. They had a
volunteer summit and they wanted like
the most recent volunteer and it didn't
dawn on me like I'm a new intern like I
probably shouldn't raise my hand. I'm
not a volunteer but I raised my hand. I
was like it's my first day and they're
like what? Like they're like we thought
you were a plant sort of energy. Like it
was that like welltimed. So I go up and
I'm doing the game and well no before
the game this is [ __ ] So they're like
what's your name? And I was like
Chelsea.
Then whatever next the next question
they asked I answered and they go tell
us something about yourself. And I
completely blanked. In a room of 400
volunteers at a church that I was going
on staff at of people I'd never met
before. They asked me to tell a fact
about myself and I just went, "I really
like cats."
I mean, that's true.
And the woman running it just went, "And
she's single, ladies and gentlemen, and
just moved." Yes. So,
what a burn. That's very good.
Oh, yeah. She's a badass. I still adore
her to this day. So, like a couple weeks
later, I'm meeting one of the random
pastors on St. Like this. Everyone knows
who I am.
I don't know any of these fools. So, I'm
like, "Oh, hey, I'm Chelsea. I'm like
the new like youth intern." And he goes,
"I know. I was at the summit." Like the
way he said it was this like
condolences.
The way in which Luke said to Natalie,
"I saw." Yeah. Like,
yeah. like
there's something about when the A is
emphasized on Yeah. that's like oh no.
Yeah.
You're not wrong. So
they he apologizes and he's like I'm so
sorry. He's like I wanted to reach out.
He's like I got her in my head. I didn't
know if I should text. I didn't know if
I should call. I just like I'm so sorry.
Like we I for everything. We need to
clear the air further than this. He's
like you were right.
I want to I want to talk. I want to
listen. Like, let's have this
conversation.
She says she missed him. It all
escalates very quickly and they start
making out. It's a very easy
reconciliation. But I will say,
while she's in the Blizz costume because
that's very good.
Oh, it gets better.
Oh,
I do appreciate that like while it
escalates, they are both like and we
know we'll have to have a conversation
after this, right?
So, they start making out. He like
pushes her back into the locker room so
that way they have some privacy and is
like at like his locker cubby. And so
he's like, "Turn around, bend out, like
let's like get you out of this Blizz
costume because I need to [ __ ] you
immediately."
So they like, "Get part of the Blizz
costume off." Um, but the like the
section around the neck, they can't get
undone and like they're just like, "It
won't release. We can't figure it out.
They're too desperate to bone at this
point. So she like she's like begging
him to bone her. So he just grabs either
side of the crotch seams and pulls. So
just like has torn a hole in the crotch
of the Blizz mascot costume.
She bends over. They start going at it.
They just start [ __ ]
And then suddenly they hear, "What the
fuck?" I was going to say they didn't
lock the door. They didn't lock the
door. They didn't lock the door. This is
a public space. And the poor mascot who
has to wear this next time.
They're not returning it after this.
Get it dry cleananed. Like what do you
do? Get it dry cleananed and pit a note
to it that says
they purchased a new one.
Thank you for an incredible night. Like
what?
Thank you for an incredible night.
So the what the [ __ ] is Luke's best
friend Jackson
Jesus what
who the first book sleep kitten is about
him and Ken
that could be worse
that could be worse than his best friend
but Jackson is like I'm not friends with
cheaters pull out a blizz right now pull
out I'm not friends with cheaters
And L is like, I'm not going to do that.
And Natalie just kind of squeaks like,
"It's me."
And Jackson is like, "Oh my god." And
looks like, "Yeah, get the [ __ ] out,
man."
So, first of all, Jackson is a real one.
Yes. way to stand up for a girl you
don't really know. That is
that you hung out at a bar once.
Yeah, that's so lovely to be like, I
know you have a wife. Unacceptable.
Pull out a blizz right now.
Your wife could be [ __ ] Satan.
Haven't met her enough to know. But I do
know you have one.
Yeah. And morally, this is I don't I
don't [ __ ] with people who do this.
Yeah.
So Jackson leaves,
they finish, and then Jackson's like,
"Can I come back?"
Yeah. And Luke's like, "Why were you
standing outside the door?" Like,
"Fucking leave, man." And Jackson's
like, "Maybe you should thank me for
telling the cleaning crew to return in
15 minutes."
It looks like touche.
You a real one?
May have rolled up with not quite the
attitude here.
It's been a weird day. I didn't read the
room.
Well, and so when they go to leave, they
see Jackson talking to someone and it's
his wife Caitlyn in her cart because she
had to drop off the keys cuz Jackson
couldn't get his keys cuz they were in
his locker.
But Jackson's like, "Hey, Caitlyn wanted
me to invite Natalie to girls brunch on
Sunday at the house." Which was so
sweet. And Luke is immediately like,
"Yep, she'll be there." And Natalie's
like, "The the I don't know these girls.
Do not sign me up for social engagements
for people I do not know."
Um Luke ends up driving her back to her
hotel. It's a perfectly fine hotel. I'm
imagining it as like a courtyard
Marriott. I don't know, something of
that capacity
because it sounds like it's like a fine
enough hotel, but there's like it's like
getting later in the evening and there's
no one at the front desk and the doors
open automatically and he's like there's
no like people there's no security and
you're like
Yeah. And she's fine.
Yeah.
Like it was but like Luke is having his
caveman moment, right? where he's like,
"I can't let my wife stay here
unprotected."
Unprotected. What do people think is
happening? That's half the time I'm
reading these books. Like, what do you
think is happening? Most people move
through the world fairly safely on a
day-to-day basis. Like, there's not a
cabal of bad guys out there plotting
against innocent women. And she stayed
there for two weeks while you literally
didn't talk to her,
right? You ignored her and she did fine.
Yes.
So,
but Luke now that he's all in. He is all
in. Right.
So, he is very like they like get to the
room and he's like, "Grab your bags,
pack your stuff. You're not staying
here. We're not doing this. You need to
stay with me where it's secure." And I
do appreciate that Natalie's like, "Hold
up.
you didn't talk to me for two weeks
and I reached out repeatedly like you
made a conscious choice. You don't just
get to like make this one now,
right?
And that like takes the wind out of
Luke's sales a little bit. And they they
clear the air and he's like, "I felt
used." And like my ego was hurt
and like when I come like I realize like
that's what it was, but like my my ego
was hurt and I didn't respond well. And
she's like, "Well, I also want to
apologize because I wasn't trying to
like guilt you or like blackmail you
right
into a marriage even though that is what
I I did. I didn't intend to be coercive,
but
I could see how it was received as
coercive.
Exactly. Is kind of that response. And
so they're like, "Okay, well,
we still like each other. We still are
curious about seeing where this will go.
So like, let's date." Yeah. Let's just
like we'll stay married because that's
easier for everyone else. Like, we'll
just keep dating.
It'll be fine. if at some point in the
future we we break up, we'll just sign
the divorce papers when we break up and
kind of do it all then. That's kind of
the
the thought. And she's like, "When we
break up?" I'm like, "No, that's not how
the full sentence read, but like way to
latch on to the part that made you feel
the most insecure, as we all tend to
do." Yep. Mhm. Mhm.
Oh, yeah. Van said something to me last
week. I don't even remember what it was,
but he's like, "I don't want you to
internalize this or read into it or like
feel any type of way about it." And then
whatever he said, I just like started
crying. And he's like, "But I literally
told you I didn't want you to feel it. I
warned you not to do this." Which I know
is not what he meant, but that's very
good.
Yeah. I was like, "I know. I know. This
is just on me and it's not on you."
That's you know those moments.
I was at lunch. Obviously not the same.
Um, but I was at lunch with a bunch of
people. I think we were getting Mexican
and most of us ordered like true hot
food and somebody had ordered a taco
salad
and all of our food came out and then
like a full 5 minutes which is a long
time
for a salad.
Yeah. Later her food still was not there
and one of the other people went she was
like why is my food last? I feel like my
food is always last. And one of the
other therapists at the table went, "You
should really internalize that."
So now we just say that to each other.
That's a good line.
Yeah. Anytime anybody says anything,
we're just like, "You should really
internalize that." Yeah.
It's very good.
I feel like between that and never
expected, always appreciated, we cover a
lot of bases.
We really do.
Yes. So, they go back to Luke's place.
His condo is lovely. She like walks in
and she's like, "This is what I would
pick for myself. Like, this is like a
stunning space.
Very excited to to be here and kind of
see where where things, but also like
she fell so much as
I was going to say, is she hurt?"
Because I imagine she's bruised up
a little bit. It's actually
an Epsom salt bath.
Yeah, it's really sweet. He like makes
sure she's like taken care of and he
like gets out a salve that he's like
rubbing on like her elbows and he's like
rubbing it into her feet
when and she like falls asleep with him
like taking care of her after she fell
on this the ice.
I fell so much.
I saw Yeah, you did.
So fast forward, it's now a couple days
later. So, it's time for Sunday brunch.
And she's very nervous because she's
like, "I don't have a lot of
girlfriend." She's like, "I'm really
close with my dad." And then she's also
like, "Luke, like you're probably the
person I'm next closest to." And then
Luke also like has a moment where he
feels like a dick because he's like,
"We're also friends." And I just like
ghosted my friend for several weeks,
right?
When she was going through something.
Yeah. like she was going through
something was move like had a lot going
on and like feels that guilt and that
weight of like I mishandled this
which I did respect that like
he owned um and so he's telling her he's
like it's fine like you'll go you'll
have like you'll make friends
I promise they're nice like it's going
to be okay
very much so um bless it so it is it's
going super well at at the brunch. All
of the other girls, well, three of them
have books as we kind of named earlier.
And then Kaitlyn, who's married to
Jackson. Jackson has a sister named
Steph.
Steph is also there and is a side
character in all of this, but does not
have her own book, at least in the
series. Maybe she has another one. I
don't know. I haven't delved into it
that deeply, but they're all having a
great time. Izzy, who like her dad is
the coach, who's she's so sweet, and
she's like, "Well, like I like want to
make uh Natalie feel like comfortable."
And so I got her a welcome gift. And so
they're all sitting there hanging out
and like drinking their mimosas. And
Izzy's like, "So I got you a little like
Blizzed animal."
And Natalie turns like beat red. Caitlyn
starts dying laughing.
And Natalie's like, "Oh fuck." Like, did
you tell her? Like, how did this like
what's h
am I being hazed? Like, is that why they
invited me here? Oh, poor thing.
And so, like, then Izzy like realizes
like how Caitlyn's she's like, "What?"
And then Megan, who is Banshee. So,
Caitlyn is kitten.
Okay.
Izzy is Sugar.
Okay.
Megan is Banshee.
Okay.
And she does. Yeah.
Okay. Um, she is fun and she does
screech.
Uh, but they're so they're all there and
then Izzy's like, "So, what am I missing
here with the way Caitlyn's responding?"
And so she tells the girls everything.
Natalie does.
Yes.
Oh, honey.
Like, and she's like, you know,
[ __ ] it.
Yeah. She's like, if I'm going to make
friends, like,
let's be friends.
Yep. I'm I'mma tell you. I'm going to
tell you exactly what happened. Let's
see if you really meant it when you said
you wanted to be my friend. Well, and
then I forget who, but one of them was
like, "Wait, so did you just put the
suit on for sex?" Cuz they're all
laughing at like the Jackson being like,
"Pull out."
Which is very
I'm not friends with cheaters.
Oh my gosh. Um,
but yeah, so one of the girls is like,
"Wait, so did you just put the costume
on for sex?" And then Natalie's like,
"No, I was Bliss the whole night." But
then all of them were at the game,
right? Cuz all of their husbands were
playing. So they're like,
"They were in the wag box." Yeah.
Girlfriends,
"Holy [ __ ] you fell so much." We all
saw like it clicks for them. They're
like, "We were wondering why Blizz was
suddenly so unfortunate." this bruise is
from and she just imagining her like
so Steph uh when brunch is wrapping up.
It seems as though she is has someone
that she's secretly dating,
Natalie saw her get dropped off by
someone but like didn't know that she
was kind of maybe like telling something
she shouldn't. So they're like, "Wait,
is like Steph seeing someone? Is she
not?" So when Steph goes to leave, they
all sneak out to like follow her. And
Natalie's like, "Girl gang, I guess this
is what we're It's like she's got all of
her stuff." Yeah. She's like, "I guess
this is what we're doing."
Carrying her Bliss stuffy.
Yes. Well, and it's like so when they
sneak and like follow Steph. Steph is
getting into Alex's car. Alex is
Caitlyn's brother.
Okay. But also Izzy's dad, the coach, is
now dating Caitlyn's mom.
Okay.
Who's Jackson's mother? Like just all of
the Sure. Sure. Sure. the different
connections. So they're like, "The
fuck?" Like they all sneak out and have
this just like cute girl gang moment and
then all of the guys are coming back
around the same time and all kind of see
it happen.
I'm just imagining that she's like, "I
don't know what any of this means, but
everybody's real excited about it."
Yep. That would be like,
"I'm just happy to be here. I guess
we're doing this."
Yeah. I like it. Well, and so she's
standing outside with like her bag and
her new
Blizz stuffy and such. And so Luke sees
the stuffed animal and immediately gets
mad at Jackson and turns and is like, "I
can't believe you told Zach."
Oh no.
Oh no. Yes. In front of all of them. And
Zach is like, "Told me what?"
And like then the girls are all kind of
laughing
and Izzy's like, "I didn't I don't
know." And then like Megan is whispering
into her husband's ear cuz she's like,
"Sorry, we don't keep secrets. Going to
go ahead." So then Zach's like the only
that is banshee energy.
Yes. Well, and so Luke in front of all
of them like looks at Jackson and he's
like, "If you want to harass me over the
Blizzang, harass me, but like leave my
girl out of it." And then Zach's like,
"The the Blizzbang? The [ __ ] are you
talking?
You had sex with the new mascot guy?"
Yeah. And Natalie's going to be like,
"Oh my god, shut up. It's not what like
whatever you were thinking. Shut your
[ __ ] mouth, dude.
Was it's probably my favorite part of
this whole book is that whole section.
That is excellent.
Yes. So, there's another text montage.
They're both on the road like she with
between her travel for work and his
travel for away games. Like,
there are texts where he's like, "We're
missing each other by 6 hours." And
she's like, "I know it sucks." And is
really lame. Uh, but I guess they have
there's a fundraising event. Uh, so
whenever their schedules align for them
both to be back in town, there's a
fundraising event that he's going to go
and like support her at. That's more for
like her world than his.
Mhm. Um,
I read too far in my notes and was like,
he fingered her when? And I was like,
oh, that's going to happen. Yeah.
It's good to know there's something to
look forward to.
They attend. They have a good time.
There's references to other couples in a
way that like I'm like this couple might
have another book. Might have a book. I
didn't read into it.
There's probably another series that's
like connected to this one or whatever.
Exactly. Well, cuz it's like the couple
that like at their table at the
fundraising event like owns the hotel
chain of like who where they were
staying in Vegas when the footage got
released. So they're like, "Just let you
know, we like fired the person who
released that footage of you." And
they're like, "Okay, thanks." Like,
yeah,
you a real one. We We made it out. Okay.
Yeah.
Um, and within that I' I' like I know we
always talk about like a solidifying
[ __ ] in a book. I feel like it was more
like a solidifying like relationship
moment of them like, "Oh, like we're
showing up for each other. This is how
we engage." like realizing where their
worlds overlap and like, "Oh, you know
that person? They're here." Huh. And
that's more how I like felt reading it
in this moment was them just kind of
realizing
where their worlds over overlapped.
Sure.
Um on the drive back to his place,
that's when he fingers her. Something to
look forward to, you know. Um but also
worth noting, they're not in a limo.
There's no like divider between them and
the driver.
They're just like in an Uber.
They're in the back of like whatever.
Yeah. The town car that she has a driver
for. And he did lay like he opened the
door and like helped her get into the
car, then laid his jacket over her lap
in case she got cold and like fingers
her under the jacket.
Okay.
You know, bold move, my dude. Sure. If
that's what works for y'all, that's what
works for y'all. Newlyweds, I guess. But
like, okay. Yeah. I'm like I'm I'm like,
"Oh, that is that feels very high school
to me." But like, that's cool. Yeah. I'm
like, "She's 32. You're 36."
Huh. But, I mean, if everybody was into
it.
Yeah. If everyone's into it, the driver
might have been into it, too. No one
asked him. At least, not that I know.
We're not here to judge.
Exactly. Um, so
it's going well between them. He fingers
her in the car. They have great sex when
they get home. As things kind of
continue moving forward, he still has
some away games. She's getting nervous
that she's like, maybe not nervous, but
she's like, I'm like starting to like
really like feel strongly for him.
He hasn't invited me to any away games.
Does he want me to show up? Does he
care? Am I
Where are we at? Is kind of where she's
at. She's like she's starting to feel
more invested and is like I don't
he is my husband but like he's not my
husband.
Yeah. It's a very weird place to be very
thousand%
limbo.
Yes.
Sort of situation.
Um and then Luke is also like okay he's
like I'm absolutely falling for my wife.
I think she's like the best thing ever
and like I need to like tell her and
like have like a bigger conversation
about it soon. He's not great about
having conversations in a timely manner
when he thinks he should have them. I'm
not getting a sense of urgency from Luke
cuz I don't think he realizes that like
there should be urgency there, right?
Cuz I think he's just like, "Yeah, it's
just like we're Christmas.
We're vibing. It's how it's playing
out." So, he ends up planning a super
cute date for when he gets back in town
again and teaches her to actually skate
and teaches her to stop and everything
she needs to know to
be more successful. Should she
fall down less,
you know, should she ever end up in a
situation where she sprains Blizz's
ankle again, she'll be better prepared
for for what will happen.
Um, so things are continuing to like
just go very very well between them with
that. It's a very cute date. She's very
excited when she's like successful at
skating and is feeling a little bit more
confident. And when they get back to his
place that night, he goes to shower and
she's sitting on the couch and she's
like, I she's like, I really like am
starting to have some strong feelings
for him. And like I feel guilty about
strongarmming him and like I know like
we've progressed, but I don't know where
he is. And like I like
want to do something sweet and special.
And she's like, "Oh, I know." She's
like, "I'm going to book us um a stay at
the resort where we met in Mexico."
Yeah. And his laptop is just like
sitting on like the arm of the couch. So
she grabs it and opens it and is pulling
up and she's like, "What? There's a
suite called the princess suite. That's
perfect for us." So like she like goes
and starts booking it. But it's also
linked to his phone and text messages
start showing up on the side. And so a
text pops up and it's from Luke's cousin
and it just says like squared away that
mistake marriage yet. And she's like
mistake marriage. She's like,
"Accidental marriage feels different
than mistake marriage." So she's like,
"Oh,
is that what he's calling it?"
Exactly.
And uh Luke's like, "Lol, like not yet
sort of energy." And his cousin's like,
"Well, if you need more motivation, like
Molly was asking about you."
And he's like, "Molly?" And he's like,
"Your first love." And he's like, "Cool.
Thanks for letting me know." And then
his cousin says something like
like, "Have you told her yet?" And he's
like, "Not yet." And the cousin's like,
"Well, like not telling her is just
going to like make it harder." And she's
like, "What is this conversation?"
And like Luke is like, "Yeah, I'll tell
her soon." Or like whatever it was, but
she like closes the laptop and is like,
"Fuck." Like this is not what I thought
it was. I
Right. I read too much into it.
Yep. We are not aligned. I have stronger
feelings for him than he has for me. I
forced him into this.
I feel very bad about this. So, she just
like decides to like go like she just
like hops in bed and like pretends to be
asleep and is like I don't want to talk
to him. I'll figure this out in the
morning.
So, the next morning
she takes off for work, but like leaves
the signed divorce papers on the dining
table like with a handwritten note. And
she's like, "I'm going to come clean to
the board. I'm going to tell them
everything."
Yeah. I just need to like
I don't want you to feel obligated to
stay in this. Like it's not worth it.
And so like Luke wakes up and is like,
"Oh man, I'm so bummed she already left
for work. I like can't wait to see her.
She's like the best thing in my world."
Then when he's like brushing his teeth,
he sees her silicone like wedding ring
on the counter and he's like, "She never
leaves that
laying like what?" So he's already like
like his gut is telling him something's
off, but he hasn't fully like put the
pieces together yet. So he like goes
into the kitchen is like making his
coffee and then he like
grabs his laptop to do some work. And
when he opens it, he sees that the
resort is up and he's like, "What?" He's
like, "Was she going to book it?" He's
like, "We absolutely should. Like that'd
be like so fun." And then he like sees
that the texts were up and he's like
and his gut is like just starts sinking.
He's like, "Oh." He's like, "This is not
good." And as he's reading, he's like,
"Oh, [ __ ] This is not good." And then
he looks kind of beyond his laptop on
the dining table and like sees the
folder and opens it
and there's the note from her that's
very much like the
I described it in my outline as like a
handwritten martyr note, right? It's
like, "Sorry for pushing you into this.
I can't make you play along.
It's not fair to you. Like,
right, right. I'm going to make this
right.
When you find someone to love, like,
she'll be the luckiest girl. And he's
like, "The fuck?" Like,
"What are you talking about?" And then
like looks beyond that and he's like,
"Sign divorce papers." And he's like,
he's like, "This is not what I wanted to
happen here.
Switch back to Natalie. It seems as
though she has just broken the news to
the board and is like coming clean with
all of them and is at is at the board
meeting. And as she's kind of like
wrapping up everything, she just hears
like wife being shouted and like Luke
comes in and she's like, "Don't worry
about it. It's done. I I told the board
everything." And he's like, "I did it."
Yeah. And he's like she's like, "I told
them the truth." Right. And he's like,
"That we met in Mexico and I wanted you
immediately. Is that the truth you told
them?" He's like, "That you kicked me
out of your room so your dad wouldn't
catch us? That that night in Vegas was
the best night of my entire life?" Like
just very He's like, "That we're perfect
together. Like, what all did you tell
the board? Tell me everything."
He's like, "And I don't know what you
why you wrote that in your note." He's
like, "Cuz I'm not getting married
again. Cuz I'm already married and I'm
not getting divorced." So, like
Jackson doesn't [ __ ] with cheaters. So,
I wasn't
the mascot.
That's my bestie.
I mean, I made it to win it.
Can't disappoint Jackson at this point.
Yeah.
Declares his love, gives her her ring
back.
uh very much the scene in like the
romcom movie where like at this point
like I don't know when they've collapsed
to the ground and are having their
private moment then they like kind of
look up and see like the whole board has
like moved and is like what they say
they whispered that part like
everyone is very invested cheering for
their love
her dad is like this is the sort of
leadership I've been looking for
Stop owning your actions and moving
forward.
We'll work on the CEO transition
immediately. The company's yours in 6
months, which does feel a little loose
if I'm being honest.
Okay.
Yeah. You know, I was like, we're
choosing our moments in this. Um, and
that's that's the end of the book. Oh,
there are three epilogues. Oh, the first
epilogue they have a renewal ceremony.
They have a actual wedding.
Um, and I'll also say within the
epilogues be because this was the fourth
and final book in the series,
they do like final like point of view,
right? This person's pregnant, this, you
know, this person is moving to another
country, whatever.
Them watching the other couple get
married, having like just like
reminiscing together.
Yes. So like the first epilog they have
their renewal ceremony.
The second epilog they go back to Mexico
and she had a new Blizz costume made
that had strategic snaps.
Nice.
Yes. Oh, but when they I forgot to
mention this earlier, but I was like,
"No, no, no."
when she when they boned in the Blizz
costume at one point she's like he's
like sit on the bench so I can take your
skates off or like whatever and she's
like I can't sit down I'll make a mess.
He's like we're not leaving this costume
here. Like this is coming home with us.
Like so she like folds it under herself.
So I'm like I'm assuming Blizz had
multiple costumes on hand because if
they only had one
it makes sense to have more than one.
If they Well, if they only had one they
would have been [ __ ]
Yeah. So, one can hope that they had two
but none had the strategic snaps of
epilog.
Luke is a big fan of the strategic
snaps. And then epilog 3, I don't know.
All of the couples are happy. Some of
them have kids, some of them don't.
Their kids are now playing hockey. It's
moving on to the next generation.
The end. Hm.
Okay.
It seems like a like a a warm read. Like
there is some strife and stress and and
plot, but it's not like
super intense. It
won't take you out.
Quickly resolved.
Like it's not like it the
miscommunications draw on for a third of
the book and that's the whole plot. It's
like,
well, and honestly, I feel like I like
kept blinking and like I'd be like, "Oh,
I've read 20%." Just like with how
quickly this one moved
because it felt like a lot of it both.
I'm like overarchingly not a lot of time
passed, but it it did feel like a lot of
time had passed with how it was written.
I did read all four.
I think
SJ Till's writing continues to improve.
So, I feel like this one was like the
the most well-written
of the four.
I'll say Sleek Kitten. I was like I
couldn't for until like I couldn't tell
you what the girl's name was. He just
called her kitten.
I'm like [ __ ] hell. She has a name.
She's a human. Like there there has to
be more to the story, but I don't
remember it.
Right.
And so I do feel like
we progressed
sure
through the four
and they are fun. I would recommend
them. But I'm also kind of like yes like
what what did they do for business? I
don't know general business but she knew
she could do a lot of good as the CEO.
Really, basically all you need to know
is generational wealth, but not so much
that you're like lizard people, but like
enough that like they're not regular
people.
Yeah.
They're not like us.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. They're not as as wild as they
could be, but they are We are not the
same.
Yeah. That's
that's the energy
cuz I feel like there were things that
I'm like, "Oh, we just we're not going
to like look back on that. We're not
going to figure out that next step."
Okay. I don't need to look deeper into
this book than this book is willing to
go.
Sure.
And sometimes I do recognize that I ask
more of a book than it's willing to
give.
Yeah.
I knew exactly what I was getting. It
gave exactly what it promised it would.
It met expectations.
You get it. So, what what's the rating
scale though? Like mascot costumes.
Skates.
Yeah, hockey skates maybe.
Yeah, skates.
Yeah,
silicone wedding rings.
Let's go skates.
Okay. Out of
there were
four books, which means that there have
been eight main characters. If they each
own a pair of skates, that's 16 skates
total.
Oh, okay. That kept going.
It really did. Well, I was going to go
eight skates,
but 16 felt nicer.
16 does feel nicer.
I'm going to go like
10,
okay,
out of 16 skates.
Okay,
hear me. And I mean this in the best way
I can mean it.
Mhm.
This book won't change your life.
Sure.
Yeah. like
whatever
comfort hockey romcom you're looking for
that's not too deep.
Yeah.
Yes. This is it. Right.
This feels and I don't know that I can
explain this fully, but it feels like a
self-care read
where it's not like bully romance.
There's no enemies to lovers. There's no
big trauma. It's just a light-hearted,
nice, warm, comfy
Yes.
Read.
I think that is a great way to describe
it.
Yeah.
Yeah. So, 10 out of 16 skates.
Okay.
Sure. We could math that down.
Well, that would be five out of eight.
Five out of eight. Yeah. Yeah.
Look at us.
I'll add it. I'll add the series to the
list.
Yeah. I would recommend it. It's a fun
series. Uh
the the one with Jackson and Caitlyn,
the very first book has like the I think
it was going around on TikTok, but there
were two books that kind of had a
similar scene where uh like the kiss cam
was on the girl.
Yeah, the other one was what? Icebreaker
or No,
no, it wasn't Icebreaker. It Something
Hearts.
It doesn't matter.
Nikki Lawson. Feel like I can name the
author of that one, but I can't name the
book. I do remember that the dude on the
cover of the book looked too young for
me
in a way that I was like, "Oh, that's
uncomfortable.
You're a child."
Yeah.
I'm sure you're a child who can legally
drink, but in my heart, you're a child.
Yeah. No, I feel that.
Yeah.
Uh, something hearts, I think, was the
Nikki Lawson one. So, they both had the
kiss cam scene, but I do know like the
first book in the series had gained some
momentum and popularity
because that scene had like
gone viral.
All right. I enjoyed like I think I've
honestly read all four of them within
the last like two months. So, like
they are very easy to pick up and put
down between other series when you need
a break.
Palette cleanser.
Yes, absolutely. It's a very good
palette cleanser. I've already
downloaded other SJ Tilly series to
read.
Um
I I don't know what to expect of any of
them. I I just went, "Hell yeah, I'll
I'll download it. I'll see what
happens."
Sure. Well,
why not?
I like to live on the edge like that.
I know you do.
You know, with the
mildly spicy Rob
Mhm. Mhm. Mhm.
Yeah. like mildly spicy. I don't know.
Everything's a
It's all relative.
Is it no longer mild? If there like do
you have to have multiples for it to no
longer be mild by our
standards at this point?
I don't know that you can draw a
straight line like that.
No, you're not wrong.
Is there some like, you know,
I don't want to say what do I want to
say? monogamous rather than poly sort of
dynamics that go on that are
that are a little spicy. Oh, well, and I
know we've kind of talked about this
before. I feel like you can read a book
where they're having sex
and there's a little bit of anal play. I
don't know, a pinky in the in in the
anus and you're like, "Ooh, wow. That's
real kinky." In one book, right? Like,
woo, that was
It's all how it's written.
Yes. Because then there are other books
where you're like and then he tied her
down and blindfolded her. You're like,
"Shit, a finger in the anus was just
first base." Like in
literally literally like he's flogging
her like what and you don't know where
it's going to land, which does make it a
little hard to to figure. It's all
relative.
Yes, it is all relative. So, with all
that said, 10 out of 16 skates, five out
of eight. If you like to do additional
division, um, let us know how many
skates you would recommend and rate.
Please let us know if there are any
other books you'd like us to review in
the future, and we will see you next
time. Bye, smart puppies. Bye.
Well, that's it for this week, Smut
[ __ ] We hope it was good for you, cuz
it sure was great for us. If you're
digging what we're doing, it would mean
a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and
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you next week. Stay smiley.
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